Enough is Enough

by J. Anthony Ferlaine

He was in a romantic mood—and his wife wanted the old romantic line. Why did he have to ring in a dreadful, unEarthly variation?

As emerald bright as the green hills of Venus is this sparkling saga in miniature—an entertainment special decked out with interplanetary garlands from a world without wives where men who don’t know what they’re missing pride themselves on their independence until they wake up screaming. Or perhaps it’s the wives who do the screaming. Anyhow, all hail to J. Anthony Ferlaine, a writer of rare discernment, a brilliant newcomer to our pages.

We were dancing out on the middle of the floor in the ballroom where we had met. The orchestra was playing “Stardust” and she had her face pressed close to the top of my chest singing the words softly to me.

I was in a good mood—romantic as the devil. It was our first wedding anniversary and we were celebrating.

She stopped singing right before the number was over and pulled her head away and then didn’t say anything for the rest of the number—even after the lights went on.

“What’s the matter, honey?” I asked. “You mad or something?”

“No! I’m not mad!”

“You are. I can tell. Come on, what’s wrong?”

“You don’t love me anymore!”

“Oh, now honey,” I pleaded. “Cut it out, will you? You know I love you. What’s the matter with you?”

“You never tell me anymore. I mean, not like you used to—before we were married.”

“All right,” I said, kissing her on the cheek. “I love you! I love you! I love you!”

“You’re just saying it,” she whispered. “You don’t mean it. Before we were married you used to tell me all kinds of pretty things. Now you just take me for granted—like I was an old shoe!”

“Honey, for heaven’s sake!” I said. “Sure I love you! What do you want me to say?”

“Well,” she said, putting her arms around me, “to tell you the truth I miss all those fibs you used to tell me. You know—that old line of yours. What I mean is—you don’t tell me stories any more. I miss them.”

“Honey, that was before we were married. Married men don’t go around giving their wives a line.”

“Why not?” She seemed genuinely puzzled.

“I don’t know,” I confessed. “It’s just part of the ‘before’ part. The courtship, the ... the ... I don’t know. After you’re married you just settle down and tell each other the truth.”

“I don’t like it,” she said. “Why do we have to be like everybody else?”

I looked at her concernedly as the music started again and we started to dance. She put her head back on my chest and neither of us said anything for a while.

“Johnnie.”

“Yes, Hon.”

“Why don’t you just make up a line and tell it to me, like we had never been married. I mean, pretending like.”

“Okay,” I said. “You want a line. I’ll give you a line. Do you want the one about me really being a millionaire and just giving this place the once over? Or the one about me seeing you from across the dance floor and falling in love with you at first sight?”

“Something new!” she said. “Something different.”

“Something new! Okay. Let me think.”

The funny thing was, I couldn’t think of a darn thing. It all sounded so silly. “Oh, I know,” I said. “I got it. Are you ready, Hon?”

“Ready. Pretend we’re just going together now.”

“In this one we’re married,” I said. “Now ... do you think that I look like a normal healthy American boy with average intelligence, average looks and so forth?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I want to tell you a secret. It’s a secret that no one else on Earth knows about. Promise not to tell?”

She shook her head.

“Good. Now, the secret is that I’m not really from Earth at all. In fact, I’m not even a human being.”

“No? What are you?” she giggled.

“I’m a Venusian. A Venusian from Venus. And I’m just here looking things over. That’s why I married you—an Earth woman—just to see what it would be like. We don’t have any women on Venus. All men. Nothing but men.”

“And just how do you have any babies on Venus if there are no women?”

“Well, we have what we call ‘Baby Machines.’ Of course, they make nothing but male babies. We used to have women a long time ago, but they were so much trouble we just let them die off.”

“How perfectly horrible!”

“Not really,” I said. “Not for the men anyway. You see we found that all the women were just putting on weight and going to beauty parlors and not doing any work. We had machines to do most of the work anyhow, so there wasn’t much sense in their going through the motions. Besides, they were always nagging or griping about something or other. They got to be a pain in the neck. After a while their only useful function was to have babies and when we invented the baby machine we didn’t need them at all anymore.”

“What a bunch of monsters!”

“Of course, I don’t remember the women of Venus in my lifetime,” I said. “That’s why I decided to come to Earth just as soon as the first spaceship was built.”

“And how do you like women now that you’ve come here?” she laughed.

“Fine! Just fine!” I said. “I’ve been thinking about talking to the council and shipping a couple of them home—just for the heck of it.”

“Will you take me?”

“Uh-uh!” I said. “I don’t think so. You’re too pretty. All the rest of the fellows would be trying to steal you away from me.”

“It would serve you right.”

“Besides,” I said, “I couldn’t take you on this trip. The ship is much too crowded already.”

“You’re leaving soon? You’re going back?”

“Yes,” I sighed. “Unfortunately, one of these days I’ll just have to kiss you good-bye and take off for Venus.”

“Johnnie,” she said, “I’m getting scared. Please don’t talk any more. I’m sorry I started it.”

The music stopped and we went over to the snack bar to get a shake.

“You know,” I said, “you wouldn’t believe it, but I really look quite a bit different in my natural state. You see, Venus is a very lush place. It’s full of swamps and trees and things, and we practically never have anything to eat but leaves and green vegetables. That’s why everybody on Venus—the men, that is—are all as green as green can be. Like hunks of spinach.”

She almost choked on the soda straw. “Johnnie, please! No more! I’m frightened! Let’s talk about something else.”

“Sure, you ought to be frightened—living with an alien being from another planet. You ought to see me when I forget to take a pill at night and I wake up bright green in the morning. You see, the stuff wears off in about twenty-four hours. I’ve got to keep taking it. Of course, I’ve been careful since we got married. I didn’t want to frighten you. You should see me when—”

“John Stassney! If you say one more word, I’ll walk right out of here. Enough is enough!”

“Doggone it, Hon,” I protested. “You started it.”

“So, I started it. So, I’m finishing it. Will you take me home, please?”

We got our hats and coats and went home. I tried to break the ice a couple of times, but it was no soap. She was really peeved this time. I was sorry now that I had ever said anything at all. Why couldn’t I have had sense enough to keep my big mouth shut like a good husband should.

When we got back to the apartment she changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed without even setting her hair. I think if we had a spare bedroom she would have gone in and locked the door. One hell of an anniversary it had turned out to be.

I sat out in the kitchen smoking a couple of cigarettes and wondering what to do. Finally, I decided to just crawl into bed myself and say nothing. Tomorrow was another day.

The next morning I woke up with a headache and remembered that I had lain there thinking until almost three-thirty, and all it got me was loss of sleep.

The shower was going in the bathroom, so I wandered out into the kitchen to make some coffee.

The shower stopped and she called out through the door. “Are you up, Johnnie?”

“Yeah! That’s me,” I said. “Are you still mad?”

“No! How about you?”

“No! I’ve got a headache. I didn’t sleep much last night.”

“Take one of your pills,” she said. “They’re on top of the TV set.”

I found the bottle and took a pill. Then I walked back to the bathroom door and pushed it open.

She was standing there naked. I gulped and started running for the door.

She was a brilliant shade of green from head to toe! Green! Green—like a hunk of spinach!