*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 79377 ***






[Frontispiece: "SHE SAW JOHN JAMES SITTING ASTRIDE THE WINDOW SILL."
_p._ 21.]



  THE

  GOLLIWOG NEWS.

  A STORY OF THREE CHILDREN
  AND A TOY NEWSPAPER.


  WITH SUPPLEMENT.


  BY

  PHILIP AND FAY INCHFAWN.


  ILLUSTRATIONS BY T. C. SMITH.


  London:
  S. W. PARTRIDGE & CO., LTD.
  OLD BAILEY.




  FIRST EDITION, 1913.
  SECOND EDITION, 1914.
  THIRD EDITION, 1917.
  FOURTH EDITION, 1919.




  CONTENTS


  I. What Gladys Found
  II. After the Party
  III. The Seaside Excursion
  IV. At the Football Match
  V. The Dolls Parliament
  VI. The Scarecrow
  VII. Birdland City
  VIII. Who Killed Cock Robin
  IX. Visit to Fish Town
  X. The Banquet
  XI. At The Exhibition
  XII. The Christmas Party
  Newspaper Supplement




LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.


"She saw John James sitting astride the window sill." ...
Frontispiece.

"He picked a dandelion and began to blow at it counting the while."

"Wasn't that a fine goal."

"The bagpipes were played by a flamingo dressed in a kilt and wearing
a tam-o-shanter."

"Six owls arranged themselves in a semi-circle and sang in chorus."
[Missing from source book]

"'How do!' he said pleasantly, 'fine doings here, to-day.'"

"The last item on the programme was a humorous song by Mr. Merry
Codfish."

"There never was such a Christmas Party before nor since."




  _BOOKS BY THE SAME AUTHORS._

  FATHER NEPTUNE'S TREASURE.
  FATHER NEPTUNE'S DIAMOND.

  LONDON:
  S. W. PARTRIDGE AND CO., LTD.
  OLD BAILEY.




CHAPTER I.

  "I want my Golly," Miss Gladys said,
  As she softly slipped from her downy bed,
  Pattering over the nursery floor,
  Feeling about by the nursery door.
  But you never would guess, if you guessed all night,
  What Gladys found in the pale moonlight.



THE GOLLIWOG NEWS.



CHAPTER I.

WHAT GLADYS FOUND.

Gladys was ten, and John James belonged to her.

John James was the big Golliwog, and the little girl always took him
to bed with her.  But, somehow, he used to get out of bed in the
night and would be found lying on the nursery floor in the morning.

Gladys had a big lady-doll named Adeliza May, and a very grand
gentleman-doll who wore a white wig like that of a judge.  She called
him Mortimer Max, because he looked so solemn, and Gladys, as you may
guess, was very proud of him.  She nursed him a good deal, and
sometimes slapped him very hard, but he was so strong he never seemed
to mind anything, not even when Carlo worried him.  Carlo was a nice
little fox terrier, who also belonged to Gladys, and she had a pretty
tortoiseshell kitten, named Spottikins, as well.

But the toy she loved best of all was her big Golliwog.  He was
scarcely a handsome Golly.  Golliwogs aren't handsome, as a rule, now
are they?  But John James was a particularly fine fellow.  He had
bright shining eyes like polished shoe buttons, a quantity of black
bristling hair, and a very broad smile.

Gladys called him John after the gardener, and James after the boy
who cleaned the boots and knives.  She was fond of them both, you
see, and did not want either of them to feel jealous.  Gladys also
had a Toy Monkey, a very funny grinning Billikins, and two little
Nigger Boys, who were so much alike that the little girl said they
must be twins.

The house where Gladys lived was in the country, with lanes and
fields all around.  There were only two other houses near and Freda
Morris lived in one, and Tommy Stapleton in the other.

Freda had a beautiful sailor-doll named Jolly Jack.  She always
brought him with her when she came to see Gladys, and very proud she
was of his bright yellow buttons and his midshipman's hat.

Tommy Stapleton did not care for dolls.  What boy does?  But he had a
large Teddy Bear for a pet, which he dragged along on a silver chain.
Teddy had a very cunning, crafty face, and Gladys and Freda both
disliked him.

Now at the time when this story begins, it was the end of the summer
and Gladys had just had her birthday party.  It was a very delightful
affair.  Tommy came and brought his Teddy, and Freda brought Jolly
Jack.  Some little cousins of Gladys' came in a cab and brought their
dolls and two baby Teddies with them.

Adeliza May and John James were dressed in their best and sat up to
the table just like real people.  All the visitors admired
Spottikins, Carlo rushed to and fro and barked, and between whiles he
sat and begged for pieces of the pink iced cake with "Gladys" written
across the top.

Gladys went to bed that night at a quarter to ten o'clock.  It was
much beyond her usual time, and she was very tired.  She had had an
exciting day, and one or two curious things had happened.

The toy motor, which Tommy Stapleton had given her for a birthday
present, nearly ran over the two little Teddies--they were twins and
were her small cousins' especial pets.  Happily they were not hurt.
But this was not all.  Somebody at the party--no one knew who--had
cut off Jolly Jack's gold buttons.  Every single one!  Freda cried
when she discovered what had happened; Jolly Jack looked very
crestfallen, and John James' bright eyes and his sharp funny little
nose, seemed more intelligent than ever.

All these things came back to Gladys as she undressed herself, and
she remembered very clearly that Tommy Stapleton's wicked Teddy had
looked as if he were laughing.

"Horrid creature!" said Gladys to herself.  Then she got into bed and
went to sleep.

In the middle of the night she woke, and felt under the bedclothes
for John James.  He was not there, and then Gladys suddenly
remembered that she had left him on the sofa in the day nursery.

Very quietly she slipped out of bed, and tiptoed across the landing
in her white night-dress.  She shivered a little for the windows were
wide open.  It was a clear night, and outside in the lane the
telegraph wires were making a curious zuz-z-z-z-z-ing sound.

Gladys crept towards the sofa.  Where was John James?  She was quite
sure she had left him propped up against the hard horse-hair cushion,
and now she could not find him.

She got down upon her hands and knees and felt in the crack between
the sofa and the toy cupboard.  John James might have fallen, but no,
he was not there.

Gladys could not find anything but a scrap of torn paper.  She
straightened it out to look at it, and the word "Golliwog" caught her
eye.

"This might be something about John James," said the little girl,
smiling to herself, and down she went again on her knees to see
whether she could find anything more.  Yes, there was something
inside the crack, which seemed like a piece of folded paper.

Gladys pulled it out--it was a tiny, tiny newspaper, and there was
the title:

THE GOLLIWOG NEWS.


The moon shone out from behind a cloud and Gladys could see quite
plainly.  The paper was printed and folded exactly like the one her
father had every day, only Gladys saw that this newspaper circulated
in Toy-Town-on-Sea, Dolls House City, and ever so many other funny
places.

She began to read the head lines, forgetting that her little pink
feet were bare and that the wind was blowing her curls hither and
thither over her shoulders.

Gladys read aloud:

  "BIRTHDAY PARTY ACCIDENT."
  "NARROW ESCAPE OF TEDDY TWINS."


At that the little girl nearly screamed for it was all about her toy
motor and her party, and the little twin Teddies that belonged to her
cousins.

"Well, I never!" exclaimed Gladys very loudly; then, looking up, she
saw John James sitting astride the window sill.  He had his coat off
and was writing as fast as ever he could.

"How did you get there?" cried Gladys, rushing to the window and
picking him up by one leg.

The Golliwog scowled at her, wrenched himself free, and ran back to
the window sill.

Gladys gazed at her refractory pet.

"Wait half a minute," he said, "I'm busy."

So Gladys waited.  John James scribbled and muttered for five minutes
longer.  Then he jumped down and sat on the sofa beside his mistress.

While she had been waiting for him Gladys had read the little
newspaper.  It was all about Dolls, Teddy Bears, Golliwogs and
Pollywogs--Pollywogs, as you will easily guess, are lady Gollies.  In
fact, there seemed to be something in the newspaper about all the
Toys and Pets, Gladys had ever heard of.  It was really a most
amazing discovery.

The advertisements were the funniest Gladys had ever read, and the
idea of cats and dogs forming themselves into a Golliwog League and
playing football sent her into fits of laughter.

"I'm the Editor," said John James proudly.

"Oh!" said Gladys, and her round eyes opened wider with surprise.

"Is Carlo in it?" she began, but John James was not listening, he had
rushed to the window again.

"Sh! sh!" he said.  "It's going on again."

"What's going on?" asked Gladys as she crept nearer.

"Zuz-z-z-z-y!" went the telegraph wires, and John James scribbled
away madly.  At last he stopped, and asked Gladys to lend him a
handkerchief.  She found a very dirty one hidden under the sofa
cushion, and watched him mop his face with it.

"That was a very near thing!" exclaimed the Golliwog.  "I might have
been in bed and asleep.  Oh, my!  It's a great piece of news.  Don't
you think so?"

"You haven't told me yet what it is," said Glady crossly, for she was
dying to ask all kinds of questions about the newspaper.

"Oh, haven't I?"  John James wiped his hairy forehead again.

"Well, he's been caught--the Teddy who stole the gold buttons off
Master Jack Midshipman's coat.  Surely you must have heard about
that?"

"You don't mean Jolly Jack's buttons, do you?  Of course, I knew he
lost them off his coat last night.  Freda cried about it.  Did you
say it was a Teddy who stole them?"

"I did," answered John James.

"Then I know who it was!" cried Gladys dancing to and fro in the
moonlight.  "It was that horrid Teddy of Tommy Stapleton's.  Shall
you put it in the paper?  And will poor Freda get the buttons back?"

"One question at a time," replied the Golliwog grandly.  "An account
of the trial will appear in the _News_, and the buttons--the solid
gold buttons--will be placed in the Royal Golliwogland Museum."

"Then Freda won't get them----" began Gladys.

"But she can go and see them some day," cried John James eagerly;
"just think of that!"

Gladys was thoroughly interested.  But something suddenly creaked in
the night nursery, and seizing John James in her arms, the little
girl hurried back to bed.




CHAPTER II.

  Buttons!  Bright with golden lustre,
    Found at last, though snugly hid;
  Wasn't Teddy in a fluster?
    Read, and see what Tommy did.



CHAPTER II.

AFTER THE PARTY.

"It's all true," said Gladys in an offended voice.  "But, of course,
you needn't believe it if you don't want to.  Carlo, I wish you
wouldn't bark."

The two little girls were having tea together, and Gladys had been
telling Freda about _The Golliwog News_.

Freda slapped her sailor doll, Jolly Jack.  He was eating much too
fast, she explained.  Then she put her arm round Gladys.

"Of course I believe it," she said.  "I wish I had been there.  Do
you think I could come next time?  I should like to see the Gollies'
newspaper, and do you think--do you really think I could go to
Golliwogland and see Jack's gold buttons in the Museum?"

"I don't know," said Gladys.  "John James hasn't spoken to me since,
and Adeliza May has been so troublesome you'd never believe.  She
tore the dress I made her for the party and I'm worried to death."

"How very vexing!" said Freda, looking severely at Adeliza May.  "But
I had a trying time myself this morning.  Someone had eaten all the
jam out of my nursery stores.  You know the box of things I had last
Christmas with the scales and sweets and little pots of jam?  Well, I
had one pot left--black currant it was--and every bit has
disappeared.  It's most annoying."

"It is," agreed Gladys, nibbling daintily at her cake, while her
Golliwog stared steadily from the window seat, and Carlo sat up to
beg.

"Then there were Jack's buttons," Freda went on sadly.  "I've had to
put trouser buttons on his coat.  It's a great shame.  He'll never
look such a handsome sailor again.  I wish I could get that Teddy.
I'd set Carlo at him."

Carlo, hearing his name mentioned, jumped up and barked.  He capered
round and round the room, chased a piece of cake into the window
seat, and knocked John James down.

Gladys and Freda flew to the rescue.  There was a general stampede,
and when they were all settled in their places again there was a loud
knock at the front door.  The two little girls jumped up.

"Let's run out and look over the bannisters," said Gladys, and off
they trotted.

"It's Mrs. Stapleton," whispered Freda.  "I saw the feather in her
bonnet.  Oh! and Tommy is with her, and he has brought that hateful
Teddy."

Freda turned quite white.  She and Gladys rushed back to the nursery
and shut the door.  But the very next minute, Jane, the housemaid,
came up to say that Master Tommy Stapleton had come with his mamma,
and would take tea with Miss Gladys and Miss Freda.

A moment later Tommy marched in.

"Hullo! here we are again," he shouted, putting his big Teddy down
beside Jolly Jack.

"What have you for tea?  Any cake left over from the party?  I liked
that creamy stuff with the pink sugar on it."

"You are a greedy boy," said Gladys severely; "and you had better
leave your Teddy outside."

"Whatever for?" cried Tommy, seizing his pet and holding him upside
down by one leg.  "He's better than your old Golliwog any day."

"He isn't!" cried Gladys.  "John James can talk, can't he Freda?  And
your Teddy is nothing but a thief."

"That's a bit too tall," said Tommy, getting very red; "but Teddy and
I won't stop here with two silly little girls.  Come along, Teddy
Boy," and Tommy walked towards the nursery door.

"But I wanted a bun," screamed the Bear, and he darted across the
room, seized a bun from the table and ate it greedily.

In a moment the Golliwog had jumped off the window seat, and Jolly
Jack leaped from his chair.

"Thump him!" cried Adeliza May.  "It was he who tore my dress at the
party, and Miss Gladys thought I did it myself.  Hit him, Mr. Jack!
Don't spare him, Mr. Golliwog."

"Not much!" cried Jolly Jack.  "We'll let him have it."

And between them they pummelled Teddy's woolly body till he howled
for mercy.

Tommy had come back to the table, and the little girls were much too
startled to speak.

Gladys was the first to find her tongue, and while the three Toys
were having their desperate fight she managed to tell Tommy all about
his Teddy and the gold buttons.

Tommy was horrified.  He stuck his hands in his pockets and stood,
with his legs wide apart, considering the situation.

"The young bounder!" he cried.

"But how did he manage to get away?" queried Gladys.  "John James
told me last night that he had been captured and put in prison."

"Out on bail, I expect," remarked Tommy, and he explained, rather
grandly, that this was sometimes allowed.

"Carlo's bitten a piece out of his ear!" cried Freda.  "Don't you
think he's had enough?"

"I say, just stop that fighting!" commanded Tommy sharply.  "Now,
Teddy, my boy, what have you got to say for yourself?"

Jolly Jack and the Golliwog fell back, panting for breath.

The trouser buttons on Jack's dark navy suit were sewn on with white
cotton and made him look slovenly and untidy.

John James' eyes were fierce with anger, and his hair positively
bristled as he sat down in the window seat once more and allowed
Teddy's master to deal with him.

[Illustration: "HE PICKED A DANDELION AND BEGAN TO BLOW AT IT,
COUNTING THE WHILE."]

Tommy sat on the arm of the sofa, with his legs crossed in what he
thought was a very grown-up attitude.

"Now, Teddy," he said, "what is the meaning of this?  Is it really
true that you _did_ cut those buttons off Jolly Jack's coat?"

Teddy got down on his knees, and began hitting his head against the
sofa.

"If you please--_bang_--I'm very sorry--_bang_--and I'll never do it
again"--_bang--bang--bang_.

"Hand out those buttons," demanded Tommy, "and leave off hitting your
stupid head in that idiotic way."

"I haven't got them," said Teddy getting up, and beginning to dance
on one toe.  "I don't know where they are."

"Why did you take them?" asked Gladys, giving him a little shake.

"I was going to buy a present for Adeliza May," whimpered the Bear.

"How dare you!" screamed Jolly Jack.

"Don't tell stories," began Gladys, and she shook him again.  "I
believe I felt something inside his coat," she said suddenly.

"Come here," said Tommy to the Bear in a very loud and awful voice.

Teddy obeyed without a word, and Tommy felt all over his loose brown
coat and found a hard round substance behind his ear.

"What's this?" he said, holding it fast with a piece of Teddy's fur.

"It's a nut," remarked the wicked Bear.  "I--er--swallowed it by
accident yesterday, and it went behind my ear, and it's been there
ever since."

"What's this, then?" yelled John James seizing Teddy's leg.  "Here's
another nut."

"And another!" cried Jolly Jack who had taken hold of the Bear's
elbow.

Then Teddy saw that the game was up.  He opened a small hole in the
lining of his coat, shook himself, and six yellow buttons tumbled on
to the carpet.

Tommy picked them up and handed them to John James.

"I understand you take charge of these," he said.

The Golliwog placed them in an inner pocket for safety and made a
note in his pocket-book.

"But what shall we do with Teddy?" asked Freda.  "He ought to be
punished."

"He spoke of buying Adeliza May a present," said Jolly Jack getting
very red in the face.

"He told stories and ate the biggest bath bun," said Gladys.

"Shall I bite him?" asked Carlo eagerly.

"Pop him into the toy cupboard," suggested Tommy holding open the
door.

"I'll do it," said John James, and he and Jolly Jack between them
thrust him in with no very gentle hands, and Tommy turned the key in
the lock.

"You did that pretty well, you two," began Tommy.

But neither John James nor Jolly Jack made any reply.

The Golliwog was sitting in the window with his usual stony stare,
while the sailor doll was lying against the table leg.

The children glanced towards the nursery door and saw that Gladys'
mother and Mrs. Stapleton stood there.

"Time to go home, Tommy," said his mother.  "Come along, my son."




CHAPTER III.

  How everyone journeyed to Toy-Town-on-Sea.
  And had jam-tarts for dinner and pancakes for tea.
  How everyone paddled and walked by the shore.
  And how wicked Teddy was captured once more.



CHAPTER III.

THE SEASIDE EXCURSION.

Gladys was tired of staying in the house.  She had carried John James
and Adeliza May downstairs, and was sitting with them in the garden.

Carlo was worrying an old straw hat which he had discovered in a
corner of the shrubbery, and Spottikins sat upon Gladys' shoulder and
purred.

Presently Gladys yawned, and drew _The Golliwog News_ out of her
pocket.  Things were rather dull, for she had had a bad cold, and her
Golly had not spoken to her for a week.

Besides this, another annoying thing had happened.  Tommy Stapleton's
Teddy Bear had escaped from the toy cupboard and had not been seen
since.  No one knew where he was, and Gladys was thinking about him
as she unfolded the neat little newspaper and began to read.

  EXCURSION TO TOY-TOWN-ON-SEA.
  GOLLIWOG AND TEDDY BEAR RAILWAY.


"It sounds jolly," said Gladys; then turning to John James she added:

"Are you going by the excursion?"

"Of course I am," said John James, polishing up his scarlet nose and
rubbing his hairy legs.  "I'm going in ten minutes."

"What?" cried Gladys, looking at the newspaper.  "Why, of course,
it's to-day!"

"Good gracious me!  Where's Adeliza May?" she continued, as she
noticed for the first time that Adeliza had disappeared.

"Gone in to tidy her hair and put on her best hat, I expect.  It's
the last excursion this season," said the Golliwog, hurrying down the
path to the gate.

Gladys followed him, and she was surprised to see a crowd of Teddy
Bears, Dolls, Golliwogs, Pollywogs, and even Cats and Dogs which she
knew quite well by sight, hurrying down the road towards the railway
station.

"How happy they look!" cried Gladys; "and how they are talking!  Oh,
see that little Bear in the brown knickers carrying a spade and
bucket.  Oh, John James, I do want to go too.  Can't I come?"

"Why, yes, I should think so," said the Golliwog loftily, "but I
can't wait for you, you must come on by yourself.  I have to be at
the station early."

"All right," said Gladys.  She snatched up her white sun-bonnet and
ran off to call for Freda.  Of course Freda must go with her.  As she
opened the garden gate she saw Carlo join the hurrying scampering
crew, and Spottikins raced after him at a great rate and linked her
paw with that of a tabby acquaintance.

Adeliza May came sailing down the steps with an air of great
importance, but Gladys could not stop to speak to her.  At the gate
she stumbled against Jolly Jack, who asked rather sheepishly if
Adeliza was ready.

Gladys hurried on.  Freda was watering her garden, but when she heard
the news she rushed off down the road with Gladys, still carrying the
water-can in her hand.

"Can't we let Tommy Stapleton come with us?" asked Freda
breathlessly.  "Why, there he is trying to catch that yellow
butterfly.  Quick, Gladys.  Tell him!"

"I'll come," said Tommy with alacrity.  "Lessons!  Oh, bother!  I
shan't go to school to-day.  I wish I were that yellow butterfly over
there, and that the school-master, old Stubbins, could see me flying
past his window.  Hurrah!  Yes, I'll come with you.  Watch me race
that insane old Rabbit!"

Off went Tommy after the Rabbit, who, by the way, was a very
respectable fellow indeed.  He wore a black and white check suit, and
brown leggings.  Anyone with half an eye could see that he was one of
those worthy people who had gone back to the land.  His name was
Peter Bunney.

Tommy overtook him, and gave him a polite dig in the ribs.  The
Rabbit looked immensely pleased, and got out an ear-trumpet.

"Should you mind saying it again, sir?" said he.

"I didn't say anything," remarked Tommy to himself; then he shouted
into the trumpet:

"It's a very fine morning, Mr. Bunney, and I hope we shall be in time
for the train."

"Oh, no, I don't think so at all," said the Rabbit cheerfully,
stopping in the middle of the road, and looking up at the sky.

"There'll be no rain to-day, sir."

"That isn't what I said," cried Tommy, seizing his arm and dragging
him along, "I said I hoped we should catch the train."

"Then you should try mustard and water," began Peter, "and if the
pain continues----"

But Tommy had had enough of it.  While he and the Rabbit had been
talking together Gladys and Freda had got some distance ahead, but
now Tommy quickly overtook them, and a few minutes later they reached
the station and got into the train.  John James was walking up and
down the corridor making a list of all the important people.

Gladys, Freda, and Tommy, naturally, occupied the same compartment,
and they all three smiled when a large Persian Cat wearing an
eyeglass got in with them, leaving just room for John James in the
tiny carriage.

"No one else shall get in," said Gladys, "Stand in front of the door,
Tommy, and make faces out of the window."

Of course, Tommy did so.  He put on the expression of a lunatic
enduring great physical agony, and it was quite funny to see the
Teddies and Gollies and the rest wandering up and down the platform,
trying to find seats, but afraid to get in where Tommy was.

At last everyone found a seat, the smart looking porters slammed the
doors, and the guard came out with his whistle and his green flag.

"Cheerup--cheerup--cheerew!" went the whistle.

"Puff!  Puff!" went the engine, and then at the very last minute a
black and white check sleeve was thrust in at the window, the door
handle turned, and into Gladys' carriage, head over heels, tumbled
Mr. Peter Bunney!

"I nearly lost the train," he remarked pleasantly, sitting down
beside Freda and getting out his ear trumpet.

"Now there won't be room for my Golly," cried Gladys.  "What a shame!
He would have told us all about everything.  He's such a splendid
news-getter."

The Rabbit turned towards her with a beaming face.

"You are quite right," he said sweetly.  "My hearing is much better,
that's why I'm going to Toy-Town.  I want to hear the band, and all
that's going on.  Why, yes!  There's my old friend, Plush Mole.
Hullo, there!  Mole--Mole!  How do, Mole?  Let me out--yes, thank
you--good day--very pleased to have met you--see you at Toy-Town.
Hi! there, Mole!" and off darted Mr. Peter Bunney up the corridor
after his friend, Mr. Plush Mole.

At last John James got in and sat down by the Persian Cat with the
eye-glass.  Then for a time, at any rate, Mr. Peter Bunney was
forgotten, although they could occasionally hear him shouting and Mr.
Mole's carefully repeated sentences in reply.

"Be quick!" said Gladys; "tell us all the news.  Where's Adeliza May?
And who on earth is Mr. Plush Mole?"

John James smiled and winked at the Persian Cat.

"Miss May," he said, "is travelling with Jolly Jack.  They have a
carriage to themselves, though how they managed it is more than
tongue can tell."

The Persian took out his eye-glass, cleaned it with the window
curtain and stuck it in his eye again.  His name was Mr. Purr Catt,
and John James said he was Member of Parliament for Kitten Town.

"Do you know Mr. Plush Mole, sir," asked the Golliwog politely.

"Ah, well--slightly," drawled the Persian.  "He's a very stay-at-home
fellow--can't think what induced him to come to-day.  An authority on
beetles, I believe, but proud, so I am told.  Short-sighted
too--very."

The Persian gave a great deal of interesting information, and the
Golliwog was still scribbling in his note book when the train drew up
at Toy-Town.

"Hooray!  Hooray!" screamed all the little Teddies, scrambling out on
to the platform.  "Hip-hip-hooray!" cried the baby Gollies.  The Cats
mewed, and Dogs barked, and altogether it was a very merry party
indeed that found its way to the shore.  After looking round the
place for an hour or so, they all lunched at the Grand Hotel, and
then went to find amusement.

John James was here, there, and everywhere, and Tommy Stapleton
followed him, but Gladys and Freda walked about together.  And when
they got tired of that they filled Freda's water-can at one of the
pools, and amused themselves by sprinkling little Teddies and Gollies
with it, which so delighted a Papa Golly that he wanted to buy the
can for two cough lozenges and a peppermint drop.

"It will be so useful," he explained, "when my children are
troublesome."

But Freda would not sell the can because the peppermint looked dirty,
just as if it had been carried in his pocket for weeks and sucked
occasionally.

When they had managed to get rid of the Papa Golliwog, they caught
sight of Spottikins walking with Mr. Purr Catt, who wore the
eyeglass, and they saw Carlo join himself to a band of mischievous
Dogs who prowled up and down the sands and told everybody they were
going to give a concert presently.

The two little girls were enjoying their day at the seaside
immensely; in the distance they could see a Punch-and-Judy show, so
they hurried to have a look at it.

There was Punch with the hump on his back, and Mrs. Judy with her
squeaky voice, and standing among the listening crowd was Mr. Plush
Mole, looking very puzzled and solemn as if he were not sure what it
was all about, and beside him stood Mr. Peter Bunney holding up his
ear-trumpet.

"That's a very funny Toby," whispered Gladys.  "I never saw a dog
Toby like that before.  Why, Freda, it's _Teddy_!  Tommy Stapleton's
Teddy!  However did he get there?"

"So it is," said Freda.  "We ought to tell John James."

"There he is coming," said Gladys, and off she ran, bursting with
eagerness to tell how she had discovered the Teddy who was "wanted"
by all the policemen in Golliwogland.

John James was as much excited as Gladys.  Freda lent him her
water-can, and Tommy found a constable, and the three of them pushed
their way through the crowd.

Just as the wicked, much be-frilled Toby was biting Mr. Punch's
scarlet nose, he felt a sudden stream of water splashing down his
face, and a heavy hand on his shoulder, while a stern voice said:

"Edward Bear, I arrest you."

In vain he struggled and tried to jump down "behind the scenes."
Tommy and John James assured him that anything he said would be taken
down in writing and used against him as evidence, and after a good
deal of scrimmaging five Golliwog policemen marched the wicked Teddy
away.

"He's a very bad lot," said Tommy rejoining Gladys and Freda, "He
actually said he was a relation of mine; nephew, I think it was.  I'm
glad they've caught him.  Whew!  I am hot!  Isn't it nearly tea-time?"

"The time?  I'll see.  No trouble at all," said Mr. Bunney who came
hurrying up at the moment.  He picked a dandelion and began to blow
at it, counting the while.

"One---two--three--four--five--six--"

"Oh, I say," said Tommy, "it can't be six o'clock yet."  But the
Rabbit went on.

"Seven---eight--nine--ten--eleven--"

"Here, come on," cried Tommy, "that old buffer's quite mad; he's
blowing the air, not the dandelion."

He hurried the little girls to the Grand Hotel, ordered tea for
three, with ice-cream and pancakes, and the trio made an excellent
meal.  When they had finished and were strolling along the Promenade
towards the station, they met the Rabbit again.

"It's a hundred and twenty-one o'clock." he cried.  "I thought it was
getting late.  Time for Plush-Mole to be in-doors.  He gets asthma if
he stays out.  I must find him," and off scampered Peter with the
dandelion in his hand, and his trumpet sticking out of his pocket.

"Who in the world is this coming now?" said Tommy.  "This is a queer
place."

"Why, it's our Carlo, isn't it?" said Gladys.  "What has he got round
his neck?"

Carlo trotted up, and they saw that round his neck he had a piece of
cardboard tied with a bit of scarlet ribbon.  These words were
printed on it:

  GRAND CONCERT ON THE SANDS AT
  SEVEN-THIRTY.
  MR. BARKER PUPP WILL SING.


"Shall we go?" said Tommy.  "Our train starts back at a quarter past
nine.  Let's go and see what they mean to do."

On the sands the Dogs had erected a kind of platform.  In one corner
sat the orchestra--a number of Fox Terriers who played on combs--and
really they made quite a good deal of noise.

Carlo was at the piano, and every now and then he shouted
instructions to the orchestra.  It was very funny to see him playing
with all four of his feet; but then, as he said, he was able in this
way to use the whole of the piano at once.

It would take far too long to tell you all that these funny Doggies
did to amuse the tremendous and ever increasing crowd of Toys, who
came from all parts of the town to hear them.  But the song which was
most appreciated was the one sung by Mr. Barker Pupp, who had dressed
himself like a schoolboy, in a Norfolk suit with a satchel over his
shoulder.  This was the first verse:

    _Oh, wouldn't it be splendid
    If my school days all were ended
  And I could change with yonder butterfly.
    I'd live on sweets and honey,
  And wouldn't it be funny
  If old Stubbins saw me gaily flutter by?_


Tommy grew very red.

"I don't care very much for that," he whispered.  "It's silly."

"Be quiet," said Gladys; "there's going to be another verse."

The orchestra flourished their combs, played a few bars with their
heads on one side, and then Mr. Barker Pupp, looking straight at
Tommy, sang the next verse:

    _But the Butterfly so yellow,
    Said, "O my, you silly fellow,"
  And he laughed so loud he very nearly burst._


Here the audience tittered, and pointed at Tommy.  The small Gollies
and Teddies climbed on their papa's shoulders to see him, while Mr.
Pupp sang loudly:

  _Goodness gracious, don't you know it?
  Why, your lesson books must show it--
  You would have to be a CATERPILLAR first!_


"Ladies and gentlemen, you will please sing the last line as a
chorus," shouted Carlo, thumping on the piano.  And then they all
began to sing as loudly and as fast as they could.  A perfect babel
of voices arose, in what seemed a senseless mixture of words, and it
sounded in the ears "of the children something like this:

  _You would have to be a Caterpillar first.
      A Caterpillar
      Paterkiller
      Lattertiller
      Ratterlillar
  You would have to be a Pillercater first.
  You would have----_


"I'm going to get out of this," said Tommy, scrambling through the
crowd.  "It's a shame!  I never said that."

"Said what?" asked Gladys, pushing after him with Freda following
close behind.  "Who said you said anything?"

But Tommy made his way to the edge of the crowd and began running
along the promenade for his life.

  _Paterkiller
  Latterkiller
  Ratterlillar_

sang the Toys in chorus.

"Good gracious, they're coming after us!" cried Freda.  "Run, Gladys!
I'm afraid of them."

Oh, how the children ran!  And behind them came the breathless
panting crowd.  Gollies, Pollies, Teddies, Dogs, Cats, Rabbits and
Dolls, all mixed up together, and everyone shouting the chorus of Mr.
Barker Pupp's song at the top of his voice.

Up the hill to the station sped Tommy; he burst in at the gate,
passed the ticket collector like a shot, and got into the train.  He
drew the blinds down and sat in the farthest corner.  Horrors!  The
door handle turned, but to his great relief it was only Freda, Gladys
and John James.

"Just in time!" said the latter, mopping his forehead.  "I'm sure
we're much obliged to you for reminding us that it was time to catch
the train.  We might all have been left behind."




CHAPTER IV.

  They rolled and scrambled and snarled and bit.
    Then the whistle blew, for the time was up,
  And Kittens and Poodles were both hard hit--
    But which of them won the Golliwog Cup?



CHAPTER IV.

AT THE FOOTBALL MATCH.

There was great excitement in Golliwog football circles, for
everybody was discussing the final match, between Poodleton and
Kitten Town Tabbies, in the fight for the Golliwog Cup.

The G. & T.B.R. were running special excursions from all parts and
nearly everybody was going to see the match.

You ought to have seen Tommy Stapleton's face when he heard the news.
It was just like any other boy's face would have been if you had
suddenly told him that Cats and Dogs played football--and that is
what John James had just been saying.

"You don't mean it," said Tommy.  "Football?  Not really?  Here,
let's have a look at the league table."

He seized _The Golliwog News_ and read it eagerly for a few minutes.
In a very short space of time he could remember just how the clubs
stood and could repeat them in their proper order with his eyes shut.

"Here goes," he said: "Poodleton, Kitten Town, Frogland, Fish Town,
Toy Town, Teddy Bear Rovers, Dolls House City."

"How _ever_ do you remember them?" asked Freda.

"Why, that's easy enough!" cried Tommy.  "I can remember that all
right.  Lessons?  Not much!  They're different.  I say, John James,
shall we take them to see the cup-tie?"

John James had had a fit of the sulks, and so had Carlo.  The fact
was that the former played for Dolls House City and had been badly
beaten by the Poodleton and Kitten Town clubs.  As for Carlo, he was
just dying to play for Poodleton, and, of course he couldn't, because
he was not a Poodle!

However, they both brightened up when they heard Tommy's suggestion,
and the long and the short of it was, that the party of little folks
in whom we are interested was found upon the grand stand at Dolls
House City waiting for the match to begin.

Gladys and Freda had never been on a football ground before and they
thought what good fun it was.

Two thousand Cats had come in by excursion train from Kitten Town,
and most of them wore little red and white rosettes, the colours worn
by the Tabbies.

"Look at that funny Cat over there, with a red and white striped top
hat on his head," said Gladys.

Freda nearly shrieked, he looked so comical.

He was turning round and round playing a concertina and cutting all
sorts of silly capers.

John James was holding his sides with laughter, and making a queer
little gurgling noise in his throat.

"My Golly always sees the funny side of things," said Gladys proudly.

A crowd of friends had gathered round the Cat with the concertina,
all singing and shouting and asking him wherever he got his hat.

A little distance away another Pussy was playing a lively catty tune
on a mouth organ, which made the listening crowd very merry indeed.

The Poodles too had brought a large number of supporters with them
from Poodleton, and they also wore the colours of their favourites,
which were black and yellow.  One of them was actually wearing a suit
striped all over with black and yellow.

When he came in through the turnstiles he was greeted with roars of
laughter from all sides.

"It is more like a circus than a football match," said Gladys,
glancing around.

A brass band had been engaged specially from Frogland-in-the-Marshes
and the bandsmen were grouped in a ring in the centre of the field
playing all kinds of lively airs.

There were about three thousand Teddy Bears all gathered together at
one end of the field, and about the same number of Golliwogs at the
other.  The two ends of the field were known as the Teddy Bear end
and the Golliwog end, as they always congregated together in that way.

There were also a great number of Hoppers and Jumpers present from
Frogland and hundreds of Toys from Toy Town.

"I wouldn't have missed this on any account," said Freda.  "I had no
idea football was so amusing."

Tommy then explained that they had not begun to play yet.

Two minutes before the kick off, the Tabbies came on the field
dressed in red and white jerseys and white knicker-bockers.

"Here they come!" shouted Tommy, and everybody began to cheer.

In another minute the Poodles in their black and yellow jerseys and
white knickerbockers came trotting out wagging their tails.

The cheering was again deafening, and it was very infectious too, for
Gladys and Freda joined in.  How were they to help it when Tommy and
the big Golly were cheering like mad?

"What is that Teddy Bear with a whistle doing on the field?" asked
Freda.  "He isn't going to play, is he?"

John James chuckled: "That's the referee," he said.

"Oh, look!" exclaimed Gladys.  "I can see a Pussy and a Poodle
shaking paws.  What's that for?"

Tommy explained that the two captains always shook paws before they
began to play.

"They'll spin a coin next for choice of ends," he continued.  "There
it goes," he said.  "Head or tail?"

[Illustration: "WASN'T THAT A FINE GOAL."]

The Tabbies won, and chose to play towards the Golliwog end.  The
teams lined up, the Teddy Bear blew his whistle and the players began
kicking the ball about.  Or, at least, that was how it seemed to
Gladys and Freda!

Tommy explained that the Tabbies were trying to kick the ball between
the posts at the Golliwog end.

"Oh, I see," said Gladys, "and the Poodles are trying to stop them."

"Yes, and to kick the ball between the posts at the Teddy Bear end,"
he added, pleased to think that Gladys was beginning to understand
the game.

Freda looked puzzled.

"Haven't they got enough to do to keep the Tabbies from getting the
ball through at that end, without trying to get it through at the
other end themselves?" she enquired.

Poor Tommy began to look worried.  He said he did not know what sort
of a game that would be, but it would not be football.

After that Freda was very quiet for a time and Gladys did not like to
ask questions.

Still they enjoyed watching the game.  The way the Tabbies ran after
the ball, and arched their backs when the Poodles made a dash for it,
was so very funny that the little girls laughed more heartily than
ever.

There was a good deal of growling on the part of the Poodles, and the
Teddy Bear referee often blew his whistle to give what Tommy called a
foul.

"That's a foul," he would say to Gladys.

"Where?" she would return.  "I didn't see it.  Where is it?  What,
another?  Well, I don't see it anywhere, neither does Freda."

Then Tommy had to explain once more that it was not a "fowl" that was
meant, but a "foul."

"It sounds just the same," said Gladys.  "I'm sure I thought you were
talking about a chicken."

Tommy sighed at this remark and appeared deeply interested in the
game.

"The referee must be very tired with so much running about,"
whispered Freda.

And just at that moment the poor little Teddy got hit in the
waistcoat with the ball, and rolling over like a ninepin he nearly
swallowed his whistle.

"Oh, wasn't that funny!" shrieked John James, who had been very quiet
for some minutes.

"Funny!" repeated Gladys sternly.  "I should think the poor thing is
hurt.  It is much too dreadful to laugh at."

He was not very much injured, however, for he soon got up and the
game went on as merrily as ever.

Whenever the Tabbies got the ball near the Golliwog end, the two
thousand Pussies from Kitten Town would get very much excited and
caterwaul for all they were worth.

And when the Poodles looked like getting the ball through the Teddy
Bear end, two thousand tails belonging to as many Poodles from
Poodleton would start wagging.  And they would continue to wag until
the ball went back to the other end of the field.  In fact, once or
twice they nearly wagged the grand stand down.

The game went on for about half an hour, then the players rested for
a few minutes, while the Frogland brass band came out and paraded
from one end of the field to the other, playing several martial airs.

When the band got tired of that, the footballers came out to play
again, at least, that was what Gladys and Freda thought.

The sides had changed about and the Tabbies were kicking the ball
towards the Teddy Bear end of the field.

"Oh," thought Gladys to herself, "aren't they artful?  If they can't
get it through at one end they mean to get it through at the other."

The Poodles growled and worried away, and the Tabbies arched their
backs with more vigour than before.  First a Puss would get rolled
over, and then a Poodle, and their nice clean white knicker-bockers
were beginning to get very dirty.

Carlo barked in high glee when he saw a Pussy bowled over, and John
James was highly amused when a Poodle and a Puss fell over each other.

Several times each side came near to scoring a goal, and once a Tabby
could easily have done it, only his tail got twisted round his legs,
and when he tried to kick the ball he went tumbling head over heels.

The Teddy referee got quite hot racing about, and he borrowed a large
handkerchief from a Golliwog policeman to mop his face with.  And the
policeman held his whistle the while!

"Oh," cried Gladys, "do look!  If he isn't having a blow with it!"

Sure enough, the silly policeman was blowing himself quite fat in the
face, and the players all thought the match was finished.

But the referee took a watch from his pocket and looked at it, and
then told them they had another five minutes to play.

So they all went at it again very hard, and a Poodle stopped the ball
with his head.  The ball rolled away and the Poodle ran round in a
circle in a ridiculous kind of way and then lay flat on his back with
his four legs sticking in the air.

The other players, Tabbies and Poodles alike, all gathered round him
and after a time they stood him on his legs.  He was only a bit
stunned, however, and was soon able to play again.

The Tabbies were a sturdy lot of players and had been in special
training at the seaside.  They scampered about and played all sorts
of tricks on the Poodles, until at last one of the Dogs lost his
temper and bit at a Pussy's tail!

There were loud cries all round the field: "Turn him off."  And the
assembly of strange animals and toys became very angry.  The referee
had the two offenders up together and cautioned them, for he knew
very well that the Tabby must have done something too.

"I saw him scratch the Poodle," said Freda.  "He did it before, and I
thought it was part of the game."

It seemed as if neither side would be able to score a goal, but at
last the Poodles got one.  It was just two minutes before the end of
the game and everybody howled with delight--except, perhaps, the two
thousand Cats from Kitten Town.  The air was thick with hats and the
multitude of strange noises was so deafening it must have been heard
a mile away!

Gladys and Freda, Tommy and the big Golliwog all stood on their seats
and waved their hats in the air as madly as the rest of them.

"Wasn't that a fine goal!" they were all saying.

And there were cries of "Play up, my little Poodles!" from several of
the admirers of the Doggies in black and Yellow.

All the Poodles who were playing ran to shake paws with the one who
scored the goal.  He was very good looking for a Poodle and wore a
smart blue bow on his tail.

He was greeted with shouts of "Pretty boy!" from all round the ground.

There was no more scoring after that.  The Tabbies quite lost their
tempers and played like mad things, biting and scratching for all
they were worth.

After the match was over the Frogland brass band paraded through the
streets of Dolls House City playing "See the Conquering Hero Comes."
In front of them marched a very solemn looking Froggie carrying on
his shoulder a large board on which was chalked

  POODLETON . . . . . . . 1
  KITTEN TOWN TABBIES . . 3




CHAPTER V.

  We hear the views of Henry Toad,
    Of Dolls, and Cats and Dogs,
  And angry shouting in the road
    Of "Votes for Pollywogs."
  While Mortimer turns out to be,
  A very popular M.P.



CHAPTER V.

THE DOLLS PARLIAMENT.

It had been a very dull dark day, and the children scarcely knew how
to amuse themselves.  Gladys got all her toys out of the cupboard,
and having arranged them in a row against the wall, proceeded to give
each of them a scolding.

She slapped Adeliza May, and reproved her for vanity.  She told the
Billikins that he looked like a lunatic, and when she reached
Mortimer Max, who was third in the row, (John James being the
fourth), she smacked him on the head, and said he was looking
defiant, and she would have no more nonsense from him.

"It's too bad of you, Gladys!" cried Freda, the tender-hearted.

"Go it, Gladys!" said Tommy, and he got out his pea-shooter, and
began to shoot at Mortimer Max and the Billikins.

"Mind your own business, both of you!" said Gladys shortly; and no
one knows what might have happened next if the situation had not been
relieved by the entrance of a Teddy telegraph boy, with a telegram.

Gladys advanced to take the orange coloured envelope from him, but
the messenger took no notice of her.  He handed the telegram briskly
to John James.

This was a bitter disappointment to Gladys.  She had never had a
telegram in her life, and she had felt so sure that this one was for
her.  Then she laughed and thought how very extraordinary everything
seemed.  She did not remember ever seeing a Teddy telegraph boy
before, and this one was such a funny little fellow.  His hat was
perched on one side and he carried himself as though he were the most
important person in Golliwogland.

His uniform was very smart and clean and was trimmed with red braid.
It was so exceedingly clean, that it occurred to Gladys he could not
have been a telegraph boy very long; at any rate, he seemed very
proud of his position, and while he was waiting to see if there
happened to be an answer, he confided to Tommy that his one ambition
in life was to become a postman.

John James tore open the envelope with a very grubby thumb.

"I don't suppose it is a real telegram," said Gladys tossing her head.

John James trembled just a little, for it flashed across his mind
that perhaps his great-grandmother, who had lately celebrated her
hundredth birthday, might have taken chicken-pox, or something like
that.

However, he heaved a sigh of relief when he read the message; with a
wave of his hand he dismissed the messenger, and handed the telegram
to Gladys.  Tommy and Freda rushed to peep over her shoulder, and
this is what they read:

"_Don't forget to attend Dolls' Parliament to-night at six._"

"That's from the Prime Minister," said John James grandly.

"Isn't that splendid?" cried the children, clapping their hands.  "Of
course we are coming too."

"Then we had better go at once," returned the Golliwog, and they all
trooped after him, shouting with joy.

"The Speaker takes the chair in half an hour," remarked John James,
"so we had better get a car."

They noticed then for the first time that little electric cars were
running in all directions.  There was one very queer Teddy Bear
driver who drove his car along at a great rate, and rang his gong as
loudly as he could, on purpose to scare the old and infirm Toys.

It was funny to see an elephant on crutches, jumping out of the way,
and the children laughed very much, when, on being nearly run over,
he dropped his crutches and ran away quite briskly without them.

Then the conductor who punched their tickets for them was a very
nice-looking Teddy, and as straight as a Tin Soldier.  He was very
polite too; in fact, so polite that he omitted to take their fares,
and when they mentioned it, he said it didn't matter at all.

They soon reached the Parliament House, which was a very big
building, and on one huge square tower there was a clock, which now
said five minutes to six.

Several Golliwog policemen were guarding the entrance, and a large
crowd of Toys stood there cheering the various M.P.'s as they
arrived; and then just as our friends, piloted by John James, were
about to cross the road, a taxi drove up, and there was much
cheering, and cries of "The Prime Minister."

At that precise moment, a Pollywog rushed into the middle of the
road.  Gladys and Freda clutched John James, one on each side and
shrieked:

"She'll be run over!--yes, she will."

"Run in, you mean," said the policeman who stood near them, and he
darted after her.

Meanwhile, the Pollywog had stopped exactly in front of the taxi, and
dragging from under her cloak a green and violet flag, she waved it
in the Prime Minister's face as he alighted, and shouted:

  "Votes for Pollywogs."


A furious cry went up from the Teddy Bears and the Golliwogs standing
near; then the policeman seized her by the shoulder, pulled her away,
and the astonished Prime Minister was able to enter the House.

The Pollywog, who was now infuriated, struggled and fought with the
policeman who was trying to arrest her.  She managed to bite him so
hard that three or four other constables had to come to his
assistance, and eventually she was carried away shrieking "Votes for
Pollywogs" at the very top of her voice.

[Illustration: "THE BAGPIPES WERE PLAYED BY A FLAMINGO DRESSED IN A
KILT AND WEARING A TAM-O-SHANTER."]

Gladys and Freda were very much excited about the affair, though they
hardly knew what to make of it.  They wanted to know what would
become of the Pollywog, and whether the policeman would take the
green and violet flag away from her.

"Don't bother about her now," said John James, leading the way into
the House.  "We shall have trouble to get you in after this, you see
if we don't."

And he was right.  The policeman at the door did not want to allow
Gladys and Freda to pass, and made a lot of enquiries to see if they
belonged to the "Votes for Pollywogs" people.  John James assured
them that all was right, and after some conversation, and a
gingerbread pressed into each policeman's hand, they were let in, and
John James conducted them to the place where the reporters sat.

Naturally the other reporters were very much surprised to see John
James accompanied by Tommy and the little girls, and a good deal of
whispering went on.  A very fat doll wanted to know whether the
ladies would mind if he took his collar off, as he could always work
better without it.  The children stared at him gravely for a minute,
then they began to look round the House.

It was the queerest place they had ever seen.  All along one side of
the building a large number of particularly intelligent Pussies were
seated.  Facing them were the Doggie Benches, while at one end there
were quite a lot of Frogs, in stand-up collars and starched cuffs.
There were Teddy Bears and Dolls, in short, every Toy was
represented--except the Pollywog!

The business of the evening soon began, and then the reporters
scribbled as if their very lives depended on it--and perhaps they
did!  The Fat Doll nearly rolled off his seat, and one of his friends
took hold of him by a string that was round his waist and hauled him
up again; but what struck the children as very strange was that he
said "Papa" and "Mamma" very fast, until the other fellow let go.

The Bill being considered was The Nursing of Dolls Bill, brought in
by the Keeper of the Money-Box, and there was to be the final
division on it that night.

Tommy heard the Fat Doll say that it was likely to be an all-night
sitting, and that he had brought a packet of acid drops with him.  He
passed them round and John James sucked one critically.

"I hope it is an all-night sitting," whispered Tommy to the little
girls.

"It strikes me we are going to see some fun.  But who on earth is the
Keeper of the Money-Box?"

"Hush--sh!" said John James "He is the Gollywog who makes us all pay
taxes, and he has his work cut out too, poor chap.  You should just
see how some of them are fighting this Nursing of Dolls Bill."

"Which side are you on, John James?" asked Gladys curiously--"you
like being nursed, don't you?"

But the Golliwog would not say.  He remarked that his politics were
his own affair, and that an important paper like _The Golliwog News_
could not be too careful.  There was no time to press the subject
further, for the debate began.

The first to address the House was the member for East
Frogland--Henry Toad, Esq.

He spoke very strongly against the Bill; asking in an angry tone why
the House was always passing Bills for the benefit of Dolls.  Was it
not time they did something for the relief of other classes?--namely,
the Froggies.  (Murmurs of approval from the Froggie benches).

He proceeded to draw a moving picture of helpless Frogs being chased
and stoned by boys.  (".Shame.")  "But that is not the worst," he
said with a loud croak.  "Why, in some parts, we are subjected to the
most cruel and horrible torture imaginable, cut up in slices and
eaten--actually eaten."  (Sensation).

"I shall take hops shortly," said Mr. Toad, as he resumed his seat,
"to bring before this House a measure which will provide a larger
amount of protection for my kith and kin."  (Loud Froggie croaks).

Gladys felt so much interested in what was passing, that she scarcely
had time to notice John James.  Now she glanced over her shoulder and
saw that he was scribbling notes as quickly as ever he could.  She
smiled proudly to herself as she remembered that every word Mr. Toad
had said, would be in the paper the following morning.

The next speaker was the member for Kitten Town--Mr. Thomas Purr-Catt.

"Look!  Look!" cried Freda in a loud whisper.  "That is the very Cat
we saw on our way to Toy Town.  Look!  He's putting up his eye-glass."

"Shut up!" said Tommy sternly, putting his hand over her mouth.
"They'll think you're a Pollywog."

Mr. Thomas Purr-Catt was in favour of the Bill, and thought that
Dolls were really nursed too much (hear, hear).  He would be glad,
however, if the Keeper of the Money-Box could see his way to include
Kittens in the Bill.  (Loud me-ows from the Catty side of the House).
They were nursed quite as much as Dolls were, and some reform was
needed in that direction.  His party, however, would be satisfied
with the Bill as it stood, for they regarded it as a step in the
right direction.  (General noises from all sides of the House.)

The member for the central division of Dolls House City was greeted
with loud applause as he rose to address the House, but Gladys opened
her eyes very widely, and nearly fell off her chair when she saw who
it was that they were making such a fuss about.

It was actually Mortimer Max!  He had taken his wig off, and was
dressed like an ordinary person, that was why she had not recognised
him before.  She stood up, and was going to call out to him, when
Tommy seized her arm.

"You girls oughtn't to have come," he said impatiently.  "Talk about
the Pollywogs, you're much worse.  If you are not careful the whole
crowd will attack us."

Gladys sat down again.  She hardly knew what to make of it.  She had
had no idea that Mortimer Max was an M.P. and was really very much
astonished.  Why had he never told her?  She made up her mind to tell
him what she thought when she got him alone again.  However, she had
no time to think of that now, for Mortimer Max had begun to speak and
she badly wanted to hear what he had to say.

Mortimer Max said he never saw the advent of a Bill with greater
pleasure than the one under discussion.  The length of time some
dolls were nursed was a disgrace.  It was high time this particular
injustice was removed.  It was not only in the matter of nursing, but
in the general treatment they received.

"In my own case," said Mortimer sadly, "I am often smacked on the
head by my mistress, Miss Gladys."  (Laughter, and cries of "Shame.")

Gladys, who had been greatly shocked at the sentiments expressed by
her dear Mortimer, flushed scarlet at this remark.  It seemed as if
all eyes in the House were directed towards her, and she felt hot and
cold by turns.  She glanced uneasily at John James.  He was
scribbling fast!

"Yes," proceeded the member for the central division of Dolls House
City, warming to his subject, "I frequently get smacked and pinched
for no earthly reason.  She calls me Naughty Morty, when I haven't
done anything at all, and of course I don't like it."

"Oh, you wicked thing!" groaned Gladys.  "Won't I give it to you!"

"But that is not the worst," continued Mortimer, while the House
listened with rapt attention, "I don't mind what she does to me very
much, but when she ill-treats my sister, Adeliza May, it makes my
sawdust go all of a shiver."

"I don't ever ill-treat her!" shrieked Gladys, but no one seemed to
hear her.  Only the reporters scribbled faster than ever.

"Adeliza May is a very pretty Doll," went on Mortimer, "and the other
day a young boy, named Tommy Stapleton, who comes to have tea with
Miss Gladys sometimes, tried to poke one of her eyes out with a
knitting needle.  He also shot at me, and at a very intelligent
Billikins, with a pea-shooter."  (Sensation).

It was now Tommy's turn to feel small, and he shook his fist at
Mortimer Max.

"But you did do it, Tommy," whispered Freda at his side.

"Do you call that fair treatment?" shouted Mortimer, hammering on the
table with his fist.  (Wild cries of "No!")

"I tell you," thundered Mortimer, "that thousands of Dolls are being
maimed for life every year, and this wholesale butchery must be
stopped."  (Cheers.)

"Even where there is no direct cruelty, the nursing so many Dolls get
coddles them up and makes them good for nothing.  Their constitutions
must become weakened and we know very well that it is all U.P. with a
Doll who gets measles or whooping cough.  This Bill must become law,
if the future generations of Dolls are to grow up worthy members of
that illustrious race, a race, I repeat--aye, am proud to repeat,--a
race of which I am a member!"

Mortimer Max sat down, and nearly everybody in the House stood up,
shouting and waving his hat in the air.

John James, the Fat Doll, and the other reporters were writing for
their very lives, and even Gladys could not help feeling pleased that
Mortimer seemed so popular.  After John James he was her favorite Toy.

When the noise had subsided, Mr. William Dogg, a very cross looking
bull-pup, who sat for West Dogton, rose to speak.

Mr. Dogg said he considered the Bill a great mistake.  If anyone had
a Doll, he had a perfect right to do what he liked with it.  He, for
one, had no patience with the grandmotherly tendencies shown by the
Keeper of the Money-Box.

"At any rate," he said, "if the two hours limit is passed, there
will, perhaps, be a good deal more time for Dolls to be worried in
other ways."

Here Mr. Dogg showed all his teeth and snapped at a fly.

There were loud cries of anger, and members everywhere rose in their
seats, and made noises at the bull-pup.

The Speaker called "Order," but his voice was scarcely heard above
the din.

The Prime Minister then tried to address the House, but it was not
the slightest use--the noise was deafening.  The children put their
fingers in their ears, but they could not keep it out.

Several Dolls and one or two prominent Cats, made an attempt to seize
the member for West Dogton, while a number of Doggies--and Carlo was
among them--came to the assistance of their leader, and the children
thought matters would end up in a free fight.

"I wish we had never come," wailed Freda.

"So do I," said Gladys, tugging at John James' arm to attract his
attention.

"It's all right--it's all right," said John James hastily; "this sort
of thing often happens."

Tommy felt dubious about that, and the girls were really frightened,
but as the Fat Doll and all the pressmen were laughing, and seizing
this opportunity of cracking up acid drops, they thought perhaps
nobody would get killed after all.

Cries of "Withdraw!" were shouted, and at length the bull-pup
consented to withdraw what he had said, and then everybody returned
to his place.

When the division was called it was very amusing to see the various
M.P.'s voting on the Bill.  Some of the Froggies voted for it, and
rubbed shoulders with Mortimer Max and his party, who had gone solid
for the Bill.  The Teddies and Golliwogs were nearly all for it, but
a few did not vote at all.

When the result was announced, showing a majority of seventy-nine for
the Bill, the air was rent with the queerest set of noises the
children had ever heard in their lives, for everyone seemed greatly
excited about it.

The big clock on the tower now struck three, and they all began to
talk about going home.

"It's cold," said Freda with chattering teeth, as they went down the
steps; then she laughed, for the Fat Doll pushed past them, with his
collar in his hand and his necktie wound round his throat like a
bandage.

"Papa"--"Mamma," he cried, as he jostled through the crowd.




CHAPTER VI

  "Tis not for me to flaunt and boast
  That I have never left my post."
  The Scarecrow coughed,--a gentle hint,
  For more of Freda's peppermint.
  Then read how once a cruel blast
  Had hurled him from his post at last.
  And how Sir Hawk so swiftly flew
  To summon twelve good crows and true.
  And how, quite suddenly that day,
  They every one were "scared" away.



CHAPTER VI.

THE SCARECROW.

Tommy was tired of his tin soldiers.  He had been having a very
exciting battle in the parlour, and was quite worn out with it.
Also, he had managed to break a valuable vase, and his mother had
said that she really could not have such rough games played in the
house any more.

Tommy was very sorry that he had hit the vase with his pea-shooter,
but he felt it to be against his dignity to be found fault with, so
he piled his toys away, and ran over the road to play with Gladys.
On the way, he met Freda Morris starting out on the same errand, and
she told him a strange story about a Scarecrow that was in one of her
father's fields.

"He is dressed just like a real person," said Freda, "only his
clothes are rather old.  I have seen him in that field ever since I
can remember.  But yesterday, Tommy,"--Freda dropped her voice to a
mysterious whisper--"yesterday, as I was getting over the stile near
Long Meadow, I heard him coughing, I did really."

"Go on!" said Tommy incredulously.

"Well, I did," repeated Freda.  "But I didn't like to speak to him."

"Well, never mind him now," said Tommy.  "Let's go and play with
Gladys, at hunting on the prairie."

Freda agreed, and they very quickly found Gladys.  She was in the
nursery making a new hat for Adeliza May, but she left off at once
and found some peacocks' feathers to stick in her hair, because Tommy
said she was to be a Red Indian prowling about after deer, and he and
Freda would be two Englishmen hunting buffaloes, and they must shoot
at her because she was stealing.

They had a very exciting game.  The two Englishmen shot the Red
Indian with a walking stick, and he fell over on the hearth-rug
terribly wounded.  Then suddenly he rose and scalped the Englishmen,
and chased them under the sofa, where they lay panting for breath.
After a time, however, and a great deal of strange talking, which
Gladys said was Red Indian, they all became friendly and decided to
light a fire and smoke the pipe of peace.

So to begin with, Tommy tried to strike a match on his boot, as he
had sometimes seen other boys do.  But as it would not light, he
threw it away, and forgot all about it till there was a great fizz
inside the dolls' house, where the match had fallen, and a tiny flame
burst out of the kitchen window.

"Oh, dear!" cried Gladys, "the dolls' house is on fire, and Adeliza
May is inside with her best frock on.  Water!  Where is some water?"

She ran out of the room and fetched the jug from her washstand, and
Tommy tipped it over the dolls' house.  The water ran all over the
floor, and through the ceiling into the kitchen, where Jane was
talking to the cook, and that is how she guessed that something was
the matter and came rushing up to see what it was.

"Well, Miss Gladys and Miss Freda!  Well, Master Thomas!" she cried,
when she saw what had taken place.  "I wouldn't have believed that
two young ladies and a young gentleman could do such depredations,
and Cook and me so busy we don't know what to do first."

"It was an accident," said Gladys meekly.  "Shall I help you wipe it
up?  I am very sorry."

But Jane was not to be pacified.

"You'd better go out for a walk," she said crossly, "while I get the
place straight again.  Oh, my goodness!"

So the three children stole down into the garden thinking it would be
nicer to have a romp there than to stay with Jane and that fearful
mess on the floor.

"What was that you were telling me about the Scarecrow?" said Tommy
to Freda as they hurried along.

"Oh!" cried Freda, "couldn't we go and see him now--this very minute?
The Scarecrow, Gladys, in my daddy's field.  Yesterday I heard him
coughing.  I've got a few peppermints in my pocket--shall we go and
give him one?"

"Yes, of course," said Gladys, very pleased at the idea.  "Here's
John James, let him come too if he will."

John James was very willing to accompany them, so Gladys picked him
up, and off scampered the merry trio, until they reached the
forlorn-looking object.

"You speak first," said Tommy giving Freda a push.

"No, no.  Let Gladys," replied Freda timidly.

So Gladys cleared her throat.

"Good morning, Mr. Scarecrow," she said.

"Good morning, ma'am," the old fellow replied in a quavering voice.

Gladys felt very proud at being called ma'am.

"Take a chair," he went on--"I mean, won't you sit down?"

The children sat down on the trunk of a tree and surveyed the
Scarecrow from head to foot.  He had on a hat with a dent in the top,
rather a good coat, but his trousers were frayed at the ankles, and
he had only one leg; indeed, it seemed to be a very difficult matter
for him to stand up at all.  Certainly the poor old chap was
wheezing, and he had a very bad cough.

"On my chest," he said to Freda, when she offered him a peppermint.

"You ought not to be out in this cold wind," said Gladys.

"No, indeed," he replied, "I am past the job now.  The birds get
mortal cheeky!"  Here the Scarecrow was seized with a violent fit of
coughing, which continued until Gladys patted him on the back.

"Mortal cheeky!" he resumed.  "Just before you came I tried to scare
a Robin, but he took no notice of me at all.  He told me he would
come next Spring and build a nest in my hat.  That is the biggest
piece of impudence I've ever had to put up with.  Scare-crowing is
most certainly not the profession it used to be."

John James, who had been listening very attentively, now found his
voice.

"This will make good copy for the _News_," he said, taking his note
book out of his pocket.  "Perhaps you will tell us something more
about yourself?"

The Scarecrow seemed a bit doubtful.

"What paper do you represent," he enquired cautiously.

"I am the Editor of _The Golliwog News_," said John James proudly.

"Really!" cried the Scarecrow, his thin face lighting up with
pleasure.  "That's a very respectable paper, and I have no objection
to telling you a little,--but mind you, I wouldn't give any
information to some of the other papers, not if you'd give me a new
hat!"

"When did you first take to scarecrowing?" asked John James.

"I've been in the business ever since I can remember.  In fact, I
have been told that I am a born Scarecrow.  My father was a Scarecrow
before me, so it may be hereditary.

"He was a good father to me," continued the Scarecrow his eyes
filling with tears at the remembrance of his aged parent.  "Never let
me lark about with other scarecrows of my age, always kept me
strictly to business.  He caught a chill one bitter night, and became
very ill, but, would he leave his post?"

The Scarecrow looked round fiercely as if he hoped someone might
contradict him.  "Would he leave his post?" he repeated severely, and
looked at the children so hard that Freda felt she ought to say
something, especially as this was her father's field.

"I don't suppose he would?" she ventured.

"Not he," snapped the Scarecrow, "and what is more, no member of our
family ever has left his post."

"Perhaps you would tell us how you came to lose your leg!" asked John
James trying to change the conversation.

"That was a great blow to me," said the Scarecrow sorrowfully.  "It
was the beginning of the end, for I shall not last much longer now.
I used to be as strong and hearty a Scarecrow as you would find in a
day's march, now I am eaten up with rheumatism, and find it a hard
matter to stand out here in these rough winds at all.  They are
almost enough to blow one off one's legs--I mean one's leg.

"Well, one day there were a number of pigeons stealing the corn quite
close to me.  I had been awake nearly all night, and was just having
a snooze, so didn't know they were there, when--_bang!_ I woke with a
start and a stinging pain in my leg, and there stood Mr. Morris with
a smoking gun in his hand.  In firing at the thieves he had
accidently shot me in the leg.  I was removed to the Wood Limbo
Hospital, where it was found necessary to amputate the limb above the
knee.

"It was rather hard on me," he continued after a pause.  "I lost a
leg, but down at the house they had pigeon pie."

"I am sure father would be sorry if he knew," began Freda, but the
Scarecrow did not hear her; he was clearing his voice by giving a
series of tremendous "Ahems."

"Too much talking makes me worse," he gasped.

"Then I think we had better go now," said Gladys, "and we will come
and see you again soon.  You have talked quite enough for the
present."

A whole week went by, and the children had apparently forgotten all
about their visit to the Scarecrow, but they were suddenly reminded
by John James.  He had been lying on the sofa, with his legs sticking
in the air.  A very undignified attitude--so the children
thought--for the Editor of _The Golliwog News_.  While they were
watching him, he got on his feet and began to rub his eyes.

"Silly old thing, pretending you have been asleep," said Gladys
scornfully.

John James frowned.

"I've got an inquest to attend at three o'clock," he said.

"Well, it's after three now," Gladys told him.

"I'm off, then," he shouted, rushing out of the room.

Of course they all followed him, tearing along like mad things, while
John James led the way to Farmer Morris' field.

"We're in time," he gasped breathlessly, as they reached the large
wooden gate.

"They are just swearing in the jury."

Our young friends were all eyes at once.  They looked across and saw
the poor old Scarecrow was lying on the ground, and twelve black
crows, forming the jury, were arranged in a ring round him.  When
they reached the spot the foreman had just been elected, and the
Coroner, a wise-looking old Hawk, was perched on a tree stump where
he could keep his eye on the prostrate Scarecrow.  The children
hastily found seats just behind the jury, where they could get a
splendid view of the whole proceedings.

The first witness called was Mr. Peter Bunney, who nodded and smiled
at Gladys.  He had first discovered the death of the Scarecrow.  He
said he was crossing the field late on the previous night, on his way
to a cabbage patch on the other side, when he thought he heard
singing.  Believing it to be some friends of his returning from a
little party, witness went nearer, and on putting up his ear-trumpet,
discovered that the sound he had heard was the Scarecrow's violent
coughing.

The poor old fellow's hat, Mr. Peter Bunney proceeded to state, was
blown off by a gust of wind.  Witness attempted to chase it, but
without success.  Then another blast of wind, more furious than the
last, bowled the Scarecrow completely over.  He made no effort to
rise, and witness, after trying hard to assist him, placed his
ear-trumpet near the Scarecrow's heart and listened intently.  He
could hear no sound and was therefore forced to the conclusion that
their friend had breathed his last.

The next witness was Mr. Robin, who said he had spent a great deal of
time in the vicinity of the Scarecrow during the last few days, and
that he was not surprised to find the old chap "off his perch" that
morning.  He had had frequent conversations with the Scarecrow and
noticed that he had lately become very "touchy," which witness
attributed to advancing age.

Questioned by the Coroner, Mr. Robin admitted threatening to build a
nest in the Scarecrow's hat, but explained that he had no serious
intention of doing so, because his wife was terribly afraid of
deceased and would on no account go near him.

"Did he appear alarmed by your remark?" asked the foreman of the jury.

"He did," replied the Robin, "but as I considered him feeble-minded I
thought no more about it."

Doctor Drake then said that in his opinion deceased had been
suffering from the "flu."  He ought not to have been out on such a
night as that upon which he met his death, but it was common
knowledge that these Scarecrows were very much devoted to their
employers, and could on no account be prevailed upon to leave their
posts.

The jury then retired to a corner of the field to consider their
verdict.  It took them a very long time, and the children had begun
to fidget a little.  Tommy had screwed up his mouth ready to whistle,
when quite suddenly he unscrewed it.

He nudged Gladys and Freda, who were sitting on either side of him.

"Look at the Scarecrow," he whispered.

The little girls did so, and to their intense surprise they
distinctly saw him wink.  There could be no mistake about it, for
while they were still looking, he did it again.

"I don't believe he's dead at all," said Gladys softly.

"He's as right as ninepence, the artful old beggar!" said Tommy, and
he was about to attract the attention of the Coroner, when the
Scarecrow frowned, and shook his head, as if entreating him to be
silent.

In a few minutes the jury returned in a talkative and jovial mood.
One of them hummed a little tune, and looked contemptuously at the
prostrate figure.  Evidently they were all very pleased to think that
they were now free to come and go in Farmer Morris' field just as
much as they liked.

"Now we shall see some fun," remarked Tommy, as the foreman of the
jury rose to deliver the verdict.

"We rejoice to find," he began, giving the Scarecrow a vicious little
peck, "that our deceased--er--friend----"

But he got no further, for suddenly the Scarecrow rose, stood on his
leg, and surveyed the Coroner and jury with a solemn eye.

For a moment they were too much amazed to move.  Then, with a
tremendous flutter, and a series of terrified squawks, they all flew
away, without leaving so much as a feather behind them.




CHAPTER VII.

  Relates how naughty Spottikins
    Had caught a cheeky Sparrow,
  Who told some very wondrous tales,
    About a bow and arrow.
  How Gladys, Tom, and Freda liked
    His stories gay and witty,
  So on the G. and T.B.R.
    They went to Birdland City.



CHAPTER VII.

BIRDLAND CITY.

"You are a wicked, cruel cat!" shrieked Gladys, breathlessly, chasing
Spottikins round and round the garden, and in and out amongst the
gooseberry bushes.

"A nasty, vicious, greedy horrid thing, to catch a poor little bird,
and then purr as if you'd done something clever!  Oh--oh--I've got
you at last!"

She thumped Spottikins on the back, till she opened her mouth and a
small brown bird fell out of it.

Spottikins spat at Gladys--she really did.  And then she walked off
with her fur bristling and her tail in the air, while Gladys picked
up the poor little Sparrow and took him into the nursery.

She made him a bed with an old shawl, and stroked his soft throat,
for it was wet where Spottikins had held him.

"She nearly choked the breath out of you," said Gladys, touching one
tiny claw.  "And how dreadfully afraid you must have been!--What?"

She started back, for the claw suddenly fastened round her finger,
and the little bird perched himself on her wrist.  He looked at her
sideways with his bright little eyes.

"I'm not afraid of anything," he chirped, and he began to preen his
feathers.

"Not afraid of anything?" repeated Gladys.

"No," continued the Sparrow.  "It doesn't do to be afraid.  Why, I
get pecked to death every night of my life," he said with emphasis,
gazing at Gladys the while in order to see what effect his words had
upon her.

"Pecked to death every night of life!" repeated Gladys.  "That's
silly.  You couldn't be."

The Sparrow chuckled wickedly.

"I was last night, anyway," he said.  Gladys looked at him severely
for a moment or two, then she said:

"That's worse than silly.  It's not true.  Because if you had been
pecked to death, you wouldn't be alive now, would he, Freda?"

"Of course not," said Freda gravely.  "You would be dead, you see."

"Oh, but I shouldn't," argued the Sparrow.

"Yes, you would," answered Gladys.

"I shouldn't."

"You would."

"Shouldn't."

Gladys was getting angry, when Tommy came bounding into the room.
Immediately she appealed to him.

"Tommy, if a--a--person, I mean a bird,--got pecked to death,
wouldn't he be dead now?"

"That's easy," said Tommy.  "Of course he would.  Why?"

"Well, this sparrow says he gets pecked to death every night and yet
he isn't dead."

Tommy surveyed the Sparrow with interest.

"I say, that's a little too tall," he remarked.

The Sparrow, who had now finished preening his feathers, began to
laugh in an aggravating manner.

"Well," he said at last between his chuckles, "I'm an actor, and
that's my part, you know.  I'm the villain, and they peck me to
death.  See?"

"Why couldn't you say so before," said Gladys crossly, "instead of
talking in that silly way.  I wish Spottikins had eaten you.  Yes, I
do."

"Here, shut up!" whispered Tommy in her ear.  "Perhaps he will tell
us something about the play and all that, you know."

Then aloud to the Sparrow, he said:

"We should very much like to see you act your part.  Will you tell us
where you are appearing just now?"

"Why, don't you know?" asked the Sparrow.  "At the Hall-in-the-Wood,
of course, the most magnificent edifice in Birdland City, and we get
a full house every night, now that Cock Robin is on."

"Cock Robin, is it?" cried Freda.  "Oh, how I should like to see him!
Robins are such dear little birds."

"I can't say I care much for this one," said the Sparrow trying to
reach a ruffle at the very back of his neck.  "He's such a proud
little beggar, and gives himself dreadful airs, just because they
applaud so when he comes on the stage."

"How far is it to Birdland City?" asked Tommy in a business-like
voice.

"As far again as a half," replied the Sparrow, hopping to the window
sill.

"Oh, stop!--do stop just a minute!" cried Gladys suddenly.  "I
rescued you from Spottikins, you know I did.  Won't you tell us how
we can get to the Hall-in-the-Wood?"

"Can't stop.  Rehearsal at twelve.  Here, you can have these; come,
if you can," and out flew the Sparrow through the window, while the
children gazed after him open-mouthed.

Tommy was the first to recover himself.

"He threw something on the floor," he said, stooping to see what it
was.

"Why, it's three tickets for the play to-night!" exclaimed Freda.
"Look, Gladys, front seats too."

She held up three brown leaves, which had printed on them:

  HALL-IN-THE-WOOD.
  WHO KILLED COCK ROBIN?

  To-night at eight.
  Front Seats.  Early Doors.


"We must go," cried Gladys.  "Where's John James?"

"Here I am," replied the Golliwog, "What is it?  Where are you going?"

"To Birdland City to see Cock Robin.  Do you know the way, John
James?  Oh, dear, we haven't got a ticket for you.  What ever shall
we do?"

John James grinned.

"I can get in without one," he said.  "They'll be only too glad to
get a notice in the _News_.  And I'll tell you what, we might get
there early, and I'll go round to the back and interview Cock Robin,
and a few of 'em while they're making up."

"Oh, John James, how splendid!" cried Gladys, hugging him, "You do
think of lovely things."

"Don't kiss the paint off my nose," said John James disengaging
himself.  "I must look as well as possible to-night.  I shall try to
interview the Dove if I can, and she's a very particular person
indeed."

  _Who'll be chief mourner?
      I, said the Dove,
      For I mourn for my love.
  I'll be chief mourner._


"Is that the one you mean?" asked Freda.

"The same," said John James, "and a prettier little piece of goods I
never saw."

"You don't like her better than me, do you?" asked Gladys anxiously.

John James got out his note book.

"We'd better be off," he said, "or we shan't be in time."  And they
started off on the Golliwog and Teddy Bear Railway, before Gladys had
time to notice that he had not answered her question.

When they got out at Birdland City, they saw a board fixed in a
chestnut tree with these words on it:

"This way to the Hall-in-the-Wood," and a bird's claw pointed towards
the right direction.

"Right-oh," said Tommy striding along, and by and by they saw the
twinkling of lights in the distance, a strange building loomed up
before them, and the next minute they stood outside the
Hall-in-the-Wood.

It was very curiously fashioned, something like a huge tree, with
many wide spreading branches, where the audience could perch
comfortably.  Although it was so early, a number of birds had already
assembled, and formed a long queue outside, waiting impatiently to be
let in.  As the tickets which our friends now presented were for
admittance by "early doors," they were shown to their places without
any delay by an obsequious Chaffinch.

"I'll go round to the Green Room," whispered John James, and off he
went to the door at the back of the Hall, intent upon interviewing
Cock Robin.

He found that gentleman in a daintily furnished apartment,
upholstered in soft green moss.

"So you want to interview me, do you?" said the Robin
condescendingly, as the Golliwog was shown in.

"If you could spare me five minutes," replied John James.

"What paper do you represent?" enquired the Robin, as he put an extra
dash of colour on his scarlet breast, and then rubbed it off again.

John James presented his card.

"Hum!--_The Golliwog News_!"  The Robin was visibly pleased.  "Well,
you can ask me a few questions if you like," he said.

"Could you tell me anything interesting about your early days?" asked
John James sharpening his pencil.

The Robin considered.

"My ancestors were all highly respectable people," he said, "and all
of them possessed the dramatic instinct.  My great grandfather was
one of the original Robins who placed dead leaves over the Babes in
the Wood.  It was in this very wood, too, and not one hundred yards
from this very Hall.  But that, of course, was years before this
place was built."

"I must make a special note of that," said John James.

"I have taken the part of Cock Robin for over three hundred nights,"
continued the vain little bird, "and received tremendous applause
every time.  I don't want to sing my own praises, but I may venture
to say--and of course you need not put this in the paper, unless you
particularly wish to do so--that I am the most popular person in this
piece.  In fact," he continued, in a low voice, "I am the chief
attraction."

"I quite agree with you," said John James suavely, writing rapidly.

"I suppose," he added, "that the other members of the company admire
and envy your histrionic powers?"

The Robin coughed, and surveyed himself in a large swinging mirror.

"Well, between you and me," he began confidentially, "they are all
jealous of my popularity, especially the Sparrow, whose very minor
part is as much as he can manage.  I have heard on excellent
authority----"

Here a noise outside interrupted the Robin's flow of eloquence.  A
rustle, rustle, as of a lady's silk petticoat, was heard in the
passage and a loud banging of doors sent a sudden draught through the
Hall-in-the-Wood.  The door handle was turned, and as John James
looked up, a beautifully plumed grey Dove burst into the Robin's
private dressing-room.

When she saw the Robin she laughed immoderately.

"Oh, dear!  I _am_ so sorry!" she cried, giggling very much, and
trying to stuff her handkerchief into her beak.  "So stupid of me.
Hee-hee-hee.  Forgive me, Mr. Robin, I opened the wrong door by
accident.  Ho-ho-ho.  You _do_ look smart.  And who is the gentleman
with the note book?  A newspaper man?  Well, well!  Come and see me
when you've finished here, and I'll tell you something to put in the
paper.  Goodbye."

She rustled out again, banged the door behind her, and as she went to
her own room they could distinctly hear her faint "Hee-hee," and then
in shrill tones: "My dear, such a joke!  I went into that _horrid_
Robin's room by accident, and----"

"Just like her!" cried the Robin wrathfully, when the last sound of
her voice had died away.

"She's always doing things like that.  Well, you'll have to excuse me
now, Mr. Golliwog, or I shan't be ready when the curtain rises."

John James hurried away, and found the Dove without much difficulty.
A Wren was standing on a chair dropping something into her eyes to
make them look large and mournful.  As John James was announced, she
was so startled that she tipped the bottle and the fluid ran all over
the Dove's feathers and down on to the floor.

"Careless thing!" said the Dove laughing, and giving the little Wren
a playful peck.

"Now you'd better wipe it up.  Be off, and fetch Mr. Robin's silk
neckerchief--that will do nicely."

Then she turned to John James.

"I like worrying Mr. Robin," she remarked with a charming smile.  "He
is so proud of his fancied popularity.  And really, everyone knows
that he has nothing to do, only to lie still and be carried about in
a starch box.  Now, my part requires genuine skill.  Emotional, you
see.  So difficult to manage one's voice."

"Have you been acting this part long?" asked John James, trying to
keep her strictly to the business in hand.

The Dove shut her eyes.

"Not very long.  I am still so young you see.  It seems only the
other day that mamma said to me----"

"May I ask what is your favourite recreation?" said John James.

"Walking, I think," was the reply, "with plenty of people looking on,
you know.  But I can't keep it up very long.  I get such a stiff
neck."

"I've made a note of that," said John James.  "And your favourite
dish?"

"Green peas."

"And may I enquire," continued John James suavely, "what is your
favourite flower?"

"Orange blossom," sighed the Dove coyly.  "So white, so pure, so
inno----"

"Yes--and what tooth-powder do you use?"

"Powdered gravel," she said; "it loosens the tongue and aids
conversation."

"And what toilet soap do you most affect?" said the Golliwog, still
writing busily.

"Lick-lick, of course.  It is simply delightful!  I recommended it to
Mr. Owl the other day and now he wouldn't be without it for worlds.
He tells me that sometimes when he is hungry, he simply makes a
lather of lick-lick and bathes in it.  He finds it quite a tonic."

"Thank you," said John James.  "We must let Mr. Purr-Catt know that."

"Don't mention him!" exclaimed the Dove, ringing hastily for the
Wren.  "His very name makes my head ache."

There was no time for further conversation, as the curtain was timed
to rise in a very few minutes; so John James bade a hurried farewell
to Miss Dove, who seemed quite affected at parting with such a
pleasant fellow.

Hurrying back to Gladys and her friends John James had to follow
behind three old lady Owls who wore cobwebs tied over their heads.
They all glanced reproachfully at Gladys, Tommy and Freda, and one
remarked to the other that there seemed hardly room for a body to
perch.

"We do seem to take up rather a lot of room," said Gladys, but John
James only laughed and told her to sit as tight as she could or
someone else might get her place.

Birds were now rapidly arriving from all quarters, many of them in
evening dress, and there was a good deal of stir and flutter while
they were arranging themselves in their places.

"You're on my twig!" said a shrill, sharp voice suddenly, and,
looking round, our little party was confronted by an important
looking Blue Titmouse in a mustard coloured waistcoat.

The children apologised in chorus, and moved further along the branch.

"I've perched here every night since the Hall was opened," said the
new-comer slightly mollified, "and it's very annoying indeed when
other people take it.  Ah, the orchestra is just beginning.  I
thought I wasn't late."

Gladys, Tommy and Freda jail looked in the direction indicated, and
for a few minutes they were unable to take their eyes off these truly
wonderful musicians.

There were a dozen Bantam Cocks scraping on violins, and an equal
number of smart Cockerels, with bulging eyes and puffed-out cheeks,
behind as many silver cornets.  Then, slightly elevated, sat a row of
fat Turkeys with crimson wattles, playing enormous 'cellos, and
punctuating the music with gobble--gobble--gobbles.  Behind them
stood a number of Peacocks, piping tunefully on Clarionettes.  Their
tails were outspread and formed a brilliant background.

At the piano sat an affected Goose, who appeared to be somewhat too
large for the music stool.  She was deeply interested in her own
reflection, which shone in the polished piano case, and continually
arranged the feathers at her throat.

A Parrot with bright green plumage worked himself into a perfect
fury, trying, with his trombone, to drown the sound of bagpipes,
which were played to a great nicety by a Flamingo dressed in a kilt
and wearing a tam-o'-shanter.

A very thin Stork stood upon one leg beating a huge drum with the
other, while the conductor, Herr von Pelican, stood solemnly in
front, beating time with his beak.

Upon all sides of the three children rose a murmur of bird-chatter,
which they thought very amusing.  The bird-gossip was something like
this:

"I should like to _kiss_ that sweet Cock Robin!"

"She's got the loveliest dress you ever saw.  Green shot with----"

"Take those dirty claws off my waistcoat!"

"I always scream when the arrow flies----"

"No, they haven't built a nest yet, but I heard the other day----"

"If you don't stop chirping this very minute, I shall take you out!"

"Mind my cobweb, or you'll drag it off my head!"

"Have you been to the Bazaar?  I am told things are going for a song!"

"Don't say I said so, but our neighbour Tim Jackdaw is losing all his
feathers----"

"My dear, imagine my horror!  I went into the kitchen and found a
policeman sitting at the table eating my best----"

The children did not hear what dainty the policeman was devouring,
for at that moment the curtain rose, and the performance began.




CHAPTER VIII.

  Here you meet an old friend in a different dress,
  But we think you will recognize, nevertheless,
  The story we all in our nurseries heard,
  A very old tale of a bad little bird.



CHAPTER VIII.

WHO KILLED COCK ROBIN.

Every member of that feathered audience looked with rapt attention
towards the stage, where a Sparrow and a Robin stood facing each
other in menacing attitudes.

  SPARROW, fiercely:
          _And so 'tis clear,
    There is no welcome for you here.
    Be off!  And never yet again
    Let me behold you in this lane._

  ROBIN, cheerfully:
    _Ha, ha!  Ha, ha!  Tra, la, la, la!_

  SPARROW, dancing with rage:
    Your senseless song enrages me!

  ROBIN, more cheerfully:
    _Don't listen, friend.  Tra la, la lee!_

  SPARROW, trembling with anger:
    _I'll find a way to silence that.
    I will, or else I'll eat my hat!
    Such insolence I never heard--
    You are a most outrageous bird.
    I'll go, but we shall meet once more._

  ROBIN, calmly:
    _Had you not better go before
    Your claws wear out?  You seem excited,
    Or I should now be most delighted
    To sing to you a little ditty.
    You cannot stay?  Ah, what a pity!_

As the Sparrow turned away, he shook his claw at the Robin, who,
perching on a lilac tree, began to sing:


      _I know a fellow,
      Such a funny fellow,
    Never knew him jolly, never yet.
      How he shrieks and chatters,
      Tearing things to tatters,
    I shall never nevermore forget!
      Why, a vegetable marrow
      Has more brains than Mr. Sparrow,
  And his singing!--well, I know it for a fact,
     When once to sing he tried,
     All the birdies far and wide,
     Had to stuff their ears quite full
     Of the softest cotton wool,
  For his voice was like a penny whistle--cracked!_


Just as the Robin finished his song, the Sparrow, armed with a bow
and arrow, crept up behind him, muttering:

    _I'll shoot so steadily and true,
    I fancy this will settle you._


And taking careful aim, he shot at the Robin, who fell, quivered for
a moment, then, attempting to rise, gasped feebly:

    _A craven's trick!  He takes to flight!
    I'll beat him yet in open fight._


He then made a further attempt to rise, but fell back, while the
Sparrow, disappearing, remarked in a low voice:

    _'Tis done!  And no one saw the deed._


But he was mistaken, for a Bluebottle had watched the whole affair
from the top of the lilac tree, and flying down beside the Robin he
said:

    _We'll catch him yet, for all his speed._


A Starling, dressed as a policeman then entered.

  BLUEBOTTLE FLY, buzzing angrily:
    _Ho, there!  Why, here's a nice to-do!
    A pretty constable are you!
    An idle loon, a careless lout.
    Don't loiter there.  Shout, fellow, shout!_


The Starling immediately blew his whistle and other policemen rushed
in, accompanied by quite a mob of birds.  They raised Cock Robin's
head, and tried artificial respiration, but without effect.

  FIRST STARLING:
    _Go, one of you for Doctor Drake,
    Not for a quack--make no mistake._
  Voices from the mob:
    _I'll go for him.
                          And I.
                                  And I._

  STARLING, calling after them as they disappear:

    _I saw him on the pond hard by,
    An hour ago, and talked with him
    The while he took his morning swim.
    Go there, and if you find him not,
    Search underneath the pigeon cote,
    And in the barn and round about--_

  Voice from the mob:
    _And let his mother know he's out!_

  STARLING, brandishing his truncheon:
    _Be silent, sirrah, or I'll whack
    You, on your idiotic back._

  FIRST STARLING, sorrowfully:
    _Somehow, 'twas always my belief
    That yon poor bird would come to grief,
    But not with such a fearful death._

  A WREN:
    _A nobler fellow ne'er drew breath.
    Once on a cold December day,
    I saw him give a worm away;
    A mangled worm, he could not eat--
    Such kindness it were hard to beat.
    He will be missed.  We'll never see
    Another such a bird as he._

  A RAVEN, aside:
    _How queer, that now poor Rob is dead,
    These very pleasant things are said.
    'Tis strange, when only yesterday
    He was a "wretch," a "popinjay."
    A "vicious bird," and "quarrelsome,"
    But now--why, every mouth is dumb
    Except in praising him!_

  Aloud: _I see
    Good Doctor Drake comes hastily._


The Doctor now hurried in, attired in a white waistcoat, and wearing
a gold watch and chain.  He bent over Cock Robin and felt his pulse.

  FIRST STARLING:
    _Ah, the good Doctor shakes his head!_

  DOCTOR DRAKE:
    _Yes, friends, the poor, dear bird is dead._


At this point, the Sparrow rushed in, with eyes starting out of his
head, and stooping over the Robin, cried in an agitated voice:

    _What's this I hear?  My dear, dear friend
    Cock Robin!  Oh, is this the end
    Of all our pleasant times together?_

Looking round at the crowd, he began to sob:

    _I loved him, friends, loved every feather
    In his dear breast.  And now--and now._


He would have said more, but the Bluebottle Fly, pushing his way to
the front of the crowd, shouted:

    _The lying traitor!  Hear me how,
    I saw him with his bow and arrow
    Kill poor Cock Robin!  Treacherous Sparrow,
    Your deed is known.  Seize him, my men,
    And let him ne'er escape again!_


Three Starlings at once seized the Sparrow and led him away.  Three
other Starlings carried Cock Robin in a starch box, and they all
marched off the stage followed by Doctor Drake, the Bluebottle Fly,
and the mob, everyone singing dolefully the following dirge:

    _Poor Cock Robin is surely dead.
      Dead as a door nail, he.
    Shot with an arrow right through the head,
      Under the lilac tree._

    _Poor Cock Robin!  He fought us all,
      Danced in his warlike glee.
    From early morn until evening fall,
      Under the lilac tree._

    _Poor Cock Robin is dead as bone.
      King of warriors he!
    And to his name we'll raise a stone
      Under the lilac tree._


Then the curtain fell, for the first scene was over.

The children each drew a long breath.

"Oh, wasn't it lovely!" sighed Gladys.  "I could listen all night."

"Those old ladies are wiping their eyes," whispered Tommy.  "Crazy
old Owls!  There's nothing to cry about."

"Hush!" said Freda.  "They'll hear you."

And evidently, one of them--a sad-looking Owl with
spectacles--actually did, for she put up both claws and adjusted her
cobweb which had got pushed to one side, and looking round, tried to
appear as if she had not been weeping.

"That wicked Sparrow!" sobbed the young Wren, who was just behind.
"I should like to peck him."

"But it isn't true, you know," said Gladys turning round and looking
at her solemnly.  "It is only a play, and Cock Robin is as much alive
as you are."

"I know," said the Wren, "I know it quite well, but I cry like this
every night.  It's my tender heart, the least little thing----  Oh,
here come the refreshments!"

She dried her tears very quickly, and beckoned to a Magpie who was
carrying round a tray of eatables.

Gladys felt rather pleased too, for she thought that she could enjoy
a chocolate.

"A packet of dried flies, please," said the Wren quickly, holding out
her claw when the Magpie arrived.

"I want----" began Gladys, and then she stopped, for she discovered
that there was nothing on the tray but bits of groundsel, little
dishes of bird-seed, packets of flies, and a few snails done up in
silver paper.

"What a sell!" cried Tommy, as the Magpie hopped away to supply a
Thrush.  "Never mind, I've got some butter-scotch."

"Where is it?" asked Freda.  "Give me a bit, please."

Tommy hesitated.

"It's in my pocket," he said, "but it won't come out.  Let's all pull
together, and perhaps it will."

The three children tugged with all their might, and the butter-scotch
was persuaded to sever its connection with Tommy's coat.  He broke
the sticky lump into three pieces, and they each sucked steadily.

"The curtain's going up for the second act," whispered the Wren, with
her mouth full of flies.

The scene revealed was the corner of a wood, where stood a great oak,
crowded on every branch with all kinds of birds, screaming, and
chattering, and flapping their wings.  Suddenly there was silence as
Mr. Justice Hawk entered, and said haughtily to two Starlings:

    _Mind, fellows, now what you're about;
    Make haste and bring the prisoner out._

  STARLINGS, hastily dragging in the Sparrow:
    He's here my lord.

  HAWK: _Hum!  Ha!  'Tis well._
    _Now, villain, speak.  I pray you tell
    Who killed Cock Robin?_

SPARROW, boldly, shaking his claw-cuffs:
                              _I--I--I!
    D'you want to know the reason why?
    He stole the crumbs the children spread
    For me and mine.  He also said
    My voice was cracked.  He took the site
    In yonder hawthorn blossom white,
    That I had chosen for a nest.
    He made himself a perfect pest,
    Till I was weary of my life.
    He made grimaces at my wife!
    And so I shot him, and rejoice
    That I shall never hear his voice----_

  HAWK, interrupting him, with a horrified exclamation:
    _Bloodthirsty wretch!  Ah, vicious bird!
    Your wicked tale we all have heard.
    And that poor Rob is truly dead,
    Slain by an arrow, as you said,
    We cannot doubt.  Yet 'tis for me
    To ask of this vast company,
    Did anybody see him die?_


The Bluebottle Fly, who was quite overawed by Mr. Justice Hawk,
stammered badly, as he said:

    _I did, m-m-my lord.  With my-my-eye._

  HAWK, impatiently:
    _Well, what of that?  We don't suppose
    You could have seen him with your nose._


At this, there was loud laughter in the court, which was speedily
suppressed, as Judge Hawk turned to the Sparrow again:

    _And all that now remains to do,
    Is just to deal--vile wretch!--with you.
    You're sentenced to be pecked to death,
    Till you shall drop for want of breath._


The Starlings then released their prisoner who fluttered away,
followed by the whole court, all calling and screaming and trying to
peck him.  Presently they returned without him.  The Hawk resumed his
seat, and addressed the court as follows:

    _Now, gentlemen, it is for us
    Without unnecessary fuss,
    To see that our lamented friend
    Who met with such a grievous end,
    Is well and honourable interred
    As shall become a noble bird.
    And since of kin he is bereft,
    And has no near relations left,
    Because--ahem!--He fought them all._


  Voice from the mob:
    _Good old Cock Robin!_

  HAWK, looking round angrily:
                    _I must call
    On you for aid.  And first I ask,
    Who'll be chief mourner?_


In response to this appeal, a grey Dove pressed forward weeping, and
said:

                        _I, my lord,
    I weep, sir, at the simplest word.
    I'll gladly mourn for poor Cock Robin._

  HAWK, kindly:
    _My dear good madam, cease your sobbing._

  THE DOVE:
    _I can't, my lord.  I weep in flight,
    And in the middle of the night.
    Weep at a frown, or at a kiss,
    Or at important times like this.
    I weep in March, and weep in June,
    And at the changes of the moon.
    When leaves are green, and leaves are falling.
    My laundry bill is most appalling.
    And not the least of all my griefs,
    I lose so many handkerchiefs._


The Dove walked away, still sobbing, and the Hawk looked after her,
remarking absently:

    _Poor thing!  So pretty too!  And young!_

  A PIGEON:
    _Bold hussey!  With her smooth false tongue!_

  HAWK, turning to the court:
    _Who'll dig the grave?_


Six Owls then marched in, carrying spades and trowels, and arranging
themselves in a semi-circle, they sang in chorus, blinking violently
to the music:

    _We will quickly dig a grave,
    For the Robin bold and brave.
    Line it with the softest moss,
    Strew forget-me-nots across._

    _Plant sweet roses o'er his head--
    Roses white, and roses red.
    All without reward or fee,
    Just in loving memory._

  HAWK:
    _That's settled, then.  Now, stir your stumps,
    Before I get the doleful dumps._

Exit Owls.


Then to the court he said:

    _But which of you will be the clerk?_

  A LARK replied:
    _I will, if it's not after dark._

  HAWK:
    _Who'll carry Robin to his rest?_

  A KITE:
    _I will.  But daylight suits me best._

  HAWK:
    _That's all, I think?  Why, no!  Well, well,
    I had forgot!  Who'll toll the bell?_


Now a Bull thrust in his head from the back of the stage, and
bellowed at the top of his voice:

    _I will, my lord!_

  HAWK, doubtfully:
    _But can you pull?_

  BULL, looking injured:
    _Now, do I look a sickly bull?
    Last time--well, just to show my power,
    I dragged the bell out of the tower,
    And broke the rope, and smashed the door,
    Which made the mourners weep the more.
    In fact, I nearly killed them all.
    It was a splendid funeral!_

HAWK, rising:
  _Well, now we start.  I trust those Owls
  Have nimbly plied their spades and trowels._


The curtain fell, as the procession, headed by the Hawk, left the
stage.  But the play was not quite over, for almost immediately the
curtain rose once more, revealing the birds standing in tableau round
the Robin's grave, singing softly and mournfully the closing chorus:

    _Lay him under the lilac tree,
    'Neath the twig where he loved to be.
    Trilling loudly his cheery song,
    Morn by morn all the winter long.
    Silent now, for he takes his rest.
    Poor little bird with the scarlet breast!_

    _Nevermore, when the sweet Spring stirs,
    Will he hunt for worms in the chestnut burrs.
    Nevermore will the snails hard by,
    Hide away from his bold bright eye.
    Hark!  How his mate calls to her dear,
    Bui poor Cock Robin will never hear.
    Never fashion a cosy nest--
    Poor little bird with the scarlet breast!_


The curtain fell for the last time, and with a great deal of
fluttering and commotion, the audience began to disperse.

"I'm glad Spottikins didn't eat the Sparrow, aren't you?" said Gladys.




CHAPTER IX.

  They saw the streets of old Fish Town
    So gaily decorated.
  While long for Father Neptune's car
    Among the crowd they waited.
  Rubbed shoulders 'mid the noise and fuss,
  With such a frisky Octopus!



CHAPTER IX.

VISIT TO FISH TOWN.

Tommy had gone to the fishmonger's shop with a message from his
mother.  Some fine-looking Lobsters were on the marble slab at the
door, with a large assortment of Oysters, Whiting and Cod, but there
was no one at all in the shop.

Tommy waited several minutes, making grimaces at the fishy smell,
when all at once he heard a sound remarkably like sobbing.  He looked
round and saw a large Cod, sitting up, crying bitterly, and trying to
wipe his eyes with his fins.

"Goodness gracious!  Whatever _is_ the matter?"

Tommy stuck his hands in his pockets and looked at the sorrowful
fish, who raised a watery eye to his face.

"I can't go to the fair," said the Cod.  "Oh, dear!  I've been caught
at last, and now I shan't be able to go to the fair.  I've never
missed it before, not since I was able to swim alone."

"Hard lines," said Tommy sympathetically.  "It isn't fair."

"Oh, but I assure you it is," contradicted the Codfish eagerly.  "And
a very special fair indeed, this time.  Father Neptune has consented
to visit Fish Town, and my b-brother is going to sing at the
b-banquet.  Oh-oh-oh! and the Mayor and Corporation--"

At this point the Cod sobbed dismally, and for a long time could not
be persuaded to say any more.

"Cheer up, old chap!" said Tommy; he could not think of anything else
to say.  "Perhaps some nice person will eat you--er-er-I mean----"

"Yes, yes, I understand," said the Cod, shaking a salt tear on to the
shelf beside him.  "Of course they might--you never know.  And there
might--it's just possible--be an account of my decease in _The
Golliwog News_, especially as my brother is to sing at the
banquet--you never know."

"Oh, I say," Tommy interrupted him, "do you know about _The Golliwog
News_?"

"It's the only newspaper circulating in Fish Town," replied the Cod,
"and my second cousin, who was caught in a net by a----"

"I shall go to Fish Town," said Tommy decidedly.  "I shall go to the
fair."

"Then if you see my brother----" began the Cod, tearfully.

"Go on," said Tommy; but there was no answer.  The Codfish lay
apparently lifeless among his comrades, and the fishmonger stood
before Tommy, asking what his pleasure might be that fine morning.

"Lobster!" said Tommy hurriedly.  "Send it up.  And jolly well stir
your stumps."  Then he rushed out of the shop, and was hurrying down
the road, when just at the corner he met Gladys and Freda and John
James.

"Where's _The Golliwog News_?" he cried.

John James took it out of his pocket.

"Fish Town!" gasped Tommy, quite out of breath with excitement.  "I'm
going--I mean we're all going to Fish Town.  Let me look at the time
table."

He seized the newspaper.

"Here we are!  Golliwog and Teddy Bear Railway.  Frogland--Kitten
Town--Birdland City--_Fish Town_.  H'm.  There's a royal visit going
on, and a fair, and all sorts of fun.  We musn't miss it.  Are you
going, John James?"

"Yes," replied the Golliwog.  "They have this fair every year, but
Father Neptune has never been to Fish Town before.  It is an
important event and I hear the royal procession will be a sight to
behold.  If we take the next train, we ought to get a good view, and
I _might_ be able to smuggle you in to the banquet."

[Illustration: "'HOW DO!' HE SAID PLEASANTLY, 'FINE DOINGS HERE,
TO-DAY.'"]

Off they started, and their train arrived about half an hour late,
but that was hardly to be wondered at in such circumstances, for the
number of travellers bound for Fish Town was enormous!

When they reached the main streets, the police--Mackerels dressed in
blue and silver uniforms--were just stopping the vehicular traffic.
A fat, perspiring Turbot, in charge of a Sea Horse drawing a cart
full of broken coral, was protesting noisily, and had to be led away
to the Fish Town gaol.

The three children and John James took their stand near a large
Octopus and some Lemon Soles.  As the latter could squeeze together
very closely, quite a number were accommodated in a small space.  But
the Octopus took up a great deal more than his share of room,
because, every now and then, he persisted in stretching all his arms
and legs at once, so naturally, there was a continual commotion among
the Soles.  Every few minutes a policeman came rushing up to see what
could be the matter.  On one of these occasions the said policeman
nodded to John James.

"How do?" he said pleasantly; "fine doings here to-day."

"Very," rejoined the Golliwog; "whole population turned out, hasn't
it?"

"Pretty near," said the gentleman in blue.  "Them Oysters ain't come
yet, I don't believe.  Gave me half a Nep, they did, to wake them and
get 'em out of bed in time to see the procession."

"Ask him where the fair is," whispered Freda.

The policeman stared at her curiously, thinking no doubt that she was
a strange kind of fish with which he was not acquainted?

"It's over yonder," he said, waving his fin; "and it starts when
Father Neptune has gone by, and lasts till it's time for the banquet."

"Fish Town is quite _en fête_," remarked Gladys with her most
grown-up manner.

"On what?" asked the policeman.  "It's on the job.  That's what it
is.  Now come, sir"--addressing the Octopus sternly--"we can't have
you stretching them arms of yours again, not till the show is over."

"Excuse me," he said to John James, "I see Miss Shrimp has just
fainted.  I must go and see about the ambulance."

"I hope I shan't faint," whispered a stout Lady-Lobster to a very
nicely dressed Crab.  "I think I must put up my parasol, I am so
afraid for my complexion.  My dear, whenever I am exposed to heat, I
go so red, you'd never believe."

She produced a green parasol, and held it jauntily aloft, while all
the fish in her vicinity were obliged to dodge and duck their heads,
for fear of having their eyes poked out.

Presently there were loud cries: "He's coming!"

Young Prawns kept darting out into the line of route, shouting, and
pretending to see the procession.

Every time they shouted, the crowd adjusted hats and bonnets, and
hoisted small fry on to their shoulders, but only to let them slide
down again the next minute.  At last, however, just as everyone's
patience was nearly exhausted, there was the sound of music in the
distance.  It came nearer--nearer, and then a detachment of Mounted
Plaice appeared in sight.

Oh, how excited the crowd became!  They leapt and danced, and some of
them dived into the drinking fountains, and out again.  They shouted
and sang, and when the Mounted Plaice--looking very solemn and fully
aware of their important position--actually passed by, the fish on
either side waved fins and tails, and gave them such an ovation that
royalty itself could ask no more.

Close upon the heels of the Mounted Plaice marched the band of the
First Battalion, Lobster Fusiliers, splendidly drilled, wearing
busbies and playing "King Neptune Rules the Waves."

"Rule!  King Neptune!" shouted the Octopus, and a strange medley of
voices took up the refrain:

  _King Neptune rules the waves;
    Good fish never--never--never
      shall be slaves._


Tommy threw his cap in the air and sang at the top of his voice, as
madly as any fish in that excited crowd, but under his breath he
whispered:

"Father Neptune is a silly old Goat.  Everybody knows it's Britannia
who rules the waves, and Britons who never will be slaves."

By this time the members of the band had passed our three friends,
but immediately after them followed a detachment of the same regiment
headed by "Fighting Lobbs," the fierce and military looking major.

The Lady Lobster with the parasol became greatly excited as these
splendid looking soldiers marched past, and then she suddenly
startled everyone by screaming shrilly:

"Shelliback--Shelliback!  Can't you see _me_.

"It's my son," she explained to anyone who would listen.

"Shelliback!  Shelliback!"

Here she made a desperate lunge with the parasol and knocked off the
busby of a pompous little corporal who marched by the side of the
last squad.  By the time he had rescued it, and brushed off the dust
with his fin, Shelliback had passed on, and the little corporal was
obliged to take to his heels and run to catch up with his brilliant
regiment.

There was loud laughter from the crowd, but this was speedily
suppressed as a squadron of Sword Fish, with drawn swords went by.

Then, very slowly and impressively, came Father Neptune's chariot
drawn by sixteen magnificent Sturgeons, with bells of pearl upon
their harness, and Sea Anemones behind their ears.

On either side of Father Neptune sat three beautiful Mermaids,
dressed in robes of sea-green and silver, and each of them carried a
brush and comb in a neat little bag in case her hair needed attention
on the way.

Father Neptune appeared to be a very benevolent old fellow.  He
smiled and bowed right and left in acknowledgment of the cheers of
the populace.  In fact he responded so heartily that several times
his crown slipped over one ear, and had to be adjusted by the
Mermaids.

The royal chariot was followed by the Walrus Dragoons (King Neptune's
Own) who looked amazingly fierce, as became their sovereign's
favourite regiment.

The Mayor of Fish Town, Mr. Solomon Seal, accompanied by the
Mayoress, occupied the carriage which came first after the Dragoons.

"There's that _dear_ Mr. Seal!" cried the Lady Lobster very loudly.
"He will surely be knighted, if only because of Solomon Seal's
Sanatorium, which he so recently endowed--and all with his own money."

"Did you know," she continued, turning to the Crab, "that my precious
Shelliback spent six months there and came out quite a new being?"

"Be quiet," replied the Crab testily.  "You keep stepping on my sore
claw, and your parasol is a perfect nuisance."

The Aldermen and Town Councillors came next, with many other members
of various offices, such as the Fish Town Bank, Post Office, and the
Manager of the Water Company, a very important personage indeed.

The Fish Town Fire Brigade now came in sight, their well polished
helmets gleaming splendidly as they passed, followed by the Fish
Societies, the first of which, the three children were much amused to
find, from the banner which they bore aloft, was the Independent
Order of Codfellows.

Now the Drum and Fife Band of the First Crab Guards marched past,
followed by a second detachment of Mounted Plaice, who brought up the
rear of this amazing procession.

Immediately upon their heels came a nondescript crew of students from
the Fish Town University.  They had joined hands across the street
and were singing and shouting "Long live old Father Nep!"

This, as may well be imagined, created a tremendous uproar, and all
the forces of law and order were taxed to their utmost.

When they had all passed, the Octopus gave a tremendous stretch,
which sent about a dozen Lemon Soles, the Lady Lobster with her
parasol, and the nicely dressed Crab, flying in all directions.

John James and the three children narrowly escaped being pushed
through a shop window, and when they had recovered their footing,
they found themselves being carried along by a steady stream of fish
which was drifting towards the Fish Town Mansion House.




CHAPTER X.

  Tells about the Fish Town fair,
  And the knighting of the Mayor.
  Tells about the banqueting,
  Where the Fish recite and sing.



CHAPTER X.

THE BANQUET.

"I vote," said Tommy, as John James led them down a side street to
escape the crowd, "that we go down to the fair.  We ought to have
plenty of time to look round, and still arrive at the Mansion House
in time to see the Mayor present the address.  Think what a long way
the procession has to go, and how very slowly it travels.  Let's go,
John James, I don't want to miss the fair."

"All right," said John James, "I don't mind."

"I liked the procession very well," remarked Gladys, as they hurried
along with all the speed they could, "but I thought we should have
seen the Sea Serpent in it.  I'm surprised he wasn't there.  Shall we
see him to-day, anywhere, John James?"

"Well," said John James, good naturedly "I'm not quite sure, but I
fancy he has a shop here, somewhere in this street.  I'm wanting a
pair of eye-glasses."

"You want eye-glasses, John James!" cried Gladys, bursting with
laughter.  "Why, you will look strange!  I don't believe they will
stop on your funny little nose."

"All editors wear eye-glasses, and I don't see why I shouldn't," said
John James stolidly.  "I shall get a pair.  Hullo!  Here's the very
place."

He stopped before a shop window full of spectacles, and looked in
while the children read the sign over the door.

  PROFESSOR SEE SERPENT.
  Optician.


"The shop won't be open to-day, will it?" said Tommy trying the door.

But the shop was open, so they all trooped in, and the Sea Serpent
bustled out from a room at the back and stood behind the counter
awaiting their pleasure.

He was a curious object.  He wore a green fancy waistcoat with yellow
spots, and all the time they were in the shop he was showing his
teeth in an expansive grin.

"Try them on!  Try them on!" he cried, bringing out a tray full of
spectacles and eye-glasses.  He fitted a pair on the Golliwog's nose,
and John James strutted about the shop trying to see himself in a
mirror which hung high above him on the wall.

The Sea Serpent was so very pleasant, he insisted that Gladys, Tom
and Freda should try on some spectacles as well, although they
assured him they had no intention of buying any.

"Never mind--never mind," said he.  "It may lead to custom in the
long run.  I keep a large stock of goods, and should be pleased to
supply you at any time.  You might take my card in case you forget
the address."

With a very low bow he handed them each a card, and Gladys murmured
that she would recommend him to her grandfather.

"Do--do," said the Sea Serpent eagerly, "I make grandfathers a
speciality."

"Have you chosen your glasses, sir?" he added turning to John James.
"You have?  Thank you."

He took them off the Golliwog's nose, polished them on his waistcoat,
and popped them inside a neat little case.

"Have you any grandparents, sir?" he enquired politely.

John James tucked his newly acquired treasure into his pocket.

"Yes," he said.  "One--grandmother--hundred years old this
week--reads _Golliwog News_ without glasses.  Good day, sir."

The Sea Serpent hastily wriggled over the counter to open the door
for them, and in bowing his adieus, he bent himself almost into a
hoop.  Looking back, they saw him still winding and unwinding himself
in an excess of politeness.

[Illustration: "THE LAST ITEM ON THE PROGRAMME WAS A HUMOROUS SONG BY
MR. MERRY CODFISH."]

"Silly old Goat!" said Tommy.  "Now let's go to the fair."

They had no difficulty in finding the spot where the fair was held,
but, naturally, they now had very little time to spare, and could
only look round at the principal items of amusement.

There were several roundabouts, with galloping sea lions, which, with
the swing-boats, were largely patronised by all the small fry.  There
were shooting galleries where stout, middle-aged papa fishes tried to
show their skill to admiring wives, who remarked at intervals:

"However _do_ you do it, dad?  I never saw such a fish!  You hit it
_nearly_ every time.  So you do, I declare!"

They caught sight of a few side shows--which Tommy longed to
visit--such as the Man-faced Fish, and the Bearded Salmon, but there
was no time for investigating either of these wonders.

Our young friends did, however, stand for a few minutes to listen to
a well-fed Pike, who was standing on a tub, and acting as a cheap
Jack.  He was selling all sorts of articles to a crowd of silly young
fish, chiefly Herrings and Prawns and a few Soles, who listened to
him with their mouths wide open, which, perhaps, helped them to
understand better what was being said.

"Now, here," cried the Cheap Jack, "is a pair of scales, honestly
worth half a Neptune.  I'll sell them for half that amount.  Five
pearls--five pearls!  Who'll buy this valuable pair of scales for
five pearls?  You won't?  Then I'm sorry for you.  I really am.  It's
a genuine bargain.  You'll be sorry for yourselves to-morrow.  You'll
say, 'I wish I had bought that pair of scales.'  Oh, yes, you will.
What's that I hear?  You wouldn't mind giving three pearls?  Well,
I'll sell them for three.  Just to oblige a lady.  Three
pearls--three pearls!  Well, two.  Come now--two.  You can't resist
two.  This splendid pair of scales going for two----"

Here, a portly Sole held out two pearls.

"You'll take them, madam?  Very good.  You have a bargain.  I ought
not to have sold them, and that's a fact."

The Pike now produced a bottle and a small glass.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he resumed, making a great show of measuring
a few drops out of a bottle and filling the glass up with
water--"ladies and gentlemen, I have here a very efficacious and
celebrated cough mixture of my own invention.  You may, ladies and
gentlemen, have noticed a slight huskiness in my voice--the result of
my--er--profession.  I will take a dose of my Seaweed Cough Juice,
and you will no doubt perceive a difference."

He drank the mixture, smacked his lips with evident appreciation,
glanced round at the crowd, and continued his discourse in a shrill
staccato voice.

"Does any fish within sound of my voice suffer with a cough--with
huskiness--asthma--bronchial troubles--shortness of breath--attacks
of indigestion--rheumatism--chilblains--sore fins--or loss of energy?
Let him step up here, and try my famous Seaweed Cough Juice.  First
dose free.  Bottle with measuring glass--one Neptune, and dirt cheap
at that.  Satisfaction guaranteed, or money refunded."

"Come now," he continued.  "I can hear a fish coughing.  There he is!
Very distressing--very.  Come, sir.  Come on, step up here beside me.
Help him up, some of you.  This is going to promote health and
prosperity in Fish Town.  Come along, sir.  Ah, that's right," he
remarked, as a very nervous looking Whiting, coughing violently, was
hoisted to the tub.

A dose of the Seaweed Juice was administered.  The Whiting choked and
spluttered, and was hurried out of the fair by his anxious mother.
The Cheap Jack immediately sold several bottles of the cough mixture.
Then he paused a moment before producing his next wonder.

"I have here," he said slowly, looking round at the crowd, which had
now increased considerably--"I have here, ladies and gentlemen"--and
he hauled something out of a bag--"a _Reformed Shark_!"

The crowd shuddered and began to edge further and further away.

"There is no need to fear," continued the Pike, unfastening a chain
which was round the Shark's neck.  "He is a reformed character, and
quite harmless.  He would make a splendid footman, and could buttle
if required.  I will sell him for two Neptunes--not a fraction less."

By degrees the crowd began to disperse backwards, keeping an anxious
eye on the Shark the while.

"What, no offers?" cried the Cheap Jack.  "Here, I'll take one
Neptune.  This fellow can work--cook--scrub--he can do anything.  He
could keep an office clean, or give assistance with bookkeeping.  He
is in splendid condition.  Good fins--good teeth--no trouble with a
dentist."

"Show your teeth, sirrah," he went on turning to the Shark.

The Shark opened his mouth slowly, and showed his long wicked looking
jaws.

"He is, as I said, a reformed character," went on the Cheap Jack--but
he spoke to empty air.  The crowd had taken to its heels--if fish
have heels--and ran, as it had surely never run before.

"Bit too previous for them," muttered the Pike, as he pushed the
Shark into his bag, along with the cough mixture and cheap jewellery.

"He was a very amusing sort of person," said Freda as they made a
wild scamper for the Mansion House, for, while they listened to the
Cheap Jack, time had flown.  However, in spite of their haste, they
were too late to get a sight of the Mayor presenting Father Neptune
with the freedom of Fish Town.  Although they pressed forward as much
as possible, they were still on the outskirts of the crowd, and could
see nothing.

Presently word was passed from one to another that Father Neptune had
asked one of the sword fish for a sword.

"The Mayor's kneeling on the pavement!" cried a Limpet, who had
climbed a lamp-post some weeks previously, to ensure getting a good
view.

"Father Neptune has given him a smack across the shoulder.  He's
getting up again, and he's Sir Solomon Seal.  Hooray!  Now they are
all going into the Mansion House."

As the crowd of fish gradually dispersed, our young friends, led by
the valiant Golliwog, managed to gain admittance to the banqueting
hall, where they were waved to their seats by a smart waiter, with a
serviette folded over his fin.

Father Neptune looked very benevolent, and the newly created
Knight-Mayor seemed beside himself with joy.  The Mayoress, chatting
excitedly, hob-nobbed with all the grandees of Fish Town, alluding
frequently to her husband as "_Sir_ Solomon," and remarking again and
again what a very happy day it had been.

Before all the guests were seated, Tommy, whose sharp ears were ever
on the alert, heard a whispering taking place between Father Neptune
and Sir Solomon Seal.

As they engaged in conversation, they frequently glanced in the
direction of the children and the smart little Golliwog.

"Did I understand you to say _The Golliwog News_?" whispered Father
Neptune.

"The Editor?  Dear me!  Give him a seat next to me, and put his
companions directly opposite."

Before the children had quite recovered from their surprise, an
officious looking waiter ushered them into the seats Father Neptune
had indicated, and the banquet began.

Poor Gladys' face was scarlet, and she positively trembled when she
saw her pet seated so close to the Sea Monarch, but John James
himself seemed in no wise perturbed.  He listened attentively to
Father Neptune's suggestion that all future copies of the Underseas
Edition of _The Golliwog News_ should be printed on waterproof.

"It shall be done, sire," he replied calmly, and went on sipping his
soup as though he were in the habit of conversing with royalty every
day in the week.

Immediately upon the conclusion of the luxurious banquet, Professor
Walruzzio delighted the company by playing selections from the
"Silvery Waves" on the grand piano, kindly lent by Messrs. Bleak and
Brill.  Herr Lobster contributed a violin solo, after which Miss
Shrimp gave a recitation entitled "The Lost Crab," which moved Father
Neptune and the Lady Mayoress to tears.

Following this, came a very clever exhibition of conjuring by
Professor Sea Serpent, whose dexterity and skill were truly
remarkable, and Sir Solomon was heard to whisper, that he hadn't "the
_faintest_ idea how it was done."  And this admission from so
distinguished a personage was a great surprise to everyone.

The last item on the programme was a humourous song by Mr. "Merry"
Codfish, the most celebrated entertainer in Father Neptune's
dominions.

His favourite song, "The Funniest Fish in the Sea" had gained for him
the title of "Merry" Codfish, and indeed, as he stood on the raised
platform at the end of the hall, bowing affably to the audience, our
young friends decided that never in all their lives had they seen a
merrier fellow than he.

Professor Walruzzio played a little tinkling prelude, and Mr. "Merry"
Codfish began.

  THE FUNNIEST FISH IN THE SEA.

  _One day, 'twas many years ago,
    A fisherman came by,
  And threw his nice seductive line
    To capture such as I.
  "Ha, ha!" I said and smelt the bait,
    "I fear I cannot stay,
  But not to disappoint you, sir,
    I'll eat, and swim away!"_

      _Oh!  I'm a very funny fish
      Such a funny finny fish,
        And a funnier never could be.
      I laugh and I smile,
      Do gymnastics the while,
        I'm the funniest fish in the sea!_

  _Then while I nibbled daintily,
    A Shark stole to my side.
  "What's that you're gobbling up so fast?"
    The greedy fellow cried.
  "Kind sir," said I,--and off I slipped---
    "Eat heartily I pray,"
  But as I spoke, the fisherman
    Did haul his prize away._

      _Oh!  I'm a very funny fish
      Such a funny finny fish,
        And a funnier never could be,
      I left the old Shark
      To fume in the dark,
        I'm the funniest fish in the sea!_

  _The Shark, he is a vicious rogue,
    No friend to you and me.
  It made me laugh to see him "caught"
    So very skilfully.
  And thus a double trick I played,
    Now, wasn't it a lark?
  The fisherman had wanted Cod,
    Instead, he got a Shark._

      _Oh!  I'm a very funny fish
      Such a funny finny fish,
        And a funnier never could be.
      You may laugh till you choke,
      At my last little joke,--
        I'm the funniest fish in the sea!_


All the fish applauded heartily.  To them it seemed an excellent joke
that their natural enemy, the Shark, was caught on a line.  And also
that the fisherman had managed to land a fish he could not possibly
eat.  Indeed, Mr. "Merry" Codfish may be said to have "brought down
the house."

There were loud calls for an encore, but the hour was growing late,
and when they had finished flapping, at a signal from the Mayor, the
whole company rose and rendered the Fishes' National Anthem, "Long
live Father Neptune."




CHAPTER XI.

  How poor John James couldn't stir a peg,
  Because he had such a bone in his leg.
  But Gladys and Tommy and Freda go,
  To see the Teddio-Golliwog Show.



CHAPTER XI.

AT THE EXHIBITION.

"I shan't be able to go," said John James, "and there's an end of it.
Ugh!  It's disgusting!"

"What's the matter with you?" asked Gladys.

The Golliwog knitted up his forehead, slid carefully off the table,
and sitting in one chair, put his feet in another.

"It's my leg," he said at last, nearly twisting his nose off with the
grimaces he made.

"Well," said Gladys impatiently, "what about it?  I can't see
anything the matter with it."

"I've got a _bone_ in it," said the Golliwog impressively, "and the
fact is, I can't go to the Exhibition."

"Oh, dear, you poor old thing!" cried Gladys; "couldn't Freda and
Tommy and I go without you!  Then you could rest your poor leg, and
perhaps the bone will come out."

"Well," said John James rather doubtfully, "will you promise to
remember all the really important things?"

"Of course!" said Gladys, tossing her head; "and I daresay if I
forget anything Tommy and Freda--why, there they are!  Now we can
tell them about it."

"Tell us what?" asked Tommy.

"Why, that John James has a bone in his leg, and we three are to go
without him to the Teddio-Golliwog Exhibition."

"And represent _The Golliwog News_," put in John James, getting out
his card case, and handing a card to Tommy, telling him at the same
time to present it at the gate of the Exhibition, or whenever he had
the least difficulty, and all would be well.

"I want to see the knick-knacks," began Freda, but John James
interrupted.

"You'll have to go by the G. and T.B. Underground.  I'll show you the
way," and he climbed out of the window and let himself down by the
water-shoot.

The three children followed him; they were not a bit afraid, and all
of them alighted exactly in front of the black telegraph pole.  It
was zuzzing even then, and had a peculiar tarry smell.  John James
put his ear to it and listened.

"It's all right," he said.  Then he looked up at the wires overhead,
and repeated this rhyme:

  "_Little Key, Little Key.
  Won't you tumble down to me?_"


The next minute a little golden key with a diamond in it dropped
right at their feet.

John James picked it up, fitted it into the pole, turned it, and a
tiny door flew open, showing a flight of iron steps inside, and a
board slanting downwards, which said:

  THIS WAY TO THE G.& T.B. UNDERGROUND.


"There you are," said the Golliwog.  "In you go.  Mind you bring back
all the news.  Here's the Key.  Take care of it."

He flung it down the steps after them, banged the door, and left them
to find their way in the dark.

"How horrid of him!" said Gladys.  "I suppose it's the bone in his
leg.  Jane gets it sometimes, and she's always cross then.  Isn't it
dark?  We shall never find that Key."

  "_Yes, you will, if you walk with care,
  It's lying now on the middle stair,_"

said a voice, a very soft gentle voice too.

"Who's that?" said Gladys.  "Freda where are you?  Tommy, I can't see
anything."

  "_Oh, never fear
  For I am still here,_"

continued the soft voice:

  "_And when we come to the middle stair
  I will remind you to pause just there._"


"Thank you very much, I'm sure," said poor Gladys, but she really was
horribly frightened.  She could hear Freda and Tommy talking and
laughing below her, and the hand that held hers was such a very
strange stiff hand.  The soft voice was strange too.  It was not only
that it spoke in rhyme, but it shot out the words in sudden jerks, as
if someone were pushing the speaker from behind.

  "_The step at last,
  Hold the Key fast,_"

said the voice again.

Gladys felt her foot grate against the Key, so she stooped and picked
it up.

  "_Here we are at the Underground,
  I hope that the Key is safe and sound,_"

said her companion.

"How she does keep on," muttered Gladys crossly, as she tied the Key
in a corner of her handkerchief.  Then as they stepped out on to a
brilliantly lighted platform, Gladys turned to see who it was,
holding her so firmly by the hand.  And, would you believe it--the
owner of the soft voice was a Wooden Doll?

She had a sensible face, with a little bit of colour on each cheek,
and a quantity of black hair smoothed over her ears.  She wore a neat
little bonnet, a nicely starched print dress, and she carried a brown
basket with a packet of sandwiches done up in white paper.

Before Gladys could speak, Tommy and Freda rushed up, asking where
ever she had been.

"Get into the train--get in--do get in!" shouted a funny little
Golliwog guard, rushing up and waving a green flag.

He bundled the children in first, then popped the Wooden Doll into
her basket with the sandwiches, and put her up in the rack, which was
provided for light articles only.  Then he slammed the door, and the
train started.

"Do help that poor lady down!" began Gladys, but the Doll seemed
quite unmoved by such strange treatment.  She stepped out of the
basket, slid down the window curtain, and sat herself by Freda with
her well starched skirts crackling.

During the journey she confided to the children that her name was
Selina Starchup, and that she was going to meet her husband at the
Exhibition.

"We are going to represent _The Golliwog News_," said Tommy,
producing John James' card.

The Wooden Doll's rosy face went quite white.

  "_I should not thus have calmly sat
  If I had even dreamed of that!_"

she gasped.

Then speaking very faintly and breathlessly, she told them that her
husband, who was well acquainted with the newspaper world, thought
_The Golliwog News_ the most wonderful, and by far the most literary
production in Golliwog Land.

She added that on one occasion her husband had actually sat near the
Editor, and considered it the greatest honour of his life that so
important a personage had actually spoken to him, and had
condescended to accept an acid drop.

She was so excited that when the train began to slow up she could
hardly wait for it to stop.  She hung out of the window, waving her
basket so wildly that the neat little packet of sandwiches would have
toppled out, and fallen under the train, had not a very fat,
good-tempered looking Doll rushed up and caught it in both hands.

"Caught out!" cried the new-comer joyously.  "Hullo, Selina!  Come
along, my dear.  The Exhibition is going full swing.  Are these young
people coming with you?"

The "young people" stared, for the wooden lady's husband was the very
identical Fat Doll who had taken his collar off at the Dolls'
Parliament, and said "Papa" and "Mamma."

  "_Hush, my dear!
  Your ways are so queer,_"

said his wife reprovingly, and then she told him that Gladys, Tommy,
and Freda had come to the Exhibition to represent _The Golliwog News_.

The Fat Doll jumped off his feet, he was so much surprised, and when
he came down again, he was some distance along the platform, where he
was joined by a tall thin gentleman who carried a Gladstone Bag.
These two engaged in a very earnest conversation for some minutes and
then approached the children.

"Allow me to shake hands," cried the new comer.  "You must--you
really must!  I'll take no refusal."

The little girls shook hands with him, but they could not help
giggling.  Tommy burst out laughing, a real ringing schoolboy laugh,
that made the other passengers on the platform look round to see what
it was all about.  The Fat Doll seemed puzzled, for he began feeling
round Tommy's waistcoat to see whether he had a string anywhere that
could be pulled to make him laugh again.

He fumbled and tickled Tommy so much that lie literally shrieked and
rolled with laughter.

"I say--that's enough!" he cried.  "Let me alone.  Oh, let go!--do!"

The Fat Doll looked at Tommy thoughtfully.

"It's not a string," he cried.  "It must be one of those which you
press.  I suppose I touched the spring by accident.  It's a very good
contrivance, any way."

While this was going on the tall thin gentleman had stood by, his
eyes twinkling with delight.

"I'm out for the day," he cried merrily as the little party moved on.
"Business is very slack just now.  So I'm taking a holiday."

"You look as if you needed it," said Gladys.  "You are so very thin.
You must work very hard, I fancy.  What do you do for your living?"

"I'm only a poor Dustman," he answered jovially, swinging his bag
round and round.

"Nonsense!" cried the children in chorus, laughing heartily.  "You
don't look a bit like a Dustman."

"Are you a comic entertainer, sir?" asked Tommy.  "I should think you
would be a splendid one."

"And all the children like you, don't they?" ventured little Freda,
who had taken such a fancy to him that she was hanging on to his arm
and looking up into his face.

The Dustman's eyes twinkled.

"Well--no," he admitted.  "I'm not a great favourite, though if they
only knew it I'm a very good friend to them, and save them from all
kinds of unpleasant things.  It's the grown-ups who feel glad when I
put in an appearance.  But don't let us talk about that, I'm out for
the day, and I want to have a good time.  Here we are at the gate."

Mr. and Mrs. Starchup had already passed through the turnstile.  The
Dustman appeared to have a season ticket, for he simply nodded to the
gate-keeper, and passed in.

Tommy produced his press card, and the children were all amused to
see the look of amazement, mingled with awe, which overspread the
gate-keeper's face when he read the magic words--_The Golliwog News_.

"Do you want an escort, sir?" he asked Tommy very politely.

"Oh, no,--no!" cried the Dustman.  "I'll show them everything worth
seeing before my business hours commence," and he hurried them away.

"I must remember to tell John James how the gate-keeper stared," said
Gladys as they went along, and the words were scarcely out of her
mouth, before a cat, without a tail, came prancing along on his hind
legs, waving something in his paw.  He had a tray attached to his
neck by a strap, and went about so fast that the tray kept swinging
round and hitting him in the back.

"Ha'penny a packet!" he cried.  "A penny the half-dozen," he said,
stopping in front of Gladys.

"What is it?" she asked, feeling for a halfpenny.

"Memory Powder," said the cat.  "Highly recommended.  Sole
proprietor.  Hundreds of unsolicited testimonials," he continued,
thrusting a packet into Gladys' hand, and rushing off to meet a party
of Toy Monkeys who had just arrived in a char-a-banc.

"My memory is so bad," began Gladys, "and Jane has said so often that
I ought to get some memory powder.  I wonder----"

She forgot what she was going to say, for just then they overtook
Selina and her husband, standing arm in arm looking at the
Jolly-Woggle.

The Jolly-Woggle was a gigantic see-saw, which woggled in a very
peculiar way, and made everybody feel jolly.  The Dustman told the
children that it was recommended by all the doctors in Golliwog Land
as a splendid remedy for nervous ailments.

"Going on?" cried the Fat Doll.

"Rather!  What do you think?" replied the Dustman, and so when the
see-saw stopped, they all climbed on, Mr. and Mrs. Starchup on one
side, and the children and the Dustman on the other.

It was very amusing to watch Selina when the thing began to woggle.
She tried so hard to sit upright and look dignified, and to keep her
basket properly balanced.  The Fat Doll bounced up and down like a
Jack-in-the-Box, and several times the children heard faint cries of
"Papa" and "Mamma" as they joggled to and fro.

Freda and Gladys clung to the Dustman like leeches, and even Tommy
was glad to lay hold of his coat tails, the Jolly-Woggle did woggle
so dreadfully.  But they enjoyed it very much, and were quite sorry
when it came to a stand still, and they had to get off, because all
the animals from a Noah's Ark were waiting impatiently to get on.

"How John James would have enjoyed that!" said Gladys, as they walked
on.

"I do wonder how the bone in his poor leg is getting on."

"Oh, all right, I expect," said Tommy.  "Aren't we going to see the
Knick-Knacks?"

"Of course we are," said the Dustman and the Fat Doll both together.

"Jane says she can't bear knick-knacks," began Gladys doubtfully,
looking up at the narrow building, with a perplexed expression on her
face.

"Nasty dust-traps, she calls them.  Do you think we ought to go?"

"Bother Jane!" said Tommy.  "Of course we're going."

He opened the glass door, and the Dustman, with Freda still clinging
to his arm, went in.  Gladys followed, then the Fat Doll and his
wife, who nearly got squeezed to death trying to walk in arm in arm,
and last of all, Tommy himself entered.

Each knick-knack was in a separate room with its name over the
entrance.

The first was:

  A STITCH IN TIME.


"I've heard that before," said Gladys.  "I think it was Jane who said
it.  I don't want to see it very much."

"Nonsense!" said Tommy.  "No one can make you do any mending to-day.
Look!  There's someone who ought to go in," he added, pointing to a
very ragged Doll.

"She is going in," said the Dustman, and so they all trooped behind
her.

In the middle of the floor there was an arm-chair, and Father Time
sat in it.  They knew who he was, because he held an hour glass in
one hand and a scythe in the other, and looked so very old.

The old fellow smiled and nodded to the Dustman, and asked him to
give the hourglass a shake on the quiet, for the sand seemed running
very slowly, and he wanted his dinner.

Of course, the Dustman contrived to do as he was asked, and no one
but the children saw him, for the Fat Doll and Selina were examining
the scythe, and the Ragged Dollie was calling for a needle at the top
of her voice.

Presently a neat little Teddy in a white apron and a cap brought her
a needle threaded with black cotton, and she then walked up to Father
Time and put a large stitch in his waistcoat.

"What is she doing that for?" whispered Gladys to Selina.

  "_Just look again
  And all will be plain,_"

whispered back the Wooden Doll.

The stitches flew in and out on Father Time's coat, and as if by
magic, for every stitch she made, nine neat little stitches appeared
in her own ragged garments.  In a very short time she began to look
quite a Smart Doll, very different from the disreputable creature she
had seemed on first entering the place.

She smiled amiably at the children, but they did not like her, for as
she was going out she made a grimace at the Dustman, who only shook
his bag at her, and grinned.

Father Time was getting irritable.

"I can hear the rattling of the plates," he said.  "I want my dinner."

The children left hastily, in search of the next Knick-Knack, which
was an ancient instrument known as:

  THE SECOND FIDDLE.


It was kept on a white satin cushion, and covered with a glass case,
and the Toy Elephant in charge of it told them it was the greatest
curiosity at the Exhibition.

"But why?" asked Tommy.  "It looks quite ordinary to me, only rather
old and fusty."

"It is so exceedingly wonderful," said the Elephant, slowly and
patiently, looking at Tommy over the top of his spectacles, "because
no one has ever been able to play it."

"Has anyone ever tried?" asked the Fat Doll, nudging Tommy in the
ribs, hoping to make him laugh.

"Of _course_ not!" replied the Elephant indignantly, polishing up the
glass case with a chamois leather.  "I guard it, sir, most vigilantly
all day, and at night I sleep with it locked up in my trunk.  And _no
one_, sir, ever _will_ be able to play it!"

Tommy laughed loudly, which was what the Fat Doll wanted.  Freda and
the Dustman laughed too, and even Selina giggled in a perfectly
lady-like manner, but Gladys did not smile.

"I remember Jane once said----" she began, but Tommy turned round and
looked at her.

"Look here, Gladys, why on earth must you remember every disagreeable
thing your Jane ever said?"

"I'm sure I don't know," she replied, "I'm generally so forgetful,
too."

"Why it's the memory powder!" cried the Dustman.  "We ought not to
have let her buy it."

"Give it to me," said Tommy, and seizing the packet he went to a
window and threw it out as far as he could.

The children then passed on to the next room over which they saw the
mysterious words:

  THE LITTLE PITCHERS.


These Little Pitchers stood in a row against the wall.  They were ten
in number, and their ears were very long; but in spite of this, a
cross-faced Golliwog was walking round them, pulling their ears to
make them grow longer still.

"Doesn't it hurt?" said Gladys, to the smallest of the Little
Pitchers.

"Hurt?" replied the poor little thing.  "Rather!  I should just think
it does."

"But how did your ears get long to start with?" asked Tommy curiously.

"Well"--the Little Pitcher looked rather ashamed--"I used to listen
about at doors, when grown-up people were talking, and er--er--my
ears began to grow, and they have been getting longer ever since.
It's awful.  I can hear the flies walking about on the ceiling.  The
smallest sound seems like thunder.  That bluebottle fly on the wall
over there, can't you hear him?  He's stamping along, like--Old
Boots!--Oh, there he is!"

The Little Pitcher shut his eyes, and put a tea cosy over both ears
and would not speak any more.

The children looked round to see what could have upset him, and they
saw coming towards them on tiptoe the strangest little old person you
ever imagined.

"My name is Boots," he remarked in a thin piping voice, "and I am
usually known as Old Boots."

"Are you a real person?" asked Freda.  "Dad often says he has been
working like Old Boots.  Was that you?"

"It was," said the old gentleman looking very pleased with himself.
"Some people fight like Old Boots, or hurry like Old Boots----"

"Or _squeak_ like Old Boots," added the Dustman slyly, and at this
our merry little party laughed again, and the Fat Doll turned a
somersault.

But the old man went off offended, piping to himself, like--just like
Old Boots!

"Now," said the Dustman, picking up his Gladstone Bag.  It's six
o'clock.  I have just one hour left before I start business again, so
we'd better all go and have some tea, and then we might have a look
round the Magic Corridor."

Off they went to a celebrated tea house called "The Lions' Share."
It was kept by a large family of Toy Lions.  They were very obliging
creatures, and if you wanted anything, and could not catch the
waiter's eye, all you had to do was to pull his tail, and he brought
you whatever you happened to fancy.

Tea being over--and a very merry meal it was--our friends went to the
Magic Corridor, where they found a most fascinating automatic machine.

All you did--as the Dustman explained--was to peep in, turn the
handle, and think of an absent friend, when immediately you saw in
the machine an animated picture, which told you what the friend was
doing at that precise moment.

"I should like to look in first," said Gladys, "because I do so badly
want to know what John James is doing, and how the bone in his leg is
getting on."

And seizing the handle, she peered through the glass.

"Can you see him?" asked Freda.

"Ye-es," said Gladys after a pause; then she added: "He is writing at
the nursery table.  He seems to have a huge pile of letters beside
him.  What can he be doing?"

"Oh, now he has finished them, and is stretching his back.  Poor old
thing!  I expect it aches.  Ah, now he is sticking down the
envelopes.  Oh, my!  What a pile!  And now, if he isn't even running
to the pillar box.  Running ever so fast----"

Gladys turned the handle very quickly.

"And he told me he had a bone in his leg!  It must have been a story.
Oh, dear!  Oh, dear!  I shall go home this very minute and see----"

She dropped the handle, and ran down the Magic Corridor, with Tommy
and Freda at her heels.  On--on--till they reached the G. & T.B.
Underground.

"Well, I must be off," said the Dustman, shouldering his Gladstone
Bag, and he too hurried away.

"Look!" said the Fat Doll, as he and his thin wife walked leisurely
down the Corridor.  "The little lady has dropped something."

The "something" was a handkerchief.  He picked it up, and was putting
it in his pocket when a small round object fell out, with a slight
clatter.

It was the Magic Key!




CHAPTER XII

  The most illustrious G.N.
    Now gives a Christmas party.
  We meet our merry friends again
    With smiles and handshakes hearty.
  But, oh! their faces were so glum
    When the last guest of all had come!



CHAPTER XII.

THE CHRISTMAS PARTY.

"Now, what I want to know is," said Gladys, looking very earnestly at
John James, "what did you find to do while we were at the Exhibition?"

"I was very busy," said the Golliwog.

"Yes, I daresay," Gladys frowned, and tapped impatiently on the
table, "but what were you doing?

"I suppose I shall have to tell you," said John James, "you're such a
one for finding out things.  I'm going--I mean _The Golliwog News_ is
going--to have a Christmas party."

"Oh, John James, are you really?"

Gladys' eyes sparkled, as she jumped up and ran to him.

"And were you sending out--I mean--would you like me to write the
invitations for you?"

"No, thanks.  I've sent them.  The special ones, that is.  I've
issued a general invitation to all our readers."

"Oh-oh!  But _The Golliwog News_ has such a _tremendous_
circulation," said Gladys doubtfully.  "Selina said so.  You'll never
find room for everybody."

"Yes, we shall."

And for once, John James forgot his dignity, and seizing Gladys' hand
he waltzed her round the table, shouting:

"The more the merrier!  _The Golliwog News_ for ever!
Hooray--hooray!"

"Goodness!  What a noise!" cried Tommy, bursting into the nursery.
"Gladys and John James have gone mad!" he exclaimed loudly to Freda
who followed close behind him.

For a moment the two children stood aghast upon the threshold, then
the impromptu waltz came to an abrupt finish.  Gladys rushed to
welcome her friends and told them the astounding news.

"John James is going to have a Christmas party."

"Scrumptious!" said Tommy.  "Who's coming?"

"All the readers of _The Golliwog News_."

"That's us, then," remarked Thomas cheerfully, and he plied John
James with questions, till the Golliwog stopped his ears and would
say nothing but "Wait and see."

"Will Mr. Merry Codfish come?"

"Wait and see."

"Have you asked Father Neptune?"

"Wait and see."

"Is Cock Robin coming--and Peter Bunney--and Thomas Purr-Catt--and
Sir Solomon Seal?"

"_Wait and see!_" roared John James.  "They're all invited, but we
shan't know till they arrive whether they are coming or not."

"Let him alone, Tommy," said Gladys, "or perhaps he won't let us
three come.  I shall wear my best frock.  What shall you wear, Freda?"

"My Bo-Peep dress," said Freda, and then the children began an
animated conversation on what proved to be an inexhaustible subject,
and lasted till the very day of the party.

On that auspicious afternoon, which was also Christmas Eve, John
James had brushed his unruly hair till it stood bolt upright.  With
his eye-glasses set on the extreme end of his funny little nose, he
looked a very important person indeed as he waited at the nursery
door to receive his guests.

Carlo and Spottikins were deputed to open the front door and show the
arrivals upstairs between them.

Peter Bunney was the first to arrive, with his ear trumpet in a green
baize bag.  Spottikins and Carlo both accompanied him upstairs as
neither of them could decide to stay below, in case they lost any of
the fun.

"Mr. Peter--" said Carlo.

"--Bunney!" added Spottikins quickly, and in tumbled Peter, knocking
John James' eye-glasses clean off his nose, as he swung his bag over
his shoulder.

"Came early!" he gasped, "so as not to miss anybody.  Plush-Mole's
coming by the Underground.  Too slow for me.  That's my ear trumpet,"
he added, indicating the green bag.  "I thought it might be taken for
a musical instrument, and it was!  I heard a passenger on the G. &
T.B.R. say: 'My deah!  It's Professor Rabizzio.  Ha! ha! ha!'"

"Good joke!" cried Tommy, shaking with laughter as he took the
trumpet out of the bag.  "Very good joke."

"Choke?--did you say choke?" cried Peter excitedly.  "Pat him on the
back!  Quick!"

He snatched the trumpet out of Tommy's hand and was beginning to
pummel him with it, when Sir Solomon and Lady Seal arrived.

"Pray come in," said John James stepping forward to welcome them.
Lady Seal smiled graciously, and sat down beside Tommy.  Her brown
satin dress brushed against his coat and gave him the shivers, so he
afterwards declared.

Mr. William Dogg, M.P., and Mr. Henry Toad, M.P., arrived arm in arm.
Close on their heels Professor Sea Serpent came in very briskly,
carrying a large valise full of eye-glasses, which he hastily
distributed among the guests, explaining that he thought this was an
opportunity not to be lost, as it might lead to business some day.

Now Cock Robin hopped up the stairs, and tripping over Sir Solomon's
tail, entered the nursery with great _éclat_.

"Is the Dove coming?" whispered Freda, to the smart little bird.
"Oh, I hope so."

"Yes, if she can get dressed," returned the Robin.  "She wanted to
come in my motor, but I couldn't wait while she fixed her last
feather.  She's just behind."

And this proved to be the case, for the next minute she came in with
the Sparrow, who absolutely refused to let Carlo take his cane or his
bowler hat.  He preferred, he said, to look after them himself.

Mortimer Max and Jolly Jack were heard to say that they should like
to turn the bounder out, but just then the Keeper of the Money Box
came in, and they forgot the fussy little Sparrow.

The K.M.B. was a cheerful looking Golliwog, and he had the Money Box
under his arm.  Not that there was anything in it--he carefully
explained--but it would be such a dreadful thing if it happened to
get lost, because, of course, if there were no Money Box to Keep, he
would be bound to lose his job.

Quite a troop of guests arrived now.

John James grew rosy with excitement, and the children rushed to and
fro, talking to the extremely funny folk, who seemed bent on wishing
themselves and everybody else "A Merry Christmas."

Father Neptune, Mr. Merry Codfish, Mr. Thomas Purr-Catt, M.P., and a
melancholy Billikins, all arrived together, and were suitably
received by John James.  After that there was a terrific noise below,
then a sound as if a small army was marching up the stairs.

"What can it be?" cried Lady Seal nervously, taking out a bottle of
Eau de Cologne and dabbing her face with it.

"Not robbers, I hope!" said Father Neptune jovially, beaming on
everyone as he spoke.

The stampede came nearer.  Suddenly music struck up, and then the
Frogland Brass Band came marching in, playing "Land of Bogs and
Marshes."  They arranged themselves near the fireplace, where Mr.
Henry Toad, with his thumbs stuck in his waistcoat pockets, was
having a heated argument with Mr. Thomas Purr-Catt.

[Illustration: "THERE NEVER WAS SUCH A CHRISTMAS PARTY BEFORE NOR
SINCE."]

"My dear, sir, what the working frog really wants, is----"

The rest of the sentence was lost, for the guests were still arriving
in droves, and John James now suggested a game of musical chairs to
fill in time till everybody had come.

The Frogland Brass Band kindly obliged with a spirited rendering of
"The Sea-Shells of Fish Town."  The last traces of shyness very
quickly vanished, and the guests leaped and danced, and hopped and
flopped round the chairs with alarming velocity.

The game proceeded in the usual way, until only Lady Seal and Tommy
were left marching round the last chair.

Tommy had rather enjoyed the game, but Lady Seal was so very fat,
that when the music suddenly stopped, she lost her balance, tried to
recover herself by clutching at Tommy's jacket, and finally fell
sprawling, with Tommy and the chair on the top of her.

Sir Solomon was laughing so much at his wife's exploits that he could
scarcely help her to rise.  When, however, she was comfortably
settled in a corner of the sofa, and the Dove had lent her a bottle
of smelling salts, John James asked Professor Sea Serpent if he would
favour the company with a few conjuring tricks.

This request was loudly applauded, and though, at first, the
Professor protested that he had forgotten--absolutely forgotten--all
the tricks he ever knew, he was presently prevailed upon to take up
his stand at one end of the nursery, with a small table in front of
him.

Bowing very low, he first asked whether any gentleman had brought
such a thing as an ear trumpet.

"Yes," said the Sparrow officiously, and without so much as saying
"By your leave," he seized Peter Bunney's trumpet and handed it up to
the conjuror.

"And now," proceeded Professor Sea Serpent, "will any gentleman lend
me a bowler hat?"

"Here!  Here!" cried Peter, taking the Sparrow's hat out of his claw
before anyone could speak.

"Here's a hat!  Here's a hat!"

He glared at the Sparrow, and the Sparrow glared back at him.

The Professor then asked John James if he could be accommodated with
a screen, and the ingenious Golliwog, assisted by Tommy, fixed up a
clothes horse and threw the nursery tablecloth over it.

The Sea Serpent now borrowed Lady Seal's handkerchief, and much to
her dismay he tore it into little bits and put it in the trumpet.
This he carefully placed under the hat, and invited Mr. Sparrow to
step up and assist him with the trick.  That gentleman showed great
reluctance, but he was pushed forward by Mr. Peter Bunney, and
finally consented to hide himself behind the screen.

The conjuror removed the hat and picked up the trumpet.  He held it
aloft for a moment, whistled into it, gave it a little shake, and out
fluttered Mr. Sparrow with Lady Seal's handkerchief safe and sound in
his beak.

How the audience cheered and stamped, while the Professor bowed
himself into hoops!  When the clamour had subsided, he said he would
just do one more trick, and borrowing Mr. Thomas Purr-Catt's
eye-glass, he suggested that this time Mr. Peter Bunney should be his
assistant.

Peter did not want to go, but the Sparrow and several others near by
entered into the spirit of the joke and pushed him behind the screen.

Professor Sea Serpent held up the borrowed eyeglass to the full view
of his audience, then with a sudden swish of his tail, which made
everybody jump, he smashed it into little bits, and put the fragments
into Mr. Sparrow's hat.

Mr. Purr-Catt tried to appear unconcerned, but Gladys noticed that
his tail was swinging furiously.

The Professor waved the hat to and fro, covered it with a black
cloth, repeated some magic words, and lo and behold, Mr. Peter Bunney
popped out of the hat with the eyeglass, well polished and with a new
chain on it, in his eye!

Thomas purred with satisfaction when he got it back safely, and the
company laughed and clapped till they were tired.

Mr. Bunney wiped his trumpet very carefully, and put it back in the
bag, saying he was afraid he should never be able to use it again;
and Mr. Sparrow asked Father Neptune in a loud whisper, whether he
knew of a really good disinfectant because if not he should have to
join the hatless brigade.

John James now asked Mr. Merry Codfish to sing, and immediately all
the guests clamoured for "The Funniest Fish in the Sea."

Mr. Codfish, who had been sucking a voice jujube all the evening, now
removed it, and stood upon the Money Box.  Then bowing very
gracefully, he sang his favourite song in his best style.

Just as the applause was dying down, and everyone was feeling very
merry, there was a sort of shuffle outside the door, and Carlo
announced "Mr. Hairy Octopus."

He was the very Octopus who _would_ stretch himself when the
procession at Fish Town was going by.

To-day, however, he appeared to be very much subdued, for he kept his
arms close to his sides, replied to John James' greeting in a hoarse
whisper, and sat down on the ear trumpet.

Freda helped him up again, and found him a hassock to sit upon, and
he was so very grateful that she asked him whether he happened to
have seen the Dustman anywhere.

The Octopus had perched himself on the very edge of the hassock, and
he shuffled nervously as he replied:

"I?  No.  Not at all.  He won't surely be here yet."

Lady Seal giggled:

"Poor fellow!" she whispered.  "How nervous he is.  But then, he's
all arms and legs."

"I hope the Dustman is coming," repeated Freda loudly.  "He is such a
very delightful person."

The Octopus stared at her.  Then he chuckled as if she had said
something funny.  Before she could ask what it was, John James held
up his hand.

"Hark!" he said.  "I can hear something."

He rushed to the window, threw it open and leaned out.  It was a fine
starry night, clear and cold, and a curious whirr-whirr could be
distinctly heard.

Everyone who could find room followed John James' example, and hung
out of the window to see what it was.  Gladys and Father Neptune were
in the front row, while Freda and the Octopus pressed close behind
them.  Thomas Purr-Catt, Peter Bunney, and Mr. Merry Codfish craned
their necks to the utmost, but poor Tommy who had Lady Seal clinging
to his arm brought up the rear, and could not see anything at all.

The whirr came nearer.

"Ah!" cried John James suddenly, for a twinkling light like a moving
star was gradually descending, and in a few minutes the eager crowd
of excited folk could plainly see that an aeroplane was rapidly
approaching.

Nearer and nearer it came, until they could see that the shape of it
was something like a huge sleigh, with carved heads of reindeer upon
the propellers, and standing in the midst of it was an old, old man
with flowing garments and a long white beard.

"Father Christmas!" shrieked Freda and Gladys together.  "Oh, it is!
It is!  Father Christmas himself!"

A shout went up from all the guests, a mighty cheer, ringing out into
the still frosty air, "Father Christmas!"

Then the aeroplane descended, Father Christmas anchored it to the
window sill, and a host of eager hands were outstretched to pull him
in.

There was still another surprise in store.  Father Neptune had been
keenly interested in the proceedings, and suddenly he startled
everybody by shouting at the very top of his voice:

"Welcome, Brother Christmas!"

"Dear me!  Dear me!" cried Father Christmas.  "So it is!  My long
lost--but never forgotten--Brother Neptune."

And the two old men fell on each other's necks and executed a sort of
two-step.  It was so many, many years since they had met!

All this time a loud commotion had been going on outside.

"Bless my heart!" said Father Christmas, turning to John James.  "You
really must forgive me, sir.  I quite forgot it.  I have a party of
your guests with me, and they can't get out.  Ha! ha!  I was starting
on my usual rounds, and offered them a free passage.  Never travelled
by air in their lives before.  Locked 'em in my sack, or some of 'em
would have been jumping overboard.  Will somebody lift my sack in?"

Of course everyone ran to the window again, and here the Octopus was
really useful, for he wrapped his arms and legs round the bulky
thing, and dragged it in by main force.

The din was horrible.  Such a shrieking and calling from the Toys
locked in the bag, while Father Christmas fumbled in all his pockets.
He drew out pieces of string, nails, five glass marbles, a knife with
a corkscrew in it, half an apple and a piece of orange peel--because
he was still a boy at heart--but no key!

"I must have lost it," he said at last.  "And it's a very special
lock.  It can't be forced.  What are we going to do?"

The whole party crowded round the sack, and such a hub-hub took place
that Father Neptune stopped up his ears, and Sir Solomon called
"Order!  Order!"

No one seemed aware that two more guests had just come.  It was
Gladys who first saw them.  Selina Starchup and her husband were
standing before her, and the Fat Doll held out a tiny embroidered
handkerchief.

"You dropped it at the Exhibition," he said.

"Thank you," said Gladys, and as she took it, she felt a small hard
substance in the corner.

In an instant she knew what it was.

"John James!" she called across the room.  "John James, here's the
Magic Key!"

"Hurrah!  Hurrah!" shouted the Golliwog.

"Hip-hip-Hooray!" cried the hilarious guests.  "The Magic Key will
open any lock."

Quick as thought, Father Christmas fitted it into the lock, and out
popped a Teddy Bear, then a Golliwog, followed by a crowd of Dolls,
ever so many Toy Monkeys, an Elephant, a fat Camel eating dates, and
a Jack-in-the-Box.

Then there was a chorus of _How-do-you-do's_ and
_Pleased-to-meet-you's_!

The Fat Doll pirouetted round the room, while Selina clung to her
husband's coat tails, trying vainly to subdue his high spirits.

"Let me go!" he cried.  "Let me go my dear!  I'm out at a party.  A
real Christmas party, and no mistake!"

"I can't stop long," remarked Father Christmas, "I've got a lot to do
to-night.  Don't mention the word Stocking to me, or I shall be off
like a shot."

"Christmas seems to be a busy time to so many people," whispered
Freda to Gladys.  "You see, that dear Dustman hasn't come after all."

"Hush!" said Gladys.  "Listen to John James."

"You must really stay to supper," the Editor was telling Father
Christmas.  Then he rang the bell, and when Carlo appeared, he
requested that supper should be served immediately.

"It's ready now, sir," said Carlo, polishing a spoon on the front of
his waistcoat.

So everybody trooped into the next room where a long table was set
out with every kind of appetising fare.

A huge Christmas Tree, hung with lighted candles, was in the middle
of the room, and from the top of the Tree trailed a red and white
streamer, bearing across it in large letters the familiar words:

  THE GOLLIWOG NEWS.


Father Neptune and Father Christmas sat side by side.  John James
occupied the head of the table with Gladys on his right hand and Lady
Seal on his left, and the other guests arranged themselves as they
liked.

There never was such a Christmas party before nor since.  Crackers
were pulled, jokes were cracked.  Father Neptune related a long
rambling story about a young Periwinkle he had once known, and Father
Christmas capped it with another, about a careless Comet who lost his
tail.

When full justice had been done to the costly viands, and the
pleasant meal drew to a close, Father Neptune rose and proposed a
toast--"_Success to the Golliwog News_," which was heartily received,
and drunk by all present, in salt water or fresh, according to
personal taste.

Then John James rose to reply.

It was a curious scene.  The light from the hundreds of candles
flared upon the eager faces of the guests as they turned towards the
talented and gifted Editor.

"Beloved friends and supporters of _The Golliwog News_----"

He paused, for the door was suddenly thrown open, and a tall, thin
individual carrying a Gladstone Bag, came in.

"The _dear_ Dustman!" cried Freda, jumping up to welcome him.

But consternation was written upon the faces of the guests.

"Not yet!  Not yet!" they cried in chorus.

"We aren't nearly ready for you yet!"

For answer, the Dustman began to extinguish the candles.

Dimmer and Dimmer grew the room, until only the light of the last
candle flickered on the merry face of Father Christmas.

Then the Dustman put it out.



THE END.



  GIBBS AND SONS, 42 & 43 PALACE STREET,
  CANTERBURY.






SPECIAL EDITION.

The Golliwog News

Circulating in Toy-Town-on-Sea, Dolls House City, Kitten Town,
Poodleton, Birdland City and Fish Town.

SPECIAL SUPPLEMENT.

Messrs. S. W. Partridge and Co., Old Bailey, London, E.C.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

LOST.

LOST--The Magic Key, in the grounds of the Teddio-Golliwog
Exhibition.  Finder returning same to Miss Gladys will be rewarded.

LOST--By the Chief Mermaid in the procession at Fish Town, a very
valuable brush and comb.  Finder will be suitably recompensed.

FATHER TIME offers to add fifty years to the age of any person giving
information that will lead to the capture of the thief who stole his
hour glass while he was having dinner at the Exhibition.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

MISCELLANEOUS.

VISITORS to Toy Town-on-Sea can get good teas and dinners at the
Hotel Golliwog, near the Sea Front.

SECOND Edition.--"The Needs of the Working Frog," by Henry Toad,
Esq., M.P.--Copies on application to the Author, 67, Marshgate,
Frogland.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

MUSICAL.

MR. BARKER PUPP teaches Singing and Voice Production by entirely new
methods; visits and bites pupils.  Moonlight sonatas in three
lessons.--153, Growl Lane, Poodleton.

MR. MERRY CODFISH, the efficient finny entertainer is open to accept
a limited number of engagements for parties, etc.--Apply, 16,
Mackeral Row, Scaly Plaice, Fish Town.

COPIES of all Songs sung by Mr. Merry Codfish and Mr. Barker Pupp can
be obtained at Messrs. Bleak and Brill's Music Stores, Fish Town.

FROGLAND Brass Band comprising forty members has a few dates vacant
for select parties.--Apply, Bandmaster, Frogland.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

ARTICLES WANTED.

WANTED to Purchase cheaply, a Second-hand Watering Can.--Write, in
first instance, "Poor Papa," Office of this Paper.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

BUSINESSES, PARTNERSHIPS, ETC.

MILK Business for Sale--Good reason for selling (no
customers)--Apply, Mrs. Catt, Mew Road, Kitten Town.

PARTNERSHIP.--Teddy Bear capitalist wanted with 5d., to join another
in putting on the market a novelty which will sell at sight.--Box
464, Golliwog News.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

PERSONAL.

WILL the pretty Polliwog in picture hat who sat next to Teddy Bear at
the Dolls Opera House last night please write to T.B., c/o Golliwog
News.

WILL any eye witnesses who saw large Octopus pushing Lemon Soles
through plate glass window after the Royal procession at Fish Town,
kindly communicate with Messrs. Shark and Shark, Solicitors, Fish
Town.

WANTED to borrow 2d. by business Billikins in financial difficulties;
good security given, in confidence.--Box 1229, Golliwog News.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

APARTMENTS.

TOY Town-on-Sea.--Comfortable Apartments, five minutes from Railway
Station, close to sea; tide washes kitchen windows twice
daily.--Terms, Stamp, "Sea View."

LODGINGS to Let for two respectable Teddies, who would be willing to
share the same cup and saucer; every comfort.--Box 3764, Golliwog
News.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

ARTICLES FOR SALE.

EAR TRUMPET for disposal, owner having no further use for same; would
exchange for all old numbers of the Golliwog News.--Apply, P.B. "The
Burrows."

GENT'S HAT for Sale, good as new.  Apply, personally, to Mr. Sparrow,
Hall-in-the-Wood, Birdland City.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

SITUATIONS VACANT.

PLAIN Pollywog Cook wanted, the plainer the better; no windows, no
boots, no knives, no washing, no followers, no day out, no
wages.--Apply, Mrs. Jolly Jack, "The Nest," Dolls House City.

ENERGETIC Teddy (just leaving school) wanted as Office Boy, must keep
face clean.  Apply, W. P. Mole, 16, High Street, Dolls House City.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

SITUATIONS WANTED.

REFORMED Shark seeks post as Footman, speaks good English; could
buttle if required.--Write, R.S., Golliwog News Office.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

  CAN YOU
  READ
  THIS?
  If not, consult:
  PROFESSOR SEE SERPENT,
  EYE SPECIALIST.
  No. 15, Periwinkle Street, Fish Town.

  Visits Dolls House City every
  Friday.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

  HALL-IN-THE-WOOD.

  The Most Up-to-Date
  and spacious
  Playhouse in Birdland City.

  EVERY NIGHT, AT 8.15,
  The Management will present:

  Who Killed Cock Robin?

  A Drama in Two Acts.

  Box Office open 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
  Times and Prices as usual.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

  GOLLIWOG & TEDDY BEAR
  RAILWAY.

  DAY AT THE SEASIDE.

  On Wednesday Next

  A
  CHEAP EXCURSION
  will be run as under to
  TOY-TOWN-ON-SEA,

  from the under-mentioned
  Stations:--

  Dolls House City . . .  8. 1
  Kitten Town  . . . . .  8. 8
  Poodleton  . . . . . .  8.16

    Arriving at:
  Toy-Town . . . . . . . 10. 5
  Return Train . . . . .  9.15

  No Paper Bags or other Luggage
  allowed.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

  WILLIAM DOGG & CO.

  Under Distinguished Patronage.

  RAT AND VERMIN
  DESTROYERS.

  Premises Visited . . . Advice
  given.
  Large Staff of Worriers kept.
  Warranted to Worry Well.

  Telegrams: Worryem,
  THE KENNELS, WEST DOGTON.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

  GOLLIWOG CUP FINAL.

  KITTEN TOWN
  versus
  POODLETON,
  on the
  Dolls House City Ground.

  Kick-Off at 3.30 p.m.

  Special Excursions from all parts
  by the G. & T. B. R.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

  W. PLUSH MOLE,

  DEALER in all kinds of FURS.

  _Note the Address_--
  No. 16, HIGH STREET,
  DOLLS HOUSE CITY.

  Reached from all parts by the
  G. & T.B. Underground.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

  TEDDIO-GOLLIWOG

  EXHIBITION

  Lighted by Ten Thousand Lanterns.

  OPEN ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT.

  See THE SECOND FIDDLE
  See THE LITTLE PITCHERS
  See THE JOLLYWOGGLE
  See THE MAGIC CORRIDOR

  DOLLS HOUSE CITY.

  Special Excursions from all Parts

---------------------------------------------------------------------

  TRY OUR FAMOUS

  Mouse-Scented Soap:

  "LICK-LICK."

  Awarded Gold Medal in Teddio-
  Golliwog Exhibition.

  SPECIALLY RECOMMENDED
  FOR

  PERSIANS.

  Fur Will not Roll on the Tongue.
  Clean, Comfortable, and Catty.

  THOMAS PURR-CAT & CO.,
    Soap Makers,
      Tabby Row,
        KITTEN TOWN.

  Telegrams: Toiletmadeasy.
  Telephone: 1044, Catter Waul.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

TIME TABLE.

GOLLIWOG AND TEDDY BEAR RAILWAY.


  Dolls House City   7. 5  *7.55   8.50  †11. 0  1.20   3.30   6.40   9.20
  Frogland           7.11   8. 1   8.57   10. 7  1.28   3.37   6.48   9.27
  Kitten Town        7.19   8.10   9. 4   10.15  1.38   3.48   6.56   9.34
  Poodleton          7.29   8.19   9.13    ...   1.49   3.58   7. 7   9.43
  West Dogton        7.42   8.32   9.27     A    2. 4  ‡4.13  ‡7.23   9.57
  Birdland City      7.59   8.40   9.35    ...   2.13   4.22   7.32  10. 5
  Fish Town          9.17  11.50  12. 0    1.10  4.43   6.21   S.S.   9.55
  Toy Town           9.20  11.53   ...     2.15  5.10   6.40   ...   10. 0

  * Market train.
  † Express.
  ‡ Saturdays only.

A Stops to Pick up passengers for Toy Town.

S.S. Stops at Fish Town on Sats.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The Golliwog News.

  OFFICE:
  DOLLS HOUSE CITY.

POLLYWOG'S WEAKNESS.

MUCH TOO FOND OF JAM.

A Pollywog was summoned at the Dolls House City Petty Sessions to-day
for stealing jam from Miss Freda Morris' Nursery Stores.

Mr. Jolly Jack described how he found a jammy spoon on the stairs,
afterwards tracing the jam to a jar under the Pollywog's bed.

The prisoner sobbed bitterly and said she had no father or mother.
She admitted that she was very fond of jam, and that she was
accustomed to sit up in bed and eat it with a spoon.

Mr. Justice Max said she would be sent to a Training Home for Young
Polliwogs.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

THE DOLLS' PARLIAMENT

REGRETTABLE INCIDENT.

Dolls' Nursing Bill Passed

There was great excitement at the Dolls' Parliament last night, when
the Nursing of Dolls Bill became law, and it will interest our
readers to know that it is now a punishable offence to nurse a Doll
for more than two hours at a time.

There was a large and fashionable gathering present to watch the
closing stages.

Mr. Henry Toad, the Member for East Frogland, croaked to such good
purpose that he carried all the Members of the Froggie benches with
him.

Mr. Toad is a polished gentleman of the world, and his croakings were
listened to with much interest.

Mr. Thomas Purr-Cat mewed very lustily in favour of the Bill.

It will be remembered that Mr. Purr-Cat was recently returned for
Kitten Town with a large majority, chiefly because of the views he
held on fish.

A regrettable incident took place when Mr. William Dogg, head of the
well-known firm of rat-worriers, put forward remarks which caused
considerable disturbance in the House.

It was resented by all parties that Mr. Dogg apparently desired to
use his undoubted gifts for an unlawful purpose.

The objectionable statement being withdrawn, order was very quickly
restored, but it was noted that as Mr. Dogg sat down he wore a
"worried" look.

The Member for Dolls House City (Mr. Mortimer Max) made the speech of
the evening.  He asserted boldly that Miss Gladys had a habit of
slapping him on the head.

This lady, who was present and heard the statement, threatened to
settle with him later, but whether she has done so or not our
representatives have been unable to find out.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

FATALITY AT FISH TOWN.

CHEAP JACK EATEN

"Reformed" Shark's Rash Act.

MILITARY CALLED OUT.

[FROM OUR OWN CORRESPONDENT.]

FISH TOWN.

A shocking fatality occurred at Fish Town to-day.

The "Reformed" Shark has killed and eaten the Cheap Jack, and
absconded with the recipe for making the famous Seaweed Cough Juice.

Last night he first alarmed the Cheap Jack by approbating and
adorning himself with that gentleman's cheap jewellery.

Then he swallowed the remaining bottles of cough mixture and attacked
and robbed the Cheap Jack of the valuable recipe.

Having secured the recipe he calmly made a meal of the unfortunate
Pike, and then left the town before suspicions were aroused.

The First Battalion Walrus Dragoons (King Neptune's Own) were ordered
out immediately and are now in hot pursuit.  "Fighting" Lobbs has
also received instructions to hold his regiment in readiness if
called upon.

The departure of the Crab Guards from Fish Town to Dolls House City
has also been indefinitely postponed, and the Mounted Plaice are
being rapidly mobilized.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

THREE LOST BROTHERS

  AND THEIR HAPPY
  RE-UNION.

Our many readers will be glad to know that the recent Christmas
party, given by the "Golliwog News" served at least one very useful
purpose.  We refer to the meeting of Father Christmas and Father
Neptune--the long lost brothers.

It is a source of great satisfaction to us to know that we have been
able to perform such a great public service.  These very interesting
and widely known old fellows had not met since their infancy, and
their meeting was a very affecting one.

The near relationship of these famous old gentlemen will come as a
complete surprise, but we have still another extraordinary
circumstance to disclose.

We have since learnt that Father Time is also a member of the very
same family, and if he had not been prevented from attending our
party, owing to a very bad attack of gout, the three of them would
have met under our roof.

We are glad to state, however, that they have met together entirely
as a result of the enquiries we set afoot, and have celebrated their
re-union with a sort of "house warming" or "wake."

It is most unique that three members of one family should rise to
such eminence in the land, and we have great pleasure in placing that
fact upon record.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

MR. ALGERNON BILLIKINS.

Mr. Algernon Billikins has recently passed the Toy Town matric with
honours.  This interesting piece of news is calculated to astonish
every one of our many readers, as the gentle man was hitherto thought
to be insane.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

THE TOY TOWN POETESS.

Mrs. Selina Starchup, who is a frequent contributor to our "Poet's
Corner," and who seldom speaks except in rhyme, is publishing a small
volume of verse early next year.

Lovers of this gifted lady's verse have long wanted a collection of
her miscellaneous work brought out in volume form, and the publishers
inform us that a huge demand is anticipated.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

MR. WILLIAM DOGG, M.P.

MISSING SINCE YESTERDAY.

The senior member of the firm of Messrs. Dogg and Co. left home
yesterday on a rat-worrying expedition and has not been seen or heard
of since.

If he does not return this will prove a sad blow to West Dogton which
he represents in Parliament.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

WOOD LIMBO CONCERT.

ACCIDENT TO FAT DOLL.

[FROM OUR OWN CORRESPONDENT.]

TOY TOWN.

The annual concert in aid of that deserving charity, the Wood Limbo
Hospital Fund, was held last night at Toy Town.

It is well known that this splendid institution provides free arms
and legs for Dolls in reduced circumstances, and is worthy of the
warmest support.

The concert was well attended, and a very high-class entertainment
was given.  Amongst the performers were such popular artistes as Mr.
Barker Pupp, Mr. Merry Codfish and Professor Sea Serpent.

We regret having to announce an unfortunate accident which took place
during Professor Sea Serpent's amusing tricks.  A Fat Doll who, with
his wife Selina, occupied a private box, laughed so heartily that he
broke his mainspring and was at once conveyed to the Wood Limbo
Hospital, where he was detained.

We learn on going to press that owing to his wiry constitution he is
likely to recover.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

THE SCARECROW'S TRICK

We hear that Mr. Scarecrow played an amusing trick on the Coroner and
Jury last week.

It is said that none of the Jury have been near his field since,
which we can well believe.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

OLD "BOOTS" IN TROUBLE.

FLOGGED AND DEPORTED.

A respectably dressed gentleman, answering to the name of "Old Boots"
appeared before the Magistrates yesterday at Dolls House City on a
charge of "squeaking."

It was stated in Court that the old chap was always offending in this
respect, and that he had been convicted so many times that the police
were tired of arresting him.

However, they were obliged to take him into custody on this occasion
because he persisted in creating the form of disturbance complained
of in the grounds of the Teddio-Golliwog Exhibition.

Prisoner "squeaked" so much when being brought into the dock that the
Magistrates who had been provided with tea cosies, covered up their
heads and sentenced prisoner, without even so much as glancing at
him, to be flogged as an incorrigible rogue and deported.

After prisoner had been removed to the cells, the Magistrates
uncovered their ears and remarked that the severity of the punishment
should go a long way towards ridding the country of such pests.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

ARREST OF POLLYWOG.

A Pollywog was brought up at Dolls House City yesterday before Mr.
Justice Max, charged with creating a breach of the peace, and
threatening the Prime Minister with a green and violet flag.

She was, needless to say, a militant leader in the Votes for
Pollywogs movement, and was sentenced to six months' imprisonment.

We learn, as we go to press, that the prisoner refused to eat the
prison fare--marmalade and pickles--and was consequently released
this morning.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

PUNCH AND JUDY SHOW.

The Proprietors of the Toy Town Punch and Judy Show beg to inform
their numerous and esteemed patrons that the infamous person known as
Edward Bear, recently in their employ as Dog Toby, has now ceased to
have any connection with them, and is not authorised to collect or
receive monies on their behalf.

With regard to the report that the performances at the show are to be
discontinued, the Proprietors further state that it is absolutely
untrue, and that they have been fortunate in securing the services of
Mr. Biter Pupp (son of the well-known singer), whose realistic
representation of the immortal Dog Toby, leaves nothing to be desired.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

THE GOLD BUTTON TRIAL

PRISONER'S DISGUISE.

Escape from Toy Cupboard.

CAUGHT AT TOY TOWN.

  [FROM OUR SPECIAL
  CORRESPONDENT AT THE COURT.]

Mr. Tommy Stapleton's Teddy Bear was brought before Mr. Justice Max
at Dolls House City Police Court to-day, charged with cutting off the
gold buttons from Mr. Jolly Jack's coat, while at Miss Gladys'
birthday party.

The story of the discovery of the theft was told by Mr. Tommy
Stapleton; how the artful Bear had hidden the buttons under his coat
and then tried to make believe they were nuts.

He also told how Teddy was put into the toy cupboard, and of the
further discovery of his escape later.

At this point the Bear volunteered the information that, with the
assistance of Mr. Billikins, he secreted himself in the Dolls'
cradle, first turning out the Nigger Twins who were both fast asleep.
Then when the cradle was removed next morning, by Jane, the
housemaid, he made good his escape and fled to Toy Town, disguised as
a Dog-Toby.

A Golliwog Policeman: "Shall I arrest the Billikins, your Honour?"

Mr. Justice Max: "Certainly not.  You know very well that he is
insane."

Miss Gladys next told how when at Toy Town with Miss Freda Morris,
they discovered the Bear, who was quickly captured and taken to
Toy-Town Gaol.

In reply to a question from Mr. Justice Max, Mr. Tommy Stapleton said
that his Bear played truant from school just when he thought proper,
and sometimes he stayed out all night.

"What a bad Teddy you are," said Mr. Justice Max gravely.  "I shall
send you to Toy-Town Reformatory until you are a better Bear."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD.

AGED POLLYWOG INTERVIEWED.

Mrs. Mary Ann James, of Dolls House City, celebrated her 100th
birthday on Monday last.

It is interesting to note that the old lady is the great-grand-parent
of the Editor of this Journal.  She is in perfectly good health and
can see to read "The Golliwog News" without glasses.

The old lady believes her long life is due to the fact that she
always goes to bed early, sucks an acid drop before going to sleep,
and reads no other paper but "The Golliwog News."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

GOLLIWOG CUP FINAL.

POODLETON v. KITTEN TOWN.

Great Win for the Poodles.

The final match for the greatly prized Golliwog Cup took place on
Saturday last, when it was apparently a case of all roads leading to
the Dolls House City Football Ground, for nearly everybody went to
see the game.

The rival teams, Poodleton and Kitten Town, were very evenly matched,
but after a hard fought game the Poodles carried off the trophy by
one goal to nil.

The strength of the two clubs, as shown by their positions in the
Golliwog League, which we give below, is an indication what a
splendid game took place.

  THE GOLLIWOG LEAGUE.

                         Pd. W. D. L. Pt.

  Poodleton ...........  10  8  2  0  18
  Kitten Town Tabbies    10  8  2  0  18
  Frogland Jumpers ....   9  5  2  2  12
  Fish Town ...........   9  3  5  1  11
  Toy Town Toys .......  10  3  3  4   9
  Teddy Bear Rovers ...   8  4  0  4   8
  Dolls House City ....  10  3  0  7   6

---------------------------------------------------------------------

COMEDIANS' BEREAVEMENT.

We regret to announce that the only brother of Mr. Merry Codfish has
been caught and sold as an article of diet.

Mr. Merry Codfish has consequently gone into mourning, and will not
appear in public for at least six months.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

OUR POETS' CORNER.

ADELIZA'S DREAM.

  She dreamt she bit the Teddy Bear.
  And pinched the Nigger Twins.
  She pulled Toy Monkey's wiry hair,
  And slapped the Billikins.
  Then all the woolly hairy crew
  Miss Gladys loved so dearly.
  She flung as far as Timbuctoo,--
  Up to the moon--or nearly!

  And then she dreamed Miss Gladys smiled,
  And loved her all the day,
  "My only darling precious child,
  My Adeliza May!"
  You're better far than Teddy Bears,
  Or dusky Nigger Twins:
  I hate the grinning face he wears
  That horrid Billikins.

  Alas!  The bell for nursery tea!
  She woke and shook herself.
  Saw Teddy and the proud Monkey,
  The Billikins and Niggers wee,
  Were on Miss Gladys' lap--and SHE
  WAS ON THE NURSERY SHELF!

SELINA STARCHUP.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

FIRST TILE CONCERT.

Miss Spottikins asks us to announce that her first tile concert of
the season will be held on Thursday next, and is open to all lovers
of the refined and beautiful in tile music.  The performance will
commence at 7.  Sparrows and mice at 8.30.  Carriages at 10.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

GOLLIWOGLAND MUSEUM.

SOME RECENT ADDITIONS.

The gold buttons stolen from Mr. Jolly Jack's coat have now been
placed in the Royal Golliwogland Museum.

Another interesting addition is a Pollywog's green and violet flag,
with which, it is alleged, the Pollywog tried to strike the Prime
Minister.

But perhaps the most valuable possession of recent times, is a
Comet's tail, which has been preserved in spirit at enormous cost.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

MISS MAY'S MARRIAGE.

It has only just leaked out that Miss Adeliza May was married last
week to Mr. Jolly Jack.  The event took place quietly, the ceremony
being performed by Miss Gladys, assisted by Miss Freda Morris.

Miss Spottikins made a very charming bridesmaid dressed up in Freda's
hat and cloak, and Mr. Billikins acted as best man with his
accustomed dignity and distinction.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

THE KEEPER OF THE M.B.

The Keeper of the Money-Box left Dolls House City yesterday to spend
the week-end in the country.

It is rumoured that he packed the M.B. with his silk hat, and the
valuable receptacle passed unnoticed.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

WHO KILLED COCK ROBIN

Who killed Cock Robin?  Why the Sparrow of course.

If you haven't seen the play in two acts now being performed at the
Hall-in-the-Wood, Birdland City, you really ought.

Gladys and Tommy and Freda were there last night and a very fine time
they had.  The play is drawing crowded houses every night and is
having a decided spell of popularity.

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MESSENGER BOY'S HEROISM.

OF THE R.S.P.C.E.

Master Henry Bruin, aged thirteen years, has been awarded a gold
medal by the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Elephants.

This brave little fellow was returning home after delivering an
important message from the Prime Minister to the Editor of "The
Golliwog News," when he saw an aged and infirm Elephant endeavouring
to get out of the way of a tram car.

The heartless driver seemed to take pleasure in running down and
startling invalid Toys, and the Elephant in question was obliged to
abandon his crutches and hurry to a place of safety without them.

Master Bruin, at great personal risk, darted into the road and
secured the crutches, thereby preventing a suspicious looking
Golliwog, with a coster's barrow, from appropriating them.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

MISSED THE EXCURSION.

A little Teddy Bear in brown knickers, clasping a spade and bucket in
ids hands, was discovered asleep in the waiting room at Toy Town
station after the return excursion train had left.

When awakened by a friendly porter, the poor little fellow cried
bitterly, and asked to be taken to his daddy.

Fortunately, he was identified by a brass trouser button, and sent to
his distracted parents by the next train, which happened to be the
last that night.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

TOY TOWN EXCURSION.

MR. BARKER PUFF'S BIG HIT.

The last excursion of the season to Toy-Town-on-Sea was well
patronized last week.  Nearly everybody went, and a right merry time
they had on the sands.  Gladys, Tommy and Freda were all there.

Mr. Barker Pupp made a big hit with his song, "The Yellow Butterfly."
In fact he hit Tommy Stapleton very hard.  It is freely stated that
Tommy was in a blue funk, and that he was greatly relieved when he
found that the crowd which followed him was only running to catch the
train?

---------------------------------------------------------------------

SIR SOLOMON'S HOLIDAY.

Sir Solomon and Lady Seal have left Fish Town for a brief stay in the
North.  Sir Solomon is badly in need of rest after his arduous public
duties.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

CONFINED TO BARRACKS.

We learn that Shelliback of the Lobster Fusiliers, has been confined
to Barracks for neglecting to salute his superior officer, "Fighting
Lobbs."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

WITHOUT A TICKET.

The Nigger Twins were fined at Dolls House City Police Court to-day
for riding on the G. & T.B.R. without having paid their fare.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

PARTNERSHIP.

Mr. Peter Bunney is entering into partnership with Mr. Plush Mole,
the celebrated furrier, and the business is to be carried on under
the name of Bunney and Mole.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

LOST LUGGAGE.

Mr. Camel who was indiscreet enough to travel with luggage on
Christmas Eve, lost a large consignment of dates, and has got the
hump in consequence.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

FOR YOUNG FRY.

Professor Walruzzio has compiled a pianoforte-tutor which should
prove itself a golden guide to young fry with musical proclivities.
The book is published by Messrs. Bleak & Brill, and the price is
half-a-neptune, net.

---------------------------------------------------------------------





Father Neptune's Treasure

BY

PHILIP & FAY INCHFAWN.

A fascinating story of Gladys, Freda and Tommy, with their little
friend, John James, under the sea.

To begin with, the children are told by Father Neptune that his
Castle is haunted!  And then commences the unravelling of the
mystery,--which proves a very exciting business,--and the chase of
the intruder in the castle vaults.

The Sea King's sunken treasure ships are next the scene of action,
and the story describes the children's journey on Dolphin-back, and
the discovery and capture of a giant Saw-fish rifling the treasure
chests.

Following this, Father Neptune suddenly and mysteriously vanishes.
The children and the under-sea folk are at their wits end, but John
James lights upon a daring plot which seeks to remove the Sea Monarch
from his throne.

While following up the clues the children and the Golliwog also
disappear, but thanks to a very queer friend, the Hermit Crab,
tidings of their whereabouts are forthcoming.  Mrs. Lobbs also
supplies a valuable clue.

The chapters dealing with the discovery of the robbers' cave, where
the children and the Sea King have been imprisoned, and the recovery
of Father Neptune's stolen treasure are absorbingly interesting.

The story is told with a quaint humour that is irresistibly
entertaining.

There are eight illustrations on art paper by

F. C. WARD.

Artistic Coloured Wrapper

Cloth board 3/6 net.

S. W. PARTRIDGE AND Co., LTD., Old Bailey, E.C.


---------------------------------------------------------------------



Father Neptune's Diamond

BY

PHILIP & FAY INCHFAWN.

Another delightful story of the three children and John James, the
Golliwog, describing their adventures searching for the blue
diamond--lost from Father Neptune's crown.

All our old friends, Mr. Merry Codfish, Professor Sea Serpent,
Fighting Lobbs, Sir Solomon and Lady Seal and many other equally
"queer fish" appear again.

Various clues are followed in their efforts to trace the diamond,
some are amusing, and some are thrilling, but, perhaps the most
exciting part of the story deals with the capture of John James by
the Flying Fish.

The Golliwog is locked in the cabin of a sunken galleon, and through
the port-hole, the history of a deeply laid plot--which includes the
destruction of Fish Town--is revealed to him by the Fiddler Crab.
These Flyers of the deep, apparently, have Fish Town at their mercy,
but their plot is frustrated and brought to failure by Tommy's plans.

The defeat of Commander Saw, the story of the volcano under the sea,
the ultimate return of John James, and the final recovery of the
diamond make a fascinating tale.

----------------

There are twenty illustrations by THOMAS MAYBANK, in which he
pictures various amusing and thrilling incidents throughout the book.

Artistic Coloured Wrapper

Cloth board 3/6 net.

S. W. PARTRIDGE AND Co. LTD., Old Bailey, E.C.







*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 79377 ***