*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 79268 ***




                               A CAT BOOK

                                   BY
                              E. V. LUCAS

                             ILLUSTRATED BY
                              PAT SULLIVAN
                      (_Creator of Felix the Cat_)

                 [Illustration: A cat licking itself clean]


                      HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS
                          NEW YORK AND LONDON
                                  1927

                PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA




[Illustration: A cat holding butter and rejecting a slice of bread]

THE CAT’S DAINTINESS


  The cat desirous to be fed
  Has very little mind for bread.

  At thick or thin, at new or stale,
  She waves “No, thank you,” with her tail.

  But butter! she would eat a pat,
  Such is the nature of a cat.




THE CAT’S GREEDINESS


  To get at milk a cat will do
  A hundred things she oughtn’t to.

  But if it’s cream she wants, why then,
  She’ll multiply those sins by ten.

[Illustration: A cat holding a small bottle of cream]




THE CAT’S DREAM


  The cat (like ourselves) has its favourite dream,
    And the dream it loves better than all,
  Is to take the large milk-pail and fill it with cream,
    Drawn fresh from the cow in the stall.

[Illustration: A cat dreaming of drinking a bucket of cream]




THE CAT’S CLEANLINESS


  There’s nothing by a cat desired
    So little as a tubbing.

  Its tongue does every thing required
    In scrubbing and in rubbing.

[Illustration: A cat licking itself clean]




THE CAT’S CONSCIENCE


  A dog will often steal a bone.
  But conscience lets him not alone,
  And by his tail his guilt is known.

  But cats consider theft a game,
  And, howsoever you may blame,
  Refuse the slightest sign of shame.

  When food mysteriously goes,
  The chances are that Pussy knows
  More than she leads you to suppose.

  And hence no need there is for you,
  If Puss should lose a meal or two,
  To feel her pulse and make ado.

[Illustration: A cat holding a roast chicken and being scolded by
an angel]




THE CAT’S PLAYFULNESS


  However you exert your wits
  To find a plaything meet for kits,
  You’ll never choose a better thing
  Than ball of worsted, wool, or string.

  A cotton reel is very well,
  A bell-rope answers for a spell;
  But, mark my words, a costly ball
  Of Berlin wool is best of all.

  They chase it up and down the floor,
  Unwinding more and more and more,
  They twist it all about the chair,
  And bite and knot it everywhere.

  Till what with twist and roll and pull,
  You can’t distinguish kit from wool,
  And only with another skein
  Can knitting be resumed again.

[Illustration: A cat chasing a ball of string]




THE CAT’S CRUELTY


  Of all the cruel things there are,
  A cat is cruellest by far.
  While other creatures kill outright,
  To persecute is her delight.

  So when you hear that Pussy’s prey
  Successfully has got away,
  You should enthusiastic be,
  And ask for marmalade at tea.

[Illustration: A cat hitting a mouse using a slingshot]




THE CAT’S FISHFULNESS


  Although for milk and mice and birds
  A cat reserves her choicest words,
  She makes exception in the case
  Of herring, haddock, sole, or plaice.

  If breakfast should consist of these,
  She’ll do her very best to please:
  She’ll rub against your leg, and purr,
  And beg of you to notice her.

  This appetite for fish can lead
  To shocking instances of greed;
  And goldfish in particular
  Dislike to be where pussies are.

[Illustration: A cat staring into a bowl of fish]




THE CAT’S SERIOUSNESS


  Among the things that kittens hate,
    A doll comes almost first:
  ’Tis bad enough to share its plate,
    To wear its clothes is worst.

  Luxurious or dignified
    No kitten ever looked,
  With bonnet strings severely tied,
    And cloak severely hooked.

[Illustration: An angry cat wearing a hat and bow tie]




THE CAT’S IMPATIENCE


  Among the games a Persian cat
  Declines to play with rapture at—
  Or join at all except by force—
  Is acting as its owner’s horse.

  The Persian cat’s one wish is this:
  To live a life of perfect bliss.
  And bliss is far away indeed,
  When children use you as a steed.

[Illustration: A cat being used as a horse]




THE CAT’S FRIENDS


  Among the friends that cats possess,
    Come girls and women first of all
  Unceasingly will they caress
    This comfortable animal.

  The man to Puss is also kind,
    But quite the contrary, the boy,
  Who can, I grieve to mention, find,
    In teasing her, acutest joy.

[Illustration: A cat hiding behind a barrel looking at a boy]




THE CAT’S ENEMIES


  Among the cat’s persistent foes,
    The dog deserves the foremost place:
  The moment Puss is seen, off goes
    The dog in ever-zealous chase.

  And cockatoos and parrots hate
    The cat, with all their strength of beak.
  And magpies never hesitate
    To call her coward, thief and sneak.

[Illustration: A cat being chased by a dog]




THE CAT’S SHORT-SIGHTEDNESS


  A kitten need not be a dunce,
    Nor specially absurd,
  To see no difference at once
    Between a bee and bird.

  It has to learn by slow degrees
    That, though they both have wings,
  There’s far too little meat on bees,
    And far too many stings.

[Illustration: A cat being chased by a bee]




THE CAT’S MASTERFULNESS


  The hungry child intent to feed
    Is well advised to hide,
  For pussy-cats beset by greed
    Are not to be denied.

  Suppose the slice of cake is big,
    Suppose the child’s a mite,
  With all the ardour of the pig
    They’ll ply their appetite.

  One cat alone could be withstood,
    The child could win the day;
  With two to one it’s little good
    To try to get away.

[Illustration: A cat eating a child’s meal]




THE CAT’S SLEEPLESSNESS


  By nature’s laws
    The dog bow-wows,
  The ass hee-haws,
    The cat miaous.

  The worst miaous
    Occur at night
  When cats carouse
    With all their might.

  A cat miaous
  Upon the tiles,
  In twenty thousand different styles.

[Illustration: A cat on a roof caterwauling]




THE CAT’S FUTURE


  The dog is really useful, for he helps to guard the house,
    And he’ll carry your umbrella or your glove;
  But a cat does simply nothing save to catch the luckless mouse,
    Which no one could account an act of love.

  In exchange for cream and butter and the other things she loots,
    ’Twould be a just and proper thing indeed
  To persuade our friend the Pussy to put polish on our boots;
    And—instead of midnight carolling—to read.

[Illustration: A cat wearing a halo and shining a shoe]

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 79268 ***