The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Trysting Place, by Booth Tarkington This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. Title: The Trysting Place A Farce in One Act Author: Booth Tarkington Release Date: June 19, 2019 [EBook #59778] Language: English Character set encoding: UTF-8 *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TRYSTING PLACE *** Produced by Tim Lindell, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) THE TRYSTING PLACE THE TRYSTING PLACE _A Farce in One Act_ _By_ BOOTH TARKINGTON [Illustration] New York SAMUEL FRENCH Publisher 25 West 45th Street London SAMUEL FRENCH, LTD. Publisher 26 Southampton St., Strand COPYRIGHT, 1923 BY D. APPLETON AND COMPANY _All rights reserved_ The professional stage rights of this play are reserved by the Author. The amateur stage rights are held by the Ladies Home Journal. For permission to produce the play application should be made by professional producers to Mr. Booth Tarkington, Indianapolis, Indiana, and by amateur producers to the Editor of the Ladies Home Journal. Printed in the United States of America THE PEOPLE AS THEY COME INTO THE PLAY MRS. CURTIS, _The Young Woman, twenty-five or perhaps even a little older_. LANCELOT BRIGGS, _The Boy, slim and obviously under twenty_. MRS. BRIGGS, _his mother, a handsome woman of forty-five or fifty_. JESSIE, _his sister, a pretty girl of about twenty_. RUPERT SMITH, _The Young Man, about twenty-five_. MR. INGOLDSBY, _a man of fifty-five or, possibly, sixty_. THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE, _male and adult_. [Illustration] THE TRYSTING PLACE _The scene is a room just off the “lounge” of a hotel in the country. However, this is not a “country hotel;” but, on the contrary, one of those vast and elaborate houses of entertainment that affect an expensive simplicity in what is called the colonial manner, and ask to be visited--by those financially able to do so--in the general interest of health and the outdoor life. The wall at the back of the stage is broken only by symmetrically spaced pilasters of an ivory color; each of the side walls is broken in the same manner; but here the pilasters help to frame two rather broad entrances, one at the right and one at the left, and beyond these entrances, on both sides, we have glimpses of the two corridors that lead to them. There are a few old prints--or new prints from old plates--upon the walls; and there are flowering plants on stands in the corners. The furniture consists of some chintz-covered easy-chairs, a light wicker settee with a chintz cushion and a valance that reaches the floor; and there are two wicker tables with a vase of jonquils upon each of them. In the rear right-hand corner of the room, near the stand of plants, there is a tropical-looking chair, wicker, with a back of monstrous size--a Philippine Island chair--and in the opposite corner is its mate._ _Dance music is heard from a distant orchestra. Just after the rise of the curtain two people come in together from the left--a young woman of twenty-five, or perhaps she is even a little older, and a slim boy obviously under twenty. She is rather elaborate in her afternoon indoor dress, but none the less effectively pretty; he is of a scrubbed and sleeked youthfulness, in white trousers, a short black coat and dancing shoes; and from the moment of his first appearance he is seen to be in an extremity of love. He leans as near the young woman as he can; his eyes search her face yearningly and without intermission; he caroms into her slightly as they come in, and repeats the carom unwittingly. They have evidently just come from the dancing floor and are a little flushed; she fans herself with her handkerchief and he fans her with his. They are heard talking before they enter: “Oh, let’s do find some place to sit down!” she is saying; and he, simultaneously: “Oh, wasn’t that divine! You dance just simply divinely!” These speeches “bring them on.”_ THE YOUNG WOMAN Here’s a place we can sit down! (_She immediately drops into a chair._) THE BOY Yes, this is a lovely place, where nobody is at all. It’s the only quiet place in the hotel: you never see more than two people here at a time, because it’s kind of off, like this. That’s why I wanted to walk this way. (_Sitting on a lounge and leaning toward her._) Isn’t it divine to be in a place where nobody is at _all_? THE YOUNG WOMAN (_still fanning herself_) Why, you and I are here. THE BOY Yes; but I mean nobody else at all. We’re practically all alone, practically. THE YOUNG WOMAN (_laughing as she waves her hand to indicate the spacious corridors to the right and left_) Alone? Why, there are at least three hundred people in this hotel. THE BOY Yes, but they’re all either outdoors, or dancin’, or havin’ tea, right now. It’s practically the same as being alone. It is--practically, I mean. THE YOUNG WOMAN Yes, I’ve noticed that it was a rather secluded spot myself. (_She glances about the room thoughtfully, then turns to him, smiling._) Don’t you want to run and dance with some of those pretty young girls your own age? THE BOY (_with pained earnestness_) Them? My goodness, no! THE YOUNG WOMAN Oh, but that isn’t normal, is it? THE BOY I’m not normal. I don’t want to be normal. THE YOUNG WOMAN Well, but it would only be natural for you to like those pretty young things, so-- Well, _do_ run and dance with one of ’em. Won’t you, please? THE BOY (_interrupting_) No. They haven’t got any experience of life. What I like is a woman that’s had some experience of life, like you. THE YOUNG WOMAN But at your age-- THE BOY Age hasn’t got anything to do with it. The thing that brings a man and a woman together, it’s when they have about the same amount of experience of life. THE YOUNG WOMAN (_absently_) You think that’s it, Mr. Briggs? (_She looks about the room thoughtfully as she speaks._) MR. BRIGGS (_with intense seriousness_) I know it is. I had that feeling the minute I was introduced to you, night before last in the lobby--right by the third column beyond the office news stand, at a quarter after nine o’clock in the evening. THE YOUNG WOMAN You did? MR. BRIGGS It came over me, and I felt kind of-- (_he swallows_) kind of drawn to you, Missuz--Missuz--Missuz-- (_He seems to hesitate somewhat emotionally._) THE YOUNG WOMAN My name is Mrs. Curtis. You seem to have forgotten it. MR. BRIGGS (_swallowing again_) I haven’t. I know it’s Curtis. The trouble is, it kind of upsets me to call you _Missuz_ Curtis. I thought it was Miss Curtis when I was introduced to you. I didn’t know your name was Missuz--Missuz--Missuz Curtis till the clerk told me, early the next morning. MRS. CURTIS (_frowning a little_) The clerk told you? MR. BRIGGS Yes. I asked him if he’d noticed whether you’d gone in to breakfast yet. He said, “You mean Missuz--Missuz Curtis?” Then I knew you must be married. (_He shakes his head ruefully._) MRS. CURTIS (_smiling_) Well? MR. BRIGGS (_thoughtfully_) Well, it can’t be helped. MRS. CURTIS I suppose not. MR. BRIGGS (_brightening a little_) Well, anyhow, I had that--that sort of _drawn_ feeling toward you, the way I _would_ get toward a woman that’s had some experience of life; but a hotel like this is no place to explain feelings like that. You can’t when you’re dancing--not the way you want to--and all the rest of the time you had some o’ those _old_ men hangin’ around, or else my mother and sister wanted me for something; because a hotel like this--why, it’s terrible the way a young man’s mother and sister want him to do somep’n for ’em _all_ the time; so this is the first chance I’ve had. MRS. CURTIS (_rather urgently_) Don’t you really think you’d better be dancing with some of those young things yonder? MR. BRIGGS (_puzzled_) Think I’d _better_ be? MRS. CURTIS Yes; I do really wish you would. Wouldn’t it be a lot more fun than explaining something, as you said, to me? MR. BRIGGS (_hurriedly_) No. No, it wouldn’t. I want to explain how I feel about you. MRS. CURTIS Please go and dance, Mr. Briggs. I think it would be _much_ better if you-- MR. BRIGGS (_rapidly_) No, it wouldn’t. I want to explain how I feel about you, so you’ll understand. It’s like this, Missuz (_swallowing again_) Missuz Curtis. I never used to think I’d ever get to feeling this way about--about somebody that was married, but it--it came over me before I knew you _were_ married. I already _was_ feeling this way before he said, “You mean--you mean Missuz Curtis?” It’d already--(_he swallows_) happened to me before I knew you were a--a married woman. (_Shaking his head._) I certainly never _did_ think I’d feel this way about a married woman. MRS. CURTIS But I’m not--not as you mean it. I’m a widow, Mr. Briggs. MR. BRIGGS (_as in a dim perplexity_) A wid-- You’re a widow? (_He jumps up suddenly, greatly amazed._) Oh, my! MRS. CURTIS What’s the matter? MR. BRIGGS Oh, my! MRS. CURTIS What is it? MR. BRIGGS I guess I’ve got to get used to the idea of it. First I thought you weren’t married, and then I was just gettin’ used to the idea that you _were_, and now--well, I s’pose it’s a good deal better, your bein’ a widow, though, except--except for-- MRS. CURTIS Except for? MR. BRIGGS (_hurriedly_) Oh, I didn’t mean except for your _husband_! I didn’t mean your bein’ a widow was better for-- (_He checks himself and swallows._) MRS. CURTIS Oh! MR. BRIGGS (_frowning with thought_) No. I meant more on account of the way my family treats me. My mother and sister--well, to tell the truth, they always seem to think I’m about four years old. They can’t seem to _realize_; and when I go and tell ’em you’re a _widow_-- MRS. CURTIS You think they’ll be interested in hearing it? I haven’t even met them. MR. BRIGGS No, but--but of course they’ve been _talkin’_ about you quite a good deal. MRS. CURTIS They have? MR. BRIGGS You know how people are in a hotel like this: wondering who everybody else _is_, and whether some woman’s some old man’s wife or his daughter or just a trained nurse, and all so on. Of course my family noticed _you_ right away and then after I _met_ you of course then they said a _lot_ more about you. Golly! (_He shakes his head, indicating that the comment has been unfavorable._) MRS. CURTIS Oh, indeed! MR. BRIGGS (_ruefully_) They watch me like a hawk, and I know what they’ll say now! When I tell ’em you’re a widow, I mean. MRS. CURTIS Do you? MR. BRIGGS (_shaking his head_) I certainly never thought myself I would ever get to feeling this way about a widow _either_! MRS. CURTIS Don’t you _really_ think you’d better run and dance with one of those-- MR. BRIGGS (_absently_) No. (_Turning to her suddenly._) I was goin’ to ask you--well, of course, in a--a technical way, so to speak, I mean in a strickly technical way, so to speak, I’m not exactly of age yet, and I suppose I’d have to get my mother’s consent, because _she’s_ a widow, too, and got herself appointed my guardian besides; and the truth is, she’s a pretty cold-hearted, bossy kind of a woman, and it’s goin’ to be a big difficulty gettin’ her to see this thing right. MRS. CURTIS To see _what_ right? MR. BRIGGS The way I feel about you. I know it’s goin’ to be difficult, because I started to talk a little about it last night to my mother and my sister--her name’s Jessie--and they behaved--well, they behaved a good deal like two fiends. MRS. CURTIS They did? MR. BRIGGS I told ’em they didn’t know you, and they _haven’t_ even _met_ you, but they treated me like a--like a mere _jest_; and then they got so critical, the way they talked about you, it might be better if they didn’t see me with you again for a few days. I can’t stand the way they talk after they see me with you. MRS. CURTIS Indeed! MR. BRIGGS Well, what I was saying: I can’t touch my principal till I’m twenty-one on account of the way my father went and tied up his will; but of course my mother and sister think a good many’ll be after me on account of it; but, anyhow, I _have_ got to feeling this way, and I know I’ll _never_ get over it, so what I wanted to ask you--well, it’s--it’s--(_he swallows_) it’s just this: I know you _are_ a widow and everything like that, but would you be willing to--(_he swallows_) well, of course I don’t know how long since you lost your first husband-- MRS. CURTIS (_incredulously_) What! (_She rises._) MR. BRIGGS I mean I--I don’t know how you _would_ feel about gettin’ married again yet, even if I didn’t have my own difficulties about it, but--but-- MRS. CURTIS (_with increased incredulity_) Are you _proposing_ to me, Mr. Briggs? MR. BRIGGS Well--uh--yes. (_Then, looking beyond her down the corridor on the right._) Oh, goodness. They watch me like a hawk! Here comes my mother! (_Dismayed, he turns to the left._) MRS. CURTIS (_as he turns_) Perhaps it was time! MR. BRIGGS (_dismally_) There’s my sister Jessie! MRS. CURTIS What of it? MR. BRIGGS (_hastily_) I told you they behave like two fiends when they see me with you. (_Glancing right and left nervously._) Well, excuse me. (_With perfect gravity he kneels at one end of the settee, which is in the rear, a little left of “center.”_) It’ll be a good deal better if they don’t see me, I expect. (_He promptly crawls under the settee, and the valance conceals him entirely. From this invisibility he appeals with pathetic urgency in a hoarse whisper_): They’ll prob’ly go right on. _Please_ wait! Or--if you _haf_ to go, come _back_! (_Mrs. Curtis stands dumbfounded for a moment; and then, controlling a tendency to laugh immoderately, she turns to examine a print on the left wall as Mr. Briggs’s mother enters from the right. Mrs. Briggs is a handsome woman of forty-five or fifty, not now in a gracious mood. She comes in decisively, halts, and stares at Mrs. Curtis’ back. Then she looks over the room in an annoyed and puzzled manner. Mr. Briggs’s sister Jessie comes in from the left. She is a pretty girl of about twenty, but her expression is now rather cross. Her dress and equipment show that she has just come in from the golf course._) JESSIE (_calling as she comes in_) Lancelot! (_She halts, puzzled, and looks inquiringly at her mother._) Mamma, where’s Lancelot? I was sure I saw him in here just a second ago. MRS. BRIGGS (_grimly_) So was I. (_After looking at each other, they turn their heads simultaneously and stare at Mrs. Curtis, who appears to be interested in the print._) It’s very odd! JESSIE Yes, very. (_The two again look at each other, and at a little distance appear to consult telepathically, without any change of expression; then they turn once more to look at Mrs. Curtis._) MRS. BRIGGS I beg your pardon, but I’m under the impression that you have met my son. MRS. CURTIS (_turning_) Yes? JESSIE Wasn’t he here just now? MRS. CURTIS Yes, he was. MRS. BRIGGS Would you be good enough to tell me, did he leave here to go to his room? MRS. CURTIS (_casually_) I don’t think so; he didn’t say so. (_She gives them a little nod, smiling politely, and goes out at the left. They stare after her._) JESSIE (_still staring after Mrs. Curtis_) She’s a very bold type. MRS. BRIGGS (_seating herself on the settee_) Very. JESSIE (_turning to her_) I don’t see how that little goose got away. You were coming from that direction and I from just yonder. I suppose he thought we’d say something that would embarrass him before her. MRS. BRIGGS I suppose she’s thirty-five. I’ve heard of such people, but I never saw one before. JESSIE I regard her as distinctly the dangerous type of adventuress. MRS. BRIGGS Certainly. In the first place, her not having told the child frankly that she’s a widow. One of the clerks told _me_ she _was_. JESSIE Oh, she did that to flatter him into believing he’s a real grown-up “man of the world” having an “affair”! MRS. BRIGGS So that when he’s sufficiently entangled she can tell him she’s a widow--and by that time we don’t know _what_ he’d do! A country justice of the peace probably! JESSIE Last night, when we were trying to teach him a little common sense about strange people in hotels, what was it he said she was? “An angel!”--oh, yes!--“One of heaven’s highest angels.” MRS. BRIGGS (_grimly_) He said he wouldn’t “listen to one of heaven’s highest angels gettin’ talked against by a lot o’ women!” I’m sure they heard him in the next suite. (_She rises._) I suppose you’d better go and see where he slipped out to, Jessie. Of course, he’ll try to find _her_ again as soon as he can. JESSIE (_dropping into a chair_) I played three times round the course. Do you mind if I just sit here a while and rest? MRS. BRIGGS Then why don’t you go to your room? JESSIE (_laughing feebly_) I’m just too tired. I will in a minute. (_With a gesture toward the left entrance._) Hadn’t you better-- MRS. BRIGGS Keep her in sight? Yes. That’s easier than trying to keep _him_ in sight. You’re going up to your room right away, aren’t you? JESSIE Yes, in only a minute. I really think you’d better go, Mamma. He might-- MRS. BRIGGS No, I’ll see to that! (_She goes out._) (_Jessie stares after her for a moment, glances at a wrist watch, then rises and looks down the corridor beyond the entrance at the right. She appears to derive some satisfaction from what she sees there, returns to her chair and sits in a carefully graceful attitude, her expression demure. A moment later a young man--he is about twenty-five--comes in rather nervously from the right. He pauses near the entrance._) THE YOUNG MAN You! JESSIE (_softly_) You! THE YOUNG MAN Is your mother-- JESSIE She’s gone. THE YOUNG MAN (_nervously advancing_) I--I-- JESSIE I was afraid maybe we couldn’t have this nook to ourselves, after all. My absurd little brother was in here, hanging about that dreadful Mrs. Curtis, and I was afraid they wouldn’t go away; but Mamma scared ’em both off providentially. THE YOUNG MAN (_moving a chair close to hers and sitting_) And so we’re alone! (_He speaks with a sentimental hushedness._) All alone! JESSIE All alone, Rupert! This is the only place in the hotel where you _can_ be by yourself a while. That’s why I said to meet here. RUPERT (_nervously_) You don’t think your mother’ll be back for a while? JESSIE No; she won’t. RUPERT She hasn’t found out I’ve come, has she? JESSIE She hasn’t the remotest idea, thank heaven! Nobody dreams you’re within hundreds of miles of here. That’s one advantage of a big hotel. RUPERT Darling-- JESSIE Yes, darling? (_The settee moves slightly at this, but it is behind them and they do not see it._) RUPERT I can’t understand why your mother dislikes me so. JESSIE (_gravely_) Well, I suppose her feeling about you is--well, she _says_ it’s because you’re rather poor and I’m--not. RUPERT But what makes her think I care about you because you’re not? JESSIE Well-- RUPERT (_leaning toward her and lowering his voice_) Darling, there’s something I want to ask you-- JESSIE (_leaning toward him and almost whispering_) Yes, dearest, what is it? (_The settee slowly moves nearer them as their voices become more indistinct._) RUPERT I want to ask you-- JESSIE Yes? RUPERT (_with hushed tenderness_) Do you _really_ love me, dearest? JESSIE (_gazing upward, tranced_) Oh, dearest, I do! (_The settee goes back to where it came from._) RUPERT But you don’t think your mother’ll ever change her mind about me? JESSIE She never does change her mind. RUPERT Then what can we do? JESSIE (_in a low voice_) Darling, there’s something I wouldn’t say for anything in the world to anybody but you. (_The settee again approaches slightly._) RUPERT Yes? JESSIE I think Mamma really knows you’re not mercenary, but the _real_ reason for her opposition to you is pretty selfish. I think it’s because she doesn’t want me to marry and go away and leave her alone in the world. RUPERT But she wouldn’t be. She’d still have the companionship of your young brother. JESSIE (_shaking her head_) That’d be the same as none. Lancelot seems to have scarcely _any_ sense, you see. (_The settee once more retires._) RUPERT Then I don’t see what possible hope-- JESSIE (_warning him as she sees someone approaching in the corridor to the right_) Sh-h-h! RUPERT (_following her gaze_) Who _is_ that old chap? JESSIE It’s old Mr. Ingoldsby. He’s some old friend of mamma’s that happened to turn up here. RUPERT (_moving as if to withdraw_) I’d better-- JESSIE (_quickly_) No; he doesn’t know you. Sit still. (_She turns toward Mr. Ingoldsby with a smile as he enters._) Good afternoon, Mr. Ingoldsby. Did you do it in eighty-five again today? (_Ingoldsby is a man of fifty-five or, possibly, sixty. He wears neat knickerbockers and is otherwise sprightly in his outdoor attire. He smiles rather absently as he replies._) INGOLDSBY Eighty-five? No, I--ah--no. I didn’t go round today. Ah--has Mrs. Briggs been here? JESSIE Here? INGOLDSBY Yes, I mean--ah--here. JESSIE I think she’s somewhere looking for Lancelot. INGOLDSBY Yes? Ah--I-- JESSIE Is there something you’d like me to tell her when I see her? INGOLDSBY (_going toward the left entrance_) No; I--I-- (_He glances at his watch, and looks absently at Jessie._) No, I believe I-ah-- (_He departs._) RUPERT Well, I _do_ hope nobody else’ll come poking about like that, because I-- JESSIE No, darling; we’re alone again now. RUPERT Darling-- JESSIE Yes, darling? RUPERT We’ve had such difficulties in managing our little interviews; it does seem a precious thing to be near you again. JESSIE Oh, it does! RUPERT If we could only go away together, where it could _always_ be like this-- JESSIE (_dreamily_) Yes, with the world shut out. RUPERT Why can’t we-- JESSIE Hush, darling. (_She sees someone approaching in the corridor on the left. He looks dolefully in that direction._) JESSIE It’s that dreadful woman. RUPERT I don’t know her. JESSIE She’s been trying to entangle Lancelot, and he’s completely lost what slight intelligence he _had_, the little ninny! She’s old enough to be his mother. (_The settee makes a slight convulsive movement._) RUPERT Sh! She’ll hear you. (_Mrs. Curtis enters from the left. She looks about, with a faint embarrassment. Jessie stares at her, then speaks coldly._) JESSIE I beg your pardon. Did you leave something when you were here with my little brother? MRS. CURTIS (_smiling constrainedly_) Did you happen to see a pair of white gloves? (_Rupert rises and looks in his chair._) JESSIE No. There aren’t any here. MRS. CURTIS I _may_ have left them anywhere of course. (_To Rupert_) Don’t bother, please. I thought just possibly-- (_She stoops slightly and looks behind the settee, and her expression shows a considerable illumination._) If I _had_ left anything here I just wanted to see if it was still-- JESSIE No; there aren’t any gloves here. (_She speaks in a sharp whisper to Rupert._) Sit down! (_He does so. Their backs are toward Mrs. Curtis._) MRS. CURTIS No. They don’t seem to be. I’m sorry to have disturbed you. (_She moves toward the left entrance as she speaks. The settee follows her. She checks it with a sudden commanding push._) JESSIE I hardly think my little brother will come back _here_. My mother went to look for him. MRS. CURTIS (_politely_) No doubt she’s found him by this time. (_She looks from the settee to Jessie and Rupert, and back again; and her eyes widen with an intense inward struggle._) JESSIE (_turning to look at her coolly_) Was there anything else? MRS. CURTIS (_after a moment, during which her inward struggle prevents her from replying_) Oh--oh, no! I’m so sorry to have disturbed you! (_Her voice threatens to break and she goes out hurriedly, at the left._) JESSIE (_staring after her_) Absolutely brazen! She came back after that idiot _boy_! Thought _he’d_ probably come back! RUPERT Darling-- JESSIE (_turning to him eagerly_) Yes, darling-- RUPERT (_looking over her shoulder_) Oh, my goodness! (_He speaks with intense anguish._) JESSIE (_seizing his hand feverishly_) What’s the matter, darling? RUPERT (_rising_) It’s your mother! (_He strides hastily backward out of sight from the left entrance._) JESSIE Oh, murder! RUPERT She didn’t see me, but she will if I try to go out there. (_He points to the right entrance._) JESSIE She’s coming! RUPERT This is awful! (_His despairing eye falls upon the huge Philippine chair in the left rear corner of the room; he rushes to it, turns it round, with its back toward the front, and sits in it, concealed from view. He speaks in a hoarse whisper._) Darling-- JESSIE Hush! (_She has checked an impulse to rise and fly; and now, affecting carelessness, she brushes her left sleeve with her right hand, crosses her knees, swings her foot, whistles an operatic air and looks at the ceiling. Mrs. Briggs enters at the left, frowning. Jessie addresses her cheerfully._) Back again, Mamma? Where’s Lancelot? MRS. BRIGGS (_in an annoyed tone_) I don’t know. I thought you were going straight to your room. JESSIE Oh, I am. MRS. BRIGGS Have you just been sitting here alone? JESSIE Mrs. Curtis came back a minute ago looking for the child. MRS. BRIGGS Yes; I saw _her_. Wasn’t anyone else-- JESSIE (_carelessly_) Oh, yes; that Mr. Ingoldsby was here, too. MRS. BRIGGS He was? (_She looks at her watch and then toward the corridor on the left._) You told me you were very tired and were going straight to your room. JESSIE (_casually_) Oh, well, I feel rested now. MRS. BRIGGS You should lie down before dressing for dinner. JESSIE Why don’t _you_ do that, Mamma? You know how it brightens you up. MRS. BRIGGS (_frowning_) Brightens me up? Really! JESSIE Oh, I don’t mean like a _terribly_ aged person; but a nap every day’s a good thing for everybody. MRS. BRIGGS (_stiffly_) I _took_ a nap after lunch. Really, it’s time you went. JESSIE Oh, I’ll just sit around a while longer. I rather like to just sit around and do nothing, like this. MRS. BRIGGS You _said_ you were going, and you ought to do things when you say you’re going to do them. JESSIE But _why_? Why can’t I just sit around here a little longer if I want to? MRS. BRIGGS Because you said you-- JESSIE Oh, what if I did! Haven’t I got a right to change my mind? MRS. BRIGGS I insist on your lying down for half an hour before you dress for dinner. What makes you so obstinate about it? Have you any _reason_ for wishing not to do this simple thing? Is there anything you’re trying to conceal from me, Jessie? JESSIE (_rising hastily_) Certainly not! MRS. BRIGGS (_severely_) You haven’t any particular reason for staying here and not going to your room as you said you would? JESSIE No! MRS. BRIGGS Then-- JESSIE Oh, I’ll go; but I don’t understand why you make such a point of it! MRS. BRIGGS (_a little flustered_) A point of it? I? I’m not making a point of it! I don’t at all, except--except for your health. JESSIE (_going_) My _health_! (_She halts._) What nonsense! MRS. BRIGGS Your health is the only thing to consider. You’ve started; why don’t you _go_? JESSIE But what’s the _hurry_? MRS. BRIGGS Hurry? Oh, none! I just meant, as you _are_ going, why shouldn’t you _go_ and get it over? JESSIE What makes you so queer? MRS. BRIGGS (_with quiet severity_) Queer? You call your mother queer? It seems to me you’re the one that’s behaving queerly. Jessie, is there anything you’re trying to-- JESSIE No! Don’t get so upset. I’ll go! (_She goes out at the left. Mrs. Briggs stares after her for a moment; looks in the opposite direction; then seats herself upon the settee, and from the midst of a handkerchief which she has crumpled in her hand produces a small gold vanity box. She opens it, gazes in the tiny mirror, touches her hair, glances right and left, and uses a diminutive powder puff quickly; then she closes the box, conceals it in her handkerchief again, and hums a song to herself. Mr. Ingoldsby enters at the left. He has an air slightly embarrassed._) MRS. BRIGGS (_as if surprised_) Oh! INGOLDSBY Ah--I was here a while ago. It was a little earlier than our--our appointment; if I may call it so. (_He laughs nervously._) MRS. BRIGGS (_smiling_) Well, I suppose it _could_ be called an appointment--in a way. INGOLDSBY I--I thought--that is, I’ve noticed this was about the only place in the hotel where there aren’t usually a lot of people. I suggested it because--because I had something to say--ah--I mean that I thought it would be as well to say it in private--as it were. That is, if we were alone together, I--ah--that is to say, it’s something I couldn’t very well say in--in public, so to speak. I mean it would be difficult with other people present. MRS. BRIGGS (_smiling nervously_) Is it something very mysterious, Mr. Ingoldsby? INGOLDSBY I wish you wouldn’t call me that. MRS. BRIGGS (_seriously_) You want me to call you Henry? INGOLDSBY You did once. MRS. BRIGGS (_rising in some agitation_) Yes, but that was pretty long ago. INGOLDSBY (_sharply_) I called you Fannie then. MRS. BRIGGS (_more agitated_) I don’t think we should ever refer to it. When an episode is as long buried as-- INGOLDSBY (_his own agitation increasing_) Episode? See here, Fannie; you know why I stayed a bachelor. You do know. MRS. BRIGGS (_protesting quickly_) No, no! I have no responsibility for that! INGOLDSBY Haven’t you? When you broke your engagement to me-- MRS. BRIGGS (_crying out, though she suppresses the loudness of her voice_) It was a misunderstanding, Henry. INGOLDSBY It was not. I’ve held my peace in silence all these years because of my principles. I wouldn’t refer to such things with you when you had become a married woman. But I can speak now. You deliberately broke off with me-- MRS. BRIGGS (_choking_) I didn’t! INGOLDSBY (_with a suppressed passion_) You did! (_He paces the floor as he goes on._) You decided Lance Briggs was the better man, and you sent me my ring and letters without a single word explaining why you did it. MRS. BRIGGS Oh! INGOLDSBY You did! MRS. BRIGGS Is it fair to attack me with that now? INGOLDSBY Fair? How _dare_ you speak of _fairness_ to _me_? MRS. BRIGGS But you _knew_ why I did it. INGOLDSBY (_bitterly_) I did indeed! It was simply because you were of a fickle nature. Of course you didn’t have the courage to explain _that_. MRS. BRIGGS (_with great emotion_) But you don’t know the pressure, the awful pressure my mother brought to bear on me. She simply _made_ me marry him, Henry. It was night and day, day and night, week in, week out-- INGOLDSBY And you never for one moment had the simple bravery, the simple _loyalty_ to the man you’d given your word to-- MRS. BRIGGS I was worn out. I was-- INGOLDSBY You didn’t care enough for me to-- MRS. BRIGGS I _did_! INGOLDSBY No! No! No! MRS. BRIGGS (_piteously_) Henry, you _must_ listen to me! (_She puts her hand on his arm._) INGOLDSBY (_moving away from her_) Why didn’t you say that _then_? Why didn’t-- MRS. BRIGGS I loved you--I did, Henry! I simply let my mother break my will and wreck our two lives. INGOLDSBY What folly! You were perfectly happy with Briggs. I don’t know _how_ many people told me you were. MRS. BRIGGS I did my duty, and I tried to do it cheerfully; but the scar was always there, Henry. INGOLDSBY (_harshly_) I don’t believe it! MRS. BRIGGS (_plaintively_) It was, Henry. (_She sinks into the chair Jessie has occupied._) INGOLDSBY (_swallowing_) What? MRS. BRIGGS (_feebly_) It was, Henry--the scar was always there. (_Her head droops._) (_He walks across the room, then returns to her and looks down upon her._) INGOLDSBY (_swallowing_) Do you know what my life has been? MRS. BRIGGS (_tremulously, not looking up_) I--I heard you became very--very prosperous in--in real estate. INGOLDSBY Yes. What’s that to fill a man’s life? Look at the difference! You have children to be a comfort to you in your--your--as you approach middle age. I have nothing. MRS. BRIGGS (_pathetically, still looking down_) Oh, I’m sure you have something. INGOLDSBY I tell you I have nothing--nothing in the world to make life worth living, not a thing on earth! (_He glances about, then sits beside her and speaks in a very low voice._) Fannie--Fannie-- (_The settee approaches a little nearer._) MRS. BRIGGS (_also in a very low voice_) Well? INGOLDSBY Fannie--I--I--Fannie--I-- (_His emotion is difficult to control and his voice fades out into a murmur of several slight incoherent sounds, whereupon the settee again moves slightly closer._) MRS. BRIGGS Yes, Henry? INGOLDSBY You said your life was wrecked, though you bore it dutifully and--and cheerfully. Mine--_my_ life--it was withered! MRS. BRIGGS (_murmuring_) Oh--Henry! INGOLDSBY But, after all, our lives aren’t over. MRS. BRIGGS (_shaking her down-bent head and protesting in a weak voice_) Oh, no, no! Don’t begin to talk that way. INGOLDSBY Fannie, I never got over it. As time went on, I took up my work and tried to do my part in the world, but--but I never got over it, Fannie. I’m not over it now. MRS. BRIGGS (_turning to him mournfully_) Oh, yes, you are! INGOLDSBY (_shaking his head_) I’m not. I still--I still--I still--I still-- (_The settee again moves a little nearer_.) MRS. BRIGGS No, no. INGOLDSBY I do. I still--I still-- MRS. BRIGGS (_in a faint and tearful protest_) No, you don’t, Henry. You only think you do. INGOLDSBY No, I really do. I--I--I care for you yet, Fannie. MRS. BRIGGS (_recovering herself enough to smile faintly as she shakes her head_) Oh, my, no! INGOLDSBY Fannie, let’s--let’s save these years that we still have before us. Let’s try to make up for that old mistake. MRS. BRIGGS (_becoming a little brisker_) Why, how--how--why, we--why, I couldn’t think of such a thing! INGOLDSBY (_solemnly_) Fannie, I ask you to marry me. (_She stares at him; the settee moves an inch nearer._) MRS. BRIGGS What? INGOLDSBY I ask you to marry me. MRS. BRIGGS Why, good gracious! I wouldn’t have my children know that anybody had said such a thing to me for all the kingdoms on earth! INGOLDSBY (_earnestly_) They needn’t know it till afterwards. MRS. BRIGGS (_breathlessly_) Afterwards? After--after-- INGOLDSBY You’re not going to wreck us both _again_, are you, Fannie? MRS. BRIGGS (_as in amazement_) Why, if I’d dreamed you were going to say anything like _this_ to me when you asked me to meet you here this afternoon-- INGOLDSBY (_solemnly_) Fannie, I want you to give me your answer, and to do it now. What do you say? MRS. BRIGGS (_feebly, with her hand to her breast_) Oh, my! INGOLDSBY Yes; you must. MRS. BRIGGS But I haven’t had time to _think_! Why, I wouldn’t have anybody know about this for-- INGOLDSBY I want my answer, Fannie--Fannie _dear_! MRS. BRIGGS (_blankly_) _Oh_, dear! INGOLDSBY Fannie, _dearest_! (_He takes her hand._) MRS. BRIGGS Oh, I wouldn’t have anybody know this-- INGOLDSBY Dearest, dearest Fannie! MRS. BRIGGS Why, I wouldn’t have anybody know that we-- (_They are interrupted by a voice from a mysterious and invisible source. It is a male and adult voice, loudly and emphatically affecting to clear the throat of its origin in the manner of a person wishing to attract the attention of some other person._) THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE A-hem! A-a-a-_hem_! MRS. BRIGGS (_leaping in her chair_) Good heavens! INGOLDSBY (_jumping up_) What was that? MRS. BRIGGS (_rising_) Why, it was a man’s voice. INGOLDSBY It was right here in the room with us. MRS. BRIGGS (_sinking into her chair_) Oh, murder! INGOLDSBY (_staring about the room, notices the Philippine chair with its back turned to the front_) There’s somebody sitting in that chair! (_He starts toward it angrily, but is checked by a suppressed scream from Mrs. Briggs._) MRS. BRIGGS _Don’t!_ I’d _much_ rather never know who it is. (_Rising._) Let’s get away! (_She totters._) INGOLDSBY (_undecided, but very angry_) We ought to know who’s spying on us like this. MRS. BRIGGS (_clutching at him_) Oh! THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE (_indignantly_) I’m not spying! This is a public room in a public hotel-- MRS. BRIGGS (_moaning_) Oh! THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE (_continuing_) Any guest of this hotel has a right to sit here in peace, and if you _will_ go on talking about your private affairs in a public room-- MRS. BRIGGS (_leaning on Ingoldsby’s arm_) Oh, my! THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE (_continuing heatedly_) Why, it’s your own fault, not mine. I was only warning you not to go any further. I’ve heard enough of other people’s private affairs for one afternoon, anyhow. MRS. BRIGGS (_almost hysterically_) Oh, let’s go! (_She swings the reluctant and angry Ingoldsby toward the left entrance._) Let’s _go_! INGOLDSBY (_turning to call back angrily_) I don’t know who you are, sir; but when I’ve seen this lady to a--a place of safety--I _intend_ to know. I’ll be _back_ here, sir. THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE Fine! MRS. BRIGGS Oh, mercy! (_She moves hastily away from Ingoldsby as Jessie suddenly comes in, from the left, confronting them._) JESSIE (_halting sharply_) What in the world’s the matter? MRS. BRIGGS (_in a shaking voice_) Nothing! Nothing at all, Jessie. Why should you think anything’s the matter? JESSIE Why, you’re all upset! MRS. BRIGGS (_trying hard to seem lightly amused, and failing_) Not at all--not at all! I was just sitting here a moment with Mr. Ingoldsby, chatting over old times and--and then we decided to leave. We decided to leave--that’s all. I--I’m--(_Suddenly she starts, and with an incoherent exclamation looks behind her. Then she faces Jessie and, with a painful effort to smile, completes her sentence._) I’m all right. JESSIE Yes, you seem so. Mr. Ingoldsby, will you kindly tell me what you’ve been saying to my mother to upset her so? MRS. BRIGGS But I’m not-- INGOLDSBY (_checking her sharply_) Miss Briggs, I should not be likely to say anything disrespectful to my old and dear friend, your mother. (_Looking around angrily._) The truth is, there’s an eavesdropping scoundrel concealed in this room, and I-- JESSIE (_alarmed_) What! Oh, I’m _sure_ there isn’t. INGOLDSBY There is! An eavesdropping-- THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE (_angrily_) This is a public room, I told you. How can I help it if you-- INGOLDSBY I can’t stand this. He’s behind that chair. (_He breaks away from Mrs. Briggs and Jessie, who both clutch at him._) JESSIE (_crying out_) Don’t! _Please_ don’t! MRS. BRIGGS (_simultaneously_) Henry! Don’t! (_But Ingoldsby has already reached the Philippine chair that has its back turned toward the front of the stage; he seizes Rupert by the collar and drags him forth. Rupert is horrified._) INGOLDSBY Come out of there, you scoundrel. Come out to the light of day. RUPERT (_hastily_) I didn’t do it. It wasn’t _me_. MRS. BRIGGS Rupert Smith! JESSIE (_dolefully_) Oh, goodness! INGOLDSBY (_hotly_) What do you mean by terrorizing a lady? RUPERT I didn’t! I didn’t say a _word_! I _was_ behind there, but I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t _my_ voice talking to you. INGOLDSBY Then who was it? THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE If you’re anxious for more witnesses, I suggest that you look under the settee. MRS. BRIGGS (_changing her mind as she is in the act of sinking down upon the settee_) What! JESSIE Look at it! (_Mrs. Briggs screams faintly, as the settee moves rapidly to the left entrance, evidently meaning to leave the room._) INGOLDSBY (_to Rupert_) Stop that thing! Catch it! (_They seize the settee just as it is disappearing into the corridor. They drag it back into the room._) RUPERT (_trying to lift the settee_) Come out from under there! INGOLDSBY Come out, now! THE SETTEE I won’t! You lea’ me alone! INGOLDSBY Both together now--heave! (_They heave, and the settee yields, disclosing Lancelot with his previously smooth hair disheveled and his clothes well rumpled._) MRS. BRIGGS (_astonished_) Lancelot! Oh, gracious me! INGOLDSBY (_to Lancelot_) Shame on you! RUPERT Yes, shame on you! LANCELOT (_resentfully_) Well, you _would_ get me; but I’ll make you sorry you did it, both of you! (_He rises, brushing himself and adjusting his attire._) INGOLDSBY (_irritably_) Don’t you know better than to frighten ladies and eavesdrop and-- LANCELOT (_warmly_) I was abs’lootly honorable, because I couldn’t help it, and you none of you ever gave me a single chance to get away. _My_ conduct is the only one here that hasn’t got a stain on it or anything. (_He turns hotly upon Mrs. Briggs and Jessie._) I got nothing to reproach myself with, but I’d just like to know what either of you got to say for yourselves _now_ about the way you been talkin’ about Mrs. Curtis! If you either of you ever just _dare_ to soil your lips with even her _name_ again, why, I know more _things_-- MRS. BRIGGS Be quiet, Lancelot. LANCELOT Quiet? _Me?_ (_He laughs shortly with an irony he could not express in words._) In the first place, don’t call me Lancelot any more. You know how I hate that name, and I been tryin’ to break you of it long enough--and now I will! I don’t care what you call me, but don’t call me _that_! JESSIE (_pointing to the settee_) How long were you under there? LANCELOT (_sternly_) Long enough to get mighty tired of hearin’ people callin’ each other “Darling”! Good gracious! You don’t think I _enjoyed_ it, do you? Why, what I heard while I was under there--well, I got a pretty strong constitution, but-- MRS. BRIGGS Hush! Oh, me! INGOLDSBY The voice that spoke didn’t sound like Lancelot’s voice-- LANCELOT (_turning upon him ominously_) Did you hear me say not to call me Lancelot? I mean you, too. INGOLDSBY (_with hasty meekness_) I’ll call you anything you like; but I want to know who it was that _spoke_. You say it wasn’t you-- LANCELOT (_very emphatically_) No, it wasn’t. I wouldn’t ’a’ told you to look under the settee, would I? INGOLDSBY (_with a gesture toward Rupert_) And this gentleman says it wasn’t he. RUPERT Why, it spoke again after I came out. INGOLDSBY (_quite bewildered_) So it did. Then who-- LANCELOT I don’t care who it was; what I want to point out, right here and now, before we go any further, why, I’m in a position to say that I got some plans for my future life and I don’t expect to have any intaference with ’em from my family, or from anybody that wants to _join_ my family either. All up to now, I’ve spent my life in a dependent position, so to speak, but after what’s happened here lately, and knowin’ all the _things_ I _do_ know-- (_His voice has risen during this oration, and Jessie, after a glance to the left entrance, attempts to moderate him._) JESSIE Hush! There’s somebody-- LANCELOT I don’t care _who’s_ comin’, I’m goin’ to say my say. I expect to settle my own future in my own way, and any lady that I may decide to make _another_ member of this family-- JESSIE _Hush!_ (_The eyes of Lancelot follow hers to the left entrance and his stern manner is instantly softened._) LANCELOT It’s her. (_Mrs. Curtis comes in, but stops uncertainly near the entrance._) MRS. CURTIS Oh! I’m afraid I-- (_She turns to go._) LANCELOT Wait. I was just talkin’ to ’em about you. MRS. CURTIS You were, Mr. Briggs? LANCELOT (_to the others, reprovingly_) _She_ never calls me Lancelot. Missuz--Missuz Curtis, I didn’t have to tell ’em; they’d already found out you were a widow. We don’t need to bother about that anyway. MRS. CURTIS _We_ don’t? LANCELOT I’ve found out a good _many_ things since I saw you, and I’m goin’ to tell you the whole biznuss. MRS. BRIGGS Shame! JESSIE (_with a despairing laugh_) What would it matter? There’s somebody _else_ here that knows “the whole biznuss”! MRS. CURTIS (_struck by this_) What did you say, Miss Briggs? INGOLDSBY (_warmly_) She made a sensible remark, madam. There is a person concealed in this room-- MRS. CURTIS (_impulsively_) Oh, dear! How did you know? ALL THE OTHERS What? MRS. CURTIS Nothing. INGOLDSBY All right! (_To Rupert._) I think I know now where he is, and I’m going to have him out. MRS. CURTIS (_gasping, then imploringly_) _Please_ stop! INGOLDSBY (_halting_) Why? MRS. CURTIS (_weakly_) It’s a friend of mine. LANCELOT (_apprehensively_) A friend of yours? MRS. CURTIS I--I’ll answer for him. He’ll never mention--ah--anything. He really wouldn’t be interested. He doesn’t know any of you. THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE No; and doesn’t care to! INGOLDSBY (_angrily_) Now, I _will_-- MRS. CURTIS _Please_ don’t! INGOLDSBY I mean to know who he is. MRS. CURTIS (_pleading_) Please! If you found him, you’d only see a total stranger to you. But he _wouldn’t_ be a stranger to quite a lot of people in this hotel that _I_ know. INGOLDSBY (_now shaking his head_) I’m afraid I don’t see it. MRS. CURTIS (_in a faltering voice_) He’s just here for one day and we--we didn’t want anyone to know it. I had so many engagements I could only take a short walk in the country with him this morning and--and promise to meet him here at five this afternoon. LANCELOT (_who has been staring at her painfully_) But--but--see here! MRS. CURTIS Yes, I tried to get you to run away and dance with some nice young thing. LANCELOT (_pathetically_) So you could be here with--him? MRS. CURTIS I--I believe so. LANCELOT (_dismally_) Oh, my! INGOLDSBY Madam, what you say doesn’t excuse this person’s eavesdropping. THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE (_belligerently_) Why doesn’t it? A lady’s got a right to keep her engagement a secret as long as she wants to, hasn’t she? There are people in this hotel that would know all about it if they saw her with me. (_With some bitterness._) That’s why she said to meet her here, because it’s so quiet! INGOLDSBY That doesn’t excuse-- THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE It’s more your fault than anybody else’s. I was awake all last night on a noisy train, and I was quietly _asleep_ here--till you woke me up. INGOLDSBY Till _who_ woke you up? THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE Till _you_ did. I never knew a man that made so much noise about proposing a second marriage. JESSIE (_amazed_) Oh, Mamma! MRS. BRIGGS (_with severe dignity_) I’ll speak to you and Mr. Rupert Smith after dinner. Henry, I don’t see the propriety of continuing an argument with this interloper, whoever he may be. (_She takes Ingoldsby’s arm._) JESSIE No. Let’s _do_ get away from here! (_She moves toward the left entrance with Rupert._) INGOLDSBY (_looking back, as he follows with Mrs. Briggs; speaks reprovingly_) I hope you have some shame for your conduct, sir. THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE Bless you, my children! INGOLDSBY (_infuriated_) Now, I’ll-- (_He turns to go back._) MRS. BRIGGS (_restraining him_) Henry! (_They go on the left entrance. Jessie and Rupert have passed out into the corridor._) LANCELOT Did he say “a lady’s got a right to keep her--her _engagement_--a secret”? MRS. CURTIS Yes. LANCELOT To--to--to you? MRS. CURTIS Yes, dear. LANCELOT (_piteously_) Oh--oh, pshaw! MRS. BRIGGS (_calling back_) Lancelot! LANCELOT (_meekly_) Yes’m. (_He goes dismally across to the left entrance and pauses. Ingoldsby and Mrs. Briggs have withdrawn, preceding him._) MRS. CURTIS (_as he pauses_) What is it, Mr. Briggs? LANCELOT (_swallowing_) Noth--nothin’. (He goes out.) MRS. CURTIS (_turning, after a moment’s faintly smiling meditation_) You poor thing! THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE (_in an aggrieved tone_) Well, I should say I am! (_She goes to the Philippine chair, near the right rear corner, and, moving a smaller chair close to it, seats herself and addresses the invisible person, who is evidently sitting in the shelter of the big chair._) MRS. CURTIS After all, there’s nobody else here just _now_, darling. THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE No. We’re alone, darling. MRS. CURTIS You poor darling! (_She glances about, then impulsively leans behind the huge back of the Philippine chair as the curtain descends._) Dorothy’s Neighbors A brand new comedy in four acts, by Marie Doran, author of “The New Co-Ed,” “Tempest and Sunshine,” and many other successful plays. 4 males, 7 females. The scenes are extremely easy to arrange; two plain interiors and one exterior, a garden, or, if necessary, the two interiors will answer. Costumes modern. Plays 2-1/2 hours. 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