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[Transcriber’s Note:

These  texts of _The Merry Wives of Windsor_ are from Volume I of
the nine-volume 1863 Cambridge edition of Shakespeare. The Preface
(e-text 23041) and the other plays from this volume are each
available as separate e-texts.

General Notes are in their original location at the end of the play.
Text-critical notes are grouped at the end of each Scene. All line
numbers are from the original text; line breaks in dialogue--including
prose passages--are unchanged. Brackets are also unchanged; to avoid
ambiguity, footnotes and linenotes are given without added brackets.
In the notes, numerals printed as subscripts are shown inline as
F1, F2, Q1....

Texts cited in the Notes are listed at the end of the e-text.]




  THE WORKS

  of

  WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE


  Edited by

  WILLIAM GEORGE CLARK, M.A.
  Fellow and Tutor of Trinity College, and Public Orator
  in the University of Cambridge;

  and JOHN GLOVER, M.A.
  Librarian Of Trinity College, Cambridge.


  _VOLUME I._


  Cambridge and London:
  MACMILLAN AND CO.
  1863.




THE

MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR.




Besides the copies of the _Merry Wives of Windsor_ appearing in the
folios and modern editions, a quarto, Q3, has been collated in these
Notes, of which the following is the title:

  The | Merry Wives | of Windsor. | with the humours of Sir _John
  Falstaffe_, | as also, The swaggering Vaine of Ancient | _Pistoll_,
  and Corporall _Nym_. |WRITTEN BY _William Shake-speare_. | Newly
  corrected. | LONDON: | printed by _T. H._ for _R. Meighen_ and are
  to be sold | at his Shop, next to the Middle-Temple Gate, and in |
  S. _Dunstan’s_ Church-yard in _Fleet Street_. | 1630.

Q1 and Q2 are editions of an early sketch of the same play. The
variations between the text of these quartos and the received text are
so great that collation cannot be attempted. The text printed at the end
of the play is taken _literatim_ from Q1, the edition of 1602, of which
a copy is preserved among Capell’s SHAKESPEARIANA, and this text is
collated _verbatim_ with Q2, the second quarto printed in 1619. Q1 was
reprinted in 1842 for the Shakespeare Society by Mr J. O. Halliwell.
This text, which differs in one or two places from Capell’s Q1, has also
been collated. Q2 is given among TWENTY OF THE PLAYS OF SHAKESPEARE,
edited by Steevens. Their titles are as follows:

  (1) A | Most pleasaunt and | excellent conceited Co-|medie, of Syr
  _John Falstaffe_, and the | Merrie Wiues of _Windsor_. | Enter-mixed
  with sundrie | variable and pleasing humors of Syr _Hugh_ | the
  Welch Knight, Justice _Shallow_, and his | wise Cousin M. _Slender_.
  | With the Swaggering vaine of Auncient | _Pistoll_, and Corporall
  _Nym_. | By _William Shakespeare_. | As it hath been diuers times
  Acted by the right Honorable | my Lord Chamberlaines seruants. Both
  before her | Maiestie, and else-where. | London. | Printed by T. C.
  for Arthur Johnson, and are to be sold at | his shop in Powles
  Church-yard, at the signe of the | Flower de Leuse and the Crowne.
  | 1602.

[This consists of 7 Quires of 4. In the Quire G one line, which we have
included in brackets, has been cut away by the binder. We have supplied
it from Halliwell’s edition and Q2.]

  (2) A | Most pleasant and ex-|cellent Comedy, | _of Sir John
  Falstaffe, and the | merry Wives of Windsor_. | With the swaggering
  vaine of An|cient _Pistoll_, and Corporall _Nym_. | Written by
  W. SHAKESPEARE. | Printed for _Arthur Johnson_, 1619.




DRAMATIS PERSONÆ[1].


  SIR JOHN FALSTAFF.
  FENTON, a gentleman.
  SHALLOW, a country justice.
  SLENDER, cousin to Shallow.
  FORD, } two gentlemen dwelling at Windsor.
  PAGE, }
  WILLIAM PAGE, a boy, son to Page.
  SIR HUGH EVANS, a Welsh parson.
  DOCTOR CAIUS, a French physician.
  Host of the Garter Inn.
  BARDOLPH, }
  PISTOL,   } sharpers attending on Falstaff.
  NYM,      }
  ROBIN, page to Falstaff.
  SIMPLE, servant to Slender.
  RUGBY, servant to Doctor Caius.

  MISTRESS FORD.
  MISTRESS PAGE.
  ANNE PAGE, her daughter.
  MISTRESS QUICKLY, servant to Doctor Caius.

  Servants to Page, Ford, &c.


  SCENE--_Windsor, and the neighbourhood._


    [Footnote 1: Not in Qq Ff. Inserted by Rowe.]




THE
MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR.




ACT I.


SCENE I. _Windsor. Before PAGE’S house._

  _Enter JUSTICE SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS._

_Shal._ Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-chamber
matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs,
he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.

_Slen._ In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace
and ‘Coram.’                                                         5

_Shal._ Ay, cousin Slender, and ‘Custalorum.’

_Slen._ Ay, and ‘Rato-lorum’ too; and a gentleman born,
master parson; who writes himself ‘Armigero,’ in any bill,
warrant, quittance, or obligation, ‘Armigero.’

_Shal._ Ay, that I do; and have done any time these                 10
three hundred years.

_Slen._ All his successors gone before him hath done’t;
and all his ancestors that come after him may: they may
give the dozen white luces in their coat.                           15

_Shal._ It is an old coat.

_Evans._ The dozen white louses do become an old coat
well; it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to man,
and signifies love.

_Shal._ The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an
old coat.                                                           20

_Slen._ I may quarter, coz.

_Shal._ You may, by marrying.

_Evans._ It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

_Shal._ Not a whit.

_Evans._ Yes, py’r lady; if he has a quarter of your                25
coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple
conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff have
committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and
will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and
compremises between you.                                            30

_Shal._ The council shall hear it; it is a riot.

_Evans._ It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is
no fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall desire
to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your
vizaments in that.                                                  35

_Shal._ Ha! o’ my life, if I were young again, the sword
should end it.

_Evans._ It is petter that friends is the sword, and end
it: and there is also another device in my prain, which
peradventure prings goot discretions with it:--there is Anne        40
Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is
pretty virginity.

_Slen._ Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and
speaks small like a woman.

_Evans._ It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as        45
you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys, and
gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his death’s-bed (Got
deliver to a joyful resurrections!) give, when she is able to
overtake seventeen years old: it were a goot motion if we
leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between      50
Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

_Slen._ Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?

_Evans._ Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.

_Slen._ I know the young gentlewoman; she has good
gifts.                                                              55

_Evans._ Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot
gifts.

_Shal._ Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff
there?

_Evans._ Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do        60
despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true.
The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled
by your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master Page.
[_Knocks_] What, hoa! Got pless your house here!

_Page._ [_Within_] Who’s there?                                     65

  _Enter PAGE._

_Evans._ Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and
Justice Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that peradventures
shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to
your likings.

_Page._ I am glad to see your worships well. I thank                70
you for my venison, Master Shallow.

_Shal._ Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good
do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it
was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?--and I
thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.                  75

_Page._ Sir, I thank you.

_Shal._ Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.

_Page._ I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.

_Slen._ How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard
say he was outrun on Cotsall.                                       80

_Page._ It could not be judged, sir.

_Slen._ You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.

_Shal._ That he will not. ’Tis your fault, ’tis your fault;
’tis a good dog.

_Page._ A cur, sir.                                                 85

_Shal._ Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be
more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?

_Page._ Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good
office between you.

_Evans._ It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.                90

_Shal._ He hath wronged me, Master Page.

_Page._ Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.

_Shal._ If it be confessed, it is not redressed: is not that
so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he hath;
at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert Shallow, esquire,            95
saith, he is wronged.

_Page._ Here comes Sir John.

  _Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL._

_Fal._ Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to
the king?

_Shal._ Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my                  100
deer, and broke open my lodge.

_Fal._ But not kissed your keeper’s daughter?

_Shal._ Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.

_Fal._ I will answer it straight; I have done all this.
That is now answered.                                              105

_Shal._ The council shall know this.

_Fal._ ’Twere better for you if it were known in counsel:
you’ll be laughed at.

_Evans._ Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.

_Fal._ Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke                  110
your head: what matter have you against me?

_Slen._ Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against
you; and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,
Nym, and Pistol.

_Bard._ You Banbury cheese!                                        115

_Slen._ Ay, it is no matter.

_Pist._ How now, Mephostophilus!

_Slen._ Ay, it is no matter.

_Nym._ Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that’s my
humour.                                                            120

_Slen._ Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell,
cousin?

_Evans._ Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand.
There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand;
that is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is          125
myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is, lastly
and finally, mine host of the Garter.

_Page._ We three, to hear it and end it between them.

_Evans._ Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my
note-book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause               130
with as great discreetly as we can.

_Fal._ Pistol!

_Pist._ He hears with ears.

_Evans._ The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, ’He
hears with ear’? why, it is affectations.                          135

_Fal._ Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?

_Slen._ Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might
never come in mine own great chamber again else, of
seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards,
that cost me two shilling and two pence a-piece of                 140
Yead Miller, by these gloves.

_Fal._ Is this true, Pistol?

_Evans._ No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.

_Pist._ Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and master mine,     145
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
Word of denial in thy labras here!
Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!

_Slen._ By these gloves, then, ’twas he.

_Nym._ Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will               150
say ‘marry trap’ with you, if you run the nuthook’s humour
on me; that is the very note of it.

_Slen._ By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for
though I cannot remember what I did when you made me
drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.                             155

_Fal._ What say you, Scarlet and John?

_Bard._ Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had
drunk himself out of his five sentences.

_Evans._ It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!

_Bard._ And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered;           160
and so conclusions passed the careires.

_Slen._ Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but ’tis no
matter: I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in
honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I be drunk,
I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not        165
with drunken knaves.

_Evans._ So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

_Fal._ You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen;
you hear it.

  _Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE,
  following._

_Page._ Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we’ll drink              170
within.    [_Exit Anne Page._

_Slen._ O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.

_Page._ How now, Mistress Ford!

_Fal._ Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well
met: by your leave, good mistress.    [_Kisses her._               175

_Page._ Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we
have a hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I
hope we shall drink down all unkindness.

    [_Exeunt all except Shal., Slen., and Evans._

_Slen._ I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book
of Songs and Sonnets here.                                         180

  _Enter SIMPLE._

How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait on
myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about
you, have you?

_Sim._ Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to
Alice Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight afore         185
Michaelmas?

_Shal._ Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word
with you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a tender,
a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do
you understand me?                                                 190

_Slen._ Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so,
I shall do that that is reason.

_Shal._ Nay, but understand me.

_Slen._ So I do, sir.

_Evans._ Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will           195
description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.

_Slen._ Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I
pray you, pardon me; he’s a justice of peace in his country,
simple though I stand here.

_Evans._ But that is not the question: the question is             200
concerning your marriage.

_Shal._ Ay, there’s the point, sir.

_Evans._ Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress
Anne Page.

_Slen._ Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable     205
demands.

_Evans._ But can you affection the ’oman? Let us command
to know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers
philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth.
Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the          210
maid?

_Shal._ Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

_Slen._ I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that
would do reason.

_Evans._ Nay, Got’s lords and his ladies! you must                 215
speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards
her.

_Shal._ That you must. Will you, upon good dowry,
marry her?

_Slen._ I will do a greater thing than that, upon your             220
request, cousin, in any reason.

_Shal._ Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what
I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?

_Slen._ I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there
be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease         225
it upon better acquaintance, when we are married and have
more occasion to know one another; I hope, upon familiarity
will grow more contempt: but if you say, ‘Marry her,’
I will marry her; that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.

_Evans._ It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in       230
the ort ‘dissolutely:’ the ort is, according to our meaning,
‘resolutely:’ his meaning is good.

_Shal._ Ay, I think my cousin meant well.

_Slen._ Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!

_Shal._ Here comes fair Mistress Anne.                             235

_Re-enter ANNE PAGE._

Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!

_Anne._ The dinner is on the table; my father desires
your worships’ company.

_Shal._ I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.

_Evans._ Od’s plessed will! I will not be absence at the           240
grace.    [_Exeunt Shallow and Evans._

_Anne._ Will’t please your worship to come in, sir?

_Slen._ No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very
well.

_Anne._ The dinner attends you, sir.                               245

_Slen._ I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go,
sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my cousin
Shallow. [_Exit Simple._] A justice of peace sometimes
may be beholding to his friend for a man. I keep but
three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: but               250
what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born.

_Anne._ I may not go in without your worship: they
will not sit till you come.

_Slen._ I’ faith, I’ll eat nothing; I thank you as much as
though I did.                                                      255

_Anne._ I pray you, sir, walk in.

_Slen._ I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised
my shin th’ other day with playing at sword and dagger
with a master of fence; three veneys for a dish of stewed
prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot          260
meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears
i’ the town?

_Anne._ I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.

_Slen._ I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel
at it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you                265
see the bear loose, are you not?

_Anne._ Ay, indeed, sir.

_Slen._ That’s meat and drink to me, now. I have seen
Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by the
chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so cried and             270
shrieked at it, that it passed: but women, indeed, cannot
abide ’em; they are very ill-favoured rough things.

  _Re-enter PAGE._

_Page._ Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for
you.

_Slen._ I’ll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.                        275

_Page._ By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come,
come.

_Slen._ Nay, pray you, lead the way.

_Page._ Come on, sir.

_Slen._ Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.                    280

_Anne._ Not I, sir; pray you, keep on.

_Slen._ Truly, I will not go first; truly, la! I will not do
you that wrong.

_Anne._ I pray you, sir.

_Slen._ I’ll rather be unmannerly than troublesome.                285
You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!    [_Exeunt._


  NOTES: I, 1

  6: _Custalorum_] _Custos_ Farmer conj.
  7: _Rato-lorum_] Ff. _Rotulorum_ Q3.
  10: _I_] _We_ Steevens (Farmer conj.).
  12: _hath_] F1 Q3 F2. _have_ F3 F4.
  19: _The luce is_] _The luce_ [To _Slen._ showing him his seal-ring]
    _is_ Capell.
  23: _marring_] F1 Q3. _marrying_ F2 F3 F4.
  25: _py’r lady_] _per-lady_ Ff Q3.
  26: _skirts_] _shirts_ Q3.
  28: _unto_] _upon_ Pope.
  30: _compremises_] _compromises_ Pope.
  32: _hear_] F1 Q3. _hear of_ F2 F3 F4.
  34: _take your_] F1 Q3. _take you_ F2 F3 F4.
  38: _and_] _that_ Pope.
  40: _goot_] F1 Q3. _good_ F2 F3 F4.
  41: _Thomas_] Ff Q3. _George_ Theobald. See note (I).
  44: _small_] F1 Q3. om. F2 F3 F4.
  45: _orld_] Ff. _world_ Q3.
  49: See note (II).
  52, 54, 55: Given to Shallow by Capell.
  53: _her father_] _his father_ Capell (corrected in MS.).
  56: _possibilities_] F1 Q3. possibility F2 F3 F4.
  63: _well-willers_] _well-wishers_ Rowe.
  65: Enter PAGE.] Edd. Enter Page. Rowe (after line 64).
    Halliwell (after line 69).
  65: SCENE II. Pope.
  67: _here_] F1 Q3. _here’s_ F2 F3 F4.
  70: _worships_] _worship’s_ Rowe.
  75: _thank_] _love_ (Q1 Q2) Steevens (Farmer conj.).
  77: _thank_] _love_ Farmer conj. MS.
  80: _Cotsall_ F1 Q3.] _Cotsale_ F2 F3 F4.
  82-84: _Slen ... dog_] _Shall. You’ll ... confess._
    Slen. _That ... not._ Shall. _’Tis ... dog._ Farmer conj. MS.
  98: SCENE III. Pope.
  99: _king_] _council_ (Q1 Q2) Warburton.
  102: _daughter?_] F1 Q3 F2 F3. _daughter._ (Q1 Q2) F4.
  106, 107: _council ... counsel_] _councell ... counsell_ (Q1 Q2).
    _councell ... councill_ F1 Q3 F2. _council ... counsell_ F3.
    _council ... councel_ F4.
  107, 108: _you if ... you’ll_] _you: if it were known in council,
    you’ll_ Harness (Johnson conj.).
  107: _known_] _not known_ Pope.
  114: _Pistol._] _Pistol; they carried me to the tavern and made me
    drunk, and afterward picked my pocket._ Malone (from Q1 Q2).
    See note (III).
  119-120: _pauca, pauca ... humour_] Evans. _Pauca, pauca._
    Nym. _Slice ... humour._ Farmer conj.
  126: _three_] _third_ Pope.
  127: _Garter_] Q3. _Gater_ Ff.
  131: _discreetly_] _discretions_ Pope.
  146: _latten_] _laten_ (Q1 Q3). latine Ff Q3.
  _latten bilbo._] _latten. Bilbo!_ Becket conj.
  147: _thy labras here_] _my labras hear_ Johnson conj.
  150: _avised_] _advis’d_ F4.
  151: _the nuthook’s humour_] _the base humour_ Pope.
    _bace humors_ (Q1 Q2).
  160: _fap_] _sap_ A. A. conj. _vap_ Boys conj.
  161: _careires_] _car-eires_ Ff Q3. _careeres_ Capell.
  171: [Exit A. P.] Theobald.
  175: [Kisses her.] Pope.
  179: SCENE IV. Pope.
  186: _Michaelmas_] _Martlemas_ Theobald.
  188: _this, coz_] _this_ Q3.
  192: _that that_] _that_ F3 F4.
  209: _mouth_] _mind_ Pope.
  210: _carry_] F1 Q3. _marry_ F2 F3 F4.
  216: _carry her_] _carry-her_ F1 Q3 F2 F3. _carre-her_ F4.
  228: _contempt_] Theobald. _content_ Ff Q3.
  230: _fall_] Ff Q3. _faul’_ Hanmer. _fault_ Collier. _fall’_ Singer.
    _faul_ Dyce.
  234: _hanged_] _hang’_ F2 F3 F4.
  236: SCENE V. Pope.
  249: _beholding_] _beholden_ Pope.
  251: _like_] om. F2 F3 F4.
  275: _I’ll eat_] _I chuse to eat_ Hanmer.


SCENE II. _The same._

  _Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE._

_Evans._ Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius’ house
which is the way: and there dwells one Mistress Quickly,
which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his
cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer.

_Sim._ Well, sir.                                                    5

_Evans._ Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for
it is a ’oman that altogether’s acquaintance with Mistress
Anne Page: and the letter is, to desire and require her to
solicit your master’s desires to Mistress Anne Page. I
pray you, be gone: I will make an end of my dinner;                 10
there’s pippins and cheese to come.    [_Exeunt._


  NOTES: I, 2

  SCENE II.] SCENE VI. Pope.
  The same.] Capell. An outer room in Page’s house. Dyce.
  3: _dry_] _try_ (Q1 Q2) Dyce.
  4: _wringer_] Theobald. _Ringer_ Ff Q3.
  11: _cheese_] _seese_ Dyce.


SCENE III. _A room in the Garter Inn._

  _Enter FALSTAFF, Host, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, and ROBIN._

_Fal._ Mine host of the Garter!

_Host._ What says my bully-rook? speak scholarly and
wisely.

_Fal._ Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my
followers.                                                           5

_Host._ Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag;
trot, trot.

_Fal._ I sit at ten pounds a week.

_Host._ Thou’rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheezar.
I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap: said        10
I well, bully Hector?

_Fal._ Do so, good mine host.

_Host._ I have spoke; let him follow. [_To Bard._] Let
me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word; follow.    [_Exit._

_Fal._ Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade:             15
an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man
a fresh tapster. Go; adieu.

_Bard._ It is a life that I have desired: I will thrive.

_Pist._ O base Hungarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield?

    [_Exit Bardolph._                                               20

_Nym._ He was gotten in drink: is not the humour
conceited?

_Fal._ I am glad I am so acquit of this tinder-box: his
thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful
singer; he kept not time.                                           25

_Nym._ The good humour is to steal at a minute’s rest.

_Pist._ ‘Convey,’ the wise it call. ‘Steal!’ foh! a fico
for the phrase!

_Fal._ Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.

_Pist._ Why, then, let kibes ensue.                                 30

_Fal._ There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must
shift.

_Pist._ Young ravens must have food.

_Fal._ Which of you know Ford of this town?

_Pist._ I ken the wight: he is of substance good.                   35

_Fal._ My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.

_Pist._ Two yards, and more.

_Fal._ No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist
two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am
about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford’s             40
wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves,
she gives the leer of invitation: I can construe the action
of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour,
to be Englished rightly, is, ‘I am Sir John Falstaff’s.’

_Pist._ He hath studied her will, and translated her will,          45
out of honesty into English.

_Nym._ The anchor is deep: will that humour pass?

_Fal._ Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her
husband’s purse: he hath a legion of angels.

_Pist._ As many devils entertain; and ‘To her, boy,’ say I.         50

_Nym._ The humour rises; it is good: humour me the
angels.

_Fal._ I have writ me here a letter to her: and here
another to Page’s wife, who even now gave me good eyes
too, examined my parts with most judicious œillades;                55
sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes
my portly belly.

_Pist._ Then did the sun on dunghill shine.

_Nym._ I thank thee for that humour.

_Fal._ O, she did so course o’er my exteriors with such             60
a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to
scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here’s another letter
to her: she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana,
all gold and bounty. I will be cheaters to them both, and
they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East               65
and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear
thou this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to Mistress
Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.

_Pist._ Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!                  70

_Nym._ I will run no base humour: here, take the
humour-letter: I will keep the haviour of reputation.

_Fal._ [_To Robin_] Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly;
Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.
Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go;                  75
Trudge, plod away o’ the hoof; seek shelter, pack!
Falstaff will learn the humour of the age,
French thrift, you rogues; myself and skirted page.

    [_Exeunt Falstaff and Robin._

_Pist._ Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds,
And high and low beguiles the rich and poor:                        80
Tester I’ll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,
Base Phrygian Turk!

_Nym._ I have operations which be humours of revenge.

_Pist._ Wilt thou revenge?

_Nym._ By welkin and her star!                                      85

_Pist._ With wit or steel?

_Nym._ With both the humours, I:
I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.

_Pist._ And I to Ford shall eke unfold
  How Falstaff, varlet vile,                                        90
His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
  And his soft couch defile.

_Nym._ My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page
to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for
the revolt of mine is dangerous: that is my true humour.            95

_Pist._ Thou art the Mars of malecontents: I second
thee; troop on.    [_Exeunt._


  NOTES: I, 3

  SCENE III.] SCENE VII. Pope.
  2: _bully-rook_] _Bully Rock_ Rowe, passim.
  10: _shall ... shall_] F1 Q3. _will ... will_ F2 F3 F4.
  14: _see thee froth_] _see thee, froth_ Staunton.
  _lime_] Steevens. _lyme_ (Q1 Q2). _live_ Ff Q3.
  19: _Hungarian_] Ff Q3. _Gongarian_ (Q1 Q2) Capell.
  22: _conceited?_] Theobald here inserts (from Q1 Q2),
    _His mind is not heroic and there’s the humour of it._
  23: _acquit_] _quit_ Pope.
  26: _minute’s_] Ff. _minuntes_ Q3. _minim’s_ Singer
    (Bennet-Langton conj.).
  41: _carves_] Ff (Q1 Q2). _craves_ Q3.
  45: _studied her will_] Ff Q3. _studied her well_ (Q1 Q2) Pope.
  _translated her will_] Ff Q3 (om. Q1 Q2). _translated her well_
    Pope. translated her Hanmer. _studied her well and translated her
    will_ Grant White. _studied her well and translated her ill_
    Edd. conj.
  47: _anchor_] _author_ Johnson conj.
  49: _he_] _she_ (Q1 Q2) Pope.
  _a legion_] Pope. _a legend_ Ff. Q3. _legians_ (Q1). _legions_
    (Q2) Capell.
  50: _entertain_] Ff Q3. _attend her_ (Q1 Q2). _enter swine_
    Coleridge conj. _in her train_ Anon. conj.
  55: _œillades_] _illiads_ Ff Q3. _eyelids_ Halliwell (Pope conj.).
  56: _gilded_] _guilded_ F1 Q3. _guided_ F2 F3 F4.
  64: _cheaters_] (Q1 Q2) F1 Q3 F3 F4. _cheators_ F2. _cheater_
    Theobald. _escheator_ Hanmer. _’cheator_ Capell.
  73: _tightly_] F1. _titely_ (Q1 Q2). _rightly_ Q3 F2 F3 F4.
  74: [Exit Robin. Dyce.
  76: _o’ the_] _oth’_ F2 F3 F4. _ith’_ F1 Q3.
  77: _learn_] _earn_ Anon. conj.
  _humour_] (Q1 Q2) Theobald. _honour_ Ff Q3.
  _the_] Ff Q3. _this_ (Q1 Q2) Capell.
  78: [Exeunt Falstaff and Robin.] Rowe. [Exit. Dyce.
  79: SCENE VIII. Pope.
  _fullam holds_] _fullams hold_ Hanmer.
  80: _beguiles_] _beguile_ Hanmer.
  83: _operations_] Ff Q3. _operations in my head_ (Q1 Q2) Pope.
  85: _star_] _fairies_ (Q1 Q2). _stars_ Collier MS.
  88: _discuss_] _disclose_ Pope.
  88, 89: _Page_ ... _Ford_] (Q1 Q2) Steevens. _Ford_ ... _Page_
    Ff Q3. See note (I).
  93: _Page_] Steevens. _Ford_ Ff Q3.
  94: _yellowness_] _jealousies_ Pope.
  95: _the_] _this_ Pope.
  95: _mine_] _mien_ Theobald. _mind_ Jackson conj. _meisne_ or _men_
    Anon. conj. See note (IV).


SCENE IV. _A room in DOCTOR CAIUS’S house._

  _Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY._

_Quick._ What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the
casement, and see if you can see my master, Master
Doctor Caius, coming. If he do, i’ faith, and find any
body in the house, here will be an old abusing of God’s
patience and the king’s English.                                     5

_Rug._ I’ll go watch.

_Quick._ Go; and we’ll have a posset for’t soon at night,
in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. [_Exit Rugby._]
An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come
in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale nor no            10
breed-bate: his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is
something peevish that way: but nobody but has his fault;
but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?

_Sim._ Ay, for fault of a better.

_Quick._ And Master Slender’s your master?                          15

_Sim._ Ay, forsooth.

_Quick._ Does he not wear a great round beard, like a
glover’s paring-knife?

_Sim._ No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with
a little yellow beard,--a Cain-coloured beard.                      20

_Quick._ A softly-sprighted man, is he not?

_Sim._ Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his
hands as any is between this and his head; he hath fought
with a warrener.

_Quick._ How say you?--O, I should remember him:                    25
does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?

_Sim._ Yes, indeed, does he.

_Quick._ Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune!
Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can
for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish--                  30

  _Re-enter RUGBY._

_Rug._ Out, alas! here comes my master.

_Quick._ We shall all be shent. Run in here, good
young man; go into this closet: he will not stay long.
[_Shuts Simple in the closet._] What, John Rugby! John!
what, John, I say! Go, John, go inquire for my master;              35
I doubt he be not well, that he comes not home.

[_Singing_] And down, down, adown-a, &c.

  _Enter DOCTOR CAIUS._

_Caius._ Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray
you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert,--a box,
a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.                40

_Quick._ Ay, forsooth; I’ll fetch it you. [_Aside_] I am
glad he went not in himself: if he had found the young
man, he would have been horn-mad.

_Caius._ Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je
m’en vais à la cour,--la grande affaire.                            45

_Quick._ Is it this, sir?

_Caius._ Oui; mette le au mon pocket: dépêche, quickly.
Vere is dat knave Rugby?

_Quick._ What, John Rugby! John!

_Rug._ Here, sir!                                                   50

_Caius._ You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby.
Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the
court.

_Rug._ ’Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.

_Caius._ By my trot, I tarry too long. --Od’s me!                   55
Qu’ai-j’oublié! dere is some simples in my closet, dat I
vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.

_Quick._ Ay me, he’ll find the young man there, and be
mad!

_Caius._ O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain!            60
larron! [_Pulling Simple out._] Rugby, my rapier!

_Quick._ Good master, be content.

_Caius._ Wherefore shall I be content-a?

_Quick._ The young man is an honest man.

_Caius._ What shall de honest man do in my closet?                  65
dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet.

_Quick._ I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the
truth of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.

_Caius._ Vell.

_Sim._ Ay, forsooth; to desire her to--                             70

_Quick._ Peace, I pray you.

_Caius._ Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.

_Sim._ To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid,
to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my
master in the way of marriage.                                      75

_Quick._ This is all, indeed, la! but I’ll ne’er put my
finger in the fire, and need not.

_Caius._ Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some
paper. Tarry you a little-a while.    [_Writes._

_Quick._ [_Aside to Simple_] I am glad he is so quiet:              80
if he had been throughly moved, you should have heard
him so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,
man, I’ll do you your master what good I can: and the
very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master,--I
may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house;             85
and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink,
make the beds, and do all myself,--

_Sim._ [_Aside to Quickly_] ’Tis a great charge to come
under one body’s hand.

_Quick._ [_Aside to Simple_] Are you avised o’ that? you            90
shall find it a great charge: and to be up early and down
late;--but notwithstanding,--to tell you in your ear; I
would have no words of it,--my master himself is in love
with Mistress Anne Page: but notwithstanding that, I know
Anne’s mind,--that’s neither here nor there.                        95

_Caius._ You jack’nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh;
by gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in de park;
and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or
make. You may be gone; it is not good you tarry here. --By
gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not           100
have a stone to throw at his dog.    [_Exit Simple._

_Quick._ Alas, he speaks but for his friend.

_Caius._ It is no matter-a ver dat:--do not you tell-a
me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself?--By gar, I vill
kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine host of de          105
Jarteer to measure our weapon:--By gar, I will myself
have Anne Page.

_Quick._ Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well.
We must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!

_Caius._ Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if              110
I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my
door. Follow my heels, Rugby.    [_Exeunt Caius and Rugby._

_Quick._ You shall have An fool’s-head of your own.
No, I know Anne’s mind for that: never a woman in
Windsor knows more of Anne’s mind than I do; nor can               115
do more than I do with her, I thank heaven.

_Fent._ [_Within_] Who’s within there? ho!

_Quick._ Who’s there, I trow? Come near the house, I
pray you.

  _Enter FENTON._

_Fent._ How now, good woman! how dost thou?                        120

_Quick._ The better that it pleases your good worship
to ask.

_Fen._ What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?

_Quick._ In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and
gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by        125
the way; I praise heaven for it.

_Fent._ Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not
lose my suit?

_Quick._ Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but notwithstanding,
Master Fenton, I’ll be sworn on a book, she                        130
loves you. Have not your worship a wart above your eye?

_Fent._ Yes, marry, have I; what of that?

_Quick._ Well, thereby hangs a tale:--good faith, it is
such another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever
broke bread:--we had an hour’s talk of that wart. --I shall        135
never laugh but in that maid’s company!--But, indeed, she
is given too much to allicholy and musing: but for you--well,
go to.

_Fent._ Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there’s
money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf:                140
if thou seest her before me, commend me.

_Quick._ Will I? i’ faith, that we will; and I will tell
your worship more of the wart the next time we have
confidence; and of other wooers.

_Fent._ Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.                   145

_Quick._ Farewell to your worship. [_Exit Fenton._] Truly,
an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not; for I know
Anne’s mind as well as another does. --Out upon’t! what
have I forgot?    [_Exit._


  NOTES: I, 4

  SCENE IV.] SCENE IX. Pope.
  4: _an_] om. Pope.
  19: _wee_] _whey_ Capell.
  20: _Cain_] F3 F4. _Kane_ (Q1 Q2). _Caine_ F1 Q3 F2. _cane_ Pope.
  31: [Exit. Grant White.
  34: [Shuts S. in the closet] Rowe.
  38: SCENE X. Pope.
  _des toys_] F3 F4. _des-toyes_ F1 Q3 F2. _dese toys_ Theobald.
  39: _un boitier_] Rowe. _unboyteene_ F1 F2 Q3. _unboyteen_ F3 F4.
  44, 45: _ma foi ... affaire_] Rowe. _mai_ (_moi_ F2 F3 F4)
    _foy, il fait for chando, Ie man voi a le Court la grand
    affaires._ Ff Q3.
  47: _dépêche_] _de-peech_ Ff Q3.
  51: _Jack Rugby_] _Jack Rogoby_ Halliwell.
  52: _take-a_] _take_ Q3.
  56: _vill_] _will_ F2 F3 F4.
  60: _villain_] Q3. _villainie_ Ff.
  61: _larron_] _La-roone_ Ff Q3.
  [Pulling S. out] Theobald.
  63, 66: _shall_] F1 Q3. _should_ F2 F3 F4.
  78: _baille_] _ballow_ Ff Q3. _baillez_ Theobald.
  83: _you_] _yoe_ F1 Q3. _for_ F2 F3 F4. om. Capell.
  84: _the French_] Ff. _that French_ Q3.
  86: _wring_] _ring_ Ff Q3.
  96: _give-a_] F1 Q3. _givie-a_ F2 F3 F4.
  97, 98, 100: _will_] _vill_ Pope.
  101: _throw_] F1 Q3. _trow_ F2 F3 F4.
  103: _ver_] Ff Q3. _for_ Capell.
  106: _Jarteer_] F1 Q3 F2 F3. _Garter_ F4.
  109: _good-jer_] _goujeres_ Hanmer. _goujere_ Johnson.
    _good year_ Capell.
  120: SCENE XI. Pope.
  131: _above_] _about_ Steevens.
  132: _what of that_?] _and what of that_? Pope.
  142: _we will_] _I will_ Halliwell MS.




ACT II.


SCENE I. _Before PAGE’S house._

  _Enter MISTRESS PAGE, with a letter._

  [Transcriber’s Note:
  In order to preserve the marked line breaks without losing
  readability, each line of the quoted letter has been split into
  two equal halves.]

_Mrs Page._ What, have I scaped love-letters in the
holiday-time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for
them? Let me see.    [_Reads:_

  ‘Ask me no reason why I love you;
  for though Love use Reason
  for his physician, he admits him
  not for his counsellor. You are                                    5
  not young, no more am I; go to,
  then, there’s sympathy: you are
  merry, so am I; ha, ha! then there’s
  more sympathy: you love sack,
  and so do I; would you desire better
  sympathy? Let it suffice thee,
  Mistress Page,--at the least, if the
  love of soldier can suffice,--that
  I love thee. I will not say, pity
  me,--’tis not a soldier-like phrase;                              10
  but I say, love me. By me,

    Thine own true knight,
    By day or night,
    Or any kind of light,
    With all his might                                              15
    For thee to fight,     JOHN FALSTAFF.’

What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked, wicked world!
One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with age to show himself
a young gallant! What an unweighed behaviour hath
this Flemish drunkard picked--with the devil’s name!--out           20
of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me?
Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What
should I say to him? I was then frugal of my mirth:
Heaven forgive me! Why, I’ll exhibit a bill in the
parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged     25
on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts
are made of puddings.

  _Enter MISTRESS FORD._

_Mrs Ford._ Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to
your house.

_Mrs Page._ And, trust me, I was coming to you. You                 30
look very ill.

_Mrs Ford._ Nay, I’ll ne’er believe that; I have to show
to the contrary.

_Mrs Page._ Faith, but you do, in my mind.

_Mrs Ford._ Well, I do, then; yet, I say, I could show              35
you to the contrary. O Mistress Page, give me some
counsel!

_Mrs Page._ What’s the matter, woman?

_Mrs Ford._ O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect,
I could come to such honour!                                        40

_Mrs Page._ Hang the trifle, woman! take the honour.
What is it?--dispense with trifles;--what is it?

_Mrs Ford._ If I would but go to hell for an eternal
moment or so, I could be knighted.

_Mrs Page._ What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These                 45
knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article
of thy gentry.

_Mrs Ford._ We burn daylight:--here, read, read; perceive
how I might be knighted. I shall think the worse of
fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of             50
men’s liking: and yet he would not swear; praised women’s
modesty; and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof
to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition
would have gone to the truth of his words; but they do no
more adhere and keep place together than the Hundredth              55
Psalm to the tune of ‘Green Sleeves.’ What tempest, I
trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his
belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on
him? I think the best way were to entertain him with
hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own       60
grease. Did you ever hear the like?

_Mrs Page._ Letter for letter, but that the name of
Page and Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery
of ill opinions, here’s the twin-brother of thy letter:
but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall.      65
I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with
blank space for different names,--sure, more,--and these
are of the second edition: he will print them, out of doubt;
for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would
put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under               70
Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles
ere one chaste man.

_Mrs Ford._ Why, this is the very same; the very hand,
the very words. What doth he think of us?

_Mrs Page._ Nay, I know not: it makes me almost                     75
ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I’ll entertain
myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure,
unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself,
he would never have boarded me in this fury.

_Mrs Ford._ ‘Boarding,’ call you it? I’ll be sure to keep           80
him above deck.

_Mrs Page._ So will I: if he come under my hatches,
I’ll never to sea again. Let’s be revenged on him: let’s
appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his
suit, and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath        85
pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter.

_Mrs Ford._ Nay, I will consent to act any villany
against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty.
O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give
eternal food to his jealousy.                                       90

_Mrs Page._ Why, look where he comes; and my
good man too: he’s as far from jealousy as I am from
giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable
distance.

_Mrs Ford._ You are the happier woman.                              95

_Mrs Page._ Let’s consult together against this greasy
knight. Come hither.    [_They retire._

  _Enter FORD, with PISTOL, and PAGE, with NYM._

_Ford._ Well, I hope it be not so.

_Pist._ Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs:
Sir John affects thy wife.                                         100

_Ford._ Why, sir, my wife is not young.

_Pist._ He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor,
Both young and old, one with another, Ford;
He loves the gallimaufry: Ford, perpend.

_Ford._ Love my wife!                                              105

_Pist._ With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou,
Like Sir Actæon he, with Ringwood at thy heels:
O, odious is the name!

_Ford._ What name, sir?

_Pist._ The horn, I say. Farewell.                                 110
Take heed; have open eye; for thieves do foot by night:
Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds do sing.
Away, Sir Corporal Nym!--
Believe it, Page; he speaks sense.    [_Exit._

_Ford._ [_Aside_] I will be patient; I will find out this.         115

_Nym._ [_To Page_] And this is true; I like not the humour
of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours:
I should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I
have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He
loves your wife; there’s the short and the long. My name           120
is Corporal Nym; I speak, and I avouch; ’tis true: my
name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu. I
love not the humour of bread and cheese [and there’s the
humour of it]. Adieu.    [_Exit._

_Page._ ‘The humour of it,’ quoth ’a! here’s a fellow              125
frights English out of his wits.

_Ford._ I will seek out Falstaff.

_Page._ I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue.

_Ford._ If I do find it:--well.

_Page._ I will not believe such a Cataian, though the              130
priest o’ the town commended him for a true man.

_Ford._ ’Twas a good sensible fellow:--well.

_Page._ How now, Meg!

    [_Mrs Page and Mrs Ford come forward._

_Mrs Page._ Whither go you, George? Hark you.

_Mrs Ford._ How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy?         135

_Ford._ I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you
home, go.

_Mrs Ford._ Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy
head. Now, will you go, Mistress Page?                             140

_Mrs Page._ Have with you. You’ll come to dinner,
George? [_Aside to Mrs Ford_] Look who comes yonder:
she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight.

_Mrs Ford._ [_Aside to Mrs Page_] Trust me, I thought on
her: she’ll fit it.                                                145

  _Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY._

_Mrs Page._ You are come to see my daughter Anne?

_Quick._ Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress
Anne?

_Mrs Page._ Go in with us and see: we have an hour’s
talk with you.                                                     150

    [_Exeunt Mrs Page, Mrs Ford, and Mrs Quickly._

_Page._ How now, Master Ford!

_Ford._ You heard what this knave told me, did you not?

_Page._ Yes: and you heard what the other told me?

_Ford._ Do you think there is truth in them?

_Page._ Hang ’em, slaves! I do not think the knight                155
would offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent
towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men; very
rogues, now they be out of service.

_Ford._ Were they his men?

_Page._ Marry, were they.                                          160

_Ford._ I like it never the better for that. Does he lie
at the Garter?

_Page._ Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this
voyage toward my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and
what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my        165
head.

_Ford._ I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath
to turn them together. A man may be too confident: I
would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus
satisfied.                                                         170

_Page._ Look where my ranting host of the Garter
comes: there is either liquor in his pate, or money in his
purse, when he looks so merrily.

  _Enter HOST._

How now, mine host!

_Host._ How now, bully-rook! thou’rt a gentleman.                  175
Cavaleiro-justice, I say!

  _Enter SHALLOW._

_Shal._ I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and
twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go with
us? we have sport in hand.

_Host._ Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook.         180

_Shal._ Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir
Hugh the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor.

_Ford._ Good mine host o’ the Garter, a word with you.
    [_Drawing him aside._

_Host._ What sayest thou, my bully-rook?

_Shal._ [_To Page_] Will you go with us to behold it? My           185
merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and,
I think, hath appointed them contrary places; for, believe
me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you
what our sport shall be.    [_They converse apart._

_Host._ Hast thou no suit against my knight, my
guest-cavaleire?                                                   190

_Ford._ None, I protest: but I’ll give you a pottle of
burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him my
name is Brook; only for a jest.

_Host._ My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and                 195
regress;--said I well?--and thy name shall be Brook. It is
a merry knight. Will you go, An-heires?

_Shal._ Have with you, mine host.

_Page._ I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in
his rapier.                                                        200

_Shal._ Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these
times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and
I know not what: ’tis the heart, Master Page; ’tis here, ’tis
here. I have seen the time, with my long sword I would
have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.                    205

_Host._ Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag?

_Page._ Have with you. I had rather hear them scold
than fight.    [_Exeunt Host, Shal., and Page._

_Ford._ Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so
firmly on his wife’s frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion      210
so easily: she was in his company at Page’s house; and
what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look
further into’t: and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff. If
I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise,
’tis labour well bestowed.    [_Exit._                             215


  NOTES: II, 1

  1: _I_] om. F1.
  5: _physician_] Dyce (Johnson conj.). _precisian_ Ff Q3.
    See note (V).
  8: _you_] F1 F3 F4. _yout_ Q3. _your_ F2.
  9: _at the least_] _at the last_ F4.
  _soldier_] F1 Q3 F2. _a soldier_ F3 F4.
  19: _an_] om. F3 F4.
  20: _with the_] _i’ th’_] F3 F4.
  25: _putting_] _pulling_ Jackson conj.
  _men_] _fat men_ Theobald. _mum_ Hanmer.
  28: SCENE II. Pope.
  30: _coming_] _going_ Q3.
  45: _What? thou liest!_] _What thou liest?_ F1 Q3 F2 F3.
    _What, thou liest!_ F4.
  46: _will hack_] _will lack_ Warburton. _we’ll hack_ Johnson conj.
  51: _praised_] Theobald. _praise_ Ff Q3.
  55: _place_] _pace_ Capell conj.
  55, 56: _Hundredth Psalm_] Rowe. _hundred Psalms_ Ff Q3.
  57: _tuns_] Ff Q3. _tun_ Rowe. _tons_ Dyce.
  67: _sure_] F1 Q3. _sue_ F2 F3 F4. _nay_ Rowe.
  78: _know_] _knew_ F4.
  _strain_] _stain_ Pope.
  97: [They retire] Theobald.
  98: SCENE III. Pope.
  102-104: Printed as prose in Ff Q3.
  103: _one_] _and one_ F4.
  104: _the_] F1 Q3. _thy_ F2 F3 F4. _a_ Anon. (N. & Q.) conj.
  107: _he_] om. F3 F4.
  113, 114: _Away_ ... _sense_] _Away Sir Corporal!_ Nym.
    _Believe_ ... _sense._ Johnson conj.
  117: _hath_] _have_ Q3.
  119: _bite_ ... _He_] _bite_--_upon my necessity, he_
    Warburton conj.
  121: _avouch; ’tis_] F1 Q3 F2. _avouch, tis_ F3 F4.
  123: [_and there’s the humour of it_] These words, not found
    in Ff Q3 are added from Q1 Q2 by Capell.
  126: _English_] humour Pope (from Q1 Q2).
  _his_] _its_ Pope.
  128: _drawling, affecting_] F2 F3 F4. _drawling-affecting_ F1 Q3.
  133: [Mrs ... forward.] Theobald.
  SCENE IV. Page and Ford meeting their wives. Pope.
  140: _head. Now,_] _head, Now:_ F1. _head, Now,_ Q3.
    _head. Now:_ F2 F3 F4. _head now_. Johnson.
  149: _have_] _would have_ S. Walker conj.
  151: SCENE V. Pope.
  163: _this_] _his_ Pope.
  175: SCENE VI. Pope.
  176, 180: _Cavaleiro_] F1 Q3 F2. _Cavalerio_ F3 F4.
  184: _my_] om. Rowe
  186: _hath_] om. Q3. _he hath_ Warburton.
  192-194: This speech is given to Shallow in Ff, to Ford in Q3.
  194, 196: _Brook_] (Q1 Q2) Pope. Broome Ff Q3. See note (VI).
  197: _An-heires_] F1 Q3 F2. _An-heirs_ F3. _an-heirs_ F4.
    _mynheers_ Theobald conj. _on, here_ Id. conj. _on, heris_
    Warburton. _on, hearts_ Heath conj. _on, heroes_ Steevens conj.
    _and hear us_ Malone conj. _cavaleires_ Singer (Boaden conj.).
    _eh, sir_ Becket conj.
  207: _hear_] _have_ Hanmer.
  209: _stands_] _stand_ F4.
  210: _frailty_] _fealty_ Theobald. _fidelity_ Collier MS.


SCENE II. _A room in the Garter Inn._

  _Enter FALSTAFF and PISTOL._

_Fal._ I will not lend thee a penny.

_Pist._ Why, then the world’s mine oyster,
Which I with sword will open.

_Fal._ Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you
should lay my countenance to pawn: I have grated upon                5
my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow
Nym; or else you had looked through the grate,
like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing
to gentlemen my friends, you were good soldiers and
tall fellows; and when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of          10
her fan, I took’t upon mine honour thou hadst it not.

_Pist._ Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteen
pence?

_Fal._ Reason, you rogue, reason: thinkest thou I’ll endanger
my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about                       15
me, I am no gibbet for you. Go. A short knife and a
throng!--To your manor of Pickt-hatch! Go. You’ll not
bear a letter for me, you rogue! you stand upon your
honour! Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much as
I can do to keep the terms of my honour precise: I, I, I            20
myself sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand,
and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle,
to hedge, and to lurch; and yet you, rogue, will ensconce
your rags, your cat-a-mountain looks, your red-lattice
phrases, and your bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of          25
your honour! You will not do it, you!

_Pist._ I do relent: what would thou more of man?

  _Enter ROBIN._

_Rob._ Sir, here’s a woman would speak with you.

_Fal._ Let her approach.

  _Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY._

_Quick._ Give your worship good morrow.                             30

_Fal._ Good morrow, good wife.

_Quick._ Not so, an’t please your worship.

_Fal._ Good maid, then.

_Quick._ I’ll be sworn;
As my mother was, the first hour I was born.                        35

_Fal._ I do believe the swearer. What with me?

_Quick._ Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?

_Fal._ Two thousand, fair woman: and I’ll vouchsafe
thee the hearing.

_Quick._ There is one Mistress Ford, sir:--I pray, come             40
a little nearer this ways:--I myself dwell with Master
Doctor Caius,--

_Fal._ Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say,--

_Quick._ Your worship says very true:--I pray your
worship, come a little nearer this ways.                            45

_Fal._ I warrant thee, nobody hears;--mine own people,
mine own people.

_Quick._ Are they so? God bless them, and make them
his servants!

_Fal._ Well, Mistress Ford;--what of her?                           50

_Quick._ Why, sir, she’s a good creature. --Lord, Lord!
your worship’s a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you and
all of us, I pray!

_Fal._ Mistress Ford;--come, Mistress Ford,--

_Quick._ Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you           55
have brought her into such a canaries as ’tis wonderful.
The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor,
could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet
there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their
coaches; I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter,     60
gift after gift; smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so
rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in such alligant
terms; and in such wine and sugar of the best and the
fairest, that would have won any woman’s heart; and, I
warrant you, they could never get an eye-wink of her: I             65
had myself twenty angels given me this morning; but
I defy all angels--in any such sort, as they say--but in the
way of honesty: and, I warrant you, they could never get
her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all:
and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners;       70
but, I warrant you, all is one with her.

_Fal._ But what says she to me? be brief, my good she-Mercury.

_Quick._ Marry, she hath received your letter; for the
which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you            75
to notify, that her husband will be absence from his house
between ten and eleven.

_Fal._ Ten and eleven.

_Quick._ Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see
the picture, she says, that you wot of: Master Ford, her            80
husband, will be from home. Alas, the sweet woman leads
an ill life with him! he’s a very jealousy man: she leads a
very frampold life with him, good heart.

_Fal._ Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her;
I will not fail her.                                                85

_Quick._ Why, you say well. But I have another messenger
to your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty
commendations to you, too: and let me tell you in your
ear, she’s as fartuous a civil modest wife, and one, I tell
you, that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer, as          90
any is in Windsor, whoe’er be the other: and she bade me
tell your worship that her husband is seldom from home;
but, she hopes, there will come a time. I never knew a
woman so dote upon a man: surely, I think you have
charms, la; yes, in truth.                                          95

_Fal._ Not I, I assure thee: setting the attraction of my
good parts aside, I have no other charms.

_Quick._ Blessing on your heart for’t!

_Fal._ But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford’s wife
and Page’s wife acquainted each other how they love me?            100

_Quick._ That were a jest indeed! they have not so
little grace, I hope: that were a trick indeed! But Mistress
Page would desire you to send her your little page,
of all loves: her husband has a marvellous infection to the
little page; and, truly, Master Page is an honest man.             105
Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does:
do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to
bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will: and,
truly, she deserves it; for if there be a kind woman in
Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no               110
remedy.

_Fal._ Why, I will.

_Quick._ Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, he may
come and go between you both; and, in any case, have a
nay-word, that you may know one another’s mind, and                115
the boy never need to understand any thing; for ’tis not
good that children should know any wickedness: old folks,
you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world.

_Fal._ Fare thee well: commend me to them both:
there’s my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along               120
with this woman. [_Exeunt Mistress Quickly and Robin._]
This news distracts me!

_Pist._ This punk is one of Cupid’s carriers:
Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights:
Give fire: she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all! [_Exit._      125

_Fal._ Sayest thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I’ll make
more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet
look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much
money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee. Let
them say ’tis grossly done; so it be fairly done, no matter.       130

  _Enter BARDOLPH._

_Bard._ Sir John, there’s one Master Brook below would
fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath
sent your worship a morning’s draught of sack.

_Fal._ Brook is his name?

_Bard._ Ay, sir.                                                   135

_Fal._ Call him in. [_Exit Bardolph._] Such Brooks are
welcome to me, that o’erflow such liquor. Ah, ha! Mistress
Ford and Mistress Page have I encompassed you? go to; via!

_Re-enter BARDOLPH, with FORD disguised._

_Ford._ Bless you, sir!

_Fal._ And you, sir! Would you speak with me?                      140

_Ford._ I make bold to press with so little preparation
upon you.

_Fal._ You’re welcome. What’s your will?--Give us
leave, drawer.    [_Exit Bardolph._

_Ford._ Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much;                145
my name is Brook.

_Fal._ Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance
of you.

_Ford._ Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge
you; for I must let you understand I think myself in better        150
plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something
emboldened me to this unseasoned intrusion; for they say,
if money go before, all ways do lie open.

_Fal._ Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.

_Ford._ Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles             155
me: if you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for
easing me of the carriage.

_Fal._ Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your
porter.

_Ford._ I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing.     160

_Fal._ Speak, good Master Brook: I shall be glad to be
your servant.

_Ford._ Sir, I hear you are a scholar,--I will be brief with
you,--and you have been a man long known to me, though
I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted    165
with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein
I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but,
good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you
hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your
own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you           170
yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender.

_Fal._ Very well, sir; proceed.

_Ford._ There is a gentlewoman in this town; her husband’s
name is Ford.

_Fal._ Well, sir.                                                  175

_Ford._ I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, bestowed
much on her; followed her with a doting observance;
engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee’d every slight occasion
that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only
bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to        180
many to know what she would have given; briefly, I have
pursued her as love hath pursued me; which hath been on
the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited,
either in my mind or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have
received none; unless experience be a jewel that I have            185
purchased at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to
say this:
  ‘Love like a shadow flies when substance love pursues;
  Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.’

_Fal._ Have you received no promise of satisfaction at             190
her hands?

_Ford._ Never.

_Fal._ Have you importuned her to such a purpose?

_Ford._ Never.

_Fal._ Of what quality was your love, then?                        195

_Ford._ Like a fair house built on another man’s ground;
so that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place where
I erected it.

_Fal._ To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?

_Ford._ When I have told you that, I have told you all.            200
Some say, that though she appear honest to me, yet in
other places she enlargeth her mirth so far that there is
shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is
the heart of my purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent
breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authentic      205
in your place and person, generally allowed for your
many war-like, court-like, and learned preparations.

_Fal._ O, sir!

_Ford._ Believe it, for you know it. There is money;
spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only             210
give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay
an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford’s wife: use
your art of wooing; win her to consent to you: if any man
may, you may as soon as any.

_Fal._ Would it apply well to the vehemency of your                215
affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks
you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.

_Ford._ O, understand my drift. She dwells so securely
on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul
dares not present itself: she is too bright to be looked           220
against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in
my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend
themselves: I could drive her then from the ward of
her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand
other her defences, which now are too, too strongly                225
embattled against me. What say you to’t, Sir John?

_Fal._ Master Brook, I will first make bold with your
money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman,
you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford’s wife.

_Ford._ O good sir!                                                230

_Fal._ I say you shall.

_Ford._ Want no money, Sir John; you shall want none.

_Fal._ Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you shall
want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her
own appointment; even as you came in to me, her assistant,         235
or go-between, parted from me: I say I shall be with
her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous
rascally knave her husband will be forth. Come you to me
at night; you shall know how I speed.

_Ford._. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know              240
Ford, sir?

_Fal._ Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not:
--yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say the jealous
wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife
seems to me well-favoured. I will use her as the key of the        245
cuckoldly rogue’s coffer; and there’s my harvest-home.

_Ford._ I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might
avoid him, if you saw him.

_Fal._ Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will
stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel:          250
it shall hang like a meteor o’er the cuckold’s horns. Master
Brook, thou shalt know I will predominate over the
peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife. --Come to me
soon at night. Ford’s a knave, and I will aggravate his
style; thou, Master Brook, shalt know him for knave and            255
cuckold. Come to me soon at night.      [_Exit._

_Ford._ What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! My
heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says this is
improvident jealousy? my wife hath sent to him; the hour
is fixed; the match is made. Would any man have thought            260
this? See the hell of having a false woman! My bed
shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn
at; and I shall not only receive this villanous wrong, but
stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him
that does me this wrong. Terms! names!--Amaimon                    265
sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are
devils’ additions, the names of fiends: but Cuckold!
Wittol!--Cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. Page
is an ass, a secure ass: he will trust his wife; he will not
be jealous. I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter,          270
Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman
with my aqua-vitæ bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling
gelding, than my wife with herself: then she plots, then
she ruminates, then she devises; and what they think in
their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts         275
but they will effect. God be praised for my jealousy!--Eleven
o’clock the hour. I will prevent this, detect my
wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will
about it; better three hours too soon than a minute too
late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold!   [_Exit._         280


  NOTES: II, 2

  SCENE II.] SCENE VII. Pope.
  3: _open_] _open. --I will retort the sum in equipage._
    Theobald (from Q1 Q2). _open. -- ... equipoize_ Jackson conj.
  6: _coach-fellow_] _couch-fellow_ Theobald.
  12: _Didst not thou_] F1 Q3 F2. _Didst thou not_ F3 F4.
  17: _throng_] (Q1 Q2) Ff Q3. _thong_ Pope.
  20: _terms_] _termes_ F1 Q3. _terme_ F2. _term_ F3 F4.
  _honour_] _hononor_ F1.
  _I, I, I_] _I_ Pope. _I, ay, I_ Grant White.
  21: _God_] (Q1 Q2). _heaven_ Ff Q3.
  23: _yet you, rogue,_] Pope. _yet, you rogue,_ Ff Q3. _yet you,
    you rogue,_ Collier MS.
  24: _rags_] _rages_ Becket conj. _brags_ Singer (Anon.,
    N. & Q., conj.).
  25: _bold-beating_] _bull-baiting_ Hanmer. _bold-bearing_ Warburton.
    _bold cheating_ Heath conj. _blunderbust_ Halliwell MS.
  27: _relent_] Ff Q3. _recant_ (Q1 Q3).
  _would thou_] _would’st thou_ Pope. _would you_ Anon. conj.
  30: SCENE VIII. Pope.
  43: _on: Mistress_] _one Mistress_ Grant White (Douce conj.).
  48: _God_] (Q1 Q2). _Heaven_ Ff Q3.
  63: _in_] om. Hanmer.
  66: _this_] _of a_ Collier MS.
  104: _loves_] _love_ Rowe.
  110: _she is one_] _truly she is one_ Rowe.
  116: _need_] _heede_ Q3.
  123: _punk_] _pink_ Warburton.
  124: _your fights_] _yond’ frigat_ Hanmer (Warburton conj.).
  125: _them all_] _all_ Q3.
  [Exit] Rowe.
  131: SCENE IX. Pope.
  131, 136: _Brook, Brooks_] Pope (from Q1 Q2). _Broome, Broomes_
    Ff Q3, and passim. See note (VI).
  137: _that o’erflow_] Capell. _that oreflows_ Ff. _that that ore’
    flowes_ Q3. _that o’erflow with_ Pope.
  139: _Bless_] F4. ’_Bless_ F1 Q3 F2 F3. _God save_ (Q1 Q2).
  156: _all, or half_] _half, or all_ Collier MS.
  167: _imperfection_] _imperfections_ Pope.
  178: _fee’d_] _free’d_ Q3.
  180: _bought_] _brought_ Q3.
  185: _jewel that_] F4. _jewel, that_ F1 Q3 F2 F3. _jewel; that_
    Theobald.
  _that_] om. Rowe.
  215: _vehemency_] _vehemence_ F4.
  219: _soul_] _suit_ Collier MS.
  225: _other her_] _other_ Pope.
  _too, too_] _too-too_ Ff Q3. _too_ Rowe.
  231: _I say you shall_] _Master Brooke, I say you shall_
   (Q1 Q2) Theobald.
  242: _cuckoldly_] _cuckoldy_ Rowe.
  246: _cuckoldly rogue’s_] F1 Q3. _cuckold-rogue’s_ F2 F3 F4.
  257: SCENE X. Pope.
  261: _false_] _fair_ Q3.
  263: _this wrong_] _the wrong_ Pope.
  267: _Wittol!--Cuckold_] _Wittoll, Cuckold_ Ff Q3. _wittol-cuckold_
    Malone.
  276: _God_] (Q1 Q2). _Heaven_ Ff Q3.


SCENE III. _A field near Windsor._

  _Enter CAIUS and RUGBY._

_Caius._ Jack Rugby!

_Rug._ Sir?

_Caius._ Vat is de clock, Jack?

_Rug._ Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised
to meet.                                                             5

_Caius._ By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come;
he has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar,
Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.

_Rug._ He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would
kill him, if he came.                                               10

_Caius._ By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill
him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill
kill him.

_Rug._ Alas, sir, I cannot fence.

_Caius._ Villainy, take your rapier.                                15

_Rug._ Forbear; here’s company.

  _Enter HOST, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE._

_Host._ Bless thee, bully doctor!

_Shal._ Save you, Master Doctor Caius!

_Page._ Now, good master doctor!

_Slen._ Give you good morrow, sir.                                  20

_Caius._ Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?

_Host._ To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee
traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee
pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy
montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco?        25
ha, bully! What says my Æsculapius? my Galen?
my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully-stale? is he dead?

_Caius._ By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de
vorld; he is not show his face.

_Host._ Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of                 30
Greece, my boy!

_Caius._ I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six
or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.

_Shal._ He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a
curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should            35
fight, you go against the hair of your professions. Is it
not true, Master Page?

_Page._ Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great
fighter, though now a man of peace.

_Shal._ Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old,                 40
and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches
to make one. Though we are justices, and doctors, and
churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our youth
in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.

_Page._ ’Tis true, Master Shallow.                                  45

_Shal._ It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor
Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of
the peace: you have shewed yourself a wise physician,
and Sir Hugh hath shewn himself a wise and patient
churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.                      50

_Host._ Pardon, guest-justice. --A word, Mounseur Mock-water.

_Caius._ Mock-vater! vat is dat?

_Host._ Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour,
bully.                                                              55

_Caius._ By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de
Englishman. --Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut
his ears.

_Host._ He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.

_Caius._ Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?                               60

_Host._ That is, he will make thee amends.

_Caius._ By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw
me; for, by gar, me vill have it.

_Host._ And I will provoke him to’t, or let him wag.

_Caius._ Me tank you for dat.                                       65

_Host._ And, moreover, bully,--But first, master guest,
and Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you through
the town to Frogmore.    [_Aside to them._

_Page._ Sir Hugh is there, is he?

_Host._ He is there: see what humour he is in; and                  70
I will bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do
well?

_Shal._ We will do it.

_Page, Shal., and Slen._ Adieu, good master doctor.

    [_Exeunt Page, Shal., and Slen._

_Caius._ By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a         75
jack-an-ape to Anne Page.

_Host._ Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold
water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through
Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is,
at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried           80
I aim? said I well?

_Caius._ By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love
you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de
knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.

_Host._ For the which I will be thy adversary toward                85
Anne Page. Said I well?

_Caius._ By gar, ’tis good; vell said.

_Host._ Let us wag, then.

_Caius._ Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.    [_Exeunt._


  NOTES: II, 3

  SCENE III.] SCENE XI. Pope.
  3: _de_] F3 F4. _the_ F1 Q3 F2.
  11: _is no dead so as I vill kill him_] Ff Q3. _is not so dead
    as me vill make him_ Pope. _be not so dead as I shall make him_
    (Q1 Q2).
  21: _tree_] _trees_ F4.
  25: _Francisco_] _Françeyes_ (Q1 Q2) Warburton.
  26: _Galen_] _Gallon_ (Q1 Q2). _Galien_ F1 F2. _Gallen_ Q3 F3 F4.
  29: _vorld_] _varld_ Hanmer.
  30: _Castalion_] _Castallian_ (Q1 Q2). _Cardalion_ Hanmer.
    _Castillian_ Capell.
  41: _the_] F1 Q3. om. F2 F3 F4.
  51: _A word_] Theobald (from Q1 Q2). A Ff Q3. _Ah_ Hanmer.
  51, 54: _Mock-water_] _Muck-water_ Malone (Farmer conj.).
  71: _by_] om. F3 F4.
  80: _Cried I aim?_] Dyce (Douce conj.). _Cried game_ (Q1 Q2).
    _Cride-game_ Ff Q3. _Try’d game_ Theobald. _Cock o’ th’ game_
    Hanmer. _Cry aim_ Warburton. _and cry ‘amie’_ Becket conj.
    _Dry’d game_ Jackson conj. _Curds and cream_ Collier MS.
  89: This line given to _Host_ in F3 F4.




ACT III.


SCENE I. _A field near Frogmore._

  _Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE._

_Evans._ I pray you now, good Master Slender’s serving-man,
and friend Simple by your name, which way
have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor
of physic?

_Sim._ Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every             5
way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way.

_Evans._ I most fehemently desire you you will also
look that way.

_Sim._ I will, sir.    [_Exit._

_Evans._ Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and              10
trempling of mind!--I shall be glad if he have deceived
me. --How melancholies I am!--I will knog his urinals
about his knave’s costard when I have goot opportunities
for the ork. --Pless my soul!--    [_Sings._

  To shallow rivers, to whose falls                                 15
  Melodious birds sings madrigals;
  There will we make our peds of roses,
  And a thousand fragrant posies.
  To shallow--

Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.    [_Sings._       20

  Melodious birds sing madrigals--
  Whenas I sat in Pabylon--
  And a thousand vagram posies.
  To shallow &c.

  _Re-enter SIMPLE._

_Sim._ Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.                     25

_Evans._ He’s welcome. --    [_Sings._

  To shallow rivers, to whose falls--

Heaven prosper the right!--What weapons is he?

_Sim._ No weapons, sir. There comes my master,
Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore,               30
over the stile, this way.

_Evans._ Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it
in your arms.

  _Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER._

_Shal._ How now, master parson! Good morrow, good
Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good                 35
student from his book, and it is wonderful.

_Slen._ [_Aside_] Ah, sweet Anne Page!

_Page._ Save you, good Sir Hugh!

_Evans._ Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!

_Shal._ What, the sword and the word! do you study                  40
them both, master parson?

_Page._ And youthful still! in your doublet and hose
this raw rheumatic day!

_Evans._ There is reasons and causes for it.

_Page._ We are come to you to do a good office, master              45
parson.

_Evans._ Fery well: what is it?

_Page._ Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike
having received wrong by some person, is at most odds
with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw.                50

_Shal._ I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never
heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of
his own respect.

_Evans._ What is he?

_Page._ I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius,                  55
the renowned French physician.

_Evans._ Got’s will, and his passion of my heart! I had
as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.

_Page._ Why?

_Evans._ He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and                 60
Galen,--and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as
you would desires to be acquainted withal.

_Page._ I warrant you, he’s the man should fight with
him.

_Slen._ [_Aside_] O sweet Anne Page!                                65

_Shal._ It appears so, by his weapons. Keep them asunder:
here comes Doctor Caius.

  _Enter HOST, CAIUS, and RUGBY._

_Page._ Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.

_Shal._ So do you, good master doctor.

_Host._ Disarm them, and let them question: let them                70
keep their limbs whole, and hack our English.

_Caius._ I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your
ear. Verefore vill you not meet-a me?

_Evans._ [_Aside to Caius_] Pray you, use your patience:
in good time.                                                       75

_Caius._ By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John
ape.

_Evans._ [_Aside to Caius_] Pray you, let us not be laughing-stocks
to other men’s humours; I desire you in friendship,
and I will one way or other make you amends.                        80
[_Aloud_] I will knog your urinals about your knave’s cogscomb
[for missing your meetings and appointments].

_Caius._ Diable!--Jack Rugby,--mine host de Jarteer,--have
I not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de
place I did appoint?                                                85

_Evans._ As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this
is the place appointed: I’ll be judgement by mine host of
the Garter.

_Host._ Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and
Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer!                                   90

_Caius._ Ay, dat is very good; excellent.

_Host._ Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am
I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my
doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the motions.
Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir Hugh? no; he              95
gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs. [Give me thy
hand, terrestrial; so.] Give me thy hand, celestial; so.
Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed
you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins
are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay their        100
swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace; follow, follow,
follow.

_Shal._ Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen,
follow.

_Slen._ [_Aside_] O sweet Anne Page!

    [_Exeunt Shal., Slen., Page, and Host._                        105

_Caius._ Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot
of us, ha, ha?

_Evans._ This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. --I
desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog our
prains together to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy,          110
cogging companion, the host of the Garter.

_Caius._ By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring
me where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.

_Evans._ Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you,
follow.    [_Exeunt._                                              115


  NOTES: III, 1

  5: _pittie-ward_] F1 Q3. _pitty-wary_ F2 F3 F4. _city-ward_ Capell.
    _pit way_ Collier MS.
  _the park-ward_] _the park way_ Collier MS.
  7: _also_] om. Q3.
  10: _chollors_] F1 Q3 F2. _chollars_ F3 F4.
  14: _sings_] Ff. _sing_ Q3.
  15, 19, 24, 27: _To shallow_] (Q1 Q2) Ff Q3. _By shallow_ Theobald.
  18: _fragrant_] (Q1 Q2) Ff. _vagram_ Q3. _vragrant_ Hanmer.
    _vagrant_ Johnson.
  20: _dispositions_] F1 Q3. _disposition_ F2 F3 F4.
  21: _madrigals_] _madrigall_ F2 F3 F4.
  23: _vagram_] Ff Q3. _vagrant_ Pope. _vragant_ Hanmer. _vagrant_
    Johnson.
  27: _to whose_] _in whose_ Q3.
  34: SCENE II. Pope.
  36: _student_] F3 F4. _studient_ F1 Q3 F2.
  37, 65, 105: [Aside] Edd.
  62: _desires_] F1 Q3. _desire_ F2 F3 F4.
  66: SCENE III. Pope.
  68: _in_] om. Q3.
  74: [Aside...] Edd. See note (VII).
  78: [Aside...] Staunton.
  _Pray you_] _I pray you_ Q3.
  _laughing-stocks_] _laughing stogs_ J. rec. Edd.
  81: [Aloud] Staunton.
  _your_] _your your_ F4. _you your_ Rowe.
  _urinals_] (Q1 Q2) Capell. _urinal_] Ff Q3.
  82: [_for ... appointments_] Pope (from Q1 Q2). om. Ff Q3.
  89: _Gallia and Gaul_] F3 F4. _Gallia and Gaule_ F1 Q3 F2.
    _Gawle and Gawlia_ (Q1 Q2). _Gallia and Wallia_ Halliwell
    MS. Hanmer. _Guallia and Gaul_ Malone (Farmer conj.). _Gallia
    and Guallia_ Collier (Farmer MS. conj.).
  95: _lose my parson, my priest_] _lose my Priest_ Pope.
  96: [_Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so_] Theobald (from Q1 Q2).
    om. Ff Q3. _Give me thy hands, celestial and terrestrial; so._
    Collier MS.
  101: _lads_] (Q1 Q2) Warburton. _lad_ Ff Q3.
  108: _vlouting-stog_] _vlouting-stock_ Pope.
  110: _scall_] _scald_ Pope. _Scal’_ Capell.
  112: _with_] _vith_ Hanmer. _vit_ rec. Capell.
  113: _where_] _vhere_ Pope. _ver_ Hanmer. _vere_ rec. Capell.


SCENE II. _The street, in Windsor._

  _Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN._

_Mrs Page._ Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were
wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader. Whether
had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master’s heels?

_Rob._ I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man
than follow him like a dwarf.                                        5

_Mrs Page._ O, you are a flattering boy: now I see
you’ll be a courtier.

  _Enter FORD._

_Ford._ Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?

_Mrs Page._ Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?

_Ford._ Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for               10
want of company. I think, if your husbands were dead,
you two would marry.

_Mrs Page._ Be sure of that,--two other husbands.

_Ford._ Where had you this pretty weathercock?

_Mrs Page._ I cannot tell what the dickens his name is              15
husband had him of. --What do you call your knight’s
name, sirrah?

_Rob._ Sir John Falstaff.

_Ford._ Sir John Falstaff!

_Mrs Page._ He, he; I can never hit on’s name. There                20
is such a league between my good man and he!--Is your
wife at home indeed?

_Ford._ Indeed she is.

_Mrs Page._ By your leave, sir: I am sick till I see her.

    [_Exeunt Mrs Page and Robin._

_Ford._ Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath                 25
he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them.
Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile, as easy as a
cannon will shoot point-blank twelve score. He pieces out
his wife’s inclination; he gives her folly motion and advantage:
and now she’s going to my wife, and Falstaff’s boy                  30
with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind.
And Falstaff’s boy with her! Good plots, they are laid;
and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I
will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed
veil of modesty from the so seeming Mistress Page, divulge          35
Page himself for a secure and wilful Actæon; and to these
violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim. [_Clock
heard._] The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance
bids me search: there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be rather
praised for this than mocked; for it is as positive as the          40
earth is firm that Falstaff is there: I will go.

  _Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, HOST, SIR HUGH EVANS, CAIUS,
  and RUGBY._

_Shal., Page, &c._ Well met, Master Ford.

_Ford._ Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at
home; and I pray you all go with me.

_Shal._ I must excuse myself, Master Ford.                          45

_Slen._ And so must I, sir: we have appointed to dine
with Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for
more money than I’ll speak of.

_Shal._ We have lingered about a match between Anne
Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have              50
our answer.

_Slen._ I hope I have your good will, father Page.

_Page._ You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for
you:--but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.

_Caius._ Ay, be-gar; and de maid is love-a me: my                  55
nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush.

_Host._ What say you to young Master Fenton? he
capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses,
he speaks holiday, he smells April and May: he will
carry’t, he will carry’t; ’tis in his buttons; he will carry’t.     60

_Page._ Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman
is of no having: he kept company with the wild
prince and Poins; he is of too high a region; he knows
too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with
the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her        65
simply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my
consent goes not that way.

_Ford._ I beseech you heartily, some of you go home
with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport;
I will show you a monster. Master doctor, you shall go;             70
so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh.

_Shal._ Well, fare you well: we shall have the freer
wooing at Master Page’s.    [_Exeunt Shal. and Slen._

_Caius._ Go home, John Rugby; I come anon.

    [_Exit Rugby._

_Host._ Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight             75
Falstaff, and drink canary with him.    [_Exit._

_Ford._ [_Aside_] I think I shall drink in pipe-wine first
with him; I’ll make him dance. Will you go, gentles?

_All._ Have with you to see this monster.    [_Exeunt._


  NOTES: III, 2

  SCENE II.] SCENE IV. Pope.
  11: _company_] _your company_ Collier MS.
  19: Ford. _Sir John Falstaff!_] omitted in F3 F4 and Rowe.
  20: _on’s_] _on his_ Rowe.
  25: SCENE V. Pope.
  37: [Clock heard] Capell.
  39: _search: there_] _search where_ Collier MS.
  42: SCENE VI. Pope.
  46-48: Printed as verse in Ff Q3 and Rowe.
  47: _her_] _here_ F2.
  59: _April_] _all April_ (Q1 Q2).
  60: _buttons_] _betmes_ (Q1 Q2). _destiny_ Anon. conj.
  63: _Poins_] _Poyntz_ F1 Q3 F2. _Poinz_ F3 F4.


SCENE III. _A room in FORD’S house._

  _Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE._

_Mrs Ford._ What, John! What, Robert!

_Mrs Page._ Quickly, quickly!--is the buck-basket--

_Mrs Ford._ I warrant. What, Robin, I say!

  _Enter _Servants_ with a basket._

_Mrs Page._ Come, come, come.

_Mrs Ford._ Here, set it down.                                       5

_Mrs Page._ Give your men the charge; we must be brief.

_Mrs Ford._ Marry, as I told you before, John and
Robert, be ready here hard by in the brew-house; and
when I suddenly call you, come forth, and, without any
pause or staggering, take this basket on your shoulders:            10
that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among
the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there empty it in
the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.

_Mrs Page._ You will do it?

_Mrs Ford._ I ha’ told them over and over; they lack                15
no direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.

    [_Exeunt Servants._

_Mrs Page._ Here comes little Robin.

  _Enter ROBIN._

_Mrs Ford._ How now, my eyas-musket! what news
with you?

_Rob._ My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door,           20
Mistress Ford, and requests your company.

_Mrs Page._ You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true
to us?

_Rob._ Ay, I’ll be sworn. My master knows not of your
being here, and hath threatened to put me into everlasting          25
liberty, if I tell you of it; for he swears he’ll turn me away.

_Mrs Page._ Thou’rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine
shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet
and hose. I ’ll go hide me.

_Mrs Ford._ Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone.                   30
[_Exit Robin._] Mistress Page, remember you your cue.

_Mrs Page._ I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.
    [_Exit._

_Mrs Ford._ Go to, then: we’ll use this unwholesome
humidity, this gross watery pumpion; we’ll teach him to
know turtles from jays.                                             35

  _Enter FALSTAFF._

_Fal._ ‘Have I caught’ thee, ‘my heavenly jewel?’ Why,
now let me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the
period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!

_Mrs Ford._ O sweet Sir John!

_Fal._ Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate,                 40
Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy
husband were dead: I’ll speak it before the best lord;
I would make thee my lady.

_Mrs Ford._ I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a
pitiful lady!                                                       45

_Fal._ Let the court of France show me such another. I
see how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast
the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the ship-tire,
the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance.

_Mrs Ford._ A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become             50
nothing else; nor that well neither.

_Fal._ By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou
wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm fixture of thy
foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait in a semi-circled
farthingale. I see what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe               55
were not, Nature thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it.

_Mrs Ford._ Believe me, there’s no such thing in me.

_Fal._ What made me love thee? let that persuade thee
there’s something extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot
cog, and say thou art this and that, like a many of these           60
lisping hawthorn-buds, that come like women in men’s apparel,
and smell like Bucklersbury in simple time; I cannot:
but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it.

_Mrs Ford._ Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love
Mistress Page.                                                      65

_Fal._ Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the
Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek of a
lime-kiln.

_Mrs Ford._ Well, heaven knows how I love you; and
you shall one day find it.                                          70

_Fal._ Keep in that mind; I’ll deserve it.

_Mrs Ford._ Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I
could not be in that mind.

_Rob._ [_Within_] Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! here’s
Mistress Page at the door, sweating, and blowing, and               75
looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.

_Fal._ She shall not see me: I will ensconce me behind
the arras.

_Mrs Ford._ Pray you, do so: she’s a very tattling
woman.    [_Falstaff hides himself._                                80

  _Re-enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN._

What’s the matter? how now!

_Mrs Page._ O Mistress Ford, what have you done?
You’re shamed, you’re overthrown, you’re undone for ever!

_Mrs Ford._ What’s the matter, good Mistress Page?

_Mrs Page._ O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an                  85
honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of
suspicion!

_Mrs Ford._ What cause of suspicion?

_Mrs Page._ What cause of suspicion! Out upon you!
how am I mistook in you!                                            90

_Mrs Ford._ Why, alas, what’s the matter?

_Mrs Page._ Your husband’s coming hither, woman,
with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman
that he says is here now in the house, by your consent, to
take an ill advantage of his absence: you are undone.               95

_Mrs Ford._ ’Tis not so, I hope.

_Mrs Page._ Pray heaven it be not so, that you have
such a man here! but ’tis most certain your husband’s coming,
with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one.
I come before to tell you. If you know yourself clear,             100
why, I am glad of it; but if you have a friend here, convey,
convey him out. Be not amazed; call all your senses to
you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good
life for ever.

_Mrs Ford._ What shall I do? There is a gentleman                  105
my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame so much
as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were
out of the house.

_Mrs Page._ For shame! never stand ‘you had rather’
and ‘you had rather:’ your husband’s here at hand; bethink         110
you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot
hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here is a
basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep
in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going
to bucking: or,--it is whiting-time,--send him by your two         115
men to Datchet-mead.

_Mrs Ford._ He’s too big to go in there. What shall
I do?

_Fal._ [_Coming forward_] Let me see’t, let me see’t,
O, let me see’t!--I’ll in, I’ll in. --Follow your friend’s         120
counsel. --I’ll in.

_Mrs Page._ What, Sir John Falstaff! Are these your
letters, knight?

_Fal._ I love thee. --Help me away. --Let me creep in
here. --I’ll never--                                               125

    [_Gets into the basket; they cover him with foul linen._

_Mrs Page._ Help to cover your master, boy. --Call your
men, Mistress Ford. --You dissembling knight!

_Mrs Ford._ What, John! Robert! John!    [_Exit Robin._

  _Re-enter _Servants_._

Go take up these clothes here quickly. --Where’s the cowl-staff?
look, how you drumble!--Carry them to the laundress                130
in Datchet-mead; quickly, come.

  _Enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS._

_Ford._ Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause,
why then make sport at me; then let me be your jest;
I deserve it. --How now! whither bear you this?

_Serv._ To the laundress, forsooth.                                135

_Mrs Ford._ Why, what have you to do whither they
bear it? You were best meddle with buck-washing.

_Ford._ Buck!--I would I could wash myself of the buck!--Buck,
buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck; and
of the season too, it shall appear.

    [_Exeunt Servants with the basket._]                           140

Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I’ll tell you
my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my chambers;
search, seek, find out: I’ll warrant we’ll unkennel the
fox. Let me stop this way first. [_Locking the door._] So,
now uncape.                                                        145

_Page._ Good Master Ford, be contented: you wrong
yourself too much.

_Ford._ True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen; you shall
see sport anon: follow me, gentlemen.    [_Exit._

_Evans._ This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies.          150

_Caius._ By gar, ’tis no the fashion of France; it is not
jealous in France.

_Page._ Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of
his search.    [_Exeunt Page, Caius, and Evans._

_Mrs Page._ Is there not a double excellency in this?              155

_Mrs Ford._ I know not which pleases me better, that
my husband is deceived, or Sir John.

_Mrs Page._ What a taking was he in when your husband
asked who was in the basket!

_Mrs Ford._ I am half afraid he will have need of washing;         160
so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.

_Mrs Page._ Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of
the same strain were in the same distress.

_Mrs Ford._ I think my husband hath some special suspicion
of Falstaff’s being here; for I never saw him so gross             165
in his jealousy till now.

_Mrs Page._ I will lay a plot to try that; and we will
yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease
will scarce obey this medicine.

_Mrs Ford._ Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress           170
Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water;
and give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment?

_Mrs Page._ We will do it: let him be sent for to-morrow,
eight o’clock, to have amends.                                     175

  _Re-enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS._

_Ford._ I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged
of that he could not compass.

_Mrs Page._ [_Aside to Mrs Ford_] Heard you that?

_Mrs Ford._ You use me well, Master Ford, do you?

_Ford._ Ay, I do so.                                               180

_Mrs Ford._ Heaven make you better than your
thoughts!

_Ford._ Amen!

_Mrs Page._ You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.

_Ford._ Ay, ay; I must bear it.                                    185

_Evans._ If there be any pody in the house, and in the
chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive
my sins at the day of judgement!

_Caius._ By gar, nor I too: there is no bodies.

_Page._ Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed?                190
What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would
not ha’ your distemper in this kind for the wealth of Windsor
Castle.

_Ford._ ’Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it.

_Evans._ You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is             195
as honest a ’omans as I will desires among five thousand,
and five hundred too.

_Caius._ By gar, I see ’tis an honest woman.

_Ford._ Well, I promised you a dinner. --Come, come,
walk in the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter          200
make known to you why I have done this. --Come, wife;
come, Mistress Page. --I pray you, pardon me; pray heartily
pardon me.

_Page._ Let’s go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we’ll
mock him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my                  205
house to breakfast: after, we’ll a-birding together; I have
a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?

_Ford._ Any thing.

_Evans._ If there is one, I shall make two in the company.         210

_Caius._ If dere be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.

_Ford._ Pray you, go, Master Page.

_Evans._ I pray you now, remembrance to-morrow on
the lousy knave, mine host.

_Caius._ Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart!                   215

_Evans._ A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his
mockeries!    [_Exeunt._


  NOTES: III, 3

  SCENE III.] SCENE VII. Pope.
  7, 8: Mrs Ford. _Marry ... Robert_] omitted in Q3.
  20: _your_] _the_ Q3.
  36: SCENE VIII. Pope. _thee_] Ff Q3 om. (Q1 Q2) Dyce.
  38: _my_] om. Q3.
  41: _Mistress_] _Master_ Q3.
  49: _tire-valiant_] Ff Q3. _tire-vellet_ (Q1 Q2). _tire-vailant_
    Warburton. _tire-velvet_ Heath conj. _tire-volant_ Becket conj.
  _tire of Venetian admittance_] Ff Q3. _Venetian attire_ (Q1 Q2)
    Pope. _tire of Venetian addition_ Hanmer.
  52: _By the Lord, thou art a traitor_] (Q1 Q2) Singer. _Thou art a
    tyrant_ Ff Q3. _Thou art a traitor_ Warburton. _By the Lord,
    thou art a tyrant_ Collier.
  53: _fixture_] F1 Q3. _fixure_ F2 F3 F4.
  55, 56: _foe were not, Nature_] F2 F3 F4. _foe, were not Nature_
    F1 Q3. _foe were not; Nature is_ Capell.
  58: _persuade thee there’s_] _persuade thee There’s_ (Q1 Q2).
    _persuade Thee. There’s_ Ff Q3.
  62: _simple_] F1 Q3 F2. _simpling_ F3 F4.
  74: [Within] F2. Re-enter Robin. Capell.
  75: _sweating_] F1 Q3. _swearing_ F2 F3 F4.
  81: SCENE IX. Pope.
  Re-enter...] Enter Mis. Page. F2.
  96: _’Tis not so_] _Speak louder. ’Tis not so_ Theobald
    (from Q1 Q2).
  110: _and_] om. Q3.
  119: [Coming forward] Enter F. Rowe. [Starting from his concealment.
    Capell.
  124: _I love thee_] Ff Q3. _I love thee and none but thee_
    (Q1 Q2) Malone.
  125: [Gets ... linen.] Rowe.
  128: _John! Robert_] _John Rugby_ Q3.
  [Exit Robin.] Malone.
  132: SCENE X. Pope.
  134: _How now!_] _How now? who goes here?_ Halliwell (from Q1 Q2).
    _How now! what’s here?_ S. Verges conj.
  140: [Exeunt ... basket.] Rowe.
  144: [Locking the door.] Capell.
  144, 145: _So, now uncape_] om. Pope. _So, now uncouple_ Hanmer.
  155: SCENE XI. Pope.
  159: _who_] _what_ Grant White (Ritson conj.).
  170: _foolish_] F2 F3 F4. _foolishion_ F1 Q3. _foolish eye on--carry
    on_ Jackson conj.
  174: _to-morrow, eight_] F1 Q3. _to-morrow by eight_ F2 F3 F4.
  178: [Aside to Mrs Ford] Capell.
  179: _You use..._] _I, I; peace;--You use..._ Theobald (from Q1 Q2).
  180: _Ay, I_] _I, I_ F1 Q3 F2. _I, I, I_ F3 F4.
  181: _you_] _me_ Capell conj.
  188: _at the day of judgement_] F1 Q3. om. F2 F3 F4.
  211: Theobald inserts (from Q1 Q2) Evans. _In your teeth:
    for shame!_


SCENE IV. _A room in PAGE’S house._

  _Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE._

_Fent._ I see I cannot get thy father’s love;
Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan.

_Anne._ Alas, how then?

_Fent._               Why, thou must be thyself.
He doth object I am too great of birth;
And that, my state being gall’d with my expense,                     5
I seek to heal it only by his wealth:
Besides these, other bars he lays before me,--
My riots past, my wild societies;
And tells me ’tis a thing impossible
I should love thee but as a property.                               10

_Anne._ May be he tells you true.

_Fent._ No, heaven so speed me in my time to come!
Albeit I will confess thy father’s wealth
Was the first motive that I woo’d thee, Anne:
Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value                        15
Than stamps in gold or sums in sealed bags;
And ’tis the very riches of thyself
That now I aim at.

_Anne._          Gentle Master Fenton,
Yet seek my father’s love; still seek it, sir:
If opportunity and humblest suit                                    20
Cannot attain it, why, then,--hark you hither!
    [_They converse apart._

  _Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and MISTRESS QUICKLY._

_Shal._ Break their talk, Mistress Quickly: my kinsman
shall speak for himself.

_Sle._ I’ll make a shaft or a bolt on’t: ’slid, ’tis but
venturing.                                                          25

_Shal._ Be not dismayed.

_Slen._ No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for
that, but that I am afeard.

_Quick._ Hark ye; Master Slender would speak a word
with you.                                                           30

_Anne._ I come to him. [_Aside_] This is my father’s choice.
O, what a world of vile ill-favour’d faults
Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a-year!

_Quick._ And how does good Master Fenton? Pray you,
a word with you.                                                    35

_Shal._ She’s coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst
a father!

_Slen._ I had a father, Mistress Anne;--my uncle can
tell you good jests of him. Pray you, uncle, tell Mistress
Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of a pen,          40
good uncle.

_Shal._ Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you.

_Slen._ Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in
Gloucestershire.

_Shal._ He will maintain you like a gentlewoman.                    45

_Slen._ Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under
the degree of a squire.

_Shal._ He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds
jointure.

_Anne._ Good Master Shallow, let him woo for himself.               50

_Shal._ Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that
good comfort. She calls you, coz: I’ll leave you.

_Anne._ Now, Master Slender,--

_Slen._ Now, good Mistress Anne,--

_Anne._ What is your will?                                          55

_Slen._ My will! od’s heartlings, that’s a pretty jest indeed!
I ne’er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I am not
such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise.

_Anne._ I mean, Master Slender, what would you with
me?                                                                 60

_Slen._ Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing
with you. Your father and my uncle hath made motions:
if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be his dole! They
can tell you how things go better than I can: you may
ask your father; here he comes.                                     65

  _Enter PAGE and MISTRESS PAGE._

_Page._ Now, Master Slender: love him, daughter Anne.--
Why, how now! what does Master Fenton here?
You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house:
I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of.

_Fent._ Nay, Master Page, be not impatient.                         70

_Mrs Page._ Good Master Fenton, come not to my child.

_Page._ She is no match for you.

_Fent._ Sir, will you hear me?

_Page._                      No, good Master Fenton.
Come, Master Shallow; come, son Slender, in.
Knowing my mind, you wrong me, Master Fenton.                       75

    [_Exeunt Page, Shal., and Slen._

_Quick._ Speak to Mistress Page.

_Fent._ Good Mistress Page, for that I love your daughter
In such a righteous fashion as I do,
Perforce, against all checks, rebukes and manners,
I must advance the colours of my love,                              80
And not retire: let me have your good will.

_Anne._ Good mother, do not marry me to yond fool.

_Mrs Page._ I mean it not; I seek you a better husband.

_Quick._ That’s my master, master doctor.

_Anne._ Alas, I had rather be set quick i’ the earth,               85
And bowl’d to death with turnips!

_Mrs Page._ Come, trouble not yourself. Good Master Fenton,
I will not be your friend nor enemy:
My daughter will I question how she loves you,
And as I find her, so am I affected.                                90
Till then farewell, sir: she must needs go in;
Her father will be angry.

_Fent._ Farewell, gentle mistress: farewell, Nan.

    [_Exeunt Mrs Page and Anne._

_Quick._ This is my doing now: ‘Nay,’ said I, ‘will you
cast away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look on            95
Master Fenton:’ this is my doing.

_Fent._ I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to-night
Give my sweet Nan this ring: there’s for thy pains.

_Quick._ Now heaven send thee good fortune!  [_Exit
Fenton._] A kind heart he hath: a woman would run                  100
through fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet
I would my master had Mistress Anne; or I would
Master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would Master
Fenton had her: I will do what I can for them all three;
for so I have promised, and I’ll be as good as my word;            105
but speciously for Master Fenton. Well, I must of another
errand to Sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses: what
a beast am I to slack it!    [_Exit._


  NOTES: III, 4

  SCENE IV.] SCENE XII. Pope.
  7: _Besides these, other_] Ff Q3. _Besides, these other_
    S. Walker conj.
  12: _my_] _the_ Capell (altered to _my_ in his own hand).
  20: _opportunity_] _importunity_ Hanmer.
  22: SCENE XIII. Pope.
  28: _but that_] F1 Q3 F2. _but_ F3 F4.
  40: _pen_] _henloft_ (Q1 Q2) Halliwell.
  62: _my_] om. Q3.
  _hath_] _have_ F4.
  65: _ask_] om. Q3.
  66: SCENE XIV. Pope.
  67: _Fenton_] _Fenter_ F1.
  75: _mind_] _wind_ F2.
  80: _of_] _or_ Q3.
  85, 86: Anne. _Alas_, ... _turnips!_] Anne. _Alas, ... earth._
    Quick. _And ... turnips_ Warburton.
  92: _angry_] _angry else_ S. Verges conj.
  93: _gentle_] _my gentle_ Capell.
  95: _and_] _or_ Hanmer.


SCENE V. _A room in the Garter Inn._

  _Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH._

_Fal._ Bardolph, I say,--

_Bard._ Here, sir.

_Fal._ Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in’t. [_Exit
Bard._] Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a barrow
of butcher’s offal, and to be thrown in the Thames? Well,            5
if I be served such another trick, I’ll have my brains ta’en
out, and buttered, and give them to a dog for a new-year’s
gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little
remorse as they would have drowned a blind bitch’s puppies,
fifteen i’ the litter: and you may know by my size                  10
that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom
were as deep as hell, I should down. I had been drowned,
but that the shore was shelvy and shallow,--a death that
I abhor; for the water swells a man; and what a thing
should I have been when I had been swelled! I should                15
have been a mountain of mummy.

  _Re-enter BARDOLPH with sack._

_Bard._ Here’s Mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with you.

_Fal._ Come, let me pour in some sack to the Thames
water; for my belly’s as cold as if I had swallowed snow-balls
for pills to cool the reins. Call her in.                           20

_Bard._ Come in, woman!

  _Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY._

_Quick._ By your leave; I cry you mercy: give your
worship good morrow.

_Fal._ Take away these chalices. Go brew me a pottle
of sack finely.                                                     25

_Bard._ With eggs, sir?

_Fal._ Simple of itself; I’ll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.
[_Exit Bardolph._] How now!

_Quick._ Marry, sir, I come to your worship from Mistress
Ford.                                                               30

_Fal._ Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough; I was
thrown into the ford; I have my belly full of ford.

_Quick._ Alas the day! good heart, that was not her
fault: she does so take on with her men; they mistook
their erection.                                                     35

_Fal._ So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman’s
promise.

_Quick._ Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn
your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning
a-birding; she desires you once more to come to her                 40
between eight and nine: I must carry her word quickly:
she’ll make you amends, I warrant you.

_Fal._ Well, I will visit her: tell her so; and bid her
think what a man is: let her consider his frailty, and then
judge of my merit.                                                  45

_Quick._ I will tell her.

_Fal._ Do so. Between nine and ten, sayest thou?

_Quick._ Eight and nine, sir.

_Fal._ Well, be gone: I will not miss her.

_Quick._ Peace be with you, sir.    [_Exit._                        50

_Fal._ I marvel I hear not of Master Brook; he sent me
word to stay within: I like his money well. --O, here he
comes.

  _Enter FORD._

_Ford._ Bless you, sir!

_Fal._ Now, Master Brook,--you come to know what                    55
hath passed between me and Ford’s wife?

_Ford._ That, indeed, Sir John, is my business.

_Fal._ Master Brook, I will not lie to you: I was at her
house the hour she appointed me.

_Ford._ And sped you, sir?                                          60

_Fal._ Very ill-favouredly, Master Brook.

_Ford._ How so, sir? Did she change her determination?

_Fal._ No, Master Brook; but the peaking Cornuto her
husband, Master Brook, dwelling in a continual ’larum of
jealousy, comes me in the instant of our encounter, after           65
we had embraced, kissed, protested, and, as it were, spoke
the prologue of our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of
his companions, thither provoked and instigated by his
distemper, and, forsooth, to search his house for his wife’s
love.                                                               70

_Ford._ What, while you were there?

_Fal._ While I was there.

_Ford._ And did he search for you, and could not find
you?

_Fal._ You shall hear. As good luck would have it,                  75
comes in one Mistress Page; gives intelligence of Ford’s
approach; and, in her invention and Ford’s wife’s distraction,
they conveyed me into a buck-basket.

_Ford._ A buck-basket!

_Fal._ By the Lord, a buck-basket!--rammed me in with               80
foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, greasy napkins;
that, Master Brook, there was the rankest compound
of villanous smell that ever offended nostril.

_Ford._ And how long lay you there?

_Fal._ Nay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what I have               85
suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being
thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford’s knaves, his
hinds, were called forth by their mistress to carry me in the
name of foul clothes to Datchet-lane: they took me on their
shoulders; met the jealous knave their master in the door,          90
who asked them once or twice what they had in their
basket: I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave would
have searched it; but fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold,
held his hand. Well: on went he for a search, and
away went I for foul clothes. But mark the sequel, Master           95
Brook: I suffered the pangs of three several deaths; first,
an intolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten
bell-wether; next, to be compassed, like a good bilbo, in
the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head;
and then, to be stopped in, like a strong distillation, with       100
stinking clothes that fretted in their own grease: think of
that,--a man of my kidney,--think of that,--that am as
subject to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution
and thaw: it was a miracle to scape suffocation. And in
the height of this bath, when I was more than half stewed          105
in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames,
and cooled, glowing hot, in that surge, like a horse-shoe;
think of that,--hissing hot,--think of that, Master Brook.

_Ford._ In good sadness, sir, I am sorry that for my sake
you have suffered all this. My suit, then, is desperate;           110
you’ll undertake her no more?

_Fal._ Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I
have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her
husband is this morning gone a-birding: I have received
from her another embassy of meeting; ’twixt eight and              115
nine is the hour, Master Brook.

_Ford._ ’Tis past eight already, sir.

_Fal._ Is it? I will then address me to my appointment.
Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you
shall know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be                120
crowned with your enjoying her. Adieu. You shall have
her, Master Brook; Master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford.
    [_Exit._

_Ford._ Hum! ha! is this a vision? is this a dream? do
I sleep? Master Ford, awake! awake, Master Ford! there’s
a hole made in your best coat, Master Ford. This ’tis to           125
be married! this ’tis to have linen and buck-baskets!
Well, I will proclaim myself what I am: I will now take
the lecher; he is at my house; he cannot ’scape me; ’tis
impossible he should; he cannot creep into a halfpenny
purse, nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that guides      130
him should aid him, I will search impossible places.
Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would
not shall not make me tame: if I have horns to make
one mad, let the proverb go with me,--I’ll be horn-mad.
    [_Exit._


  NOTES: III, 5

  SCENE V.] SCENE XV. Pope.
  5: _in_] _into_ Rowe.
  9: _blind bitch’s_] _bitch’s blind_ Hanmer.
  16: _mummy_] _mummy. Now, is the sack brewed?_ Theobald
    (from Q1 Q2).
  22: SCENE XVI. Pope.
  24: _pottle_] _posset_ R. G. White.
  60: _sped you_] _you sped_ Rowe.
  62: _How so, sir_] F1 Q3 F2. _How Sir_ F3 F4.
  65: _me_] om. F4.
  77: _in_] by (Q1 Q2) Theobald.
  _distraction_] _direction_ Hanmer.
  80: _By the Lord_] (Q1 Q2) Malone. _yes_ F1 Q3. _yea_ F2 F3 F4.
  83: _smell_] _smells_ Hanmer.
  96: _several_] _egregious_ (Q1 Q2) Pope.
  106: _in_] _is_ F2.
  107: _surge_] _forge_ Capell conj.
  110: _have suffered_] _suffered_ F4.
  130: _nor_] _not_ Q3.
  134: _one_] _me_ Dyce.
  [Exit.] Rowe. [Exeunt. Ff Q3.




ACT IV.


SCENE I. _A street._

  _Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS QUICKLY, and WILLIAM._

_Mrs Page._ Is he at Master Ford’s already, think’st
thou?

_Quick._ Sure he is by this, or will be presently: but,
truly, he is very courageous mad about his throwing into
the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly.               5

_Mrs Page._ I’ll be with her by and by; I’ll but bring
my young man here to school. Look, where his master
comes; ’tis a playing-day, I see.

  _Enter SIR HUGH EVANS._

How now, Sir Hugh! no school to-day?

_Evans._ No; Master Slender is let the boys leave to                10
play.

_Quick._ Blessing of his heart!

_Mrs Page._ Sir Hugh, my husband says my son profits
nothing in the world at his book. I pray you, ask him
some questions in his accidence.                                    15

_Evans._ Come hither, William; hold up your head; come.

_Mrs Page._ Come on, sirrah; hold up your head; answer
your master, be not afraid.

_Evans._ William, how many numbers is in nouns?

_Will._ Two.                                                        20

_Quick._ Truly, I thought there had been one number
more, because they say, ‘Od’s nouns.’

_Evans._ Peace your tattlings! What is ‘fair,’ William?

_Will._ Pulcher.

_Quick._ Polecats! there are fairer things than polecats,           25
sure.

_Evans._ You are a very simplicity ’oman: I pray you,
peace. --What is ‘lapis,’ William?

_Will._ A stone.

_Evans._ And what is ‘a stone,’ William?                            30

_Will._ A pebble.

_Evans._ No, it is ‘lapis:’ I pray you, remember in your
prain.

_Will._ Lapis.

_Evans._ That is a good William. What is he, William,               35
that does lend articles?

_Will._ Articles are borrowed of the pronoun, and be
thus declined, Singulariter, nominativo, hic, hæc, hoc.

_Evans._ Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you, mark:
genitivo, hujus. Well, what is your accusative case?                40

_Will._ Accusativo, hinc.

_Evans._ I pray you, have your remembrance, child;
accusativo, hung, hang, hog.

_Quick._ ‘Hang-hog’ is Latin for bacon, I warrant you.

_Evans._ Leave your prabbles, ’oman. --What is the focative         45
case, William?

_Will._ O,--vocativo, O.

_Evans._ Remember, William; focative is caret.

_Quick._ And that’s a good root.

_Evans._ ’Oman, forbear.                                            50

_Mrs Page._ Peace!

_Evans._ What is your genitive case plural, William?

_Will._ Genitive case!

_Evans._ Ay.

_Will._ Genitive,--horum, harum, horum.                             55

_Quick._ Vengeance of Jenny’s case! fie on her! never
name her, child, if she be a whore.

_Evans._ For shame, ’oman.

_Quick._ You do ill to teach the child such words:--he
teaches him to hick and to hack, which they’ll do fast              60
enough of themselves, and to call ‘horum’:--fie upon
you!

_Evans._ ’Oman, art thou lunaties? hast thou no understandings
for thy cases, and the numbers of the genders?
Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as I would desires.         65

_Mrs Page._ Prithee, hold thy peace.

_Evans._ Show me now, William, some declensions of
your pronouns.

_Will._ Forsooth, I have forgot.

_Evans._ It is qui, quæ, quod: if you forget your                   70
‘quies,’ your ‘quæs,’ and your ‘quods,’ you must be preeches.
Go your ways, and play; go.

_Mrs Page._ He is a better scholar than I thought he
was.

_Evans._ He is a good sprag memory. Farewell, Mistress              75
Page.

_Mrs Page._ Adieu, good Sir Hugh.         [_Exit Sir Hugh._]
Get you home, boy. Come, we stay too long.    [_Exeunt._


  NOTES: IV, 1

  [A Street] Capell. Page’s House. Pope.
  10: _let_] _get_ Collier MS.
  25: _polecats_] _powlcat_ Q3.
  41: _Accusativo_] _accusative_ F3 F4.
  _hinc_] _hunc_ Halliwell.
  43: _hung_] Pope. _hing_ Ff Q3.
  56: _Jenny’s_] _Ginyes_ Ff Q3.
  63: _lunaties_] Ff Q3. _lunacies_ Rowe. _lunaticks_ Capell.
  64: _of_] _and_ Collier MS.
  65: _desires_] _desire_ Pope.
  70, 71: _quæ ... quæs_] _que ... ques_ Ff Q3.


SCENE II. _A room in FORD’S house._

  _Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS FORD._

_Fal._ Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my
sufferance. I see you are obsequious in your love, and
I profess requital to a hair’s breadth; not only, Mistress
Ford, in the simple office of love, but in all the accoutrement,
complement, and ceremony of it. But are you sure                     5
of your husband now?

_Mrs Ford._ He’s a-birding, sweet Sir John.

_Mrs Page._ [_Within_] What, ho, gossip Ford! what, ho!

_Mrs Ford._ Step into the chamber, Sir John.

    [_Exit Falstaff._

  _Enter MISTRESS PAGE._

_Mrs Page._ How now, sweetheart! who’s at home besides              10
yourself?

_Mrs Ford._ Why, none but mine own people.

_Mrs Page._ Indeed!

_Mrs Ford._ No, certainly. [_Aside to her_] Speak louder.

_Mrs Page._ Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here.               15

_Mrs Ford._ Why?

_Mrs Page._ Why, woman, your husband is in his old
lunes again: he so takes on yonder with my husband; so
rails against all married mankind; so curses all Eve’s
daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffets himself        20
on the forehead, crying, ‘Peer out, peer out!’ that any
madness I ever yet beheld seemed but tameness, civility,
and patience, to this his distemper he is in now: I am glad
the fat knight is not here.

_Mrs Ford._ Why, does he talk of him?                               25

_Mrs Page._ Of none but him; and swears he was carried
out, the last time he searched for him, in a basket;
protests to my husband he is now here; and hath drawn
him and the rest of their company from their sport, to make
another experiment of his suspicion: but I am glad the              30
knight is not here; now he shall see his own foolery.

_Mrs Ford._ How near is he, Mistress Page?

_Mrs Page._ Hard by; at street end; he will be here anon.

_Mrs Ford._ I am undone!--the knight is here.

_Mrs Page._ Why, then, you are utterly shamed, and                  35
he’s but a dead man. What a woman are you!--Away
with him, away with him! better shame than murder.

_Mrs Ford._ Which way should he go? how should I
bestow him? Shall I put him into the basket again?

  _Re-enter FALSTAFF._

_Fal._ No, I’ll come no more i’ the basket. May I not               40
go out ere he come?

_Mrs Page._ Alas, three of Master Ford’s brothers watch
the door with pistols, that none shall issue out; otherwise
you might slip away ere he came. But what make you
here?                                                               45

_Fal._ What shall I do?--I’ll creep up into the chimney.

_Mrs Ford._ There they always use to discharge their
birding-pieces. Creep into the kiln-hole.

_Fal._ Where is it?

_Mrs Ford._ He will seek there, on my word. Neither                 50
press, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an abstract
for the remembrance of such places, and goes to
them by his note: there is no hiding you in the house.

_Fal._ I’ll go out, then.

_Mrs Page._ If you go out in your own semblance, you                55
die, Sir John. Unless you go out disguised,--

_Mrs Ford._ How might we disguise him?

_Mrs Page._ Alas the day, I know not! There is no
woman’s gown big enough for him; otherwise he might put
on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and so escape.                 60

_Fal._ Good hearts, devise something: any extremity
rather than a mischief.

_Mrs Ford._ My maid’s aunt, the fat woman of Brentford,
has a gown above.

_Mrs Page._ On my word, it will serve him; she’s as big             65
as he is: and there’s her thrummed hat, and her muffler
too. Run up, Sir John.

_Mrs Ford._ Go, go, sweet Sir John: Mistress Page and
I will look some linen for your head.

_Mrs Page._ Quick, quick! we’ll come dress you straight:            70
put on the gown the while.    [_Exit Falstaff._

_Mrs Ford._ I would my husband would meet him in
this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brentford;
he swears she’s a witch; forbade her my house, and hath
threatened to beat her.                                             75

_Mrs Page._ Heaven guide him to thy husband’s cudgel,
and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards!

_Mrs Ford._ But is my husband coming?

_Mrs Page._ Ay, in good sadness, is he; and talks of
the basket too, howsoever he hath had intelligence.                 80

_Mrs Ford._ We’ll try that; for I’ll appoint my men to
carry the basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as
they did last time.

_Mrs Page._ Nay, but he’ll be here presently: let’s go
dress him like the witch of Brentford.                              85

_Mrs Ford._ I’ll first direct my men what they shall do
with the basket. Go up; I’ll bring linen for him straight.
    [_Exit._

_Mrs Page._ Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse
him enough.
We’ll leave a proof, by that which we will do,                      90
Wives may be merry, and yet honest too:
We do not act that often jest and laugh;
’Tis old, but true,--Still swine eat all the draff.    [_Exit._

  _Re-enter MISTRESS FORD with two SERVANTS._

_Mrs Ford._ Go, sirs, take the basket again on your
shoulders: your master is hard at door; if he bid you set it        95
down, obey him: quickly, dispatch.    [_Exit._

_First Serv._ Come, come, take it up.

_Sec. Serv._ Pray heaven it be not full of knight again.

_First Serv._ I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead.

  _Enter FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS._

_Ford._ Ay, but if it prove true, Master Page, have you            100
any way then to unfool me again? Set down the basket,
villain! Somebody call my wife. Youth in a basket!--O
you panderly rascals! there’s a knot, a ging, a pack, a conspiracy
against me: now shall the devil be shamed. --What,
wife, I say!--Come, come forth! Behold what honest                 105
clothes you send forth to bleaching!

_Page._ Why, this passes, Master Ford; you are not to
go loose any longer; you must be pinioned.

_Evans._ Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad
dog!                                                               110

_Shal._ Indeed, Master Ford, this is not well, indeed.

_Ford._ So say I too, sir.

  _Re-enter MISTRESS FORD._

Come hither, Mistress Ford; Mistress Ford, the honest woman,
the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that hath the
jealous fool to her husband! I suspect without cause, mistress,    115
do I?

_Mrs Ford._ Heaven be my witness you do, if you suspect
me in any dishonesty.

_Ford._ Well said, brazen-face! hold it out. Come forth,
sirrah!    [_Pulling clothes out of the basket._                   120

_Page._ This passes!

_Mrs Ford._ Are you not ashamed? let the clothes alone.

_Ford._ I shall find you anon.

_Evans._ ’Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your
wife’s clothes? Come away.                                         125

_Ford._ Empty the basket, I say!

_Mrs Ford._ Why, man, why?

_Ford._ Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed
out of my house yesterday in this basket: why may
not he be there again? In my house I am sure he is: my             130
intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable. Pluck me
out all the linen.

_Mrs Ford._ If you find a man there, he shall die a flea’s
death.

_Page._ Here’s no man.                                             135

_Shal._ By my fidelity, this is not well, Master Ford;
this wrongs you.

_Evans._ Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the
imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies.

_Ford._ Well, he’s not here I seek for.                            140

_Page._ No, nor nowhere else but in your brain.

_Ford._ Help to search my house this one time. If I
find not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity; let
me for ever be your table-sport; let them say of me, ‘As
jealous as Ford, that searched a hollow walnut for his wife’s      145
leman.’ Satisfy me once more; once more search with me.

_Mrs Ford._ What, ho, Mistress Page! come you and the
old woman down; my husband will come into the chamber.

_Ford._ Old woman! what old woman’s that?

_Mrs Ford._ Why, it is my maid’s aunt of Brentford.                150

_Ford._ A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have
I not forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does
she? We are simple men; we do not know what’s brought
to pass under the profession of fortune-telling. She works
by charms, by spells, by the figure, and such daubery as           155
this is, beyond our element: we know nothing. Come
down, you witch, you hag, you; come down, I say!

_Mrs Ford._ Nay, good, sweet husband!--Good gentlemen,
let him not strike the old woman.

  _Re-enter FALSTAFF in woman’s clothes, and MISTRESS PAGE._

_Mrs Page._ Come, Mother Prat; come, give me your                  160
hand.

_Ford._ I’ll prat her. [_Beating him_] Out of my door,
you witch, you hag, you baggage, you polecat, you ronyon!
out, out! I’ll conjure you, I’ll fortune-tell you.
    [_Exit Falstaff._

_Mrs Page._ Are you not ashamed? I think you have                  165
killed the poor woman.

_Mrs Ford._ Nay, he will do it. ’Tis a goodly credit for
you.

_Ford._ Hang her, witch!

_Evans._ By yea and no, I think the ’oman is a witch indeed:       170
I like not when a ’oman has a great peard; I spy a
great peard under his muffler.

_Ford._ Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you,
follow; see but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry out thus
upon no trail, never trust me when I open again.                   175

_Page._ Let’s obey his humour a little further: come,
gentlemen.    [_Exeunt Ford, Page, Shal., Caius, and Evans._

_Mrs Page._ Trust me, he beat him most pitifully.

_Mrs Ford._ Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat
him most unpitifully methought.                                    180

_Mrs Page._ I’ll have the cudgel hallowed and hung
o’er the altar; it hath done meritorious service.

_Mrs Ford._ What think you? may we, with the warrant
of womanhood and the witness of a good conscience, pursue
him with any further revenge?                                      185

_Mrs Page._ The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared
out of him: if the devil have him not in fee-simple, with
fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the way of
waste, attempt us again.

_Mrs Ford._ Shall we tell our husbands how we have                 190
served him?

_Mrs Page._ Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape
the figures out of your husband’s brains. If they can find
in their hearts the poor unvirtuous fat knight shall be any
further afflicted, we two will still be the ministers.             195

_Mrs Ford._ I’ll warrant they’ll have him publicly
shamed: and methinks there would be no period to the
jest, should he not be publicly shamed.

_Mrs Page._ Come, to the forge with it, then; shape it:
I would not have things cool.    [_Exeunt._                        200


  NOTES: IV, 2

  18: _lunes_] Theobald. _lines_ Ff Q3. _vaine_ (Q1 Q2).
  33: _street_] F1 Q3. _streets_ F2 F3 F4.
  39: Re-enter F.] Enter. F2.
  40: SCENE III. Pope.
  43: _pistols_] _Pistol_ Jackson conj.
  48: _Creep into the kiln-hole_] Given to Mrs Page by Dyce
    (Malone conj.).
  55: Mrs Page] (Q1 Q2) Malone. Mist. Ford. Ff Q3.
  57: Mrs Ford] om. F2 F3 F4.
  62: _a mischief_] _mischief_ F4.
  63, 73, 85, 150, and passim: _Brentford_] _Brainford_ (Q1 Q2) Ff Q3.
  66: _thrummed_] _thrum’d_ F1 F2 F3. _thrumb_ F4.
  89: _him_] F2 F3 F4. om. F1 Q3.
  98: _knight_] F1 Q3. _the knight_ F2 F3 F4.
  99: _as lief_] F2 F3 F4. _liefe as_ F1 Q3.
  100: SCENE IV. Pope.
  102: _villain_] _villains_ Dyce.
  _Youth in a basket_] _you youth in a basket come out here_
    Malone (from Q1 Q2).
  103: _ging_] F2 F3 F4. _gin_ F1 Q3 _gang_ Rowe.
  104: _shamed_] _ashamed_ F2.
  105: _wife_] om. Rowe.
  159: _not_] om. F1.
  160: SCENE V. Pope.
  Re-enter ... clothes] Rowe. Enter Fal. Ff. and Mistress Page] Pope.
  163: _hag_] F3 F4. _ragge_ F1. _hagge_ Q3. _rag_ F2.
  170: _By yea and no_] _By Jeshu_ (Q1 Q2).
  171: _’oman_] _’omans_ Q3.
  172: _his_] Ff Q3. _her_ (Q1 Q2) Pope.
  175: _trail_] F1 Q3 F2 F3. _Tryal_ F4.
  188: _fine_] _find_ Q3.
  193: _brains_] _brain_ F3 F4.
  197: _period_] _right period_ Hanmer.
  198: _the jest_] _jest_ Q3.
  199: _it, then; shape it:_] _it, then shape it:_ Ff Q3.


SCENE III. _A room in the Garter Inn._

  _Enter HOST and BARDOLPH._

_Bard._ Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your
horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow at court, and
they are going to meet him.

_Host._ What duke should that be comes so secretly? I
hear not of him in the court. Let me speak with the gentlemen:       5
they speak English?

_Bard._ Ay, sir; I’ll call them to you.

_Host._ They shall have my horses; but I’ll make them
pay; I’ll sauce them: they have had my house a week at
command; I have turned away my other guests: they must              10
come off; I’ll sauce them. Come.    [_Exeunt._


  NOTES: IV, 3

  SCENE III.] SCENE VI. Pope.
  1: _Germans desire_] Capell. _Germane desires_ Ff Q3.
  7: _Ay_] om. F3 F4.
  9: _house_] (Q1 Q2) Rowe. _houses_ Ff Q3.
  11: _come off_] _compt off_ Theobald (Warburton). _not come off_
    Capell.


SCENE IV. _A room in FORD’S house._

  _Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD,
  and SIR HUGH EVANS._

_Evans._ ’Tis one of the best discretions of a ’oman as
ever I did look upon.

_Page._ And did he send you both these letters at an
instant?

_Mrs Page._ Within a quarter of an hour.                             5

_Ford._ Pardon me, wife. Henceforth do what thou wilt;
I rather will suspect the sun with cold
Than thee with wantonness: now doth thy honour stand,
In him that was of late an heretic,
As firm as faith.

_Page._         ’Tis well, ’tis well; no more:                      10
Be not as extreme in submission
As in offence.
But let our plot go forward: let our wives
Yet once again, to make us public sport,
Appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow,                         15
Where we may take him, and disgrace him for it.

_Ford._ There is no better way than that they spoke of.

_Page._ How? to send him word they’ll meet him in the
Park at midnight? Fie, fie! he’ll never come.

_Evans._ You say he has been thrown in the rivers, and              20
has been grievously peaten, as an old ’oman: methinks
there should be terrors in him that he should not come;
methinks his flesh is punished, he shall have no desires.

_Page._ So think I too.

_Mrs Ford._ Devise but how you’ll use him when he comes,            25
And let us two devise to bring him thither.

_Mrs Page._ There is an old tale goes that Herne the hunter,
Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest,
Doth all the winter-time, at still midnight,
Walk round about an oak, with great ragg’d horns;                   30
And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle,
And makes milch-kine yield blood, and shakes a chain
In a most hideous and dreadful manner:
You have heard of such a spirit; and well you know
The superstitious idle-headed eld                                   35
Receiv’d, and did deliver to our age,
This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth.

_Page._ Why, yet there want not many that do fear
In deep of night to walk by this Herne’s oak:
But what of this?

_Mrs Ford._     Marry, this is our device;                          40
That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us.

_Page._ Well, let it not be doubted but he’ll come:
And in this shape when you have brought him thither,
What shall be done with him? what is your plot?

_Mrs Page._ That likewise have we thought upon, and thus:           45
Nan Page my daughter and my little son
And three or four more of their growth we’ll dress
Like urchins, ouphes and fairies, green and white,
With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads,
And rattles in their hands: upon a sudden,                          50
As Falstaff, she, and I, are newly met,
Let them from forth a sawpit rush at once
With some diffused song: upon their sight,
We two in great amazedness will fly:
Then let them all encircle him about,                               55
And, fairy-like, to-pinch the unclean knight;
And ask him why, that hour of fairy revel,
In their so sacred paths he dares to tread
In shape profane.

_Mrs Ford._ And till he tell the truth,
Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound,                           60
And burn him with their tapers.

_Mrs Page._                   The truth being known,
We’ll all present ourselves, dis-horn the spirit,
And mock him home to Windsor.

_Ford._                     The children must
Be practised well to this, or they’ll ne’er do’t.

_Evans._ I will teach the children their behaviours; and            65
I will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the knight with
my taber.

_Ford._ That will be excellent. I’ll go and buy them
vizards.

_Mrs Page._ My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies,           70
Finely attired in a robe of white.

_Page._ That silk will I go buy. [_Aside_] And in that time
Shall Master Slender steal my Nan away,
And marry her at Eton. Go send to Falstaff straight.

_Ford._ Nay, I’ll to him again in name of Brook:                    75
He’ll tell me all his purpose: sure, he’ll come.

_Mrs Page._ Fear not you that. Go get us properties
And tricking for our fairies.

_Evans._ Let us about it: it is admirable pleasures and
fery honest knaveries.    [_Exeunt Page, Ford, and Evans._          80

_Mrs Page._ Go, Mistress Ford,
Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind.

    [_Exit Mrs Ford._

I’ll to the doctor: he hath my good will,
And none but he, to marry with Nan Page.
That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot;                      85
And he my husband best of all affects.
The doctor is well money’d, and his friends
Potent at court: he, none but he, shall have her,
Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her.    [_Exit._


  NOTES: IV, 4

  SCENE IV.] SCENE VII. Pope.
  1: _’oman_] _o’mans_ Q3.
  7: _cold_] Rowe. _gold_ Ff Q3.
  9: _as faith_] F1 Q3. _of faith_ F2 F3 F4.
  11: _as extreme_] F1 Q3. om. _as_ F2 F3 F4.
  11, 12: Printed in one line in Ff Q3.
  20: _say_] _see_ Collier MS.
  _in the rivers_] F1 Q3. _into the river_ F2 F3 F4.
  22: _terrors_] _terror_ Q3.
  29: _midnight_] F1 Q3. _of midnight_ F2 F3 F4.
  30: _great ragg’d_] _ragged_ Pope.
  31: _tree_] _trees_ Hanmer.
  41: Here Theobald inserts from Q1 Q2, _We’ll send him word to meet
    us in the field, Disguised like Herne_ [_Horne_ Q1 Q2] _with huge
    horns on his head._ Malone gives the second line only. See note
    (VIII).
  56: _to-pinch_] Steevens (Tyrwhitt conj.).] _to pinch_ Ff Q3.
    _too, pinch_ Warburton.
  _fairy-like, to-pinch_] _like to fairies pinch_ Hanmer.
  60: _him sound_] F2 F3 F4. _him, sound,_ F1 Q3. _him round,_ Pope.
    _him soundly_ Collier MS.
  67: _taber_] _taper_ Pope.
  72: _time_] _tire_ Theobald.
  75: _in name_] _in the name_ Q3.
  86: _he_] _him_ Hanmer.


SCENE V. _A room in the Garter Inn._

  _Enter HOST and SIMPLE._

_Host._ What wouldst thou have, boor? what, thick-skin?
speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap.

_Sim._ Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff
from Master Slender.

_Host._ There’s his chamber, his house, his castle, his              5
standing-bed, and truckle-bed; ’tis painted about with the
story of the Prodigal, fresh and new. Go knock and call;
he’ll speak like an Anthropophaginian unto thee: knock,
I say.

_Sim._ There’s an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into              10
his chamber: I’ll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come
down; I come to speak with her, indeed.

_Host._ Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed:
I’ll call. --Bully knight! bully Sir John! speak from thy
lungs military: art thou there? it is thine host, thine Ephesian,   15
calls.

_Fal._ [_Above_] How now, mine host!

_Host._ Here’s a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming
down of thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, let her
descend; my chambers are honourable: fie! privacy? fie!             20

  _Enter FALSTAFF._

_Fal._ There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now
with me; but she’s gone.

_Sim._ Pray you, sir, was’t not the wise woman of
Brentford?

_Fal._ Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell: what would you              25
with her?

_Sim._ My master, sir, Master Slender, sent to her, seeing
her go thorough the streets, to know, sir, whether one Nym,
sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain or no.

_Fal._ I spake with the old woman about it.                         30

_Sim._ And what says she, I pray, sir?

_Fal._ Marry, she says that the very same man that beguiled
Master Slender of his chain cozened him of it.

_Sim._ I would I could have spoken with the woman
herself; I had other things to have spoken with her too             35
from him.

_Fal._ What are they? let us know.

_Host._ Ay, come; quick.

_Sim._ I may not conceal them, sir.

_Host._ Conceal them, or thou diest.                                40

_Sim._ Why, sir, they were nothing but about Mistress
Anne Page; to know if it were my master’s fortune to have
her or no.

_Fal._ ’Tis, ’tis his fortune.

_Sim._ What, sir?                                                   45

_Fal._ To have her, or no. Go; say the woman told
me so.

_Sim._ May I be bold to say so, sir?

_Fal._ Ay, sir; like who more bold.

_Sim._ I thank your worship: I shall make my master                 50
glad with these tidings.    [_Exit._

_Host._ Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John.
Was there a wise woman with thee?

_Fal._ Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath
taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my                 55
life; and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for
my learning.

  _Enter BARDOLPH._

_Bard._ Out, alas, sir! cozenage, mere cozenage!

_Host._ Where be my horses? speak well of them,
varletto.                                                           60

_Bard._ Run away with the cozeners: for so soon as I
came beyond Eton, they threw me off, from behind one of
them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs and away, like
three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.

_Host._ They are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do             65
not say they be fled; Germans are honest men.

  _Enter SIR HUGH EVANS._

_Evans._ Where is mine host?

_Host._ What is the matter, sir?

_Evans._ Have a care of your entertainments: there is a
friend of mine come to town, tells me there is three                70
cozen-germans that has cozened all the hosts of Readins, of
Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you for
good will, look you: you are wise, and full of gibes and
vlouting-stocks, and ’tis not convenient you should be
cozened. Fare you well.    [_Exit._                                 75

  _Enter DOCTOR CAIUS._

_Caius._ Vere is mine host de Jarteer?

_Host._ Here, master doctor, in perplexity and doubtful
dilemma.

_Caius._ I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a me dat
you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany: by my              80
trot, dere is no duke dat the court is know to come. I tell
you for good vill: adieu.    [_Exit._

_Host._ Hue and cry, villain, go!--Assist me, knight. --I
am undone!--Fly, run, hue and cry, villain!--I am undone!

    [_Exeunt Host and Bard._                                        85

_Fal._ I would all the world might be cozened; for I
have been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to
the ear of the court, how I have been transformed, and how
my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they
would melt me out of my fat drop by drop, and liquor                90
fishermen’s boots with me: I warrant they would whip me
with their fine wits till I were as crest-fallen as a dried pear.
I never prospered since I forswore myself at primero. Well,
if my wind were but long enough [to say my prayers,] I
would repent.                                                       95

  _Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY._

Now, whence come you?

_Quick._ From the two parties, forsooth.

_Fal._ The devil take one party, and his dam the other!
and so they shall be both bestowed. I have suffered more
for their sakes, more than the villanous inconstancy of            100
man’s disposition is able to bear.

_Quick._ And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant;
speciously one of them; Mistress Ford, good heart, is
beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot
about her.                                                         105

_Fal._ What tellest thou me of black and blue? I was
beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow; and I
was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford: but
that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the
action of an old woman, delivered me, the knave constable          110
had set me i’ the stocks, i’ the common stocks, for a
witch.

_Quick._ Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber:
you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content.
Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts,                   115
what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, one of you
does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed.

_Fal._ Come up into my chamber.    [_Exeunt._


  NOTES: IV, 5

  SCENE V.] SCENE VIII. Pope.
  2: _snap_] _nap_ Q3.
  17: [Above] Theobald. Enter Falstaff. Rowe. om. Ff Q3.
  27: _Master Slender_] Steevens. _my master Slender,_ Ff Q3.
  28: _thorough_] F1 Q3. _through_ F2 F3 F4.
  39: Sim. _I may..._] Rowe. Fal. _I may..._ Ff Q3. Fal. _You may..._
    Collier MS.
  40: Host.] Fal. Warburton.
  _Conceal them, or_] _Conceal them, and_ Hanmer. _Aye conseil them
    or_ Becket conj.
  39, 40: _conceal, Conceal_] _reveal, Reveal_ Farmer conj.
  42: _master’s_] _master_ Q3.
  49: _Ay, sir; like_] Ff Q3. _I tike,_ (Q1 Q2). _Ay, sir Tike,_
    Steevens (Farmer conj.). _Ay, sir, tike,_ Collier. See note (IX).
  58: SCENE IX. Pope.
  61: _with_] _with by_ Collier MS.
  71: _Readins_] _Reading_ F4.
  80: _grand_] _agrand_ F3 F4.
  85: [Exeunt H. and B.] Capell. [Exit F2. om. F1 Q3.
  94: [_to say my prayers_] (Q1 Q2) Pope. om. Ff Q3.
  95: _repent_] _pray and repent_ Collier MS.
  96: SCENE X. Pope.
  110: _an old woman_] _a wode woman_ Theobald.


SCENE VI. _The same. Another room in the Garter Inn._

  _Enter FENTON and HOST._

_Host._ Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is
heavy: I will give over all.

_Fent._ Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose,
And, as I am a gentleman, I’ll give thee
A hundred pound in gold more than your loss.                         5

_Host._ I will hear you, Master Fenton; and I will at
the least keep your counsel.

_Fent._ From time to time I have acquainted you
With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page;
Who mutually hath answer’d my affection,                            10
So far forth as herself might be her chooser,
Even to my wish: I have a letter from her
Of such contents as you will wonder at;
The mirth whereof so larded with my matter,
That neither singly can be manifested,                              15
Without the show of both; fat Falstaff
Hath a great scene: the image of the jest
I’ll show you here at large. Hark, good mine host.
To-night at Herne’s oak, just ’twixt twelve and one,
Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen;                          20
The purpose why, is here: in which disguise,
While other jests are something rank on foot,
Her father hath commanded her to slip
Away with Slender, and with him at Eton
Immediately to marry: she hath consented:                           25
Now, sir,
Her mother, even strong against that match,
And firm for Doctor Caius, hath appointed
That he shall likewise shuffle her away,
While other sports are tasking of their minds,
And at the deanery, where a priest attends,
Straight marry her: to this her mother’s plot
She seemingly obedient likewise hath
Made promise to the doctor. Now, thus it rests:
Her father means she shall be all in white;                         35
And in that habit, when Slender sees his time
To take her by the hand and bid her go,
She shall go with him: her mother hath intended,
The better to denote her to the doctor,--
For they must all be mask’d and vizarded,--                         40
That quaint in green she shall be loose enrobed,
With ribands pendent, flaring ’bout her head;
And when the doctor spies his vantage ripe,
To pinch her by the hand, and, on that token,
The maid hath given consent to go with him.                         45

_Host._ Which means she to deceive, father or mother?

_Fent._ Both, my good host, to go along with me:
And here it rests,--that you’ll procure the vicar
To stay for me at church ’twixt twelve and one,
And, in the lawful name of marrying,                                50
To give our hearts united ceremony.

_Host._ Well, husband your device; I’ll to the vicar:
Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest.

_Fent._ So shall I evermore be bound to thee;
Besides, I’ll make a present recompense.    [_Exeunt._              55


  NOTES: IV, 6

  SCENE VI.] Ff Q3. SCENE XI. Pope. Theobald continues Sc. 5.
  The same] Another room. Capell.
  14: _whereof_] _whereof’s_ Pope.
  16: _fat Falstaff_] F1 Q3. _wherein fat Falstaff_ (Q1 Q2) Malone.
    _fat sir John Falstaffe_ F2 F3 F4. _fat Falstaff, he_ S. Walker
    conj. _therein fat Falstaff_ Id. conj.
  17: _scene_] _scare_ (Q1 Q2). _share_ S. Verges conj. _scene in it_
    Capell.
  27: _even_] _ever_ Pope.
  39: _denote_] Capell (Steevens conj.). _devote_ Ff Q3.
  50: _marrying_] _marriage_ S. Walker conj.
  51: _ceremony_] _matrimony_ (Q1 Q2).




ACT V.


SCENE I. _A room in the Garter Inn._

  _Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS QUICKLY._

_Fal._ Prithee, no more prattling; go. I’ll hold. This
is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers.
Away! go. They say there is divinity in odd numbers,
either in nativity, chance, or death. Away!

_Quick._ I’ll provide you a chain; and I’ll do what I can            5
to get you a pair of horns.

_Fal._ Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and
mince.    [_Exit Mrs Quickly._

  _Enter FORD._

How now, Master Brook! Master Brook, the matter will
be known to-night, or never. Be you in the Park about               10
midnight, at Herne’s oak, and you shall see wonders.

_Ford._ Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told
me you had appointed?

_Fal._ I went to her, Master Brook, as you see, like a
poor old man: but I came from her, Master Brook, like a             15
poor old woman. That same knave Ford, her husband,
hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, Master Brook,
that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you:--he beat me
grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of
man, Master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver’s               20
beam; because I know also life is a shuttle. I am in
haste; go along with me: I’ll tell you all, Master Brook.
Since I plucked geese, played truant, and whipped top,
I knew not what ’twas to be beaten till lately. Follow
me: I’ll tell you strange things of this knave Ford, on             25
whom to-night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his
wife into your hand. Follow. Strange things in hand,
Master Brook! Follow.    [_Exeunt._


  NOTES: V, 1

  ACT V. SCENE I.] ACT IV. (continued). SCENE XII. Pope.


SCENE II. _Windsor Park._

  _Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER._

_Page._ Come, come; we’ll couch i’ the castle-ditch till
we see the light of our fairies. Remember, son Slender,
my daughter.

_Slen._ Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we
have a nay-word how to know one another: I come to her               5
in white, and cry, ‘mum;’ she cries ‘budget;’ and by
that we know one another.

_Shal._ That’s good too: but what needs either your
‘mum’ or her ‘budget?’ the white will decipher her well
enough. It hath struck ten o’clock.                                 10

_Page._ The night is dark; light and spirits will become
it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil
but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let’s
away; follow me.    [_Exeunt._


  NOTES: V, 2

  SCENE II.] ACT V. SCENE I. Pope.
  Windsor Park] Pope. [A street. Capell.
  3: _daughter_] om. F1 Q3.


SCENE III. _A street leading to the Park._

  _Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and DOCTOR CAIUS._

_Mrs Page._ Master doctor, my daughter is in green:
when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with
her to the deanery, and dispatch it quickly. Go before
into the Park: we two must go together.

_Caius._ I know vat I have to do. Adieu.                             5

_Mrs Page._ Fare you well, sir. [_Exit Caius._] My husband
will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff
as he will chafe at the doctor’s marrying my daughter: but
’tis no matter; better a little chiding than a great deal of
heart-break.                                                        10

_Mrs Ford._ Where is Nan now and her troop of fairies,
and the Welsh devil Hugh?

_Mrs Page._ They are all couched in a pit hard by
Herne’s oak, with obscured lights; which, at the very instant
of Falstaff’s and our meeting, they will at once                    15
display to the night.

_Mrs Ford._ That cannot choose but amaze him.

_Mrs Page._ If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if
he be amazed, he will every way be mocked.

_Mrs Ford._ We’ll betray him finely.                                20

_Mrs Page._ Against such lewdsters and their lechery
Those that betray them do no treachery.

_Mrs Ford._ The hour draws on. To the oak, to the
oak!    [_Exeunt._


  NOTES: V, 3

  SCENE III.] SCENE II. Pope.
  A street, &c.] [Another street, &c. Capell.]
  12: _Hugh_] Capell. _Herne_ Ff Q3. _Evans_ Theobald (Thirlby conj.).
  19: _every way_] F1 Q3. om. F2 F3 F4.


SCENE IV. _Windsor Park._

  _Enter SIR HUGH EVANS disguised, with others as Fairies._

_Evans._ Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember your
parts: be pold, I pray you; follow me into the pit; and
when I give the watch-’ords, do as I pid you: come, come;
trib, trib.    [_Exeunt._


  NOTES: V, 4

  SCENE IV.] SCENE II. continued in Pope.
  3: _pid_] F1 Q3. _bid_ F2 F3 F4.


SCENE V. _Another part of the Park._

  _Enter FALSTAFF disguised as Horne._

_Fal._ The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute
draws on. Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me! Remember,
Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love set
on thy horns. O powerful love! that, in some respects,
makes a beast a man; in some other, a man a beast. You               5
were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love of Leda. O omnipotent
Love! how near the god drew to the complexion of a
goose!--A fault done first in the form of a beast;--O Jove,
a beastly fault! And then another fault in the semblance
of a fowl;--think on’t, Jove; a foul fault! When gods have          10
hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a
Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i’ the forest. Send
me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my
tallow?--Who comes here? my doe?

  _Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE._

_Mrs Ford._ Sir John! art thou there, my deer? my                   15
male deer?

_Fal._ My doe with the black scut! Let the sky rain
potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green Sleeves, hail
kissing-comfits, and snow eringoes; let there come a tempest
of provocation, I will shelter me here.                             20

_Mrs Ford._ Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart.

_Fal._ Divide me like a bribe buck, each a haunch: I
will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow
of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands.
Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Herne the hunter?                  25
Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution.
As I am a true spirit, welcome!    [_Noise within._

_Mrs Page._ Alas, what noise?

_Mrs Ford._ Heaven forgive our sins!

_Fal._ What should this be?                                         30

_Mrs Ford._} Away, away!    [_They run off._
_Mrs Page._}

_Fal._ I think the devil will not have me damned, lest
the oil that’s in me should set hell on fire; he would never
else cross me thus.

  _Enter SIR HUGH EVANS, disguised as before; PISTOL, as Hobgoblin;
  MISTRESS QUICKLY, ANNE PAGE, and others, as Fairies, with tapers._

_Quick._ Fairies, black, grey, green, and white,                    35
You moonshine revellers, and shades of night,
You orphan heirs of fixed destiny,
Attend your office and your quality.
Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy oyes.

_Pist._ Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys.             40
Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap:
Where fires thou find’st unraked and hearths unswept,
There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry:
Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery.

_Fal._ They are fairies; he that speaks to them shall die:          45
I’ll wink and couch: no man their works must eye.
    [_Lies down upon his face._

_Evans._ Where’s Bede? Go you, and where you find a maid
That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said,
Raise up the organs of her fantasy;
Sleep she as sound as careless infancy:                             50
But those as sleep and think not on their sins,
Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and shins.

_Quick._ About, about;
Search Windsor Castle, elves, within and out:
Strew good luck, ouphes, on every sacred room;                      55
That it may stand till the perpetual doom,
In state as wholesome as in state ’tis fit,
Worthy the owner, and the owner it.
The several chairs of order look you scour
With juice of balm and every precious flower:                       60
Each fair instalment, coat, and several crest,
With loyal blazon, evermore be blest!
And nightly, meadow-fairies, look you sing,
Like to the Garter’s compass, in a ring:
Th’ expressure that it bears, green let it be,                      65
More fertile-fresh than all the field to see;
And _Honi soit qui mal y pense_ write
In emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue, and white;
Like sapphire, pearl, and rich embroidery,
Buckled below fair knighthood’s bending knee:                       70
Fairies use flowers for their charactery.
Away; disperse: but till ’tis one o’clock,
Our dance of custom round about the oak
Of Herne the hunter, let us not forget.

_Evans._ Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves in order set;      75
And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be,
To guide our measure round about the tree.--
But, stay; I smell a man of middle-earth.

_Fal._ Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy, lest he
transform me to a piece of cheese!                                  80

_Pist._ Vile worm, thou wast o’erlook’d even in thy birth.

_Quick._ With trial-fire touch me his finger-end:
If he be chaste, the flame will back descend,
And turn him to no pain; but if he start,
It is the flesh of a corrupted heart.                               85

_Pist._ A trial, come.

_Evans._             Come, will this wood take fire?

    [_They burn him with their tapers._

_Fal._ Oh, Oh, Oh!

_Quick._ Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire!
About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme;
And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time.                     90

  SONG.

    Fie on sinful fantasy!
    Fie on lust and luxury!
    Lust is but a bloody fire,
    Kindled with unchaste desire,
    Fed in heart, whose flames aspire,                              95
    As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher.
    Pinch him, fairies, mutually;
    Pinch him for his villany;
  Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about,
  Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out.                 100

_During this song they pinch FALSTAFF. DOCTOR CAIUS comes
one way, and steals away a boy in green; SLENDER another
way, and takes off a boy in white; and FENTON comes, and_
_steals away Mrs ANNE PAGE. A noise of hunting is heard
within. All the Fairies run away. FALSTAFF pulls off his
buck’s head, and rises._

  _Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD._

_Page._ Nay, do not fly; I think we have watch’d you now:
Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn?

_Mrs Page._ I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher.
Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives?
See you these, husband? do not these fair yokes                    105
Become the forest better than the town?

_Ford._ Now, sir, who’s a cuckold now? Master Brook,
Falstaff’s a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns,
Master Brook: and, Master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing
of Ford’s but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty              110
pounds of money, which must be paid to Master Brook;
his horses are arrested for it, Master Brook.

_Mrs Ford._ Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could
never meet. I will never take you for my love again; but
I will always count you my deer.                                   115

_Fal._ I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.

_Ford._ Ay, and an ox too: both the proofs are extant.

_Fal._ And these are not fairies? I was three or four
times in the thought they were not fairies: and yet the
guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers,           120
drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in
despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they
were fairies. See now how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent,
when ’tis upon ill employment!

_Evans._ Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your              125
desires, and fairies will not pinse you.

_Ford._ Well said, fairy Hugh.

_Evans._ And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you.

_Ford._ I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art
able to woo her in good English.                                   130

_Fal._ Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that
it wants matter to prevent so gross o’erreaching as this?
Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? shall I have a coxcomb
of frize? Tis time I were choked with a piece of
toasted cheese.                                                    135

_Evans._ Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly is
all putter.

_Fal._ ‘Seese’ and ’putter’! have I lived to stand at the
taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough
to be the decay of lust and late-walking through the realm.        140

_Mrs Page._ Why, Sir John, do you think, though we
would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and
shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell,
that ever the devil could have made you our delight?

_Ford._ What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?                      145

_Mrs Page._ A puffed man?

_Page._ Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails?

_Ford._ And one that is as slanderous as Satan?

_Page._ And as poor as Job?

_Ford._ And as wicked as his wife?                                 150

_Evans._ And given to fornications, and to taverns, and
sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and
swearings, and starings, pribbles and prabbles?

_Fal._ Well, I am your theme: you have the start of
me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh               155
flannel; ignorance itself is a plummet o’er me: use me as
you will.

_Ford._ Marry, sir, we’ll bring you to Windsor, to one
Master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom
you should have been a pander: over and above that you             160
have suffered, I think to repay that money will be a biting
affliction.

_Page._ Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset
to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to laugh at
my wife, that now laughs at thee: tell her Master Slender          165
hath married her daughter.

_Mrs Page._ [_Aside_] Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page
be my daughter, she is, by this, Doctor Caius’ wife.

  _Enter SLENDER._

_Slen._ Whoa, ho! ho, father Page!

_Page._ Son, how now! how now, son! have you                       170
dispatched?

_Slen._ Dispatched!--I’ll make the best in Gloucestershire
know on’t; would I were hanged, la, else!

_Page._ Of what, son?

_Slen._ I came yonder at Eton to marry Mistress Anne               175
Page, and she’s a great lubberly boy. If it had not been
i’ the church, I would have swinged him, or he should have
swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page,
would I might never stir!--and ’tis a postmaster’s boy.

_Page._ Upon my life, then, you took the wrong.                    180

_Slen._ What need you tell me that? I think so, when
I took a boy for a girl. If I had been married to him, for
all he was in woman’s apparel, I would not have had him.

_Page._ Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you
how you should know my daughter by her garments?                   185

_Slen._ I went to her in white, and cried ‘mum,’ and she
cried ‘budget,’ as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it
was not Anne, but a postmaster’s boy.

_Mrs Page._ Good George, be not angry: I knew of
your purpose; turned my daughter into green; and, indeed,          190
she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there
married.

  _Enter CAIUS._

_Caius._ Vere is Mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened:
I ha’ married un garçon, a boy; un paysan, by gar, a boy; it
is not Anne Page: by gar, I am cozened.                            195

_Mrs Page._ Why, did you take her in green?

_Caius._ Ay, by gar, and ’tis a boy: by gar, I’ll raise all
Windsor.    [_Exit._

_Ford._ This is strange. Who hath got the right Anne?

_Page._ My heart misgives me:--here comes Master                   200
Fenton.

  _Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE._

How now, Master Fenton!

_Anne._ Pardon, good father! good my mother, pardon!

_Page._ Now, mistress, how chance you went not with
Master Slender?                                                    205

_Mrs Page._ Why went you not with master doctor, maid?

_Fent._ You do amaze her: hear the truth of it.
You would have married her most shamefully,
Where there was no proportion held in love.
The truth is, she and I, long since contracted,                    210
Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us.
The offence is holy that she hath committed;
And this deceit loses the name of craft,
Of disobedience, or unduteous title;
Since therein she doth evitate and shun                            215
A thousand irreligious cursed hours,
Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.

_Ford._ Stand not amazed; here is no remedy:
In love the heavens themselves do guide the state;
Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.                      220

_Fal._ I am glad, though you have ta’en a special stand
to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced.

_Page._ Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy!
What cannot be eschew’d must be embraced.                          225

_Fal._ When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chased.

_Mrs Page._ Well, I will muse no further. Master Fenton,
Heaven give you many, many merry days!
Good husband, let us every one go home,
And laugh this sport o’er by a country fire;                       230
Sir John and all.

_Ford._         Let it be so. Sir John,
To Master Brook you yet shall hold your word;
For he to-night shall lie with Mistress Ford.    [_Exeunt._


  NOTES: V, 5

  SCENE V.] SCENE III. Pope.
  Enter F...] Enter Sir John with a Buck’s head upon him (Q1 Q2).
  22: _bribe_] Theobald. _brib’d_ Ff Q3.
  32-34: Printed as verse in Ff Q3.
  34: Enter ... tapers] See note (X).
  35: Quick.] Qui. Ff Q3.
  37: _orphan_] _ouphan_ Theobald (Warburton).
  41: _shalt thou leap_] _when thou’st leapt_ Collier MS. _having
    leapt_ Singer.
  42: _unswept_] _to sweep_ S. Verges conj.
  46: [Lies ... face] Rowe.
  47: _Bede_] Ff Q3. _Pede_ Theobald. _Pead_ (Q1 Q2).
  51: _as_] _that_ F4.
  53: Quick.] Qu. F1 Q3 F2. Qui. F3 F4.
  57: _state as_] _site as_ Hanmer. _seat as_ S. Walker conj.
  58: _and_] _as_ Theobald (Warburton).
  63: _nightly, meadow-fairies,_] Capell. _Nightly-meadow-Fairies_
    Ff Q3.
  66: _More_] _Mote_ F1 Q3.
  68: _emerald tufts_] _Emrold-tuffes_ Ff Q3.
  _purple_] _purfled_ Warburton.
  69: _sapphire, pearl_] Theobald. _saphire-pearle_ Ff Q3.
  _and_] _in_ Warburton.
  75: _Pray you_] om. Pope.
  86: [They burn ... tapers.] Rowe.
  90: _time_] _time._ Eva. _It is right, indeed, he is full of
    lecheries and iniquity._ Theobald (from Q1 Q2).
  91: _sinful_] _simple_ Pope.
  93: _a bloody fire_] _i’ th’ blood a fire_] Hanmer.
  95: _heart_] _the heart_ Hanmer.
  97: _Mutually_] _mutuall_ Q3.
  100: The stage direction which follows was inserted by Theobald
    from Q1 Q2, with some verbal changes.
  101: Enter...] Enter... They lay hold on him. Rowe.
  101, 102: Printed as prose in Ff Q3.
  105: _these, husband_] _these husband_ F1 Q3. _these husbands_
    F2 F3 F4. _these, husbands_ Hanmer.
  _yokes_] _yoakes_ F1 Q3. _okes_ F2 F3. _oaks_ F4. _oaks_
    [Pointing to the horns. Hanmer.
  _fair yokes_] _fairy jokes_ Jackson conj.
  111: _paid to Master Brook_] _paid to M. Foord_ (Q1 Q2).
    _pay’d too, Master Brook_ Capell.
  120: _the sudden_] _with the sudden_ Hanmer.
  136: _pelly_] F2 F3 F4. _belly_ F1 Q3.
  148: _as slanderous_] _slanderous_ Q3.
  152: _sack, and wine_] _sacks, and wines_ Pope.
  153: _starings_] F1 Q3. _staring_ F2 F3 F4.
  156: _is a plummet o’er me_] _is plummet o’er me_ Q3. _has a plume
    o’ me_ Johnson conj. _is a planet o’er me_ Farmer conj.
  162: After this line Theobald inserts from Q1 Q2: Mrs Ford. _Nay,
    husband, let that go to make amends; Forgive that sum, and so
    we’ll all be friends._ Ford. _Well, here’s my hand: all is
    forgiven at last._
  167, 168: Given to Mrs Ford in Q3. [Aside] Theobald.
  169: SCENE VI. Pope.
  _Whoa_] _What_ Rowe.
  177: _i’ the_] _i’t_ F2.
  186: _white_] Pope. _green_ Ff Q3.
  190, 196: _green_] Pope. _white_ Ff Q3.
  190: _into_] _in_ Q3.
  193: SCENE VII. Pope.
  194: _un garçon_] Capell. _oon garsoon_ F1 Q3. _one garsoon_
    F2 F3 F4.
  _un paysan_] Capell. _oon pesant_ Ff Q3.
  _boy_] _boe_ F2 F3 F4.
  196: _did you_] _did you not_ Rowe.
  214: _title_] _guile_ Collier MS.
  225: After this line Pope, followed by Theobald, inserts from
    Q1 Q2: Evans [aside to Fenton] _I will dance and eat plums
    at your wedding._
  231: _Let it be so. Sir John,_] _Let it be so (Sir John:)_ Ff Q3.



NOTES.


NOTE I.

I. 1. 41. Master Page is called ‘George’ in three places, II. 1. 135 and
143, and V. 5. 189, but we have left the text of the Folios uncorrected,
as the mistake may have been Shakespeare’s own. It is however possible
that a transcriber or printer may have mistaken ‘Geo.’ for ‘Tho.’

In I. 3. 89, 90, on the other hand, we have not hesitated to correct the
reading of the Folio, substituting ‘Page’ for ‘Ford,’ and ‘Ford’ for
‘Page,’ because, as the early Quartos have the names right, it seems
likely that the blunder was _not_ due to Shakespeare.


NOTE II.

I. 1. 49. Here again, as in line 40, F2 F3 F4 read ‘good,’ F1 Q3 ‘goot,’
but we have not thought it necessary to do more than give a specimen of
such variations. Capell, in order to make Dr Caius’s broken English
consistent with itself, corrects it throughout and substitutes ‘de’ for
‘the,’ ‘vill’ for ‘will,’ and so forth. As a general rule, we have
silently followed the first Folio.


NOTE III.

I. 1. 114. With regard to this and other passages which Pope, Theobald,
Malone, &c. have inserted from the early Quartos, our rule has been to
introduce, between brackets, such, and such only, as seemed to be
absolutely essential to the understanding of the text, taking care to
give in the note all those which we have rejected.

The fact that so many omissions can be supplied from such mutilated
copies as the early Quartos, indicates that there may be many more
omissions for the detection of which we have no clue. The text of the
_Merry Wives_ given in F1 was probably printed from a carelessly written
copy of the author’s MS.


NOTE IV.

I. 3. 95. Perhaps, as in the _Two Gentlemen of Verona_, III. 1. 315, and
other passages, some of which are mentioned by Sidney Walker in his
‘Criticisms,’ Vol. II. p. 13 sqq., this vexed passage may be emended by
supplying a word. We venture to suggest ’the revolt of mine _anger_ is
dangerous.’ The recurrence of the same letters +anger+ in the word
‘dangerous,’ might mislead the printer’s eye and cause the omission.


NOTE V.

II. 1. 5. In the copy of Johnson’s Edition, which belongs to Emmanuel
College, there is a MS. note of Dr Farmer’s referring to Sonnet CXLVII.
in support of the conjecture ‘physician’ for ‘precisian;’ we find there

  ‘My reason, the physician to my love,’ &c.


NOTE VI.

II. 1. 194, 196. Here again we have followed the early Quartos in
reading ‘Brook’ instead of ‘Broome,’ the name given by Ff Q3. That the
former was the original name is proved by the jest in II. 2. 136, where
the Folios make sheer nonsense.

Mr Halliwell suggests that the following lines, IV. 4. 75, 76,

  ’Nay I’ll to him again in name of Broome;
  He’ll tell me all his purpose: sure he’ll come,’

were intended to rhyme and therefore favour the later reading. But in
this scene there are no rhyming lines except the couplet at the end.

On the whole, it seems likely that the name was altered in the stage
copies at the instance of some person of the name of Brook living at
Windsor, who had sufficient acquaintance with the players, or interest
with their patrons, to get it done.


NOTE VII.

III. 1. 74. 78. Mr Staunton is unquestionably right in supposing that
one part of Evans’s speech is spoken aside to his opponent, and the
other part aloud. It is impossible else to account for the sudden change
of tone. It might have been conjectured that, being a parson, he wished
to appear peacefully minded, and therefore made his offers of
reconciliation aloud and his menaces in an under tone, but Caius’s reply
shews that it was the threat which had been made aloud. Evans’s valour,
it would seem, had already evaporated when he had ‘a great dispositions
to cry’ (III. 1. 20) and, besides, he had just begun to see that he was
being made a laughing-stock. As his former speech (74, 75,) is also
conciliatory, it was probably spoken so as to be heard by Caius only. He
wished to keep up his credit for courage in the eyes of the bystanders.
In the corresponding scene of the first Quartos we have the words ‘Hark
van urd in your ear,’ and the meaning of the text may have been obscured
by some omission in the Folio.


NOTE VIII.

IV. 4. 41. No doubt there is an omission here in the Folio, which may be
partly supplied from the Quarto. But it is probable that Mrs Ford gave a
still fuller explanation of her device and the grounds on which the
disguise was recommended to Falstaff, otherwise Page would not have been
so confident of his falling into the snare.


NOTE IX.

IV. 5. 49. In the edition of 1778 Steevens reads ‘Ay, sir Tike, like’
... but it is clear from Farmer’s note that it should be ‘Ay, sir Tike,’
... and so it is corrected in the later Editions of Steevens. In the
Edition annotated by Fanner, mentioned in note V., we find another
conjecture of his: ‘Ay, sir, if you like,’ ... or it may have been ‘Ay,
sir, an you like,’ for the word preceding ‘you’ has been cut away by the
binder.


NOTE X.

The stage direction of the early Quartos is: _Enter Sir Hugh like a
Satyre, and boyes drest like Fayries, Mistresse Quickly, like the Queene
of Fayries; they sing a song about him and afterward speake._

The Folio enumerates at the commencement of the scene all who take part
in it, including _Anne Page_, _Fairies_, _Quickly_ and _Pistol_, and in
this place has merely _Enter Fairies_. Malone introduced _Anne Page as
the Fairy Queen_, and at the end, _with waxen tapers on their heads_. He
however still assigned the speeches 35-39, 53-74, 82-85, and 88-90 to
_Quickly_. Recent Editors have generally given them to _Anne_, on the
ground that it is proved by IV. 6. 20 and V. 3. 11, 12, that she was to
‘present the Fairy Queen,’ and that the character of the speeches is
unsuitable to Mrs Quickly. It has been argued, too, that the _Qui._ of
the folios, line 35, may be a misprint for _Qu._, i.e. _Queen_. This
however is contradicted by the fact that Mrs Quickly plays the Queen in
the early Quartos, and that the recurrence of _Qui._, line 88, proves
that the printer of the first Folio used either _Qui._ or _Qu._
indifferently as the abbreviation of _Quickly_.

Most likely, in this and other respects the play was altered by its
author, but the stage MSS. were not corrected throughout with sufficient
care. This will account for the mistake about the colours ‘green’ and
‘white’ in the final scene, lines 186, 190, 196.

Or we may suppose Mrs Quickly to have agreed to take Anne’s part in
order to facilitate her escape with Fenton.


       *       *       *       *       *
           *       *       *       *
       *       *       *       *       *

  [Transcriber’s Note:

  The following text is reproduced exactly as printed, “taken
  _literatim_ from Q1, the edition of 1602”. Spelling and punctuation
  are unchanged. In some sections, initial capital letters do not match
  the rest of the word: a Roman initial may be used in an italic word,
  or the reverse. These mismatched letters are shown in {B}races to
  avoid using mid-word _L_owlines.]


  A
  Pleasant Conceited Comedie,

  of
  _Syr Iohn Falstaffe,_

  and
  the merry Wiues of _Windsor_.




  _Enter Iustice _Shallow_, Syr _Hugh_, Maister _Page_,
  and _Slender_._

_Shal._ Nere talke to me, Ile make a star-chamber matter of it.
The Councell shall know it.

_Page._ Nay good maister _Shallow_ be perswaded by mee.

_Slen._ Nay surely my vncle shall not put it vp so.

_Sir Hu._ Wil you not heare reasons M. _Slenders?_                   5
You should heare reasons.

_Shal._ Tho he be a knight, he shall not thinke to carrie it so away.
M. _Page_ I will not be wronged. For you
Syr, I loue you, and for my cousen,
He comes to looke vpon your daughter.                               10

_Pa._ And heres my hand, and if my daughter
Like him so well as I, wee’l quickly haue it a match:
In the meane time let me entreate you to soiourne
Here a while. And on my life Ile vndertake
To make you friends.                                                15

_Sir Hu._ I pray you M. _Shallowes_ let it be so.
The matter is pud to arbitarments.
The first man is M. _Page_, videlicet M. _Page_.
The second is my selfe, videlicet my selfe.
The third and last man, is mine host of the gartyr.                 20

  _Enter Syr _Iohn Falstaffe_, _Pistoll_, _Bardolfe_, and _Nim_._

Heere is sir _Iohn_ himselfe now, looke you.

_Fal._ Now M. _Shallow_, youle complaine of me to the Councell, I
heare?

_Shal._ Sir _Iohn_, sir _Iohn_, you haue hurt my keeper,           [25]
Kild my dogs, stolne my deere.

_Fal._ But not kissed your keepers daughter.

_Shal._ Well this shall be answered.

_Fal._ He answere it strait. I haue done all this.
This is now answred.

_Shal._ Well, the Councell shall know it.                           30

_Fal._ Twere better for you twere knowne in counsell,
Youle be laught at.

_Sir Hugh._ Good vrdes sir _Iohn_, good vrdes.

_Fal._ Good vrdes, good Cabidge.
_Slender_ I brake your head,                                        35
What matter haue you against mee?

_Slen._ I haue matter in my head against you and your cogging
companions, _Pistoll_ and _Nym._ They carried mee to the Tauerne,
and made mee drunke, and afterward picked my pocket.

_Fal._ What say you to this _Pistoll_, did you picke Maister        40
_Slenders_ purse _Pistoll_?

_Slen._ I by this handkercher did he. Two faire shouell boord
shillings, besides seuen groats in mill sixpences.

_Fal._ What say you to this _Pistoll_?

_Pist._ Sir _Iohn_, and Maister mine, I combat craue                45
Of this same laten bilbo. I do retort the lie
Euen in thy gorge, thy gorge, thy gorge.

_Slen._ By this light it was he then.

_Nym._ Syr my honor is not for many words,
But if you run bace humors of me,                                   50
I will say mary trap. And there’s the humor of it.

_Fal._ You heare these matters denide gentlemen,
You heare it.

  _Enter Mistresse _Foord_, Mistresse _Page_, and her daughter
  _Anne_._

_Pa._ No more now,
I thinke it be almost dinner time,                                  55
For my wife is come to meete vs.

_Fal._ Mistresse _Foord_, I think your name is,
If I mistake not.

    _Syr_ Iohn kisses her.

_Mis. Ford._ Your mistake sir is nothing but in the Mistresse.
But my husbands name is _Foord_ sir.                                60

_Fal._ I shall desire your more acquaintance.
The like of you good misteris _Page_.

_Mis. Pa._ With all my hart sir _Iohn_.
Come husband will you goe?
Dinner staies for vs.                                               65

_Pa._ With all my hart, come along Gentlemen.

    _Exit all, but _Slender_ and Mistresse _Anne_._

_Anne._ Now forsooth why do you stay me?
What would you with me?

_Slen._ Nay for my owne part, I would litle or nothing with you.
I loue you well, and my vncle can tell you how my liuing stands.    70
And if you can loue me why so. If not, why then happie man be his
dole.

_An._ You say well M. _Slender_.
But first you must giue me leaue to
Be acquainted with your humor,                                      75
And afterward to loue you if I can.

_Slen._ Why by God, there’s neuer a man in christendome can
desire more. What haue you beares in your Towne mistresse _Anne_,
your dogs barke so?

_An._ I cannot tell M. _Slender_, I think there be.                 80

_Slen._ Ha how say you? I warrant your afeard of a Beare let
loose, are you not?

_An._ Yes trust me.

_Slen._ Now that’s meate and drinke to me,
He run yon to a beare, and take her by the mussell,                 85
You neuer saw the like.
But indeed I cannot blame you,
For they are maruellous rough things.

_Anne._ Will yo go into dinner M. _Slendor?_
The meate staies for you.                                           90

_Slen._ No faith not I. I thanke you,
I cannot abide the smell of hot meate
Nere since I broke my shin. Ile tel you how it came
By my troth. A Fencer and I plaid three venies
For a dish of stewd prunes, and I with my ward                      95
Defending my head, he hot my shin. Yes faith.

  _Enter Maister _Page_._

_Pa._ Come, come Maister _Slender_, dinner staies for you.

_Slen._ I can eate no meate, I thanke you.

_Pa._ You shall not choose I say.

_Slen._ Ile follow you sir, pray leade the way.                    100
Nay be God misteris _Anne_, you shall goe first,
I haue more manners then so, I hope.

_An._ Well sir, I will not be troublesome.

    _Exit omnes._


  NOTES: SCENE I

  28: _strait_] _straight_ Halliwell.
  85: _yon_] om.


  _Enter Sir _Hugh_ and _Simple_, from dinner._              [SC. II.]

_Sir Hu._ Hark you _Simple_, pray you beare this letter to doctor
_Cayus_ house, the French Doctor. He is twell vp along the street, and
enquire of his house for one mistris _Quickly_, his woman, or his try
nurse, and deliuer this Letter to her, it tis about Maister _Slender_.
Looke you, will you do it now?                                       5

_Sim._ I warrant you sir.

_Sir Hu._ Pray you do, I must not be absent at the grace.
I will goe make an end of my dinner,
There is pepions and cheese behinde.

    _Exit omnes._


  _Enter Sir _Iohn Falstaffes_ Host of the Garter, _Nym_, _Bardolfe_,
  _Pistoll_, and the Boy._                                  [SC. III.]

_Fal._ Mine Host of the Garter.

_Host._ What ses my bully Rooke?
Speake schollerly and wisely.

_Fal._ Mine Host, I must turne away some of my followers.

_Host._ Discard bully, _Hercules_ cassire.                           5
Let them wag, trot, trot.

_Fal._ I sit at ten pound a weeke.

_Host._ Thou art an Emperor _Cæsar_, _Phesser_ and _Kesar_ bully.
Ile entertaine _Bardolfe_. He shall tap, he shall draw.
Said I well, bully _Hector_?                                        10

_Fal._ Do good mine Host.

_Host._ I haue spoke. Let him follow. _Bardolfe_
Let me see thee froth, and lyme. I am at
A word. Follow, follow.

    _Exit Host._

_Fal._ Do _Bardolfe_, a Tapster is a good trade,                    15
An old cloake will make a new Ierkin,
A withered seruingman, a fresh Tapster:
Follow him _Bardolfe_.

_Bar._ I will sir, Ile warrant you Ile make a good shift to liue.

    _Exit Bardolfe._

_Pis._ O bace gongarian wight, wilt thou the spicket willd?         20

_Nym._ His minde is not heroick. And theres the humor of it.

_Fal._ Well my Laddes, I am almost out at the heeles.

_Pis._ Why then let cybes insue.

_Nym._ I thanke thee for that humor.

_Fal._ Well I am glad I am so rid of this tinder Boy.               25
His stealth was too open, his filching was like
An vnskilfull singer, he kept not time.

_Nym._ The good humour is to steale at a minutes rest.

_Pis._ Tis so indeed _Nym_, thou hast hit it right.

_Fal._ Wel, afore God, I must cheat, I must conycatch.              30
Which of you knowes _Foord_ of this Towne?

_Pis._ I ken the wight, he is of substance good.

_Fal._ Well my honest Lads, Ile tell you what
I am about.

_Pis._ Two yards and more.

_Fal._ No gibes now _Pistoll:_ indeed I am two yards
In the wast, but now I am about no wast:
Briefly, I am about thrift you rogues you,
I do intend to make loue to Foords wife,
I espie entertainment in her. She carues, she                       40
Discourses. She giues the lyre of inuitation,
And euery part to be constured rightly is, I am
Syr _Iohn Falstaffes_.

_Pis._ Hee hath studied her well, out of honestie
Into English.                                                       45

_Fal._ Now the report goes, she hath all the rule
Of her husbands purse. She hath legians of angels.

_Pis._ As many diuels attend her.
And to her boy say I.

_Fal._ Heree’s a Letter to her. Heeres another to misteris _Page_.  50
Who euen now gaue me good eies too, examined my exteriors with
such a greedy intention, with the beames of her beautie, that it seemed
as she would a scorged me vp like a burning glasse. Here is another
Letter to her, shee beares the purse too. They shall be Excheckers
to me, and Ile be cheaters to them both. They shall be my East      55
and West Indies, and Ile trade to them both. Heere beare thou this
Letter to mistresse _Foord_. And thou this to mistresse _Page_. Weele
thriue Lads, we will thriue.

_Pist._ Shall I sir Panderowes of _Troy_ become?
And by my sword were steele.                                        60
Then Lucifer take all.

_Nym._ Here, take your humor Letter againe,
For my part, I will keepe the hauior
Of reputation. And theres the humor of it.

_Fal._ Here sirrha beare me these Letters titely,                   65
Saile like my pinnice to the golden shores:
Hence slaues, avant. Vanish like hailstones, goe.
_Falstaffe_ will learne the humor of this age,
French thrift you rogue, my selfe and scirted Page.

    _Exit Falstaffe, and the Boy._

_Pis._ And art thou gone? Teaster Ile haue in pouch                 70
When thou shalt want, bace Phrygian Turke,

_Nym._ I haue operations in my head, which are humors of
reuenge.

_Pis._ Wilt thou reuenge?

_Nym._ By _Welkin_ and her Fairies.                                 75

_Pis._ By wit, or sword?

_Nym._ With both the humors I will disclose this loue to _Page_. He
poses him with Iallowes,
And theres the humor of it.

_Pis._ And I to Foord will likewise tell                            80
How _Falstaffe_ varlot vilde,
Would haue her loue, his doue would proue,
And eke his bed defile.

_Nym._ Let vs about it then.

_Pis._ He second thee: sir Corporall _Nym_ troope on.               85

    _Exit omnes._


  NOTES: SCENE III

  60: _were_] _we are._


  _Enter Mistresse _Quickly_, and _Simple_._                 [SC. IV.]

_Quic._ M. _Slender_ is your masters name say you?

_Sim._ I indeed that is his name.

_Quic._ How say you? I take it hee is somewhat a weakly man:
And he has as it were a whay coloured beard.

_Sim._ Indeed my maisters beard is kane colored.                     5

_Quic._ Kane colour, you say well.
And is this Letter from sir _You_, about misteris _An_,
Is it not?

_Sim._ I indeed is it.

_Quic._ So: and your Maister would haue me as it twere to speak     10
to misteris _Anne_ concerning him: I promise you my M. hath a great
affectoned mind to mistresse _Anne_ himselfe. And if he should know
that I should as they say, giue my verdit for any one but himselfe, I
should heare of it throughly: For I tell you friend, he puts all his
priuities in me.                                                    15

_Sim._ I by my faith you are a good staie to him.

_Quic._ Am I? I and you knew all yowd say so:
Washing, brewing, baking, al goes through my hands,
Or else it would be but a woe house.

_Sim._ I beshrow me, one woman to do all this,                      20
Is very painfull.

_Quic._ Are you auised of that? I, I warrant you,
Take all, and paie all, all goe through my hands,
And he is such a honest man, and he should chance
To come home and finde a man here, we should                        25
Haue no who with him. He is a parlowes man.

_Sim._ Is he indeed?

_Quic._ Is he, quoth you? God keepe him abroad:
Lord blesse me, who knocks there?
For Gods sake step into the Counting-house,                         30
While I go see whose at doore.

                                _He steps into the Counting-house._

What _Iohn Rugby_, _Iohn_,
Are you come home sir alreadie?

                                _And she opens the doore._

_Doct._ _I_ begar _I_ be forget mine oyntment,
Where be _Iohn Rugby?_                                              35

  _Enter _Iohn_._

_Rug._ Here sir, do you call?

_Doct._ _I_ you be _Iohn Rugbie_, and you be _Iack Rugby_
Goe run vp met your heeles, and bring away
De oyntment in the vindoe present:
Make haste _Iohn Rugbie_. O _I_ am almost forget                    40
My simples in a boxe in de Counting-house:
O {I}eshu vat be here, a deuella, a deuella?
My Rapier _Iohn Rugby_, Vat be you, vat make
You in my Counting-house?
_I_ tinck you be a teefe.                                           45

_Quic._ {I}eshu blesse me, we are all vndone.

_Sim._ O Lord sir no: _I_ am no theefe,
_I_ am a Seruingman:
My name is _Iohn Simple_, _I_ brought a Letter sir
From my M. _Slender_, about misteris _Anne Page_                    50
Sir: {I}ndeed that is my comming.

_Doct._ _I_ begar is dat all? _Iohn Rugby_ giue a ma pen
An {I}nck: tarche vn pettit tarche a little.

                                _The Doctor writes._

_Sim._ O God what a furious man is this?

_Quic._ Nay it is well he is no worse:                              55
_I_ am glad he is so quiet.

_Doc._ Here giue that same to sir _Hu_, it ber ve chalenge
Begar tell him _I_ will cut his nase, will you?

_Sim._ _I_ sir, {I}le tell him so.

_Doc._ Dat be vell, my rapier _Iohn Rugby_, follow may.             60

    _Exit Doctor._

_Quic._ Well my friend, _I_ cannot tarry, tell your
Maister {I}le doo what I can for him,
And so farewell.

_Sim._ Marry will I, I am glad I am got hence.

    _Exit omnes._


  NOTES: SCENE IV

  24: _and_] _if._
  26: _who_] _hoe._
  31: _doore_] _the doore._


  _Enter Mistresse _Page_, reading of a Letter._              [SC. V.]

_Mis. Pa._ Mistresse Page _I_ loue you. Ask me no reason,
Because theyr impossible to alledge. Your faire,
And _I_ am fat. You loue sack, so do _I_:
As _I_ am sure _I_ haue no mind but to loue,
So _I_ know you haue no hart but to grant                            5
A souldier doth not vse many words where a knowes
A letter may serue for a sentence. _I_ loue you,
And so _I_ leaue you.
                                   _Yours Syr Iohn Falstaffe._

Now Ieshu blesse me, am I methomorphised?                           10

I think I knowe not my selfe. Why what a Gods name doth this man
see in me, that thus he shootes at my honestie? Well but that I
knowe my owne heart, I should scarcely perswade my selfe I were
hand. Why what an vnreasonable woolsack is this. He was neuer
twice in my companie, and if then I thought I gaue such assurance   15
with my eies, Ide pull them out, they should neuer see more holie
daies. Well, I shall trust fat men the worse while I liue for his sake.
O God, that I knew how to be reuenged of him. But in good time,
heeres mistresse _Foord_.

  _Enter Mistresse _Foord_._

_Mis. For._ How now mistris _Page_, are you are reading Loue        20
letters? How do you woman?

_Mis. Pa._ O woman I am I know not what:
In loue vp to the hard eares. I was neuer in such a case in my life.

_Mis. Ford._ In loue, now in the name of God with whom?

_Mis. Pa._ With one that sweares he loues me,                       25
And I must not choose but do the like againe:
I prethie looke on that Letter.

_Mis. For._ He match your letter iust with the like,
Line for line, word for word. Onely the name
Of misteris _Page_, and misteris _Foord_ disagrees:                 30
Do me the kindnes to looke vpon this.

_Mis. Pa._ Why this is right my letter.
O most notorious villaine!
Why what a bladder of iniquity is this?
Lets be reuenged what so ere we do.                                 35

_Mis. For._ Reuenged, if we liue weel be reuenged.
O Lord if my husband should see this Letter,
Ifaith this would euen giue edge to his Iealousie.

  _Enter Ford, Page, Pistoll, and Nym._

_Mis. Pa._ See where our husbands are,
Mine’s as far from Iealousie,                                       40
As I am from wronging him.

_Pis._ _Ford_ the words I speake are forst:
Beware, take heed, for _Falstaffe_ loues thy wife:
When _Pistoll_ lies do this.

_Ford._ Why sir my wife is not young.                               45

_Pis._ He wooes both yong and old, both rich and poore,
None comes amis. I say he loues thy wife:
Faire warning did I giue, take heed,
For sommer comes, and cuckoo birds appeare;
_Page_ belieue him what he ses. Away sir Corporal _Nym_.            50

    _Exit Pistoll:_

_Nym._ Syr the humor of it is, he loues your wife,
I should ha borne the humor Letter to her:
I speake and I auouch tis true: My name is _Nym._
Farwell, I loue not the humor of bread and cheese:
And theres the humor of it.                                         55

    _Exit Nym._

_Pa._ The humor of it, quoth you:
Heres a fellow frites humor out of his wits.

_Mis. Pa._ How now sweet hart, how dost thou?

  _Enter Mistresse Quickly._

_Pa._ How now man? how do you mistris _Ford_?

_Mis. For._ Well I thanke you good M. _Page_.                       60
How now husband, how chaunce thou art so melancholy?

_Ford._ Melancholy, I am not melancholy.
Goe get you in, goe.

_Mis. For._ God saue me, see who yonder is:
Weele set her a worke in this businesse.                            65

_Mis Pa._ O sheele serue excellent.
Now you come to see my daughter _An_ I am sure.

_Quic._ I forsooth that is my comming.

_Mis. Pa._ Come go in with me. Come Mis. _Ford_.

_Mis. For._ I follow you Mistresse _Page_.                          70

    _Exit Mistresse _Ford_, Mis. _Page_, and _Quickly_._

_For._ M. _Page_ did you heare what these fellows said?

_Pa._ Yes M. _Ford_, what of that sir?

_For._ Do you thinke it is true that they told vs?

_Pa._ No by my troth do I not,
I rather take them to be paltry lying knaues,                       75
Such as rather speakes of enuie,
Then of any certaine they haue
Of any thing. And for the knight, perhaps
He hath spoke merrily, as the fashion of fat men
Are: But should he loue my wife,                                    80
Ifaith Ide turne her loose to him:
And what he got more of her,
Then ill lookes, and shrowd words,
Why let me beare the penaltie of it.

_For._ Nay I do not mistrust my wife,                               85
Yet Ide be loth to turne them together,
A man may be too confident.

  _Enter Host and Shallow._

_Pa._ Here comes my ramping host of the garter,
Ther’s either licker in his hed, or mony in his purse,
That he lookes so merily. Now mine Host?                            90

_Host._ God blesse you my bully rookes, God blesse you.
Caualera Iustice I say.

_Shal._ At hand mine host, at hand. M. _Ford_. god den to you
God den and twentie good M. _Page_.
I tell you sir we haue sport in hand.                               95

_Host._ Tell him cauelira Iustice: tell him bully rooke.

_Ford._ Mine Host a the garter:

_Host._ What ses my bully rooke?

_Ford._ A word with you sir.

    _Ford and the Host talkes._

_Shal._ Harke you sir, Ile tell you what the sport shall be        100
Doctor Cayus and sir _Hu_ are to fight,
My merrie Host hath had the measuring
Of their weapons, and hath
Appointed them contrary places. Harke in your eare:

_Host:_ Hast thou no shute against my knight,                      105
My guest, my cauellira.

_For._ None I protest: But tell him my name
Is _Rrooke_, onlie for a Iest.

_Host:_ Thy hand bully: thou shalt
Haue egres and regres, and thy                                     110
Name shall be _Brooke:_ Sed I well bully Hector?

_Shal._ I tell you what M. _Page_, I beleeue
The Doctor is no Iester, heele laie it on:
For tho we be Iustices and Doctors,
And Church men, yet we are                                         115
The sonnes of women M. _Page:_

_Pa:_ True maister _Shallow:_

_Shal:_ It will be found so maister _Page:_

_Pa._ Maister _Shallow_, you your selfe
Haue bene a great fighter,                                         120
Though now a man of peace:

_Shal:_ M. _{P}age_, I haue seene the day that yong
Tall fellowes with their stroke and their passado,
I haue made them trudge Maister _Page_,
A tis the hart, the hart doth all: I                               125
Haue seene the day, with my two hand sword
I would a made you foure tall Fencers
Scipped like Rattes.

_Host._ Here boyes, shall we wag, shall we wag?

_Shal._ Ha with you mine host.

    _Exit Host and Shallow._

_Pa._ Come M. _Ford_, shall we to dinner?
I know these fellowes sticks in your minde.

_For._ No in good sadnesse, not in mine:
Yet for all this Ile try it further,
I will not leaue it so:                                            135
Come M. _{P}age_, shall we to dinner?

_Page._ With all my hart sir, {I}le follow you.

    _Exit omnes._


  NOTES: SCENE V

  5: _grant_] _grant._ Halliwell.
  15: _twice_] _but twice._
  31: _kindnes_] _kindness_ Halliwell.
  61: _melancholy?_] _melancholy._ Halliwell.
  93: _to you_] _t’ e._
  108: _Rrooke_] _Brooke._


  _Enter Syr Iohn, and Pistoll._                             [SC. VI.]

_Fal._ {I}le not lend thee a peny.

_Pis._ _I_ will retort the sum in equipage.

_Fal._ Not a pennie: _I_ haue beene content you shuld lay my countenance
to pawne: _I_ haue grated vpon my good friends for 3 repriues,
for you and your Coach-follow _Nym_, else you might a looked thorow  5
a grate like a geminy of babones. I am damned in hell for swearing
to Gentlemen your good souldiers and tall fellowes: and when mistrisse
_Briget_ lost the handle of her Fan, I tooked on my ho- thou
hadst it not.

_Pis._ Didst thou not share? hadst thou not fifteene pence?         10

_Fal._ Reason you rogue, reason.
Doest thou thinke {I}le indanger my soule gratis?

In briefe, hang no more about mee, I am no gybit for you. A short
knife and a throng to your manner of pickt hatch, goe. Youle not
beare a Letter for me you rogue you: you stand vpon your honor.     15
Why thou vnconfinable basenesse thou, tis as much as I can do to
keepe the termes of my honor precise. I, I my selfe sometimes, leauing
the feare of God on the left hand, am faine to shuffel, to filch and
to lurch. And yet you stand vpon your honor, you rogue. You,
you.                                                                20

_Pis._ I do recant: what woulst thou more of man?

_Fal._ Well, gotoo, away, no more.

  _Enter Mistresse Quickly._

_Quic._ Good you god den sir.

_Fal._ Good den faire wife.

_Quic._ Not so ant like your worship.                               25

_Fal._ Faire mayd then.

_Quic._ That I am Ile be sworne, as my mother was
The first houre I was borne.
Sir I would speake with you in priuate.

_Fal._ Say on I prethy, heeres none but my owne houshold.           30

_Quic._ Are they so? Now God blesse them, and make them his
seruants.
Syr I come from Mistresse _Foord_.

_Fal._ So from Mistresse _Foord_. Goe on.

_Quic._ I sir, she hath sent me to you to let you                   35
Vnderstand she hath receiued your Letter,
And let me tell you, she is one stands vpon her credit.

_Fal._ Well, come Misteris _Ford_, Misteris _Ford_.

_Quic._ I sir, and as they say, she is not the first
Hath bene led in a fooles paradice.                                 40

_Fal._ Nay prethy be briefe my good she _Mercury_.

_Quic._ Mary sir, sheed haue you meet her betweene eight and nine.

_Fal._ So betweene eight and nine:

_Qu._ I forsooth, for then her husband goes a birding,              45

_Fal._ Well commend me to thy mistris, tel her
I will not faile her: Boy giue her my purse.

_Quic._ Nay sir I haue another arant to do to you
From misteris _Page:_

_Fal._ From misteris _Page_? I prethy what of her?                  50

_Qu._ By my troth _I_ think you work by {I}nchantments,
Els they could neuer loue you as they doo:

_Fal._ Not _I_, _I_ assure thee; setting the attraction of my
Good parts aside, _I_ vse no other inchantments:

_Quic._ Well sir, she loues you extreemly:                          55
And let me tell you, shees one that feares God,
And her husband giues her leaue to do all:
For he is not halfe so iealousie as M. _Ford_ is.

_Fal._ But harke thee, hath misteris _Page_ and mistris _Ford_,
Acquainted each other how dearly they loue me?                      60

_Quic._ O God no sir: there were a iest indeed.

_Fal._ Well farwel, commend me to misteris _Ford_,
I will not faile her say.

_Quic._ God be with your worship.

    _Exit Mistresse Quickly._

  _Enter Bardolfe._

_Bar._ Sir, heer’s a Gentleman,                                     65
One M. _Brooke_, would speak with you,
He hath sent you a cup of sacke.

_Fal._ M. _Brooke_, hees welcome: bid him come vp,
Such _Brookes_ are alwaies welcome to me:
A _Iack_, will thy old bodie yet hold out?                          70
Wilt thou after the expence of so much mony
Be now a gainer? Good bodie _I_ thanke thee,
And {I}le make more of thee then _I_ ha done:
Ha, ha, misteris _Ford_, and misteris _Page_, haue
_I_ caught you a the hip? go too.                                   75

  _Enter _Foord_ disguised like _Brooke_._

_For._ God saue you sir.

_Fal._ And you too, would you speak with me?

_For._ Mary would _I_ sir, _I_ am somewhat bolde to trouble you,
My name is _Brooke_.

_Fal._ Good M. _Brooke_ your verie welcome.                         80

_For._ {I}faith sir _I_ am a gentleman and a traueller,
That haue seen somewhat. And _I_ haue often heard
That if mony goes before, all waies lie open.

_Fal._ Mony is a good souldier sir, and will on.

_For._ {I}faith sir, and _I_ haue a bag here,                       85
Would you wood helpe me to beare it.

_Fal._ O Lord, would _I_ could tell how to deserue
To be your porter.

_For._ That may you easily sir _Iohn:_ I haue an earnest
Sute to you. But good sir _Iohn_ when I haue                        90
Told you my griefe, cast one eie of your owne
Estate, since your selfe knew what tis to be
Such an offender.

_Fal._ Verie well sir, proceed.

_For._ Sir I am deeply in loue with one _Fords_ wife                95
Of this Towne. Now sir _Iohn_ you are a gentleman
Of good discoursing, well beloued among Ladies,
A man of such parts that might win 20. such as she.

_Fal._ O good sir.

_For._ Nay beleeue it sir _Iohn_, for tis time. Now my loue        100
Is so grounded vpon her, that without her loue
I shall hardly liue.

_Fal._ Haue you importuned her by any means?

_Ford._ No neuer sir.

_Fal._ Of what qualitie is your loue then?                         105

_Ford._ Ifaith sir, like a faire house set vpon
Another mans foundation.

_Fal._ And to what end haue you vnfolded this to me?

_For._ O sir, when I haue told you that, I told you all:
For she sir stands so pure in the firme state                      110
Of her honestie, that she is too bright to be looked
Against: Now could I come against her
With some detection, I should sooner perswade her
From her marriage vow, and a hundred such nice
Tearmes that sheele stand vpon.                                    115

_Fal._ Why would it apply well to the veruensie of your affection,
That another should possesse what you would enjoy?
Meethinks you prescribe verie preposterously
To your selfe.

_For._ No sir, for by that meanes should I be certaine of that     120
which I now misdoubt.

_Fal._ Wel M. _Brooke_, Ile first make bold with your mony,
Next, giue me your hand. Lastly, you shall
And you will, enioy _Fords_ wife.

_Foord._ O good sir.                                               125

_Fal._ M. _Brooke_, I say you shall.

_For._ Want no mony syr _Iohn_, you shall want none.

_Fal._ Want no misteris _Ford_ M. _Brooke_,
You shall want none. Euen as you came to me,
Her spokes mate, her go between parted from me:                    130
I may tell you M. _Brooke_, I am to meet her
Betweene 8 and 9, for at that time the Iealous
Cuckally knaue her husband wil be from home,
Come to me soone at night, you shall know how
I speed M. _Brooke_.                                               135

_Ford._ Sir do you know _Ford?_

_Fal._ Hang him poore cuckally knaue, I know him not,
And yet I wrong him to call him poore. For they
Say the cuckally knaue hath legions of angels,
For the which his wife seemes to me well fauored,                  140
And Ile vse her as the key of the cuckally knaues
Coffer, and there’s my randeuowes.

_Foord._ Meethinkes sir it were good that you knew
_Ford_, that you might shun him.

_Fal._ Hang him cuckally knaue, Ile stare him                      145
Out of his wits, Ile keepe him in awe
With this my cudgell: It shall hang like a meator
Ore the wittolly knaues head, M. _Brooke_ thou shalt
See I will predominate ore the peasant,
And thou shalt lie with his wife. M. _Brooke_                      150
Thou shalt know him for knaue and cuckold,
Come to me soone at night.

    _Exit Falstaffe._

_Ford._ What a damned epicurian is this?
My wife hath sent for him, the plot is laid:
_Page_ is an Asse, a foole. A secure Asse,                         155
Ile sooner trust an Irishman with my
Aquauita bottle, Sir _Hu_ our parson with my cheese,
A theefe to walke my ambling gelding, then my wife
With her selfe: then she plots, then she ruminates,
And what she thinkes in her hart she may effect,                   160
Sheele breake her hart but she will effect it.
God be praised, God be praised for my iealousie:
Well Ile go preuent him, the time drawes on,
Better an houre too soone, then a minit too late,
Gods my life cuckold, cuckold.                                     165

    _Exit Ford._


  NOTES: SCENE VI

  7: _mistrisse_] _mistresse_ Halliwell.
  8: _ho-_] _honesty._
  13: _A_] _I_ Halliwell.
  37: _let me_] _I._
  _stands vpon_] _that stands on._
  52: _they could_] _could they._
  58: _iealousie_] _iealous._
  72: _bodie_] _booty._
  75: _a the_] _ath the._
  124: _And_] _If._


  _Enter the Doctor and his man._                           [SC. VII.]

_Doc._ _Iohn Rugbie_ goe looke met your eies ore de stall,
And spie and you can see de parson.

_Rug._ Sir I cannot tell whether he be there or no,
But I see a great many comming.

_Doc._ Bully moy, mon rapier _Iohn Rugabie_, begar de                5
Hearing be not so dead as I shall make him.

  _Enter Shallow, Page, my Host, and Slender._

_Pa._ God saue you M. Doctor _Cayus_.

_Shal._ How do you M. Doctor?

_Ho._ God blesse thee my bully doctor, God blesse thee,

_Doct._ Vat be all you, Van to tree come for, a?                    10

_Host._ Bully to see thee fight, to see thee foine, to see thee
trauerse, to see thee here, to see thee there, to see thee passe the
punto. The stock, the reuerse, the distance: the montnce is a dead
my francoyes? Is a dead my Ethiopian? Ha, what ses my gallon? my
escuolapis? Is a dead bullies taile, is a dead?                     15

_Doct._ Begar de preest be a coward Iack knaue,
He dare not shew his face.

_Host._ Thou art a castallian king vrinall.
_Hector_ of _Greece_ my boy.

_Sha._ He hath showne himselfe the wiser man, M. Doctor:            20
Sir _Hugh_ is a parson, and you a Phisition. You must
Goe with me, M. Doctor.

_Host._ Pardon bully Iustice. A word monsire mockwater.

_Doct._ Mockwater, vat me dat?

_Host._ That is in our English tongue, Vallor bully, vallor.        25

_Doct._ Begar den I haue as mockuater as de Inglish Iack dog,
knaue.

_Host._ He will claperclaw thee titely bully.

_Doct._ Claperclawe, vat be dat?

_Host._ That is, he will make thee amends.                          30

_Doct._ Begar I do looke he shal claperclaw me den,
And Ile prouoke him to do it, or let him wag:
And moreouer bully, but M. _Page_ and M. _Shallow_,
And eke cauellira _Slender_, go you all ouer the fields to Frogmore?

_Pa._ Sir _Hugh_ is there, is hee?                                  35

_Host._ He is there: go see what humor hee is in,
Ile bring the Doctor about by the fields:
Will it do well?

_Shal._ We wil do it my host. Farewel M. Doctor.

    _Exit all but the Host and Doctor._

_Doc._ Begar I will kill de cowardly Iack preest,                   40
He is make a foole of moy.

_Host._ Let him die, but first sheth your impatience,
Throw cold water on your collor, com go with me
Through the fields to _Frogmore_, and Ile bring thee
Where mistris _An Page_ is a feasting at a farm house,              45
And thou shalt wear hir cried game: sed I wel bully.

_Doct._ Begar excellent vel: and if you speake pour moy, I shall
procure you de gesse of all de gentlemen mon patinces. I begar _I_
sall.

_Host._ For the which Ile be thy aduersary                          50
To misteris _An Page:_ sed _I_ well?

_Doct._ I begar excellent.

_Host._ Let vs wag then.

_Doct._ Alon, alon, alon.

    _Exit omnes._


  NOTES: SCENE VII

  24: _me_] _be._
  45: _a feasting_] _feasting._
  46: _bully_] _bully._ Halliwell.
  48: _gesse_] _guests._
  _patinces_] _patients._


  _Enter syr Hugh and Simple._                             [SC. VIII.]

_Sir Hu._ I pray you do so much as see if you can espie
Doctor _Cayus_ comming, and giue me intelligence,
Or bring me vrde if you please now.

_Sim._ _I_ will sir.

_Sir Hu._ Ieshu ples mee, how my hart trobes, and trobes,            5
And then she made him bedes of Roses,
And a thousand fragrant poses,
To shallow riueres. Now so kad vdge me, my hart
Swelles more and more. Mee thinks _I_ can cry
Verie well. There dwelt a man in _Babylon_,                         10
To shallow riuers and to falles,
Melodious birds sing Madrigalles.

_Sim._ Sir here is M. _Page_, and M. _Shallow_,
Comming hither as fast as they can.

_Sir Hu._ Then it is verie necessary _I_ put vp my sword,           15
Pray give me my cowne too, marke you.

  _Enter Page, shallow, and Slender._

_Pa._ God saue you sir _Hugh_.

_Shal._ God saue you M. parson.

_Sir Hu._ God plesse you all from his mercies sake now.

_Pa._ What the word and the sword, doth that agree well?            20

_Sir Hu._ There is reasons and causes in all things,
_I_ warrant you now.

_Pa._ Well sir _Hugh_, we are come to crane
Your helpe and furtherance in a matter.

_Sir Hu._ What is _I_ pray you?                                     25

_Pa._ {I}faith tis this sir _Hugh_. There is an auncient friend of
ours, a man of verie good sort, so at oddes with one patience, that _I_
am sure you would hartily grieue to see him. Now sir _Hugh_, you are
a scholler well red, and verie perswasiue, we would intreate you to see
if you could intreat him to patience.                               30

_Sir Hu._ _I_ pray you who is it? Let vs know that.

_Pa._ I am shure you know him, tis Doctor _Cayus_.

_Sir Hu._ _I_ had as leeue you should tel me of a messe of poredge,
He is an arant lowsie beggerly knaue:                               35
And he is a coward beside.

_Pa._ Why Ile laie my life tis the man
That he should fight withall.

  _Enter Doctor and the Host, they offer to fight._

_Shal._ Keep them asunder, take away their weapons.

_Host._ Disarme, let them question.                                 40

_Shal._ Let them keepe their limbs hole, and hack our English.

_Doct._ Harke van vrd in your eare. You be vn daga
And de {I}ack, coward preest.

_Sir Hu._ Harke you, let vs not be laughing stockes to other mens
humors. By Ieshu _I_ will knock your vrinalls about your knaues
cock-comes, for missing your meetings and appointments.             45

_Doct._ O Ieshu mine host of de garter, _Iohn Rogoby_,
Haue _I_ not met him at de place he make apoint,
Haue I not?

_Sir Hu._ So kad vdge me, this is the pointment place,              50
Witnes by my Host of the garter.

_Host._ Peace I say gawle and gawlia, French and Wealch,
Soule curer and bodie curer.

_Doc._ This be verie braue, excellent.

_Host._ Peace _I_ say, heare mine host of the garter,               55
Am _I_ wise? am I polliticke? am _I_ Matchauil?
Shal _I_ lose my doctor? No, he giues me the motions
And the potions. Shal _I_ lose my parson, my sir _Hu_?
No, he giues me the prouerbes, and the nouerbes:
Giue me thy hand terestiall,                                        60
So giue me thy hand celestiall:
So boyes of art I haue deceiued you both,
I haue directed you to wrong places,
Your hearts are mightie, you skins are whole,
_Bardolfe_ laie their swords to pawne. Follow me lads               65
Of peace, follow me. Ha, ra, la. Follow.

    _Exit Host._

_Shal._ Afore God a mad host, come let vs goe.

_Doc._ _I_ begar haue you mocka may thus?
I will be euen met you my Iack Host.

_Sir Hugh._ Giue me your hand doctor _Cayus_,                       70
We be all friends:
But for mine hosts foolish knauery, let me alone.

_Doc._ _I_ dat be veil begar _I_ be friends.

  (_Exit omnes._


  _Enter M. Foord._                                          [SC. IX.]

_For._ The time drawes on he shuld come to my house,
Well wife, you had best worke closely,
Or _I_ am like to goe beyond your cunning:
I now wil seeke my guesse that comes to dinner,
And in good time see where they all are come.                        5

  _Enter Shallow, Page, host, Slender, Doctor, and sir Hugh._

By my faith a knot well met: your welcome all.

_Pa._ I thanke you good M. _Ford_.

_For._ Welcome good M. _Page_,
I would your daughter were here.

_Pa._ I thank you sir, she is very well at home.                    10

_Slen._ Father _Page_ _I_ hope I haue your consent
For Misteris _Anne?_

_Pa._ You haue sonne _Slender_, but my wife here,
Is altogether for maister Doctor.

_Doc._ Begar I tanck her hartily.                                   15

_Host._ But what say you to yong Maister _Fenton?_
He capers, he daunces, he writes verses, he smelles
All April and May: he wil cary it, he wil carit,
Tis in his betmes he wil carite.

_Pa._ My host not with my consent: the gentleman is                 20
Wilde, he knowes too much: If he take her,
Let him take her simply: for my goods goes
With my liking, and my liking goes not that way.

_For._ Well, I pray go home with me to dinner:
Besides your cheare Ile shew you wonders: Ile                       25
Shew you a monster. You shall go with me
M. _Page_, and so shall you sir _{H}ugh_, and you Maister Doctor.

_{S. H}u._ If there be one in the company, I shal make two:

_Doc._ And dere be ven to, I sail make de tird:

_{S}ir {H}u_, In your teeth for shame,

_Shal._ wel, wel, God be with you, we shall haue the fairer
Wooing at Maister _{P}ages:_

    _Exit Shallow and Slender._

_Host._ Ile to my honest knight sir _Iohn Falstaffe_,
And drinke Canary with him.

    _Exit host._

For. I may chance to make him drinke in pipe wine,                  35
First come gentlemen.

    _Exit omnes._


  _Enter Mistresse Ford, with two of her men, and a great
  buck busket._                                               [SC. X.]

_Mis. For._ Sirrha, if your M. aske you whither
You carry this basket, say to the Launderers,
I hope you know how to bestow it?

_Ser._ I warrant you misteris.    _Exit seruant._

_Mis. For._ Go get you in. Well sir _Iohn_,                          5
I beleeue I shall serue you such a trick,
You shall haue little mind to come againe.

  _Enter Sir Iohn._

_Fal._ Haue I caught my heauenlie Iewel?
Why now let me die. _I_ haue liued long inough.
This is the happie houre _I_ haue desired to see,                   10
Now shall I sin in my wish,
I would thy husband were dead.

_Mis. For._ Why how then sir _Iohn?_

_Fal._ By the Lord, Ide make thee my Ladie.

_Mis. For._ Alas sir _Iohn_, _I_ should be a verie simple Ladie.    15

_Fal._ Goe too, I see how thy eie doth emulate the Diamond.
And how the arched bent of thy brow
Would become the ship tire, the tire vellet,
Or anie Venetian attire, I see it.

_Mis. For._ A plaine kercher sir _Iohn_, would fit me better.       20

_Fal._ By the Lord thou art a traitor to saie so:
What made me loue thee? Let that perswade thee
Ther’s somewhat extraordinarie in thee: Goe too _I_ loue thee:
Mistris _Ford_, _I_ cannot cog, _I_ cannot prate, like one
Of these fellowes that smels like Bucklers-berie,                   25
In simple time, but _I_ loue thee,
And none but thee.

_Mis. For._ Sir _Iohn_, I am afraid you loue misteris _Page_.

_Fal._ I thou mightest as well saie
I loue to walke by the Counter gate,                                30
Which is as hatefull to me
As the reake of a lime kill.

  _Enter Mistresse Page._

_Mis. Pa._ Mistresse Ford, Mis. _Ford_, where are you?

_Mis. For._ O Lord step aside good sir _Iohn_.
                                _Falstaffe stands behind the aras._
How now Misteris _Page_, what’s the matter?                         35

_Mis. Pa._ Why your husband woman is comming,
With halfe _Windsor_ at his heeles,
To looke for a gentleman, that he ses
Is hid in his house: his wifes sweet hart.

_Mis. For._ Speak louder. But _I_ hope tis not true Misteris
      _Page_.                                                       40

_Mis. Pa._ Tis too true woman. Therefore if you
Haue any here, away with him, or your vndone for euer.

_Mis. For._ Alas mistresse _Page_, what shall _I_ do?
Here is a gentleman my friend, how shall I do?

_Mis. Pa._ Gode body woman, do not stand what shal I do, and        45
what shall _I_ do. Better any shift, rather then you shamed. Looke
heere, here’s a buck-basket, if hee be a man of any reasonable sise,
heele in here.

_Mis. For._ Alas I feare he is too big.

_Fal._ Let me see, let me see, Ile in, Ile in,                      50
Follow your friends counsell.

_Mis. Pa._ Fie sir _Iohn_, is this your loue? Go too. (_Aside._

_Fal._ I loue thee, and none but thee:
Helpe me to conuey me hence,
Ile neuer come here more.                                           55

_Sir Iohn goes into the basket, they put cloathes ouer him, the two
men carries it away: Foord meetes it, and all the rest, Page, Doctor,
Priest, Slender, Shallow._

_Ford._ Come pray along, you shall see all.
How now who goes heare? whither goes this?
Whither goes it? set it downe.

_Mis. For._ Now let it go, you had best meddle with
buck-washing.                                                       60

_Ford._ Buck, good buck, pray come along,
Master _Page_ take my keyes: helpe to search. Good
Sir _Hugh_ pray come along, helpe a little, a little,
He shew you all.

_Sir Hu._ By Ieshu these are iealosies and distemperes.             65

    _Exit omnes._

_Mis. Pa._ He is in a pittifull taking.

_Mis._ I wonder what he thought
When my husband bad them set downe the basket.

_Mis. Pa._ Hang him dishonest slaue, we cannot vse
Him bad inough. This is excellent for your
Husbands iealousie.

_Mi. For._ Alas poore soule it grieues me at the hart,
But this will be a meanes to make him cease
His iealous fits, if _Falstaffes_ love increase.

_Mis. Pa._ Nay we wil send to _Falstaffe_ once again,               75
Tis great pittie we should leaue him:
What wiues may be merry, and yet honest too.

_Mi. For._ Shall we be condemnd because we laugh?
Tis old, but true: still sowes eate all the draffe.

  _Enter all._

_Mis. Pa._ Here comes your husband, stand aside.                    80

_For._ _I_ can find no body within, it may be he lied.

_Mis. Pa._ Did you heare that?

_Mis. For._ I, I, peace.

_For._ Well, Ile not let it go so, yet Ile trie further.

_S. Hu._ By Ieshu if there be any body in the kitchin               85
Or the cuberts, or the presse, or the buttery,
_I_ am an arrant Iew: now God plesse me:
You serue me well, do you not?

_Pa._ Fie M. _{F}ord_ you are too blame:

_Mis. Pa._ I faith tis not well M. _Ford_ to suspect                90
Her thus without cause.

_Doc._ No by my trot it be no vell:

_For._ Wel, I pray bear with me, M. _Page_ pardon me.
_I_ suffer for it, _I_ suffer for it:

_Sir Hu:_ You suffer for a bad conscience looke you now:            95

_{F}ord:_ Well _I_ pray no more, another time {I}le tell you all:
The mean time go dine with me, pardon me wife,
I am sorie; M. _{P}age_, pray goe in to dinner,
Another time {I}le tell you all.

_{P}a:_ Wel let it be so, and to morrow I inuite you all           100
To my house to dinner: and in the morning weele
A birding, _I_ haue an excellent Hauke for the bush.

_{F}ord:_ Let it be so: Come M. _{P}age_, come wife;
I pray you come in all, y’are welcome, pray come in.

_Sir Hu:_ By so kad vdgme, M. _{F}ordes_ is                        105
Not in his right wittes:

    _Exit omnes:_


  _Enter sir Iohn Falstaffe._                                [SC. XI.]

_Fal:_ _Bardolfe_ brew me a pottle sack presently:

_Bar:_ With Egges sir?

_Fal:_ Simply of it selfe, {I}le none of these pullets sperme
{I}n my drink: goe make haste.
Haue _I_ liued to be carried in a basket                             5
And throwne into the Thames like a barow of Butchers offoll. Well,
and I be serued such another tricke, Ile giue them leaue to take out
my braines and butter them, and giue them to a dog for a new-yeares
gift. Sblood, the rogues slided me in with as little remorse as if they
had gone to drowne a blinde bitches puppies in the litter: and they 10
might know by my sise I haue a kind of alacritie in sinking: and the
bottom had bin as deep as hell I should downe. I had bene drowned,
but that the shore was sheluie and somewhat shallowe: a death that I
abhorre. For you know the water swelles a man: and what a thing
should I haue bene when I had bene swelled? By the Lord a           15
mountaine of money. Now is the Sacke brewed?

_Bar._ I sir, there’s a woman below would speake with you.

_Fal._ Bid her come vp. Let me put some Sacke among this
cold water, for my belly is as cold as if I had swallowed snow-balles
for pilles.                                                         20

  _Enter Mistresse Quickly._

Now whats the newes with you?

_Quic._ I come from misteris _{F}ord_ forsooth.

_Fal._ Misteris _Ford_, I haue had Ford inough,
_I_ haue bene throwne into the Ford, my belly is full
Of Ford: she hath tickled mee.                                      25

_Quic._ O Lord sir, she is the sorrowfullest woman that her seruants
mistooke, that euer liued. And sir, she would desire you of all
loues you will meet her once againe, to morrow sir, betweene ten and
eleuen, and she hopes to make amends for all.

_Fal._ Ten, and eleuen, saiest thou?                                30

_Quic._ I forsooth.

_Fal._ Well, tell her Ile meet her. Let her but think
Of mans frailtie: Let her iudge what man is,
And then thinke of me. And so farwell.

_Quic._ Youle not faile sir?    _Exit mistresse Quickly._           35

_Fal._ _I_ will not faile. Commend me to her.
I wonder _I_ heare not of M. _Brooke_, _I_ like his
Mony well. By the masse here he is.

  _Enter Brooke._

_For._ God saue you sir.

_{F}al._ Welcome good M. _Brooke_. You come to know how matters     40
goes.

_Ford._ Thats my comming indeed sir Iohn.

_Fal._ M. _Brooke_ I will not lye to you sir,
I was there at my appointed time.

_For._ And how sped you sir?                                        45

_Fal._ Verie ilfauouredly sir.

_For._ Why sir, did she change her determination?

_Fal._ No M. _Brooke_, but you shall heare. After we had kissed
and imbraced, and as it were euen amid the prologue of our incounter,
who should come, but the iealous knaue her husband, and a           50
rabble of his companions at his heeles, thither prouoked and
instigated by his distemper. And what to do thinke you? to search for
his wiues loue. Euen so, plainly so.

_For._ While ye were there?

_Fal._ Whilst I was there.                                          55

_For._ And did he search and could not finde you?

_Fal._ You shall heare sir, as God would haue it,
A litle before comes me one _Pages_ wife,
Giues her intelligence of her husbands
Approach: and by her inuention, and _Fords_ wiues                   60
Distraction, conueyd me into a buck-basket.

_Ford._ A buck basket!

_Fal._ By the Lord a buck-basket, rammed me in
With foule shirts, stokins, greasie napkins,
That M. _Brooke_, there was a compound of the most                  65
Villanous smel, that euer offended nostrill.
Ile tell you M. _Brooke_, by the Lord for your sake
I suffered three egregious deaths: First to be
Crammed like a good bilbo, in the circomference
Of a pack, Hilt to point, heele to head: and then to                70
Be stewed in my owne grease like a Dutch dish:
A man of my kidney; by the Lord it was maruell I
Escaped suffication; and in the heat of all this,
To be throwne into Thames like a horshoo hot:
Maister _Brooke_, thinke of that hissing heate, Maister _Brooke_.   75

_Ford._ Well sir then my shute is void?
Youle vndertake it no more?

_Fal._ M. _Brooke_, {I}le be throwne into Etna
As _I_ haue bene in the Thames,
Ere I thus leaue her: _I_ haue receiued                             80
Another appointment of meeting,
Betweene ten and eleuen is the houre.

_{F}ord:_ Why sir, tis almost ten alreadie:

_{F}al:_ Is it? why then will _I_ addresse my selfe
For my appointment: M. _Brooke_, come to me soone                   85
At night, and you shall know how _I_ speed,
And the end shall be, you shall enjoy her loue:
You shall cuckold Foord: come to mee soone at
at night.    _Exit Falstaffe._

_{F}or._ {I}s this a dreame? {I}s it a vision?
Maister _{F}ord_, maister _{F}ord_, awake maister _{F}ord_,         90
There is a hole made in your best coat M. _Ford_,
And a man shall not onely endure this wrong,
But shall stand vnder the taunt of names,
_Lucifer_ is a good name, _Barbason_ good: good
Diuels names: but cuckold, wittold, godeso                          95
The diuel himselfe hath not such a name:
And they may hang hats here, and napkins here
Vpon my homes: well {I}le home, _I_ ferit him,
And vnlesse the diuel himselfe should aide him.
Ile search vnpossible places: {I}le about it,                      100
Least I repent too late:

    _Exit omnes._


  NOTES: SCENE XI

  [SC. XI.] add _and Bardolfe._
  7, 11: _and_] _if_.
  49: _euen_] om.
  80: _I thus_] _thus I_
  88: _at at_] _at_.


  _Enter M. {F}enton, {P}age, and mistresse Quickly._       [SC. XII.]

_{F}en:_ Tell me sweet Nan, how doest thou yet resolue,
Shall foolish _Slender_ haue thee to his wife?
Or one as wise as he, the learned Doctor?
Shall such as they enjoy thy maiden hart?
Thou knowst that _I_ haue alwaies loued thee deare,                  5
And thou hast oft times swore the like to me.

_An:_ Good M. _{F}enton_, you may assure your selfe
My hart is setled vpon none but you,
Tis as my father and mother please:
Get their consent, you quickly shall haue mine.                     10

_{F}en:_ Thy father thinks I loue thee for his wealth,
Tho I must needs confesse at first that drew me,
But since thy vertues wiped that trash away,
_I_ loue thee _Nan_, and so deare is it set,
That whilst I liue, I nere shall thee forget.                       15

[_Quic:_] Godes pitie here comes her father.

  _Enter M. Page his wife, M. Shallow, and Slender._

_Pa._ M. _Fenton_ I pray what make you here?
You know my answere sir, shees not for you:
Knowing my vow, to blame to vse me thus.

_Fen._ But heare me speake sir.                                     20

_{P}a._ Pray sir get you gon: Come hither daughter,
Sonne _Slender_ let me speak with you.    (_they whisper._

_Quic._ Speake to misteris _{P}age_.

_Fen._ Pray misteris _{P}age_ let me haue your consent.
_Mis. Pa._ Ifaith M. _Fenton_ tis as my husband please.
For my part, Ile neither hinder you, nor further you.

_Quic._ How say you this was my doings?
I bid you speake to misteris _{P}age_.

_Fen._ Here nurse, theres a brace of angels to drink,
Worke what thou canst for me, farwell.    (_Exit Fen._              30

_Quic._ By my troth so I will, good hart.

_Pa._ Come wife, you an _I_ will in, weele leaue M. _Slender_
And my daughter to talke together. M. _Shallow_,
You may stay sir if you please.

    _Exit {P}age and his wife._

_Shal._ Mary _I_ thanke you for that:                               35
To her cousin, to her.

_Slen._ Ifaith _I_ know not what to say.

_An._ Now M. _{S}lender_, what’s your will?

_Slen._ Godeso, theres a {I}est indeed: why misteris _An_, I neuer
made will yet: _I_ thank God I am wise inough for that.             40

_Shal._ Fie cusse fie, thou art not right,
O thou hadst a father.

_Slen._ I had a father misteris _Anne_, good vncle
Tell the Iest how my father stole the goose out of
The henloft. All this is nought, harke you mistresse _Anne_.        45

_Shal._ He will make you ioynter of three hundred pound a yeare,
he shall make you a Gentlewoman.

_Slend._ I be God that I vill, come cut and long taile, as good as
any is in _Glostershire_, vnder the degree of a Squire.

_An._ O God how many grosse faults are hid                          50
And couered in three hundred pound a yeare?
Well M. _{S}lender_, within a day or two Ile tell you more.

_Slend._ I thanke you good misteris _Anne_, vncle I shall haue her.

_Quic._ M. _{S}hallow_, M. _Page_ would pray you to come you, and you
M. Slender, and you mistris _An_.                                   55

_Slend._ Well Nurse, if youle speake for me,
Ile giue you more than Ile talke of.

    _Exit omnes but Quickly._

_Quic._ Indeed I will, Ile speake what I can for you,
But specially for M. _Fenton_:
But specially of all for my Maister.                                60
And indeed I will do what I can for them all three.    _Exit._

  _Enter misteris Ford and her two men._

_Mis. For._ Do you heare? when your M. comes take vp this basket
as you did before, and if your M. bid you set it downe, obey
him.

_Ser._ I will forsooth.                                             65

  _Enter Syr Iohn._

_Mis._ For. Syr _Iohn_ welcome.

_Fal._ What are you sure of your husband now?

_Mis. For._ He is gone a birding sir _Iohn_, and I hope will not
come home yet.

  _Enter mistresse Page._

Gods body here is misteris _Page_,                                  70
Step behind the arras good sir _Iohn_.

    _He steps behind the arras._

_Mis. Pa._ Misteris _Ford_, why woman your husband is in his old
vaine againe, hees comming to search for your sweet heart, but I am
glad he is not here.

_Mis. {F}or._ O God misteris _Page_ the knight is here,             75
What shall I do?

_Mis. Pa._ Why then you’r vndone woman, vnles you make some
meanes to shift him away.

_Mis. For._ Alas I know no meanes, unlesse
we put him in the basket againe.                                    80

_{F}al._ No Ile come no more in the basket,
Ile creep vp into the chimney.

Mis _For._ There they use to discharge their Fowling peeces.

_{F}al._ Why then Ile goe out of doores.

_Mi. Pa._ Then your vndone, your but a dead man.                    85

_Fal._ For Gods sake deuise any extremitie,
Rather then a mischiefe.

_Mis. Pa._ Alas I know not what meanes to make,
If there were any womans apparell would fit him,
He might put on a gowne and a mufler,                               90
And so escape.

_Mi. For._ Thats wel remembred, my maids Aunt
_Gillian_ of _Brainford_, hath a gowne aboue.

_Mis. {P}a._ And she is altogether as fat as he.

_Mis. For._ I that will serue him of my word.                       95

_Mis. Pa._ Come goe with me sir _Iohn_, Ile helpe to dresse you.

_Fal._ Come for God sake, any thing.

    _Exit Mis. Page and Sir Iohn._

  _Enter M. Ford, {P}age, Priest, Shallow, the two men carries
  the basket, and Ford meets it._

_For._ Come along _I_ pray, you shal know the cause,
How now whither goe you? Ha whither go you?
Set downe the basket you ssaue,                                    100
You panderly rogue, set it downe.

_Mis. {F}or._ What is the reason that you vse me thus?

_For._ Come hither set downe the basket,
Misteris _{F}ord_ the modest woman,
Misteris _{F}ord_ the vertuous woman,                              105
She that hath the iealous foole to her husband,
I mistrust you without cause do I not?

_Mis. For._ I Gods my record do you. And if
you mistrust me in any ill sort.

_Ford._ Well sed brazen face, hold it out,                         110
You youth in a basket, come out here,
Pull out the cloathes, search.

_Hu._ Ieshu plesse me, will you pull vp your wiues cloathes.

_Pa._ Fie M. _{F}ord_, you are not to go abroad if you be
      in these fits.

_Sir Hugh._ By so kad vdge me, tis verie necessarie                115
He were put in pethlem.

_For._ M. _{P}age_, as _I_ am an honest man M. _{P}age_,
There was one conueyd out of my house here yesterday out of this
basket, why may he not be here now?

_Mi. For._ Come mistris _{P}age_, bring the old woman downe.       120

_For._ Old woman, what old woman?

_Mi. {F}or._ Why my maidens Ant, _Gillian_ of _Brainford_.
A witch, haue I not forewarned her my house,
Alas we are simple we, we know not what
_Is_ brought to passe vnder the colour of fortune-Telling. Come    125
downe you witch, come downe.

  _Enter Falstaffe disguised like an old woman, and misteris Page
  with him, Ford beates him, and hee runnes away._

Away you witch get you gone.

_{Sir H}u._ By Ieshu I verily thinke she is a witch indeed,
I espied vnder her mufler a great beard.

_Ford._ Pray come helpe me to search, pray now.                    130

_Pa._ Come weele go for his minds sake.

    _Exit omnes._

_Mi. For._ By my troth he beat him most extreamly.

_Mi. Pa._ I am glad of it, what shall we proceed any further?

_Mi. For._ No faith, now if you will let vs tell our husbands of it.
For mine I am sure hath almost fretted himselfe to death.          135

_Mi. Pa._ Content, come weele go tell them all,
And as they agree, so will we proceed.

    _Exit both._


  NOTES: SCENE XII

  [SC. XII.] _Page_] _Anne Page_.
  16: [Quic:] from the Catchword.
  69: _home_] om.
  98: Priest] Hugh.
  115: _By so_] _So_.
  120: _Come_] om.
  123: _A witch._] For. _A witch._


  _Enter Host and Bardolfe._                               [SC. XIII.]

_Bar._ Syr heere be three Gentlemen come from the Duke the
Stanger sir, would haue your horse.

_Host._ The Duke, what Duke? let me speake with the Gentlemen,
do they speake English?

_Bar._ He call them to you sir.                                      5

_Host._ No _Bardolfe_, let them alone, He sauce them:
They haue had my house a weeke at command,
I haue turned away my other guesse,
They shall haue my horses _Bardolfe_,
They must come off, He sawce them.

    _Exit omnes._                                                   10


  _Enter Ford, Page, their wives, Shallow and Slender, Syr Hu._
                                                            [SC. XIV.]

_Ford._ Well wife, heere take my hand, vpon my soule I loue thee
dearer then I do my life, and ioy I haue so true and constant wife, my
iealousie shall neuer more offend thee.

_Mi. For._ Sir _I_ am glad, and that which I haue done,
Was nothing else but mirth and modestie.                             5

_Pa._ I misteris _{F}ord_, _Falstaffe_ hath all the griefe,
And in this knauerie my wife was the chiefe.

_Mi. Pa._ No knauery husband, it was honest mirth.

_Hu._ Indeed it was good pastimes & merriments.

_Mis. For._ But sweete heart shall wee leaue olde _{F}alstaffe_ so? 10

_Mis. Pa._ O by no meanes, send to him againe.

_Pa._ I do not thinke heele come being so much deceiued.

_For._ Let me alone, Ile to him once again like _Brooke_, and
know his mind whether heele come or not.

_Pa._ There must be some plot laide, or heele not come.             15

_Mis. Pa._ Let vs alone for that. Heare my deuice.
Oft haue you heard since _Horne_ the hunter dyed,
That women to affright their litle children,
Ses that he walkes in shape of a great stagge.
Now for that _{F}alstaffe_ hath bene so deceiued,                   20
As that he dares not venture to the house,
Weele send him word to meet vs in the field,
Disguised like _Horne_, with huge horns on his head.
The houre shalbe iust betweene twelue and one,
And at that time we will meet him both:                             25
Then would I haue you present there at hand,
With litle boyes disguised and dressed like Fayries,
For to affright fat _{F}alstaffe_ in the woods.
And then to make a period to the Iest,
Tell _Falstaffe_ all, I thinke this will do best.                   30

_Pa._ Tis excellent, and my daughter _Anne_,
Shall like a litle Fayrie be disguised.

_Mis. Pa._ And in that Maske Ile make the Doctor steale my
daughter _An_, and ere my husband knowes it, to carrie her to Church,
and marrie her.                                                     35

_Mis. For._ But who will buy the silkes to tyre the boyes?

_Pa._ That will _I_ do, and in a robe of white
Ile cloath my daughter, and aduertise _Slender_
To know her by that signe, and steale her thence,
And vnknowne to my wife, shall marrie her.                          40

_Hu._ So kad vdge me the deuises is excellent.
_I_ will also be there, and will be like a {I}ackanapes,
And pinch him most cruelly for his lecheries.

_Mis. Pa._ Why then we are reuenged sufficiently.
First he was carried and throwne in the Thames,                     45
Next beaten well, _I_ am sure youle witnes that.

_{M}i. {F}or._ Ile lay my life this makes him nothing fat.

_{P}a._ Well lets about this stratagem, I long
To see deceit deceiued, and wrong haue wrong.

_For._ Well send to _{F}alstaffe_, and if he come thither,          50
Twill make vs smile and laugh one moneth togither.

    _Exit omnes._


  NOTES: SCENE XIV

  10: and Slender] Slender and.

    [Transcriber’s Note:
    The number 10 refers to the last line of Scene XIII, carried over
    to the “Enter...” line in Scene XIV. In the original text, the two
    line 10’s were printed on the same page.]

  14: ins. he speakes aboue.


  _Enter Host and Simple._                                   [SC. XV.]

_Host._ What would thou haue boore, what thick-skin?
Speake, breath, discus, short, quick, briefe, snap.

_Sim._ Sir, I am sent from my M. to sir _Iohn {F}alstaffe_.

_Host._ Sir _Iohn_, theres his Castle, his standing bed, his trundle
bed, his chamber is painted about with the story of the prodigall,   5
fresh and new, goe knock, heele speak like an Antripophiginian to
thee: Knock _I_ say.

_Sim._ Sir I should speak with an old woman that went vp into
his chamber.                                                        10

_Host._ An old woman, the knight may be robbed, Ile call bully
knight, bully sir _Iohn_. Speake from thy Lungs military: it is thine
host, thy Ephesian calls.

_Fal._ Now mine host,

_Host:_ Here is a Bohemian tarter bully, tarries the comming        15
downe of the fat woman: Let her descend bully, let her descend, my
chambers are honorable, pah priuasie, fie.

_Fal._ Indeed mine host there was a fat woman with me,
But she is gone.

  _Enter sir Iohn._

_Sim._ Pray sir, was it not the wise woman of _Brainford?_          20

_Fal._ Marry was it Musselshell, what would you?

_Sim._ Marry sir my maister _Slender_ sent me to her,
To know whether one _Nim_ that hath his chaine,
Cousoned him of it, or no.

_{F}al._ I talked with the woman about it.                          25

_Sim._ And I pray you sir what ses she?

_Fal._ Marry she ses the very same man that
Beguiled maister _{S}lender_ of his chaine,
Cousoned him of it.

_Sim._ May I be bolde to tell my maister so sir?                    30

_Fal._ _I_ tike, who more bolde.

_Sim._ _I_ thanke you sir, I shall make my maister a glad man at
these tydings, God be with you sir.    _Exit._

_Host._ Thou art clarkly sir _Iohn_, thou art clarkly,
Was there a wise woman with thee?                                   35

_Fal._ Marry was there mine host, one that taught
Me more wit then I learned this 7. yeare,
And I paid nothing for it,
But was paid for my learning.

  _Enter Bardolfe._

_Bar._ O lord sir cousonage, plaine cousonage.                      40

_Host._ Why man, where be my horses? where be the Germanes?

_Bar._ Rid away with your horses:
After I came beyond Maidenhead,
They flung me in a slow of myre, & away they ran.

  _Enter Doctor._

_Doc._ Where be my Host de gartyre?                                 45

_Host._ O here sir in perplexitie.

_Doc._ I cannot tell vad be dad,
But begar I will tell you van ting,
Dear be a Garmaine Duke come to de Court,
Has cosened all the host of _Branford_,                             50
And _Redding_: begar I tell you for good will,
Ha, ha, mine Host, am I euen met you?    _Exit._

  _Enter _Sir_ Hugh._

_{S}ir Hu._ Where is mine host of the gartyr?
Now my Host, I would desire you looke you now,
To haue a care of your entertainments,                              55
For there is three sorts of cosen garmombles,
_Is_ cosen all the Host of Maidenhead and Readings,
Now you are an honest man, and a scuruy beggerly lowsie knaue beside:
And can point wrong places,                                         60
_I_ tell you for good will, grate why mine Host.    _Exit._

_Host._ _I_ am cosened _Hugh_, and coy _Bardolfe_,
Sweet knight assist me, _I_ am cosened.    _Exit._

_Fal._ Would all the worell were cosened for me,
For I am cousoned and beaten too.                                   65
Well, _I_ neuer prospered since I forswore
Myselfe at _Primero_: and my winde
Were but long inough to say my prayers,
Ide repent, now from whence come you?

  _Enter {M}istresse Quickly._

_Quic._ From the two parties forsooth.                              70

_{F}al._ The diuell take the one partie,
And his dam the other,
And theyle be both bestowed.
_I_ haue endured more for their sakes,
Then man is able to endure.                                         75

_Quic._ O Lord sir, they are the sorowfulst creatures
That euer liued: specially mistresse _Ford_,
Her husband hath beaten her that she is all
Blacke and blew poore soule.

_Fal._ What tellest me of blacke and blew,                          80
I haue bene beaten all the colours in the Rainbow,
And in my escape like to a bene apprehended
For a witch of _Brainford_, and set in the stockes.

_Quic._ Well sir, she is a sorrowfull woman,
And I hope when you heare my errant,                                85
Youle be perswaded to the contrarie.

_Fal._ Come goe with me into my chamber, Ile heare thee.

    _Exit omnes._


  NOTES: SCENE XV

  81: _bene_] om.


  _Enter Host and Fenton._                                  [SC. XVI.]

_Host._ Speake not to me sir, my mind is heauie,
I haue had a great losse.

_{F}en._ Yet heare me, and as I am a gentleman,
Ile giue you a hundred pound toward your losse.

_Host._ Well sir Ile heare you, and at least keep your counsell.     5

_{F}en._ Then thus my host. Tis not vnknown to you,
The feruent loue _I_ beare to young _Anne Page_,
And mutally her loue againe to mee:
But her father still against her choise,
Doth seeke to marrie her to foolish _Slender_,                      10
And in a robe of white this night disguised,
Wherein fat _Falstaffe_ had a mightie scare,
Must _Slender_ take her and carrie her to _Catlen_,
And there vnknowne to any, marrie her.
Now her mother still against that match,                            15
And firme for Doctor _Cayus_, in a robe of red
By her deuice, the Doctor must steale her thence,
And she hath giuen consent to goe with him.

_Host._ Now which meanes she to deceiue, father or mother?

_Fen._ Both my good Host, to go along with me.                      20
Now here it rests, that you would procure a priest,
And tarry readie at the appointment place,
To giue our harts vnited matrimonie.

_Host._ But how will you come to steale her from among them?

_{F}en._ That hath sweet _Nan_ and I agreed vpon,                     25
And by a robe of white, the which she weares,
With ribones pendant flaring bout her head,
_I_ shalbe sure to know her, and conuey her thence,
And bring her where the priest abides our comming,
And by thy furtherance there be married.                            30

_Host._ Well, husband your deuice, Ile to the Vicar,
Bring you the maide, you shall not lacke a Priest.

_Fen._ So shall _I_ euermore be bound vnto thee,
Besides Ile always be thy faithful friend.    _Exit omnes._


  _Enter sir Iohn with a Bucks head upon him._             [SC. XVII.]

_Fal._ This is the third time, well {I}le venter,
They say there is good luck in old numbers,
{[_Ioue_ transform’d himselfe into a Bull,]}
And _I_ am here a Stag, and _I_ thinke the fattest
In all _Windsor_ forrest: well _I_ stand here                        5
For _Horne_ the hunter, waiting my Does comming.

  _Enter mistris Page and mistris Ford._

_Mis. Pa._ Sir _Iohn_, where are you?

_Fal._ Art thou come my doe? What and thou too?
Welcome Ladies.

_Mi. For._ I I sir _Iohn_, _I_ see you will not faile,              10
Therefore you deserue far better then our loues,
But it grieues me for your late crosses.

_{F}al._ This makes amends for all.
Come diuide me betweene you, each a hanch,
For my horns Ile bequeath them to your husbands,                    15
Do _I_ speake like _Horne_ the hunter, ha?

_Mis. Pa._ God forgiue me, what noise is this?

    _There is a noise of hornes, the two women run away._

  _Enter sir Hugh like a Satyre, and boyes drest like Fayries,
  mistresse Quickly, like the Queene of Fayries: they sing a song
  about him, and afterward speake._

_Quic:_ You Fayries that do haunt these shady groues,
Looke round about the wood if you can espie
A mortall that doth haunt our sacred round:
If such a one you can espy, giue him his due,
And leaue not till you pinch him blacke and blew:
Giue them their charge _Puck_ ere they part away.

_Sir Hu._ Come hither _{P}eane_, goe to the countrie houses,
And when you finde a slut that lies a sleepe,                       25
And all her dishes foule, and roome vnswept,
With youre long nailes pinch her till she crie,
And sweare to mend her sluttish huswiferie.

_Fai._ I warrant you I will perform your will.

_{H}u._ Where is _Pead?_ Go and see where Brokers sleep,            30
And Foxe-eyed Seriants with their mase,
Goe laie the proctors in the street,
And pinch the lowsie Seriants face:
Spare none of these when they are a bed,
But such whose nose lookes plew and red.                            35

_Quic._ Away begon, his mind fulfill,
And looke that none of you stand still.
Some do that thing, some do this,
All do something, none amis.

_Hir Hu._ I smell a man of middle earth.                            40

_Fal._ God blesse me from that wealch Fairie.

_Quic._ Looke euery one about this round,
And if that any here be found,
For his presumption in this place,
Spare neither legge, arme, head, nor face.                          45

_Sir Hu._ See I haue spied one by good luck,
His bodie man, his head a buck.

_Fal._ God send me good fortune now, and I care not.

_Quick._ Go strait, and do as I commaund,
And take a Taper in your hand,                                      50
And set it to his fingers endes,
And if you see it him offends,
And that he starteth at the flame,
Then is he mortall, know his name:
If with an F. it doth begin,                                        55
Why then be shure he is full of sin.
About it then, and know the truth,
Of this same metamorphised youth.

_Sir Hugh._ Giue me the Tapers, I will try
And if that he loue venery.                                         60

  _They put the Tapers to his fingers, and he starts._

_Sir Hu._ It is right indeed, he is full of lecheries and iniquitie.

_Quic._ A little distant from him stand,
And euery one take hand in hand,
And compasse him within a ring,
First pinch him well, and after sing.                               65

  _Here they pinch him, and sing about him, and the Doctor comes one
  way and steales away a boy in red. And Slender another way he
  takes a boy in greene: And Fenton steales misteris Anne, being in
  white. And a noyse of hunting is made within; and all the
  {F}airies runne away. Falstaffe pulles off his bucks head, and rises
  vp. And enters _M._ Page, _M._ Ford, and their wiues, _M._ Shallow,
  sir Hugh._

_Fal._ _Horne_ the hunter quoth you: am I ghost?
Sblood the Fairies hath made a ghost of me:
What hunting at this time at night?
He lay my life the mad prince of _Wales_
Is stealing his fathers Deare. How now who haue we here, what is    70
all _Windsor_ stirring? Are you there?

_Shal._ God saue you sir _Iohn Falstaffe_.

_Sir Hu._ God plesse you sir _Iohn_, God plesse you.

_Pa._ Why how now sir _Iohn_, what a pair of horns in your
hand?                                                               75

_For._ Those hornes he ment to place vpon my head,
And M. _Brooke_ and he should be the men:
Why how now sir _Iohn_, why are you thus amazed?
We know the Fairies man that pinched you so,
Your throwing in the Thames, your beating well,                     80
And what’s to come sir _Iohn_, that can we tell.

_Mi. Pa._ Sir _Iohn_ tis thus, your dishonest meanes
To call our credits into question,
Did make vs vndertake to our best,
To turn your leaud lust to a merry Iest.                            85

_Fal._ Iest, tis well, haue I liued to these yeares
To be gulled now, now to be ridden?
Why then these were not _{F}airies?_

_Mis. Pa._ No sir _Iohn_ but boyes.

_Fal._ By the Lord I was twice or thrise in the mind                90
They were not, and yet the grosnesse
Of the fopperie perswaded me they were.
Well, and the fine wits of the Court heare this,
Thayle so whip me with their keene Iests,
That thayle melt me out like tallow,                                95
Drop by drop out of my grease. Boyes!

_Sir Hu._ I trust me boyes Sir _Iohn:_ and I was
Also a Fairie that did helpe to pinch you.

_Fal._ I, tis well I am your May-pole,
You haue the start of mee,                                         100
Am I ridden too with a wealch goate?
With a peece of toasted cheese?

_Sir Hu._ Butter is better then cheese sir _Iohn_,
You are all butter, butter.

_For._ There is a further matter yet sir _Iohn_,                   105
There’s 20. pound you borrowed of M. _Brooke_ sir _Iohn_,
And it must be paid to M. _{F}ord_ sir _Iohn_.

_Mi. For._ Nay husband let that go to make amends,
Forgiue that sum, and so weele all be friends.

_For._ Well here is my hand, all’s forgiuen at last.               110

_Fal._ It hath cost me well,
I haue beene well pinched and washed.

  _Enter the Doctor._

_Mi. Pa._ Now M. Doctor, sonne I hope you are.

_Doct._ Sonne begar you be de ville voman,
Begar I tinck to marry metres _An_, and begar                      115
Tis a whorson garson Iack boy.

_Mis. Pa._ How a boy?

_Doct._ I begar a boy.

_Pa._ Nay be not angry wife, {I}le tell thee true,
{I}t was my plot to deceiue thee so:                               120
And by this time your daughter’s married
To M. _{S}lender_, and see where he comes.

  _Enter Slender._

Now sonne _Slender_,
Where’s your bride?

_{S}len._ Bride, by Gods lyd _I_ thinke theres neuer a man in the  125
worell hath that crosse fortune that _I_ haue: begod I could cry for
verie anger.

_Page._ Why whats the matter sonne _{S}lender?_

_{S}len._ Sonne, nay by God _I_ am none of your son.

_Pa._ No, why so?                                                  130

_{S}len._ Why so God saue me, tis a boy that I haue married.

_Page._ How, a boy? why did you mistake the word?

_{S}len._ No neither, for _I_ came to her in red as you bad me, and _I_
cried mum, and hee cried budget, so well as euer you heard, and I
haue married him.                                                  135

_{S}ir Hugh._ Ieshu M. _{S}lender_, cannot you see but marrie boyes?

_Pa._ O _I_ am vext at hart, what shal I do?

  _Enter {F}enton and Anne._

_Mis. {P}a._ Here comes the man that hath deceiued vs all:
How now daughter, where haue you bin?

_An._ At Curch forsooth.                                           140

_{P}a._ At Church, what haue you done there?

_Fen._ Married to me, nay sir neuer storme,
Tis done sir now, and cannot be vndone.

_{F}ord:_ Ifaith M. _Page_ neuer chafe your selfe,
She hath made her choise wheras her hart was fixt,                 145
Then tis in vaine for you to storme or fret.

_Fal._ _I_ am glad yet that your arrow hath glanced.

_Mi. For._ Come mistris _Page_, Ile be bold with you,
Tis pitie to part loue that is so true.

_Mis. Pa._ Altho that I haue missed in my intent,                  150
Yet _I_ am glad my husbands match was crossed,
Here M. _{F}enton_, take her, and God giue thee ioy.

_Sir Hu:_ Come M. _{P}age_, you must needs agree.

_{F}o._ I yfaith sir come, you see your wife is wel pleased:

_{P}a._ _I_ cannot tel, and yet my hart’s well eased,              155
And yet it doth me good the Doctor missed.
Come hither _{F}enton_, and come hither daughter,
Go too you might haue stai’d for my good will,
But since your choise is made of one you loue,
Here take her _{F}enton_, & both happie proue.                     160

_Sir. Hu._ _I_ wil also dance & eate plums at your weddings.

_For._ All parties pleased, now let vs in to feast,
And laugh at _{S}lender_ and the Doctors ieast.
He hath got the maiden, each of you a boy
To waite vpon you, so God giue you ioy,                            165
And sir _Iohn Falstaffe_ now shal you keep your word,
For _Brooke_ this night shall lye with mistris _Ford_.

    _Exit omnes._


  NOTES: SCENE XVII

  59: Tapers] Torches.
  79: _so_] om.
  93: _and_] _if_.
  101: _ridden_] _written_.
  131: _that_] om. Halliwell.
  138: _the man_] _he_.
  140: _Curch_] _Church_ Halliwell.
  147: _that_] _then_ Halliwell.
  154: _I yfaith_] _I faith_.
  161: _also_] om.


_FINIS._


       *       *       *       *       *
           *       *       *       *
       *       *       *       *       *

Sources:

The Quarto editions of _The Merry Wives of Windsor_ are described in
the introduction to the play.

The general Preface (e-text 23041) discusses the 17th- and
18th-century editions in detail; the newer (19th-century) editions
are simply listed by name. The following editions may appear in the
Notes. All inset text is quoted from the Preface.

  Folios:
  F1 1623; F2 (no date given); F3 1663; F4 1685.
    “The five plays contained in this volume occur in the first Folio
    in the same order, and ... were there printed for the first time.”

  Early editions:
  Rowe 1709
  Pope 1715
    “Pope was the first to indicate the _place_ of each new scene;
    as, for instance, _Tempest_, I. 1. ‘On a ship at sea.’ He also
    subdivided the scenes as given by the Folios and Rowe, making
    a fresh scene whenever a new character entered--an arrangement
    followed by Hanmer, Warburton, and Johnson. For convenience of
    reference to these editions, we have always recorded the
    commencement of Pope's scenes.”
  Theobald 1733
  Hanmer (“Oxford edition”) 1744
  Warburton 1747
  Johnson 1765
  Capell 1768; _also Capell’s annotated copy of F2_
  Steevens 1773
  Malone 1790
  Reed 1803

  Later editions:
  Singer, Knight, Cornwall, Collier, Phelps, Halliwell, Dyce, Staunton


Errors and inconsistencies:

  [Text-critical notes]

  I. 1. 65: Enter PAGE.] ...
        65: SCENE II. Pope.  [_duplicate numbering in original_]
  I. 3. 95: _the_]
        95: _mine_]  [_duplicate numbering in original_]
  II. 1. 45:  [44:]
  III. 1. 14:  [16:]
  III. 1. 37, 65, 105:  [, 104:]
  V. 5. 97: _Mutually_  [_body text has lower-case “mutually”_]

  [Endnotes]

  I: ... 134 and 142  [135 and 143]
  IV: I. 3. 95.  [I. 3. 96.]
  VII: III. 1. 74, 78.  [74. 78.]





End of Project Gutenberg's The Merry Wives of Windsor, by William Shakespeare