Transcribed from the 1866 T. Edmondson edition by David Price.





                              STOP IN TIME.


                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                            A WORD IN SEASON,

                                  FROM A

                             FAITHFUL FRIEND,

                                ON A VERY

                             SERIOUS SUBJECT.

                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     _By the Author of_ “_Kind Words_, _to the Young Women_, _etc._,”
                        “_A Mother’s Care_, _&c._”

                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      (This Tract has the approval of the Archbishop of Canterbury.)

                              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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                               M.DCCC.LXVI.




STOP IN TIME.


DEAR PATTY,

WHEN I had put things straight after I got home last night, and could sit
down quietly and think over our strange conversation, my heart sank
within me.  I was so hurried for fear of being late for the coach, while
we were talking, and so grieved and surprised by what you told me, that I
could not, there and then, go much beyond the sad news itself.  Dear
heart! what sorrow and shame in a decent family!  And so nice a girl too,
as your cousin seemed.  Her father will scarce ever lift up his head
after it, to say nothing of a poor child brought into the world with a
stain on its birth, and without a right to a father’s care; both mother
and child a reproach to each other.

But after all, it is not so much that, as what you said along of it that
has gone so sorely against my heart.  Why, my dear child, where have you
heard such things?  Whoever it is that has put them into your head has
some bad design upon you, you may be quite sure.  If it be a man, be he
who he will, he means you harm.  Man or woman, they are no decent body’s
thoughts, at any rate.  Only following nature, indeed!  You did not think
that was an excuse when the servant girl took your ribbon, for all it was
nature enough in her to like a bit of finery.  What! and are we to liken
ourselves to the beasts that perish?  I don’t know whether it is most
wicked or most foolish to make a pretence that their ways can ever be a
guide to us.  It is setting the ass to drive the man, for sure, if we are
to learn from them.  Has not God made man quite different from the
brutes?  Has not He made him in His own image, and given him laws to
keep, and reason and conscience to guide him in keeping them?  The
commonest things of every day shew us on what a different footing we
reckon ourselves.  We do not punish the animal that breaks through our
fence and eats our hay-grass, for it has had no laws given to it, and has
no knowledge of right or wrong; but we deal very differently with the man
who watches his opportunity, and takes the meal out of our bin.

And as to pretending that there can be no great harm in a sin because it
is common, no honest mind can be deceived by so plain a falsity.  Heaven
knows thieving is common enough, cheating and lying are common enough,
drunkenness, swearing and housebreaking are common enough; but no one
goes so far us to pretend that these are not wrong on that account.  Why,
child, there would not need to be all this hiding, and shame, and even
child-murder, if every one did not know quite well in their own hearts
that the thing was a sore evil, sin and disgrace.  Never lend an ear on
the devil’s side, above all on this subject.  It does not do for any
woman to dally and balance between right and wrong on such slippery
ground.  If she does, she is sure to lose her footing.  The only safety
is in the straight open road of right.  Keep to it, and never play and
trifle with the first leadings to evil ways.  No one can forecast what
misery one heedless step in these slippery bye-paths may bring after it.
What do you, or what does any decent young girl know about the hidden
dangers, and pit-falls, and the vice, and the wretchedness that make old
hearts sorrowful to think of?

The subject is a painful one; but it is much too serious and weighty to
slur over because it is awkward to speak upon it.  Such truths as these
should be solemnly laid before the young, for they need to hear them
above others; and since in this your father cannot so well talk quite
plainly to you, it is for your aunt, who loves you as a mother, to take a
mother’s place.  Mark what I say—there is a deal of difference between
man and woman in this matter.  Though they sin together, the woman sinks
by far the lowest.  How God will judge hereafter between the two, I am
not now going to ask; but in this world the shame and loss come much
heavier upon the woman.  Modesty is, above all else, a woman’s virtue,
and the loss of it is a terrible blot, which lays her open to the
contempt of all, even of the very man who robs her of it.  I have heard
tell that it was said by a very knowing man, who wrote a great many wise
things long ago, “When a woman gives herself up to a man, and goes the
whole length with him, it binds her closer to him, but it cures the man.”
This was said by a French writer more than a hundred years ago, and that
only shows the more plainly that it is a truth of all times, and all
countries.  And look if it is not so.  Do not we see in a hundred cases,
up and down, that the man leaves the woman in her disgrace, and cares no
more about her?

Patty, my lass, hear a plain word from your old aunt.  If a woman is the
first to come forward, or is over ready to follow on the first beckoning,
a man knows pretty well that he need not put himself out of the way to
marry her in order to have her; and if he is unprincipled or thoughtless,
he will take advantage of her weakness, and sin and shame will follow, as
sure as night follows evening.  My child, take a good counsel from one
that loves you.  If any man, let him be who he will, follows after you,
and you care for him ever so much, aye, and trust him for meaning to make
you his wife ever so surely, keep him in his right place, and do not let
him go one step beyond what is decent.  He will respect you the more, and
his love will be the deeper and the truer in the end.  Mind this—if you
show yourself willing to go half way with him, he will never be the one
to stop you.  It rests with you to take care of yourself, and to help him
too, to keep in the right road, so that you may both stand before God and
man on your wedding-day, honest, and free from blame and shame.

But Patty, my dear, all this has not been much more than worldly wisdom,
but we are bound to look beyond that, and to consider the solemn command
of Almighty God to keep ourselves modest and pure in His sight as the
servants of Christ.  Some would say I had begun at the wrong end in
speaking first of earthly shame and earthly credit; but I think that,
may-be, young folks listen readiest when we do not begin too seriously
with them.  But, dear child, I could not with a good conscience end,
without laying before you, with my heart’s prayer for God’s help, what
His holy Word says about this grave sin of fornication and uncleanness.

In these days we seem to think we can make it lighter by giving it an
easier name—speaking of the fornicator as “wild” or “gay,” and miscalling
a woman’s shame “misfortune.”  But let us hear what God’s word says.
“Marriage is honourable in all.”  “But fornication and all uncleanness,
let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints.”  “What! know ye
not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost?”

The marriage law was given to man in the very beginning by God himself,
who ordained it to be a sacred state, in which two should be as one
flesh.  Our blessed Saviour speaks of the wedded pair as “those whom God
hath joined together.”  What shall we say then of such as despise God’s
ordinance, and set at defiance the restraint He has laid upon them, as
though that was not needful which He has commanded?  They who, in despite
of His word, are as one flesh together without the holy bond of marriage,
are wilful sinners against God, insulting His will, and defying the law
which He has given and confirmed in Jesus Christ.  And let none cheat
themselves into thinking that if they manage to keep the sin secret, and
to be free from the burden and shame of the birth of a child, there is
any the less real harm in it.  It is the foul blot of the unclean deed
upon the soul, the stain before God, that is the evil to be dreaded most.
That stain is the same whether it is kept hidden from the world or not,
just as the lie is a sin on the soul, all the same, though it should
never be found out.

Oh my dear child! when I think of the depths to which a woman may sink, a
depth of infamy I do not dare to put before you in all its terrible
plainness, I tremble to think of any young girl listening to the man or
woman who would lead her to look upon this sin lightly.  Turn your mind
from the very thought of it.  Shut your ears against it.  Let it not once
be named.  Pray to God in your daily prayer, to hold you back from that
temptation, to deliver you from that evil, to keep you by His Holy Spirit
from impure desires and from occasion of falling; and ask Him for the
purity of heart which will make you pure in living.

I cannot write more.  My heart is too full of trouble.  May God have you
in his safe keeping.  Your affectionate aunt,

                                                       MARGARET ROTHWAITE.

                                * * * * *

“That is my aunt Margaret’s letter,” said worthy Mrs. Ellerbeck, as she
folded up a large old-fashioned letter sheet, and wrapped it in a
handkerchief, and laid it back in the drawer.  “That is my good aunt’s
letter, and I have blessed her for it all these forty years back.”

“How I wish,” answered I, “that many a one had just such another friend,
to stand between her and ruin.  It is always a grief to me that young
girls who must needs work for their living are so often thrown into
dangerous situations, as in factories, or town apprenticeships, or in
country farm service; or, indeed, anywhere, if no one will hold out a
hand to keep them back from harm.”

“There is scarce any young girl, in our line of life,” said Mrs.
Ellerbeck, “either at home or in service, but what a plain word would
come well to; for even at the best of homes there are always ways enough
to go wrong; and what between some of their elders being too careless,
and some too shame-faced, young folks don’t hear these truths as much as
they need to do.  Many a one first gets the knowledge, sadly enough, at
her own cost, when it is too late.”

“It is indeed a cruel thing,” said I, “not to warn and guard the young
against a peril like this that besets them everywhere.  But if any one
might have been safely left to herself, I should have thought it would
have been you Mrs. Ellerbeck.”

“Nay,” answered my worthy friend, “I needed the warning as ill as any one
just then; for I had got to hear some very free opinions from an
unprincipled young fellow, who had some law work at our house about a
land lease, and who was uncommon clever at putting a bad notion into fair
words.  There are those who can shift a meaning to any side, and turn
even a scripture text backwards way; and they will talk you down, and
tell you this is not this, and that follows the other, till they well
nigh drive a simple body to think none before them had ever seen their
way to take a pair of tongs by the right end: and how was it likely a
young lass would see through that sort of craft, and least of all if she
was blindfolded by being a good bit noticed and flattered?”

“But how was it,” asked I, “that your excellent father did not at once
put a stop to such talk?”

“You may be sure,” said Mrs. Ellerbeck, “it was never carried on in his
hearing, but only at bye moments, waiting for him, and the like.  And it
was this very hiding and scheming that helped me to give more heed to my
aunt’s warning; for, thought I, if all this is really so true and right,
why not speak it out openly? and why should I hang back myself from
letting my father hear it?  Ah! if people would but believe there is
certain mischief in what is in the dark and underhand!  It’s always
Faulty that needs to skulk.”

“Nothing can be more certain,” said I, “and now may I ask, was this
letter of your aunt’s, the good angel, as we may say, that warded off the
evil?”

“It was like having a candle brought into a dark room,” answered Mrs.
Ellerbeck.  “But, after all, holding up the light to people is only half
the battle; for many a one will rather shut their eyes than look an
unwelcome truth in the face, and none are so blind as those that won’t
see.  I say it with sorrow, Not the best any one can say or do, can turn
others from wrong to right, unless they have some care themselves for
good above bad, and something of a mind to serve their Maker: and I thank
God’s grace I had that much; and my aunt’s letter worked upon it.  It
was, may-be, a bit of a struggle at first to do it; but I called my
father in, and then the young fellow drew off quickly enough.  If a man
means well by a woman he can bear a father’s eye, and never flinch; but
above-board is no card for the deceiver.  Aye, aye! I have reason to
bless my good aunt’s memory.  And,” continued Mrs. Ellerbeck, as a tear
rose to her eye, “when I look now with a sort of grateful pride upon my
own good man, and think in all the years we waited before we married, how
true we were to our Bible laws, and blameless between ourselves before
God and man, and what trust and honour we have had for one another in
every change in life to our grey old age, and how we can each of us warn
son and daughter against loose doings with a good face, my heart stirs
with a longing that I could draw over others to hold fast to honour and
modest ways, and to keep off from what will bring them trouble and
repentance, and stand in their light all their life long.”

“Well then, Mrs. Ellerbeck,” said I, “if that is your mind, will you let
me put this letter of your aunt’s into print, and what you have said
along with it too?”

“Aye that I will,” answered she, “and may God’s blessing go with it!”

                                * * * * *

And now, Good Friends, men or women, all you who have at heart the good
of others, and the welfare of your country, all who can estimate the
worth of honour in man and purity in woman, join us in the attempt to
arrest this growing evil of licentiousness which, above every other form
of vice, poisons the springs of our domestic and social well-being, by
degrading woman’s character, and making her who should be man’s
heavenward help and purest earthly stay, his fellow in grossness and even
his decoy to vice.  It is impossible to exaggerate an evil which so
debases our most sacred relationships, disordering family ties, lowering
the dignity of marriage, casting shame upon the holy name of mother, and,
so to say, plucking the rose from the forehead of pure love and stamping
it with the brand of lust.

Parents—but mothers especially—we call upon you to help in the good work.
Surely you of all others have most interest in it, as it must in nature
be your dearest wish to see your sons true, and your daughters virtuous.
Yet this cannot be unless you will yourselves sow the early seeds.  The
school and the church do not form the character.  The pastor and teacher
will urge self-restraint in vain if the home manners and example are
slack in recommending it.  Consider the lasting effect of early
impressions throughout life, and how surely you may make them work for
good in this respect, if you will check your boys betimes in coarse
speech and action, and speak to them more plainly of the sin of
unchastity, and of the baseness and crime of seduction, and train them,
as they grow older, to understand the sanctity of true love, and to value
and respect modesty in woman.

And especially we would urge you to watch over your girls from their
childish years upwards, and in all possible ways to foster their natural
modesty.  Accustom them to hear more commonly at the home fireside, from
parents’ lips, how excellent a thing is true womanly worth in daughter,
sister, and wife, and how grievous the loss of it; how contrary to true
feminine dignity are forward manners, flashy dress, and every other bait
for men’s free notice.  And we would earnestly press upon you to use your
rightful authority more firmly in forbidding those sure leadings to
mischief, late hours, bad company, and wild merry makings, such as the
public-house dance, the theatre, or loose revels of whatsoever kind, in
town or country.  What but evil can come of that fatal habit of
indulgence which, rather than cross a thoughtless wish, will let youth
run headlong into temptations which it has not even the sense to fear,
and has hardly the chance of overcoming.

And you, Young Women, who have above all others the most direct power in
your own hands, give us the best of all help—that of your own pure
example.  The men are what the women make them.  If you will be modest,
and true to yourselves, they will shape their ways accordingly; if you,
by your true worth, will claim respect and honour from them, they will
undoubtedly yield the just tribute to you.  If you will resolve to follow
the gospel law, and serve your God in the purity He enjoins, admitting no
love dealings but what have the warrant of heaven, you will help them to
do likewise.  Whereas, if by your own forwardness you invite them to
loose advances, you become in fact their tempters, and the workers of
your own degradation.

Waken up to your responsibilities—you, the daughters, wives, and mothers
of our cottage homes.  You have more of your country’s honour and welfare
depending upon you than you are aware of; for home influences are wholly
in women’s hands, and each home puts forth its growth for good or evil,
each is a small seed-plot of virtue or vice, which is, we may say truly,
given in charge to the woman, “to dress it and to keep it.”  It is not
only the children of a family that are moulded by the woman’s hands; she
gives the tone and character to all the household.  Where the mother is
looked up to with reverence and love, and the elder sister leads onwards
in good ways, there will be an influence for good over all; nor will it
be confined to the single home; it will have its effect on a
neighbourhood.  And alas! for the opposite case!  Who can say how far the
evil influences of one disorderly family may reach, or of one woman of
reprobate habits, who “forgetteth the covenant of her God.”

We are all Christians in name; but are we not sometimes more zealous for
the form of our faith than for its fruits?  Many who contend warmly over
some of the more doubtful points of doctrine, are less careful than they
should be to lay to heart the plainer truths and the weightier matters of
the law.  There are those who call themselves Bible christians, and talk
readily of Gospel truth.  What says the Gospel?  “Flee fornication.”  “Be
not deceived; neither fornicators, nor adulterers shall inherit the
kingdom of God.”  What are our Saviour’s words?  “Adulteries,
fornications, &c., these are the things which defile a man.”  These are
Gospel truths.  This is the Gospel law.  How can we justify ourselves if
we neglect to give it good heed in our own hearts, or if we withhold its
warning from those whose souls are given to us in charge?

                                * * * * *

                                * * * * *

                  BY THE SAME AUTHOR, AT THE SAME PRICE:

                KIND WORDS TO THE YOUNG WOMEN OF ENGLAND,
                           WALES AND SCOTLAND.

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                A MOTHER’S CARE FOR HER DAUGHTER’S SAFETY.

                                * * * * *

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