Psychology and Copper

by W. C. Tuttle

Author of “Magpie’s Nightbear,” “When Oscar Went Wild,” etc.


“Scientific prospectin’ has its merits,” announced Ike Harper, as he
climbed out of the gopher-hole and sat down beside me on a boulder and
filled his pipe, “but fool luck has uncovered more bonanzas than
science.

“Now, there was ol’ Jerry Sullivan’s burro went skatin’ down th’ hill
off th’ trail one day and slid th’ coverin’ off th’ Silver Cross, which
made uh millionaire outa Jerry. Hen Berry accidentally fired his
six-shooter into th’ ground oncet and uncovered one of th’ richest gold
veins in th’ State. Yuh can talk science till yer tongue hangs out, but
if yuh ain’t lucky yuh never hit it rich. Do yuh happen to know uh
elongated person named Magpie Simpkins?”

I replied that I had never had that pleasure.

“Pleasure!” he snorted. “No, I reckon nobody ever did. Let me tell yuh
why.

“Magpie was uh scientific prospector. He could take uh piece uh rock and
tell yuh jist what it contained and why it contained said constituents.
Mineralogy was an open book to that jasper, and because of it he never
made uh strike.

“But he didn’t merely go in fer prospectin’. That person was loco on
anything except work. I reckon he had tried nearly everything. First he
went in fer hypnotism. Not havin’ uh likely subject, he tried it on uh
wildcat. I reckon he forgot to tell th’ cat what it meant. He got loose
from th’ cat and th’ hypnotism thing at th’ same time.

“Next he goes in for--wait uh bit; I’m gittin’ ahead of my yarn. You
asked about th’ de-funct Copper King mine uh while ago, and as that is
part of th’ story I’ll connect it all up.

“Me and Magpie has these two claims here on Plenty Stone Creek which
look promisin’, and we’re figgerin’ that maybe we can git some one to
buy us out. Magpie has been down to Piperock after grub, and when he
comes back he’s got uh proposition.

“I knowed all th’ time that we hadn’t ought to let uh third party into
our outfit, but Magpie argues that uh captalist like this feller,
Peters, will help smooth our trail uh heap, and bein’ right on th’
ground he can land us uh buyer.

“Peters was uh queer cuss. He was about knee-high to uh tall Injun, and
spent his spare time tryin’ to cultivate hair on his face. He wore uh
little brown derby hat, and it had uh nervous way uh wigglin’ around on
top of his head when he was talkin’. He didn’t have no chin to speak
of--jist sort a slid away from his lower lip. He had money and uh thirst
fer th’ great West, so he comes to Piperock and opens an office--mines
and real estate.

“Mebby he’s kumtux to th’ real estate, but on mines he don’t show uh
trace. He has six little books on mineralogy which he reads continually;
and when uh feller has to consult uh book every time he sees uh piece uh
rock he’s in th’ same class with th’ jasper who opens th’ Home Doctor
book every time he feels off color--he shore finds symptoms of
everything.

“Me and Magpie needs uh grub stake fer our Winter work if we don’t sell
out, and bein’ as Peters is plumb wild to be uh mine owner we lets him
buy uh third interest in our claims.

“As Magpie remarks--‘He comes uh stranger and we takes him in.’

“I ain’t strong fer Peters, but after livin’ with Magpie all these years
I don’t shy at any ordinary freak.

“Now, Magpie has been plumb rational fer several months, and I’m
beginning to think he’s sort a outgrown his love fer something new in
th’ scientific line, but I’m wrong. It’s only uh sort a ‘Not dead but
sleepin’’ proposition, ’cause one day Magpie pilgrims in from Piperock
with uh packload uh black-covered books.

“I shore recognizes th’ symptoms and goes up to Tellurium Woods’ cabin
and bunks with him that night. Tellurium is workin’ uh copper prospect
which he calls th’ ‘Copper King,’ and when I tells him why I’m there he
welcomes me openly--him and Magpie ain’t jist what you’d call friendly.

“Th’ next mornin’ I sneaks home cautious like, and when I comes in range
I knows that it’s workin’. Magpie is oratin’ out loud, with nobody to
listen except th’ pack burros. Right there I quotes General Sherman, but
don’t mention war a-tall. He quits cold when he sees me and fer th’ next
few days he surrounds himself with cigarette butts and mystery.

“About this time Peters makes good. He ain’t never been up to see our
property--I reckon it’s ’cause we ain’t got no bawthroom--but he gits
his rope on one Alfred Myron Cowgill, of Boston, Massachusetts, and
sends him up to look it over.

“Alfred knows all about mines--havin’ been educated fer th’
ministry--and he finds out that we’ve got th’ finest piece uh property
he ever seen. Copper pyrites shore makes uh hit with people who don’t
_sabe_ free gold, and after uh little pow-wow we sells Alfred our
prospect hole and good-will fer five thousand dollars cash.

“Alfred announces that he’s got to go back East fer uh while, and he
hires me and Magpie to sort a keep people from pesticatin’ around on his
property, and probably runnin’ off with some of his nice yellow pyrites.
We’re uh heap obliged to Peters, ’cause this money will make possible uh
proposition we’ve argued uh heap uh times. Old Sourdough Johnson’s got
uh claim about three miles over th’ south fork, which he calls th’
‘Daylight,’ and me and Magpie have laid awake nights tryin’ to figger
out how to separate him from his location.

“Johnson ain’t on th’ lead and never will be where he’s workin’, but one
day we’re comin’ across th’ claim and find th’ real lead. Sticks right
out in th’ middle of th’ claim and she shore is rich. Uh course we don’t
tell anybody--not even Peters. We’re folks that mind our own business
thataway.

“But Magpie is too much absorbed with his books to even consider uh
minin’ deal. He sits there half th’ night by th’ light of uh candle and
prospects them books. He won’t eat a-tall. Jist sits there and peruses
them books with uh ‘Cease yer worldly cares’ look on his face. I’m uh
heap curious to know what’s in ’em, but won’t show it enough to pick one
up. I know I’ll find out all about ’em jist as soon as Magpie gits his
system full.

“Somebody tells Tellurium about our sale and he comes down to
congratulate us. He’s plumb lame with rheumatism, and after th’ usual
words have been spoken he complains on his affliction uh heap.

“‘What you needs, Tellurium,’ remarks Magpie, and I’m pleased to hear
his voice once more, ‘is uh touch of psychology.’

“‘Ain’t I got enough?’ snaps Tellurium. ‘Rheumatics and plumbago
and--shucks! I kain’t stand much more.’

“‘Mr. Woods, yore powers uh perception are limited to sourdough bread
and low-grade ore,’ states Magpie, markin’ th’ place in his book and
reachin’ fer another. ‘Yore ideas of science don’t go beyond throwin’ uh
diamond hitch and th’ correct way to hold yer knife when yuh eats pie.

“‘Remember this--’ he shakes his finger at Tellurium and rolls uh smoke
onehanded--‘I’m not discoursin’ on diseases. I’m touchin’ on th’
grandest subject on earth--science of th’ mind, before which all
diseases vanish like iron pyrites in boilin’ nitric. You ain’t got
nothin’ th’ matter with yuh a-tall. It’s jist uh lazy streak in yore
subconscious mind.’

“‘As I was sayin’ before this interruption,’ remarks Tellurium, ‘as I
was sayin’, Ike, th’ Lord made uh big mistake. Yuh shore got to agree
with me that it was an error on His part when He wished long ears and uh
brayin’ voice on uh perfectly innocent jackass, and let some people I
know resemble uh human bein’.’

“Tellurium is uh big hulk of uh man, and Magpie ain’t what you’d call uh
runt; so after watchin’ it uh while I pries ’em apart with uh
pick-handle. They arbitrates what’s left of th’ battle and smoke uh
peace pipe. When Tellurium hikes back up th’ trail home, I notices that
his limp is plumb gone.

“‘That’s psychology, Ike,’ states Magpie. ‘He comes down uh cripple and
we sends him home whole. Great stuff, Ike. Now jist let me read yuh one
little chapter out loud and I’ll bet----’

“I didn’t hear it ’cause I’m on my way down to th’ pitch stump after
kindlin’-wood. One Winter me and him was snowed in up in th’ Coeur
d’Alenes, and Magpie finds uh copy of th’ _Congressional Record_.

“Since then nobody can read out loud to me.

“‘Laziness covers uh multitude uh sins,’ announces Magpie, while we’re
eatin’ supper that night. ‘Tellurium states that he’s only drivin’ uh
foot uh day. Now, Ike, no man can ever live long enough to develop uh
copper mine at that rate. With th’ help of psychology he can drift three
feet uh day in that formation.’

“‘Well, mebby,’ I sort of agrees. ‘I don’t know th’ power of this
element yuh claim to have corraled, but I do know Tellurium, and I’m
here to state that uh foot uh day is hy-iu driftin’ fer him.’

“Magpie peruses his book some plentiful before he opens up again.

“Ike, I’ll bet yuh uh hundred dollars that I can have Tellurium drivin’
three feet uh day inside of uh week. I aims to sort of work on his
imagination through th’ elements uh psychology. Enervate his
subconscious mind, _sabe_?’

“‘I passes th’ _sabe_ part,’ I replies, ‘but I’ll take that bet.
Yuh might practise on that he-burro now, Magpie. He’s been standin’
there under that tree since noon. Reckon he’s sick or jist lost his
appetite?’

“‘Both, I reckon,’ replies Magpie. ‘But science of th’ mind won’t help
any in his case ’cause he’s done ate up yore Sunday overalls and two
pair uh yore wool socks.’

“Th’ next day I goes down to Granite to have a talk with Peters about
this Daylight Mine deal. Me and Magpie had decided not to tell Peters
how good it is, ’cause uh _hombre_ like him is jist as apt to talk
as not. We don’t want ourselves to show in th’ deal cause Johnson might
suspect our motives. Uh feller like Peters looks like uh sucker, and
mebby Johnson will make him uh good price.

“Peters swells out his chest and his little derby does uh tango on his
head when I puts it up to him. He sure thinks he’s an expert. I tells
him that it’s uh likely lookin’ prospect and to shoot th’ hull roll if
he has to.

“Him bein’ some elated I borrows uh hundred from him and goes over to
Helena for uh week, leavin’ Magpie to his books. I figgers that we can
make uh large piece uh money out of th’ Daylight without much
development work, and I sings uh care-free song while I scatters that
hundred amid th’ bright lights.

“When I gits back to Piperock th’ first person I sees is Magpie, and he
welcomes me heartily and also imparts th’ information that I’m out uh
hundred bucks ’cause Tellurium’s doin’ better than three feet uh day,
and his rheumatism is ancient history. Of course, bein’ uh direct
descendant of one uh Missouri’s first settlers, I declines to settle
without first-hand information.

“We goes up to Peters’s office to find out about th’ Daylight deal, but
he ain’t in, so we goes over to Dutch Fred’s and plays seven-up until
supper-time. Along about dark Peters rides in and yells to us that
everything is fine.

“We goes up to his office later, and he’s there with uh smile and uh
glad hand. He looks almost too danged happy, some way.

“‘Gentlemen,’ sez he, ‘I’m sorry to have kept yuh waitin’ so long, but
it was uh hard trip, and as I was in th’ mountains several days I was
badly in need of my tub. Now to business. I--er--have uh smoke.’

“He shoves out uh box uh seegars and we lights up.

“‘My friends and partners, it’s uh lucky thing fer you both that you’ve
got uh technical as well as uh practical mining man fer uh partner in
yore ventures--meanin’ myself. To th’ untaught mind of th’ average
prospector, that Daylight claim might look promisin’. But I saw its
defects, gentlemen, I saw its defects. Remember, I took five days in my
examination, and refused to make him an offer.’

“‘But, Peters, we’ve--’ began Magpie.

“‘Beg pardon, Mr. Simpkins, but I’d like to finish. As I said before, I
turned th’ proposition down, but before I returned I had an inspiration.
I decided to investigate other prospects in that particular district.
Now, here is where you have me to thank, gentlemen. Yesterday afternoon
I ran across uh piece uh property that bids fair to make us all rich. It
is located in th’ vicinity of yore former property, I believe, and is
mighty rich in copper--mighty rich, speaking mildly. I beg yore pardon,
Mr. Simpkins, did you speak?’

“‘Go ahead,’ mumbles Magpie, and I notices that he’s got all of that
seegar in his mouth, and seems to be slowly chokin’ to death.

“‘As I started to say,’ resumed Peters, ‘I panned some of th’ drillin’s
in this prospect and what do you suppose I found, gentlemen? Native
copper! Why, in one pan of that dust I got at least half an ounce.’

“He paused to let this sink in. It shore listens good to me, but Magpie
don’t seem elated none whatever.

“‘The owner was wise to what he had,’ continued Peters, ‘and when I
offered him five thousand for his claim he laughed at me. But I refused
to give up the ship, gentlemen, and after talkin’ to him nearly all day
I got him to sell us half interest for that price.’

“‘Listen, Peters!’ Magpie’s Adam’s apple is doin’ uh war-dance up and
down his neck as he stands there weavin’ on his heels and glarin’ down
at Peters. ‘What’s that prospector’s name?’

“‘Mr. Tellurium Woods. Of course, Tellurium is only----’

“‘Yeo-o-o-ow!’ yells Magpie, kickin’ over his chair and gallopin’ to th’
door, and we hears him jist hit twice on his way down.

“Me and Peters sits there fer uh spell lookin’ foolish-like at each
other and not knowin’ what to say.

“Finally I opines aloud that I believe Magpie’s been eatin’ loco salad
and I’d better close-herd him before he bites somebody. Uh course Peters
politely offers his valuable services, but I’m able to decline with
thanks.

“Knowin’ Magpie’s failin’ in times uh stress, I ambles straight fer th’
nearest hooch emporium. I proves my deductions. There he is, draped over
th’ bar, lookin’ sad-like into uh glass uh _woblum_--that bein’ th’
Chippeway appellation fer whisky.

“‘Magpie,’ sez I, puttin’ uh friendly hand on his droopin’ shoulder and
motionin’ to th’ barkeep that mine’s th’ same, ‘why this cross between
uh foot race and uh Piegan war dance?’

“He looks me over like uh man who is seein’ his last white chip go into
th’ rack. He lifts up his right hand straight over his head like th’
peace signs yuh see in movin’ pictures and says:

“‘Never again, Ike! Never again!’

“I’m agreeable. I don’t know what he means, but I’m pleased. Any time
Magpie says ‘Never again,’ I looks at th’ future with more animation.

“‘Ike,’ sez he, mournful-like, ‘I’m sorry. It ain’t fair to you. I
reckon I’m one uh them unfortunate persons who are born with uh lot uh
brains and no sense. Some way I seems to ball up everything. But, Ike, I
asks yuh, how did I know? I can’t see that far, and it seemed like----’

“‘Magpie,’ I replies, ‘let’s have uh little more uh th’ same and then
I’ll accept any explanation yuh delivers. Remember, I’m uh heap in th’
dark yet.’

“‘Ike, yo’re uh trustin’ soul. Yuh shore are salt uh th’ earth. I shore
spilled th’ beans, Ike, but I proved my point. Yes, sir, I reckon I
proved it entirely. I knowed that uh little psychology with uh dash uh
copper would make Tellurium--dang his little old petrified, moss-backed,
narrow, contracted soul----’

“‘Pardner uh mine,’ I interrupts, ‘drink yore liquor and ferget them
little ol’ books fer oncet. Fer old Tellurium’s sake I’m glad he’s
struck it rich. We’ll amble up there tomorrow, and if she’s as rich as
Peters says she is we’ll----’

“‘Yah!’ snorts Magpie. ‘Don’t talk Peters to me, Ike! I’m uh man of
peaceful pursuits, but if I ever lays eyes on that little dancin’ derby
hat uh his I’m goin’ to shoot.’

“Peters is workin’ fer our interests, Magpie, and----’

“‘Listen, Ike.’ Magpie takes me by th’ arm and leads me out of th’
saloon. ‘Uh grog-shop, Ike, ain’t no place to discourse on scientific
themes.’

“He leads me around the corner of th’ building.

“‘Remember our bet on Tellurium’s driftin’ average, Ike?’

“I replies that I’ve uh hazy recollection of it.

“‘Well, Ike, winnin’ that hundred from you, coupled with th’ assistance
of one Peters, has lost us th’ Daylight mine,’ he announces slow and
distinct. ‘Psychology ----! Remember that old copper bolt that was in
our shack, Ike? Well, I--I took that bolt and ground her up, and salted
his danged mine!’”

THE END


[Transcriber’s Note: This story appeared in the August, 1916 issue
of _Adventure_ magazine.]