_CHRISTMAS CHAT:_

                                  OR,

                              OBSERVATIONS

                              On the Late

                            CHANGE at COURT,

                            On the different

                    Characters of the INS and OUTS;

                               And on the

                   Present STATE of PUBLICK AFFAIRS.

                                   A

                               _DIALOGUE_

                Spoke at the Country Seat of one of the
                 _New Ministry_, in the late Holy Days,
                    the Day before his Re-election;

                               _BETWEEN_

               Mr. BROADBOTTOM,
               Mr. OVERALL,
               Mr. ROSEBAND,
               Sir JOHN PROBEUM,
               Mr. SMOOTHWELL, &
               Mr. BLUNT.

       ---------------------------------------------------------

                              __LONDON__:

    Printed for M. COOPER, at the Globe in _Paternoster Row_; 1745.

------------------------------------------------------------------------




[Illustration]


                           _CHRISTMAS CHAT:_

                                  OR,

                              OBSERVATIONS

                              On the Late

                            CHANGE at COURT,

                                   A

                               _DIALOGUE_


              -------------------------------------------


_Broadbottom_, Sir _John Probeum_, _Overall_, _Roseband_, _Blunt_, and
  _Smoothwell_, sitting round a Table at _Broadbottom’s_ House.

_Overall_.

TRUCE with Politics, I beseech you, Gentlemen.——I gad! ’tis
unconscionable to lecture a Man thus at his own House.

_Broadbottom_. By no means, Mr. _Overall_; I look upon the Freedom with
which my worthy Neighbours here treat me, as an Instance of their
Friendship and Regard.

_Roseband_. There spoke the Christian and Man of sound Understanding——

_Over_. Pshaw! P—x! What have we Fox-hunters to do with sound
Understandings?——Give me a sound Bottom, Parson, and you are welcome to
keep your Christianity and sound Understanding for your next _Christmas_
Conversation. Ha, ha!

_Blunt_. Right, Mr. _Overall_; I say a sound Bottom too.

_Over_. Come, Gentlemen, let the Toast go round.——To all sound
Bottoms—No Affront, I hope, to any one here.——What say’st thou, honest
_Blunt_?

_Blunt_. I say, the Vicar need not make those d——d wry Faces at Toasting
the best Thing in Nature.——You have been paying Homage for twenty Years
to a _Broadbottom_, and now winch at the naming a _Sound_ one.——Ah! Mr.
_Roseband_; the _Jesuit_ sticks to the Cloth in _England_ as at _Rome_.

_Smoothwell_. Why so, Mr. _Blunt_? The Words _Sound Bottom_ convey an
Idea which Mr. _Roseband_ might wish not to conceive.

_Blunt_. And pray, good Mr. _Smoothwell_, what is there of indecent or
unseemly in the Idea conceived at the mention of those two harmless
Words, _Sound_ and _Bottom_?

_Over_. Wou’d a reverend Divine wish to be put in Mind of the Days of
his Youth? Ha, ha!—— Mr. _Blunt_, had you been bred at _Oxford_, as the
Doctor was, you wou’d have known that all are not _Sound_ that grace
_Magdalen_ Walks on a Summer’s Evening. Ha, ha!

Sir _John_. Mr. _Roseband_, you must not mind the Fox-hunter; you know
his Way; he treats his Friends as freely as he wishes they would treat
him.

_Rose_. I believe so, Sir _John_, and therefore am in full Charity with
Mr. _Overall_. But I can’t so readily digest my Neighbour _Blunt_’s
coupling the _English_ Vicar with the _Romish_ Jesuit.

_Blunt_. In their Politics only; as for Religion, I leave that to the
great Searcher of Hearts.

_Over_. Ah, dear _Blunt_! how many modern Hearts will bear a Search?

_Blunt_. Ask Mr. _Broadbottom_; he was last at Court.

_Broad_. I was so, Mr. _Blunt_, but you know I am but a late Comer
there.

_Blunt_. Perhaps it had been as well for yourself and your Country, if
you had not come there at all.—— You’ll excuse my Bluntness, Mr.
_Broadbottom_, you know I speak freely to those I wish well.

_Broad_. I know your Worth, and thank you for your Freedom.

_Blunt_. I hope you do, because I mean to continue and deserve your
Friendship, if you continue your Country’s Friend at Court.——To be plain
with you, Mr. _Broadbottom_, I am not altogether reconciled to the
critical _Time_ and _Manner_ of your going to Court. ’tis an infectious
Air, against which _Abstinence_ alone is the Specific.

_Over_. ’Sflesh! _Blunt_, you don’t expect your late worthy Member, who
so often cram’d your Brother Aldermen and yourself with Ham and Chicken,
would keep Lent at Court?

_Blunt_. Let him but abstain from entering into any Covenants, and he
may swill as much as he will of his Majesty’s Old-Hock.

_Broad_. Covenants! What Covenants do you suppose, should be expected
from me?

_Blunt_. The direct contrary of those you entered into with our
Corporation at your last Election.——Perhaps, you forget them.——Shall I
refresh your Memory?

_Broad_. You need not. I am come down to make you fresh Assurances of
serving my Country to the utmost of my Power.

_Blunt_. I know you are come down to be re-elected; and that this
Company have been invited here to-day, to receive your Excuses for your
late Acceptance of an Employment.—

_Smooth_. Mr. _Blunt_, your Corporation could not expect that their
Representative would never accept of a Place under the Crown; therefore
what Excuses has the Gentleman to make?

_Blunt_. More, I fear, than you can make for him with all your Quirks of
Law. If he accepted of a Post without any Salvo, and forgets that he has
a Post whenever he is to vote in Parliament, I will then say that he
needs not make Excuses for going to Court.

Sir _John_. Ay, Mr. _Blunt_, provided my worthy Neighbour,
_Broadbottom_, turns not a mere _Courtier_, by going to Court, he shall
have all our Consents to stay at Court and rise there.

_Blunt_. A Man may rise in the Army and Navy, and meritoriously; but
what dirty Work must a Man trudge thro’ to rise at Court?

_Over_. Why should a Man be obliged to do more servile Work at Court
than in the Church, where we see the Learned and Pious rise, and are
translated every Day?——I expect my good Friend here, Mr. _Roseband_, to
rise to a Deanery soon, now his Patron has taken a Stride to Court.

Sir _John_. And shou’d Mr. _Broadbottom_ rise at Court, as I doubt not
he will if he continues there longer than the present Session of
Parliament; why might not my reverend Neighbour here, rise from the
Deanery to a Mitre?

_Broad_. Sir _John_, you have been always my Friend; so have you Mr.
_Blunt_. Gentlemen, you are all of you my Friends, and as such—have a
Right to examine my late Conduct. I have accepted of a Place, ’tis true,
without consulting you; but hope in so doing, not to have forfeited the
good Opinion which I flatter myself you always entertain’d of me.

Sir _John_. Since we are, and you think us your Friends, ’tis fit we
should deal with you like Friends. To be plain with you, Mr.
_Broadbottom_, we here in the Country, who wish well to our King and the
Nation, think ourselves justify’d in conceiving a Jealousy of the
Nature, Time and Manner of the late or rather the present Change in the
Ministry. I will explain myself.—— ’tis not so properly a _Change_ of,
as an _Ingraftment_ upon the Ministry. Supposing the few of your Party
that are brought _in_, were to continue as honest and sincere, as those
_Deserters_, who made room for them, were disingenuous and
self-interested; what can you do against Numbers? What Success can poor
_England_ expect from the Endeavours of so few?

_Broad_. But, Sir _John_, you forget that the Opposition grew.

Sir _John_. No, Sir, I don’t forget that Opposition founded on virtuous
Principles will always grow. But what _Opposition_ can you expect to
grow in a Court? You late Comers there are but the Tail of the
Administration. Can you direct the Head and Body? Must it not move as
they direct, or be lopt off? What will Opposition in Council avail,
where the Majority will be so great against you? And as for Opposition
in P——t, there will be none, there can be none. The late _Deserters_,
who are now flung out, should they grumble and oppose, no Creature
living will adhere to them that has a Drachm of either Sense or Virtue.
And by the present Scheme, you who were late Leaders of Opposition, are
taken off, and consequently all Opposition ceases. I wish I may be
mistaken; but, methinks, I see a Scheme, and the artfullest and deepest
that ever was laid in this Nation, now put in Execution.

_Over_. How, Sir _John_! a Scheme deeper than the _Excise_?

_Blunt_. Or last Year’s _Invasion_, which produced such Chearfulness in
granting more Millions than ever were granted in any one Session before?

_Rose_. Or the late Sir _R——t_’s Scheme for securing his own Retreat?

_Blunt_. Retreat! Do you think it a Retreat for a Man to quit the Stage
to go behind the Curtain, where he sets all the Puppets in Motion?

Sir _John_. He does so; and this is not the least Adroit of his Motions.
All the present Ministry, the late small _Engraftment_ excepted, are his
known Creatures. They were most of them of his own bringing up, and of
course act by his Directions.

_Broad_. But, Sir _John_, how shall we be affected by his Motions? I
hope you don’t suppose he will be able to influence us New comers, as
you call us, however he may direct his Pupils.

Sir _John_. I hope he won’t; but I’ll answer for it, he does not now
matter whether he can or no. He has lull’d you into a Stupor, and having
unperceptibly depriv’d you of your Sting, you are no longer the terrible
Men you appeared to the Court some time ago.

_Over_. They are now become the _Drones_ of the Hive; ha, ha!

Sir _John_. They are really no better. Pardon me, Mr. _Broadbottom_, if
I think the Epithet fits all you who are brought in to countenance
Measures the Nation disapproves of——

_Blunt_. To colour an ignominious Peace, which is thought to be on the
Anvil, because the late Conduct of our Superiors renders a Peace of any
kind absolutely necessary.

_Over_. And to be kick’d out again as soon as those dirty Ends are
answered, which they were introduc’d to promote: Gad, Brother Foxhunter,
I should not care to be _rump’d_ after I had said _yea_ and _nay_ as
directed. You see what End the late Patriot _Pretenders_ are come to. ——
Z—ns Man! fall not, like those Coxcombs, ’tween two Stools.

Sir _John_. There lies the Depth of the present Scheme, which is but the
second Part of the late. The late _Deserters_, as they are justly
call’d, saw not that they were digging Pits for themselves, while they
were bargaining to drop their Party for Places at Court. What better, Mr
_Broadbottom_, have you been lately doing for yourself? If you answer
the _Purpose_ of your being taken into the Ministry, supposing it
disagreeable to the Nation, you are irrecoverably lost in the Opinion of
all who esteem’d you before; and of consequence will be no better than a
Drone all your Life long.

_Broad_. Pray, Sir _John_, why will you suppose the _Purpose_ of the
Ministry to be disagreeable to the Nation?

Sir _John_. Because I have known in my Time but very few, if any
Ministerial _Purposes_ that deserv’d public Approbation.

_Broad_. You would not have us be against the Continuance of the War,
till an honourable Peace can be obtain’d?

_Smooth_. Nor against the Support of the War while it continues.

_Rose_. Nor against such a Peace, as the Success of the War may intitle
us to.

Sir _John_. So! the Lessons are already put by Heart.

_Over_. Why not? you forget how apt Lawyers and Divines are to learn.
Ha, ha!

_Blunt_. And Patriots too, when once they creep within the Palace Gates.

_Broad_. Mr. _Blunt_, I am well acquainted with the Uprightness of your
Heart. You love me, and therefore fear I am to be deluded from my Duty
to my Country by the Allurements of a Post. But let me intreat my
Friends to suppress their Fears till the End of the Session.

_Blunt_. I should not wonder by the End of the present Session, or at
least before the Beginning of the next, to see you and your Brethren
reduced to your primitive Nakedness. Of what Use can you be, after you
grant all the Court wants, and reject or throw cold Water on every
Motion for the Benefit of the Nation?

Sir _John_. Motion for the Benefit of the Nation, said you! Who will
make such a Motion? Or if made, who will support it? Neighbour _Blunt_,
I don’t wonder that you, who never sat in Parliament, should mistake the
Nature of _Motions_ made there; but I, who represented your Borough in
my younger Days, am able from my Experience to inform you, that no
important _Motion_ of public Benefit will be made this Session; or, if
fortuitously made, will be seconded. The different Parties in the House,
and Parties with different Views there always were and will be, are led
by a _few_, who may be said to direct all the Operations of the Session.
Among that _few_, there is generally some one or two who are permitted
to take the Lead in all Deliberations, and from thence may be said to
direct the whole. Supposing then that the Court should find means to
take off not only that _one_, or those _two_ or _three_, but all the
Chiefs or Directors of an Opposition at the Beginning of a Session, how
can it be expected that any Motions of Moment will be made? or, as I
said before, if made will be seconded? All Motions to be made, that are
of consequence, are first projected by the Leaders, and communicated and
recommended at their private Meetings and Clubs. But strip the Party of
such Leaders, before they have Time to make, or even resolve on a new
Choice of Chiefs, and there is an End of all such necessary and usual
Communications and Recommendations, and probably of the very Meetings
antecedent to them. In time, a new Set of Leaders may arise, but there
must be Proof of their Truth and Abilities before they can acquire the
necessary Confidence; and such Proof is not produced hastily.

_Over_. Right, old Sportsman. It must be _Truth_ and _Time_ that acquire
the Captains of Foxhounds the Confidence of the Pack.

_Smooth_. Mr. _Overall_, you might have spared your Comparison of
Foxhounds and Members of Parliament.

_Rose_. Nor is Sir _John_’s Doctrine of _Motions_ less seasonable or
pertinent.

_Blunt_. Decent Mr. _Smoothwell_, and you cautious Mr. _Roseband_, when
are apt Comparisons to be made or necessary, and seasonable Truths to be
spoken, unless it be on such an Occasion, and at such a Time as the
present?

_Over_. See how these Law-and-Gospel-Mongers would debar a Freeborn from
the Privilege of expostulating with the Man to whom he is going to
delegate his Life, Liberty and Fortune!—— Z—ds, _Broadbottom_, sure you
are not already become so rank a Courtier, as to have retained the Vicar
of your Parish, and the Steward of your Manors, to padlock the friendly
Lips of your plain and upright Neighbours?

_Broad_. Far be it from me to endeavour preventing the Expostulations of
my Friends. I have always asked the Opinion of my Constituents in all
Matters of Moment, since I have been in Parliament, and hope they will
admit that I have not misused the Trust committed to me.

Sir _John_. Sir, we believ’d you a true _Englishman_; at least, let me
speak for myself, I did so, or I had not given you so often my Vote and
Interest to represent your Country in Parliament: And I confess, that by
all that appears, you have honourably discharged the Trust reposed in
you. But, Sir, the good Opinion I have had of you, and even that which I
entertain of you at present, are no such Securities for your future
Conduct, considering the present State of Affairs, as should efface all
Traces of Doubt and Jealousy out of my Mind. You are a Man, and as such,
are not exempt from _Selfishness_, a Passion which Ministers never fail
to sooth and gratify. I may believe you mean well; but can’t help
dreading your suffering yourself to be _sweeten’d_ from your good
Intentions.

_Broad_. Sir _John_, your Concern for my future Conduct speaks the
Sincerity of your Friendship, and I am therefore the more oblig’d to
you. But methinks the known Probity and Honour of those Men we join in
the Administration might lay your Doubts and Jealousies concerning my
Behaviour for the Time to come.

Sir _John_. I have nothing to do with the private _Probity_ and _Honour_
of any Gentleman; but, Sir, if you expect I should think as favourably
of those that have lately invited you to associate with them, as you
seem to do, you are grossly mistaken. You differ in Opinion concerning
those Gentlemen, whom you now seem to applaud, not only with me, but
with yourself. What have those _most deserving Men_ done of late to
acquire your good Opinion? It was but just before you went up to the
first Meeting of the present Session, that you heartily joined Mr.
_Blunt_ and myself, in condemning the _Passiveness_ of all those whom
you now associate with and praise. What have they done for the Public
since, or ever before, that should endear them to you or any true
_Englishman_? Was Sir _R—— W——_’s whole Administration obnoxious to the
Majority of the Nation? was it injurious to all? did not those you now
are _grafted_ upon, concur with him in all his Measures? were they not
most of them, the Creatures of his Power? were not the chief of them his
Pupils, train’d up in all his Arts and Wiles? are they not of his
rearing? are they not distinguishable at this very Hour by his Stamp?

_Blunt_. By this Scheme of _Ingraftment_ it plainly appears, that if
they don’t wear his Livery in View, they wear it under their upper
Garments.

_Over_. So that Sir _Brass_, like his Employer, still has his cloven
Foot in all our Affairs.

_Blunt_. As sure as this new-devised _Ingraftment_ will ruin all our
_Affairs_, unless the _Projector_ and his _Disciples_ will be so humble
as to submit to be led by the Few they have called in to help steer the
Bark in a Storm.

Sir _John_. And what was it but their own servile _Passiveness_ that had
occasion’d the _Storm_ which they now endeavour to quell by the Help of
Mr. _Broadbottom_ and his Brethren in the late Opposition? What could
the late fallen _Minister_, of whom they affect to complain as the
Author of all our Calamities; what could that _Phaeton_, I say, have
done, had he not been supported by those who now affect to quit rather
than draw with him? Had not they the Power of the _Purse_? had not they
in that and every other Respect, the Means of tying up that
_Adventurer_’s Hands from hurting his Country, if they would? Yes, Mr.
_Broadbottom_, those Men you now venerate so much, had the _Power_, but
they wanted the _Will_. And what was it but that fundamental, primary
Ingredient in the Composition of some Men, _Selfishness_, which induced
those Men to misuse the Power they then had?

_Rose_. By your Leave, Sir _John_, tho’ the late Minister, the
_Phaeton_, as you call him, may have misused his Power; I don’t see why
these Gentlemen who _remain_ in the Administration should be involved in
his Guilt.

_Over_. Smoke the Parson, Gentlemen; mind how cautiously he treads on
_Jack’s_ Heels.——_May have misused his Power!_ How gently he touches the
Sore! Then again, the charitable _Man can’t see the least Speck of Gall_
in the _Doves_ that have thrust _Jack_ from the _Barn Door_.

_Blunt_. Ah! Mr. _Overall_, that _Barn_ has made many an honest Man
otherwise.

Sir _John_. I don’t think it so, Mr. Mayor; a Man truly Honest is no
more to be corrupted than a Woman truly Chast. But as it is she only who
is a Whore in her Heart that can be defiled, so is it he only who is a
Rogue in his Heart, that can be warped from his Integrity.

_Over_. Gad, Sir _John_, I should be glad to know where your _truly
Honest_ Men and _truly Chast_ Ladies grow. For in my poor Observation, I
knew but one Man and one Woman that truly deserved the Epithet.

_Smooth_. Your Mother was the precious Exception of one Sex.——Ha, ha!

_Rose_. And his pious _Dad_ the other.——Ha, ha!

_Over_. Neither; among the Men, _Jack_ the late M—r was the Exception,
because he was the only Minister that ever I heard or read of, who had
the _Honesty_ to pretend to _none_. And among the Fair, Madame _V—te_,
who held out till her H—d commanded her and conducted her himself to the
Arms of her Lover.

_Omnes_. Ha, ha!

Sir _John_. I say nothing of the Aptness of your Exception among the
Fair; but really, Mr. _Overall_, you have hit it off in regard to the
other Sex. The late M—r was a Prodigy in his Way. I won’t say that I
ever knew a less virtuous Minister, but I will, that I never knew one
made less Pretensions to Virtue.

_Broad_. He courted Virtue as he did Applause.

Sir _John_. And was he not the Honester, for not pretending to that he
resolved not to practise, and for not courting that which he knew he did
not deserve? But what better Pretensions have they, who, as my Friend
Mr. _Overall_ terms it, thrust him from the _Barn Door_, to either
Virtue or Applause? Did they not give a Sanction to all his Measures?
Were not they Partners of his Guilt? And more, were they not the
Partners of his Predecessor’s Guilt? Had the late Minister shewn less
Contempt for them; had he wore more the Appearance of Modesty, or had
more Deference for their Opinions; had he seem’d to draw with them; had
he not ingross’d solely to himself the _Distribution_ of the Court
_Manna_: Had he, in short, shared with his Fellow Ministers the vast
Emoluments arising from the Distribution of the _Secret-Service_ Money,
I fancy we should never have heard of the present unnatural
_Ingraftment_.

_Broad_. Since you will have it an _Ingraftment_ rather than a
_Coalition_, it shall be so; but why should it be an unnatural
_Ingraftment_?

_Over_. Why indeed? Don’t we see _Non-pareilles_ and _Golden Pippins_
daily grafted on _Crabs_, and yet thrive? Ha, ha!

Sir _John_. Yes, Mr. _Overall_; because they are all nourished by their
common Parent, the Earth; and the _Crab-Tree_ is a Channel only for the
Nurture to pass thro’. In this Case, the Earth, from whence both Species
receive Nourishment, remains pure and uninfected; the _Crab_ has no more
Influence than the _Pippin_. But can we suppose the Parity will hold in
the other Case? The old _Standards_ in the Administration ingross the
_Soil_: The _ingrafted Shoots_ shall have no more Communication with it,
than their elder Brethren shall be pleased to permit.

_Rose_. I am sorry to see all Sir _John_’s Observations tinctured with
Uncharitableness. Why should the old _Standards_, as you call those that
remain of the late Ministry, infect the Soil, by which I suppose the ——
is meant, any more than the _ingrafted Shoots_ or new Comers?

Sir _John_. The _new Comers_, for aught I know, wou’d be as arrant
Courtiers, as supple Fawners in time, as the old _Standards_ themselves,
had they equal Opportunity. But my Life for’t, the _Ingrafted_ will be
kept at Arms Length from the Royal Ear.

_Broad_. I hope not, Sir _John_; those we join are Men of Honour; and
they assure us of going Hand in Hand with us——

_Blunt_. To raise the _Supplies_.

_Over_. And screen Delinquents.

Sir _John_. Will they join, think you, in National Parsimony, in the
Encouragement of Trade and Industry, and the Discouragement of Venality
and Corruption? Will they join in repealing those Laws which affect
_Freedom_, and in lessening the vast Power accruing to the Crown from
the great Weight of our Debts and Taxes, by the Distribution of civil
Employments? Will they join——

_Blunt_. Yes, Sir _John_, in fleecing the Nation to fill their own
Pockets, and gratify Mr. _Nameless_.

_Over_. That same _Nameless_ must have an excellent _Digestion_; and
sure his necessary Woman must have golden Days of it; for without doubt,
he who swallows so much _Gold_ must sh—t a great deal of the Metal.——
But I forget that _H——_ is the _Close-stool_, where all the precious
Excrement centers.

_Blunt_. And but _One_, on this Side the Water, has a Key to that
valuable Repository.

_Rose_. For Cleanliness of Conversation, commend me to you both,
Gentlemen.

_Over_. And for doubling and time-serving, commend me to Gownsmen.

_Broad_. Gentlemen, I intreat we may live sociably together as usual.
Let us not give Way to Spleen or Ill-nature. Mr. _Roseband_ and Mr.
_Smoothwell_ happen at this Time to be in a more charitable Disposition
than the rest of the Company. But, I assure myself, you will be all of
one Opinion, when you see perfect _Concord_ in the Administration, and
that _Union_ directed to promote publick Happiness.

Sir _John_. Mr. _Broadbottom_, I heartily agree with you in the
Banishment of Heat and Sarcasm from our Conversation; but can’t help
dissenting from you in the other Point. Without giving up my Reason, I
can’t reckon upon _Concord_ between two Sets of Men, as seemingly
different in their Views and Principles as can well be imagin’d. By all
that appears hitherto, you lately _Ingrafted_, have acted on Principles
the most honourable, and with Views the most disinterested that ever Men
did; whereas the _old Standards_ seem to have no Views but to
_Self-Interest_, nor Principles, but such as are repugnant to
_Patriotism_.

_Over_. _Patriotism!_ Ha, ha! Poor Wanderer! Where has she taken up her
Habitation, since she was sent adrift by those _Ingrafted_ about two
Years ago upon the old Stock?

_Blunt_. Patience. Mr. _Overall_, and you shall see her perch’d on the
joint Endeavours of our mottley Ministry to save the Nation.

_Broad_. I hope you will, Mr. _Blunt_, tho’ you speak it with a Sneer.

Sir _John_. I heartily wish we may. But in my Mind, the Coalition on
which you reckon so much, is as impracticable as squaring the Circle, if
you Gentlemen newly _Ingrafted_, and _those_ you are _Ingrafted_ on,
_thought_ as you _spoke_ and _acted_, and continue the same way of
_thinking_?

_Over_. Have not you seen, that the late _Ingrafted_ had two Ways of
_thinking_?

_Blunt_. One fitted for the _Country_, the other for the _Court_?

_Broad_. Good Mr. Mayor, spare your Friends, at least till you find them
tripping.

Sir _John_. For my Part, the whole Stress of my Argument rests on a
Supposition; that both Parties of the Administration will adhere to
their native Principles and Way of thinking. On this Supposition then
where can be the _Concord_, where the _Coalition_?

_Over_. Just where the Union would be between Kites and Doves.

_Blunt_. But, my Fox-hunter, leaving Concord and Union out of the
Question, when has it been seen, that spotless innocent _Doves_ have had
the weak Complaisance of associating with the crafty and guilty _Kites_,
on the first Offer of Friendship and Cordiality?

_Broad_. Still, my worthy Magistrate, severe upon your old Friends?

Sir _John_. Mr. _Broadbottom_, call not that Severity, which is the
Result of Friendship. I judge of Mr. _Blunt_ by myself, who, because I
esteem you, fear you may be imposed upon in the Step you have lately
taken. You could not but see that the Court made to you, was the Effect
rather of _Necessity_ than _Choice_. You must not be the Man of
Penetration I take you for, unless you saw that you would be an
unwelcome Guest at C—t, and an unwelcome Companion to those who invited
you thither. In such Circumstances, I should expect that you, and those
whom you have selected among your Party to accompany you, wou’d insist
upon such Terms for your Country, as would endear you to your
Countrymen.

_Broad_. But, Sir _John_, would it become us to insist on Terms, when
none were exacted from us?

Sir _John_. It not only would become you to insist on such Terms as
would be of public Utility, but it was absolutely necessary you shou’d,
if you would maintain your Character and serve your Country. You _New
Comers_ are but a few, if compared to those you are ingrafted on. They
may, and probably will out-argue, or rather out-vote you, whenever you
shall presume to oppose their Measures; and should you persist in your
Opposition, they will thrust you from the _Barn_ for your Contumacy.
Such will be the best of your Case.

_Smooth_. Best do you call it? Pray, Sir _John_, what do you call the
Worst of their Case?

Sir _John_. To quit their own Principles, and take up those of the old
_Standards_. In that Case they might think to mend their own private
Fortunes, but would most certainly ruin their Country, and of course
would lose all Credit with their Countrymen.

_Broad_. But is it impossible for Men of different Principles to meet
each other half Way, and agree in such Essentials as may promote the
general Good of the Community?

Sir _John_. He who meets an Opponent half way, recedes from his own
Principles, and embraces in part at least, those of his Antagonist. Now
if your _Principles_ were _sound_, and those of the _old Standards
unsound_, as we must believe from your constant Opposition for the Time
past; how can you depart from yours, without embracing _unsound_
Principles? No, Sir, I protest against half-way Meetings between a
Majority in _Power_, and a few, who, I’m afraid, grasp too eagerly at a
Shred, or rather Shadow of that _Power_. The _Magnet_ is with the
greater Number; pray Heaven, it attracts not the smaller to it!

_Broad_. Why so desponding, Sir _John_, you who were won’t to be the
firmest Prop of our Party Hopes?

Sir _John_. To be very serious, Mr. _Broadbottom_, I apprehend we are in
a wretched Situation; and I see but one Means, by which we may hope to
better our Condition. But I foresee that we sha’n’t have the Wisdom or
Virtue to pursue that only Way. Notwithstanding the Groupe of Ills we
labour under; notwithstanding our Necks are sore gall’d with the Yoke, I
fear, should the Time of procuring ourselves Ease ever offer, Corruption
will prevail, and _Avarice_ will chuse the Continuance of our Woe. If we
would expect such a thorough Change of Measures as the Nation seem to
wish for and require, can we hope for it from the present Patch-work
mingling of Hands?

The taking Gentlemen into the Administration, who have distinguished
themselves by their Zeal for the Interests of their Country, is not, I
fear, designed to ease the People, but to bring those Gentlemen to bear
a Share of the public Hatred and Infamy, which the late M—rs have
incurr’d by the most flagitious Measures. This must cause an irreparable
Breach between the Public and those now rever’d and beloved Patriots; a
Policy by which the Projectors think, perhaps, they leave the Flocks
without Shepherds, and may at Pleasure then prey upon the Folds. But let
me warn these Politicians, that it is not always safe to leave an
injur’d, oppress’d, exasperated People without Leaders on whose Probity
they may depend. On the other hand, let me warn our Patriots, that as a
Snare may have been laid for them, it is their Business to take care
they are not taken in it. They have been the Hopes as well as Darlings
of their Country, and it should be their Study at this critical Juncture
not to give Room for suspecting their Virtue. In short, they should
avoid becoming themselves the Curse of their Country, or countenancing
those that have been so for many Years.

The War for the Sake of _H——_, has been carried on after a Manner so
dishonourable, not to say infamous, and so expensive, that the old
_Standards_, for a Reason easily pointed out, look upon a _Peace_ to be
absolutely necessary. The Conduct of the War will not suffer them to
hope that equitable Terms will be allow’d them; on the other hand, they
must be sensible, that the People have a greater Regard to the Honour of
the Nation than to private Interest, and will be against sheathing the
Sword, till the Blood of our foreign Enemies has wash’d off the Stain
fix’d on the Glory of the Nation by her domestic Foes. In this Dilemma
they may think it the best, indeed the only Expedient to cast the Burden
on the _Favourites_ of the People. If they accept of Peace on
dishonourable Terms, the late M—rs are acquitted; if they reject it, any
Misfortunes that may attend the War will be intirely cast upon them. In
a Word, the Ministers have entangled the Skein, and call upon the
Patriots to disentangle it, or share the Odium of their Folly and
Wickedness. They have woven the _Gordian Knot_, and the Friends of the
People are to loose it.

_Over_. We shall soon see who are the Peoples Friends.

_Broad_. Can you have any Doubt concerning them?

_Blunt_. Were not those _Deserters_ lately thrust from the _Barn_, the
Peoples Friends too before they were _ingrafted_ on the Ministry? All
are the Peoples Friends while they are rising on the Shoulders of the
People; but when once they are up, away goes the Scaffolding. Mr.
_Broadbottom_, I believe you are a Friend to the People, or I would not
support your last Election, or your present Re-election; but if you
would convince us you are truly so, let us see you heartily endeavouring
to obtain something for those willing People that have drain’d their
Vitals to comply with a C—t and Ministry, and bore the Heat of the Day.
Restore us our _Triennial_ Parliaments.

Sir _John_. Or rather our Annual Parliaments, which was the ancient
Constitution. But, Mr. _Broadbottom_, let us have them without
_Purchase_. I understand the C—l L—st is greatly incumber’d. I hope ’tis
not intended to clear it at the People’s Expence, before the annual
Produce of it be fairly stated and known.

_Blunt_. Can you expect to know any thing the Court has a mind you
should not, while _Seven’s_ the Main?

_Over_. No more _Septs_ say I; I believe I shall never love the Number
_Seven_ again, as long as live.

Sir _John_. _Seven_ or _Seventy_ would be of little Significancy in a
Country and Age less corrupt than ours. But considering the present
Depravity, I must confess that _septennial_ Parliaments afford Ministers
more Opportunity than I would willingly allow them, to put in Practice
the Arts of the Cabinet.

_Rose_. If the Depravity be so great and general as you represent it,
how shall our Condition be better’d by a Repeal of the _septennial_ Law?
The Cabinet Arts, which you so much apprehend, may be as well practised
on the _triennial_ as _septennial_ Servants of the People.

_Over_. To prevent which, let us do as our braver, honester _Popish_
Ancestors did.

_Rose_. Ah! Mr. _Overall_! Your worthy Father would not have been so
liberal of his Epithets to Papists.

_Over_. Mr. _Roseband_, my Father loved and rever’d Virtue wherever he
found it. And he blush’d not any more than I should, to own that our
Popish Ancestors had the true Spirit of Patriotism, and that they left
us more valuable Blessings than we are like to leave Posterity.

_Smooth_. How, my Politician! Sha’n’t we and Posterity too bask in
Plenty, if we do as you say our honester popish Ancestors did? ha, ha!

_Rose_. Pray, Mr. _Overall_, What are we to do in imitation of our
braver Ancestors? ha, ha!

_Over_. To _curse_ the Ambitious and Corrupt.

_Rose_. Curse, Mr. _Overall_! Is it for Christians to curse?

_Over_. Is it for _Englishmen_ to be bribed out of their Virtue? What
are the Curses you pronounce on _Ashwednesdays_?

Sir _John_. Mr. _Overall_ means, I suppose, the Anathema solemnly
denounced in the Reign of _Henry_ III. by the Archbishop of
_Canterbury_, at the Head of the Barons and other great Men of the
Nation, against all such as should directly or indirectly oppose the
Observance of the _two Charters_, and those who should violate,
diminish, or alter in any Manner whatever the Laws and Constitutions of
the Kingdom.

_Over_. I do, Sir _John_; and the Method I would propose should be, that
the Members of the Legislature, not excepting the pious Lords the B—ps,
on the Expiration of the present Parliament, would meet in _Westminster_
Abbey, and there solemnly denounce, by the Mouth of the Archbishop, or,
if some squeamish Puritans should object to the Surplice, by the Mouths
of the Lord C—r and Sp—r, the bitterest Curses against all who shall
offer or accept a Bribe at a new Election, directly or indirectly.

_Blunt_. Or who shall accept of a Place or Pension after he is elected,
in order to support the Measures of Evil Ministers, or screen them.

_Over_. _Blunt_, let you and I draw up a Form of the Anathema. I would
ask the Vicar, but that he says ’tis Antichristian, to curse the Wicked.
First then, _Cursed_ be he who offers any Bribe or Gratification to any
Freeholder or Burgher to obtain his Vote: _Cursed_ be he who is an
Instrument to corrupt any who has a Right to give his Vote for any
Candidate to represent his County or Borough: _Cursed_ be he, who having
a Right to vote, shall be biass’d in his Voting by any private Interest,
Views, or Hopes: _Cursed_ be he who makes any unjust Returns of Members;
and may such Enemies of their Country be _cursed_ in themselves, their
Wives and Posterity, and in their Goods and Chattels; may they
themselves become the Butt of public Scorn, Hatred and Contempt, whilst
living, and their Widows and Daughters become common Prostitutes for
Bread; and may their Sons experience that _Slavery_, which they would
have brought upon their Country; may their Herds and Flocks die with the
Murrain and Rot; may their Lands become barren, and may their Memory for
ever stink in the Nostrils of all honest Men and true _Britons_. Let all
here say, _Amen_.

_Broad_. See what it is to be a Foxhunter; no other’s Lungs would have
held out in so long a Chase of useful Curses; ha, ha!

Sir _John_. Why indeed, Mr. _Broadbottom_, if Curses would cure the
great Evil of _Corruption_, they might be truly called _useful_. But I
am afraid the World is become too cursed to be frighten’d by Curses from
the Commission of Evil. Therefore I would have them restrain’d by some
more coercive Means. And as the Repeal of the _Septennial_ Act, and
effectual _Place_ and _Pensions_ Bills, seem to bid fairest of any Means
I can think of, for removing the Gangreen which preys upon the Vitals of
our Constitution; I should be glad to see the P—— this very Session take
them seriously into Consideration. I hope they will, for the good of
Posterity and their own Honour. And let me add, Mr. _Broadbottom_, that
I hope it for yours, and your new _Ingrafted_ Brethren’s Sake, who must
rise or sink with the Publick, as these Points are dropt or vigorously
pushed and obtain’d. What is it to the People who is _in_ or _out_ of
Place, if they receive no Benefit by the Change? On the Contrary, a
pretended Coalition leaves them in a worse Condition than they were
before, as it deprives them of their present Leaders, and a colourable
Pretence for Complaint. For won’t Courtiers be apt to call that a wanton
Complaint, which has not the Sanction of the old Chiefs of the People?

_Broad_. Sir _John_, as all who hear you, improve by your Conversation;
all who converse with you, ought to pay a Deference to your Opinions,
which are generally well founded. But tho’ I should admit that the
Points you contend for, would be of public Utility; yet I believe you
will admit likewise, that there may be Seasons wherein it would not be
proper to press these Matters with too great Warmth. It would be
ill-timing the Embellishment or Repair of a House, when the Chimney was
on Fire. The World at Home and Abroad is unsettled and perplexed. We
have Quarrels and Parties——

Sir _John_. We have so, and Taxes, Poverty, and Corruption. And we have
likewise open, and who are more dangerous, secret Enemies; at least, we
have lukewarm Friends.——This is no more than what I dreaded, when I
first heard how few of the reputed Friends of the People were invited to
C—t. When I saw all the great Offices of Trust continued in the old
_Standards_, I dreaded the Consequence of taking a few of the Leaders of
the People into the subordinate Posts.——Mr. _Broadbottom_, I am sorry to
tell you, that I dreaded you would have learnt the Court _Catechise_,
when I heard you accepted of a Place before obtaining such Points as the
People contend for, and are of absolute Necessity. Why should it be
unseasonable to restore us to _triennial_ Parliaments, and to secure
Liberty by effectual Place and Pension Bills? What Ferment or Combustion
is here at Home, that should prevent or deter the Friends of our
Constitution from seeking its immediate Repair, where it has been
weakened by either Time or Art? What have the Broils of _Germany_ to do
with the _British_ Constitution?

The World, you say, is unsettled and perplexed abroad, and we have
Quarrels and Parties at Home. Granted; and who are accountable for the
Perplexities on the Continent and the Parties here at Home? Not the
People, Mr. _Broadbottom_, whose Contentment you would postpone to a
more seasonable Opportunity. I should be glad to know the ministerial
_Seasons_ for doing public Justice. We have had a long Interval of Peace
since the passing the _Septennial_ Law, yet our Ministers never thought
it _seasonable_ to suffer it to be repealed. The Ministers, Sir, I mean
the _B——h_ Ministers, and not the _B——h_ Nation, have been principally
and primarily Authors of the Broils on the Continent; and our Fewds at
Home are no less owing to them.

_Smooth_. How, Sir _John_, will you place the Ambition of _France_, the
Perfidy of _P——a_, and the Inaction of _Holland_, to the Account of our
Ministers?

Sir _John_. I will, and with the strictest Justice.——_France_ had not
dared to attempt gratifying her Ambition, nor _P——_ to support _France_,
or _Holland_ to look on, if a Foreign Interest did not biass _B——h_
Ministers from the true Interest of their Country. To sum up all in one
Word, _H——_ is accountable for all the Perplexities on the Continent,
and all our Fewds at Home.——But what Fewds or Quarrels can be
apprehended after so hopeful a _Coalition_ as the present? When shall
_Britons_ expect Relief, unless when the _best Men of all Parties_,
according to one of our Patriot Writers, have the Power and Direction of
public Affairs?

_Broad_. We are only accountable for our own Conduct; and as we are but
a few—

Sir _John_. I dread you may be biassed by the Majority. Why should you
agree to come into the Support of a tottering M——y before you had
secured such a Share of Power as would enable you to change Measures
obnoxious and injurious to the People? Why would you come in without
securing a Moiety at least, of the great Offices of Trust, such as first
C—— of the T——y, S——y of S——, and P——t of the C——t, _&c. &c_.

_Over_. Faith now, Sir _John_, that would be keeping Gentlemen to d—d
hard Meat. What, not allow Men to stoop at small Game, that have been
beating about for many Years in vain? Pshaw! Gad! ’tis quite ungenteel
and unconscionable.

Sir _John_. My Quarrel is not to the Gentlemen’s Humility, but to their
Want of Prudence. Mr. _Broadbottom_, I hope, will pardon the Expression.

_Broad_. With all my Heart. Sir _John Probeum_ can say nothing, because
I am sure he means not, to offend me.

Sir _John_. Sir, you do me but Justice; I intend an Affront to no Man,
much less to you, whom I have always esteemed.

_Broad_. And of whom you shall have no Cause to alter your good Opinion.

Sir _John_. I hope not, tho’ I cannot so readily digest your _Seasons_
for redressing the People’s Grievances.

_Blunt_. _Times_ and _Seasons_ were Cant Words with the late
_Deserters_, as soon as the People expected they would act according to
their Professions.

_Over_. Ha, ha! Courtiers act up to their Professions! Ha, ha! What a
Solecism wou’d that be? Why Man, you forget that _Double_ and _John_,
and _Long Bib_, and _Dismal_, and the Rest of that precious deserting
Gang were become _Courtiers_, when they found out that it was
unseasonable to weaken the Ministerial Power, and strengthen that of the
People.

Sir _John_. Experience, they say, is the Mother of Wisdom; but I am
sorry we _Englishmen_ are seldom instructed by that sagacious Lady. I
have lived to see the People deluded and injured by those whom they
themselves had screw’d up into Power; and I have seen them receiving
those very _Deluders_ a second and third Time into their Favour.

_Rose_. A Proof of their Lenity and Good-nature, Sir _John_.

Sir _John_. Of their Stupidity rather. I am bound to forgive an Enemy,
but know of no Injunction human or divine, that enjoins me to trust that
Enemy a second Time, and put the Snake in my Bosom.

_Broad_. Sir _John_, you shall never have Cause for making the
Application here. If I can’t serve with Honour, I am a free Agent, and
shall make use of the Freedom I was born to. I will fling up my P—— the
Moment I find I can’t keep it consistent with my Duty to my Country.

_Over_. There spoke the Genius of old _England_.

_Blunt_. Like that _noble_ Patriot, who flung up not long since, that he
might not share in the Guilt and Odium of the Company he kept.

_Broad_. And that noble Patriot is heartily with us in the present
Change. I hope you will think that his Presence should be enough to keep
us all in Countenance.

Sir _John_. There is not a Man alive has a better Opinion of that great
Man than myself; but shou’d he tell me of _Times_ and _Seasons_ for
redressing Grievances, I should alter my Opinion of him, and think him
infected by the Air of the C—t. But that Patriot _Englishman_ is
uncapable of so great Baseness and Folly. He knows that War Time is the
properest for enquiring into the Misconduct of the War; and I hope for
that Reason, he and all his Friends will encourage an Inquiry into the
Miscarriage at _Carthagena_, and into the more dishonourable Misconduct
last Year at the _Hieres_. I hope likewise he and you will promote a
strict Inspection into the Management of our Land War.

_Blunt_. You mean the _H—n_ War. I am sure we are no otherwise concerned
in it, than to have the Honour of defraying its Expence.

Sir _John_. Be our Concern what it will, it ought to have been managed
with some Decency, if not with Vigour and Prudence. But ever since the
Commencement, it has been carried on ingloriously for the Nation, and
scandalously for those who had the Conduct of it. And should such
wrong-headed or corrupt Agents go unpunish’d or unexamin’d at least, it
will be setting such an Example of national _Lenity_, as may prove fatal
in the Day of Necessity.

_Blunt_. National _Lenity_! Ah, Sir _John_, you were wont to call Things
by their right Names—— What shall we call the _Lenity_ shewn to the late
Arch-delinquent?

_Over_. The Duce! what would the Man have; was not there a S—t C—ee
appointed?

Sir _John_. Yes; and the very little which that C—ee was pleas’d to
publish concerning that Arch-spoiler of his Country, proves that they
ought to have proceeded further.

_Over_. Dear _Broadbottom_, let us have no C—ees at all, unless you have
the _Will_ and _Power_ to sift Things to the Bottom: For it is but
tantalizing a Nation to pretend doing them Justice, and never intend
any.

_Blunt_. ’tis encouraging public Venality and Corruption. But C—ees are
pretty _Tubs_, too often thrown out to amuse the People.

Sir _John_. What Pity ’tis to abuse the Credulity of the best natur’d
People in the World!

_Over_. Sir _John_, you may praise their good Nature as much as you
please; but, Gad! I say they are the veriest Oafs in Christendom. Z—ds!
that a People should be so d—n’d stupid as to delegate their Power again
and again; nay, a Power too over their Lives and Fortunes, to Men who
had done them repeated Injuries, and of whom they had made repeated
Complaints. They complain’d of the _Septennial_ as a grievous
Imposition; yet the very next Opportunity chose those very Men that had
so grossly imposed upon them.

_Blunt_. Was it not the same in regard to the _Excise-Scheme_ and the
_Convention_?

_Over_. The _H—r_ Troops, and the _&c. &c_. to the End of a Chapter as
long as the Book of Homilies.

_Broad_. But, Gentlemen, don’t you forget to season your Account of the
People’s _Folly_ with a certain native Spice called _Knavery_, or in
other Words, _Self-interest_, which, according to Sir _John_, is the
primary fundamental Ingredient in the Composition of most Men? Did not
these injur’d complaining People bring their Suffrages to Market overt,
where the best Bidder was sure to have them?

Sir _John_. The Fact, I am afraid, is but too true: And at the same Time
that it proves the Corruption of the People, it proves likewise the
Necessity of an immediate Remedy. Had those scandalous Marts for the
Sale of _B—sh_ Liberty been more common; had they been _annual_, or even
_triennial_, the M—rs would not find their Account in the frequent
Expence; nay, they could not support it.

_Blunt_. Yet necessary as the immediate Application of this Specific is,
you shall see it postponed to more pacific _Times_, and gentler
_Seasons_.

_Smooth_. Mr. _Blunt_, tho’ you speak thus in Derision, yet if you
reflect with Seriousness, the Delay of a Remedy so extraordinary as the
Repeal of the _Septennial_ is, till after the War, will not seem so
unmeet to you as it appears at present.

_Blunt_. Dost think the _Repeal_ would abate the Courage of our Soldiers
and Seamen, and raise that of the Enemy? Dost think it would pall the
Appetites of those greedy _Germans_, that now and long have done us the
Honour to receive _Subsidies_ from us? Wou’d the Queen of _Hungary_ and
King of _Sardinia_ receive _English_ Money the less freely; or defend
their own Territories the less carefully, if _general Content_ should be
spread throughout this Island, powerful as much or more by the Union of
its Inhabitants, as by their Bravery and Wealth? Would our good Allies
the _Dutch_ be deafer to our Intreaties, or slower in their Motions than
they have been of late, should they see the very _Fountain_ of our
Corruption and Venality dry’d up by a Legislative Spunge?

_Over_. Would our A—ls and G—ls have less Sense, Experience, Courage and
Honesty, if they were to go to _Market_ with their _Bank-bills_, but
every _Third Year_?

_Smooth_. You forget that your favourite A—l was lately courted at many
_Markets_ without the Aid of Bank-bills.

_Over_. No, Sir; I don’t forget that his Merit had endeared him to the
People, and render’d him hateful to—— Mi-Mi—Mi—Ministers.—’Sflesh! I
thought I could never keep down another _Word_ which would force itself
in the room of Ministers.—— But enough of that. No, Mr. _Smoothwell_, I
forget not that that gallant, honest Man has not been thought of in the
present Change, tho’ his Valour, Experience, Probity, and good Sense,
can’t be called in question.

Sir _John_. Truly I wonder’d when I saw not his Name among the List of
C—rs of a certain Board.

_Broad_. There are certain _Prejudices_, which, in Prudence, we were
obliged to overlook when we could not surmount them.

Sir _John_. I don’t at all question but there was a _Prejudice_ to you
_all_; but when you were able to conquer that which was always supposed
to be conceived against you personally, Mr. _Broadbottom_, I should not
wonder you could surmount all Prejudice whatever.

_Over_. Pr’ythee, _Bottom_, how came it practicable to ram one of your
_uncommon Size_, down the narrow squeamish Throat of ——? again, another
_Word_ would intrude on the Word Ministers.

_Blunt_. I’ll tell thee; to take away from us all our Props; to strip us
of our Leaders; in short, to leave no Speaker or Man of known Merit
behind—

Sir _John_. I fear that was Part of the Plan; and if so, we are undone,
unless we are saved by the Virtue and Steadiness of those whom the
People have confided in all along, and rais’d at last.

_Broad_. You need not fear them.

Sir _John_. I would not willingly suspect Men, who owe more to their
Constituents, than those they have all along opposed. On a Supposition
that these had purchas’d, no matter how infamously, they assum’d a Sort
of Right to reimburse themselves at the Expence of the Venders. But you
_Patriots_ have no such colourable Claim for disserving those who
spontaneously chose you their Attornies with no private Views in the
World, or any Views but such as tend to the Good of the Community in
general.

_Over_. Gad, my dear _Broady_, you ought to be doubly cursed, nay doubly
d—n’d, should you not earnestly and truly serve those that had
gratuitously vested you with ample Power over their Persons, Lands,
Goods, Chattels, Wives and Bairns.

_Rose_. And Hounds and Hunters; ha, ha!

_Blunt_. And Tythes and Dues, my laughing Vicar—Is the _Liberty_ of a
free People a fit Subject for Laughter? Is not our All at Stake at this
critical Juncture? Should those who have been always our reputed
Friends, _join_ with those who were always deem’d our Enemies, what
shall become of us? What shall we do?

_Over_. I’ll tell you; _unite_, and join against both.

Sir _John_. I should not wonder if a general _Union_ against all secret
and open Enemies would be the Consequence of any signal Misconduct or
Defection in those lately _ingrafted_. For after such repeated
Experience as the People have had of the Power of C—— _Infection_, it
may be expected they would go greater Lengths than might be agreeable to
the Authors of their Despair. ’tis dangerous to push a sensible People
too far.

_Over_. Pshaw! brag not too much of your Sensibility, I beseech you,
after such Provocations as you have had since the _Septennial_ Y——e has
been upon your Necks. Gad! they are as tame as my _Chesnut_ after a
Morning’s Chase.

Sir _John_. They are observant of the Laws, and I hope they will always
continue so.

_Over_. ’Sbud! you wou’dn’t have us keep Measures with _Renegadoes_ and
_Promise-breakers_?

Sir _John_. No; but I am for no Measure that exceeds legal Bounds.

_Over_. Z—ds Man! you don’t think I would advise the knocking such
_Recreants_ in the Head without Judge or Jury, tho’ they would merit the
worst of Deaths. No; I would not touch a Hair of their Heads; but d—n me
if ever that Man should have my Friendship or Vote again, who should
once break public _Faith_ with me.

_Blunt_. Right, my worthy ’Squire—— Oh! how solemnly have we been
promis’d a Redress of all our Grievances as soon as our _Idols_ should
come into the Administration!

_Rose_. _Idols_! Mr. Mayor.——

_Blunt_. Ay, Doctor; such, and worse, if possible, are all those useless
insignificant Men, that fawn, flatter and promise, to arrive at the
Summit of their Ambition, and forget all they had promised as soon as
their Turn is served.—Idols! Mr. _Roseband_; yes, Sir, I would call our
Patriots so to their Faces, and even Mr. _Broadbottom_ himself, whom I
always lov’d and serv’d, should the Redress of our Grievances be
postpon’d. Tame and gull’d as we awkward Country Putts have been; stupid
as we are thought to be, we can feel, and even see when we are play’d
off. Let the Legerdemain be never so dextrous, believe me, we can see
through it.

_Over_. We don’t forget how Sir _Bob_ used to fly thro’ the Hoops, when
he was press’d hard. He wou’d shift the Pack off his own, to cast it on
_nobler_ Shoulders.——The Cheat is stale, it won’t pass now.

_Blunt_. It won’t indeed. We know very well what it means to have a
Thing go thro’ glibly below, when it is settled before hand, that it
shall be stifled in its Flight. Mr. _Broadbottom_, you know my Meaning;
and you know too what you have often promised, if ever you should come
into Play, that you would promote the use of _Tacking_, when nothing
else would do.

_Smooth_. I am sorry that the Head of a considerable Corporation, should
give so great Room for suspecting his Loyalty, as to wish for the
postponing the _Supplies_ in time of War.

_Blunt_. I am more sorry to see a Principal of any Corporation, a
Sycophant, and Time-server. Mr. _Smoothwell_, you may or may not excuse
my plain Dealing, as you please. Pray Sir, why might not the _Redress_
go Hand in Hand with the _Supply_? Is a Million the less a Million for
being wrapt up in the same Paper or Parchment with a _Triennial_, or
effectual Place and _Pension_ Bills? Might not Votes of _Credit_ and
Votes of _Inquiry_ be very naturally blended together? Would it swell
the public Debts, if a secret and special C——ee were appointed to
inspect the _Debts_ of the Nation?

Sir _John_. And the _State_ of the Nation too, Mr. Mayor. I have always
lamented the Want of such a C——ee. It could not fail, if well chosen, to
answer every good End proposed by a National Enquiry.

_Over_. Brave, upright old Man! have you not seen _Pharsalia_? What have
we got by the late E——y into dextrous _Bob_’s Conduct?

_Blunt_. A _Proof_ that he ought to be shorten’d by the——

_Over_. And pray, how would you have those _worthy Men_ serv’d, who
condescended to let us have a Sight of that precious _Half-proof_, and
not an Inch farther?

_Blunt_. As they deserved——

_Over_. Mum for that——Gad! _Blunt_, I thought you too sincere for
Caution and Circumspection.

_Rose_. As much as to say, you thought his Worship no wiser than he
shou’d be. Ha, ha!

_Over_. As much as I should think a Time-server to be an honest Man.

_Blunt_. Heed him not, Mr. _Overall_, he would set you and I together by
the Ears, but he shan’t have his Ends. (_Looking on his Watch_.) Bless
us! how insensibly Time passes in good Company.—Mr. _Broadbottom_, at
what Hour shall we meet in the Town-Hall? the sooner the better, for
fear of Accidents.

_Broad_. Of Opposition, you mean——I have heard of no new Candidate.

_Blunt_. I hope there will be no Candidate but yourself; and tho’ I
believe you’ll meet with no Opposition, expect not to be re-elected
without Bustle and Murmur. The Freemen are not quite pleased with your
late Conduct. They think you, and some others, have been too hasty and
partial in your Distribution of Places——

_Broad_. They quite mistake the Thing, the _Distribution_ was not of our
making.

Sir _John_. I am sorry to hear of so shameful an Error. Were you
sensible of the _Necessity_ some Men were driven to; and of your own
_Usefulness_, and yet have no Share in the Settlement of the main
Article of the Coalition? I wish you may not live to repent you of your
Indolence or Timidity.

_Broad_. Timidity! Sir _John_.

Sir _John_. Yes, in Truth. I am not afraid to tell you, that you
betrayed either too much _Timidity_, or too strong an Appetite for
Employments, when you could make no better a Bargain for your Party, or
obtain no absolute positive Assurances that the _Redress_ should go Hand
in Hand with the _Supply_. Are we to bleed for ever? Are we never to
taste of Cordials?

_Over_. Our Doctors think that _Bitters_ sit best on our English
Stomachs.

Sir _John_. _Bitters_ are of a hot Nature; the _Prescribers_ should take
Care, that a too constant use of them may not _inflame_ the Blood too
much.

_Over_. They have provided beforehand a Remedy against such an Evil.——A
good many Thousands in _Red_, will cure an Inflammation presently.

Sir _John_. They may, by Amputation, if in some of the _Limbs_ only; but
should ever Poverty, Oppression, or Despair, force the Inflammation into
the _Body_ and Bowels, I doubt the Surgeons in _Red_ would not find the
Cure so very easy. But I hope our Friends, few as they are, will find
some Means of perswading their fellow Practicers to drop their
_Bitters_, and put their Patients on a Course of _Alteratives_.

_Smooth_. Sir _John_, we all wish for Cordials and Restoratives; we own
they are wanting; but I am afraid a Time of War and Confusion is not the
proper Season for administering them.

Sir _John_. I am much more afraid, Mr. _Smoothwell_, that you have
learnt a Language newly imported from _Court_. _Confusion_, if you mean
here at Home, there is none; and as for the _War_, I don’t think it
wou’d or cou’d go on more ingloriously and scandalously than it has
since the Commencement of it, should our State Physicians alter their
Practice.

_Blunt_. Scandalously as it has been conducted, it has cost us more than
the most successful and best managed War.

_Over_. Our last _Foraging_ Campaign stood us dearer than that of
_Blenheim_; and shou’d we have one or two more such parading Summers, to
pot goes the _Sinking Fund_.

Sir _John_. I shudder at the Thoughts of _re-mortgaging_ that only Hope
we had of seeing one Day our Trade and Industry exonerated from the
Clogs that oppress them. The _Fund_, which should be sacred, has been
too often made free with; but the Incroachments upon the Purpose of it
being temporary only, it had no very bad Effect; whereas the Case would
be otherwise, should they be perpetual.

_Blunt_. And because it will have that ruinous Consequence, you’ll see
violent unhallow’d Hands laid on that darling Hopes of our People.

_Over_. Why the D——l don’t our Sages give Lotteries of six Millions,
instead of six hundred Thousand? There are Fools enough in _England_ to
fill them.

Sir _John_. Another destructive Way of raising the Supplies. There is no
Method more injurious to Trade than Lotteries in general; but when
managed as our late ones have been, they become essentially a public
Nusance.

_Blunt_. You mean the _sharing_ out Tickets and Chances?

Sir _John_. I do. Never was any Invention more destructive of Industry.
The poor _Industrious_, whom it is the Policy of all Nations to cherish
and encourage, are by this _sharing Traffick_, exposed to inevitable
Destruction. Who but the Poor will buy an Eighth or _Sixteenth_ of the
Chance of a Ticket? The Rich will deal in whole Tickets; but ’tis the
poor Industrious only that ruin themselves to be in Luck’s Way, as they
term it. ’tis this poor but useful Class of the People only, that game
at 30 _per Cent_. more Disadvantage than the richer Drones. No
Temptation should be thrown in the Way of the Industrious; but on the
Contrary, all hurtful Incentives should be removed. If you will tempt
them to the Hazard Table, let them play upon the Square. Bring the Price
of Tickets down to their Level; and let not the Jews, Sharpers, and
Drones of the Nation be permitted to make a Property of them. But why
might not the Sums raised the two last Years by way of Lottery, be as
well brought into the _Exchequer_ by any other Means?

_Over_. But no Means would so effectually draw off the Attention of the
Public from our Misery and impending Danger. And whatever some idle
Folks may think, they tell me ’tis one of the principal _Arcana’s_ of
the Cabinet, to contrive artfully, that is imperceptibly, to draw off
the public _Attention_ from the Conduct of _Superiors_. You can’t
conceive how close and out of Sight these State Spiders spin their Webs.

Sir _John_. But I can very well conceive that the People have Arms long
and strong enough to reach and sweep those Webs clear away whenever they
will.

_Over_. Ah! Sir _John_, where have the People you brag so much of, hid
their Brooms and Brushes for many Years past?

_Blunt_. Behind the Clouds of _Corruption_ and _Hypocrisy_, where they
are like to remain much longer, or I am mistaken.

_Broad_. Mr. _Blunt_, it gives me a Concern to see you continue your
Diffidence of your best Friends. You shall find, that neither
_Corruption_ nor _Hypocrisy_ will stand in the Nation’s Way to
Happiness, if those whom you deem _England_’s Friends can help it.

Sir _John_. As Jealousy is said to spring from Love, _Diffidence_ may be
said to be founded in Friendship. Mr. _Blunt_ hopes he has no Reason to
suspect your _Intention_, but dreads you have put it out of your Power
to serve the Public. You may have perceived, Mr. _Broadbottom_, during
the whole Conversation, that your Friends apprehend this _Coalition_ as
you call it, or _Ingraftment_ as we express it, will answer no Purpose
of the People, who groan under the pressure of heavy Taxes, a vast Debt,
Decay of Trade, the Yoke of Penal Laws, and those worst Y——s of all, the
_Septennial_ and the Corruption of their ——s. In short, they dread your
being over-reach’d by your more experienc’d Partners, or rather your
being jostled out of the Course, by the abler Jockeys of the C——t. If
you wou’d serve your Constituents in your present Situation, you must
act with Caution.——

_Blunt_. With _Honesty_, you should say rather. What Caution is
necessary in answering the Hopes of the People? They desire but what is
absolutely for their Safety. They expect no more than has been often
solemnly promised them. And sure a Man that intends to be as good as his
Word need not pick out every Step of his Way.

_Over_. The Ground about C——t, they say, is d——d slippery.

_Blunt_. And for that Reason I would not have had our Friends get upon
it before they had secured their Footing there. See what is become of
the late infamous _Deserters_ for want of such Precaution.

Sir _John_. Let us draw no invidious Inferences from the Examples of a
Crew that are now as despicable as they are odious to the whole Nation.
A Crew that can’t claim even the Merit of being intentionally upright.
They did not so much as attempt keeping Faith with the People.

_Over_. But they kept it religiously with the _Barn_ Keeper.

_Blunt_. I can’t say who was to be _indulged_ by the War, but sure I am
the Weight of it is grievously felt all over the Body politic.——Mr.
_Broadbottom_, you have been lately at Court, pray what do they think
there of the War? Are we like to get out of it with Honour? in short,
are we like to get out of it at all?

_Over_. Out of it at all!——The D——l, you would not have us serve an
Apprenticeship to the War, as we do to our P——ts?

Sir _John_. If it be no better manag’d than it has been hitherto, I
don’t see why this War might not last much longer than seven Years.

_Over_. I’ll tell you why it can’t, because we shan’t be able to
maintain it so long. By mortgaging the _Sinking Fund_ we may hold out
three or four Years pretty tolerably; but after that, souse we go to
_Mint_ or _State-bills_ at 50 _per Cent_. Discount, as in France in old
_Lewis_ XIV. his Days.

_Rose_. Gentlemen, however, will consider, that we can’t get out of the
War as easily as out of an Assembly Room in the Times of our Horse
Races.

Sir _John_. I am sure it would be towering Madness to continue it on the
same Footing it has been carried on hitherto. The _Dutch_ should come in
for a full equal Proportion of the Expence, or I would not have a
Red-coat left in _Flanders_.

_Blunt_. Let the Cheesemongers look to their Barrier and be d——n’d, if
they don’t come down Guinea for Guinea, and Shilling for Shilling with
us towards preserving it.

_Over_. _Blunt_, if you would curse the _Dutch_ effectually, you must
wish them undamm’d.

_Blunt_. Damn’d or undamm’d let ’em be, before Old _England_ wades out
of her Depths to hold them up by the Chin.

_Broad_. Let us hope for the best. They may hear Reason, they may see
their Interest when painted by so masterly a Hand as is now intrusted
with the Pencil.

Sir _John_. If Wit, Eloquence, Politeness, Frankness and Integrity,
could move a _Dutchman_, I should not doubt of that great Man’s Success;
but as nothing but _Self-interest_ can engage either his Heart or
Attention, I fear his L——p won’t be able to persuade that _selfish_
People to think it for their Interest to declare War against _France_
and _Spain_ at the critical Time that we are at Variance with those
Crowns. We are to consider this Juncture as the Harvest Season of the
_Dutch_. All the Markets we are shut out from by the War, are open to
them by a Neutrality. But what I believe weighs not a little with them,
is, that they dread embarking with us ever since they perceived that the
Views of our Statesmen have tended more towards _H——r_ than _England_.
’Tis that observable Bias to a _Foreign Interest_ that will deter the
_States-General_, if my Lord _C——_ does not succeed in his Embassy.

_Broad_. Perhaps they may conceive better Hopes from the new
Administration.

Sir _John_. Perhaps they might, had the Administration been _new_. But
as it is no more than an old Garment patch’d with new Cloth, I fear the
_Dutch_ will hardly alter their Plan on any Assurances such a motley
M——y can give them. They may think, and perhaps too truly, that the same
Measures will be follow’d, the same _Interest_ be pursued, since the
Majority, and the chief in Office of the A——n, are of the old Stamp. And
they as truly may think, that neither Harmony nor Success can attend
Counsels jarring between two different separate _Interests_. While the
Interest of _H——r_ clashes with that of _England_, we must neither
expect Harmony with the _Dutch_, nor Success in our Wars.

_Over_. Nor in any thing else, I think. Would to God we could join that
precious _Manor_ to the _Orcades_, or send it adrift to _Lapland_ or the
_North Cape_.

_Blunt_. Since we can do neither, would to God our Statesmen would shew
themselves to be _Englishmen_!

_Over_. Since we are got in the praying Strain, let us all pray that our
_new_ M——y, or at least those lately _ingrafted_ upon the _old_, may not
become as arrant _H——ns_ as their grafted Predecessors, the late
_Deserters_. Let us all say, _Amen_.


                                _FINIS_.


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 ● Transcriber’s Notes:
    ○ Missing or obscured punctuation was silently corrected.
    ○ Typographical errors were silently corrected.
    ○ Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only
      when a predominant form was found in this book.
    ○ Text that was in italics is enclosed by underscores (_italics_).