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Title: An Almond for a Parrot: Being a reply to Martin Mar-Prelate

Dubious author: Thomas Nash
        John Lyly

Editor: John Petheram

Release date: May 28, 2021 [eBook #65460]

Language: English

Credits: Charlene Taylor and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.)


*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK AN ALMOND FOR A PARROT: BEING A REPLY TO MARTIN MAR-PRELATE ***




                       Puritan Discipline Tracts.

                         AN ALMOND FOR A PARROT;
                                  BEING
                                 A REPLY
                                   TO
                           MARTIN MAR-PRELATE.

                Re-printed from the Black Letter Edition,
                                  WITH
                       AN INTRODUCTION AND NOTES.

                                 LONDON:
                    JOHN PETHERAM, 71, CHANCERY LANE.
                                  1846.




INTRODUCTION.


Although I cannot at this time bring together positive and undoubted
evidence of the authorship of the following tract, (because the materials
are at present inaccessible to me,) at some future period, in the
Introduction to one of his accredited productions, I hope to place the
fact beyond the reach of cavil or question, that Thomas Nash, to whom
public fame has given it, was the author.

Nash was of St. John’s College, Cambridge, and took his degree of B.A.
in 1585. He is supposed to have quitted the university in some disgrace
about 1586, but of the cause we are entirely ignorant. The anonymous
author of a tract called “Polymanteia,” printed in 1595, thus alludes to
it: “Cambridge, make thy two children friends; thou hast been unkind to
one [Nash], to wean him before his time, and too fond upon the other
[Gabriel Harvey], to keep him so long without preferment; the one is
ancient and of small reading; the other is young and full of wit.” Nash
himself speaks of his beardless years, in Pierce Penniless; and Gabriel
Harvey, in his Pierce’s Supererogation, 1592, calls him “a gosling of
the printing house;” and in another place “a proper young man;” and
elsewhere, “a young man of the greenest spring, as beardless in judgment
as in face:” so that he must have taken his degree of B.A. early in life,
and we know that he never proceeded Master of Arts.

It would appear from the Introduction to the following tract that Nash
had visited Italy. Mr. Collier, in his Introduction to Nash’s Pierce
Penniless [Shakspeare Soc. 1842], says, “We find him [Nash] in London
in 1587, in which year he wrote a very amusing and clever introductory
epistle to a tract by the celebrated Robert Greene, called ‘Menaphon,’
afterwards better known by the name of ‘Greene’s Arcadia,’ the title it
bore in the later impressions. This seems to have been Nash’s earliest
appearance in the character of an author” [p. x. xi.], then adding in a
note, “We take the date of ‘Greene’s Menaphon,’ 1587, from the edition
of that author’s ‘Dramatic Works,’ by the Rev. A. Dyce.” Mr. Collier
apparently had forgotten that he had himself stated some years before
the fact of the Arcadia having been printed in 1587, “because in Greene’s
_Euphues_, his _Censure to Philautus_, of the same date, it is mentioned
as already in print.” [Hist. English Dramatic Poetry, vol. iii. p. 150.]

Whatever may be the date of the first edition of Greene’s Menaphon, we
have here only to do with Nash’s Preface to that work, and, though Sir
E. Brydges, in his reprint of it in 1814, mentions 1587, in which he is
followed by the Rev. A. Dyce in 1831, [Greene’s Works, II. c. iii], by
Mr. Collier above, in the same year, and again in 1842, all agreeing to
fix the date of Nash’s Preface in 1587; yet there is, if I mistake not,
internal evidence that it could not have been written before the date of
the first known edition, which is in 1589.

Of the accuracy of the extraordinary facts which Nash relates in the
Introduction to the Almond for a Parrot [pp. 5, 6], I had expected to
find confirmation in some book of travels of the time, but in this have
not succeeded.

Nash, in his Preface to Menaphon, addressed “To the Gentlemen Students
of both Universities,” evidently referring to the Puritans, mentions,
“the most poisonous Pasquils any dirty-mouthed _Martin_ or Momus ever
composed;” of their “spitting _ergo_ in the mouth of every one they
meet;” and, unless I am mistaken, the following refers to Penry: “But
when the irregular idiot, that was up to the ears in divinity before ever
he met with _probabile_ in the university, shall leave _pro et contra_
before he can scarcely pronounce it, and come to correct commonweals
that never heard of the name of magistrate before he came to Cambridge,
it is no marvel if every alehouse vaunt the table of the world turned
upside down, since the child beateth his father, and the ass whippeth his
master.” [Reprint of Menaphon, in Archaica, Pref. xiii., 4to, 1814.] The
allusions in the whole sentence can only be explained by referring them
to Martin Mar-Prelate’s “Epistle,” “Epitome,” &c., which were printed in
1588.

Secondly, Nash says, “It may be my _Anatomy of Absurdities_ may acquaint
you _ere long_ with my skill in surgery.” Now, the Anatomy of Absurdities
came out in 1589, and the expression “ere long” would scarcely apply had
this been written in 1587.

Thirdly, he says, “If I please, I will think my ignorance indebted unto
you that applaud it, if not, what rests but that I be excluded from your
courtesy, like Apocrypha from your Bibles?”

This passage appears to refer to a fact which Martin Mar-Prelate states
in his Epistle to the Terrible Priests. [Reprint, p. 4.] “The last
lent [he is writing in 1588] there came a commaundement from his grace
into Paules Church Yard, that no Byble should be bounde without the
Apocripha.” Strype, in his Life of Archbishop Whitgift, admits the order,
and takes some pains to justify the Archbishop in issuing it. [See
Strype’s Whitgift, i. 590.—Cooper’s Admonition, 1589.]

The foregoing inferences, however, are confirmed by the fact that there
is an allusion in this Preface to a work which did not appear until 1589.
Nash, in giving the roll of English Worthies, introduces the following
passage: “I will not say but we had a HADDON, whose pen would have
challenged the laurel from Homer; together with CAR, that came as near
him as Virgil to Theocritus. But THOMAS NEWTON, with his _Leiland_, and
GABRIEL HARVEY, with two or three other, is almost all the store that is
left us at this hour.” [Pref. to Menaphon, xviii.]

As Newton’s _Leiland_ is a work of unfrequent occurrence, I subjoin the
title at length: “Principum, ac illustrium aliquot & eruditorum in Anglia
virorum, Encomia, Trophæa, Genethliaca & Epithalamia. A Joanne Lelando
Antiquario conscripta, nunc primùm in lucem edita. Quibus etiarn adiuncta
sunt, Illustrissimorum aliquot Herôum, hodiè viventium, aliorúmq;
hinc indè Anglorum, ENCOMIA et EVLOGIA: à Thoma Newtono Cestreshyrio,
succisiuis horulis exarata. Londini, apud Thomam Orwinum, Typographum.
1589,” in 4to. This work may also contain internal evidence, in addition
to the statement in the title-page, that it was first published in 1589.
There is a poem at p. 122, “Ad Chr. Oclandum de Elizabetheide sua,” which
may refer to the first part of Ocland’s Elizabetheis, which came out in
1582, but most probably refers to the second part, printed by Thomas
Orwin, in 1589.

I should not have taken the trouble to investigate the contents of this
Preface of Nash, “the firstlings of my folly,” as he calls it himself
[p. xxi], with such minuteness, but that it establishes beyond question
the fact that Nash commenced his literary career in 1589, and not, as is
generally supposed, in 1587.

In the following Introduction, Nash says, “For comming from Venice the
last summer, and taking Bergamo in my waye homeward to England.” Now as
he afterwards alludes to the appearance of Martin Mar-prelate in England,
and also to the defeat of the Spanish Armada, “neither Philip by his
power,” this most probably was the latter part of the summer of 1588, and
if he arrived in England towards the end of 1588, there would be both
time and opportunity for him to write the various works, which, published
in 1589, are attributed to him. There is every probability, therefore,
that Nash did visit Italy, that he was there in 1588, and that, returning
to England with his mind enlarged by travel, he commenced his short,
but remarkable career in literature, which, after he had undergone the
painful vicissitudes to which authors by profession have so often been
subjected,

    “Since none takes pitie of a scholler’s neede,”

was terminated by his death in 1601.

I shall not here enumerate the various works which Nash wrote, because an
opportunity will offer, in the Introduction to one of his publications,
to notice the whole of them.

Whatever was the origin of the long and bitter quarrel between Nash and
Gabriel Harvey, from this passage in the Preface to Menaphon, 1589,
“and Gabriel Harvey, with two or three other, is almost all the store
that is left us at this hour,” we may reasonably infer that it was not
in existence then. The origin, progress, and effect of this quarrel,
which included Lyly, Greene, Nash, and the three Harveys, and the right
understanding of which is necessary to elucidate the progress of the
Martin Mar-Prelate Controversy, I hope to give in the Introduction
to “Plaine Percevall the Peace-Maker of England,” a tract uniformly
attributed to Nash; but which he, in one of his publications, not only
utterly disclaims, but charges it upon one of his most hated antagonists.

The internal evidence in favour of Nash, as the author of the Almond
for a Parrot, is very strong; and cannot but appear to any one who is
conversant with his “Christ’s Tears over Jerusalem,” a work containing
more remarkable passages than any publication of the time that has ever
fallen in my way. The description of Penry, at p. 39, beginning, “Where,
what his estimation was,” &c.; but more especially the paragraph at p.
21, beginning, “Talke as long as you will of the Ioyes of heaven,” &c.,
may be compared with several passages in “Christ’s Tears” wherein Nash
describes the horrors endured by its inhabitants during the siege of
Jerusalem.

With respect to the title “An Almond for a Parrat,” the meaning appears
obvious; it is evidently a cant term, and like “A Sop to Cerberus,” means
a stopper for the mouth. Mr. Halliwell, in his Dictionary of Archaic and
Provincial Words, calls it “a kind of proverbial expression,” but does
not attempt to trace its origin. It is used by Skelton [Works by Dyce,
ii. 4], by Webster [Works, iii. 122], and by Middleton [Works, iii. 112].

The original, from which the present tract is reprinted, is a small
4to, printed in black letter, consisting altogether of 28 pages. The
“Protestation” is referred to at p. 11, “Pap with a Hatchet,” at p. 12,
and “Hay any worke for a Cooper,” at p. 15, by which it is certain that
its publication was subsequent to them, and may perhaps be referred to
the latter end of the year 1589.

                                                                    J. P.

LONDON, _Nov. 28th, 1845_.




                         An Almond for a Parrat,
                                  _Or_
                          Cutbert Curry-knaues
                                _Almes_.

                    Fit for the knaue Martin, and the
                 _rest of those impudent Beggers, that_
                can not be content to stay their stomakes
                  with a Benefice, but they will needes
                        breake their fastes with
                              our Bishops.

                          _Rimarum sum plenus._

                  Therefore beware (gentle Reader) you
                   catch not the hicket with laughing.

                 Imprinted at a Place, not farre from a
            Place, by the Assignes of Signior Some-body, and
              are to be sold at his shoppe in Trouble-knaue
                       Street, at the signe of the
                                Standish.




TO THAT MOST

Comicall and conceited Caualeire

_Monsieur du Kempe, Iestmonger and_

Vice-gerent generall to the Ghost of Dicke Tarlton.

_His louing brother Cutbert Curry-knaue sendeth Greeting._


Brother Kempe, as many alhailes to thy person as there be haicocks
in Iuly at Pancredge: So it is, that what for old acquaintance, and
some other respectes of my pleasure, I haue thought good to offer here
certaine spare stuffe to your protection, which if your sublimitie
accept in good part, or vouchsafe to shadow with the curtaine of your
countenance, I am yours till fatall destiny two yeares after doomes day.
Many write bookes to knights and men of great place, and haue thankes,
with promise of a further reward for their paines: others come of with a
long Epistle to some rufling Courtier, that sweares swoundes and bloud
as soone as euer their backe is turnd, a man can not goe in the streetes
for these impudent beggers. To auoide therefore as well the worthlesse
attendance on the one, as the vsuall scorne of the other, I haue made
choise of thy amorous selfe to be the pleasant patron of my papers.
If thou wilt not accept of it in regard of the enuy of some Citizens,
that can not away with argument, Ile preferre it to the soule of Dick
Tarlton, who I know will entertaine it with thankes, imitating herein
that merry man Rablays, who dedicated most of his workes to the soule
of the old Queene of Nauarre many yeares after her death, for that she
was a maintainer of mirth in her life. Marry God send vs more of her
making, and then some of vs should not liue so discontēted as we do: for
now a dayes, a man can not haue a bout with a Balletter, or write _Midas
habet aures asininas_ in great Romaine letters, but hee shall bee in
daunger of a further displeasure. Well, come on it what will, Martin and
I will allow of no such doinges, wee can cracke halfe a score blades in
a backe-lane though a Constable come not to part vs. Neither must you
thinke his worship is to pure to be such a swasher, for as Scipio was
called Africanus, not for relieuing and restoring, but for subuerting and
destroying of Africa: so he and his companions are called Puritans, not
for aduancing or supporting of puritie, by their vnspotted integritie,
but of their vndermining and supplanting it by their manifold heresies.
And in deed therein he doth but apply himselfe to that hope which his
holinesse the Pope and other confederate forriners, haue conceiued of
his towardnesse. For comming from Venice the last Summer, and taking
Bergamo in my waye homeward to England, it was my happe soiourning
there some foure or fiue dayes, to light in felowship with that famous
Francattip’ Harlicken, who perceiuing me to bee an English man by my
habit and speech, asked me many particulars, of the order and maner of
our playes, which he termed by the name of representations: amongst other
talke he enquired of me if I knew any such Parabolano here in London,
as Signior Chiarlatano Kempino. Very well (quoth I,) and haue beene oft
in his company. He hearing me say so, began to embrace me a new, and
offered me all the courtesie he colde for his sake, saying, although he
knew him not, yet for the report he had hard of his pleasance, hee colde
not but bee in loue with his perfections being absent. As we were thus
discoursing, I hard such ringing of belles, such singing, such shouting,
as though Rhodes had beene recouered, or the Turke quite driuen out of
Christendome, therewithal I might behold an hundreth bonefiers together,
tables spred in the open streetes, and banquets brought in of all handes.
Demaunding the reason of him that was next me, he told the newes was
there (thankes be to God,) that there was a famous Schismatike one Martin
newe sprung vp in England, who by his bookes, libels, and writings,
had brought that to passe, which neither the Pope by his Seminaries,
Philip by his power, nor all the holy League by their vnderhand
practises and policies could at any time effect: for wheras they liued
at vnitie before, and might by no meanes be drawne vnto discord, hee
hath inuented such quiddities to set them together by the eares, that
now the temporaltie is readie to plucke out the throtes of the Cleargie,
and subiects to withdraw their allegeance from their Souerayne: so
that in short time, it is hoped they will bee vp in armes one against
another, whiles we aduantaged by this domesticall enuy, may inuade them
vnawares, when they shall not be able to resist. I, sory to heare of
these triumphes, coulde not rest till I had related these tidinges to my
countrimen. If thou hast them at the second hand, (fellow Kempe) impute
it to the intercepting of my papers, that haue stayed for a good winde,
euer since the beginning of winter. Now they are arriued, make much of
them, and with the credit of thy clownery, protect thy Cutbert from
Carpers.

                                        _Thine in the way of brotherhood,
                                                    Cutbert Curry-knaue._




An Almond for a Parrat.


Welcome Mayster _Martin_ from the dead, and much good ioy may you haue of
your stage-like resurrection. It was told me by the vndanted purseuants
of your sonnes, and credibly beleeued in regard of your sinnes, that your
grout-headed holinesse had turnd vppe your heeles like a tired iade in a
medow, and snorted out your scornefull soule, like a mesled hogge on a
mucke-hill, which had it not beene false as the deuill woulde haue it,
that long tongd doctresse Dame _Law._ muste haue beene faint (in spite
of insperation) to haue giuen ouer speaking in the congregation, and
employ her Parrats tong in stead of a winde-clapper to scarre the crowes
from thy carrion. But profound _Cliffe_ the ecclesiasticall cobler,
interrupted from his morning exercise with this false alarum, broke vp
his brotherly loue-meeting abruptly, when the spirite had but newly moued
him, and betooke him to his solitary shoppe, abutting on the backe side
of a bulke. Nor was his souterly sorrow so hippocritically ingratefull,
but he determined in the aboundance of his teares, that made a ful tide
in his blacking tubbe, to haue stitcht vp your traytourshippe a tumbe
of vntand leather, wherein _tanquam culeolo insutus_, hee mought haue
sought his fortune in the seas. But I know not how this parracides
exequies were prorogd, in so much as a brother in Christ of his at
Northampton, fetcht a more thriftier president of funeralls piping hot
from the primitiue church, which including but a few words and those
passing well expounded, kept his wainscot from waste, and his linnen
from wearing, sufficeth he tombled his wife naked into the earth at high
noone, without sheete or shroude to couer her shame, breathing ouer her
in an audible voice: Naked came I out of my mothers wombe, and naked
shall I returne againe. Tut, tut, a thousand of these pranks make no
discord in my young maisters discipline, whose reformed fraternity, quoat
Scripture so confidently, as if they had lately purchast a commission
of _cum priuilegio ad interpretandum solum_, from Christ and his twelue
Apostls. And in deede who knowes whether Maister _Martin_ being inspired,
as earst one of his faction, who hearing the waites play vnder his
window very early, insulted most impudently, that in the midst of his
morning praiers, he was presented with the melody of Angels, so hee in
like manner shoulde vaunt of some reuelation, wherein the full sinode
of _Lucifers_ ministers angells assembled, did parlament all their enuy
to the subuersion of our established ministry, and then comes forth
some more subtile spirite of hipocrisie, which offers himself to be
a false prophet in the mouths of our _Martinists_, to whom the whole
sedition house of hel condiscending, break vp their sessions, and send
this seducer into the world, where finding no such mutinous seate, as
the heart of our seconde _Pilate Marprelate_, he chose it in steade of
a worser, to bee vnto England as _Zidkiah_ son of _Chenaanah_ was vnto
_Ahab_. Beare with me good Maister Pistle-monger, if in comparing thy
knauery, my full points seeme as tedious to thy puritane perusers, as
the Northren mans mile, and a waybitte to the weary passenger, for I
tell thee troth, till I see what market commission thou hast to assiste
any mans sentences, I will neuer subscribe to thy periode prescisme. And
hearest thou old _Martin_, did all thy libells iointly shroude so much
substance of diuinity in their outlandish letters, as that one periode of
vniformity in T. C. directing to obedience, I would thinke God had bin
mercifull to thee in inspiring thy soule with some one separate motion,
from reprobation, but when whole reames of paper are blotted with thy
huperbolical blasphemies and religious matters of controversy more then
massacred by thy prophane scurrility, I cā but suppose thy hart yᵗ house
swept and garnished, into the which the foule spirit returned with other
7. spirits worse then himself. Malicious hipocryt, didst thou so much
malign the successeful thriuings of the Gospell, that thou shouldst filch
thy selfe, as a new disease into our gouernement? wert thou the last
instrument of Sathans enuy, that as the abhortiue childe of a _Chaos_
of heresies, thou sholdst adorne thy false dealing with the induments
of discipline? Me thinks I see thee smile from vnder thy double-fact
hood, to thinke howe craftily thou hast crept into mens cōsciences: but
wouldst thou obserue, how if thy alarums haue prosperd in our peaceable
ears, that make no more breach into our state, then the iron hornes of
those hony tōgd prophets into the arraies of the _Aramites_, Chro. 2.
and tenth Chap. thou wouldest with _Achitophell_ return to thy house (at
least if thou hast any) and hang thy selfe in a melancholie, for that thy
counsaile was turned to follye. When I first saw thy books, I ascribed
thy impudence to the _Calabrian_ wonders of 88. but when 89. beheld thee
in a new sute, I imagined the excesse of our sins, sent thee forth to
geue railing sentence against vs, as _Simei_ against _Dauid_ in the 2.
of Kings. Yet seely sophister wouldest thou return the sobrietie of thy
morning wittes to this ouerworne Simile, that the rodde which was made
to correct _post destinatum finem_, is cast into the fire, thy despaire
would deeme euery darke hole, the entraunce into hell, thy soule being
the cittie, whereof the deuill is made free by endenture. And be it
true which pittying report hath auouched, _Herostratus_ desire to be
famous, made thee to seale him a conueiance of it many yeares since,
so that now thy notorious pamphlets hauing passed the Presse, it is to
be feared he will come ouer thee for couenantes ere many yeares to an
end. It may bee thou hast redde _Foxes_ Monuments more idlely, where
lighting on the example of Luther, that by his praiers importunitie,
made the deuil to deliuer vp the obligation of his dānation, that sold
the ioies of Heauē, for the inheritance of earth, thou hopest in like
manner in the age of thine iniquities to bee restored to eternity, by
the vncessant inuocation of the Church which thou termest Antichristian.
Deceiue not thy selfe thou man of security, for the enemy of _Adam_ is
no poeticall _Argus_, that his eies should be put out by thy arguments.
I tell thee troth, he wil be-pistle thee so peuishly, with allegations
of vnuenidall sinnes, as though hee were borne within two houses of
Battle bridge. It is not thy despairing protestations, can make thy
peace with God, whose church thou hast sought to deuide, as did _Herods_
souldiers his garmentes: wele geue thee leaue to tell vs a smooth tale of
the intercepting of thy treasons, and curry fauour like a crafty foxe,
with the ciuill magistrate in politique termes of feare and reuerence,
but thy heart is no more disguised in this hypocriticall apparel, then
a trenchour _Aristippus_ in the coate of a Parasite. Why discourse I
so soberly, with the mortal enemy of modesty, when as the filth of the
stewes, distild into ribauldry termes, cannot confectionate a more
intemperate stile then his Pamphlets. Thou calst our Bishops wicked
by comparison, whereas (wert thou strooken as thou protests with the
vntoward euents of thy villanies) thou shouldst find the defilings of the
7. deadly sins, to haue broght thee by a pleasant pollution, within the
possitiue degree of damnation. What talk I to him, of hel or damnation,
whom _Lucifer_ hath furnisht to infection, with the painted poison of
snout-holy deuotion, and all the powers of darknesse, haue adorned as an
intelligencer to their kingdome, of the infirmities in our flourishing
Church of England. To this purpose haue they inspired him with a most
scurrile spirite of lying, that when his eagle-sighted enuy can truely
atract no argument of infamy, his _poetica licentia_, may haue a fresh
supply of possibilities, that encrease by cōtinuance to a compleat libell
of leasings. All you that be schollers, read but his last challenge,
wherein he laies about him so lamely, as though of his limping brother
_Pag._ hee had lately learned to play at cudgels. But how euer his
crazed cause goes on crutches, that was earst so brauely encountered
by _Pasquin_ and _Marphoreus_, and not many moneths since most wittily
scofte at by the extemporall endeuour of the pleasant author of Pap with
a hatchet: yet is not the good olde creeple vtterly discouraged, or
driuen cleane from his dounghill, but he meanes to make the persecuted
Coblers once more merrie. Yet by your leaue his other dayes daunger is
not so fully disgested, that he shuld forget the sanctified martyrs
his brethren, those runagate Printers, to whose reuenge he bequeatheth
a large Pistle of rayling Epithites, and mistearmeth our Bishoppes
authoritie, with a whole _Textor_ of tyrannie. A few of whose milder
tearms are of this making, wicked Priests, presumptuous Priests, proude
Prelates, arrogant Bishops, horseleeches, butchers, persecutors of the
truth, Lamhethical whelps, Spanish Inquisitours. Thinke you this myrie
mouthed mate, a partaker of heauenly inspiration, that thus aboundes in
his vncharitable railings: yet are these nothing in comparison of his
auncient burlibond adiunctes, that so pester his former edition with
their vnweldie phrase, as no true syllogisme can haue elbowe roome where
they are. In which Alphabet these that followe may bee placed: bounsing
Priests, terrible Priests, venerable Maisters, proud and pontificall
Patripolitians. Gentle reader, I giue you but a tast of them by the waie,
that you may knowe them the next time you meete them in your dish, and
learne to discerne a poysonous scorpion from wholesome fish. _Martin_
you must thinke, was moude, when his gun-pouder papers were fired aboute
his eares, and the spendthriftes his Printers, haled to the prison their
patrimonies. Wherefore I cannot blame him though he sends abroade his
Letters of supplication, in behalfe of his seruants that did but his
bidding. The Church, the Church is persecuted amongst you my maisters,
and _Martin_ gettes nere a superintendentship by the shift, but let not
_Meg Law._ crie once more to the Churchwardens for her foode, least shee
bring with her a campe royall of scoldes, to scratch out your eyes. Oh
she will declaime brauely ouer a Cuckstoole, and plaie the gyant in a
narrowe lane with her distaffe. Maister _Cooper_ shall haue his stipend
still at Paules chaine, or else shee will sweat for it. I lyke such a
wench that will stande to her tackling, why Bishoppes are but men, and
she will carrie a _Martin_ in her plackarde in despite of the proudest of
them all. Learne of her you London Matrones, to make hodie-peeles of your
husbandes, and leade them like good soules up and downe the streetes by
the hornes, let it be seene by your courages in scolding, that women haue
soules, which a balde eloquent brother of yours, denide not long since
in his Sermon at Lichfielde. I, I, my maisters, you may mocke, on as
you see cause, but I warrant you the good olde true-pennie _Marprelate_
is not so merrie, hee sits ruminating under an oake, or in the bottome
of a haystacke, whose bloud shall be first spilte in the reformation of
the Church. And not without cause, for hee that hath so lately felte
the paine of worming and launcing, cannot but stande in awe of _Buls_
slicing tooles one two moneths after. O it is a hairebrande whooresonne,
and well seene in Phlebotomie, if a but once take knife in hande, cha
will as soone let out the seditious humours forth a Martinistes bodie,
as the best he in England, that hath bin twentie yeeres practioners
in Surgerie. Good munckie face Machiuell, shew but thy head once, and
trie him at my request, and if he doe it not more handsomely, then
those whom thou callest Butchers and Horseleeches, then neuer trust an
olde ladde whilest thou liuest. How euer it happens, thou bearest thy
resolution in thy mouth at highe midnight, and hast Scripture enough
to carrie thee to heauen, though thou wert hangde to morrowe. We feare
not men that can kill the bodie, quoth _Martin_, because we feare God,
who can cast both bodie and soule into vnquenchable fire. Doest thou
feare God in deede, I praie thee good hedge-creeper how shall we knowe
that? What, by the smoothing of thy face, the simpering of thy mouth,
or staring of thy eies? Why if that be to feare God, Ile haue a spare
fellowe shall make mee a whole quest of faces for three farthinges. But
thou wilt peraduenture saie, by thy obedience vnto him. Then will I
catechise thee more kindly with a fewe more Christian questions: the
first whereof shall be this, wherein thou placest obedience, which if
thou aunswerest, by doing that which God hath commaunded in his worde:
then would I knowe of thee, whether that of Paul be Canonicall or
Apocripha, He that resisteth the magistrate, resisteth the ordinaunce of
God. And here I am sure to be had by the eares with a Geneua note of the
distinction of magistrates, but all that shall not serue your turnes,
for Ile driue you from your _Dic Ecclesiæ_ ere I have done, ware the
vnmasking of _Martin_, when it comes tis lyke to bee a shrewde Pistle,
I can tell you. Prepare your argumentes as you will, for _Mar-Martin
Iunior_, meanes to make such hauocke of you in that his next peece of
seruice, as all your borrowed weapons of simple T. C. shall not bee
able to withstande. For your olde soaking Demonstrationer, that hath
scrapte vp such a deale of Scripture to so lyttle purpose, Ile leaue his
confusion to the vacaunt leasure of our grauer Diuines, who I knowe,
did they but once sette penne to paper, woulde grinde his discipline
to powder. Thou art the man, olde _Martin_ of Englande, that I am to
deale withall, that striues to outstrip all our writers in witte, and
iustle our gouernement forth of doores with a iest. What, wee must not
let you passe with such fauourable tearmes, as our graue Fathers haue
done, your Bookes must bee lookt ouer, and you beaten lyke a dogge for
your lying. I thinke, I thinke I shall haue occasion to close with you
sweetlie in your Hay anie worke for a Cooper, and cutte off the traynes
of your tedious syllogismes, that nowe haue no lesse then seauen or
eight Termini waiting on them. Fortifie your ruinous buildinges betimes,
and saie hee was your friende that badde you: for I can tell you thus
much, a whole hoast of _Pasquils_ are comming vppon you, who will so
beleaguer your paper walles, as that not one idle worde shall escape the
edge of their wit. I giue thee but a brauado now, to let thee knowe I am
thine enemie, but the next time you see _Mar-Martine_ in armes, bidde
your sonnes and your familie prouide them to God-warde, for I am eagerly
bent to revenge, and not one of them shall escape, no not T. C. himselfe
as full as he is of his myracles. But to pursue maister Protestationer
in his common place of persecution. I remember we talkt euen now of a
dudgen destinction from which my Bedlam brother _Wig._ and poltfoote
_Pag._ with the rest of those patches, striue to deriue theyr discipline
disobedience. Our Ecclesiasticall gouernment and gouernours say they, are
wicked and vnlawfull. Why? because Sir _Peter_ nor Sir _Paul_ were neuer
Archbishoppes of Canterbury, London, or Yorke. They were Fisher-men, and
were not able. When _Cæsars_ Officers demaunded their tribute to make
fiue groates amongst them, then what reason is it our Bishoppes should
inioy their five hundreds, nay, that which is more, their thousand
and two thousands? They were none of these Cartercaps, Graduates nor
Doctors, therfore why should we tie our Ministrie to the prophane studies
of the Vniuersitie. What is Logicke but the highe waie to wrangling,
contayning in it a world of bibble babble. Neede we anie of your Greeke,
Latine, Hebrue, or anie such gibbrige, when wee haue the word of God in
English? Go to, go to, you are a great company of vaine men, that stand
vpon your degrees and tongues, with tittle tattle, I cannot tell what,
when as (if you looke into the matter as you ought) the Apostles knew
neare a Letter of the booke. I wis it were not two pins hurt, if your
Colledges wer fired ouer your heades, and you turnde a begging forth
your fellowshippes, like Fryers and Monkes vp and downe the Countrie. I
marie sir, this is somewhat like, now _Martin_ speakes like himselfe,
I dare saie for him good man, he could be contented there were nere a
maister of Art, Bachelour of Diuinitie, Doctor or Bishop in England,
on that condition he prest Fishermen, scullers, Coopers, Stitchers,
Weauers and Coblers into theyr places. You talke of a Harmonie of the
Churches, but heere would be a consort of knauerie worth the publishing
to all posteritie. Would you not laugh to see _Cli._ the Cobler, and
_New._ the souter, ierking out theyr elbowes in euerie Pulpit. Why, I
am sure Ladie _Law._ would fast mans flesh a whole moneth together, but
shee woulde giue either of them a gowne cloth on that condition. My
self doe knowe a zealous Preacher in Ipswich, that beeing but a while a
goe a stage player, will now take vpon him to brandish a Text agaynst
Bishoppes, as well as the best Martinist in all Suffolke. Why, I praie
you goe no farther then Batter, haue wee not there a reuerent Pastour of
_Martines_ owne making, that vnderstands not a bit of Latine, nor neuer
dyd so much as looke towards the Vniuersitie in his life, yet you see
for a neede he can helpe discipline out of the durt, and come ouer our
Cleargie verie handsomely with an heere is to bee noted. Oh he is olde
dogge at expounding, and deade sure at a Catechisme, alwayes prouided,
that it bee but halfe a sheete long, and he be two yeeres about it. And
well too my maisters, for such a one that vauntes himselfe to bee as hee
is, as good a Gentleman euerie inch of him, as anie is in all Stafford
sheere. Bee what he will, one thing I wote, hee is seldome without a good
Cheese in his studie, besides apples and nuttes, although his wife can
neuer come at them. I hearde not long since of a stoute conference hee
had with a yong scholer, who taking my Deske-man somewhat tardie in his
disputations, told him hee was inspired with too much Logique. Where vnto
hee replyed with this solempne protestatiō, I thank God, al the world
cannot accuse me of that arte. I hope anon maister _Martin_, I shall bee
meetelie euen with you for your knauerie, if I goe but two mile further
in your Ministrie. It is not the Primitiue Church shall beare out the
Vicar of little _Down._ in Norfolke, in groaping his owne hennes, like a
Cotqueane, I am to come ouer him when I have more leasure, for his tenne
shillings Sermons at Thetforde: wherein if he raue as hee was wont to
doe, Ile make him wishe that hee had been still Vsher of Westminister.
Well, to the purpose. You saie Bishoppes are no Magistrates, because
they are no lawfull Magistrates. Is it euen so brother _Timothie_,
will it neuer be better, must I euer leade you vp and downe antiquitie
by the nose lyke an Asse. May neither Scriptures nor Fathers goe for
paiment with you, but still you will bee reducing vs to the president
of the persecuted Church, and so confounde the discipline of warre and
peace? If you will needes make vs the apes of all their extremities,
why doe not you vrge the vse of that communitie wherein _Ananias_ and
_Saphira_ were vnfaythfull. Perswade Noble men and Gentlemen to sell
theyr landes, and laie the money at your feete, take awaie the title of
mine and thine from amongst vs, and let the worlde knowe you heereafter
by the name of Anabaptistes. Admit that the authoritie of Bishoppes were
as vnlawfull as you woulde make it, yet since it is imposed vnto them
by the Princes owne mouth, and ratified by the approbation of so many
Kings and Emperours, as well in their particular Parliamentes as generall
counsayles, you are bounde in conscience to reuerence it, and in all
humilitie to regarde it, insomuch as Christ denide not tribute to _Cæsar_
an vsurper, nor appealde from _Pilate_ a Pagan, who occupied that place
by the intrusion of tyrannie. Were the Israelites in captiuitie, anie
whit exempted from the obedience of subiectes, in that they liued vnder
the scepter of _Nabuchodonesor_ an Idolater, who had blasphemed their
God, defaced their Temple, and defiled their holie vesselles. Nay, are
they not expresslie commaunded by the Lordes owne mouth, to honour him as
their King: Howe can they then escape the dampnation of contempte, that
beeing priuate subiectes to such a vertuous Soueraigne, as is zealous of
Gods glorie will controll her, disposing of honours, and oppose vnto
publique derision, those the especiall pillers and ornamentes of her
state, whome shee hath graced from their infancie, with so many sundrie
ascentes of dignities. But were this all, then shoulde not treason
bee such a braunche of your religion as it is. Haue not you and your
followers vndermined her Graces Throane, as much as traytours might: call
to minde the badde practise of your brother the Booke-binder and his
accomplishes at Burie, who beeing as hotte spirited as your worshippes,
in the schismaticall subiect of reformation, and seeing it woulde not
come of halfe kindlie to theyr contentment, made no more a doe, but added
this newe Posie to her Maiesties armes. Those that bee neither hotte nor
colde, Ile spue them out of my mouth, sayth the Lorde. Denie this, and
Ile bring a whole Assizes, as _Obsignatos testes_ of your trecherie. To
come neerer to thee Brother _Martin_. Hast not thou in thy firste booke
agaynst Doctour _Bridges_, as also in Hay anie worke for Cooper, excluded
her Highnesse from all Ecclesiasticall gouernement, saying she hath
neyther skill nor commission, as shee is a Magistrate, to substitute anie
member or minister in the Church. And in an other place, that there is
neither vse nor place in the Church for members, ministers or officers
of the magistrates making. If this wyll not come in compasse of treason,
then farewell the title of Supremacie, and welcome agayne vnto Poperie.
By this time I thinke, good-man Puritan, that thou art perswaded, that I
knowe as well as thy owne conscience thee, namely _Martin Makebate_ of
Englande, to bee a moste scuruie and beggerlie benefactor to obedience,
and _per consequens_, to feare neyther men, nor that God who can cast
both bodie and soule into vnquenchable fire. In which respect I neyther
account you of the Churche, nor esteeme of your bloude, otherwise then
the bloude of Infidelles. Talke as long as you will of the ioyes of
heauen, or paines of hell, and turne from your selues the terrour of
that iudgement howe you will, which shall bereaue blushing iniquitie
of the figge leaues of hypocrisie, yet will the eie of immortalitie
discerne of your painted pollutions, as the euer-liuing foode of
perdition. The humours of my eies are the habitations of fountaines, and
the circumference of my heart the enclosure of fearefull contrition,
when I thinke howe many soules at that moment, shall carrie the name
of _Martine_ on their foreheads to the vale of confusion, in whose
innocent bloude thou swimming to hell, shalt haue the tormentes of tenne
thousande thousande sinners at once, inflicted vppon thee. There will
enuie, mallice and dissimulation bee euer calling for vengeance agaynst
thee, and incite whole legions of deuilles to thy deathlesse lamentation.
Mercie will saie vnto thee, I knowe thee not, and Repentaunce, what
have I to doe with thee. All hopes shall shake the head at thee, and
saie, there goes the poyson of puritie, the perfection of impietie, the
serpentine seducer of simplicitie. Zeale her selfe will crie out vppon
thee, and curse the time that euer shee was maskte by thy mallice,
who lyke a blinde leader of the blinde, sufferedst her to stumble at
euerie steppe in Religion, and madest her seeke in the dimnesse of her
sight, to murther her mother the Churche, from whose pappes thou lyke an
enuious dogge but yesterdaie pluckest her. Howe euer proude scorner, thy
whoorishe impudencie, may happen heereafter to insiste in the derision of
these fearfull denuntiations, and sporte thy iesters penne at the speach
of my soule, yet take heede least despayre bee predominant in the daie of
thy death, and thou in steade of calling for mercie to thy Iesus, repeate
more oftner to thy selfe, _Sic morior damnatus vt Iudas_! And thus much
_Martin_, in the way of compassion, haue I spoke for thy edification,
moued therto by a brotherly commiseration, which if thou bee not too
desperate in thy deuilish attempts, may reform thy heart to remorse, and
thy pamphletes to some more profitable theame of repentance. But now haue
at thee for the goodnesse of the cause, of which thou saist: We must not
reason from the successe.

Trust me therein thou hast spoke wiser then thou art aware of, for if
a man should imagine of fruite by the rottennesse, of garmentes by the
moath frets, of wine by the sowrnesse, I warrant him for euer being
good costerd-monger, broker, or vintner whiles he liues. Therefore we
must not measure of _Martin_ as he is allied to _Elderton_, or tongd
like _Will Tong_, as he was attired like an Ape on yᵉ stage, or sits
writing of Pāphlets, in some spare out-house, but as is _Mar-Prelat_ of
England as he surpasseth King and collier, in crying, So ho ho, brother
_Bridges_. Wo ho ho, _Iohn_ a London. Ha ha he, Doctor _Copecotes_. Doe
this and I warrant you, for sauoring of the fleshe, though you take the
oportunity of the spirite, with euery sister in Christ. Beholde the state
of the low Countryes, since your Plaintife Pistler, will needs make the
comparison, suppose _Martin_ to be the map of _Belgia dilacerata_, whose
chiefe prouinces as they are wholye possessed with Spaniards, so thinke
his hart and soule enhabited with spiet, they Romists in the matter
of Religion, and he a Papist in supremacies contradiction, her inward
partes possessed with Anabaptists, and Lutherans, and his more priuate
opinions polluted with the dregs of them both, her farthest borders of
Holland and Zeland, peopled God wot with a small number of vnperfite
Protestants, and the furthest and fewest of his thoughts, taken vppe with
some odde true points of Religion. How now Father _Martin_, haue not I
hit your meaning patte in this comparison. Say, wil you haue any more
such interpretations, if you say _Amen_ to it. Ile also reconcile your
allegoricall induction of France, to the present constitutiō of your
frowardnes: but that shal not neede, since the misery of the one is the
mirrour of the other, and the Reader must suppose that _Martin_ would
neare haue compared himselfe to Flaunders nor France, but as they reflect
by allusion the distraction of his factions faith. Howe euer you take
him at the worst, yet is his welchnes perswaded, that the Lord hath some
speciell purpose, by preuentinge of his presse, to try who they be that
are hipocrites, and what they be yᵗ are innocent: And not vnlike too, for
hauing interrupted the trafique of honestye, so long as thou hast with
thy coūterfet knauery, tis more the hie time thy vnder-hād treachery,
were broght to the touchstone of authority. You think we know not how
pretily your Printers were shrouded vnder the name of salt-peter-men, so
that who but _Hodgkins_, _Tomlins_ and _Sims_, at the vndermining of a
house, and vndoing of poore men, by diggyng vp their floars, and breaking
down their wals. No, no, we neuer heard how orderly they pretended the
printing of Accidences, when my L. of _Darbies_ men came to see what they
were a doing, what though they damned themselues about the deniall of
the deede, is periury such a matter amongst puritans. Tush they account
it no sin as long as it is in the way of protestation, being in the mind
of a good old fellow in Cambridge, who sitting in S. _Iohns_ as Senior
at the fellowes election, was reprehended by some of his betters, for
that hee gaue his voice with a dunce like himself, contrary to oath,
statue and conscience: why quoth hee, I neither respect oath, statue,
nor conscience, but only the glory of God. Men are by men and may erre,
yea goodman _Spe._ himselfe in Paules church-yard, although he saith
he hath no sinne, what maruaile is it then, though some corruption
cleaue vnto our aged Gentleman by his owne confession. Learne of me to
iudge charitably, and thinke that nature tooke a scouring purgation,
when she voided all her imperfections in the birth of one _Martin_:
which if it be so, hee is not to be blamed, since as _Arist._ sayes,
_vitia naturæ nō sunt reprehendenda_. Gibe on, gibe on, and see if your
father _Mar-martin_ will beare you out in it or no, you thinke the good
sweet-faced prelate, _Masse Martin_, hath neuer broke sword in ruffians
hal, yes that he hath more then one or two, if the truth were known, and
fought for his wench as brauely as the best of them all, therefore take
heede how you come in his way, least hee belabour you with his crabtree
stile for your lustines, and teache you howe to looke into a _Martins_
neaste againe while you live. Alas you are but young, and neuer knewe
what his Bumfeging ment, for if you did, you woulde thinke fiue hundreth
fistes about your eares, were more then Phisicke in a frosty morning.
Write or fight which you will, our champion is for you at all weapones,
whether you choose the worde or the sworde, neither comes amisse to him,
he neuer took his domesticall dissention in hand to leaue it soone. All
England must bee vp together by the eares, before his penne rest in
peace, nor shall his rebellious mutinies, which he shrouds vnder the
age of _Martinisme_, haue any _intermedium_, till religions prosperity
and our Christian libertye, mis-termed of him by the last yeare of
Lambethisme, doe perishe from amongst vs, and depart to our enemies: then
shall you see, what seditious buildinges will arise on the vnfortunate
foundations of his folly, and what contentious increase will come from
the schoole of contempt.


_If they will needes ouerthrowe mee let them goe in hand with the
exploite &c._

Holla, holla brother _Martin_, you are to hasty, what, Winter is no time
to make warres in, you were best stay til summer, and then both our
brains wilbe in a better temperature, but I think ere that time your
witte wilbe welny worn thredbare, and your banquerout inuention, cleane
out at the elbowes, then are we well holpen vp with a witnesse, if the
aged champion of Warwicke, doe not lay to his shoulders, and support
discipline ready to lie in the dust, with some or other demonstration.
I can tell you _Phil. Stu._ is a tall man also for that purpose. What
his Anatomy of Abuses for all that, will serue very fitly for an
Antipast, before one of _Egertons_ Sermons, I would see the best of
your _Trauerses_ write such a treatise as he hath done, against short
heeld pantoffles. But one thing it is great pitty of him, that being
such a good fellow as hee is, hee shoulde speake against dice, so as
he doth: neuerthelesse ther is some hope of him, for as I heard not
lōg since, a brother of his, meting him by chance (as theeues meete
at the gallowes) after many christian questions of the well fare of
his persecuted brethren, and sistern, askt him when they should haue a
game at tables together, by the grace of God the next Sabaoth, quoth
_Phil._ and then if it shal so seeme good to his prouidence, haue at
you for ames ase and the dise. I forgette to tel you what a stirre he
keepes against dumbe ministers, and neuer writes nor talkes of them,
but hee calleth them minstrels, when his mastershippe in his minority,
plaide the Reader in Chesshire, for fiue marke a yeare and a canuas
dublet, couenanted besides, that in consideration of that stipend, he
make cleane the patrones bootes euerye time hee came to towne. What
need more words to proue him a protestāt, did not he behaue himselfe
like a true Christian, when hee went a wooing for his friend _Clarke_,
I warrant you hee saide not God saue you, or God speed you, with good
euen or good morrow, as our prophane woers are wont, but stept close to
her, with peace bee with you, very demurely, and then told her a long
tale, that in so much as widowhoode, was an vncleane lyfe, and subiect
to many temptations, shee might doe well to reconcile her selfe to the
Church of God, in the holy ordinance of matrimony. Manye wordes past
to this purpose, but I wotte well the conclusion was this, that since
she had hitherto conuerst with none but vnregenerate persons, and was
vtterly carelesse of the communion of Saints, she would let him that was
a man of God, put a new spirite into her, by carnall population, and so
engraft her into the fellowshippe of the faithfull, to which that shee
might more willingly agree, hee offered her a spicke and spanne new
Geneua Bible, that his attendant Italian had brought with him to make
vp the bargaine. But for all the Scripture he could alledge, it should
not bee, _Phil. Stu._ was no meate for her tooth, God wote he could not
get a penyworth of leachery on such a pawne as his Bible was, the man
behinde the painted cloth mard all, and so O griefe, a good Sabaoths
day work was lost. Stand to it _Mar-martin Iunior_ and thou art good
inough for ten thousand of them, tickle me my _Phil._ a litle more in the
flanke, and make him winche like a resty iade, whereto a dreaming deuine
of Cambridge, in a certain priuate Sermon of his, compared the wicked.
Saist thou me so good heart, then haue at you Maister Compositor, with
the constructiō of _Sunt oculos clari qui cernis sydera tanquam_. If
you be remembred you were once put to your trumpes about it in _Wolfes_
Printing-house, when as you would needes haue _clari_ the infinitiue
moode of a verbe passiue, which determined you went forwards after this
order. _Sunt_ there are, _oculos_ eies, _qui_ the which, _cernis_ thou
doest see, _clari_ to be cleare, _tanquam sydera_ as the Stars. Excellent
well done of an old Maister of Arte, yet why may not hee by authority
challenge to himselfe for this one peece of worke the degrees hee neuer
tooke. Learning is a iewel my maisters, make much of it, and _Phil.
Stu._ a Gendeman euery haire of his head, whom although you doe not
regard according as he deserues, yet I warrant you _Martin_ makes more
account of him then so, who hath substituted him long since (if the truth
were well boulted out) amongst the number of those priuy _Martinists_,
which he threatens to place in euery parish. I am more then halfe weary
of tracing too and fro in this cursed common wealth, where sinfull
simplicitye pufte vppe with the pride of singularity, seekes to peruerte
the name and methode of magistracy. But as the most of their arguments,
are drawn from our graue fathers infirmities, so al their outrageous
endeuors haue their ofspring from affected vainglory. Agreeing with the
saying of _Hug._ “Innobedientiæ morbus ex superbiæ tumore procedit,
sicut sanies ex vlcere.”[1] The disease of disobedience proceeds from
the swelling of pride, as madnesse from some vntollerable vlcer. The
cause whereof _Gregory_ thus expresseth.[2] “Dum plus exquirunt” saith
he, “contemplando quam capiunt, vsque ad peruersa dogmata erumpunt,
et dum veritatis discipuli esse negligunt, humiliter magistri erroris
fiunt.” Whiles by study they search out more then they vnderstand, they
breake forth into peruerse opinions, and whiles they neglect to be the
schollers of truth, they most basely become the schoolemaisters of
error. For such is the boldnesse of our boyish deuines, that they will
leape into the pulpet, before they haue learned _Stans puer ad mensam_,
and talke very desperately of dicipline, before they can construe, _Qui
mihi discipulus_. “Qui venit institui” saith _Cassiodorus_, “antequam
instituatur, alios instituere cupit,” &c. The nouice that comes to be
informed, desireth to enforme others, before he bee enformed himselfe,
and to teach before hee bee taught, to prescribe lawes before he hath
redde _Litleton_, and play the subtile Philosopher, before he knowes
the order of his sillables: he wil needes haue subiects, before he can
subiugate his affections, and couets the office of a commander, before he
hath learned to stoupe to the admonitions of his elders, and beginneth
to instruct and perswade, before he bee instructed and perswaded in
any kind of art, which their folly once fuelled with yᵉ frowardnesse
of blind zeal, makes thē cōfound cōtempt with gods true worship, and
open their mouths against his ordinance, as did the Prophets against
_Ieroboams_ hil altars. T. C. in Cambridge first inuented this violent
innouation, when as his mounting ambition, went through euery kinde
of _Ambitus_, to compasse the office of the Vicechauncelour-ship.
But after he saw himselfe disfauourd in his first insolence, and that
the suffrages of the vniuersity, would not discend to his dissentious
indignityes, his seditious discontent deuised the meanes to discredite
that gouernement, which he through his il behauiour might not aspire
to. Thē began his inueterat malice, to vndermine the foundations of our
societies, and reduce our Colledges to the schooles of the Prophets, to
discard all degrees of art as antichristian, to condemne all decency
in the ministery as diabolicall, and exclude all ecclesiasticall
superiority forth the Church as _Apocripha_. No sooner had these new
fangled positions entred the tables of young students, but Singularity
the eldest childe of heresy, consulted with male-conted melācholy,
how to bring this misbegottē scisme to a monarchy. To which purpose
hipocriticall zeale, was addrest as a pursuiuant into all places of
Suff. Norff. Essex and Midlesex, with expresse commandement from the
sinod of Saints, to proclaime T. C. supreme head of the Church. This
past on thus, whiles the sworde of iustice, slept in his scaberd, whose
vnprouident eie neglecting the beginning of such burnings, hath added
a more confirmed fury to the flame, which hath now taken hold on yᵉ
buildings of our bishopricks. How it hath raged in those quarters before
mentioned to yᵉ vtter impouerishing of the allegeance of the communalty,
and lamentable vndoing of the estimation of diuers other knights and
gentlemen, the whole course of the high commission may testify. Nether
was this plague of apostacy vndeserued of their inconstancy, who forsook
yᵉ true service of God, to worship the idoll of Warwicke. Put case his
reading be gret and his malice more, that he hath plodded through ten
cart loade of paper, and bin the death of ten thousand pound of candels,
yet as _Gregory_ saith, “perit omne quod agitur, si non humilitate
custodiatur.”[3] Whatsoeuer is done doth vanish to infamy, if it be not
vpholden by humility: What childe doth not see into the pride of his
heart, that first entertained the impudency of controlling antiquity, and
preferd the poison of his owne peruerse opinions, before the experience
of so many Churches, counsails and fathers. “Quæ maior superioria,” saith
_Bernarde_, “quam vt vnus homo toti congregationi iudicium suum preferat
tanquā ipse solus habeat spiritū Dei.”[4] What greater pride then that
one man should aduance his iudgement, aboue the sentence of a whole
congregation, as if he alone had the spirit of God. Pride ouerthrew the
towr of _Babell_, prostrated _Golias_, hūg vp _Haman_, kild _Nichanor_,
consumed _Herod_, destroied _Antiochus_, drowned _Pharao_, subuerted
_Senacherib_, and I hope will also confound arrogant T.C. and all his
accomplishes in the Lords good time. And now that I haue vnburdened my
shoulders of the weight of his learning, Ile ribroste my brother _Martin_
a litle, for obiecting to my Lord Archbishop, the not answering of his
bookes. Therefore first would I know of sweete M. sauce malapert whether
he would haue the care of the common-wealth, and forseing consultation
of domestical and forreine affaires, resigned to the retorting of T. C.
his vnreuerent railings. Next what such equall proportion his mastership
finds in their places, that the grauity and mildnes of the one, should
stoupe his attention so low, as the iangling leuity of the other. Were
there no other thing to refrayn his grace, from combating with a common
barretour then this, that in _discordia nemo benedicit Dominum_, it were
sufficient to pleade his absence from this inferiour fight. But when he
considers that saiyng of _Augustine_, “Nullus est modus inimicitiis, nisi
ob tempus obtēperemus iratis,” ther is no meane of mallice, vnles for a
time we giue place to the furious, and that which another sais, “Sicut
nihil est deformius quam respondere furiosis ita, nihil vtilius quam
tacere prouocatis.” As there is nothing more vnseemely then to aunswere
the froward, so there is nothing more profitable then scilence to such as
are prouokt. Let him vse the libertye of his speache as hee please, and
detracte from his learninge in what tearmes hee see cause, yet will all
Christendome admire his perfection, when T. C. his singularitie shall go
a begging vp and downe the low Countries. I will not gainsaie but your
reuerend Pastor may haue as knauish a vaine in writing as your selfe, and
fasten a slander on the Saintes of heauen, as soone as anie of your sect,
for “nil tam facile est,” as Ierom sayth, “quam ociosum et dormientem
de aliorum labore et vigiliis disputare.”[5] There is nothing so easie
for a man that is sluggish and idle, as to call in question others mens
watchings and labours. “Mens praua,” sayth _Gregorie_[6] “semper in
laboribus est, quia aut molitur mala quæ inferat, vel metuit ne sibi ab
aliis infeānt, et quicquid contra proximos cogitat, hoc contra se, a
proximus cogitari formidat.” A wicked mind liues in continuall toile,
because it eyther meditates the iniuries which he is about to inferre,
or feares some reproch to be inferred by others, and whatsoeuer hee
pretendes agaynst his neighbor, the same he mistrusts to be pretended
against himselfe. If T. C. hath made thee his atturney, to vrge the not
answering of his bookes, then I praie thee bee my Mercurie this once, and
tell him thus much from _Mar-Martine_, that he hath vndone more Printers
with his py-bald pamphlets, then his dish-clout dicipline will sette vp
agayne this seauen yeeres. Much inkehorne stuffe hath hee vttered in a
iarring stile, and intruded a greate deale of trashe to our eares by a
daintie figure of _idem peridem_, but for anie new peece of arte he hath
shewed in those idle editions, other then that his famous aduersary hath
before time confuted, he may wel enough bequeth it to Dunce or Dorbel,
whēce his blundering capacity is lineally descended. What maister T.C.
you think that no man dare touch you, because you haue plaid the scuruie
scolde anie time these twentie yeeres, but Ile so hamper your holynes for
all the offences of your youth, as all geering puritans shall haue small
cause to insult and reioyce at my silence. Then see whether I dare stand
to the defence of your defame or no. Take heede good-man Howlyglasse,
that I make not such a hole in your coate the nexte Tearme, as _Martine_
and his sonnes shall not sowe vp in hast, I tel you I am a shreud fellow
at the vncasing of a fox, and haue cats eyes to looke into euerie corner
of a Puritans house. I warrant you my brother _Pag._ will saie so, by
that time I haue talkte with him a little, who although hee bee none of
the straightest men that euer God made, yet hath he as good skill in
milche bullocks, as anie huswife within fortie miles of his head. Let him
alone, and if he doe not know by a cowes water, how many pintes of milke
she will give in a yeere, then wyll he neuer help his wife to make cheese
agayn whiles hee liues: and without offence to his Pastorshippe bee it
spoken, hee will saie pretyly well to a henne, if shee bee not too olde,
alwayes prouided, shee haue a neaste of cleane strawe in his studie, and
hee groape her with his owne handes euening and morning. Then see if hee
doe not make three pounds a yeere of her ouer and aboue all costes and
charges. I marie sir, is not this a husbande in deede, that besides the
multiplying of the Church of God, in his householde ministerie, will
keepe his wife and familie by crosse bargaines a whole twelue moneth.
What woulde he doe my maisters, if he had two good legges, that wil thus
bestirre him in his vocation with one and a stump. The world may saie
he is lame, and so forth, but hee that had seene him runne from Houns
the other daie, for getting his maide with childe, woulde neuer thinke
so. I meruaile with what face our Bishoppes could depriue such a man of
God, that beeing knowen to bee a most heauenly whooremaister, a passing
zealous worldling, and a most mortified schismatique, was fitter iwis to
teache men then boyes. Bee ruled by _Martine_, and send him home into
Deuonsheere, or else hee will wrappe all your Cleargie once agayne in
Lazarus winding sheete. Which fauour if hee obtayne contrarie to desert,
I woulde wishe him as a friend, neare more to vrge Fathers to sweare at
the Funt, that the children that are brought thether to be christned,
are of none but their owne begetting, lest olde _Ragdale_ plie him as
he did in times past, about the shoulders with his plowe staffe. Haue
with you _Giles Wig._ to Sidborough, and let us haue you make another
Sermon of _Sedgwickes_ pack-prickes: or such another Prayer as you did
of three hours long, when as a friend of yours (that best knew your
armes) cast in the Rammes homes at your windowe. If you be remembred,
it was the same time, when you cride, Come wife, come seruants, let vs
fall on our knees, and praie to the Lorde God to deliuer vs from all
euill temptation, for the deuill is euen new gone by, and looke where he
hath throwne in his hornes at the windowe. _Giles_, _Giles_, I haue to
talke with you for your saucinesse with the right Honorable the Earle of
Huntington, in whose presence you (though of all other vnworthie) then
beeing, when conuersant with other Gentlemen, hee calde for a boule of
Beere, which brought, and set downe by him, and he yet busie in talke,
you tooke verie orderlie from before him, and trilled it off without
anie more bones, bidding his man if he would, goe fill him another.
And what of all this I praie you, was that such a wonderous matter,
doth _Giles_ care for anie of your Lordes, Earles, Barons or Bishops.
No, no, no barrell better herring with him: we are all made of one
and the selfe same molde, and _Adam_ signifieth but red earth. I could
tell you a tale worth the hearing, that would counteruaile _Glib._ of
Haustead, were it not that it woulde make M. _Wig._ as cholerike, as
when he burst in the Church maugre excōmunication, and knockt the keies
about yᵉ Sextens head, for not opening vnto him. Come on it what wil,
in spite of midsūmer moone, you shal haue it as it is, therefore attend
good people to the vnfortunate sequele. G. W. of Wig. house, in the
land of little Wittam, chosen to the place and function of a pastor, by
those reuerend elders of the Church, Hicke, Hob and John, Cutbert C. the
Cobler, and New. the broomseller _cum multis aliis que nunc prescribere
longum est_, at length seased (after many yeeres stragling) on the
superintendentship of Sidborough, wher hauing worn out three or four
pulpits with the vnreasonable bounsing of his fistes, it was his chance
on a time to haue one quarrell more to another of them: so that no sooner
mounted on her backe, but he began to spurre her with his heeles, to
boxe her about the eares with his elbowes, and so pittiously misuse her
in euerie part, as would haue greeued anie heathen Ioyner to the heart,
to beholde. Nor coulde his Text containe him in this choler, or pleade
anie pardon or pittie for this poore pulpit, but he wold needes ride her
to death from one Diocesse to another, from Yorke to London, from London
to Canterbury, from Canterburie to Winchester, and all without a baite,
insomuch, that tyred in his waie homeward to his Text, he had stucke in
the myre for anie more matter hee had, had not Iohn a Borhead come into
the church as he did. Whom he espying in good time, crost the midwaie
of a sentence to let flie at him in this manner. As for the discipline
which those wretches doe hinder, looke, looke good people where that vile
whooremaster Iohn a Borhead comes in piping hot from Clayphams wife.
Whose verie sight put him so cleane besides himselfe, that he could
neyther goe forward nor backward, but stil repeated, Iohn a Borhead,
Iohn a Borhead, that vild whooremaister Iohn a Borhead: to whom with the
Father, the Sonne, and the holy Ghost, be al honor and praise both now
and for euer. Ah hah maister _Martine_, what get you nowe by your red
cap? Whether was Clayphams wife or Iohn a Borhead more in fault, for
marring this good sermon. If I. a Borhead, then is it not best for him
to come in my brother _Wig._ waie, least he stabbe him, as hee did the
Drumme once for playing after seruice. How euer it was, may it please you
Lordes of the spiritualtie, in consideration of these laudible premises,
to sende him home to his charge, that hee may once more preache in the
yewe tree. My brother _Vd._ of Kingston thinkes Ile spare him for his
wiues sake, that is reported to be as good a wench as euer playde her
prises at Pancredge, although she is not altogether such a gyantesse,
as my brother _Wig._ female, but _forma fragulis_, and Ale is not worth
a button, if it be too stale. Wherefore prepare you good neighbour _V._
to vnder-goe the crosse of persecution. _Martine_ hath vaunted you to
be a venterous knight, and I doe meane to breake a launce with you, ere
you and I part. Wherfore what saie you nowe to the matter, is Christ
descended of bastardisme or no, as you gaue out in the pulpyt? Would you
not haue your tongue cut out for your blasphemie if you wer wel serued?
Are you a notable preacher of the word of God, and a vehement reprouer of
sin, that thus seeke to discredit the fleshly descent of our Sauiour, I
thought you such another, when I first sawe you emblazoned in _Martins_
bookes. Tis you that are so holy, that you wil not forsooth be seene
to handle anie monie, nor take golde though it shoulde filch it selfe
into your purse, but if God moued the heartes of anie of your brethren
or sistren in the Lord, to bring in pots, beds or houshold stuffe into
your house, you would go out of doores of purpose whiles it was brought
in, and then if anie man aske you, how you come so well storde, your
answere is that you know not how, but only by the prouidence of God. I
must belabour you when all is done, for your backbiting and slandering
of your honest neighbours, and open inueighing against the established
gouernment in your sermons. Helpe him _Martin_, or else his vpbraided
absurdities will make thee repent that euer thou belyedst or disgracedst
_Hone_, _Cottington_ or _Chatfield_ in his cause. May it please you
therefore that are in authoritie, considering how reuerently hee hath
abused Christs birthright, to restore him to preach that the blockes and
stones of Kingstone, do not crie out against you. I followe the riuers
of folly, whiles the fountaines of infection do propagate their poison.
_Martin_ all this while thinkes himself in league with obscuritie,
whiles Phebus the discouerer of Mars and Venus adultery, hath streamed
his bright day light into the net where he daunceth. Blush squint-eied
caitife, since thy couert no more wil contain thee. _Cælum te contegit
non habes vrnam_. Therfore let al posteritie that shall heare of his
knauerie, attend the discouery which now I will make of his villanie.
_Pen. I. Pen._ welch _Pen. Pen._ the Protestationer, Demonstrationer,
Supplicationer, Appellationer, _Pen._ the father, _Pen._ the sonne, _Pen.
Martin Iunior_, _Martin Martinus_, _Pen._ the scholler of Oxford to his
friend in Cambridge, _Pen. totum in toto, et totum in qualibet parte_,
was somtimes (if I be not deceiued) a scholler of that house in Cambridge
whereof D. _Per._ was maister. Where, what his estimation was, the scorn
wherin he liued can best relate. For the constitution of his bodie, it
was so cleane contrarie to all phisiognomie of fame, that a man wold haue
iudged by his face, God and nature deuising our disgrace, had enclosde
a close stoole in skinne, and set a serpentine soule, like a counterfet
diamond, more deepe in dong. Neither was this monster of Cracouia vnmarkt
from his bastardisme to mischiefe: but as he was begotten in adultery
and conceiued in the heate of lust, so was he brought into the world
on a tempestuous daie, and borne in that houre when all planets wer
opposite. Predestination yᵗ foresaw how crooked he should proue in his
waies, enioyned incest to spawne him splay-footed. Eternitie, that knew
how aukward he shoulde looke to all honesty, consulted with Conception
to make him squint-eied, and the deuill that discouered by the heauens
disposition on his birth-day, how great a lim of his kingdom was comming
into the world, prouided a rustie superficies wherinto wrapt him, as
soone as euer he was separated from his mothers wombe: in euerie part
whereof these words of blessing were most artificially engrauen, _Crine
ruber, niger ore, breuis pede, lumine lustus_. To leaue his natiuitie
to the Church porch, where the parish found him, and come to his riper
yeres, that now had learnd _Puerilis_, of the poore mans boy, and nere
as pretily entred in Aue Marie English, as any parish clarke in those
parts. I am to tel you how laudibly he behaued himselfe in Peterhouse,
during the time of his subsistership. First therfore he began with his
religion at his first comming thether, _Hoc scitote viri_, that he was
as arrant a papist as euer came out of Wales. I tell you _I. a P._ in
those daies, would haue run a false gallop ouer his beades with anie
man in England, and helpt the Priest for a shift to saie Masse at high
midnight, which if need were, I doubt not but he would do at this houre.
It was not for nothing my masters, that he so be-baited his betters,
for shewing the people the relique of our Ladies smock in his sermon,
and open detecting of all their other blind superstition. Say what you
will, he is a close lad, and can carrie a ring in his mouth, though all
the world see it not: what though hee now dissemble with the time, and
disguise his Spanish heart in a Precisians habit. May not he hereafter
proue a necessarie mēber in conspiracies common wealth, and aduantage the
holy league as much in this meanes of sedition, as all _Philips_ power
by inuasion. Simple English men, that cannot see into pollicie before
it supprise your peace, nor interrupt the ambition of trechery, before
it hath besieged your prosperitie. Doe you beholde whiles innouations
bud, and do not you feare lest your children and family be poisoned
with the fruit. The Scythians are barbarous, yet more fore-seeing then
you, who so detested al forren innouations, tēding to the derogation of
theyr ancient customes, that they kild Anacharsis for no other cause,
but for yᵗ he performed the rights of Sibil after the manner of the
Grecians. What should I vpbraide your simplicitie with the Epidaurians
prouident subtiltie, who fearing least their Countrie men shoulde attract
innouations from other nations, and especially from their riotous
neighbors the Illirians, interdicted theyr merchants from al trafick with
them, or trauaile vnto them, but least they should be vtterly destitute
of their commodities, they chose a graue man amongst them, knowen to be
of good gouernment and reputation, who dealt continually for the whole
Countrie in the waie of exchange, and meruailously augmented their wealth
by the reuerence of his wisedome. But you fond men, as in garments so in
gouernment continually affecting new fashions, thinke no man can be saued
yᵗ hath not bin at Geneua. Your beleefe forsooth must be of that Scottish
kinde, and your Bibles of the primitiue print, else your consciences God
wot, are not of the cannonical cut, nor your opinions of the Apostles
stamp. _Pen._ with Pan, hath contended with Appollo, and you lyke
Midasses, haue ouerprised his musick. Good God, yᵗ a Welch harpe should
inchant so many English harts to their confusiō, especially hauing nere a
string belonging to it, but a treble. Had a syren sung, and I drownd in
attending her descante. I would haue bequeathed my bane to her beautie,
but when Cerberus shall barke and I turne back to listen, thē let me
perish without pittie, in the delight of my liuing destruction. Deceit
hath tooke vp his seat in a dunce, and you thinke him a saint, because he
comes not in the shape of a deuil. We know M. _Pen._ _intus et in cute_,
first for a papist, then for a Brownist, next for an Anabaptist, and last
for yᵉ blasphemous _Martin_, whose spirite is the concrete compound of
all these vnpardonable heresies. But had not the frantike practise of his
youth throughly founded his confirmed age in this furie, I woulde haue
imagined his vpstart spite, a wōder aboue usual speech, whereas now the
coniectures drawen from his cradles, detract frō his mallice all maruels.
For whiles hee was yet a fresh man in Peterhouse, and had scarce tasted,
as we say, of _Setons modalibus_, he began to affect factions in art,
and shew himselfe openly a studious disgracer of antiquitie. Who then
such an vnnatural enemie to _Aristotle_, or such a new-fāgled friend vnto
_Ramus_. This one thing I am sure of, hee neuer went for other then an
asse, amongst his companions and equalles, yet such a mutinous block-head
was he alwaies accounted, that through town and Colledge he was cōmonly
called the seditious dunce. For one while he would be libelling against
_Arist._ and all his followers he knew, another while hee would all to
be-rime Doctour _Perne_, for his new statutes, and make a by-word of
his bald pate, yea had the Dean, President, or any other officer neuer
so litle angerd him, they were sure ere the weeke went about to haue
hard of it, in some libell or other. This humour helde him at that time,
when, by conuersing with French men neare Christes Colledge, of a Papist
hee became a Brownist, how afterwards from a Brownist hee fell to bee
an Anabaptist, I referre it to those that knewe his after behauiour in
Oxford. But for his last discent, _a malo in peius_ from an Anabaptist
to be that infamous _Martin_, impute it to the age of his heresies,
that are now in there Harvest. Neither would I haue you thinke there
was no more heades in it then his owne, For I can assure you to the
contrary, that moste of the Puritane preachers in Northampton shire,
Warwick shire, Sufolke and Northffolke, haue eyther brought stone, strawe
or morter to the building of this _Martin_. Only _Pen._ found nothing
but _ry_, which the last part of his name, affordeth sufficiently, you
may see what it is for a nest of hornets to hiue together, oh they wil
make braue combes to choake bees withal, if they be let alone but one
quarter, not so much as T. C. himselfe, but will haue the helpe of his
fellow Brethren, if he hath any thing to write against Bishops, were
not al the elected in Cambridge, assembled about the shaping of the
confutation of the Remish Testament, O so deuoutly they met euery Friday
at Saint _Laurence_ his Monastery, wher the counsails and fathers, were
distributed amongst seueral companies, and euery one of the reformed
society sent there combined quotations weeke by weeke in a Capcase, to
my brother _Thomas_, yet wandring beyond sea, such a Chaos of common
places, no apothegmatical _Lycosthenes_ euer conceited. Bishops were the
smallest bugs, that were aimed at in this extraordinary beneuolence,
God shield, the court haue escapt their collectiōs. Some thing it would
proue in the end if it wer published, that is pouldred with the brains
of so many Puritan springols, and polluted with the pains of such an
infinite number of Asses. Much good do it you M. _Martin_, how like
you my stile, am not I old _Ille ego qui quondam_ at yᵉ besleeuing of
a sichophant. Alas poore idiot, thou thinkest no man can write but thy
selfe, or frame his pen to delight, except he straine curtesie with one
of thy Northren figures, but if authority do not moderate, the fiery
feruence of my enflamed zeale, ile assaile thee from terme to terme
with _Archilochus_, in such a compleat armour of Iambicks, as the very
reflexcye of my fury, shall make thee driue thy father before thee to the
gallows, for begetting thee in such a bloody houre. O God that we two
might bee permitted but one quarter, to try it out by the teeth for the
best benefice in England, then would I distill my wit into incke, and my
soule into argumentes, but I would driue this _Danus_ from his dunghill,
and make him faune like a dog for fauour at the magistrates feete. But it
is our English policy to aduantage our enemies by delaies, and resist a
multitude with a fewe, which makes sediton seede before the haruesters of
our souls suppose it in the blade: it is not the spirite of mildenesse
yᵗ must moderat the hart of folly, dogs must be beaten with staues, and
stuborn slaues cōtrolled with stripes. Authority best knows how to diet
these bedlamites, although _Segnior Penry_ in his last waste paper hath
subscribed our magistrats infants. Repent, repent thou runnagate lozill,
and play not the Seminary any longer in corners, least thy chiefest
benefactors forsake thee, and recouer the pouerty of their fines, by
bringing the pursiuants to thy forme. I heare some vnderhande whisperers,
and greeneheaded nouices exclaime against our Bishops, for not granting
thee disputation. Alas alas brother _Martin_ it may not be: for thou art
known to be such a stale hackster, with thy welch hooke, that no honest
man wil debase himselfe in buckling with such a braggar. But suppose we
should send some Crepundio forth our schools to beat thee about the eares
with _ergo_. Where should this _sillogistica concertatio_ be solemnized:
what in our Vniuersity schooles at Oxford, or in _puluere Philosophico_
at Cambridge. No they were erected in time of Popery, and must be new
built againe before they can giue any accesse to his arguments. Truly I
am afraide yᵗ this Generall counsaile, must be holden at Geneua, when al
is done, for I know no place in En[g]land holy inough for their turne,
except it be some barne or out-house about Bury, or some odde blind
cottage in the hart of Warwicke shire, and thither peraduenture, these
good honest opponents would repaire without grudging. Prouided alwaies
that they haue ther horse-hire and other charges allowed them out of the
poor mans box, or els it is no bargain. All this fadges wel yet, if we
had once determined who shold be father of the act. Why what a question
is that, when we haue so many persecuted elders abroad. The blinde, the
halt, or the lame, or any serues the turn with them, so he hath not
on a cloak with sleues, or a cap of the vniuersity cut. Imagin that
place to be furnished, where shall we finde moderators, that may deale
indifferently twixt both parts. _Machiuell_ is dead many a yeare agoe,
or els he had bene a fit man for this may-game, therefore whom shal we
haue now, since it must be neither yours nor ours. Some vpstart countrey
Gentleman, that hath vndone all his tenants by oppression, euen such a
one as _Scar._ of Warwicke shire, that being a noted _Martinist_, be
frinded his poor coppi-holder _Criar_, and turnd him out of all that ere
he had very orderly. How thinke you my lay brethren? is not here a trim
conuocation towards. But mark the end of it, and then you may haps see
odde buffeting with the buttond bookes, and battring down of bishopricks.
_Giles_ of Sidborough wil off his gown at least, and make demonstrations
of Logique with his fists like _Zeno_, what though he be low and cannot
reach so hie as an Archbishop, may not he stād like a iackanapes on his
wiues shoulders, and scold for the best game with all that come. He is
sauing a reuerence a spritish dispu[t]er, and a pestilent felow at an
vnperfect sillogisme. Nay mark me well, and take me at my words, he
shal speake false Latine, forge a text, abuse a Bishop, or make a lie of
reuelation for more then I speak off with any man in Englād. Neither do
I flatter him herin for he hears me not, if I did, it were no matter,
considering that _virtus laudata crescit_.

From iest to ernest, I appeale to you Gentlemen, how ridiculous in
pollicy this disputation would proue if it were granted. First for
there Bibles, the touchstone of all controuersies, they must bee of
their fouorites translation, or els they will deny there authority
as friuolous. Admit they go to the original (which but few of them
vnderstand) they wil haue euery man his sundry interpretation. Let our
deuines alledge any text, they will expound it as they list, say the
fathers or other auncient writers what they will. For such is the growth
of their arrogancy, that they are not ashamed to compare themselus with
_Ierome_ or _Austen_, and in their tedious sermons preach against them as
prophane. If this thē bee any betraying of the wretchednesse of our cause
(as they call it) not to dispute with them that deny all principles,
not to contend with thē that wilbe tride by none but themselus, I refer
it to all considerate iudgementes, that haue no more experiēce in the
actions of peace then a reasonable soule may afford. The more pacified
sort of our Puritans, would needs perswade the world, that it is nought
but a learned ministry which their chāpion _Martin_ endeuors: were it no
otherwise his pardon were easely sealed, but those that know the treasō
of his books, can report of his mallice against Bishops. One thing I am
perswaded, that he neither respects the propagation of the Gospel, nor
the prosperity of the Church, but only the benefite that may fall to him
and his boulsterers, by the distribution of Bishoprickes. Beshrewe mee
but those Church-liuings would come well to decayed courtiers. O howe
meerilye the Dice would runne, if our lustye laddes might goe to hazard
for halfe a dozen of these Dioses[es]. Not a page but woulde haue a
flinge at some or other impropriation or personage: and in conclusion,
those liuings which now maintaine so many schollers and students, would
in two or three yeares be all spent in a Tauerne amongst a consort of
queanes and fidlers, that might carouse on their wine-bench to the
confusion of religion. Well, to proceede in this text of reformation:
is not this thy meaning _Martin_, that thou wouldest haue two and
fiftie thousand Pastors, for two and fiftie thousand Parish churches
in England and Wales. If thou saiest the word, we will haue a place in
both Vniuersities, begin in Oxford first with the fresh-men, and so go
vp to the heades of the Vniuersitie, and then count how many thou canst
make. Our Beadles that know the number best, would needes perswade vs,
that of all sortes, there is not full three thousand: in Cambridge they
say there is not so many by a thousand, then call thy wits together, and
imagin with thy selfe, out of these three thousand, and two thousand of
all gatherings, how many good preachers may be mustered, some foure
hundreth as I gesse, peraduenture thou maist rebate them to some fiftie
or threescore, because there is no more open-mouthes of thy profession
in both Vniuersities: How farre this fiftie is from fiftie thousand,
a farthing worth of Arithmetike will teach you: where wilt thou haue
then a competent number to fill vp those defects of dum ministers:
inspiration I perceiue must helpe to patch vp your knauerie, and then
welfare the cobler of Norwitch, that being one morning somthing earelie
at Saint Androwes, and the Preacher not come before the Psalme was ended,
stept vp into the pulpet verie deuoutly, and made me a good thriftie
exhortation in the praise of plaine dealing. If this bee not true, aske
the Maior that committed him to prison for his labour. Such another
Doctour would he proue, that standing in election for a liuing that was
then in her Maiesties bestowing, came to be examined by men of grauitie
in the circumstance of his sufficiencie, who discending eft soones into
his vnschooled simplicitie, gaue him this litle English to be made in
Latin. There be three Creedes, the Nycen Creede, Athanatius Creede,
and the Apostles Creede, all which ought to be belieued vpon paine of
damnation. The good simple superintendant, that saw himselfe so hardly
beset, craued respite to compasse this vulgar, which graunted, after some
deliberation he began thus to go forward, “Tria sunt Creda, vnum Niceni,
alterum Athanasii, tertium Apostolorum, quæ omnes debent esse creditum,
sub pœna condemnationis.” I marrie Sir, here is apeece of scholershippe
of the new cut, which for the goodnesse of the Latin might haue borne a
part in the Pewteres paggeant. I keepe a register of ten thousand such
knacks. Why, there is not a Presician in England that hath abused arte,
or mistoken a metaphor but I haue his name in blacke and white, what say
you to that zealous sheepebyter of your owne edition in Cambridge, that
saide the wicked had a scabbe, a braune, and a crust on their conscience,
being so full of their wilie gilies, that we that are the true children
of God can not tell how to concerne them: or was not hee a sound carde,
that talking of the maiestie and authoritie of the scriptures, said they
were the sweete meates of Saintes, the houshold stuffe of heauen, and
the home spunne cloth of the Lords own loombes, being deliuered from the
stonebow of his mouth, when he appeared in glory on mount Sinay: But this
is nothing to the good sport of that is behinde. What, I must tell you
of a fellow that trolles in his rethorike like _Martin_ in his riddles.
This hors-holy father preaching on a time in Saint Maries at Oxford,
came off with this mannerly comparison: There is an vglie and monstrous
beast in our tongue called a hogge, and this vgly and monstrous beast in
boistrous and tempesteous weather lifts vp his snoute into the ayre, and
cryes wrough, wrough: euen so (deare people) the children of God in the
troublesome time of temptations, cry, Our helpe is in the name of the
Lord. Such another woodcocke was he of Yarmouth, that said openly in the
pulpet, whosoeuer weares a vayle, is an whore without exception, and on
an other time, two women comming to be churched, whereof the one wore a
vaile, the other went without. He began his thankesgiuing in this forme:
Let vs giue God thankes for the safe deliuery of one of our sisters, for
the other let vs not giue God thankes, for she is a straunger, and we
haue nothing to doe with her, I take her to be _Dinah_ the harlot, that
sat by the high way side, for she hath a vayle ouer her face. In the next
place to him, shall he be put that railing on the Papists in his Sermon,
alledged this argument to confute their religion, Nay (saith he) you may
gather what a wicked and spotted religion this papistrie is, for Campion
himselfe that was accounted their chiefest piller, was reported to haue
had the poxe. I haue another in my tables, that handling that place of
_Iosua_ where _Rahab_ entertained his spies, would needes conclude all
Inkeepers to be harlots, because _Rahab_ the harlot was an Inkeeper. I
shall run my penne out of breath, if I articulate all the examples of
their absurdeties that I could. Haue not Trinitie Hall men in Cambridge
a preaching brother in Bury yet in sute, for saying all ciuillians were
papists. To let him passe for a patch, that being maister of none of the
meanest Colledges in Cambridge, and by the oth of his admission, bound
to take no money for preferments, made answere to one that offered him
fortie markes to make his sonne fellow: God forbid I should take any
money for it is against my oth, but if you will giue me it in plate, Ile
pleasure him in what I may. This is the dreamer if you be aduised, that
is indebted aboue two thousand houres to the Vn[iu]ersitie, which he hath
borrowed by three and foure at a time vpon seuerall sundayes preaching
as it came to his course: it is a shame for him, that he doth not pay
them, professing such puritie as he doth. _Martin_, thou seest I come
not abruptly to thee like a rednosde ieaster, that in the pride of his
pottle-pots curries ouer a reuelling riffe raffe of Tapsterly tauntes,
and course hempen quippes, such as our brokerly wits doe filsh out of
Bull the Hangmans budget, but I speake plaine English, and call thee a
knaue in thine owne language. All the generation of you are Hipocrites
and belli-gods, that deuoure as much good meat in one of your brotherly
loue meetings, as would wel-nye victuall the Queenes ships a whole
moneth. It is a shame for you to exclame so against Cardes, and play
thus vnreasonably at Maw as you do. Gaffe _Martin_, doe you remember
whom you vpbraided by Primero? well let not me take you at Noddy anie
more, least I present you to the parish for a gamster, this the ninth
set that you haue lost, and yet you will not leaue off. Beware _Anthony
Munday_ be not euen with you for calling him Iudas, and lay open your
false carding to the stage of all mens scorne. I maruell _Pasquill_ comes
not away with his legends, considering that the date of his promise is
more then expired. It seemes he stayes for some Saintes that are yet to
suffer, and wants none but _Martin_ to make vp his legend of Martyres,
if it be so I woulde thou wouldest come aloft quickly, that we might
haue this good sport altogether, and not liue euer in expectation of
that which is not. O I could furnish him to the proofe with such a
packet of male and female professors, as the world might not patterne.
A good old dunstable doctor here in London, should be the formost of
them, that saide his wife was as good as our Ladie: and another time
quarrelling with one of his neighbours that was a sadler, about setting
vp of the Organs, in a good zeale he lift vp his fist, and stroke out
two of his fore teeth, like a right man of peace: where haue you lived
my brethren, that you haue not heard of that learned Presbiter, that
talking how _Adam_ fell by eating of the Apple, discourst thus: _Adam_
eate the Apple and gaue it to his wife, whereby is to be noted that the
man eate and the woman eate, the man eate, but how, a snap and away: the
woman eat, but how, she laide her thumbe on the stalke, and her finger
on the coare and bitte it ouerthwart, in which byting it ouerthwart, she
broke all the commaundements, insomuch as vnder ten greene spots the ten
cōmmandments in euery Apple are comprised: and besides that corrupted her
fiue senses. From whence wee may gather this obseruation, that a woman
alwaies eates an Apple ouerthwart. Why, this is sound diuinitie, and apt
for to edify, _Sed abeundum est mihi_, and from the Cleargie must I
leape to the Laytie. Wherefore God euen good man _Dauy_ of Canterbury,
and better lucke betide thee and thy limbes, then when thou dauncedst a
whole sunday at a wedding, and afterwardes repenting they selfe of thy
prophane agilitie, thou entredst into a more serious meditation against
what table thou hadst sinned, or what part was the principall in this
antike iniquitie. The eyes they were the formost in this enditement, but
the legs, (O those leude legs,) they brought him thither, they kept him
there, they leapt, they daunced, and I leualted to the Vials of vanitie:
wherefore, what didst thou but like a true christian chastised them
accordingly. The scripture saith, if thine eye offend thee, plucke it
out, _Dauy_ saith, my hose and shoes haue offended mee, therefore will I
plucke them off. This text thus applyed, off went the wollen stockings
with a trice, and they with the good neates leather shoes were cast both
into the bottom of a well. The sinners thus punished, and all parties
pleased, home went the pilgrim _Dauy_ barefoote and barelegge. And now
since wind and tide serues, now I care not if I cut ouer to Ipswitch:
there is a Cowdresser there that I am sure will entertaine me if she be
not dead, great _Iane_ of Ipswitch they call her, one that hath beene
a tender mother to many a Martinist in her time, and hath a very good
insight in a canne of strong wine. A good vertuous Matrone is she and a
wise, hauing no fault but this, that she will be drunke once a day, and
then she lyes her downe on her bedde, and cryes, O my God, my God, thou
knowest I am drunke, and why I should offend thee my God by spuing thus,
as I do. I haue not beene in Essex yet, but Ile set in my staffe there as
I go home, for I haue a petition for my brother that made the Sermon of
Repentance to deliuer vp for me to the Councell: but it must not be such
a one as he deliuered for him selfe to my Lord Treasurer, beginning with
O sweet Margery, could thy eyes see so fare, thy hands feele so farre,
or thy eares heare so farre &c. for then euerie seruing man will mocke
vs, but it must be of another tune, with most pitifully complaining, that
a man can not call an Asse, asse, but he shall be had _coram nobis_. In
this vaine enough, because actions of the case are chargeable, and Guilde
men vncharitable. If the dogge _Martin_ barke againe, Ile hold him tugge
for two or three courses, and then beware my blacke booke you were best,
for I haue not halfe emboweld my register. Amend, amend, and glorie no
more in your hipocrisie, least your pride and vaine glory betray our
prosperitie to our enimies, and procure the Lords vengeance to dwell in
the gates of our citie. The simple are abused, the ignorant deluded, and
Gods truth most pitifully peruerted, and thou art that most wretched
seducer, that vnder wolues raiment deuourest widowes houses. Visions are
ceast, and all extraordinarie reuelation ended, although a good fellow
in Cambridge, hearing all thinges might be obtained by prayer, prayed
two dayes and two nightes for visions: wherefore broach no more heresies
vnder colour of inspiration: if thou doest, thou art like to heare of me
by the next Carrier. And so bon nute to your Noddishippe.

            Yours to command as your owne
            for two or three cudgellings at all times.

                                         _Cutbert Curriknaue the yonger._


FOOTNOTES


[1] Hug. lib. de duob. abusio.

[2] Greg. lib. 8.

[3] Greg. lib. mor.

[4] Ber. 2. ser. resur.

[5] Ierome super Oseam.

[6] Greg. 15.




NOTES.


PAGE 9, line 28. _induments_] from _induo_, Latin, to put on; cover over.
The word, as a noun, does not occur in Todd’s Johnson nor in Nares.

    “Diana’s shape and habit them _indued_.”—_Sandys’ Ovid_, b. ii.

    “One first matter all
    _Indu’d_ with various forms.”—_Milton, Par. Lost._

P. 11, l. 6. _unuenidall sinnes_] Unvenial? it seems used in
contradistinction to venial.

P. 11, l. 8. _despairing protestations_] This is an allusion to “The
Protestatyon of Martin Mar-Prelat, wherein notwithstanding the surprizing
of the printer, he maketh it known vnto the world that he feareth,
neither proud priest, Antichristian pope, tiranous prellate, nor godlesse
catercap.”

P. 12, l. 28. _burlibond_] Todd, in his edition of Johnson, has adduced
one illustration of the word _burly_, which approximates to the meaning
here, that of loud, boisterous; derived, as he supposes from _borlen_,
Teut., to make a noise. Though neither in Nares nor Todd, it will be
found in Nash’s Pierce Penniless [Reprint, Shaksp. Soc., p. 25]: “The
most grosse and senseless proud dolts are the Danes, who stand so much
vpon their vnweldie _burlibound_ souldiery, that they account of no man
that hath not a battle-axe at his girdle to hough dogs with, or weares
not a cock’s fether in a thrumb hat like a caualier: briefly, he is the
_best foole bragart_ under heaven.”

P. 13, l. 25. _hodie-peeles_] Nash, in his _Anatomie of Absurdities_,
uses the word _hoddy-peke_, there implying cuckold, which is the meaning
it bears in this place.

“Who under her husband’s that _hoddy-peke’s_ nose must have all the
distilling dew of his delicate rose.”

P. 14, l. 2. _true-pennie_] See the Notes to the Reprint of “Hay any
Worke for Cooper,” p. 79.

P. 14, l. 7. _Buls slicing._] Bull was the name of the common hangman; he
is quoted some two or three times in “Pap with a Hatchet,” and in many of
the Dramas of the time.

P. 15, l. 21. _Old Martin of England._] An allusion to the “Iust censure
and reproofe of Martin Iunior, by his reuerend and elder brother Martin
Senior.”

P. 16, l. 14. _dudgen distinction._] I am unable to explain this.

P. 16, last line. _bibble-babble._] Idle talk.

“Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heaven restore! endeavour thyself to
sleep, leave thy vain _bibble babble_.”—_Shakspeare, Twelfth Night._

P. 17, l. 1. _gibbrige_] Gibberish.

P. 17, l. 19. _Cli. the Cobler, &c._] Cliffe, Newman, Lawson.

P. 22, l. 25. _Will Tong._] I cannot give any account of this worthy,
unless Will. Kempe, who succeeded the celebrated Tarlton, is meant.
Elderton’s name is well known, his rimes and ballets are the subject
of frequent allusion in the dramas and pamphlets of the time. See “Pap
with a Hatchet,” [Reprint, p. 14]. Harvey’s “Pierce’s Supererogation.”
[Reprint, p. 181.]

P. 23, l. 25. _his Welchnes._] An allusion to Penry.

P. 24, l. 4. _Hodgkins, Tomlins and Sims._] Hodgkins, and his two men,
Tomlyn and Symms, who were employed to print the Mar-Prelate Tracts
after Waldegrave’s press had been broken up, were seized at Manchester
in printing “More work for the Cooper.” Their examination will be found
in Strype’s Annals, vii. 602-5.—See also much information in Sutcliffe’s
Answer to Job Throckmorton, p. 72, 4to, 1595.

P. 25, l. 8. _Bumfeging._] _i. e._ belabouring. The word does not occur
in Nares. In “Hay any Worke for Cooper,” Martin says, “For ise so bumfeg
the Cooper,” &c. [Reprint, p. 24.]

P. 26, l. 5. _the aged champion of Warwicke._] _i. e._ Thomas Cartwright.

P. 26, l. 8. _Phi. Stu._] Philip Stubbes, the brother-in-law of
Cartwright. His “Anatomy of Abuses,” was printed in 1589.

P. 31, l. 24. _ribrost._] To belabour, to beat soundly.

“I have been pinched in flesh, and well _ribroasted_ under my former
masters; but I’m in now for skin and all.”—_L’Estrange._

P. 35, l. 26. _anie more bones._] _i. e._ without scruple.

“Perjury will easily donne with him that hath made _no bones_ of
murther.”—_Bp. Hall, Cases of Conscience._

P. 39, l. 6. _Pen. &c._] Nash is evidently mistaken in attributing all
the Mar-Prelate Tracts to him. The description which follows powerfully
reminds us of Nash’s characteristic portrait of Gabriel Harvey.

P. 44, l. 2. _Capcase._] A small travelling case, according to Nares, 72.

P. 50, l. 8. _sheepe byter._] A petty thief.

“There are political _sheepbiters_ as well as pastoral, betrayers of
publick trusts as of private.”—_L’Estrange._

“May it please Gentle Pierce in the divine fury of his ravished spirit,
to be graciously good unto his poor friends, who would be somewhat loth
to be silly sheep for the wolf, or other _sheepbiter_.”—_G. Harvey’s
Pierce’s Supererogation._

P. 51, l. 26. _patch._] _i. e._ a fool.

P. 51, l. 21. _Maw._] An old game at cards; the pun is not a bad one.

P. 52, l. 26. _Beware Anthony Munday._] A well known writer and
translator of various works. I have not met with the passage alluded to.


THE END.

LONDON: HUGH WILLIAMS, PRINTER, ASHBY-STREET.



*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK AN ALMOND FOR A PARROT: BEING A REPLY TO MARTIN MAR-PRELATE ***


    

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