Munchausen XX




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                             Munchausen XX


                                   by
                               THE BARON




Being wondrous but veracious happenings which befell my ancestors, here
translated and for the first time printed from manuscripts found most
miraculously by myself


        CONTAINING, AS WELL, AND AS PERSPICACIOUSLY SET FORTH,
        NOT ALONE MY ADVENTURES IN SECURING THESE REMARKABLE
        DOCUMENTS, BUT A VERY ENTRANCING AND ENTERTAINING SERIES
        OF THRILLING INCIDENTS THAT TOOK PLACE IN MY LIFE PRIOR
        TO AND WHILE SEARCHING FOR THE GLORIOUS CREATURE WHOSE
        HUSBAND I BECOME AS A FITTING CLIMAX TO A CAREER SO
        UNCEASINGLY FRAUGHT WITH DANGER


The full force of these heart-stopping episodes is brought nearer and
clearer to the reader who combines with the text the clever


                             Illustrations

                                   by

                       MR. RICHARD HARVEY CURTIS




                                CHICAGO
                                  1904


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                            Copyright, 1904
                         (All rights reserved)


                Copyright, 1904, by Rand, McNally & Co.




                                PRESS OF
                        RAND, MCNALLY & COMPANY
                                CHICAGO


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                               GENEALOGY

                                   of

                             Munchausen XX


    1. Ka In begat
    2. Fabel; who begat
    3. Fa Ker; who begat
    4. Pur Ju Ry; who begat
    5. Fal Seh Ood; who begat
    6. Tru Thless; who begat
    7. Li Ing; who begat
    8. Li Ur; who begat
    9. Fay Re Tales; who begat
    10. Fik Shun; who begat
    11. Sto Ry; who begat
    12. An An Ias; who begat
    13. Wha Pur; who begat
    14. Ala Din; who begat
    15. Sin Bad; who begat
    16. El Ra Shad; who begat
    17. Mun Chaus Sen (the elder); who begat
    18. Mun Chau Sen (my grandfather); who begat
    19. Mun Chau Sen (my father); who begat
    20. Munchausen (myself).


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[Illustration]

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                             Munchausen XX





                                   I

          _Statement of the case, containing facts, figures,
          dates, and circumstances that constitute the reason
          for and the beginning of this history—my father’s
          demise; his legacy; some youthful happenings
          incident to the legacy, the possession of which was
          exceedingly difficult._


[Illustration]

WHEN I was about five years of age, I was summoned, one morning, to the
bedside of my father, where I learned that he was at the point of death
from an accident.

I was one of fourteen children—the fourteenth; seven boys and seven
girls, the girls and boys alternating until I was reached.

I was very much surprised, upon entering the room in which he lay, to
observe all the other members of the family leave, and close the door.
This, I afterward learned, was by my father’s special direction. While I
had been favored by him in many things, it had seemed to me I was the
recipient of more chastisement than any of my brothers; and, yet, I must
say I was indulged much beyond my deserts.

I had one serious fault—at least, it was so considered by the good old
dames of the neighborhood, who prophesied all manner of evils should
befall me, in magnitude from being hung to being torn asunder by wild
beasts, through all the gradations of torture that may flit through the
mind governed by superstition.

I presume I might as well make a clean breast of the matter, in order
that the reader may not be misled into a false conception of the
situation in which I was placed during my boyhood days, and say that I
was known, throughout that particular community, as the “Prince of
Liars”; in fact, it had been said, and often in my very hearing, that
Truth and I were total strangers, with no possibility of an acquaintance
springing up between us.

Strange to say, my father never chastised me for failure to speak truly,
and would, as I thought, look upon me with approval when I asserted as a
fact something which could by no possible means have happened.

To continue the history.

My father motioned me to his side and handed me a package, saying:

“My son, here is a package which you must not open until your
twenty-fifth birthday. Upon that day, you will open this package and
read the instructions contained in it, and I ask you to follow those
instructions closely. You must guard this package as you would guard
your own safety and yield its possession to no one, not even for one
moment.”

I took it, observing that it was very light of weight and seemed
certainly not to be momentous, if considered from that point of view.


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                                   II

          _I here give further insight into my character for
          the delectation of the reader, recounting in precise
          and careful manner a short story concerning an
          experience that I had while waiting for the arrival
          of my twenty-fifth birthday._


I NEED not detail all the vicissitudes through which I passed before I
reached that day of all days, my twenty-fifth birthday. I may simply
say, that, owing to the fault above mentioned, I was thrown upon the
world with such force that I hit it good and hard, after my father’s
death, and that the world and I seemed to find nothing in which we were
in perfect harmony. I speak of the talking world; for with Nature I
never had the slightest trouble—she understood me and I understood her.
But nobody had any faith in my word, notwithstanding I never promised to
do a thing which was not done. That very trait of character saved me
from starvation on several occasions, one of which I may mention.

I was out in the country, among the mountains, and an eagle was carrying
away a little child. I was near at hand as the bird got its prey, and I
was then about ten years of age. I had been practicing with a sling and
was traveling alone the mountain road from house to house, having had
nothing to eat for several days. I had just gone into the barnyard of
this particular house, when the bird of prey swept down and I heard the
cry of the child and its mother.

I ran to where she stood, wringing her hands and screaming.

“Do you want the child?” I asked.

She turned her tear-stained face upon me with a look of astonishment,
undoubtedly produced by my question.

“Yes, yes!” she cried. “But he is lost!”

“No,” said I with the greatest calmness, “I will get him for you.”

The bird was now far up in the air. I slipped a pebble into my sling,
whirled it about my head, and shot the missile upward.

It caught the eagle just behind the ear and stunned it so that it
stiffened its wings and began to soar gently downward. I had intended
merely to stun it, and now put another pebble in the sling, for use when
I saw the bird was beginning to recover. I, of course, knew it would
never do to kill the bird in the air, for then the force of the fall
from that height would most certainly injure the child severely if it
did not kill it outright.

As the eagle showed signs of returning to consciousness, I sent forth
the other pebble upon its errand of mercy and hit him in exactly the
same place, but upon the other side of his head. This changed his
direction just sufficiently to bring him gradually back, until, at last,
he settled softly down, leaving the child in the very spot from whence
he had taken it. I rushed up and hit him a smart rap on the top of the
head and victory was mine.

It was the telling of this story at other places where I applied for
assistance that caused them to set the dogs upon me, to threaten to
shoot me, or to burn me at the stake.

I mention this incident in my variegated career to show that the brain
of the ordinary mortal is powerless to comprehend the abilities of some
people.


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                                  III

          _I here chronicle the arrival of my twenty-fifth
          birthday and give the reader some little idea of my
          mode of life, retailing for his especial benefit the
          trouble I had in regaining possession of my treasure
          which I had hidden so carefully; informing him also
          of the manner in which my ingenuity came to my aid
          in getting at the contents of the box._


AT last my twenty-fifth birthday arrived, and I went into the woods to
an old hollow tree in which there was a hole large enough for me to
enter, and having ascertained, by careful inspection, that I was
unobserved, I entered. Climbing up some twenty or thirty feet, I thrust
my hand into the hollow of a limb which extended at right angle from the
trunk, to get the package I had carefully placed there sometime before.

I felt my hand firmly grasped and a thick astonishment fell upon me, as
I sought to ascertain the cause of the pain which I now felt tingling up
my arm. I tugged and pulled and gradually began to withdraw my arm,
bringing with it whatever it was that held it.

As I continued my exertions I soon saw two gleaming eyes.

This so frightened me that, for once in my long and eventful life, I
lost my head, so to speak, and likewise my foothold, and should have
fallen had I not been in the death-grip of some fearful monster.

I renewed my wiggling and twisting and jerking, by dint of which I
continued slowly descending until I was opposite the opening through
which I had entered, and out of this I struggled, drawing my enemy after
me.

By getting a good purchase against the tree, I started the great
serpent, as I now saw the thing to be, through the aperture.

He now ceased his reluctance to follow me, evidently being now
determined to help matters along by coming out himself, and within an
incredibly short space of time there was so much of him coiled upon the
ground and around the tree that it was impossible for me even to
estimate his enormous length.

But, behold my horror! For now he had coiled himself firmly, and while
holding me some twenty or thirty feet from the ground was proceeding to
draw me into his cavernous throat, in spite of my frenzied efforts to
combat him.

My horror did not reach its climax until I found my head and shoulders
surely entering the terrible maw.

It makes me all goose-fleshed to think of it—it was a terrible
experience. Finally he had swallowed me, and I fell with a slippery thud
to the point where his body was coiled upon the ground.

I was still vigorous and was struggling desperately; so much so that the
serpent seemed to be suddenly filled with a great questioning as to
whether he had not made a serious mistake.

In threshing around within this cave my hand struck something which I
quickly ascertained to be the package I had sought. I hugged it tightly
to my breast, for the moment forgetting my danger.

The air was becoming stifling, as you may well imagine, and I soon
became desperate. I ran my hands through all my pockets, in a vain
search for my knife which I had left somewhere. The only thing I found
was a mouth-organ. I scratched the wall of his stomach with this most
fiendishly, but it had no effect.

Thinking of another pocket upon the inside of my shirt, and it requiring
the use of both hands to unbutton the shirt and get inside, I put the
organ between my lips. I presume I was short of breath, for I had been
quite busy, and in trying to get my breath I drew the air through the
organ and made a note or two.

I was surprised to feel the actions of the monster at this moment, and I
withdrew the organ from my mouth to observe them. As I did this, the
action stopped.

I then blew the good old tune of “Yankee Doodle,” and the contortions of
the snake were tremendous. He swayed and writhed and seemed to be
catching my feet in a terrible grasp, and I soon became aware that I was
being pushed rapidly upward by the contractions and expansions of the
muscles of his body below me.

I had been conscious that the serpent had been all the while traveling,
but I had not noticed in what direction, and when my head was projected
from between his enormous jaws I saw the earth very far below me. I then
observed that he was upon one of the tallest trees on the peak of a
mountain and had extended himself into the air as far as he could above
the tree top, his body, however, reaching almost to the ground.

I was therefore in a frightful dilemma; for, if he should spew me forth
into the atmosphere, I should surely be killed by the fall. My natural
ability to meet any emergency came at once to my rescue, and as I came
forth I curved myself around his under lip and grasped his body firmly
with both arms. His skin was slimy, and had it not been that he had
wrapped himself around an immense tree in various directions, thus
forming undulations which permitted me to slacken my speed at each
depression, I should most likely have been crushed on striking the
ground. As it was, I landed gracefully upon my feet.

As you can imagine, I was heartily glad of my escape from such a
terrible death as had so lately confronted me, and happily pursued my
way with my prize in my bosom.

I entered a secluded nook and prepared to open the package.

After removing the paper which formed the outer covering, I found a tin
box, the lid of which had been carefully soldered down. As the reader
already knows, I had lost or mislaid my knife and, therefore, had
nothing with which to open the box. My disappointment was intense. It
had become so hallowed an object I dared not crush it with a stone,
which I refrained from doing upon that ground, and upon the further
ground that I knew not its contents and feared to damage them by such an
operation.

At this point I was attracted by a noise behind me in the woods. My
curiosity overcame my disappointment and I hastened away to discover the
cause of the disturbance.

In a little glen, I saw two monstrous stags engaged in battle. They
rushed together with such force that the striking of their antlers
caused streams of fire to fly forth. Though I stood quite near them,
they were so intent upon each other’s destruction they observed not my
presence.

As I viewed the combat, a happy thought struck upon my mind.

I was by nature very agile, and as the stags came together at the next
onslaught I so held my box as to permit a stream of fire from their
horns to fly upon the solder on one side of the lid, and so great was
the heat therefrom that the solder quickly melted and ran upon the
ground. By turning the other side and ends in quick succession, I soon
left my angry friends, for such they had been to me, and betook myself
to my retreat, with the lid in one hand and the box in the other.

I seated myself upon a log, which lay upon the edge of a precipice, as I
now may state, although at the time so absorbed was I in solving the
mystery I did not observe that fact.

The first thing I came to in the box was a sheet of paper, carefully
folded so as to fit snugly therein. Just as I had withdrawn it, some
insect, probably a wasp or a yellow-jacket, stung me so sharply upon the
foot that I lifted that member with enough animation to throw myself
backward from the log and over the precipice.

With an intention to stop my progress through the underbrush, I had
loosened my hold upon the box and also upon the paper. I caught upon a
root and held on, thus hanging suspended between heaven and earth. As I
glanced about me, I saw the paper floating off upon a gust of wind,
wending its way I knew not whither.

[Illustration]

I gazed with longing eyes upon it. But my longing was superseded by
determination as I remembered my bow and arrows, which I always carried
with me.

Quickly adjusting a heavy arrow I sent the bolt speeding onward. I did
not wish to tear the paper; for, in so doing, I might destroy the
message it contained. In avoiding this I was favored by the great
distance to which the paper had flown. I had given the arrow such a
proper upward curve it came gently down upon the paper and carried it
softly to earth by the pressure, only, of its own weight.

To extricate myself from my dilemma and recover the paper I set myself
about, and it was soon accomplished; for, finding the root upon which I
had lodged extended a great distance along the cliff, I had but to cut
one end of it and climb down it as it hung suspended.


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                                  IIII

          _Showing how Dame Nature’s motherly attempts to
          thwart the proper impulses of a youth were of no
          avail in the instances under narration. Also giving
          various tidbits of history which will certainly
          interest the adventurous and energetic, illustrating
          how the truly ingenious is never at a loss for an
          expedient to carry him over the greatest obstacles._


ONCE more on solid footing, by the aid of my compass I laid out my
course toward the paper.

I had not traveled to exceed two hours upon my journey, when I came upon
a great river. As I had never learned to swim I was much put out for an
instant, until I saw an enormous crocodile sleeping on the bank. With
another of my arrows I despatched a rabbit, which I deftly skinned and
spitted on the end of a long pole.

[Illustration]

Securely seating myself upon the back of the sleeping Saurian, I gently
twirled the carcass of the rabbit before his nostrils. He awoke with a
start and threw open his terrific jaws to grasp the tempting morsel. But
I was prepared for him and kept the bait in such position that in
attempting to secure it he started into the water and safely carried me
across to the other side, at which point I turned him around, threw the
rabbit into the water, at the same time dismounting and hurrying on.

I had still several miles to go, but was worn with fatigue and would
gladly have lain down for a rest, had not the remembrance of the
precious document goaded me to press forward.

Again laying out my course—for I had varied it slightly in search of a
good landing for my ship—I proceeded.

The pain of the poison deposited in my foot by the insect rapidly became
so great that I was compelled to sit down and rest.

I had traveled a great while, and was now overlooking the country from
another precipice. It is impossible for me to describe my delight as by
the aid of my magnificent field glass I was enabled to discover the
paper with the arrow still resting upon it. It was yet at a great
distance in a direct line and I should be compelled to travel around the
mountain, or across its top, before I could reach it.

Looking about me in dismay, I discovered a huge log, many feet in
diameter, upon which there was a thin, tough bark. In a short time I had
a section of this bark removed and carried out into the sun. It being
green I laid it with the curved side up, and when the warmth of the sun
had made it flat and smooth, I pushed it to the edge of the precipice,
and, by the aid of a long pole, launched it upon the air, myself sitting
quietly in the center of it. I had provided a long, narrow strip of the
same bark, which I now used as a rudder. By the aid of this simple
contrivance, I sailed to the immediate spot of my treasure.

As I was directly above it, I adopted the tactics of the bird, turning
my rudder over and depressing it, thus stopping my airship gently and
quietly at the desired speed and at the desired spot.

I said I landed quietly. This is not strictly true, and I have no
intention to be inaccurate even in the slightest particular.

Perhaps I depressed my rudder too quickly, or perhaps I had misjudged
the inclination of my aeroplane. However it was, I must have produced a
gust of wind; for I saw the thing I so much sought making off at great
speed.

I quickly tied two arrows together, not being able to resort to my
former experiment as the paper was rising and at not sufficient
distance. The force of the air had straightened it out and it was
sailing away as I had sailed down. I still had no desire to injure the
paper, and therefore took careful aim, with such exactness that the
arrows met the paper in such fashion that it entered between them and
was safely brought to earth.

Going to where it had fallen, what was my astonishment to discover that
it had descended within the hollow stub of a tree. The hole into which
it had gone was too small for me to enter and too deep for me to reach
it with any pole that I could obtain.

I gazed about me for some means of getting it, for I had neither axe nor
saw. I sat down on a stump to meditate, when I heard a noise beneath me.
Upon investigation I found the stump was hollow, and by running my hand
into it I brought forth a nice, fat squirrel. It then occurred to me
that I was dreadfully hungry and was on the point of preparing it as a
meal when I thought I might first obtain my document with it.

Securely fastening the squirrel to a long string I always carried with
me, I climbed another tree into which I had noticed bees entering. I
took a stick and ran it into the hole and by deftly turning it around
and around I secured a quantity of delicious honey. With this I gave my
squirrel a coat and carried him to the top of the stump, releasing him
at the mouth of the hole, which he immediately entered with great
alacrity. I had concluded that the hole became larger the farther down
it went, and when he was down a sufficient distance I jerked the rope
with such dexterity that I dislodged his hold, dropped him to the bottom
of the hole and bounced him around there. When I withdrew him, which I
did most painstakingly, yet with little trouble, as he was somewhat
dazed and offered no resistance, I found the precious paper sticking to
him. I removed it and placed it within my inside pocket with much
satisfaction.

I then enjoyed my meal of broiled squirrel, honey, and some baked
potatoes. The latter were small, as the large ones were probably too
heavy to stick to the squirrel’s coat. How or by whom they had been
deposited in that spot I did not stop to investigate.

After enjoying my repast, I proceeded to read the message, which was as
follows:

    My dear Son:

    You have now arrived at an age of discretion. You have doubtless
    learned that “truth is stranger than fiction” and have probably
    had many queer experiences of your own. My father left a secret
    with me that I have never dared divulge, because of the strict
    ideas of your sweet mother. It is, therefore, left to you to
    exploit it.

    In the Desert of Sahara, at Oasis Tel Ali, there grows a bunch
    of gigantic palms in the top of which is a great egg.

    Secure this egg and you will find your reward upon it.

                                                   Your affectionate
                                                             FATHER.


[Illustration]

After pondering the matter a short time, I called into requisition my
experience with the bark of the tree.

I repaired to the mountainous seacoast and constructed a more roomy and
accurate wind toboggan, and, waiting until a strong wind prevailed in
the right direction, I set sail.

As I was inexperienced in the handling of such a vehicle, and as the
wind was blowing a gale in my teeth, I soon found myself so high above
the earth it was with difficulty I could discern enough of the lay of
the land and water by which to guide myself. In fact, I had gone with
such rapidity that I was sailing above the Desert of Sahara before I had
calculated to have sighted it.

It may possibly be that I was several days in making the trip and that
the excitement of it caused the time to speed so rapidly as to mislead
me; for, being so high above the earth, I was in perpetual sunlight, as
I am sure the sun did not set while making the passage.

It occurs to me now that the fact probably was that as I started from
the Pacific Coast and traveled westward my speed simply equaled that of
the earth in its eastward movement.

When I concluded to descend I was compelled to take a circular course in
order not to come down too rapidly.

I had scanned the desert for the palm trees, mentioned by my father, by
the aid of my telescope, which I had brought with me, the field glass
being thought by me too small for the purpose.

I soon discerned three monstrous trees which seemed to have but one top
to them all. Finding no other object of the same or a similar nature on
the surface of this ocean of sand, I rightly conjectured that I had
descried the proper point and so maneuvered my vessel as to reach it
easily, when I observed a horde of warriors of the desert gesticulating
wildly below me. I saw all this with my telescope, as I was still too
far above the surface of the earth to have made the discovery with the
naked eye.

I was not in the least daunted by this discovery, and continued my
descent.

The swiftness of the animals carrying those nomads was marvelous, for,
though I traveled with greater speed than that of the wind, they seemed
to be always beneath my car and were increasing in numbers.

Ever and anon I could see a puff of smoke and hear a little explosion,
but it did not disturb me.

Down, down, I came, and when I was within a few hundred feet of the
ground I heard a great battering as of hail. The sky was serene and
clear. Then I discovered the cause. It was the patter of the bullets of
those Arabs on the bottom of my ship. I had wisely provided against any
damage by such things by sheathing the bottom side of my carriage with a
coating of steel.

When they had shot away all their ammunition and saw that I still
descended, paying no more attention to them than I did to the wind, they
fell upon their faces in worship, and would not raise their heads from
the ground even when I walked in their midst, which I was shortly doing.


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                                   V

          _The finding of the Giant Brain; its message to
          me; my pursuit of the treasure it located for me;
          the breaking of the North Pole—all these are given
          in historic sequence as prefatory to the real
          adventures, which are given at length in their
          proper order later on._


AS I made directly toward the three trees the worshipers mechanically
made way for me; but when I started up one of the trees there was a loud
exclamation. The number of voices being so great the roll of the sound
was like terrific thunder, and caused such a vibration of the trees that
I should have lost my hold and fallen had it not been I had provided
myself with suitable tree-climbers.

I looked down upon the crowd whose heads were up, and they bowed them
with such rapidity and unanimity that when they struck the ground they
produced a much more violent concussion and vibration than had their
voices.

As it was now getting dusk I brought into requisition the belt which I
had prepared. It was of glass and filled with gas, and by sending
through it a current of electricity from my storage battery which I
carried in my hip pocket there was produced instantly a bright light
around my waist, which enabled me to see what I was doing.

One or two venturesome ones had probably observed the illumination and
had communicated the fact to the entire assembly; for the awe with which
they gazed upon me was so intense as to pin me tightly to the tree.

By a very simple device, which consisted in having three compartments of
different colors—red, white, and blue—by changing the current from one
to the other rapidly the effect produced upon my worshipers was such as
to paralyze them, and they fell over like rags, thus releasing me from
the pressure of their gaze.

I was then able to proceed to the top, and was soon within a great nest,
such as my father had described. In the bottom thereof was a very black
object, which, upon closer examination, had somewhat the appearance of a
flattened egg—flattened longitudinally. Upon still closer examination,
the resemblance to a human head of gigantic size became so striking as
to lead me to believe the body of a man was beneath, the top of his head
merely projecting, and what I had supposed was a nest was in reality a
sort of head gear.

However, by placing my hand beside it, I found I could lift it quite
readily, and there was no man under it or attached to it. Then I saw the
similarity in appearance to a human brain with greater clearness. By
shaking it I discovered no indication of any contents. It was also very
hard to the touch, so much so I failed to make an indentation in it with
anything I had at hand.

It was so large I could barely encompass it with both arms as I prepared
to remove it to the ground. How I was to get down with it I could not
for a moment imagine. As I stood upon the edge of the nest trying to
decide the manner of my descent it slipped from my hands and fell with
great force upon a rock.

When my audience beheld me with that thing in my arms they stood up with
such precision of movement it seemed they were all fastened together and
worked by one electrical button, and when it dropped those nearest ran
backward with such force they were piled ten or fifteen deep before they
could get very far.

I at once descended and grasped my prize which I examined minutely and
discovered there were open seams in it just as there are in the skull of
a man, and with very little difficulty I soon had the skull removed—for
such it now proved to be, and I had laying in my lap what was in reality
a mammoth brain.

Some peculiarity about it tempted me to examine it critically, which I
did with the eye-piece of my telescope.

Judge of my surprise if you can when I beheld upon each prominence of
this brain a picture of good size (thanks to my microscope) and I was
deeply absorbed in studying them.

As I moved the glass about I seemed conscious of hearing something which
I soon found to be but the undulations of light on the part of the brain
I was then scrutinizing. I finally concluded that what I really heard
were messages from that brain to somebody; but, if so, were in a tongue
unknown to me, though I confess to being somewhat of a linguist. It
certainly was a very dead tongue as it was a very dead brain.

On looking up I beheld before me one who was, as I afterward learned,
the shiek of this tribe which surrounded me. I motioned to him to sit
beside me, and, holding the glass where I had had it, indicated to him
my desire that he should look through it.

He gazed so long and was so excited I began to fear he would absorb the
whole thing, and, impelled by that fear, I exclaimed: “When!”

This startled him somewhat, for he jumped back in surprise.

After gazing at me for some moments in silence, he asked:

“Do you speak English?”

I told him I did and asked him to tell me what he saw or heard when he
looked through the glass.

Thereupon he spoke as follows, which I reported in shorthand, verbatim
et literatim, at one time having learned the art from Sir Isaac Pitman
when he was a lad:

“O, thou of the sky, whose flight is swifter than that of the old eagle;
whose movements are more graceful than those of the young fawn at
day-break; whose actions are as noiseless as the kiss of the dew upon
the tulip; whose voice is as sweet as the murmur of the rivulet; whose
countenance is as glorious as the full-robed orb of night as she rises
from her eastern couch; whose mind is as brilliant as the scintillations
of the Milky Way;

“O, listen to the words of thy servant, who kneels before thee, who
feels the honor a monarch bestows on his subject; whose right hand and
whose left hand; whose right foot and whose left foot; whose right ear
and whose left ear; whose right eye and whose left eye; whose right
nostril and whose left nostril, shall be at thy service; whose mouth
shall speak thy messages; whose mind shall think thy thoughts—thy
servant of the Desert, We Ali.

“O, listen to the words he speaks unto thee; for they are not the words
of his feeble tongue; they are not the pictures of his impotent
thoughts.

“O, listen to his words.

“O, listen to the words that come to thee from the ages; that come to
thee alone; that tell thee a secret no other man may know.

“O, listen to the words.

“O, listen to the words that came into the ear of thy servant, We Ali,
through his eye as he gazed into this magic glass thy hand has produced.

“These are the words.

“O, listen.

“O, listen and learn: In the mountains of Siberia is a place; deep in
the ground lies a treasure; a treasure rich beyond imagination; powerful
beyond words; there lies a treasure and it is thine.

“O, listen: When thou approachest the place thou shalt know it by its
fearful power; for it shall draw metals unto it with great vehemence.”

We Ali stopped. I meditated. He was repeating to me a message the owner
of this brain had received, and he thought it a message to me.

By the aid of the Arabs I got my ship of state on the nest. Soon there
came a great simoon from the north and I sailed away.

As I proceeded I found great difficulty in breathing, on account of the
coldness of the air and the speed at which I was traveling. But I had
prepared for this, having with me a coil of pipe, beneath which I
lighted a spirit lamp; thereupon by breathing through this pipe I got
along very well, as the air was warmed sufficiently by the lamp to make
my respiration comfortable.

The needle of my compass was drawn downward; but, before I could stop my
vehicle, I had reached the North Pole, against which I struck with such
force as to shatter it, and bring myself precipitately to the ground, by
which fall I should have been killed had it not been for thousands of
polar bears that were huddled around the pole asleep and upon whom I
fell. My aeroplane, however, was not damaged, because of its coat of
steel.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                   VI

          _The truthful statement of the mechanism of the
          North Pole; the monster gimlet; the flight to
          Saturn; the race with detachable brains; the
          Egg-hearts; people who live without eating; and the
          finding of the dazzling treasure are here given in
          categorical fullness._


THE point of my compass was now toward the south.

I discovered the sleeping bears were in reality dead ones. I learned it
in this way.

I saw two live bears at a distance coming toward me, dragging between
them another one which they brought to the Pole and placed against it.

This aroused my curiosity and, by a close inspection, I found the
mystery of the ease with which the earth rotated was solved. The bears
were very fat, and, as they were put up tight against the Pole the
rotation of the earth gradually worked the oil out of them, and thus
served to grease the Pole and keep it from sticking.

As there was no eminence at hand from which to start my ship, for I had
broken off the Pole, I was in a dilemma for a short time only.
Remembering what the good shiek, We Ali, told me, I ran a wire around my
machine, to which I attached my storage battery, thus converting it into
a magnet.

Had it not been for the remainder of the Pole I should have shot by on
the other side of the earth, as, inadvertently, I had started the
current around in the wrong direction; I had made my magnet positive
when it should have been negative. I corrected the error and flew with
great speed in the direction of the magnetic mountain, against which I
should have struck with precipitation, had not the rate at which I went
been enough to raise my aeroplane on the air, and I rose to the top of
the mountain, which I should have barely passed over had I not released
the current at the proper time and landed quietly on the top.

So great was the magnetic power of this mountain my compass was
destroyed, the needle having been pulled down so hard as to bend it out
of shape. In fact, the compass box itself was drawn so violently as to
tear its way through my pocket and strike the ground with a great noise.

[Illustration]

Thus I was satisfied I was on the exact spot indicated by the petrified
brain. As I knew it was probably several hundred feet to the treasure, I
set about arranging a device for extracting it.

Out of steel I formed a gigantic bit or auger with a very slow spiral.
By attaching my wires to it properly I made it positive, and it started
into the ground at a great rate. At last I heard it grinding on a solid
surface. When I made sure it would go no deeper, I reversed the current
and it came back to the surface; but it came with such rapidity I did
not have time to stop the current, and it went on out and up, carrying
me with it, to Saturn, upon which it struck and started in with great
rapidity, it having been turned around in the transit. If one of the
wires had not broken I presume I should have been carried clear through,
out on the other side, and away off into space. As it was, it stopped as
I was entering the surface. This little incident led me to the
conclusion that Saturn has also a magnetic mountain and I struck upon
it, or, rather, in its rings, as it was upon one of them I struck, as I
afterward learned.

I was completely filled with surprise when I saw rolling along great
numbers of skulls similar to the one I had found in the Desert of
Sahara. Soon there was a circle around me of these queer objects,
completely hemming me in, and I began, very quickly, the readjustment of
my auger, with the object in view of getting out of there on short
notice, as I did not know to what extent these things might go.

I was on the point of turning on the current, when the largest of the
number rolled up to my feet and seemed to be trying to communicate with
me. I decided to await developments, for a time at least.

I adjusted my eye-piece and set it upon the surface of this thing, and
was no better off than before. Suddenly it rolled away at a swift pace,
and I soon saw it returning on the top of a giant of terrible
dimensions, and I would have turned on the current right then and there,
but somehow I couldn’t. I was not frightened in the least, but there was
something about his face that held me there. I do not really believe I
wanted to remain.

Think of a face that was nothing but a monster eye—no mouth; no nose; no
ears—just one great eye of a beautiful blue color.

I felt better in a moment, for this eye had such power I had no
difficulty in understanding its messages and it seemed to understand my
thoughts perfectly, and we were soon volubly communicating.

I learned that these were the people who inhabited the outer ring of
Saturn; that they only used their bodies when they wished to go great
distances. They never ate anything; never drank anything; communicated
with each other by vibrations only. Their thoughts started vibrations in
the ether which affected all their brains alike and instantly. I became
so accustomed to their way of talk I seldom spoke, communicating by
thought alone. Indeed, speech was wholly useless, and had I remained
there long enough I doubt not I should have forgotten how to talk.

They took me to one of the other rings, inhabited by a still more
peculiar people, for they had no heads at all. In place of that
adornment, they had only one strong arm, at the end of which was a very
small hand. Otherwise they were like ordinary mortals, if they had been
dressed up. As it was, they were nothing but muscles, veins, and bones.

They had a heart shaped something like a transparent goose egg. They
communicated with each other by the motions of the blood within this
egg, which they detected by grasping the other fellow’s egg and feeling
the blood bubble. They had no lungs, getting their vitality by
absorption from the atmosphere. It was perfectly ludicrous to observe a
number of these queer people laughing, and they seemed to be very merry.
The ebullitions of the blood at such times was terrific, and they would
twist that one arm in the oddest manner. I forgot to say they worked
their machine, if I may use the term, on the hour-glass principle. The
blood went from one side to the other through a hole in a middle
partition, and when it all got into the lower compartment the hand would
take hold of it and turn the other side up.

But I was not really astonished until I got onto the body of Saturn.

There I found a people very much like ourselves; in fact, in appearance
they were just like ourselves; but they neither ate nor drank, and I was
much at a loss to understand how they existed, as they seemed to possess
all of the parts of a human body. Neither were they immortals; for they
were very flashy in their habits and life generally.

I saw a number of these people standing in a line. Another one had a
pump attached to a pipe that led into a pond filled with bright red
liquid. As each one came up, he would insert the nozzle of his pump
under his left arm and fill him up. I then learned that twice a day they
had their hearts filled with new blood, which was found in numberless
springs all over the surface of Saturn. By this frequent replenishing of
the system with new blood all disease was avoided.

It occasionally happens there, so I was told, that a mischievous one
would go to another part of the country and bring a little of the blood
that was pumped into the servants or black people and pour it into the
spring where the other people replenished. In that case the people who
used this tainted spring would be spotted for a while, and so would the
one who did it. As soon as the spots began to appear, by changing to
another pure spring the blemishes would gradually disappear.

There were springs for all of the different animals, which seemed
peculiar to me at first; but I learned that the different animals were
the same people trying experiments upon themselves by using different
kinds of blood.

One of the marvelous things about Saturn was the fact there was no night
there, the luminosity of the rings being such as to keep it a perpetual
day; hence the people never slept there.

Another fact that attracted my attention was there was no heat in the
center of Saturn, and that it was all on the surface; therefore, there
was no winter; just perpetual spring. The inhabitants told me Saturn was
not old enough for the heat to have got down to the center; that it was
a young planet; when the oldest inhabitant was a child it was not even
necessary to inject blood into their hearts.

So I was satisfied that in all probability they would ultimately reach
our state of perfection.

It was quite amusing to observe their consternation when I asked for
something to eat and drink. They knew nothing about it, and thought I
wanted something to wear, or a wagon, or any old thing but a lunch.

Finding a number of trees bearing very nice apples and a spring of clear
water, I began to eat and drink, at which they crowded around me so
thickly, and the outer ones pressed with such eagerness, the inner ones
were finally pushed upon me, and I was nearly suffocated and crushed.

At last, I got back to my auger, reversed the current and was glad to
find myself again speeding toward earth.

As before, the instrument was turned around in transit and it struck in
the self-same place; but this time I had presence of mind to stop it at
the surface.

I beheld the grand spiral it had made and walked down. All the way down,
and it was no mean distance I can tell you, I had no difficulty in
seeing where to place my feet, for it was perfectly light. This confused
me, as I had expected the deeper I went the darker it would be. The
contrary proved true; so true, that when I reached the bottom the light
was so dazzling I was compelled to shade my eyes every few moments. When
they did get used to the brilliancy, I discovered the cause of it.

The auger had drilled out a large room in a solid bed of diamonds; but
the strangest thing about it was, it had, by its swift revolutions cut
all the diamonds in proper shape for setting. This accounted for the
extreme brightness of the light; it was but the reflections from the
countless gems.

When I had become immured to my glittering surroundings, I investigated,
and found a very handsome box in a small hole in one of the sides of the
apartment.

In this box I found the following documents:


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                  VII

          _Wherein I give the contents of one of the
          documents I found in the box, consisting of
          several Narrations, in which Ka In extricates
          himself from a dilemma and produces our pleasant
          and agreeable seasons; the origin of the Ice Age;
          the real but little known cause of the Great
          Flood; the lovers with the terrible eyes and the
          artful maidens; the origin of shaving the face and
          cutting the hair; the Tower of Babel. Also tracing
          my genealogy from Ka In to Li Ur, who wrote this
          document._


THOUGH I have studied all the known languages under all the instructors
of prominence, and have acquired their proper pronunciation by speaking
each language in all its dialects with the people who used them
naturally, I have been compelled to translate the following documents by
the application of my wide and varied knowledge thus gained of the
idioms of the numerous classes with whom I have come in contact.

I have taken the liberty, in a few instances, to “fill in” in order to
embellish the meager language in which the original is written,
believing I shall be pardoned for thus doing when it is understood how
much of interest has thereby been added to the narrative. Yet I have
endeavored to retain the originality of expression and turn of sentence.


                             FIRST DOCUMENT

Li Ur, a giant, who was the son of Li Ing, who was the son of Tru
Thless, who was the son of Fal Seh Ood, who was the son of Pur Jur Ri,
who was the son of Fa Kir, who lived about the time of the Great Flood
on the Earth, who was the son of Fa Bel, who was the son of Ka In, the
patriarch, sends greetings to all students of the World, and, therefore,
of its history, and begs all will take heed, meditate upon, ponder over
and deeply consider the following tidbits of knowledge, information and
belief gathered from the writings of my fathers.

Hear ye, therefore, and profit by the utterances which have to do with
nothing but authenticated and undoubted verbatim reports made by expert
stenographers who took the words as they fell from the lips of my
ancestors. So great was the rapidity with which they were spoken and so
swift the writers aforesaid, many volumes were spoken and transcribed in
a few moments of time.


                           _First Narrative_

The first of my narrations is in the words and figures following, to
wit, that is to say:

In the days when there was no hurt within, upon, around, about, over and
under, in or out of the land, the sea, the clouds, or the air there was
a giant who was my remote ancestor. This giant, whose name was Ka In,
was a harvester of grain and like seeds. It so happened after laboring
morning, noon and evening for about a thousand years his mind was
impressed with the terrific thought he would probably be compelled to
continue so doing throughout eternity if some change were not determined
upon and put into execution; for there was but one kind or quality or
state of weather upon all the land from one year’s end to another year’s
end. There was also no rain during which he might rest; just so soon as
one crop came to maturity another started and demanded his attention.
There was also no winter during which he might recuperate his wasted
strength and energies.

So he sat down upon the threshing machine and thought and thought and
thought and thought. Then did he rise up with much determination showing
about the edges of his countenance and move rapidly toward the North
Pole; for he loved the stars and knew them all by name. He put a great
lever against the Pole and heaved away with all his massive power and
tipped the Pole over so that it should not all the time point at the
same spot in the sky and that the sun should not always shine upon the
plains.

Thus it was he had rest one-half the year.

This so amazed the other inhabitants of the earth they were utterly
unable to comprehend it and would never have known what had produced the
change from one season to four had not Ka In got into an argument with
his brother in which he let the cat out of the bag. When he found his
brother had told what he had said to his wife he one day caught him out
in the field kindling a fire and making an offering to his deity, and
caused him to stop breathing for the remainder of his natural life.


                           _Second Narrative_

The second narration is even more wonderful, and it relates to this same
ancestor, who was a man of renowned achievement.

It came about in the manner following: That he was so much put out by
the stories which had got afloat through the wife of his brother he
froze the earth up solid with the icy glance of his scornful eye. And
when the people roundabout made as if to believe this was the best thing
that had happened to them for several hundred years he became so heated
with his anger and made such violent use of such warm language the fever
of his breath melted all the ice suddenly, both that upon the earth—for
the waters of the deep were under the ice and carnivals were daily being
held to his great displeasure—but in the clouds, which were solid chunks
of frozen moisture held rigidly in the sky. And so it was that the air
was full of great rain and the earth was flooded thereby, and no one
escaped but Fa Kir, who hastened to the North Pole and builded him a
house upon it at such a distance from the earth the water did not reach
him, the remains of which still exist to this day as proof of this
historical account.


                           _Third Narrative_

[Illustration]

Ah! But there were giants in the days of my grandfather, Fa Bel. They
towered in the air and shook the ground with their tread. And such eyes.
When love kindled in their hearts their eyes shone with such brilliancy
and power the objects of their affection would have been consumed but
for their artfulness; they instantly fell to weeping and such torrents
of water fell there were formed rivulets, so to speak, between their
lovers and themselves. This would not have been sufficient to protect
them from utter destruction had not the fiery glances changed the water
into an impenetrable mist which preserved them.

Others were still more artful—those with cold hearts—and always carried
large plates of brass so finely polished as to be perfect reflectors. By
means of these they sent the glances back with such increased power (for
they were concave) the giants beat a hasty and precipitate retreat.

Each hair of the beards of these giants was of the size of large twine.

Upon one occasion my grandfather, Fa Bel, dropped his false teeth into a
well several hundred feet deep. He was in much despair, for they were a
new thing in those days and he had become so accustomed to them he would
not do without them. My grandmother told him to cut off his beard and
she would weave it into a rope by which he could descend into the well
and recover his loss. This he agreed to and was soon happy again.

But he was so much improved in appearance by the removal of his beard,
had not the other men observed the state of affairs and also cut off
their beards, there might have been grievous trouble in all the land;
for had these men gone to war their bulk was so great and their voices
so strong the shock of conflict would have burst the earth into pieces.

This was the beginning of the custom of shaving the face, which became
prevalent in all lands, and also of the cutting of the hair of men.


                           _Fourth Narrative_

His sons and daughters were so impressed by this story they sought to
provide against another such evil day; and they set about it in this
wise.

They went upon a great mountain and raised up a marvelous tower which
reached into and through the land of the skies. When it was completed
there was joy and thanksgiving, which was all quickly turned to sorrow
when it was discovered that this pinnacle gave ready vent for the
electricity in the clouds, which came down this shaft with such force it
not only paralyzed all their tongues but their brains also, and caused
them to forget all the words they had ever used. And they ran away, one
by one, to hide, and when they came forth they knew not father or
mother, brother, or sister, or friend; and so each was compelled to
start a new race; but it also caused the great steeple to crumble and
fall away and the winds blew it all into the sea.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                  VIII

          Here appears the second of the documents I
          discovered in the box, and its amazing contents will
          satisfy the most fastidious, and will, likewise,
          remove many false impressions as to the origin of
          certain things, customs, etc., such as the origin of
          the pigmies and people of the present stature; the
          cause of the variety of complexion now existing,
          both in skin and hair; the albinos, volcanoes,
          mineral springs, and glaciers. Also traces my
          genealogy from Li Ur to Sto Ry, the writer of the
          document here given.


                            SECOND DOCUMENT

STO RY, who was the son of Fik Shun, who was the son of Fay Re Tales,
who was the son of Li Ur, speaks as one having large knowledge of many
curious and remarkable but truthful and authentic details which have
descended to him by and through his fathers, who were men of learning
and renown in the countries they inhabited and among the peoples with
whom they dealt and had intercourse.

Hear ye, O, my brothers, and harken unto the wise sayings I am about to
send forth for thy help and satisfaction. For thus it was I was
commanded by my ancestor, through his sons my fathers, to keep with
great safety and accuracy this historical account of various and divers
exploits by him and by them accomplished, that is to say:

                  *       *       *       *       *

By way of salutation then:

Know ye there was a time when the earth was liquid, and so it ever would
have remained but for the following circumstances.

A mighty fish swam in the midst of the waters and his length was so
great it was curved half way round the globe; so that by constantly
swimming in this manner his backbone had become fixed in a half circle.

About this time there descended from Jupiter a man of mammoth stature,
so tall, in fact, when he stood within the ocean his head and shoulders
protruded above the surface. He had scarcely taken a hasty survey above
the tumultuous waves when this gigantic fish observed him and, being
almost famished (for it had eaten up all the other fish many months
before), it smacked its huge jaws with such relish and vehemence the
attention of this man (who, by the way, was my great, great, great,
great, great, great, great, great, grandfather) was attracted toward
him. But my ancestor took very little care of his adversary, knowing
well his power to undo him at the proper time.

And so it happened when this great fish had approached with consummate
stealth and was about to seize its prey, grandfather grasped the top of
a high mountain and tipped the earth over so that all the water ran off.
Then it was the curvature of the fish’s spine was his destruction; for
the waters being removed, so great was the weight of his body and so
rigid his spine he broke entirely in two and immediately succumbed.

My grandfather at once took from him his skin which he neatly dressed
and dried in the sun and ever afterward used as a horn to call his hosts
together from the four quarters of the sky; which he immediately did and
peopled the earth which was now dry and green and exceedingly fair to
behold.

                  *       *       *       *       *

By way of prelude then.

In those old days when the world was peopled with giants there became
classes and clans, or tribes, as they were then known, each of which was
composed of the descendants of one man, and they were all such a merry
lot life was considered a most excellent thing indeed.

One day my grandfather, to whom I have alluded in my salutation, went up
to the North Pole. There he learned the cause of the change of seasons,
and finding it exceedingly cold conceived a joke he would play upon his
tribe. Thereupon he filled his horn full of the northern air and carried
it back.

Now it happened the day on which he returned was bath day and the whole
tribe was bathing in the lake. When he was within such distance he could
put the mouth of the horn to the edge of the lake he did so and blew
softly upon it.

The lake was immediately covered by a coat of ice upon which the people
at once stood, for the water was becoming so cold they could not stay in
it. He continued to blow on the horn and the people got so cold they
began to shrivel up, and had he not at last blown all the cold out of
this horn they would have shrunken into mere nothing. As it was they
were so small he had to look several times to discover where they were,
and he put the whole tribe in the pocket of his overcoat and carried
them to his tent. He tried hard to warm them up and bring them back to
their normal size, but it was impossible.

Thus it came about that this tribe became the forefathers of what are
now called Pigmies and Dwarfs, and their mixture with the giants
produced the present stature of the people of the earth.

                  *       *       *       *       *

By way of interlude then.

There was a time when the complexion of the people of the earth was red
and they had bright red hair and beards; and it would have been so unto
this day had not the following occurred:

There was a very warm spring in which certain of the family or tribe
loved to sport. How it came about, except that some subterranean stream
had broken out immediately beneath the lake, it was never known; but so
it was while they were all in bathing and another tribe was looking on,
the water became fiercely black and very hot. They hastened to the
shore, and when they got up out of the water they were all black as
midnight and the tribe on the shore became so transfixed with fear their
countenances, hair, and beard changed to an absolute white. All the
efforts of the medical force failed to change the first tribe from black
or the second tribe from white back to their usual color.

The white tribe held a great caucus and they came in great numbers to
debate the occurrence, and thus they came to be called Caucusions or
Caucasians.

And so it was there came to be variations not alone in the complexion of
the peoples of the earth, but in the hue of their hair and beard.

                  *       *       *       *       *

By way of postlude then.

So it was the mixture of tribes brought about a kind or class of people
with eyes so tender and delicate the light of the sun worked them great
inconvenience. They were people with pinkish-hued eyes and skin, with
hair exceedingly light in color.

Owing to this their affliction they were the ones who were employed to
dig wells, as they were thus freed from the attacks of the rays of the
sun.

Now it happened one day while they were down a great depth digging a
well the auger slipped from their hands and they listened and heard it
strike something far down within the earth.

At first they were much astonished; but being a very inquisitive people
they set about investigating the matter. One of them peered through the
hole and suddenly rose upon his feet exclaiming he saw daylight. They
hastened to the surface and told the people they had dug clear through
the earth. But they were not believed, and vast numbers went into the
well to look at the other side of the earth, and one philosopher was in
high and brilliant feather, for he had maintained most vigorously the
earth was flat, though many had told him they had been entirely around
it and knew it could not be so. Yet he insisted, because the surface of
the other side was likewise diversified, they had been led into a
mistake.

Then happened a very astonishing thing. The next day there were gathered
in the well as many as could well stand on the bottom of it of this
people with the pink eyes, and so great was their excitement they jumped
up and down, when the bottom suddenly gave way, and down these people
went. They were sure they would be killed or fly out into space and
never get back, one and all, but the bottom of the well struck on a soft
and yielding soil and they were not harmed in the least.

But those who had not been down in the well at the time were filled with
sorrow and despair and made long lines and dropped them down. At last
they felt a tugging at a line, and on pulling it up, along with it came
one of their fellows to their great joy.

This rescued one told delightful and beautiful stories about a land
which had a delicious twilight always; was filled with sweet streams and
odorous lakes; where large trees grew bearing excellent fruit; where
were flocks of sheep of a peculiar kind, but very tender and juicy, and
other animals equally fit to sustain life.

Such effect had these stories, that with one accord all the pink-eyed
people descended into this new country.

In course of time it became a custom with them to celebrate their
release from torture, and at such times they made great fires at the
mouths of winding natural wells which led to the surface of the earth.
Now, these fires were so fierce because of the draught they melted the
sides of the holes and the suction carried the molten matter out into
the air.

So it was volcanoes came to be used as a token of joy, as well as to
communicate to the people of the earth above that these people were not
only still in existence but exceedingly and gloriously happy.

Occasionally some of these people come up onto the earth on visits and
they are termed Albinos.

And these people have a great many drinks which they store in great
caverns by air pressure, using great electric engines for the purpose of
forcing it to all parts of their realm. Once in a while the people of
the earth bore down into one of these reservoirs and there spurts up one
of these drinks. They are called mineral springs.

                  *       *       *       *       *

By way of finale then.

I am aware, according to the tradition as remitted to future generations
by one of my grandfathers, the different seasons are due to the tipping
of the earth by one of our ancestors prying over the North Pole. But
there is a tradition which comes down my mother’s side of the family,
which is so logical and so true to nature and man it deserves a place in
the archives of our history. I will therefore be pardoned for inserting
it here. I have had reverence at all times for the veracity of the
historical account to which I allude, and I desire it understood at the
outset I pass no judgment on it, but leave the matter to the reader’s
acumen and discernment to distinguish and decide between them.

One of the great-grandfathers of my wife (in fact, I believe it was her
remote ancestor, who of course must have been related to my remote
ancestor) made weekly trips into space.

Now it so happened when leaving the earth on such occasions he did so by
way of the North Pole—it may have been the south pole, for our language
at that date was so meager it is impossible to discover any real
distinction between the word which stands for “north” and the word
representing “south,” and I am inclined to think at that early date it
had not become necessary to make any distinction between the two
directions, as the inhabitants were then hardly conscious of direction
at all.

But be that as it may, the Pole projected a great distance into space,
so that he could run out upon it and use it as a spring-board to gain
momentum in starting on his journey.

And so it was one night while on earth in sleep he divulged the fact he
had taken to himself another wife in one of the other planets, which
knowledge so enraged his wife she went forth in search for a suitable
instrument for cracking his skull. While she was gone a servant awoke
him and gave him the above information. He, well knowing the capacity of
his better half, conceived it a wise plan, a very wise plan indeed, to
start on one of his journeys, which he lost no time in doing; but just
before he reached the Pole, on glancing over his shoulder he observed
his irate spouse coming after him at a tremendous rate, which so
accelerated his speed that he made such a terrific spring from the Pole
the earth was thrown out of plumb, and it has so remained to this day.

And the narration concludes with the information, which may be safely
regarded as remarkably accurate, that his wife was so put out by his
escape she vented her spite by hacking viciously at the Pole, which she
thumped so heartily she loosened the masses of ice thereabouts, which
immediately began to slide toward the middle of the earth, and have so
continued to do down to this date, and they are now termed “icebergs,”
“glaciers,” and the like.

                  *       *       *       *       *

By way of ending then.

I wish to impress upon him to whom this document shall descend it will
always be found in company with a document written and compiled by one
of my fathers, and no change must be made in the same, not so much as in
a single word, for no one could be possessed of sufficient knowledge so
to do properly and might by so doing convey an erroneous impression to
future generations.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                 VIIII

          Being the first item of the Third Document, and
          contains the history of the rapidly growing tree
          with the golden fruit which undid a king and made
          another. This document, in its several items, gives
          many startling details of facts and fables not
          generally known and heretofore unpublished.


                             THIRD DOCUMENT

STO RY begat An An Ias, who begat Wha Pur, who begat Ala Din, who begat
Sin Bad, who begat El Ra Shad, who begat Mun Chau Sen (the elder), who
begat Mun Chau Sen the younger (my grandfather), who submits the
following Items with knowledge they will be favorably received and
conscientiously preserved by his descendants:


                              _Item First_

My five-great-grandfather was walking in an orchard one day when he
discovered a tree laden with a peculiar fruit. He gazed on it with
wonder, for but the day before he had planted the sprout which had been
sent to him by his grandfather. He could scarcely comprehend he was
awake and in his right senses, but such was the case. The fruit seemed
of gold, and as he was a poor man his heart immediately yearned for the
possession of enough of it that he might buy a cow that his children
might have milk; to buy a few bees that they might have honey with which
to eat the milk; to buy a horse that he might no longer have to walk to
the city; to buy a farm on which to raise food; to buy a few sheep to
grow wool for clothing; to buy seed to sow, and to buy material with
which to build a house, for they were very, very poor and had lived in a
cave and subsisted on roots and things like that.

And he went up to the tree, put forth his hand to take some of the
fruit, when lo, the tree grew so rapidly he could not reach the fruit.
He became frenzied with the desire for it and he put forth such strength
to reach the lowest shining globe his arm was lengthened thereby to a
length almost sufficient to reach it, but not quite. So he persevered
until his arm had grown so long he had not strength in his body to keep
it longer in an upright position and it fell to the ground, from whence
he could not raise it, nor did it resume its former length, but remained
as it was.

He gazed aloft at the golden fruit, tears streaming down his face.

Then he started off in great haste in search of a ladder, as the tree
seemed to have stopped its remarkable growth, and he was forced to drag
his arm and hand after him trailing on the ground.

When he had gone a great distance he was suddenly stopped by the king,
who was out riding, for the king had not ever seen a man with such an
arm. In answer to the king’s question as to how he came by it, he told
his story. The king immediately ordered one of his attendants to
dismount, and had my forefather put on the horse and directed him to
lead the way to this wonder, which they very soon reached.

Thereupon the king commanded one of his attendants (who happened to be
one of the ancestors of Sin Bad) to climb the tree and throw down the
fruit.

[Illustration]

When the man began to climb, the tree began to grow above him; he
climbed and climbed and climbed until he was worn out with exhaustion
and slid down with such force he lay stunned for several hours.

In the meantime the king ordered his hewer to cut down the tree, which
he proceeded to do with a great show of confidence. But, strange though
it may seem it is nevertheless in strict accord with veracity, before
the chopper could make a second stroke the cut he had made had risen
above his reach by reason of the swift growth of the tree; and he was
fain to desist after a long and hard struggle to strike the blows
quickly enough to get two cuts in the same place.

He was at once beheaded by the order of the king, who was frantic with
rage at his defeat.

He then ordered his bridgemaker to tie a chain around the tree, hitch
twenty oxen to the chain, and thus pull the tree up by the roots.

Now, this driver of oxen was a vainglorious man and earnestly sought
emulation in the sight of his majesty, and it was with exceeding
readiness he set about obeying the command. He dextrously switched his
oxen into line, and they were lusty ones, and with much adroitness took
a lockstitch around the trunk of the tree. Then he reached for his whip,
and observed the oxen all dangling in the air above his head, bellowing
with fear and liked all to have their necks broken by the phenomenal
growth of the tree. Had the chain not broken by the efforts of the oxen
to free themselves, they had all surely been done to death by the tree.

But the extreme weight of the oxen thus hanging on one side of the tree
had made a kink in the trunk, and a peculiar thing happened—the tree now
grew upward in kinks.

The king was simply beside himself with passion and with his own hand
cut off the head of the oxen driver; and he then commanded his commander
of war engines to knock the tree down with a battering ram.

Now, this commander had had nothing to do for ages, as the king had
hitherto been a peaceable man, and he felt the honor of receiving a
command from his monarch so keenly he strutted about the work of
arranging the ram for decisive action.

This was a ponderous piece of machinery, had cost many talents of gold,
but had never been brought into actual use. It had an ugly-looking ram
which seemed powerful enough to have knocked down a castle with a single
blow. It was worked by electricity, and all the commander had to do was
to press the button and it would do the kicking.

When all was ready, he pressed the button. The ram shot forward with
enormous velocity, only to come at the tree as one of the kinks removed
the trunk from its track. And no matter how rapidly the button was
pushed, so it was thought, a kink in which there was no tree was always
found in front of the shooting ram. So the commander was beheaded, and
the king jumped from his horse and danced up and down in a frightful
state.

He turned upon my forefather and would have beheaded him on the spot for
having told him about the thing, had not my forefather asked the
privilege of cutting down the tree. He was at once commanded so to do,
and in not very choice language, for the king was so far gone he had
entirely forgotten the rules of polite society.

My forefather had been thinking all this time and thinking pretty hard,
too, for he felt pretty sure he would not be home for supper that night
if the king got no golden apples. And he thought to some purpose, and
had observed the tree very minutely.

He took a long piece of heavy wire from his pocket, quickly placed it
around the trunk of the tree, and, though he was carried some distance
up before he could fasten it to his liking, he succeeded in doing so and
dropping safely to the ground, though it was a goodly jump he had to
make.

As the tree expanded in its growth of girth in proportion to its upward
movement the wire soon began to cut into the trunk. Thus the tree was
caught, for it had now grown to such a height if it did not keep on
growing larger around it would become top-heavy and break off at the
narrow point where was the wire.

And now the king’s pleasure knew no more bounds than did his wrath, and
he knighted my forefather on the spot.

The work of the wire was made apparent by the waving of the tree top,
which soon became quite visible; but the tree had grown so high when the
wire had finished its task, the top fell far out into the ocean, with
all its golden fruit.

And now the king did a very mean thing—he directed his sword-bearer to
give him his long sword, which was about twenty feet long, with which he
desired to have the honor of removing my forefather’s head.

But my forebear was not to be outdone. He grasped the king about the
middle with the long fingers of his long hand on his long arm, held him
high above his head for a moment, then threw him far out to sea, telling
him to bring him some of the golden fruit and he would sit on his throne
until he did so, which he proceeded to do, and thereby attained all the
things he would have bought with the golden fruit, and many more
besides.

So great had been the effort in throwing the king into the ocean, my
forefather’s arm at once resumed its natural length.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                   X

          _Wherein the Third Document is continued, relating
          here the second item thereof, which has to do with
          that mighty hunter my four-great-grandfather,
          and tells how he made a wonderful capture of a
          remarkable beast in nick of time to save his own
          life from the headsman of the king._


                        THIRD DOCUMENT—CONTINUED


                             _Item Second_

MY four-great-grandfather was a mighty hunter. So great a hunter was he,
he was employed by the king to furnish his zoölogical garden, each
Saturday of each week, with a new animal for his royal inspection.

There was but one single restriction on his employment not to my
ancestor’s liking; but he knew his powers so well he had confidence he
would never lose his employment in that manner. The restriction was, if
he failed to present the king with a new manner of beast upon any
Saturday he would lose his employment by having his head removed
suddenly from his body.

It happened he was, like most young men, smitten by love, and one week
he went away to get married, the nuptials not being finished until late
Friday night. He had provided, however, against this contingency by
capturing two new beasts the week before, thus having one on hand. What
was his horror you may well imagine then when he found it had escaped.

There was nothing to do but go forth and capture another, and he was
abroad the next morning before there was light enough to see.

He went into the forest at a new place and had traveled many miles
without securing anything. Hitherto his practice had been to learn the
whereabouts of the animals, then to set traps for them in the night time
so he might obtain them without blemish, as it would have been worth his
life to have taken before the king an animal marred or injured in any
way. But now he had not time in which to set traps, and he knew not
where to set them anyway.

[Illustration]

And so it was as he was wandering along he observed at a great distance
a most curious animal; for it had a head in front and a head behind, so
that it could run either way and go forward all the time. In addition to
this it had six legs—two at either end and two in the middle—the last
two it could turn either way, so that it could have hind legs no matter
in which direction it traveled.

It stopped and viewed him, with first one set of eyes, then with the
other, and then with both sets; but kept just the same distance from him
all the time—it was a very foxy animal.

He was much put out to discover the impossibility of capturing this
wondrous beast. He thought of the thing he always carried with him, but
the distance was too great to permit even one of his strength to throw a
noose successfully over either set of horns, or in fact anywhere near
it.

At last he discovered a great curved rock at some distance beyond the
animal, and so maneuvered the animal finally stood beside it. Now,
whenever he stopped the creature would stop; so he then stopped, and so
did it. He then tied the end of his cord to an arrow and shot it with
such dexterity and precision it went beneath the animal, struck the rock
in such a manner it was turned back to him, and he immediately grasped
both ends with such rapidity he was soon homeward bound with his prize,
and his head was safe from the sword of the king’s executioner.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                   XI

          _Relating a fish story of no mean pretensions and a
          fairy tale most graceful and entertaining._


                        THIRD DOCUMENT—Continued


                              _Item Third_

MY three-great-grandfather was a noted fisherman, and one of his
adventures may not be out of place here, as it sets forth quite fully
the sagacity and foresight of my ancestry.

He was one day sailing to his nets when he observed the buoys moving in
a most erratic manner. It was his habit to prepare nets to entrap a
delicious fish much in demand at the table of royalty, and he alone of
all the fishermen it was who knew the feeding places of this particular
fish and had received a royal patent giving him the exclusive right to
sell that particular fish in the entire kingdom.

But this season had been very dull, and he had about concluded the fish
had changed pasturage, and had settled upon a plan of action that would
locate their new feeding grounds.

So withal he was much surprised to find his nets many miles nearer shore
than was the place at which he had staked them but the day previous, and
to behold them moving toward him at a steady gait, which could not be
accounted for by reckoning the wind, of which there was not a breath at
this time.

But his tremendous knowledge of the habits of the denizens of the deep
came to his rescue and he veered from his course, let the nets go by,
and turned and followed them at such convenient distance he discovered
the truth of his conjecture.

There was a class of shark infesting those waters which had an especial
liking for the kind of fish he was snaring, and these same sharks were
exceedingly observant of his actions, as was now evident from the fact
that at either end of the net, holding a stake in his jaws, was an
enormous specimen swimming with great swiftness.

Hither and thither went the sharks, carrying the net in all directions.
After an hour or two spent in this fashion, my forefather observed the
speed of the net was slackening and he prepared for action, for he
conceived the net was becoming so full of fish the sharks could not much
longer propel it, and he was satisfied they would soon stop and go in
for the feast they had thus prepared.

He was never taken unawares, and so it happened that the large saw
fastened to the keel of his boat was brought into play.

And so it was, when the sharks at last stuck the stakes in the bottom,
swam out in front of the net and stood side by side greedily
contemplating the magnificent feast spread before them, my ancestor bore
down upon them swiftly and sawed them each into two pieces so quickly
neither of them was aware of it for some time after their tails had
wiggled away, and might never have found out what was the trouble had
they not looked back to see why their tails did not obey their commands
to push them ahead. When they did find it out they were so chagrined
they with one accord died then and there, as a just tribute to their
sublime disgust with themselves.

And the amount of fish thus taken by my ancestor was so incomprehensible
words fail to convey any adequate idea of its magnitude. There was not a
single mesh in the net which did not contain at least one fish, and the
net was four hundred feet long and five fathoms deep and each mesh was
an inch and a half square. The method of computation is easy, but time
is precious.

Thereupon my ancestor became a baron and the title has descended to your
humble servant.


                             _Item Fourth_

My two-great-grandfather was a wise magician, and, so celebrated was he,
wise men of the entire world consulted him upon doubtful questions which
he readily solved without a single error in his calculations.

His various experiences when a mere lad with the genii were the
foundation of his accomplishments, and in maturer years he made
countless discoveries of new and wonderful things. It is my pleasure to
regale you with one of these.

He had obtained great wealth by the aid of the curious lamp he had found
in the most marvelous manner, but which is of small importance in
comparison with what I am about to relate; and he so considered it, for
he gave the lamp to a beggar when he had secured the talisman which is
the subject of this sketch.

[Illustration]

Then be it remembered that in the land of the Sapphires and Diamonds
there lived a princess of such matchless beauty no man had yet looked
upon her and survived the fire of the love which was instantaneously
engendered within his breast; for he could sleep neither by day nor by
night, nor could he eat or drink, but could think of nothing but this
lovely princess. And the final end of each was the final end of all,
which was by kissing the princess on the lips, for so cold was she the
chilling shock to the burning heart produced instant death.

It was the serious desire of this princess when she became queen to wed,
and so great was her disappointment at the death of each and every
suitor she offered her realm to the man who should survive her kiss.

It so happened upon the publication of that information in the daily
papers of the kingdom, the number of dead bodies in the queen’s palace
became so great she could not move from where she stood, and suitors
were not permitted to make the attempt for the space of six months, it
requiring that time to remove and properly bury the dead, which were men
of valor and renown, and their deaths were much deplored. No war had
ever destroyed so many mighty warriors and statesmen and poets and
clergymen and priests and common men in the history of the world.

It was about the end of the six months that my forefather entered the
kingdom and became possessed of this information.

Being at the age when all the fires of existence are strong and steady,
he would have at once entered the lists had he not been awakened one
dark night by the moaning of the wind. Being well versed in the language
of the breezes he accurately read the message and without loss of time
took to his horse and sped over the mountains. He traveled steadily
onward for several days, all the while rising high and higher.

But one gigantic peak remained to be scaled, when his progress was
stopped by the great body of a terrible serpent so large in
circumference it would have taken years to have built a bridge across
it, as it extended several times around the peak.

This serpent my ancestor knew to be the genii which stood guard over the
treasure of which he was in search. So, leaving his horse, he crept
stealthily along until he found the monster’s head and it was sound
asleep. He took from his pouch two large burning glasses and calculated
the distance with such nicety the fire of the sun consumed both its eyes
instantly. So great was its pain it uncoiled itself from about the
mountain and rushed off into the valley, not knowing whither it went.

My forefather then bestrode his horse and safely arrived at the edge of
the summit.

But here again his progress was stopped by a gate made of pure glass
several feet thick and of great height, and which was but part of a
fence of similar material that extended entirely around the top of the
peak.

Within the enclosure was an extensive, magnificent park filled with
large trees, around and among which twined countless vines, each bearing
exquisite flowers, each of a different hue and of delightful fragrance.
So beautiful was all within and so handsome the fence, he would not
destroy it as he easily might have done. So he cast about him for a
means of entrance to this paradise.

Now, it so occurred he had brought with him a compound which he mixed
with the gum of a certain tree standing close by. Then with his hatchet
he formed pieces of wood which he proceeded to place against the glass
and which adhered firmly thereto by reason of the paste with which he
had coated one side thereof. And thus he made a very comfortable ladder
by virtue of which he was soon on the other side, for he made steps on
that as he had done on the first side.

In turning a corner in one of the many lanes, he was confronted by ten
ravishingly beautiful women, so rich had Nature been in her adornment of
them. They stopped him and asked which was the most beautiful one of the
ten. He gazed at them critically, and then insisted he was utterly
unable to tell, for each was so deliciously sweet any man would be
contented and happy with her. And so it was they exclaimed in unison he
was a most excellent man and deserved everything he could wish as his
reward, for he had been exceedingly wise in his answer.

He said he could not imagine for a moment any one could have made any
other guess than the one he had made, when he was told there had been a
princess there some years agone and had been asked the same question.
They told him she had replied by selecting one of them, whereupon the
princess was stricken with a heart of ice for having preferred one of
the sisters above the others.

“A heart of ice!” he exclaimed.

“Yes, yes,” they replied; “a heart of ice.”

“What is that? The poor princess.”

“It is indeed sad,” said they; “for she will freeze to death every lover
that kisses her lips and she will endure terrible agonies; for every man
who looks upon her will be smitten, and she will let him kiss her to
test his love, and he will die on the spot, frozen through and through
by the shock of the cold of her heart striking against the heat of his
heart.”

“Too bad!” said he.

“Not so,” they cried. “It served her right.”

“But is there no cure for this malady?” he asked.

“Yes, indeed,” they cried; “and a very sweet one it is.”

“What is it?” asked he. “Inasmuch as you have said I deserve everything
I wish, I wish that information.”

They laughed and glanced merrily at each other, thinking he was trying
to catch them in a falsehood.

“First of all, then,” said one, “there must come a very brave man; for
he must overcome the serpent at the foot of the hill; he must scale the
fence of glass, and he must answer our question correctly. And then he
must go to the center of the earth and kiss our queen.”

“Show me the way to the center of the earth,” he demanded.

They laughingly led him to a great hole in the ground, which was as
smooth as glass, and he afterward learned it was a glass tube which ran
to the center of the earth. As he stood looking down it and meditating
they said many had gone down but not one had ever returned.

His quick mind had solved the difficulty, for to the one nearest him he
said:

“Will you give me as a talisman one hair from the top of your head and
permit me to select it?”

The others became quite hilarious at this, and twitted him on making his
first guess a lie.

When he had obtained the hair he turned to the next one and made of her
a similar request, and so on until he had a hair from the head of each
one. Then he braided them together and asked:

“You say many have gone down but none has returned. What became of
them?”

“They have fallen and died, for they knew not how to get down,” was
their answer.

He then took from his pocket a small phial, removed the cork, took some
of the contents on the tips of his fingers and rubbed it on the rope
made of the hair of their heads. It at once began to grow in length much
faster than it grew in size, and ere he had used the contents of the
phial the end had touched the center of the earth.

Then he said to them: “You hold this end and I will go to the center of
the earth, and wait you here and hold the rope until I come. You will
promise that, as I wish it and you have promised to grant me whatever I
wish.”

They agreed. He wrapped the rope about a stick of glass and quickly
disappeared.

At the end of his descent he found himself in the midst of a large
assemblage, who looked upon him wonderingly, not knowing what sort of a
being he was, or seeming not to know. He was led toward a throne which
flashed upon him with such brilliance he did not at first behold it was
occupied. When he became accustomed to the dazzling radiance of the
throne he beheld sitting upon it the most beautiful woman, and she must
have been indeed fascinating, for he had never dreamed of one so
bewitching, and he was a great dreamer.

It was impossible for him to remove his gaze from her for a long time,
and when she spoke the music of her tones held him spellbound. The
glances of her eyes were almost torturing.

But he kept saying to himself she could not be more delicious than the
princess, and surely not so many men have died for this one’s love as
have died for the love of the princess; therefore, the princess must be
still more lovely.

Thus saying he recovered his composure, stepped to the throne, and began
to ascend. Thereupon a murmur arose which made him pause for an instant;
but the queen held out her arms; into them he flew and sought to kiss
her, but she clung to him so tenderly and cautiously he could not do so
at once. He was not to be outdone, however, and lavished caresses upon
her until she was off her guard, when he kissed her full upon her red
lips. There went a thrill through him he had never experienced and it
made him dizzy for awhile, for she did not permit him to remove his lips
from hers.

Then came before his mind’s eye the poor princess and her torturing
condition. His sense of duty to her overcame the blandishments of this
fair, sweet one, and slowly but delicately he freed himself from her
embrace, saying:

“O, Queen, thou art the most beautiful of all flesh; there are no other
lips like thine; no other woman was ever possessed of such an exquisite
form; no other woman’s voice hath so many charms—thou art the queen of
queens.”

“Then abide thou here and be my king,” said she.

“It may not be,” said he, “for I have a duty to perform to one of thy
sex who is suffering from a terrible malady, and that duty is greater
than thy charms, though none knows their grandeur.”

Then the queen drew him gently to her and kissed him on the forehead
most lovingly, and bade him sit beside her.

After long and beautiful converse with her, in which she told him she
was but tempting him to test his fitness for the mission, he left her
with instructions to treat each of the ten maids above as he had treated
her—which made him tremble slightly.

When he had ascended to the garden the ten maids were waiting for him
and one of them held out her arms to him. He responded with alacrity and
she held him so lovingly that for a moment his resolution wavered. But
he released himself only to be folded in the arms of another and another
until the last one twined her arms about him.

It had been a gallant struggle, but it had ended there had not the
neighing of his horse recalled him to himself.

Thereupon he tore himself away, ran up the ladder, down the other side,
mounted his horse, and they flew down the steep incline with such speed
that though the old serpent had returned with new eyes they cleared his
body at a single bound and were off through the mountains in the
twinkling of a star, speeding toward the palace of the princess.

When he entered the hall but one suitor had been tested and he lay dead
on the floor. There followed him in, however, a horde of would-be
lovers, of all stations and degrees, but the strict order of arrival was
observed, and he stood next in succession.

As he advanced toward the bewitching being his eyes burned and his pulse
throbbed with twice its usual power. He was drawn with such magnetism he
could not resist. She was even more comely than any of the charmers he
had met in the mountain.

He was within ten paces of her and she was looking at him yearningly,
when there suddenly appeared between them the ten maids, who asked of
her:

“Which of us is the most beautiful?”

The princess queen was undecided, glancing slowly from one to the other.
Then she was bewildered, and at last cried:

“I cannot tell, for you are all so lovely it is impossible for any
mortal to say.”

Thereupon they clapped their hands and vanished.

Then he stepped forward and folded her in his arms. Their lips met not
once or twice, but many, many times. The crowd had expected him to fall
dead, and it now roared with rage, for it had not observed the maids and
knew not what had really happened, and each had considered that had it
been himself that had pressed her lips he should not have died.

So my forefather became the king of the realm and ruled so well and
amiably he was beloved by all his subjects, but most of all by the ten
fairies, for they were nothing less, who lived on the mountain top and
to whom each year he gave a great feast.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                  XII

          _Being a continuation still further into the Third
          Document and giving a careful account of a most
          marvelous sailing trip in Item Fifth of said
          Document._


                        THIRD DOCUMENT—CONTINUED


                              _Item Fifth_

MY one-great-grandfather was a renowned sailor, of such repute his name
was known in all the countries of the earth. It may not be amiss to
relate the occurrences of a single voyage made by him, the like of which
has not been met with since nor had been met with before.

He determined to sail around the earth in a straight line, for it was
known, even by my remote ancestor, the earth was round. It was difficult
for him to get a sufficient crew for his ship, but as he had made a
wager with the king, of a thousand talents of gold, he could do it, and
offered to divide the result with his sailors, he at last had his ship
manned and ready to sail. The last thing put aboard was a great trough
made in sections.

He set sail upon a day in June. After sailing before a stiff breeze for
many days, land was sighted, toward which the ship’s nose was pointed.
At this the sailors became alarmed, for they were sure they would be
dashed to pieces on the shore, which, however, was a sandy beach. But my
forefather kept on his course and when they were within a short distance
of the beach, he made known the use to which he was about to put the
trough, which was to lay it before the ship in such manner the keel
would run in it and as fast as she left one section behind it was taken
up and placed down before.

In this manner they sailed until they came to a large lake, across which
he kept his course, having again placed the trough on board. When they
reached the other side, the trough was again brought into requisition.
And so they sailed across the continent and into the other ocean.

When they had crossed this and were once more sailing along the trough
across the next and last continent the natives appeared in great
numbers, thinking it was an angel or a god, for the white wings above
the boat looked strange and unearthly to them. And so it was to prove
their belief they brought great nuggets of gold and piled them in the
way of the ship in such quantities the boat was soon loaded by the crew
with such a stock of yellow metal my forefather feared she would sink
when she was again launched into the sea. Therefore just before again
embarking he hid away a large part of the treasure, which he afterward
returned and got.

[Illustration]

As they were sailing now toward home he saw the king’s navy ahead drawn
up in battle array. This he could not understand, but it was soon made
plain to him, by reasoning that the king could not afford to part with
so much gold and had sent out his ships to sink him should he ever
appear. But he nevertheless sailed straight toward them, which again
alarmed the sailors, for by the division of the gold now on board and
what had been left behind each was so rich he could hardly wait to get
home and begin to spend his wealth.

Now it turned out the king himself was upon the ship toward which my
ancestor was sailing, and he made ready for battle; for that was part of
the plan he had in mind when he made the wager, knowing my forefather to
be a very determined and wise man. My forebear, however, did not know
the king was on board, and grieved ever after that such should have been
the case.

When he was about a league off he caused to be brought up from the hold
some planks which were then formed into a large rudder, which he put
behind the ship, but not held as a rudder ordinarily is, it being laid
flat on the water. It was now observed the masts were hinged where they
entered the ship.

When he had come within about three ship lengths he put a great force on
the rudder and bent the masts backward against powerful springs. The
pushing down upon the rudder caused the ship’s nose to dip down and to
enter the water, which it did with such rapidity it shot clear below the
other ship and would have passed without accident had not one of the
sailors lost his presence of mind and released the masts just as the
boat was coming up on the other side. The masts sprung upright with such
speed and force they caught the ship the king was on, threw it high in
the air, turning it upside down and throwing all upon it into the sea
and they were drowned.

When my forefather landed he went to the palace of the king to demand
his talents of gold. He then learned the king had been on that
particular ship, and knew he must have perished.

The renown of the voyage spread like wildfire and created such a
sentiment nothing would do but my forefather must be made king, and he
was crowned at once, and having so much gold his kingdom became the
richest in the world.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                  XIII

          _Being another item in the same document, and a most
          interesting one, as it gives some incidents in the
          life of one of my ancestors who was at some time a
          Caliph of Bagdad._


                        THIRD DOCUMENT—CONTINUED


                              _Item Sixth_

MY grandfather, who was a Caliph of Bagdad, was an illustrious
story-teller, and I should be doing him an injustice to omit from this
narrative one or two of the most wonderful of the tales he told.

He was in the habit of indulging in practical jokes and whenever a new
idea he could use for that purpose came to him he was prone to put it
into operation without delay.

And so it happened a thought of this character came to him one day in
midsummer and he invited all his retinue to a month of banqueting. Well
knowing the lavish supply he always provided, his palace was filled to
overflowing. To aid him in his joke he had employed a chemist of great
learning to assist in compounding the viands, always taking care that
while his portions resembled the others closely they did not contain
certain ingredients present in the others.

He also arranged for games on the lawns of great expanse around about
his palace, and it so occurred that while viewing these his guests were
compelled to sit in the sunlight unprovided with shelter from its rays.
And it also turned out all looking-glasses were secreted, which caused
much dismay in the minds of the feminine guests. And each guest, owing
to the brilliancy of the beams, was given colored glasses to wear.

The last half of the month contained a great novelty, so the guests
thought, for during that time every window was sealed and every door
closed so tightly not a ray of light penetrated anywhere, and all
functions were observed in the darkness.

At the end of that time the light was one day admitted throughout the
entire building and great was the consternation thereat. Husbands knew
not their wives and wives disowned their husbands. Lovers were
horror-stricken on the discovery by each the other was as black as the
ace of spades.

Oh, there was a tumult, for each was hastening to leave the place, but
he prevailed upon them to remain another week and all would be well.
Thereupon he explained to them he was but illustrating the way in which
the Africans became black. That he had added to the portions each day a
certain amount of silver which had at last mixed with their blood, and
that when they came into the sunlight the silver in them had oxidized
and made them black. He assured them the portions they would now receive
would quickly remove the silver and they would again become white.

And it so happened.

At another time, when he was about to start on a long journey, he called
his servants together and instructed them he would be gone some time and
they must under no circumstances admit into the palace any stranger
unless ordered to do so by his chief butler, whom he had told to put all
strangers in certain rooms and to lock them in there.

It turned out he was going away in search of a certain robber who had
been troublesome; indeed, so much so he had carried away such a quantity
of wealth he was fast becoming as powerful as he.

And so it was he had been gone but a day or two when a handsome cavalier
announced himself and was admitted by the butler, and placed in one of
the rooms, he having arrived at night-fall, craving a lodging from an
impending storm.

As it was afterward learned, this was the very robber my grandfather was
in search of, and well knowing he would not make an attempt on his house
while he was at home he had had it thus given out that he was away. So
the man got himself into bed, as he thought it as well to do, inasmuch
as he did not intend to commence his depredations until late at night,
and having some distance to travel thereafter he might thus refresh
himself.

About this time the room was suddenly filled with a deep yellow light,
and grinning skeletons rattled their bones in every corner.

Now this robber was a brave man, and looked upon these things for a
moment with anger at being disturbed of his sleep.

Then as suddenly the light was changed and the skeletons became so red
they had all the appearance of being covered with fresh blood. And now
great red hands appeared flying about the room apparently in search of
the man. This seemed slightly to disconcert the thief and he covered
himself up with the exception of one eye.

[Illustration]

Then the skeletons vanished and large balls of fire raced about the
room, and when he saw one of them making for his eye he really became
frightened and covered that eye up also.

Now came clanging chains and hideous groans and weeping and wailing most
horrible to hear. This so filled him with terror he shivered and his
teeth chattered.

In his frenzy, for he was becoming very much excited, he tore off the
covering and upon each corner of the bed hung a devilish green monster
licking his jaws and eyeing him hungrily with glittering eyes.

He now became desperate and would have fled, but when he made the
slightest movement to rise those monsters started toward him, and he
hurried beneath the covers.

Then came terrible sounds, the like of which he had never heard, which
were caused by the grating together of the teeth of the four monsters
and the snapping of their eyes and the smacking of their lips, and he
thought the building was on fire.

At last he was so overcome he sank into a stupor and was so found in the
morning by the butler, who discovered that what was a man young and
vigorous the night before was now an old man with white hair and sunken
cheeks and wrinkled forehead, who prayed to be removed from the room
that he might die in peace.

My forefather thereupon returning told him he could be removed only on
the condition that he return all the gold and goods he had stolen and be
a good citizen ever after.

This the man readily promised, and did as he promised he would.

Thus my ancestor not only ridded his kingdom of a pest but recovered his
people their lost wealth, and he was much reverenced therefor.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                 XIIII

          _Still continuing the same document, and showing
          what may naturally follow the possession of a
          remarkable voice._


                        THIRD DOCUMENT—CONTINUED


                             _Item Seventh_

MY father’s voice was of such sweetness and strength when he would form
his hands into a sort of trumpet and sing into them the very mountains
were overcome and cast at his feet their treasures. It was by this means
he saved his country from ruination at a time when a frightful panic
shriveled all its industries.

The king was in sore distress when one day my father stood before him
and asked what he would give to have sufficient gold and precious stones
to tide him over his present difficulties. The king looked upon him with
amazement, for he was but a peasant and poorly clad. But my father was
not abashed, and stood his ground under the gaze, waiting for his
answer.

Somehow the king did not desire to wound his feelings by a positive
rejection of him, and therefore asked him by what means he expected to
supply him the necessary funds. My father did not deign to answer him,
but repeated his question.

At this the king became quite wroth, and my father seeing this began to
sing a little song which so thrilled the king he was soon in tears. He
thereupon answered my father sensibly, saying he could have whatever he
asked if he would only relieve his people.

Then my father requested of him as many wagons and oxen as he could
spare, which the king sent with him as he went toward a certain mountain
and arrived in due time.

When he was at its foot, he commanded the wagoners to stop and he stood
on a log, beginning to sing softly to himself.

The birds ceased their warbling; the wild beasts of the forests came in
herds and stood about him.

He grew more earnest and the leaves of the trees paused in their
fluttering; the winds sunk into silence; the blades of grass stretched
their necks; the flowers quit distilling perfume, and the bees were
mute.

[Illustration]

Then it was that my father formed his hands into a horn and sang into
this with such sweetness and power of tone the mountain began to tremble
in ecstasy; its sides opened and streams of molten gold and silver,
carrying a covering of all manner of precious gems, flowed to his feet,
and the jewels formed themselves into piles at his side, and the gold
and silver became blocks and arranged themselves into pyramids several
feet high. Thereupon the gems filled up the triangle of each step of
each pyramid in this order, diamonds first, emeralds next, then pearls,
then rubies, then sapphires, and so on until every precious stone was
represented by a band, and upon the apex there was fitted in a diamond
of such rarity it vied with the sun in luster.

Then a very strange thing happened. The wagons were silently arranged in
such manner the pyramids were made to rest upon them so they might be
hauled away, which my father then commanded be done.

When this gorgeous display was brought before the king he was so filled
with joy he drew my father to his breast, saying he would share his
kingdom with him. To which my ancestor would not consent until the king
had promised to banish all lenders of money from the kingdom and to
behead whoever should thereafter lend money at usury or whoever should
refuse to lend money at a reasonable interest.

And thus it was that that kingdom never more knew troublous times.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                   XV

          _Being the eighth and last item of this document
          containing some very interesting exploits of my
          father, which I know the reader will enjoy and
          profit by._


                        THIRD DOCUMENT—CONTINUED


                             _Item Eighth_

AND now I am in duty bound to add a bit of personal history that it may
descend with the above historic accounts of the doings and sayings of my
ancestry, in order that future generations may not become conceited in
the contemplation of their achievements, as they must be of a less
wonderful quality each succeeding year, for the great men are rapidly
becoming fewer and fewer and the earth at length will not possess a
single one whose deeds will be worthy of recording.

So, out of pride for the past and passing grandeur of my ancestors and
their descendants, I yield to my sense of responsibility and pen a
sketch or two which should inspire my children and their children with
gratitude that they should have been my children and therefore the
children of my forefathers.

Be it known then that my great propensity was war. The clash of arms
always possessed a fascination I could not withstand. And to that one
fact my nation owes its existence, for had I remained at home on a
certain day the entire country would have been devastated and the
kingdom have gone into other hands. It happened in this wise:

The army of our king had been fighting continuously for many months and
it was composed of such great numbers the provender had been exhausted
and the warriors were beginning to die of starvation. While it is true a
knight may live and fight many days without food and not lose in his
execution, yet there is a limit beyond which his power wanes. This limit
had been reached some time since and our knights were mere shadows while
the forces of our enemies were still well provided with food, were lusty
and rampant, and were hewing down great numbers of our chivalry with
ease.

I had been detained from the field, for the king could not dispense with
my personal service; but when this state of things became known to me I
told the king he must excuse my absence, and I departed, much to his
displeasure.

When I reached the camp my heart sank within me, for my sorrow was deep
upon beholding the wasted forms of such mighty men, still determined of
mind but incapacitated of body.

I had brought with me a great auger, which I could make of any length,
and, after a few moments spent in calculation, I bored with such
persistence the auger seemed to be forced downward by superhuman power.
While I was boring with one hand, with the other I formed a great basin
about me from softened rock or cement I had brought with me, which
hardened as fast as I had it in proper shape, which happened at the time
I had my auger at the proper depth.

I thereupon withdrew the auger, and with a single bound cleared the
basin just as a stream of liquid, the full size of the hole made by the
auger, shot upward and the basin was soon comfortably filled.

The men all being exceedingly thirsty ran with great speed to the edge
of the basin, and began to drink. It did my heart good to note the
expression of pleasure which instantly spread over their emaciated
faces, and to see them motioning to their comrades with their hands to
hurry up, but without removing their lips from the liquid. Their
strength increased as their hunger decreased, and when they were
satisfied they fell upon the enemy like a whirlwind, slaughtering them
in every direction, and what were not killed fled precipitately from the
country.

Then it became known what manner of spring it was that was so
stimulating, and how it had been brought about.

Well knowing the geological formation of the neighborhood, I was aware
that at a certain depth there flowed a stream of hot water; above this
was a stratum of oysters and shellfish that had been left there by the
drain-off of an inlet from the ocean; above this was a stratum of salt
which had kept the oysters fresh and good; above this was a layer of
pungent earth; above this the ordinary deposits. So that, first the hot
water rushed up through the oyster bed, turned the oysters into soup,
which next rushed through the salt and was thus seasoned agreeably, and
next rushed through the pungent earth, and was given just enough spice
to whet the appetite.

And thus it was that oyster soup furnished by Nature won the kingdom for
our king.

At another time there was a great wolf hunt proposed by the king in my
honor. As I knew the road would lead through a country well filled with
streams both wide and narrow, I selected a very slender but exceedingly
wiry steed for a purpose that will appear hereafter.

The wolf being located and started, the hounds came down the mountain
side in full cry. I had alighted to tighten the girth when they got off;
but this did not disconcert me in the least, being quite sure of myself
and of my horse.

[Illustration]

As I had expected, I overtook them at the bank of a very deep and
violent stream. Some horses had refused the wading and some riders,
thinking it imprudent to venture, had started around by another way. I
sounded my horn as I came on at full speed, notwithstanding the cries of
warning which rang from their throats. My horse struck the edge of the
bank, made a gallant leap, but would have landed in the water about
one-third the way across, but being a man of extraordinary strength,
just as he struck the surface of the water I lifted him by the pommel of
the saddle, and he made another spring, and just as he struck the water
again I lifted him once more, and by a magnificent leap we gained the
other side, just as the hounds had brought the wolf at bay within a few
hundred yards.

Thinking it unfair to rob my brethren of the pleasure of the death, I
waited for them with my lance poised.

The wolf was a monarch of his race and very tough indeed, as was
afterward proved. For, when my comrades arrived, he broke through the
hounds and made off in long and speedy bounds.

Being at too great distance for my lance, I drew my Winchester, and
taking deliberate aim with my horse at full speed I let drive. The wolf
was so startled he turned abruptly right about just as the bullet
reached his middle, on its course clear through him, and thus sent the
bullet back with undiminished velocity, and it struck my good horse
between the eyes and went through the entire length of him.

And ever after he was no use in the chase of wild beasts, for the bullet
had left the bones of his head in such shape about the hole whenever he
was put at a swift gait he became a gigantic organ pipe and frightened
the game long before we came upon it.

As it was, however, the wolf was dead, and I had the honor of carrying
his scalp home. The manner of his death I almost forgot to mention, for
the bullet did not dispatch him.

Having turned about, and the missile’s passage having made him very
irritable, he made directly for me. Turning my horse to one side just
before he reached me I bent low and sent my lance down his throat,
catching the head as it came through and bringing up the wolf nicely
impaled upon it—he being then stone dead, for the lance had passed
through his heart.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                  XVI

          _In which I retail a few extraordinary incidents
          occurring in my travel in a mountainous region, with
          which the world at large is slightly acquainted,
          chief among them being a midnight attack made upon
          me by a drove of lions and a race for life on the
          back of an ostrich I had hatched in the desert._


THE perusal of the preceding documents had caused me much pleasure and
profit, and I feel sure the reader has been delighted with them; though
I must confess I was very greatly disappointed in them in one essential,
which was, that, while they detailed interesting episodes and neat
little batches of history, they gave me rather a mean idea of my
ancestry, which I had prized most highly as being men of capability and
consequence. Except in a few instances this idea was not borne out by
the documents, as I say, much to my chagrin. I had understood the
marvels they had performed had been thrilling, blood-curdling,
fire-eating, terror-striking, etc., and to find them so exceedingly mild
when compared with my own exploits, which I shall have the pleasure
hereafter to relate, was, as I say again, decidedly humiliating. The
published accounts of my grandfather’s travels led me to believe that
could I get at the real history of the matter there would be food for
the gods, and I had found broth for the invalid.

But be that as it may, there was one part of the papers which caused me
to turn the thought over once or twice in my mind as to visiting the
center of the earth, which I did, and my experiences during that voyage
I will give you at another time.

Suffice it then to say that I ended the trip by being volcanoed out, and
I will recount to you what occurred immediately after my advent.

I was somewhat disturbed upon ascertaining I had landed in a small
clearing in a pine forest at a very high altitude. Had it not been for
the heat caused by the eruption of the volcano I have no doubt I should
have found myself several yards down in a snow-bank. But so hot had the
fire from the crater been the ground was almost too hot to stand upon
and I made haste to find more comfortable quarters.

As I was wending my way through the thick forest I heard a great hissing
behind me, and to my astonishment observed a river of lava rushing after
me at terrific speed. It was of such width I could not run counter and
hope to escape. It so happened that in front of me was an inextricable
mass of fallen timber, pitch pine almost entirely, and upon this I
quickly placed myself. It was so matted together I believe it would have
made a convenient raft upon which to take my ride down the incline.

On came the lava, shooting, spurting along, until it lifted my raft on
its red-hot bosom and bore it swiftly onward, consuming everything else
in its passage.

I soon became aware it was likewise making inroads on my lifeboat, and
the dense volume of smoke which began to rise from it gave me an idea.

My mantle had served me well so far, and I now prepared it with greater
care, and, therefore, obtained better service from it than I had done in
my descent from the sky.

I tied a rope to each corner and it was quickly filled by a mass of
pitchy smoke which was ascending all about me. I had got ready none too
soon, for the heat was beginning to scorch me, as the balloon tugged a
moment at its cargo and slowly rose. To make sure of a trip of
sufficient duration I snatched a number of large pine knots blazing
furiously, and held them beneath my chariot.

I must have presented a weird spectacle to the inhabitants, sailing
through the air suspended by my parachute and surrounded by a ring of
flashing, sputtering, sizzling torchlights. I had quite a comfortable
seat where the ropes crossed, and from this position I selected a
verdant place to disembark, and succeeded remarkably well, for I landed
not only on a nice soft spot, but what was decidedly better, for I was
beastly hungry, at a hunter’s camp, and it had been recently occupied,
for there were standing against a tree several fine Remington rifles and
one Winchester, with full magazines, as I learned.

What then bothered me was the whereabouts of the owners of these fine
articles; but as night was coming on rapidly, I made myself comfortable
for a good sleep.

I cannot tell what hour it was when I was awakened by a frightful
roaring near at hand. Placing my arsenal handy I awaited developments
with expectation, knowing if there was one thing above another at which
I was an expert it was in the use of firearms.

There was not much delay in the operations, for the lions had
undoubtedly been driven from their haunts by the heat from the volcano,
by the light from which I soon discovered an immense drove of fine ones
on the first ridge between me and the lurid mountain. I counted a
hundred, and there were many, very many more—not to say anything about
the cubs. And it was to the presence of these young ones that I
attributed the fierceness of the old ones.

My experienced eye told me they were advancing directly toward me and I
must make ready for them. My knowledge of this game was such I knew my
artillery would be of no power whatever against these rapacious animals
when once they had scented me, which they quickly did.

Now, what I was to do I did with celerity, and it was to ascend a palm
tree and ensconce myself in its branches, taking with me the ropes with
which I had constructed my parachute.

As is usually the case the monarch of the herd led the way and was the
first to come beneath the tree. In following my scent he ran his head
through the noose I had hung down for the purpose. I thereupon gave him
such a sudden and powerful jerk as to break his neck. Another came and I
treated him to a hanging. And so it went until two massive fellows got
their heads in at the same time, and, knowing it would require
additional effort to crack such vertebrae I gave them an extra twist;
but it seems they must have sprung into the air at the exact moment, and
between the force of my arm and the spring of their limbs, they went to
such a height as to pass clear over the tree and, what was worse than
all, carried my noose with them.

There still remained about twenty females and their young, and these
seemed inclined to camp out there and then, which was not at all to my
liking. They must have been almost starved, for they fell upon the
bodies of their lords and masters with a horrible snarling and snapping.

All would probably have been well if I had not in a spirit of wantonness
shot one of the cubs with the only bullet I had brought up, not thinking
I should have occasion to use the firearms at all. This so angered the
mothers they held a council how to get me down. They began to smell
around the guns and I was thunderstruck to see one gray-whiskered old
female take the Winchester between her paws, point it at me, and begin
to fumble for the trigger. I did not lose my presence of mind, and
proceeded to put into execution another plan for ridding myself of these
obnoxious beasts.

My knowledge of ventriloquism did me splendid service. I threw my voice
into a clump of bushes right behind the madam with the gun, which so
startled her she lowered the point of the rifle and while she was
turning around to learn the exact whereabouts of the intruder she
dispatched the piece twelve times in rapid succession, killing a lion at
every crack. Then I threw my voice in such manner as to keep her turning
and by the time she had got back to the starting point she had disposed
of several more.

Then I threw my voice immediately beneath her and gave a terrific yell,
which caused her to bound into the air and discharge her gun as she
went, which happened to be pointed toward the other rifles, and the ball
somehow or other struck in such a manner as to discharge several of
them, one of the balls disposing of her in excellent style, the others
killing the few remaining.

I quickly descended from my perch and captured all the cubs, which I
tied together and fed with the flesh of the dead lions.

In the morning the hunters returned and their astonishment at the havoc
I had wrought among the lions, they could not find an end to their
congratulations. I sold them the young lions for a handsome fortune and
gave them the hides of the old ones, as they were in the employ of some
museums and parks and were out hunting lions for their employers. They
had expected to remain a year and this was their first camp. As they
only desired twenty lions they could now go back at once with their herd
of fifty beautiful cubs.

After they had gone away rejoicing, I laid my course in another
direction which finally brought me to the desert.

Wishing to reach an oasis I pressed on, but night overtaking me I lay
down on a little mound and went to sleep.

I was awakened at the break of day by the approach of a flock of
ostriches coming pellmell toward me. In my hurry to be prepared for them
I disengaged my burning fluid from my pocket, and before I could recover
it some of it had been spilled on the mound. I had barely time to grab
around the neck the young ostrich that was hatched by the heat produced
by my fluid—for it was an ostrich nest on which I had slept.

[Illustration]

This chick must have been pretty well saturated by the fluid for his
growth was prodigious. As he had been born so suddenly, and therefore
was a very newcomer in the neighborhood, he became frightened by the
noise made by the mothers and fathers of the brood and made off with me
on his back, he going at the top of his speed.

I may be pardoned for remarking it was the prettiest race I had ever
witnessed, and I believe now I did a very contemptible thing, though it
did not so appear to me at the time.

The flock was in ripe feather and represented a goodly pile of gold. As
I sped along I concerned myself with the problem of their capture, and I
was not long in formulating a plan.

Having observed the growing effect of the fluid on the chick I spread
some more of it on him. The result was marvelous indeed, for he grew to
such a height it made me dizzy to look upon the flying ground. He
expanded in every direction, and his back became large enough for me to
walk around upon it with comfort.

By dint of exercising some caution I secured a bit in his mouth and was
pleased to find he answered quite readily to the rein.

I then turned him about and made for the flock, which stood in
open-mouthed wonder—for none of them had ever seen such a chick. He so
shook the earth with his tread that it frightened them and they made off
at the top of their speed, which appeared to me quite slow, as I had not
the slightest difficulty in riding down first one and then another and
pulling out the best feathers. This I continued to do until I had a bale
of them many feet square. Then I put them into a frenzy and they
scurried across the sand out of sight. I thereupon stopped my horse and
alighted with my bale of ostrich feathers. Perhaps it was the love of
mother or of father or home, anyhow something, some impulse took
possession of my chick and he trotted away leaving me in the burning
sand. I grabbed at his tail as he started, but only succeeded in getting
fifty or sixty feathers, each about ten feet long and all beautifully
curled.

I was somewhat fatigued and lay down on my bale. When I awoke I was
surrounded by a herd of Arabs, all with their faces in the sand,
muttering exhortations. I spoke in their own tongue, commanding the
shiek to arise. When he had done so I asked him the cause of this
proceeding. He seemed tongue-tied, with hardly strength enough left to
point at the feathers of the young bird.

I asked him what that had to do with it, and after about an hour of
urging, with the greatest difficulty he told me, but he had to turn his
back to the long feathers, for every time his eyes caught sight of them,
he wiggled and twisted, gasped and choked, and would have burrowed his
head in the sand at my feet if I had not made him stand up straight.

He said he had no words to describe his admiration for a man who could
find such feathers. After about another hour he managed to face the
feathers again with composure, though he accomplished it by the exercise
of great care; he turned but an inch at a time, and first took a very
little peek out of the tail of his eye, then one a little larger after
he had got over his spasms, and so on until at last he was fairly
capable of real thought. Then he begged the privilege of hefting one of
them. I handed one to him, whereupon he cried aloud to his followers,
who jumped to their feet and began to sing as he waved the feather
backward and forward. When he had finished he returned it to me most
tenderly and fell upon his face; whereupon the others did likewise.

I again spoke to him, commanding him to rise and command his fellows to
do the same. Then I communicated to them my desire to dispose of my
stock. They could do nothing but look at me and at the long feathers;
not a word did they utter for such a time I became provoked and said if
they did not want to buy to begone.

They shook their heads, saying there was no man among them rich enough
to buy them. I told them to pile up their money in front of me, that I
might know how much they had. I was surprised at the quantity; for it
was considerable—as much as I had any particular use for. I divided the
bale into equal parts, one for each Arab, and asked them if that was a
fair exchange for their money, and I never saw such grinning since I
learned to swim.

There were fifty women in the party, and to each of those I gave a
feather from my feathered horse’s tail, and they took turns in embracing
me—in fact, they kept it up until I was sore from head to foot, for
sometimes there were three or four at it at once, strung along from my
neck to my ankles, and I begged them to desist.

The shiek insisted I should select a wife or two from the lot as a
slight token of his esteem. This kind offer I politely refused, giving
as my reason that I was a man of adventure, and could not very well be
burdened with a wife. At this, one of the most beautiful of the girls
fell to weeping and tearing her hair. I had great difficulty in reducing
her grief sufficiently for her to part with me; but at last, by filling
a water-bag with gold, and presenting it to her, together with the
remainder of the long feathers, I got away.

The Arabs made a pretty sight as they moved across the desert, their
feathers nicely wrapped in tissue paper and waving above their heads.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                  XVII

          _In which I give an account of the receipt of a
          curious message concerning a most beautiful princess
          and a labyrinth, and start out in search of both. I
          also give some details on transactions on the way,
          which I trust will be diverting._


ON reaching an oasis, I was very thirsty, and sought the well, to which
I descended, and had about satisfied myself, when I observed a peculiar
stone at the bottom, which I procured and was examining when I
discovered it was hollow. Now, I knew not whether to break it open or
seek some other means of ascertaining whether or not it contained
anything of value. I pondered a while on the problem, when I found the
stone was quite soft and easily crumbled in my hand. I was about to
throw it away when I saw what appeared to be a piece of parchment rolled
into a very small parcel. It proved to be what I had supposed it was,
and upon it was written the following.:

    To him who shall find this message I send greeting, and say unto
    him that I am of great beauty and wealth, and that I have sent
    this message forth in this manner in order that I may know that
    he who shall bring it to me is a man of strength of purpose and
    goodness of heart.

    For I am lone and lonely, having placed myself in the center of
    a troublesome labyrinth, which will test the powers of the most
    acute.

    But unto him who shall come to me and bring this message, I will
    give my love and my wealth and my devotion.

    He will know the labyrinth, for it is surrounded by pure white
    trees in triple rows, and it is not many leagues from this
    place.

                                                          TETE TETE.

Now, of all the things I most desired to encounter, a labyrinth was the
thing. And as I considered about it, it occurred to me that of the world
I had seen enough; in fact, about all there was to be seen, and a great
longing for quiet and rest and the companionship of a loving wife came
over me, and decided the matter.

But in which direction I was to look for the prize, I at once knew not,
for as far as I could see was barren waste and sand.

I climbed to the top of a great palm tree, and gazed about me, but was
no wiser.

So I lay down to rest, fell asleep, and dreamed of the princess and the
troublesome labyrinth until the following day was well along.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                 XVIII

          _I continue my search for the labyrinth and come
          upon a hermit who relates a rather interesting
          story, which decides my course of action._


I HAD lived a bachelor’s life for the reason I have heretofore given,
and had been exceedingly contented. But now nothing but an overpowering
desire for connubial felicity found place in my thoughts, and that
felicity persisted in centering around the writer of the message I have
set forth at length.

I had been made much of by many admirable women, owing to my many
adventures and traveling experiences, as, somehow or other, women like
brave men, and a man who has traveled a great deal they think must of
necessity be brave. I do not wish to be understood as saying they made
love to me; far from it; they were too polished: but I doubt not, had I
been so inclined, my suit would have received favor. But now my soul was
consuming for the presence of this unknown.

The days of magic were over, else I would have sought its aid. And yet I
was in a land of mystery. Might I not find some one whose vision might
locate this fair one?

I searched among the tribes of nomads diligently, without any degree of
success. Many there were told me much I knew, and more of which I have
not ascertained the truth or lack of it.

I spent several months in these fruitless efforts, and at last was
brought to a realization I had never failed when I relied on my own
ingenuity, and I should not fail in this case.

A short time spent in analyzing the situation, when I had reached this
conclusion, gave me a plan of operations: I must build another airship
and sail over the country until I found her, which should be a matter of
brief duration, as, if I could rise high enough, I could take in a vast
space, and must discover the white trees from a great distance, and
those once discovered, nothing could prevent reaching the goal.

I therefore journeyed to the mountains, as I could not launch my craft
from a low altitude.

About half way up the mountain side I came upon a cabin occupied by a
hermit. Now it so happened that one side of his cabin was composed of a
single board—just precisely what I desired. I made the remark I would be
glad to purchase it of him. At which suggestion he laughed immoderately.
What had he to do with gold? He neither bought nor sold. He did not even
so much as exchange one thing for another—not even in the matter of
clothing. I was convinced I could not find another board so well suited
to my needs, and I was not to be rebuffed.

I asked him upon what terms he would part with it. No terms whatever.
Did it not form one side of his cabin, and was it not exactly what he
needed in the place in which it was? I admitted the point. And he went
so far as to assert it came with very ill grace for me to suggest its
removal. Not saying as much as he would like, or as the circumstances
might permit, he would, however, state that I was laboring from one of
the ailments which were ultimately to ruin the human race, to-wit,
selfishness; that it had been the one blot on his fair life, and he had
come hither to atone.

I showed my interest, and he narrated the following story:


                          _The Hermit’s Story_

Five years ago come spring I was a husky man, indeed. Of such power was
I there were few men in the realm having sufficient temerity to cross
weapons of whatever nature with me.

There was a very beautiful woman in the country, to whose hand I laid
siege. I may as well state in the outset, I had little hope, but I
determined if I should not succeed no other one would. Her father was
very austere, and gave her few liberties, though she was permitted
greater license than any other young lady. Her father loved her dearly,
and it was his wish she should marry well. It is my opinion she
inherited a desire in a similar direction, for no one of her suitors
received the slightest encouragement.

At the time I came upon the scene of her life there was a chivalrous
young man who considered all else but her love of trifling importance. I
quickly became of the same opinion. Each observed closely all the other
did, and it so happened I one day met him in the woods at the hunt.

When we came in at the death I rode to a conspicuous place and
challenged to mortal combat any man who held claim as a suitor of the
princess—for she was a princess, and would, if she chose, receive the
throne on her father’s demise. The young man rode forth, spear in hand,
and the entire company proceeded to an opening of size near by, which we
circled around for some time, when he suddenly wheeled his horse and
came at me with his lance atilt. I was on my guard, and by a simple
twist broke his lance. I rode away, and a friend handed him a
broad-sword; mine was at my side.

I could have killed him before, but preferred to prolong the matter for
the edification of the assembly. He was frothing with rage, and his eyes
blazed dangerously as he came at a swinging gallop, his sword in a very
awkward position—so it seemed to me, but proved otherwise, and I barely
escaped without injury. My horse was of excellent metal, and was
snorting gleefully. I whirled about and made at my antagonist pellmell.

I now observed that he was left-handed, which accounted for my
supposition of awkwardness on his part. He therefore tried to ride on
the opposite from the usual side, which I tried to prevent, but was not
quick enough, and lost the top of my helmet, being thankful to come off
so well.

My veins were now well filled, and I set my teeth hard as I careered
toward him in an attempt to quarter his course, and his sword struck my
horse’s flanks as I swung my sword with a blow that would have split in
twain an ordinary man. He caught it with such dexterity as to break my
sword in halves.

[Illustration]

I dismounted, drew my light Damascus blade, and stood awaiting him. He
was no laggard, and was soon facing me, as the guests formed a circle.
It was as pretty a battle as any one might wish to see. I never saw a
man with such a pair of lungs. He never seemed in the least to suffer
for breath, though I kept him quite busy, and I may say he kept me well
occupied. Neither of us could gain a point.

Suddenly there broke into the ring a page from the court, who cried
aloud:

“Gentlemen: The princess sends greeting, and says she has learned you
are indulging in this display of valor because of her. Therefore she
sends word, saying as follows: She is curious in no way as to what the
outcome may be, as she is not in the least interested in either of you.
And she says furthermore if but one of you survive he shall be banished
from the realm during the remainder of his natural life for deigning to
go to such extremities without her permission. And that if this message
shall have the effect of stopping the combat it will show your true
merit. And she wished me to close my remarks with the following
manifesto: That whoever shall further witness your efforts upon this or
any other field shall be punished by banishment and confiscation of his
entire property and title.”

Thereupon he left us. Neither of us speaking nor moving for a time, the
entire body of spectators disappeared, and we were alone. Then he spake:

“Sir Swelltoad, you have heard the message. The combat was stopped
without the consent of either, and therefore I must give warning and say
that I seek banishment. What is your will?”

“Defend yourself,” was my reply.

It was a short matter, for he was now over-zealous, and I was soon on my
horse and am here where you have found me.

I might add that two years ago the princess became so disgusted with all
mankind she had a wonderful labyrinth erected for her, repaired into its
secret chamber, and will see no one who will not solve its mystery; but
that no one who has ever fought for her may strive to enter under
penalty of death in a most ignominious manner.

                  *       *       *       *       *

This ended the hermit’s story. It is needless to say my interest was
aroused, and with all the composure and carelessness I could command I
endeavored to adroitly ascertain the whereabouts of the labyrinth. I
therefore said:

“And has no one found the secret chamber?”

“No one has found it, and no one has returned, for it is so constructed
that, having once entered the labyrinth, there is no way of return, and
he who enters wanders until starvation ends him.”

“Is this labyrinth at a great distance?”

“It is the other side of the mountains,” he returned.

“I am exceedingly curious to see what that secret chamber is like,” I
remarked, carelessly.

“Let me dissuade you,” said he, “from the undertaking, for it will be
fruitless.”

“Why so?” I asked.

“For it is a most wonderful labyrinth. It is full of every imaginable
thing in the way of pit-falls and wild-eyed beasts, and it is impossible
for any one to succeed. I say this, because a most formidable knight who
had faced death in every conceivable form went on the quest a month ago
and has not returned. Each day there is a herald sent forth to cry out
whether any one has succeeded. A week ago—the last news I had—no one had
been crowned. And no one ever will be.”


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                 XVIIII

          _I enter the labyrinth and listen to the rules
          governing my progress therein. I meet a terrible
          lion which I overcome quite readily, as I likewise
          do other difficulties I encounter, especially a huge
          serpent which I gorge with an indigestible meal._


NOTWITHSTANDING what the hermit had said, I proceeded on my journey
across the mountains. When I reached the highest peak I saw a square of
white trees. This was of great extent, inclosing several hundred square
miles of land, which was full of hills and rivers. I noticed the trees
within the square were so closely set the ground was not visible from my
position, and if I had passed over it in my airship I should have been
none the wiser.

I observed, however, what I supposed to be an entrance on each of the
four sides, and made my way to the nearest one.

As I was about to enter, I was accosted by a voice (the owner of which I
could not discover, though I diligently sought to do so) which said:

“Enterest thou here as a suitor to the hand of the princess?”

“Thou dost speak with great truthfulness,” I made answer.

“Then harken thou to the following rules, each one of which must receive
strict attention at your hands under penalty of death.

“First: If thou hast fought because of the princess, turn back at once.

“Second: Thou shalt seek to gain the secret chamber by no unfair means.

“Third: Thou shalt not speak aloud, unless bidden so to do by the
princess herself.

“Fourth: Thou shalt not carry any weapon.

“Fifth: Thou shalt not kill anything.

“Sixth: Thou shalt not pluck any leaf, blossom, twig, or limb that is
alive.

“Seventh: Thou shalt not leave marks by the aid of which to retrace thy
steps.

“Eighth: Thou shalt not depart from the paths on any pretense
whatsoever.

“Dost thou agree to these rules?”

“I do,” was my reply.

“Know ye the breaking of any of them will result in thy instant death?”

“I know.”

“Proceed.”

I deposited all my weapons, of which I had a goodly number, on a pile of
several hundred others, and stood a moment in contemplation.

Before me were three avenues, so closely lined with trees with such
dense foliage the sky was nowhere visible and a deep twilight pervaded
beneath them. There was one straight ahead, one to the right, one to the
left, each leading at right angle to its neighbor. All were alike, with
this difference: that two of them somehow gave me the feeling they had
been well traveled, while the third, which was on the right, had been
little used.

I chose the one on the right and started forward.

How far I had traveled I do not know, for I had gone at a brisk pace and
the way had been so winding and twisting and turning, when there came to
my ears the low growl of an eager lion. I hailed the sound with joy, for
I was satisfied the road leading to victory would be a very dangerous
one and most difficult to travel, and I had gone such a distance without
an obstacle I was beginning to be doubtful. The muffled roar of the
beast reassured me and I pressed onward.

[Illustration]

I came to where the road branched in three directions. I was thankful I
possessed a keen ear, for by its aid was I enabled to take the one which
led to the lion, and I soon saw him stretched on the ground gnawing a
bone which was probably all that was left of some suitor.

The lion raised his head and looked at me long and steadily, as if to
say: “What! Another?”

Now, I had heard if a lion meets an unflinching gaze he will take
himself off without attempting to injure the gazer. I walked within a
few yards and set my glance on his eyes. He seemed slightly astonished
after a few minutes, and I persisted. Then his tail began to sway from
side to side with great force. His next movement was to fix himself for
a spring. Perhaps he had had so much of that gazing business he was used
to it; in any event, it was not working like a charm, and I resorted to
other tactics.

I must pass that lion, and the path was so narrow his body completely
filled it.

I stood my ground and saw his muscles set as his body grew closer and
closer to the ground. Then his fibers began to tremble, and I knew the
time was near at hand.

With a terrific roar that almost unsettled me, he sprang into the air. I
stooped low and ran with great speed, passing under him as he flew to
the spot I had just quitted. Nor did I slacken my speed until I reached
a river flowing with surging force down a channel fifteen or twenty feet
across. Hearing the lion coming, I cast about me, knowing if I could
cross the stream the lion would not, for lions hate water, like all the
cat tribe.

I repeated the rules so many times as I came along I knew them by heart.
“Thou shalt not pluck any leaf, blossom, twig, or limb that is alive,”
one of them said.

Now, I saw a dead vine which hung from the top of one of the trees, and
which was broken off a few feet from the ground. This last I did not
discover until I had made an examination, for the end was hidden in the
foliage. The lion was coming with more speed as my tracks were so fresh.
I seized the end of the vine firmly in my hands and swung backward and
forward until by an extra effort I reached the other side just as the
lion reached the spot I had swung from. By carefully gauging the
distance I sent the vine back to its hiding place in order that I should
leave nothing by which I might retrace my steps, to comply with another
of the rules.

I thought I heard an exclamation near by, but could not discern from
whence it came. As night was approaching I hastened on in the hope I
might find some safe place for the night.

I had proceeded some space by devious paths, keeping to the right when
there was a fork in the roads, until I stood at the top of an incline,
down which the narrow way went on. About half way to the bottom I saw a
huge serpent lying with his great mouth directly toward me, the balance
of him meandering among the trees and shrubs on both sides, leaving no
possibility of my passing him.

Again I was delighted at this new evidence I was on the right road, and
devised a plan by which I circumvented the snake. Since my boyhood
experience I had taken great joy in outwitting reptiles, and had been
always successful; therefore I had no fear in this case.

As my enemy appeared half asleep, having probably been gorged by other
suitors, but not in the manner following, I took that much advantage of
him.

The top of the hill was well supplied with large round boulders. I
loosened one of them, and it was a prodigious one, and put it in the
center of the path. I went for another and another until I had quite a
stock of stone cannon balls.

Then I sighted one of them most carefully and sent it spinning down the
hill. It went true as a die and entered the serpent’s mouth, holding it
firmly, for a moment, to the ground. Then I opened my fusillade in dead
earnest, and such a dinner no scaly fiend ever had, for by the time I
got to the coffee and cigars he was so full the last few hit against
those lodged in his mouth and rolled on harmlessly. His condition must
have been indeed awkward, for him, for he now lay as straight as a
kite-string in a gale, and he could but emit a hoarse hiss as I passed
him by, wishing him success in recovering from his indigestion.

I was now quite positive I heard a suppressed laugh, but could discover
no one by peering into the foliage, as I was not permitted to leave the
path on any pretense.

I continued my journey and had barely reached the bottom of the incline
when there came shooting after me such a torrent of boulders I had to
run for it to save my life, and I am quite sure I should have been a
goner had the path continued straight; but, to my great joy, I came upon
an abrupt turn and lost no time in getting around the happy corner.

The poor snake’s stomach must have troubled him. I fear the effort
required to relieve his overcharged condition quite put him out of the
running, for I saw and heard no more of him.

I came next to a chasm, several yards in width and exceedingly deep.
There was nothing but shrubbery on either side, and it was impossible to
scale this or the other side. Neither was it possible for me to jump it,
and I am no mean jumper.

There was nothing that could be of any possible assistance but a bare
pole. I tried to push this across, but could not manage it. I endeavored
to let it fall over, but in length it was a trifle short of the width of
the chasm, and I almost lost it.

I had about concluded to camp there for the night, though I shivered
when I thought of the serpent and that he might give chase when he had
recuperated somewhat. The more I thought of that venom-spitter, the more
reluctant was I to remain on that side of the gorge during the whole
night, unarmed as I was and unprotected in any way from a thing that
could follow me anywhere I might go.

With joy I finally saw a crack in the edge of the rock. I quickly
grasped the pole and rammed one end into that, wedging it tightly. This
left it in a perpendicular position, and I lost no time mounting to its
top. When there it seemed such a short distance across I felt inclined
to chance a jump for it; but my sense came to my rescue, and getting a
secure grip on the very end of the pole with both hands, I started it to
falling across. When I was well under way through the air, I gave my
body a twist and lengthened the pole in that manner by my whole length,
which brought me sprawling but happily on the other side, the pole
tumbling into the stream. Thus I had again left nothing by which I could
retrace my steps.

I was mightily well pleased to find a snug house before I had gone half
a mile, for I was bent on putting as much space between that snake and
myself, for that chasm did not seem such a terrible thing for him to
cross when I remembered his horrible length—it would have been no trick
at all for him to have spanned it with but a kink or two.

So, as I say, I was delighted at the sight of the habitation.

On the steps sat an old woman, and I paid her a pleasant time of day.
She said not a word, but arose and entered the house.

My nose told me there was that within which would quiet the pangs of
hunger now giving me much discomfort, and I followed her.

There was a table with one chair at it and she was busy at the fire. I
stood by the chair and she looked at me with every kind of astonishment.
This confused me so that I sat in the chair and she went on with her
cooking.

I could not resist the tempting meal that lay before me, and as she made
no protest when I had taken one mouthful, and I eyed her closely as I
took it, I took another, and another, until I had finally eaten a hearty
meal, and felt nice and smooth and very much pleased with everything.

I arose and gazed about me. She went to a ladder which led to an upper
floor, looked up it and then passed out the door. When she returned,
which she did after a few minutes, I was in the very same place.

She went to the ladder again, looked up it, and again passed out. When
she again returned I was still there. Again she went to the ladder,
looked up it a third time, and a third time passed out.

What she meant now began to percolate through my brain. You see, I had
eaten so heartily and felt so comfortable my brain had got to sleep
before my body had, and I had really not been thinking. But now I went
to the ladder and looked up, and was so doing when she again returned to
the door, glanced at me and went away.

Then I climbed the ladder and I was almost asleep all over before I
could get to it; for there before my very eyes was the softest bed
conjurable. So, I do not remember anything more, whether I just tumbled
onto the cozy thing and was in slumber before I struck it, or whether I
went through the usual routine.

Anyhow, my repose was pleasant, for it was filled with dreams of the
beautiful princess I was soon to see, as it seemed to me the
difficulties I had already overcome were greater than any that could
possibly present themselves. Alas, how mistaken was I!


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                   XX

          _I continue my travel, splendidly refreshed by a
          good night’s sleep. I explain how I escaped from the
          angry bears and from a host of hungry alligators;
          how I charmed the deadly vipers, and how I ascended
          a glistening granite precipice._


WHEN I awoke on the following morning, I descended and found a
magnificent repast awaiting me. So bounteous was the supply I was
astonished. As I could not tell how long it might be before I would be
again so fortunate, I ate heartily, and after thanking the old lady
sincerely, as she had refused, silently but positively, any
remuneration, I went my way.

I came to a round, clear opening, covered with grass, a meadow, out of
which were paths innumerable.

I lay down in such a position I could inspect each path in turn and
subjected each to a rigid inspection from that distance. Some were
narrow, some wide, some gravel, some sod, some lined with flowers, some
rocky, some dry, some wet and marshy, some straight, some crooked, some
overhung with foliage, and some on which the sun shone brilliantly.

On one side the hills came sharp down to the meadow. At one place there
appeared to be a small cave out of which a stream of water was flowing.
As I was very thirsty I thought there must be a spring in the cavern and
thither I bent my steps. The stream was of clear, sparkling water, of
which I partook freely. There was such a cool air coming from the cave,
and as it was becoming quite warm in the sun, I went in to sit down
during the heat of the day.

I had sat but a moment when my old spirit of investigation came on me
and I sought to learn how far into the earth the cave extended, knowing
well I could easily retrace my steps without using any unfair means.

I went in a great distance, and came to a branch. Along one course I
thought I could detect a point of light indicating another end to the
cave; the other passage was dark.

After a time I discovered that the first was filled with animals. It now
occurred to me that in all probability this was the true way to the
secret chamber, and the passage occupied by the beasts was the one I
should take. So, on I went, quite sure and confident. The snarling and
growling of the animals increased in volume as I approached, and when I
reached a swell in the tunnel I found this cavern contained a number of
large bears, which raised their heads and sniffed the air, evidently
scenting me.

How was I to pass them, as pass them I must, was the question I had to
answer.

They were ferocious in the extreme, for there were old and young ones,
and they were now engaged in quarreling over a very scanty meal which
they would undoubtedly take great pleasure in making larger and more
fitting to their number and size.

One old surly she-bear had concluded to look up the intruder, and
approached me, growling in a very menacing manner. I could not see her
all the time, for she would pass to one side or the other of the light,
and be in darkness most. This increased my difficulty.

I must not kill her, or any of them; but I must pass them, and would
pass them without killing them, for I had matured a plan for so doing.

I dare not use my voice, and it is doubtful I could have frightened them
by the use of it. Being very swift of foot I dodged the mother bear who
was searching for me, and came up to the snarling, snapping cubs. They
suddenly scented me and backed away a short distance from their meal,
prior to bounding on me.

This was what I had calculated they would do, and I grasped the
opportunity by rushing in and picking up their repast, which consisted
of a young deer, though I had feared I would find it to be another
suitor.

I backed away and they followed. As they increased their speed I
increased mine. I was leading them around the cavern away from the
tunnel with the light at the end. When we reached the farther end and
started toward the light, I began to run, and just as I got to the
entrance to the lighted passage I dropped the deer and fled, while they
pounced on their meal with renewed vengeance, the old she-bear alone
following. I soon left her behind and reached the sunlight, much to my
relief, which, however, was but temporary, for two enormous bears were
coming up the path. My flight had been so precipitate, and I was now
going at such speed it was impossible for me to stop my progress.

They arose on their hind legs to embrace me, and, being an athlete, I
took a flying leap, striking one of them in the stomach with such force
as to send it sprawling with a monstrous grunt of disapproval, and I
bounded over its prostrate form and disappeared before either could
recover from the astonishment that had so suddenly overwhelmed them.

I was so full of desire to complete my undertaking I did not ease up on
my pace for many miles, and only did so then because I had arrived at
the brink of a terrible precipice, at which the path ended. I stood on
the verge and looked into a deep lake one hundred and fifty feet below
me. The water was so clear I could see large bodies moving in all
directions in it, which turned out to be great crocodiles.

It would have been an easy matter to have taken a header into the water,
for I was an expert diver, but how was I to avoid the saurians? That was
the problem I set myself to solve, which I did in the following
comfortable manner.

The lake was fully half a mile long, and at the foot of the precipice
but a few yards wide. Now, I had prodigious strength of arm, and I took
advantage of those water cattle by selecting a lot of good-sized stones,
which I threw with all my might; and so great was the space traveled by
them before they struck, the crocodiles could not swim the space in
several minutes.

As the stones began to strike the water they were all excitement, and at
once proceeded to learn the cause of the disturbance, and away they
went.

When they had all reached the spot, I sprang head first into the water,
and rising easily to the surface swam to shore before they had fairly
got started back to investigate the new commotion.

While standing on the summit of the rock I had decided which of several
paths I should take, the one I had selected being through a grassy bit
of country.

Over this I went upwards of a mile, when I found my further progress
impeded by a swarm of deadly vipers, which so filled the way I could
scarcely see the ground. They were having a very quiet time, but on
becoming aware of my presence they set up such a rattling I thought for
a moment there was a shower of pebbles falling on the rocks.

Now, being possessed of a very strong pair of boots, which came high on
my legs, I could readily have stamped them all to death, but I dare not
harm them, and I knew that to attempt to pass them and leave them unhurt
was simple suicide. I therefore hit upon the following plan to evade
them and continue my way:

As I was passing through the water on my dive I had observed a beautiful
colored shell on the bottom of the lake, and had brought it with me. I
now looked it over. As the snakes had not yet determined to attack me
because I had not disturbed them, I stepped to a large boulder of
sandstone near by, and by dint of using it as a grinder I succeeded in
wearing away the end of the shell. Then, by the aid of a sharp stone, I
bored eight holes in it at proper intervals. When I had done, I put the
instrument to my lips and began to play on it, for, as I have stated
before, I believe, I am an accomplished musician.

I executed a low, plaintive air at first, which appeared to please my
audience and they uncoiled themselves and assumed a less warlike
attitude. Then I shortened the time and had them dancing for joy. When I
had them thus entranced I cautiously made my way through their numbers
and changed to a very slow and heavy measure, and in a very short time
had put them all soundly to sleep, in which condition I left them and
went onward.

[Illustration]

I was now approaching another mountain and was suddenly stopped by an
abrupt end to the path. There was no mistaking the fact, the path turned
neither to the right nor to the left, but that the way to the secret
chamber lay up a perpendicular wall a hundred feet high and as smooth as
glass.

This exceeded my wildest imaginings of difficulties. I was completely
nonplussed, and I reclined on the ground in absolute discouragement. It
was my first real discouragement. Never before had I met an
insurmountable barrier between me and my desires; but here seemed to be
one, without any shadow of doubt.

And I was decidedly fatigued, for I had come a great distance. I was
also positively aware my hearty breakfast had served its usefulness, and
my power would soon wane by virtue of hunger.

I saw all my castles in the air tumbling down most miserably. The dear
princess was fading in the distance. I was so put out, so tired, and so
hungry I must have fallen asleep, for I became conscious suddenly by
feeling something cold running over my face. “Snakes” of all sizes were
in my mind; but it was but a harmless lizard, though of good size, some
two feet long. There were hundreds of them, and how I envied them as
they scampered carelessly and, I thought, mockingly over the face of my
enemy, the granite precipice. They were hunting a species of large
insect which sometimes paused to rest on the rock, at such times a herd
endeavoring to effect a capture.

In one of these attacks the insect was wounded, but escaped their
tongues, fell at my feet, and died.

My spirits arose, and I quickly secured it, placing it in my pocket for
use at the proper time. I found in the grass a lot of dead, pliable
roots. Having secured the requisite number of these, I picked up some
dried switches and spliced the roots until I had a pole of the desired
length.

This brought me to the interesting part of my plan, which I had formed
from watching the lizards, bless them!

I then tied the bug to the end of the pole, and by handling my fishing
outfit adroitly I enticed a lizard close enough to capture him, and then
another, and still another, and yet another, until I had about twenty of
them. I was astonished at their strength. As I captured them I tied the
tail of one to the neck of another, so I was compelled to hold but one,
the last one, and that was enough, as they got stronger each time I
added one. At last my team was harnessed, and it was a goodly tandem,
the wheel horse being a magnificent specimen, with a tail of sufficient
size for me to grasp it firmly in my right hand.

I then held the bug in front of my leader in such a position they could
all see it, and after it they all went. I started the insect up the
surface of the rock, and they went at such speed they gave my arm quite
a wrench when they lifted me off my feet and started up the rock with me
dangling. Maybe I did not have the grip of my life on that tail! It is a
wonder I did not squeeze it square off.

When I was hanging midway between the top and bottom I really thought it
was all over and that they had come to the conclusion the bug wasn’t
worth it anyway. I put all my ingenuity into that insect, and made him
appear so entrancing that away they went after him, I always keeping him
just out of the reach of the leader. But this time I had to give each
one a sniff of it, and as I dipped it along in this way I thought my arm
would come out, for they literally humped themselves to get it.

As I neared the top I had, of course, to come at it on an angle, as I
could not lead them directly over the edge, and so I did, and when they
had dragged me over the edge onto some nice green grass, I tell you, I
heaved a monstrous sigh of victory.

But I was not out of my trouble. They had the bug, of course, and I had
to let go my hold, which was no easy matter. I at length succeeded, and
at once unharnessed my good team and let them free, each one going away
with my blessing.

But I was too tired to go another step, and was about to lie down on the
sweet grass and go to sleep when I saw a house quite similar to the one
I had met the night before, and on the steps of which I saw another old
lady, in all respects like the one who had cooked my meals at the other
house.

She nodded her head in such a way as to turn me round and cause me to
look off across the country, and I there saw a most exquisite palace of
white marble with a dome of amethyst just then glittering in the rays of
the setting sun.

I gazed at her inquiringly, and she nodded her head in a fashion which
assured me she understood my glance.

But the scent of food within drove all else out of my mind, and I made
bold to enter. I enjoyed a rich repast in every way equal to the one of
the night before, after which I ascended the ladder and was soon asleep.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                  XXI

          _My vigor renewed by another night of refreshing
          repose, I proceed on my journey, overcoming, in
          turn, a sharp decline covered with round, smooth,
          loose stones, a swarm of hornets, a slippery, zigzag
          descent, a great lake filled with countless leeches,
          and a wedge in the forest._


WHAT bothered me for a moment in the morning was the fact the path I
must take led me directly away from that dear palace; but this I did not
permit to disturb me any great length, for the presence of the palace
told me distinctly I was on the right track, and I would vary from it on
no account.

I gazed long and earnestly on the beautiful object, and when I at last
turned around and started forward I heard an exclamation of joy, and on
looking at the old woman standing in the door I saw a smile on her face,
and I considered that she had given voice to some thought in her
peculiar mind, for I saw nothing taking place that could cause any
sentiment.

So on I journeyed and came to a sharp decline which was so covered with
perfectly round, loose pebbles it would have been a very hazardous
undertaking to have attempted to descend. In fact, I tried it, and
quickly found myself sprawling and tumbling, bringing up against the
edge of the path much bruised and shaken.

I scrambled to the top, as I had come but a few busy feet, and sat down,
as was my invariable custom when I wished to think deeply.

Glancing about I saw four sticks of dead timber of about equal length.
Those I secured, for they were neither “leaves, blossoms, nor twigs.” In
searching among the stones I found four which had holes in them, and
they happened to be of sufficient depth and size to admit the ends of my
sticks. When I had fixed the sticks firmly by pounding them in, I
secured some dead roots and bound the other sticks on the first two in
such manner as to make a very serviceable wagon, as I had tied them
together so as to permit the first two to turn readily.

[Illustration]

I then placed my hands on the front axle, so as to regulate the speed of
my descent, and my knees on the cross sticks. In this manner I went down
quite handily. Though I was somewhat shaken, I reached the bottom in
very good shape, as the pebbles and stones rolled under my wheels in
such a way as to make a very soft ball-bearing, and the descent was
quite easy, albeit rapid.

Here another difficulty met me, and I should certainly have been stung
to death but for my presence of mind, as the way was literally filled
with hornets, sizzing here and there with terrible swiftness.

I quickly tore loose one of my axles, which was hollow. The pathway here
was thick with dust. By putting the end of my axle in the dust and
blowing through it with all my lung power, I stirred up such a cloud the
hornets lost their way and failed to find me. By walking slowly along,
covered by the cloud of dust and completely enveloped in it, I came
safely through the hornets’ territory, suffering only from one or two of
their stings.

I next came to where the path went down another slope, so steep the road
went down it in a zigzag course, each turn being a very sharp angle. In
such manner are the roads constructed up the sides of steep mountains.
If the roadbed had not been of a peculiar composition I should easily
have gone forward; but it was of soapstone, and the mountain side being
full of springs the stone was thus kept moist, and was therefore very
slippery. One of the rules said distinctly I should not depart from the
path on any pretense whatever, and I knew very well if I started down
and slipped, which I was quite likely to do, I should certainly shoot
over the edge of the path, and thus break the rule if I did not break my
neck, and both would probably result.

Even had I my wagon I could not turn the abrupt comers. So, what was I
to do? If I had not followed my usual method of sitting down to think it
out, I should in all probability be at the top of that slope yet, still
thinking.

As it was, though I did sit down I remained in a sitting posture no
great length of time, for immediately beneath me was an enormous
bumblebees’ nest, and a number of the most pugnacious resented at the
point of their swords my trespass on their territory, and with great
alacrity I coincided in their views.

Thus it was I was enabled to make the descent with no discomfort
whatever; for, having lighted my pipe, I blew a cloud of smoke into the
nest, so the inhabitants were only too glad to fly away and let me do my
worst, which consisted in extracting enough of their store of honey with
which to coat the soles of my boots enough times to keep them in such
condition they would adhere tightly to the soapstone until I had reached
the plain below, which I did, as I have said, very neatly.

At the bottom of this incline I had another view of the gorgeous palace;
but the path again led away from it, and I followed it with grim
determination, feeling, however, just a little doubtful about the
justice of further perplexities in my path. Yet, she it was who had
planned them, and I was finally but too glad to do her sweet bidding,
realizing it was but a question of time, as I feared no further
impediments. And I could but scold myself for taking the path I did, for
there was another leading directly toward my goal. Though I felt that in
all my travels I had never been beset in such a brief compass of time
with so many obstacles, and would gladly have seen the end of them, I
could not satisfy myself the other path was the proper one, and my
judgment again proved unerring.

And the next barrier interposed, which temporarily stopped my further
progress, came near causing me to give up the whole affair, and I should
probably have done so had not I imagined I heard a scornful laugh when
my discomfiture was most apparent on my countenance—I say, had it not
been for the stinging of that laugh, I might have lain down right there
and died from wounded pride.

And though that titulation was but an hallucination of my brain, it sent
my forces back into the ranks and I went at the obstacle in such a
business-like way it was soon a thing of the past.

The obstacle was a lake about two miles wide. Now, I could easily have
swam it, but it was well tenanted with a large variety of leech, as I
was made aware when I recklessly launched myself upon its surface, for
they attacked me in such numbers their weight would have drowned me then
and there had I reached a sufficient distance from the shore to have
been in water over my head. As it was I was so thoroughly tired out in
carrying myself thus burdened with them back to shore I sat down with
only enough power remaining to remove them and cast them on the ground.

It was at that moment I thought I heard the scornful laugh, and I was
then gazing at those leeches anything but pleasantly, for they had all
but spent my entire strength in the brief space during which they had
been fastened on me.

My eye caught sight of a small feather on the sand, and a broad smile
must have appeared on my face, for I was instantly filled with joy.

I bit off the small tip of the quill and likewise enough of the other
end to permit me to blow out the pith. I was forbidden to kill anything,
and I did not propose to kill these leeches unless it became necessary;
but I admit I bore them no good will, and under other circumstances I
could have enjoyed tearing them to pieces one by one.

I inserted the quill in each in turn and blew up a hundred or more of
them until they looked like great balls. I then put the mouth of one to
the side of another, to which it adhered tenaciously, until I had a
square of them several feet across. I then made another square of the
same size, and laid that on top of the first, and then another, and laid
that on top of the second, and still another on top of the third.

I pushed my raft into the water and got upon it. As there was quite a
breeze blowing, I spread my mantle and sailed slowly but positively to
the point on the other side at which the path continued its course.

As I walked along I noticed the trees on either side were increasing in
height and becoming thicker and closer to the path as I went on, with
the result I at length found myself in what might well be termed a
pocket, with trees towering two hundred feet in the air, and so close
together it was impossible for me to squeeze between the next two, the
last two having flattened me all nature would stand.

Through a narrow slit I saw the path continued, but of such narrowness
was this aperture I could barely put my arm through it.

I sat down to think it out; or, rather, in lieu of sitting I leaned
against a tree, for they were too closely set to permit me to sit.

I could think of no way out of the dilemma, and was so tired withal I
fell sound asleep. When I opened my eyes it was as black as a ton of
coal. I went again to sleep, as I received no new thought, and was
awakened by a peal of thunder. The air was literally full of lightning
sparks, darting about in every conceivable direction, crossing each
other at every possible angle, and from the distance came the roar of a
frightful wind. I was about to be overtaken by a cyclone, and I could do
nothing but wait. I dared not depart from the path, and, in fact, the
path was as safe as any place. I knew very well if the storm center
should pass in my vicinity I should be killed by the falling timber; yet
I was determined not to give up my purpose—I would rather die complying
with the rules.

The storm seemed an age in coming, and at last I saw the whirling center
would pass far enough away not to carry me up in its funnel; this I
could tell by the noise among the trees. It was terrible; what majestic
wrenchings were going on! How the great forest giants struggled, only to
be torn up by the roots or twisted into splinters and hurled furiously
away! And the rushing of the wind—what horrors it contained—a demon
freed and wreaking his vengeance for having been imprisoned—how he
shrieked in his mad delirium! How he howled and hissed in his tantrum!
It nearly froze the marrow in my bones.

A strong current of air was rushing by me, and growing steadily stronger
each second. I should be picked up by it before the end and whirled—the
Lord knew where—but I prayed I should not be taken out of the path.

I felt the first real gush of the tearing wind. It was entering my
pocket. What would it do? I did not have long to wait for my answer,
brought by the wind itself. The pressure it exerted soon became almost
unbearable, and while the tension was at its height a vivid flash of
lightning showed me that the trees in my path were being forced apart,
and even now the slit was wide enough for me to spring through. No
sooner thought than done. And all I had to do was to loosen my grip on
the tree to which I had been holding and be blown through by the rushing
wind. The blast that took me through was the last throe in that
particular vicinity.

I was lying on the ground, much jarred and bruised, but decidedly happy,
for the path lay before, waiting for my feet. So I gave thanks to the
storm and proceeded to finish my nap, for it was now dark, and I was
completely fagged.

When the dawn made things again clear I could not refrain from
inspecting the place through which I had come.

Now, there are times in every man’s life when he feels he has been a sad
mistake; that when his anatomical machine was assembled it was not put
together right; that there is a screw loose somewhere in his being. And
so it then seemed to me as I gazed at the slot between the trees.

There was but one excuse for me, my brains must have been lost in the
last episode, or I had lost the combination to my thought-maker. There
before my eyes stood the monument of my stupidity; there was the proof I
was nothing but a streaked ninnyhammer of the rankest breed. There stood
the slot as my accuser, the witness whose testimony should send me to a
home for incurable imbeciles.

While it was true that for twenty-five or fifty feet it was impossible
for me to get between the trees, yet it was also true that by the
distance of one hundred feet there was ample space for my passage. It
would have taken time, of course, to have climbed up and down between
each pair of trees. Ah, greater evidence of my moon-eyed condition. By
climbing to the limbs I might have run like a squirrel from one tree to
another the entire distance.

It is nothing to my credit I should have been compelled to have jumped
several rods through the air between two trees, for my mental sagacity
had not got so far as that. I felt humiliated beyond expression. Never
before had I been compelled to call on the forces of Nature to help me
out of a difficulty. It would be the last time. There was consolation in
that.

However, it was best as it was, for there might have been a question
whether or not climbing the trees would have been leaving the path.

Nevertheless, I turned from the scene in a state of complete disgust,
absolutely forgetting I had had not a morsel to eat since the prior
morning. This was brought back with all its pain by the sight of the
style of a house with which I had become familiar. I suffered not this
time my natural diffidence to retard me from entering without ceremony
and taking possession of the only chair at the table. Neither could I
resist taking a short nap after the meal, for I had slept anything but
comfortably; and should not have slept at all but from complete
exhaustion.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                  XXII

          _I continue to proceed and outwit an immense giant;
          escape from a herd of angry cattle; scale a water
          fence; meet a friendly spider._


WHEN I arose from my siesta I observed the dame in charge of the
caravansary was less dumb than the others I had met, and that her
countenance bore evidence of the passing over it of a late smile or two.
The faces of the others were so placid a really pleasant emotion would
have slipped up on them had it attempted to cross their countenances.

These were my meditations as I passed along my way.

My late experiences had not dimmed my ardor in the least, and the
refreshment both of victuals and of sleep had restored me to a very
vigorous condition. So high-spirited was I that when I came to an
immense giant sitting on a stump by the pathside, I was not in the least
abashed or flustered. He was forming a toothpick by the aid of a pocket
knife which would have answered me quite well for a sword, and he
glanced at me quite merrily out of the corner of his eye.

Now, while I was not a giant in stature, I was not by any means this
man’s inferior in real strength, as will be shown by the following
incident.

I bade him good-day, and after conversing with him for a time I made as
if to go on, when he said I should have to kill him first.

I told him it was against the rules to kill any living thing within the
enclosure, and his reply was quite to the point; for he said I would
never pass on then.

I told him I thought I should go right on about my business, just as
though I had not had the honor of his acquaintance; that I did not
consider he could possibly prevent me from doing just as I liked. But
such talk aside, he was not so strong or powerful as he undoubtedly
thought he was; that he had plenty of bulk, I was willing to admit, but
it was nothing else—it had no life in it.

This he did not agree with; but I insisted I was right, for I was sure I
could outrun him, or outjump him, and do anything requiring quickness
better than he could.

He only grinned.

I told him he certainly must admit I could jump higher than he could in
proportion to my height.

I stood in the middle of the path, and springing nimbly upward, caught a
branch of the tree and brought it down with me, being exceedingly
careful not to pluck a leaf from it.

The limb next above that one was several good feet higher and quite
strong enough to sustain his weight should he reach it, as I knew he
quite well could.

The temptation was too great for him, and so he walked backward, to keep
it in view all the time, to where I had stood, and stooping gave a very
fine leap, in which he caught the branch all well enough, and I likewise
caught his feet and ran swiftly in the direction in which I wished to
go, a sufficient distance to bring him his full length on the ground,
which he struck with sufficient force to stun or daze him, and he was
not aware of my escape until I was too far away for him to overtake me,
and I saw no more of him.

[Illustration]

My ears next caught a sound which turned out to be the bellowing of a
herd of cattle, coming at a terrific speed down my path. There were
several hundred of them, according to the count I made of them as they
were passing me, and they were in very much of a hurry and frightfully
excited, one old bull in the lead having his head down, uttering
dreadful cries and snorting viciously.

They would quickly be upon me, and they were so thick and dense I could
not squeeze to one side and let them pass without being trod upon.

My presence of mind saved me from an awful death; a few seconds longer
of delay on my part and I should have been crushed by their horrid
hoofs. In those few seconds I grasped a sapling, bent its top into the
path, took a firm hold and let go the other hand, swinging clear of
their heads and horns just in the nick of time.

And my new dilemma was as great as the one I had safely passed. The
leaves were so thick and so were the little branches, it became a very
serious matter to fall to the ground without carrying with me a leaf or
two or a twig or so. I was satisfied I could not escape such a
catastrophe, and was about to resign myself to my fate, when a most
peculiar thing happened.

A mammoth spider was spinning his web among the branches above my head,
and his web was like linen thread. A happy thought came into my mind,
and I was about to put it into execution when I saw he had stretched a
thread across the path and I had disarranged this when I had bent down
the tree, and he was now about to repair the damage. The best of it all
was his main line was quite within my reach, along which he was just
then traveling.

He belonged to a distinct species, specimens of which I have not seen
since, for he spun five threads at a time. His progress was not very
rapid, for he braided the threads together as he went.

He reached the other side, and after having made fast the end of his
braid or rope, he came just as slowly back, leaving another line
trailing behind.

When he reached a point just above me and had securely fastened his line
by wrapping it several times around a good limb, and glueing it, I began
to tease him with a small branch that I twisted around for the purpose,
and he became so enraged he lost his hold and fell to the ground.

I quickly snipped the line which he had spun in his descent, pulled
myself up to his rope bridge, along which I went hand over hand until I
reached the middle of the path, where I swayed up and down until I could
let go and drop to the ground without injury, which I did, quite glad of
my escape from certain death; for so read the rule, and I could have
come down in no other way without bringing with me many leaves and some
twigs.

In a short time I came to a stop, as the path had done the same. I could
not determine where it continued, for there was a very respectable
waterfall into which it led, and over which, or rather up which, it
undoubtedly went. No man could swim or climb that torrent of water; but
mount it I must, for there was no path leading in any other direction.

I sat for a long time with my feet in the water, having removed my boots
for the purpose, as my feet were hot from the long walk; but I could not
concoct any scheme for scaling the water fence.

[Illustration]

I was just dropping into a doze, when I heard a splashing below me and
saw some great sturgeon preparing to shoot the falls. It took me no time
at all to wade into the water, and as a big one shot by, grasp him by
his caudal fin, and I was up the chute before I had time to breathe. In
fact, the transit was so sudden it was quite a spell before I got my
breath back again; but I did it just in time to save myself from being
swept back, for the great fish had shaken me loose when we had barely
passed the verge.

But I had left my boots below, and I could never enter the presence of
the Princess barefoot. So I secured them in this manner:

Disengaging one of the rope-walks of the giant spider I fastened one end
to a long stone of such size and shape as when I threw it into the leg
of the boot it stuck tight, and I was enabled to draw it up. I got the
first one easily enough, but was less fortunate with the second, for as
I was pulling it over the fall, a fish swallowed it, thinking it was
some bait intended for him, and I had a very severe struggle with him.
Had it not been for the strength of my rope I should have lost my boot;
but the fish, evidently becoming convinced he would be delayed too long
if he remained until he had his meal, peacefully coughed up the boot and
went on.


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                 XXIII

          _I offer a few suggestions and relate other
          experiences which happened after I had reached the
          palace for which I had so long been striving, where
          I meet the “sweetest woman ever born,” whose husband
          I have the honor of becoming._


I HAVE but a few more incidents to relate, and I beg the pardon of the
reader for offering here a suggestion or two as to his course on
finishing the book. I trust he will not shy it into a corner of the
room, or cast it forth through the window. It would give me less pain if
he will lay it down softly. I say this as its contents are part of
myself—they came from my brain, and any undue shaking up he may thus
give me would be shocking to my atoms and therefore repugnant to my
“piece” of mind.

If he has been amused, it would be but a gracious act to loan the book
to a friend that he also may be amused; if he has been entertained, the
part of the host is unfulfilled unless he also entertain his guests. If,
however, he be disgusted, he may wreak his vengeance by loaning the book
to some one against whom he has a grudge.

My pleasure has been conserved in the occupation of writing these lines;
for it is somewhat of a relief to have such a quantity of material off
my mind; but I sincerely shall regret it should it rest heavily on the
mind of another; therefore, if such a consummation come, do as I have
done—tell the stories to others.

Craving suspension of punishment for this diversion from the adventures,
I return to them.

                  *       *       *       *       *

I found myself passing through the outer wall of the palace enclosure,
and discovered a number of women on the lawn, of whom I made bold to
inquire if the princess were at home. They nodded assent. I then put
another question, as to where I might have the honor of kneeling in her
presence, and they looked at me with wondering eyes. I was, for the
first time in my life, somewhat abashed, and one of the maids went so
far in taking pity on me that she told me the princess was in her secret
chamber.

I had hoped my troubles were at end, and still I could not comprehend
very serious difficulties could cross me in learning the whereabouts of
this secret chamber, now that I was within the very walls of the palace
and at liberty to do as I pleased within the restrictions of the rules.

So, I looked about me and observed several doors through either of which
I might enter. They were all alike with a single exception; a pair of
wrens had built a nest upon the arch of one of them, and through this
arch I made my way, for did I not pass beneath an emblem of love in so
doing?

The passage, for a distance, was dark and narrow, then widening into a
spacious and well-lighted hallway. I then came to a rotunda, out of
which were several passages, each of which I inspected most carefully,
as I did not intend to fail at this close proximity to the goal.

One of them was floored and walled with red-hot bricks for such a
distance even if I ran with my greatest speed I should perish by their
heat before I reached the end; and yet, I was positive this was the way
to the secret chamber.

There was a splendid fountain playing into a large basin in the center
of the rotunda, and to this I made my way. I could remember nothing in
the rules that forbade my wetting myself most thoroughly; indeed, had
there been I had broken them already. I therefore lay down in the basin
until I was completely saturated. I also soaked my mantle and wrapped it
about my head, leaving but a small hole through which I could keep my
direction. Dripping with moisture I made a dash for the heated passage,
ran with my utmost speed through it; but so hot was it, when I had
reached the end of it, I was as dry as a bone, but not even a hair was
scorched.

I was now in another rotunda, in which was a magnificent table on which
were many jars filled with perfume and oils. Like the previous rotunda
there were several passages leading from this, one of which seemed to be
in process of repair, as I at first thought. Upon mature deliberation,
however, I determined it was specially prepared and that I must overcome
it to reach the secret chamber. Its floor was covered several inches
deep with pitch of the most tenacious kind, and I was certain did I put
my boot down firmly on it, it would in all probability remain right
there; for so adhesive was this pitch it could not let go when it had
once taken hold.

As was my custom, I sat down and contemplated it for a few moments; then
arose, went to the table, selecting therefrom a bottle of very heavy
oil. With this I anointed my boots from the soles to above the ankles,
knowing the pitch would not adhere to oil of such consistency.

I thereupon traversed the passage and entered another rotunda.

It occurred to me there were a great many rotundas; I afterward learned
there was one at each corner of the palace; that all were alike, and
that had I taken any but the one I did I should have come back into the
open air very shortly.

The outgoing passage I selected from this place was paved with needles
about three inches long and so sharp and thin as to quickly penetrate
any substance but metal. Now, I had no metal about me, and nothing else
that would endure these points.

So, down I sat again for contemplation. I examined the needles with
care, and found they had heads to them like tacks, and of a good
surface; that the heads rested on plates of metal, the bodies of the
needles going up through holes in other pieces of metal; thus they could
not tip over, and so firmly were they fixed they resisted all my efforts
to remove them.

To one side of this entrance there was a niche, and in this niche there
was a basket; and in this basket I found a great many needle-tacks like
those in the floor, probably left there by the workman on finishing his
job. There was also a chisel, an awl, and a hammer in this basket; and
it proved a short piece of labor to rip up the under soles of my boots,
insert a goodly number of the needle-tacks, and fasten the soles down
again. Thus, by walking on my toes, I easily made my way through the
passage, as the needles in my soles were of the same length as the
needles in the floor, therefore those in the floor could not penetrate
my feet.

Entering another rotunda, I found the floor of such delicate mosaic I
immediately sat down and removed the needles from my boots lest I damage
it.

All the passages from this rotunda left it on a level, save one, which
went up at an angle of forty-five degrees, and was paved with such
smooth tiles I could not keep my foothold, and was forced to sit down
and meditate.

I hit on a plan which succeeded admirably.

I was six feet and over tall, and could reach a good eighteen inches
above my head. Now, the passage was but seven feet wide. So I lay down
across it, and by pressing against the sides with my feet and hands, I
rolled myself to the top of the incline.

I had no more than raised myself to my feet when the sweetest ripple of
laughter I had ever heard greeted my ears, and there came toward me with
outstretched hands the most radiant creature I ever beheld. Such superb
carriage; such a graceful form; such delicious lips, between which
showed such pearly teeth; such a sweet, sweet face; such glorious hair;
and such dear eyes. I would have folded her at once to my bosom, but she
seemed too pure and precious for mortal hands.

But she would not we should be strangers longer; nor were we.

She caused a great banquet to be given, and I was surprised to find
among the guests so many men of renown; even the hermit was there. But
my princess made it all dear when they were all assembled, by saying:

“Gentlemen: I desire to express to you my profoundest respect. You have
one and all striven earnestly for my hand; but some obstacle in the way
of each proved insurmountable, save in one instance.

“One of my rules said instant death would be meted out to any who
disobeyed them. This was prescribed that your utmost exertion might be
put forth, and for that alone, for you observe that not one of you has
met death. When one of you fell by the way, he was immediately taken in
charge, and has fared as handsomely since as it has been in my power to
permit him to do.

“There is one among you who has not failed in a single instance, nor has
he faltered on the way, as you all know, for since your own failed, each
of you has witnessed the efforts of all later ones.

“And it is this one who is now to be given the opportunity of accepting
or rejecting my hand. I know I can not only trust myself but my kingdom
in his hands, for no circumstance can be so difficult he will not
understand and triumph over it.

“I now have the pleasure of offering my hand, my throne, and my fortune
to Monk Chawson, and I leave the matter with him.”

Such a deafening applause as rent the air when she resumed her throne
was there as to set my nerves vibrating uncomfortably. My words would
not come to utterance. I therefore arose from my place at the farther
end of the table and went to where she sat.

There I knelt at her feet. Then, and only then, could I speak. I said
something to this effect:

“Dear Princess: Man may not know such honor but once. No man can hope to
have beside him forever another being equal to thyself. It can be the
joy of but one man to have such a companion; for there is but one. To
such a woman a man may ever be a lover; for his life must be all
sunshine and delight.

“If then you will accept me as thy constant companion through this life,
receive my promise to guard you and protect you in any and all
emergencies.”

She stepped down from her throne and knelt beside me. A holy monk came
forward and performed the ceremony which made my life overflowing with
happiness.

Though years have passed since that eventful day, her beauty has not
dimmed; the luster of her eyes is still powerful; the sweetness of her
disposition has grown in grandeur.

As we gaze on the children at play, we clasp each other’s hands in that
sweet rapture only known to those who truly love and are as truly loved.

May your lot be as pleasant as mine, dear reader!

I must add that every one of the knights and gentlemen who made the
attempt to find the secret chamber found within the household of my
princess some beautiful woman who reciprocated his affections. So that
our palace contains a retinue unequaled for valor and renown, and there
is growing up around us an army of robust children whose merry laughter
and pretty pranks fill us all with continual joy.

Success nearly always crowns the efforts of the venturesome. The failure
of an adventure is always chronicled with glaring head-lines, thus
proving the above assertion. At all events, I was certainly for pushing
into anything mysterious, with the result of final triumph.

My dear reader, may your adventures end as fortunately as have mine.


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 ● Transcriber’s Notes:
    ○ Missing or obscured punctuation was silently corrected.
    ○ Typographical errors were silently corrected.
    ○ Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only
      when a predominant form was found in this book.
    ○ Text that was in italics is enclosed by underscores (_italics_).