TOURISTS TO TERRA

                           By Mack Reynolds

              They came from a far sun in a distant time,
           seeking thrills on alien planets. Earth was their
         latest stop and its puny humans promised good sport!

           [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
              Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy
                             December 1950
         Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
         the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]


Diomed of Argos, son of Tydeus, drew his sword with a shout and rushed
forward to finish off his Trojan opponent before help could arrive.
Suddenly he stopped and threw up a shielding arm before his eyes. When
he could see again, one who could only have been Aphrodite, Goddess of
love and beauty stood between him and the unconscious enemy. She was
dressed as though for the bridal room, her Goddess body, breathtakingly
beautiful, revealed through the transparent robe she wore. She was
attired for love, but held a short sword in her hand.

Aphrodite smiled at him in derision. "Now, then, Prince of Argos, would
you fight the Gods?" She advanced the sword, half mockingly.

But the Greek was mad with bloodlust, half crazed with his day's
victories; he snatched up his spear, muttering, "Pallas Athene aids
me," and rushed her.

Her eyes widened, fear flashing in them, and she began to rise from the
ground. The barbaric spear flashed out and ripped her arm; blood flowed
and she dropped the sword, screaming.

Diomed heard a voice call urgently, "Go back! Go back immediately to--"
And the Goddess Aphrodite disappeared.

He whirled to face the newcomer and saw another God confronting him.
The extent of his action was beginning to be realized but Diomed had
gone too far to turn back now; he charged his new opponent, shield held
high and sword at the ready. The God lifted his hand, sending forth a
bolt of power that brought the Greek to his knees.

Diomed's eyes were filled with sudden fear and despair. "Phoebus
Apollo," he quavered.

The God was scornful. "Beware, Diomed," he said. "Do not think to fight
with Gods."

The Greek cowered before him.

       *       *       *       *       *

Later, in the invisible space ship, hovering five hundred feet above
the battle, Cajun faced her, his features impassive and his tone of
voice faultless. He was boiling with rage beneath his courtesy.

"I will present your complaint to the Captain, but I would like to
remind the Lady Jan that she has been warned repeatedly against
appearing in the battle clothed as she is and without greater defenses.
It was fortunate I was able to appear as soon as I did. If you'd been
injured seriously, I hesitate to say what repercussions would've taken
place on the home planet."

Her eyebrows went up. "Injured seriously! Just what do you mean by
that? Do you realize this horrible wound will probably take half the
night to heal? You saw that barbarian was insane, why didn't you come
to my assistance sooner? You haven't heard the last of this, you
inefficient nincompoop. When we return home I'll have you stripped of
your rank!"

Cajun's face remained blank. "Yes, your ladyship," he said. "And,
before I go, may I deliver a message from the Lady Marid? She said they
await you in the salon."

She drew a cape about her and without speaking further, swept from the
compartment.

A muscle twitched in his cheek. "Parasites," he muttered savagely,
and turned to go to his own quarters where he could change from this
ridiculous glittering armor, into his own uniform as ship's officer.

The Lady Jan stormed into the salon where the others had gathered to
try the new concoction the steward had named ambrosia. Some of them
still wore their costumes, others had changed into the more comfortable
dress of their own world.

Her eyes blazed at them. "Who in the name of Makred told that Greek he
would conquer anyone he fought today, even a God? The damned barbarian
nearly killed me!"

The Lord Daren laughed gently. "It was Marid; she was playing the
Goddess Athene. The sport was rather poor with that new bow of hers so
she thought she'd inflame one of the Greeks and see just how berserk he
would become if he thought he had the protection of a Goddess."

"He could have killed me!"

"Oh, come, now, Jan, you were barely scratched. Besides, Marid didn't
know this Greek, Diomed, was going to run into you, or that he'd have
the fantastic nerve to attack whom he thought one of his Gods."

She took up a goblet of the new drink, but she wasn't placated, "I'm of
the opinion this stop shouldn't be made; it's too dangerous. I'm going
to insist Captain Foren blast the city and obliterate both sides of
this barbaric conflict."

       *       *       *       *       *

The Lady Marid, who was still dressed in her Pallas Athene armor, broke
in. "Don't be so upset, Jan. We're sorry that brute hurt your arm,
but what can you expect on this type of cruise? They guaranteed us
thrills, didn't they? The very dangers we face are what we're paying
so highly for." She laughed lightly. "Besides, that costume you wear
as Aphrodite. Really! I don't know why you didn't get worse than a
scratch on the arm. These Greeks aren't exactly civilized--nor exactly
cold-blooded, either."

The other's face went red and she snatched another of the drinks from
a tray. "Nevertheless, I'm going to complain. This war is absolutely
too perilous to be part of the tour. And after all the trouble we went
to in order to learn their fantastic languages and customs. Why I was
under that damned Psycho-Study Impressor for nearly two hours!"

Captain Foren had entered behind her. "I agree with you Lady Jan, and
can only apologize. I should've realized last week when Lord General
Baris, fighting in the battle as the God Ares on the Trojan side, was
speared by this same Greek. The company would never hear the end of it,
if, on one of these cruises, a passenger was seriously injured."

The Lord General Baris shrugged. "It was wonderful sport. I killed a
score of the beggars that day. I don't know how that one found a chink
in my armor. I'll take measures against my costumer when we return
home." He grinned wryly. "I doubt if the Emperor would appreciate
having one of his generals killed in a primitive war, while on leave."

"I think I'll have to take a crack at this Diomed, myself," Lord Doren
said.

The Lady Marid laughed. "If I know you, you'll do it with a blaster
from a hundred feet in the air above him."

Doren smiled in return. "Of course. Do you think. I'd make a fool of
myself by going down into their battle as Baris does? It's insane. This
hand to hand conflict is much too risky."

The Captain changed the subject. "I'm sure you'll all appreciate our
next stop," he said. "I plan to visit an even more astounding planet
than this. We are to fight the swamp dragons of Venus."

"From what distance, Captain?" Lord Doren drawled.

The Captain smiled. "Their poisonous breath reaches half a mile, so it
will be necessary to use long distance weapons."

Lord General Baris scowled. "It sounds too easy. I like to fight
humanoids; there's more thrill in killing when your opponent looks like
yourself, as do these earthlings."

The Lady Jan was nearing the nasty stage of intoxication. "It wouldn't
be so thrilling if you weren't provided with defenses making it
practically impossible to be hurt. You wouldn't enter these battles if
you weren't sure you'd come out safely."

"I wouldn't deny it. Sport is sport; but I have no desire to be killed
at it. At any rate, I'm opposed to killing these swamp dragons. It
sounds as though it would be boring, and, Makred knows, we had enough
boredom butchering those dwarfs at our last stop."

The Lady Marid backed him. She also thought Venus unattractive. If the
Captain was of the opinion this war was too dangerous, wasn't there
some other conflict on this planet?

The Captain told them he'd consult with his officers and let them know
in the morning.

       *       *       *       *       *

One thing was sure, Captain Foren thought, as he made his way toward
the officer's mess. He'd have to get this group of thrill-crazy
wastrels away from Troy. If one of them was hurt badly, he'd
undoubtedly lose his lucrative position on the swank cruise ship.

The idea was his own, really, and a good one. In a luxury mad world the
cry was for new titillations, new pleasures, new planets on which to
play, new drugs to bring ever wilder dreams, new foods, new drinks, new
loves; but, most of all, new thrills.

Yes, the idea of taking cruise ships of wealthy thrill seekers to the
more backward planets and letting them join in primitive wars, had been
his. It proved the thrill supreme. His cruises were the rage of half a
dozen planets, and the company had increased his pay several times in
the past few years. But he knew it could crumple like a house of cards,
given one serious injury to a wealthy guest. The theory of the cruise
was to let them kill without endangering themselves.

The stop at Troy, had, as a rule, been a successful one. The Greeks
and their opponents were both highly superstitious and readily accepted
the presence of the aliens from space as Gods taking place in the
battle. Usually, they were too terrified to take measures against
the strangers in their gleaming armor, but today had been the second
occasion in which a tourist had been injured, in spite of scientific,
protective armor.

His officers were awaiting him in the mess hall. They too had been
conscious of the wounds suffered by the thrill seeking guests, and
hadn't liked it. Lady Jan was the daughter of a noble strong enough to
have them all imprisoned, if the whim took him.

Captain Foren growled, "Have any of you an idea? I proposed the Venus
trip, but, although they admit being leary about further risks here,
they prefer fighting humanoids."

First Officer Cajun said, "Perhaps it would be better to head for the
home planet, Captain."

Captain Foren shook his head. "We can't do that; the cruise has another
week to go. If we went back now it would be obvious that something had
happened and just bring matters to a head. If we can give them another
week of thrills, possibly they'll have forgotten their wounds by the
time we return."

The Chief Engineer turned to Cajun. "At what stage of development is
this planet?"

"I believe it's at H-a. Why?"

"I was wondering at the possibility of going forward a few thousand
years in time and participating in a war that dealt less in hand to
hand conflict. They could have their fill of killing, with a minimum
of danger--protected, of course, with suitable anti-projectile force
fields."

       *       *       *       *       *

Cajun went over to the ship's Predictinformer and spoke into its
mouthpiece. "What will be the military development of this planet in
two or three thousand years; and would it be safe to take the ship into
that period?"

They awaited the answer, which came approximately one minute later.
"Probability shows the inhabitants of Terra will begin utilizing
explosives for propelling missiles in two thousand years. About five
hundred years later they will have developed this means of warfare to
its ultimate. Safety for the ship is indicated."

Captain Foren mused, "That sounds practical. We could participate in
some war in which our passengers could use such weapons as snipers,
from a distance." Another thought struck him. "Besides, the Lord
General Baris is quite intrigued with the possibilities involved in
fighting the humanoids here. He had spoken of transporting large
numbers of his troops to Terra and using the planet for a training
ground in actual combat. Undoubtedly, the earthlings of the future
would make better victims for his soldiers than these more primitive
types. It might be well to look at the future of this planet."

The First Engineer said, "Such a step would wipe out the development of
civilization on the planet."

Captain Foren shrugged impatiently. He ordered Cajun to make immediate
preparations to take the ship forward twenty-five hundred years, and
gave instructions to a sub-officer to locate a suitable conflict
as soon as they arrived, so that the guests could begin their
participation when they awoke in the morning.

The ship arrived effortlessly in its new location in time, but when the
sub-officer returned from his patrol, First Officer Cajun took him to
the Captain's quarters himself.

He saluted. "I don't believe this is quite it, Captain."

"Why not? Weren't there any wars in progress?"

Cajun said, "It wasn't that. There were several. They don't seem to
have reached the development for which we were looking. For instance,
in the region in which we've landed, the first stage of a conflict
between two nations have begun. The countries are called Mexico and the
United States and they're fighting over the northwestern possessions of
the former, although, as always, both sides claim they are involved for
idealistic reasons. However, the fighting still consists, to an extent,
of hand to hand conflict. The soldiers carry explosive propelled
missile weapons, but they're usually slow in loading and single shot
in operation. Swords are carried at the ends of these weapons so that
after it is fired the soldier may dash forward and engage his enemy
personally."

The Captain was glum. "That's as bad as before, and I can't risk our
passengers in any more hand to hand combat."

"Sir, these humanoids on Terra seem slow in progressing but I have
an idea if we move forward another hundred years they will be using
automatic weapons, and hand to hand combat will be antiquated. The
calendar system they use calls this the year 1845. I suggest we travel
forward to 1945."

Captain Foren made a snap decision. "All right, we'll go forward a
century. As soon as we arrive, have a patrol go out again."

       *       *       *       *       *

When Captain Foren awoke in the morning, the hot desert sun was already
well into the sky. The invisible space ship had stationed itself a
hundred feet off the ground in an area in which there were no signs
of habitation and few of the works of man. He strode leisurely to the
control room and returned the greetings of the morning watch.

"Any word from the patrol as yet?" he asked.

First Officer Cajun was worried. "No, sir, and he should've been back
long before this."

"I trust nothing has happened to him. Has he reported at all?"

"Only once, several hours ago. Evidently there is a globewide war
raging." Cajun ran his tongue over thin lips. "Our passengers should
have excellent sport. In fact, Captain, if you can spare me, I would
like to participate myself."

Captain Foren looked at him and laughed. "You, also? I'm afraid this
must be a racial characteristic, this love of imposing death. I must
confess, on my first trips, I too liked to join in the sport." He
turned and glanced out an observation port. "What is that steel tower
down there on the desert?"

"We couldn't decide, Captain, unless it's some structure for conducting
tests of some sort or other. The surprising thing about it is that our
instruments detect radio-activity...."

The Captain interrupted sharply, "Has anyone checked the ship's
Predictinformer on whether or not this era is completely safe?"

Cajun said, "I assumed that you had, sir." He stepped to the instrument
and spoke into its mouthpiece. "What is the military development of
this planet? Is the ship safe?"

The Predictinformer began its report. "'In the past thirty-five years
military science on Terra has developed tremendously under the impetus
of two world-wide conflicts. At present the dominant power on this
continent is experimenting with nuclear fission....'"

Sudden fear came into the eyes of the captain of the thrill ship. "That
radioactive steel tower! Blast off," he shrieked, "Blast off!"

The Predictinformer went on dispassionately, "... and is about to test
an atomic bomb against which this ship's defenses would be...."

It got no further.