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                                _English
                           As She is Taught._




  “A darling literary curiosity.... The collection is made by a
  teacher ... and all the examples in it are genuine; none of them
  have been tampered with, or doctored in any way.”

                         —MARK TWAIN, _in the Century for April, 1887_


                                                       _Second Edition._




                                English
                                   as
                             She·is·Taught
  BEING GENUINE ANSWERS TO EXAMINATION QUESTIONS IN OUR PUBLIC SCHOOLS
                    COLLECTED BY CAROLINE B. LE ROW


                      _WITH A COMMENTARY THEREON_
                                   BY
                              MARK TWAIN.


                                 London
                            T. FISHER UNWIN
                         26, PATERNOSTER SQUARE
                                  1887

                         [ALL RIGHTS RESERVED]




                           PUBLISHER’S NOTE.


_It is to be noticed that there is a curious sympathy in point of error
on both sides of the Atlantic, for seventeen of the mistakes quoted in
this book as being made in the Public Schools of America appear in
similar or identical words in an Article on “Boys’ Blunders” in the_
CORNHILL MAGAZINE _of June, 1886, which was written by a Master in an
English Public School_.


[Illustration]


Dr. Blimber’s establishment was a great hothouse in which there was a
forcing apparatus incessantly at work. All the boys blew before their
time. Mental green peas were produced at Christmas and intellectual
asparagus all the year round. Mathematical gooseberries (very sour ones)
were common at untimely seasons and from mere sprouts of bushes under
Dr. Blimber’s cultivation. Every description of Greek and Latin
vegetable was got off the dryest twigs of boys under the frostiest
circumstances. Nature was of no consequence at all. No matter what a
young gentleman was intended to bear Dr. Blimber made him bear to
pattern. But the system of forcing was attended with its usual
disadvantages. There was not the right taste about the premature
productions and they didn’t keep well. When poor Paul had spelt out No.
2 he found he had no idea of No. 1, fragments whereof afterwards
obtruded themselves into No. 3 which slided into No. 4 which grafted
itself on to No. 2; so that whether twenty Romuluses made a Remus, or a
verb always agreed with an ancient Briton, or three times four was
Taurus a bull, were open questions with him. But however high and false
the temperature at which Dr. Blimber kept his hothouse, the owners of
the plants were always ready to lend a helping hand at the bellows and
to stir the fire.

                                      _Dombey and Son._—CHARLES DICKENS.

[Illustration]




                               _Preface._

[Illustration]


_As the greatest compliment that could be paid a writer would be the
assumption that the material contained in this little volume was the
product of that writer’s ingenuity or imagination, it seems needless for
the compiler to state that every line is just what it purports to
be,—bona fide answers to questions asked in the public schools._

_Mark Twain, with his inimitable drollery, comments in the_ CENTURY
MAGAZINE _for April, 1887, upon_ ENGLISH AS SHE IS TAUGHT. _Even this
master of English humor acknowledges his inability to comprehend how
such success in the literature of fun could be attained, not only
without effort or intention, but through heroic struggles to set forth
hard facts and sober statistics. That the English public may have the
benefit of Mark Twain’s comments, his paper is, with his consent, here
reprinted in its complete form. Although this involves a certain amount
of repetition—comment and illustration being too intricately blended to
separate—it is a repetition or_ résumé _of the best things in the book,
such as the wise reader will hardly grumble at_.

[Illustration]




                              _Contents._


[Illustration]

                                                 PAGE.
                       ENGLISH AS SHE IS TAUGHT,    xi
                    I. ETYMOLOGICAL,                 1
                   II. GRAMMATICAL,                 14
                  III. MATHEMATICAL,                18
                   IV. GEOGRAPHICAL,                21
                    V. ORIGINAL,                    30
                   VI. ANALYTICAL,                  43
                  VII. HISTORICAL,                  53
                 VIII. INTELLECTUAL,                67
                   IX. PHILOSOPHICAL,               89
                    X. PHYSIOLOGICAL,               93
                   XI. ASTRONOMICAL,               100
                  XII. POLITICAL,                  103
                 XIII. MUSICAL,                    105
                  XIV. ORATORICAL,                 106
                   XV. METAPHYSICAL,               108

[Illustration]

[Illustration]




                      _English as She is Taught._

                                    BY

                               MARK TWAIN.

 [Reprinted, with the Author’s permission, from _The Century Magazine_.]


In the appendix to Croker’s Boswell’s Johnson, one finds this anecdote:


  _Cato’s Soliloquy._—One day Mrs. Gastrel set a little girl to repeat
  to him [Doctor Samuel Johnson] Cato’s Soliloquy, which she went
  through very correctly. The Doctor, after a pause, asked the child—

  “What was to bring Cato to an end?”

  She said it was a knife.

  “No, my dear, it was not so.”

  “My aunt Polly said it was a knife.”

  “Why, Aunt Polly’s knife _may do_, but it was a _dagger_, my dear.”

  He then asked her the meaning of “bane and antidote,” which she was
  unable to give. Mrs. Gastrel said—

  “You cannot expect so young a child to know the meaning of such
  words.”

  He then said—

  “My dear, how many pence are there in _sixpence_?”

  “I cannot tell, sir,” was the half-terrified reply.

  On this, addressing himself to Mrs. Gastrel, he said—

  “Now, my dear lady, can anything be more ridiculous than to teach a
  child Cato’s Soliloquy, who does not know how many pence there are
  in sixpence?”


In a lecture before the Royal Geographical Society, Professor Ravenstein
quoted the following list of frantic questions, and said that they had
been asked in an examination:


  Mention all the name of places in the world derived from Julius
  Cæsar or Augustus Cæsar.

  Where are the following rivers: Pisuerga, Sakaria, Guadalete, Jalon,
  Mulde?

  All you know of the following: Machacha, Pilmo, Schebulos,
  Crivoscia, Basecs, Mancikert, Taxhen, Citeaux, Meloria, Zutphen.

  The highest peaks of the Karakorum range.

  The number of universities in Prussia.

  Why are the tops of mountains continually covered with snow [_sic_]?

  Name the length and breadth of the streams of lava which issued from
  the Skaptar Jokul in the eruption of 1783.


That list would oversize nearly anybody’s geographical knowledge. Isn’t
it reasonably possible that in our schools many of the questions in all
studies are several miles ahead of where the pupil is?—that he is set to
struggle with things that are ludicrously beyond his present reach,
hopelessly beyond his present strength? This remark in passing, and by
way of text; now I come to what I was going to say.

I have just now fallen upon a darling literary curiosity. It is a little
book, a manuscript compilation, and the compiler sent it to me with the
request that I say whether I think it ought to be published or not. I
said Yes! but as I slowly grow wise, I briskly grow cautious; and so,
now that the publication is imminent, it has seemed to me that I should
feel more comfortable if I could divide up this responsibility with the
public by adding them to the court. Therefore I will print some extracts
from the book, in the hope that they may make converts to my judgment
that the volume has merit which entitles it to publication.

As to its character. Every one has sampled “English as She has Spoke”
and “English as She is Wrote”; this little volume furnishes us an
instructive array of examples of “English as She is Taught”—in the
public schools of—well, this country. The collection is made by a
teacher in those schools, and all the examples in it are genuine; none
of them have been tampered with, or doctored in any way. From time to
time, during several years, whenever a pupil has delivered himself of
anything peculiarly quaint or toothsome in the course of his
recitations, this teacher and her associates have privately set that
thing down in a memorandum-book; strictly following the original, as to
grammar, construction, spelling, and all; and the result is this
literary curiosity.

The contents of the book consist mainly of answers given by the boys and
girls to questions, said answers being given sometimes verbally,
sometimes in writing. The subjects touched upon are fifteen in number:
I. Etymology; II. Grammar; III. Mathematics; IV. Geography; V.
“Original”; VI. Analysis; VII. History; VIII. “Intellectual”; IX.
Philosophy; X. Physiology; XI. Astronomy; XII. Politics; XIII. Music;
XIV. Oratory; XV. Metaphysics.

You perceive that the poor little young idea has taken a shot at a good
many kinds of game in the course of the book. Now as to results. Here
are some quaint definitions of words. It will be noticed that in all of
these instances the sound of the word, or the look of it on paper, has
misled the child:

  _Aborigines_, a system of mountains.

  _Alias_, a good man in the Bible.

  _Amenable_, anything that is mean.

  _Assiduity_, state of being an acid.

  _Auriferous_, pertaining to an orifice.

  _Ammonia_, the food of the gods.

  _Capillary_, a little caterpillar.

  _Corniferous_, rocks in which fossil corn is found.

  _Emolument_, a headstone to a grave.

  _Equestrian_, one who asks questions.

  _Eucharist_, one who plays euchre.

  _Franchise_, anything belonging to the French.

  _Idolater_, a very idol person.

  _Ipecac_, a man who likes a good dinner.

  _Irrigate_, to make fun of.

  _Mendacious_, what can be mended.

  _Mercenary_, one who feels for another.

  _Parasite_, a kind of umbrella.

  _Parasite_, the murder of an infant.

  _Publican_, a man who does his prayers in public.

  _Tenacious_, ten acres of land.

Here is one where the phrase “publicans and sinners” has got mixed up in
the child’s mind with politics, and the result is a definition which
takes one in a sudden and unexpected way:

  _Republican_, a sinner mentioned in the Bible.

Also in Democratic newspapers now and then. Here are two where the
mistake has resulted from sound assisted by remote fact:

  _Plagiarist_, a writer of plays.

  _Demagogue_, a vessel containing beer and other liquids.

I cannot quite make out what it was that misled the pupil in the
following instances; it would not seem to have been the sound of the
word, nor the look of it in print:

  _Asphyxia_, a grumbling, fussy temper.

  _Quarternions_, a bird with a flat beak and no bill, living in New
      Zealand.

  _Quarternions_, the name given to a style of art practised by the
      Phœnicians.

  _Quarternions_, a religious convention held every hundred years.

  _Sibilant_, the state of being idiotic.

  _Crosier_, a staff carried by the Deity.

In the following sentences the pupil’s ear has been deceiving him again:


  The marriage was illegible.

  He was totally dismasted with the whole performance.

  He enjoys riding on a philosopher.

  She was very quick at repertoire.

  He prayed for the waters to subsidize.

  The leopard is watching his sheep.

  They had a strawberry vestibule.


Here is one which—well, now, how often we do slam right into the truth
without ever suspecting it:


  The men employed by the Gas Company go round and speculate the
  meter.


Indeed they do, dear; and when you grow up, many and many’s the time you
will notice it in the gas bill. In the following sentences the little
people have some information to convey, every time; but in my case they
failed to connect: the light always went out on the keystone word:


  The coercion of some things is remarkable; as bread and molasses.

  Her hat is contiguous because she wears it on one side.

  He preached to an egregious congregation.

  The captain eliminated a bullet through the man’s heart.

  You should take caution and be precarious.

  The supercilious girl acted with vicissitude when the perennial time
  came.


That last is a curiously plausible sentence; one seems to know what it
means, and yet he knows all the time that he doesn’t. Here is an odd
(but entirely proper) use of a word, and a most sudden descent from a
lofty philosophical altitude to a very practical and homely
illustration:


  He should endeavour to avoid extremes—like those of wasps and bees.


And here—with “zoölogical” and “geological” in his mind, but not ready
to his tongue—the small scholar has innocently gone and let out a couple
of secrets which ought never to have been divulged in any circumstances:


  There are a good many donkeys in theological gardens.

  Some of the best fossils are found in theological cabinets.


Under the head of “Grammar” the little scholars furnish the following
information:


  Gender is the distinguishing nouns without regard to sex.

  A verb is something to eat.

  Adverbs should always be used as adjectives and adjectives as
  adverbs.

  Every sentence and name of God must begin with a caterpillar.


“Caterpillar” is well enough, but capital letter would have been
stricter. The following is a brave attempt at a solution, but it failed
to liquify:


  When they are going to say some prose or poetry before they say the
  poetry or prose they must put a semicolon just after the
  introduction of the prose or poetry.


The chapter on “Mathematics” is full of fruit. From it I take a few
samples—mainly in an unripe state.


  A straight line is any distance between two places.

  Parallel lines are lines that can never meet until they run
  together.

  A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.

  Things which are equal to each other are equal to anything else.

  To find the number of square feet in a room you multiply the room by
  the number of the feet. The product is the result.


Right you are. In the matter of geography this little book is
unspeakably rich. The questions do not appear to have applied the
microscope to the subject, as did those quoted by Professor Ravenstein;
still they proved plenty difficult enough without that. These pupils did
not hunt with a microscope, they hunted with a shotgun; this is shown by
the crippled condition of the game they brought in:


  America is divided into the Passiffic slope and the Mississippi
  valey.

  North America is separated by Spain.

  America consists from north to south about five hundred miles.

  The United States is quite a small country compared with some other
  countrys, but is about as industrious.

  The capital of the United States is Long Island.

  The five seaports of the U. S. are Newfunlan and Sanfrancisco.

  The principal products of the U. S. is earthquakes and volcanoes.

  The Alaginnies are mountains in Philadelphia.

  The Rocky Mountains are on the western side of Philadelphia.

  Cape Hateras is a vast body, of water surrounded by land and flowing
  into the Gulf of Mexico.

  Mason and Dixon’s line is the Equater.

  One of the leading industries of the United States is mollasses,
  book-covers, numbers, gas, teaching, lumber, manufacturers,
  paper-making, publishers, coal.

  In Austria the principal occupation is gathering Austrich feathers.

  Gibraltar is an island built on a rock.

  Russia is very cold and tyrannical.

  Sicily is one of the Sandwich Islands.

  Hindoostan flows through the Ganges and empties into the
  Mediterranean Sea.

  Ireland is called the Emigrant Isle because it is so beautiful and
  green.

  The width of the different zones Europe lies in depend upon the
  surrounding country.

  The imports of a country are the things that are paid for, the
  exports are the things that are not.

  Climate lasts all the time and weather only a few days.

  The two most famous volcanoes of Europe are Sodom and Gomorrah.


The chapter headed “Analysis” shows us that the pupils in our public
schools are not merely loaded up with those showy facts about geography,
mathematics, and so on, and left in that incomplete state; no, there’s
machinery for clarifying and expanding their minds. They are required to
take poems and analyze them, dig out their common sense, reduce them to
statistics, and reproduce them in a luminous prose translation which
shall tell you at a glance what the poet was trying to get at. One
sample will do. Here is a stanza from “The Lady of the Lake,” followed
by the pupil’s impressive explanation of it.

               Alone, but with unbated zeal,
               The horseman plied with scourge and steel;
               For jaded now and spent with toil,
               Embossed with foam and dark with soil,
               While every gasp with sobs he drew,
               The laboring stag strained full in view.


  The man who rode on the horse performed the whip and an instrument
  made of steel alone with strong ardor not diminishing, for, being
  tired from the time passed with hard labor overworked with anger and
  ignorant with weariness, while every breath for labor he drew with
  cries full of sorrow, the young deer made imperfect who worked hard
  filtered in sight.


I see, now, that I never understood that poem before. I have had
glimpses of its meaning, in moments when I was not as ignorant with
weariness as usual, but this is the first time the whole spacious idea
of it ever filtered in sight. If I were a public-school pupil I would
put those other studies aside and stick to analysis; for, after all, it
is the thing to spread your mind.

We come now to historical matters, historical remains, one might say. As
one turns the pages, he is impressed with the depth to which one date
has been driven into the American child’s head—1492. The date is there,
and it is there to stay. And it is always at hand, always deliverable at
a moment’s notice. But the Fact that belongs with it? That is quite
another matter. Only the date itself is familiar and sure: its vast Fact
has failed of lodgment. It would appear that whenever you ask a
public-school pupil when a thing—anything, no matter what—happened, and
he is in doubt, he always rips out his 1492. He applies it to
everything, from the landing of the ark to the introduction of the
horse-car. Well, after all, it is our first date, and so it is right
enough to honor it, and pay the public schools to teach our children to
honor it:


  George Washington was born in 1492.

  Washington wrote the Declaration of Independence in 1492.

  St. Bartholemew was massacred in 1492.

  The Brittains were the Saxons who entered England in 1492 under
  Julius Cæsar.

  The earth is 1492 miles in circumference.


To proceed with “History”:


  Christopher Columbus was called the father of his Country.

  Queen Isabella of Spain sold her watch and chain and other millinery
  so that Columbus could discover America.

  The Indian wars were very desecrating to the country.

  The Indians pursued their warfare by hiding in the bushes and then
  scalping them.

  Captain John Smith has been styled the father of his country. His
  life was saved by his daughter Pochahantas.

  The Puritans found an insane asylum in the wilds of America.

  The Stamp Act was to make everybody stamp all materials so they
  should be null and void.

  Washington died in Spain almost brokenhearted. His remains were
  taken to the cathedral in Havana.

  Gorilla warfare was where men rode on gorillas.

  John Brown was a very good insane man who tried to get fugitives
  slaves into Virginia. He captured all the inhabitants, but was
  finally conquered and condemned to his death. The Confederasy was
  formed by the fugitive slaves.

  Alfred the Great reigned 872 years. He was distinguished for letting
  some buckwheat cakes burn, and the lady scolded him.

  Henry Eight was famous for being a great widower haveing lost
  several wives.

  Lady Jane Grey studied Greek and Latin and was beheaded after a few
  days.

  John Bright is noted for an incurable disease.

  Lord James Gordon Bennett instigated the Gordon Riots.

  The Middle Ages come in between antiquity and posterity.

  Luther introduced Christianity into England a good many thousand
  years ago. His birthday was November 1883. He was once a Pope. He
  lived at the time of the Rebellion of Worms.

  Julius Cæsar is noted for his famous telegram dispatch I came I saw
  I conquered.

  Julius Cæsar was really a very great man. He was a very great
  soldier and wrote a book for beginners in the Latin.

  Cleopatra was caused by the death of an asp which she dissolved in a
  wine cup.

  The only form of government in Greece was a limited monkey.

  The Persian war lasted about 500 years.

  Greece had only 7 wise men.

  Socrates ... destroyed some statues and had to drink Shamrock.


Here is a fact correctly stated; and yet it is phrased with such
ingenious infelicity that it can be depended upon to convey
misinformation every time it is uncarefully read:


  By the Salic law no woman or descendant of a woman could occupy the
  throne.


To show how far a child can travel in history with judicious and
diligent boosting in the public school, we select the following mosaic:


  Abraham Lincoln was born in Wales in 1599.


In the chapter headed “Intellectual” I find a great number of most
interesting statements. A sample or two may be found not amiss:


  Bracebridge Hall was written by Henry Irving.

  Snow Bound was written by Peter Cooper.

  The House of the Seven Gables, was written by Lord Bryant.

  Edgar A. Poe was a very curdling writer.

  Cotton Mather was a writer who invented the cotten gin and wrote
  histories.

  Beowulf wrote the Scriptures.

  Ben Jonson survived Shakespeare in some respects.

  In the Canterbury Tale it gives account of King Alfred on his way to
  the shrine of Thomas Bucket.

  Chaucer was the father of English pottery.

  Chaucer was a bland verse writer of the third century.

  Chaucer was succeeded by H. Wads. Longfellow an American Writer. His
  writings were chiefly prose and nearly one hundred years elapsed.

  Shakspere translated the Scriptures and it was called St. James
  because he did it.


In the middle of the chapter I find many pages of information concerning
Shakspere’s plays, Milton’s works, and those of Bacon, Addison, Samuel
Johnson, Fielding, Richardson, Sterne, Smollett, De Foe, Locke, Pope,
Swift, Goldsmith, Burns, Cowper, Wordsworth, Gibbon, Byron, Coleridge,
Hood, Scott, Macaulay, George Eliot, Dickens, Bulwer, Thackeray,
Browning, Mrs. Browning, Tennyson, and Disraeli—a fact which shows that
into the restricted stomach of the public-school pupil is shoveled every
year the blood, bone, and viscera of a gigantic literature, and the same
is there digested and disposed of in a most successful and
characteristic and gratifying public-school way. I have space for but a
trifling few of the results:


  Lord Byron was the son of an heiress and a drunken man.

  Wm. Wordsworth wrote the Barefoot Boy and Imitations on Immortality.

  Gibbon wrote a history of his travels in Italy. This was original.

  George Eliot left a wife and children who mourned greatly for his
  genius.

  George Eliot Miss Mary Evans Mrs. Cross Mrs. Lewis was the greatest
  female poet unless George Sands is made an exception of.

  Bulwell is considered a good writer.

  Sir Walter Scott Charles Bronte Alfred the Great and Johnson were
  the first great novelists.

  Thomas Babington Makorlay graduated at Harvard and then studied law,
  he was raised to the peerage as baron in 1557 and died in 1776.


Here are two or three miscellaneous facts that may be of value, if taken
in moderation:


  Homer’s writings are Homer’s Essays Virgil the Aneid and Paradise
  lost some people say that these poems were not written by Homer but
  by another man of the same name.

  A sort of sadness kind of shone in Bryant’s poems.

  Holmes is a very profligate and amusing writer.


When the public-school pupil wrestles with the political features of the
Great Republic, they throw him sometimes:


  A bill becomes a law when the president vetos it.

  The three departments of the government is the President rules the
  world, the governor rules the State, the mayor rules the city.

  The first conscientious Congress met in Philadelphia.

  The Contitution of the United States was established to ensure
  domestic hostility.


Truth crushed to earth will rise again. As follows:


  The Constitution of the United States is that part of the book at
  the end which nobody reads.


And here she rises once more and untimely. There should be a limit to
public-school instruction; it cannot be wise or well to let the young
find out everything:


  Congress is divided into civilized half civilized and savage.


Here are some results of study in music and oratory:


  An interval in music is the distance on the keyboard from one piano
  to the next.

  A rest means you are not to sing it.

  Emphasis is putting more distress on one word than another.


The chapter on “Physiology” contains much that ought not to be lost to
science:


  Physillogigy is to study about your bones stummick and vertebry.

  Occupations which are injurious to health are carbolic acid gas
  which is impure blood.

  We have an upper and a lower skin. The lower skin moves all the time
  and the upper skin moves when we do.

  The body is mostly composed of water and about one half is
  avaricious tissue.

  The stomach is a small pear-shaped bone situated in the body.

  The gastric juice keeps the bones from creaking.

  The Chyle flows up the middle of the backbone and reaches the heart
  where it meets the oxygen and is purified.

  The salivary glands are used to salivate the body.

  In the stomach starch is changed to cane sugar and cane sugar to
  sugar cane.

  The olfactory nerve enters the cavity of the orbit and is developed
  into the special sense of hearing.

  The growth of a tooth begins in the back of the mouth and extends to
  the stomach.

  If we were on a railroad track and a train was coming the train
  would deafen our ears so that we couldn’t see to get off the track.


If, up to this point, none of my quotations have added flavour to the
Johnsonian anecdote at the head of this article, let us make another
attempt:


  The theory that intuitive truths are discovered by the light of
  nature originated from St. John’s interpretation of a passage in the
  Gospel of Plato.

  The weight of the earth is found by comparing a mass of known lead
  with that of a mass of unknown lead.

  To find the weight of the earth take the length of a degree on a
  meridian and multiply by 62½ pounds.

  The spheres are to each other as the squares of their homologous
  sides.

  A body will go just as far in the first second as the body will go
  plus the force of gravity and that’s equal to twice what the body
  will go.

  Specific gravity is the weight to be compared weight of an equal
  volume of or that is the weight of a body compared with the weight
  of an equal volume.

  The law of fluid pressure divide the different forms of organized
  bodies by the form of attraction and the number increased will be
  the form.

  Inertia is that proberty of bodies by virtue of which it cannot
  change its own condition of rest or motion. In other words it is the
  negative quality of passiveness either in recoverable latency or
  insipient latescence.


If a laugh is fair here, not the struggling child, but the unintelligent
teacher—or rather the unintelligent Boards, Committees, and Trustees—are
the proper target for it. All through this little book one detects the
signs of a certain probable fact—that a large part of the pupil’s
“instruction” consists in cramming him with obscure and wordy “rules”
which he does not understand, and has no time to understand. It would be
as useful to cram him with brickbats; they would at least stay. In a
town in the interior of New York, a few years ago, a gentleman set forth
a mathematical problem and proposed to give a prize to every
public-school pupil who should furnish the correct solution of it.
Twenty-two of the brightest boys in the public schools entered the
contest. The problem was not a very difficult one for pupils of their
mathematical rank and standing, yet they all failed—by a hair—through
one trifling mistake or another. Some searching questions were asked,
when it turned out that these lads were as glib as parrots with the
“rules” but could not reason out a single rule or explain the principle
underlying it. Their memories had been stocked, but not their
understandings. It was a case of brickbat culture, pure and simple.

There are several curious “compositions” in the little book, and we must
make room for one. It is full of naïveté, brutal truth, and
unembarrassed directness, and is the funniest (genuine) boy’s
composition I think I have ever seen:


                               ON GIRLS.

  Girls are very stuckup and dignified in their manner and be have
  your. They think more of dress than anything and like to play with
  dowls and rags. They cry if they see a cow in a far distance and are
  afraid of guns. They stay at home all the time and go to church on
  Sunday. They are al-ways sick. They are al-ways funy and making fun
  of boy’s hands and they say how dirty. They cant play marbles. I
  pity them poor things. They make fun of boys and then turn round and
  love them. I don’t beleave they ever killed a cat or anything. They
  look out every nite and say oh ant the moon lovely. Thir is one
  thing I have not told and that is they al-ways now their lessons
  bettern boys.


From Mr. Edward Channing’s recent article in “Science”:


  The marked difference between the books now being produced by
  French, English, and American travellers, on the one hand, and
  German explorers on the other, is too great to escape attention.
  That difference is due entirely to the fact that in school and
  university the German is taught, in the first place to see, and in
  the second place to understand what he does see.


[Illustration]

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Illustration]




                      _English as She is Taught_.




                                   I.
                             Etymological.

[Illustration]


 Aborigines—     a system of mountains.

 Aboriginal—     what was original before.

 Aboriginate—    to settle down in a place.

 Alias—          a good man in the Bible.

 Alienate—       to put together.

                 to make a citizen of.

                 to make a foreigner.

                 to live in another country except your own.

 Amenable—       any thing that is mean.

 Ammonia—        the food of the gods.

 Animosity—      a sudden surprise.

                 kindness.

                 thoughtfullness.

                 an emblem or sign.

                 great liveliness.

 Aristocracy—    to be stuck up.

 Armistice—      one who takes part in battle.

 Asphyxia—       a grumbling fussy temper.

 Assiduity—      state of being an acid.

 Audible—        worthy of applause.

 Auriferous—     giving light from yourself.

                 pertaining to an orifice.

 Beneficence—    a state of insanity.

 Burglarize—     to make burglars.

 Capillary—      a little caterpiller.

 Cassowary—      a kind of dromedary.

 Centaur—        a three legged animal.

 Conjugate—      to all wrinkle up.

 Conservative—   a person interested in politics who does not like Mr.
                   Gladstone.

 Corniferous—    rocks in which fossil corn is found.

 Crosier—        a staff carried by the Deity.

 Culinary—       cunning or cute.

 Delineate—      to deface.

                 to make lean.

 Demagogue—      a vessel containing beer and other liquids.

 Egregious—      the art of learning.

                 feeding on flocks.

                 a good many sheep together.

 Emissary—       a foreign missionary.

 Emolument—      a softening.

                 a structure.

                 a great increase.

                 a headstone to a grave.

 Epicac—         a man who likes a good dinner.

 Equanimity—     evenness of time.

                 carefullness.

                 being equal all round.

 Equestrian—     an equal.

                 a competetor.

                 one who asks questions.

                 one who walks on foot.

 Erudition—      act of wiping out.

                 state of being erude.

 Espionage—      a kind of cabbage.

 Eucharist—      one who plays euchre.

 Exhilarate—     pertaining to happiness.

 Franchise—      any thing belonging to the French.

 Freebooter—     a man three feet high.

 Idolater—       a very idol person.

 Ignition—       the art of not noticing.

 Impetuosity—    to get into a pet.

 Implacable—     not able to be placed.

 Ingratiating—   grating up the ear.

 Interloper—     one who runs away to get married.

 Irrigate—       to disturb.

                 to turbulate.

                 to make fun of.

                 to emit sparks.

                 to contest in law.

                 to ask in return.

                 to dispense with justice.

 Knickerbocker—  something to ring with.

 Matins—         something to wear on the feet.

 Medieval—       a wicked man who has been tempted.

 Mediocrity—     the science of the Medes.

 Mendacious—     what can be mended.

 Mercenary—      relating to money matters.

                 one who feels for another.

                 hostile to life.

                 one living on charity.

                 one who suffers.

                 pertaining to the eye.

                 relating to habits.

                 strong, bold, brave.

                 one who delivers a message.

                 one who sets on fire with hostile intent.

 Miscellaneous—  all mixed up.

 Munificence—    waste.

                 thanksgiving.

                 brightness.

                 great wealth.

                 a tragedy.

                 a beautiful city.

 Non-conformist— a decenter of ancient times.

 Ominous—        power to be all present.

                 power to eat all things.

 Parasite—       a sort of bird.

                 one who speaks well.

                 an example.

                 a kind of umbrella.

                 the murder of an infant.

 Party-colored—  a fine kind of a dress to wear to a ball.

 Pennyroyal—     relating to money.

 Perennial—      every seven years.

 Plagarist—      a writer of plays.

 Plagarism—      fire worship.

 Prism—          a prim precise person.

 Publican—       a man who does his prayers in public.

 Quarternions—   a bird with a flat beak and no bill living in New
                   Zealand.

                 the name given to a style of art practiced by the
                   Phœnicians.

                 a religious convention held every hundred years.

 Republican—     a sinner mentioned in the Bible.

 Reticence—      tardyness.

                 retirement.

                 a review.

                 something of the eye.

                 great slowness.

 Satiate—        to make tasty.

 Sibilant—       the state of being idiotic.

 Starveling—     a small child who doesunt have enough to eat.

 Subtlety—       gentley.

                 profanity.

                 brittleness.

                 softness.

                 vagueness.

                 easily coaxed.

                 light and airy.

                 is sprightness.

                 a settlement.

                 great doubtfullness.

                 stepping through easily.

                 state of being easy broken.

 Technology—     according to the text.

                 a plagarism nearly obsolete.

                 something which teaches you to be very tecknical in
                   your remarks.

 Tenacious—      ten acres of land.

 Vacillating—    ticking like a pendulum.

 Vermicular—     the intestines of a worm.


  She is related to him by _animosity_.

  A great many people _alienate_ from their country to this.

  The ring is quite an _auriferous_ article.

  He is a very _auspicious_ boy.

  She dresses very _auspicious_.

  The _belligerent_ powers receive a salary.

  We call him a _charger_ because he charges so much.

  _Chronology_ is the science of the brane.

  He had a _chronic_ disease—something the matter with the chrone.

  The _coercion_ of some things is remarkable, as bread and molasses.

  We should never _commiserate_ a person even if we dislike them.

  Her hat is _contiguous_ because she wears it on one side.

  The girl was _delineate_ in her work.

  John said he would _delineate_ the book.

  The washwoman _dilated_ the clothes.

  He was totally _dismasted_ with the whole performance.

  The officer is to be tried for _dissertation_ of his office.

  The place was left in a state of _dissertation_.

  He _dominated_ or ruled the paper.

  He is a great _duplicate_ because so very deceitful.

  The men marched out in an _egregious_ procession.

  He preached to an _egregious_ congregation.

  He gave a correct _elimination_ of the word.

  The captain _eliminated_ a bullet through the man’s heart.

  He stood on a high _emissary_.

  There was a small _emolument_ of water in the vessel.

  He was _exhilarated_ to a better place.

  We should endeavor to avoid _extremes_—like those of wasps and bees.

  You should _fascinate_ the vine to the wall.

  I have a _gauzy_ hen at home.

  He treated her with _ignition_ because he did not notice her.

  The marriage was _illegible_.

  They tried to _imbecile_ the animal.

  The _leopard_ is watching his sheep.

  I _liquidate_ you from all blame.

  John _liquidated_ his bread with milk.

  The strawberry crop was _magnanimous_.

  The _magnanimous_ of Milton was wonderful.

  He has a very _mental_ intellect.

  He was a member of the _mediocrity_.

  The child gave a _mercenary_ account of the accident.

  She has just returned from the _mercenary_.

  This examination makes me feel very _nauceous_.

  The stomach contains _nausea_.

  Her fright was _palliateable_ because it made her pale.

  The doctrine that like can be cured by like is called _panacea_.

  You will see how _pecuniary_ he is when I tell you he is going to
      marry for money.

  The family is placed under _pecuniary_ circumstances.

  He was _pecuniary_ or tight in his money matters.

  My _perennial_ tuition is due to-day.

  The earth _perennially_ revolves round the sun.

  He enjoys riding on a _philosopher_.

  You should take caution and be _precarious_.

  The _propensity_ of this room is very small.

  She was very quick at _repertoire_.

  A great many persons are quite _resonant_.

  The naughty boy _resources_ his mother.

  People become full of _retisense_ when they are silent.

  Minerals crystallize in _rhododendrons_.

  You need not try to _satiate_ my pathway.

  She _seceded_ the velvet to her dress.

  The _serfdom_ at Cony Island is very high.

  The men employed by the Gas Company go round and _speculate_ the
      meter.

  The _supercilious_ girl acted with _vicissitude_ when the _perennial_
      time came.

  He prayed for the waters to _subsidize_.

  The birds _subsidize_ in the summer for the most part on fruits.

  He is a very _tacit_ scholar because he is easily taught.

  He _temporized_ the zinc nicely.

  We ought to _temporize_ our health.

  The _tenacious_ girl was good in church.

  Herod was called a _tetrarch_ because he was so fond of tea.

  There are a good many donkeys in _theological_ gardens.

  Some of the best fossils are found in _theological_ cabinets.

  The telescope is very _transparent_ because you can see through it.

  He landed safe on _vice versa_.

  The earth makes a _vicissitude_ around the sun once a year.

  They had a strawberry _vestibule_.

  _Zoology_ is interesting to those who like the study of words.

[Illustration]




                                  II.
                              Grammatical.


[Illustration]

  Capitals begin every line of Deity.

  Capital letters begin at breviation.

  At the beginning of every capital letters should be used.

  Capital is used at beginning of parigraf.

  An interrogatt sentense must Begin with a Capitel Letter.

  A deceletive sentense ends with a perod. An intorogative one ends with
      an intorogation point.

  Every sentence and name of God must begin with a caterpillar.

  When you speak of yourself you should begin it with a capital letter.

  When they are going to say some prose or poetry before they say the
      poetry or prose they must put a semicolon just after the
      introduction of the prose or poetry.

  A quotion is something spoken by people.

  A quotation is asking a question.

  An Exclamation Point is what causes supprise.

  Brackets set things off so they wont have anything to do with the
      sentence.

  Grammer is how to talk good.

  Grammar gives us the languish.

  We study Grammer to get the senses.

  Grammer is to tell us the parts of speeth.

  A common noun is small things.

  A proper noun is peoples names.

  A pronoun is a word when we cant get a noun.

  A pronoun is a word which is just as good as a noun.

  The two kinds of Pronouns is I and O.

  The plural is formed by turning book into books.

  Person in Grammer tells us whether he is a man or a woman. It is
      always an animal or something that isent alive.

  Gender is the distinguishing nouns without regard to sex.

  A verb is something to eat.

  An intransitiv verb expresses an act not done to another as James did
      _not_ strike John.

  The Moods in English Gram. are the Indicative, Potential, Subjugated,
      and Infinitif.

  The optative mood is a mood in a verb when any body knows you have
      done any thing.

  The sign if shows the potative mood.

  Adverbs should always be used as adjectives and adjectives as adverbs.

  The horses run _fastly_. This is an adverb.

  The comparative degree expresses that one thing is up higher than
      another and the Supulative is the highest of all.

  A dependent sentence is one that hangs from its clause.

  All sentences are either simple or confound.

  To conjugate a sentence is to tell all the things that it means.

  The word governed by another word is called its regiment.

  Rhythm is a horse trotting on a road.

  Rhyme makes two words sound just alike.

  A figure means something different from what it says.

  Can in poetry is sometimes used for cant.

  Prose tells things that are true right along just as they are and
      poetry makes it up as you go along.

  A preposition is a word that shews the position of one thing with kind
      regards to another.

[Illustration]

[Illustration]




                                  III.
                             Mathematical.


[Illustration]

  Arithmetic is the signs of numbers.

  A factor is a number which divided by another number equals the number
      of parts.

  A Prim Facktor is a Factor that stands for a Facter.

  The sins of Division are a short horizontail line between two doits
      and a curve line between the Deviser and Divident.

  The sines of Division will be like the quocient.

  Multiplication is the process of takeing one or more many times to
      multiply the produck if the work is write.

  A common fraction is made up of two parts with a separation between
      them.

  A vulgar fraction has one fraction over the line and the other under
      it.

  The Denomator is the bottom of the fraction. The Numerator tells how
      many there are in it.

  A Decimal Fraction is one with a point.

  A straight line is any distance between two places.

  Parallel lines are lines that can never meet until they run together.

  A Horace uncle line is a line that isn’t crooked.

  A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.

  A hexameter is inscribed in a circle.

  A foursided figure is a trapezium which is the general name for a
      kite.

  A parallelogram has all its sides parallel.

  The base of a triangle is the sum of its two sides.

  Things which are equal to each other are equal to anything else.

  To find the number of square feet in a room you multiply the room by
      the number of the feet. The product is the result.

[Illustration]

[Illustration]




                                  IV.
                             Geographical.


[Illustration]


                             (_American._)

  The three natural divisions of America are Europe, Ashea and Africa.

  North America is separated by Spain.

  The countries of North America are Britschish, Washington, Canada Nina
      and Mexica.

  America is divided into the Passiffic slope and the Mississippi valey.

  America consists from north to south about 500 miles.

  Amireca is in the torade zone.

  The climit of America is very worm.

  The climate of America is modrant—modern in the middle.

  The principle mountains of America are the Alagany and on the cost
      range on the eastern part all.

  The Rocking Mountains are the graitest in America.

  The great Lakes of America is champagne.

  The great lakes of America are Siperior, Ontarria and Hurryon,
      Michigan.

  The principal mts. of America are lamb beaf veal.

  The rivers of America are ohio Artic an drandartic.

  The United States is quite a small country compared with some other
      countrys, but is about as industrious.

  The capital of the United States is Long Island.

  One of the leading industries of the United States is mollasses
      book-covers numbers gas teaching lumber manufactures paper-making
      publishers coal.

  The chief products of the United States is troupil freuts an tobacto.
      The climit has 2 sesons a rainey and a dry.

  The names of states on the Gulf of Mexico is United States.

  The five seaports of the U. S. are Newfunlan and Sanfrancisco.

  The principal seaports is cotton wool shoes.

  The principal cities of the United States are Bath Lynn Lowell
      Lawrence.

  The principal products of the U. S. is earthquakes and volcanoes.

  The manufactured products of the United States is fish and agriculture
      and imports.

  The principle products of New England are dairying shipbuilding wine
      coffee tropic fruets and cloathes.

  The exports of New England are lumbering fishing ice cutting wood
      chopping.

  The prinicpal sports of New England are cotten tobaco ice.

  The principal occupation of New England is shipping goods.

  Mineing is mostely carried on in new Englyn.

  The climit of New English is hot worm and coal.

  The coaste city’s of New England are New Haven and Seaport.

  The coast cities of New England are Boston.

  The Vermont state is south west of Mass.

  The New London State is near the Meremack River.

  The principal mountain range in England is Kartardin.

  Providence is the leading commercial city of New England situated on
      the Southern part of the cost of Maine.

  New York is bounded by Montreal.

  The capital of New York is New Hamshire. Its principle cities are
      Portland an Susquehana.

  Philadelphia is the capitol of New York and it is in the south West
      Part.

  Washenton is in the Northron part of New York.

  New York was once called the Emperor state because it once had a
      Emperor.

  Aduculung and Mineing is the chief industry of New York State.

  The Rocky Mountains are on the western side of Philadelphia.

  The Rocking Mountain is east of Mass. Algany east of Rocky Sirranevada
      east of Algany.

  The Alaginnies are mountains in Philadelfia.

  The Arondack Mountains are north of Canada.

  The White Mountains are in England.

  The Yosemity Valley is the highest mountain in the world.

  The Mississippi River runs soulth and empies into Mexico.

  Mason and Dixon’s line is the Equater.

  Cape Hatteras is a vast body of water surrounded by land and flowing
      into the Gulf of Mexico.

  Canada is south of New York.

  The City of Canada is Columbia in the westarn part of Columbia.

  Two cities in Canada are andruscogin and kenibek.

  Stock rason is the occupation of canada.

  The rapids of St. Lorence is caused by the canoes of the Indianes.

  British America is overturned by queen Victorier.

  Alasca is governed by the Britished America.

  The productions of Central America is fish.

  Vancoover is the North West United States.

  Cuba and Newfoundland is Southeast of America.

  The climate of Mexico is very barren being hot or cold.

  California is the capitol of San Francisco.

  The occupation of Greenland is speering the seel.

  The oppacation of the Greenland whisky lemon bannanars.

  The occupation of the people of Greenland seals and the people of
      California gathrin gold.

  The people of Greenland people do seal fishing and whailing of Alaska
      people are gathring furs of the Indies people fishing and
      shouting.


                             (_European._)

  Charlemagne and Pepin were countries of Austria.

  In Austria the principal occupation is gathring Austrich feathers.

  France is parallel to America on a line running east and west.

  The Bay of Biscuit is on the coast of France.

  The principal industries of Germany are manufacturing, agriculture,
      and the cultivation of the intellect.

  Germany has very little clubbable land.

  Russia in the time of Peter the Great was a very cold country and its
      inhabitants lived in Siberia.

  Russia is very cold and tyrannical. Boany Airs is in Russia.

  St. Petersburg is in the Gulf of Finland.

  The Baltic Sea is between Sweden and Norway.

  Portugal is separated from Spain by the Mediteranian Sea.

  Sicily is one of the Sanwich Islands.

  Constantinople is called the queen of the Adriattic.

  The Persian Gulf is the eastern part of Persia.

  The Great Desert of Sarah was formerly discovered in Africa.

  The two most famous volcanoes of Europe are Sodom and Gomorrah.

  Terra del Fuego means Land of the Furies.

  The Straits of Magellan separates North and South America.

  Hindoostan flows through the Ganges and empties into the Mediterranean
      Sea.

  No northwest passage has ever been discovered around the Cape of Good
      Hope.

  One of the chief exports of England is live meat which grows in great
      quantities.

  Ireland is called the Emigrant Isle because it is so beautiful and
      green.

  Gibraltar is an island built on a rock. It has 15,000 inhabitants.

  The Straight of Mabel Manden seperates the Rock of Gibralter from the
      ocean.

  The width of the different zones Europe lies in depend upon the
      surrounding country.

  The north tempered zone is the best one.

  The frigide zone is the most hottest.

  Latitude is a thing by which we can tell where a country is on the
      globe, like Africa.

  Latitude are supposed lines which pass horizontally around the globe
      and longitude are supposed lines which pass perpendicularly in the
      same way from one circle to another.

  The imports of a country are the things that are paid for. The exports
      are the things that are not.

  Pine apples grow on pine trees.

  Climate lasts all the time and weather only a few days.

[Illustration]




                                   V.
                               Original.


[Illustration]


                              _A Letter._

I was in Cony island. I was in the musium. I saw a bear. I saw a gypsy.
I saw a niger man.

We go fishing every mourning. We get a big basket full and do other lots
of refreshing things.

I expect to go to the country this summer with my mothers and farthers.

I have had a lovely time the last three weaks. I chop wood and bild
fires and go errents and have got two fire crackers saved up for the
forth of July.

I write a few lines to letter you know I am a getin on. I went to a
excurseon yesterday and I went in barefoot and gethered shels.


                            _A Bird Story._

The little spring has built her nest in the oke tree. Every mourning the
mother bird gets up early to find food for her nesterling sense the
April came. One day it rained and the little burds sat and looked at the
rain as it flowed beneath their feet.


                           _About the Birds._

The little birds are in there houses and rain began to power and when
the rain began to stop the little flyed out and the little birds sat up
a tree of a bransh and then they churp and some birds come to have a
nice time when the grass is green as green pante.


                               _On Man._

Man is an animal that stands up. He is not very big and he has to work
for a living.


                             _On Fashion._

Sensible people wear sensible fashions and insensible people insensible
fashions.


                          _A Rainy Afternoon._

It rained hard so I could not go owdoors, so I went out in the shed and
sod some wood.


                             _On the Cow._

The cow she eats the grass. Wen she eats enought she will lie down in
the shade. She is generally chewing. This chewing is called cud. The
sheep has no upper Teeth. It there for belongs to the Cow’s Family. The
cry of a cow is called Low. Her youn of a Cow is called a calf. The Cow
gives us milk. Butter and cheese are made out of bread. The flesh of the
Cow is called beef and the Calf veil. We make from their skin shoes. The
name of the Cow is called Soldt lether. The name of the calf is called
calf-skin.


                             _On Laughter._

Laughter is something I know everybody can do. Some people laugh until
the tears come from their eyes and then they have a crying spell and
then when that is over they have a laughing spell. When people cry it
will make them look very peculiar so most of people very seldom cry. It
is the laughing they generally do.


                            _On Occupation._

I think if I should become a shoe manufacturer I should succeed as it is
a very profitable occupation and shoes are necessary to all classes and
consequently a large trade is a general thing.


                            _On Umbrellas._

The matereal at the top of an umbrella is placed on a skeleton of whales
which meet all together in one place. They do be covered with silk,
alpaca and Satan.


                             _On Indians._

Indians go out naked in the summer an they take ahold of their scalp
locks and cut off the other side of their heads. They wear it on their
sides. Indians food consists of corn and food. They use smoking instead
of tanning. They paint their skind in the color of animals.


                          _George Washington._

George Washington was the first president of the United States born in
Virginia in the year. When George was a little boy he would never tell a
lie. Because he thought it was not nice. It tis not nice nether. He
studied all kinds of things to be a president.


                           _Abraham Lincoln._

Abraham Lincoln was born in Wales in 1599. His father was a wool-comer,
but Abraham did not like that trade. One day Abraham was standing on the
railroad and a man by the name of Guitue came behind and shot him. Then
he got put in jail for it. But it was not nice of him because he shot
him on the railroad.


                             _On Reading._

Reading makes us intelligent; and learn about things we would otherwise
hear nothing.

It is pleasant to recapitulate stories to persons who probably have not
had the opportunity of reading them and it therefore passes many a
dreary hour away and makes many a person renew his happiness by hoping
for such a favorable end as some characters as are described in the
book.

                                   ⁂

If we did not have the capacity of reading we might wait all our lives
and never secure the desired information, but if instead of waiting for
some one to tell us we take the book or paper or whatever it might
happen to be and read it for ourselves we will be much better satisfied
and also have the consolation of knowing we discovered it for ourselves
and did not have to wait for other people to come and furnish us with
the desired information.

                                   ⁂

In reading there is a large amount of knowledge attained for it enlarged
the mind while reading and continues until we pass away.

When we read we come across words that when we hear them spoken of we
are entirely ignorant of them.

                                   ⁂

The untutored mind is often surprisingly expanded in reading for only a
short while a little every day. Then when we hear certain subjects
spoken of we do not wonder what it all means.

                                   ⁂

Reading the talents of others helps us to compose something that may
help us in future life. Without reading we should not know any thing
about our forefathers or how we came to be civilized. What would we know
about religion if we did not read our Bible and find out how religion
originated?


                              _On Girls._

Girls are very stuckup and dignefied in their maner and behaveyour. They
think more of dress than any thing and like to play with dowls and rags.
They cry if they see a cow in afar distance and are afraid of guns. They
stay at home all the time and go to Church every Sunday. They are
al-ways sick. They are al-ways funy and making fun of boys hands and
they say how dirty. They cant play marbels. I pity them poor things.
They make fun of boys and then turn round and love them. I dont beleave
they ever kiled a cat or any thing. They look out every nite and say oh
ant the moon lovely. Thir is one thing I have not told and that is they
always now their lessons bettern boys.


                        _On Timidity of Women._

Timidity is a disease very prevelent among our American women. It is
thought by them to be an ornament to their charms.

How many young women faint by the sudden appearance of a rat from its
hideing place. Oh! they do declare it’s impossible to live where these
dreadful creatures make their homes they ask Ma cant she and wont she
please to try to secure some remedy so they can be destroyed. You will
see the young ladies leap up over stones and steps of great height so as
to escape the barks of the dog, if they are walking with a friend of the
male kind they will cling to the masculine arm and beseach him to walk
so that she might loose sight of that horrible creature known as a dog.

I do think their cases of timidity that cannot be governed such as cases
of intemperance fighting and death. We dont want to see any man come
along the street destitute of reasoning and come reeling suddenly by
you. Also the expectation of death when we see a loved sister going away
from a cherished circle.

It cannot be endured, but I have no objections for these cases but the
preceding ones are ridiculous and I beseach you to reject it remembering
you shall have to undergo greater trials than those related.


                             _On Poverty._

How many persons possess it! They are persons whose poverty cannot be
endured they had enjoyed preceding years in wealth and by some mishap in
the family they became poor and how can they endeavor to forget that
time when their happiness could not be expressed but now their troubles
shall be discovered.

Poverty is a case that cannot be hidden it must be let known so that the
possessors may obtain condolence in some way. Places for poor persons
are not of much importance for the care of them is not worth mentioning.

Some poor persons with a great deal of poverty would rather walk from
house to house in search of some nourishment than inhabit those
institutions but what a number of times they are driven from the door
with the contemptuousness of the rich how many slang words are said to
them.

If our comfortable friends should remember those persons casting away
food raiment and apparel they would be less cases of poverty and when
sickness overtakes such persons lend a helping hand their consciences
would less smite them.


                            _On Politeness._

Politeness is to say and do the kindest way. I think it is easier for
girls to be polite than for boys, but I am not sure as I have never been
a girl. Politeness is used in all parts of the United States.


                        _On the Play of Hamlet._

Hamlet was a young man very nervous. He was always dressed in black
because his uncle had killed his father by shooting him in his ear. He
could not go to the theatre because his father was dead so he had the
actors come to his house and play in the front parlor and he learned
them to say the words because he thought he knew best how to say them.
And then he thought he’d kill the king but he didn’t. Hamlet liked
Ophelia. He thought she was a very nice girl but he didn’t marry her
because she was going to be a nunnery. Hamlet went to England but he did
not like it very much so he came home. Then he jumped into Ophelia’s
grave and fought a duel with her brother. Then he died.

                                   ⁂

Hamlet was exceedingly sensitiveness. He denunciated his mother because
she entered the matrimonial condition and showed her two photographs
which he said one was Hesperus and one a satire. He made her experience
great regret. He was engaged to Orphelia but had to neglect her as he
was obliged to give his attentions to revenging his father’s death. His
uncle was the murderer of his father, Hamlet’s father. He had a very
mournful existence and was a great philosopher.

[Illustration]




                                  VI.
                              Analytical.


[Illustration]

  “A balance of power”—making the poker stand up straight in your hand.

  “Weeping birch”—the kind of stick that makes you weep.

  “Eating cares”—troubles because you are tired of eating.

  “Spoiler’s hand”—your father’s hand because he spoils you.

  “The balm of childhood”—what makes children stop there crying.

  “He issued a papal bull”—the news written on the board outside the
      office.

  “I would that my tongue could utter”—means its to much trouble to
      write out his ideas.

                  *       *       *       *       *

                     Tell me not in mournful numbers,
                       “Life is but an empty dream!”
                     For the soul is dead that slumbers,
                       And things are not what they seem.
             _Psalm of Life._  HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW.

The way we pass a lifetime is to us but as if we were asleep and we do
not remember all that happens but the happy moments. When we are dead
then we see what we have done in a different way.

                                   ⁂

Don’t say life is only an empty dream. If our souls stop living and go
to sleep it cannot be so for we would die. The last thing we are to
attain to I think is the grave.

                                   ⁂

Your the same as dead when your asleep and things that are making you
pleasant now will one day make you sorry.

                                   ⁂

Do not tell me that life is a dream, because when I sleep things will
not be like I think they are.

                                   ⁂

This means that you know without being told in rymes, that life and soul
shall die away and be nothing.

                                   ⁂

Don’t tell me in sorrowful verses life is only an illusion, the soul is
wicked that slumbers, and things are very deceitful.

                  *       *       *       *       *

             The heights by great men reached and kept
               Were not attained by sudden flight;
             But they while their companions slept
               Were toiling upwards in the night.
           _The Ladder of St. Augustine._  H. W. LONGFELLOW.

Great men have not made flights very suddenly. They have slept with
their companions while they were toiling to keep the heights they had
attained.

                                   ⁂

The heights that great men have kept out of reach were not attained by
means of sudden flight. While their companions were sleeping they were
up at all hours of the toiling night.

                  *       *       *       *       *


  In the lexicon of Youth, which fate reserves for a bright manhood,
  there’s no such word as Fail.

                                   _Richelieu._  EDWARD BULWER LYTTON.


In the early days of youth which destiny waits for a better chance,
there is no such word as fail.

                                   ⁂

The lexicon of youth which is fated for a bright manhood, should never
fail.

                                   ⁂

The sentence means, in the beginning of youth the fate that is kept for
a bright manhood must not be a failure.

                                   ⁂

There was no such word as fail when I was a boy, but now I am a man.

                                   ⁂

If you study while you are young your knowledge will be preserved and
you can not fail.

                                   ⁂

The word fail never appears in the natural teachings of youth and is
kept for bright manhood.

                                   ⁂

In a youth’s translation which is kept back until a riper age, there is
no such word which says fail.

                                   ⁂

The youth who is in his lexicon and about to spring into a bright
manhood, the word fail he knows not.

                                   ⁂

To fail is impossible for youth in the lexicon which is reserved for it.

                  *       *       *       *       *

             Alone, but with unbated zeal,
             The horseman plied with scourge and steel;
             For jaded now and spent with toil,
             Embossed with foam and dark with soil,
             While every gasp with sobs he drew,
             The laboring stag strained full in view.
                 _The Lady of the Lake._  SIR WALTER SCOTT.

The man who rode on the horse performed the whip and an instrument made
of steel alone with strong ardor not diminishing, for, being tired from
the time passed with hard labor overworked with anger and ignorant with
weariness, while every breath for labor he drew with cries full of
sorrow, the young deer made imperfect who worked hard filtered in sight.

                  *       *       *       *       *

             To him who in the love of nature holds
             Communion with her visible forms, she speaks
             A various language. For his gayer hours
             She has a smile and eloquence of beauty,
             And she steals into his darker musings
             With a mild and gentle sympathy that steals
             Away their sharpness ere he is aware.
                         _Thanatopsis._  WM. CULLEN BRYANT.

The man who loves his nature he holds connections with his form in a
visible manner; he speaks a different language for his lively hours.
Nature has a glad voice and smile and beauty. He goes into his darker
musings with a mild and healing sympathy and not with a sorrowful
feeling that steals away their sharpness before he is aware of it.

                                   ⁂

To him she speaks the love of nature and of various languages, and she
smiles with healing sympathy and steals away his gayer hours and
eloquence of beauty that steals away their sharpness before he knows of
it.

                  *       *       *       *       *

                       Two angels guide
           The path of man, both aged and yet young,
           As angels are, ripening through endless years.
           On one he leans: some call her Memory,
           And some, Tradition; and her voice is sweet
           With deep mysterious accords: the other,
           Floating above, holds down a lamp which streams
           A light divine and searching on the earth,
           Compelling eyes and footsteps. Memory yields,
           Yet clings with loving cheek, and shines anew
           Reflecting all the rays of that bright lamp
           Our angel Reason holds. We had not walked
           But for Tradition; we walk evermore
           To higher paths, by brightening Reason’s lamp.
                         _The Spanish Gypsy._  GEORGE ELIOT.

Was it not for Tradition we would not travel this far. We are still
walking to brighter steps by shining our brains. What little intellect
we have, if it was well shined, it might do a great deal.

                                   ⁂

Man is guided by two spirits, evil and good, and if the evil spirit
(before he was a good one) had been a good one, man would not have been
created.

                                   ⁂

Man’s path guides two angels. One is old and one is young. Ones names
Memory and one is Tradition. One floats round and hunts for things on
the earth. Memory clings to the cheek and shines the lamp that Reason
holds. Tradition helps us to walk and we brighten up Reason’s lamp.

                                   ⁂

Two great Powers or Forces guide men and women in this world whether
they be young or old, and these powers are still growing through numbers
of years.

                                   ⁂

We lean on Mearcy and Tradition. But whatere it may be, the sound is
sweet with vast mysterious accords. Then Power or Mearcy glares above
us, and there looks down upon us with extreme splendor.

                                   ⁂

Memory still shines reflecting that light our senses tell us of, or that
is within our brains, if we have any. And I suppose we are all gifted
with a little.

                                   ⁂

Had an angel never committed sin, we never would have been created and
guarded by a heavenly spirit.

[Illustration]




                                  VII.
                              Historical.


[Illustration]


                             (_American._)

Christopher Columbus went to sea untill he was 14 years of age. He
dreamed there was a place named America and after much adversity he
finally discovered it.

Christopher Columbus was called the Father of his Country.

Queen Isabella of Spain sold her watch and chain and other millinery so
that Columbus could discover America.

Columbus set sale in three small ships called Nina, Pinter and Santa
Anna.

The first land Columbus discovered was Gibraltar.

Columbus was the first white man who discovered America.

Columbus knew the earth was round because he balanced an egg on the
table.

Columbus perished in sight of land.

The West Indians was the first discovered by Christies Columbies.

The west Indaines was discovered in 1692 by Chrissor Columbius.

The Crusaders were the first to settle America.

The American colonies were settled by Dutch navegators who founded them.

The first English settlements were made in the Gulf of Mexico.

Slaves were introduced to this country by Spain and Portugese people.

Kink Louis decleared ware against Kink William who commanded the English
Fources. A party of French and Indains came to Sketiney and the Indains
tomahorks was frozen. It was a very bobloody war. For Fourty years the
war was but it did not last longe. The war ended in 1776 because Kink
Phillip discovered the dead. It was called his war because he was the
cheaf mouver of it.

Virginia was named from Queen Virgin who was called Elizabeth.

The Indians were the first Americans and they settled over a vast
expanse of the county.

Salem witch craft was a son of Massasoit.

The Indian wars were very desecrating to the country.

The Indians pursued their warfare by hiding in bushes and then scalping
them.

Captain John Smith has been styled the father of his country. His life
was saved by his daughter Pochahantas.

The Puritans found an insane asylum in the wilds of America.

They were called Puritans because they were more quiet than the
Episcopalians.

Miles Standish discovered Plymouth and it was named in his honor.

Roger Williams called the settlement Rhode Island in honor of God’s
merciful Providence shown to him.

William Penn was born in Boston in 1607. He was the first white man who
founded Pennsylvania. He founded Pennsylvania because his name was
William Penn.

William Penn discovered Philadelphia and laid out its streets.

The Stamp Act was to make everybody stamp all materials so they should
be null and void.

Benedict Arnold was greatly regretted by the Americans as well as by the
English.

Benjamin Franklin is the finest Example of a selfmad man that American
History affords. He commenced life as a tallow chandelier boy and step
by step became a Great Genius.

George Washington was born in 1492.

At White Plains Gen. Washington murdered several hundred men.

Gen. Washington is famous for the Washington Monument.

Washington wrote the Declareation of Independence in 1492.

George Washington inherited consumption in the army.

Washington died in Spain almost brokenhearted. His remains were taken to
the cathedral in Havanna.

The Mexican war was the war of Texas with the United States.

Gen. Scott fought bravely at the battle of Wingfield.

When the Wig party was in power there was striks all over the laborers.

Slavery was caused by the admission of Missouri into the Union.

The Missouri Compromise compelled slaves to enter all the different
states and territories.

Gorilla warfare was war where men rode on gorillas.

The Border Ruffians were founded to prevent all emigrants into Kansas
and they sacrificed considerable lives.

John Brown was a very good insane man who tried to get slaves into
Virginia. He captured all the inhabitants, but was finally conquered and
condemned to his death.

The confederasy was formed by the fugitive slaves.


                              (_English._)

England was named by the Angels.

The Celts were driven out of England into Whales.

Julius Caesar invaded England 400 years B. C. The English condition was
in a rude state. They joined in games such as cock fighting.

The Brittains were the Saxons who entered England in 1492 under Julius
Caesar.

The Britains came from Brittany. They were a brave and warlike people
and lived by fishing and manufactures.

The Britains conquered Julius Caesar and drove him ignominiously from
his dominions.

The Britons founded the Druids. They ust to hold religious services out
of doors.

The Druids were supposed to be Roman Catholicks.

The Crusaders were fanatics who fought in tournaments.

The Habeas Corpus Act said that a body whether alive or dead could be
produced in court.

Alfred the Great reigned 872 years. He was distinguished for letting
some buckwheat cakes burn and the lady scolded him.

Rufus was named William on account of his red hair. He established the
curfew fire bell.

William the Conqueror was the first of the Mormons.

Edward the black Prince was famous for founding chivalry.

Chivalry is a fight on horseback between two horsemen in an open plain.

A night errant is a man who goes around in the night in search of
adventures.

The Middle Ages come in between antiquity and posterity.

The War of the Roses was between the white and the red.

Henry Eight was famous for being a great widower having lost several
wives.

Lady Jane Grey studied Greek and Latin and was beheaded after a few
days.

Queen Mary married the Dolphin.

Elizabeth was called the Virgin queen because of her many
accomplishments and she had a great many fine dresses.

The unfortunate Charles First was executed and after he was beheaded he
held it up exclaiming Behold the head of a trater!

Cromwell was only a parallel with Bonaparte.

Queen Victoria was the 4th son of George Third the Duke of Kent.

John Bright is noted for an incurable disease.

Lord James Gordon Bennett instigated the Gordon Riots.


                              (_French._)

Joan of Arc lived in New Orleans where she was discovered and burned by
the British.

Cardinal Richelieu was one of the most famous soldiers of France. He was
cut down on St. Bartholomew’s Day.

St. Bartholomew was massacred in 1492.

The French Revolution was quite rapid. It made some changes in the
government and many persons were slain.

Bonaparte gave away many thrones to his brothers and sisters.

Louis Napoleon besieged all Paris who elected him emperor.

By the Salic laws no woman or descendant of a woman could occupy the
throne.

Luther introduced Christianity into England a good many thousand years
ago. His birthday was November 1883. He was once a Pope. He lived at the
time of the Rebellion of Worms.


                               (_Roman_.)

The history of Rome is wrapped in antiquity.

The Gauls were a very brave people of the Tapean Rock.

Carthage was founded by Dido nearly one hundred years ago.

Hannibal at the early age of six years was raised to the command of the
army.

Spartacus fought a war of several years against the Romans.

Cataline was defeated and slain by his entire army.

Pompey gave the Romans a splendid campaign.

Trajan was persecuted by the Christians.

The seven hills of Rome were the Capitoline, Palitine, Alpine, and I
cannot remember those I have not written down.

The Colliseum was erected on the top of an inaccessible hill somewhere
about the time of Nero. When it was burning down he played a tune on his
violin.

In his military character Julius Cæsar probably never surpassed any
other hero.

Cesar succeeded in wresting the crown from Mark Anthony.

Julius Cæsar was quite a military man on the whole.

Julius Cæsar is noted for his famous telegram despatch I came I saw I
conquered.

When Julius Cæsar crossed the Hellispont it was the turning point in his
carear.

The Crusaders were conquered by Julius Cæsar.

Julius Cæsar was really a very great man. He was a very great soldier
and wrote a book for beginners in the Latin.

Cleopatra was caused by the death of an asp which she dissolved in a
wine cup.

The reign of Augustus took place in the Christian era. He caused it to
be introduced into the kingdom.

The emperor Vespasian destroyed his son Titus after a tremendous siege
of six months.

Domitian was so cruel that he was noted for his killing flies.

The Roman priests were chosen by the gods and some by a special diety.

The toga was a robe that flowed over the body very neat and graceful.

The Forum transacted the principal business of Rome.

The Gordian knot was a very hard knot which Nero tied and by it he kept
the Roman empire in subjection.

When a Gladiator was killed he held up his finger and if the spectators
wanted him to live they held up their thumbs.


                              (_Grecian._)

Greece is a country noted for its handsome people. They are all
sculptures.

Greece is divided into periods.

The only form of government in Greece was a limited monkey.

Egypt and Rome were the principal divisions of Greece.

The inhabitants of Greece lived in huts, eating the skins of wild beasts
and dressing themselves in berries and acorns.

Helen was the daughter of Troy a very beautiful woman and wrote the
Illiad giving a long account of it.

Lycurgus was a legislature. He abolished commerce and dress.

Lycurgus was so strict he turned all the women into men they were bold
and corageous.

Athens was the capital of Africa and the arts flourished.

Darius attacked both sea and land.

The introduction of Asia made the Greeks have great manners and wealth.

The Persian war lasted about 500 years.

Socrates was no use at fighting. He destroyed some statues and had to
drink shamrock. Socrates was a great ridiculer.

The Lacons talked Laconic.

Philip when ten years old was sent as a hostess to Thebes.

Greece had only 7 wise Men.

Alexander surpassed all others in his rapidity extent and splendor. He
was a model example to the career of others.

Ruins are almost always very historical for they show how much money the
inhabitants must have spent on them. Ruins often give us the dates of
their erection and are very useful in fixing the date of some event.

Elijah was a good man who went up to heaven without dying and threw his
cloak down for Queen Elizabeth to step over.

[Illustration]

[Illustration]




                                 VIII.
                             Intellectual.


[Illustration]


                             (_American._)

Lowell, Taylor and Irving stand foremost among the literature of the
day.

James Russell Lowell, Henry Longfellow, Whittier and Horthorn have all
written pieces of some note.

Bryant while still a child wrote thanatopsis and then became editor of a
paper and lived for many years after.

A sort of sadness kind of shone in Bryant’s poems.

The Brasebrig Hall and of the Spy was also written by Bryant.

Washington Irving was a great poet and prose.

Bracebridge Hall was written by Henry Irving.

Washington Irving is noted for his sketch pieces. He also wrote the
lives of men.

Cooper’s writings belong to that class of literature called bell
lettres.

Snow Bound was written by Peter Cooper.

R. Waldo Emerson which is good for solid everyday use in extracting
mottoes.

Emerson was first a minister but as he couldn’t agree he decided to
become a poetical and essay writer.

Longfellow confined himself to poetry.

Longfellow wrote the “Reck of the Hesperus” and “Outer Mare.”

Longfellow has indeed told the tale of Evangeline fully well.

H. Wadsworth Longfellow is the most prominent writer in North America.
Heawather is one of his principle poems a indian tale. Longfellow’s
poetry is characterized by universalism.

J. Greenleaf Whittier whose poetry proves that he was a man into or upon
whom the beauties of nature never passed unnoticed.

Whittier is the author of the famous sonnet, “Sonnet on my Blindness”
and the “Marble Form.”

Whittier wrote Tam O Shanta about a Witch in Salem.

Oliver Wendell Holmes writeings are inclined to humerous.

Holmes is a very profligate and amusing writer.

Hawthorn has written a quite large selection of stories.

The Scarlit litter and the Spie was written by Hawthorne.

The House of the Seven Gables was written by Lord Bryant.

In the house of Seven Gables it is the story of seven devils who lived
in the house. A house situated in Massachusetts.

Hauthorn wrote the Dear Slyer.

Cotton Mather was a writer who invented the cotton gin and wrote
histories.

Mrs. Southworth’s works are among those classed among the Sentimental
and are very much admired by people of that class.

Joseph Rodman Drake his principal work is lines to my mother’s picture.

Edgar A. Poe was a very curdling writer.

Marmion was written by Poe.

Rev. E. P. Roe writes religiously.

Webster is noted for his getting up the dictionary. He also wrote other
things besides this.

Mrs. Beecher Stow wrote a very natural and symathetic uncle Tom’s cabin.

The author of uncle Tom gives good discriptions of the people and places
with whom she is dealing.

Dread is a story of the disimal swamp.

Samuel Johnson an American writer. His writing is proved and accepted,
being exciting and meretorious.

Wordsworth was an American writer whose works are such as will ever be
admired.

Locke De Foe and Gibbons were all American novalists and I have
forgotten their works.


                              (_English._)

Beowulf wrote the Scriptures.

Cadmus wrote pierce ploughman.

Adam Bede a prominent writer of his time for he threw his soul and body
into his writings.

King Alfred wrote translations from the Bible and it is regarded as a
very fine production yes one of the finest of the period.

Ben Jonson survived Shakespeare in some respects.

Fox wrote a very good book of Marters.

Ben Jonson was a Shakesperian Dramalist. He was a very rare writer as
one of his friends declared.

Spenser’s Fairy queen shows the trials of a Night and the triumphs of a
Vertue.

Chaucer was the father of English pottery.

Chauser was a bland verse writer of the third century.

Geoffrey Chaucer was a great young boy. His farther was lether seller.
As time passed on he was an extraordinary writer of his time.

Geffrey Chaucer fix the date of his birth at 1340 suppose to belong to
the high class of people from his sir name Chausier French he was armed
a knight only very respectfull people could be armed knights.

Chaucer began his writings during the reign of Queen Anne and they are
deserving of merit being the first of her reign.

Chaucer was an English poet who instructed Queen Elizabeth and she
mourned greatly for him when he died. His principal Work was concerning
the inhabitants of Bath.

When Chaucer was 21 years of old he engaged in war. He fought valliantly
and was unharmed. He also wrote a great many other works on Fowl.

Chaucer displays his fame which shall always be distinguished from time
immemoriable. His satyrical stanzas are deep and show that we have found
a man of value. The Canterbury Tales are undertaken by several
journeymen. The Jolly Man was the amusement for the multitude. We had 32
going on the journey but each had no time to Tell a Tale, so they did
not tell tales.

King Arthur was to flourish as magnificence in Canterbury Tails.

Peter Simple was one of the Canterbury Tales.

In the Canterbury Tale it gave account of king Alfred on his way to the
shrine of Thomas Bucket.

The Canterbury Tales are 24 volums. It concists or happens in an In in
Canterberry and the people which is not uncustomary.

In the Canterbury Tales the Night of Fextivity arrives and each
contributes by singeing or resitation. He is Inspired by angels who bids
him sing of the origan of Man.

Now Chaucer must have been a very keen intelligent man to thus class
various characters and put them in their right place as to have harmony.
His mind was always planning.

Chaucer we find him gazing at his empty purse and apostrophizing it in
despare and in terms that show his abject poverty.

Samson Augusta was one of Chaucer’s principal works as it contained his
life giving a full account of it. He also wrote something about
Paradise.

Chaucer was succeeded by H. Wads. Longfellow an American Writer. His
writings were chiefly prose and nearly one hundred years elapsed.

Shakespere is an English author who is uncomputed.

Shakespeare was a fiction and allegorical writer. His father married a
lady of means but they became greatly reserved in circumstances. His
most intimate friend was Ben Butler who was also a great fiction writer.

Shakespears translated the Scriptures and it was called St. James
because he did it.

Shakespere wrote Mackbeth, Orthello and Merchant of Vennice, it is a
wealthy Jew and Arabella has many suters.

Hamlet one of Shakespeares best Tragedies in which Romeo and Juliet are
the principal characters. It is a didactic poem.

Hamlet set to the stage by so many eminant artists bears strongly the
character and mind of the writer. It has been judged not much over much
and still holds the palm.

In the play of Hamlet Shakespere tries to show how brewing over trouble
makes people insane.

In Hamlet the king gave a gladitorial combat in which Hamlet and Laertes
is to take part. They all lie dead in the arena.

The soliloquies of Hamlet throughout the play are notorious.

Hamlet is very famous for the piece he used to speak about to be or not
to be.

The play of Julius Cæsar consists of five acts each act being a Sene. He
being the center around which all the rest are concerned is the main
character.

King Lear is a play where King Lear has three daughters and is very
ungrateful.

The merchant of Venice is old Shylock who lives in Venice.

Macbeth was terrified by the ghost of Bancroft.

Amanda was the heroine of the Tempest.

Shakespeare’s sonnits are on my blindness and ode to Imortallity.

Frances Bacon was born in England and was a chemist, being of a very
experimenting sort of nature. He was a friar or Monk.

Bacon wrote many things in defense of philosophy and was received by the
people. He also wrote a great many histories of all the countries.

Some of the folks say that Lord Bacon wrote a good many of Shakespeare’s
plays for him.

Francis Bacon wrote under the name of Ovum Organum.

John Milton was a great of the Elizabethan age. He Graduated from
Colledge and devoted himself to literary persuits. His principal works
are Paridise lost and regained this poem is very great when we consider
the circumstances which it was written under having been born blind he
translated it to his daughter and after all that it was sold for 5 lbs.

Milton was called the blind poet and justly so as he was born blind. His
brain worked and worked until it gave to the world a masterpece of
poetry in Paridise Lost. It is his greatest effort though he is the
author of several others.

John Milton’s parents paid great attention to his litarary talents. John
was a mere boy when his parents noticed him displaying great genius and
love for writting and they then set to work to have this spirit
advanced.

John Milton’s parents could not send his son to school so long as he
desired to. So he was sent to work at a early age to procure a means of
livelihood, he was willing to do almost every thing to get along, so as
to take part in some literary pursuit. So providence favored his
attempts.

Milton’s father was a Pureitan but still wished to give his son a good
education. He spent a few years with a privit tutor and then went to
reside in his father’s palace where he studied music and mathematics.

Milton showed great aptitude for love of learning, so that his education
was carefully looked into. He was very popular with the puritan party
because he was such a very puritan.

Milton had a very intellectual mind.

The early part of Milton’s life was uphill work. He rose in favor
towards the central part.

John Milton was always poor. He never became rich. He had a great many
trials and suffering and povety.

Milton formed a type of the Puritan ascendency.

John Milton wrote translations and very sublime writings.

Milton is divided into three periods. L’Allegro was a novel written by
him the greatest of English novelists since Shakespeare. Ill Penserose
was written by him.

Three times Milton gave his hand and was united in matrimony.

Milton’s married life was not happy. He married three wives in
succession.

Milton’s wife would not live with him. His life was to strict for her.
At last thinking that he ment to get a Divorce as he was writeing on
that subject she returned to him.

Milton wrote “Miltons Paradise” lost and “Paradise” regained in which
Satan is represent as rebelling against our Saviour just as sinners and
those who have sinned but have been converted.

Milton’s principal work is the exclusion of the bad angels out of
heaven.

Paradise lost begins rather low at first, but ends in one great climax.

John Bunyan lived a life of scantity.

The principal works of John Dryden was Lives of the poets, belonging to
Literature.

Addison is the author of child Harold.

Sam Johnson was so queer in his writings that he was always called
Johnsonese.

Fielding his works have been regarded with great success.

Richardson had the honor of standing among the first of his time.

Sterne may be regarded as a formost writer of great praise.

Smollett is a writer of great renown to some but others have never
considered his genius.

Peter the simple was written by Hume so as to describe a man who was not
very bright.

By DeFoe’s genius he managed to get hold of the necessities of life and
so managed to live.

John Locke was a writer of England who wrote very extremely on Political
Economy.

John Locke’s works were ministerial.

John Locke’s writings are sarcastic and cold. He wrote a white Devil
essay.

John Locke was not of a poetical turn of mind.

John Locke’s works are full of energy and lack no little want of
thought.

Alexander Pope is an English Novalist and deserving of special praise
when we consider his misfortunes in bodily ailments. No other is so
instructive as Pope’s essay on man it shows deep knowledge of man
caracter.

Alexander Pope the worthy successor to dryden to the Throne of Poesy. He
was sick by deformed in body.

Pope’s life was quite bitter. He had a great deal of sarcasm and wrote a
very fine essay upon Man. This was considered his master stroke.

Pope was deformed in many ways so much so that his mother was to be his
servant at any moment he spoke. His writenings are famous for the lucid
arrangement of matters and for much genius.

Pope writes a poem about a maid of honor has beautiful hair cut off and
let to fly in the wind for which poem he is reproved and he tries to
correct its falts.

Pope wrote Dunciade in which the thrown of the dunces is given to his
litterary enimes. He wrote the Guardeen.

Pope belonged to the lake school and later on his writtings were free
from the bitter sattire which shown out of his later works.

Pope’s masterpiece was essay on man in which he wrote his ideas. The
quotations I do not think can be improved upon.

In the Rape of the Locke there is a Story depicted in it.

Jonathan Swift belonged to the English Church but was not much of a
ornament from a religious point of view.

Jonathan Swift belonged to what is called the lake school of Poetry.

Swift wrote a Ulogy on His own death a touching poem is his lines to
Stellar on her death.

Swift wrote the tale of a tub between Catholics and Protestants.

Swift wrote the famous poem of Twistam Shanty.

Jonathan Swift’s mind was from far away back tainted with insanity.

Swift wrote Gullifer’s travels which was discription of what he was
supposed to see on a journey which he was supposed he took.

Oliver Goldsmith’s Histories are not very good but his other works are
classed among the 1st.

Burns chief poem was called “Tamoschanta.”

Tam OShanter is a sort of a ghost story told by an old man. A
superstitious something that people believed in those days.

Cowper had a melchomcally or sad disposition but wrote feeling lines.

Child Harold is Cowper’s most famous work. This was the only novel he
ever wrote not being much of a novel writer. Robinson Cruso was William
Cowper.

Wm. Wordsworth wrote the Barefoot Boy and Imitations on Immortality.

Gibbon wrote a History of His travels in Italy. This was original.

Lord Byron was a great novelist. He also wrote a few poems.

Lord Byron was the son of an heiress and a drunken man.

Coleridge has caused them much joy and pleasure as he has written a
large number of charming and illustrated works.

Thomas Hood wrote the Song of the Shirt a very laughable and prety
writing: About a lady riding.

Sir Walter Scott was the greatest poet Scotland ever produced his
principal work was ye banks and brays he also wrote a poem entitled Ivan
Hoe.

Sir Walter Scott ranked equal with any in point of genius as they did in
popularity.

Scott’s great powers of discription and makes his works appear as if
they happened all over again. Marmion is one example where the rattling
of the chains and so on are brought back to us again.

Marmion is a neatly written tale.

Marmion was a beautiful maiden who had many trials and afflictions. It
is filled with illusions to Nature.

Marmion was a story of country life described Marmion as a riding forth
to gain glory.

Kenilworth is a story nicely delivered of the literature of the day.

Scott was the author of Watts on the Mind.

Scott was great in prose, poetry and misfortune.

Macauleys was a great poet having been educated in a village he then
became an editor of an evening paper and among his best works are the
clock on the Stairs. Macauleys and Wittier are compared because both
labored for the good of mankind.

Lord Macauley was born in London at a time when there was the greatest
need to England of a good historian.

Thomas B. Macauley’s was a man of stern but gentle parents. He had every
amusement that parents could bestow on a child.

Thomas Babbington Makorley graduated at Harvard and then studied law, he
was raised to the peerage as Baron in 1557 and died in 1776.

Macauley wrote Comeration Odes to a grecian earn under the willow.

Thomas B. Macauley was the author of Pilgrims Progress.

Maclauley’s writings are all essays. He has loose and peodic sentences
nicely arranged. He is very carefull always to perfect harmony.

Macauley’s writings are noted for brilliant thought but not for very
much accuracy. His works received a large sale.

It is a question is not Macauly sometimes to oratorical.

George Eliot is quite an authoress.

George Elliot is a writer of some worth.

Geo. Elliott is the best lady Novalist in English.

George Eliot left a wife and children who mourned greatly for his
genius.

George Eliot gained renown by her work on Jane Ayre.

George Eliott Miss Mary Evans Mrs. Cross Mrs. Lewis was the greatest
female poet unless George Sands is made an exception of.

Dickens is a great novelist he makes us fall in with his caracters.

Dickens is one of the Greatest American Novilist.

Dickens is noted for his multiplicity in telling stories.

Dickens is a very smart man and a portrait of character.

Dickens gives an incite into human life.

Dickens is the most human writer Old Curiosity Shop was written by David
Copperfield.

Bulwell is considered a good writer.

Lord Lytton former Bulwer placed himself at the head of English poets.

Thackeray’s genius is original.

Thacerey is a Great Genius. He gives us the fashionable life.

Mrs. Browning wrote sonnets to the Pottery Geese.

Mrs. Brownings Song of the Shirt is in almost every reader.

Tennyson is a very populus poet.

The greatest writers of the present day are Lord Beconsfield who wrote
the “History of Cyprus” and Miss Braddon who wrote “Peverel of the
Peak.”

Sir Walter Scott Charles Bronte Alfred the Great and Johnson were the
first great Novelists.

The most important event in the life of Horace was his birth in 45.

The Iliad is called an Epic poem because it was first written in the
Epic dialect.

Homer’s writings are Homer’s Essays Virgil the Aneid and paradise lost
some people say that these poems were not written by Homer but by
another man of the same name.

Sanscrit is not used as much as it used to be as it went out of use 1500
B. C.

[Illustration]




                                  IX.
                             Philosophical.


[Illustration]

The name of the great philosopher of modern times was called Eurekia.

The principle of Diogenes was that he could move the world if he could
find a place big enough to stand in.

Franklin proved that electricity and lightning are rods.

Temperature is measured by a machine called a hydrometer.

Sun melts ice by the law of cohesion of atoms.

An inclined plane is a plane that inclines.

Drops of water are generally spherical for various reasons known only to
the gracious Providence who has formed them.

Affinity is a liking evinced between two objects, contact not being
necessary. One person may have an affinity or liking for another.

Capillary attraction is the attraction between hair. A person’s hair is
affected by fright. The hair of some animals is attracted by lightning.

A body will go just as far in the first second as the body will go plus
the force the gravity and that’s equal to twice what the body will go.

Specific gravity is the weight to be compared weight of an equal volume
of or that that is the weight of the body compared with the weight of
and equal volume.

Inertia is that proberty of bodies by virtue of which it cannot change
its own condition of rest or motion. In other words it is the negative
quality of passiveness either in recoverable latency or insipient
latescence.

The air pump is an instrument used for forcing water into a pump and
expelling it by means of a vacuum. It ascends in the water downwards.

The law of fluid pressure divide the different forms of organized bodies
by the form of attraction and the number increased will be the form.

By convection the body is heated instantaneous, as gunpowder.

The reason a body falls when not supported is that there is not enough
air under it to keep it up and so it has to fall or the specific gravity
is not great enough to hold it up.

The difference between latent and sensible heat is that it feels
sensible.

If you listen closely you can vibrate a pitchfork.

If an experiment be successful the result will be inevitable.

Thermal unit is the heat required to raise a pound of water through one
foot.

If we were on a railroad track and a train was coming the train would
deafen our ears so that we couldn’t see to get off the track.

Tides are caused by the reflection of the sun and moon upon the water.

Sir Isaac Newton founded the “Laws of Gravity.”

A simple pendulum is an imaginary point hung on a thread.

The vibrations of a pendulum is determined by the time they take.

A noise is a collection of sounds which means nothing but a clatter.

Sound is that form or motion of the mind which effects the oratory
nerves.

A sound is not like a noise because it has essential things to depend
upon and a noise has not.

To get gold from its ore it is polished and heated.

Metals are changed in their elements by fussing them together.

[Illustration]




                                   X.
                             Physiological.


[Illustration]

Physillogigy is to study about your bones stummick and vertebry.

Disease is any affection of any organ of the body.

Disease is more common to some people than to others.

Disease is sickness caused by the introduction of some foreign generally
insect substance as cholera.

When you have a illness it makes your health bad as well as having a
disease.

All mechanical work is injurious to the health.

If a sawyer does not wear spectacles he will be sure to lose his sight.

Occupations which are injurious to health are carbolic acid gas which is
impure blood.

A stone mason’s work is injurious because when he is chipping he
breathes in all the little chips and then they are taken into the lungs.

A bootmaker’s trade is very injurious because the bootmakers always
press the boot against the thorax and therefore it presses the thorax in
and it touches the heart and if they do not die they are cripples for
life.

The body is mostly composed of water and about one half is avaricious
tissue.

The body has an infinite number of bones joined together by the joints.

The spine is quite an important bone.

The spinal column is made of bones running all over the body.

We have an upper and a lower skin. The lower skin moves all the time and
the upper skin moves when we do.

The upper skin is called eppederby and the lower skin is called derby.

We should never eat because the food does not digest.

Digestion belongs to the lower animals.

Digestion is the circulation of the blood.

Digestion is reducing our food to plump.

Digestion is when food is taken into the stomach.

The digestive fluids are the nerves muscles and bones.

The organs of digestion are the stomach liver spleen and utensils.

The stomach is a small pear-shaped bone situated in the body.

After swallowing the food undergoes mastification.

The gastric juice keeps the bones from creaking.

The gastric juice digests the stomach.

There are three salivary glands. The lacte als in the intestines. The
lymphatic in the stomach. They change starch to grape sugar in the
mouth.

Eating rapidly the food does not give the saliva time to get into the
mouth.

The salivary glands are used to salivate the body.

Perspiration is caused by the culinary glands.

The chyle flows up the middle of the backbone and reaches the heart
where it meets the oxygen and is purified.

The thoraic duct leads from the exterior ear to the drum.

The thoraic duct is a tube in the back of the neck.

When food is swallowed it passes through the windpipe and stops at the
right side and some of it goes to make blood.

In the stomach starch is changed to cane-sugar and cane-sugar to
sugar-cane.

We all have a very important elementary cannal.

The heart is a comical shaped bag.

The function of the heart is between the lungs.

The heart is suspended from the fifth pair of ribs.

The heart manufactures the blood and the liver keeps it going.

Whenever the heart is emptied by the action of the lungs it causes
disease.

When the heart beats it stirs up the blood and that digests the food.

The work of the heart is to repair the different organs in about half a
minute.

The nerve centers are the cartilages of the nerves.

The optic nerve is the principal nerve used in digestion.

The optic nerve is the nerve located at the base of the brain.

The olfactory nerve enters the cavity of the orbit and is developed into
the special sense of hearing.

Nerves always give us the toothache.

Neuralgia is caused by nerves trying to pierce the bones.

The bones need constant oiling. This oil is called cartilege and runs
from all the glands in the body.

The eyes are set in two sockets in a bone which turns up at the end and
then becomes the nose.

When the blood circulates in the brain it is called intermittent.

The blood flows through the alimentery canal into the abdominal canopy.

The blood is putrefied in the lungs by inspired air.

The blood corpusels interfere with the liver and prevents circulation.

The three coverings of the brain are the diameter, the perimeter and the
trachea.

When the intestines become congealed they are followed by instant death.

Albumen is a classification of articles of food.

Albumen is a whity substance existing in the white of an egg to a great
extent.

Alcoholic beverages greatly obstruct the breaking down of the body.

The heart lungs and blood is very dangerous.

The cow has a pulse as well as anybody else.

The cow has a pulse but you can not feel it at his wrist.

A cow has no pulse but the higher animals sometimes do.

All animals that have feet are called quadrupeds.

The molars are the teeth that grow outside the head.

The growth of a tooth begins in the back of the mouth and extends to the
stomach.

We are vacksinated for the smallpox and verylord.

Fat is found in the creases of the body.

An anatomical figure is to illustrate diseases of the skin.

[Illustration]




                                  XI.
                             Astronomical.


[Illustration]

A Sidereal day is the time from the sun leaving the sky till he appears
again.

The farther the sun is up the longer it takes it to set and the days are
longer in summer than when the sun is low down.

The weight of the earth is found by comparing a mass of known lead with
that of a mass of unknown lead.

To find the weight of the earth take the length of a degree on a
meridian and multiply by 62½ pounds.

The size of the earth is found by finding the horizontal parallax of the
sun.

Abberation is if we saw a star and shot at it, the shot would not pass
through the center but through the side.

The moon is 240 miles from the earth.

The moon’s nodes are the corners of the moon’s orbit.

The reason for believing that there are mountains on the moon is due to
the shadows reflected on the earth.

The libration of the moon show the north, east, south, and west sides of
the heavens.

The motions of the moon are found by watching the sun spots.

There can be an eclipse of the moon when the sun gets into the moon’s
shadow.

Juniper is a very bright star.

Venus, Jupiter and perhaps the earth was known to the ancients.

Mars moves in his orbit at the rate of sixteen seconds a mile.

The earth is 1492 miles in circumference.

The spheres are to each other as the squares of their homologous sides.

Eclipses are caused whenever the obscuration of a body is passed by the
shadow of some other body.

The planets shine with a steady light but the stars sprinkle.

The stars would cover up the whole heavens if they were all spread out
so astronomers have concluded to arrange them in constellations.

[Illustration]

[Illustration]




                                  XII.
                               Political.


[Illustration]

The world would be in a state of cosmos if it had no system of
government.

Congress is divided into civilized half civilized and savage.

The Constitution of the United States was established to ensure domestic
hostility.

The Constitution of the United States is that part of the book at the
end which nobody reads.

The first Conscientious Congress met in Philadelphia.

A bill becomes a law when the President vetos it.

The three departments in the general government are the White House,
Custom House and United Treasury.

The three departments of the government is the President rules the
world, the governor rules the state, the mayor rules the city.

There are two political divisions in the United States the democrats and
republican.

The number of Senaters from each State is determined by the number of
votes.

The Articles of Confederation were made by the Confederates and the
Constitution by all the people.

[Illustration]

[Illustration]




                                 XIII.
                                Musical.


[Illustration]

Musical sounds differ because some are nicer than others.

Pitch is the length of the key board of a orgin.

An interval in music is the distance on the key board from one piano to
the next.

The value of a whole note depends on where it comes.

A hole note requires three beats.

A Rest means you are not to sing it.

We always sing five lines and four spaces.

A dotted note holds on longer.

[Illustration]




                                  XIV.
                              Oratorical.


[Illustration]

Elocution is opening the mouth wide open.

It is a very important thing to breathe.

We should always breathe with the musels of the diagram unless we have
catarr or a cold in the head.

Vigorous breathing gives you wind in the lungs.

Strong breathing prevents bilious deficiencies.

By breathing any slight adhesion of the lungs is torn away.

Good breathing prevents contagious diseases from settling in the systum.

Breathing is very good for reading for when you are reading you carnt
breathe at all and so it is good to breath a good deal before.

Articulation is caused by resperation.

Distinct articulation can not be made unless we have a tongue our lips
and our teeth.

Vowel sounds are made by keeping the mouth wide open and consonant
sounds by keeping it shut.

The Asperate quality of voice is when you try to say something in a
whisper.

Force is more loudness sometimes than others.

Emphasis is putting more distress on one word than another.

Inflection is when the voice goes up and then comes down again it is a
period.

A retorical pause is when you have to take breath.

Stammering is caused by some detriment in the speech.

Physical exercise makes the vocal muscles operate stronger.

[Illustration]




                                  XV.
                             Metaphysical.


[Illustration]

The study of Mental Philosophy teaches us that we are all sensible
beings.

The imagination is that part of the mind which looks forward to that
which it does not lay its visible eye on.

An energy is perfected when it is tantamount.

The Canons of Induction were invented by Sir Humphrey Davy.

Hamilton made a long and exhausting analysis of sense perception.

Reid considered externality to be something hard.

The theory that intuitive truths are discovered by the light of nature
originated from St. John’s interpretation of a passage in the Gospel of
Plato.

Man’s moral life first originated in his perception of the world of
Nature.

Herodetus tells us that the Egyptians were the first men who had
immortal souls.

[Illustration]




                            UNWIN BROTHERS,
                           THE GRESHAM PRESS,
                         CHILWORTH AND LONDON.

------------------------------------------------------------------------




                          TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES


 1. All spelling errors were left uncorrected.
 2. Enclosed italics font in _underscores_.
 3. Enclosed bold font in =equals=.





End of Project Gutenberg's English as She is Taught, by Caroline B. Le Row