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                                  THE
                          Mysterious Stranger
                                  AND
                             OTHER CARTOONS




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                                  THE

                          Mysterious Stranger

                                  AND

                             OTHER CARTOONS

                                   BY

                           JOHN T. McCUTCHEON

                               _Author of
                 Cartoons, Bird Center Cartoons, Etc._


[Illustration]


                                New York
                        McClure, Phillips & Co.
                                  1905


                         _Copyright, 1905, by_
                        McCLURE, PHILLIPS & CO.
                       _Published, October, 1905_


_The Cartoons in this collection were originally published in “The
Chicago Tribune” and the “Chicago Record-Herald” and are reprinted in
this form by permission of the publishers._


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                          _INTRODUCTORY NOTE_


_These cartoons have been reprinted in the hope that they may have a
permanent interest because of the great historical importance of the
period they encompass. In the last two or three years the world has
moved with more than its usual alacrity. It has been a history-making
epoch. There has been a war that WAS a war. There have been disasters
almost without parallel; and we have weathered as pleasant a
presidential campaign as the oldest inhabitant can remember. Mr.
Roosevelt has been insured to us for another four years and his
activities in peace and in war and in sports have been a source of
unending inspiration to the cartoonist. In addition, the nation has
achieved merited glory because of the great exposition held in St.
Louis, and last, but not least, Missouri has taken it into her head to
go Republican._

_The importance of these affairs is our excuse for hoping that the
cartoons appearing in this collection may have more than an ephemeral
interest, and with respectful humility, we hereby dedicate them to that
grand old man—sometimes so foolish but always so well-meaning—our Uncle
Sam._

                                                    _JOHN T. MCCUTCHEON_

_October 18, 1905_


------------------------------------------------------------------------




                                  THE

                          Mysterious Stranger

                                  AND

                             OTHER CARTOONS





------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        THE PRESIDENTIAL HOLIDAY

[Illustration:

  HE ARRIVES IN “SAN ANTONE” TO ATTEND A REUNION OF THE ROUGH RIDERS.
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        THE PRESIDENTIAL HOLIDAY

[Illustration:

  A QUIET DAY
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        THE PRESIDENTIAL HOLIDAY

[Illustration:

  “_Hurry up, boys! I’ve got ’em treed._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        THE PRESIDENTIAL HOLIDAY

[Illustration:

  “_I wish the boys’d get up. Here I’ve had breakfast ready an hour._”
]





------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        THE PRESIDENTIAL HOLIDAY

[Illustration:

  “_The President has been on the trail of a grizzly for four days._”
  —NEWS ITEM.
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        THE PRESIDENTIAL HOLIDAY

[Illustration:

  “_Come on, boys! I’ve got ’em cornered._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          A BOY IN SPRINGTIME

[Illustration:

  “_Every time I think of her, I have the queerest feeling, kind o’ like
    a painless stomach ache, only not so much. I wonder why?_”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          A BOY IN SPRINGTIME

[Illustration:

  “_No, honest, cross my heart, you’re the first girl I ever said it
    to._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          A BOY IN SPRINGTIME

[Illustration:

  “_For the land’s sake, child, what ails you, anyway. How many times
    must I call you to come to your supper?_”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          A BOY IN SPRINGTIME

[Illustration:

  “_Some day she’ll be sorry she treated me this away. I’ll go ’way and
    make lots o’ money and come back here riding in a carriage with four
    white horses, and when she tries to ketch my eye I’ll pertend I
    never seen her before._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                  COLONEL ROOSEVELT IN YOSEMITE VALLEY

[Illustration:

  “_That ought to be ‘El Colonel’ instead of ‘El Capitan.’ Oughtn’t
    it?_”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                 COLONEL ROOSEVELT IN THE GRAND CANYON

[Illustration:

  “_Magnificent! It looks like the tented field of a Titan Host! It’s
    the most beautiful view I’ve ever seen—Not an office seeker in
    sight!_”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


 THE PRESIDENT: “I’M HAVING A DELIGHTFUL TIME HERE IN CHICAGO, BUT I MISS
                            MY DAILY EXERCISE”

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        SECRETARY TAFT IN JAPAN

[Illustration:

  “_I remind myself of Napoleon before the Sphinx. I wonder if it can
    tell me who will be the next President of the U.S.A.?_”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        SECRETARY TAFT IN JAPAN

[Illustration:

  “_No wonder the Japs make good soldiers. They’ve certainly solved the
    transportation problem all right._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          A BOY IN SUMMER-TIME

[Illustration:

  “_Just look how much I saved for the Fourth. Ma give me a dime ’n I
    sold a copper boiler to Johnson Bros. for twelve cents. I got
    sixteen cents for picking cherries for Mrs. Oliver, ’n a nickel for
    carrying a note for Mr. Hornbeck, ’n fi’ cents I got for picking
    potato bugs for Mrs. Oliver, ’n ten cents for finding Mr. Griswold’s
    cow. And I’m gunna spend it all for shootin’ crackers and fire ’em
    all off just for you._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          A BOY IN SUMMER-TIME

[Illustration:

  “_I bet they’re jealous because they ain’t boys, too._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          A BOY IN SUMMER-TIME

[Illustration:

  “_Gee! I wish the circus ’d hurry up and come. I’m terrible hungry.
    We’ve been waiting nearly three hours and it’ll be sure to come if
    we go home for breakfast._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          A BOY IN SUMMER-TIME

[Illustration:

  “_Gee! I don’t see how anybody can be sad in summer-time, ’specially
    if he’s a boy an’ likes to go swimmin’!_”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          A BOY IN SUMMER-TIME

[Illustration:

  “_You just step over that line and I’ll learn you that you can’t call
    my little sister a cry-baby._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          A BOY IN SUMMER-TIME

[Illustration:

  THE CHIEF OF THE INDIAN FIGHTERS—“_Don’t cry, they’re not real
    Indians—they’re only cornstalks. We’re just pertending they’re
    Indians. Come on, you’ll never make an Indian fighter if you act
    this away._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          A BOY IN SUMMER-TIME

[Illustration:

  “_You bet this is the last time I’m gunna visit Aunt Mary, not even if
    she invites me._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          A BOY IN SUMMER-TIME

[Illustration:

  “_Dog gone it! This kind o’ life ain’t the kind o’ life for me. I’m
    gunna run away ’nd be a soldier, ’nd get killed, ’nd then you bet ma
    ’ll be sorry she treated me this away._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_It’s funny how much easier it is to work the ice-cream freezer than
    it is to churn._”
]





------------------------------------------------------------------------


 THE PRESIDENT HAS GIVEN A ＄100 CHECK TO A CHILD THAT WAS NAMED AFTER HIM

[Illustration:

  “_Here is a check for little Theodore._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_You’re wanted below, sir._”
  “_This is no time to rout a man out. Tell him to wait._”
  “_It isn’t a ‘him,’ sir; it’s a ‘them.’_”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Good morning, Mr. President._”
]





------------------------------------------------------------------------


    UNCLE ALEXANDER THOUGHT HE HAD AN INVITATION TO THE WHITE HOUSE


[Illustration:

  “_I see by the newspaper that President Roosevelt likes to see large
    families. Now, I take it, that’s an invitation to visit him, don’t
    you?_”
]


[Illustration:

  SO UNCLE ALEXANDER AND HIS FAMILY, COUSIN SILAS AND HIS FAMILY AND THE
    HIRED MAN AND HIS FAMILY WENT DOWN TO THE DEPOT AND GOT ON THE CARS
    FOR WASHINGTON—
]


[Illustration:

  WHERE THE PRESIDENT SAID THAT HE WAS “DELIGHTED” TO SEE THEM.
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                            THE OSLEROPATHS

       GEN. KUROKI, AGED OVER 60    DR. OSLER CHLOROFORM BRIGADE


[Illustration]


[Illustration]


[Illustration]


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


               THE DEAR OLD FARM AND THE JOLLY CITY LIFE

WHAT THE FARMER SAYS:

                                                 WHAT THE CITY MAN SAYS:


[Illustration:

  “_Staid in bed till nearly 5 this morning because we don’t have to get
    up so early in the winter time._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Great guns! are all the windows open? It’s as cold as Greenland in
    this flat. The man that called this a steam-heated flat was a poor
    describer._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_Scraped the frost off the window so’s I could get a squint at the
    weather. Looked purty winterish._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Well, I hate to get up, but I suppose I must. Not an ounce of steam
    in the place. And just listen to the crunch of those wheels out
    there. I’ll bet it’s a hundred below zero._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Boots froze stiff. Guess I forgot to grease ’em last night. They
    slipped on about as easy as a section of stovepipe._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Cook is sore. Says she isn’t used to living in an ice-house. I never
    saw such haughtiness._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Woodpile covered with snow so I had difficulty getting kitchen fire
    started. Finally got enough hot water to thaw out pump._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Have a horrible cold. That’s the trouble with these steam-heated
    flats. About the time you get acclimated the furnace goes on a
    strike._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Carried in some fodder for the stock. Latch on barn door so dad
    gasted cold it pulled the skin off my nigh hand. Curried horses,
    etc._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_And you are left with your tubes filled with bronchitis microbes,
    and your heart filled with homicidal tendencies. Natural gas low. No
    hot breakfast._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Then had nothing to do but wait for daylight and breakfast. Had hot
    fried mush, hot ham, some good coffee, and a couple dozen buckwheat
    cakes. Seemed to agree with me._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Cable broke and had to stroll downtown. Got to office late and was
    called down. Many are called down, but few deserve it._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Shucked corn all morning. In afternoon repaired rail fence on the
    east eighty till dark. Then took some nourishment in the shape of
    boiled ham and cabbage._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Boss says that it mustn’t happen again. I hope it won’t._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Sat around awhile. Hated to tackle the cold sheets, but finally it
    got so late that I had to turn in, though I couldn’t get to sleep
    till after 10._”

  “I WISH I LIVED IN TOWN WHERE I HAD SOME OF THE COMFORTS OF LIFE.”
]

[Illustration:

  “_This city life ain’t what it’s cracked up to be. How I envy the
    farmer. He’s his own boss and doesn’t care how often the cable
    breaks._”

  “I WISH I LIVED OUT ON SOME PLEASANT FARM THESE FINE, CRISP WINTER
    DAYS.”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


 IT HAS BEEN SUGGESTED THAT SOCIETY ADOPT A TIME LIMIT MARRIAGE CONTRACT

[Illustration]

                               CHAPTER I

“_Will you be mine, Felicia?_” “_For how long, Albert?_” “_For fifteen
years, dearest._” “_No, but I will for ten years._” “_Can’t you make it
twelve?_” “_No; ten is the limit._” “_All right. Here’s the ring. Take
good care of it for I may need it again._”


[Illustration]

                               CHAPTER II

“_Do you promise to take this woman for better or for worse for ten
years?_” “_Yes, subject, of course, to renewal of contract._” “_Do you
promise to love, honor and obey?_” “_Yes, up to September 14, 1914._”
“_I pronounce you man and wife. Let no man put asunder in the
meantime._”



[Illustration]

                              CHAPTER III

“_Well, Albert, your ten years are up to-day. Do you want an extension
of the contract?_” “_No, thanks, dearest. I’m booked for the next ten
years with Fanny Bishop. Her contract with Charley Bishop expires soon,
you know._” “_Why, of course. How stupid of me to forget. In that case
I’ll accept Arthur Bridgeport for five years. His contract with Adelaide
is up next Friday at noon._”

[Illustration]

                               CHAPTER IV

“_Whose little boy are you?_” “_I’m Uncle Sam’s little boy._” “_Where
are your parents, my lad?_” “_Papa’s doing ten years with the late Mrs.
Bishop and mamma, I understand, is married at present to Mr. Bridgeport.
Her contract expires some time next month, though, she having failed to
get a renewal. Mamma’s getting old, you know._”




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          “THE HAGUE TRIBUNAL”

[Illustration:

  THE CZAR AND THE MIKADO GO TO WAR
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                    SOCIAL HAPPENINGS AT BIRD CENTER

Since the war in the Far East began, there has been more or less
interest evinced by our townsmen in the great struggle. Consequently,
when some of our prominent citizens suggested that a talk be given by
Captain Fry on the subject, everybody enthusiastically seconded the
proposition. The gallant captain, himself a keen student of military
strategy, as well as a hero of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, and a thousand
other equally noted battles, promised to give the talk and, in fact, did
give it at the Opera House last Friday evening. Mr. Smiley Green, the
popular undertaker, introduced the speaker with a few timely and
well-chosen remarks, after which Captain Fry launched vigorously into
his subject.

“First, I want to explain what has led up to the present aggravated
condition of affairs in the Far East. For many years Russia has slowly
but surely been expanding to the eastward, until she is now in
possession of all northern Asia. But she has no outlook to the sea for
her commerce, except the ice-bound port of Vladivostok way up yonder
[pointing to the map]. She is like a great wheat field full of grain
with no gate to get the grain out. So what does she do? She decides to
get a port farther south. When Japan licked the Chinese in ’94, and
captured Port Arthur and a good part of Manchuria, Russia gets France
and Germany to protest against Japan’s retaining Port Arthur. They
protest and Japan is cheated out of the spoils of war. Then Russia
quietly leases Port Arthur from the Chinese for twenty-five years and
moves in. She doesn’t think England will stand for her action, but
England had a weak Prime Minister, and no protest was made. Of all the
nations of the earth, Russia was the most surprised to find that she was
to be allowed to keep Port Arthur. So she proceeded to fortify and
prepared to stay a good deal longer than her lease called for. Japan is
sore, but all the powers were against her. Russia then decides that she
must have all the land between Port Arthur and Siberia, so she proceeds
to occupy Manchuria. When anybody protested she said she was going to
get out day after to-morrow, but she didn’t calculate to. She had worked
a bluff at Port Arthur, so why not work another for Manchuria? Japan was
foxy and saw how it would come out if she didn’t step in and register a
kick. So she demands that Russia move out and Russia says ‘Certainly,’
but when moving day came, Russia couldn’t find the moving man. Instead
of that, she moved a few thousand soldiers in and hung up a sign, ‘We
are here to stay.’ Then Japan began to oil up her musket. ‘If Russia is
allowed to do as she pleases out here, she will soon have Japan in the
corner pocket,’ she says, ‘and Japan wants at least a little room to
roll around in. We don’t propose to have a big man with a gun leaning up
against us on the starboard side, so here’s where we get busy.’ So Japan
prepares for fight, but Russia doesn’t think she is in earnest. She
calls Japan a little pigmy and delays rolling up her sleeve. At that
moment Japan inaugurated what Mr. Gus Figgey would call ‘Rough House’
and lands on Russia at Port Arthur with the result that Russia wakes up
to find her solar plexus dislocated.”

At this point in Captain Fry’s speech there were loud shouts of
approval, in the midst of which could be heard the voice of Gus Figgey
ringing out in strident tones, “Hot stuff, Cap.”

“And now what is a-goin’ to happen?” resumed Captain Fry. “I will tell
you. Japan is a-goin’ to land a couple regiments on this what’s-its-name
peninsula, destroy the railway, and cut the line of communication to
Port Arthur. Then she can plant her siege guns on the hills back of the
town and throw in a few hundred ton of grape and canister until the
garrison capitulates. Then the Japs can march up through Manchoory,
capture the Siberian railway and in six weeks capture St. Petersburg.
The Japs already have Sayool down yonder in Corea, and can bombard the
Yayloo River when they’re a mind to.”

Many of the audience congratulated Captain Fry on his address, and
assured him that they now could intelligently follow the news from the
war.

                          —J. OSCAR FISHER, in the _Bird Center Argosy_.




------------------------------------------------------------------------


             A BIRD CENTER VIEW ON THE RUSSIAN-JAPANESE WAR


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                     THE GEN. BULLER OF THE ORIENT

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                   A THRILLING MESSAGE FROM THE EAST

[Illustration:

  THE BATTLE AND THE WAR CORRESPONDENT
]


[Illustration:

  THE WAR CORRESPONDENT AND THE STORY OF THE BATTLE
]


[Illustration:

  THE PRESS CENSOR AND THE STORY OF THE BATTLE
]


[Illustration:

  THE EDITOR AND THE STORY OF THE BATTLE
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        THE VLADIVOSTOK SQUADRON

                                 No. 1.

WABASH, IND., JULY 27—(SPECIAL)—Chris Newbower and Gus Nelson, two
prominent citizens of this city, report having sighted the Vladivostok
squadron last evening, steaming slowly down the Wabash River. Both men
are citizens of considerable veracity, one having formerly been the
circulation manager of the Wabash _Palladium_ and the other a prominent
politician. People here are inclined to credit the report. Mr. Newbower
states positively that he saw three large ships steaming so near that he
could distinctly see the masts. Mr. Nelson saw six ships, having
probably looked twice. Intense excitement prevails here as there is a
neutral river flatboat nine weeks overdue. It is feared the Russian
ships may have overtaken it.

                                 No. 2.

HENDERSON, KY., JULY 27—(SPECIAL)—Col. Bunker H. Breckenridge, who is
spending the summer at his home in this city, reports having seen the
Vladivostok squadron lying off the Kentucky shore of the Ohio yesterday
afternoon. The colonel doesn’t remember the number of ships but says the
number corresponded with that of the Russian fleet. The report can be
easily verified, says the colonel, by his grandson who also witnessed
the squadron. Great excitement prevails and the matter is the topic of
general conversation. The sheriff is organizing a posse of colonels to
guard the city in case local shipping is threatened.

                                 No. 3.

ST. JOSEPH, MICH., JULY 27—(SPECIAL)—Mr. H. Close of Chicago, who has
been Sundaying in this city, reports seeing the Vladivostok squadron
last evening three miles east of this city. Mr. Close was sitting on the
shore thinking about the political situation, when some one near by
called his attention to the squadron. He says that he saw it distinctly,
but didn’t notice how many ships there were, or what direction they were
going. Mr. Close states that he is going down again to-night to watch
for the squadron. Intense excitement prevails. Little knots of bridal
couples may be seen earnestly discussing the sensation.

                                 No. 4.

JOILET, ILL., JULY 27—(SPECIAL)—Mr. Herbert X. Bughaus of this city came
running into the city early this morning crying out that he had been
pursued by the Vladivostok Squadron. He first saw it near the rolling
mills and stopped for some minutes to count the ships. He counted six
the first time, but a recount showed nine. A Russian admiral commanded
him to surrender, but Mr. Bughaus retreated quickly followed by the
entire squadron. Fortunately he reached the city safely, although
terribly frightened. In an interview Mr. B. stated that he saw the ships
while on his way home or to work, he is not sure which. Great excitement
prevails.

                                 No. 5.

PUNTA ARENAS, ARGENTINE REPUBLIC, JULY 27—(SPECIAL)—Izaak Walton Jones,
a citizen of this city, reports having sighted the Vladivostok squadron
three miles and a quarter off Cape Horn, about noon to-day. He first saw
the fleet come down the east coast of South America, turn abruptly
around the Horn and disappear rapidly up the west coast. There were
three large ships and they were traveling thirty knots an hour. When
last seen they were turning the corner two miles north of Valparaiso.
Mr. Jones at once brought the news to this city, and, after renewing his
supplies, will return to the cape where he is fishing.

                                 No. 6.

DUNDEE, SCOTLAND, JULY 27—(SPECIAL)—Mr. Jem Wethersby, first officer of
the Peruvian bark Calisaya, arrived here this afternoon with the report
that he found evidences of the Vladivostok squadron. At seven bells
night before last, while doing his trick at the watch, he passed a large
piece of wreckage which, he swears, was probably part of a vessel sunk
by the what’s-its-name squadron. Mr. Wethersby has had much experience
in swearing, having been a mate on a tramp steamer for twelve years.
Late this evening we endeavored to get a complete story from Mr. W., but
he was not to be found.




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        THE VLADIVOSTOK SQUADRON

[Illustration:

  No. 1.
]

[Illustration:

  No. 2.
]

[Illustration:

  No. 3.
]

[Illustration:

  No. 4.
]

[Illustration:

  No. 5.
]

[Illustration:

  No. 6.
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                     A STUDY IN COMPARATIVE WORRIES


[Illustration:

  COSSACK AIDE—“_I regret to report that Port Arthur has fallen._”
  THE CZAR—“_Hush! Don’t wake the baby!_”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                      ANOTHER MYSTERIOUS STRANGER

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                       AFTER THE BATTLE OF MUKDEN


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                THESE ARE BUSY DAYS FOR THE BALTIC FLEET


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         SEEING THINGS AT NIGHT


[Illustration:

  MARGATE, ENGLAND, OCT. 24—(SPECIAL)—_The Eddystone light-house was
    attacked last night by the Baltic fleet and totally annihilated. It
    is thought the Russian admiral mistook it for a fleet of Japanese
    airships._
]


[Illustration:

  DOVER, ENGLAND, OCT. 24—(SPECIAL)—_Late last night a man standing on
    the English coast sou-sou’west of this place lighted a match to see
    what time it was. He was instantly attacked by the Baltic fleet, the
    admiral of which mistook the light for a Japanese signal. Three
    twelve-inch shells grazed the astonished gentleman, but fortunately
    none struck him. An ultimatum is probable._
]


[Illustration:

  CHERBOURG, FRANCE, OCT. 24—(SPECIAL)—_Heavy cannonading was heard
    several miles off this coast last night. A French cruiser at once
    put out to the scene of the noise and found the Baltic fleet
    attacking the north star. It is thought the vigilant admiral mistook
    the light for a fleet of Japanese battleships. An ultimatum is
    expected hourly._
]


[Illustration:

  FINISTERRE, FRANCE, OCT. 25, 3:30
  A.M.—(SPECIAL)—_At an early hour this morning the Baltic fleet was
    seen steaming swiftly past this point. Soon afterwards a furious
    bombardment occurred and continued until the body of an electric eel
    was washed ashore much mangled by the deadly cannonading. It is
    thought the admiral of the fleet mistook the eel for a Japanese
    submarine boat. At the present writing the fleet is bombarding a
    drug store down near the beach. The druggist is issuing an
    ultimatum._
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                  THE THRILLING STORY OF THE CHINA SEA

[Illustration]

ADMIRAL ROJESTVENSKY STOOD MUSINGLY ON HIS FLAGSHIP—_“One load more,” he
muttered sadly, “and then our fleet will be coaled and I must leave this
pleasant coast.” For a moment a tear stood in his eye as he peered off
toward the French China shore. The thought of leaving the dear old
scenes, to which he had become so greatly attached, made even the stern
old sailor weep. Dashing aside the tear, he turned to direct the busy
crew who were bringing the coal to the ships._

_“Come, my hearties,” he cried, “step lively. We must get away.”_

_With these few words, so pregnant of meaning, our hero turned his eyes
toward the great leviathans of the deep. Smoke rolled in mighty volumes
from their funnels and went whirling off in the howling gale. A thousand
cannon strained their cyclopean eyes to the northward; 10,000 Russian
tars crouched defiantly at the breech blocks._


                  THESE WERE THE MEN BEHIND THE GUNS!


FOR A FEW MOMENTS THE ADMIRAL STOOD THERE IN DEEP CONTEMPLATION,
LISTENING TO THE SHOUTING SEAS AND THE SCREAMING OF THE WINDS. THEN,
TURNING SLOWLY, HE MADE HIS WAY TO THE BRIDGE—_“Anything in sight?” he
inquired of a bystander._

_“Forty ships off the port bow, sir. All steamers, sir, but I can’t make
out their colors.”_

_“Humph,” said the admiral, in Russian. “Fishing boats, probably,” and
dismissed the matter from his thoughts._

AGAIN HE TURNED HIS EYES SHOREWARD AND ANOTHER TEAR APPEARED—_“Ah,” he
mused, “I have been so happy here. If my weekly paper had not come so
irregularly of late I should be perfectly happy here. Heigh ho, I must
not yield to sentiment in this manner.”_

A THOUGHT THEN STRUCK HIM AND HE TURNED TO GIVE AN ORDER TO A HANDSOME
BYSTANDER WEARING SPURS—_“I’ll pipe all hands below and give my men a
night’s rest.”_

_In the twinkling of an eye the wireless telegraph was sending forth the
glad news, and a moment later 10,000 Russians tars were peacefully
sleeping in their hammocks. A great silence lay over the mighty
battleships._




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                     THE FRENCH IDEA OF NEUTRALITY

[Illustration:

  “_We must surely do something to preserve our neutrality._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_There is no doubt about it. We must surely do something to preserve
    neutrality._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_As we were saying, we must beyond doubt do something to preserve
    neutrality._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_Yes, sir! We will notify the Russians that they must leave French
    waters._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


  “I BEG TO REPORT, YOUR MAJESTY, THAT THE BALTIC FLEET HAS ARRIVED AT
                              VLADIVOSTOK”

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                            TAKING HIS PLACE

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         A GIRL IN SUMMER-TIME

[Illustration:

  HER FIRST PAIR OF JUMPERS—“_Am I a little boy now, mama?_”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         A GIRL IN SUMMER-TIME

[Illustration:

  HER FIRST FISHING TRIP—“_I wonder if the fish know I am here._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         A GIRL IN SUMMER-TIME

[Illustration:

  “_Oh, mamma! Look at the watermelon tree!_”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         A GIRL IN SUMMER-TIME

[Illustration:

  “_Did you really think I was a strange little boy, papa?_”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         A GIRL IN SUMMER-TIME

[Illustration:

  BETWEEN TWO DEADLY PERILS
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


               THE DAY AFTER RED SUNDAY IN ST. PETERSBURG

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                     BUT HIS SOUL GOES MARCHING ON

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                           THE IROQUOIS FIRE

                     [CARTOON PRINTED JAN. 1, 1904]

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                           HIS SUNDAY DINNER

                       [AFTER THE IROQUOIS FIRE]

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                MRS. SCADSWORTH GOES AWAY FOR HER HEALTH

[Illustration:

  THE DOCTOR—“_What you need, Mrs. Scadsworth, is lots of outdoor
    exercise—horseback riding, walking, mountain air._”
]


[Illustration:

  _Mrs. Scadsworth arrives at the mountain resort and takes some
    exercise between the breakfast room and the card room._
]


[Illustration:

  _Where she and her friends start a game of Bridge._
]


[Illustration:

  _Which continues without interruption during her stay in the
    mountains._
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                   THE LATEST INNOVATION IN NEW YORK

[Illustration:

  PROFESSOR—“_Is there any solitude in the world greater than that of a
    stranger in a great city?_”
]


[Illustration:

  “_Well, surely, a man need not be lonely with an institution like that
    close at hand._”
]


[Illustration:

  PROFESSOR—“_I like intellectual ladies, but I’m afraid she’s too
    intellectual for me. I’ll hire No. 20._”
]


[Illustration:

  _The Professor and his guide, No. 20, see the sights._
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


  THE LATEST FRENCH DUEL: OR, HOW AN INSULT TO JOAN OF ARC WAS AVENGED

[Illustration]

[Illustration]

[Illustration]

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                   THE FARMER OF FICTION AND REALITY

[Illustration:

  THE POPULAR NOVELIST—“_Now I’m going to write a great novel on
    American farm life and I think I’ll go out and find the real
    type—the kind with chin whiskers who says: ‘B’ gosh, I’ll jest swan
    to Guiney.’_”
]


[Illustration:

  “_Say, Bub, I’m looking for a typical farmer like this. Do you know of
    any farmers around here?_”

  “_My Pa’s a farmer, but he’s gone over to town to get a new tire for
    his auto. You might ask Ma, over there. She’s reading about the
    yacht races._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Great Scott! is this the farmer of to-day? I haven’t heard any of
    them say ‘B’ gosh, I’ll jest swan to Guiney,’ and none of them looks
    like the jay pictures._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_Won’t you stay for supper and drive over to the Chautauqua meeting
    afterward?_”

  “_No, thank you; I’m going back to town._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


  WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CITY FELLER THAT WENT OUT IN THE CORN BELT AND
                        CRITICISED THE HOT SPELL

[Illustration:

  FARMERS (INSPECTING CORN CROP)—“_Well, boys, things look mighty blue
    for a good corn crop unless we get some good, sweltering hot weather
    pretty soon. The corn looks mighty skimpy. Just look at them
    ears—they ought to lop over instead of standin’ straight up._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_Hooray! That’s the stuff, Mr. Sun. You can’t make it too hot for us.
    Just listen to the corn grow._”
]

[Illustration:

  THE SEWING-MACHINE AGENT—“_Morning, gents. Hain’t this sun fierce? I
    wish it would blow up a frost or a good heavy rain and cool off
    things a bit._”
]

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


    A MESSAGE FROM THE FRONT, OR, RATHER, WHERE THEY PUT UP A FRONT

[Illustration:

  “MY DEAR HUSBAND—_I arrived here last evening, and O, I’m having the
    loveliest time. It is perfectly grand here—all so quiet and restful,
    too. This morning I intended to take a long walk before breakfast,
    but the maid was so slow in hooking me up that breakfast was all
    over when I got down._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_After taking a bite or two I put on my riding habit, but by that
    time it was so near the luncheon hour that I decided to wait until
    after I had eaten. And besides, I found that I could get no horse. I
    wore my embroidered grenadine at luncheon. It was really the
    prettiest gown on the veranda. I’m just having a perfectly lovely
    time here!_”
]

[Illustration:

  “_We all intended to walk over to the golf links after luncheon, but
    when I had put on my walking suit it was time to dress for dinner.
    So we walked a little way and then returned._”
]

[Illustration:

  “_The big dining-room was perfectly gorgeous. It was all lit up, and
    so were all the women. I wore my new lace net robe trimmed with
    Russian applique, and I really was very easy to look at, although
    the men all strained their eyes. This has been a heavenly day, and I
    do so wish you were here, but, poor boy, I suppose you must stay at
    home and work. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy this unconventional
    life after my long winter of endless dinners and receptions. It is
    such a relief to be able to do as one pleases. Please have Hester
    send me the new gowns as soon as they come from the dressmaker’s, as
    I positively have nothing to wear._”—YOUR DEVOTED WIFE.
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        ANOTHER BOARD OF INQUIRY

[Illustration:

  “_What is father striking for, mother? Higher wages?_”
  “_No, dear. The wages are satisfactory._”
  “_Is he striking for shorter hours?_”
  “_No, dear. The hours are satisfactory. It’s a sympathetic strike._”
  “_Sympathy for us, mother?_”
  “_No, dear._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


       WHAT IS THE MOST INTENSE HAPPINESS THAT A HUMAN CAN FEEL?

[Illustration:

  IS IT THIS—“_Well, Bill, you won’t have to hang to-morrow. The
    governor has signed your reprieve._”
]


[Illustration:

  OR IS IT THIS—“_There! your last tooth is filled and you won’t have to
    come again for years._”
]


[Illustration:

  OR IS IT THIS—“_Hooray, Charley! your ticket has won the capital prize
    in the lottery!_”
]


[Illustration:

  _No, it is this._
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                     WHAT IS ABSOLUTE UNHAPPINESS?

[Illustration:

  _Is it that which is experienced by the poor North Pole seeker whose
    ship is wrecked, leaving him stranded on an iceberg with nothing to
    eat but candles, and nothing to drink but dew, and no dew at that?_
]


[Illustration:

  _Or is it the shipwrecked mariner who has drifted for many days on the
    face of the deep with no place to land but on the shores of an
    island inhabited by anti-vegetarians?_
]


[Illustration:

  _Or is it the poor Christian who is on the eve of playing an important
    part in a Turkish massacre?_
]


[Illustration:

  _No! The only real misery is that felt by the small boy who has to go
    to school this fine circus weather._
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                           THE ANNUAL TRAGEDY

[Illustration]

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                 AS HE WOULD HAVE LOOKED IN MODERN GARB

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                             DECORATION DAY

[Illustration:

  “_Well, which story shall I tell you—the one about the time I was
    wounded, or the time I swam the river after the chickens?_”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                           THE FOURTH OF JULY

[Illustration:

  NICE OLD GENTLEMAN—“_Well, my young friend, I suppose you know what
    this glorious holiday means?_”
  YOUNG GENTLEMAN, CELEBRATING—“_Sure, but I don’t care. My pa’s a
    doctor._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                   THE FIFTH OF JULY—CALLING THE ROLL

                     ADAPTED FROM A FAMOUS OLD POEM

[Illustration]

             “Benjamin Jones!” the father cried;
               “Here!” was the answer loud and clear,
               From the lips of the youngster standing near;
              And “here!” was the word the next replied.
              “Johnnie Jones!” and a silence fell
               This time no answer followed the call;
               Only his brother saw him fall,
              Killed or wounded, he could not tell.

              There they stood in the morning light
               On July the fifth, the present year,
               And the roll was read in accents clear
              By the senior Jones, who was ghastly white.
               “Charley Jones!” at the call there came
               Two ambulance men and some doleful groans
               As they bore in the body of Charley Jones,
              Greatly disfigured, to answer his name.

             “Albert Jones!” and a voice said “here!”
               “Chauncey Jones!” “He’s down at St. Luke’s
               With a couple of badly damaged ‘dukes,’
              The doctors say he’ll be well next year.”
              “William Jones!”—then some one said:
               “A small toy pistol went off and shot him,
               And the ambulance people hurried and got him
              To make some repairs on his injured head.”

              ’Twas a gallant day but it cost us dear;
               For that family roll when called to-day,
               Of a total of seven that entered the fray,
              Numbered but four that answered “here!”




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        HIS THANKSGIVING DINNER

[Illustration:

  “_I s’pose they’re just sitting down to dinner now._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                             IMPORTANT NEWS

[Illustration:

  “_We’re gunna have ice-cream for supper._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


    SUDDEN INCREASE IN DEATH RATE SINCE THE BASE BALL SEASON OPENED

[Illustration:

  “_Me brudder said to give ut to youse._”

  “_Ah, this is very sad. What caused your poor
  grandmother’s untimely end?_”

  “_Sir?_”

  “_What did she die of?_”

  “_Don’t it say in de letter?_”

  “_No, Jimmy has not mentioned the disease. Was
  it pneumonia?_”

  “_Yes, sir._”

  “_Was she sick long?_”

  “_Sir?_”

  “_How long was she sick? A couple of years?_”

  “_Yes, sir._”

  “_So Jimmy’s home with his grandmother now?_”

  “_No, sir._”

  “_Where is he?_”

  “_He’s waitin’ outside._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                           ON DECORATION DAY

[Illustration:

  “_You bet I’m goin’ to be a soldier, too, like my Uncle David, when I
    grow up._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

[Illustration:

  “_Gee! I wonder how soon recess is?_”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                      THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING

[Illustration:

  “_Ma says mebbe if we’re good we can eat at the first table
    to-morrow._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


     WE ARE NOW APPROACHING THE TIME WHEN EVERY HOME IS FILLED WITH
                   MYSTERIOUS INTRIGUE AND CONSPIRACY

[Illustration:

  MAMMA—“_Don’t come in here, children! Run out and play like a good
    little girl and boy._”
]


[Illustration:

  PAPA—“_Don’t come in here! Run out and play, kids. Run along now._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_I wonder why everybody always wants us to run out and play. I wonder
    why._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         “CHRISTMAS IS COMING”

[Illustration]

[Illustration]





------------------------------------------------------------------------


                    PREPARING FOR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

[Illustration:

  “_I s’pose that R.S.V.P. means ‘Remember to Send Valuable Presents.’_”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                  THREE SUNDAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS TREES

[Illustration:

  “_We want to go to the Sunday-school. Where is it at?_”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


          THE SILENT PARTNER OF THE FIRM OF SANTA CLAUS & CO.

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                     ON THE GREAT EVENTFUL MORNING

[Illustration:

  “_And now is it Christmas, mamma?_”
  “_Yes, dear, this is Christmas morning at last._”
  “_Why it looks just like any other day. I thought it was gunna be
    bigger. It looks bigger on the calendar._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


   PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT HAS BEEN MADE AN HONORARY COLONEL OF A BRITISH
                                REGIMENT

[Illustration:

  EXTRACT FROM “LONDON TIMES,” AUGUST 18, 1911—_In the war maneuvres
    yesterday, Honorary Colonel Roosevelt, of the Brixton Rough Riders,
    led his regiment in an extraordinarily fine charge up Ludgate Hill,
    arriving at the top some hours before his regiment. The king
    witnessed the charge from a safe position on the obelisk. There was
    quite a panic in Lombard Street, many of the leading financiers
    hastily retiring to Hyde Park upon hearing that the gallant colonel
    was to make the charge. Some of them are still missing, but
    doubtless will soon be found. One hundred and sixty women fainted,
    nineteen horses ran away, and one unfortunate man had his leg broken
    while trying to climb Trafalgar Monument. The dome of St. Paul’s
    will be repaired within the next fortnight._
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                 SOCIAL HAPPENINGS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

[Illustration:

  THE PRESIDENT RECEIVES A FEW DELEGATIONS OF VISITORS IN THE STATE
    DINING-ROOM AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                 MISS ROOSEVELT ATTENDS THE HORSE SHOW

[** music]

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


         CAMPAIGN POEMS AND PORTRAITS BY PROMINENT POLITICIANS


[Illustration:

  MR. CLEVELAND’S PICTURE OF HIMSELF AND MISS DEMOCRACY.
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                      CAMPAIGN PORTRAITS AND POEMS


[Illustration:

  PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT, BY VOX POPULI
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         “THE REPUBLICAN DERBY”


[Illustration:

  ON THE EVE OF THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                  HUMORS OF THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION


[Illustration:

  THE DELEGATE—“_They say the night of June 21 is the shortest of the
    year, but, by geminy, it seems the longest to me._”
]


[Illustration:

  _The editor of the_ “Anaconda Avalanche” _finds that they have not
    made provision for his staff_.
]


[Illustration:

  THE LAY OF THE DELEGATE—“_I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                    AFTER THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION


[Illustration:

  NEWS FROM THE FIRING LINE
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                MR. CLEVELAND—“I WON’T RUN ANOTHER STEP”


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


         NOMINATING THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE FOR VICE-PRESIDENT


[Illustration:

  “_Gentlemen of the convention, I rise to nominate for Vice-President
    that peerless statesman, that grand old Jeffersonian Democrat, that
    wealthy patriot, Mr.—Mr.—ahem—Mr.—_”
]


[Illustration:

  “—_that wealthy patriot, Mr. Davis, whose name is a household word in
    Elkins, West Virginia. It is moved and seconded that the nomination
    be made unanimous._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_He is therefore nominated and the convention is adjourned._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                 GROVER—“I WASN’T VERY HUNGRY ANYHOW.”


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        A SAD CASE OF DESERTION


[Illustration:

  _Late Wednesday night a dark figure was seen to emerge from the
    neighboring gloom and deposit a mysterious bundle in the middle of a
    vast and lonely prairie. Plaintive cries were heard to issue from
    the bundle._
]


[Illustration:

  _The figure then stealthily departed, leaving the bundle in the midst
    of the prairie._
]


[Illustration:

  _No important clues were left by which the identity of the dark figure
    could be traced. A close search developed several slight clues,
    which, though slight, may lead to detection. A copy of the Kansas
    City platform was found nearby; also a copy of “The Commoner”; also
    a card marked “W.J.B.”; also a well-thumbed photograph of Grover
    Cleveland; and also several bound volumes of speeches, entitled
    “Free Silver Speeches, by W. J. Bryan.” The child that was deserted
    had its name artistically worked on a bib and was very weak from
    long exposure._
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                      SOME FORGED CAMPAIGN LETTERS

[Illustration]

                        DOWN WITH THE WORKINGMAN

    To Patrick Mc Graw, President Amalgamated Order of Honest
    Workmen.

    Sir:—

    Your letter received. Personally, I consider the request that
    you make should more appropriately be presented to the mayor or
    your city. At the same time I cannot miss this opportunity to
    say a few things about labor organizations in general. I think
    organized labor is a serious menace to the welfare of our
    institutions; and I further think that any man who belongs to a
    Union should be treated as a criminal. There is no good in
    Unions. Every man who belongs to one is worse than an anarchist.
    If I am elected my first official act shall be to have every man
    who belongs to a labor union expelled from the country or
    de-naturalized. Furthermore, I think that men who work for a
    living have no license to live anyway.

         Yours respectfully, Theodore Rosefelt [** signature]


                         HURRAH FOR WALL STREET

                                                       ROSEMONT FARM

    Mr. J. Pierpont Morgan, 952 Wall Street, New York City.

    Dear Friend:—

    Thanks for your very friendly letter. I am much encouraged by
    the news you send and am very glad to hear that the sentiment is
    so favorable to me. John D. called on me yesterday and left a
    substantial check, which, of course, will not be recorded in his
    name. It is needless to say that if I am elected my gratitude
    will assure a very substantial form and my friends in Wall
    Street need never fear that their prosperity will be jeopardized
    by any official act of mine. I shall be in New York Saturday and
    should like to see you privately at the Metropolitan Club. Mr.
    Baer, of the Reading Road, will also join us there.

         Yours gratefully, Alton P. Barker [** signature]


                      THE HONEST FARMER IS A JAY.

    George K. Jamison, Chairman Hancock County Republican Control
    Com. Dear Sir:—

    I regret very much that I cannot manage to speak before the
    Farmers’ Institute next Thursday afternoon. I have a luncheon
    engagement with the President of the Michigan Northern Road and
    cannot break it. Please express my regrets and say that I hope
    the farmers, who are the bone and sinew of this great nation,
    will come forward and do their duty on election day.

         Yours respectfully, [** signature illegible]


            THE LABORING CLASSES ARE GETTING TOO MUCH MONEY.

                                                       OFFICE OF THE
                                        CONSOLIDATED COAL MINING CO.

    To Stephen Elkins, Washington.

    Dear Son-in-Law:—

    I shall be home Thursday. Am very tired and worn out. I do not
    believe that I can keep up this pace for six months more. My
    back aches, I fainted from over-exhaustion yesterday, and the
    only food I can eat is pre-digested milk. Please have Murphy,
    the foreman of the mine, discharge the laborers who are
    agitating for higher wages. We are now paying them 80 cents a
    day and what can these ignorant German and Irish laborers
    expect? They never earned that much at home and yet they dare to
    come over here and make these preposterous demands. I never
    could tolerate the Germans and Irish anyway. However, do not
    mention this fact before election day.

         Yours affectionately, Henry G Davids [** signature]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


 MAYOR HARRISON’S CONFERENCE WITH JUDGE PARKER AT HOTEL SEVILLE, NEW YORK

[Illustration:

  MAYOR HARRISON TO JUDGE PARKER—“_Judge Parker, I promise you the
    electoral vote of Illinois. And more than that—_”
]


[Illustration:

  “_I promise you the electoral vote of Wisconsin! And that is not
    all—_”
]


[Illustration:

  “_I promise you the electoral vote of Indiana! And while I’m at it—_”
]


[Illustration:

  “_I might as well promise you the electoral vote of Ohio,
    Pennsylvania, Iowa, Michigan, etc._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


             DESERTED; OR, THE TRAGEDY OF THE DESERT ISLAND


[Illustration:

  MR. BRYAN—“_You’re a bad lot and you’re all in cahoots with the wicked
    Wall Streeters._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_You got your nomination by crooked and indefensible means. Your
    platform is straddling and meaningless BUT_”
]


[Illustration:

  “_I think I’ll get aboard and four years from now I can organize a
    relief expedition for my forsaken comrade._”
]





------------------------------------------------------------------------


                               “HOMELESS”

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER

[Illustration]





------------------------------------------------------------------------


                   “HOORAY! FOUR MORE YEARS OF TEDDY”

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


    THE GRAND INAUGURAL PARADE AS SEEN FROM A DISTANCE OF 900 MILES

[Illustration]





------------------------------------------------------------------------


               DROPPING DOWN TO THE FAIR FOR CHICAGO DAY

[Illustration]





------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        WHOM ARE THEY EXPECTING?

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                THE PRESIDENT VISITS THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration:

  “DE-LIGHT-ED”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                      MISSOURI SHOWS THE PRESIDENT


[Illustration:

  ON THE PLAZA. ST. LOUIS—_The President: “That sign reminds me of the
    way the people in New York voted at the polls on election day.”_
]


[Illustration:

  AT THE STREETS OF CAIRO—_The President: “This reminds me of election
    day.”_
]


[Illustration:

  ON THE PIKE—_The President: “Let’s go over and see if we can find a
    Democrat.”_
]


[Illustration:

  AT THE BOER WAR—_The President: “This reminds me of the Battle of San
    Juan Hill.”_
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                        THE PRESIDENTIAL HOLIDAY


[Illustration:

  AFTER THE PRESIDENT LEFT ST. LOUIS
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         A PICTORIAL SERMONETTE


THE POOR COUNTRY BOY OF TO-DAY MAY BE THE POWERFUL MAGNATE OF TO-MORROW,
SO BE CAREFUL WHOM YOU TURN DOWN.

[Illustration:

  “_No, young man, I can’t give you a position. You have no experience,
    and I won’t be bothered teaching beginners. Good-day, sir._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_Well, the firm is going to put me in charge of their western
    business next week. That’s pretty good for my first five years._”
]


[Illustration:

  TWENTY YEARS LATER—“_Hello! I wonder what Hornbeck wants. Perhaps he’s
    returning the call I paid him twenty-five years ago._”
]


[Illustration:

  MR. HORNBECK—“_Mr. Worthy, I’m in hard straits, and unless you help me
    I’ll have to go to the wall. Just put yourself in my place and you
    will realize how much your assistance will be appreciated and how
    much it will mean to me._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


 NOW IS THE TIME WHEN THE PROMINENT CITIZEN TELLS THE COLLEGE GRADUATE
                          HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL

[Illustration:

  “_Remember, my young friends, that the three essentials to a
    successful and honorable life are industry, frugality and unswerving
    honesty._”
]


[Illustration:

  THE NEXT DAY—“_Send this schedule of my personal property over to the
    assessors to-day, then telegraph our Louisville branch to undersell
    that new competitor until we bust him, and then have my automobile
    at the club at three. If anybody calls, tell them I’ve gone out to
    the races._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         A PICTORIAL SERMONETTE

        ILLUSTRATING THAT IDEALS ARE SUBJECT TO RADICAL CHANGES

[Illustration:

  AT FIFTEEN YEARS OF AGE—“_No, Willie, the man I shall marry must be
    tall and handsome, with beautiful soft eyes and a soulful
    temperament._”
]


[Illustration:

  AT TWENTY—“_No, Alfred, the man I shall marry must have great
    influence and a high position in the world._”
]


[Illustration:

  AT THIRTY—_To Mr. Scadsworth, President of the bank: “No, the man I
    shall marry must be big and powerful—a man born to command—a man of
    imposing appearance.”_
]


[Illustration:

  AT FORTY—“_Man wanted,—must be white._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         A PICTORIAL SERMONETTE

 ILLUSTRATING THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU HAVE, YOU WANT SOMETHING THAT
                           SOMEBODY ELSE HAS

[Illustration:

  SAM ALEXANDER—“_By jing, if I was fixed as well as Curt Hawkins, I’d
    be just about satisfied; 240 acres of good land, all tiled and
    unencumbered, a hundred head of cattle, a likely bunch of shoats,
    money in the bank, to say nothing of as nice a wife as ever put on a
    wedding-ring._”
]


[Illustration:

  CURT HAWKINS—“_Now, that’s the way I hope to be fixed some day.
    Colonel Porter’s worth at least a million, goes abroad every summer,
    has a couple fine residences, and the handsomest wife in the
    county._”
]


[Illustration:

  COLONEL PORTER—“_I wish we were as well fixed as Lycurgus Scadsworth.
    There he goes out to his yacht with a bunch of royalty, and they
    don’t know we’re on earth. Great Scott! I envy that man._”
]


[Illustration:

  LYCURGUS SCADSWORTH (_as Sam Alexander sprints at the first note of
    the dinner bell_)—“_Ah, that’s the life! Simple, wholesome and
    natural! I’d give my tired soul and everything I have for an
    appetite like that man’s._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         A PICTORIAL SERMONETTE

                        ON THE PURSUIT OF WEALTH

[Illustration]

[Illustration]

[Illustration]

[Illustration:

  THE MAN WHOSE SOLE OBJECT IN LIFE IS MONEY MAKING
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                    OUR SUNDAY PICTORIAL SERMONETTE

      SHOWING THAT PEOPLE DON’T ALWAYS MEAN EXACTLY WHAT THEY SAY

[Illustration:

  “_Welcome, my dear old friend. Our house is yours, and you must make
    yourself perfectly at home._”
]


[Illustration:

  THE GUEST—“_Now for a quiet time with my good old pipe, just as I do
    when I’m at home._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_I’ve taken the liberty of sending Little Rollo over for some beer.
    When I’m at home I always like a little beer just before going to
    bed._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_When I’m at home I always have a few friends drop in occasionally
    for a friendly game, so I thought I would do the same here._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


 THE FARMER BOY THAT DOESN’T SUCCEED IN THE CITY AND THE ONE THAT DOES

[Illustration:

  1—“_I hate this drudgery, working from daylight to dark. I’m going to
    Chicago where you don’t have to work so blamed hard. I want to see a
    little gaiety._”
]


[Illustration:

  1—“_I’m not cut out for farm-life. I believe if I tried Chicago and
    buckled down to hard work for a few years I’d make a go of it._”
]


[Illustration:

  2—“_Now, this is better—I can see something of life up here._”
]


[Illustration:

  2—“_I have to work about as hard here as I did on the farm, but I am
    determined to win out at it._”
]


[Illustration:

  3—“_There seems to be a conspiracy against country boys up here—I
    don’t seem to be able to get any sort of a job that pays well._”
]


[Illustration:

  3—“_They seem to like country boys here, because they say we have
    higher ideals and better habits of industry._”
]

                 MORAL:—“_It all depends on the boy._”




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                       HOW NOT TO GET A GOOD JOB

[Illustration:

  “_Gee! I wish I could get a good job._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_Gee! I wish I could get a good job._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_Gee! I wish I could get a good job._”
]


[Illustration:

  “_Gee! I wish I could get a good job._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


          ALL PLEASANT JOBS COME ONLY AFTER YEARS OF HARD WORK


[Illustration:

  “_Here am I, slaving along at $15 a week, and there is Baxter, working
    only half as hard as I do, and getting ten times the salary I get. I
    wish I had a snap like his._”
]


[Illustration:

  HOW BAXTER GOT HIS SNAP
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


      HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THIS PECULIAR FACT ABOUT MURDER CASES?


[Illustration:

  “_Not a soul in sight. I shall never be detected._”
  (_✠ Represents scene of prospective crime._)
]

[Illustration:

  _But at the trial it develops that the murderer dropped his
    handkerchief, also two cards with name and address; also that a man
    going for a doctor saw and recognized him; also that the janitor and
    his wife saw him from the basement window; also that a couple on the
    steps saw him distinctly; also that a man who couldn’t sleep looked
    from the window and saw him; also that a tramp sleeping on a bench
    awoke and saw him; also that a belated cab driver saw him plainly;
    and also that the driver of a milk wagon saw him approaching the
    scene of the crime._
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                       THE MARCH OF CIVILIZATION


[Illustration:

  TOMMY ATKINS—“_So this is the bloomink sacred city. My word, what
    jolly fine walls for pill advertisements._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                  THE TRACTION QUESTION IN A NUTSHELL


[Illustration:

  “_I’ve made a careful study of the Traction Question, and if you hold
    real still I’ll tell you the answer. If you think it over as
    carefully as I have you’ll soon know just as much as I do. I used to
    get up at three o’clock and sit in the dark thinking it out. I
    didn’t dare light a light for fear Mr. Yerkes would find me and sell
    me some stock. Finally, one morning, about half-past four I got it
    all thought out except where the stockholders come in, and just then
    Mr. Yerkes and Mrs. Chadwick rode in on two white giraffes with a
    trunk full of stocks. So I ran down the street yelling, and some one
    suggested a nice, quiet upholstered room where I would be safe. So I
    came here and you mustn’t tell Mr. Yerkes where I am. And now I’ve
    got it all thought out. You first have to multiply Port Arthur by
    the new Chicago Post Office and carry two. Then you subtract and let
    stand in a cool place until you become impatient, and that’s the
    answer._”
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                     THE HORSE SHOW AT LAKE FOREST


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


        CHICAGO’S PROPOSED FASHIONABLE PARADE ON MICHIGAN AVENUE


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


         OUR WOODCUT HISTORY OF THE CHICAGO CENTENNIAL JUBILEE

[Illustration:

  THE SCENE IN LINCOLN PARK WHEN “CHIEF CHICAG” ARRIVED
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


         OUR WOODCUT HISTORY OF THE CHICAGO CENTENNIAL JUBILEE

[Illustration:

  LURID RED FIRE REPRODUCTION OF THE GREAT CHICAGO FIRE OF ’71
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


         OUR WOODCUT HISTORY OF THE CHICAGO CENTENNIAL JUBILEE

[Illustration:

  THE BAND CONCERT ON THE LAKE FRONT
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


         OUR WOODCUT HISTORY OF THE CHICAGO CENTENNIAL JUBILEE

[Illustration:

  THE PARADE, VISIT TO THE STOCK YARDS, ROWING CONTEST, ETC.
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


         OUR WOODCUT HISTORY OF THE CHICAGO CENTENNIAL JUBILEE

[Illustration:

  THE INDIAN ENCAMPMENT IN LINCOLN PARK
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


         OUR WOODCUT HISTORY OF THE CHICAGO CENTENNIAL JUBILEE

[Illustration:

  THE GRAND BANQUET OF THE VISITING MAYORS AT THE AUDITORIUM
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


         SOME HAPPY LITTLE VACATION SUGGESTIONS FOR OUR READERS


SUGGESTION I—Charter a good, seaworthy steam-yacht, stock it well with
seasonable food and drink, and cruise along the New England coast.
Frequent stops may be made at the various watering places, thus
pleasantly breaking the voyage. After having exhausted these points of
interest, you will find it enjoyable to continue the cruise to Sweden
and Norway, and, if your time permits, a still further cruise among the
beautiful fjords of New Zealand will be found extremely delightful. The
weather is now perfect in New Zealand, and if you have a camera you can
get some most excellent pictures. For a trip such as this one should
secure a steam-yacht of perhaps 2,500 tons, with a crew of thirty men. A
white yacht is preferable, white being cooler than black. If you do not
mind the additional expense, a cow should be taken, thus insuring fresh
milk during the voyage. As for equipment, you should take heavy and
light clothes, a pair of deck shoes, a mackintosh, and a pair of smoked
glasses to protect your eyes while going through the Suez Canal. The
cost of this outing will amply repay you for your pleasure, and we
strongly recommend it.

                  *       *       *       *       *

SUGGESTION II—Another delightful vacation which we earnestly recommend
would be to spend your two weeks’ holiday in Scotland. Here one may rent
a beautiful estate, abundantly stocked with game—croquet, golf, bridge,
etc.,—and with plenty of good riding-horses, and at least one mail coach
for coaching parties, the hours may be most delightfully beguiled. You
could give frequent entertainments, such as jolly little tours in the
highlands, etc., and it would be well to have the castle the scene of
many congenial house parties. Occasionally you should give lawn fêtes to
which the peasants and tenants from the neighboring countryside may be
invited.

Such an estate may easily be secured by going through the necessary
preliminaries. You should insist, however, that your London agents
secure a castle with a porch well screened with mosquito bars. The cost
of such a place would be either moderate or upwards.

As the highlands are often cool during the evening hours, you should
take a heavy overcoat and at least one suit of flannels.

                  *       *       *       *       *

SUGGESTION III—Our third suggestion would be to make up a jolly little
party and spend your July vacation in touring Switzerland and the
Petroleum Alps. Excellent motor-cars may be obtained in Paris (No. 19
Arc de Triomphe) and the roads from the gay capital to the Swiss uplands
will be found most excellent. Luncheon may be secured at convenient
cabarets along the way, and by speaking to the chauffeur stops may be
made from time to time to allow you to make photographs of choice bits
in the landscape. Arriving in Switzerland, you should retire early in
order to be up for the sunrise, which, in those latitudes is much
earlier than in America on account of the difference in time.

While in Switzerland you should not fail to visit the tomb of William
Tell, who is dead at present. Here a short stop may be made for
luncheon, photographs, etc. In this little side trip you will have
delightful weather, according to recent unconfirmed rumors from Chefoo.

Having toured Switzerland, it would be pleasant to have a yacht meet you
some place nearby and make the homeward journey in this way rather than
by the Atlantic liners. There are so many vulgar tourists on the regular
steamships during the summer.




------------------------------------------------------------------------


         SOME HAPPY LITTLE VACATION SUGGESTIONS FOR OUR READERS

TO THOSE WHO ARE IN DOUBT AS TO WHERE THEY SHALL GO FOR THEIR HOLIDAY,
WE RESPECTFULLY SUBMIT THESE HAPPY HINTS

[Illustration]

[Illustration]

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          THE PACE THAT KILLS


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                 SEEING EUROPE FROM TWO POINTS OF VIEW


[Illustration:

  UNCLE GID—“_Well, by Jiminy, I reckon the Judge and the Missus are
    having a fine time out there in Europe. I see an item in this week’s
    _ ‘Transcript’ _that says they are bein’ showered with attentions by
    them Frenchies and are right in the swim, by Jiminy. I knowed the
    Judge’d cut a swath over there. You can bet ye you can’t lose the
    Judge, by Jiminy._”
]


[Illustration:

  _The Judge and his wife in Europe._
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


  A RECENT DISPATCH SAYS PUBLISHERS ARE EAGERLY LOOKING FOR THE GREAT
                             AMERICAN NOVEL

[Illustration:

  THE DISPATCH IS SAID TO HAVE EXCITED MUCH INTEREST IN INDIANA
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                    MATCHES ARE ALSO IN GERMANY MADE


[Illustration:

  THE WEDDING OF CROWN PRINCE FREDERICK AND DUCHESS CECILIA
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


 HOW A FEW YEARS IN WASHINGTON MADE THE OLD HOME TOWN SEEM DULL TO THE
                          RETURNED CONGRESSMAN

[Illustration:

  WHEN THE NEW CONGRESSMAN AND HIS WIFE FIRST LEFT FOR WASHINGTON, THE
    HOME TOWN SEEMED QUITE
  A BUSTLING METROPOLIS
]


[Illustration:

  BUT AFTER SEVERAL YEARS OF DISTINGUISHED SERVICE AMONG THE HIGH HATS
    AND STATELY BUILDINGS OF
  THE NATION’S CAPITAL—
]


[Illustration:

  THE CONGRESSMAN AND HIS WIFE RETURNED AND FOUND THAT THE TOWN HAD
    SHRUNKEN, AND EVEN
  SATURDAY AFTERNOON SEEMED DULL AND LISTLESS
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                    SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON, D.C.


[Illustration:

  A STUDY OF OFFICIAL SOCIETY, WHERE EACH MEMBER FIGHTS FOR THE
    PRIVILEGES OF HIS RANK
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                           BIRD CENTER ABROAD

                            FIRST INSTALMENT

IT is with pleasure that ye Editor chronicles the announcement that a
goodly quota of Bird Center society leaders purpose taking a European
tour ere long. Among those who will constitute the pilgrimage are Mrs.
Riley Withersby, our beloved leader of local society, Reverend Walpole
and wife and children under nine years of age, Captain Roscoe Fry and
wife, Mr. J. Milton Brown and wife (née Lucile Ramona Fry, formerly
daughter of Captain Fry), and little J. Milton Brown, Jr. Also Mr.
Smiley Greene, the popular undertaker, and wife and children, Mr. Riley
Peters and Miss Myrtle Prute, of Muncie, Indiana, the Misses Flossye and
Mae Niebling, Mr. Ernest Pratt, Mr. Elmer Pratt, Mr. Wilbur Fry, and Mr.
Orville Peters. Quite a goodly party, say you not?

It is safe to say without exaggeration that the local social circles are
agog with pleasant anticipation. At first it was understood that only
Mrs. Withersby contemplated going abroad, and for that reason she gave a
small function last evening to announce the fact, but others volunteered
to accompany her and the party grew apace quite rapidly.

Late in the evening, just before refreshments were served, Mr. Gus
Figgey of Chicago arrived and joined the group.

“I just came in on the hundred-hour limited from Decatur,” he announced
buoyantly, “and thought I’d drift up and join the merrymakers. What’s
going on?”

Mrs. Withersby explained that some of the party were talking over a trip
to Europe.

“Count me in,” said Mr. Figgey. “I haven’t had a vacation for three
years and I’m going to have one this year if the country goes plumb to
smash. What’s the route?”

“We have planned to go to Scotland and the English Lakes,” said Mrs.
Withersby pleasantly.

“I can figure out a better trip than that,” said Mr. Figgey. “First
we’ll go to London and show those Britishers a touch of high life, then
skip over to Paris, thence to Venice, and circle around to Rome. Them’s
the four great show places of Europe, and no tour is complete without
’em.”

“But, Mr. Figgey—”

“Now, I’ll tell what we’ll do,” said the genial Mr. Figgey. “I’ll get
some inside rates from a friend of mine in the importing business, and
I’ll guarantee that when we get through, Europe will feel that she’s
been seen good and proper.”

“Have you ever been abroad, Mr. Figgey?” inquired Mrs. J. Milton Brown.

“No, but I’ve traveled all over this country, making all the important
towns, and what I don’t know about traveling could be put in an
expurgated French novel.”

“I’d like to stop at Niagara Falls, Mr. Figgey,” said Elmer Pratt.

“Sure, the train slows down there and we can see the Falls just as well
as if you spent an hour.”

“And won’t it be beautiful in Venice,” said Miss Myrtle Prute. “I’ve
always been crazy to see Venice by moonlight.”

“We’ll see it by moonlight, candlelight and daylight, Miss Prute.
Orville and Wilbur can take their mandolins and we’ll have a tune on the
dancing waters. Hot stuff, eh?” said Mr. Figgey, slapping Reverend
Walpole on the back.

The party adjourned at a late hour, Mr. Figgey promising to arrange all
the details, etc. Various members of the party will tell their
experiences exclusively in the Bird Center _Argosy_.




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          BIRD CENTER AT HOME


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                           BIRD CENTER ABROAD

                           SECOND INSTALMENT

                                                     NIAGARA FALLS, JULY

         (Special Correspondence of the Bird Center _Argosy_.)

MIDST gay acclaim did the Bird Center personally conducted tour to
Europe steam out of Bird Center yesterday morn. The bells cried “Off to
Europe,” and the rails clicked the same news as the great steam steed
started on the long journey to Niagara Falls. Throngs of people got on
and off at every station, and many admiring glances were cast at the
Bird Center tourists who, massed together, made quite a noticeable
effect. Mr. Gus Figgey, who says he is the chaperon of the party, has
made the welkin ring with laughter and gaiety. At the first stop he
purchased oranges for the crowd, and later in the day entertained them
with personal anecdotes of travel. At the second stop Mr. Figgey
addressed the town from the rear platform, and received a rousing round
of cheers. Last evening he entertained ye Editor at supper in the
dining-car. It has been a beautiful trip.

Niagara Falls was reached without further mishap. These Falls are
situated on the Niagara River, between the Canadian side and the United
States. They are a hundred and sixty-two feet in height and are
considered by competent critics to be one of America’s most famous
natural beauties. The train stopped twenty minutes and Mr. Figgey had
several fast hacks convey the party to the various points of interest.
By way of getting an expression of opinion from the various members of
the party, the Editor secured short statements for the readers of the
_Argosy_.

“Great sight,” said Mr. Figgey. “Those Falls have power enough to run
all the factories in the U. S. A.”

“A notable sight,” said Mrs. Riley Withersby.

“More impressive than Dante’s ‘Inferno,’” said Mrs. J. Milton Brown.

“A masterpiece of Nature,” said Reverend Walpole.

“Unequalled in history,” said Wilbur Fry.

“Fine, but wait till you see Saint Peter’s in Rome,” said Mr. Ernest
Pratt, who was in Europe several years ago.

“Too bad I can’t get a good photo of it. The Falls would make a
beautiful moving picture,” said Mr. J. Milton Brown.

“Truly a sublime spectacle,” said Mr. Smiley Greene, the popular
undertaker.

“Gosh!” said Elmer Pratt.

It was with mingled feelings of sadness that ye Editor saw the gay party
steam eastward, as he was obliged for business reasons to return to Bird
Center. Other communications from members of the party will be printed
from time to time.

                                                        J. OSCAR FISHER.




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         BIRD CENTER AT NIAGARA

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                           BIRD CENTER ABROAD

                            THIRD INSTALMENT

THE Editor of the Bird Center _Argosy_ presents the following letter
from Mrs. J. Milton Brown, who is en route abroad in the personally
conducted Bird Center tour.

                                                J. OSCAR FISHER, Editor.


                      By Lucile Ramona Fry-Brown.

                                                          AT SEA, AUGUST

“She moves, she throbs, she seems to feel the thrill of life upon her
keel.” At last the great Leviathan of the Deep has left the dock amid
waving ‘kerchiefs and loud huzzas. Like great mountain ranges, rising
tier upon tier, the vast buildings of Gotham looked down upon the
gallant ship as she turns her course toward the vast and trackless deep.
Beautiful somber tints stretch from horizon upward, blending into the
deep blue of Heaven’s own firmament. Dainty white caps assail the
towering walls of steel that are to be our home for so many days.
Bartholdi’s peerless statue, with hand uplifted, seems to cast its
benedictions on us as we start for those distant shores to the eastward,
and Nature smiles fondly upon us as America’s shores sink lower and
lower, back in the direction of dear Bird Center. What joy it is to
breathe this ocean air, unsullied by smoke, undefiled by foreign matter.
Eyes are flashing with renewed invigoration, hearts are light as the
giant of the sea swings into the easy roll of the long Atlantic billows.
Spindrift whips by as a great wave, more saucy than its sisters, assails
the reeling bow. The splendid craft trembles but goes onward, ever
onward, its propellers singing their endless song of struggle. Mr.
Figgey, immaculate and white-flanneled, is quite the dressiest passenger
on board, and is constantly the cynosure of all eyes. See how he swings
along the deck, perfect sailor that he is. Now the rollers batter more
furiously, as Mr. Figgey approaches, cigar in mouth, to tell us to get
busy and have a good time. The ship rolls and wallows—”

                  *       *       *       *       *

EDITOR’S NOTE—

We regret that only part of this story was mailed to the _Argosy_ in
Captain Fry’s handwriting. Evidently the remaining leaves miscarried in
the mails. Better luck next time.

                                                        J. OSCAR FISHER,
                                            Editor Bird Center _Argosy_.




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                           BIRD CENTER AT SEA


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                           BIRD CENTER ABROAD

                           FOURTH INSTALMENT

THE Editor is pleased to present to the readers of the Bird Center
_Argosy_ the following travel-paper from Mr. Gus Figgey, the genial
Chicago traveling man who is being accompanied by social leaders of this
City in their tour abroad.

                                                J. OSCAR FISHER, Editor.


                                                    LONDON, JULY —, 1842

I have dated this back to fit the occasion. Of all the slow burgs, this
is the slowest. Had to wait three minutes for an elevator at the hotel
and ten minutes longer to reach the sixth floor. I told the Britisher at
the desk what the trouble with London was, but he didn’t believe me.
Merely raised his eye-brows, but I’ll raise something else if things
don’t move along a little faster here before long. Took the bunch out
for a ride in a herdic to-day. Saw the Strand, not to be mentioned in
the same year with State Street in old Chicag. Elmer Pratt said he
reckoned there must be a show in town, judging by the crowd in the
streets. Took ’em to see the Alhambra, but Reverend Walpole said it
wasn’t a bit like what he thought the Alhambra was like, judging from
something he read by Henry Irving. Have had a hard time keeping the
folks _en masse_, as the Frenchies say. Mrs. J. Milton wanted to go to a
picture gallery to see the Turners, but I told her I’d take her around
to the Tivoli and show her some turns that were turns. Reverend Walpole
wanted to go to the Westminster Abbey and Saint Paul’s, but from what I
heard a man on the steamer say, they are old buildings, out of date and
furnished with tombstones. When I want any reading, you’ll have to pass
me something livelier than epitaphs. Elmer Pratt wanted to see London
Bridge, he heard it was falling down. If there was a Lake Front here,
Elmer would be down there looking at the explosion. I took the party
down to see Trafalgar’s monument, and pointed it out to them. Have lost
Riley Peters and Myrtle Prute, but I suppose they’ll turn up at supper
time. We’ve been here two days, and have done the town thoroughly. Leave
to-morrow for gay Paris. Can’t hold Smiley Greene. Orville Peters and
Wilbur Fry are anxious to get to Venus, where they can play their
mandolins on the raging canal. Ernest Pratt is blasé on the trip, having
been over here before. Says Europe is an old story to him. Get my name
spelled right, Oscar. Be sure to get in the “e.”

                                                             GUS FIGGEY.




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         BIRD CENTER AT LONDON

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                           BIRD CENTER ABROAD

                            FIFTH INSTALMENT

THE Editor is pleased to present to the readers of the Bird Center
_Argosy_ the following travel-paper from Mr. Smiley Greene, our popular
undertaker, who is doing Europe with a party of travelers from this
city.

                                                J. OSCAR FISHER, Editor.


                                                          PARIS, AUGUST.

In Paris, France, at last! France, the gay, the light-hearted; France,
the country with a history! Every wall has its tale of war and
revolution and death. Placards reading “Defense d’Afficher” mark where
notable defenses, back in some dark days of the past, have been made by
gallant sons of Gaul. Captain Fry says Gaul is divided into three parts,
not counting Gus Figgey. Gus says some one ought to consolidate them
into a union. We have been having considerable trouble with the
language, as they all speak the foreign tongue here, so that even by
shouting at the top of your lungs, you can’t make them understand.
Lucile Ramona Brown tried her French on them, but they didn’t even
understand that. She seems to get her accents on the wrong words.

Paris never was more beautiful, even although we understand that most of
the society people have gone away for the summer. You can’t help pitying
these Europeans, for they can’t go abroad for the summer, being already
there. Went out to visit the Morgue to-day. Busiest place of its kind
I’ve ever seen. Visited Napoleon’s tomb this afternoon, and consider it
a most imposing place. Mr. Figgey tells us that the departed is a
relative of the new United States Secretary of the Navy, a fact which
has aroused great interest in our midst. Yesterday we drove out to
witness the Arch of Triumph, which was greatly enjoyed by all save
Ernest Pratt, to whom Europe is an old story, he having been here
before. To-morrow we go out to view Père la Chaise, the famous cemetery
of Paris. It is said that many well-known Frenchmen and French women
sleep their last sleep out there, so we have cautioned Gus Figgey to put
on the soft pedal for a short spell. Ernest Pratt says Abelard and
Hèloise lie there, but whether they are two people or a firm I cannot
state. Visited the Louvre yesterday and saw the Venus of Milo, which
greatly shocked Elmer Pratt. Gus Figgey says her arms were guillotined
during the French Revolution, but be it as it may, she certainly is shy
on arms. Orville Peters and Wilbur Fry are eager to get to Venice to
while away the hours with dulcet strains from their mandolins, but
Ernest Pratt says, “Wait till we see Saint Peter’s.” To-morrow we view
the Catacombs and the Cemetery of Montmartre.

Everybody is well and happy. More anon.

                                                          SMILEY GREENE.




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          BIRD CENTER AT PARIS

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                           BIRD CENTER ABROAD

                            SIXTH INSTALMENT

THE Editor is pleased to present to the readers of the Bird Center
_Argosy_ the following travel-paper from Mrs. J. Milton Brown, the wife
of J. Milton Brown, the well-known artist of the Bird Center Tintype
Studios.

                                                J. OSCAR FISHER, Editor.


                                           VENICE THE ENCHANTING, AUG. —

At last we are in the well-known city of Venice, Italy, about which our
fancies have from time immemorial woven the most bewitching dreams. It
is hard to realize that we are really here. We instantly exclaim, “Can
it really be true that we are in Venice, and not merely dreaming.” Mr.
Figgey—he’s so funny—says that we’ll not think we’re dreaming when we
get our hotel bill. Mr. Figgey is so material in his attitude of
thought, but he has been a perfect dear in arranging things. He doesn’t
let us rest a moment, and even now, when we have been here only two
days, he seems to know all the gondoliers and everybody in town knows
him. He calls all the gondoliers “Louey,” and they begin to grin broadly
whenever he comes in sight. We had such a good joke on Elmer Pratt
to-day. We came across a little church near the hotel and Elmer went
into raptures over it. It’s whole façade was one bewildering nightmare
of scroll work and curly cues, like frosting on a wedding cake. Elmer
said that he considered it the most beautiful thing he had seen in
Europe, and at once looked it up in our Baedeker. The description says
that it is the most atrociously ugly building in Europe, and since then
Elmer has not admired anything until he has looked in the guide book to
see whether it is beautiful.

Last night we engaged some gondolas and did the grand canal. The moon
was divine, and the whole city was throbbing with music and sentiment.
Mr. Figgey directed the excursion and after a while took charge of the
oar or paddle (I don’t know what the real name is) and gave the
gondolier some lessons in the work. Smiley Greene sang some rollicking
hymns, and then we all clamored for Orville Peters and Wilbur Fry to
play on their mandolins. They had carried their instruments all the way
from Bird Center and had counted the seconds to the present moment. But
scarcely had they begun to play before some men came and said it was not
permitted for outsiders to play on the canals. Only those belonging to
the Gondoliers’ Union could play. Orville and Wilbur were
broken-hearted. We had been out for some time before we discovered that
Riley Peters and Myrtle Prute were missing, but, Mr. Figgey soon located
them in a gondola by themselves. Riley seems to be in earnest this time,
but now could any one help being in earnest, and in love, in Venice.
Even all of us become a little bit soft here—even us old married people.
Flossye Niebling has been spending all her time writing letters home.
The stationery at the hotels is so attractive and she doesn’t want to
miss a chance to use it.

From here we go to Rome. We are all well and beautifully tanned.

                                                    LUCILE RAMONA BROWN.




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         BIRD CENTER AT VENICE


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                           BIRD CENTER ABROAD

                           SEVENTH INSTALMENT

THE Editor is pleased to present to the readers of the Bird Center
_Argosy_ the following travel-paper from Mr. Gus Figgey, the genial
Chicago traveling gentleman, who is traveling in Europe with society
leaders from Bird Center.

                                                J. OSCAR FISHER, Editor.


                                                            ROME, AUG. —

This burg isn’t half bad. In some of the new parts of town you’d think
you were in Chicago. They have buildings here eight and ten stories
high, and the old fogy part of the city is fast disappearing. A good
hustling Commissioner of Public Works could soon make Rome look as
up-to-date as any of our American cities. Rome is only about a third as
big as Chicago, although it was started long before. To-day we did two
miles of picture galleries and saw paintings which, if put together,
would make one painting a mile square. I priced some of them but didn’t
buy. Reverend Walpole has been right in his element here and has visited
about ninety-seven churches. Smiley Greene has spent most of his time in
the Catacombs and J. Milton Brown and Lucile have reveled in art. The
party is all split up. They refused to go out to the Race Track with me,
and I have had a hard time entertaining them. Yesterday we all went in a
bunch to see St. Peter’s. Say, there’s a building for you. Ernest Pratt
says it’s the greatest building in the world, and he’s been in Europe
before. I guess he saw it when it was new; for now it is showing signs
of age. When I got the crowd in front of the church, I had ’em stand all
in a row while I went on in front to give ’em an idea of how big the
building really is. You can’t realize its size until you compare it with
a man standing at the door. They were much surprised to see how small I
looked.

To-morrow we sail from Naples for New York, and before many days you
will see us drifting into Bird Center, all sound and well. Riley Peters
and Myrtle Prute are engaged. Venice and the moon did it. Riley’s hot
stuff, all right.

                                                         MR. GUS FIGGEY.




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                          BIRD CENTER AT ROME

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                     NEW YORK AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                     KENTUCKY AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                     INDIANA AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                     MICHIGAN AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR

[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                     ILLINOIS AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                    WISCONSIN AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                     COLORADO AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                       UTAH AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                      TEXAS AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




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                       OHIO AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




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                   MISSISSIPPI AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




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                    NEW JERSEY AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




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                      KANSAS AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




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                   SOUTH DAKOTA AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




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                    CALIFORNIA AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




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                      ALASKA AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




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                  MASSACHUSETTS AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




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                       IOWA AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




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                      NEVADA AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




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                   PENNSYLVANIA AT THE ST. LOUIS FAIR


[Illustration]




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     I—CAN GOV. YATES GET BACK IN TIME TO HEAD OFF THE DENEEN BOOM?

BEING THE ADVENTURES OF OUR GOVERNOR, WHO, WHILE TRAVELING IN FOREIGN
LANDS HEARD OF THE REMARKABLE GROWTH OF DENEEN’S BOOM FOR GOVERNOR. HE
RESOLVED AT ONCE TO FLY TO THE RESCUE, AND, WITH HIS GALLANT STAFF OF
COLONELS, HE BOLDLY SET FORTH ON THE LONG AND PERILOUS RIDE

[Illustration:

  _In the midst of pleasant sightseeing in Europe a cablegram arrives._
]


[Illustration:

  _It contains the alarming news of the growth of the Deneen boom for
    governor._
]


[Illustration:

  _Whereupon the governor and his gallant staff of colonels begin a
    thrilling ride, compared to which the ride of General Sheridan
    resembled a franc and a half._
]


[Illustration:

  _At frequent intervals the governor cheered his escort onward by words
    of hope and encouragement._
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


    II—GOV. YATES’ WILD DASH FROM EUROPE TO HEAD OFF THE DEENEN BOOM

[Illustration:

  _For many days the way was easy, and no mishaps attended them until
    they arrived at the foothills of a vast mountain range. An
    unfortunate mishap then occurred. One of the colonels was overcome
    and had to be borne along on the back of his steed thereby greatly
    lessening the speed of the gallant little band. Despite this
    untoward accident, the governor led bravely onward, ever crying out:
    “Courage, my comrades! Courage! We shall soon be there!”_
]


[Illustration:

  _Thus inspired they began the ascent. A vast solitude surrounded them!
    No sign of life met their eye, save where some distant mountain goat
    disported himself on the dizzy peaks, or where some adventurous
    eagle clung high in the Alpine crags. The hardships of traveling now
    became extreme, provisions gave out and for many weeks the little
    cavalcade were obliged to subsist upon eagles and mountain goats,
    which, owing to the peculiar formation of the country were difficult
    to catch, and more difficult to shoot, as the colonels were
    unaccustomed to the use of firearms. When they reached an altitude
    of 19,000 feet, another colonel was overcome and had to be carried
    along with his stricken comrade, for the governor resolved not to
    abandon his devoted follower in the mountain fastness as a prey to
    the savage goats._
]


[Illustration:

  _Upon the nineteenth day of the ascent the last colonel gave out, and
    the governor carefully placed him upon the horse parallel with the
    two other exhausted colonels. A few days after this fresh misfortune
    the little band reached the summit, 42,000 feet above the sea level.
    A magnificent view of the surrounding continent was obtained, and
    largely repaid for the hardships of the ascent. Behind lay the peaks
    that they had crossed, many of them rising to a height of 30,000
    feet or more. Down at their feet lay the broad, convex bosom of the
    Atlantic Ocean. A happy thought struck the governor. “I remind
    myself of Balboa discovering the Pacific,” he said with a smile, but
    if his followers heard this merry quip they gave no heed. Then the
    governor’s face became grave as another thought struck him. “There
    is no disguising the fact that I have a long swim ahead of me,” he
    said resolutely._
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


   III—GOV. YATES’ WILD DASH FROM EUROPE TO HEAD OFF THE DENEEN BOOM

[Illustration:

  _The governor rested a moment after reaching the summit of the vast
    mountain peak, and then, drawing a deep breath he put spurs to his
    horse and shot down the steep declivity, pursued by the savage
    mountain goats. The three colonels were still in an exhausted state,
    and their weight greatly retarded the speed of the gallant steed,
    yet, strange as it may seem, the descent was made in an incredibly
    short time. In ten minutes the little cavalcade rode safely out on
    the shelving beach, and the governor urged his horse boldly into the
    Atlantic Ocean. “Now, for a long swim,” said he._
]


[Illustration:

  _Fortunately, the weather was fine. The sun shone warmly and the sea
    was calm. Under these favoring conditions it was only a few days
    until the headlands of the Azores were sighted off the port beam.
    Hunger and fatigue racked the governor, but he did not stop. He
    shouted “Courage, my noble steed. The way is long, but we shall soon
    be there.” One of the colonels was revived by the cool water, and
    from his position amidships passed the days pleasantly in watching
    the wonderful dwellers of the deep as they darted hither and thither
    alongside. On the thirty-fourth day the governor sighted a low group
    of islands off to the s’uth’ard. He sniffed a moment. “The
    Bermudas,” he said. And he was right. They were the Bermudas where
    the onions come from. From this point he shaped his course nor by
    nor west, intending to land on American shores about four miles west
    of Oyster Bay. But he was thrown out of his course by adverse
    currents and strong head winds, and had to make his landing six
    miles east of Oyster Bay. Still he was not discouraged._
]


[Illustration:

  _“Home again!” shouted the governor in joyous exultation, and again
    putting spurs to his gallant steed he galloped across the
    Alleghanies, cleared the Ohio at a bound and soon saw the towering
    dome of his beloved state-house in the distance. Large throngs of
    office-holders heralded his coming with glad shouts. Ten minutes
    later he was deep in a consultation regarding his chances of heading
    off the Deneen boom._
]




------------------------------------------------------------------------


                         THE DEATH OF POPE LEO

[Illustration:

  Leo XIII
  Born 1810          Died 1903
]


------------------------------------------------------------------------




 ● Transcriber’s Notes:
    ○ Missing or obscured punctuation was silently corrected.
    ○ Typographical errors were silently corrected.
    ○ Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only
      when a predominant form was found in this book.
    ○ Text that was in italics is enclosed by underscores (_italics_).







End of Project Gutenberg's The Mysterious Stranger, by John T. McCutcheon