Produced by David Widger






INDEX OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG

WORKS OF

CHRISTOPHER MORLEY


Compiled by David Widger




CONTENTS

##  THE HAUNTED BOOKSHOP

##  WHERE THE BLUE BEGINS

##  IN THE SWEET DRY AND DRY

##  PARNASSUS ON WHEELS

##  KATHLEEN

##  MINCE PIE

##  SHANDYGAFF

##  PLUM PUDDING

##  PIPEFULS

##  SONGS FOR A LITTLE HOUSE

##  CHIMNEYSMOKE

##  TALES FROM A ROLLTOP DESK

THURSDAY EVENING







TABLES OF CONTENTS OF VOLUMES





THE HAUNTED BOOKSHOP
By Christopher Morley
CONTENTS
Chapter
I  	The Haunted Bookshop
II  	The Corn Cob Club[1]
III  	Titania Arrives
IV  	The Disappearing Volume
V  	Aubrey Walks Part Way Home—and Rides The Rest of the Way
VI  	Titania Learns the Business
VII  	Aubrey Takes Lodgings
VIII  	Aubrey Goes to the Movies, and Wishes he Knew More German
IX  	Again the Narrative is Retarded
X  	Roger Raids the Ice-Box
XI  	Titania Tries Reading in Bed
XII  	Aubrey Determines to give Service that's Different
XIII  	The Battle of Ludlow Street
XIV  	The "Cromwell" Makes its Last Appearance
XV  	Mr. Chapman Waves His Wand





WHERE THE BLUE BEGINS
by Christopher Morley


CONTENTS
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN





IN THE SWEET DRY AND DRY
By Christopher Morley and Bart Haley
Illustrated By Gluyas Williams
CONTENTS
I.  	MYSTERY OF THE UNEXPECTED JULEP
II.  	THE HOUSE ON CARAWAY STREET
III.  	INCIDENT OF THE GOOSEBERRY BOMBS
IV.  	THE GREAT WAR BEGINS
V.  	THE TREACHERY OF MISS CHUFF
VI.  	DEPARTED SPIRITS
VII.  	THE DECANTERBURY PILGRIMS
VIII.  	WITH BENEFIT OF CLERGY
IX.  	THE ELECTION
X.  	E PLURIBUS UNUM!
XI.  	IT'S A LONG WORM THAT HAS NO TURNING





PARNASSUS ON WHEELS
By Christopher Morley


CONTENTS
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN





KATHLEEN
By Christopher Morley



CONTENTS
I
II
III
IV
V
VI
VII
VIII
IX
X
XI
XII
XIII





MINCE PIE
By Christopher Morley


CONTENTS
ON FILLING AN INK_WELL
OLD THOUGHTS FOR CHRISTMAS
CHRISTMAS CARDS
ON UNANSWERING LETTERS
A LETTER TO FATHER TIME
WHAT MEN LIVE BY
THE UNNATURAL NATURALIST
SITTING IN THE BARBER'S CHAIR
BROWN EYES AND EQUINOXES
163 INNOCENT OLD MEN
A TRAGIC SMELL IN MARATHON
BULLIED BY THE BIRDS
A MESSAGE FOR BOONVILLE
MAKING MARATHON SAFE FOR THE URCHIN
THE SMELL OF SMELLS
A JAPANESE BACHELOR
TWO DAYS WE CELEBRATE
THE URCHIN AT THE ZOO
FELLOW CRAFTSMEN
THE KEY RING
"OWD BOB"
THE APPLE THAT NO ONE ATE
AS TO RUMORS
OUR MOTHERS
GREETING TO AMERICAN ANGLERS
MRS. IZAAK WALTON WRITES A LETTER TO HER MOTHER
TRUTH
THE TRAGEDY OF WASHINGTON SQUARE
IF MR. WILSON WERE THE WEATHER MAN
SYNTAX FOR CYNICS
THE TRUTH AT LAST
FIXED IDEAS
TRIALS OF A PRESIDENT TRAVELING ABROAD
DIARY OF A PUBLISHER'S OFFICE BOY
THE DOG'S COMMANDMENTS
THE VALUE OF CRITICISM
A MARRIAGE SERVICE FOR COMMUTERS
THE SUNNY SIDE OF GRUB STREET
BURIAL SERVICE FOR A NEWSPAPER JOKE
ADVICE TO THOSE VISITING A BABY
ABOU BEN WOODROW
MY MAGNIFICENT SYSTEM
LETTERS TO CYNTHIA
I. IN PRAISE OF BOOBS
II. SIMPLIFICATION

TO AN UNKNOWN DAMSEL
THOUGHTS ON SETTING AN ALARM CLOCK
SONGS IN A SHOWER BATH
ON DEDICATING A NEW TEAPOT
THE UNFORGIVABLE SYNTAX
VISITING POETS
A GOOD HOME IN THE SUBURBS
WALT WHITMAN MINIATURES
ON DOORS





SHANDYGAFF
By Christopher Morley


CONTENTS
The Song of Shandygaff
Titles and Dedications
A Question of Plumage
Don Marquis
The Art of Walking
Rupert Brooke
The Man
The Head of the Firm
17 Heriot Row
Frank Confessions of a Publisher's Reader
William McFee
Rhubarb
The Haunting Beauty of Strychnine
Ingo
Housebroken
The Hilarity of Hilaire
A Casual of the Sea
The Last Pipe
Time to Light the Furnace
My Friend
A Poet of Sad Vigils
Trivia
Prefaces
The Skipper
A Friend of FitzGerald
A Venture in Mysticism
An Oxford Landlady
"Peacock Pie"
The Literary Pawnshop
A Morning in Marathon
The American House of Lords
Cotswold Winds
Clouds
Unhealthy
Confessions of a Smoker
Hay Febrifuge
Appendix: Suggestions for Teachers.





PLUM PUDDING
Of divers Ingredients, Discreetly Blended & Seasoned
By Christopher Morley


CONTENTS
The Perfect Reader	1
The Autogenesis of a Poet	5
The Old Reliable	19
In Memoriam, Francis Barton Gummere	23
Adventures at Lunch Time	30
Secret Transactions of the Three Hours for Lunch Club  	36
Initiation	42
Creed of the Three Hours for Lunch Club	47
A Preface to the Profession of Journalism	51
Fulton Street, and Walt Whitman	57
McSorley's	63
A Portrait	69
Going to Philadelphia	73
Our Tricolour Tie	86
The Club of Abandoned Husbands	95
West Broadway	100
The Rudeness of Poets	106
1100 Words	110
Some Inns	115
The Club in Hoboken	124
The Club at Its Worst	129
A Suburban Sentimentalist	133
Gissing	138
A Dialogue	143
At the Gasthof zum Ochsen	147
Mr. Conrad's New Preface	151
The Little House	155
Tadpoles	158
Magic in Salamis	162
Consider the Commuter	167
The Permanence of Poetry	178
Books of the Sea	182
Fallacious Meditations on Criticism	192
Letting Out the Furnace	202
By the Fireplace	206
A City Note-Book	210
Thoughts in the Subway	229
Dempsey vs. Carpentier	234
A Letter to a Sea Captain	239





PIPEFULS
By Christopher Morley
Illustrated By Walter Jack Duncan


CONTENTS
PAGE
Preface	vii
On Making Friends	3
Thoughts on Cider	10
One-Night Stands	18
The Owl Train	25
Safety Pins	29
Confessions of a “Colyumist”	34
Moving	42
Surf Fishing	48
“Idolatry”	52
The First Commencement Address	60
The Downfall of George Snipe	63
Meditations of a Bookseller	66
If Buying a Meal Were Like Buying a House	71
Adventures in High Finance	74
On Visiting Bookshops	78
A Discovery	83
Silas Orrin Howes	91
Joyce Kilmer	97
Tales of Two Cities		109
I.	Philadelphia:
An Early Train
Ridge Avenue
The University and the Urchin
Pine Street
Pershing in Philadelphia
Fall Fever
Two Days Before Christmas
In West Philadelphia
Horace Traubel
II.	New York:		163
The Anatomy of Manhattan
Vesey Street
Brooklyn Bridge
Three Hours for Lunch
Passage from Some Memoirs
First Lessons in Clowning
House Hunting
Long Island Revisited
On Being in a Hurry
Confessions of a Human Globule
Notes on a Fifth Avenue Bus
Sunday Morning
Venison Pasty
Grand Avenue, Brooklyn
On Waiting for the Curtain to Go Up	236
Musings of John Mistletoe	240
The World's Most Famous Oration	242
On Laziness	244
Teaching the Prince to Take Notes	249
A City Notebook	253
On Going to Bed	270





SONGS FOR A LITTLE HOUSE
By Christopher Morley


CONTENTS
SONGS FOR A LITTLE HOUSE
BAYBERRY CANDLES
SECRET LAUGHTER
A CHARM FOR OUR NEW FIREPLACE
SIX WEEKS OLD
THE YOUNG MOTHER
PETER PAN
THE 5:42
READING ALOUD
THE MOON-SHEEP
MAR QUONG, CHINESE LAUNDRYMAN
THE MILKMAN
IN HONOUR OF TAFFY TOPAZ
THE CEDAR CHEST
O PRAISE ME NOT THE COUNTRY
ANIMAL CRACKERS
THE WAKEFUL HUSBAND
LIGHT VERSE
FULL MOON
MY WIFE
WASHING THE DISHES
THE FURNACE
THE CHURCH OF UNBENT KNEES
THE NEW ALTMAN BUILDING
THE MADONNA OF THE CURB
MY PIPE
TO A GRANDMOTHER

A HANDFUL OF SONNETS
I
II
PEDOMETER
ARS DURA
O. HENRY—APOTHECARY
FOR THE CENTENARY OF KEATS'S SONNET (1816)
TWO O'CLOCK
THE COMMERCIAL TRAVELLER
THE WEDDED LOVER
TO YOU, REMEMBERING THE PAST
THE LAST SONNET

THE WAR
IRONY
TO A FRENCH BABY
AFTER HEARING GERMAN MUSIC
IN MEMORY OF THE AMERICAN AVIATORS KILLED IN FRANCE
THE FLAGS ON FIFTH AVENUE
"THEY"
BALLAD OF FRENCH RIVERS
PEASANT AND KING
TILL TWISTON WENT
TO RUDYARD KIPLING
TO A U-BOAT
KITCHENER
MARCH 1915
DEAD SHIPS
ENGLAND, JULY 1913 (TO RUPERT BROOKE)
TO THE OXFORD MEN IN THE WAR
FOR THE PRESENT TIME
AMERICA, 1917
ON VIMY RIDGE

HAY FEVER, AND OTHER LITERARY POLLEN
HAY FEVER, IF RUDYARD KIPLING HAD IT
HAY FEVER, IF AMY LOWELL HAD IT
HAY FEVER, IF HILAIRE BELLOC HAD IT
HAY FEVER, IF EDGAR LEE MASTERS HAD IT
HYMN TO THE DAIRYMAIDS ON BEACON STREET
ON FIRST LOOKING INTO A SUBWAY EXCAVATION
BALLAD OF NEW AMSTERDAM
CASUALTY
AT THE WOMEN'S CLUBS
ELEGY WRITTEN IN A COUNTRY COAL-BIN
MOONS WE SAW AT SEVENTEEN
AT THE DOG SHOW
THE OLD SWIMMER
TO ALL MY FRIENDS
A GRUB STREET RECESSIONAL





CHIMNEYSMOKE
By Christopher Morley
CONTENTS
PAGE
TO THE LITTLE HOUSE	19
A GRACE BEFORE WRITING	20
DEDICATION FOR A FIREPLACE	21
TAKING TITLE	22
THE SECRET	25
ONLY A MATTER OF TIME	26
AT THE MERMAID CAFETERIA	28
OUR HOUSE	29
ON NAMING A HOUSE	31
A HALLOWE'EN MEMORY	32
REFUSING YOU IMMORTALITY	35
BAYBERRY CANDLES	36
SECRET LAUGHTER	37
SIX WEEKS OLD	38
A CHARM	41
MY PIPE	42
THE 5:42	44
PETER PAN	48
IN HONOR OF TAFFY TOPAZ	49
THE CEDAR CHEST	50
READING ALOUD	51
ANIMAL CRACKERS	52
THE MILKMAN	55
LIGHT VERSE	56
THE FURNACE	57
WASHING THE DISHES	58
THE CHURCH OF UNBENT KNEES	61
ELEGY WRITTEN IN A COUNTRY COAL-BIN	62
THE OLD SWIMMER	66
THE MOON-SHEEP	70
SMELLS	71
SMELLS (JUNIOR)	72
MAR QUONG, CHINESE LAUNDRYMAN	75
THE FAT LITTLE PURSE	76
THE REFLECTION	80
THE BALLOON PEDDLER	82
LINES FOR AN ECCENTRIC'S BOOK PLATE	86
TO A POST-OFFICE INKWELL	89
THE CRIB	90
THE POET	94
TO A DISCARDED MIRROR	97
TO A CHILD	98
TO A VERY YOUNG GENTLEMAN	100
TO AN OLD-FASHIONED POET	104
BURNING LEAVES IN SPRING	105
BURNING LEAVES, NOVEMBER	106
A VALENTINE GAME	107
FOR A BIRTHDAY	108
KEATS	111
TO H. F. M., A SONNET IN SUNLIGHT	113
QUICKENING	114
AT A WINDOW SILL	115
THE RIVER OF LIGHT	116
OF HER GLORIOUS MADNESS	118
IN AN AUCTION ROOM	119
EPITAPH FOR A POET WHO WROTE NO POETRY	120
SONNET BY A GEOMETER	121
TO A VAUDEVILLE TERRIER	122
TO AN OLD FRIEND	125
TO A BURLESQUE SOUBRETTE	126
THOUGHTS WHILE PACKING A TRUNK	129
STREETS	130
TO THE ONLY BEGETTER	131
PEDOMETER	133
HOSTAGES	134
ARS DURA	137
O. HENRY—APOTHECARY	138
FOR THE CENTENARY OF KEATS'S SONNET	139
TWO O'CLOCK	140
THE COMMERCIAL TRAVELLER	141
THE WEDDED LOVER	142
TO YOU, REMEMBERING THE PAST	143
CHARLES AND MARY	144
TO A GRANDMOTHER	145
DIARISTS	146
THE LAST SONNET	147
THE SAVAGE	148
ST. PAUL'S AND WOOLWORTH	149
ADVICE TO A CITY	150
THE TELEPHONE DIRECTORY	151
GREEN ESCAPE	153
VESPER SONG FOR COMMUTERS	157
THE ICE WAGON	158
AT A MOVIE THEATRE	161
SONNETS IN A LODGING HOUSE	163
THE MAN WITH THE HOE (PRESS)	167
DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE GOD?	168
RAPID TRANSIT	170
CAUGHT IN THE UNDERTOW	171
TO HIS BROWN-EYED MISTRESS	172
PEACE	173
SONG, IN DEPRECATION OF PULCHRITUDE	175
MOUNTED POLICE	176
TO HIS MISTRESS, DEPLORING THAT HE IS NOT AN ELIZABETHAN GALAXY	179
THE INTRUDER	181
TIT FOR TAT	182
SONG FOR A LITTLE HOUSE	185
THE PLUMPUPPETS	186
DANDY DANDELION	190
THE HIGH CHAIR	192
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT	193
AUTUMN COLORS	197
THE LAST CRICKET	198
TO LOUISE	199
CHRISTMAS EVE	203
EPITAPH ON THE PROOFREADER OF THE ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA	204
THE MUSIC BOX	205
TO LUATH	209
THOUGHTS ON REACHING LAND	212
A SYMPOSIUM	214
TO A TELEPHONE OPERATOR WHO HAS A BAD COLD	218
NURSERY RHYMES FOR THE TENDER-HEARTED	219
THE TWINS	227
A PRINTER'S MADRIGAL	228
THE POET ON THE HEARTH	230
O PRAISE ME NOT THE COUNTRY	231
A STONE IN ST. PAUL'S GRAVEYARD	235
THE MADONNA OF THE CURB	236
THE ISLAND	240
SUNDAY NIGHT	242
ENGLAND, JULY, 1913	246
CASUALTY	250
A GRUB STREET RECESSIONAL	251
PRELIMINARY INSTRUCTIONS FOR A FUNERAL SERVICE	253
ILLUSTRATIONS
This hearth was built for thy delight—	Frontispiece
And by a friend's bright gift of wine,
I dedicate this house of mine	23
And of all man's felicities—	33
A little world he feels and sees:
His mother's arms, his mother's knees—	39
The 5:42	47
And Daddy once said he would like to be me
Having cocoa and animals once more for tea!	53
But heavy feeding complicates
The task by soiling many plates	59
How ill avail, on such a frosty night	65
The old swimmer	69
But Katie, the cook, is more splendid than all—	73
Perhaps it's a ragged child crying	79
The Balloon Peddler	85
If you appreciate it more
Than I—why don't return it!	87
And then one night—	93
The human cadence and the subtle chime
Of little laughters—	95
What years of youthful ills and pangs and bumps—	103
A Birthday	109
You must be rigid servant of your art!	123
You came, and impudent and deuce-may-care
Danced where the gutter flamed with footlight fire	127
Hostages	135
My eyes still pine for the comely line
Of an outbound vessel's hull	155
A man ain't so secretive, never cares
What kind of private papers he leaves lay—	165
Mounted Police	177
Courtesy	183
The Plumpuppets	189
... It's hard to have to tell
How unresponsive I have found her	195
... When you see, this Great First Time,
Lit candles on a Christmas Tree!	201
The music box	207
Solugubrious	217
In the midnight, like yourself,
I explore the pantry shelf!	221
The Twins	227
O praise me not the country	233
The wail of sickly children—	239
Ah, does the butcher—heartless clown—
Beget that shadow on her brow?	245





TALES FROM A ROLLTOP DESK
By Christopher Morley
Illustrated By Walter Jack Duncan


CONTENTS
TALES FROM A ROLLTOP DESK
THE PRIZE PACKAGE
ADVICE TO TO LOVELORN
THE CURIOUS CASE OF KENELM DIGBY
GLORIA AND THE GARDEN OF SWEDEN
THE COMMUTATION CHOPHOUSE
THE PERT LITTLE HAT
URN BURIAL
THE BATTLE OF MANILA ENVELOPES
THE CLIMACTERIC
PUNCH AND JUDY
REFERRED TO THE AUTHOR