Produced by David Widger










INDEX FOR WORKS OF BILL NYE

By Bill Nye

Compiled by David Widger



CONTENTS

##  REMARKS

##  BALED HAY

##  BILL NYE AND BOOMERANG

##  BILL NYE'S CHESTNUTS OLD AND NEW

##  BILL NYE'S SPARKS

##  BILL NYE'S RED BOOK

COMIC HISTORY OF ENGLAND

HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES

NYE AND RILEY'S WIT AND HUMOR

A GUEST AT THE LUDLOW

BILL NYE'S CORDWOOD







TABLES OF CONTENTS OF VOLUMES









REMARKS
By BILL NYE
(Edgar W. Nye)





CONTENTS

DIRECTIONS.

ALPHABETIZED CONTENTS


My School Days.

Recollections of Noah Webster.

To Her Majesty.

Habits of a Literary Man.

A Father's Letter.

Archimedes.

To the President-Elect.

Anatomy.

Mr. Sweeney's Cat.

The Heyday of Life.

They Fell.

Second Letter to the President.

Milling in Pompeii.

Broncho Sam.

How Evolution Evolves.

Hours With Great Men.

Concerning Coroners.

Down East Rum.

Railway Etiquette.

B. Franklin, Deceased.

Life Insurance as a Health Restorer.

The Opium Habit.

More Paternal Correspondence.

Twombley's Tale.

On Cyclones.

The Arabian Language.

Verona.

A Great Upheaval.

The Weeping Woman.

The Crops.

Literary Freaks.

A Father's Advice to His Son.

Eccentricity in Lunch.

Insomnia in Domestic Animals.

Along Lake Superior.

I Tried Milling.

Our Forefathers.

In Acknowledgement.

Preventing a Scandal.

About Portraits.

The Old South.

Knights of the Pen.

The Wild Cow.

Spinal Meningitis.

Skimming the Milky Way.

A Thrilling Experience.

Catching a Buffalo.

John Adams.

The Wail Of A Wife.

Bunker Hill.

A Lumber Camp.

My Lecture Abroad.

The Miner at Home.

An Operatic Entertainment.

Dogs and Dog Days.

Christopher Columbus.

Accepting the Laramie Postoffice.

A Journalistic Tenderfoot.

The Amateur Carpenter.

The Average Hen.

Woodtick William's Story.

In Washington.

My Experience as an Agriculturist.

A New Autograph Album.

A Resign.

My Mine.

Mush and Melody.

The Blase Young Man.

History of Babylon.

Lovely Horrors.

The Bite of a Mad Dog.

Arnold Winkelreid.

Murray and the Mormons.

About Geology.

A Wallula Night.

Flying Machines.

Asking for a Pass.

Words About Washington.

The Board of Trade.

The Cow-Boy.

Stirring Incidents at a Fire.

The Little Barefoot Boy.

Favored a Higher Fine.

aEurooeI Spy.aEuroŁ

Mark Anthony.

Man Overbored.

aEurooeDone It A-Purpose.aEuroŁ

Picnic Incidents.

Nero.

Squaw Jim.

Squaw Jim's Religion.

One Kind of Fool.

John Adams' Diary.

John Adams' Diary.

John Adams' Diary

aEurooeHeap Brain.aEuroŁ

The Approaching Humorist.

What We Eat.

Care of House Plants.

A Peaceable Man.

Biography of Spartacus.

Concerning Book Publishing.

A Calm.

The Story of a Struggler.

The Old Subscriber.

My Dog.

A Picturesque Picnic.

Taxidermy.

The Ways of Doctors.

Absent Minded.

Woman's Wonderful Influence.

Causes for Thanksgiving.

Farming in Maine.

Doosedly Dilatory.

Every Man His Own Paper-Hanger.

Sixty Minutes in America.

Rev. Mr. Hallelujah's Hoss.

Somnambulism and Crime.

Modern Architecture.

Letter to a Communist.

The Warrior's Oration.

The Holy Terror.

Boston Common and Environs.

Drunk in a Plug Hat.

Spring.

The Duke of Rawhide.

Etiquette at Hotels.

Fifteen Years Apart.

Dessicated Mule.

Time's Changes.

Letter From New York.

Crowns and Crowned Heads.

My Physician.

All About Oratory.

Strabusmus and Justice.

A Spencerian Ass.

Anecdotes of Justice.

The Chinese God.

A Great Spiritualist.

General Sheridan's Horse.

A Circular.

The Photograph Habit.

Rosalinde.

The Church Debt.

A Collection of Keys.

Extracts from a Queen's Diary.

Shorts.

aEurooeWe.aEuroŁ

A Mountain Snowstorm.

Lost Money.

Dr. Dizart's Dog.

Chinese Justice.

Answers to Correspondents.

Great Sacrifice of Bric-a-brac.

A Convention.

Come Back.

A New Play.

The Silver Dollar.

Polygamy as a Religious Duty.

The Newspaper.

Wrestling with the Mazy.

Anecdotes of the Stage.

George the Third.

The Cell Nest.

Parental Advice.

Early Day Justice.{2}

The Indian Orator.

You Heah Me, Sah!

Plato.

The Expensive Word.

Petticoats at the Polls.

The Sedentary Hen.

A Bright Future for Pugilism.

The Snake Indian.

Roller Skating.

No More Frontier.

A Letter of Regrets.

Venice.

She Kind of Coaxed Him.

Answering an Invitation.

Street Cars and Curiosities.

The Poor Blind Pig.

Daniel Webster.

Two Ways of Telling It.

All About Menials.

A Powerful Speech.

A Goat in a Frame.

To a Married Man.

To an Embryo Poet.

Eccentricities of Genius.







ALPHABETIZED CONTENTS

About Geology

About Geology

About Portraits

About Portraits

A Bright Future for Pugilism

A Bright Future for Pugilism

Absent Minded

Absent Minded

A Calm

A Calm

Accepting the Laramie Postoffice

Accepting the Laramie Postoffice

A Circular

A Circular

A Collection of Keys

A Collection of Keys

A Convention

A Convention
A Father's Advice to his Son

A Father's Letter

A Father's Letter

A Goat in a Frame

A Goat in a Frame

A Great Spiritualist

A Great Spiritualist

A Great Upheaval

A Great Upheaval

A Journalistic Tenderfoot

A Journalistic Tenderfoot

A Letter of Regrets

A Letter of Regrets

All About Menials

All About Menials

All About Oratory

All About Oratory

Along Lake Superior

Along Lake Superior

A Lumber Camp

A Lumber Camp

A Mountain Snowstorm

A Mountain Snowstorm

Anatomy

Anatomy

Anecdotes of Justice

Anecdotes of Justice

Anecdotes of the Stage

Anecdotes of the Stage

A New Autograph Album

A New Autograph Album

A New Play

A New Play

An Operatic Entertainment

An Operatic Entertainment

Answering an Invitation

Answering an Invitation

Answers to Correspondents

Answers to Correspondents

A Peaceable Man

A Peaceable Man

A Picturesque Picnic

A Picturesque Picnic

A Powerful Speech

A Powerful Speech

Archimedes

Archimedes

A Resign

A Resign

Arnold Winkelreid

Arnold Winkelreid

Asking for a Pass

Asking for a Pass

A Spencerian Ass

A Spencerian Ass
Astronomy

A Thrilling Experience

A Thrilling Experience

A Wallula Night

A Wallula Night

B. Franklin, Deceased

B. Franklin, Deceased

Biography of Spartacus

Biography of Spartacus

Boston Common and Environs

Boston Common and Environs

Broncho Sam

Broncho Sam

Bunker Hill

Bunker Hill

Care of House Plants

Care of House Plants

Catching a Buffalo

Catching a Buffalo

Causes for Thanksgiving

Causes for Thanksgiving

Chinese Justice

Chinese Justice

Christopher Columbus

Christopher Columbus

Come Back

Come Back

Concerning Book Publishing

Concerning Book Publishing

Concerning Coroners

Concerning Coroners

Crowns and Crowned Heads

Crowns and Crowned Heads

Daniel Webster

Daniel Webster

Dessicated Mule

Dessicated Mule

Dogs and Dog Days

Dogs and Dog Days

Doosedly Dilatory

Doosedly Dilatory
aEurooeDone It A-PurposeaEuroŁ

Down East Rum

Down East Rum

Dr. Dizart's Dog

Dr. Dizart's Dog

Drunk in a Plug Hat

Drunk in a Plug Hat
Early Day Justice

Eccentricities of Genius

Eccentricity in Lunch

Eccentricity in Lunch

Etiquette at Hotels

Etiquette at Hotels

Every Man His Own Paper-Hanger

Every Man His Own Paper-Hanger

Extracts from a Queen's Diary

Extracts from a Queen's Diary

Farming in Maine

Farming in Maine

Favored a Higher Fine

Favored a Higher Fine

Fifteen Years Apart

Fifteen Years Apart

Flying Machines

Flying Machines

General Sheridan's Horse

General Sheridan's Horse

George the Third

George the Third
Great Sacrifice of Bric-a-Brac

Habits of a Literary Man

Habits of a Literary Man
aEurooeHeap BrainaEuroŁ

History of Babylon

History of Babylon

Hours With Great Men

Hours With Great Men

How Evolution Evolves

How Evolution Evolves
In Acknowledgment

Insomnia in Domestic Animals

Insomnia in Domestic Animals

In Washington

In Washington
aEurooeI SpyaEuroŁ

I Tried Milling

I Tried Milling

John Adams

John Adams

John Adams' Diary

John Adams' Diary

John Adams' Diary

John Adams' Diary
John Adams' Diary, (No. 2.)
John Adams' Diary, (No. 3.)

Knights of the Pen

Knights of the Pen
Letter from New York

Letter to a Communist

Letter to a Communist

Life Insurance as a Health Restorer

Life Insurance as a Health Restorer

Literary Freaks

Literary Freaks

Lost Money

Lost Money

Lovely Horrors

Lovely Horrors

Man Overbored

Man Overbored
Mark Antony

Milling in Pompeii

Milling in Pompeii

Modern Architecture

Modern Architecture

More Paternal Correspondence

More Paternal Correspondence

Mr. Sweeney's Cat

Mr. Sweeney's Cat

Murray and the Mormons

Murray and the Mormons

Mush and Melody

Mush and Melody

My Dog

My Dog

My Experience as an Agriculturist

My Experience as an Agriculturist

My Lecture Abroad

My Lecture Abroad

My Mine

My Mine

My Physician

My Physician

My School Days

My School Days

Nero

Nero

No More Frontier

No More Frontier

On Cyclones

On Cyclones

One Kind of Fool

One Kind of Fool

Our Forefathers

Our Forefathers

Parental Advice

Parental Advice

Petticoats at the Polls

Petticoats at the Polls

Picnic Incidents

Picnic Incidents

Plato

Plato

Polygamy as a Religious Duty

Polygamy as a Religious Duty

Preventing a Scandal

Preventing a Scandal

Railway Etiquette

Railway Etiquette

Recollections of Noah Webster

Recollections of Noah Webster

Rev. Mr. Hallelujah's Hoss

Rev. Mr. Hallelujah's Hoss

Roller Skating

Roller Skating

Rosalinde

Rosalinde

Second Letter to the President

Second Letter to the President

She Kind of Coaxed Him

She Kind of Coaxed Him

Shorts

Shorts

Sixty Minutes in America

Sixty Minutes in America

Skimming the Milky Way

Skimming the Milky Way

Somnambulism and Crime

Somnambulism and Crime

Spinal Meningitis

Spinal Meningitis

Spring

Spring

Squaw Jim

Squaw Jim

Squaw Jim's Religion

Squaw Jim's Religion

Stirring Incidents at a Fire

Stirring Incidents at a Fire
Strabismus and Justice

Street Cars and Curiosities

Street Cars and Curiosities

Taxidermy

Taxidermy

The Amateur Carpenter

The Amateur Carpenter

The Approaching Humorist

The Approaching Humorist

The Arabian Language

The Arabian Language

The Average Hen

The Average Hen

The Bite of a Mad Dog

The Bite of a Mad Dog

The Blase Young Man

The Blase Young Man

The Board of Trade

The Board of Trade

The Cell Nest

The Cell Nest

The Chinese God

The Chinese God

The Church Debt

The Church Debt
The Cow Boy

The Crops

The Crops

The Duke of Rawhide

The Duke of Rawhide

The Expensive Word

The Expensive Word

The Heyday of Life

The Heyday of Life

The Holy Terror

The Holy Terror

The Indian Orator

The Indian Orator

The Little Barefoot Boy

The Little Barefoot Boy

The Miner at Home

The Miner at Home

The Newspaper

The Newspaper

The Old South

The Old South

The Old Subscriber

The Old Subscriber

The Opium Habit

The Opium Habit

The Photograph Habit

The Photograph Habit

The Poor Blind Pig

The Poor Blind Pig

The Sedentary Hen

The Sedentary Hen

The Silver Dollar

The Silver Dollar

The Snake Indian

The Snake Indian

The Story of a Struggler

The Story of a Struggler
The Wail of a Wife

The Warrior's Oration

The Warrior's Oration

The Ways of Doctors

The Ways of Doctors

The Weeping Woman

The Weeping Woman

The Wild Cow

The Wild Cow

They Fell

They Fell

Time's Changes

Time's Changes

To a Married Man

To a Married Man

To an Embryo Poet

To an Embryo Poet

To Her Majesty

To Her Majesty
To The President-Elect

Twombley's Tale

Twombley's Tale

Two Ways of Telling It

Two Ways of Telling It

Venice

Venice

Verona

Verona
aEurooeWeaEuroŁ

What We Eat

What We Eat

Woman's Wonderful Influence

Woman's Wonderful Influence

Woodtick William's Story

Woodtick William's Story

Words About Washington

Words About Washington
Wrestling With the Mazy
aEurooeYou Heah Me, Sah!aEuroŁ
{Illustration: WE WERE NOT ON TERMS OF INTIMACY.}




BALED HAY
By Bill Nye
A Drier Book than Walt Whitman's "Leaves o' Grass."
1884



CONTENTS

DEDICATION.

BALED HAY

GREELEY AID RUM.

ABOUT SAW MILLS.

EXPERIMENTS WITH OLD CHEESE.

THE RAG-CARPET.

ONE KIND OF A BOY.

THE CHAMPION MEAN MAN.

FRATERNAL SPARRING.

CHIPETA'S ADDRESS TO THE UTES.

BILL NYE'S CAT.

AUTUMN THOUGHTS.

THE MAN WHO INTERRUPTS.

THE ROCKY MOUKTAIN COW.

PRESERVING EGGS.

HUMAN' NATURE ON THE HALF-SHELL.

TOO CONTIGUOUS.

THE AMENDE HONORABLE.

JOAQUIN AND JUNIATA.

SOME VAGUE THOUGHTS.

THE YOUMORIST.

MY CABINET.

HEALTH FOOD.

PINES FOE HIS OLD HOME

ONE TOUCH OF NATURE.

HOW TO PUT UP A STOVE-PIPE.

FUN OF BEING A PUBLISHER.

LINGERIE.

FRUIT.

THE BONE OF CONTENTION.

CONGRATULATORY.

THE AGONY IS OVER.

OSTRICH CAVALRY.

AN ELECTRIC BELT.

THE ANNUAL WAIL

HE WAS NOT A BURGLAR.

BEST ON, BLESSED MEMORY.

GENIUS AND WHISKY.

THE TWO-HEADED GIRL

THE CULTIVATION OF GUM.

WE HAVE REASONED IT OUT.

CARVING SCHOOLS.

DIGNITY.

ALWAYS BOOM AT THE TOP.

INACCURATE.

THE WESTERN "CHAP."

AN INCIDENT OF THE CAMPAIGN.

WHY DO THEY DO IT?

TWO STYLES.

GOSHALLHEMLOCK SALVE.

THE STAGE BALD-HEAD.

FATHERLY WORDS.

THE GOOD TIME COMING.

MANIA FOR MARKING CLOTHES.

REGARDING THE NOSE.

SOMETHING TOO MUCH OF THIS.

COLOR BLINDNESS.

IS DUELING MURDER?

HEAP GONE.

THE EDITORIAL LAMP.

DIFFICULT TO IDENTIFY.

THE MAROON SAUSAGE.

TESTIMONIALS OF REGARD.

THE CHINESE COMPOSITOR

SNOWED UNDER

ROUGH ON OSCAR.

THE POSTAL CARD.

WHY WE ARE NOT GAY.

SCIENTIFIC.

THE REVELATION RACKET IN UTAH.

SAGE BRUSH TONIC.

LAME FROM HIS BERTH.

THE PUBLIC PRINTER.

SAD DESTRUCTION.

THE IMMEDIATE REVOLTER

THE SECRET OF HEALTH.

HOUSEHOLD RECIPES.

WHAT IS LITERATURE?

THE PREVIOUS HOTEL.

ANECDOTE OF SPOTTED TAIL.

THE ZEALOUS VOTER.

HOW TO PRESERVE TEETH

MR. BEECHER'S BRAIN.

OH, NO!

THE MARCH OF CIVILIZATION.

AN UNCLOUDED WELCOME.

THE PILLOW-SHAM HOLDER.

SOMETHING FRESH.

YANKED TO ETERNITY.

WHY WE SHED THE SCALDING.

ANOTHER SUGGESTION.

PISCATORIAL AND EDITORIAL

ANOTHER FEATHERED SONGSTER

ABOUT THE OSTRICH

TOO MUCH GOD AND NO FLOUR.

WE ARE GETTING CYNICAL

ASK US SOMETHING DIFFICULT.

THE MIMIC STAGE.

DECLINE OF AMERICAN HUMOR

CHICAGO CUSTOM HOUSE

FOREIGN OPINION

THEY HAVE CURBED THEIR WOE.

HUNG BY REQUEST.

THE MELVILLES.

MENDING BROKEN NECKS.

ARE YOU A MORMON?

CAUTION.

POISONS AND THEIR ANECDOTES.

CORRESPONDENCE.

WHAT THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY NEEDS.

TABLE MANNERS OF CHILDREN.

WHAT IT MEANT.

VOTERS IN UTAH.

INCONGRUITY

RIDING DOWN A MOUNTAIN.

CORRALED HIM.

FIRMNESS.

PUT IN A SUMP.

MINING AS A SCIENCE

DRAWBACKS OF ROYALTY.

ENGLISH HUMOR

ABOUT THE AUTOPSY.

DON'T LIKE OUR STYLE.

MR. T. WILSON.

ETIQUETTE OF THE NAPKIN

AN INFERNAL MACHINE.

THE CODFISH.

HIS AGED MOTHER.

BUSINESS LETTERS.

DANGER OF GARDENING.











BILL NYE AND BOOMERANG
Or, The Tale Of A Meek-Eyed Mule, And Some Other Literary Gems
By Bill Nye
1883



CONTENTS

MY MULE BOOMERANG,

THE APOLOGY.

OSTROPHE TO AN ORPHAN MULE.

A MINERS' MEETINGaEuro"MY MINEaEuro"A MIRAGE ON E PLAINS.

THE TRUE STORY OF DAMON AND PYTHIAS.

CHAPTER I.

CHAPTER II.

CHAPTER III.

CHAPTER IV.

SAD MEMORIES OF THE DEAD YEAR.

LETTER FROM PARIS.

PREHISTORIC CROCKERY.

SUGGESTION'S FOR A SCHOOL OF JOURNALISM.

THE FRAGRANT MORMON.

RECOLLECTIONS OF THE OPERA.

A SUNNY LITTLE INCIDENT.

HE REWARDED HER.

THE MODERN PARLOR STOVE.

REMARKS TO ORIGINATORS.

QUEER

SIC SEMPER GLORIA HOUSEPLANT.

HOW TO TELL.

BIOGRAPHY OF COLOROW.

DIARY OF A SAUCY YOUNG THING.

KILLING OFF THE JAMES' BOYS.

A RELIC.

SOME REASONS WHY I CAN'T BE AN INDIAN AGENT.

THE PICNIC SNOOZER'S LAMENT.

BILLIOUS NYE AND BOOMERANG IN THE GOLD MINES.

TWO GREAT MEN.

DIRTY MURPHY.

A ROCKY MOUNTAIN SUNSET.

THE TEMPERATURE OF THE BUMBLE-BEE.

DRAWBACKS OF PUBLIC LIFE.

THE GLAD, FREE LIFE OF THE MINER.

SOME THOUGHTS OF CHILDHOOD.

THE NEW ADJUSTABLE CAMPAIGN SONG.

SITTING ON ON A VENERABLE JOKE.

A HAIRBREADTH ESCAPE.

MYSELF, DR. TALMAGE, AND OTHER DIVINES.

FINE-CUT AS A MEANS OF GRACE.

THE WEATHER AND SOME OTHER THINGS.

THE PARABLE OF THE UNJUST STEWARD.

THE PARABLE OF THE PRODIGAL SON.

THE INDIAN AND THE EVERLASTING GOSPEL.

THE MUSE.

SHOEING A BRONCO.

PUMPKIN JIM; OR THE TALE OF A BUSTED JACKASS RABBIT.

CHAPTER I.aEuro"PUMPKIN JIM.

CHAPTER II.aEuro"GERALDINE CARBOLINE O'TOOLE.

CHAPTER III.aEuro"STARTLING REVELATIONS.

CHAPTER IV.aEuro"all's well that ends well.

WILLIAM NYE AND THE HEATHEN CHINEE.

HONG LEE'S GRAND BENEFIT AT LEADVILLE.

YOU FOU.

THE LOP-EARED LOVERS OF THE LITTLE LARAMIE.

CHAPTER I.aEuro"A TALE OF LOVE AND PARENTAL CUSSEDNESS.

CHAPTER II.

CHAPTER III.

CHAPTER IV.

SPEECH OF SPARTACTUS.

CORRESPONDENCE.

HE WENT OUT WEST FOR HIS HEALTH.

A QUIET LITTLE WEDDING WITHOUT ANY FRILLS

THOUGHTS ON SPRING

THE SAME OLD THING.

THE VETERAN WHO DIED WHILE GETTING HIS PENSION.

GINGERBREAD POEMS AND COLD PICKLED FACTS.

ORIGIN OF BEAUTIFUL SNOW,

UTE ELOQUENCE.

THE AGED INDIAN'S LAMENT.

HOW A MINING STAMPEDE BREAKS OUT.

THE GREAT ROCKY MOUNTAIN REUNION OF YALLER DOGS.

WHAT WOMAN'S SUFFRAGE HAS DONE FOR WYOMING.

PORTUGUESE WITHOUT A MASTER.

THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN HOG.

THE BUCKNESS WHEREWITH THE BUCK BEER BUCKETH.

BILLIOUS NYE AND THE AMATEUR STAGE.

A JOURNALISTIC CORRECTION.

THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE.

A UTE PRESIDENTIAL CONVENTION.

THE CLUB-FOOTED LOVER OF PIUTE PASS.

CHAPTER THE FIRST.

CHAPTER THE TWICE.

CHAPTER THREE TIMES.

CHAPTER FOUR TIMES.

THE AUTOMATIC LIAR

SOME POSTOFFICE FIENDS.

AGRICULTURE AT AN ALTITUDE OF 7500 FEET.

THE GENTLE YOUTH FROM LEADVILLE.

A SNIDE JOURNALIST.

HE WAS BLIND.

THOUGHTS OF THE MELLOW PREVIOUSLY.

MY TOMBSTONE MINE.

BANKRUPT SALE OF A CIRCUS.

GREELEY VERSUS VALLEY TAN.

THE ETERNAL FITNESS OF THINGS.

THEY UNANIMOUSLY AROSE AND HUNG HIM.

RHETORIC VS. WOODTICK.

THE MODEL WIFE.

SOME OVERLAND TOURISTS.

CATCHING MOUNTAIN TROUT AT AN ELEVATION OF 8000 FEET.

TROUT FISHING.

HOME-MADE INDIAN RELICS.

THE PREVIOUS REPORTER.

THE PEACE COMMISSION.

SOME ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

THE CROW INDIAN AND HIS CAWS.

THE NUPTIALS OP DANGEROUS DAVIS.

THE HOLIDAY HOG.

SOME CENSUS CONUNDRUMS.

THE GENTLE POWER OF A WOMAN'S INFLUENCE.

THE NATIVE INBORN SHIFTLESSNESS OF THE PRAIRIE DOGS.

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

THE SECRET OF GARFIELD'S ELECTION.

PERILS OF THE BUTTERNUT PICKER.

A WORD OR TWO ABOUT THE SWALLOW.

LAUGHING SAM.

THE CALAMITY JANE CONSOLIDATED.

THE NOCTURNAL COW.

THE RELENTLESS GARDEN HOSE.

A WAIL.

THE GREAT, HORRID MAN RECEIVETH NEW YEAR CALLS.

JUST THE THING.

THANKS.

AN ANTI-MORMON TOWN.

A CHRISTMAS RIDE IN JULY.

EXAMINING THE BRAND ON A FROZEN STEER.

ONION PEELIN'S.






BILL NYE'S CHESTNUTS OLD AND NEW
With New Illustrations From Original Sketches, Photographs, Memoranda, and Authentic Sources, by Williams, Opper, and Hopkins.
By Bill Nye
1888



CONTENTS

CHESTNUTS OLD AND NEW.


CHESTNUT-BURR. I.aEuro"THE SHAKESPEARE-BACON PUZZLE WRESTLED WITH CONSCIENTIOUSLY.


CHESTNUT-BURR IIaEuro"HOW THE GLORIOUS FOURTH WAS CELEBRATED AT WHALEN'S GROVE LAST YEAR.

ENCOURAGING GREEN JOKES.


CHESTNUT-BURR IIIaEuro"BILL NYE FINDS COLOROW FULL OF ODD TRAITS.

AWKWARDNESS OF CARRYING WHISKY ABOUT.

THE RIGHT SORT OF BOY.


CHESTNUT-BURR IVaEuro"BILL NYE PAYS A BRIEF VISIT TO A PROFESSIONAL STAR READER.

INGRATITUDE OF THE HUMAN HEART.


CHESTNUT-BURR VaEuro"CONCERNING THE FRENCH MASTERPIECES AT THE ACADEMY OF DESIGN.


CHESTNUT-BURR VIaEuro"BILL NYE DIAGNOSTICATES THE PLAINT OF A COUNTRY COUSIN.

MEN ARE OFTEN MISUNDERSTOOD.


CHESTNUT-BURR VIIaEuro"BILL NYE IN THE ROLE OF AN UTE INDIAN JENKINS.

SURE CURE FOR BILIOUSNESS.


CHESTNUT-BURR VIIIaEuro"IN AN UNGUARDED MOMENT BILL NYE IS CAPTURED BY A POLITICAL SIREN.

VIRTUE ITS OWN REWARD.


CHESTNUT-BURR IXaEuro"BILL NYE DESCANTS UPON YOUNG IVES'S IDEAS IN FINANCE.

THE ANTI-CLINKER BASE-BURNER BEE.


CHESTNUT-BURR XaEuro"A FEW REMARKS ON OUR HOSTELRY SYSTEM AS IT NOW PREVAILS.

PITY FOR SAD-EYED HUSBANDS.

MARRIAGE.


CHESTNUT-BURR XIaEuro"WILLIAM NYE VISITS ROYALTY FROM THE HOME OF THE HAM SANDWICH.

THAI X DID MOT DU'

A WORD OF EXPLANATION.


CHESTNUT-BURRaEuro"THE HUMORIST INTERVIEWS HIS GRACE THE DUKE IN THE IMPROVED STYLE.

THE CHINESE COMPOSITOR.

THE TRUE AMERICAN.


CHESTNUT-BURRaEuro"XII "THE OLD MAN ELOQUENT."


CHESTNUT-BURR XIVaEuro"THE AMENDE HONORABLE.

SWEET INFLUENCES OF CHANGING SEASONS.

THE MARCH OF CIVILIZATION.


CHESTNUT-BURR. XVaEuro"A BIG CORNER ON PORK.


CHESTNUT-BURR XVI-PATRICK OLESON.

PLEASURES OF SPRING.

AN UNCLOUDED WELCOME.

TOO MUCH GOD AND NO FLOUR.


CHESTNUT-BURR. XVIIaEuro"LONGING FOR HOME.

DIGNITY.


CHESTNUT-BURR XVIIIaEuro"THE TRUE HISTORY OF DAMON AND PYTHIAS.

CHAPTER I.

CHAPTER II.

CHAPTER III.

CHAPTER IV.


CHESTNUT-BURR XIXaEuro"A STORY OF SPOTTED TAIL.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXaEuro"THE ROMANCE OF HORSE-SHOEING.

HOW TO PRESERVE TEETH.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXIaEuro"EXPERIENCE ON THE FEVERISH HORNET.

THE PICNIC PLANT.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXIIaEuro"ANCIENT BRIC-A-BRAC

JOINT POWDER.


CHESTNUT-BURR XIIIaEuro"THE TWO-HEADED GIRL.

OUR COMPLIMENTS.


CHESTNUT-BURR XIVaEuro"A PATHETIC EPISODE IN NORTHERN WISCONSIN.

THE SECRET OF HEALTH.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXVaEuro"BILL NYE ESSAYS A NOVELETTE.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXVIaEuro"THE DAUGHTER OF BOB TAIL FLUSH.

LOAFING AROUND HOME.

THE PLUMAGE OF THE OSTRICH.

SOME EARNEST THOUGHTS.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXVIIaEuro"OUR GREAT NATIONAL MOTTO.

A GRAVE QUESTION.

THOUGHTS.


CHESTNUT-BURR XVIIIaEuro"BILL NYE AT A TOURNAMENT.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXIXaEuro"A SOCIAL CURSEaEuro"THE MAN WHO INTERRUPTS.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXXaEuro"A DISCOURSE ON CATS.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXXIaEuro"THE GREAT ORATION OF SPARTACUS.


CHESTNUT-BURRaEuro"WOMAN'S SUFFRAGE IN WYOMING.

PIGEON-TOED PETE.


CHESTNUT-BURRaEuro"CONCERNING THE SWALLOW.

THE HAPPY CODFISH.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXXIVaEuro"A NOVEL WAY OF MARKING CLOTHES.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXXVaEuro"THE UNHAPPY HUMORIST.

LARAMIE'S HANDKERCHIEF.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXXVIaEuro"THE SODA LAKES OF WYOMING.

THE COSTLY WATERMELON.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXXVIIaEuro"VIEWS OF CHICAGO.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXXVIIIaEuro"A SCHOOL OF JOURNALISM.

MODERN FICTION IS UNRELIABLE.


CHESTNUT-BURR XXXIXaEuro"SOME FACTS OF SCIENCE.


CHESTNUT-BURR XLaEuro"SORROWS OF A ONE-LEGGED MAN.

THE TRUE POET LOVES SECLUSION.


CHESTNUT-BURR XLIaEuro"REVELATION IN UTAH.

THE MODEL SLEEPING-CAR.


CHESTNUT-BURR XLIIaEuro"THE TONGUE-DESTROYING FRENCH LANGUAGE.

CARVING SCHOOLS.


CHESTNUT-BURR XLIVaEuro"ONE TOUCH OF NATURE.

HOW TO DEAL WITH THE REVOLVER DIFFICULTY.

THE FEMALE ARTISTE.


CHESTNUT-BURR XLVaEuro"FUN OF BEING A PUBLISHER.

A LESSON FROM THE MULE.


CHESTNUT-BURR XLVIaEuro"PERFORMANCE OF THE PHOENIX.

FIRMNESS.

PUGILIST OR STATESMAN.


CHESTNUT-BURR NYE AS A CRITIC AND NYE AS A POET.

POEMS BY BILL NYE

APOSTROPHE TO AN ORPHAN MULE.=

ODE TO SPRING.

FANTASIA FOR THE BASS DRUM; ADAPTED FROM THE GERMAN BY WILLIAM VON NYE.=

THE PICNIC SNOOZER'S LAMENT.=

ODE TO THE CUCUMBER.=

APOSTROPHE ADDRESSED TO O. WILDE.=

ADJUSTABLE CAMPAIGN SONG.=

THE BEAUTIFUL SNOW.=

THE TRUE TALE OF WILLIAM TELL.

WHY WE WEEP.

ETIQUETTE FOR THE YOUNG.

SWEET SAINT VALENTINE.

CARRYING REVOLVERS.

THE AGITATED HEN.

BANKRUPT SALE OF LITERARY GEMS.

OFFICE OF THE MORMAN BAZOO.

HINTS ON LETTER-WRITING.

SUDDEN FAME.

THE ENGLISH JOKE.









BILL NYE'S SPARKS
By Edgar Wilson Nye (Bill Nye)
1896



CONTENTS

BIOGRAPHICAL

BILL NYE'S SPARKS

REQUESTING A REMITTANCE

A PATENT ORATORICAL STEAM ORGANETTE FOR RAILWAY STUMPING

VERITAS

THE DRUG BUSINESS IN KANSAS

THE PERILS OF IDENTIFICATION

A FATHER'S LETTER

IN THE SOUTH

IN THE PARK

LIBERTY ENLIGHTENING THE WORLD.

HE SEES THE CAPITAL

HE SEES THE NAVY

MORE ABOUT WASHINGTON

A GREAT BENEFACTOR

THE COUPON LETTER OF INTRODUCTION

HOW TO TEACH JOURNALISM

THE GREAT WESTERN CLAIRVOYANT,

HIS GARDEN

WRITTEN TO THE BOY

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS

THE FARMER AND THE TARIFF.

A CONVENTIONAL SPEECH

A PLEA FOR ONE IN ADVERSITY

THE RHUBARB-PIE

A COUNTRY FIRE

BIG STEVE

SPEECH OF RED SHIRT, THE FIGHTING CHIEF OF THE SIOUX NATION

TO THE POOR SHINNECOCK

WEBSTER AND HIS GREAT BOOK






BILL NYE'S RED BOOK
By Edgar Wilson Nye
Illustrated by J. H. Smith
1891



CONTENTS

BILL NYE'S RED BOOK

MY SCHOOL DAYS.

RECOLLECTIONS OF NOAH WEBSTER.

TO HER MAJESTY.

HABITS OF A LITERARY MAN.

A FATHER'S LETTER.

ARCHIMEDES.

TO THE PRESIDENT ELECT.

ANATOMY.

MR. SWEENEY'S CAT.

THE HEYDAY OF LIFE.

THEY FELL.

SECOND LETTER TO THE PRESIDENT.

MILLING IN POMPEII.

BRONCHO SAM.

HOW EVOLUTION EVOLVES.

HOURS WITH GREAT MEN.

CONCERNING CORONERS.

DOWN EAST RUM.

RAILWAY ETIQUETTE.

B. FRANKLIN, DECEASED.

LIFE INSURANCE AS A HEALTH RESTORER.

THE OPIUM HABIT.

MORE PATERNAL CORRESPONDENCE.

TWOMBLEY'S TALE.

ON CYCLONES.

THE ARABIAN LANGUAGE.

VERONA.

THE WEEPING WOMAN.

THE CROPS.

LITERARY FREAKS.

A FATHER'S ADVICE TO HIS SON.

ECCENTRICITY IN LUNCH.

INSOMNIA IN DOMESTIC ANIMALS.

ALONG LAKE SUPERIOR.

I TRIED MILLING.

OUR FOREFATHERS.

IN ACKNOWLEDGMENT.

PREVENTING A SCANDAL.

ABOUT PORTRAITS.

THE OLD SOUTH.

KNIGHTS OF THE PEN.

THE WILD COW.

SPINAL MENINGITIS.

SKIMMING THE MILKY WAY.

A THRILLING EXPERIENCE.

CATCHING A BUFFALO.

JOHN ADAMS.

THE WAIL OF A WIFE.

BUNKER HILL.

A LUMBER CAMP.

MY LECTURE ABROAD.

THE MINER AT HOME.

AN OPERATIC ENTERTAINMENT.

DOGS AND DOG DAYS.

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS.

ACCEPTING THE LARAMIE POSTOFFICE.

A JOURNALISTIC TENDERFOOT.

THE AMATEUR CARPENTER.

THE AVERAGE HEN.

WOODTICK WILLIAM'S STORY.

IN WASHINGTON.

MY EXPERIENCE AS AN AGRICULTURIST.

A NEW AUTOGRAPH ALBUM.

A RESIGN.

MY MINE.

MUSH AND MELODY.

THE BLASE YOUNG MAN.

HISTORY OF BABYLON.

LOVELY HORRORS.

THE BITE OF A MAD DOG.