The Scaring Off Of Teddy Dawson, by Harold Brighouse

Living room of a small house in an East End sidestreet. Door direct to street back centre. Next it, window. Door to house l. Kitchen range R. Dresser with crockery l. Centre is a table. Four deal chairs. At the table Polly Bettesworth is ironing as the curtain rises. She is no more than fifty, but a hard life has aged her in appearance beyond her years. A cheap serge skirt and a dark printed blouse, with elastic-sided boots, form her visible attire. Her husband (Andrew) throws open the door c. and enters rapidly from street. He is a navvy, dressed in corduroy, with a leather belt, and is in his shirt sleeves, having been to the nearest public for the supper beer, which is in a large jug in his hand He is a large man, and Polly seems small by con-start. It is evening, but still light.

Andrew (crossing to door l.). I'll put beer in back to keep cool an' then I'll tell yer. (Opens left door, leaves jug inside and closes door again.) Now, do yer know wot I've bin 'earing in the Bluebell abart our Liza?

Andrew. Liza's started courtin'! That's wot that whistlin's bin as we've bin 'earing so much lately.

Andrew. It's Gawd's truth. Wait while I catch the bloke wot's after 'er. I'll skin 'im alive.

Polly (sitting). Liza courtin'! I don't know wot things is comin' to nowadays. Young girls are gettin' a set of forward hussies that haven't hardly laid by their skipping-ropes afore they're thinkin' they're ould enough to get wed. I fancied we'd brought 'er up different to that.

Andrew. I'll fancy 'er—'er an' 'er fancy man, an' all. I'll teach 'im to come round 'ere whistling for our Liza. We ain't partin' with Liza yet. She's the only 'un left to us now.

Polly. Yus. T'other girls went off a sight too young. Fust Martha an' then Sally must be havin' their blokes an' gettin' wed. But I didn't think it of Liza. She's kept 'er mouth shut. Them quiet 'uns are always deep.

Andrew. Nature 'ull 'ave its way with 'em so what you do. (Fiercely.) But I'll spoil this chap's little game. I don't like 'im, not arf like 'im I don't.

Polly (rising). Teddy Dawson! Wild as they make 'em that chap is. 'E's after no good with Liza.

Andrew. I'll mar 'is good looks if I catch 'im. 'E'll not be so keen on comin' an' whistlin' at street corner like a canary in a fit. And I'll give Liza the taste of my strap an' all.

Polly. Yer won't. Me an' yer didn't arsk our old 'uns for leave to start courtin'. Liza ull go the way o' all flesh when 'er time comes.

Andrew. Yus, but 'er time ain't come yet, not by a bloomin' long chalk, an' I'll make 'er know it.

Polly. Yer leave Liza to me. Yer can do wot yer loike with Teddy Dawson an' welcome.

Polly. I dunno. Yer've tried that road twice—with Martha's man an' Sally's.

Andrew (reminiscently, gloating). I did an' all. They didn't 'ave much of a larky toime courtin'. I put strap abart both of 'em more than once.

Andrew. Yus. They was spunky fellows. This bloke 'ull not take it that way. 'E'll cut an' run.

Polly. I dunno as I do. Hush! There's Liza comin' downstairs. Now, keep yer mouth shut till I've had my say.

(Enter l. Liza, a girl of sixteen, with black alpaca skirt to her ankles, gaudy stockings, cheap "flash" shoes, a purple blouse and a hat with coster feathers.)

Polly. My word, Liza, yer do make yerself smart for evenin's. Yer might be courtin' the way yer've decked yerself.

Liza. There's no 'arm in puttin' on a bit of finery, is there, mother? If yer've got things, yer might as well show 'em. Don't do 'em no good to lie by in a drawer.

Polly. Be careful, girl. Yer'll 'ave some fellow takin' a fancy to yer if yer go down the Mile End Road in that gear. Foine feathers don't make foine birds. (Liza tosses her head.)

Andrew. Birds! Yus. Puts me in moind of that crazed canary wot comes rahnd the 'ouse whistlin' of an evenin'. (A whistle pipes a little tune at back.) Rot it! There's the darned thing now. (Unbuckling belt.) I'll make 'im whistle if I catch 'im. (Liza runs to door c. to stop his way.) Now-then, Liza, out of my way if yer don't want a taste of this yerself. (Swings strap round.) 'Ere, if yer've nothin' ter do in the 'ouse get orf to bed. Yer'll not go out this night. (Exit swinging strap. Liza sits with her handkerchief to her eyes.)

Polly (roughly). Yus yer do, yer young deceiver. Yer think yer've got a feller—yer that's just abart goin' into long skirts. I dunno what the world's comin' to. Young girls is that forward.

Polly (kindly). I dunno that 'e'll do 'im much 'urt. 'E only means to frighten 'im orf comin' rahnd tryin' to court a girl that's too young to know wot marryin' means. Yer silly girl! Toime 'ul come soon enough. 'Ere, dry yer eyes an' come to yer mother. When proper time comes, yer'll not foind us backward at lettin' yer go. It's not come yet by years. Yer taken by 'is looks an' 'is bold ways. It ain't looks as make a man. This 'un's one of them sort as bring woe to a girl wot's fool enough to wed 'em. 'E's your fust, but yer not 'is fust, not by many a one.

Polly. Hark to that now. Creditin' anything a feller tells yer when 'e's lurin' yer to 'is arms. (The whistle pipes l. Liza hears it and jerks up her head. Polly fails to notice it.) Eh, not that I blame yer so much, yer too young to know different. P'raps yer'd best go to yer bed, as yer father said, an' ave yer cry out. Yer'll be better in the mornin'.

Liza (with a quick look off l. in the direction of the whistling). All right, mother. (She reaches the door, losses her head defiantly and exit l. Polly gets some matches and is about to light the gas when Andrew opens the door c. and returns buckling on his belt. It is growing gradually darker. Polly puts the match box down unused.)

Andrew. No. 'E dodged me some'ow an I 'eard is darned whistle goin' impudent afterward I reckon 'e wants to get 'er out, but I'll watch 'im at it.

Polly. Liza's gorn to bed to 'ave 'er cry out. She'll get over it by mornin'. Young 'uns don't take love bad. (Whistle sounds off l.)

Andrew (moving to door c.). Darn 'im for a piece of brassen impudence! If I don't break an' spoil 'is whistle for 'im, my name's not Andrew Bettesworth. I'll raise a lump on 'is thick 'ead big enough for 'im to 'ang 'is 'at on.

Polly (detaining him with her hand on his arm). I'm not so sure, Andrew. I've bin thinkin' as that's not right road o' dealin' with 'im.

Andrew. Right or wrong, 'e'll feel the weight of my belt with my arm behind it when I catch 'im.

Polly. I'll tell yer wot I'm thinkin. Yer leathered the fellers wot came after Martha an' Sally, but it didn't choke 'em orf. Made 'em all the keener. Made 'em think the girls was jewels, or yer'd not make so much fuss abart lettin' go of 'em. Let this feller think the girl's a wrong 'un an' 'e'll cool orf quick enough.

Polly. Yus, o' course she is, but you don't need to let 'im know it. Make 'im think yer'd be glad to get shut of 'er. Then 'e'll start thinkin' there's somethin' wrong abart the girl an' lave er' alone.

Andrew. (shaking her off). Garn, that's all woman's bunkum. It takes a man to dal with a job like this 'ere. Wot 'e wants is a thick ear an' I'll stick it out till I catch 'im an' give it 'im an all.

(Unbuckling his belt and going out centre. Polly removes her ironing from table. Suddenly she assumes a listenin attitude, then tiptoes to the door L. and opens it quietly. Teddy and Liza are standing just outside it. He has his arm round her waist. He is a good looking young man, short, dark, clean-shaven in a shoddy suit with muffler round his neck.)

Polly. Yer'd 'ave a foine belly ache, an all, if 'er flesh were as sour as 'er temper. (Teddy stands amazed, then begins to move away.) Yer'd never run from a woman, would yer? (Teddy stops.) Come in. I'm sure yer welcome. (Teddy and Liza enter, suspicious and reluctant. Polly hands a chair out.) Sit yer down. Don't be shy. Yer welcome to come 'ere if yer'll do yer courtin' proper an' drop yer dancin' abart outside with that whistle of yours. 'Ticin' Liza out after she's bin sent to bed. Yer slipped out o' back door I reckon, Liza?

Polly. I thought so. (Cordially.) Well, yer'll 'ave no need to carry on that road now. We're goin' to 'ave this square an' straight. Liza, I'm sure Mr. Dawson's ready for a bit of supper. There ain't nothing like peckin' a bit together when you want to get friendly. (Finishing the removal of ironing from table.) Now, Liza, get a move on. Where's that piece of boiled bacon as we found good chewing yesterday? Bustle round, girl. (Liza takes a cloth from dresser, spreads on table and lays plates, etc., for two, putting out the bacon, a tin loaf, and butter.)

Polly (drawing up a chair to Teddy's confidentially). Yer see, Mr. Dawson, I'm glad yer come in. I 'aven't arf liked yer plan of workin'. Comin' 'ere an' whistlin' abart the 'ouse as if yer felt feared o' bein' seen. (Teddy shifts uncomfortably.) But that's all over now. We're goin' to 'ave that altered. (Looking round at table.) Where's yer 'ead, Liza? Do yer think Mr. Dawson can face 'is supper dry? (Rising.) There's some beer in the back. I'll go an' fetch it. (Looking round as she reaches the door l.) It's gettin' a bit dark in 'ere, Liza. Things 'ull look more cheerful with a light on. It'll give yer somethin' ter do ter keep yer out of mischief while I'm gorn. (Exit Polly l. Liza immediately lights the gas and puts the blind down. Teddy rises.)

Teddy. Well, blime, Liza this beats everything. Wot made yer tell me they'd be against it if they knew'?

Liza. I don't understand this no more than yer do. They didn't set abort it this road with my sisters' fellers.

Teddy. Looks like she's took a fancy to me. Nothin' surprisin' in that neither. Yer've got a sight better kind of a man than yer sisters ever 'ad.

Liza. That's right enough, Teddy, but I don't like looks of this. Father used to leather Sally's bloke.

Teddy. I'm not afraid of 'im so long as I'm on right side of the missus. I knaw who wears 'em in this 'ouse, an' it ain't the old man. Yus, Liza, there ain't nothin' to complain of so far. (Sitting and putting his thumbs in his waistcoat armholes.) Yer never know yer luck. This 'ere weren't looked for. I'll not be whistlin' out there for yer termorrer night. Not arf. I'll walk in at door an' 'ang my 'at up loike as if I owned the place. (Looking round.) Tidy few bits of sticks yer've got an all, Liza.

Teddy. No. I say, Liza, if the missus don't like yer sisters' 'usbands she'll be glad to see yer wed a man she's taken a fancy to. Fond of yer, I reckon, too, eh, Liza?

Teddy. Yus. Too fond to part. See wot I mean? They'll arsk us to live 'ere arter we're wed. Gettin' on, too, they are. Can't last for ever.

Teddy. Nothin' particklar. It just struck me there's a nice pair of shoes to step into 'ere. This is goin' to be a bit of all right, Liza. I must keep on the sweet side of yer mother.

Liza (bridling). I dunno what yer've got in yer 'ead, Teddy Dawson. I don't call to moind 'avin said I'd wed yer. I've not bin arsked that I know of.

Teddy (releasing his thumbs and coming to her). I'm arskn' yer now, ain't I?

Liza. I'm not goin' ter be arsked now. When I'm arsked I'll be arsked proper, an' it'll not be in between while mother fetches the beer. Yer makin' a bit too sure an all, so yer can put that in yer pipe an' smoke 'it. Don't be in too much of a 'urry abart me nor them shoes of my father's wot yer mentioned either.

Teddy (trying to put his arm round her). 'Ere, I say, Liza, yer not offended are yer?

Teddy. Well, I'll arsk an' arsk till yer say yer'll 'ave me. I'm deep in love an' I'll not take no for an answer.

Teddy. Why not? Wot's come over yer? Yer've taken many a score out in the street an' giver, as good as yer took, an all.

Liza. I know. I dunno. Seems like street's one thing an' inside's another. It don't seem same thing with the gas on.

Teddy. That don't signify. She arsked me in an' told me to do my courtin' proper. I don't call it proper courtin' for yer to go to yer bed without a kiss on yer lips fur company.

Liza. I must get used to it fust. (Teddy is turning gas down.) Yer leave that gas be. I'll scream out. (Teddy turns gas up.)

Teddy. Look 'ere, Liza, yer darned stand-offish all at once. Yer weren't above kissin' me in street.

Liza (apologetically). It don't seem same thing in the 'ouse no 'ow, Teddy.

Liza (with conviction). No. That's what keeps striking me. It don't seem same fun in the 'ouse. (Teddy approaches her again with resolution.) Here's mother! (Teddy retreats. Enter Polly, with the beer jug, which she puts on the table.)

Polly. 'Ere it is. Why, Liza, where's yer wits bin wool-gatherin'? Yer've put no glasses out.) (Liza hurriedly puts two glasses from dresser on table. Garn, yer've no need to colour up like that if yer did forget 'em. I'm not so old myself I've forgot my courtin' days. There ain't nothink surprisin' if yer did forget when yer lover's with yer. Well, sit yer down, Mr. Dawson.

Polly (drawing up a chair for herself, facing him) Yer'd best go to bed, Liza; yer've bin sent there twice ternight. Don't stare like that. Me an' Mr. Dawson's got to get acquaint an' I reckon I'm old enough, to do without 'avin' yer for a chaperone.

Polly. Well, if yer keep yer mouth shut the likes o' that when yer wed, Teddy 'ull be in clover. Wot? Oh, I see. Took yer charnce with 'im while I got beer, did yer? Righto. Sling yer 'ook. (Liza goes out l. under protest.) Now then, Mr. Dawson, we can be comfortable.

Polly (assuming during the ensuing scene an air of rollicking camaraderie). 'E's all right. Out lookin' for somebody, only 'e ain't lookin' in right place. Don't yer worry abart 'im. Now, yer'll ave a bit of bacon?

Polly (cutting and handing). Righto. Bread's on yer side. (Polly helps herself to bacon and accepts a slice of bread from Teddy. They eat without forks, using bread instead and show no objection to putting knives in their mouths.)

Polly. Well, beer was brewed for drinkin', (Teddy pours himself a glass and drinks modestly.)

Polly. Sup it up. I like a man that can take 'is liquor. Yer drink as if it feared yer. (Teddy empties his glass.) That's better. (She passes her glass, he fills it and his own.) Now, Mr. Dawson, don't stint yerself. There ain't nothink like courtin' fur givin' an appetite. Yer ain't got much to say for yerself. I dunno. Young men don't seem so brisk at their courtin' as they was when I were a girl.

Polly. Well, I'll give yer an instance. That gas. It were lighted the moment I left room. I saw gleam of it under door. My old man 'ud never 'ave lit it like that when 'im and me courted. I give yer a fair chance, an all. Yer don't fancy I allays take that long to pick up a jug o' beer, do yer?

Teddy. Yus, well that 'ud go down all right with some girls, but it ain't right way with Liza.

Polly. Oh, yer know yer own business best, of course, but yer'll not be above takin' a 'in! from an old woman that was courted afore yer was born. Yer must make use o' yer charnces. Girls don't like a slow lover.

Polly. Yer not eatin' much. A feller wants a bit o' somethin' as ull stick to 'is ribs when 'e's bin courtin'. Don't forget yer beer. Ain't there no more in jug? (Teddy drinks up and refills.) Yer'll not get boozed on a drop like that, and who's to care if yer do? Yer at 'ome 'ere. Drink up and 'ave another.

Polly. I'll 'ave somethin' tastier in against yer come termorrer night. I suppose yer'll be 'ere (Polly rises.)

Polly. Please yerself. Only yer'll keep 'er warm now yer've got so far if yer'll take my tip. Don't let a girl fancy yer coolin' orf. Now, understand, yer welcome 'ere so long as yer break yerself of that whistlin' 'abit. We'll expect yer termorrer.

Polly. Because yer've no need to feel awkward T' whole thing 'ull be straight forward now. Yer've only to go in and win.

Teddy (dogmatically). Yer a sight too keen set on my winnin' for my taste.

Teddy (slyly). Sudden like. 'Ere, I've bin thinkin' now, yer said somethin' a while back abart Liza's bein' a 'ot tempered 'un.

Teddy. 'Igh-spirited, eh? Liza didn't never 'ave much ter say for 'erself out in street.

Polly (winking elaborately at him). That's 'er artfulness. Trust a girl to be careful when she's got 'er eye on a man.

Teddy (moving towards door). I think I'll go 'ome. Yer've give me a lot to think abart.

Polly. I tell you wot, Mr. Dawson, yer slip in fur yer dinner on Sunday. Liza shall cook yer somethin'. She ain't much good at cookin' but you'll enjoy it whatever it's loike when she's cooked it. Me an' the old man 'ull 'ave a walk round Park afterwards an' yer can 'ave the 'ouse to yerself with Liza. See what I mean?

Polly (as if deeply disappointed). Yer a bit slow to my way of thinkin'. I'm doin' my best fur yer.

Teddy. Yer a fat sight too keen to be rid of the girl if yer want it straight.

Teddy. Yer didn't 'elp blokes wot come after yer other girls only with yer old man's strap.

Teddy. That's right enough. (Door l. opens softly and Liza peeps in. She leaves door ajar without entering.)

Teddy. No. Damned if yer will. Yer shovin' 'er 'at me a sight too last. I'm thinkin' there's somethin' wrong with 'er or yer'd not be so humble abart it. Yer bally well beggin' me to 'ave 'er. I'm 'avin' none of yer bad bargains, with tongues an' tempers an' no good at cookin', thank yer. Yer can't fool me Mrs. Bettesworth.

Polly. I'm sorry yer doubts me. Then we mustn't expect yer round never no more?

Teddy. It's nothin' to me wot yer tells 'er. I'm goin' 'ome. (As he reaches the centre door, Andrew opens it and enters.)

Andrew (drawing hack in amazement). Well, blime! (Liza steps into the room. Teddy looks at the l. door as if to escape that way, but sees her. Polly moves to Andrew.)

Polly. Let 'im go, Andrew. 'E ain't worth wastin' leather on 'im. 'E won't ever come 'ere no more.

Andrew'. 'E'll get 'isself done in if 'e does. Clear out. (Teddy loses no time. Andrew closes door. Liza goes to Polly.)

Polly. Oh, bin listenin' at key-'ole 'ave yer? Well, listeners don't 'ear no good o' themselves.

Liza. I couldn't go ter bed without knowin'. I'd got ter come dahn ter find out wot yer an' Teddy was savin'.

Liza (hesitating). No—no—not if yer don't want ter get rid of me. Yer don't do yer? Father, mother, yer don't want me ter go!

Polly. 'E said a lot o' foolish things. No Liza we don't want yer to go. Yer the light o' our eyes. That chap——

Polly. Ah. See, Liza. (Takes her to hearth and shows her the motto on a grocer's calendar over it.) See that? "East, West, home's best." Ain't that true? Yer stick to yer 'ome a bit longer. Yer can take wings an' fly from yer nest when time comes. Yer sure yer not sorry 'e's gorn?

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SCARING OFF OF TEDDY DAWSON: A COMEDY IN ONE ACT ***

Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed.

Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark license, especially commercial redistribution.

START: FULL LICENSE

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK

To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work (or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at www.gutenberg.org/license.

Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property (trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.

1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.

1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the United States and you are located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when you share it without charge with others.

1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any country other than the United States.

1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:

1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, copied or distributed:

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.

1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™.

1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project Gutenberg™ License.

1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website (www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.

1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works provided that:

• You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.”
• You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ works.
• You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of receipt of the work.
• You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works.

1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.

1.F.

1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.

1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE.

1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further opportunities to fix the problem.

1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.

1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.

1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any Defect you cause.

Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™

Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from people in all walks of life.

Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org.

Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit 501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws.

The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact

Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations ($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt status with the IRS.

The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate.

While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who approach us with offers to donate.

International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.

Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate.

Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.

Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.

Most people start at our website which has the main PG search facility: www.gutenberg.org.

This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.

The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Scaring off of Teddy Dawson: A Comedy in One Act

THE SCARING OFF OF TEDDY DAWSON

A Comedy In One Act

By Harold Brighouse

London: Samuel French, Ltd

1911

THE SCARING OFF OF TEDDY DAWSON

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE