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    Price, 25 Cents

    Christmas Speakin’
    at
    Skaggs’s Skule


    ———————————
    MARIE IRISH
    ———————————


    PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY
    DAYTON, OHIO




MUSICAL ENTERTAINMENTS


These songs can be used in all manner of entertainments. The music is
easy and both music and words are especially catchy. Children like
them. Everybody likes them. Sheet music. Price, 35 cents each.

=HERE’S TO THE LAND OF THE STARS AND THE STRIPES.= (Bugbee-Worrell.) A
patriotic song which every child should know and love. The sentiment
is elevating. The music is martial and inspiring. May be effectively
sung by the entire school. Suitable for any occasion and may be sung by
children or grown-ups. Be the first to use this song in your community.

=I’LL NEVER PLAY WITH YOU AGAIN.= (Guptill-Weaver.) A quarrel between a
small boy and girl. The words are defiant and pert. The boy and his dog
have been in mischief, and the small maiden poutingly declares that she
will never play with him again, but changes her mind in the last verse.
A taking little duet for any occasion, with full directions for motions.

=JOLLY FARMER LADS AND LASSIES.= (Irish-Lyman.) A decidedly humorous
action song prepared especially for district schools. It will make a
hit wherever produced.

=JOLLY PICKANINNIES.= (Worrell.) Introduce this coon song into your
next entertainment. If you use the directions for the motions which
accompany the music, the pickaninnies will bring down the house. Their
black faces and shining eyes will guarantee a “hit.” The words are
great and the music just right.

=LULLABY LANE.= (Worrell.) This song is one which the children, once
having learned, will never forget. The words have the charm of the
verses written by Robert Louis Stevenson. The music is equally sweet
and is perfectly suited to the beautiful words. It may be sung as a
solo by a little girl with a chorus of other little girls with dolls,
or as a closing song by the whole school.

=MY OWN AMERICA, I LOVE BUT THEE.= (Worrell.) Here is a song that will
arouse patriotism in the heart of every one who hears it. The music is
so catchy that the children and grown-ups, too, just can’t resist it.
It makes a capital marching song.

=NOW, AREN’T YOU GLAD YOU CAME?= (Guptill-Weaver.) This is a closing
song which is quite out of the ordinary. There is humor in every line.
The music is lively. Your audience will not soon forget this spicy song
for it will get many an unexpected laugh. The motions which accompany
this song make it doubly effective. For any occasion and for any number
of children.

=WE ARE CREEPY LITTLE SCARECROWS.= (Guptill-Weaver.) A weird,
fascinating action song. You can’t go wrong with this song. There are
four verses and chorus. Complete directions accompany this song so that
it may be featured as a song and drill, if desired. For any occasion
and for any number of children.

=WE’VE JUST ARRIVED FROM BASHFUL TOWN.= (Worrell.) This song will bring
memories to the listeners of their own bashful school days. They will
recall just how “scared” they were when asked to sing or play or speak.
The words are unusually clever. The music is decidedly melodious. It
makes a capital welcome song or it may be sung at any time on any
program with assured success.

=WE HOPE YOU’VE BROUGHT YOUR SMILES ALONG.= (Worrell.) A welcome song
that will at once put the audience in a joyous frame of mind and create
a happy impression that will mean half the success of your entire
program. Words, bright and inspiring. Music, catchy. A sure hit for
your entertainment.

=WE’LL NOW HAVE TO SAY GOOD-BYE.= (Worrell.) This beautiful song has
snap and go that will appeal alike to visitors and singers. It is just
the song to send your audience home with happy memories of the occasion.


    Paine Publishing Company      Dayton, Ohio




    Christmas Speakin’
    at Skaggs’s Skule

    _By_

    MARIE IRISH

    PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY
    DAYTON, OHIO




CHARACTERS


    MISS EMMELINE ELKINS—Teacher.

    JOSIAH JUDD—Clerk of Skule Board.

    MRS. SKAGGS } Visitors.
    MRS. HILL   }

    BILLY SKAGGS—Very Bashful.

    OLE SWANSON—A Swede.

    FLORILDY } The Twins.
    MATILDY  }

    RASTUS—A Negro Boy.

    SAM SHAW—Who Stutters.

    VIRGIL VANE—Very Studious.

    TINY TILLY—Small for Age.

    CORABELL—Her Fat Sister.

    SARAH JANE—Who’s Not Scared.

TIME OF PLAYING—THIRTY MINUTES

_Scene, An Old-time District School room_

    Copyright, 1921, by Paine Publishing Company




COSTUMES


MISS ELKINS, Old-maid costume, much fussed up with bright colors;
spectacles, hair in corkscrew curls each side of face.

JOSIAH JUDD, Chin whiskers, colored shirt, bright tie, suit that is too
large, boots, large red bandanna handkerchief.

MRS. SKAGGS and MRS. HILL, Hair done up old style, old-fashioned wool
dresses, small old-time bonnets that tie under chin, shawls.

BILLY SKAGGS, good-sized boy with clothes too small, waist with large
ruffled collar, bright bow tie, short trousers, bright stockings.

OLE SWANSON, colored shirt, overalls, colored handkerchief tied around
neck.

MATILDY and FLORILDY, Old-fashioned wool dresses, much too long, hair
flowing, ribbon tied around head with bow at the top.

RASTUS, Bright calico waist, trousers that do not fit, patched with
bright color, face blackened.

VIRGIL VANE, hair parted in middle, spectacles, coat much too small,
long trousers, stand-up collar.

SAM SHAW, Short trousers, a coat much too large and long.

TILLY, A small slender girl with rather long, tight-fitting dress, hair
hanging in two braids.

CORABELL, Good-sized girl, well padded to be fat, very short skirt,
hair with big bow at each side of face.

SARAH JANE, Rather small size, dressed much too old for age, hair
crimped, old-style gown.

Stage arrangement—Pupils sit on benches along back of stage; small
table for teacher at one side with books, bell and long ruler. Stand
with water pail and dipper, dinner pails hanging on wall, also
children’s wraps; some decorations of evergreen and Merry Christmas
pinned on wall in letters of various sizes and colors. Visitors sit in
chairs at sides of room.




Christmas Speakin’ at Skaggs’s Skule


TEACHER (_tapping bell loudly_)—Now, children dear, I hope you
will all be very, very good and very, very quiet while we have our
entertainment. What kind of an entertainment is it to be, children? (_a
pause_) W’y, children, don’t you know what kind of an entertainment it
is going to be?

VIRGIL—Wal, I think it’ll be a fust-rate good ’un if none of ’em don’t
fergit their pieces.

SAM—W-w-w-w-w-wal, I w-w-w-w-w-won’t f-f-f-f-fergit mine if I
d-d-d-d-don’t git b-b-b-b-b-bashful.

SARAH JANE—Huh, you bet you I won’t git skeered—I haint fraid o’
nothin’. I wouldn’t be skeered to speak if they was a grizzly bear here.

TILLY—Oh, teacher, she would, too, wouldn’t she, teacher?

SARAH JANE—I wouldn’t neither, so there!

TEACHER (_tapping bell_)—Children, be still. That is not a nice way to
act on entertainment day. I meant what kind of an entertainment are we
going to have according to the season (_a pause_). W’y, can’t you tell,
children?

CORABELL—Teacher, what’s season?

MATILDY—Huh, don’t you know that? W’y, it’s salt an’ pepper an’ spice
an’ stuff they put in things to season ’em.

VIRGIL—Aw, that haint what it means—it’s spring an’ fall an’
winter—that’s what season means, haint it, teacher?

TEACHER (_tapping bell_)—Children, be still. I mean what kind of pieces
are we going to have in our entertainment?

ALL (_loudly_)—Chris’mus pieces.

TEACHER—Yes, children, that is right—Christmas pieces, children. Why
are we going to have Christmas pieces, children? (_pause_).

RASTUS—I reckon so’s we-all’ll git a Chris’mus present ef we does our
pieces good. Mammy says as how she’s gwine gimme a mighty nice present
ef I does my part good.

SAM—I t-t-t-t-think we’re s-s-s-s-s-sayin’ K-k-k-k-k-k-k-kris’mus
pieces k-k-k-k-k-kawase K-k-k-k-k-k-kris’mus is the time to
s-s-s-s-s-say K-k-k-k-k-k-k-kris’mus pieces.

TEACHER—Yes, children, we’re going to have a nice Christmas
entertainment because Christmas day is coming and we all love Christmas
day, don’t we, children?

ALL—Yes, ma’am.

TEACHER—And so, children, I hope we shall have a nice entertainment,
an’ that you will be very, very good an’ speak up nice an’ loud an’ do
your parts the very, very best you can (_children nudge each other and
point off stage as if looking out of window_).

FLORILDY (_waving hand_)—Teacher, somebody’s comin’ (_knock is heard_).

TEACHER—S-s-sh! Be quiet, children (_goes over and admits Mrs. Hill_).

_Enter Mrs. Hill_

MRS. HILL—Good afternoon, teacher. I heard as how you’re goin’ to have
Chris’mus speakin’ here this afternoon an’ I says to Jeremiah, I says,
I’m jes’ goin’ over to the skule house an’ hear that speakin’ ’cause as
I says to ’im, says I, I do jes’ love to hear the childrun speak their
pieces. An’ so here I be, teacher, an’ I hope I haint late.

TEACHER—No, indeed, you’re not late, Mis’ Hill, an’ we’re very, very
glad you came. Have this chair (_she seats Mrs. Hill_).

MRS. HILL—My, my, well I remember the time, teacher, that I’ve spoke a
piece at Chris’mus time. They did say, as I says to Jeremiah, says I,
they used to say that I was an awful good hand at speakin’. Mebbe I’ll
speak a piece here today (_smiles at children_).

TEACHER—That will be very, very nice. You’d like to have Mis’ Hill
speak, wouldn’t you, children?

ALL—Yes, ma’am (_they nudge and point off stage again_).

SARAH JANE—Oh, teacher, Billy Skaggs’s mother, she’s comin’ (_a knock
is heard. Teacher goes over and admits Mrs. Skaggs_).

_Enter Mrs. Skaggs_

MRS. SKAGGS—How-de-do, teacher. I hope you’re feelin’ real well. I’ve
come over to the Chris’mus speakin’, teacher. I’ve got an awful lot o’
work to do to home, bein’ as we’re goin’ to have comp’ny on Chris’mus,
an’ I’m tryin’ to make some Chris’mus presents, an’ bake an’ clean up
an’ all, but Billy he was so set on my comin’ that I jes’ come an’ here
I be (_she shakes hands with the teacher and Mrs. Hill_).

TEACHER—We are very, very glad you came. I should have been very, very
disappointed if no one came to visit (_she seats Mrs. Skaggs by Mrs.
Hill_).

MRS. SKAGGS—I hope you haint had none the speakin’ yet. I’d hate
dreadful bad to miss any of it. As I was sayin’ to Hen—that’s my
husban’—I says, Hen, there aint a single thing I like to hear better’n
children speakin’ pieces. I think it’s dreadful nice, even when they
make mistakes. As I says to Hen, we can’t expect ’em to do too good.

OLE (_pointing off stage_)—Oh, teacher, yust look who’s ban comin’!

TEACHER (_tapping bell_)—Be quiet, children (_knock is heard. She goes
over and admits Josiah Judd_).

_Enter Josiah Judd_

MR. JUDD—How-de-do, teacher, how-de-do? I came over to be present
at—that is, to attend, and injoy—that is, to participate in the
Chris’mus entertainment (_shakes hands awkwardly with teacher and the
two visitors_). As a member of the skule board I feel that I should
incourage the childern of the deestrict with my presence here an’ see
how they’re gittin’ on. Be they doin’ purty good, teacher? (_looks
children over_).

TEACHER—We’re very, very glad you came, Mr. Judd. Yes, they’re doin’
real well (_she seats him_). Now, children dear, we will begin to
commence our Christmas entertainment (_Billy sobs softly_).

SARAH JANE (_waving hand_)—Teacher, teacher, Billy’s bawlin’.

TEACHER—W’y, Billy, what is the matter? (_goes to him_).

BILLY (_sobbing_)—I—I—I—

MRS. SKAGGS—Lan’ sakes, teacher, what’s the matter with ’im? Billy, is
your stummick botherin’ you?

BILLY—I—I want to set longside o’ maw.

MRS. SKAGGS—Now, Billy, you set right where you be an’ stop your
fussin’.

BILLY (_boo-hooing out loud_)—I—want—to set—by—maw.

MRS. SKAGGS—Wal, lan’ sakes, teacher, I spose he’ll cry himself sick ef
he can’t set by me. Can he come set here? He’s an awful hand fer his
maw, Billy is (_the children giggle_).

TEACHER (_taking Billy by hand and leading him_)—Yes, he may sit up
here (_she fixes a chair beside his mother for Billy_). Now, children
dear, we will sing our nice welcome song (_she beats time with long
ruler, Mr. Judd beats time with his hand and keeps time with his head;
the two visitors beat time with foot. The children sing with a great
deal of spirit_).

TUNE: JUST BEFORE THE BATTLE, MOTHER

    Welcome, welcome, Merry Christmas,
    Joyfully we welcome you;
    Welcome, welcome, Merry Christmas,
    With a welcome glad and true;
    Welcome, welcome, Merry Christmas,
    Welcome to your Christmas toys;
    Welcome, welcome, Merry Christmas,
    With your welcome Christmas joys.
    Welcome, welcome, Merry Christmas,
    With a welcome loud and clear
    Welcome, welcome, Merry Christmas,
    Welcome, best day of the year.

MRS. HILL—That was real fine.

MRS. SKAGGS—They done jes’ splendid, teacher.

MR. JUDD—Very good, very good!

TEACHER—Now we will have an essay on Christmas by Virgil Vale. Virgil
wrote this all by himself out of his own head an’ it is very, very good
(_Virgil walks to the front with long strides, smoothes his hair, fixes
his collar, straightens his coat, blows his nose, then takes a paper
from his pocket and reads; high tone and sing-song_).

VIRGIL—Christmas is a very nice day. It comes on the 25th day of
December. Christmas is when Santa Claus comes with presents. Christmas
is when we hang up our stockings to get presents. Christmas is when
we have Christmas trees with presents on. Christmas is when folks has
company or goes visitin’. On Christmas day folks say Merry Christmas
to each other. Christmas day don’t last long but it is a long time
gettin’ here. It is more blessed to give Christmas than to receive it.
Christmas is a merry day (_bows low and takes seat_).

TEACHER—That was fine, Virgil.

MR. JUDD (_nodding head_)—Very good, very good!

MRS. HILL—I couldn’t a wrote a better one myself.

TEACHER—Now we will have a piece by Ole Swanson.

OLE (_much scared_)—Teacher, I aint ban feel very gude—I don’t gass
I ban speakin’ my piece today. I—I skall got awfully yumpin’ tooths
aching, teacher.

TEACHER—Oh, now, Ole, you can speak. Your tooth doesn’t ache.

OLE—Teacher, please, I ban gotting such a headache I aint skall ban
feelings gude, teacher. I no skall ban able to speakings, teacher.

TEACHER—Then I shall tell your mother not to give you any Christmas
present.

OLE—Then by yimminy, I skall ban speakings, yust the same like I aint
ban sick (_marches rapidly to front and speaks_):

    One time there ban one little boy,
    Who sometimes yust ban bad an’ rude;
    He makes a face to his mamma (_makes face_)
    An’ aint behaves not very gude.

    He don’t ban studies very hard
    To learn his lessons gude to skule;
    An’ sometimes whispers with the girls,
    Which skall ban ’gainst the teacher’s rule.

    This little boy he ban so bad
    That when gude Mister Santy come,
    All he skall puts into his stocking
    Ban yust one piece of shewing gum.
                (_Makes quick bow and hurries to seat._)

RASTUS—Done served dat-dare boy jes’ right, aint it, teacher?

TEACHER—Yes, indeed. You spoke very well, Ole. Next we shall have a
song by the twins, Matildy and Florildy.

MATILDY—Oh, I don’t want to sing—I’m scart.

FLORILDY—You come on, now. You know what maw told you—that she’d spank
you if you didn’t sing nice after teacher had learned us so good.

MRS. HILL—Come on, Matildy. I know that song’s goin’ to be jes’
splendid (_the twins go to the front and are about to sing when Matildy
begins to giggle. Florildy looks at her then she too giggles_).

TEACHER—Girls, that is very, very wrong. Sing your song like nice
girls. (_Matildy straightens out, then as they are about to sing she
has another spell of giggling in which Florildy finally joins. They at
last sing_):

MATILDY and FLORILDY.

TUNE: BLUE BELLS OF SCOTLAND

1.

    Oh we are the twins, (_Matildy alone_) and Matildy is my name,
    (_Florildy alone_) And mine is Florildy, which is almost the same;
    (_Both_) Matildy and Florildy, the merry twins are we,
    And it’s just before Christmas
    We’re good as good can be.

(_Florildy looks very solemn and good, Matildy giggles._)

2.

    (_Matildy alone_) When Santa Claus cometh I want a pretty ring,
    (_Florildy alone_) And since we are twins I am wanting the same
          thing;
    (_Matildy alone_) I want a Christmas doll with fair hair and eyes
          of blue,
    (_Both_) And because we are twins, ’course Florildy wants one too.

3.

    Oh, we are the twins (_Florildy pointing to Matildy_) And Matildy
          is her name;
    (_Maltildy, pointing to Florildy_) And hers is Florildy which is
          almost the same.
    (_Both_) Matildy and Florildy, the merry twins are we,
    And it’s just before Christmas
    We’re good as good can be (_pass to seats_).

MRS. SKAGGS—Now, I think they done that real fine.

MR. JUDD—Very good, very good!

TEACHER—The next will be a piece by Rastus.

RASTUS—Say, teacher, I don’t wan’ ter speak no piece, I shooly don’
wan’ ter, teacher.

TEACHER—Oh, yes, you do, Rastus.

RASTUS—No, hones’, re’lly, I shooly cross mah heart an’ hope ter die, I
don’ wan’ ter speak mah piece, teacher.

TEACHER—Why not?

RASTUS—I’s ’fraid I’ll disrecomember it, teacher an’ mammy said as how
if I disrecomembered mah piece I’d git skun alive when I gits home. I
don’ wan’ ter get skun, shuah’s youse born I don’ wan’ ter, teacher.

TEACHER—Now, Rastus, you won’t forget. I know you won’t, so come speak
like a nice boy.

RASTUS (_rubbing eyes_)—I—I—don’ wan’ ter—be—SKUN!

MRS. HILL—Poor little fellow (_wipes her eyes_).

SARAH JANE—Teacher, if she skuns ’im will he die?

RASTUS (_loudly_)—Boo-hoo, I don’ wan’ ter DIE!

MR. JUDD—Now, Rastus, you speak your piece and I’ll see that your
mother doesn’t touch you and I’ll give you some candy.

RASTUS—All right (_comes forward grinning widely, bows and speaks_):

    Some boys dey wants a drum er gun,
    An’ some dey t’inks a sled is fun;
    But fer mah Chris’mus I’s a tellin’
    I wants a great, big watermelon.
                      (_Measures large size with arms._)

    A tickin’ watch would suit some boys,
    An’ some dey’s fond ob books an’ toys;
    But, OH, ’twould set mah heart a swellin’
    On Chris’mus ter git a watermelon.
                      (_Measures large size as before._)

    Candy an’ nuts dey jes’ suits some,
    But as fer me—oh, yum—yum—YUM! (_smacks lips_)
    Fer joy I’d shooly feel like yellin’
    Ef Santy’d brang me a watermelon.
        (_Measures as before, bows low and takes seat._)

TILLIE—Teacher, he won’t git skun, will he?

MR. JUDD—No, indeed he won’t. That was very good, very good (_he gives
Rastus bright stick of candy_).

RASTUS (_eating candy_)—Teacher, I jes’ as liefs to speak mah piece
ovah agin.

TEACHER—No, once is enough.

BILLY—Boo-hoo, boo-hoo, boo-hoo!

MRS. SKAGGS—Lan’ sakes, Billy, what’s the matter now?

BILLY—Boo-hoo, boo-hoo, boo-hoo!

MRS. SKAGGS—Now, Billy, tell maw what’s the matter. Be your stummick a
hurtin’ you agin, Billy?

BILLY—I want some candy like he’s got (_points to Rastus_).

MRS. SKAGGS—Wal, jes’ as soon’s we git home you can have some.

BILLY (_kicking floor with both feet_)—Don’t wan’ ter wait. Boo-hoo,
boo-hoo!

SAM—I s-s-s-s-s-s-say, he b-b-b-b-b-b-better have a g-g-g-g-good
l-l-l-l-l-l-lickin’. (_Mr. Judd slips over quietly and puts a stick of
candy into Billy’s hand_).

BILLY—I won’t—(_sees candy and stares at it, laughs and puts it in his
mouth_). Oh, Maw, I got some, too (_laughs_).

TEACHER—Now we will have—

CORABELL (_softly_)—Boo-hoo, boo-hoo, boo-hoo!

TILLY—Oh, teacher, my little sister’s cryin’! (_puts arm around
Corabell_). What’s the matter, little sister? Are you sick?

CORABELL—No! (_louder_). Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

TEACHER (_goes over_)—Do you want to go home?

CORABELL—NO! (_louder_) Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

TILLY—Please, dearie, tell sister what’s the matter.

CORABELL—I want—some—too—boo-hoo-hoo!

MR. JUDD—Pshaw, now! I guess I got myself in trouble (_he slips over
and puts candy in Corabell’s hand_).

TILLY—Oh, see, little sister, what the nice man gave you (_Corabell
laughs and puts candy in mouth_).

TEACHER—We will now have a piece by Sarah Jane (_she sits fussing in
her seat_). Come, Sarah Jane, speak your piece.

SAM—Huh, she’s f-f-f-f-f-f-fraid to s-s-s-s-s-say it.

SARAH JANE—I haint neither—I haint scart o’ nuthin’. I’m—I’m a fixin’
up my stockin’ (_fusses, then goes to front and stands there, twisting
her dress and looking down at floor_).

TEACHER—Speak up, nice, Sarah Jane.

VIRGIL—Say, I bet she’s so skeert she can’t say nothin’.

SARAH JANE—I haint neither.

VIRGIL—Oh, you be, too.

SARAH JANE—I haint scart o’ nothin’.

TEACHER—Why don’t you speak, Sarah Jane?

SARAH JANE—I’m thinkin’.

TEACHER—What are you thinking about?

SARAH JANE—How my piece starts (_twists dress, looks down at floor,
moves lips. Then speaks, loud and fast_).

    The air was cold as cold could be,
    The wind was blowing dis-ma-lee,
    The night was dark as a black cat
    And Santy Claus’ heart went pit-y-pat.

(_Stops, moves lips, etc., as before. Then speaks the four lines over
again and adds_):

    ’Cause ’twas so dark he feared he’d make,
    Scootin’ down chimbleys a bad mistake,
    An’ leave a doll with curly hair
    For the big boy a livin’ there.
                        (_Bows low and takes seat._)

MRS. HILL—That was real fine, Sarah Jane.

MR. JUDD—Very good, very good!

TEACHER—Next Sam Shaw will speak.

SAM—T-t-t-t-t-teacher, I g-g-g-g-g-g-got a s-s-s-s-s-short piece,
k-k-k-k-k-kawse it takes me so l-l-l-l-l-long to s-s-s-s-s-say it,
k-k-k-k-k-kawse I st-st-st-st-st-stutter.

TEACHER—Very well (_Sam pulls coat and contorts body trying to speak_):

    A l-l-l-l-l-little b-b-b-b-b-bird sat on a t-t-t-t-tree,
    S-s-s-s-s-singin’ loud an’ k-k-k-k-klear,
    Oh, l-l-l-l-l-let us all b-b-b-b-b-be h-h-h-h-h-happy,
    K-k-k-k-k-kawse K-k-k-k-k-k-kris’mus time is here.
                                  (_Bows and takes seat._)

MRS. SKAGGS—I think he done that real fine.

MR. JUDD—Very good, very good!

TEACHER—Now, Billy will speak his piece (_Billy shakes head_).

MRS. SKAGGS—Now Billy, you go speak like a good boy.

BILLY—I—don’t wan’—to (_hangs to his mother’s skirt_).

MRS. SKAGGS—Now, don’t you be naughty. You go speak your piece so Santy
Claus will bring you a nice present.

BILLY—No, no, NO!

MRS. SKAGGS—Come now, maw will take you over (_she takes him by the
hand, pulls him to the front to speak, fixes his tie, smoothes his hair
and goes back to her seat_). Now speak, Billy.

BILLY—No, no, NO! (_he runs back and sits by his mother_).

MRS. SKAGGS—Now, Billy, don’t act so—what would paw say? (_she pulls
him back to front, fixes him again and turns to go to her seat. Billy
grabs her skirt and follows her, crying_). Wal, teacher, I don’t guess
he’ll speak, he’s so bashful. He gits it from his paw an’ I spose he
can’t help it.

TEACHER—Then Tilly will speak her piece.

TILLY (_in high, piping voice, very dramatic gestures_).

    Upon the mountains high, (_up to right with right hand_)
    Or in the valleys low, (_down at left with left hand_)
    Or in the arching heavens, (_up with both hands_)
    Where stars in silence glow (_same as above_).
    In the North and South land (_point to the front, then back_)
    East and West the breezes say, (_to right, then left_)
    “Let ev’ry one be merry (_to the front with both hands_)
    On Christmas Day” (_same as above_).
                      (_Very sweeping bow, then takes seat._)

MRS. HILL—My, my, her motions was jes’ grand!

MR. JUDD (_nodding_)—Very good, very good!

TILLY—Teacher, my little sister has a piece to say.

TEACHER—Then she may speak now.

TILLY—Come on, Corabell, don’t be ’fraid. I’ll take you up to speak
(_she leads Corabell to the front and fixes her hair, ribbons, dress,
etc._) Now speak your piece, little sister (_Corabell should be fat and
larger than Tilly_).

CORABELL (_lisping_)—

    I am a very little girl,
    An’ has’nt much to thay,
    But I’ll throw you a sweet kiss,
    An’ then I’ll run away.
              (_Throws a kiss then stands grinning._)

TILLY—Come on, Corabell, run to your seat.

CORABELL—I don’t want to (_stands grinning_).

TILLY—Why not?

CORABELL—I want you to come fetch me to my seat.

TILLY—All right (_she goes and takes Corabell to seat_).

MRS. HILL—My, my, aint she the cute little thing?

MRS. SKAGGS—Aint she though? Billy, can’t you speak like that little
girl?

BILLY—No, no (_clings to his mother_).

VIRGIL—Teacher, can’t Mis’ Hill speak her piece now?

THE OTHERS—Oh, yes, ma’am, yes, ma’am!

MRS. HILL—My, my, me! It’s so long sence I’ve spoke I guess I’ve forgot
how. Wal, I’ll try, but don’t you laugh at me (_goes to front, makes
sweeping gesture with both hands and bows low_).

    Some folks there be, but they aint like me,
      That whines an’ almost has a fit,
    An’ pouts if Santy don’t bring jes’ what
      They was wishin’ fer to git.
                (_Pouts and stands looking very ugly._)

    But some folks there be, an’ they’re like me,
      That smiles an’ says “Ho, ho, ho”,
    No matter what Santy brings ’em,
      They’re jolly an’ laugh jes’ like so.

(_Hands on hips and laughs, ha-ha-ha, ho-ho-ho, then makes another low
bow and takes seat._)

TEACHER—That was splendid, wasn’t it children? (_Virgil goes off_).

CHILDREN (_heartily_)—Yes, ma’am.

MR. JUDD—Very good, very good!

TEACHER—Now, children, we are very, very glad to have our esteemed an’
highly respected clerk of the Skule board here with us today. It was
very, very nice for him to take so much interest in you an’ come to
hear your pieces. Now we shall be very, very glad to have him make us a
speech, won’t we, children?

CHILDREN—Yes, ma’am.

MR. JUDD (_going to front and rubbing hands together as he talks_)—Wal,
teacher and children and visiters, I can say with great truth an’ much
joy that I be glad to been here today. Yes, childern, I allus like fer
to hear the childern speak pieces an’ I can said that I been proud of
the way you speaked an’ sung. Yes, childern, I can say with truth an’
not a tellin’ nuthin’ that haint so, that you all done good, very good,
in your speakin’. Your nice teacher has been a learnin’ you fine an’
as I said, you done good. Yes, childern. An’ you mus’ all been proper
behaved in skule, childern, fer nobody can’t larn good when they been a
cuttin’ up, an’ misbehavin’ an’ not a mindin’ the nice teacher’s rule.
Yes, childern. So I want fer to tell you as how you mus’ study hard an’
behave good. Now, childern, do you know what I be? (_pause_).

FLORILDY—I guess mebbe you’re teacher’s beau (_children giggle_).

TEACHER (_smiling_)—W’y, w’y, w’y, Florildy, dear, how can you SAY such
a thing?

MR. JUDD (_wiping face vigorously with bandanna_)—Yes, yes, that is, I
mean to said, I, yes, wal, (_twists bandanna nervously_) I wanted fer
to have you said I were CLERK of the SKULE BOARD, childern, yes, CLERK
of SKAGGS’S SKULE, childern, an’ I was goin’ fer to say as how if you
study hard an’ been good mebbe some day—yes, who knows, childern, mebbe
some o’ you’ll git to been clerk. Wouldn’t that be grand, childern?
Yes. So you mus’ study hard an’ been good behaved. Now I can truthful
say I been glad to been here today with you an’ your nice teacher, an’
I hope you can all said the same. An’ I wish you all a merry Chris’mus,
childern, very merry. Yes (_sits, mops face with bandanna_).

TEACHER (_beaming_)—Now, wasn’t that a splendid speech? An’ we thank
Mr. Judd very, very much, don’t we, children?

CHILDREN—Yes, ma’am.

TEACHER—An’ now, children, we will sing our Santy Claus song, an’ who
knows, children, mebbe Santy Claus will come right here an’ serprise us
all (_beats time with ruler_).

TUNE: WONDERFUL WORDS OF LIFE

    ALL SING—There’s a man who lives far away,
                His name is Santy Claus,
              He comes with his reindeer an’ sleigh,
                His name is Santy Claus;
              With his bells a ringin’,
                He comes presents bringin’,
              Listen, you’ll hear (_bells ring off stage_)
                Here comes old Santy Claus!

    _Enter Virgil_ (_dressed as Santy Claus_)

VIRGIL (_gruff voice_)—Wal, wal, childern, didn’t expec’ ter see me
here today, did ye? Wal, here I be an’ I hope yer al glad to see Santy.
Now fust thing, I want ter know HAVE YE BEEN GOOD CHILDERN? Have ye?
(_pause_) Have ye been good?

TILLY (_faintly_)—Yes, ma’am.

BILLY—Oh, boo-hoo-hoo, boo-hoo-hoo, boo-hoo-hoo!

MRS. SKAGGS—W’y, Billy, what’s the matter?

BILLY—Boo-hoo-hoo, boo-hoo-hoo! I’m ’fraid of Santy Claus.

MRS. SKAGGS—Now, Billy, Santy won’t hurt you none.

BILLY (_bawling_)—I want to go home. I want to go home (_cries louder
and falls down on floor_).

MRS. SKAGGS—Oh, I’m ’fraid he’ll have a fit he’s so skeered. (_to
teacher_) Tell ’im to take off his face so’s Billy can see ’im
(_teacher runs and talks to Virgil who pulls off his false face_).

TEACHER—See, Billy, it’s only Virgil.

VIRGIL (_crossly_)—Nice way to spoil our fun (_Billy stops crying,
looks at Virgil and begins to laugh_).

TEACHER—Now, children, we will have a treat and Mr. Judd will help
Santy pass it to you (_Virgil and Mr. J. give each one a sack of pop
corn and candy as curtain falls_).


    CURTAIN




PLAYS, MONOLOGS, Etc.


=AS OUR WASHWOMAN SEES IT.= (Edna I. MacKenzie.) Time, 10 minutes. Nora
is seen at the washboard at the home of Mrs. McNeal, where, amidst her
work, she engages in a line of gossip concerning her patrons, that will
make a hit with any audience. 25 cents.

=ASK OUIJA.= (Edna I. MacKenzie.) Time, 8 minutes. A present-day girl
illustrates to her friends the wonders of the Ouija board. Her comments
on the mysteries of this present-day fad as she consults Ouija will
delight any audience. 25 cents.

=COONTOWN TROUBLES.= (Bugbee-Berg.) A lively black-face song given by
Josephus Johnsing, Uncle Rastus and other Coontown folks. 35 cents.

=THE GREAT CHICKEN STEALING CASE OF EBENEZER COUNTY.= (Walter
Richardson.) A negro mock trial for 9 males, 2 females and jurors.
Time, 35 minutes. Any ordinary room easily arranged. From start to
finish this trial is ludicrous to the extreme and will bring roars of
laughter from the audience. 25 cents.

=THE GREAT WHISKEY-STEALING CASE OF RUMBOLD VS. RYEBOLD.= (Walter
Richardson.) A mock trial for 11 males and jury. The fun increases as
the trial proceeds, and reaches a climax when the jury decides who
stole the whiskey. 25 cents.

=HERE’S TO THE LAND OF THE STARS AND THE STRIPES.= (Bugbee-Worrell.)
Open your minstrel with this rousing patriotic song. Sheet music. 35
cents.

=THE KINK IN KIZZIE’S WEDDING.= (Mary Bonham.) Time, 20 minutes. For 7
males and 5 females. A colored wedding that will convulse any audience
with laughter. Said to be the funniest mock wedding ever produced. 25
cents.

=SHE SAYS SHE STUDIES.= A monologue. (Edna I. MacKenzie.) A sentimental
high-school girl seated with her books preparing the next day’s
lessons, in a highly original and entertaining manner, expresses her
views on the merits of her various studies and her unbiased opinion of
her teachers, as she proceeds from book to book in the order of her
recitation; but when she has finished, you will agree that she is very
much more of an entertainer than a student. 25 cents.

=SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH.= (Edna I. MacKenzie.) Time, 10 minutes.
It is time for church and Susan, at her toilet, is excitedly calling
for missing articles and her rapid line of gossip about her friends and
of certain church activities will bring many a laugh. 25 cents.

=THAT AWFUL LETTER.= A comedy of unusual merit, in one act. (Edna I.
MacKenzie.) For five girls. Time, 30 minutes. Recommended for high
schools, societies and churches. Elizabeth Norton, an accomplished
college girl from the country, has been reluctantly and rudely invited
to visit a city cousin, Margaret Neilson, whom she has never seen.
Finding she is expected to be gawky and uneducated, Elizabeth acts the
part perfectly. Developments follow thick and fast amid flashes of wit,
humor and satire from Elizabeth, who at last reveals her real self.
Margaret’s humiliation is complete and there is a happy ending. All the
characters are good. The country cousin is a star. 25 cents.

=THE UNEXPECTED GUEST.= A one-act comedy. (Edna I. MacKenzie.) Six
females. Time, 45 minutes. The unexpected arrival of an eccentric aunt
throws, a family into a state of excitement and dismay, but before the
play is over the unwelcome aunt has endeared herself to her relatives
in quite an unexpected manner. Funny situations throughout. 25 cents.

    Paine Publishing Company      Dayton, Ohio




CHRISTMAS ENTERTAINMENTS


=CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER.= (Elizabeth P. Guptill.) One of the most
popular Christmas plays clean, wholesome fun from beginning to end. It
depicts the trials of the teacher of an old-fashioned “deestric school”
in conducting the last rehearsal for the Christmas Entertainment.
Children and grown-ups will be delighted with CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN
HOLLER. 25c.

=CHRISTMAS AT McCARTHY’S.= (Elizabeth F. Guptill.) A Christmas play for
young folks and children that is brimful of fun from start to close and
is interspersed with the gentlest pathos. All the characters are good.
Easy to produce. No special scenery or costumes. No Santa Claus. Can be
played in any schoolroom. 25c.

=CHRISTMAS SPEAKIN’ AT SKAGGS’S SKULE.= (Marie Irish.) Just published.
Humorous entertainment for six boys and eight girls, including Ole, the
Swede; Rastus, the negro; bashful Bill; Jeremiah Judkins, the skule
clerk; Mis’ Skaggs and Mis’ Hill, the mothers who “help out;” fat
little sister; Matildy and Florildy, the twins; Sam who st-t-tut-ters;
Tiny, and Miss Emmeline Elkins, the teacher. The speech by the skule
clerk and the fake Santy Claus are features. 25c.

=CHRISTMAS DIALOGUES.= (Cecil J. Richmond.) Every dialogue in this
book is decidedly to the point and easy to prepare. They will delight
both young and old. The book contains the following: Is There a Santa
Clause? (2 small children, Santa Claus and chorus); Herbert’s Discovery
(2 boys); The Christmas Dinner (2 little girls, 1 larger girl, and
2 boys); Playing Santa Claus (1 small and 2 larger boys); A Double
Christmas Gift (2 small girls, 2 larger girls, and 3 boys). Many
customers have told us that the last named dialogue is worth the price
of the book. 25 cents.

=EVERGREEN AND HOLLY—SONG AND DRILL.= (Elizabeth F. Guptill.) A drill
for any even number of boys and girls, or all girls. The girls carry
garlands of evergreen while the boys carry wreaths of the same. After a
spectacular drill and fancy march they all sing a beautiful Christmas
song, which accompanies the drill. Easy to produce and decidedly novel.
25 cents.

=GOOD-BYE, CHRISTMAS GROUCHES.= (Irish-Lyman.) A jolly Christmas song
for any number of boys and girls. It abounds with Christmas cheer and
many pleasant surprises. Full of action. Sheet music. This popular song
will put “pep” in your Christmas entertainment and will furnish your
audience a rare treat. 35 cents.

=POINSETTIA DRILL.= (Marie Irish.) A drill for 12 or more girls
carrying poinsettias. Given to the music of a lively march,
interspersed with verses to the tune of the song. “Comin’ Through the
Rye.” Several diagrams make clear the following of the directions. One
of the most beautiful Christmas drills published. 25 cents.

=SANTA CLAUS IS COMING.= (Irish-Garster.) Song for little folks. Easy
words and simple action. A pleasing little song that the children will
enjoy giving and others will enjoy hearing, because of its merry humor.
Sheet music. 35 cents.

=STARS OF BETHLEHEM.= (Irish-Leyman.) A beautiful song of the Christ
Child for either solo or chorus. The music is sweet and perfectly
suited to the beautiful words. A delightful number for children or
adults. Sheet music, 35 cents.

=SNOWBOUND FOR CHRISTMAS.= (Edna I. MacKenzie.) For 4 boys and 4 girls.
Time, 25 minutes. The roads being blocked by a recent snowstorm,
the Simpson family has not been able to get to town to do their
Christmas shopping. After considerable lamenting by the children over
their disappointment, Ma Simpson, Pa Simpson, and the older children
determine upon home-made presents, which results in a most pleasant
surprise. 25 cents.

=TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS, A.= (Elizabeth F. Guptill.) A decidedly
humorous Christmas play for any number of children from six to twelve
years old. The children are tired of “minding” and of everything
being “just so,” so they start to find a place where things will be
different. There is a pleasing surprise for the audience at every turn
of the play. 25 cents.

    Paine Publishing Company      Dayton, Ohio

       *       *       *       *       *

Transcriber’s Notes:

Obvious punctuation errors repaired.

Page 4, “leters” changed to “letters” (letters of various)

Page 8, “dissapointed” changed to “disappointed” (very disappointed if
no)

Page 12, “Maltildy” changed to “Matildy” (Come on, Matildy)

Page 20, “litle” changed to “little” (my little sister)

Page 21, “CHILREN” changed to “CHILDREN” (CHILDREN (_heartily_))

Inside back cover, “rlatives” changed to “relatives” (to her relatives)