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                                TAPE JOCKEY

                                By Tom Leahy

[Transcriber Note: This etext was produced from IF Worlds of Science
Fiction March 1954. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]


[Sidenote: _Pettigill was, you might say, in tune with the world. It
wouldn't even have been an exaggeration to say the world was in tune
with Pettigill. Then somebody struck a sour note...._]


The little man said, "Why, Mr. Bartle, come in. This is indeed a
pleasure." His pinched face was lighted with an enthusiastic smile.

"You know my name, so I suppose you know the _Bulletin_ sent me for a
personality interview," the tall man who stood in the doorway said in a
monotone as if it were a statement he had made a thousand times--which
he had.

"Oh, certainly, Mr. Bartle. I was informed by Section Secretary Andrews
this morning. I must say, I am greatly honored by this visit, too. Oh
heavens, here I am letting you stand in the doorway. Excuse my
discourtesy, sir--come in, come in," the little man said, and bustled
the bored Bartle into a great room.

The walls of the room were lined by gray metal boxes that had spools of
reproduction tape mounted on their vertical fronts--tape recorders,
hundreds of them.

"I have a rather lonely occupation, Mr. Bartle, and sometimes the common
courtesies slip my mind. It is a rather grievous fault and I beg you to
overlook it. It would be rather distressing to me if Section Secretary
Andrews were to hear of it; he has a rather intolerant attitude toward
such _faux pas_. Do you understand what I mean? Not that I'm
dissatisfied with my superior--perish the thought, it's just that--"

"Don't worry, I won't breathe a word," the tall man interrupted without
looking at the babbling fellow shuffling along at his side. "Mr.
Pettigill, I don't want to keep you from your work for too long, so I'll
just get a few notes and make up the bulk of the story back at the
paper." Bartle searched the room with his eyes. "Don't you have a chair
in this place?"

"Oh, my gracious, yes. There goes that old discourtesy again, eh?" the
little man, Pettigill, said with a dry laugh. He scurried about the room
like a confused squirrel until he spotted a chair behind his desk. "My
chair. My chair for you, Mr. Bartle!" Again the dry laugh.

"Thanks, Mr. Pettigill."

"Arthur. Call me Arthur. Formality really isn't necessary among Mid
Echelon, do you think? Section Secretary Andrews has often requested I
call him Morton, but I just can't seem to bring myself to such
informality. After all, he is Sub-Prime Echelon. It makes one
uncomfortable, shall we say, to step out of one's class?" He stopped
talking and the corners of his mouth dropped quickly as if he had just
been given one minute to live. "You--you _are_ only Mid Echelon, aren't
you? I mean, if you are Sub-Prime, I shouldn't be--"

"Relax, Mr. Pettigill--'Arthur'--I _am_ Mid Echelon. And I'm only that
because my father was a man of far more industry than I; I inherited my
classification."

"So? Well, now. Interesting--very. He must have been a great man, a
great man, Mr. Bartle."

"So I am told, Arthur. But let's get on with it," Bartle said, taking
some scrap paper and a pencil stub from his tunic pocket. "Now, tell me
about yourself and the Melopsych Center."

"Well," the little man began with a sigh and blinked his eyes peculiarly
as though he were mentally shuffling events and facts like a deck of
cards. "Well, I--my life would be of little interest, but the Center is
of the utmost importance. That's it--I am no more than a physical
extremity that functions in accord with the vital life that courses
through the great physique of the Center! No more--I ask no more than to
serve the Center and in turn, my fellow citizens, whether they be Prime,
Sub-Prime, Mid, or even Sub-Lower!"

He stopped speaking, affecting a martyr-like pose. Bartle covered a
smile with his hand.

"Well, Bartle, as you know, the Center--the Melopsych Center, a
thoroughly inadequate name for the installation I might say--is the
point of broadcast for these many taped musical selections contrived by
Mass Psych as a therapeutic treatment for the various Echelon levels. It
is the Great Psychiatrist--the Father Confessor. For where can one bare
one's soul, or soothe one's nerves and disposition frayed by a day's
endeavor, better than in the tender yet firm embrace of music?"

       *       *       *       *       *

Bartle was straining to follow the train of thought that was lost in the
camouflage of Pettigill's flowery phraseology.

"You see all about you these many recorders, Mr. Bartle?"

Bartle nodded.

"On those machines, sir, are spools of tape. Music tapes, all music. My
heavens, every kind: classical music, jazz, western, all kinds of music.
Some tapes are no more than a single melodious note, sustained for
whatever length of time necessary to relax and please the Echelon level
home it is being beamed to. Oh, I tell you, Mr. Bartle, when the last
tape has expended itself for the day, as our service code suggests, I
leave this great edifice with a feeling of profound pride in the fact
that I have so served my fellow man. You share that feeling too, don't
you Mr. Bartle?"

Bartle shrugged. Pettigill paused and looked at the watch he carried on
a long chain attached to a clasp on his tunic.

"A Benz chronometer, given to me by Section Secretary Andrews on the
completion of my twenty-five years of service. It's radio-synchronized
with the master timepiece in Greenland. It gives me a feeling of close
communion with my superiors, if you understand what I mean."

Bartle did not. He said, "Am I keeping you from your work? If I am, I
believe I can fill in on most of this back at the paper; we have files
on the Center's operation."

The little man hurriedly put out a hand to restrain Bartle who was
easing out of the chair.

"Not yet, Mr. Bartle," he said, suddenly much more sober. Then his
incongruous pomposity appeared again. "My gracious, no, you aren't
keeping me from my work. I just must start the Mid-Lower Echelon tape.
It won't take a moment. Tonight, they receive 'Concerto For Ass's
Jawbone.' Sounds rather ridiculous, doesn't it? Be that as it may, there
is a certain stimulation in its rhythmic cacophony. Aboriginality--yes,
I would say it arouses a primitive exaltation."

He flicked a switch above the recorder, turned a knob, and pressed the
starter button on the machine. The tape began winding slowly from one
spool to another.

"Is it 'casting'?" Bartle asked. "I don't hear a thing."

Pettigill laughed. "My stars, no; you can't hear it. See--" He pointed
at a needle doing a staccato dance on the meter face of the machine.
"That tells me everything is operating properly. Mass Psych advises us
never to listen to 'casts. The selections were designed by them for
specific social and intellectual levels. It could cause us to experience
a rather severe emotional disturbance."

A peculiar look came over Bartle's face. "Is there ever a time when all
the machines run at once? That is, when every Echelon home is tuned to
the melopsych tapecasts?"

Pettigill registered surprise. "Why, certainly, Mr. Bartle. Don't you
know Amendment 34206-B specifically states that all Echelon homes must
receive music therapy at 2300 hours every night? Of course, different
tapes to different homes."

"That's what I mean."

"Haven't you been abiding by the directive, Mr. Bartle?"

"I told you I owed my classification to my father's industry. I am
definitely lax in my duties."

Pettigill laughed--almost wickedly, Bartle thought.

"What I'm getting at, is," Bartle continued, "what if the wrong 'casts
were channeled into the various homes?"

"I remind you, sir, I am in charge of the Center and have been for
thirty years. Not even the slightest mistake of that nature has ever
occurred during that time!"

"That, I can believe, Pettigill," Bartle said, his voice edged with
sarcasm. "But, hypothetically, if it were to happen, what would the
reaction be?"

The little man fidgeted with his watch chain. Then he leaned close to
Bartle and said in a barely audible whisper, "This isn't for publication
in your article, is it?"

"You don't think the Government would allow that, do you? No, this is to
satisfy my own curiosity."

"Well, since we're both Mid Echelon--brothers, so to speak--I suppose we
can share a secret. It will be disastrous! I firmly believe it will be
disastrous, Mr. Bartle!" He moved closer to the tall man. "I recall a
secret administrative directive we received here twenty years ago
concerning just that. In essence, it stated that, though music therapy
has its great advantages, if the pattern of performance were broken or
altered, a definite erratic emotional reaction would develop on the part
of the citizens! That was twenty years ago, and I shudder to think what
might be the response now; especially if the 'cast were completely
foreign to the recipient." He gave a little shudder to emphasize the
horror of the occurrence. "It would make psychotics of the entire
citizenry! That's what would happen--a nation of psychotics!"

"The fellow who didn't hear the 'miscast' would be top dog, eh,
Pettigill? He could call his shots."

       *       *       *       *       *

Pettigill twirled the watch chain faster between a forefinger and thumb.
"No, he'd gain nothing," he said, staring as though hypnotized by the
whirling, gold chain. "It would take more than one _sane_ person to
control the derelict population. Perhaps--perhaps two," he mumbled.
"Yes, I think perhaps two could."

"You and who else, Pettigill?"

Pettigill stepped back and drew himself erect. "What? You actually
entertain the idea th--" He laughed dryly. "Oh, you're pulling my leg,
eh, Mr. Bartle."

"I suppose I am."

"Well, such a remark gives one a jolt, if you know what I mean. Even
though we are speaking of a hypothetical occurrence, we must be cautious
about such talk, Mr. Bartle. Although our government is a benevolent
organization, it _is_ ill-disposed toward such ideas." He cleared his
throat. "Now, is there anything else I can tell you about the Center?"

Bartle arose from the chair, stuffing the scrap paper and unused pencil
back in his pocket. "Thanks, no," he said, "I think this'll cover it. Oh
yes, the article will appear in this Sunday's edition. Thanks,
Pettigill, for giving me your time."

"Oh, I wish to thank you, Mr. Bartle. Being featured in a _Bulletin_
article is the ultimate to a man such as I--a man whose only wishes are
to serve his country and his brothers."

"I'm sure you're doing both with great efficiency," Bartle said as he
apathetically shook Pettigill's hand and started toward the door.

"A moment, Mr. Bartle--" the little man called.

Bartle stopped and turned.

"I perceive, Mr. Bartle, you are a man of exceptional ability,"
Pettigill said and cleared his throat. "It seems a shame to waste such
talent; it should be directed toward some definite goal. Do you
understand what I mean? After all, we're all brothers, you know. It
would be for my benefit as well as yours."

"Sure, sure, 'brother'," Bartle snorted and left.

He started for the paper office but decided to let the story go until
morning. What the hell, he had a stock format for all such articles. The
people were the same: selfless, heroic type, citizens working for the
mutual good of all. Only the names were different. And yet, this
Pettigill had disturbed him. Perhaps it was something he had said that
Bartle could not remember.

       *       *       *       *       *

He walked into his warm flat and extracted the pre-cooked meal from the
electroven. He ate with little relish, abstractly thinking of the
foolish little cog in the governmental machine he had talked with that
afternoon. Or was Pettigill that foolish little cog? Bartle could not
help but feel there was something deep inside him that did not show in
that wizened and seemingly open little face. He thought about it the
rest of the evening.

He looked at the clock on the night table--2300 hours. "Pettigill's
Lullaby Hour," he thought. Bartle chuckled and switched off the bed
light. He was asleep before the puffs of air had escaped from under the
covers he pulled over himself.

When the phone rang at 0300, Bartle was strangely not surprised,
although, consciously, he was expecting no call.

"Hello," he said sleepily.

"Bartle? This is Pettigill." The voice _was_ Pettigill's but the
nervous, timid, quality was gone. "I assume you did not hear the 2300
'cast?"

"You assume correctly, Pettigill. What d'you want?"

"Come on over to the Center; we'll split a fifth of former Section
Secretary Andrews' Scotch."

"What the hell do you mean?"

"Were you serious about that 'therapy revolution' we were talking about
this afternoon?"

"I'm always serious. So what?"

"Excellent, excellent," Pettigill laughed. "I've spent thirty years just
waiting for such a man as you! No, I'm serious, my cynical friend--what
position would you like in the new government?"

"Let's see--why don't you make my descendants real peachy happy and make
me, say, Administrator of Civilian Relations. That sounds big and
important."

"Fine, fine! Tell me, Bartle--how are your relations with psychotics?"

Bartle leaped to the floor. Instantly he recalled what Pettigill had
said that had disturbed him. When they had been discussing the
repercussions of a miscast, Pettigill had said, "it _will_ be
disastrous" and not "it _would_ be disastrous." The devil had been
planning just such a thing for God knows how long!

"How many of 'em, Pettigill?" Bartle asked.

"A lot, Bartle, a lot," the little man answered. "I would say 170
million! I might even say, a nation of psychotics!" He giggled again.

A smile sliced through Bartle's sallow cheeks. "My relations with them
would be the best! Keep that Scotch handy, Pettigill. I'll be right
over."