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    The Stars and Stripes

    _The Official Newspaper of the A. E. F._

    _By and For the Soldiers of the A. E. F._

    VOL. 1--NO. 1.

    FRANCE, FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 1918.

    PRICE: 50 CENTIMES.




A MESSAGE FROM OUR CHIEF


[Illustration]

In this initial number of THE STARS AND STRIPES, published by the men of
the Overseas Command, the Commander-in-Chief of the American
Expeditionary Forces extends his greetings through the editing staff to
the readers from the first line trenches to the base ports.

These readers are mainly the men who have been honored by being the
first contingent of Americans to fight on European soil for the honor of
their country. It is an honor and privilege which makes them fortunate
above the millions of their fellow citizens at home. Commensurate with
their privilege in being here, is the duty which is laid before them,
and this duty will be performed by them as by Americans of the past,
eager, determined, and unyielding to the last.

The paper, written by the men in the service, should speak the thoughts
of the new American Army and the American people from whom the Army has
been drawn. It is your paper. Good luck to it.

                                   (Signed)    JOHN J. PERSHING,
                                            Commander-in-Chief, A. E. F.




                              ----
                        MEN ON LEAVE
                          NOT TO BE LED
                            ROUND BY HAND
                              ----
                    Impression That They Will
                       Be Chaperoned Wholly
                            Erroneous.
                              ----
                      SAVOY FOR FIRST GROUP
                              ----
               Zone System to Be Instituted and
                  Rotated to Give All Possible
                            Variety.
                              ----
                   "PINK TICKETS" FOR PARIS.
                              ----
               Special Trains to Convey Soldiers
                   to Destinations--Rules Are
                            Explicit.
                              ----


As a great deal of misapprehension regarding leaves, the conditions
under which they are to be granted, etc., has existed in the A.E.F. for
some time past, the complete and authoritative rulings on the subject
are given below.

A.E.F. men whose leaves fall due on or about February 15 will be allowed
to visit the department of Savoy, in the south-east of France, during
their week of leisure. That department constitutes their "leave zone"
for the present. When their next leaves come around four months hence it
is planned to give them a different leave zone, and to rotate such zones
in future, in order to give all an equal chance to see as much of France
as possible.

While the Y.M.C.A. has worked hard and perfected arrangements for
soldiers' accommodations and provided amusements at Aix-les-Baines, one
of the famous watering-places in Savoy, no man is bound in any way to
avail himself of those accommodations and amusements if he does not so
desire. In other words, there are no strings attached to a man's leave
time, provided he does not violate the obvious rules of military
deportment. The widespread idea that there will be official or
semi-official chaperonage of men on leave by the Y.M.C.A. or other
organizations is, therefore, incorrect.


                    Leaves Every Four Months.

The general order from Headquarters, A. E. F., on the subject of leaves
is both complete and explicit. Leaves will be available for soldiers
only after four months' service in France, and will be granted to
officers and men in good standing. The plan is to give every soldier one
leave of seven days every four months, excluding the time taken in
traveling to and from the place in France where he may spend his
holiday. As far as practicable, special trains will be run for men on
leave.

A man may not save up his seven days leave with the idea of taking one
of longer duration at a later date. He must take his leaves as they
come. Regular leave will not be granted within one month after return
from sick or convalescent leave.

In principle, leaves will be granted by roster, based on length of time
since last leave or furlough; length of service in France; length of
service as a whole lot. Officers authorized to grant leaves are required
to make the necessary adjustments of leave rosters so as to avoid
absence of too many non-coms, or specially qualified soldiers at any
time. Not more than ten per cent. of the soldiers of any command are to
be allowed away at the same time, nor, it is stipulated, is any
organization to be crippled for lack of officers.

Leave areas, as stated above, will be allotted to divisions, corps, or
other units or territorial commands, and rotated as far as practicable.
Allotments covering Paris, however, will be made separately from all
other areas, so as to limit the number of American soldiers visiting
Paris on leave. For this reason the leave tickets will be of different
color, those consigning a man to his unit's regular leave area being
white, and those permitting a visit to Paris being pink, dividing the
American permissionaires into white ticket men and pink ticket men.


                       Exceptional Cases.

In case a man has relatives in France, it is provided that he may, for
that reason or some other exceptional one, be granted leave for another
area than that allotted to his unit with the stipulation that the number
of men authorized to visit Paris shall not be increased in that way. For
the present, officers will not be restricted as to points to be visited
on leave, other than Paris. Any leaves which may be granted by
Headquarters to go to allied or neutral countries will be counted as
beginning on leaving France and terminating on arrival back in France.
The French Zone of the Armies, and the departments of Doubs, Jura, Ain,
Haute-Savoie, Seine Inférieure and Pyrénées Orientales, and the
arrondissements of Basses-Pyrénées touching on the Spanish frontier may
not, however, be visited without the concurrence of the Chief French
Military Mission.

Leave papers will specify the date of departure and the number of days'
leave authorized. The leave will begin to run at 12.01 a. m. (night)
following the man's arrival at the destination authorized in his leave
papers, and will end at midnight after the passing of the number of
days' leave granted him. After that, the next leave train must be taken
by that man back to his unit. Or if he is not near a railroad line over
which leave trains pass, he must take the quickest available
transportation back to connect with a leave train. Each man on leave
will carry his ticket as well as the identity card prescribed in G. O.
63, A. E. F.; and he will be required to wear his identification tag.


                       Travel Regulations.

Before going on leave, a man must register his address, in his own
handwriting. He must satisfy his company or detachment commander that he
is neat and tidy in appearance. He must prove to that officer's
satisfaction that he has the required leave ticket, and so forth, and
sufficient funds for the trip.

All travel on leave by men of units situated within the French Zone of
the Armies will, as far as possible, be on the special leave trains.
Transportation on these trains will be furnished by the Government, and
rations will be provided for both going and returning journeys.
Commutation and rations while on leave will not be paid in any case.
Travel on regular trains will be at the expense of the officer or
soldier so traveling, at one-fourth the regular rate. Commissioned
officers and army nurses will be entitled to first class, field clerks
and non-commissioned officers to second class, and all others to third
class accommodations on regular trains.

Except on special leave trains, soldiers will be allowed to purchase
second-class seats, but if a shortage of such seats should occur, they
will not displace regular passengers.


                     Lodgings In Leave Zone

On their arrival at destination, all men will have their leave papers
stamped with the date of arrival, and will have noted on them the date
and hour of the train to be taken on expiration of their leave, by the
American Provost Marshal at the railroad station, or by the French
railroad officials. They will report to the Provost Marshal for
information, for the looking over of leave papers, and for the selection
of an assignment to lodgings and registry of address. If there is no
Provost Marshal in the place to which they go, they will register their
addresses and submit their leave papers for O. K.ing at the French
Bureau de la Place of a garrisoned town, or else at the Gendarmerie, or
police station. They will exhibit their leave papers to the French
authorities at any time upon request.

Lodgings will be paid for in advance. If they prove unsatisfactory, a
man may apply to the Provost Marshal for a change. Men who are unable to
pay, or who commit any serious breach of discipline, will be promptly
returned to their units. Misconduct will be reported by American Provost
Marshals direct to the man's regimental or other Commander for
disciplinary action--and for consideration at the next turn of leave.

In case of groups of men on leave traveling, the senior non-commissioned
officer will be responsible for the conduct of the men. No liquor and no
fire-arms or explosives of any sort may be carried by any soldier going
to or returning from leave.




                              ----
                      OFF FOR THE TRENCHES.
                              ----


When a certain regiment of American doughboys departed from its billets
in a little town back of the front and marched away to our trenches in
Lorraine, this poem was found tacked up on a billet door:--

    By the rifle on my back,
      By my old and well-worn pack,
    By the bayonets we sharpened in the billets down below,
      When we're holding to a sector,
    By the howling, jumping hector,
      Colonel, we'll be Gott-Strafed if the Blank-teenth lets it go.

    And the Boches big and small,
      Runty ones and Boches tall,
    Won't keep your boys a-squatting in the ditches very long;
      For we'll soon be busting through, sir,
    God help Fritzie when we do, sir--
      Let's get going, Colonel Blank, because we're feeling mighty strong.




                              ----
                       TOOTH YANKING CAR
                         IS TOURING FRANCE
                              ----
                    Red Cross Dentist's Office
                              ----
                      Lacks Nothing but the
                          Lady Assistant
                              ----


The latest American atrocity--a dentist's office on wheels!

Gwan, you say? Gwan, yourself! We've seen it; most of the chauffeurs
have seen it; the Colonel and everybody else who gets about at all has
seen it. That's what it is, a portable dentist's office--chair,
wall-buzzer and all, with meat-axes, bung-starters, pinwheels,
spittoons, gobs of cotton batting, tear gas, laughing gas, chloroform,
ether, _eau de vie_, gold, platinum and cement to match. Everything is
there but the lady assistant, and even she may be added in time.

If you wanted to be funny about the thing, you might call this motorized
dentist's parlor the crowning achievement of the Red Cross; for, strange
to say, it is the Red Cross, commonly supposed to be on the job of
alleviating human misery, that has put the movable torture chamber on
the road, to play one-tooth stands all along the countryside. But no one
wants to be funny about a dentist's office that, instead of lying in
wait for you, comes out on the road and chases you. It's too darn
serious a matter; you might almost say that it flies in the teeth of all
the conventions, Hague and otherwise.

It looks part like an ambulance, but it isn't. An ambulance carries you
somewhere so that you can get some rest; a traveling tooth-yankery
doesn't give you a chance to rest. It's white, is the outside of the
car, just like a baby's hearse, and just about as cheerful to
contemplate. On its side it says, "Dental Traveling Ambulance No.
1"--the No. 1 part gleefully promising, no doubt, that this isn't the
end of them by any means, but that there may be more to follow.


                       Useful As a Tank?

Somebody had a nerve to invent it, all right, as if we didn't have
troubles enough as it is, dodging the regimental dentist, and ducking
shells, and clapping on gas masks, and all the rest. It is designed,
according to one who professes to know about it, to kill the nerves of
anything that gets in front of it; so we one and all move that it,
instead of the tanks, be sent "over the top" and tried on the Boches.
The minute they see a fully-lighted, white-painted car, with the
dentist, arrayed with all his instruments of maltreatment, standing
ready for action by his electric chair, those Boches will just turn
around and run, and run, and run, and won't stop running till they get
smack up against their own old barbed wire on the Eastern front. The
crowned heads of Europe tremble before the advance of the crowned teeth
of America, as you might say if you were inclined to joke about it;
which we aren't.


                    For French Patients First

One of the Red Cross people, who was standing by ready for the command
"Clear guns for action!" told THE STARS AND STRIPES that the peripatetic
pain producer wasn't to be used so much for the American troops'
discomfort as to fix up the cavities and what-not of the civil
population of France. That was encouraging news, for while we don't bear
our allies any ill-will, we think they ought to have the honor of trying
out the experiment first "_Après vous, mon chere Gaston,_" as the saying
goes.

After all the French people in need of dental treatment have been
treated, however, the Red Cross person went on to say that it might be
tried out on the Americans--yanks for the Yanks, as you might say, if
you were inclined to be funny about it, as you ought not to be; but we
prefer to think that the war will be over by that time. Anyhow, who ever
heard of an American who would own up to having anything the matter with
his jaw.

Be that as it may, when you see the cussed thing on the road, jump into
the ditch and lie low. It's real, and it means business.




                              ----
                     ANZAC MAKES SAFE GUESS.
                              ----


A company commander received an order from battalion headquarters to
send in a return giving the number of dead Huns in the front of his
sector of trench. He sent in the number as 2,001.

H. Q. rung up and asked him how he arrived at this unusual figure.

"Well," he replied. "I'm certain about the one, because I counted him
myself. He's hanging on the wire just in front of me. I estimated the
2000. I worked it out all by myself in my own head that it was healthier
to estimate 'em than to walk about in No Man's Land and count
'em!"--_Aussie_, the Australian Soldiers' Magazine.




                              ----
                       HUNS STARVE
                         AND RIDICULE
                           U.S. CAPTIVES
                              ----
                    A.E.F. Soldiers Compelled
                      to Clean Latrines of
                          Crown Prince.
                              ----
                     GIVEN UNEATABLE BREAD.
                              ----
                Photographed Sandwiched Between
                         Negroes Wearing
                           Tall Hats.
                              ----
                    EMBASSY HEARS THE FACTS.
                              ----
                Repatriate Smuggles Addresses of
                    Prisoners' Relatives Into
                             France.
                              ----


Ridicule, degrading labor, insufficient food and inhumane treatment
generally are the lot of American soldiers taken prisoner by the Huns.
This is the experience of three Americans captured last Autumn by the
German Army at the Canal de la Marne au Rhin, in the forest of Parcy,
near Luneville. The deposition of M. L. Rollett, a repatriated Frenchman
who was quartered in the same town with the American prisoners, made
before First Secretary Arthur Hugh Frazier of the United States Embassy
in Paris, throws ample light on the methods of the Boche dealing with
his captives.

"How were the Americans treated?" M. Rollett was asked.

"They were obliged to clean the streets, and the latrines of the Crown
Prince [The heir to the German throne had his headquarters at that time
in Charleville, the captured French town to which the Americans were
taken.] This was done in order to make them appear ridiculous. They were
photographed standing between six negroes from Martinique; and when the
photograph was taken the negroes were ordered to wear tall hats."

"Did the Americans have sufficient food?" Secretary Frazier inquired.

"No," replied M. Rollett. "Their food was insufficient. They received a
loaf of bread every five days, which was as hard as leather and almost
uneatable. Occasionally they received a few dried vegetables."


                     Fed by French People.

"Could they subsist on this food?"

"No, but the inhabitants of Charleville formed a little committee to
supply the prisoners with food and with linen. The food had to be given
to them clandestinely."

M. Rollett, who left Charleville on December 19, 1917, to come into
France by way of Switzerland, visited the Embassy to forward to the
relatives of the three American prisoners messages saying that they were
still alive. The addresses they gave him were: Mrs. James Mulhull, 177
Fifth street, Jersey City, N. J.; Mrs. R. L. Dougal, 822 East First
street, Maryville, Miss.; and Mrs. O. M. Haines, Wood Ward, Oklahoma. On
the day the Americans were captured, he added, the American communique
(published later on by the Germans) had reported five men killed and
seven wounded.

"How did you bring these addresses away without being discovered?" the
Embassy Secretary asked M. Rollett.

"They were written," he replied, "on a piece of linen which a young girl
who speaks English had sewed under the lining of a cloak belonging to
one of my daughters."


                   "Black Misery" In Germany.

In conclusion, M. Rollett was asked if, from his journey from
Charleville through Germany to Switzerland, he could form any idea as to
conditions in Germany.

"No," he answered, "because we traveled through Alsace-Lorraine at
night; but the German soldiers talked very freely about conditions in
Germany, and they said that life in all parts of the Empire is black
misery. They all long for peace; and the soldiers are in dread of the
British and French heavy artillery."

M. Rollett's disposition was subscribed and sworn to before Secretary
Frazier on January 9, 1918, and a copy of it is in the archives of the
American Embassy.




                              ----
                    MARINES ADVISE SWIGGING.
                              ----
                For Hikers They Say, It Is Better
                          Than Sipping.
                              ----


Quantico, Va.--The drinking of water at frequent intervals while on long
hikes is not recommended by U. S. Marines, stationed here.

While the average man should consume, according to medical authorities,
from two to three quarts a day, troops on the march should drink this
amount at regular periods and not sip a mouthful at a time, say the
Marine officers.

In Haiti, the Philippines and other countries where the Marines have
been compelled to hike long and hard, men who constantly sipped at their
canteens were the first to become exhausted. On the contrary, the men
who drank their fill every two or three hours, and not between times,
proved to be the best hikers.




                              ----
                      FREE SEEDS FOR
                          SOLDIER FARMERS
                              ----
                    Congress Votes Us Packets
                          but Overlooks
                         Hoes and Spades
                              ----
                    PRIZES FOR BIG PUMPKINS
                              ----
              A.E.F. Garden Enthusiasts Speculate
                   Upon Probability of Flower
                      Pots in Tin Derbies.
                              ----


            _Sergeant Carey, quite contrary,
              How does your garden grow?
            Tomato buds, and Kerry spuds,
              And string beans all in a row?_

That's the song some of us will be singing when the ground gets a little
softer--oh yes, it will be much muddied before long--and the grass, what
there is left of it, gets a little greener, and the dickey-birds, begin
to sing sweet "Oui, oui," in the tree-tops.

For be it known that by and with the consent of the Congress of the
United States, that ancient and venerable and highly profitable body
which votes the money to buy us our grub has, out of the kindness of its
large and collective heart, extended its privilege of free seed
distribution to the United States Quartermaster Corps. So, if you
haven't received your little package of bean seed, pea seed, anise seed,
tomato seed, lettuce seed, pansy seed, begonia seed, and what not, trot
right up to the supply sergeant's diggings and ask him when it's coming
in.


                   Oui, Oui--Spuds and Beans!

No kidding; you know yourself you're grumbling now because all you get
in the line of vegetables is spuds, and beans, and tomatoes and beans,
and spuds, and spuds, and beans, and beans, and spuds and beans, and
beans, and beans, and beans, and beans, and beans and--what was that
other vegetable you gave us last night, Mess-Sergeant?--oh, yes, beans;
all of them canned, with now and then, on Christmas, St. Patrick's Day,
Yom Kippur and Hallowe'en, a few grains of canned corn. If you want
fresh vegetables, therefore, it's up to you to grow them. Unfortunate
people who live in big cities are able to grow them in cute little
window boxes, and thus cut down the high cost of living. Why shouldn't
you, with a steel helmet for a flower pot, be able to do the same?

Go to the French thou sluggard doughboy. Consider their ways. Get wise.

They're hard up for food, as you know; and at that, to judge from the
reports from back home, they're no blooming curiosities. But look at
what they do about it. Instead of folding their hands, saying, "C'est la
guerre," they go out and dig, and then plant, and then hoe, and finally
they have fresh vegetables--and backaches--to show for it. You can't go
anywhere along the roadsides or up the hillsides these days without
stumbling over their neat and well-kept-up little garden patches. And,
with butter selling at what it is, and eggs selling for what they do,
and everything else in the eats line skybooting in price, those little
garden patches come in mighty handy. It's worth trying.


                   No Favors for Lemon Squads

Although no official announcement has been made as yet, it is safe to
surmise that some company commanders will offer prizes for the squads
producing the biggest pumpkins, the best summer squashes, and the most
luscious watermelons. (Texas troops please heed.) Company commanders,
you know, have never been in the habit of awarding prizes for the squads
producing the most lemons, but, then, war changes every thing.

So keep your old campaign list for garden wear (if the Q.M. will let
you); make a pair of overalls out of the burlap the meat comes done up
in; use your trench pick and shovel, plus your bayonet, to do the
plowing, and scatter the tender seedlets. If a few acorns come along
with the rest of the plantables, plant them, too, for if we're going to
be over here a good long time the shade from these oaks will come in
mighty handy when we're old men and have time to sit down.




                              ----
                     ARMY MEN BUILD AN
                       OVER-SEAS PITTSBURGH
                              ----
           Mammoth Warehouses and the World's Largest
                Cold Storage Plant Spring Up in
                          Three Months.
                              ----
            FORESTERS AND ENGINEERS DOING THE WORK.
                              ----
     "Winter of Our Discontent" Sees Big Job of Preparation
                 Speeded "Somewhere" in France.
                              ----


You, Mr. Infantryman, out there for heaven knows how many hours a day
jabbing at a straw-filled burlap bag and pretending it's old Rat-Face,
the Crown Prince--been doing that ever since you came over here, haven't
you?

You, Mr. Artilleryman, loading, unloading, standing clear, and all the
rest of it until your back aches and your ear-drums wellnigh cave in--

You, Mr. Machine-Gunner, going out every day and lugging about a ton of
assorted hardware and cutlery around a vacant lot--

You, Mr. Marine, land-logged, land-sick, trying out your web feet in
wading through the muddy depths of Europe instead of wading ashore
through the roaring surr-yip! hi-ho, and a bottla grape juice!--

You, all of you, own up now! Doesn't seem as though you weren't getting
anywhere at times, now does it? Doesn't seem as though you had made any
particular progress, eh, what? Doesn't seem to have made the beef any
tenderer, the supplies come up any quicker, the Q.M.'s clothing get
issued any quicker? As far as you can see, things have been pretty much
at a standstill, on account of the weather and what-not, for some time,
haven't they?


                      With Speed and Drive.

But that, Mr. Infantryman, Cannoneer, Machine-Gunner or whoever and
whatever you are, is where you are, for one, dead wrong. The old U. S.
is making all sorts of progress here in France--progress towards your
comfort, and upkeep, and safety, and toward that of the millions who are
coming along to play your game with you. Not in your particular section,
perhaps, but, in a certain spot in inland France, the old U. S. has been
engaged in big doings this winter, doing big things as only Americans
can do 'em and putting them through with the speed and drive that, as we
like to think, only the Yanks can put into an undertaking. And the work
which the old U. S. has been doing at that particular place in France,
has excited the outspoken admiration and surprise of every officer of
the Allied armies who has watched it grow.

In three months this spot in France has been transformed from an
insignificant railroad station--such as White River Junction, New
Hampshire, or Princeton Junction, in New Jersey, say--surrounded by wild
woodland and rolling plains, into a regular young Pittsburgh of
industry. Fact! Not only a young Pittsburgh of industry, but a young St.
Louis of railway tracks, a young Chicago of meat refrigerators, a young
Boston of bean stowawayeries, a young New York water front of
warehouses. Just for example, the warehouses already put up at this
place will hold more stuff than the new Pennsylvania Railroad freight
terminal in Chicago, which is some monster of its kind.


                      Cold Storage Plants.

Wait! That's only a sample. The foundations are already on the ground
for--now, get this; it's straight dope, no bull--for what will be the
largest refrigerating cold storage plant in the world. Its construction,
by the time this article sees the light of print, will be well under
way. It will have a manufacturing capacity of 500 tons of ice, and will
be capable of handling 2,000 tons of fresh beef daily, besides having
storage space for 5,000 tons of beef additional, to say nothing of other
fresh food supplies whenever they may be awaiting shipment up forward to
the men in the Amexforce. Every detail of it is absodarnlutely the last
word in uptodateness.

Along with a refrigerating plant of that magnitude, there have also been
going up--going up all during the time you thought there was "nothing
doing" over here, too--a number of monster storage houses for ammunition
and other inflammable supplies. These are built of real old
honest-to-goodness hollow fireproof brick, brought all the way from the
United States. And if that were not enough to safeguard the bonbons for
the Boche contained in them, the storage depot has a waterworks system
all its own; to construct it, a pipe line had to be laid half a
mile--the distance of the plant from the nearest body of water. Hundreds
of miles of auxiliary piping have already been laid, and the water
supply will be more than adequate for mechanical purposes and for
protection against fire.


                      Regulars Lend a Hand.

The warehouses themselves are one story buildings, 50 by 30 feet in
dimension, constructed in rows of fours, with loading and unloading
tracks between them and with big doors in their sides, making easy the
quick handling of the supplies to be stowed therein. Goods for four
branches of the service are to be stored in them--machinery, ordinance
supplies, medical necessaries, and all the varied articles handled by
the Quartermaster's Corps. The construction of the buildings has been in
the hands of a regiment of railroad engineers and a forestry regiment,
assisted by companies detailed from regular regiments.

As if that were not enough in the line of construction, over in a corner
of the mammoth reservation is a gas plant, and buster, too. This plant
is already in operation and other plants of like size are busy in
repairing machinery and in other work. Everywhere about the place there
is incessant activity--regular "Hurry up Yost" speed-upativeness--in
road building, well driving (some deep ones have been plugged down,
too), in track laying, in hundreds of other ways.

Some plant, isn't it, to have been put up in the short time,
comparatively, that we have been over here in France? It even puts into
the shade the overnight growth of, say Hopewell, Va., the famous
munitions city that, unlike Rome, seemed almost to have been built in a
day.

Of course it has taken a tremendous force of workers to do all this, and
it is going to take more and more and more as time goes on, and as more
and more and more troops from the States keep pouring into the French
seaports. The size of the plant, with the provisions for making it
larger, prove, for one thing, that our Uncle Sam expects to send a lot
more troops--and, what is more, intends to keep them well supplied with
everything they need as long as they are here.


                    No Delay About Moving In.

Our Uncle Samuel, be it remembered, is a cautious old gent, and looks
well on both sides before getting into a scrap; but once he gets in--and
the canny old customer always picks the right side--he's in to stay
until the whole job is cleaned up, and he's in right up to his
shoulderblades. No more convincing proof of America's determination to
see the thing through could be had than a sight of Uncle Sam's big
storage depot and all-around tool shop. And, to clinch the argument even
further, as fast as the shops on the big reservation have been put up,
the machinery has been shoved into them and the work in them started as
soon as the machinery was in place and oiled up.

No, Mr. Infantryman, Mr. Artilleryman, Mr. Machine-Gun-toter,
Mr. Aviator, Mr. Wireless-buzzer, this has not been "the winter of our
discontent"--as footless and no-use-at-all as your own work may have
seemed to you sometimes. It has been the winter during which your old
uncle has been laying a firm foundation for your comfort and safety and
for that of the men who will follow you over--and believe us, he's done
an almighty big, an almightily far-sighted, an all-around almightily
creditable and thoroughly American, workmanlike job.




                              ----
                      A NEWS STORY IN VERSE
                              ----
        (The incident this poem describes was told by a
        British sergeant in a dug-out to the author--an
        American serving at the time in the British
        Army, but now fighting under the Stars and Stripes.)
                              ----


    Joe was me pal, and a likely lad, as gay as gay could be;
    The worst I expected to happen was the leave that would set him free
    To visit the wife and the kiddies; but they're waiting for him in vain.
    All along of a Boche wot peppered our water and ration train.--
    You see, w'd been pals from childhood; him and me chummed through
        school,
    And when we growed up and got married we put our spare kale in a pool,
    And both made a comfortable living; 'twas just for our mates and the
        kids,--
    Now the Hun--damn his soul--has taken his toll, and me pal had to
        cash in his bids.
    That night when we left the ration dump to face the dark ahead,
    I can never forget the look on his face when he picked up his kit and
        said
    "Another trip to the front, old lad; we'll take 'em their bully and
        tea;
    We'll catch hell to-night, but we'll get there all right; take that
        little tip from me."
    And Joe swung up in his saddle; I crawled in the trailer behind;
    The train moved off with a groan and a squeak, for the midnight work
        and the grind
    Then Joe looked 'round as we started off, I could see his face all
        alight;
    "I got a letter from home," he said; "I'll read it to you to-night."
    We pulled along through Dick Busch, through Fairy Court and Dell.
    When word came back from the blokes ahead to give the nags a spell.
    Joe slid outen his saddle, with a chuckle deep down in his throat,
    An' he walked back to me, as gay as could be, and pulled the kid's
        note from his coat.
    Says he, "Listen, lad, for a kid it ain't bad--it's her birthday--she's
        five to-night--
    It's a ripping note this--she sends you a kiss--" and Joe, poor old
        pal, struck a light.
    He held up the kiddie's letter--we were laughin' a bit at the scrawl,
    All warm inside with a feeling--well, you know what I mean, damn it
        all!
    When along come a German bullet, and Joe, he wavered a mite,
    Then without a word he wilted down. They carried him West that night:
    A bullet hole in his temple, by God, but clutching that letter tight.
    I've forgot all me bloomin' duties, for me blood is boilin' with hate;
    And I'll get that sniping rotter what drilled me pal through the pate.
    I'll teach the dirty beggar how an Englishman sticks to his friend:
    I'm saving a foot of cold steel for the rat--so help me God to the end.




                              ----
                       HE OUGHT TO BE GOOD.
                              ----


"Jim, I see that old Bill Boozum, from home, has been drafted."

"Well, Hank, he ought to pass out some nifty hand salutes, all right."

"How's that?"

"Why, look at the practice he's had in bending his elbow!"




                   Don't Forget that War-Risk
                    Insurance. February 12 is
                     Your last chance at it.




                              ----
                      ARMY'S MOTOR ARMADA
                        TO BE 50,000 STRONG
                              ----
        Uncle Sam's Garages and Assembling Shops Demand
               the Services of 150,000 Chauffeurs
                         and Repair Men
                              ----
               FIRST AID AMBULANCES FOR BREAKDOWNS
                              ----
       Experts from American Factories to Take Charge of
                       Efficiency Problems
                              ----


Uncle Samuel has gone into the garage business here in France. He has
gone into it feet first. He knows the importance of the automobile game
in modern warfare; he realizes that if Napoleon the Great had only had
one "Henry" at the battle of Waterloo, Marshal Blucher's famous advance
through the mud would have been in vain. So he is determined, by aid of
all the up-to-date motors, all the up-to-date mechanics and chauffeurs
and technical experts he can muster, to prevent any of Marshal Blucher's
Prussian successors from stealing a march on him.

Fifty thousand motor vehicles, roughly speaking, represent Uncle
Samuel's immediate needs for his charges in France. Of these, some
38,000 will be trucks, some 2,500 ambulances, some 3,000 "plain darn
autos," and some 6,500 motorcycles. To take care of this vast motor
fleet, to run it, keep it in repair, and so forth, our Uncle will need
about 150,000 men--a young army in itself.

When one stops to consider the factories, repair shops, rebuilding
stations and what not that will be required, one can see that Uncle
Sam's garage is going to be no five-and-ten affair. It is going to be a
real infant industry all by its lonesome; and already it is a pretty
husky infant, with a loud honk-honk instead of a teething cry. In fact,
in the few months since our collective arrival in France Uncle Sam has
built up such an organization to keep his cars on the roads as to
stagger the imagination of the men of big business, both of our own
country and of our allies who have come to look it over.


                     These Are Real Experts

The A. E. F.--and this is news to many of its members--has, right here
in France, a fully equipped automobile factory which is able not only to
rebuild from the ground up any of a dozen or more makes of motors, but
to turn out parts, tools, anything required from the vast stores of raw
materials which has been shipped overseas for the purpose, with the
special machinery which has been torn up in the States and replanted
here. The factory is going to employ thousands of expert mechanics, and
is going to have a capacity for general repair work unequalled by any
similar plant back home.

People who dwell within the desolate region bounded by the Rhine on the
west and the Russian frontier on the east have been in the habit of
considering our national Uncle as a superficial sort of an old geezer;
but the way he has taken hold of his automobile business proves that
they have another good think coming. He hasn't overlooked a thing. Hard
by his big new factory there is an "organization ground," a "salvage
ground," a supply depot, and what is perhaps most important of all, the
headquarters of a highly trained technical staff.

This is a staff of experts; not self-styled experts, but the real
thing--big men in the automobile business representing all the important
motor factories in the United States. Some of these experts inspect the
broken down machines and pieces of machines in the salvage grounds, and
report whether the wearing out process was due to a chauffeur's
mishandling of the car, to the use of poor material in its construction,
or to something wrong in its original designing.


                     Working "On the Ground"

If it is the chauffeur or mechanic who was responsible, he, wherever he
is, is hauled up on the carpet. If the fault is found to lie with the
factory in the States that turned out the machine, the representative of
that company on the board of experts reports the facts to the home
office himself, with recommendations for future betterment. In making
out his recommendations for a car of a new design, peculiarly fitted to
traffic and combat conditions in France, his co-workers on the board
lend him their assistance. In this way defects in cars are detected "on
the ground" and the responsibility placed at once, so that future errors
of the same sort will be avoided.

This is, in brief, the journey that lies before an American made auto
shipper, say "F.O.B. Detroit." Knocked down, or unassembled, it is
packed and put aboard a transport at "an American port." It makes the
same voyage that we all made to "a French port," gracefully thumbing its
nose at any passing submarines. At the port it is assembled, painted,
duly catalogued and numbered, and given a severe once-over and several
finishing touches by the experts of the technical staff and their
assistants.


                      For Emergency Calls

Having passed this examination, it is loaded with supplies--for even a
car has to carry a pack while traveling--and headed towards the interior
under charge of a picked crew of mechanics, who try it out under actual
traffic conditions and adjust it. On the way it is held over at the
"organization grounds," where it is given its supplementary equipment of
tools, water cask, and the necessary picks, shovels and tow cables to
get it out of the mud. This done, it is turned over to a new crew of
men, and, as one of the component parts of a train of cars in charge of
a truck company, it is sent "up front" if the need is urgent, or, in
case there are cars aplenty in that interesting locality, it is run to a
reserve station to await call.

When the car, after days or months at the front, begins to show, by its
coughing or wheezing or other signs, that it is about due for a new
lease of life, the journey is reversed. If the car is able to get back
under its own power, it goes back that way; if it is not, a hurry call
is sent for the auto-doctoring-train, which is nothing more nor less
than a repair shop on wheels. There the blue-jeaned doctors of the train
do their best for the car, and if it doesn't come around in a day or so,
it is towed back to be overhauled from A to Izzard.

For the supplying of this auto armada, Uncle Sam, who seems to have
overlooked nothing, has dotted the main routes from the Atlantic coast
of France up to the fighting lines with gasoline stations. At the ports
of entry themselves he has erected immense storage tanks, each capable
of holding 25,000 barrels of the precious juice. At a number of inland
bases on the way up are other tanks with a capacity of 5,000 gallons
each. Near the front are many smaller tanks, while at the front itself
the regular gas drums, small in size and readily transported, are
available for the cars that have run out.

Just to make sure, Uncle Sam has brought over a flying squadron of some
five hundred tank cars, which again has caused the natives to sit up and
take notice. These cars are loaded from the tank ships at the ports of
entry, and then sent inland to fill up the various depots. All in all,
this same Uncle Sam who, by the way, is now supplying his allies with
practically all their gasoline and lubricants, is doing a pretty good
and speedy job as a distributing agent.

One more sample of how this lean and canny old unk of ours uses his
head, and this story will be over. All the motor trucks are being
distributed about France in definite areas, according to their make; for
example, a certain area will be served by Packard trucks exclusively,
while another will have G.M.C.'s, and G.M.C.'s only. This system does
away with the need for repair men carrying many kinds of parts, and
makes it possible for one trouble-expert knowing all about one kind of
car, to serve a whole district. In that way harmony of operation and
speed in mending broken-down cars is secured.




                              ----
                     THE SUPREME SACRIFICE.
                              ----
        (Corset makers all over the United States are
        forsaking that line of business in order to devote
        their factories to the turning out of gas
        masks for the Army.--News item from the States.)
                              ----


    Heaven bless the women! They are giving up their corsets
    So that we, in snowy France, may 'scape the Teuton's ire;
    Sacrificing form divine so factories may more sets
    Make of gas protectors and of shields 'gainst liquid fire!

    Heaven bless the women! They are losing lines each minute
    So that we may hold the line from Belfort to the sea;
    Giving up their whalebones so that, after we get in it,
    We may whale the daylightes outer men from Germanee!

    Heaven bless the women! They are wearing middy blouses
    As a sort of camouflage, the while we spite the Hun;
    Donning Mother Hubbards, too, and keeping to the houses
    While we Yanks gas-helmeted, put Fritzie on the run!

    Heaven bless the women and their perfect thirty-sixes!
    Waists we clasped a-waltzing they some other way now drape.
    Disregarding fashion so that every Yank may fix his
    Breathing tube at "Gas--alert!" and thus preserve _his_ shape!

    Heaven bless the women! They are doing without dancing,
    Knitting, packing, helping in a hundred thousand ways;
    But they help the most by this while the foe's advancing--
    Giving us the staying power by going without their stays!




                              ----
                     THE ANZAC DICTIONARY.
                              ----


ARCHIE.--A person who aims high and is not discouraged by daily
failures.

A.W.L.--An expensive form of amusement entailing loss to the
Commonwealth and extra work for one's pals.

BARRAGE.--That which shelters or protects, often in an offensive sense,
i.e., loud music forms a barrage against the activity of a bore; a
barrage of young brothers and sisters interfere with the object of a
visit; and an orchard is said to be barraged by a large dog or an active
owner.

BEER.--A much appreciated form of nectar now replaced by a colored
liquor of a light yellow taste.

CAMOUFLAGE.--A thin screen disguising or concealing the main thing,
i.e., a camouflage of sauce covers the iniquity of stale fish; a suitor
camouflages his true love by paying attention to another girl; ladies in
evening dress may or may not adequately camouflage their charms; and men
resort to a light camouflage of drink to conceal a sorrow or joy.

CIVILIAN.--A male person of tender or great age, or else of weak
intellect and faint heart.

COMMUNIQUE.--An amusing game played by two or more people with paper and
pencil in which the other side is always losing and your own side is
always winning.

DIGGER.--A friend, pal, or comrade, synonymous with cobber; a white man
who runs straight.

DUD.--A negative term signifying useless, ineffective or worthless,
e.g., a "dud" egg; a "dud of a girl" is one who is unattractive; and a
dud joke falls flat.

DUGOUT.--A deep recess in the earth usually too small. As an adjective
it is used to denote that such a one avoids hopping over the bags, or,
indeed, venturing out into the open air in a trench. At times the word
is used to denote antiquated relics employed temporarily.

HOME.--The place or places where Billzac would fain be when the job is
done. Also known as "Our Land" and "Happyland."

HOPOVER.--A departure from a fixed point into the Unknown, also the
first step in a serious undertaking.

IMSHI.--Means "go," "get out quickly." Used by the speaker, the word
implies quick and noiseless movement in the opposite direction to the
advance.

LEAVE.--A state or condition of ease, comfort and pleasure, involving
the cessation of work: not to be confounded with sick leave. Time is
measured by leaves denoting intervals of from three months to three
years. Leave on the other hand is measured by time, usually too short.

MUD.--Unpleasantness, generally connected with delay, danger or extreme
discomfort. Hence a special meaning of baseness in "his name is mud."

OVER THE BAGS.--The intensive form of danger: denoting a test of fitness
and experience for Billzac and his brethren.

RELIEF.--A slow process of changing places; occurs in Shakespeare: "for
this relief many thanks."

REST.--A mythical period between being relieved and relieving in the
trenches, which is usually spent in walking away from the line and
returning straight back in poor weather and at short notice.

SALVAGE.--To rescue unused property and make use of it. The word is also
used of the property rescued. Property salvaged in the presence of the
owner leads to trouble and is not done by an expert.

SOUVENIR.--Is generally used in the same sense as salvage but of small,
easily portable articles. Coal or firewood for instance, is salvaged at
night, but an electric torch would be souvenired.

STUNT.--A successful enterprise or undertaking usually involving
surprise. A large scale stunt lacks the latter and is termed a "push",
and the element of success is not essential.

TRENCHES.--Long narrow excavations in earth or chalk, sometimes filled
with mud containing soldiers, bits of soldiers, salvage and alleged
shelters.

WIND UP.--An aerated condition of mind due to apprehension as to what
may happen next, in some cases amounting to an incurable disease closely
allied to "cold feet."

ZERO.--A convenient way of expressing an indefinite time or date, i.e.,
will meet you at zero; call me at zero plus 30; or, to a debt collector,
pay day at zero.--_Aussie_, the Australian Soldiers' Magazine.




                              ----
                      OUR OWN HORSE MARINES.
                              ----


Horace Lovett, U. S. Marine Corps, on duty "somewhere over here," has
just been appointed a horseshoer of Marines with the rank of corporal.
In the same company Sergeant John Ochsner is stable sergeant and
Corporal Stanley A. Smith is saddler. No, you have guessed wrong. The
captain's name is not Jinks but Drum--Captain Drum of the horse and
other marines.




                              ----
                      HIS MORNING'S MAIL
                          IS 8,000 LETTERS
                              ----
                     Base Censor Reads Them
                     All, Including 600 Not
                           in English
                              ----


"Now, how the devil did he pick mine out of the pile?"

Shuddering, a young American in France gazed at the envelope before him,
addressed in his own handwriting, to be sure, but with its end cut open
and a stout sticker partially closing the cut. Stamped upon the face of
the envelope were the fatal words "Examined by Base Censor." And the
words, because of the gloom they brought the young man, were properly
framed within a deep black border.

It was this way: The young man in question had been carrying on, for
some time, a more or less hectic correspondence with a _mademoiselle
tres charmante_ in a not far distant town. That in itself would be
harmless enough if he had sent his letters through the regular military
channels--that is, submitted them to his own company officers to be
censored. But dreading the "kidding" he might receive at the hands of
his platoon commander--which he needn't have dreaded at all, for
American officers are gentlemen and gentlemen respect confidence--he had
been using the French postal service for his intimate and clandestine
lovemaking. That, as everyone knows or ought to know, is strictly
forbidden but the young man being "wise," thought he could put one over
on the army. Result: That much dreaded bogey-man, the Base Censor knew
just how many crosses he had made at the bottom of his note to Mlle. X.

But he needn't have worried a bit, for the bogey-man isn't a likely
rival of any one. In fact, he isn't a man at all, but a System--just as
impersonal as if he wrote his name, "Base Censor, Inc." Also, he is
pretty well-nigh fool-proof and puncture-proof--which again removes him
from consideration as "a human."


                      Remembers No Secrets

All delusions to the contrary, the censorship, though it learns an awful
lot, doesn't care a tinker's hoot about nine-tenths of the stuff it
learns. It isn't concerned with Private Jones's morals, with Corporal
Brown's unpaid grocery bills, with Sergeant Smith's mother-in-law, with
Lieutenant Johnson's fraternity symbols. It is, however, actively
concerned in keeping out of correspondence all matters relating to the
location and movement of troops, all items which pieced together might
furnish the common enemy with information which would be valuable to him
in the conduct of his nefarious enterprises.

In addition to keeping such damaging information out of soldiers' and
officers' correspondence, the base censorship is lying in wait for
everything and anything in the mail line which the senders hope to slip
through uncensored. It regularly goes over a large proportion of the
mail which has already been vised by company officers. It sifts through
all mail for the army from neutral countries; and finally it censors all
letters in foreign languages, written by men in the A. E. F.--letters
which company officers are forbidden to O. K.

In the exercise of this last-named function lies perhaps the greatest
task allotted to the base censorship. Our army is probably the most
"international" in history, and it sends letters to the base written in
forty-six different languages, excluding English. Out of 600 such
letters--a typical day's grist--the chances are but half will be written
in Italian, followed in the order of their numerousness, by those
inscribed in Polish, French and Scandinavian. The censor's staff handles
mail couched in twenty-five European languages, many tongues and
dialects of the Balkan States and a scattering few in Yiddish, Chinese,
Japanese, Hindu, Tahitian, Hawaiian, Persian and Greek, to say nothing
of a number in Philippine dialects.


                       A Few Are in German

An interesting by-product of the censors' work is the discovery of
foreign language interpreters within the ranks of the army. One soldier,
for example, wrote in Turkish and wrote so well that the censor handling
the letters in that tangled tongue passed on his name to those higher
up. As a result, the man was detailed to the interpreters' corps where
he is now serving his adopted country ably and well.

Seldom, say the members of the censor's staff, is anything forbidden
found in the foreign language letters. The only striking feature about
them as a whole is the small number that are written in German. In fact
the Chinese letters as a rule outnumber those expressed in the language
of the Kaiser.

Besides all this thousands of letters are sent direct to the base
censors every day, in cases where soldiers are unwilling that their own
immediate superiors should become acquainted with the contents. To
humor, therefore, the enlisted man in a former National Guard unit whose
censoring officer he suspects of trying to cut him out with The Girl
Back Home, the base censor takes the responsibility off the company
officer's shoulders; and the enlisted man feels oh! so much relieved.

Those clever chaps who devise all sorts of codes to tell the home folks
just where they are in France, meet short shrift at the censor's hands.
For example, one of them was anxious to describe a certain city in this
fair land. "You know grandmother's first name," he wrote naively,
thinking it would get by. But the particular censor it came before,
having a New England grandmother of his own, promptly sent the letter
back with the added comment, "Yes, and so do I! Can it!"

Another man was so bold as to write: "The name of the town where I am
located is the same as that of the dance hall on Umptumpus avenue
in ----" well, a certain well-known American city. He was also caught up;
for the censor, being himself somewhat of a man of the world, shot the
letter back with the tart comment: "I've been there, too."

Those two men, however, were more fortunate than the average in having
their letters sent back to them for revision. The usual scheme is for
the censor to clip out completely the portion of the letter carrying the
damaging information. In case, therefore, a man has written something
innocuous--but interesting none the less to his correspondent--on the
other side, he is simply "out of luck." One can see it pays to be
careful.

On the whole--aside from the mania which seems to have possessed some
men to give away the location of their units in France--the censoring
officials declare that the army deserves a great deal of credit for
living up to both the letter and the spirit of the censor's code. They
do, however, find fault with the men who continually "over-address"
their letters--that is, who persist in tacking on the number of their
divisions to the company and regimental designations. This, for military
reasons, is forbidden, but many men seem as yet unaware of the fact.


                     Many Thank-you Letters

During the first half of January the base censor's office alone handled
more than 8,000 letters a day--two thousand a day increase over
December, due, no doubt, to the thank-you letters which our dutiful
soldier-men felt compelled to write in return for those bounteous
Christmas boxes. In the spring, though more transports will be coming
over, more men will be writing letters, but still the work will go on.
The abuse of the letter-writing privilege by one man might mean the loss
of many of his comrades, so the long and tough job of censoring must be
"seen through."

So, you smarty with the private code to transmit all sorts of dope to
the folks, have a care! No matter how the letters pile up, old Base
Censor, Inc., is always on the job! Like the roulette wheel at Monte
Carlo, he'll get you in the end, no matter how lucky and clever you
think yourself. Or, as Indiana's favorite poet might put it,

    "The censor-man 'ull git you ef you
                                   don't
                                    watch
                                      out!"




                              ----
                            MIRABELLE
                              ----


One striking feature of the war is the number of women and girls engaged
in various kinds of work back of the lines. The British Army has
thousands of them doing clerical work or driving ambulances, while in
the A.E.F. their activities so far have been limited to canteen work
with the Red Cross or Y. M. C. A.

Most of them are practical individuals doing a lot of good, but
occasionally one slips over imbued with the idea that soldiers are sort
of overgrown bacteriological specimens to be studied and handled only
with sterilized gloves.

Possibly one of the latter inspired a certain A.E.F. private to lapse
into poetry after he had stowed her baggage away and heard her
dissertation on what the camp needed. His verses were:

            The ether ethered,
            The cosmos coughed,
            Mirabelle whispered--
            The words were soft:

        "I shall go," Mirabelle said--
        And her voice, how it bled!--
        "I shall go to be hurt
        By the dead, dead, dead.
        To be hurt, hurt, hurt"--
        Oh, the sad, sweet mien,
        And the dreepy droop
        Of that all-nut bean!

        "One must grow," Mirabelle wailed,
        "And one grows by the knife.
        I shall grow in my soul
        In that awful strife.
        Let me go, let me grow,"
        Was the theme of her dirge;
        "Let the sobbiest of sobs
        Through my bosom surge."

            The sergeant took a lean
            On the canteen door
            The captain ran away:
            "What a bore! What a bore!"




                    WAR RISK
                    INSURANCE

                        February 12 is the
                        last day to take out
                        war risk insurance.

                            DO IT NOW!




                              ----
                      THE MACHINE-GUN SONG.
                              ----
        (As rendered by a certain battalion of Amex
        _mitrailleurs_, to the tune of "Lord Geoffrey
        Amherst.")
                              ----


    We've come from old New England for to blast the bloomin' Huns,
      We have sailed from afar across the sea;
    We will drive the Boche before us with our baby-beauty guns
      To the heart of the Rhine countree!
    And to his German majesty we will not do a thing
      But to spray his carcass with our hail;
    And when we're through with pepp'ring him, we'll make the lobster sing
      As we ride him into Berlin on a rail!

                            CHORUS.

        Oh, machine guns, machine guns!
          They're the things to rake the Kaiser aft and fore!
        May they never jam on us
          Till we've gone and won this gosh-darn war!

    Oh, machine guns are the handy things to drive the Fritzy out
      When he hides back of bags of sand;
    And machine guns are the dandy things to put the Hun to rout
      If he tries to regain his land.
    So just keep the clips a-comin', and we'll give her all the juice
      As we speed along our glorious way:
    And Von Hindenburg and Ludendorff will beat it like the deuce
      When the little old rat-rattlers start to play!

                            CHORUS.

    Oh, machine guns, machine guns!
      They're the things to rake the Kaiser aft and fore!
    May they never jam on us
      Till we've gone and won this gosh-darn war!




                              ----
                      CAN'T DO WITHOUT 'EM
                              ----


Scene: An A.E.F. cookshack, during sanitary inspection.

Enter, to the cook standing at attention, one major, U.S.M.C.,
accompanied by one major, British Army Medical Corps.

U.S. Major: "Well cook, how's everything going?"

Cook: "Rotten, sir; men are either all sick or away on D.S., and there's
only the mess sergeant and myself to look out for things. You can't get
along without K.P.'s."

U.S. Major (to his British friend): "Major, you told me you knew a good
deal of American Army slang; what would you say our friend the cook
meant by 'K.P.'s'?"

British Major: "K.P.'s? Why, ah-er, I should say that cook was
undoubtedly referring to the Knights of Pythias!"




               FAMILY HOTEL, 7, Ave. du Trocadéro.
                   Full board from 10 francs.




               HOTEL D'ALBE, Av. Champs-Elysées &
                    Avenue de l'Alma, Paris.
                    PATRONISED BY AMERICANS.




                              ----
                   ONE EYE IS NOT TRUE BLUE.
                              ----
                 So a Hoosier Patriot Tries to
                      Return It to Berlin.
                              ----


Paul Gary of Anderson, Indiana, is all American, with the exception of a
glass eye. The substitute optic is alien. Gary tried to enlist in the U. S.
Marine Corps at their recruiting station in Louisville, Ky., but was
rejected when his infirmity was discovered by Sergeant G. C. Wright.

"Didn't you know that the loss of an eye would prevent your enlisting?"
asked the sergeant.

"I thought it might," explained Gary, "but this glass blinker is the
only part of me that was made in Germany, and I want to take it back."

He was advised to mail it.




                              ----
                           QUITE RIGHT.
                              ----


"Do you suffer from headaches?" queried the M. O.

"Certainly I do," rejoined the hurried infantry officer. "If I enjoyed
them as I do whisky and soda, I wouldn't have consulted you!"--_Aussie_,
the Australian Soldiers' Magazine.




                        CHRISTIAN SCIENCE
                         _READING ROOM_

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                [Illustration: Lieut. A. SMITH
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             Guaranty Trust Company of New York

               Paris: 1 & 3 Rue des Italiens.

          UNITED STATES DEPOSITARY OF PUBLIC MONEYS

      Places its banking facilities at the disposal of the
      officers and men of the

              AMERICAN EXPEDITIONARY FORCES

      Special facilities afforded officers with accounts
      with this institution to negotiate their personal
      checks anywhere in France. Money transferred to
      all parts of the United States by draft or cable.

      Capital and Surplus  :  :  :  $50,000,000
      Resources more than  :  :  : $600,000,000

          AN AMERICAN BANK WITH AMERICAN METHODS




                             ADAMS EXPRESS CO.

                          ===== PARIS OFFICE =====
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           Every Banking Facility for American Expeditionary Forces

                     MONEY TRANSFERRED BY CABLE AND MAIL
                     TO ALL PARTS OF AMERICA AND CANADA

                Mail us your Pay Checks endorsed to our order.

   WE OPEN DEPOSIT ACCOUNTS WITH YOU FREE OF CHARGE, SUPPLYING CHECK-BOOKS.




                              ----
                        GERMAN BRANDS
                          YOUNG MOTHER
                            WITH AN IRON.
                              ----
                      Victim of a Violation
                      Officially Labeled by
                        Army Authorities.
                              ----
                     PAINT BADGE FOR OTHERS
                              ----
                   Children of German Fathers
                 Catalogued as the Government's
                            Property.
                              ----
                   FORCED INTO MENIAL SERVICE
                              ----
                 An Officer Formerly in British
                      Army Tells How Kultur
                       Repopulates Itself.
                              ----


A new and startling story of German atrocities is told by an American
formerly in the service of the British Army, but now attending one of
the A.E.F. schools in preparation for a commission in the American Army.
It is in accordance with other stories of the prostitution of womanhood
which the Kaiser is forcing in order to repopulate the German Empire.

The rapid British advance at Cambria, in November, when towns which the
Germans had occupied for three years were captured before the latter
could deport the civilian population into Germany as is their custom,
disclosed the latest effort of the German army. French women and girls
had been made the victims.

"Among the refugees who passed along the roads making their way
southward farther into France after we made our first big advance were
scores of women and girls, each marked on her breast by a cross in red
paint," said the officer. "These were disclosed when the refugees passed
in front of our medical officers who were inspecting them. All of them
were about to become mothers, and the French interpreter who was
assisting the medicos explained that the cross indicated that German
soldiers were the fathers. The crosses had been painted on them, the
women explained, to show that their children would belong to the German
Government.


                    This Iron Cross Red Hot.

"One of these unfortunates, apparently not more than seventeen years of
age, had not only been painted but branded with a hot iron so that she
would be marked for life with the sign of the cross. She said that a
German officer would be the father of her child. This officer, the girl
said, had been quartered in her parents' home and she had been forced to
accede to his desires.

"After her health became such that he had no further use for her, she
said, he ordered her to act as his personal servant, doing the menial
work in his chamber. It was not long until she was unable to continue
this and then, angered at her weakness, he ordered soldiers to scour the
paint from her breast and burn the cross into her flesh. When this was
done, she was forced to leave her home and taken to a maternity hospital
which the army had established for other girls and women of the town in
the same condition.


                   An Eye-Witness on "Kultur."

"I myself saw the girl who had been branded and the others who had been
painted like sheep and heard their stories, as I had been detailed to
supervise the return of the refugees. Thank God, America, by coming into
the war, will help to stamp out this beastly 'kultur' from the world and
make it a safe, clean place to live in for your womenfolk and mine--our
mothers, our sweethearts, our wives, and our daughters. I have a
daughter just seventeen years old," concluded the American grimly.




                              ----
                   WHEN THE FRENCH BAND PLAYS.
                              ----


    There's a military band that plays, on Sunday afternoons,
    In a certain nameless city's quaint old square.
    It can rouse the blood to battle with its patriotic tunes,
    And still render hymns as gentle as a prayer.
    When it starts "Ave Maria" there is no one in the throng
    But would doff his cap, his heart to heaven raise;
    And who would shrink from combat when, with brasses sounding strong,
    There is flung out on the breeze "La Marseillaise"?

    When it starts to render "Sambre et Meuse," the march that won the day
    At the battle of the Marne, one sees again
    The grey-green hosts of Hundom melt before the stern array
    Of our gallant sister-ally's blue-clad men.
    And when it plays our Anthem, with rendition bold and clear--
    While the khaki lads stand steady--then we feel
    That, though tongues and ways may vary, we've found brothers over here,
    Tried in war, and in allegiance true as steel.

    For it's olive-drab, horizon-blue, packed closely side by side,
    Till their color sets ablaze the grey old square;
    And it's olive-drab, horizon-blue, whatever may betide,
    That will blaze the path to victory "up there."
    So, while standing thus together, let us pledge anew our troth
    To the Cause--the world set free!--for which we fight.
    As the evening twilight gilds the ranks of blue and khaki both,
    And the bugles die away into the night.




                              ----
                     WHEN PACKS ARE LIGHTEST
                              ----
                       BY CHAPLAIN MOODY.
                              ----


Probably the cow is the least complaining and discriminating of all
animals, yet it is worthy of note that the wise farmer who understands
his cows does everything to make them as happy as possible and studies
their comfort and convenience as far as possible. This is not because he
is a sentimentalist, but for the very opposite reason. He knows his cows
will give more milk and he will get more money therefrom if they are
contented in their bovine minds and not worried by the high cost of
living and other problems.

The expert poultry man will tell you that the frame of mind of his
feathered employes has a very direct bearing on the egg output, and so
he tries to study their happiness.

Recently experiments have been carried on in some factories with
phonographs, and it has been proven that if the fingers of the employes
are stimulated by some music they enjoy, it is possible to get more work
out of them. In some Cuban cigar factories it is the customary thing to
employ a man to read to the cigar makers some story which they like, as,
under these conditions, they work better and faster.

All this is not done out of sentiment, again, but because it contributes
to efficiency. The cow, the hen, the factory girl and the cigar wrapper
do better work for being in a pleasant frame of mind.

While we of the American Expeditionary Forces do not fall into any of
these classes, the same is nevertheless probably true of us. We can be
better soldiers if we are cheerful than we can if we are not. It may be
difficult to see how you can sight a gun any better for smiling or
bayonet a man more effectively when you are cheerful. But if we believe
what we are told, this is so, and, hence, since we all want to be good
soldiers, it becomes a duty toward this end to be happy, just as it is a
duty to wash your face or police your bunk, or to keep your rifle clean.
It is a _duty_ to be happy.

That is all very well and good to say, some one interrupts at this
point, but you cannot be happy when your feet are sore or you do not
have all you want to eat. Or, it would be easy to be happy if the mail
would come, or they would "bust" the Mess Sergeant, or take some other
great step forward in the improvement of the army. But we all know
better.

Our happiness is not dependent on conditions outside of us, but on
our hearts within us, and some of the happiest men have been the victims
of extraordinary misfortune and some of the unhappiest people have been
possessors of great wealth who could have all they wanted. The most
joyous book in the world was written by an old man in prison who had
come to the conclusion that when they let him out they would chop his
head off. Many a man has just grinned himself out of worse fixes than
you or I are ever apt to get into.

There are very few things we cannot laugh at. By laughing, we do not
actually shorten the hike, but we make it seem shorter; we do not in
reality lighten the pack, but we make it seem lighter, and it all comes
to the same thing, for we would rather carry a heavy load and have it
seem light than carry a light load and have it seem heavy. If we laugh
at the cooties when they come, and hunt them with the same merriment
that the French hunt the wild boar, the joke will be on them after
all, for they do not laugh back. And then they won't seem half so
bad. Laughter is a good insecticide.

We American soldiers in France are in for a big thing. Just how big it
is and how long it will last we do not know and no one can tell us. But
we are determined that America shall do her part and that we as
individuals shall do ours and be the best soldiers possible, and this is
some task when we remember how gallantly our Allies have fought. It will
be, in our own language, "some job," and for this reason we must use
every means within our power to accomplish it. So we must not forget
happiness as an asset to efficient soldiering. We will all smile where
the coward would whimper, and laugh where the weakling would whine, and
buckle down to what Robert Louis Stevenson called "The great task of
happiness."




    [Cartoon: VOLUNTEER VIC'S BIG IDEA           BY LEMEN IN THE
                                                 ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH]

    [THANK GOODNESS! IVE GOT ON MY STEEL HELMET THIS RAIN
     WOULD GET MY FELT HAT ALL OUT OF SHAPE]

    [GEE! THIS THING TURNS ALL THE WATER DOWN MY NECK]

    [TIN-SMITH]

    [DONT SEE WHY THEY DIDNT THINK ABOUT BUILDING A GUTTER ON
     THESE BLAMED THINGS BEFORE]




                              ----
                        THERE'S A REASON.
                              ----


No more ham or eggs or grapefruit when the bugle blows for chow. No more
apple pie or dumplings, for we're in the army now; and they feed us
beans for breakfast, and at noon we have 'em, too; while at night they
fill our tummies with a good old army stew.

No more shirts of silk and linen. We all wear the O. D. stuff. No more
night shirts or pyjamas, for our pants are good enough. No more feather
ticks or pillows, but we're glad to thank the Lord we've got a cot and
blanket when we might just have a board.

For they feed us beans for breakfast, and at noon we have 'em, too;
while at night they fill our stomachs with a good old army stew. By, by
gum, we'll lick the kaiser when the sergeants teach us how, for, dad
burn it, he's the reason that we're in the army now!--Pittsburgh Post.




                              ----
                    A DOUGHBOY'S DICTIONARY.
                              ----


Camouflage--Wearing an overcoat to reveille.

Military Road--A large body of land, without beginning or end, entirely
covered by water.

Camion--1. A large, immovable body which one is expected to carry on
one's shoulders through the mud. 2. The thing that brings the mail out.

Army Rifle--Something eternally dirty which must be kept eternally
clean.

Bayonet--A long, sharp, pointed object whose only satisfactory resting
place is the midriff of a Hun.

Pay-day--1. A "movable feast." 2. A time for cancellation of debts. 3.
The date of the return of the laundry one sent away a month and a half
before.




                              ----
                      THIS REALLY HAPPENED.
                              ----


End of letter: "Goodbye, my dear, for the present. Yours, Jack."
Then--"x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x. P. S. I hope the censor doesn't object to
those crosses."

Added by Friend Censor: "Certainly not! x--x--x--x--x--x--x--x!"




                              ----
                       KISS FOR RESCUER
                         OF PIG FROM BLAZE
                              ----
                     A Beantown Fire-Fighter
                      Hero of Epoch-Making
                         Conflagration.
                              ----


"Weee-ah-eeeeeee-ah-eeeeeee!"

Private John Doe, late of the Boston fire department, knew something was
up when, on a certain Sunday morning not long ago, he heard that sound
issuing from the second story of the house-barn in which his command was
billeted. Also he saw a thin streamer of smoke, no bigger than Rhode
Island, winding its way out of the house-barn door. He sniffed, then
hollered "Fire!"

"Fire?" echoed some of his bunk mates, coming up the road. Fire? How
could there be fire in a country where not even sulphurous language
served to start the kitchen kindlings? How could there be fire in a
country where only every other match will light at all, at all?

Nevertheless, up they hustled, to see a bit of blaze lapping the edge of
the house-barn door, and to hear, from within, the plaintive cry of
"Weee-ah-eeeeee-ah-eeeeeee!"

"Steady, piggy darlint!" came Private Doe's soothing accents, from the
second story. "Sure an' it's meeself will resthcue yeze from this
burnin' ould shack! You below there! Climb on up an' lind a hand at
pullin' out the hay that's up here, or ilse the whole place will be
burnted down intoirely!"


                       Enter the Reserves.

Into the barn rushed half of Private Doe's squad. The other half,
calling down the road, summoned a good two companies, which came up on
the double.

At this point entered, front and centre, M. le Maire of the commune,
who, being the owner of the pig in distress, had more than a casual
interest in the proceedings. "The fire engine! The fire engine!" he
shouted, in accents both wild and French. But, since there had been no
fire in the town in fifty years, nobody seemed to know just what he
meant.

Fact! No fire in the town in fifty years! 'Way back in the days of
Napoleon III. there had been a fire, a little blaze, in the town. Think
of that, you insurance men who used to write policies for clothing
dealers on New York's East Side!

When he had sufficiently recovered his avoirdupois, M. le Maire dragged
out of the Hotel de Ville, with the aid of the embattled infantrymen,
_some_ fire apparatus, of early Bourbon vintage. One private who helped
handle it swears that he spotted the date "1748" on the leather hose
which led from a water tank, about twelve by eight by four, toward the
general direction of the fire. The tank, in turn, had to be filled by a
bucket brigade strung along from the scene of action to the village
fountain, about a quarter of a mile away.


                     Fire a Social Success.

It's a shame to spoil a good story, but Private Doe did not throw down
the pig into an army blanket held out to receive it. He clambered down a
smouldering flight of ladder stairs, with His Pigship under his arm,
quite unharmed, save for a severe nervous shock. Aside from a few
scorched kit bags, the loss of the top sergeant's cherished pipe, and a
few lungfuls of smoke acquired by Private Doe, the fire was not a
success--that is, from a historical standpoint. But as a social event,
in bringing the Americans--and Private Doe, kissed by the lady mayoress
for his pains, in particular--closer to the hearts of the villagers, it
was decidedly there.




                              ----
                              JIM.
                              ----


    Honest, but Jim was the sourest man in all o' Comp'ny G;
    You could sing and tell stories the whole night long, but never a
        cuss gave he.
    You could feed him turkey at Christmastime--and Tony the cook's no
        slouch--
    But Jim wouldn't join in "Three cheers for the cook!" Gosh, but he
        had a grouch!

    He wouldn't go up to the hill cafay when our daily hike was done,
    And sip his beer, and chin with the lads, the crabby son-of-a-gun;
    He'd growl if you asked him to hold the light, he'd snarl if you
        asked for a butt,
    Till at last the gang was 'most ready to put Jim down for a mutt.

    About the first time that our mail came in, we all felt as high as
        a king;
    "What luck?" somebody hollers to Jim: he says, "Not a dad-blamed
        thing."
    And then he goes off in his end o' the shack, and Tom Breed swears
        'at he cried;
    But when somebody went and repeated it, Jim swore, by gad, Tom lied.

    We were gettin' our mail, irregular-like, for about a month or two;
    But Jim? He never drew anything, and blooey! but he was blue!
    Not only blue, but surly; he was off'n the whole darn shop,
    And once he was put onto "heavy" for talkin' back to the Top.

    'Twas a day or two before New Year's, when the postal truck came in;
    The orderly fishes one out for Jim; he takes it, without a grin,
    And then, as he opens the envelope--eeyow! How that man did yell:
    "A letter from James J., Junior, boys! the youngster has learnt to
        spell!"

    So nothin' would do but the bunch of us had to read the letter through;
    'Twas all writ out by that kid of his, and a mighty smart kid, too,
    For it isn't every six-year-old at school as can take a prize,
    (Like the boy wrote Jim as he had done): and you oughter seen Jim's
        eyes!

    Well, Jim had a mighty good New Year's; he stood the squad a treat,
    And now, 'stead o' turnin' out sloppy, he's always trim and neat;
    Fact is, the lieutenant passed the word that if Jim keeps on that way
    He'll be wearing little stripes on his arm and drawin' a bit more pay.

    Don't it beat hell how a little thing will change a man like that?
    Now Jim's as cheerful as anything instead o' mum as a bat.
    An' the reason? Why, it's easy! A guy is bound to fail
    Of bein' a proper soldier if he don't get no fambly mail!

    If all of those post office birds was wise to the change they made
        in Jim,
    They'd hustle a bit on our letters, for they's lots that's just like
        him;
    It may be a kid, or it may be a girl; a mother, a pal, a wife,--
    And believe me, this hearin' from 'em--why, it's half o' the joy o'
        life!




                               Chartered 1822

                     The Farmers' Loan and Trust Company

                                  NEW YORK

                   PARIS                      BORDEAUX
            41, Boulevard Haussmann    8, Cours du Chapeau-Rouge

                                    AND
                            TWO ARMY ZONE OFFICES

                            Specially designated

                 United States Depositary of Public Moneys.

     LONDON: 26, Old Broad Street, E.C.2 and 16, Pall Mall East. S.W.1.

    The Société Générale pour favoriser etc., & its Branches throughout
     France will act as our correspondents for the cashing of Officers'
         cheques & transfer of funds for MEMBERS of the AMERICAN
                         EXPEDITIONARY FORCES.




                              ----
                   BIG GUNS ON FLAT CARS
                       TO BATTER HUNS' LINES.
                              ----
       A. E. F. Operates Railroad Artillery that will Hurl
                 Tons of Steel Twenty Miles into
                       Enemy's Territory.
                              ----
              LONG-BARRELLED 155s ARE ALSO DEADLY.
                              ----
         Fortresses and Mountains Crumble like Sandhills
                 Before Blasts from the Busters.
                              ----


When Rudyard Kipling paid his famous tribute to the late Rear-Admiral
"Fighting Bob" Evans of the United States Navy some years ago, one of
his verses ran:

        "Zogbaum can handle his shadows,
          And I can handle my style;
        And you can handle a ten-inch gun
          To carry seven mile."

That was a pretty fair gun for those days. But nowadays, we speak of
handling a sixteen-inch gun to carry twenty miles. Not only do we speak
of it, but we--we of the A.E.F.--actually do the handling.

The "big boys" are here. They are busters. They have more machinery
attached to them than the average small factory. Because of the fact
that they are mounted on cars and ride on rails they are known rather as
the "railroad artillery" than the heavy artillery. They have been
practicing for a long time on a "blasted heath" somewhere in France,
where there wasn't anything within twenty miles of them that would be
hurt by their gentle attentions. And, when they do practice Jee-roosh!
Hold onto your ear-drums and open your mouth!


                    Big Fellows Hard to Move.

But the actual practice at making perfectly good targets resemble
grease-spots on the oil-cloth doesn't take up but a bit of the time of
the men who constitute the crew. They have to know a lot about moving
the big fellow, raising him and lowering him, anchoring him so he won't
right-step and left-step when he's supposed to be firing, cleaning him
up for inspection and the like.

About seventy per cent. of them learned a good deal about the firing end
back in the Coast Artillery Corps in the States, but this business of
riding a big gun on a railroad bed, and so forth, was new to a good many
of them until recently. Now, they say, the minute the aero observer up
above gives them range and so forth, they are ready to go ahead and
batter the eternal daylights out of anything from the Kaiserschloss down
to old Hindenburg himself.

Besides the big guns that hurl a whole hardware shop-ful of steel at the
enemy, there are long-barreled 155s, and deadly devices they are in
their way, too. But it is about the big babies, the instruments which,
more than any other save the aeroplanes, typify for most of us the
advanced methods of modern warfare, that most of the attention is
centered. The 155s and the other smaller bores can be pulled up to
within striking distance of the line by trucks and caterpillar tractors,
but the heftiest never leave the railroad flat cars on which they are
built. In other words, they are rolling stock destined to keep a rolling
and a rolling and a rolling until they roll right on into Germany.


                   Getting One Ready to Fire.

It takes several hours to get a big one ready for firing but once its
mechanism is started, under the capable handling of a trained crew, it
works with the prettiness and precision of an engine. First the gun
rolls forward on to an arrangement of curved tracks which are called
"epies," and whose tips point toward the objective. Then, to steady the
piece, twelve large wooden feet are dropped by hydraulic jacks against
the rails, and the gun is ready to fire.

It fires, all right, sending a good ton of steel in the direction
indicated by the aerial observer. When it recoils, the flat car and all
slides back a good couple of yards on the rails. Then it is brought back
into position again, the barrel is cooled by jets of water, the wooden
feet are braced again, and the piece loaded. Even with all those
operations, the big fellow can fire a good forty shots a minute.

But, though they can fire those forty per minute, each one takes a lot
out of the big fellow's life. Unlike the guns of smaller calibre, they
cannot be used over and over again. They are too powerful to be used in
actual trench warfare, but let a fortress, or a mountain that has
perversely got in the way of operations, loom up ahead, and down it
goes! Also the big shells have been found exceedingly useful in knocking
in the roofs of German tunnels underground, even those that are quarried
out ninety feet under the surface.

All in all, the big fellow has a short life, but--if he's directed
right--it's a mighty gay one.




                              ----
                    A BULL IS DURHAM'S PRIDE.
                              ----


A Durham, N. C., enthusiast recently telegraphed to United States Marine
Corps headquarters in Washington:

"Terrier belonging to U.S. Marine kills huge rooster after battle royal
in main thoroughfare. Indignant chicken fanciers witness affair and
demand dog pay death penalty. Then they learn ill-fated rooster's name
was 'Kaiser.' Result: Dog is now pride of Durham."




                              ----
                      "HE MAY OVERHEAR IT!"
                              ----


"Aw, he ain't a bad skipper--as skippers go!"

"Gee, though, that was some clip he run us at on the way up that hill!
It pulled my cork all right, I'll tell the world!"

"Sat'day afternoon drill, too, eh? I wonder, is he goin' to work us all
eight days o' the week?"

"Aw, lay off! Don't blame him! He gets hell from higher up if he don't
work us, don't he? He ain't the boss!"

"Listen, guy! I wish you'd of worked for the cap'n I had to work for in
the Philippines! This bird is tame alongside o' him!"

"He's a good skate, all right, when he's off duty. I was talkin' to the
top the other day, and he says--"

"Sure, he's the real thing! Served two hitches in the ranks before he
come up to where he is now!"

"Who? The cap'n? Say, bo, he's a regular guy, he is!"




                          TIFFANY & Co

             25, Rue de la Paix and Place de l'Opéra

                             PARIS

                 LONDON, 221, Regent Street, W.
             NEW YORK, Fifth Avenue and 37th Street




       Exclusive    [Illustration]  "Regulation
       Styles                        Pattern"
       Special
       Fittings

                      WALK-OVER
                     SHOE COMPANY

                34 Boulevard des Italiens
                 19-21 Boul. des Capucines

       [Illustration: Trade Mark]

                                PARIS
                          NEW YORK  LONDON
                          LYONS, 12 rue de la République
                          NAPLES, 215 Via Roma.

                            Sole Agent in France for
                          "ONYX" HOSIERY

       All soldiers are welcome at the WALK-OVER
       Stores, where they can apply for
       any information, and where all possible
       services of any kind will be rendered
       free of charge.




                             BELLE
                           JARDINIÈRE

                   2, Rue du Pont-Neuf, PARIS

              THE LARGEST OUTFITTERS in THE WORLD

              French and Allied Military Uniforms

                          EVERY ARTICLE
          for Officers and Mens' outfits and Equipments

                      Agents for BURBERRYS

    Sole Branches: PARIS, 1, Place de Clichy, LYON, MARSEILLE
                 BORDEAUX, NANTES, NANCY, ANGERS

        Self-measurement Cards, Catalogues and Patterns,
                    Post Free on application.




                           JOHN BAILLIE & CO.

                           1 Rue Auber, PARIS

                    (Opp. Ticket Office of Grand Opera.)

                   _The Military Tailor
                              to United States Officers._

                   All Insignia, Sam Browne Belts, Trench
                       Coats. Large variety in stock.

                     UNIFORMS MADE TO ORDER IN 24 HOURS




                              "WORLD SERVICE."

                             AMERICAN EXPRESS CO.

                            11, Rue Scribe, PARIS.

            BORDEAUX                 HAVRE               MARSEILLES
       3, Cours de Gourgue.    43, Quai d'Orléans.    9, Rue Beauvau.

                           GENERAL BANKING FACILITIES
                                     FOR
                         AMERICAN EXPEDITIONARY FORCES.

                 DEPOSIT AND SAVINGS ACCOUNTS OPENED.
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                  REMITTANCES FORWARDED BY MAIL AND CABLE.

                Travelers' Cheque -- Drafts -- Money Orders.

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      States at Easter or other festivals and on anniversaries may be
                                arranged through

                              AMERICAN EXPRESS CO.
                        ORDER AND COMMISSION DEPARTMENT.


                   The COMPTOIR NATIONAL D'ESCOMPTE DE PARIS

    which Bank has branches throughout France are Correspondents for the
     American Express Company and will accept remittances for payment
     through the American Express Company, also deposits for transfer
            to Bank Accounts opened with American Express Co.




                              ----
                     The Stars and Stripes.
                              ----


The official publication of the American Expeditionary Forces;
authorized by the Commander-in-Chief, A.E.F.

Published every Friday by and for the men of the A.E.F., all profits to
accrue to subscribers' company funds.

Editorial: Guy T. Viskniskki, 2nd Lieut. Inf., N.A.; Charles P. Cushing,
2nd Lieut. U.S.M.C.R.; Hudson Hawley, Pvt., M.G.Bn.; A. A. Wallgren,
Pvt., U.S.M.C.

Advertising: William K. Michael, 1st Lieut. Inf., U.S.R.

Fifty centimes a copy. Subscription price to soldiers, 4 francs for
three months. To civilians, 5 francs for three months. All advertising
contracts payable weekly.

Address all communications relating to advertising and all other
business matters, except subscriptions, to THE STARS AND STRIPES, Press
Division, 10, Rue Sainte-Anne, Paris, France.

Address all communications relating to text, art, and subscriptions to
THE STARS AND STRIPES, Press Division, G.H.Q., A.E.F., France.




                              ----
                    FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 1918.
                              ----


THE STARS AND STRIPES is printed at the plant of the London _Daily
Mail's_ Continental edition in Paris. The paper stock is supplied by _La
Société Anonyme des Papeteries Darblay_. Only the hearty co-operation of
these two institutions, one British, one French, has made it possible
for the A.E.F. to have a newspaper all its own. Unity of purpose among
the representatives of three allied nations has succeeded in producing
THE STARS AND STRIPES, even as it will succeed in winning the war.




                              ----
                         "TO THE COLORS!"
                              ----


With this issue THE STARS AND STRIPES reports for active service with
the A. E. F. It is _your_ paper, and has but one axe to grind--the axe
which our Uncle Samuel is whetting on the grindstone for use upon the
august necks of the Hapsburgs and the Hohenzollerns.

THE STARS AND STRIPES is unique in that every soldier purchaser, every
soldier subscriber, is a stockholder and a member of the board of
directors. It isn't being run for any individual's profit, and it serves
no class but the fighting men in France who wear the olive drab and the
forest green. Its profits go to the company funds of the soldier
subscribers, and the staff of the paper isn't paid a sou.

If you don't find in this, your own weekly, the things in which you are
particularly interested, write to the editors, and if it is humanly
possibly they will dig up the stuff you want. There are so many of you
over here now, and so many different sorts of you, that it is more than
likely that some of your hobbies have been overlooked in this our first
number. Let us know.

We want to hear from that artist in your outfit, that ex-newspaper
reporter, that short story writer, that company "funny man," and that
fellow who writes the verses. We want to hear from all of you--for THE
STARS AND STRIPES is your paper, first, last and all the time; for you
and for those of your friends and relatives to whom you will care to
send it.

THE STARS AND STRIPES is up at the top o' the mast for the duration of
the war. It will try to reach every one of you, every week--mud,
shell-holes and fog notwithstanding. It will yield rights of the roadway
only to troops and ambulances, food, ammunition and guns, and the
paymaster's car. It has a big job ahead to prove worthy of its namesake,
but, with the help of all of you, it will, in good old down east
parlance, "do its gol-derndest" to deliver the goods. So--For-_ward_!
MARCH!




                              ----
                         FATHER ABRAHAM.
                              ----


Just one hundred and nine years ago this coming February 12, there was
born, in what was then the backwoods of Kentucky, the man whose career
is most symbolic of the equality of opportunity afforded by our common
country. By dint of hard work, laboring under the spell of poverty and
of discouraging surroundings, Abraham Lincoln made himself fit to be
nominated for and twice elected to the highest office within the gift of
his countrymen. Not only that; he so qualified himself that he brought
his country safely through the period which, next to the present one,
proved to be the most crucial in its entire history.

He accomplished that tremendous task largely by the exercise of the most
trying--and, to those who do not possess it, the most exasperating--of
all the virtues: Patience. Patience which, moreover, was coupled with a
rare sense of homely humor. When pettifogging scandal-mongers sneaked up
to him with tales that Grant, his most successful commander, was
drinking to excess, he merely smiled; said he wished he knew the brand
of whisky Grant used, so he could try it on some of his other generals;
kept Grant in command (for he had his own sources of information as to
the general's conduct), and held his peace, trusting to time to
vindicate his judgment, as it did amply.

Then, too, in his relations with the Copperheads, the pacifists of that
day, who would have, as Horace Greeley put it, "let the erring sisters
depart in peace," Lincoln practiced patience--patience mixed with a keen
appreciation of the humorous side of their frantic meanderings. Through
all the dark days of those long four years he kept his poise, kept his
head, kept his nation straight in the true course; and yet, wracked with
anxiety, battered by critics, he found time to laugh, and to show
others the way to laugh.

Every American, at home or over here, would do well to take deep
thought, on this coming anniversary, of what manner of man was "the
prairie lawyer, master of us all." In spite of reverses to his armies,
in spite of such criticism as never before or since was leveled at the
head of a President, in spite of personal bereavement, in spite of the
captiousness of his own chosen advisors, he saw his task through. To-day
a united nation, united because he made it possible to be so, stands
again in battle array to vindicate the principle which he held most
dear: "That government of the people, by the people, for the people
shall not perish from the earth."

It is our privilege, and our glory, as members of America's vanguard of
liberty, so to fight, so to strive, that we may rightly be called the
fellow countrymen of Father Abraham.




                              ----
                     SQUARING THE TRIANGLE.
                              ----


The decision of the American Army and Navy Y. M. C. A. in France not to
accept as workers any more men who are eligible for military service
will meet with the hearty approval of every member of the A. E. F. The
stand of the Association in this regard will do away with one of the
most frequently criticised features of its operation, and will awaken in
the army a new confidence in the Y. M. C. A., and a belief in its
sincerity and fairness.

The spectacle of a man of draft age, undeniably husky and fit for active
service, cosily situated behind a counter during working hours, and when
off duty enjoying all the privileges, and often wearing much of the
insignia, of an officer when he had not been through the training and
made the sacrifices to entitle him to such treatment, has more than once
galled the feelings of the enlisted man, who, far less comfortably
quartered, enjoying no privileges, knew that sooner or later he and his
officers would have to take the chances "up there" while the "Y. M." man
would remain in comparative safety behind. Such a spectacle inevitably
led to the belief, in the minds of many men, that certain young
gentlemen with "pull" were donning the Association uniform simply to
escape the perils which all good men and true, wearing the khaki of the
A. E. F., will sooner or later be called upon to brave. Naturally, such
a belief lowered the standing of the Association in the eyes of the men
actively engaged in preparation for the work of the fighting line.

THE STARS AND STRIPES feels sure that the Y. M. C. A. can recruit just
as many "red-blooded" men, just as many "good mixers," among those who
are older than thirty-one as among those of military age. What is more,
it undoubtedly will draw from the older men a class more experienced in
the handling of affairs, more accustomed to dealing with all sorts of
their fellows. Viewed from any angle, the "Y. M." has taken a great step
toward efficiency.




                              ----
                      TALK AND RESOLUTIONS.
                              ----


In a recent speech to representatives of the British trades unions,
Premier Lloyd George of England said something which every American,
both here and at home, would do well to bear in mind.

"If we are not prepared to fight, what sort of terms do you think we
will get from Hindenburg? If you sent a delegation and said: 'We want
you to clear out of Belgium', he would just mock you. He would say in
his heart: 'You cannot turn me out of Belgium with trade union
resolutions.' No; but I will tell you the answer you can give him: 'We
can and will turn you out of Belgium with trade union guns and trade
unionists behind them!'"

In other words, mere boastful talk will not lick Germany. Guns, and the
men behind them are the only things that will do the job. There is only
one way for us of the A. E. F.--the men behind the guns--to bring about
the peace which the world craves, and that is by resolving to make every
shot from those guns talk business.




                              ----
                    STREET OF THE PRETTY HEART.
                              ----


It might have been a street once, that shell-pocked thoroughfare, its
cobbles piled awry, its curbing bitten out as though by the teeth of a
stone-crunching giant. Scarcely one of the houses that lined it but had
gaping shell-holes in walls, piles of clattered-down bricks before it,
heaps of dust--all mute tokens of the devastation wrought by the enemy
airmen during the raid of the night before. But, in the middle of that
pathetic and ruined apology for a street the children were playing away,
as merrily as if nothing at all had happened, shouting to one another in
glee. And the name of that street--as the battered and half obliterated
sign on the corner of the caved-in house at the end testified--was "Rue
du Joli Coeur"--"Street of the Pretty Heart!"

The "Street of the Pretty Heart!" It is symbolic of the way France has
borne her struggle, her devastation--with the heart-free, care-free
spirit of childhood. One may crush, but not conquer, a race whose
children can find happiness amid such surroundings, can abandon
themselves to play under the very shadow of disaster. The "Street of the
Pretty Heart"--in that title is the secret of triumph of the spirit over
the powers of darkness, the secret of the triumph of the spirit of
France over the malignant and evil genius of her arch enemy.




                              ----
                      SINGING ON THE HIKE.
                              ----


We do not sing "by order" in this man's army, but that is no reason why
we should not sing--just because we are not ordered to do so. Singing
can clip more kilos off a hike, take more lead out of a pack, drive more
dampness out of the clothing than anything else. Also, it is good for
the lungs. What is good for the lungs is good for the heart. And lungs
and hearts in good condition are the best possible aids to the "guts"
that will win this war.

We do not need to sing "highbrow stuff." We cannot imagine American
troops going into battle as our Italian allies are said to, singing the
national anthem, for the simple reason that we are not built that way,
that's all. But we can sing something--even "All We Do Is Wait for Pay
Day," or the famous ditty about the acrobatic grasshopper--and, if we
do, we are more than apt to find ourselves feeling a lot better for it.
Morever, it will help the fellow back in the line who, because of his
cold, a badly slung pack, a tight pair of shoes, or, perhaps, bad news
from home, is finding the going just a bit hard. It is the job of all of
us who feel fit to do all we can, to boost along the fellow who may not
feel quite so fit. It's team play that counts.

So start her off! Pitch it low enough so everybody can reach it, and
keep it going. It is an unbeatable tonic for an unbeatable army.




                              ----
                        SPIES AND ASSES.
                              ----


Beware of the man who, no matter what his uniform, no matter what his
nationality, comes to you with tales of Germany's invincibility,
prophecies that "the war will end in a draw," and so forth. If he is
saying such things on his own account, he is a German propagandist, a
spy, a paid liar, and should be reported and punished as such. If he is
repeating them second hand, he is nothing but an ass, a dupe of some
real propagandist, and he should be reported and punished just the same.

Germany thinks we are a credulous lot of people. Old Bismarck himself
once cynically remarked that there was a special Providence that watched
out for plumb fools and Americans. More recently, Von Papen, whom our
Government asked to have withdrawn from his post as German military
attaché at Washington, referred to us affectionately as "those idiotic
Yankees." Consequently, Germany now hopes to weaken our resolution by
sending among us these tale-bearers, these prophets of disaster, on the
chance that some of us will be fools enough to bite.

The only sure and safe way to fool Germany in return is to report any
man mouthing such pro-German sentiments, and report him at once. Your
company commander will then see to it that further enemy activity by
that man will be effectively stopped.




                              ----
                          "GAS-ALERT!"
                              ----


Great Britain is said to be making progress in the gentle art of
extracting explosives from chestnuts. Chauncey Depew was master of that
art long, long, ago.

                  *        *        *        *

"Keep the Home Fires Burning" is very pretty, and all that, but "keep
the billet fires aglow" is a lot more practical.

                  *        *        *        *

Broadway, the papers tell us, is now dark after eleven o'clock at night,
and thinks it a hardship. Shucks! We could mention some French cities
that, until recently, were dark after four o'clock in the afternoon.

                  *        *        *        *

It may be set down as a plain, unvarnished, Teutonic lie that fuel has
become so scarce in the States that minstrel shows will soon be
abolished by Federal order because of a lack of burnt cork.

                  *        *        *        *

Just think! After the war is over it'll be like going from boyhood into
manhood. We'll "graduate into long trousers" again.

                  *        *        *        *

Over in the States, Mondays have been declared legal holidays because of
the shortage of coal. But over here, with coal and wood even scarcer, we
drill on washday, whether or no.

                  *        *        *        *

What puzzles us is how Great Britain, on a diet of that warm beer, can
continue to produce tanks that terrorize the Germans.

                  *        *        *        *

Mrs. Margaret Deland says she wishes every soldier in the army might see
"Damaged Goods." Shucks, Mrs. Deland; we all saw damaged goods when we
got our belated Christmas packages.

                  *        *        *        *

Mr. Charles M. Schwab has given up his private car for the duration of
the war, and will, according to a despatch from the States, "do his
travelling in the conventional day coach or Pullman." We, too, have
given up our private cars, and now do our travelling in the conventional
third-class carriages or "Hommes 40, Chevaux 8."

                  *        *        *        *

Cheer up, lads! Pity the poor chaps back home who got married to escape
the army! Between Hindenburg and a mother-in-law, pick Hindenburg for an
enemy, every time.

                  *        *        *        *

What has become of the old-fashioned trooper who used to be able to roll
the makin's with one hand while holding in a bucking horse with the
other? For that matter, what has become of the old-fashioned trooper?

                  *        *        *        *

"Austria Suggests Treating with N.S."--Headline.

No thanks; not now. From past performance, the chance is too good that
the drinks would be doped.

                  *        *        *        *

Trench coats were worn by the patriotic Wall Street brokers on the New
York stock exchange during that coal-less day; as if, no doubt, to imply
that Wall Street is just as dangerous as the trenches. There isn't much
difference: In one, you may get separated from your kale, and in the
other you may get separated from your bean.

                  *        *        *        *

"Hertling Thinks England Doesn't Wish for Peace."--Headline.

It all depends on what you mean by peace, Herr Chancellor!

                  *        *        *        *

Now that the Chinese mission has officially visited the Belgian front,
we suppose Hindenburg will take the queue and get out from in front of
there.

                  *        *        *        *

It is a singular tribute to the originality of the A.E.F. that not one
of its members has tried to write home that ancient wheeze about "the
French pheasants singing the Mayonnaise."

                  *        *        *        *

The Kaiser said he didn't want any fuss made over his birthday this
year. He even refrained from making a speech on that auspicious
occasion. But, all the same, there are plenty of people who would dearly
love to give him the fifty-odd spanks to which his age entitles him, and
who, in time, will do so.

                  *        *        *        *

Now that they've started with bread tickets in Paris, they might do well
in some other parts of France to begin issuing rain checks.

                  *        *        *        *

The peanut crop in the States is reported to be small this year, which
probably accounts for the decline in the number of pacifists as well.




    [Illustration: ON THEIR WAY.--By CHARLES DANA GIBSON

    Reproduced by courtesy of "Life."]




                              ----
                     TO THE FOLKS BACK HOME
                              ----


_To the fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers, wives, sweethearts,
and friends of the men in the American Expeditionary Forces:_

We hear that you have been regaled with some alarming stories about us
of the A.E.F. and our conduct here in France. In fact, some of those
stories have been relayed to us, and if they weren't so far from the
truth we might be inclined to get really mad. But knowing the authors of
some of them--for some of the hysterical stripe have really been over
here--our first inclination is to laugh.

But, after all, it's no laughing matter to be talked about behind our
backs in such a reckless and irresponsible way by reckless and
irresponsible people, though no doubt some of them have the best
intentions in the world and think that they, and they alone, can save
us. (They have probably told you that, and asked you to contribute money
to their worthy cause, haven't they?) What hurts most, however, is the
thought that, though we know you are loyal to us and have the firmest of
faith in us, perhaps these dire tales may have caused you anxiety, may
even have brought you to believe that perhaps, after all, we had become
a bit neglectful of our trust; and that, so believing, you might have
been sorely, and entirely unduly, distressed in spirit.

Be assured that these sensational stories are nothing but myths. Absolutely
nothing else. And we have the facts to prove that they are. Listen:

The percentage of venereal disease in this army of yours is three-tenths
of one per cent.--the smallest percentage on record for any army, or any
civil population, in the world's history. It is a sober army, and a
well-behaved one. The statistics in the possession of the Judge Advocate
General's department prove that there have been, in proportion, fewer
cases of drunkenness, fewer breaches of military discipline among its
members than has been the case with any army whose records have been
preserved.

Now, to take a specific instance. A certain self-constituted "board of
morals" is quoted in a dispatch from the United States to the effect
that 1,046 men of the "north-eastern States" were locked up in the
guardhouse following their first pay day, for drunkenness.

That is the story; here are the facts:

Since the troops referred to as coming from the "north-eastern States"
came to France, the total number of their men locked up in the
guardhouse for all offenses--not for drunkenness alone, mind you--has
been exactly 134 to date. In other words, the self-constituted champions
of sobriety generously multiplied by eight the number of men imprisoned
for all offenses--including as it does those punished for infractions of
rules, insubordination and the like--and passed the enlarged figures on
to you as representing the number of men locked up for drunkenness
alone! No wonder you were scared--as they probably intended you should
be.

Just to refute them again, here is a quotation from the report of a
Protestant chaplain on active service with these same maligned troops
from the "north-eastern States." Bear in mind, too, that this particular
chaplain has been in the army but a short time, and therefore brings a
fresh and impartial judgment to bear on the problems. This is what he
says:

"In performing my priestly functions it has been my privilege to travel
considerably among the troops, and it pleases me immensely to be able to
state that I find moral conditions most satisfactory. The military
authorities are vigilant in removing temptation. We have a clean army;
and I am honestly convinced that the men in France are in less danger
morally than they would be in service in their own country."

"The men in France are in less danger morally than they would be in
service in their own country." That last clause is worth repetition.
Ponder on that, dear people at home.

Here's something more. The Catholic chaplains attached to these same
slandered troops declare that, out of thousands of men admitted to the
confessional, only three have confessed to sins of any magnitude. A
correspondent of an internationally-known daily newspaper, whose
business it is to get facts and to report them accurately, adds this:

"I was in the only town of any size in the whole area occupied by the
troops referred to on the night when they were first paid off in France.
The majority of these men received from two to three months' pay,
totalling in many cases $100 or more. The streets were crowded with
soldiers buying up everything in sight, from candy and chocolate to
clothing, but--it's the absolute truth--I did not see a single drunken
soldier; while the provost guard records show the smallest number of
arrests. Since then I have seen a good deal of the troops referred to as
'North-Eastern,' as a result of which I can unhesitatingly state that if
the troops training in the United States conduct themselves as well,
they're doing nobly."

Finally, the commanding officer of this same body of men--and our
commanding officers are our severest critics and also our only really
competent ones--volunteers this, by way of clinching the argument:

"I never knew any army garrison in the United States before the war to
have anything like so good a record."

As to conditions in general, both Allied and neutral military observers
have expressed themselves as astonished at the remarkably good behavior
of this army of yours. The world does move. Armies no longer live by
forage, loot, and pillage; but even at that, this pay-as-you-go,
behave-as-you-go American Army has been a revelation to our European
Allies.

Take it all in all, these American Expeditionary Forces constitute an
army which is in every way a worthy successor to the first army of
liberty, whose commander was George Washington. It is proud of its
heritage, proud of you people at home who are supporting it and who are
backing it with your labor, your money, your hopes, and your prayers,
proud of the Government that sped it on its way overseas, proud of the
cause for which it is fighting--the greatest cause which any army was
ever called upon to champion. It would rather rot under the soil of
France than to do anything which would cast discredit on the homes it
left, which would impugn in any way the good name of the great people
from whom it was recruited.

Bear all this in mind, good people back in God's country, if you hear
any more stories about us made up out of the same whole cloth. If by any
chance any of you should hesitate to believe us, write to our
commanders, our chaplains, our doctors--anybody in authority. They will
back us to the limit--and we, for our part, will guarantee to come home
to you clean in body, exalted in mind and heart, and with the record
behind us of a man's size job manfully done.




                              ----
                       MENTIONED IN ORDERS
                              ----


                          NEW HEADGEAR.

The "Oversea Cap," the latest thing in military headgear, has been
officially adopted as part of the uniform for officers, soldiers and
other uniformed members of the A.E.F. For the latter two classes, the
cap will be of 20 ounce olive drab cloth, or perhaps a little heavier.
There will be no show of coloring on the cap, and the stiffening of the
flap will be the same color as the cap itself. When the cap is issued to
a man, he will be expected to turn in his service hat to nearest
Quartermaster depot.

The officers' Overseas cap will be the same model as that worn by the
men, but the material will be that of the officers' uniform. For
officers other than general officers, the stiffening at the edge of the
flap will be the same color as the arm of the service to which the
officer belongs, and will project far enough above the edge of the flap
to give the appearance of piping when the cap is worn with the flap up.
General officers will have caps with stiffening of the same color as the
cap cloth itself, with a strip of gold braid an eighth of an inch to a
quarter of an inch from the outside of the flap.

Except where the helmet is prescribed, officers actually commanding
troops will wear the Oversea cap. At other times the Oversea or the
service cap is optional.


                        TRENCH UNIFORMS.

Officers are also authorized to wear the so-called trench coat, with
the insignia of rank on the shoulder. This may also be worn on the
raincoat. Officers serving in the Zone of Advance will be issued all
articles of the enlisted man's uniform and equipment they need; and,
when their duty in the trenches is over, they will return all such
articles.


                       NEATNESS IN DRESS.

In connection with these new regulations concerning clothing, it is
strictly laid down that every effort must be made at all times by the
officers and men of the A.E.F. to present a neat and soldierly
appearance. When men are not actually engaged on field service, it is
directed that uniforms will be pressed and brushed, and that belts,
leggings, shoes, boots, and brasses will be cleaned and polished. Even
when on active service, it is required that advantage be taken of every
opportunity to clean uniforms and equipment.

"No soldier," says the order, "will be permitted to leave his command on
pass unless he presents a neat and soldierly appearance, which will be
determined at an inspection by an officer."


                     AMBULANCE VENTILATION.

Ford ambulances in the service of the A.E.F. are to be bored with one
inch auger holes at three-inch intervals in double rows through the
wooden front just at the driver's back and immediately beneath the roof;
in the tail-board, also, there will be fifteen holes. This is to secure
proper ventilation, as deaths have been known to occur, in other Allied
services, within the enclosed bodies of the ambulances which are
equipped with exhaust gas heaters. Ambulance drivers are cautioned to
investigate the condition of their passengers at five-minute intervals.


                      TYPHOID PROPHYLAXIS.

Any men in the A.E.F. who have not as yet taken typhoid prophylaxis will
be required to do so in the near future; and, in all cases where it is
shown that complete protective measures have not been taken, the surgeon
will administer triple vaccine prophylaxis.


                      RED CROSS SEARCHERS.

One "searcher" of the American Red Cross may be attached to each
statistical section of the Adjutant-General's department throughout the
A.E.F. and in each hospital sub-section, except in field hospitals.
Information as to casualties, etc., will be furnished freely to Red
Cross searchers subject to the necessary restrictions as to what may be
forwarded, and at what times.


                          MORE RATIONS.

The meat, coffee and sugar rations of troops engaged in work involving
hard manual labor of eight hours or more a day will be increased 25 per
cent. up to the end of March. This holds true in future from November to
March, inclusive.


                        RECKLESS DRIVING.

Reckless driving by chauffeurs is frowned upon severely in General
Orders No. 11. In consequence of past accidents, it is now required that
every driver of an A.E.F. motor vehicle which sustains a collision with
any French vehicle or person, or kills or injures a domestic animal,
will prepare a report on Form No. 124, Q.M.M.T.S., immediately after the
collision and before resuming his journey. It is impressed upon the
drivers that this must be done in every case, regardless of how trivial
the injury may appear to be. The driver, after making out his report,
will deliver it to his immediate commanding officer with the least
possible delay. Court-martial proceedings must, in every case, be
instituted against any driver who fails to render such a report
immediately upon return to his station.


                          HARD LIQUORS.

Soldiers are forbidden either to buy or accept as gifts from the French,
any whisky, brandy, champagne, or, in fact, any spirituous liquors.
Commanding officers are charged with the duty of seeing that all
drinking places where the alcoholic liquors thus named are sold are
designated as "off limits." They are also directed to use every endeavor
to limit to the lowest possible number the places where intoxicants are
sold, and to assist the French authorities in locating non-licensed
resorts.




                              ----
                     RAILROADING AT THE
                         FRONT IS NO PICNIC
                              ----
        Engineer of Big Lizzie Takes Reporter for a Ride
                 and Explains a Few Professional
                          Difficulties.
                              ----
               BOCHE TRIES TO BEAN HIM WITH BOMBS.
                              ----
         Problems of Garb, Breakfast and Tobacco Happily
                      Solved by "System D."
                              ----


        "_Casey Jones--mounted up the cabin
            Casey Jones--with his orders in his hand!_"

The singer, to judge from the way he rolled his r's, ought to have come
from somewhere out in the perrrarrrie country of North America; but to
judge from his costume, he might have come from about anywhere. He wore
the red fez of the Algerian troops, the tunic of his Britannic Majesty's
fighting forces, the horizon-blue slicker of the Armee de France, but
his underpinning, as well as his voice, was downright United States.
Only the khaki trousers and canvas leggins identified him, in part, at
least, as a member of an American Railroad Engineers' Regiment.

"Up to look us over, are you?" he inquired, grinning genially at the
STARS AND STRIPES reporter who had made his way up right behind the
fighting lines, to see the engineers at their work of running supply
trains for the French. "Well, sonny, take a good look. We ain't much on
clothes"--indicating his motley garments--"but believe me, bo, we're
there on work! Y'see, the Boche's birdies make things pretty hot for us
at times, flyin' over our perfectly good right of way and tryin' to beat
us where the stack shows up bright in the dark. So we have to lay over
until they fly back, and then git out and hustle to keep things moving
som'ers near on schedule. At that, day before yest'day, we had every
blooming train on time.


                    The Workings of System D.

"These duds"--indicating his international collection of garments--"I
know they look funny, but what can a man do? Well, it all works out
right enough by what the French call 'System D'--shift for yourself. We
start out under the U.S., and we draw some--just _some_--clothes from
them. Then they turn us over to the French gov'ment to run this here
line up to the front, see? French gov'ment gives us more clothes--some.
Then along come some Canucks--damn decent chaps, too, and more like
Americans than anything else they've got over here--and they want to
trade off with us for some stuff. That's where the coat come from. This
red dicer"--pointing to the fez--"I copped off'n a nigger. Funny kind of
coon he was, too; couldn't talk English, only French; and we had to
teach him how to shoot crap!

"But we got three complete Uncle Sam uniforms, in three different sizes,
for the use of the whole outfit. Y'see, three men from our comp'ny get
leave in Paree every week, and they just nachhully got to look right
when they go down there. So they match, and the odd man has the pick of
the three suits, so's he can take the one that fits him. Then the other
two flip up, and the guy that don't call it has to take what's left.
Gen'rally he's outer luck.

"Look at this engine o' mine," continued the engineer, pointing to the
big Baldwin locomotive beside him. "Is't she a pippin, though? These
little French ones look like fleas up alongside an elephant aside of
her. They're forty-five like her in the same lot, bought by the French
for $45,000 a throw, and turned out at the works in Philly in twenty
days. They're owned by the French now, but they've got the good old
'U.S.A.' right up there on the water-tender. See it?" He obliged with
his flashlight. "Pull? They can handle 166,000 pounds without batting an
eye!


                      Misses the Old Bell.

"Only trouble is," he explained, "we haven't got any spare parts for
her, not even spare valves, she was rushed over here in such a hurry.
But at that, she's got it over anything that ever sailed over this line
before. Why, when we first got here some of the French lines were using
old engines that had been made in Germany in 1856. 'Sfact! One of ours,
like Big Lizzie here, can do the work of three of the little fellers;
and, while I'm not the one to say it, perhaps, our regiment has done the
work of an outfit two and a half times as big since it came here.

"Climb up alongside of me in the cab," the engineer invited, "and we'll
give her a pull up the line to the next station." The reporter complied,
and soon his ears were startled with the long blast of a real American
whistle. "Sounds like the real thing, doesn't it?" beamed his guide.
"Beats those little peanut whistles they've got on the little French
dinkeys. Only thing the boys miss is pulling the old bell, but they
can't do it here. Bells in this country are only used for church and for
gas alarms. And it bothers 'em a bit the different signals they've got
to learn: One to start, two blasts to stop, and eight for a grade
crossing. Whew! How much chance would we have to blow eight for a
crossing in the States and let anything get out of the way?"


                    Every Station Is a Block.

Up grade Big Lizzie puffed, and pulled away with a right good will,
scuttling around the many curves in the road as if she were on a dance
floor. Military railroads have to have plenty of curves, so the Boche
airplanes cannot follow them too closely. At the next station the
reporter had a chance to examine the office of the Illinois Central
agent, all decorated with shells picked up on the famous battlefields at
the head of the line, and to see the bunk house and restaurant for the
men who lay over there. Every station on the line--there are seven--has
an American station master, and all the yards have American yard-masters
and American switchmen. There is, strictly speaking, no block system in
France, but each station is supposed to be the boundary of a block, and
a train simply stays in one station until the one ahead is clear.

"Want some hot water?" queried the engineer of an American who, carrying
a big tank, came up to the engine at one of the stations. "All right: it
isn't Saturday night yet, but over here you've got to wash while the
washing's good. Help yourself out of the engine!" And the American
did--with thanks.

The engineer paused a moment to scan the sky. "Pretty dark for the
Boches to be out," he remarked. "First night out we were chased by one
of 'em in a machine, but we got in all right. That's why we run without
lights now, and make the crew use flashlights instead of lanterns. Right
over there"--pointing to the side of the roadbed, in the snow--"a
'flyin' Dutchman' came down last week, after being chased by a French
plane. His chassis was all riddled with bullets till it looked like
Cook's strainer, and his wings were bent till they looked like
corkscrews. When they came up to look at the machine, they found the
pilot's right body in it, burnt just like a strip o' bacon that's been
left on the stove too long. They found the carcass of the officer that
was with him about 500 yards away, in the woods somewhere. He must have
got a helluva toss when he went.


                       In Luck on Tobacco.

"Like it?" He repeated the reporter's question. "Like it? Sure; who
wouldn't? Only thing is, we're loaned to the French army, as I told you,
and the French never have learnt how to cook a man's size breakfast.
Now, how in the name of time can a railroad man do a day's work when he
begins it on nothin' but coffee and a hunk of sour bread? But we've been
runnin in luck lately, buyin eggs and things off the people along the
line, and gettin' a little stuff from the U.S.Q.M. now and then, so we
make out pretty well. The only thing that got our goat was when they
offered us the French tobacco ration--seein' as we were in their army,
they thought we were entitled to it. We took one whiff apiece--and then
we said 'Nix!' Since Christmas, though, we've come into luck," he added,
pulling a big hunk of long-cut out of his Canadian blouse. "Have a chew?

"Danger? Hell! What'd we come over for, a Sunday school picnic? No, when
you come right down to it there isn't much. If we get the tip, we just
crawl into the dugouts along the road, and shuffle the pasteboards until
we get the signal that the party is over. I've had livelier times 'n
this out west, with washouts and wrecks and beatin' off a crowd of
greasers from the tracks when they went wild, many a time. No, sir, war
hasn't got much new in the movie thrill line for a railroad man!"




                              ----
                        AH! THOSE FRENCH!
                              ----


"Mademoiselle, tell me: What is the difference between you and a
major-general?"

"_Mais, oui, m'sieur_, there are many differences; which one does
_m'sieur_ mean?"

    [Illustration]

"Ah, Mademoiselle, the general, he has stars upon his shoulders; but
you--you, mademoiselle, have the stars in your eyes!"




                              ----
                       SHAVING IN FRANCE.
                              ----


The order says, "Shave every other day." Now you, personally, may need
to shave every day; or you may need to shave as often as twice a day;
or, again, you may be one of those lucky and youthful souls who really
don't need to shave oftener than once a week. But, as the order makes
the every-other-day shave obligatory, you, no matter what classification
you may fall under, decide to compromise on the every-other-day shave.
In that way, and in that way only, can discipline be maintained and a
pleasing variety of growths up and down the comp'ny front be secured.

The order being such as it is, you dispense with washing your face every
day. You wash your face on your non-shaving day, and on your shaving day
you let the shave take the place of the wash. To be sure, if you are a
generous latherer you have to wash your face all over, including the
remote portions behind the ears, after you get through shaving; but,
being anxious to save time and economize water--thus living up to
another order--you never count that in as a real wash. When writing
home, you say simply that you wash and shave on alternate days.


                       A Use for Helmets.

To begin the shaving process, you secure a basin full or a tin helmet
full of water--such water as the countryside affords. Usually it is
dirty; sometimes in the regions bordering on what has been in German
hands since 1914, it minutely resembles the drink that Gunga Dhin
brought to his suffering Tommy friend. You remember:

            "It was crawly and it stunk."

At that, you can't blame it for being crawly and stinking if it had been
anywhere near the Boche.

If you are in billets or barracks, and there is a stove therein both
handy and going, and if all the epicures and snappy dressers in the
squad are not trying to toast their bread or thaw out their shoes or dry
their socks on top of it at the same time, you may be allowed to heat
your shaving water--if it can be called water--on said stove. If you are
allowed to--which again is doubtful--you are generally saddled with the
job of being squad stove-stoker for the rest of the day. This is a
confining occupation, and hard on the eyes.

If, however, you are in neither billets nor barracks, but in the open
somewhere or if there is no fire in the stove, or, if somebody else has
got first licks at it, and you don't fit with the cook of the mess
sergeant so as to be able to borrow a cup of hot water out of the coffee
tank--why, there is nothing left to do but shave in cold water. This is
hard on the face, the temper and the commandment against cussing. Also,
if you neglected to import your shaving soap from the States and had to
buy it over here, it may mean that you are out of luck on lather.

Anyway, after quite a while of fussing around, you get started. You
smear your face with something approaching lather if you've got hot
water, with a sticky, milky substance that resembles, more than anything
else, a coating of lumpy office paste. This done, and rubbed in a bit
around the corners, you begin to hoe.


                    Indoor vs. Outdoor Shaving.

In billet shaving, somebody is always trying to climb into the bunk
above over your slightly bent back while you shave--for it is impossible
to get your little trench mirror directly in front of your face while
you are in an upright position. In outdoor shaving--usually performed in
the middle of a village square, near the town fountain--one is
invariably bumped from behind by one of the lowing kine or frolicsome
colts peculiar to the region; to say nothing of a stray auto truck or
ambulance which may have broken loose from its moorings. These gentle
digs, of course, produce far less gentle digs in one's countenance. In
this way, America's soldiers, long before they reach the front, are
inured to the sight of blood.

After you have scraped off a sufficient amount of beard to show a
sufficient amount of skin to convince the Top, when he eyes you over,
that you have actually shaved, you shake the lather off your razor and
brush, dab what is left of the original water over the torn parts of
your face, seize the opportunity, while you have the mirror before you,
of combing your hair with your fingernails, and button your shirt
collar. The performance concluded, you are good for forty-eight hours
more, having a perfect _alibi_ if anyone comments on your facial growth.
You are not, however, in any condition to attend a revival meeting or to
bless the power-that-be who condemned you to having to shave in France.




                              ----
                           CRUSADERS.
                              ----


    Richard Coeur de Lion was a soldier and a king;
    He carried lots of hefty tools with which his foes to bing;
    He cased himself in armor tough--neck, shoulder, waist, and knee:
    But Richard, old Coeur de Lion, didn't have a thing on me.

    For while old Coeur de Lion may have worn an iron casque,
    He never had to tote around an English gas-proof mask;
    He never galled himself with packs that weigh about a ton,
    Nor--lucky Richard--did he have to clean a beastly gun.

    'Tis true he wore a helmet to protect himself from boulders,
    But then, he had good rest for it upon his spacious shoulders;
    While my tin hat is balanced on the peak of my bare dome,
    And after marching with it--gee! I wish that I were home!

    His feet were cased in metal shoes, in length about a yard,
    Which, since they were so big, I bet did not go on as hard
    As Uncle Sam'yal's dancing pumps that freeze so stiff at night
    That donning them at reveille is sure an awful fright.

    He never had to pull a Ford from out of muddy ruts--
    Although his breastplate warded spears from off his royal guts,
    His Nibs was never forced to face the fire of "forty-twos"
    And tear gas would have given him an awful case of blues.

    He always rode a charger, while I travel on shanks' mare;
    He messed on wine and venison; I eat far humbler fare.
    I'll grant he was some fencer with his doughty snickersnee,
    But Richard Coeur de Lion didn't have a thing on me!




                              ----
                       YES, THEY'RE A FEW.
                              ----


Green Sentry: "Turn out the guard--Officer of the Day!"

(Officer of the Day promptly salutes, indicating, "As you were!")

Green Sentry: "Never mind the Officer of the Day!"




                              ----
                         FASHION HINTS
                           FOR DOUGHBOYS
                              ----
                          By BRAN MASH.
                              ----


Overcoats are being worn much shorter this season, by request.

    [Illustration]

The campaign hat, while still _de rigueur_ for the less formal functions
of army society, such as reveille and mess, is rapidly going out of
date. It is said on excellent authority that it will soon be supplanted
by a _chapeau_ closely resembling the cocked hat worn by certain goodly
gentlemen of Boston and vicinity during skirmish drill at Lexington and
Concord, Mass. The portrait shown herewith depicts one of the makeshifts
now much in vogue.

Rubber boots are much the rage at this season of the year. While not
exactly suited to town wear, and while the more conservative dressers
still refuse to be seen in them at afternoon-tea, they are speedily
adjusted and thus enjoy great popularity among those who are in the
habit of "just making" reveille.

Slickers are, at present writing, in great demand among the members of
the younger army set. Those who were farsighted enough to procure the
heavy black variety when it was issued last fall are counting themselves
more fortunate than their friends who chose the lighter, but colder,
blue or drab garment.

The tin brown derby is, after all, the most serviceable headgear for
all-around wear in the war zone. It should be worn on all formal
occasions, particularly when nearing the Boches' reception line. When in
doubt as to the propriety of wearing it, it is always well to remember
that it is better to err on the side of safety.

    [Illustration: I SEE IT]

The face muffler--either English or French design--is another _sine qua
non_ for all formal occasions, particularly at _soirees_ and _dansants_
near the first line. In fact, some of the more careless dressers who
have neglected to provide themselves with it have suffered severely, and
been roundly snubbed. While it is at best an ugly piece of facegear and
extremely difficult for the uninitiated to adjust correctly, its
intricacies should be mastered at the earliest opportunity by those
having business "up front."

The knit sock, home made preferred, is indispensable for wear inside the
regulation field shoe during all formal and informal promenades. It is a
sign of _gaucherie_, however, to allow the top of either sock to
protrude above the puttee or legging. Care should be taken that the
socks fit the feet as snugly as possible, else ugly bunches will form at
the heels and toes, thus robbing the gentle art of walking of all the
pleasure which Henry Ford put into it.

The web belt, worn on most formal occasions, should always be well
filled when the wearer contemplates a business trip. Cautious dressers
do well to adjust the belt so that the pistol holster hangs within easy
reach of the right hand.

Spiral puttees have advanced so far in popular favour that they are now
being issued for general wear by such a conservative (but ever reliable)
gent's furnishing house as the U.S.Q.M.C.D. They are considered warmer
than the old-style canvas leggings, although, as they take longer to put
on, they are rather frowned upon by the more hasty dressers. They should
be tightly wrapped if the wearer possesses a shapely lower limb; but
tight wrapping is apt to result in tired feet at the end of a promenade
of any duration.

    [Illustration: THE INFANTRY
    THE INFANTRY WITH
    THE DIRT BEHIND
    THEIR EARS]

The regulation field shoe has been designated the correct footwear for
business and informal occasions. Care should be taken to secure sizes
which will admit of the entrance of the wearer's feet (one in each shoe)
when encased in at least two pairs of socks. Although numerous
complaints have been lodged against the hobnails which infest the soles
of these shoes, it may be said in extenuation that they are
indispensable for marching along slippery roads, and also extremely
useful when the wearer is engaged in kicking Germans in the face.

The Sam Browne belt is worn exclusively by officers serving with the
American Expeditionary Forces--that is, in the American Army. It is a
natty leather ornament, and much sought after. It is, in fact, the last
word--_dernier cri_--in gentlemanly attire.




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    (Opp. Hotel Continental)      A. SULKA & Co.      34 W. 34 Street,
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                              ----
                      MY FIRST NIGHT
                               IN THE ARMY.
                              ----


        I'm there with two thin blankets,
        As thin as a slice of ham,
        A German spy was likely the guy
        Who made them for Uncle Sam.
        How did I sleep? Don't kid me--
        My bed-tick's filled with straw,
        And lumps and humps and big fat bumps
        That pinched till I was raw.

        Me and my two thin blankets
        As thin as my last thin dime,
        As thin, I guess, as a chorus girl's dress,
        Well, I had a dandy time.
        I'd pull 'em up from the bottom,
        Whenever I started to sneeze,
        A couple of yanks to cover my shanks,
        And then how my "dogs" did freeze.

        You could use 'em for porous plasters,
        Or maybe to strain the soup,--
        My pillows my shoes when I tried to snooze--
        And I've chilblains, a cough and croup.

        Me and my two thin blankets,
        Bundled up under my chin;
        Yes, a German spy was likely the guy,
        And--MY--but they were thin.




                      AMERICAN EYE CLASSES

                        ED. B. Meyrowitz

                            OPTICIAN

                 LONDON                PARIS
              1A, Old Bond St.    3, Rue Scribe.




                              ----
                        HEARD IN THE CAFE.
                              ----


"So you were down at El Paso the same time we were? Bum town, wasn't
it?"

"Let's see,--I knew a lad out in Kansas City and his name was--"

"No, I haven't been up in Alaska since 1908, but there's a guy in our
comp'ny who--"

"By the way, where did you say you came from in New Hampshire?"

"Sure enough. We hung around there at Tampa until--"

"Yes, I got a paper from my home town in Nevada that said--"

And, in spite of talk like that, there are some people back home that
think their own communities' men are doing all the fighting.




                              ----
                        CAN YOU BLAME HER?
                              ----


Teacher in French School: "Marie, what is the national anthem of La
Patrie?"

Little Marie: "La Marseillaise."

Teacher: "Good! Now, the national air of England?"

Little Marie: "God Save the King."

Teacher: "Very good, mon enfant! Now, the national air of the United
States?"

Little Marie: "Certainement! It is 'Hail, Hail, the Gang's All Here!'"




                              ----
                      GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM.
                              ----


"Well, Bill, how are you getting along with your French?"

"Fine! I know the words for wood, straw, beefsteak and suds; what more
do I want to get by with?"




                              ----
                          SUCH IS FAME!
                              ----


"Jake, who's this Lord Reading that's the new British Ambassador to the
States?"

"Reading? Say, ain't he the guy that run a railroad somewhere in
Pennsylvania?"




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ALLIES THE FAVORITES IN BETTING ODDS ON BIG WORLD'S SERIES




                              ----
                      KID JOHNSON LOSES
                        BELT BY A KNOCKOUT
                              ----
                    Fighting Fireman from the
                     Q.M.C. Defeats Champion
                          in One Round.
                              ----
                            By BRITT.
                              ----


An extra long khaki-colored canvas belt, regulation, was turned over
this week to Judson C. Pewther, Q.M.C., by Kid Johnson, of the --th
Infantry, following a two minute ceremony which ended in a knockout.
Which is to say, "Charlie, the Fighting Fireman," is being hailed as the
new heavyweight champion of G.H.Q., A.E.F.

Kid Johnson had whipped everyone in sight at G.H.Q., and was being
touted as the champion of Amex forces. He was billed to fight both
Pewther and a French heavyweight aspirant the same evening. He had to
disappoint the Frenchman--_fini, monsieur, FEENISHED_.

Charlie, ostensibly a modest and unassuming fireman in the offices of
the Intelligence Section, General Staff, is now recognized as one of the
best fighting units in the A.E.F. Report has it that he was one of the
best bets on the Border, where he served in the Body Snatchers--with a
long string of ring victories to his credit. He had been out of the
boxing game for nearly three years, having married in the interim, but
no one disputes the fact that he made a great comeback.


                  Right Hook Turns the Trick.

The scrap took place before a crowded house. The two heavy-weights were
evenly matched in height and weight.

Johnson started like all champions, confidently, and let loose a strip
of rattling lefts. Charlie faced the fusillade and coolly replied with
several vicious upper-cuts reminiscent of Border days. With frequent
jabs he rocked the champion's head, and the crowd roared.

He met Johnson's rushes with a persistent left. The champion was
fighting mad and rushed in for a cleanup. As he did so, he uncovered.
The opening was small but sufficient. Charlie countered with his left,
then sent a swift right hook to the jaw. Johnson wilted. Three
knockdowns followed. Then the champion took the count.

Fighting Charlie was on the job at Headquarters next morning as usual,
showing no marks of the encounter. The petites demoiselles, over whom
Charlie exercises daily authority, were dumbfounded to learn that their
boss was a bruiser. But it is significant that the fires in the
Intelligence Section to-day are burning brighter than ever.


                    New Champion Is Modest.

Pewther was averse to talking about himself, but he confessed to
twenty-nine years and claimed Portland, Ore., as his home. A
representative of THE STARS AND STRIPES found him the afternoon after
the fight seated on a coal-box reading his favorite dime novel--in which
he finds a laugh in every line--and wearing the same sized hat.

"I wouldn't have broken into the game again," he declared, "but I felt
that I couldn't stand by and hear the Johnson coterie putting over their
sweeping challenges. It was all right to challenge the crowd, but when
all the soldiers of the A. E. F. were included I figured it was up to me
to register a kerplunk for the Q.M. Johnson would have been champion yet
if he hadn't tried to take in so much territory. I'm satisfied to be
champion, and let it go at that. But if there's anyone else who wants
the title he can have it--unless there's something substantial in it."

Which indicates there may be something doing, as report has it that the
doughboys don't intend to let the Q.M. man walk off with the
championship.




                              ----
                    A PINCH HITTER IN KHAKI.
                              ----


Lank used to be something of a baseball player. In fact he's still on
the rolls of a certain National League club and back in 1914 it was
Lank's mighty swatting that won the world's championship for his team.

Next to General Pershing himself and a few other generals, Lank is about
the most popular soldier in France. When his regiment--once of the
National Guard--comes swinging down the pike the sidelines are jammed
with other soldiers who crane their necks to get a peek at him.

Lank always carries the colors. He's now color-sergeant.

"So that fella's Lank, the great ball player," you can hear one doughboy
say to another. "Well, I'll be doggonned. Looks just like any other
soldier, don't he?"

"What you expect to see?" will ask a soldier who has worshipped Lank's
batting average for lo! these many years. "Didja expect to see a fella
wearin' a baseball uniform and carryin' a bat over his shoulder? Sure,
that's Lank. Hello, Lank, howja like soldiering?"

Lank will look out of the corner of his eye and then, sure that no
officer is looking, reply out of the corner of his mouth:

"We're on to the Kaiser's curves, boys. We'll hit everything those Huns
pitch for home runs. No strike outs in this game!"

Lank is the life of his regiment. In his "stove league" this Winter he
has organized all kinds of baseball leagues and next Spring he's going
to lead a championship team against all soldier comers.

If General Pershing isn't too busy Lank will try and get him to umpire
some afternoon.




                              ----
                          STRAY SHOTS.
                              ----


So Grover Alexander has been drafted? Some squad is going to have a
nifty hand grenade tosser to its credit, eh, what?

                              ----

Wonder if John L., when he arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter
asked his name, gave his customary reply of, "Yours truly, John L.
Sullivan?" If he did, we bet he walked right on in while the good saint
was still trying to figure it out.

                              ----

Speaking of the great John L., we suppose that "Handsome Jim" Corbett is
the only old time champion who can at all aspire to Sullivan's place in
public esteem.

                              ----

We seem to know the tune of this anonymous contribution, but we never
have heard these words before:

        We're in the trenches now,
          The slacker milks the cow,
        And the son of a Hun
          Must skeedaddle and run,
        For we're in the trenches now.




                              ----
                     FOR A LIVE SPORT PAGE.
                              ----


                 THIS IS poor apology for

                            *  *  *

                 A LIVE SPORT page but it

                            *  *  *

                 MAKES A beginning and

                            *  *  *

                 SOMEBODY had to do it

                            *  *  *

                 AND I was the goat but

                            *  *  *

                 WITH YOUR help we'll

                            *  *  *

                 DO BETTER next time if you

                            *  *  *

                 WRITE US some notes from

                            *  *  *

                 YOUR CAMP and send us

                            *  *  *

                 SOME VERSES for

                            *  *  *

                 ONE GUY can't handle this

                            *  *  *

                 ALL himself and

                            *  *  *

                 ANYBODY could do the job

                            *  *  *

                 BETTER than I can you know

                            *  *  *

                 WE WANT to find a

                            *  *  *

                 REAL SPORTING editor somewhere

                            *  *  *

                 AND WISH this job

                            *  *  *

                 OFF ON him and then

                            *  *  *

                 WE'LL buy a cable from

                            *  *  *

                 BACK home and tell him

                            *  *  *

                 TO HOP to it.

                                       C. P. C.




                              ----
                          INDOOR SPORTS
                              ----


                         SATURDAY NIGHT.

        First you take a basin,
        Place it on the stove,
        Wait about an hour or so,
        Shoo away the drove
        Of your jeering billet mates
        Betting you won't dare;
        Then you spread a slicker
        On the floor with care.

        Next you doff your O. D.,
        And your undershirt.
        Wrap a towel 'round your waist,
        Wrestle with the dirt;
        Do not get the sponge too wet--
        Little drops will trickle
        Down a soldier's trouser legs--
        Golly! How they tickle!

        Then you clothe yourself again--
        That is, to the belt;
        Strip off boots and putts and trou,
        Socks--right to the pelt;
        Send the gooseflesh quivering
        Up and down your limbs--
        Gosh! You aren't in quite the mood
        For singing gospel hymns.

        Then you wash, and wash and wash,
        Dry yourself once more,
        Put on all your clothes again,
        Go to bed and snore,
        Wake up at the bugle's call
        With a cold, and sore
        Truly, baths in France are--well,
        What Sherman said of war!


                        FOOLING THE FLEA.

You'll march in the flea parade and be glad of the chance after you've
lived a week in an old French sheep shed.

"Say, I'll be glad to get back to the mosquitoes," said a young
hand-grenadier from Dallas, Tex., as he dumped his "other clothes" in
the flea-soup cauldron. "These babies chew you to death day and night. A
mosquito's a night-rider only."

The line forms on the right of the cook-shack. The cooks build big fires
out in the open and set out great kettles of water. When the water
begins to boil the parade begins, each man dumping in his flea-infested
clothing--uniform, socks, underwear, wristlets and blankets. The cooks
keep the fires stoked up with wood and the garments boil for a solid
hour.

Then the men form another line and collect their stuff. They wring out
the clothes the best they can and then sit down to "pick 'em off."

"They're fast little devils most usually," said the Dallas man, "but the
sudden shock from warm water to cold air makes them stiff, and you can
catch 'em easy."

The A. E. F.'s living in sheep barns simply can't keep clear of the
things. They're in the rafters, in the hay, and in the planks. Weekly
boiling of clothing only gives a short relief.

Really they aren't fleas at all, but a form of sheep tick. But they
don't distinguish between sheep and American soldiers.


                       "BUTTON, BUTTON."

The Army gets some of its best ideas about equipment from the soldiers
who have to use it.

Here's an idea, making for efficiency and convenience, which comes from
an Omaha boy in the ranks. He says:

"Why don't they put bachelor buttons on our uniforms and overcoats? I've
got a 'housewife' in my kit, but I'm working from 6.15 in the morning
until 5 o'clock at night, and what little leisure I get I'd like to
spend in the Y.M.C.A. playing the phonograph or shooting pool.

"And anyway, if I've got to do my sewing in the barn I live in, I might
as well not try at all. My fingers are so numb the minute I take off my
mitts that I couldn't thread a needle."

Not only that, said the Omaha soldier, but you usually find you haven't
any thread in your "housewife."

There seems to be something in favor of bachelor buttons, especially
since the people who sew the buttons on new uniforms and coats always do
a poor job.




                              ----
                        YES, HOW DO THEY?
                              ----


Private Pat: "Mike, what th' hell kind of fish be them ye're eatin'?"

Corporal Mike: "Hush, Pat; don't be disthplayin' yer ignorance--the ould
Frinch la-ady might hear yeze! Thim's sairdeens!"

Pat: "Sairdeens, is ut? They're a small fish, ain't they? An' where,
pray tell, do they grow?"

Mike: "Pat, I'm asthounded at yer ignorance of gogerfy! Thim little fish
grow in the Atla-antic Ocean, the Pacific Ocean, the Injun Ocean, the
Airctic Ocean, an'--oh, in all them oceans. An' the big fish, such as
the whale, the halleybut, the shairk, an' all o' thim, they live off'n
eatin' th' sairdeens!"

Pat: "They do, do they Mike? Thin phwaht I'd like to know is how th'
hell do they iver open the box?"




                              ----
                      SUPPLIES FIRST AID
                          TO CHILLY AIRMEN
                              ----
                    Red Cross Canteen Serves
                      2000 Sandwiches and
                      Mugs of Coffee Daily.
                              ----


The Red Cross does a lot of work over here. Its activities in taking
care of the population of the Hun-devastated districts, in clothing and
feeding the ever-increasing hordes of refugees that pour in over the
Swiss frontier, in supplying French and American military hospitals and
in furnishing the American forces with auxiliary clothing are well
known. It is not known, however, that, somewhere in that nebulous region
known as somewhere in France, the Red Cross has gone in a bit for what
has generally been considered the Y. M. C. A.'s own particular
game--that of running the festive army canteen.

So far as can be found out at present writing, this canteen is the only
one operated by the Red Cross in France. It is run primarily for the
benefit of the young American aviators whose training station is hard
by. And, because aviators, breathing rarer and higher ozone than most of
the rest of us, are in consequence always as hungry as kites and
cormorants, this particular Red Cross canteen does a rushing business.

It is situated in a long barrack-like building of the familiar type,
which is partitioned off into a social room and a combination officers'
dining room and a storeroom kitchen. The kitchen--as always in anything
pertaining to the army--is the all-important part. This kitchen is
noteworthy for two things: It has a real stand-up-and-sit-up lunch
counter, and its products are cooked and served by the deft hands of
American women.


                     Girls Worked All Night.

No dinners are served at this canteen for the airmen. Those favors are
reserved for the convalescents in the hospital nearby. But the airmen
are dropping in all the time for sandwiches and hot coffee, particularly
after coming down, chilled and chattering, from a flight into the upper
regions of the sky. If they don't drop in to get warmed up in that
fashion, they know they are in for a scolding by the head of the
canteen, an Englishwoman possessed of all an American mother's motherly
instincts and all of the English army's ideals of discipline.

There was one night that the little Red Cross canteen was put to a
severe test. Eighteen hundred Americans arrived at the aviation camp
after a thirty-hour trip punctuated by no saving hot meal. The
manager-matron and her girl helpers, however, stayed up nearly all
night, minting hot coffee and sandwiches so that the hardships of
sleeping on the cold bare ground of the hangars was somewhat mitigated
for the 1,800 unfortunates.


                   A Repair Shop For Clothes.

In all the canteen disburses about 2,000 sandwiches a day, with mugs of
coffee to match. In addition to that, its workers, equipped with
Norwegian fireless cookers, sally forth to the aviation fields in the
mornings long before dawn so that the men who are going up may have
something warm to eat and drink to fortify them against the cold. Not
content with doing that for their charges the Red Cross people soon hope
to have enough workers to take care of mending the aviators' clothes,
for aviators have to wear lots of clothes, and, when they land in trees,
in barbed wire, on stone walls and so forth, their clothes suffer in
consequence. A doughboy, who wears one suit at a time, doesn't have a
hard job keeping it in order; but an aviator with heaven knows how many
layers of clothes--oh, my!

The young women who constitute the Red Cross working staff at this
particular base, are, for the most part, prominent in society in the
larger American cities. Voluntarily they have given up lives of luxury
to tackle the job, and a hard job it is. They live in small barracks of
their own, as do the "Tommywaacs" (Women's Army Auxiliary Corps) of the
British army; but they are "roughing it" gladly to help Uncle Sam win
his war.




                              ----
                          OUR SANCTUM
                              ----


It's an office, all right, for it has a typewriter in it. No, not the
feminine person who usually decorates offices; simply the typewriting
machine. It has a calendar too, as all well-regulated offices should
have. The only things every well-regulated office has which it lacks are
the red-and-white signs "Do It Now" and the far more cheerful wall
motto, "Out to Lunch."

It has lamps, to be sure, not electric lights, as is the custom among
offices in the States. It has maps on the walls, but they differ a great
deal from the ones which used to hang above the Boss's desk back home,
and at which we used to stare blankly while waiting for him to look up
from his papers and say, "Well, whazzamatternow?" These maps have no red
circles marking zones of distribution, no blue lines marking salesmen's
routes and delimiting their territories, no stars marking agencies'
locations. True, they have lines on them, and a few stars on them, but
they stand for far different things....


                    Furnishings are Simple.

The office has a few rickety chairs, and one less rickety than the
others which is reserved for the Big Works, as he is affectionately
called, on the occasion of his few but none the less disquieting visits.
It has a rickety table or two, usually only one, for firewood is scarce
in France. It has a stove, which, from its battered appearance, must
have been used as a street barricade during the Reign of Terror in the
days of the First Revolution. Said stove requires the concentrated
efforts of one husky Yank, speaking three languages--French, United
States, and profane--all the live-long day to keep it going. Even then
the man sitting nearest the window is always out of luck.

The walls are unkempt in appearance, as if the plaster had shivered
involuntarily for many a weary day before the coming of "les Americains"
and their insistence upon the installation of the stove. The paper is
seamed and smeared until it resembles a bird's-eye view of the
battlefield of the Marne. The ceiling is as smudged as the face of a
naughty little boy caught in the midst of a raid on the jam in the
pantry, due, no doubt, to the aforesaid stove and to the over-exuberant
rising-and-shining of the kerosene lamps. Some people ascribe the state
of the celling to the grade of tobacco which the Boss smokes; but the
Boss always thunders back, "Well, what the devil can a man do in a
country where even cornsilk would be a blessing?" And, as what the Boss
says goes, that ends it.

There is one rug on the floor, a dilapidated affair that might well be
the flayed hide of a flea-bitten mule. There is a mantlepiece,
stretching across what used to be a fireplace in the days of the First
Napoleon, but which is a fireplace no more. On top of the mantlepiece is
a lot of dry reading--wicked-looking little books full of fascinating
facts about how to kill people with a minimum of effort and ammunition.
On the floor, no matter how carefully the office occupants scrape their
hobnails before entering, there is always a thin coating of mud.

The office telephone is on the wall, instead of on the Boss's desk, as
it ought to be. One has to take down receiver and transmitter all in the
same piece in order to use it. And it has the same old Ford-crank
attachment on the side that is common to phones in the rural free
delivery districts of the United States of America.


                       Why Hats Are Worn.

Instead of being lined with bright young men in knobby business suits
and white stiff collars, the office is lined with far brighter young men
in much more businesslike khaki. They keep their hats on while they work
for they know not when they may have to dash out again into the cold and
the wind and the rain. They keep their coats on for the same reason;
there are no shirt-sleeves and cuff protectors in this office, for the
simple reason that there are no cuffs to be protected and that
shirt-sleeves are "not military."

There is no office clock for the laggard to watch. Instead, there are
bugle calls, sounded from without. Or, again the hungry man puts the
forearm bearing his wrist watch in front of his face, as if to ward off
a blow, when he wants to know the time. Save for the clanking of spurs
and the thumping of rubber boots, it is a pretty quiet office,
singularly so, in fact, considering the work that is done in it.

Take it all in all, it's a strange kind of an office, isn't is? Well, it
ought to be, considering it's in a strange land. It's an army newspaper
office, that's what it is--an American sanctum in the heart of France.




                              ----
                    TACTICS GET GOAT ACROSS.
                              ----
                 Requirements Include Perfume, a
                   Sack, a Kit Bag and Cheers.
                              ----


From the C.O. down to "Fuzzy," who would have rather taken court martial,
no one wanted to leave "Jazz" behind. So there was no end of indignation
when the order came at a certain American port that no animals (unless
useful) could go to France with the squadron.

"Jazz," being only a tender-hearted billy goat, could not claim
exemption from remaining in the U.S.A., for, as everybody agreed, he was
no earthly use, just "a poor, no-good goat." But "Jazz" did go aboard
the transport, later an English railway train, next another ship and
finally a French train until he arrived with the squadron at America's
biggest air post in France. There I saw him the other day appreciatively
licking devoted "Fuzzy's" hand.

It is not difficult to guess that "Jazz" is the mascot of "X" squadron,
accepted by pilots and mechanics alike as talisman for good at some
training camp back home. This office he has performed with exceptional
skill from the day "Fuzzy" permitted him to "butt in" at the mechanics'
mess.

"Fuzzy" and some of his pals slipped the goat into a sack and laid him
down among the cold storage meat when the time came to help load the
ship, taking care that the sack of live goat did not get into the
refrigerator. When the ship was well out to sea, the sack was opened and
"Jazz" crawled out blinking.

Even then "Fuzzy" was cautious. For the first days, he did not permit
the animal to promenade indiscriminately, but subjected him to repeated
scrubbings, following by perfume, toilet water and talcum powder. So
when "Jazz" was really discovered, he smelt, but more like a barber shop
than a goat. The ship's officers appreciated the joke and so did
everyone else and soon "Jazz" became a favorite on deck. Repeatedly
shampooed and perfumed, wearing a life-preserver, he moved about like a
good sailor. But there was less joyful days ahead of him.

He did not exactly set foot on English soil as did his friends. He went
ashore at an unmentionable port in a kit bag. In this he lay with the
other bags, surrounded by a screen of men. "Jazz" was uncomfortable and
said so in his goat way, but before he had uttered a full syllable his
friends set up a cheer which drowned his voice.

This happened again and again. The first time, British transport
officers at the port politely disregarded the Americans' demonstrations,
but after the third time one of them exclaimed:

"Extraordinary, these Americans. Wonderful spirit."

And a little later when the men burst into an excessively loud hurrah to
annihilate the voice of "Jazz" an elderly British colonel came over to
them and inquired of a young American officer nearby:

"Splendid lungs your chaps have! But, really, what are they cheering for
now?"

"Oh," returned the American, who very well knew why, "they're like that.
Always cheering about something. Shall I stop it?"

"No, indeed! I think it's splendid."

So that adventure passed over nicely and "Jazz" went on in a "goods van"
with the kit bags to another British sea port. After that there wasn't
any further trouble.




                              ----
                      WHERE LANGUAGE FAILS.
                              ----


Remember along about examination time how you used to think Hades would
be a good place for the professor?

Two Williams College graduates have had the pleasure of meeting their
old French teacher in the nearest earthly approach to the Inferno--the
trenches.

Officers now, the ex-students finally readied the battalion commander's
post in a certain sector after a two-mile trudge from the rear through
mud and ice water up to their hips.

A French interpreter met them at the door of the post.

"Yes, the major is in," he said, "but he won't see you till you shake
hands with _me_."

Both officers thought they were face to face with a nut. Then, as they
recognized their old teacher, two hands shot and grasped both of his.

"Well, I'll be darned--you haven't changed a bit!" was all the French
they could remember.




                              ----
                    HIS IS NOT A HAPPY LOT
                      SAYS ARMY POSTAL CLERK
                              ----
          Works Eighteen Hours a Day and Has To Be Both
                a Directory of the A. E. F. and a
                        Sherlock Holmes.
                              ----


        "Private Wolfe Tone Moriarity, Fighting
        Umpth, France."

The Army Postal Service clerk surveyed the battered envelope on the desk
before him, pushed his worn Stetson back from a forehead the wrinkles in
which resembled a much fought-over trench system, adjusted his glasses
to his weary eyes, spat, and remarked:

"Easy! The 'Fighting Umpth' was changed over into the Steenhundred and
Umpty-umpth, wasn't it? The last that was heard from them they were at
Blankville-sur-Bum. Now they've moved to Bingville-le-somethingorother.
Clerk! Shove this in Box 4-11-44!"

        "Lieutenant Brown, care American
        Army, somewhere in France."

Again the Postal Service man, once-overed the envelope, purplish in hue,
went through the motions of pushing back his hat, expectorated, and
began:


                      Purple Paper a Clue.

"That's Lieutenant James Brown, I reckon. There's a lot of that name in
the Medical Department, but hell! He's married. Nobody writes to him on
purple paper. Then there's another one in the One Thousand, Nine-Hundred
and Seventeenth Motor-Ammunition-Ration-Revictualling-Woodchopping
Battalion. His'n allus writes to him on that kind of paper. I guess
that's him, all right. Hey, feller, shove this in 88966543, will-ya?
Thanks!"

From the rear of a line of scrapping, frantic mail orderlies, each one
trying to corner all the packages marked "Tobacco" and "Chocolate" for
his particular outfit, the reporter, by standing on a box marked
"Fragile--This Side Up," was able to see the scene depicted above, and
to hear, above the din, the Postal Clerk's momentous decisions.

Nothing like that had ever come into his ken before. He had seen Col.
Roosevelt at work in his office, talking into two telephones, dictating
to four stenographers, and writing a letter with each hand
simultaneously. He had watched the President of the United States
dispose of four Senators, eight Representatives, three Governors of
States, seven Indian tribal chiefs and the German ambassador in exactly
seven and a half minutes by the clock. But never, in all his experience,
had he witnessed such concentration, such rapidity of execution, as that
which the lean, worn man at the big desk possessed. It was better than
watching a machine gun in action, with all stops out.

Worming his way up to the desk, the reporter started on his set speech.
"Mr. Army Post Office Superintendent, will you consent to be interviewed
for----" when he was summarily stopped by the wave of an ample hand and
the booming of the P.S.'s voice.

"Want me to talk, do you, eh? Want to know what I do with my spare time?
All right, son; just jump over that gang of pouch-robbers and come on
inside. Here you----" this to the still combatant orderlies, at the same
time throwing an armfull of mail and papers at them--"here's all the
stuff for your outfits to-day. Divvy up among yourselves, and then
breeze!--beat it!--allez!

"Now, then, you want to know what I do with my spare time? Well, I work
eighteen hours a day in the office, and the other six I spend worrying
whether or not I gipped some poor Buddy when I cashed his American money
order in French paper currency. Like the saloons in Hoboken, we never
close.


                    Really Busy at Christmas.

"That's just about the way it was, no kidding, during the Christmas
rush. In about a month enough tobacco, chocolate, chewing gum, knit
socks, mufflers, fruit cake, safety razors, lump sugar--to judge from
the contents lists on the outside of the bundles--came through this
office to stock the whole of France for the next year and a half. Now,
though"--tossing a long, yellow envelope across the room into a numbered
pigeonhole--"things have slackened up a bit. A week ago I had half an
hour off to shave."

"Do the people back home cause you much bother by not addressing their
letters correctly?" asked the reporter.

"N--no," replied the P.S. meditatively, "although I did get one the
other day addressed to Private Ethan Allan of the 'American
Revolutionary Force.' At first I was going to send it back to Vermont,
after changing the private to Colonel, and have the D.A.R. see that it
got somewhere near old Ethe's final resting place; but on second thought
I guessed she--it's generally a she--meant the American Expeditionary
Forces. So I went down about three or four regimental rosters, and
finally I found the guy. Now he's probably wondering why he didn't get
that letter in a month, instead of a month and a half, and cussing me
out for the delay.

"The most trouble comes, though, from these birds what don't stay put.
They come over here all right with one unit, and then they get
transferred to some other. Then the unit is moved around, and the folks
back in the States, not knowing about it, continue to send stuff to the
old address. But generally we get 'em located in time."


                      A Rush After Pay Day.

"How about the mail from this side?" the reporter queried. "Do you think
that the franking privilege causes the men to write more letters than
they ordinarily would? Does sending their letters free pile things up
for you?"

"I don't think so," the mail magnate responded, "because the lads are
being kept so all-fired busy these days they don't honestly have time to
write much. On the bundle proposition, though, we have an awful rush of
stuff just after pay day, when it seems as if every man was bent on
buying up all the lace handkerchiefs in the country to send to his girl.

"Oh, take it all in all, it's a great life if you don't weaken," the
P.S. concluded. "I've been in the Government post office service for
sixteen years, now, and I never had so much fun before. I do wish,
though, that the boys would get stouter envelopes for their letters,
because the ones they get from the Y.M.--and ninety-eight per cent. of
the letters that go out from here are written on Y.M. stationery--are
too flimsy to stand much manhandling, and when they get wet they're
pretty much out of luck. Good-bye; drop in again some day when we're
really busy!"




        _For the most Cable and Mail_
        _News from the United States_

                   READ THE
                     AMERICAN
                    Daily Mail
          Published every day of the week.

        PRICE:                   ON SALE IN ALL AMERICAN
        15                       CAMPS IN FRANCE AND
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        Address: "American Daily Mail,"
                              36, Rue du Sentier, PARIS.




                       ARMY EDITION

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    [Cartoon: THEN AND NOW--WAR MAKES AN AWFUL DIFFERENCE--BY WALLGREN]




                       NO MORE CUSSING
                         (--IT!) AT MULES
                              ----
                     Order (--it!) Says That
                      Animals are Sensitive
                            as ----.
                              ----


Cussing, as a fine art, is doomed in the Army.

Its foremost practitioners, the mule-skinners, are shorn of their
deadliest weapon of offense and defense by a recent order which directs
them to use honeyed words when addressing their feathery-eared charges,
instead of employing the plain, direct United States to which the mules'
painfully obvious hearing organs have hitherto been attuned.

Kindness, the order says in effect, will work wonders with the genus
Missouri nightingale or Indiana canary; if spoken to with proper regard
for his or her feelings, a mule will oftentimes go so far as to place
his or her hoof in a driver's lap.

When one is able, with impunity, to tickle a mule behind the ear (either
ear will do) one is adjudged proficient in interpreting the æsthetic
aspirations of the beast; and all mule-skinners are exhorted to apply
the ear-tickling proposition as a sort of acid test both as to the
tractability of their charges and their own ability as mule-tamers. The
application of this test, it is held, will keep the mule-skinners too
fully occupied to be able to cuss or to care a cuss about cussing.


                   This Stuff is Out o' Date.

But, men of the Old Army, particularly those who have trained with
mountain batteries, think of what is passing! Think of what the younger
and more effete generation of mules is missing! No more beneath the
starry flag will be heard such he-language as this:--

"Come on, Maud, you ---- Hoosier ----! Get a wiggle on your ----
good-for-nothing carcass! GIDDAP, Bill! You long-eared, flea-bitten,
hay-demolishing, muddy-flanked, rock-ribbed ----, ---- I said it!
GIDDAP!"

Or with the native product: "Depêchez-vous, vous ----. Oh, h--l, I'm out
of French! Say, Jimmy! What's the word for ----? Never mind; all mules
understand ----! Hey there, you ----! Make tracks!"

Now, all is changed and such dulcet appeals to His Muleship as this are
the order of the day:

"Get a gait on, Sapphira, you ----! Oh, hell, I forgot! Aw, c'me on now,
old girl! We ain't got the whole morning t' waste! Be a sport, old lady!
Forward ---- hoh!

"Say, for ----. Oh, hell--I mean Heaven! Dammit, I forgot again! You,
Ananias, will you do me the esteemed favor to start the process? Will
you condescend to lift at least one leg?"


                  But This Stuff Does the Job.

Ananias puts one hoof forward in experimental manner, then stops. About
this time a brother mule-skinner enters, mouthing a corncob pipe. Says
he to the first mule-skinner:

"Whattamatter, Jerry? Don't they budge? Livin' up to orders, be yeh? Aw,
wee; way to talk to'm is third person--get me?--third person. None o'
this crude 'you' and 'yeze' stuff--same as talking to the Skipper,
y'know."

Jerry gets his mouth all fixed to say, "Aw, hell," recovers himself, and
then begins: "Will the off animile kindly step at least two paces to the
front?" (The mule starts to comply.) "I thank the off mule! Now, will
the near mule kindly follow suit?" (It also starts to comply.) "Now,
will both the near mule and the off mule be so good as to repeat the
process, both pulling together, until requested to desist? Fine; off we
go. Good Gawd--good Gawd!"




                              ----
                    HOW GEORGE ADE SEES WAR.
                              ----
                 Many Old Adages Must Be Revised
                        If Germany Wins.
                              ----


As his contribution to the National Security League's campaign of
patriotism, George Ade has written a message to our young fighting men.
"We must win this war," he contends, "or else revise all moral codes,
rewrite all proverbs and adopt a brand new set of rules to govern
conduct. If Germany is not licked to a standstill, we might as well
begin to memorize and humbly accept the following:

"Dishonesty is the best policy.

"Be as mean as a skunk and you will be happy.

"Blessed are the child murderers, for they shall inherit the earth.

"Be sure you are right handy with fire-arms, then go ahead.

"An evil reputation is better than riches.

"Truth crushed to earth will not rise again if the crushing is done in
a superior and efficient manner.

"Be virtuous and you will be miserable.

"Thrice armed is he who goes around picking quarrels.

"Might makes right.

"Hell on earth and hatred for all men.

"Do unto others as you suspect that they might do unto you if they ever
got to be as disreputable as you are.

"God helps the man who helps himself to his neighbor's house and his
field and his unprotected women.

"These don't sound right, do they?

"The old ones that we learned first of all are not yet out of date.

"Suppose we don't revise them."




                              ----
                           GLORIFIED.
                              ----
               (With apologies to the late Sir W.
                          S. Gilbert.)
                              ----


    When I was a lad I served a term
    In a military school--how it made me squirm!
    I wore a shako, and a lot of braid.
    And I startled fire horses when on dress parade;
      But they took all glory away from me
      As a second lieut. a-wearing of my plain O. D.

    When I went to college, I was gayly clad
    In a sporty costume made of shepherd's plaid;
    I tried pink neckties and vermillion socks,
    And when I went out walking, I set back the clocks.
      But when I took Uncle Sam's degree
      I was nothing but a second lieut. in plain O. D.

    In business, too, I made quite a splurge
    In a nobby garment made of ultra-serge;
    With rings and watchfob and a stickpin, too,
    I could show all the dandies of the town a few--
      So think what a comedown 'twas for me
      As a second lieut. a-wearing of my plain O. D.

    But now, however, they have gone so far
    As to place on my shoulderstrap a neat gold bar,
    And they've sewn a dido on my overcoat,
    Which, while it lends distinction, nearly gets my goat;
      So now, at last, you can plainly see
      I'm a second lieut. no longer clad in plain O. D.!

    I'm proud, believe me, of those new gold bars--
    I wouldn't swap 'em for the General's stars;
    And the little stripe upon my blouse's sleeve
    Means that nevermore for splendor shall my young soul grieve,--
      For bars and braid, you can plainly see,
      Make an awful lot of difference on plain O. D.!




                              ----
                THE PASSING OF THE CAMPAIGN HAT.
                              ----


    "The campaign hat is going; 'twill soon be _tres passé_--
    The winds of war got under it and blew it far away;
    The General (he who owned it) cussed, as Generals sometimes do:
    "Get us," he cried, "a hat to stick; with this blank kind I'm through!"
    His orderly picked up the hat, all battered, torn and frayed,
    "Quite right," he ruminated, "you won't do for parade;
    Yet, good old lid, you've got your place--perhaps not over here,
    But there are regions in the States that hold your memory dear."

    "The shadow of your ugly shape has blacked the Western plains;
    It brought relief to border towns all soaked with tropic rains;
    The sight of you, at column's head, made redskins turn and flee,--
    O'er barren land you've led the van that fights for Liberty.
    The Filipino knows you; his protection you have meant,
    And the wily Pancho Villa never dared to try and dent
    The contour of your homely crown or chip your wobbly brim,--
    You, old chapeau, spelt business; and that left no room for him!

    "From far Alaska's ice-bound coast to Porto Rico's strand,
    You've kept the sun and rain and sleet from Uncle Sam'yal's band;
    You've stood for no blame nonsense, and you've brooked no talking back,
    And cleaner towns and cities fair have sprung up in your track.
    You--what's the use?--you've been there since the days of
        'Ninety-Eight--
    You've weathered twenty years of squalls--and now you get the gate!
    But you're too good a soldier, old dip, to cuss or cry;
    So--(there he heaved it into space)--goodby, old hat; goodby!"




                              ----
                    OVER THE TOP THREE WAYS.
                              ----
               Feet, Tank and Plane Tried by this
                 U. S. Officer--Ready for Next.
                              ----


If they ever invent a new way of going over the top, there's one
American officer who will probably be on hand to try the new wrinkle.
The French Government has decorated him with the Croix de Guerre for
going over the sacks in every way known to date.

First, he went over with the French infantry in an attack last spring.
Though detailed as an observer, and not required to take too many
chances, the officer was one of the first wave to cross No Man's Land.
He stayed with his unit until the objective was gained, and when it had
to fall back before a heavy counter-attack he fell back fighting with
it.

Some weeks later he went over the top in a tank. He followed that trip a
few days later by an aeroplane observation flight. For the greater part
of an afternoon the plane cruised up and down a German sector watching
the effect of big French shells on concrete defences.

The Boche anti-aircraft guns made it warm for the American flier, but he
was still an enthusiastic aviator when the plane came to a successful
landing on its own field at dusk.




                              ----
                       WHERE HE GETS OFF.
                              ----


    (A sample letter).

                          France, January, 1918.

          I. Rookum, Gents' Tailor, U. S. A.

        "Dear Sir:--

        "Your interesting advertisement of
        spring styles for young men, knobby
        clothes for business wear, and so forth,
        just received.

        "While I appreciate your thinking of
        me, I am glad to say I have changed
        my tailor, and will not require your
        services until peace is declared.

        "U. S. & Co. are now supplying me
        with some very nifty suitings of khaki,
        which I find best adapted to my present
        line of business. They don't get shiny in
        the seat of the trousers--for the simple
        reason that I never have time to sit
        down.

        "They are also supplying me with
        headwear, their latest in that line being
        a derby-like affair with a stiff steel
        crown, which affords me better protection
        against the elements and the shrapnel
        than anything any civilian hatter
        has furnished me.

        "Thanking you for past favors, and
        hoping to see you on the dock when the
        transport pulls in a couple of years from
        now, I remain,

                     "Yours truly,
            "I. Don't Needum, Pvt., A. E. F."




                              ----
                    TWO SAMARITANS IN SKIRTS.
                              ----
                 In the Modern Parable, They Aid
                       a Poilu Chauffeur.
                              ----


The woman motorcar driver has made her appearance in the zone of the
army. A few of them are driving big motor trucks for the Y.M.C.A. and
are making good at the job.

During a recent heavy snowstorm, two trucks driven by young women were
sliding along a winding road carrying supplies to a hut from a depot
when they came upon a big French lorry stalled in a ditch. The French
soldier in charge was tinkering with the engine, having stalled it while
trying to pull into the road again. He wasn't having much success.

Both the women, garbed in short skirts, high and heavy leather boots,
and woolen caps that pulled down well over their ears, climbed down from
their seats and between them first managed to get the engine in the
stalled lorry started, and then one of them took her place behind the
wheel and by skilful manoeuvring brought all four wheels to the road.

The Frenchman stood to one side during the whole of the operation and
watched the women with astonishment.




                WELLS FARGO & CO.

                4 RUE SCRIBE, PARIS

          Head Office: 51 Broadway, NEW YORK

          Take pleasure in announcing to the

        AMERICAN AND BRITISH EXPEDITIONARY FORCES

            that the great French Bank, the

                  SOCIÉTÉ GÉNÉRALE

           has very kindly agreed to act as

        WELLS FARGO'S CORRESPONDENT THROUGHOUT FRANCE

    Cable and mail transfers of money to all parts
    of America may be made through Wells Fargo by calling at
    the Société Générale.

    Deposit accounts with Wells Fargo, Paris, may be
    opened at the Société Générale.

    SOCIÉTÉ GÉNÉRALE has Branches at:--

    AMIENS      CHALONS-SUR-MARNE  LA ROCHELLE   SAINT NAZAIRE
    ANGERS      CHATEAUROUX        LIMOGES       SAUMUR
    ARCACHON    CHAUMONT           MIRECOURT     TOUL
    AUXONNE     DIJON              NANTES        TOURS
    BAR-LE-DUC  EPINAL             NEUFCHATEAU   TROYES
    BESANCON    FONTAINEBLEAU      NEVERS        VALREAS
    BORDEAUX    IS-SUR-TILLE       RENNES        VIERZON
    BOURGES     ISSOUDUN           ROMORANTIN    and many others.
    BREST       LANGRES            ROUEN

    Circulars giving full explanation of WELLS FARGO'S Banking
    Facilities in France may be obtained at the Branches of the
    Société Générale.




                              ----
                       TO FLASH THE HOUR
                           BY ARMY WIRES.
                              ----
                     New A. E. F. Lines Will
                      Insure U. S. Well-Set
                          Time Pieces.
                              ----


Correct time is now being transmitted to the A. E. F. over its own
system of telegraph lines. Formerly field wireless stations each day at
a certain hour picked from the air figures flashed from Paris by which
the clocks of the array were synchronized. This method did not insure
absolute accuracy.

Each day at eleven o'clock a simultaneous signal is sent to every
station so that through the existing zone, and at the front as well,
clocks and watches show the same time. This synchronization is desirable
under present conditions and it is an absolute necessity with troops at
the front when, for instance, orders may specify that some operation is
to be carried out at one point at a certain time and another operation
at another point at another time. The success of both operations may
depend upon whether they are launched on the second.

Miles upon miles of telegraph wires strung on poles labeled "U. S. A."
now stretch through France. They may be found running to base ports,
zigzagging through the instruction zone over hills, through a valley,
along a roadside. On some of the poles there are double cross-beams
supporting in many cases as many as ten wires. There is a complete
system of operators and central exchanges as well as a considerable
force of linemen and repairmen, quite a number of whom worked for
telephone and telegraph companies in the United States before the war
began. The "service" leaves little, if anything, to be desired.




                              ----
                        HOW THEY SPOT US.
                              ----


"Madame, where in this town can one get a drink, _s'il vous plait_?"

"Ah! I can see that M. l'Americain comes from the State of Maine!"




                              ----
                    TRY POTATO BUGS IN BOMBS.
                              ----
                 An Ohio Man's Suggestion on How
                         to Win the War.
                              ----


The war will soon be over. An Ohio man will end it. He has suggested to
U.S. Marine Corps officials in Washington that they direct their
aviators to drop potato bugs over Germany. He declares there are no
potato bugs in the Kaiser's realm, and since the "spud" is absolutely
essential to Germany's economic welfare, the dropping of "Murphy
destroyers" over the Rhine country would quickly terminate hostilities.
Simple, isn't it? Marine Corps officials think so.




        A BRITISH BANK CONDUCTED ON BRITISH LINES.

                 LLOYDS BANK (FRANCE) &
           NATIONAL PROVINCIAL BANK (FRANCE)
                      LIMITED.

             3, PLACE DE L'OPÉRA, PARIS.

               General Banking Business.
            Foreign Exchange and Transfers.

                {BIARRITZ:   10, Place de la Liberté.
    Branches    {BORDEAUX:   23, Allées de Chartres.
                {HAVRE:      1, Rue de la Bourse.
                {NICE:       6, Jardin du Roi Albert Premier.

        LONDON OFFICE: 60, LOMBARD STREET, E.C.3.




               AMERICAN UNIVERSITY UNION IN EUROPE
                   8, RUE DE RICHELIEU, PARIS
                      (Royal Palace Hotel)

    OBJECTS--The general object of the Union is to meet the needs of
             American university and college men and their friends
             who are in Europe for military or other service in the
             cause of the Allies.

             It provides at moderate cost a home with the privileges
             of a simple club for these men when passing through
             Paris on a furlough.

             It aids institutions, parents or friends to secure
             information about college men, reporting on casualties,
             visiting the sick and wounded, giving advice, and in
             general serving as means of communication between those
             at home and their relatives in service.

    MEMBERSHIP--The Union is supported by annual fees paid by the
                colleges and universities of America, all the
                students and alumni of which, whether graduates or
                not, are thereby entitled, WITHOUT PAYMENT OF ANY
                DUES, to the general privileges of the Union, and
                may call upon the Union in person or by mail to
                render them any reasonable service.

    HEADQUARTERS--On October 20, 1917, the Union took over as its
                  Paris headquarters the Royal Palace Hotel, of
                  which it has the exclusive use. This centrally
                  located hotel is one block from the Louvre and
                  the Palais Royal station of the Metro., from
                  which all parts of the city may be reached
                  quickly and cheaply.

    PRIVILEGES--The Union offers at reasonable rates both single
                and double bed-rooms, with or without bath. There
                is hot and cold running water in all rooms, which
                are well heated. Room reservations should be made
                in advance whenever possible, as only 100 men can
                be accommodated. The restaurant serves excellent
                meals both to roomers and to transients.

                The Lounge Room is supplied with all the leading
                American newspapers, magazines and college
                publications. The rapidly growing Library on the
                first floor provides fiction and serious reading,
                both French and English, as well as a large number
                of valuable reference books on the war and other
                subjects.

                Stationery is provided in the Writing Room on the
                ground floor. A Canteen in the Lobby carries
                cigarettes and tobacco, toilet articles, candies,
                and a variety of other useful things. An
                Information Bureau is maintained in the Union
                Offices on the Entresol.

                Frequent entertainments and concerts are given.
                Afternoon tea is served every Saturday, at which
                some American lady acts as hostess.

    REGISTRATION--The Union keeps an accurate index of all men who
                  register at its Paris headquarters or at its
                  London Branch, 16, Pall Mall East, S.W.1. It is
                  anxious to get in touch with all college and
                  university men in Europe, who are therefore urged
                  to register by MAIL, giving name, college, class,
                  European address and name and address of nearest
                  relative at home.




                              ----
                   AMERICA'S BEST MEDICOS
                     AT WORK FOR THE A. E. F.
                              ----
         Incomes of Specialists in the Overseas Command
                Would Total Enough to Pay off the
                         National Debt.
                              ----


If the incomes of all the well-known American specialists who have come
to France to look after the health of the A.E.F. troops were lumped
together they would be enough to pay off the national debt of the
country and then leave sufficient to satisfy a camp store-keeper.

This is no pipe dream or a simple newspaper yarn, but the plain truth.
Some of the medicos from the United States have given up earnings of
such big figures they should only be mentioned kneeling. Where they
gathered in half a million at home yearly, they are accepting a major's
three thousand and service allowance, in order to see that Bill Jones
from Kankakee or Sam Smith from Pleasantville has the proper treatment
for warts in his stomach or barnacles on his thinking apparatus.

    [Illustration: Ward in an A.E.F. Hospital, Showing Some of the First
    to Pay a Visit to "Blighty."]

In addition to separating themselves from large wads of coin and all the
comforts of home, they have brought over the staffs of their various
hospitals, who know all their funny ways of operating, from how best to
cut a man loose from his appendix to painless extraction of the
bankroll. They have also brought along all their collections of patent
knives and scissors, the only thing they left behind being the doctors'
bills that would take a year's service as a doughboy to meet the first
instalment.


                        A Fear to Forget.

Nearly everyone has an ingrowing objection to going to a hospital, or
acknowledging he must take the count for an illness, because of fear as
to what treatment he may draw.

Forget it!

The Amexforce hospitals are not built along those lines, nor are the
nurses sweet young things of fifty odd summers who hand out tracts with
the morning's milk or make kittenish love to a lad who may be tied down
to a bed or too weak to run away. And the doctors are not owlish-looking
creatures with whiskers that would make a goat die of envy and sick-room
manners that would scare a Mental Scientist into catalepsy. They are
real human beings who understand the troubles of mankind from nostalgia
(professional name for homesickness) down to enlargement of the coco
(unprofessional name for the swelled head) and are doing everything in
their power to make a little easier the big game we are playing to a
showdown with the Kaiser.

It's human nature to hate to go to the doctor. But if the boys would
only realize that if they would take their smaller troubles to the
"docs" they could easily prevent them from becoming more serious ones,
it would save a lot of useless suffering. Of course, that doesn't apply
to treatment for the wounded, but the Army Chief Surgeon is trying his
darndest to make that as perfect as possible.


                   A Hospital of 20,000 Beds.

In the first place, adequate hospital facilities have been arranged for.
One hospital alone has a capacity for 20,000 beds. At an emergency call,
the hospitals can handle twenty per cent. of the whole Amexforce. To
begin with the trenches, the Medical Department has introduced a sort of
folding litter that can go around corners without having to make a man
who's hit get out and walk around the bends. When he gets to the
dressing station or collecting hospital, motor ambulances are ready to
take him back to the evacuating hospital, where the women nurses take
their chances with the men, eight to ten miles behind the line.

Once his case is looked into there, he continues under the charge of
that hospital chief until he gets well or is sent home. If he's moved to
another hospital his record and register go with him, so that the new
hospital knows immediately he was invalided for a piece of shell in his
leg, and no flurried or overworked surgeon tries to operate on him for
inflammation of the intestines.

From beginning to end, the best specialists in the whole of the Union
are at the disposal of any one who's unfortunate enough to get hurt. If
it's eyes, ears, throat, abdomen, shell shock, mental derangement, or no
matter what, one of the biggest men from home is on the job. They are
not correspondence school surgeons, either.


                      Some of the Experts.

Maybe one of these is from your own home town and you know him by name
or reputation: George E. Brewer, New York; George W. Crile, Cleveland;
Henry Cushing, Boston, the brain specialist, who knows every cell in the
think tank and just how it works and operates; F. A. Washburn, Boston;
Samuel Lloyd, New York; C. L. Gibson, New York; R. H. Harte,
Philadelphia; F. A. Besley, Chicago; Angus McLean, Detroit; Charles H.
Peck, New York; John M. T. Finney, of Johns Hopkins, Baltimore; F. T.
Murphy, St. Louis; M. Clinton, Buffalo; R. T. Miller, Pittsburgh; C. R.
Clark, Youngstown, O.; E. D. Clark, Indianapolis; B. R. Shurley,
Detroit; Joseph E. Flynn, Yale Medical.

If that isn't enough, associated with each of these men are other
doctors whose ability is pretty well known all over the States. For
instance, Dr. Lloyd, of New York, has with him Dr. McKernon, also of the
big town, one of the best ear specialists in the country. If a shell
goes off too near you and the eardrum suffers, Dr. McKernon will be on
the job to find out if he can't make a new one.

A man who has just come over from Baltimore said the Army had
practically cleaned out Johns Hopkins University there, which produces
more good doctors to the square inch than France does fleas. So when it
comes to sorting out the cases, the men with the bad listeners won't be
sent to the throat specialist, nor the chap with a wounded eye made a
candidate for the brainstorm man.


                     The Army's Big Eye Man.

Cases of eye wounds or troubles are handled by a doctor who probably
knows more about the eye than any one man in America, Dr. George de
Schweinitz, of Philadelphia, who has transplanted his whole sanitarium
to France in order that no man of the Amexforce may be deprived of his
sight where there is one chance in a million of saving it. With that in
view, the chances of coming out of this mess with both eyes are
exceptionally good. Statistics from both French and British armies show
that of all the wounded they have had, only one man in 1,200 is blinded.
If they had had the organization of the American medical force, the
chance would probably have been reduced to one man in 2,500.

No one pretends to say that our hospitals make sickness or wounds a
pleasure, but be assured of one thing. If anything happens to you,
you'll be well looked after in them by the world's leading medical and
surgical authorities.




                              ----
                      A PLEA TO THE CENSOR.
                              ----


"Say," said a short, bow-legged corporal the other day, "I wanta send
three pictures home to the folks, but I dunnoo how I can get it across.
These censorship rules say all you can send is pictures of yourself
without background that might indicate the whereabouts of the studio or
other strategic information. These ain't pictures of myself, nothing
like it. Wait till I tell you.

"I'm going to entitle this series 'Rapid Transit in France.' I took 'em
with a little pocket camera. There's one I took up at the port where we
landed--first picture I took in France, it was. It shows one of these
two-wheeled carts, with three animals hitched to it. One is a horse, one
is a dog, and in the middle there's a great big old cow, and an old
French feller in a blue nightshirt sittin' in the road milkin' the cow.

"Then there's another I took over at ---- (the town where general
headquarters are situated) of the 'bus that goes down to the station to
meet trains. You won't believe this unless you've seen it, but that 'bus
is hitched up to a horse an' a camel, a regular camel like you see in a
circus--come from Morocco, they tell me, and looks as if he had gone as
long as it is camels can go without a drink, or chow, either.

"The last one's a prize. I took it in one of those villages up the line.
It's a young kid in a soldier's coat down to his knees walking down the
main street with a stick in his hand driving a sled, and what do you
guess is hitched to the sled? By gosh, a big fat goose, and nothing
else. The kid's steerin' the goose with the stick, and the goose's
lookin' around with that fool goose look, just like the picture you see
of that Crown Prince.

"Say, what do you think those folks with their automobiles and subways
and everything would make of that? It sure would open their eyes.
Travel's a great thing for a man," said the corporal.




    [Illustration: HOW THEY LOOK IN THE TRENCHES.

    This New Official Photograph Shows Some of Our Over-seas Troops
    in their Ringside Costume.]




                              ----
                     WHAT SAILOR INGRAM DID.
                              ----


Neither Casablanca nor Horatius at the bridge surpassed in heroism young
Osmond Kelly Ingram, who threw overboard the explosives on the American
destroyer Cassin in order that the German submarine's torpedo should not
detonate them and destroy his ship--and gave his life for his comrades
and his country in doing so. Ingram sought danger instead of fleeing it.
He might have saved his life without discredit. But he did not think of
his life--or if he thought of it, he knew that he was deliberately
sacrificing it. And he acted with instant resolution.

To his courage and his quickness is due the fact that Ingram's was the
only life lost in the German attack on the Cassin. That result he
foresaw and welcomed. He knew how to take death as his portion without
an instant's hesitation. He was of the breed of heroes, and his name
will be borne forever on the nation's roll of honor.--Boston
Transcript.




                              ----
                       THE ROAD WAS OPEN.
                              ----


France's wonderful highways which saved her in this war are as crooked
as a jig saw puzzle, but there are excellent maps which show every road
in the country. Up near the fighting front, however, the new military
roads are as broad and as good as some of the old highways which have
survived since the days of the Romans and more than a map is needed if
you want to remain in France.

A few days ago two American newspaper correspondents were travelling
from one French city to another, the shortest course, according to the
same excellent maps, taking them close back of the French lines. All day
there had been a blinding snow, it was deep and loose on the ground, and
the car was going as fast as possible for safety.

Temporary wooden signs at cross roads showed the direction of different
camps. The road plunged through a forest, occasionally they passed a
soldier plodding through the snow, then emerged along the base of a
ridge honeycombed with dug-outs and bombproofs on its sheltered side. It
was plain that they were close to the front. Soldiers peered from
doorways at the car skidding through the swirling snow; then the huts
ceased. For a mile the correspondents ran behind a flapping wall of
canvas camouflage, with barbwire entanglements on the other side of the
road. The map indicated they were on the right road.

Then they came to a barbwire affair like a turnstile lying on its side
in the middle of the road, and stopped. They could not see a hundred
feet through the fog and snow, but could hear the muffled boom of nearby
cannon. The map showed only three kilometers ahead the main highway to
the city they were headed for. They did not know that the German
trenches were only two kilometers ahead and that the snow was the only
reason the Boche had not seen them and favored them with a shot. Two
French officers came along and in his best French one of the
correspondents asked if they could get through on that road.

"Yes, if you speak German," was the answer with a laugh and in excellent
English.




                              ----
                        THERE'S A REASON.
                              ----


"For Pete's sake, Ed, quit tryin' to pick your teeth with your fork!
Mind your manners, man!"

"Aw, go easy, Mike; how'n'ell am I goin' to buy a toothpick, with wood
so expensive in France?"




                              ----
                    SEA SLANG PUZZLES POILU.
                              ----
                 Trips on an Idiom and His Pride
                          Takes a Fall.
                              ----


Among the idiomatic terms adopted by United States Marines everywhere,
the expression "shove off" is used more frequently than any other. In
the sea-soldier lingo, if a Marine goes home on furlough, leaves his
camp or garrison or goes anywhere, he "shoves off."

A story comes from France of a Marine who had been acting as orderly for
a lieutenant. The officer sent him on an errand, and when he returned
the lieutenant was nowhere about. A poilu, who happened to be loitering
in the vicinity, was questioned by the Marine:

"Have you seen the lieutenant?"

"Oui, monsieur, oui," replied the poilu, proud of his newly acquired
Marine Corps English, "he have--what you call--pushed over."




                              ----
                         HOW ABOUT THEM?
                              ----


Things that make all the difference in the world:--

A letter from ---- (fill in name to suit yourself.)

A real soap-and-hot-water bath.

A real shave.

Dry feet.

American tobacco.

"Good work!" from the skipper.

A home-town paper less than a month old.

"Seconds" on coffee--when it's made right.

Pay-day.




                              ----
                         YANKEE AVIATORS
                           PLAY IN LUCK
                              ----
                     Dead Engine Sneezes and
                     Picks Up after a 2,000
                           Meter Drop.
                              ----
                    SKY FULL OF CREAM PUFFS.
                              ----
                 Observer Who Fails to Surround
                      Something Hot Faints
                         From the Cold.
                              ----


Those were American boys who dodged Boche air patrols, laughed at
anti-aircraft guns and spattered bombs upon Rombach and Ludwigshafen far
behind the Boche lines.

One of them used to be a Presbyterian minister, the Rev. Joseph Wilson,
of Wheeling, W. Va., another is Bud Lehr, of Albion, Neb., who played
center on a basketball team that won the State championship. The others
are Charles Kinsolving and Charles Kerwood, of Philadelphia, and George
Kyle, of Portland, Ore. They are corporals in a French flying squadron
situated within an hour's flight of an American infantry training camp.

Seated around the rough mess table in their popotte--a tiny building
stuck away on a ledge of rock under a cliff--they told all about the
bombing of the railroad stations and ammunition factories at Rombach and
Ludwigshafen.

"The old Boche almost got me that time," said Lehr, lifting the oil
cloth table cover to knock wood. "The engine of my boat died on me just
over Rombach. I pulled everything in sight and kicked every lever I
couldn't see. Nothing doing; anti-aircraft shells bursting right on a
level with me. We began to drop. I turned around to the observer and
pulled a sea-sick grin.


                      A Sneeze Spelled Joy.

"'It's all off, kid,' he said. 'Looks like we're through.'

"We dropped from 5,000 meters to 3,000. Then the engine sneezed, coughed
and took up again. My heart and the boat came up 2,000 meters in one
jump. The rest of the formation had gone on, dropped their bombs on
Rombach and were beating it for Ludwigshafen. By the time I got back to
my right altitude I could see the effects of their bombs. The railroad
station was burning like a haystack and smoke was coming from the
munitions plant. I circled the town and the observer released the bombs.

"Then I turned nose back towards Verdun and crossed the lines. A couple
of miles behind the line the engine ran out of gas, so we came down in a
field."

They circled several times on the French side of the lines before
crossing in order to reach the necessary altitude. Kyle dropped eight
bombs, most of them on the munition plant at Ludwigshafen.

"The sky was full of cream puffs," he said, "but it didn't bother us
very much because most of the stuff was breaking above or below us. We
took our time, aimed for the objective, and dropped the bombs.


                    Can't See Bomb's Results.

"You can't hear them explode or see the results unless you're flying
quite a distance behind the squadron because we go so fast that by the
time the fire gets under way we are miles off. Except for Lehr's
machine, we maintained our formation and came out flying in the same
position. If there were any Boche patrols out in our neighborhood they
knew better than to tackle us.

"When we came down I found my observer unconscious. I thought he had
been hit, but he had only fainted from the cold.

"You big rummy," turning to the observer and swiping one of his
cigarettes from the open box on the table--"You big rummy, I told you
you had better surround something hot before starting--a bowl of oatmeal
or coffee.

"Gimmie a light now."

All five are awaiting their transfer to the American flying corps.




                              ----
                     STARS IN A HERO'S ROLE.
                              ----
                  Movie Actor Plays Sapper in a
                          Real Rescue.
                              ----


Among the candidates for officers' commissions at the A. E. F.'s
training schools is a former movie star who has served his
apprenticeship with the British Army. To see him now, few would
recognize him as one of the high steppers under the bright night lights
of Broadway as he was a year ago. Seized by a sudden impulse, he
enlisted in the British army without waiting for America to get into the
war and now in return for faithful service, has been given an
opportunity by that government to fight under his own flag. Several
other Americans who have also worn the British uniform, and who were
sent to the school for the same purpose, tell this story of one of the
former screen star's experiences:

In the darkness--locomotives, auto lights in the fighting zone--a
heavily loaded truck was struck by a train. The truck was overturned
down an embankment, imprisoning the two men on it, killing one almost
instantly and seriously injuring the other. Spurred by the latter's
groans and appeals for help an officer was directing a squad of men with
crowbars and sticks in an effort to lift the truck when the former actor
came up. The men were making no progress in budging the heavy wreck
while there was a possibility, if they did, that it would crash down on
the still living man.

"I think I can get the man out, sir if I may try," the New Yorker said
saluting the officer.

"Who are you?" the officer asked surprised at the interruption.

"I'm a Yank, sir," he replied, using the popular designation for
Americans in the British army.

"What's your rank?" continued the officer, determined that the man be
rescued properly if at all.

"Master engineer, sir," the American answered.

Evidently that was sufficient for the officer, for he at once assented
with:

"You may try. Lend him a hand men."

The "Yank" took a shovel and started tunnelling under the truck. As he
wormed himself into the little hole, the shovel was abandoned for a
bayonet and he pushed the dirt back with his hands to others, who threw
it aside. After an hour's work, he had the dead man out. Another hour,
and he had burrowed molelike, to the side of the other man, who still
was conscious.

"Do you want to take a chance? It'll be torture getting out," he said to
the truck driver.

"Anything to get from here to die outside," the man gasped.

A rope was shoved in and the American tied it around the man's legs.
Slowly, while he guided the battered body of the now unconscious man,
comrades pulled them both back through the narrow tunnel.

"I'll see that you're mentioned in regimental orders for your efforts,"
said the officer to the exhausted "Yank," and he did.

The truck driver had an arm broken, a shoulder crushed and a fractured
skull. He was rushed to a hospital on a chance that his life might be
saved after so much effort. The work was not in vain, for a few days ago
a letter was received from him, well again at his home in England,
saying to the former movie star:

"The latch string of this home in Leicester is always hanging out for
you."




                              ----
                       "WELL, I'LL BE--!"
                              ----
                        THEY'RE ALL HERE.
                              ----


"Fat Casey!"

"Well, I'll be--!"

After seven years Gabby and Fat Casey came face to face on a
snow-covered country hillside in France. Gabby played right tackle on
the football team out in Chicago in his sophomore year. Casey, a senior,
was center and a bother to the trainer because he would surround two
bits' worth of chocolate caramels every day, adding to the dimension
that won him his nickname.

Somewhere in France Gabby swung his right mitt and clasped Casey's. They
hung on in a kind of reminiscent grip, searching one another's face for
changes.

Casey wore a smudge on his upper lip. Gabby's face was still un-hairy,
but a little lined by the last few years of bucking the business line
for a living. Casey has no cause for wrinkles, having a wealthy Dad.
And, anyway, Fat's disposition proofed his map against the corrugations
of money problems.

We find them shaking hands again.

Casey is driving a touring car over from Divisional Headquarters to call
for the major of the Third Battalion. He stalls on the hill from dirty
distributor points and gets out to sand-paper them. That red-headed
sentry, gazing skyward through field glasses on "aeroplane watch"
against the Boches, can be none other than Gabby, the ex-right tackle.

Gabby is a little puzzled by Fat's moustache, but only for a second.

"Whatever became of Charley Rose," he asks, "and Bill Lyman, and all the
rest of them?"

"For the love of Mike--meeting you in this forsaken spot after all this
time! Where are you stationed? Can't we stage a reunion? Can't we, Fat?"

Well, Fat is a sergeant-chauffeur, Q.M.C. Gabby is a doughboy in an
infantry regiment. They can't get together. They're at the War.

For the next ten minutes a whole battlefield of Boche fliers might have
sneaked past the Chicago sentry and bombed the daylights out of Division
Headquarters without any hindrance from Gabby.

Charley Rose, says Fat, is an infantry lieutenant. Maury Dunne's in the
heavy artillery. Dan McCarthy, the hopeless but untiring "sub" of the
1911 squad, is in France in the Q.M.C.

"Well, doggone!" says Fat, in wonderment at the littleness of the world.
"Well, gee whiz!" says Gabby, thinking the same thing.

You'll meet 'em all over here--your old rivals, your staunchest pals.
You may find yourself top sergeant over the very kids you stole apples
or milk bottles with back in the "good old days." Perhaps you'll be
saluting the fellow who cut you out of your girl back in high school
when an exchange of class pins with pretty Frances Black meant that you
were engaged to her for that semester.

Somewhere in France, they're all here.




                              ----
                       SO THIS IS FRANCE?
                              ----


The first shift is coming out from the tables. White-haired plump Madame
scurries over to her place at the door to collect the dinner toll.
Silver clinks into her country cash register, a cigar box with the lid
knocked off.

The second shift edges toward the dining room where Suzanne and Angel
and Joan are rushing about, clearing away the traces of the first
service.

"How's the chewin'?" asks the Albany rifleman.

"Pretty good, pretty good," says the engineer boy from Los Angeles.
"Good place to fill up on tan bread for a change."

Close your eyes and shut out the khaki. The buzzing voices, the scraping
hob nails take you back to the Democratic convention of Pottewantamis
County last Spring when the delegates came in through a sleet storm and
dried their socks around the stove in the Chamber of Commerce. Or you're
back in the locker room hearing the coach's final instructions for the
county championship tussle with Lincoln High.

The second service is finishing. Four soldiers are rolling the old
tin-throated piano into the middle of the floor. One of them used to be
a rag-time "song-booster." Oh, baby, how he can torment those keys!

There they go, in a chorus of fifty roof-raising voices:

        "Twice as nice as Paradise,
          And they called it Dixie Land!"




                              ----
                     SOMETHING MUST BE DONE.
                              ----


The American war zone recently was honored by a visit from several "lady
journalists" who came out from Paris to see how "our boys" were faring.

One of these young women had been reared in luxurious surroundings in
New York. Since coming to Paris she seldom went about wearing anything
but slippers. These were all right because she always rode in a taxi.

A certain American captain, who thinks nothing of using a nice ten-foot
snow bank for bathing purposes, was delegated to conduct the young women
through the American war zone.

From the start, the horror of the New York society writer knew no
bounds.

"What," she exclaimed, "no pillows for our men! And you say, Captain,
they have no bathtubs, but have to bathe in the rivers and creeks? And I
see, there are no table cloths or napkins? Captain, leave it to me! I'm
going to tell the people of America all about the terrible living
conditions of our soldiers over here. Something must be done, and
something will be done by an aroused public opinion back home!"

The captain indulged an inward chuckle that racked his soul. Then his
face became solemn.

"Please don't stir up any scandal in America over this," he entreated
the young woman writer. "I'll tell you confidentially that feather beds
are on the way from America for every soldier and there are whole
boatloads of bathtubs coming, too. But what's sweetest of all in
this--promise you'll keep it a secret until it happens?--our government
is going to present every soldier in France with a beautiful manicure
set!"

"That's more like it," said the lady, much mollified.




                      MACDOUGAL & CO.

                    ARNOLD STEWART Successor

                     AMERICAN
                            MILITARY
                                   TAILORS

                 PARIS          1 bis Rue Auber
                       Corner Rue Scribe

                 _Orders Executed in 48 Hours._

                 Our services at the disposal of
                 American Officers requiring
                 information of any description.




                             WILSON

                          8 RUE DUPHOT

                    The SMALLEST but SMARTEST
                     UMBRELLA SHOP in PARIS




                             _The_

                      'MODERN OPTICAL Co.'

                       (AMERICAN SYSTEM.)

               OPTICIENS SPÉCIALISTES pour la VUE

                     N. QUENTIN, Directeur.

                5 Boulevard des Italiens, PARIS.

                  _10% Reduction to Americans._




                Standard-Bearers
                of
                America!

                 You have come to the Home of

                          Perrier

                The Champagne of Table Waters.

                Delicious with lemon, sirops,
                etc., and a perfect combination
                with the light wines of France.

                           DRINK
                             IT
                           TO-DAY

                PARIS, 36bis Boulevard Haussmann




                       COX & CO. (France) Limited

                  22 RUE LOUIS LE GRAND, PARIS (Opera)

    Having Branches in the Army Zone, equipped with English-Speaking
         Staffs, are enabled to render Banking services to the

                   American Military and Naval Forces

                              BRANCHES AT
           AMIENS, BOULOGNE, HAVRE, LYONS, MARSEILLES, ROUEN.

                  Enquiries solicited on all Business.




                     LIBERTY DOUBLE OPERA-GLASS

            all copper varnish ebonite, magnifying power
            4 times--reach 20 km., in its dark leather
            case, is the only one which answers the
            needs of the fighting man. Sent post-free
            against money order of 50 Francs, address to:

                           _JUMELLE LIBERTY_

                        7 Rue Montcalm, PARIS

      AMERICAN SOLDIERS FORM GROUPS OF SIX and you will pay for
           the double opera-glass Liberty 45 Francs only.

                Agents and representatives requested.




                    THE EQUITABLE TRUST COMPANY
                            OF NEW YORK

        PARIS OFFICE: 23, RUE DE LA PAIX (Place de l'Opéra).

      Member of the Federal Reserve System
      United States Depositary of Public Moneys
      Agents for Paymasters and other Disbursing Officers

    Offers its Banking Facilities to the Officers and Men of the

                       AMERICAN ARMY AND NAVY
                         SERVING IN FRANCE

                  LONDON, 95, Gresham Street, E.C.




                    AMERICAN MILITARY and NAVAL FORCES

                             CREDIT LYONNAIS

                            Head Office: LYONS
             Central Office: PARIS, 19 Boulevard des Italiens

                  BANKING BUSINESS OF EVERY DESCRIPTION
                       WITH ENGLISH-SPEAKING STAFF

                      EVERY FACILITY FOR FOREIGNERS

    Branches in principal French towns, amongst others the following:

    Amiens, Angers, Angoulême, Bar-le-Duc, Bayonne, Belfort, Besançon,
      Bordeaux, Boulogne-sur-Mer, Brent, Caen, Calais, Cannes, Cette,
     Chaumont, Dieppe, Dijon, Dunkirk, Epernay, Epinal, Fécamp, Havre,
      La Rochelle, Limoges, Marseilles, Nancy, Nantes, Nice, Orleans,
    Rennes, Rochfort, Rouen, Saint-Dizier, Saint-Malo, Toulon, Tours,
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        Clermont-Ferrand, Isodun, Nevers, Saint-Raphaël, Vierzon.




                        SLEATOR & CARTER

                       39 Avenue de l'Opéra
                              PARIS

         ENGLISH & AMERICAN CIVIL AND MILITARY TAILORS.

                Olive Drab Uniforms and American
                     Insignia a Speciality

             SAM BROWNE BELTS    AMERICAN OVERSEAS
             TRENCH COATS        FATIGUE CAP
             WRAP PUTTEES        (To Measure)




    +-----------------------------------------------------------------+
    |                                                                 |
    |                     Transcriber's Note                          |
    |                                                                 |
    | This e-book has been transcribed from scans provided by the     |
    | Library of Congress. Images and sections missing or illegible   |
    | in the Library of Congress scans were scanned from a 1971       |
    | facsimile version.                                              |
    |                                                                 |
    | In this e-book, articles have been placed starting from the top |
    | left of each page and then following column order. The one      |
    | exception to this is the first page, where the centre article   |
    | has been placed first. Where other features interrupted the     |
    | flow of text they have been moved to the end of the article in  |
    | question. Links to full-page images have been provided in the   |
    | html edition to show the original layout.                       |
    |                                                                 |
    | In this text edition, articles which were split over two pages  |
    | have been rejoined for ease of reading.                         |
    |                                                                 |
    | Several corrections have been made to the original text. For    |
    | reference, a full list is given below.                          |
    |                                                                 |
    | Page                                                            |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  sufficient funds for the trip                               |
    |     sufficient funds for the trip.                              |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  "_Apres vous, mon chere Gaston,_"                           |
    |     "_Après vous, mon chere Gaston,_"                           |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  "How were the Americans treated?" M. Rollet was asked.      |
    |     "How were the Americans treated?" M. Rollett was asked.     |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  This was done in order to make them appear rediculous.      |
    |     This was done in order to make them appear ridiculous.      |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  They were protographed                                      |
    |     They were photographed                                      |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  the negroes were order to wear tall hats.'                  |
    |     the negroes were ordered to wear tall hats."                |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  Occasinally they received a few dried vegetables.           |
    |     Occasionally they received a few dried vegetables.          |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  Maryville, Miss;                                            |
    |     Maryville, Miss.;                                           |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  "How did you bring these adresses away without being        |
    |       discovered?" the Embassy Secretary asked M. Rollet.       |
    |     "How did you bring these addresses away without being       |
    |       discovered?" the Embassy Secretary asked M. Rollett.      |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  In conclusion, M. Rollet was asked if, from his journey     |
    |       from                                                      |
    |     In conclusion, M. Rollett was asked if, from his journey    |
    |       from                                                      |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  You Mr. Machine-Gunner,                                     |
    |     You, Mr. Machine-Gunner,                                    |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  Doesn't seem as though you had many any                     |
    |     Doesn't seem as though you had made any                     |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  which the old U. S. has beeing doing                        |
    |     which the old U. S. has been doing                          |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  Every detail of its is absodarnlutely the last              |
    |     Every detail of it is absodarnlutely the last               |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  You see, we'd been pals from, child-                        |
    |     Line duplicated from another article--removed.              |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  but now fighting under the Stars and Stripes.               |
    |     but now fighting under the Stars and Stripes.)              |
    |                                                                 |
    |  1  "We'll catch hell to-night                                  |
    |     We'll catch hell to-night                                   |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  As the port it is assembled, painted,                       |
    |     At the port it is assembled, painted,                       |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  that it is about due from a new                             |
    |     that it is about due for a new                              |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  For the suplying of this auto armada,                       |
    |     For the supplying of this auto armada,                      |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  available for the cars that have to run out.                |
    |     available for the cars that have run out.                   |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  Bureau de la Place of a garrisoned town, or else at the     |
    |       Gendarmerie, of                                           |
    |     Bureau de la Place of a garrisoned town, or else at the     |
    |       Gendarmerie, or                                           |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  Giving us the saying power by going without their stays!    |
    |     Giving us the staying power by going without their stays!   |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  a camouflage of cause covers the iniquity of stale fish;    |
    |     a camouflage of sauce covers the iniquity of stale fish;    |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  A friend, pal, or comrade, snonymous with cobblers;         |
    |     A friend, pal, or comrade, synonymous with cobber;          |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  A negative term signifying uselss,                          |
    |     A negative term signifying useless,                         |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  indeed, venturing ot into the open air in a trench.         |
    |     indeed, venturing out into the open air in a trench.        |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  To recue unused property and make use of it.                |
    |     To rescue unused property and make use of it.               |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  Although on official announcement has been made as yet,     |
    |     Although no official announcement has been made as yet,     |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  producing he biggest pumpkins,                              |
    |     producing the biggest pumpkins,                             |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  In adition to keeping such damaging information             |
    |     In addition to keeping such damaging information            |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  If regularly goes over a large proportion of the            |
    |     It regularly goes over a large proportion of the            |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  and finally its censors all                                 |
    |     and finally it censors all                                  |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  and its sends letters                                       |
    |     and it sends letters                                        |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  he is now serving his adoptd country                        |
    |     he is now serving his adopted country                       |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  in case where soldiers are unwilling that their own         |
    |     in cases where soldiers are unwilling that their own        |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  Most of the are practical individuals                       |
    |     Most of them are practical individuals                      |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  _mitraileurs_, to the tune of "Lord Geoffrey                |
    |     _mitrailleurs_, to the tune of "Lord Geoffrey               |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  May then never jam on us                                    |
    |     May they never jam on us                                    |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  CHORUS                                                      |
    |     CHORUS.                                                     |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  Till we've gone and won this gosh-dar war!                  |
    |     Till we've gone and won this gosh-darn war!                 |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  acompanied by one major, British Army Medical Corps.        |
    |     accompanied by one major, British Army Medical Corps.       |
    |                                                                 |
    |  2  Cook: Rotten, sir;                                          |
    |     Cook: "Rotten, sir;                                         |
    |                                                                 |
    |  3  that the French hut the wild boar,                          |
    |     that the French hunt the wild boar,                         |
    |                                                                 |
    |  3  Hold on your ear-drums and open your mouth!                 |
    |     Hold onto your ear-drums and open your mouth!               |
    |                                                                 |
    |  3  within striking distance or the line                        |
    |     within striking distance of the line                        |
    |                                                                 |
    |  3  top the other day, and he says--                            |
    |     top the other day, and he says--"                           |
    |                                                                 |
    |  3  The COMPTIOR NATIONAL D'ESCOMPTE DE PARIS                   |
    |     The COMPTOIR NATIONAL D'ESCOMPTE DE PARIS                   |
    |                                                                 |
    |  4  THE STARS AND STRIPES, even as it will succeed in wining    |
    |       the war.                                                  |
    |     THE STARS AND STRIPES, even as it will succeed in winning   |
    |       the war.                                                  |
    |                                                                 |
    |  4  What puzzles us is how Great Britain, on a diet of          |
    |       that war beer,                                            |
    |     What puzzles us is how Great Britain, on a diet of          |
    |       that warm beer,                                           |
    |                                                                 |
    |  4  per cent, up to the end of March.                           |
    |     per cent. up to the end of March.                           |
    |                                                                 |
    |  5  "Up to look us over, are you." he inquired,                 |
    |     "Up to look us over, are you?" he inquired,                 |
    |                                                                 |
    |  5  to see the engineers at thir work                           |
    |     to see the engineers at their work                          |
    |                                                                 |
    |  5  but each station is suposed to be                           |
    |     but each station is supposed to be                          |
    |                                                                 |
    |  5  "Want some hot water?" querried the engineer                |
    |     "Want some hot water?" queried the engineer                 |
    |                                                                 |
    |  5  No, sir war hasn't got much new in the movie thrill line    |
    |       for a railroad man?"                                      |
    |     No, sir, war hasn't got much new in the movie thrill line   |
    |       for a railroad man!"                                      |
    |                                                                 |
    |  5  decide to compromise on the every-other-day shave In that   |
    |       way,                                                      |
    |     decide to compromise on the every-other-day shave. In that  |
    |       way,                                                      |
    |                                                                 |
    |  5  That donning them at revielle is sure an awful fright.      |
    |     That donning them at reveille is sure an awful fright.      |
    |                                                                 |
    |  5  last word--_dernier eri_--in gentlemanly attire.            |
    |     last word--_dernier cri_--in gentlemanly attire.            |
    |                                                                 |
    |  5  To have every real GARANTEE one                             |
    |     To have every real GUARANTEE one                            |
    |                                                                 |
    |  6  The petites desmoiselles, over whom                         |
    |     The petites demoiselles, over whom                          |
    |                                                                 |
    |  6  "Tommywaacs" 'Women's Army Auxiliary Corps)                 |
    |     "Tommywaacs" (Women's Army Auxiliary Corps)                 |
    |                                                                 |
    |  6  "Well, what the devil can a map do                          |
    |     "Well, what the devil can a man do                          |
    |                                                                 |
    |  6  delivery districts of the United States of America."        |
    |     delivery districts of the United States of America.         |
    |                                                                 |
    |  6  you used to thing Hades                                     |
    |     you used to think Hades                                     |
    |                                                                 |
    |  6  befor him,                                                  |
    |     before him,                                                 |
    |                                                                 |
    |  6  knit sicks                                                  |
    |     knit socks                                                  |
    |                                                                 |
    |  6  pigeonhole--things have slackened up a bit.                 |
    |     pigeonhole--"things have slackened up a bit.                |
    |                                                                 |
    |  6  But generally we get 'em located in time.                   |
    |     But generally we get 'em located in time."                  |
    |                                                                 |
    |  7  But there are regions in the States that hold your          |
    |       memory dear.                                              |
    |     But there are regions in the States that hold your          |
    |       memory dear."                                             |
    |                                                                 |
    |  7  So--(there he heaved it into space)--goodby, old hat;       |
    |       godby!"                                                   |
    |     So--(there he heaved it into space)--goodby, old hat;       |
    |       goodby!"                                                  |
    |                                                                 |
    |  7  U. S. & Co. are now supplying me                            |
    |     "U. S. & Co. are now supplying me                           |
    |                                                                 |
    |  8  three thousand and, service allowance, in order to see that |
    |     three thousand and service allowance, in order to see that  |
    |                                                                 |
    |  8  "I'm going to entitle, this series 'Rapid Transit in        |
    |       France.'                                                  |
    |     "I'm going to entitle this series 'Rapid Transit in         |
    |       France.'                                                  |
    |                                                                 |
    |  8  reason the Boche had not see them and favored them with     |
    |       a shot.                                                   |
    |     reason the Boche had not seen them and favored them with    |
    |       a shot.                                                   |
    |                                                                 |
    |  8  Something Hot Faints.                                       |
    |     Something Hot Faints                                        |
    |                                                                 |
    |  8  They circled several times on the French side of the lines  |
    |       before crossing in order to reach the necessary altitude  |
    |     They circled several times on the French side of the lines  |
    |       before crossing in order to reach the necessary altitude. |
    |                                                                 |
    |  8  Kyle dropped eight bombs, most of them on the munition      |
    |       plant at Ludwigshafen                                     |
    |     Kyle dropped eight bombs, most of them on the munition      |
    |       plant at Ludwigshafen.                                    |
    |                                                                 |
    |  8  "Anything to get from here to die outside,' the man gasped. |
    |     "Anything to get from here to die outside," the man gasped. |
    |                                                                 |
    |  8  Silver clinks into her country, cash register, a cigar box  |
    |     Silver clinks into her country cash register, a cigar box   |
    |                                                                 |
    +-----------------------------------------------------------------+





End of Project Gutenberg's The Stars & Stripes, Vol 1, No 1, February 8, 1918,
by American Expeditionary Forces