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THE

London-Bawd:

WITH HER

CHARACTER

AND

LIFE:

Discovering the

Various and Subtle

Intrigues

OF

Lewd Women

       *       *       *       *       *

The Third Edition.

LONDON, Printed for _John Gwillim_ near _Sun Yard_, in _Bishopsgate-Steet_,
1705. Price 3 _s_

       *       *       *       *       *

THE

London-Bawd.

       *       *       *       *       *

CHAP. I.

_Her Character: Or what she is._

A BAWD

Is the Refuse of an Old Whore, who having been burnt herself, does like
Charcoal help to set greener Wood on Fire; She is one of Natures Errata's,
and a true Daughter of _Eve_, who having first undone herself, tempts
others to the same Destruction. She has formerly been one of _Sampson's
Foxes_, and has carried so much fire in her Tail, as has burnt all those
that have had to do with her: But the mark being out of her Mouth, and she
grown past her own Labour, yet being a well-wisher to the Mathematicks, she
sets up for a Procurer of fresh Goods for her old Customers. And so careful
she is to help Men to good Ware, that she seldom puts a Comodity into their
hands, but what has been try'd before; and having always prov'd well,
thinks she can Warrant 'em the better. She's a great Preserver of
Maiden-heads; for tho' she Exposes 'em to every new Comer, she takes care
that they shall never be lost: And tho' never so many get it, yet none
carries it away, but she still has it ready for the next Customers. She
thinks no Oracle like that of Fryar _Bacon_'s brazen-Head, and is very
forward to tell you that _Time Was_ when the best Gentlemen wou'd have
prefer'd her before any Lady in the Land: But when She repeats _Time's
Past_, She makes a Wicked Brazen Face, and even weeps in the Cup, to allay
the Heat of her Brandy. She's a great Enemy to all Enclosures, for whatever
she has, she makes it common. She hates _Forty One_ as much as an old
Cavalier, for at that Age she was forc'd to leave off Whoring and turn
Bawd: Her Teeth are all fallen out; at which her Nose and her Chin are so
much concern'd, that they intend to meet about it in a little time, and
make up the difference. She's the most like a _Medlar_ of any thing, for
she's never _ripe_ till she's _rotten_. She is never without store of
_Hackney Jades_, which she will let _any one Ride_, that will _pay for
their hire_. She is the very Magazine of Taciturnity; for whatever she
sees, she says nothing; it being a standing Maxim with her, _That they that
cannot make Sport, shou'd spoil none_. She has Learnt so much Philosophy as
to know that the Moon is a dark-Body, which makes her like it much better
then the Sun, being more Suitable for her Business: Besides she's still
_changing Quarters_, now Waxing and then Waining, like her: Sometimes i'th'
Full, and flush'd with store of Customers; and at another time i'th' Wane,
and beating Hemp in _Bridewel_. She has been formerly a Pretender to
Musick, which makes her such a great Practitioner in _Pick-Song_, but She
is most expert at a _Horn-Pipe_. She understands _Means_ a little, but
_Trebles_ very well, and is her self a perfect _Base_. Tho' she lives after
the Flesh, yet all is Fish that comes to her Net: For she is such a cunning
Angler, that she don't fear getting her Living by Hook or by Crook. She has
Baits ready for all Fish, and seldom fails to catch some: Of a
_Countrey-Gentleman_ she makes a _Cods-head_; and of _a rich Citizens Son_
a _Gudgeon_; _a Swordsman in Scarlet_, she takes for _Lobster_; and a
severe _Justice of Peace_, she looks on as a _Crab_: Her _Poor Customers_,
are like _Sprats_, and _Pilchards_, who are more considerable for their
number than they are for their Value; whilst the _Punk_ is her _Salt Eel_,
and the _Pander_ her _Shark_ and her _Swordfish_. Her Charity is very
great, for she Entertains all Comers, and not only finds 'em _Beds_, but
_Bed-fellows_ too, of that Sex which shall be most agreeable to them; Which
is a Conveniency a man may go to twenty _Honest-Houses_ and not Meet with.
She brings more _Wicked Wretches_ to Repentance than many a good
_Preacher_; for, let 'em be as stubborn as they will, yet she'll leave them
such a _Twinging Remembrance_ in their _Joynts_, that their very _Bones_
shall ake, but she'll make them repent that e'er they had to do with her.
And to some Notorious Wretches, she'll fix such a visible _Mark_ in their
_Faces_, as shall make 'em the Derision and the Loathing of all People; and
so bring 'em to Repentance _with a Pox to 'em_. Yet she has very little
_Conscience_, for she makes nothing of Selling _One Commodity_ to _Twenty
Customers_: And for all she cheats them at that rate, she don't fear
loosing their Custom. She's often _broke_, and as often _sets up again_;
which She does without any great charge; for three strong Water-Bottles,
Two ounces of Tobacco, and a Couple of Countrey Wenches, is as much as will
set her up at any Time. Her Breath stinks worse than a Bear-garden, her
Furniture consists of a Bed, a Plaister-Box and a Looking Glass: and a Pimp
to bring in Customers. She sits continually at a Rack Rent, especially if
her Landlord bears office in the Parish, because he may screen her from the
Cart and _Bridewel_. She hath only this one shew of Temperance, that let
any Gentleman send for Ten Pottles of Wine in her House, he shall have but
Ten Quarts; and if he want it that way, let him pay for't and take it out
in Stew'd flesh. She has an Excellent Art in Transforming Persons, and can
easily turn a Sempstress into a Waiting-Gentlewoman: But there is a kind of
Infection that attends it, for it brings them to the falling Sickness. The
Justices Clerk is her very good Friend, and often makes her Peace with the
Justice of _Quorum_; for which when he makes her a Visit, She always help
him to a fresh Bit, which She lets him have upon her Word; and assures him
she won't put a Bad Commodity into his Hand. There is nothing daunts her so
much as the Approach of _Shrove-Tuesday_; for she's more afraid of the Mob,
than a Debtor of a Serjeant, Or a Bayliff in an Inns of Court. He that hath
past under her hath past the Equinoctial; and he that escapes her, has
Escap'd a Rock which Thousands have been split upon to their Destruction.

Thus have I briefly represented my Bawd unto the Readers View in her own
proper Colours, and set her forth in a true Light. I will therefore thus
conclude her Character.

  __A Bawd_ is the chief instrument of evil,_
  __Tempter_ to _Sin_, and _Factor_ for the _Devil__
  _Whose sly Temptations has undone more Souls_
  _Than there are Stars between the Worlds two Poles._
  _She ruines _Families_ to advance her _Treasure_,_
  _And reaps her _Profit_ out of others _Pleasure_:_
  _Pleasures attended with so black a stain,_
  _That they at last end in _Eternal Pain_._
  _Her ways so various are, they're hard to tell,_
  _By which she does betray poor Souls to Hell._
  _Smooth is her _Tongue_, and Subtile are her ways_
  _And by _false Pleasures_ to _True Pain_ betrays._
  _The _Bane of Virtue_, and the _Bawd_ to _Vice_,_
  __Pander_ to _Hell_, is this _She-Cockatrice_._
  _She's like the _Devil_, seeking every hour_
  _Whom she may first _Decoy_, and then _Devour_:_
  _Let every thinking Mortal then beware,_
  _And, that he comes not near her House, take care:_
  _For She'll Betray (her fury is so fell)_
  _Your _Body_ to the _Pox_, your _Soul_ to _Hell_._

       *       *       *       *       *

CHAP. II.

    _Of Pimps and Panders, what they are: with a Dialogue between a Whore,
    a Pimp, a Pander, an old Bawd, and a Prodigal Spend-Thrift about
    Preheminence._

In the House of Sin; I mean in a Bawdy House, there are other Instruments
of Wickedness besides Bawds and Whores: For tho' the Bawd be the Person
that keeps the House, and manages all in cheif, yet there are other
Necessary Hangers-on belonging thereunto; and these are called Pimps and
Panders, which are indeed a Sort of He-Bawds, and Procurers of Whores for
other Men; of which one who is called a Pimp, is cheifly employ'd abroad,
both to bring in Customers, and to procure such Wenches as are willing to
be made Whores of: And these are a sort of Persons so far degenerated below
humanity that they will sometimes procure their own Wives to be Whore for
other Men. As an instance whereof, not long since two Men went into a
House, to drink, not thinking it to be a Bawdy-House; but as soon as the
Beer was brought in, there came in a Female Creature to 'em, who quickly
let 'em understand what she was, and also in what sort of House they were
got. One of them took her by the Hand, and Began to grow very familiar with
her; and found he might have any Kindness from her which he had a mind to,
for asking; but the other seeing him ingross the wench to himself, began to
Storm, and Knock, and Call, at a strange rate; upon which the man of the
House came up presently, and desir'd to know what was the matter? Why you
Impudent Rascal, says he, have you but one Whore in the House, that you
make me thus stand empty-handed, like a Jack-a-napes, while my Companion's
trading with the other? The Pimp seeing the Man in such a Passion, Good
Sir, says he be pacify'd, and I'll go down and sent up my own Wife to wait
upon ye: Which he did accordingly.--Those that are called Pandars, are in a
strict sense such as keep always within doors, and have the management of
matters in the House. These, are they that bring the Rogues, and Whores
together, and wait upon them whilst they are acting of their filthiness.

These Brethren in iniquity with the rest of the Bawdy-house Crew, were in a
hot Dispute about Priority, every one striving to be chief: And what their
several Arguments were, I shall next give you an Account of; and afterwards
shew you more of their Pranks. The first that stood upon her Pantables, as
being chief, was the Whore, and thus it was she manag'd her Cause.

_Whore._ That I ought to take place of the rest, is what none can without
Impudence and great Injustice deny me: For 'tis I that bring in all your
Livings, 'tis I that venture my Carcase, nay, that venture my Soul too; and
all to get an honest livelihood. Yes Mr. _Pimp_, for all your sneering, I
say an honest livelihood; for I cheat no body, but pay for what I have, and
make use of nothing but what's my own, and that no body can hinder me from.
And I think 'tis better for me, and less hazardous, to get my living by my
Tail, then to turn Thief and steal from other Folks. Besides, I'll suffer
nobody to have to do with me, but What I like; nor lie with any but whom I
love; I make no Price with any Man; but take what they freely give; and
therefore I can't properly be said to be a Whore, for Whores are they that
trade for Hire and make Bargains before-hand, which I never do. And
therefore seeing I maintain you all, you ought to acknowledge me to be the
cheif, and give me the Preheminence; for you all live by the Blood that
runs in my Veins; for did not my Beauty invite Men, and my Embraces please
'em, you cou'dn't all of you get water to wash your hands, but wou'd be as
poor as so many Church-Mice.

To this the Pimp thus replyed.

_Pimp._ Your run too fast, Mrs _Minx_, and are a little too Confident: For
tho 'tis my place to attend, yet 'tis I that give a Credit and Reputation
to all you do; I walk along the Streets so boldly, and so spruce, and so
all-to-be-sented with sweet Powder, cocking my Beaver and looking big, that
I make the greatest Gallant I meet give me the Wall, as if I were a Person
of Quality; And when any comes hither they are won by my complemental and
genteel Discourse; my comely presence brings in many a Guest into the
House, besides particular Acquaintance: So that I may well affirm I am the
Prop of the House. If I didn't introduce Gentleman into your Company, I
wonder what you'd do; you might e'en sit still, and be forc'd to make use
of a _Dildo_, before any Body would come to you if it wan't for me.

This Speech of the _Pimp_, stirr'd up the Fury of the _Pander_, who with a
great deal of heat made him this Answer.

_Pander._ Thou prating Cockscomb of a Pimp! Do'st think that I'm an
Underling to thee! No I'd have you to know I'm above thee: We'll quickly
try which is the most useful. An't I intrusted with all the Gentlemens
Secrets; Don't I keep the Door? Nay, been't I the Overseer of all? Sure
then I must be the better Man. Besides, I suit the Wenches with such
Gallants as are of their own Complexions, and are the best liking to 'em;
and in all difficult Cases which happen, they still ask my advice, for
giving which, I often get a double Fee. And if I stay at home, 'tis only to
make an Ass of thee whilst thou'rt abroad; for where thou get'st one
Shilling a Broad, I get Five at Home. If I shou'd go away, I am sure the
Custom wou'd quickly drop off; for I am the Person most respected by the
Customers, and therefore I think I have the best Title of you all to
Preheminence.

Old Mother Damnable the Bawd having stood by all this while, and heard all
their Allegations, at last broke forth into a very great Laughter; and
after having given vent to her Risible Faculty, made em' this Answer.

_Bawd._ I can't chuse but laugh to hear the Fools prate about Preheminence:
They would all fain be Masters, and yet they know they are but all my
Servants; they make their Boast, of this and that, and talk of their great
gains: and forget that I rule the Roast, and that both their gains and
their very being here, depends upon my Pleasure: Pray Gentlemen, whose
House is this? I hope you look upon the House to be mine, and I am sure I
bought the Furniture. And yet you talk as if I had nothing to do here;
whereas you might all have gone a Begging before now, if I had not took you
into my Service. And you, Mrs. _Minx_ because you're a little handsome, you
begin to grow Proud and don't consider that if I had'nt prefer'd you to the
Station you are in, you must have been a Scullion-Wench, or gone to washing
and Scowring: Was'nt it I that bought you those fine Cloths, put you into
the Equipage you are in? Alas you were but a meer Novice in sinning till I
put you into the way, and taught you. You have forgot how bashful you were
at first, and how much ado I had to bring you to let a Gentleman take you
by the _Tu quoque_. And now I have brought you to something, that you can
get your own living, you begin to slite me.--And you Mr. _Pimp._ wa'n't you
a pitiful Rogue, till I took you into my Service? Pray who would have
regarded you in those Rags I found you in? And now I have put you into a
good Garb, and made a man of you, you wou'd fain be my Master, I warrant
ye! But I'll take care to hinder that; and if you don't know your self, I
do. Nay, there's your Brother _Pander_ too, is e'en as bad, and can't tell
when he's well; Because I allow him the vails belonging to his Place, he
fancies himself a Master too, and wou'd have all be rul'd by his advice:
But I shall make you know there's two words to that Bargain. I think I
shou'd know what belongs so such a House better than any of you all. I was
brought up to't when I was young: and spent my young days in Love my self;
but being disabled by Age and Weakness, I had that Affection for the Trade,
that I entertain'd others to carry it on; bringing 'em up to my hand with
much care; and therefore surely I must needs have more experience in it
than another: and if you won't acknowledge me to be the chief, and Mistress
of you all, I'll make you.

The old Bawd having made an End, and put to Silence all the other Boasts,
there was a young Prodigal Spark that had wasted a fair Estate in being a
Customer to her House, thought he had now a fit opportunity to put her in
Mind of his own Merits, and therefore thus began.

_Prodigal._ I perceive you are all very ambitious of having the
Preheminence; but to be plain with you, there's no body deserves it but my
self: For talk what you will, it is but prating to no purpose. You know the
old Prover, _Talk is but Talk, but 'tis Money buys Land_; and I am sure
'twas only for Money to supply you withal, that I have sold mine. And
therefore when you have all said what you can, what wou'd you all do, if I
didn't help you to Money? If I and such as I forsake your House, you may go
Hang your selves. 'Tis I that Satisfies the Whore, and pay the Fees of both
the Pimp and Pander. And for you, Mrs. Bawd, what'er your layings out are,
your comings in are chiefly from my hands; for you have neither House nor
Lands to secure you; but 'tis upon my Purse, that you depend; and I am he
that keeps you all alive. And since I am at all this cost, it is just that
it should be acknowledged, and that you all should own me for your Master.
Your own Interest speaks for me, and therefore I need say the less.

The Prodigal having made an end, they all agreed that it was best for them
to hang together, since their Interest was all the same: And therefore each
of them should keep their several Stations; and acknowledge the Bawd for
their Mistress, and the young Spend-Thrift for their Benefactor.

       *       *       *       *       *

CHAP. III.

    _How a Young Woman, by the help of an Old _Bawd_, Enjoy'd her Lover and
    Deceiv'd her Husband._

Having already given you the Character of a _Bawd_, and shown you her Plea
for Preheminence in the Art of Wickedness, I now come to shew you by what
famous Atcheivements she comes to deserve it. And when you have seen her
cunning in Contriving, and her Patience in Suffering; you must readily
acknowledge she is one that spares no Pains to be Superlatively Wicked.

In the West of _England_ there lived not long since an Ancient Gentleman to
whom Providence had been very propitious, in blessing him with a fair
Estate, so that he wanted for no outward Accommodations that might make his
Life as happy as he cou'd desire: This Gentleman, being an Old Batchelor,
had more Wealth than Wisdom, and Desire to Act, than Ability to perform.
For nothing would serve his turn but a Wife; and she must be a Young one
too; for tho' he was an Old Man yet he had young Inclinations, and fancies
himself as brisk at Three-score and Ten, as when he was but Thirty: You may
easiely imagine a Man of his Estate cou'd not be long without several
Offers when his mind was known: For Wealth has so many Charms in it, that
it often blinds the Eyes of Parents, and makes them mistake their true
Interest, with respect to the Disposal of their Children; which consists
not so much in being married to Rich Husbands, as to those that are
suitable for them. The Beautiful young Daughter of a Decay'd Gentleman was
offer'd to this Old Letcher, who being sensible that he could not expect a
handsome young Wife with a great Fortune, readily acceps of this, who
wanted no Accomplishments to render her a Bride worthy of a better Husband,
or at least one more suitable: The young Gentlewoman, was not half so fond
of the match as her Parents, who perswaded her to it; and as an
Encouragement told her that her old Husband could not live long and when he
dy'd, she wou'd have the Advantage of a good Estate to get her a better
Husband; and tho she had but few Suitors now, for want of a Portion
answerable to her Birth and Beauty, yet when the Case was so alter'd, she
cou'd not be long without very advantagious offers: These Reasons prevail'd
with the young Gentlewoman to accept of the Old Cuff for a Husband; and
they were married accordingly.

But as I have already said, the Old Gentleman had more Desire than Ability;
and the young Lady was fain to accept of his good Wishes instead of that
due Benevolence which she had reason to expect from a Husband; the want of
which made her too soon repent of what she found was now too late to help.

There unhappily happen'd to be not far from their House an Old Bawd that
had been us'd to lend her Charitable Assistance to distressed Ladies in
such Cases; who having observ'd the late Languishing of the young Lady,
rightly judged it proceeded from the Disappointment she met with from her
Old Husband; this Embolden'd the old Bawd to take a convenient time to make
her a Visit; and by such subtile Discourses as she us'd she soon found out
the true Cause of the young Gentlewoman's Discontent; upon which the Bawd
discourses her in this manner:

Madam

_I hope you will excuse the Boldness I take to speak to you, which nothing
cou'd have extorted from me, but the Compassion I have for you, to see so
much Blooming Youth and Beauty cast away upon one that knows not how to
make use of it; I am sensible that one of your Years and Gaity, can't meet
with a greater Affliction than to be thus under a Notion of being Married,
depriv'd of the true ends of Marriage: 'Tis like being married without a
Husband, to be married to such a Husband as can do nothing. You know Madam,
we are commanded to increase and multiply: But let the Soyl be fruitful as
it will, there's no encrease can be expected where no Seed is sown. This,
Madam, makes me bold to tell you, that you are wanting to your self, and to
the end of your Creation, if you don't find out ways to supply that defect
and disability, which through Extremity of Age your Husband labours under.
I am acquainted, with a Gentleman, brisk, young and airy, One that's in the
Flower of his Youth; That I am surely would gladly sacrifice himself and
all he has to serve a Lady in your Circumstances; and I have that
compassion for your Suffering that I would gladly lend my helping hand to
bring so good a work as that about, that you might reap that Satisfaction
which your Youth and Beauty calls for, and which your Husband is too
impotent to give you._

The Bawd having made an end of her Harangue, the Gentlewoman told her she
was much oblig'd to her for that sense she had of her Condition, which she
acknowledg'd to be what she represented it: But told her she durst not make
use of the Remedy, she had propounded, First, because it was Sinful, and
Secondly because it was very hazardous; for her Husband being sensible of
his own Imbecility, was so extreamly Jealous, tho she had never given him
any Cause, it would render all attempts of that Nature very difficult to
manage; and it would be much better to desist from attempting it, than to
Miscarry in the Attempts.

The cunning Bawd observing that tho the young Gentlewoman had mention'd the
Sinfulness of what she had propounded to her, yet she did not so much
insist upon that, as on the hazard and difficulty of attempting it; which
gave her so much Encouragement of Succeeding, that she told her, as to the
Sinfulness of it, considering her Circumstances, she could not think it was
any; for if she could have had the due benevolence from her Husband which
he ought to give her, she would not have sought it elsewhere: And therefore
if it was at all a Sin, it was a venial one, which might be easily
forgiven: But as to the last, that it is hazardous and difficult because of
your Husbands Jealousie, this is indeed chiefly to be considered; for Old
men that can do nothing themselves, are the most Jealous least others
should supply their Places: and yet notwithstanding all his Jealousie,
leave but the management of that Affair to me, and tho, he had the Eyes of
_Argus_, we'll deceive him.

The Young Woman was soon perswaded to what she had before a Mind to. And
therefore gives up herself intirely to the Conduct of this Old Bawd: Who
told her she would acquaint the Gentleman that had so great a Passion for
her; that he was not unacceptable to her, and order him to pass by the
door, to and fro, several times the next day, that so she might see him out
of her Chamber-Window, after which Interview, they wou'd concert the
measures that were to be taken, in order to their coming together. This
being agreed upon, the old Bawd took her leave of the young Lady for that
Time; and goes to a Spark with whom she was in Fee, and told him what a
prize she had procured for him, and order'd him to Equip himself to the
best advantage, and walk to and fro before the Window at such a time, when
he should see her.

The Gallant was presently fired at the News; and resolved to omit nothing
that might contribute to the Ladies satisfaction on his part: And therefore
Finifies himself to such a degree, that no Beau in Town could exceed him,
and walked upon the Parade according to the time appointed: The Lady on her
part observing the time as exactly, in being at the Window; and all those
Amorous Salutations past between them, which the distance of the Place
would admit; both of them wishing with Equal desire, for an opportunity to
quench their mutual Flames.

But this Interview was not so privately carried on, but it was perceived by
the Old Gentleman, whose restless Jealousie kept him perpetually waking: He
saw from the Chamber-Window where he was, the frequent Perambulation of the
Amorous Gallant, and how he cast an Eye, as he passed by at his Ladies
Window: This made the old Gentleman to apprehend there must be something
more than ordinary in those reiterated Walks of the young Gallant; which
gave the old Impotent so sensible a Disquiet, that he resolved to know the
Bottom of it. And without taking the least Notice of what he had perceiv'd,
he seem'd more fond and good humour'd than ordinary towards his Lady; who
on the contrary being now full of hopes she shou'd enjoy another that wou'd
meet her Flames with equal Vigor, carry'd her self towards him with such a
strange indifference as did but more confirm her Husband in his Jealousie:
Who the next day inform'd his Lady that the Day following he must go out of
Town about some Business he had in the Countrey, which wou'd necessitate
his Absence from her for some Time; but told her that she must not take it
ill, for he would hasten his Return with all the Expedition that his
Business wou'd permit him.

He cou'd not have said any thing to's Wife that wou'd have pleas'd her
better, and 'twas with some uneasiness that she conceal'd her Joy from
being taken Notice of: However, that she might the better hide it, she told
him she shou'd think each day a year till his return, and then she kist him
with so much seeming Passion, that she was like to have spoil'd all, and
had almost perswaded the old Gentleman to lay aside the thoughts of his
pretended Journey.

The young Lady took care to acquaint the Bawd with these Good Tidings, who
was very well pleas'd therewith: and promis'd to give notice to her
_Inamorato_, who was equally pleas'd with the expectation he had of his
near-approaching Felicity. And thus far things went according to their
hearts desire.

The Day being come of the Old Gentlemans Departure, he got up very Early in
the Morning and with all the (seemingly) most endeared Carresses on both
sides, he took leave of his Lady. And having rid a Mile or two out of Town,
to a Friend and Confident of his, he there left his Horses and Servants,
and in the Evening return'd privately to his own House.

The Old Bawd having had word sent her by the Lady that her Husband was gone
out of Town, acquaints the Gallant therewith and orders him in the Evening
to be ready by such a time, and that he should Walk to and fro, before the
Door, till such a time as he should be call'd in: Which he promis'd
faithfully to do, and was at his Post accordingly.

The Lady had made all things ready for the Entertaining her Gallant; a
Splendid Banquet being provided for him before he went to his Amorous
Engagement; and being just ready to call him in, her Husband (who had been
concealed near the House for some time, and seen the suspected Gallant walk
to and fro in the Street,) suddenly enters the House, and finding such a
Banquet ready prepared, no longer doubted but it was to entertain him; and
therefore hastily calls for his Wife, and asks her the meaning of those
Preparations, and who that Banquet was design'd for? The young Lady,
surpriz'd and confounded at her Husbands unexpected Return, was at a Loss
what to answer him; but plucking up her Spirits as well as she could, told
him that she was resolv'd to surprize him, as well as he was to surprize
her; for being inform'd that he had chang'd his mind, and was returning
home, thinking to surprize her, she intended by that banquet to surprize
him at his Return. This answer of hers, as plausible as it seem'd, he was
sure was altogether False; and therefore taking her by the Shoulder, he
with a stern and angry Countenance said, No, thou Disloyal Strumpet: it is
not such a poor Excuse as this shall serve thy Turn; I am not to be
deceiv'd; I saw that Lustful Leacher walking at the Door for whom this
Banquet was prepar'd; and had I but been Arm'd, I would have given him
another sort of Entertainment than that which you design'd him; But since
your Lust's so hot, I'll see if I can't cure it; and with that he dragg'd
her out of doors, and stripp'd her Naked, and so led her into a Pond he had
within his Yard; and there he ty'd her fast unto a Post which was plac'd in
the midst of it; telling her that by to morrow-morning he hop'd she wou'd
be something cooler; whilst she in vain protests her Innocency, and
intreats him to release her. And having left her in this cold Condition,
Locks up his Servants in their Chambers, and taking all the Keys into his
own Possession, he repairs to Bed.

Her Spark in the mean time, weary with so long walking before the Door, and
wondring that he wan't admitted, repairs to the old Bawd to know the reason
of it; She was as much concern'd at it as he; but having had a Key from the
young lady, by which she might at any time come in at the back-Door,
desir'd him to stay there, whilst she went to the House to see what was the
matter: And having open'd the back Gate which led into the Court where the
Pond was, she straight saw the Lady in the Pond, in the same Station as her
Husband left her; And coming towards her, with a low voice, enquired into
the cause of her Calamity.

O (said the Lady to her) you have ruin'd me for ever, your Cursed Counsel
has undone me; your Eyes are Witnesses to what disgrace and misery it has
already expos'd me; And what the end will be, I know not. Why, said the
Bawd, you have not seen your Gallant, without you had some other than he
which I design'd to help you to.--No, no, reply'd the Lady, I had prepar'd
for his Reception; and just as I was ready to have call'd him in, my
Husband came, and unexpectedly surpris'd me. And seeing the Banquet I had
made, grew into such a rage, that he has dealt with me thus
barbarously--Well, said the Bawd, if this be all, take Courage; you shall
be even with him still, and if you'll but be ruled by me, the Jealous
Dotard shall be made a Cuckold before to morrow-morning: Your Spark is at
my House waiting for my Return. I'll take your place, and you shall put my
Cloaths on, and go meet him there, and take your fill of Loves Enjoyments,
and then return again to me.

The young Lady, who was extreamly troubled at her late Disappointment, and
her Husbands cruel Usage, and perceiveing that these things was feizable,
she took the offer'd Counsel; and the Old Bawd having soon stript herself,
and releas'd the young Lady, took her place in the Pond, whilst she went
forth to the Bawds Apartment, and there met with her Gallant, who at first
by her Garb took her for the Bawd, but was well pleas'd to find himself
mistaken: And being told how matters stood, they made use of their time;
and esteem'd themselves much beholden to the Bawd, by whose contrivance
they thus come together; whilst she did greater Pennance, and under-went
more Pain to procure their Pleasure, then they were then aware of: For the
old Gentleman not being Satisfied in that Revenge he had taken on his Wife,
for her making him a Cuckold; resolved to punish her farther, and so rises
out of his Bed, and goes down to the side of the Pond; and there calls her
a thousand Whores and Strumpets; Did not I (says he) take you in a manner
without a Smock to your Arse, and desired no Portion with you, on purpose
that you might be a dutiful and kind Wife, and maintain'd you as well as
any Lady in the Land? And is this the requital that you make me, you
impudent Strumpet? Tell me, who was it that advis'd you to this wickedness?
The Old Bawd to whom all this was spoken (tho' he thought it had been to
his Wife) durst not reply one word; and resolv'd, whatever he said, she
wou'd not answer him; which so much enrag'd him, that he said, What! Am I
not worth an Answer then? I'll make you an Example to all Whores that abuse
their Husbands; and then pulling his Knife out of Pocket, he comes to her,
and cuts off her Nose, and flings it in her Face; Now, Strumpet says he,
take that for your Whoring, and present it to your Gallant: And having said
that, he left her, and went up to his Bed, Leaving the old Bawd in a
miserable condition. But it was not long after, that the Lady having
satiated herself with her Gallant, & taken her leave of him, return'd to
the Pond, to relieve the Poor Bawd, Who told her what had happen'd since
her Departure: At which the Lady was more disturb'd than even the Bawd her
self; and was once thinking of running quite away from her bloody Husband:
But the Bawd being a cunning old Jade, documents her thus: 'Tis true, says
she, it has fallen out very unhappily for me; but since that is now too
late to help, I must make me a mends: But nothing could have fallen out
more happily for you, if you will follow my direction; which is, That as
soon as I am gone, you Complain in a low Voice of the Cruelty of your
Husband in abusing and wronging his Chaste and Innocent Wife, in so
shameful a manner, as the cutting of your Nose, & defacing your Beauty: And
then Pray to all the Blessed Saints above that are Protectors of Chastity,
that they wou'd miraculously restore your Nose and Beauty again; and soon
after, break out into Thanksgivings for having your Nose restored; and this
will pass for a Miracle, and so Vindicate your Innocency that you will
never more be suspected. And I hope you will make me amends for what I have
suffer'd for you. This the young Lady faithfully promis'd; and so the Bawd
went home to provide for her own Cure, leaving the Lady fast ty'd as she
was at first by her Husband.

The Bawd was no sooner gone, and the Coast clear, but the Lady, fetching a
great sigh, breaks forth into this doleful Lamentation,--_O unhappy Woman!
unhappy above all Women! Unhappy in having without cause lost the Love of a
Husband in whom I had plac'd all my Happiness! Unhappy in having my
Reputation taken away by him, and Unhappy in being us'd more barbarously
and Ignominiously by him, than if I were a Common Whore! To have my Nose
thus cut off, and my Beauty defac'd, and all this without Cause; what can
be more barbarously Cruel in him, or render me more miserable! But O ye
Heavenly Powers,_ (added she in a higher Tone, that her Husband might hear
her, which he also did) _if such Powers there be, that are the Protectors
of Chastity, and Vindicators of Innocence, Look down on me, whose Innocence
you know, and hear my Prayers; If I have deviated from the strictest Rules
of Vertue and of Honour, and Violated in the least the marriage Bond that I
have enter'd into; let all your Direful Vengeance fall upon me. But if I
have kept my Chastity inviolate, and never wrong'd my Husbands Bed so much
as in a thought, let my Disfigur'd Face be healed again, and my lost Beauty
and dismembered Nose, which has been taken from me so unjustly, be both
restored again, as a convincing Testimony of my Innocency._

Having ended her Prayer, she stood silent for about half a Quarter of an
Hour; and then, as tho' her Nose had been miraculously reunited to her Face
again, she with a loud Voice broke forth into these Expressions: _O ye
Immortal Powers that knew my spotless and Immaculate (tho Suffering)
Chastity, and have so eminently now rewarded it, accept my Hearty and my
Humble Thanks: For by this Miracle that you have wrought for me, my Husband
surely will believe my Innocency; and I am glad I shall be able at the
Expence of so much blood, and so much Pain and Misery, to let him know how
much he has wrong'd me, and how much I love him: Yes, O ye Powers above,
that have so wonderfully clear'd my Innocency, I do appeal to you how much
I love him, notwithstanding all his Cruelty; for which, O ye Immortal
Powers, I humbly invocate your gracious Pardon, because he did it through
an Excess of Rage, to one whom he Imagin'd had been false._--And then
raising her Voice much higher, she call'd out to her Husband, saying. _Come
down, my Dearest Love, and see and be convinc'd how much you've wronged
your Chaste and Loyal Wife._

The old Gentleman, that lay awake in his Bed and had hear'd all this, knew
not what to think of it: He was sure he had cut off her Nose, and flung it
at her Face, but had not faith enough to think it was set on again; and
therefore thought it was some Trick to be releas'd: However, since she
call'd to him to see and be convinc'd, he was resolv'd to know the Truth of
it, and therefore rising up, and lighting of a Candle, he came down stairs
and went straight to his Wife, and looking on her very earnestly, he sees
her Face was whole and sound; at which he was so much confounded and
amaz'd, that he began to fear lest Heaven, that had shew'd such a miracle
in healing her, shou'd pour its Vengeance down upon his Head, for his
detested rashness and his barbarous Cruelty; and therefore sets her loose
immediately, and presently conveying her to Bed, _O thou that art all
Goodness and all Innocence_ (said the transported Cuckold) _can'st thou
forgive one that has wronged thee at that rate that I have done?_ _Yes, my
dear Husband_ (answer'd the cunning Whore) _Since Heaven has heard my
Prayer and clear'd my Innocence, I forgive all the World, but thee
especially._ And thereupon her Husband made a solemn Protestation, That he
wou'd never more be Jealous of his Wife, let her do what she would.

Thus you see how by the Cunning Contrivance of an Old Bawd, a young Lady
was made a Whore, and an old Dotard a young Cuckold. And also how she can
manage all events to the carrying on of her Pernicious Design; answering
the Character the Wise-man gives of her, _Her ways are moveable that thou
canst not know 'em_.

       *       *       *       *       *

CHAP. IV.

    _How a Married Man, drawn in by a Bawd, kept a Whore, to the Ruine of
    himself and Family._

We have seen in the last chapter how our Bawd drew in a young Married Woman
to deceive her Husband, and wrong the Marriage-Bed: And in this Chapter you
shall see how she draws in a Married Man to follow Whoring, so the Ruine of
himself, a vertuous Wife, and all his Family: For if she can but Rise, she
cares not who she Ruines.--But to the Story.

An Impudent Whore, of our Bawds own bringing up, that by removing to
several Quarters, had made a shift to escape _Bridewel_, which she merited
as much as any that ever came thither, had through the Bawds assistance,
drawn in one Foolish Fellow, by her Rich Robes, fair face, and fine Words,
to maintain her like a Lady; tho' she was but the Daughter of a sorry
Informer: Pride and Pleasure were the two Idols she ador'd; and to enjoy
them, she cared not how she exposed her poor Cully; who was oblig'd to be
liberal to the Bawd for Procuration, as well as to the Whore for
Fornication: Till at last her Pride and Pleasure had brought him to Pain
and Poverty. Neglecting of his Business, and Maintaining of his Miss, had
made him run in Debt, and he began to be so haunted by Bailiffs and
Sergeants, that he was forc'd to fly into the _Low-Countries_ to secure
himself; Chusing rather to trust to his Heels than his Hands. His Wench was
glad she was so rid of him; for being become Poor, and not able to supply
her with Money, she was grown quite a weary of him; but not of her way of
Living; For as soon as he was gone, she repairs again to the Old Bawd; and
acquainted her how matters stood with her. She has made the most of one,
and now she must have another: _Well_, says the Bawd, _Do but carry your
self, reserv'd and Maidenly, and I have a Spark that has a good Estate, and
will be able to spend high upon you; but he must have a Maid, and that I
have taught you well enough how to Counterfeit:_--Is he a married Man or
single, says the Trull?--_A married Man_, replies the Bawd, _but that's
nothing as long as he has Money: It were better indeed, that he were
single, for then I cou'd draw him in to marry you; and he might make a good
Cover; but don't fear but we'll do well enough as 'tis.--Only besure you
carry it shy at first, and that's the way to draw him in, and make him the
more Eager._--Let me alone for that, says the Whore; do you but bring us
together, and then leave it to me to make him bite: I warrant you I'll
manage him, or else say I am the veriest Whore in all the Town.--Which she
might have safely ventur'd to do, without being Guilty of Lying.

The Plot being thus laid, Mother Damnable goes out upon the scent, and
finds the Whore-hunter she wanted; and then tells him, that she had been at
great charge and expence to find out a Lass fit for his Purpose, But, says
she, tis such a one, That for Beauty, Birth and Breeding, is hardly to be
matched in _London_: She is indeed somewhat Coy, but I will help to Court
her for you: I protest I could have had Ten Guineas of Sir _R---- P----_ if
I would have helpt him to her: But I hate to be worse than my Word; I
promised you before, that when I could light of one fit for your Turn, I
would help you to her--Mr. _Graceless_, over-joyed at this News, and to
shew himself grateful to the old Bawd, presents her with a Guinea, before
he saw his Miss--Who being hereby incouraged, soon brings them together;
and at first sight he's mightily taken with her. But she seems very Coy,
and wou'd hardly let him salute her; Upon which the Bawd tells her, he's a
very worthy Gentleman, and one that deserves her Love. What Love can I
expect (replies the cunning Jade) from one that has a Wife already? As soon
as he has got what he desires, and taken from me, what's now my only Boast
my Maiden-head, my Honour and his Love will both be lost together: and then
I shall have nothing left me but too late Repentance. This so effectually
wrought upon him, That he made all the Protestations in the World, Nothing
shou'd ever part em, if she'd but condescend to accept of him for a
Gallant: For tho he had a Wife, 'twas one he cou'd not love, and didn't
care for her; whereas he saw those Charms in her, that would constrain him
to be always constant. And that if she would promise to be as true to him
as she shou'd always find him true to her, it wou'd be all the happiness
he'd ask.--And now, to make the Bargain firm, the Bawd engages for both
Parties, that they shall each be true to one another. And then after a
costly and expensive Match they went to Bed together; where she (instructed
by the Bawd) carried her self so cunningly that her besoted Lover thought
her as good a Maid as when she was but just come to her Teens.--And that
they might the better keep company without discovery, she must pass under
the Notion of his Sister, and he of her Brother.

And now she wheedles him with so much pretended Love, that she can have
what she will of him: and finding he was flush of Money and had a good
Estate, she won't be satisfied without her Countrey-House, which was
provided for her accordingly, facing the River-side at _Hamersmith_; and
adorn'd with rich Furniture. And when her Paramour cou'd not come to her,
by reason of Business, she then sent to the Bawd, who provided her a
Stallion to supply his place, which she paid for doing her Drudgery, with
his Money. And yet when he came to see her, she wou'd wipe her mouth as if
nothing had been the matter, and cry, why does my Sweeting stay so long
away? You don't care for me now! I sigh night after night, and day after
day, for want of your Company, but you've a Wife that you love better than
you do me; and indeed I told you so at first, and then you told me you'd
love me best, and I was so simple as to believe you: But if you had lov'd
me best, you wou'd'nt have staid away from me so long, that you wou'd'nt; I
am sure if I could have come to you, I woud'nt have staid from you so long.
And then she falls a weeping; which so much moves the amorous Cocks-comb,
that he falls a kissing her, and giving her all the good Words that can be;
cursing his Wife, and calling her all to nought; and telling his Miss that
he loves none but her. Having thus brought him to her Bow, she kisses him
again, and then says, Well, Honey, if you do love me indeed, I'll be
Friends with you, but let me see what you have brought me? Then if he have
brought her store of Yellow Boys, she's very well pleas'd with him; but if
his Money happen to be short, then she'll be out of humour; 'Tis a sign how
you love me, indeed, to stay away so long and then bring me nothing! Here's
all the Ladies round about can have new things, but I; and you don't care
how I go! Then to put her in a good humour, be promises her a new Satin
Gown; but this won't serve her turn neither, she wants jewels and Diamond
Rings to answer her other Apparel: And to procure these, he's fain to run
on the Score both with the Mercer and Goldsmith--By this means in a little
time his Estate comes to be wasted, and his Friends come about him, and
advise him to leave off these wicked Courses, which else will end in the
Ruine both of Soul and Body: They tell him that he has a fair and vertous
Wife of his own, by whom he has had several pretty Children, and therefore
wonder how he can be so besotted with a filthy Whore. But when all this
prevail'd not, his Wife seeing a wicked Strumpet without cause prefer'd
before her, taking a fit opportunity, acquainted her Husband with her
grief, and his own dangerous Estate, in this manner:

My dear Husband!

_Had I ever given you any just occasion to withdraw your affections from
me, you might have had a fairer Plea before Men, for doing what you do;
tho' even that wou'd have been no Excuse at the Tribunal of God, whom you
principally offend by your present wicked Life. But your own Conscience
will tell you, if you dare ask it the Question, that it has been the
Business of my whole Life, since I have been married to you, to carry my
self towards you as a loving and a vertuous Wife ought to do to her
Husband; and have done all that lay in my Power to contribute to your
Satisfaction. I have never made your House uneasie to you, by any
unbecoming Words or Carriage; nor what occasion so ever you have given me,
have I been either Clamorous, or a Brawler. 'Tis true my Heart is almost
broke with Grief; and who can blame me? When I see your affection so
Estranged from me, your Estate wasted, and my self and Children ready to go
a Begging, whilst an impudent Quean is at your Cost maintain'd in her Silks
and Sattins; and which is worse than all the rest, your own Soul, in danger
of Eternal Ruine. And if this Affects you not, remember your own Reputation
in the World: You have lived in Credit and Repute among your Neighbours:
and will you Sacrifice that, and Entail Shame and Dishonour upon your Self
and Family, for gratifying the Lusts of a filthy and Lascivious Strumpet?
If you go on in this Course, you must Morgage your Lands to pay your Debts;
and what a shame will that be? Your Father left you an Estate, but you are
like to leave an Heir that will have nothing to inherit; and so will be an
Heir only in Name. Think, O my Husband, what a Reflection it will be upon
you, when Men shall say, Your Father left you an Estate to live upon, but
you have spent it upon Whores, and left your Children Beggars. This was
your Fathers House, but you have sold it to maintain your Miss. Consider
the Reproach that this will bring upon your Children: You brought 'em up
like Gentlemen, and then betray'd 'em to Want and Beggery. Have you forgot
the Vow you made when we were Married? You promis'd then to take none but
my self: Yet now you let a Harlot take away your Love from me, that am your
faithful and your loving Wife; and might have been by you Esteem'd so
still, if this Lewd Woman had not made strife between us: You promis'd at
your Marriage that none but Death should seperate us. And as my self has
never broke that promise, so you have never had from me any occasion given
you to do it: And I am ready still to embrace you in my Arms, with all the
tenderest Affections of a loving Wife. O let me beg of you, that you wou'd
hearken to my sorrowful Complaint, pity my Tears, and suffer not your
Family to perish, but bear a Fathers Heart towards these, that are the
Children of your Body. Or if you'll pity neither me nor your poor Children,
pity your self: for you will suffer most in the Conclusion: You cannot
think that you please God in living as you do: Can you take Comfort (think
you) in remembering that you have ruin'd both your self and Family, by
keeping of a Whore, when you shall lie upon your Dying Bed, and your poor
Soul is just taking of its flight into Eternity? How will that Sentence
terifie your Conscience, _Whoremongers and Adulterers God will judge_? Then
you will wish (but wishing then, my Dear, will be in vain) that you had
never given ear to that Enchanting Syren, that for a few false Joys and
momentary Pleasures, betray'd your Soul to Everlasting Misery. But if you
will be Deaf to my complaints, and not regard the Ruine of your Children,
nor pity your own Soul: Tho I am sure my Grief will bring me to my Grave. I
shall be Satisfied in this, that I have done what ever lay within my Power
to save you from the Ruin and Destruction to which I see you hastening._
And when she had said this, she seconded her Words with Tears, and fell a
weeping till she cou'd weep no more.

Yet all this would not molifie her unrelenting Husband, nor work any change
upon him; for he regarded neither what she said, nor the sorrowful moans
and complaints of her almost Famished Infants: For all she gets for her
affectionate Counsel and Advice, is to be sometimes rail'd at, and at other
times jeer'd and flouted.

Soon after he goes to his Drab again, and to her he repeats what his Wife
had said to him: which so far had rais'd her Choler, that she gives it vent
in such Language as this:

What has she fed upon nothing but Crabbs of late, that she is grown so
sowr! She now begins to prate it seems! 'Tis time to bring her down: A
stinking dirty Slut, to rail at me! And you to stand by, like a Fool, and
let her! I am afraid she's too full fed; that makes her be so malapert; but
had but I the ordering of her, I vow to gad I'd quickly make her pinch
for't. She shou'd be glad to get a piece of Bread: And that it self's too
good for her, I wonder how she had the Impudence to prate to you: But she
knows well enough she has a Tender-hearted Fool to deal withal; she must
advise ye! Marry gap indeed! Tis more then time she did! I see she wants to
be the Head! Or else she'd never Tutor you about your heir! 'Tis very fine
advice methinks she gives you! She'd have you want your self to hoard for
him! But sure you will be more Wise. E'en put him to a Trade; and let him
Work. He is big enough, and then pack out the rest. I'd make the Jade fret
in her grease for something: Pray how comes she to know what passes between
you and I? She has Money enough it seems to hire her private Spies to find
our meeting out: She serves you right enough: Well, be a Fool, and let her
rail on still; And shew thy self a poor kind-hearted Ass! I'll warrant ye,
you fell upon your knees, and begg'd her Pardon, because you kept my
Company; and Promis'd that you'd never do so no more! This 'tis to have to
do with one that has a Wife! I told you first of all what I shou'd find: An
ugly Jade, to call me filthy Strumpet! Had I been by, I'd soon have made
her smart for't! Any but such a Hen-peck'd Fool as you, that had but heard
her say so, wou'd straight have given her such a dash o'th' Chops as shou'd
have beat her Teeth into her Throat, and quickly spoil'd her Prating. But I
am plagu'd with one that dares not speak a Word to vindicate me. If you are
a weary of me, tell me so; for I can quickly mend me self, if you'll but
say the Word: And if you will prefer your wrinkled Wife before my Youth and
Beauty, with all my heart, for I'm resolv'd I'll never lead this Life! To
be abus'd by an old Withered Hag! I have no patience when I think of it: A
dirty homely _Joan_! For my part, I admire how thou coud'st love her: She
frets, I'll warrant you, because she lies alone: But who that is not Mad,
wou'd lie with such a sapless piece of wither'd Flesh as she, when he may
lie by such a one as I, that's sweet, and fresh, plump, brisk and airy, and
that's full of Juice, just in the Bloom of all my Youth and Beauty. But if
to this thou still prefer'st thy Dowd; take her for me, and
much-good-do-thee with her.

By this Discourse, this Impudent and filthy Trull, quite sham'd him out of
any thoughts of Vertue; and therefore that he might the better please her,
he replies,

My dear, Thou canst not sure think me so mad as to regard her foolish Idle
prate, or to leave thee for twenty such as she is. No, never think I have
so little Wit, I gave her such a Reprimand as soon as she had spoke, that
cool'd her Courage in an instant: for I let her know her Tittle-Tattle
would be all in vain; and that I was resolv'd I would be absolute. Shall I
be ty'd by such a one as she? No, Love, I scorn it. And for her Tongue, let
me alone to tame it: _Winter_ is coming on and then I'll make her keep her
breath to warm her hands; for she shall have from me no other firing. Let
her rail on, and see what she can get by't; whilst thee and I delight our
selves in Pleasures; I'll be no Slave to that which I possess: Come, thou
art mine, and shalt have what thou wilt; my Love to thee is more then to my
Heir: shall I live sparing for a Brood of Bratts, that for my Means wish me
in my Grave! No, I know better things: I will my self enjoy it while I
live, for when I'm gone, the World is gone with me: Thou hast my heart, my
Dear, and I'll not leave thee; tho' she shou'd Chat until her Tongue be
weary. I'll find another way to make her quiet; or she shall have but very
small Allowance: She tells me, Grief will kill her very shortly: I wish it
wou'd, I shou'dn't grutch the Charges of giving her a Coffin and a Grave.

I (_says the Coaxing Jilt_) I like you now. Do as you say, and then I'll
warrant you, you'll quickly make the Flirt submit her self: And win my
heart for ever.

Thus they continu'd Revelling and Spending, whilst his poor Wife went with
a hungry Belly, and her small Children almost wanted Bread; which with the
grief she took to see her Husband unreclaimable cast her into a fit of
Sickness; which in a few days brought her to her Grave, to the great Grief
of her poor Children and her Neighbours, who all Lamented her: But to the
great Joy of her Scotish Husband and the Graceless Quean that he
maintain'd, who now thought all their own, and that they might Sin on
without Controul. But tho his Vertuous Wife wanted an _Elegy_, she shall
not want an _Epitaph_:

          HER EPITAPH.

  _Here lies the poor Remains of a good Wife,_
  _Who through an unkind Husband lost her life:_
  _Tho' she was vertuous, yet he kept her poor;_
  _And spent his Substance on a filthy Whore._
  _Whilst she in vain of him implor'd Relief,_
  _She sunk beneath a weighty Load of Grief:_
  _Which Death perceiving, prov'd her kindest Friend,_
  _And lent his Aid to bring her to her End:_
  _Which if her Husband does not now lament,_
  _He shall (when 'tis too late) at last Repent._
  _And tho' he revels now without controul,_
  _Yet she shall Sing, when 'tis his turn to howl._

This Good-Woman's Death, was very welcome to her unkind Husband, who had
now no Body to controul him in his wicked Courses; but the Bawd the Whore
and himself had a merry Meeting the next day after she was buried; and
being well flushed with Wine, the Jilt thus began to Triumph:

_Whore._ Well now, my Dear, we shall be all at ease; and I am rid of them
that hated me: For my Part I am resolv'd to mourn in Sack; for now I need
not fear her Spies that us'd to be still harkening at the Door; that I
cou'd hardly let a Fart, but it was carryed to her straight by one or
other. Now she can hear us talk no more unless her Ghost walks, and I'll
venture that; Come, Drink to me, my Dear, I'll pledge it, tho 'twere o'er
her Grave: My Chuck! Thou'rt the best Friend I have: For all her spite, I
always found thee constant: And what I had was still at thy command, and
Day nor Night I ne'er refus'd thee all the Pleasures I could give thee. And
I am sure study'd to delight thee all I cou'd, and so did never thy black
_Joan_, thou knowst.

  _Now thou art mine, come take a Thousand Kisses,_
  _There's none that now can keep us from our Blisses,_

_Prodigal._ My Love, thou know'st I have been always true to thee, and so
will ever be; and I'll say that for thee, thou never deny'dst me yet to
kiss and feel, when I'd a Mind to't. And I am glad to find thee art so
witty: But thou art nothing but Charms; methinks I see the Lilly and the
Rose (as heretofore they did 'twixt _York_ and _Lancaster_) are once again
contending in thy Cheeks; and thy Eyes sparkle like two Diamonds; Come, let
me now embrace thee in my Arms; nay never fear, here's none that will
disturb us--for she that us'd to make us both so cautious is now laid low
enough, & will disturb us here no more, I hope.

  _Then come, my Dear, let Pleasure now delight us:_
  _Th' old Hag is gone, & will no more affright-us._

_Bawd._ Why now it is as't shou'd be: Such a brisk Wench as this is, makes
young Blood boyl within your Veins again. Then what shou'd hinder you from
the enjoying of each other. For my part, tho' I'm past it, I love the Sport
still, and take pleasure in seeing others do it: And therefore while you
take a Touch together, I'll drink your Healths in good Canary here. I am
glad to see that you are both so brisk, and meet each other with such equal
Flames; it does me good methinks to see the Trade go forward: Nay, I be'nt
so much past it neither, but I could serve a man upon occasion, and take a
Touch or two as well as one that's younger; for I know what belongs to't
pretty well.--Well Master, I am sure you have found what I Promis'd you,
when I first brought you two together: I must likewise own that I have
tasted of your Bounty: And therefore cannot but rejoyce that you are thus
deliver'd from that Old Witch that kept you from enjoying of your Pleasures
with that delight and freedom as you may do now.

Thus did these wicked Wretches Triumph over the Ashes of a vertuous Woman;
and made a Cully of the Poor Prodigal her Husband: From whom they now
commanded what they pleas'd: And for a time went on so; for as long as he
could find 'em Money, all was well; but when he had Morgag'd his Estate
twice over, and had spent all his Money, that he could help 'em to no more,
the case was so far alter'd that he was then refus'd to be admited into
their Company. For tho before he was her Chuck and Dear, and she wou'd
never forsake him; yet when his Money was all gone, she took new Lodgings
at the other End of the Town, where he cou'd never find her. And when he
went to see the Bawd, that she might tell him where she was, she had
forsaken her old Quarters to, and he no more knew where to find her then he
did his Trull. His Children were took care of by his Wife's Relations, or
else they must have gone a begging. Whilst he being threatned with a Goal
for Mortgaging his Lands twice over, was fain to Skulk about, and to play
least in sight: Thus he that but a while ago profusely spent his Money on a
Whore, was now reduc'd to that condition that he wanted Bread: Whilst both
the Bawd and Whore which he had wasted all upon, forsook him without so
much as minding what became of him; but left him poor and penniless, to
seek his Bread where he could get it. And thus deserted by the Whore, and
hated by all honest People, and haunted by a guilty self-accusing
Conscience, he became a Burthen to himself: Cursing the Day in which he
harkned to the Bawd's Insinuations, by whose means he was thus drawn in, to
ruine both himself and all his Family: And being almost starv'd for want of
Sustenance, o'er-come with Grief and black Despair, he dy'd.

          HIS EPITAPH.

  _Here lies a Man who would not Warning take,_
  _And now for others may a Warning make:_
  _He spent his Substance upon _Bawds_ and _Whores_,_
  _Destroy'd his Wife, turn'd's Children out of Doors._
  _And yet when all was spent, and he grown Poor,_
  _He was forsaken both by _Bawd_ and _Whore_._
  _Let all henceforth of _Bawds_ and _Whores_ beware,_
  _By whom he was betray'd to black Despair._

  _Thus Reader, by this Story thou may'st see_
  _How by Lewd Women Men deluded be:_
  _The _Bawd's_ the Setter, and the Shameless _Whore__
  _Sucks him so dry, she quickly makes him Poor._
  _First of his Wit, then of his Wealth bereaves him;_
  _And when she has got all she can, she leaves him._
  _Then let all Mankind loath this filthy Jade,_
  _Since Ruin and Destruction is her Trade._

       *       *       *       *       *

CHAP. V.

    _How an _Irish-Footman_ was drawn into a Bawdy-House and what
    followed._

It happen'd not long since that a _Dear Joy_ for his Dexterity in running,
was entertain'd into the Service of an English-Gentleman, who had put him
into a good new Livery; and his Master having occasion to send him for a
pair of Shooes he had bespoke, gave him five Shillings to pay for them;
which a Bawd happening to see, and over-hear, thought presently she might
bring in _Teague_ for a Customer; and therefore as soon as he had parted
with his Master, she catches hold of him, as he came by her door & told him
that a Countrey-man of his was within, and had a great Mind to drink one
Pot of Ale with him; _A Country Mons of mine_, says the Shamrogshire Nimble
Heels! _Now Pox tauk you but me tank you for your Loof, and be me Shoul, so
mush baust as I been, I shall mauk Drink upon my Country-Mons; for fait and
trot now dear Joy, Eirish Mons never been base_; and so in a doors he
comes; and the Bawd has him into a Room presently, and tells him she'll go
call his Country-man; but instead of his Country-man, sends in a Whore to
him; who at her coming, thus accosted him, Country-man I am very glad to
see you; I have got a Pot of Ale at your Service for St. _Patrick_'s sake;
and the old Bawd having brought in a Pot, the Wench takes it up, Here, says
she, here's a good health to St. _Patrick_: _Wid all mine heart_, said the
Teague-Lander, _& Pox tauk me as I no mauk Pledge upon him_; and thereupon
pledg'd her, & drank a good draught; and then the Jade beginning to be
sweet upon him, he was so well pleas'd, that he forgot his Errant; and fell
a kissing her; upon which she ask'd him to go up stairs, to which he
readily consented: and there she let him take all the Liberty he had a Mind
to; for which to recompence her, the Bog-trotter gave her Six-pence.--But
when he came down, the Bawd ask'd him how he lik'd his Country-Woman, and
whether she had pleas'd him? _Fait and Trot now, dear Joy_, says he, _I
have made very good like upon her; the Devil confound-ye, but she's a foin
Lass and a Cuttin-down-lass: And I have maud pay a whole half Shilling for
her Business_; and so he was a going out of door; but the Bawd Pulling him
by the Coat, Hold Sir, says she, Do you think I can keep Wenches at this
rate? _Bridget_, says she, what did this man do, and what did he give you?
He did what he wou'd, answer'd the Whore; he danc'd the Corranto's two or
three times; and might have done it oftner if he wou'd: But he gave me but
Sixpence: How Wench, says the old Bawd, but Sixpence! Why who shall pay the
rest? I thought Sir you wou'd have been more open-handed, I sell no
Coranto's at such rates. Five Shillings is the lowest Price I take of any;
and that you are like to give me before you and I part; and so shut the
Door upon him. Poor _Teague_ found he was in a bad condition; and was glad
to part with his Money, that he might get out of her Clutches. And instead
of carrying home his Masters Shoes, he was forc'd to tell his Master he had
gotten a Misfortune, and some Rogue or other had made pick upon his pocket:
but his Master not being Satisfied with that account, examin'd into the
matter more narrowly, and at last found out the whole Truth; and striping
the Dear Joy of his new Livery, turn'd him out of his Service, that he
might have the more leisure to make another Visit to his Country-woman. But
alas! He had no need to Visit her again, for she had done his Business
already, having so pepper'd him with the Pox, that in a little time he was
neither able to go nor stand. And not having Money to pay for his Cure, he
perish'd for want of that assistance that others, who are better furnished,
can purchase.

  _Thus still the Bawd drives on her Trade of Sin;_
  _By whom unthinking Fools are often drawn in_
  _Her Feet are Snares, infectious is her Breath;_
  _The Pox her Punishment, her end is Death._

       *       *       *       *       *

CHAP. VI.

    _Of a Ladies Steward that was drawn in by a Bawd, and turn'd out into
    the Street naked._

A Bawd of the better sort, that us'd to provide Jilts for Men of figure,
had appointed a Person of Quality whom she was to furnish with a fresh Bit,
to meet her at a certain Tavern near _West-Smithfield_; and waiting there
for him, it happen'd that there came into the next Room a Country
Gentleman, who was a Steward to a Lady of a good Estate, and another
Gentleman who liv'd in _London_, and was to pay him fifty Guineas, which he
also did. After he had paid his Money, and the Steward had given him a
Receipt, they drank a Glass of Wine together, and talk'd of their
Acquaintance in the Country; and then the Steward ask'd how such and such
Persons did in _London_, and the Gentleman answer'd him accordingly: Among
others the Gentleman ask'd him if he did'nt know Mrs. _Pierpoint_? I did
know her formerly, said the Steward; but 'tis so long since I saw her, that
I have now quite forgot her: She's grown ancient, says the Gentleman, but
she has a Daughter that is a very fine Woman: Is she married says the
Steward? No, says the Gentleman, but she deserves a good Husband, for she's
very Handsome; and not only so, but she has a good Portion. After this
Discourse, the Gentleman takes a Glass, Come Mr. _Brightwell_ said he, to
the Steward, here's a good Health to Mrs. _Pierpoint_ and her Daughter Mrs.
_Betty_; withal my heart replied Mr. _Brightwel_, (for that was the
Steward's Name) and then he drank to the Gentleman, remembring all their
Friends in _Bedfordshire_, especially at _Hargrave_. All these Passages the
Bawd, who waited for one to come to her, in the next Room, heard
distinctly, and took especial Notice of them; determining in herself to
make some use of them: For she had a very great mind to be fingering of the
fifty Guineas, and was laying a Plot how to come at them. And since the Man
of Quality that was to meet her fail'd, she was resolv'd not to spend her
time altogether idly. And therefore having Paid for the Pint of Wine she
had call'd for, she attended the two Gentlemens motion; and finding they
were ready to go (she having taken a distinct view of them thro' a hole in
the wall) went out first herself, and waited in a convenient place for
their coming out, which was soon after. When they were parted, one going
towards _Long Lane_, and the other through St. _Bartholomews Hospital_, the
Bawd made it her Business to wait upon the Ladies Steward, who had the
Fifty Guinea's (which was the Prize she aim'd at) she takes an opportunity
of getting before him, and then meeting him in _Long-Lane_: And just as she
came at him, making a stand, I think, Sir, said she to him I shou'd know
you: If I been't mistaken, your'e a _Bedfordshire_ Man: I am so, Madam,
says the Steward: Then Sir, says she, I presume your Name's _Brightwell_.
Yes, Madam, said he, it is so; but I don't know you: No, Sir, says she, I
believe you have forgot me; but my Name's _Pierpoint_: _Brightwel_ hearing
her say so, was a little surpriz'd, and started: How Madam, said he,
_Pierpoint_! Yes Sir, says she, you han't forgot _Pierpoint_ of _Hargrave_,
I suppose; I have some small Estate there still: Madam says he, I am very
glad to see you; It is not an hour ago since I was Drinking your Health: I
hope your good Daughter's very well: She's very well at your Service, Sir,
replyed the old Crone; and I hope, Sir, you'l do me the honour to go and
see her: I'll wait upon you another time, Madam, said he, but I an't in a
condition to wait upon a young Lady now; O you are very well, reply'd she;
come, you shall go along with me; and taking him by the Hand, leads him
along with her: The Steward was the more willing to go, upon the account of
what the Gentleman had said to him at the Tavern about _Mrs. Pierpoint_ and
her Daughter, and so went with her the more easily.

As they went along together, she ask'd him about several Persons in the
Country, which she had hear the Gentleman and he talk of; So that he had no
manner of doubt but that this was the very Person she pretended to be. And
among other things, she ask'd him who it was that he was drinking her
Health with to day, as he was talking; and he telling her it was one Mr.
_Hanwel_ she presently describ'd his Person, which she had seen at the
Tavern with him. At last she brings him to her house, which was in an Alley
on the back-side of _St. Jones_'s Lane, and has him into a Parlour very
well furnished; and then tells him She'll go and fetch her Daughter: And
goes to one of her first-rate Girls, and having given her her Lesson, has
her into the Steward, who Complements her to a great degree, and told her
he had heard a very good Character to her, both as to her Beauty and Parts;
but that he found they came far short of what she merited; & added, that he
thought himself very happy in Meeting with her Mother, because by that
means he had the Honour of being introduc'd into her good Company.--The
Jilt knew whom She was to personate, and carry'd herself is demurely as
cou'd be; but both the Bawd and She ply'd him with good store of Wine,
which made the Steward very merry and frollicksome, and according as Mrs.
_Betty_ found him, She put her self forward. But it beginning to grow late,
_Brightnel_ would have been gone, but the pretended Mrs. _Pierpoint_ would
by no means suffer him to go, till he had supp'd, which was a getting ready
on Purpose for him, by which means he was drawn to to stay till supper was
ready; and to make the time seem less tedious, the old Bawd calls for a
Pack of Cards, and sets her pretended Daughter and he to play a Game of
_Cribbage_ together. At last Supper was brought in, and her Servants
waiting upon them at Table, like a Person of Quality; Mrs. _Pierpoint_
every now and then Drinking a Health, sometimes to Mr. _Hanwel_, and by and
by to all their Friends at _Hargrave_; then to his good Health, which
engag'd him to drink theirs: Till Supper being ended, the Bawd ask'd one of
her Servants what a Clock it was? Who answered, Past Eleven: The Gentleman
at this begins to get up, to be going; but it was now too late, and they
would by no means let him at that time of Night; to which end they urg'd
that it was an obscure place they liv'd in, and it might be very dangerous
(tho his greatest danger was in being there) and that he shou'd have a good
Bed at his Service there: The Gentleman finding himself almost fluster'd,
and thinking he was secure where he was, agreed to stay till the next
Morning: Upon which the t'other Bottle of Wine was brought in, & then he
began to be very frollicksome, and would needs be Kissing Miss _Betty_, who
pretended a great kindness for him; which pleas'd _Brightwel_ so much, that
he wou'd'nt go to Bed without she'd lie with him; which she not only
promis'd, but was as good as her word; yet engages him to take no notice of
it to her Mother, and then as soon as he was a Bed, she'd come to him:
Accordingly, after he was a Bed, she comes to Bed to him, as she before had
promis'd: And after they had both gratify'd their wanton desires, the Whore
professing a great deal of Love to him, and pretending she shou'd never be
happy till they were married, Miss _Betty_ all of a sudden pretends to want
the Chamber-pot, which she desir'd him to help her to, who feeling about
for it for sometime, cou'd'nt find it; upon which she told him she
remember'd the Maid left it in the Window and desir'd him to reach it
there; which he going to do, and treading upon a Trap door, it presently
gave away; and down fell our Amorous Spark into the Alley; his Fall was but
little, and so did but stun him for the present, and his being only in his
Shirt quickly made him sensible of the cold; As soon as he came to himself
he got up, and it being very dark, he knew neither where he was, nor which
way to go; but endeavouring to find a door, he went on till he came to
_Clerken well-green_; where seeing a Light at the Watch-house, he went
thither; a Person all in white being seen by one of the Watch-men, he gave
notice of it to the Constable; who with his whole Watch was very much
affrighted, and began to exorcise this supposed Spirit; who being almost
dead with cold, (for it was cold frosty Weather) told them he was no Ghost,
but Flesh and Blood as they were; but Mr. _Constable_ was loth to believe
him upon his own Word, and therefore commanding him to stand, sent one of
the most Couragious of his Watch-men to see whether it was so or no; who
having found him to be what he said, he was taken into the Watch house, and
put to the Fire, and examined how he came into that condition; who gave the
_Constable_ an account how he met with one Mrs _Pierpoint_ his
Country-woman, by whom he was invited to her House, and what befell him
there, related: But neither _Constable_ nor any of the Watch-men knowing
any such Person, they supposed rightly that he had been drawn in by a Bawd,
and had lain with a Whore, who had together Cheated him of what he had. For
by a Ring on his Finger, and the Gold Buttons on his Shirt, which was all
he carried off, they supposed his other Rigging was suitable thereto; which
made Mr. _Constable_ so kind as to lend him his Night-gown, to cover his
Nakedness. And likewise to offer him his assistance, to recover his Losses;
but being in the dark he was altogether a Stranger to the Place, that he
could give 'em no manner of Directions, so that it was but like seeking a
Needle in a Bottle of Hay. However they went and search'd several of the
most notorious reputed Bawdy-Houses, but found nothing, and had only their
Labour for their Pains: Whilst the Bawd and the Whore triumph'd in their
wickedness, and were glad they had met with so easy a Cully, from whom they
had obtain'd so good a Booty.

In the Morning our reduc'd Gallant sent a Messenger to Mr. _Hanwell_ to
come to him, and related to him the unhappy Rencounter he had met with from
Mrs. _Pierpoint_; who soon perceived how he had been impos'd upon; and
furnish'd him with more money to new Rig himself, and supply his occasions,
ere he durst appear before his Lady; Mr. _Hanwel_ promising him, when he
was at leisure, he wou'd have him to the true Mrs. _Pierpoint_, from whom
he engag'd he shou'd meet with better entertainment than he did from the
Counterfeit one.

  _Thus still the Bawd does her old Game pursue;_
  _Her End's the same, altho' her Method's New._
  _Her Baits are various, which she still does suit_
  _To ruin those that love forbidden Fruit._
  _And by her Management of things we find,_
  _She's one knows how to Sail with every Wind._

       *       *       *       *       *

CHAP. VII.

    _How a Citizen went to a Bawdy-House for a Whore, and the Bawd helpt
    him to his own Wife._

A Certain Citizen in _London_, in the late times had a very fine Woman to
his Wife; and had but her Vertue been equal to her Wit and Beauty, she
might have deserved the first rank among Women: But Lust had so great an
Ascendant in her, that her Husband was unable to Satisfie her over strong
desires to the Delights of _Venus_: And therefore having Communicated her
Thoughts to an Old Bawd that kept a House of Private Entertainment for the
Accommodation of Persons of Quality of both Sexes, she told her that for a
Guinea in hand to her, and two Guinea's for the drawing of her Picture, she
might be enter'd into her Accedamy; whereby (says the Bawd) you may both
receive the Satisfaction you want, and gain Money likewise; for the first
Charge is all you will be put to, which will be but three Guinea's, and Ten
Shillings to the Attendants, who by the Services they will do you, will
very well deserve it: Then she enquir'd of the Bawd what the Custom of the
House were, and how she must manage herself in that Affair? And then she
cou'd the better tell her whether she cou'd order Matters so as to comport
therewith.

To this, the Bawd return'd this Answer:

_I have as genteel a House as most in _London_, with several Chambers very
well furnish'd for accomodation of Gentlemen and Ladies: and a
Looking-glass in each Chamber so conveniently plac'd, that those who have a
mind to't, may see what they do: For some take as much delight in seeing as
in doing: My House goes under the Notion of being Let out in Lodgings, and
every Gentlewoman than is enter'd, has her Picture drawn, which hangs up in
the Dining Room; where when Gentlemen come, they chuse which Person they
please by the Picture; and for a Guinea paid to me, they are admitted to
her, with whom they make what Bargain they can agree upon. And by this
means we are sure that none but Persons of Quality can be admitted: and the
Ladies Honours are thereby secur'd._

But for ought I perceive (said the Citizen's Wife) here is constant
Attendance requir'd, to be in the way; or else how shall a Gentleman do,
that chooses the Picture of a Person that en't there? As to that replied
the Bawd, the more any Gentlewoman is there, so much the better 'tis; and
so much the more Money they get; but those that can't attend always, have
their certain hours; and if a Gentleman has a Fancy to such a one, when he
knows her hour, he will come accordingly.--Now you your self can best judge
what hour will be fittest for you--That I am at a Loss how to resolve, says
she.--Tell me how you spend your time, all Day, says the Bawd and then I'll
tell you what you shall do--Why, says she, many times I rise at five a
Clock in the Morning, and having got my self drest by Six a Clock, I go to
the Lecture at St. _Antholines_, which is done a little before Eight, and
then I return home; and at Ten--Hold, says the Bawd, you need say no more;
There's nothing in the World blinds a Man like a pretence of Devotion; and
therefore if you can get out at Six a Clock to go to the Lecture, 'tis the
only time you can take; and by that time the Lecture's done, you may be at
home again: Nor need you stand much upon Dressing; for if you come in a
Loose Morning-Gown, you're the fitter for Business. She lik'd the Bawd's
contrivance very well, and accordingly paid her Entrance Money, and
Deposited two Guinea's for the Drawing of her Picture. And in the mean time
went constantly to the Lecture every Morning: Which her Husband was very
well pleas'd at. But her being of late more constant at the Lecture than
she us'd to be, caus'd some suspicion in her Husband, who rising one
morning (which happened to be the Day before her Picture was ready,) he
follow'd her unseen, to know whither she went to the Lecture or no; and she
going directly thither, and staying there all the time; her Husband had a
mighty Opinion of the Devotion and Piety of his Spouse: And began to blame
himself for having entertain'd an ill thought of her.

All things being now ready at the Old Bawds, and her Picture done to the
Life, so great was her Beauty, that she wanted no Customers, each Person
that came generally made Choice of her to do the Trick with; Whereby she
not only satisfied her Lustful Desires, but was supplied with Money
likewise, without robing of her Husband of his Coin, tho' she wrong'd him
more nearly another way: Which he not knowing, nor believing, thought
himself as happy in her, as any Man in _London_ was in a Wife: So true is
that Proverb, Than _What the Eye sees not, the Heart rues not_.

But there were other Citizens Wives that were as full of Leachery as this,
tho' not so handsome: And they found Trading very sensibly Decay, since
this Fair Sinner was enter'd into the Colledge. And she by her Beauty
having Monopoliz'd the Topping Customers to herself, was look'd upon with
an Envious Eye by all the rest, Who consulting together, found it was
absolutely necessary to give her a remove, but how to do it, was the
Question: At last one of 'em told the rest it shou'd be her Province; and
she wou'd do it effectually, so she as shou'd never know who hurt her: Upon
which, without asking her the means, they left the matter intirely to her.

The Jilt, to whom the Business was left was very Witty, but had but just
Beauty enough to keep her from being Ugly, and consequently one that
suffer'd most by this new _Interloper_; which rendered her so Malicious,
that she had rather the whole House shou'd be blown up, than that Upstart
shoul'd run away with all the Trading: And therefore she Writes the
following Letter to her Husband.

To Mr. _R----d S----n_, _These:_

SIR,

_Tho' I never was ambitious of the Honnour of being an Informer, yet the
Sense I have of the Wrongs you suffer from a Wife that abuses your good
Nature, and under a Pretence of Devotion prostitutes her Chastity, to every
libidinous Stallion, thereby breaking her Marriage Vow, and Dishonouring
the Marriage-Bed; has prevail'd with me to let you know so much. And tho'
an Information of this kind may perhaps hardly be believed; Yet if you will
but give your self the Trouble of following her _Incognito_ any Morning,
you may easily satisfy your self, whether the Account I have given you be
true or no: And the better to enable you to detect her in her Lewd
Practices, when you have seen her Hous'd a little while, you may go in
after her; altho' without a Particular Recommendation, you will hardly be
admitted; and therefore if you please to ask for the Gentlewoman of the
House, and tell her you was directed thither by _Tom Stanhop_, to take a
Survey of the Ladies in the Dining-Room, she will straight let you see 'em;
and after that, you may proceed as you please; and can no longer doubt of
the Truth of what I say, if you will but believe your own Eyes. And if you
find it so, I am sure you will be satisfied that I have performed the
Office of,_

Your unknown Friend,

_A.B._

This Letter she sent by a special Messenger, with order to deliver it only
into his own hand, which was done accordingly. But, when he had read it, he
was so extreamly surpriz'd at such an unexpected piece of Intelligence,
that he new not what to think of it: Sometimes he was of opinion that it
was only an Artifice of some that envy'd his Happiness in so Vertuous a
Wife, to sow Dissention between 'em; but when he was reffer'd to so easie a
Trial, he cou'd not but think there was something more in it then so: Upon
which he resolv'd to suspend his Judgment till he had made a farther Trial.
And therefore that afternoon, pretends to have Receive'd a Letter obliging
him to meet a Gentleman the next Morning between Four and Five a Clock at
_Westminster_ to treat with him about a parcel of Goods which he was to go
and see, and should not be back again till nine a Clock. And in the mean
time get's him a very Beauish Suit, Wig, and Hat, and plants 'em at a
Friends House; ready to put on in the Morning when he came thither. The
next Morning rises very early, pursuant to his Design; and having gone to
his Friends House, and accouter'd himself in his new Habilments, which had
so disguis'd him, that even his Friend had much ado to perswade himself
'twas the same Man. In this Garb, about six a Clock, he calls for a Glass
of Purl at an Ale-House, within sight of his own Door, waiting till his
Wife came out; who as soon as he had seen past by, he pays for his Glass of
Purl, and follows her: And she going towards St. _Antholin's_ Church, he
began to think she had been abus'd, and he impos'd upon; but he was quickly
convinc'd to the contrary, when he saw her go by the Church, and cross over
the way to the Back-side of St. _Thomas Apostles_, and there go into a
House: After she was gone in, he staid about half a quater of an hour, and
then according to the Directions of his Letter, he went in himself, and
ask'd far the Gentlewoman of the House; at which the Old Bawd appearing,
Are you the Gentlewoman of the House, Madam, said he? Yes, Sir, says she,
for want of a better I am: Pray what wou'd you have with me? Why, Madam,
says he, I want a certain sort of a Fleshly Convenience, and I am inform'd
you can help me to one. At which the Bawd look'd a little strangely upon
him; I help you to one, Sir, said she? I hope, you don't take me for a
Bawd; if you do, I assure you, you are come to the wrong House; And I'd
have ye to know, Sir, I'm another sort of Person. Madam, replyed he, if I
have offended you, I beg your Pardon; but I was directed hither by _Tom
Stanhop_, to take a Survey of the Ladies in the Dining-Room. As soon as the
Bawd heard him say so, she began to look more pleasingly upon him, and
desir'd him to walk up Stairs, and according to his desire had him into the
Dining-Room, where he soon espyed his Wives Picture, drawn to the Life. And
making Choice of that, Pray, Madam, says he, what must I give you for the
Enjoyment of this Lady? for she pleases my Eye better than any of the rest?
Why truly, Sir, (says she) I have a Guinea for any of 'em; but there's
another Gentleman has promis'd to Visit that Lady this Morning, and I
wonder he isn't come yet; but because I expect him every Minute, I cann't
recommend any one to her this Morning. Is he with her now, says he? No,
Sir, says she, but I don't know how soon he may be: Nay, Madam, said he,
you ought to observe the same Rule here, as in a Barber's-Shop, _First
come, first serv'd_: Come here's a Guinea and a half for you: This wrought
so effectually upon the Bawd, that he was immediately conducted to the
Chamber where his Wife was. And Counterfeiting his Voice as much as he
cou'd, Madam, says he, Invited by your Shadow, which I saw below, I am now
come to be made happy with the Enjoyment of the Substance. To which she
answer'd (not knowing 'twas her Husband,) Sir, you are very welcome to all
the Pleasure I can give you:--What must the Purchase be of so much
happiness, reply'd he to her? To which, she straight return'd, I am no
Mercenary Person, Sir; nor do I make a Bargain with any one before-hand;
but take what Gentlemen are freely pleas'd to give me; to whose Generosity
I always leave it: But what you do, do quickly Sir, (continued she) for I
am limited to such an hour. Upon which invitation, the Disguis'd Beau fell
to, _sans_ further Ceremony, And whilst they were a Dancing and Acting the
delights of _Venus_, the Bells of St. _Antholins_ Rung very sweetly, which
made her say, whilst she was thus incountring her suppos'd Gallant, _O how
sweetiy St. _Antholin_'s Bells Ring_! Which she Repeated over as oft as
they renew'd their Pleasures.--As soon as they had finish'd their
Encounter, her Husband that he might appear like what he Personated, seem'd
well Satisfied and made her a Present of a Guinea; and so withdrew without
Discovery. And she, a short time after, St. _Ant'lin_'s Lecture being done,
according to her Custom return'd home, as if she'd only been at her
Devotions.

When her Husband had unrigg'd, and put himself into his proper Habit, he
return'd home according to the hour he had appointed, and took no Notice of
what had pass'd between 'em. But when at Night they went to Bed, he had a
mind to try whether he cou'd with the same briskness manage things at home
as he had done abroad: But finding it on both sides much more Dull, he told
her St. _Ant'lin_'s Bells didn't Ring half so sweetly then as as they did
i'th' Morning: But however, says he, as long as here it is much cheaper, I
like it full as well: His Wife was so confounded at the Words, she knew not
what to say at first; nor cou'd she guess how he shou'd know that she had
spoke such Words in the Morning: At last she was resolv'd he shou'd explain
himself; and therefore ask'd him what he meant by those expressions--Nay,
what did you mean by 'em, says he, when you repeated them so often in the
Morning? How, says she, in a scornful way, I repeat 'em in the Morning?
Yes, Madam, says he somewhat angrily, 'Twas you repeated 'em in the
Morning, when I lay with you at the Bawdy-House disguis'd like a Gallant,
in such a place, and gave you a Guinea for your Mornings Work. Was it you
then, said she, that was with me in the Morning? Yes, Mrs. _Impudence_,
says he, that it was. Can you talk of being with you in the Morning,
without blushing? To what purpose is it to blush, reply'd she, very
confidently? For if I do, you cann't see it: Nor do I know any reason why
you shou'd call me _Impudence_; I am sure I treated you very civilly: and
as for my being there, you were there as well as I: And we were both about
one Business, and wher's the difference then? Besides, I see 'tis your own
Fault; for if you wou'd be but as brisk at home as you are abroad, I should
be very well Satisfy'd without going abroad, with your own performances at
home. I see you can do better if you will, and if you don't, blame your
self and not me, if you are made a Cuckold. The contented Man hearing his
Wife's Allegations, Promis'd that he wou'd do better for the time to come;
and she on that condition promising him to go no more to St. _Antholin's_
to hear how sweetly the Bells ring, they forgave one another, and were both
Freinds.

  _Thus Bawds with Wives of Citizens gets in,_
  _And then keeps up a Publick House of Sin:_
  _And whilst men do maintain their Wives so high_
  _Their lusts are more than they can satisfie._

       *       *       *       *       *

CHAP. IX.

    _How a Gentleman that fell in Love with another Mans Wife, through the
    Advice of a Bawd enjoy'd her, and upon what Terms, and what happen'd
    thereupon._

An Amorous Spark having observed a very fine Woman sitting in a
_Goldsmiths_ Shop behind the Counter, was so much taken with her, that
nothing wou'd serve him but enjoying her; which yet he was altogether at a
Loss how to accomplish, having no manner of Acquaintance either with her or
her Husband. In this hopeless condition he goes to a Bawd, who had several
times assisted him in his Love Intreagues, and tells her at what a non-plus
he was how to accomplish his Design: The Bawd at first persuades him off of
her, and promises to help him to one that shall not only equal but surpass
her: But all that was in vain, for nothing wou'd Satify but, only this very
Person. Well, says this Mistress in the Mystery of Iniquity, I'll tell you
how you shall obtain your Purpose, if you are resolv'd to pursue it: Do but
that, says he, and you'll oblige me for ever,--Well then, says she, you
must take an opportunity to go into the Shop when she's there, and buy some
little Trifle or other of her, or her Husband, and repeat this so often,
buying sometimes one thing, and sometimes another, till by degrees you have
brought your self acquainted with her and her Husband, and in so doing, you
cann't miss of an opportunity to sound her Inclinations: If Pleasure has
the Ascendant over her, you'll gain your Point the sooner; but if money be
the Idol she adores, you must attack her with Gifts, and making Presents to
her, and you cannot fail of Prevailing: The Gentleman lik'd her counsel
very well, and was resolv'd to take it: And accordingly took an opportunity
to buy a Silver _Snush-Box_; and having before bought some fine French
Walnuts, he presented his Mistress with some, and by cracking of them, had
an opportunity to tarry longer in the Shop, and gaze more on that Beauty
which had already overcome him. In two or three days after, he comes again
and buys half a dozen Silver Spoons and Forks, and then brought some
peaches to his Mistress and presents her with them; and a Week after buys
some other odd things; and still brought something or other which he
presented to his Mistress; who always look'd upon it as the Effect of his
good-nature, and Affable Temper, and had no apprehension of his being her
humble Servant. After he had drove this Trade of being a constant Customer
to the Shop for several Weeks together, and had made no farther progress of
his Amours save to be look'd on as a Friend and Acquaintance, and once or
twice invited to Dinner; at one of which times her Husband was call'd down
into the Shop, to a Customer; in which Interim, he took an opportunity to
acquaint her somewhat darkly with his Passion, which she either did not, or
wou'd not understand; So that he begun almost to Despair, and complain'd to
the Bawd how much charge he had been at, and what little likelihood there
was of attaining his end.

The Bawd told him he had no reason yet to complain; for having got an
Acquaintance there, and once discovered his Passion, he had brought things
to a pretty good forwardness: My advice therefore now is, said she, that
you let her absolutely know your Mind, and solicite her for the last
Favour; and let me know your success, and then I'll tell you how you shall
proceed.

He once more takes her Counsel, and going to cheapen some _Knick knacks_
there, he finds her all alone; and having bought something of her, letting
it lie upon the Counter, Madam, says he, I have made many Errands hither,
but 'tis for your sake; for you are my chief Business, and your
incomparable and Peerless Beauty, has made that Impression in my heart as
will put a sudden Period to my Life unless your Compassion will grant me a
Reprieve: for nothing can retrieve it, but the Enjoyment of your Love, and
Beauty.--I can't believe, Sir, says she, that that poor Stock of Beauty I
am Owner of, can ever produce any such fatal Effects as those you speak of.
But 'tis the common Theam that you are pleas'd to entertain our Sex withal,
tho there be nothing in it. However, 'tis methinks a great Peice of Folly
to love at that rate, where you can have no hopes of Enjoyment: for I am
otherways dispos'd of: And there are young Ladies enough that are single,
that are more worthy of you. I question not Madam, _replyed he_, but I
might have choice of Mistresses: But, 'tis you only that have wounded me,
and therefore 'tis you alone that can effect my Care.--What wou'd you have
me do to cure you, Sir, said she? Do, Madam, said he! Grant me the
Enjoyment of your Love, for that alone can give me Ease. Why, said she,
wou'd you have me wrong my Husband's Bed? Shou'd I do so, how do you think
he'd take it? E'en bad enough, I do believe, said he; if you shou'd let him
know it; but sure there's no necessity of that. And if you keep your
Counsel, I shall take nothing from him he can miss.--Hold, Sir, says she,
you talk as if we were already both agreed; but you shall find there will
be two Words to the making of that Bargain. Besides you dont--But here's my
Husband coming, says the Jilt--Indeed Sir; I have sold you a Pen'worth in
it: I'll be Judg'd by my Husband. (Her Husband coming then into the Shop)
the Gentleman perceiving how cunningly she turn'd off her Discourse, told
her he did believe she had'nt wrong'd him much, and he was satisfied. And
then shewing her Husband what he had bought, and what he paid for it, he
told him his Wife had us'd him very well: And so he took his leave of 'em;
and went to his old Crone the Bawd, and told her what had past. You may
depend upon it, says the Bawd, that sh'll comply; but you must Fee her
pretty high, or it won't do. This made him Shrug; for tho he had a great
mind to enjoy her, he was not willing to be at too much charge Which the
Old Bawd perceiving, told him he cou'd not hope to carry her under a
Present of at least Fifty Guinea's; but yet, says she, if you will give me
but Five, I'll warrant you shall gain your Point without being at any
Charge at all: Make but that out, says he, and I'll promise you the five
Guinea's as soon as e'er I have enjoy'd her: No, Sir, says the Bawd, I'll
have my Money in hand; for you know, we never trust. Well, says he, here's
your Money, and giving it into her hand, Now let me know your Method. Upon
which the Bawd thus began.

Before I proceed, pray tell me the Price of that Diamond Ring you wear upon
your Finger: Why what wou'd you do with that, replies the Beau; I woud'nt
part with my Ring for an hundred Guineas, for it cost me above Four-score,
and I had a great Peniworth in it; and if you'd have me to give her that,
this is all Trick and Cheat; and I am only Funn'd out of five Guineas for
nothing. Why so hasty, says the Bawd? I design no such matter; but you
won't hear me out. Go to the Goldsmith, and tell him you are disappointed
of a Bill that you expected out of the Country, and that you have a Present
occasion for fifty Guineas, which you must desire him to let you have, and
you'll leave him that Ring as a pledge in the mean time; and that as soon
as your Bill comes to Town, which you expect every day, you'll pay him
again. This is a kindness he won't deny you, because he runs no hazzard in
it, and thereby he obliges a Customer. When you have got these fifty
Guineas, take the first opportunity to discourse your Mistress; if you find
she'll do't for Love, your Money's sav'd, and you have nothing else to do
but enjoy her: But if the Jade be mercenary, as I dare say she is, you must
tempt her with Gold; and that you may be sure to make her bite, give her
the fifty Guineas that you borrow'd of her Husband.--A Pox take ye, for an
Old Bitch, says he, in a kind of Passion; is this the way to bring me off
for nothing?--You are too hasty still, replyes the Bawd; let me have done
first, and then talk your Pleasure: Do, as I say; give her the fifty
Guineas; and when you have enjoy'd her stay with her, either in the
Chamber, or the Shop, until her Husband does come in: And when you see him,
tell him you have receiv'd the Bill that you expected, and have brought the
fifty Guineas that you borrow'd of him, and paid it to his Wife; and so
desire him to let you have your Ring again. His Wife (to save her Honour)
can do no less than own she has receiv'd the Money; and so her Husband must
restore your Ring. And then do you be judge whether or no you don't come
off for nothing. Well, thee'rt a dear sweet Rogue for this Contrivance,
says he, and I could almost kiss thee, but that thy Mouth's so strongly
guarded by thy Nose and Chin, that there's no coming at it: I like thy Plot
extreamly well; and I'll go presently and put it in Execution.

Away goes the Fop, as well pleas'd to think he shou'd put a Trick on his
Mistress as he shou'd enioy her, which for the Lucre of the Fifty Guinea's
he no longer question'd. And coming to the Goldsmith's Shop, he pulls his
Ring off of his Finger, and asks him what he'll give him for't: The
Goldsmith having look'd upon it, told him he'd give him Seventy Guineas for
it. It cost me more than Eighty, says the Beau, but I won't part with it;
only because I'm short of Money, being disappointed of a Bill that I
expected to receive, I must desire the kindness of you to let me have fifty
Guineas on it till I receive my Bill, which will be in a Fortnight or three
Weeks time at farthest; and I'll allow you what you shall think reasonable
for it. The Goldsmith very readily gives him the fifty Guineas be desir'd,
and takes his Ring as a Security. And so taking his leave, goes home very
well satisfied; he had proceeded thus far prosperously.

In two or three days after, he goes to make a Visit to the Goldsmith's
Wife; and it fell out in such a lucky minute, that her Husband was from
home; whereby he had an opportunity with the more freedom to renew his
Suit; and tho' he arm'd himself with all the Charms he cou'd, taking the
Auxiliary helps both of the _Tayler_, _Barber_, and _Perfumer_; yet it all
wou'd not do: Fain he'd ha'd sav'd running the hazard of his fifty Guineas;
but when he found he cou'd not without such a Present obtain his wish'd
Enjoyment, he as his last Effort, address'd her thus: Well, Madam; I do
perceive you are of kin to _Danae_, whom _Jove_ himself could not prevail
upon until he courted her in Showers of Gold, an that dissolv'd her quickly
into Love; & I intend to follow his Example, and to Enjoy your Favour I
make this Present to you, and, therewithal gave her the fifty Guineas. And
this had so soon molified her Stubborness, and made her maleable, that she
straight made him this agreeable Return; Well, Sir, I see you are so much a
Gentleman, that I scarce know how to deny you any longer: Your Amiable
Person and good Humour, has over-come me so, I can no longer make
Resistance, but offer my self to your Embraces. The Gallant then enquir'd
if all were safe below, and if they shou'd not be in danger of meeting any
Interruption from her Husband. To which she bid him never fear, all was
secure enough. And then conducting him into the Chamber, she let him have
what he so much desir'd. When he had thus debauch'd her, and satisfy'd his
Lustful Appetite, he ask'd her how long 'twould be before her Husband wou'd
be at home again, she told him he was gone out of Town; and wou'd not be at
home this Ten-days. At which he seem'd to be surpriz'd, for he was loath to
be without his Ring so long; but since there was no Remedy, he was resolv'd
to wait till he came home. His Mistress seeing him so indifferent at the
hearing of her Husbands Absence, cou'd not tell what to think shou'd be the
reason of it; and ask'd him what 'twas troubled him? Nothing, my Dear, said
he, but I was thinking how crosly things fell out; because my own Affairs
obliges me to be some Days out of Town just at this happy Juncture, when I
might have been blest so oft with your Embraces. The cunning Baggage (now
she had got his fifty Guinea's) was as indifferent as he for that, and told
him Time might present 'em with another opportunity which might be full as
favourable. And so they parted.

The Spark was satisfied with the enjoyment of his Lady, and that Itch now
was Cur'd; he only wanted back his Ring, or else his fifty Guineas, that he
might demand it of her Husband; and now reflecting on his short liv'd
Pleasure, he truly judg'd that he had bought it at too dear a Rate, altho'
he should be only at the Five Guineas Charge he gave the Bawd.

But since the Goldsmith's being out of Town was such a Disappointed as
cou'd not be fore-seen, & yet had been extreamly serviceable to him in the
Enjoyment of his Mistress, he goes to the Old Bawd, and gives her an
Account of what had pass'd, and asks her further how he must proceed in
getting of his Ring again, without repaying of the Fifty Guineas? Give me
the other Fee, says the Old Jade, and I'll inform you; for I am like a
Lawyer, and don't know how to speak without a Fee. No, no, says he, I have
Feed enough before, nor would I give so much again, for all the Pleasure
her Enjoyment gave me.--The Bawd, (since she saw nothing more was to be got
by him) advises him to wait the Goldsmiths coming home, and then take a fit
opportunity to go to her alone, and to pretend he was just come to Town;
and to desire another Assignation from her, which being made, and you
having once more Enjoy'd her, stay till her Husband comes, and do as you
were first directed. And when you have got your Ring again, I hope you'll
then present me with two Guineas more.--No, not a Farthing more, says he,
you know I paid you very well before-hand: And so left her.

The Bawd perceiving nothing more was to be got from him, resolv'd she wou'd
be even with him, and take another Course to make a Penny of him: And
thereupon goes the next Morning to the Goldsmith's Shop, and asks the
Prentice if his Mistress was within; He answers, Yes, and she reply'd she
must needs speak with her, who coming down, the Bawd Whispers her in the
Ear, that she had something to acquaint her with, of great Importance to
her; which was not fit to be discours'd of Publickly: And thereupon the
Mistress ask'd her to walk up, and leading of her into a with-drawing Room,
desir'd her to sit down, and then intreated her to tell her Business; upon
which the Bawd began as followeth.

Madam.

_Altho' I am a Stranger to you, I doubt not but you will excuse the
rudeness of this Visit, when you shall know 'twas only the Concern I have
to see a lady of your Worth and Beauty, so much Design'd upon and Trick'd,
as you are like to be, that has occasion'd it: I Know therefore, Madam,
that there's a Gentleman, who has been for some time a great Admirer of
your Matchless Beauty, which truly does deserve all those Encomiums that I
have often heard him justly give it. This Gentleman, under the Notion of a
Customer, has made you many Visits: And has been pleas'd (I know not for
what reason) to make me his Confident; of which I need give you no further
Instant, then that he has acquainted me that but a few Days past he gave
you fifty Guineas, for which by way of Gratitude, he was admitted to enjoy
your last Favours_:--_Here the Young Lady interrupted her, all Blushing and
Confus'd_; Madam, you've fully satisfy'd me, _said she_, that that false
man has let you know my Weakness, and most ungratefully expos'd my Honour,
and betray'd me to the world.--_Nay, Madam_; said the Bawd, _be not so
passionate; I don't believe he has acquainted any with it, but myself. Nor
let the thoughts of that at all disturb you; for, that's a Crime that I
have known, for more than thirty-Years, the rest of all our Sex has scarce
been free from. But that which more stirs up my Spleen against him, is for
the Trick he designs to put upon you still; which is the only reason of my
giving you this trouble_. You will oblige me in it very much, _reply'd the
Goldsmith's Wife_. _Then this_ says the Bawd, _it is. He understands your
Husband is now out of Town; and will be so for Seven or Eight Days time. As
soon as he comes home, your Gallant will be with you to appoint him a time
in which he may again enjoy your Favour; which when he has enjoy'd, he does
intend to tarry till your Husband shall come in, and then accquaint him
that he has paid to him the fifty Guineas that he borrow'd of him on his
Ring; and so desire that he may have his Ring again; which is the thing he
aims at. For he well knows, that when you shall be askt whether or no you
have receiv'd the 50 Guineas, your Honour is so far concern'd, you can't
deny it_. O Treach'rous Villian _said the She Goldsmith, with some
indignation_, Is this the Generosity he so much boasted of? _Yes, Madam_,
says the Bawd, _this is what he designs to do; But I am so concerned to see
a Lady of your Worth so basely and ingratefully impos'd upon, I could not
but discover it: And if you wou'd be rul'd by me, you shou'd out-Trick the
Fop, and catch him in the Snare he'd lay for you._--O I'd do any thing to
be reveng'd on him, _cry'd the young Lady with some eagerness_: And do but
tell me how, and Keep my Counsel, and I'll so well reward you for your
Pains, that you shall say I'm grateful.--_Then Madam_, says the Bawd, _as
soon as your Husband comes to Town, before he comes to know of it, send one
to tell him that you must needs speak with him about earnest Business, and
when he's come, tell him that you expect your Husband the next day; and
therefore beg the Favour of him to let you have his Company that Night, and
as an Earnest of your Love to him, & that he should not think you
mercenary, you'll both return him Fifty Guineas, and give him back the Ring
he gave your Husband for a Pawn: And tell him likewise you have engag'd the
Maid to Secresie; for which if he presents her with a Guinea, 'tis all he
needs to do: This will, I'm sure engage him; for he's as Covetous as he is
Lustful: And when he's thus engag'd, in the next place acquaint your
Husband how you cou'd scarce have any quiet in his absence from this young
Spark's continual Solicitations to unlawful Love. Then tell him that you
have appointed him to come that Evening, of which you thought fit to
acquaint him, that he might give him that Correction which he saw
necessary, to cool his too hot Blood: This will so much confirm your
Husband in his opinion of your inviolable Chastity, that all your
Treacherous Gallant shall offer to the contrary will be look'd upon as the
Effect of Malice and Revenge. Thus you'll confirm your Reputation to the
World, and keep these Fifty Guineas he designs to cheat you out of, and be
sufficiently reveng'd on an ungrateful Man._

_Well_ (says the injur'd Gentlewoman) _I'm pleas'd with your Contrivance;
keep but my Counsel, and you shall see my Vengeance on this ungrateful
Wretch, and with how just a Retribution I shall use him for his intended
Villany. And that you may be sensible you have not lost your Labour, accept
of this_; and therewithal she put Ten Guineas in her hand, and promis'd her
a further Token of her Gratitude: And so dismist her.--The Bawd was well
pleas'd with the Mornings Work she'd made; and finding that the Goldsmith's
Wife was like to be the better Customer, she hugg'd her self for her
contrivance, and her Treachery to the Cully Beau.

That Afternoon the _Wrathful Lady_ receiv'd a Letter from her Husband, that
he intended to be in Town the _Thursday_ following, and desir'd her to meet
him that day at _Hammersmith_ about noon, where he wou'd dine with her, and
so come home together. She therefore sent a Messenger to tell her
Treacherous Lover she must needs speak with him on _Thursday Morning_, for
she had something of Moment to impart to him; who presently on the
receiving of this Note, came to her, fearing there might be some Discovery
of their Love-enjoyment.

As soon as he was come, she tells him she was extreamly Troubled she had
not seen him since; and that she never had enjoy'd more pleasure than in
his Embraces; and understanding that her Husband wou'd be at home on
_Friday Night_, she had contriv'd things so, that he might freely, and
without Interruption, lie with her on _Thursday Night_. Which she desir'd
on the Account of that affection which she had for him, and of the Pleasure
which she took in his Embraces; and that he might be satisfy'd 'twas so,
she did engage the next Morning to present him with his Fifty Guineas,
which, she was sorry that she had took of him: And as a further Testimony
of it, if he could but procure things necessary for the picking of the
Locks belonging to her Husbands Cabinet, she'd give him back the Diamond
Ring he gave her Husband as a Pledge for fifty Guineas; and, as occasion
offer'd, wou'd be very grateful to him otherways.

These _Generous Offers_ overcame the Spark to all Intents and purposes; and
he wou'd fain have been a dabling with her then; But she forbid him, and
told him 'twas not at that time convenient, but she had order'd matters so,
that when he came on _Thursday-night,_ there shou'd be nothing that shou'd
interrupt them. Telling him further, she had made the Maid acquainted with
their Secrets, who was intirely in their Interests, and that it wou'd not
be amiss to give her something as an Encouragement: And thereupon, calling
the Maid to fetch a Bottle of Wine, he gave her half a Guinea, and told
her, _that was but an Earnest of that which he intended her to
Morrow-night_. And then drinking his Wine up, he gave his Mistress a
Salute, and took his leave; she bidding him besure not to forget to bring
the _Picklocks_ with him, that she might help him to the Ring.

The Plot being thus laid, on _Thursday-Morning_, she prepares to meet her
Husband; having before acquainted her Maid with her Design, who mightily
commended both her Honesty and Ingenuity, for she knew nothing of what had
before past between 'em.

Being come to _Hammersmith_, and meeting with her Husband there, she told
him she had something to say to him privately that did as much concern his
Honour as her own: And then, as they were walking together in the Garden
she thus began to tell him her Design.

My Dear,

_I doubt not but you are well satisfied that I have all along took care in
all my Actions still to approve my self _(what you shall ever find me) a
chaste and vertuous Wife_, and tho' I am not sensible I ever gave
encouragement to any lustful Eyes to cast a wanton Glance at me yet so it
is, I have been solicited to commit Folly both against Heaven and you, with
that young Gentleman to whom you lent the 50 Guineas on the Diamond Ring; &
tho' I have as oft deny'd his Suit as he has made it, yet he continues his
Solicitations still; and has been so importunate of late that I could
scarce be ever quiet for him: And therefore being with me Yesterday, &
urging me for my Consent to his unlawful Amours, I did appoint him to come
to me this Night; having before receiv'd your Letter, by which I knew you
wou'd be then at home. The lustful Fool is extream Confident that I will
yield to his Desires; & since he wants no Money I thought it best to seem
to yield to him, that having caught him your Trap, you may deal with him as
you please. And there's another thing that I have to acquaint you with, and
that is, that he's as _Covetous_ as he is _Leacherous_, and did but
Yesterday solicit me to let him have his Ring: And tho' (to put him off) I
told him 'twas lock'd up in a Cabinet of which you had the Key: yet he
reply'd that he cou'd bring a _Picklock_ with him that cou'd open it. So
that I am afraid he does design as well to rob you of your Treasure as your
Honour. But ere to morrow Morning, I hope you'll have it in your power to
make him pay for his Attempting either. At least I have contributed what I
can towards it, and leave the rest to you._

The poor _Contented Goldsmith_, (who thought his Wife far Chaster than
_Diana_ of her _Nymphs_; and that the Wife of _Collatine_ wa'nt worthy to
compare to her) was hugely pleas'd with his Wife's Policy; and therefore
order'd her to go home first alone, whilst he came after her _Incognito_;
and when her Gallant came, he bid her hasten him to bed; and whilst she
stood before him, that the Maid shou'd take away his Sword, and then he
thought he might the better deal with a Naked Man: All which she promis'd
him shou'd be obey'd.

At Night the poor deluded _Cully_ comes to the _Goldsmith's_, according to
appointment; and was conducted presently up Stairs; where, he might the
less suspect foul Play, he finds a good Collation was proyided, which he
and his false Mistress feasted at, _she urging him to make haste into Bed,
that there they might have more delicious Dainties_, and she beginning to
undress her self, he made most haste and first got into Bed; and then the
Maid (as she was before directed) having privately carry'd off the Sword,
comes running in upon a sudden, and cries out, _O Mistress, we are all
undone! My Master's coming up Stairs_. Up gets the Quaking Beau
immediately, and runs under the Bed, which he had but just done, before the
_Goldsmith_ enter'd: Who seeing of his Wife, Accosts her thus, _My Dear I'm
come a Day sooner than I expected_,--_You're very Welcome, Love_, said she
again, looking as one surpriz'd, at which, cries he, _Why how now? What's
the matter with you?_ And then looking about the Chamber, he sees a very
Beauish Powder'd Wig; _Ah ha!_ says he; _What have we here? A Wig, new
Powder'd! Pray whose Wig is this? I'm sure 'tis none of mine_; then looking
on the Bed, he sees a pair of Breeches lie, _Hey dey!_ Cries he, _Pray
whose are these?_ _They're yours_, said she, _for ought I know_, (speaking
a little surlily) _whose shou'd they be, d'ye think?_ _They're none of
mine_, says he, _I'm sure; But let me see, what is there in 'em?_--Then
searching of the Pockets, he pulls out a Gold Watch, about Nine or Ten
Guineas, a Silver Snush-Box, and several Pick-Locks: As soon as he
perceiv'd the Pick-Locks, _So, so_, cries he, _here's a fine Trade indeed!
Cou'd you get none to serve you, but some Newgate-Stallion; One that us'd
to Break up Houses, and Pick open Locks! Where is this Villain_, says he,
_that Wrongs my Bed, and thus dishonours me, that I may run my Sword into
his Heart, and send him of an Errand to the Devil?_

The Poor Dejected Wretch, that look'd each moment to be stuck to th' Floor,
resolving now to venture on the Goldsmith's Clemency, came trembling out
from underneath the Bed, & begg'd of him to save his Life, and he wou'd
tell him all that e'er he knew. _Don't tell me_, says the Goldsmith _of
what you know, but tell me what Satisfaction shall I have for the wrong
you've done me, to come thus to defile my Bed?_ _Indeed_, said he, _I did
it never but once before_. _How!_ says the Goldsmith, _have you lain with
my Wife before?_ _Yes, if it please you, once, and never but once_. With
that his Wife with open mouth came to him, _O Villain_, said she, _art not
thou asham'd thus falsly to accuse me to my Husband, because thy own base
wicked inclinations are now brought to light? Hast thou not been soliciting
of me to act Uncleanness with thee, a long time, and I refus'd it always?
Nay, didst thou not intice me to it Yesterday, and I appointed thee to come
to Night, because I knew my Husband wou'd be at home to give thee thy
Reward? Let the Maid speak, I won't be my own Judge_--_Yes, Sir_, reply'd
the Maid, _I know that what my Mistress says is true_--

The Goldsmith then seeming to look more wistly at him, _What, Mr._
Bramble__ says he, as if he'd been surpriz'd: _Is't you that did intend to
claw me off thus? And then to mend the matter, go to accuse my Wife too, as
if she had been Dishonest with you; when I am satisfied there e'nt an
honester Woman in the Kingdom. Why to be plain with ye, 'tis she that has
discover'd all your Roguery_: As soon as he heard that, lifting up his
Hands and Eyes, _O the Deceit_, said he, _that is in Women!_ Pray give me
leave to put my Cloaths on, and then hear me what I have to say--_No_, says
the Goldsmith, _I'll not part with these Cloaths; but yet I'll lend you
something to cover your Nakedness with all_; and then bid the Maid to reach
him an old Suit of his. Which having put on, _Now_, says he, _give me but
leave to speak, and I will tell you how false that Woman is_: Come, said
the Goldsmith, let's hear what you have to say. Upon which _Bramble_ thus
began.

I must confess my Fault; I do acknowledge I did oft-times solicite your
Wife to let me lie with her, and I must do her that Justice to tell you
that she still refus'd it; until at last I borrow'd fifty Guineas of you on
a Ring, and that I gave her, and she thereupon permitted me to lie with
her. And I ne'er thought of Lying with her more, until she sent for me
yesterday morning; and told me how much she lov'd me, and that you were to
come home on Friday-night, and she wou'd have me Lie with her on Thursday
night; and that to let me know how well she lik'd me, she wou'd return me
back again the fifty Guineas that I gave her, and also give me back the
Ring I pawn'd to you for fifty Guineas. And that was the Occasion of my
coming here to Night.

_But_ said the Goldsmith, _Pray resolve me one thing; What made you bring
the Pick-locks in your Pocket?_

I brought these Pick-locks, _reply'd he_, at her desire, to open the
Cabinet, wherein the Ring was put.

_By that_, answer'd the Goldsmith, _I know that what you have said is
false. For what need she to have desir'd you to bring Picklocks to open the
Cabinet withal, when as the Key of it was in her keeping? for I left it
with her when I went out of Town._

'Tis very true, my Dear, _reply'd his Wife_, and here it is. And then going
to her Chest of Drawers, she gave him out the Key of the Cabinet.

_No, Sirrah_, says the Goldsmith, _you're a Rascal; and you accuse my
Chaste and Vertuous Wife because she has discover'd your Baseness--'Tis
plain enough that your Design was to debauch my Wife, and then to Rob my
House; and I will make you suffer for't, before I've done with you. I've
lost above Five hundred pounds already; and for ought I know you may be the
Thief; for I have found you in my Chamber underneath my Bed, with Picklocks
in your Breeches--Here Boy go call a Constable._

The poor _Beau_ finding himself in such bad Circumstances, begg'd him for
Heavens sake, he wou'd not to call a Constable; for if he shou'd be sent to
Goal, his Reputation wou'd be lost for ever. Matters were private now, and
if they might be kept so, let him but make his own Demands, and he wou'd
satisfie 'em.--This Generous submission did somewhat qualifie the
Goldsmith's Passion. And calling of his Man to fetch his Books up, he
look'd what he had lost by Mr _Theif_, and finding there about four hundred
Pounds set down, he told him, _That he'd use him kindly, and take his Bond
for Three hundred and fifty pound, including in it the fifty Guineas he had
lent him; and for the Ring, since he had in so gross a manner abus'd his
Wife, he shou'd bestow that on her, to make her Satisfaction._

These were hard Terms poor _Bramble_ thought; but yet considering his
Circumstances, he judg'd 'twas better to comply than go to Goal, which
wou'd be the Result of being had before a Justice.

The Bonds being made and Seal'd, he fetches him the Ring, which he, (with
begging of her Pardon,) presents the Goldsmith's Wife, and desires her to
accept of it for the affront he so unworthily had put upon her. And then,
after a Bottle of Wine at parting, they let him go; restoring him his
Cloaths and all things again. She telling of him, as he was going out of
Doors, _She hop'd that this wou'd be a warning to him how he hereafter went
about to put Tricks upon Gentlewomen, or make his Boast what private
Favours he had receiv'd from 'em._

    _Thus still the Bawd tempts all she can to Sin,_
  _And leaves them in the Lurch, when once they're in:_
  _To heap up Gold, which she so much adores,_
  _She makes Men Atheists, and makes Women Whores,_
  _She lives by Sin; and if she can but gain,_
  _She has her End, let those that list Complain._

       *       *       *       *       *

CHAP. X.

    _How the Goldsmiths Wife went to the Bawd, and gave her an Account how
    she had serv'd her Treacherous Gallant; and how the Bawd related
    several of her own Exploits, _&c_ In a short History of her Life._

About a week after poor Mr. _Bramble_ had been so miserably handled by the
Contrivance of the old Bawd, and the Splenetick and Vindictive Temper of
the Goldsmith's Wife; whereby she doubled on himself all the Design he had
of Cheating her: She thought upon the Promise she had made to the Old Bawd,
of giving her a Visit, and Enlarging her Gratuity: For she saw clearly now
her Words were True, and _Bramble_ made a full account to Cheat her, tho'
'twas by the Exposing of her Honour, which she cou'd never have retriev'd
had it not been for the old Bawd's Advice; altho' indeed, when she had put
her in the way, she did her self improve it further to her own Advantage.

She therefore took Ten Guineas in her Pocket, which she believ'd she had
deserv'd; and which she also thought wou'd so engage her, that she need not
fear Discovery. And being come to her House, (to find which she before had
given her Directions) she had no sooner ask'd for her, but found her; and
the old Bawd taking her up into her Dining-Room, told her, that she was
glad too see her in her poor Habitation. _O Mother_, says the
She-Goldsmith, _I found that Treacherous Villain the same false man you
represented him; and if I had'nt took your Counsel, my Honour had been
Ruin'd; for the insipid Sot told all that e'er had past between us to my
Husband; but thanks to my good Stars, & your sage Counsel, I clearly got
the Ascendant over him, for which I here present you with a farther
Testimony of my Gratuity._ The Bawd, (who met with such large Fees but
seldom) was so well pleas'd with her Ingenuous and generous Temper, that
she both thank'd her heartily for what she had presented her and told her
that if hereafter she cou'd by any means oblige her, she wou'd be sure to
do it: For I assure you, added she, that Trading now is very Dead, and I
have got but little Custom.--This made the Gentlewoman ask her what Trade
she follow'd (for she was Ignorant she was a Bawd)--Madam, reply'd the old
Crone, You have so far engag'd me by your Generosity, I can deny you
nothing; and therefore if you please, I'll give you the History of my Life:
In which you may perhaps find something that may be diverting: For I have
in my time run through varieties of Changes, and met with very odd
Rencounters: Which if I may not too much Trespass on your patience, I'll
relate to you with all the Brevity I can.--To which, with an obliging Bow,
the Gentlewoman told her, she shou'd esteem herself indebted to her for so
great an Obligation.--And then the Bawd began as followeth.

Madam,

_Before I give you that Account of my Life which I design, I think my self
obliged first of all, to answer the Question you were pleas'd to put to me,
_viz. What Trade or Calling 'tis I follow_, the knowledge of which, will
make that I shall afterwards relate, the more Intelligible to you._

Know therefore, _Madam_, That the House which I now keep, is a House of
Convenience for Gentlemen and Ladies: And goes under several Denominations:
Some call it _The School of Venus_, others a _Vaulting School_; other the
_Assignation-House_: And some that are my Enemies, bestow upon it the Title
of a _Bawdy-House_; but this Title I neither lay claim to, nor take
Pleasure in. Tho' I confess, my Business is to help a Gentleman that is in
distress, to the Enjoyment of a Gentlewoman; and a Gentlewoman that has the
like occasion, to a Gallant. In which I always take care to help either Sex
to that which may be for their Purpose; and always Warrant those I help 'em
to, to be Safe and Sound; for I Value my Reputation more, than to put a bad
Commodity into any Man's hand. I am not unsensible that this is decried as
a very unlawful Calling; but for my part, to be plain with you, _Madam_, I
am of another Opinion: For Nature that has given us Appetites, has also
given us an Inclination to satisfie 'em; and 'tis no more than the
Satisfying the Natural Desires and Inclinations of Men and Women; that I
concern my self about. I know it will be Objected that Marriage is
appointed as a Remedy in that Case. And to those that are equally Match'd,
without any Impediment on either side, I grant it: And whether there be any
such Impediment, or not, they can best tell, that have such Wives or
Husbands. It is not my Business to ask 'em and if they do't without
occasion, 'tis their own fault, and not mine. I know (and know it by
Experience too) there's many a Man that looks as likely as your Husband
does, and yet cann't give a Woman that which Nature calls for. Some Men
(and so some Women too) have greater Stomachs, and some less, as Nature
orders it; and if their Diet be'nt proportion'd according to their
Stomachs, some may be Surfeited, and others Starv'd. For that which one can
live on very well, wou'd starve another; And the Concupiscential Appetites
of Men and Women, do differ as much as do their Stomachs. And therefore
Married People are not so much to blame in making use of others besides
their Wives or Husbands; provided that they take that Prudent Care and
Circumspection which is so requisite in such affairs. And because _Madam_,
you are yet but a Beginner, and may perhaps be startled at this Doctrine,
I'll let you see 'tis not my single Notion, but is the Judgment of a
Learned Author, who long ago has written on this Subject, a Choice Copy of
Verses, which I'll here repeat to you. He Entitles it,

  _Upon Love fondly Refused for Conscience sake._

  Nature, Creations law, is judg'd by Sense,
    Not by the Tyrant Conscience;
  Then our Commission gives us leave to do
    What Youth and Pleasure Prompt us to:
  For we must question else Heav'ns great Decree,
    And tax it with a Treachery;
  If things made sweet to attempt our Appetite,
    Should with a guilt Stain the Delight.
  High'r Pow'rs rule us, our Selves can nothing do,
    Who made us Love, hath made Love lawful too.
  It was not Love, but Love transform'd to Vice,
    Ravish'd by Envious Avarice,
  Made Woman first Impropriate; all were free;
    Inclosures Mens Inventions be.
  I'th Golden Age, no Action cou'd be found
    For Trespass on my Neighbour's ground:
  'Twas just, with any Fair to mix our Blood;
    The best is most diffusive Good.
  She that confines her Beams to one Mans sight,
    Is a Dark Lanthorn to a Shining Light.
  Say, Does the Virgin Spring less Chaste appear,
    'Cause many Thirsts are quenched there?
  Or have you not with the same Odours met,
    When more then One have smelt your Violet
  The _Phoenix_ is not angry at her nest,
    'Cause her Perfumes makes others Blest:
  Tho' Incense to th' Immortal Gods be meant,
    Yet Mortals rival in the Scent.
  Man is the Lord of Creatures; yet we see
    That all his Vassals Loves are free;
  The severe Wedlock-Fetters do not bind
    The Pard's inflam'd and Am'rous Mind,
  But that he may be like a Bridegroom led
    Ev'n to the Royal Lion's Bed.
  The Birds made for a Year their Loves Confine,
    But make new Choice each Valentine.
  If our Affections then more servile be
    Than are our Slaves, where's Mans Sov'raignity?
  Why then by pleasing more, should you less please,
    And spare your sweets, being more sweet than these?
  If the fresh Trunk have Sap enough to give,
    That each insertive Branch may live;
  The Gardner grafts not only _Apples_ there,
    But adds the _Warden_ and the _Pear_;
  The _Peach_ and _Apricock_ together grow,
    The _Cherry_ and the _Damson_ too;
  Till he hath made, by Skilful Husbandry,
    An intire _Orchard_ of one Tree.
  So least our _Paradise_ Perfection want,
    We may inoculate and plant.
  What's Conscience, but a Beldams Midnight Theam;
    Or Nodding Nurses idle Dream?
  So feign'd as are the _Goblins_, _Elves_ and _Fairies_,
    To watch their _Orchard's_ and their _Daries_.
  For who can tell when first her Reign begun?
    I'th' State of Innocence was none:
  And since large Conscience (as the Proverb shows)
    In the same sense as bad one goes;
  The Less, the Better then; whence this will fall,
    He's perfect that hath none at all.
  Suppose it be a Vertue rich and pure;
    'Tis not for _Spring_ or _Summer_ sure;
  Nor yet for _Autumn_; Love must have his Prime,
    His Warmer Hearts, and Harvest time.
  Till we have flourish'd, grown, & reap'd our Wishes.
    What Conscience dares oppose our Kisses?
  But when Time's colder hand leades us near home
    Then let that _Winter-Vertue_ come:
  Frost is till then Prodigious; We may do
    What Youth, and Pleasure Prompts us to.

When the Bawd had made an end of Repeating her Verses, the Goldsmith's Lady
told her they were very Ingenious and Diverting Lines, and that she had
oblig'd her extreamly by repeating them. And then pray'd her to go on with
her Discourse which she lik'd very well. Upon which the Bawd thus
proceeded.

I think Madam, I have said enough to justify both Sexes, in the gratifying
of their Amorous Desires, tho' they be married; for 'tis not strange at all
to hear that Men and Women have been married, and yet have been uncapable
of answering the Ends of Marriage, or satisfying the Delights of _Venus_.
It is not long since I was told of a young pretty Virgin that happen'd to
be married to a Man who was deficient in his Virility, which the poor thing
(being asham'd to speak on't and not knowing any other Remedy) laid so to
heart, in a short time it kill'd her: But had I been acquainted with her, I
could have helpt her to a brisk young Man, one that had given proof of his
Sufficiency, which shou'd have eas'd her pain, and sav'd her Life. And
therefore, Madam, since married Persons may stand so much in need of my
assistance, and much more may they that are unmarried, who doubtless have
the same desires that married People have: Nay, their Desires are generally
more impetuous; for finding of their Natural Concupiscence stirring 'em up
to a desire of Copulation, they apprehend that there's more in't then what
they find, when once they come to try. And these things, Madam, in _Italy_
(as I have heard by several) are so common, that 'tis scarce thought a
Crime: Or, if it be, 'tis but a venial one, as all the Devout Doctors of
the _Roman-Church_, (nay, and the _Pope_ himself) assures us: And therefore
Madam, to deal freely with you, I have long since declar'd my self a _Roman
Catholick_, for that Religion allowes us the most Pleasure while we live,
and promises us Heaven when we die. And having thus given you an Account
both of my Calling and Religion; I come now to Perform my promise, in
giving you the History of my Life.

The Place of my Nativity was the Imperial Chamber of _Great Brittain_; my
Father being an Haberdasher of small Wares; and had as much to do as most
Men of that Calling; And whilst he liv'd, he gave me all that Education
that the most Wealthy Citizens bestow upon their Daughters, he keeping me
at Board at _Hackney-School_. And when grown up to Marriageable years I
wanted not for store of Sweethearts, and some of them of very good Estates:
and yet my Father thought none good enough. But he being one that was a
great and zealous Stickler for the Parliament in opposition to the King,
and thinking that _Charles Stuart_ (as then they call'd King _Charles_ the
Second), would never be Restor'd, laid out his Money in Purchasing of
Crown-Lands, having (as he thought) got a mighty Peniworth: But _Oliver_
being dead, and _Charles_ the Second coming in, all his Estate was lost;
and he forc'd to abscond; the grief of which soon after broke his heart. My
Father being dead, and his Estate lost by the Kings Restauration, my Mother
quickly took me from the Boarding-School; and those whom I had scorn'd
before, begun now to scorn me as much; my hopes of a good Portion being
gone, my Sweet hearts quickly Vanish'd; but being a Young Maid and pretty
handsome, an old rich Batchelor that had a kindness for me in my Father's
Life-time, (whom both my Father and myself had then deny'd) thinking that
in this Ebb of Fortune he might be more Successful in his Suit, again made
his Addresses to me; and tho' I had as great an Aversation to him then as
ever, yet he was mightily Encourag'd by my Mother; who thought in our
decclining State, he might support our Family: And therefore she not only
shew'd him all the Countenance he cou'd desire, her self, (for whom indeed
he wou'd have been a fitter Match) but also charg'd me likewise to receive
him well, for he must be my Husband. And when I told her I cou'd'nt love
him, she call'd me Fool, saying, I shou'd Marry him first, and love him
afterwards: And when I farther objected our Disparity in Age she answer'd
with another Musty Proverb, _That 'twas good taking Shelter under an old
Hedge_; and that it was far better being an Old Mans Darling, then a Young
Mans Worldling: And tho' this didn't Satisfie me, yet I soon found I must
have him or none; For having been brought up too high to make a working
Tradesmans Wife, that Portion now was gone that should have helpt me to a
better Husband. And therefore making a vertue of Necessity, I began to be
more Complaisant to my Inamorato then I had been formerly; which quickly
won his heart to that degree, that in a short time after we were
married--And tho the first Night that I went to Bed with him, I was a Maid,
and so knew nothing of that which a new Married couple ought to do, more
then what Nature dictated; yet I then thought he went about his Business
like a Fumbler, and did that little which he did, at such a rate, it had
almost as good have been let alone; for what he did, serv'd only to stir up
in me greater Desire for what he couldn't do. I found the exercise he
offer'd at, had something in it that was very pleasing, which in the
heighth of the Encounter I was disappointed in. And I must own, that I
found this a very sensible Affliction, and caus'd in me a greater Aversion
to my Husband than I had before: And therefore I resolv'd to try what those
venereal Recreations were; I had but an imperfect Taste of, as soon as I
could get an opportunity.

Nor did I wait long before my good Fortune put one in my hand; For my
Husband's Prentice, a handsome brisk young Man (who had but about two years
time to serve) I had observ'd was very sweet upon my Maid, who was handsome
enough; and having observed that he courted her, I used to watch them, and
by that means knew both the time and place of their Courtship; where they
used to spend some hours in an Evening when the shop was shut, according as
they could find opportunity. By my listening and over-hearing their Amorous
Discourse, I perceiv'd he solicited her hard for her last Favours, which
she would not consent to; and being resolved to improve this opportunity to
the accomplishing my own Desires, having over-heard 'em make their next
appointment, when the time drew near, I call'd my Chambermaid down (for she
it was that the Prentice courted) and sent her of an Errand at a
considerable distance, that she could not be back in two hours time, taking
care to see her out of doors my self by a back pair of Stairs, so that I
knew the Prentice cou'd know nothing of her being abroad, my Husband very
fortunately being absent likewise, I went to the place of meeting my self;
and the young couple being accustomed to converse without any Light, as
being unwilling to be discovered, I seated my self where my Chambermaid
used to do; and the Apprentice coming as usual, came up to me, and caress'd
me; whereupon I clap'd my Hand upon his Mouth, as a signal of his being
silent, and then embrac'd him very tenderly; and he being extasy'd with
this soft Entertainment, which was very pleasing to him, he was so far
blinded with his Passion, that he made no farther search, but imagining
that his Sweet heart was now come to his Terms he push'd on his design, and
met with such a compliance from me which he did not so easily expect; and I
must say, That I had not till that Time tasted the delights of Love: For he
manag'd his Business with so much Briskness and Vigour, that I was very
much pleas'd with the Encounter. When we had both performd our Parts to
equal Satisfaction; I caught him about the middle, and told him he shou'd
not go, till I knew who he was; for I made him believe I knew him not, and
first thought it was my Husband, but happened now too late to find the
contrary. My Spark at this was much surpriz'd, and his Amorous Passion
exchang'd into Fear; and therefore begging of my Pardon, he told me he took
me for the Chambermaid, and desir'd I wou'd conceal what had happen'd, and
not ruine him. Well, well, said I, I'll keep your secret; but it shall be
on this condition, that you think no more on the Chamber-Maid; and get you
to Bed forthwith, otherwise it will be worse for you. And this I enjoyn'd
him, lest he should have told the Maid. My Spark was very thankful that I
suffer'd him to come off so well, and accordingly went to Bed. The next
Morning I paid my Maid her Wage, and turn'd her off, not letting her so
much as bid her Lover adieu. After which my young Spark and I us'd to have
frequent Rencounters, to each others mutual Satisfaction: And I us'd to
supply him with Money for his Pocket Expences, furnishing him always with
what he wanted; until at last our kindness for each other was taken Notice
of by my Husband; who not being willing to have a Publick Talk made of it,
gave him up his Indentures when he had a year and a Quarter to serve.

This was a very sensible Trouble to me; for having been used to those
Delights which my Youth and high-feeding requir'd for about three Quarters
of a Year, it became very irksome to me to be abridged of 'em. And my
Husband being grown Jealous of me, by the familiarity he had observ'd me to
have with his Man, after he had turn'd him off, as I have related, gave me
this Gentle Reproof:

Wife, _you cannot but be sensible that your Familiarity with your Man is
become a Town-Talk; I have done what I can to prevent it, by turning him
away; but if you don't mend your Manners, and Reform your Life, all that I
can say, will be to no purpose. I am afraid you han't been Innocent in this
matter: But since what is past cann't be recall'd', I will say no more of
that; but I expect for the time to come that you avoid both his and all
other suspicious Company: You know I took you without a Portion at a time
when your Family was fallen to decay; and I maintain you as well as any
Citizens Wife in London; and for you to requite me with being false to my
Bed, is not only to be very Dishonest, but highly Ingrateful. And therefore
as you expect the Continuance of my Love, pray let me find a Reformation of
your Manners_.

To this I answer'd him, _That 'twas possible that a Free and affable
Temper, as mine was, might give too much occasion to those that had no
kindness for me, to speak evil of me: And that if to be accus'd, was enough
to make one Guilty, it was impossible for any to be Innocent. However,
since the Freedom I had us'd had given such occasion of offence, I wou'd
take care for the future to walk more Circumspectly, and be more Reserv'd_.
With this promise, my Husband was very well satisfy'd, and thereupon
Embrac'd me very tenderly.

But all this was only like the raking of a few Ashes over live Coals, which
in a little time break forth again, and burn more violently. My Husband's
Impotency being now about Seventy, grew daily more upon him; and my desires
after that due Benevolence he could not give me, still increas'd, so that
what he cou'd not do for me, I was under a necessity of getting done
elsewhere, And knew no other Person to whom I cou'd repair for a Supply,
but he who had so often done it to my own content before: To him therefore
I found means to send a Letter, appointing him to meet me at such a Place
and Time, which he accordingly did, and there we had that mutual Enjoyment
which we both desir'd: And tho' we met thus several times, it was with so
much Caution, for fear of a Discovery, that we were often forc'd to change
both Time and Place, and take new measures.

One Night above the rest, when I was sure he was engag'd to stay late at
the Tavern, I had obliged my Spark to give me a meeting at our House; and
had on that Occasion, sent all the servants up to Bed, upon pretence that
they must must rise early in the Morning. When they were gone to bed, and
all was sure, my Servant enter'd, with all imaginable Privicy and Caution;
and then, without much Ceremony, enter'd upon those melting Joys we both so
eagerly desir'd, Which we had hardly finish'd, before my Husband (who had
dispatched his Business quicker than we had done) knocks at the door; which
I no sooner heard, but springing from the Arms of my affrighted Gallant, I
took a Sheet out of the Chest of Drawers in the Chamber, and tying it with
a Copped Crown upon his Head, I made him look methought just like some
Fornicator, a going to do Pennance in a Parish Church, and then turning him
into the next Room, I bid him, if my Husband came in thither, (who was a
very timerous Man, and almost trembled at the Talk of Spirits) to
Counterfeit a Ghost, by which means I wou'd quickly use a Stratagem which
shou'd Relieve him without Danger. And as soon as he had put himself into a
Suitable Posture, and Plac'd himself in a convenient Corner to play the
Devil with my Husband, (in case the Cuckold should come into the Room which
he had taken for his Sanctuary) I fram'd a Counterfeit Smile, and let in my
Husband; whom I received with very kind words, and gave him a dissembling
Kiss or two; and then putting on his Flannel Night Cap, and fetching him
his Slippers, which he put on, we went up Stairs together; In the mean
time, the Ghost had found a piece of Whiting; which the Maid happen'd to
lay there to make the Chimney fire next morning; and this he takes and
breaks to pieces, and daubs his Face all over with it, that he then look'd
more pale than Death itself; insomuch that even I was almost startled at
the first glympse of him. Before my Husband went to bed, he always went
into the Dining-Rome to Prayer; which I appear'd as forward for as he, and
presently brought him a Cushion, upon which he kneels down, and falls a
Praying; not as yet seeing the Ghost: But as he was at Prayer, my Spark
endeavouring to get the Weather-Gage of him, that is, the Door: my husband
chanc'd to spy him, which so disord'd and affrighted him, that he was ready
to sink down. Before he spy'd him, he was praying thus. _Thou know'st Lord,
there are wicked people in the World, and some of them have wrong'd me very
much, but Lord, I hope thou wilt be even with 'em, and let 'em have no rest
till they acknowledge it, and make me Satisfaction for all that wrong they
have_--(then seeing the Counterfeit Ghost, he forgot his Prayer, and cry'd)
_O Lord, O Lord! What's this? What's this? O Lord! O Lord!_--and then rises
up, and makes towards the Door, which the Ghost seeing beckens him; at
which he cries _I won't, I won't, I won't!_ In the mean time, tho' I knew
what the matter was, I run to him, and cry'd, Dear Husband what's the
matter? As if I had been frighted; and went to hold him; but he struggled
to get from me, crying out _The Devil! The Devil! The Devil!_ Where, where,
said I? I see nothing, O  _'tis yonder, 'tis yonder, 'tis yonder_, says he!
See how it stares and beckens to me I see nothing, not I, says I: And with
that, the Ghost came nearer us; at which my Husband run into the Bed
Chamber, and I after him; and shut the Door to us. By which means my Spark
had an opportunity to go out without Discovery. My Husband immediately got
into Bed, and cover'd himself over Head and Ears, and then thought he was
pretty safe, and charged me presently to put the Candle out: Which I
obey'd, and straight went to Bed to him; being well pleas'd I had so
cleverly brought off my Lover.

The next Morning, I ask'd my Husband what the matter was that made him so
extreamly discompos'd last Night: Why, says he, did you see nothing last
Night? Not I, said I, but only you dissorder'd as you were praying: O Love,
said he, I saw Death coming towards me as plain as I see you; and I believe
I shan't trouble you long; for Death held up his hand and beckon'd to me
several times: 'Tis nothing but your Fancy sure, said I, for I saw nothing,
'Tis certain true as you are there: And that you cou'd not see it, makes it
more Evident that Death came only unto me. But how do you know, said I,
that it was Death, if you did see something? Know! says he, why I knew it
very well, and if you'd seen it you'd a said of it as I do: For never any
thing look'd more pale in the World. The very thoughts of it frightens me
still--Besides the kindness that contrivance did me to make way for my
Gallant's escape that time, 'twas very serviceable to me afterwards; for
the Remembrance of the Ghost was always so fresh in my Husbands memory,
that he wou'd never venture into the Room again by Candle-Light. So that my
Love and I had other Assignations afterwards: and if my Husband happened to
come home before he went, it was but putting him into the Dining-Room and
he was safe enough, for I was sure my Husband never wou'd come there.

  _Thus I advantage of his Weakness made,_
  _Who was by Fear to Cuckoldome betray'd_
  _And upon all Occurrences, I still_
  _Contriv'd to blind his Eyes, and Act my Will:_
  _For those in their Design will often fail._
  _That know not how with ev'ry Wind to sail._

But after some time my Gallant fell Sick, and in the midst of his Sickness,
he was very much troubled with Qualms of Conscience for his Sins, and had
no more Wit and Honesty but to send me a Letter to acquaint me with it, and
to exhort me to repent; Which Letter my Husband happening to receive, all
our Intrigues were thereby discover'd; which made my Husband absolutely
relinquish me; and turn me out of Doors with much Disgrace. Which yet could
not at all reclaim me, for by my Husband's exposing me, I was past shame,
and car'd not what I did: But being in a very good Garb, and having some
Money, I took me Lodgings, and walk'd the Streets at a Night, picking up
whom I cou'd get.

Once I remember going along _Cheapside_, late at Night, a Citizen in a very
good Garb, coming up to me, Madam, said he, will you accept of a Glass of
_Canary_? I thank'd him, and went with him to the _Bull-head_ Tavern; where
he call'd for a Bottle of the best _Canary_; which being brought, after two
or three Glasses a piece, and as many more Kisses, he began to take up my
_Petticoats_; and I seeming a little coy, putting of 'em down, he grew more
eager; and was for a little diversion upon the Tavern Chairs; and whilst he
was eager in finishing what he was about, I began to dive into his Fob,
which I found well furnished with Guineas, besides a Gold-Watch, which I
took out, and look'd upon it, and put it up into his Pocket again very
carefully; and this I so often repeated, telling him I was a Person of
Quality, and that what I did, with respect to the Liberty I allow'd him,
was only for the Gratification of my Youthful Fancy, and as for any thing
of filthy Lucre, or bring a mercenary Creature, I did both scorn it, and
was much above it: All this by the Richness of my Garb, he was apt enough
to believe; and therefore was the less upon his Guard; but I beginning now
to be reduc'd, (not having my Husband's Bag's to go to, as I us'd to have)
thought he ought also to pay for the Pleasure he receiv'd from me, as well
as I formerly us'd to pay my Gallant for the Pleasure I receiv'd from him;
and therefore taking Twenty Guineas out of his Pockets, and telling them
before his Face, I pretended to put them all in again; but had cunningly
convey'd them into my own Pocket, and told twenty mill'd Shillings into
his; and also taking out his Watch again, as I had done several times
before, I convey'd the Watch into my own Pocket, and the Case only into
his: As we were just a parting, that I might come off with more Credit, I
bid him feel in's Pocket, and see he had his Watch and all his Guineas; and
clapping of his hand upon his Thigh, and feeling the Case, he said he had:
I further ask'd him if he had all his Guineas, and bid him tell 'em; and he
putting his hand in's Fob he told twenty, (which he took for Guineas, his
Silver being in another Fob) and told me I was very honest, he was sure
he'd all; and then desir'd to know my Name and where my Lodgings were; that
he might wait upon me some other time, and have the like enjoyment; which I
seem'd to desire as much as he, greatly commending his performances (tho'
to speak Truth, his Will was better far than his Ability, and his Gold
Watch and Guineas much exceeded either, for he was one of them which we
call Antiquated Whoremasters) and so to satisfie him, I gave him such
Directions as sent him to the other End o'th' Town, to seek a Needle in a
Bottle of Hay.

  _Thus the Rich Cuff of's Gold and Watch was Chous'd:_
  _Whilst I therewith in Racy Wine Carous'd_
  _'Tis fitting that such Dablers shou'd be caught_
  _And by their Losses to Repentance brought:_
  _Who will not say I serv'd him in his Kind?_
  _For he had that to which he had most mind._
  _And since his Watch has left its empty Place,_
  _I leave, him to bemoan his own light Case._
  _For he may now by dear Experience say,_
  _Time oftentimes unknown will Slip away._

The next Week after this, I was pick'd up by a brisk Spark, who likewise
had me to the Tavern, and seeing me in a rich Garb, (and tho' I say it,
tolerably handsome then) was very civil to me, and treated me with much
respect, giving me a good Dish of Fish for Supper, which with good Store of
Wine, serv'd as a fit Provocative for that which follow'd after. But before
we began those Pleasures to which the Treat was but an Introduction, he
flung me down a Guinea, and told me he design'd that for a pair of Gloves
for me; which when I seem'd unwilling to accept of, as looking somewhat
mercenary; No, Madam, says he, this is what I freel'y offer, and cann't
therefore be thought mercenary: But now you talk of that, I'll tell you a
good Jest was put last Week upon a Friend of mine, a _Linnen-Draper_, who
'tho he'd so much Holland of his own, wou'd needs be taking up of other
Folk's. For this old Cuckold-Maker being got Fluster'd, and something late
out one Night the last Week, picks up a Gentlewoman and has her to the
Tavern--(and so repeated the whole Story I before have told you, Madam;
with this addition, which but for him I never shou'd have known). That when
the old Fornicator was come home, he had a severe Lecture from his
disgruntl'd Lady, who told him he had either been asleep or worse; for that
it was near two a Clock. But the old Cuss thinking to pacifie her Anger by
convincing her it wan't so late, wou'd needs go look upon his Watch; but
quickly finding that altho' the Nest was there, the Bird was flown, put up
the Case again, with only saying, _Good lack a day! How strangely time will
slip away in Company, before a Man's aware!_ But the next Morning being to
pay a Merchants Man a Bill for a small parcel of _Hambrough-Cloth_ that
came to 22 Guineas, and his Cashier going to reach the Money, he put his
hand into his Fob, _Hold_ (says he to his Man) _I have Twenty Guineas here,
and I can make them up in Silver_, and so flings his Supposed Guineas down
upon the Counter; But was exceedingly surpriz'd to see that they had lost
their Colour, and were all White instead of Yellow. However at the present
he stifled his Resentments, and told his man that he must fetch the Money
out of the Till, for he remember'd now he had paid away all his Guineas.
Presently after which, (says my Gallant, that told the Story to me) he came
to me, and I perceiving him extreamly out of humour, ask'd what the matter
was? _Never was Man_, says he, _so Trick'd as I have been last Night. For
being out somewhat late_, says he, _and somewhat Fluster'd, I pick'd up a
small Girl, which I thought was the honestest that ever I met with, but she
has prov'd the veriest Jilt that e'er I had to do with, and Trick'd me out
of a Gold Watch and Twenty Guineas._ And then, said he, related all that I
have told you; and bid me besure to have a care of them that wou'd pretend
they were not mercenary, for they'll be trebly paid for what they do. But
you, Madam, said he to me, look like a Gentlewoman above such shifts as
those. If you respect me, Sir, said I, you have the Remedy in your own
hands; and therefore if you please I will withdraw. No, Madam, by no means,
says he, I only told you this Story to divert you, Madam: In short, we soon
agreed; for he was much a Gentleman, and perform'd what he undertook to my
great Satisfaction; and I (or else he flatter'd me) gave him as much
content.

But 'twas not always I had such good Luck, for not long after, I met with
one, who tho' he appear'd very well to sight, gave me more than I car'd
for; and more than I cou'd rid my self on for a great while after. 'Twas
then, Madam, by taking _Mercury_, and using Salivations, to be rid of that
unwelcome Guest, the Pox, that I lost all that Beauty which I once cou'd
boast of. And then, as one misfortune seldom comes alone, my Husband,
whilst I was in this condition, dy'd; who while he liv'd, allow'd me some
small Maintenance; but hearing on his Death-Bed the Misfortune that had
then befallen me, he became so exasperated against me, he only left me
Twenty Shillings to buy a Coffin for me, as thinking I shou'd ne'er
Recover; whereas before, as I have since been told by the Executors, he
design'd at least a hundred Pounds for me.

The great Expences of my Sickness (which had besides made me unfit for
Business) had brought me pretty low; and I was now quite destitute of any
other way to help my self but the old Trade of Whoring; and yet I was
afraid of being now a Common Night-walker, lest I shou'd meet with such
another Job as I had met withal before; which wou'd have ruin'd me to all
Intents and Purposes: But by a Friend of mine, that had been a Well-wisher
to the calling, I was advis'd, as much the safer way, to list my self as a
Retainer to a Private _Vaulting School_; where I was told (and indeed found
it so) that there were none admitted but what were Sound and Tight. To
this, altho the Gains to me was less, yet since there was less hazard of
the Pox, I thought it best to hire my self: And this Madam, was such a
House as now I keep my self. Where we don't only take special care, that
none but what are free from all Distempers be admitted; but likewise have
Surgeons and Apothecaries with whom we are in Fee, who, if we but suspect
the least miscarriage, straight give us something that may carry't off.

Here I continued for some time: and tho I say't, behav'd my self so well,
that I was prefer'd to the best Gentlemen; for tho, my Natural Beauty had
been much decay'd, yet I by Art so patch'd it up again, that I by my good
Management, pass'd for a Maid at first to all that didn't know me: And
besides what my Mistress got, I am sure I had ten Guineas given me by an
Esquire for parting with my Maiden-head; which I had parted with many years
past; and yet I sold it to new Customers several times after.

During the time that I was in this Station, I met with several odd
Adventures; some of which I shall briefly give you an account of.

Having been one day abroad, my Mistress desired me to call at the
_Carriers_, to see if there was any young Country-Lasses come to Town (for
our calling is not to be carried on to advantage without now and then
having fresh Goods) I went to that purpose to _Bosom's Inn_; and had that
day drest up my self like a Country-Lass that I might with the less
difficulty engage 'em. But when I came thither, I found there was none:
While I was asking the _Carrier_ when I might expect any, I saw a couple of
young Gentlemen standing near me, as if they had some Business with the
_Carrier_ when I had done; which occasion'd me to make the more haste: As
soon as I had left the _Carrier_ and was come away, before I was got into
_St. Lawrence Lane_, they over-took me, and ask'd me if I was not a
_Lancashire_ Maid? I told 'em Yes; being resolv'd to know what their design
was. Then they ask'd me what part of _Lancashire_? I told 'em _Preston_;
for I was acquainted with the Names of the chief Towns there. They then
desired me to go and take part of a Glass of Wine with them; which I at
first seem'd to scruple, but being more importunately urg'd, I was easily
perswaded. And so went to the _Feathers-Tavern_ near _Queenstreet_ Corner
in _Cheapside_; where a Glass of _Canary_ being call'd for, one of 'em
drank to me, and I drank to the other. After which one of 'em came pretty
close up to me, and would needs have been feeling where I was'nt willing to
let him, whereupon I told him he was very uncivil to invite one that was a
Stranger to a Tavern; and then to offer any such thing to her. Let her
alone says the other, I believe she's but new come out of the Countrey, and
does not understand the way of the Town: Pray, Sweet-heart, says he,
addressing himself to me, How long have you been in Town? Ever since last
_Fryday_, said I: But pray, why do ye ask? To be plain with ye, says he,
This young Man and my self have a Request to you, which if you grant, may
be for your Advantage as long as you live: Pray, Sir, said I what's that?
Why, says he, we are both Apprentices in one House, at a _Linnen drapers_
in _Cornhill_? (but 'tis no Matter for that, for you don't know Places yet)
and we have a mind to keep a young Woman between us; and we wou'd willingly
have a Countrey-Maid, that is'nt much acquainted with the Town; and if you
please, you shall be she. I presently smoaked their design, but behav'd my
self as ignorantly as I cou'd on purpose, because I found there was
something to be got by 'em. So I reply'd, Withal my heart, Sir, if we can
agree, for I want a good Service. Well, says the other Spark that wou'd
have been so forward with me, We shan't disagree, I dare say. What Wages do
you ask? Why Sir, says I, I have liv'd in good Gentlemens Houses in
_Lancashire_; and I think I deserve Four pounds a Year. Well, well, says
the other we shall give you Four times Four pounds a year and more: But
then you must do what we'd have you. Yes, said I, I shall be willing to do
what you'd have me, if you please to tell me what it is: Why said he, your
Business will be Easie enough, and pleasant enough: For we intend to take a
very good Lodging for you, and provide you with all things necessary; and
your Business shall only be to lie with one of us one Night, and the other
another. The chief thing we shall desire of you, is only to keep your self
entirely to us, and not stir out without our Approbation. And for other
things you shall have what you will, and be maintain'd like a Gentlewoman;
For we'll maintain you; and the Money you shall have, shall be for your own
Occasions, and to find you New Cloths. _Well, Sir, says I, for such things
we shou'd not differ; but we in the Country think 'tis a Wicked thing to
lye with Folks, unless they be Married; and then they mun be married but to
one nother: And so that mun not be, Sir._ I know not what you do in the
Country, _says one of the Sparks_, but here in _London_ 'tis as common as
Washing of Dishes. And People of the best Quality do it. Look ye,
_continued he_, to Encourage you, we will give you Thirty Pounds a Year:
And Maintain you besides. We cou'd have enow in Town to serve us, and thank
you too; but we look upon you to be an Innocent Country Maid, and for that
reason we had rather have you than another: Are you sure you are a Maid,
_said the other_? _Sure!_ said I? _Yes, I think I am._ Yes, yes, _said the
other_, I believe she is: _But I believe_, said I, _You but taak'n all this
while, for no Body mun do such things._ No, I'll assure you, _says the more
serious of the two_, We are in Earnest; and we'll pay you down half your
Money, fifteen Pounds now, to put your self in a good Garb, fit for a
Gentleman's Mistress. _But what mun I do for't_, said I? _Let's agree upon
that first. You shall be Mistress to us both_, said they: _And let one of
us lye with you one time, and the other another: And we'll now go along
with you, and take a Lodging for you; and you shall go under the Notion of
our _Sister_, and we will be your _Brothers_; And so no Notice shall be
taken of it._--_But not to trouble you longer, _Madam_, with the
Particulars, we at last agreed the matter; and I had fifteen Pounds paid me
down for half a Years Pay: And my two Sparks cast Lots, to decide the
Important Controversie of who should lie with me first: And it happened to
him that was the most Civil of the Two; And he was to tarry with me till
Ten a Clock at Night, at my New Lodgings, and then to go home, for he cou'd
not stay all Night. So to it we went, and I gave him all the Satisfaction
he desir'd; counterfeiting the matter so well, that he was mightily pleased
with the Enjoyment he had: And went home very well satisify'd; telling me,
he wou'd acquaint his fellow-Prentice that was to come the next Night, that
he had found me all Love and Charms. And so took his Leave of me._

When my young Gallant was gone, I began to consider that I had all I was
like to have of 'em: and that one Fool was enough to be troubled with; and
since they had paid me but one half of my Salary, and for that one of 'em
had enjoy'd me, & had what he wanted, I tho' we were pretty even. And so
getting up Early the next Morning, I left at once my Lodgings and Gallants.
And at night when the other came, (as without Doubt he did instead of
Meeting with me,) I left him this Note in the Key-hole,

  _For your small Stipend, I'll ne'er liv in Goal,_
  _Go seek a Trull that can divide her Tayl:_
  _One half I've Pleas'd, I one half am Paid:_
  _Had I got all, I shou'd have longer Staid._
  _And yet you cann't say I was Ungenteel,_
  _For I let one _Kiss_ and the other _Feel_._

How pleas'd the disappointed Fop was with my Poetry, I know not; for I
ne'er went again to my New Lodging to enquire after 'em.

_Well_, said the Goldsmiths Lady, _I ne'er heard of a prettier Intrigue
before and I dare say you serv'd 'em very handsomely.--But pray proceed_.

Another time, I serv'd a Goldsmith's Prentice a pretty Trick; For having
been abroad about some business, and coming home i'th' evening, a young
Spark, exceeding Beauish, (with a New Modish Suit of Cloaths on) that had
been drinking hard all Day, would need be picking of me up, when I did'nt
at all intend it. But seeing him so earnest for a Bout, that I cou'd'nt get
rid of him, I had him to a House I was acquainted with by th' way, and
there after a heartening Cup or two, and having handled his Posteriours, to
see he didn't put a Trick upon me, I let him have what he so eagerly
desir'd; and diving into his Pockets i'th' mean while, I found he had but
one poor single Shilling left; which vext me so, that I resolv'd I wou'd be
even with him another way; and therefore when he had done what he'd a mind
to do, I presently call'd briskly for a fresh Bottle of the Best, which
whilst we were drinking, I said _Well, Spark, as a Reward for your
excellent Performance, which has been beyond my Expectation, and shew'd you
to be a good Womans Man, I will divert you with an Entertainment worth your
Seeing. Come, it shall cost you nothing; only I must beg the Favour of you
to unrig, and lend me your Cloaths for half an hour; and I will bring you a
Mant and Petticoat to wear the while; and you shall see a Jolly Crew of
Active Dames, which will perform such Leacherous Agilities as will stir you
up to take the other Touch, and far out-vie whatever has been either done,
or related to be done, by Madam _Creswel_, Posture _Moll_, the Countess of
_Alsatia_, or any other German Rope-dancer whatever._ The Spark was
extreamly tickled with the Fancy, and presently uncas'd himself; and gave
me all his Bravery, and was so over-forward, that he not only gave me his
Cloaths, but his Rings, Cane, and Hat, and Wig; so that he left hinself
nothing but his Shirt and his Stockings; and the Mistress of the House
being my Friend, I borrowed of her an old Mant and Petty-coat; which the
Fool of a Fop put on. I told him I must intreat his Patience for half an
hours time, till the Company was Drest, and so went down Stairs; and
telling of my Friend how it went, and we being to go half Snips in the
Booty, I went off with the things, which I pawn'd for about four Pounds,
keeping his Rings to my self, and left my Landlady to manage the rest.
After the Disrobed Spark had waited for the space of an hour with great
Petience, and longing Expectation, for this Comical Show, and no Body came
at him, his Patience was quite tir'd, and therefore knocking with his foot,
the Maid of the House came up, of whom he enquired for such a Person, as
well as he could, describing me. The Maid pretended an intire Ignorance of
the matter, and so whipp'd down Stairs again. But he knocking again, up
comes the Mistress, who seeming to take him for a Woman, ask'd him, _What
he would have?_ He answer'd, _Such a Woman to whom he'd lent his Cloaths_;
but she not only made her self Ignorant of the matter, but call'd him
_Bitch, Whore, Cheat, Pick-Pocket_, and all to nought, concluding her
Harmonious Harrangue in this manner, _Ye dirty Drab, don't think to put
your Cheats upon me: You came in here with a Spruce Young Man, and for
ought I know you have Pick'd his Pocket, and sent him away, and now you go
about to Cheat me of my Reckoning; but that shan't do ye _Whore_, for I'll
have my Reckoning quickly, or else I'll Strip your Gown off your Arse_; but
the poor Rogue having no Money to pay, she forthwith stript him of his
Mant: And thus half Naked, in a Petticoat slit up to the Breeches; an old
broken pair of Stays, and a few Ragged Head-Cloaths, he was kick'd down
Stairs into the Street. _And being willing to know the end of this Comical
Adventure, I had planted one to watch what he did: Who followed him at a
distance till he went into an _Alehouse_ in _Foster-Lane_, where my Spy
went in after him, and called for a Pot of Drink; and there heard him tell
a Lamentable Story how he was robb'd by some _Foot-Pads_ (as he came from
_Hampstead_, where he had been to see his _Uncle_) who had stript him of
all his Cloaths, and given him those things to cover his Nakedness: The
People of the House compassionated him very much, and lent him a Suit of
Cloaths, Hat and Wig, with which he went to his Master's, who was a
Goldsmith, and liv'd at the sign of the ---- in Cheapside.--And I appeal to
you Madam, whether he wasn't serv'd in his kind._

_I think_, reply'd the Goldsmiths Lady, _you are very happy and Ingenious
in all your Contrivances; and for ought I know, might have contributed more
to reclaim him from those Courses, than all the Lectures and Sermons that
could have been Preached against 'em; for one wou'd think he should have
but little Mind any more to those Sweet Meats which were attended with such
sower Sauce--But pray go on with the Story of your Life._

_Madam_, said she, having continued for many years with my Mistress, where
we kept very good orders, and liv'd in Reputation also among our Neighbors,
for we went constantly to Church, not only to make a shew of being
Religious, but to expose ourselves to the view of the Gallants: For our
Mistress or Governess always ordered us to follow her, and to take all
opportunitiss, as we came down Stairs from the Galleries, or as we past
over the Kennels in the Streets, to lift up our Coats so high, that we
might shew our handsome Legs and Feet, with a good fine Worsted or Silk
pair of Stockins on; by which means the Gallants would be sure either to
dog us 'emselves, or else to send their Footmen to see where we liv'd, and
then they would afterwards come to us themselves. By which means we have
got many a good Customer. And when we came home from Church, we generally,
if we had none of our Gallants with us, spent our time in reading of
Play-Books, that we might know the better how to entertain our Guests with
witty Discourses. Having, I say, spent several years in this calling, and
got some Monys by me, our Mistress happened to Die; and I finding the
Decays of Nature come upon me, and that I began to grow unserviceable, I
bought the Goods and Furniture my self, and so kept others under me, as my
Mistress had done before me. And drove that Trade in the same House (which
was in St. _Thomas Apostles_) for many years, and might have been there
still, had it not been for one Unfortunate Accident, which I'll next relate
to you.

One Day a Gentleman in a very good genteel Habit, knocks at my Door, which
I open'd my self, and ask'd him what he'd have? Upon which, coming in a
Doors, Madam, says he, I understand that you are a Person Charitably
Disposed, and do now and then help a Languishing Lady, or a Love-sick
Gallant: And therefore I took this Opportunity to Salute you, hoping that
you will shew the same kindness to me, that you have done to others upon
the same Considerations.--Sir, said I, you must give me leave to ask you
some Questions before we enter into any further conversation--With all my
heart, Madam, said he:--Then, said I, Pray who recommended you to me, on
that account? I hope you don't take me for a Bawd? Nay, Madam, said he,
pray don't affront me; Neither do I look like a Porter, common Soldier, or
Lacquey, so as to stand in need of a Bawds Assistance: Nor am I one of
those who will take up with what the Street affords: For I assure you I
don't eat _Baked Pudding_ or _Apple-Pye_ at _Holbourn-Bridge_, or such
other Places, as common Carmen do. Nor, to be plain with you, Madam, said
he, am I one of those Fellowes that usually Dine at any Greasie Ordinaries;
and therefore I am for something fit for a Gentleman, and will pay
accordingly. Very well, Sir, says I: I hope you will take nothing amiss; I
see you are a Gentleman; but I have sometimes had Tricks put upon me, and
therefore am as choice in the company I entertain, as you are in keeping
your Company. Upon which account be not angry if I repeat my Question, Pray
who recommended you to me? To which he reply'd, Madam, I thought you had
not been so very scrupulous at this time of Day, when Money is so very
scarce. But seeing you press me to it, I know that you help'd Esq; ---- to
a very fine Mistress.--The Gentleman he Named, being one I was well
acquainted with, and whose Necessities I had often supply'd with some of my
First-rate-Frigots, as he used to call 'em; I had no more mistrust of him;
and therefore taking him to be a Friend of his: Nay, now, said I to him,
you begin to speak Sense. Be pleased to go along with me; and so lead him
into a Room which joyn'd to my Parlour that was hung round with Pictures;
representing all the Amours of _Ovid_'s Heathen Gods; and amongst them were
intermix'd several of those Ladies of Pleasure I kept in my House, drawn in
very amorous and inviting Postures; One with her Golden Tresses dishelv'd
upon her Shoulders & her Brests Naked; another was drawn putting on her
Smock, a third tying her Garters, and a Fourth in the Arms of her Gallant:
When he had well looked round about him, _Madam_, said he, _I perceive you
have Entertainment to provoke the dullest Appetite; and if you have really
the Original of these Pictures, I don't much wonder that you insist upon
good Terms. Therefore pray let me know what you expect to Oblige me with
the dishelv'd Golden Locks._ Sir, said I, my lowest is a Guinea in hand,
and a Guinea a Week for the Accomodation of my House; and taking care that
you may have her ready for your use, so long as you continue my Pensioner:
But as for her own Terms, I leave that to your self and her--_But_, said
he, _may I not see the Person first, that I may be satisfied the Painter
has not flatter'd her?_ Yes, Sir, said I, provided that you don't spend too
much time before you come to a Conclusion.--_Leave that to me_, said he,
_for you shall be no Looser:_ Whereupon I slipt out of the Room, and call'd
one Mrs. _Gertrude_ (which was the Person he desir'd) who came in
immediately; and going up towards the Gentleman, he desir'd her to sit
down; and as I was a with drawing he call'd to me likewise, and told me he
must discourse with us both, before he enter'd into any further
Familiarity; and then, addressing himself to Mrs. _Gertrude_, said, _Well,
my pretty Madam, what Gratification do you expect for your Company _per_
Week?_ She answer'd him, Two Guineas: _But_, said he, _What assurance,
Madam, shall I have that you will be my Sole Property during the time that
you and I agree upon? And that you will not dispence your Favours, likewise
to others?_ Nay, Sir, said I to him, if you intend to Monopolize her wholly
to your self, you must raise your Price, or we cannot else Maintain our
selves like Gentlewomen; and afford Accommodations fit for Gentlemen.
_Well, Ladies_, said he, _I will now pull off my Mask: You have both
confessed your way of Living to me, and I have discover'd your Crimes,
without being Criminal my self: And therefore not doubting but both of you
pretend to be Christians, for I am told you go constantly to Church, I
adjure you by his Name whom you profess, to tell me how you can answer it
to him, or to your own Consciences, to Live in downright Disobedience to
his holy Laws, and in defiance to the known Laws of the Land?_ With much
more Preachment to the same Purpose, too long to repeat. I must Confess
both my self and Mrs. _Gertrude_, were both struck with some Amazement at
this unexpected Entertainment; And seeing her a little daunted, I answer'd,
Sir, I shall quickly bring you those that will give you better
Satisfaction. And so rise up to call in a couple of Men-Servants belonging
to my House. Upon which he rise up likewise, and catching me by the Arm,
pull'd out a short Constable's Staff, Commanding me to sit down, or
otherwise I should find it was in his Power to take another Course with me.
This indeed increas'd my surprise, and made me a little mute for the
Present; which he seeing, got between the Door and us, and then was so
uncivil as to tell me, That I was a Vile Woman; and all the difference he
knew between a Bawd and a Procurer, was only such as was between a common
_Tom-Turd-Man_, and a Person of Qualities House-Maid, who Emptied
_Close-Stools_: And then told Mrs _Gertrude_ that the difference between
her and the Trulls that pli'd in the Streets, was no other then betwixt a
common _Vau't_ and a Private _Close-stool_. Upon which she told him that
his Comparisons were very odious; and that such Language didn't become a
Gentleman: But he answer'd, That our Language wanted words to express the
fulsomeness of our Crimes, calling us _Dogs_, and _Swine_, and _Goats_, and
a deal of such _Billingsgate-Stuff_, till he had so provok'd my Passion,
That I told him boldly, That I didn't value his Fanatical Cant, for there
were Men of better Sense than he, thought it no Sin; and that I knew the
Opinion of the greatest Wits in the Town, in those things; and car'd not
what a parcel of Canting Coxcombs said.--To which he reply'd, _My Coming
hither was to do you good, and to turn you (if Possible) from your Wicked
Courses; but seeing you are hardened in it, and will not be reclaimed, I
will take care to have your Quarters beat up, and spoil your Trading here
for time to come._ And so he left us.

This unexpected Adventure put us all to a stand. And after consulting what
was best to be done, I resolved not to venture being expos'd, and so
immediately with-drew, and took down all my Pictures, leaving only a
Servant in the House for some days, to see whether he wou'd be as good as
his word: and in three Days after, a Constable came with a Warrant to
search the House for disorderly Persons; but finding only a Servant there,
he told her he perceiv'd the Birds were flown. The search being over, some
of my Women were for returning again; but I oppos'd it, as not judging it
safe; and the Event prov'd it so; for the Day they design'd to have gone,
there was another Search made, and a strict enquiry after what was become
of us? Which made all to commend my Caution and Conduct.

This last Search made us look upon that Place as unsafe to go to again; for
I perceiv'd that Disguis'd Constable was a busie Fellow, and wou'd be
always Jealous of our Returning again. So I threw up my Lease of that
House, and from thence came hither: Where I have continued ever since. And
carrying a good Correspondence amongst my Neighbours, I have never been
molested here, but when there is any Trade stirring, I have my share of it.
And thus, Madam, I have given you the History of my Life hitherto; which I
have been more particular in, because of your Civility and Generosity
towards me. And if you find at any time an occasion to make use of any
Gentleman to supply any Deficiency you may meet with at home, or to
gratifie your Inclination with a desire of Change I will be always ready to
serve you to the utmost of my Power.

The Bawd having thus finish'd her Narration, the Goldsmith's Lady gave her
many thanks, and told her that her Relation had been very diverting to her,
_But_, said she, _there is one thing that I have had a mind to ask you two
or three times and still forgot it._ Pray Madam, said the Bawd, What may
that be? For I am very ready to resolve you in any thing I can--_That is_,
reply'd the She-Goldsmith, _Whether or no these new Attempts for
Reformation be not a very great hinderance to you in your Business? For I
am told that some of the Members of the Society put themselves into all
Shapes, that they may make a Discovery of such Houses. And I suppose he who
disturb'd you at your other House might be one of them. And therefore
methinks this should quite spoil your Trade: For as matters are now
manag'd, how do you know who to Trust?_

To this the Bawd reply'd thus: As to what you say Madam, there is this in
it, That it makes us use more Caution than we us'd to do. For we now admit
of none into our Houses that are Strangers. But perhaps you may say, That I
us'd a great deal of Caution with the other Person who was a Trapan before;
which is really true enough; and when he mention'd to me Esq; ---- I
thought I might very well have trusted him: But I'll tell you how that
hapen'd; Esq; _S----_ had it seems been talking to some intimate Friends of
his, of some very pretty Ladies that he had to do withal: For indeed being
a good Customer, and paying very well, he had always the Cream of all that
came to my House; being very much a Gentleman; and one whom I wou'd be glad
to help to your Embraces, if you wou'd do me that Honour, and I am sure you
cann't have to do with a Compleater Person, and one better fitted to serve
a Woman. _You wou'd, make me have a Mind to him_, reply'd the Lady: Well,
Madam, _said the Bawd_, ere it be long, I'll bring you two together. But,
as I was a saying, he having told some intimate Friends of his, that he had
the enjoyment of a very fine Lady: said one of 'em, _Prithee_ Esq, _who
is't that helps you to these fine Ladies that you talk of?_ Upon this, not
doubting but they wou'd keep his Counsel, he told 'em 'twas I that help'd
him, upon such occasions; and one of these Gentlemen told another of his
Comrades in the hearing of the Disguis'd Constable, who made that use of it
I have already told you. But now, to prevent the like accidents, we admit
no Strangers, unless they bring a Letter from the Person they are
Recommended by, and therein an Account of the last time they were here. By
which means we are very secure; and tho' the Society for Reformation, as
they call it, does utterly Ruine all such as are Publick Houses of
Assignation, yet our Trade is rather made the better by it; because here
they may meet without Danger of being Exposed, as a Worthy Gentlewoman had
like to have been not long ago, which might have been her Ruine, had she
not fallen into the hands of Gentlemen.

_Pray how was that_, said the Goldsmith's Lady?

It is a Story worth your hearing, _reply'd the Bawd_; and if you please
I'll give you the Relation of it, as I had it from one of the Gentlemen
concern'd therein. _You will Oblige me very much_; answer'd the Lady.
Whereupon the Bawd thus began.

It happened that two Gentlemen belonging to the Army (of which the one was
my Particular Acquaintance, and a good Customer to my House) taking Water
at the _Still-yard_, was minded to divert themselves upon the River, by
going up to _Chelsie_-Reach; where they sometimes met with pretty Ladies
proper for their Purpose, But as they were going along, they perceived a
very fine Gentlewoman in a rich Garb, in a _Sculler_, all alone; and also
observed that she made the _Sculler_, who was a good likely Young Man, row
her sometimes one way, and sometimes another, without going to any certain
Place. This gave 'em occasion to Conjecture that she had appointed some
Spark or other to meet her thereabouts, whose coming she expected with some
Impatience; as they easily perceiv'd:

  _For that which frets a Woman most,_
  _Is when her Expectation's crost._

After she had near half hour in that manner fluctuated to and fro upon the
silver Surges of _Thamesis_, like one of the _Nereides_, and found she was
disappointed; she bid the _Sculler_ Land her at the _Three Cranes_, which
he accordingly did; and the Gentlemen likewise order'd their _Oars_ to Land
'em at the same Place; and observ'd, after the Lady was Landed, that the
_Sculler_ ask'd for his Money, and she bid him follow her; and after he
follow'd her into _Thames-street_, he began to grumble, and told her he
cou'd go no further, and therefore he wou'd have his Money; which she wou'd
not give him whithout he went wither she was going, telling him she wou'd
pay him for his time. This made the Gentlemen dog her, and soon after saw
her go into the _Three-Cranes Tavern_, and the _Sculler_ after her; which
the Gentlemen seeing, and (being resolv'd to know the bottom of this
intrigue) follow'd them into the same Tavern; and bid the Drawer, if it was
possible, let them have the next Room to that which the Gentlewoman had,
who came in just before 'em with a _Waterman_ following her: The Drawer
told 'em there was Company in the next Room then, but they were paying
there Reckoning, and would be gone immediately; and in the mean time
desir'd 'em to walk into a Box in the Yard, which they accordingly did; and
whilst they sat there, they saw the Waterman go out again. Presently after
the Drawer came and told 'em that the Room was now empty, which they
forthwith went into, and had the conveniency through a hole in the Wall, to
see the Gentlewoman unseen, who sat leaning her Arm upon the Table, in a
very melancholy Posture, as one much dissatisfy'd; having a Glass of Wine
before her, and Pen, Ink and Paper. Soon after the Waterman comes in again,
and tells her the Gentleman had not been at home since Morning, nor did
they know where he was. Where's the Note that I gave you, says she? Which
he giving her, she took and tore it, and then burn'd it, Then taking the
Glass, what's your Name, Waterman, said she? An't please you, Madam, my
Name's _John_: Well, then honest _John_ here's to ye, says she; and drank
off her Glass, and made _John_ fill a Brimmer and drink it off. And then
_John_ offering to go, she said, No, _John_, you shan't go yet, I have
something to eat, and you shall stay and eat with me: Don't be uneasie
_John_, for I'll pay you well for your time. Presently up comes the Drawer
and brings a _Lobster_ and a Piece of _Sturgeon_, with him; then bidding
the Drawer bring a Quart of _Canary_ up, she ask'd _John_ whether he lov'd
_Lobster_ and _Sturgeon_? Yes, very well, Madam, reply'd _John_, but they
are too good for my common Eating. After the other Quart of _Canary_ was
brought up, and the Drawer gone down, she bid _John_ come nearer and sit
down; and at last having both eat and drank Plentifully, she pull'd _John_
close to her, and told him he look'd like a clever well-made Fellow, and
ask'd him, if he did'nt think himself capable of doing a Ladies Business?
which put _John_ so much out of Countenance he did'nt know what to say to
her: Upon which, first Embracing the Dull Fool in her Arms, Come, says she,
let's see how well you're furnish'd: And then putting her Hand into his
Breeches, _John_ began to think she was in Earnest, and made as bold with
her; giving her what she wanted; and then calling for another Quart of
Wine, and having drank and repeated their Amorous Embraces two or three
times, she gave _John_ a Guinea; and told him she lik'd him so well, that
she would go by Water with him that day Sennight; and charg'd him to meet
her then at five a Clock, at _Paul's Wharf_; and she wou'd then give him
such another Treat. Which _John_ promis'd her to do, and so went away very
well Satisfied. The two Gentlemen who (unseen of her) had seen and heard
all those Passages; were resolv'd to make a further Discovery of the
Gentlewoman and so dogg'd her home to her own House, which happen'd to be
at a _Woollen-Drapers_ in St. _Paul's Church-Yard_. Having thus seen her at
her own House they left her, and went to their own Lodgings.

The next Morning they went into _Paul's Church-Yard_ to make the Lady a
visit, but past many times to & fro before the Door, but cou'd'nt get a
sight of her. In the Afternoon they came again, and having waited up and
down about an hour, they at last saw her in the Shop, and knew her to be
the same Person: Whereupon going into the Shop they ask'd her to see some
of the best _Scarlet-Cloth_, and whilst the other Gentleman was busie in
choosing the Cloth, my Friend took an opportunity to tell the Lady what a
Passion he had for her, and how ready he wou'd be to serve her with the
greatest hazard, and how he hop'd to be made happy with the enjoyment of
her last Favours; but she seeming to be mightily affronted at his
Discourse, told him, That if he did'nt leave off prating at that rate to
her, she would call to her Man to Kick him out of the Shop: Which
disdainful Carriage did so much exasperate him, that he replyed with some
heat, Why Madam, do you think I cann't do your Business as well as _John_
did, at the _Three-Cranes_ Tavern in _Thame-street_, last Night? These
words made her change as Pale as Death: Sir, said she, As you are a
Gentleman, I hope you won't expose me: And I'll oblige you in what'e'er you
ask me.--Chuse your Cloth, says she, and I'll come down to you presently.
And then going up Stairs she return'd again in two minutes, and put twenty
Guineas into his hands, to pay for the Cloth, appointing to meet 'em at the
old Tavern an hour after; which she did accordingly, gratifying both the
Gentlemen with the same Favours she had bestow'd the Night before upon
_John_ the Waterman, whose Nose these Gentlemen had put out of
joint.--Judge you now, Madam, what a case this Gentlewoman had been in, had
she fallen into other hands. But all such accidents are avoided by those
that make use of such a House as mine.

The Bawd having made an End of her Discourse, after a little pause, The
Goldsmith's Lady thus began:

_I return you many Thanks for the Relation of your Life: Your Advice before
has sav'd my Reputation to my Husband and the World; which he who had first
Tempted me to Lewdness, and overcame me through the Love of Money, would
have afterwards Expos'd; for which I think my self oblig'd to you: But the
Relation you have now given me, has Oblig'd me much more; for it has made
me quite out of Love with the Trade you have all along follow'd; if for
nothing else, because of the Dangers that attend it. For if you look back,
and reflect upon your first going astray, it was full of danger and hazard;
and how private so ever you thought you were in it, yet it could not escape
your Husbands Jealousie and Mistrust; and at last, when you least suspected
it, was fully discover'd by your Gallant himself. And that occasion'd your
being turn'd out of Doors; and that taking all sense of shame from you, (as
you well observed) exposed you to a thousand Temptantions; which being
suited to your own Natural Inclinations, you presently closed withal; which
in a little time was, it seems, attended by the Pox; and which besides,
many times laid you open to the Cognizance of the Civil Magistrate; and
made you afraid of every one you saw; which must needs be a very uneasy
Life.--I can speak some thing of this by my own experience: For after I had
given way to Mr. _Bramble_'s desires, and yeilded to his Unlawful Embraces,
I was so full of Guilt, that when ever my Husband call'd hastily to me, or
spoke in the least angrily, I thought it was to tell me of my playing the
Whore with Mr. _Bramble_, my guilt still flying in my Face; so that I wou'd
not be expos'd to the like Fears again, for double the value of what I
receiv'd from him. But having been over come by him, the fear of his
exposing of me, as I perceive he intended, had not you helpt me to prevent
him, caus'd me to serve him as I did._--But you cannot imagine, (said she)
what a Consternation I was put into the other Night, when a Constable that
lives hard by us, and is one of the Society for Reformation, came to our
House, and told my Husband he came to tell him of some Discoveries he had
lately made, which were worth his hearing: My blood came all into my Face,
and I did not question but that I was to be the Subject of his Discourse.
But when I had heard out his Stories, I was better satisfy'd: Tho' they
were such as sufficiently declare the Danger, that such as you are dayly
in, of being detected, as those were of whom he gave my Husband a Relation:
Which indeed I thought to be diverting enough, as long as it did not
concern me. For tho' we care not to be expos'd our selves, we are yet ready
to take a kind of pleasure in hearing that others are so.

If it were not too great a trouble (said the Bawd) I should be glad to hear
what those Discoveries were, that he made to your Husband; which perhaps
may be of use to me in knowing how to prevent the like Disasters.

I shall esteem it no trouble (reply'd the Gentlewoman) to tell you any
thing I can, that may be serviceable to you; especially, if it may but
prevail with you to leave off a Calling that is so hazardous as well as
wicked--But that will be more proper to discourse, when I have given you
the Constable's Relation; and that I shall give you in his own words; which
were as follows:

Being resolved, if possible, to prevent all that Debauchery that is acted
in the Streets of this great City every Night, I dress'd up my self as like
a Beau as possibly I could, and then taking my short Staff in my Pocket, I
went t'other Night abroad, to see what Discoveries I could make: And as I
went along the _Strand_, I met with a young Woman by the New _Exchange_,
who pretending to stumble, catch'd hold of my Coat, to save her self from
falling, and begg'd my Pardon for her Rudeness: I soon understood her
meaning, and looking upon her to be one of those Cattle I was in quest of,
I ask'd her whither she was going? She told me as far as _Sheer-Lane_, to
an Aunt of hers, where she Lodged, and she should be glad of my Company; by
which, being confirmed in what I before thought, I bid her go on, and I
would follow her, which I also did: and coming to the place said he, I
found there an old wither'd Bawd, who presently had us into a Room, and
ask'd us what we wou'd drink? I told her what the young Woman pleas'd; who
hereupon call'd for a Bottle of Ale. I told her I cou'd'nt drink, and
therefore bid her call her Aunt to drink with her: The old Woman coming in,
I bid her sit down, and ask'd her, how long she had follow'd that Trade;
What Trade, Sir, says she? Of keeping Nieces, said I: For I understand you
are this young Woman's Aunt. O Sir, said she, you are a merry Gentleman. I
have followed this Trade of being an Aunt, ever since Age made me uncapable
of being a Niece. That's a long Time ago, said I; but I believe it had been
better for you to have gone a _Nurse-keeping_, then a _Neice-keeping_.
That's your mistake Sir, says she: For as old as I am, I had rather hear a
young Girl and a brisk Spark Sing their Song by Turns, than to hear an old
Man grunting a Bed, and be oblig'd to hang my Nose continually over a
Close-Stool or a Chamber-Pot. A Glass of good Ale or Wine now and then, or
a Dram of cool _Nantz_, is more chearing to my old Spirits, than to be
sipping and tasting a little Stale Pearl Cordial or Juleps, or indeed any
Apothecaries Slop. Well, said I, you are a cunning old Woman; but pray let
me talk now to your Neice a little. Pray, how many such Aunts have you?
Why, truly Sir, said she, I have one at every corner of the Town, and lodge
sometimes with one, and sometimes with another, as I have occasion. Well
but, said I, had you not better go to Service then be burdensome to your
Freinds? No, Damn it, says she, I had rather be my own Mistress, and go to
Bed and rise when I will, then to be curb'd by every Snotty Dame. I
remember once, said she, I met with an old Master, who had a Colts Tooth in
his Head, and he would be smugling me, and kissing me in a corner, tho his
Breath was enough to turn my Stomach: but for the sake of a rusty Shilling
now and then, I was content to humour him. But when once my Mistress came
to know it, I had a Peal rung about my Ears, with the Tongs, and was forc'd
to pack out of Doors. Another time, I met with a young Master, and an old
Dame, and he wou'd always watch for an opportunity to catch me making the
Bed when my old Mistress was abroad at Market, or else sat wrapt in Flannel
by the Kitchen Fire; and with a thousands Langushing Looks and soft
Expressions, he would wish his Wife were as young and as handsome as I: or
that she was dead that he and I might make a match on't. By which means I
was betray'd to part with my Virgin-Treasure, and lick the Butter off my
old Mistresses Bread, with a very good Appetite. At last, the rising of my
Belly discover'd what I would willingly have conceal'd; this caus'd me to
be turn'd out of Doors, and left to provide for my self and a Child. Which,
when I was brought a Bed, I dispos'd to a poor Woman, who got her Living
with it, by begging in the Streets. And then finding I cou'd'nt be free
from Mens solicitations whilst a Servant, I e'en betook my self to the
present Employment, wherein I meet with Men enough, and am at no care, to
provide for Children.--When she had given an Account of her Life, said the
Constable, I then thought it was time to reprove them. And, addressing my
self to the Wench, said I, Would it not now have been a great Mortification
to you, if instead of following you to your Lodgings, I had deliver'd you
to a Constable, who had made you sit up all Night in the Round-house, and
sent you next Morning to _Bridewell_, to beat Hemp for your Living. The
young Slut nothing daunted by what I had said (says the Constable)
presently pluck'd up her Coats, and told me she'd find me other Business to
do. I seeing that pull'd out my Short Constables Staff, and told her she
didn't know her Danger, and had therefore best forbear her Impudence, or I
should quickly make her sensible that I had Power to punish her. This put
both the Old Woman and her self into a great fright; and altering her Tone,
she prayed me not to molest 'em and they would gratifie me any way
imaginable. And the Old Woman prayed me not to be severer to her then
others of my Office had formerly been: For, said she, this is not the first
time that I have been threatted in this manner, and I never yet found a
Constable, nor indeed scarce a Justice of Peace whom it was not in my Power
some time or other to oblige, either by my Purse, or in the way of my
Trade. For I have such fine Women at my Command, continued she, as are able
to Charm the most insensible Persons. I then told them, says the Constable,
That good Advice was meerly thrown away upon 'em, but I wou'd take another
Course that was more effectual; and so (says he) calling the Watch, they
were both sent that Night to the _Counter_> and the next day to
_Bride-well_; where they are still beating Hemp. And this Course (said the
Constable) I intend to take, as often as I meet with any of them.

When the Constable had made an End, my Husband and I both applauded his
Conduct. And tho' I have once been overcome; yet I resolve never to be
guilty of the like Folly again. Nor is it yet too late for you to repent
_said the Goldsmith's Lady to the Bawd_; tho you have run through so long a
course of Wickedness; which if you still continue in, will sooner or later
bring you to certain ruine.

Well, said the Bawd, I thought to have serv'd you, by the way of Gratitude,
for your kindness and Liberality to me, in my way of Business: But seeing
you are otherwise determined, I thank you for your Advice: and am very glad
that by my Discourse and seeing the Errors of my Life, you may come to
rectifie your own: My advice herein being the same with that of a late
great Debauchee, that writ a Book of his Life,

  _Read, but don't practice: For the Author finds_
  _They that live honest, have most quiet minds._

       *       *       *       *       *

FINIS.

       *       *       *       *       *

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