Produced by Michael Ciesielski, Melissa Er-Raqabi, Joshua Hutchinson
and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.





SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING


SOME THINGS THAT ALL SANE PEOPLE OUGHT TO KNOW ABOUT SEX NATURE AND
SEX FUNCTIONING; ITS PLACE IN THE ECONOMY OF LIFE, ITS PROPER TRAINING
AND RIGHTEOUS EXERCISE

H.W. LONG, M.D.


_AUTHORIZED EDITION_


EUGENICS PUBLISHING CO., INC.

NEW YORK

1919

MADE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA



TO MY FELLOW-MEMBERS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION INTO WHOSE HANDS THIS
BOOK MAY COME, AND TO ALL WHO MAY READ IT UNDER THEIR DIRECTION, THIS
VOLUME IS MOST SINCERELY DEDICATED BY THE AUTHOR.



NOTE TO THE READER

IN ORDER TO GAIN A CORRECT IMPRESSION OF THE BOOK, IT IS ESSENTIAL
THAT IT BE READ FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END WITHOUT ANY SKIPPING
WHATSOEVER. ONCE READ, IT CAN BE RE-READ, HERE AND THERE, AS THE
READER MAY DESIRE. BUT FOR A FIRST READING, IT IS THE EARNEST WISH
OF THE AUTHOR THAT EVERY WORD BE READ, FOR IN NO OTHER WAY CAN THE
PURPOSE OF THE BOOK BE REALIZED.





INTRODUCTION


As we have moved down the ages, now and then, from the religious
teacher, the statesman, the inventor, the social worker, or from the
doctor, surgeon, or sexologist, there has been a "_vox clamantis in
deserto_." Usually these voices have fallen on unheeding ears; but
again and again some delver in books, some student of men, some
inspired, self-effacing, or altruistic one has taken up the cry; and
at last unthinking, unheeding, superficial, self-satisfied humanity
has turned to listen.

Aristotle by the sure inductive method learned and taught much,
concerning the sex relations of men and women, that it would profit
us today to heed. Balzac, Luther, Michelet, Spencer, and later, at
our very doors, Krafft-Ebbing, Forel, Bloch, Ellis, Freud, Hall, and
scores of others have added their voices. All these have seen whither
we were drifting, and have made vigorous protests according to their
lights. Many of these protests should have been heard, but were not,
and only now are just beginning to be heeded. Such pioneers in the
field of proper, healthful, ethical, religious, sane daily sex living,
have been Sturgis and Malchow, who talked earnestly to an unheeding
profession of these things, and now, I have the honor to write
an introductory word to a book in this field, that is sane, wise,
practical, entirely truthful, and unspeakably necessary.

I can endorse the teachings in Dr. Long's book more fully because I
have, for nearly a quarter of a century, been holding similar views,
and dispensing similar, though perhaps less explicit, information.
I know from long observation that the teaching is wholesome and
necessary, and that the results are universally uplifting. Such
teachings improve health, prolong life, and promote virtue, adding to
the happiness and lessening the burdens of men, on the one hand; on
the other, reducing their crimes and vices. A book like this would
have proved invaluable to me on my entrance to the married state; but
had I had it, I might not have been forced to acquire the knowledge
which enables me now to state with all solemnity, that I personally
know hundreds of couples whose lives were wrecked for lack of such
knowledge, and that I more intimately know hundreds of others to
whom verbal teaching along the lines he has laid down, has brought
happiness, health and goodness.

Dr. Long advances no theories; neither do I. He has found by studying
himself and other people, a sane and salutary way of sex living, and
fearlessly has prescribed this to a limited circle for a long time. I
congratulate him for his perspicacity, temerity, and wisdom. He offers
no apology, and there is no occasion for any. He says, "All has been
set down in love, by a lover, for the sake of lovers yet to be, in the
hope of helping them on toward a divine consummation." That is, he has
developed these ideas at home, and then spread them abroad, or, he has
found them abroad and brought them home; and they worked.

I also speak somewhat _ex experientia_ and have some intimate personal
knowledge of many of these things. Therefore, I advocate his doctrine,
the more readily, and maintain that humanity needs these ideas as
much today as when M. Jules Lemaitre wrote his late introduction to
Michelet's _L'Amour_. He said: "_Il ne parait pas, apres quarante ans
passes, que les choses aillent mieux, ni que le livre de Michelet
ait rien perdu de son a-propos_." Twenty years more have elapsed
and things have not yet become much better. Frank sex talks like Dr.
Long's teaching are as a-propos today as was Michelet's book when it
was written, or when, after forty years had passed M. Lemaitre wrote
his introduction.

Idealism is right, and we all approve it; so much so, that many of us
cannot see that ultra-idealism, extremism in right, (it is foolish
to attempt to attain anything better than the best) may be wrong.
Undoubtedly, entire devotion to the material and physical, is also
wrong; but we never must lose sight of the palpable fact that, unless
we have a proper, stable, natural, well-regulated physical or
material foundation, we must fall short of all ideals. Proper physical
adjustments enable the realization of realizable ideals. Unrealizable
ideals are chimeras pursued into futurity, while a world that should
be human and happy waits in vice and misery. I gather that Dr. Long
believes that reducing this vice and misery, and increasing human
happiness and improving health are suitable works with which to
companion a faith in the Arbiter of our destinies.

If thus he develops his idea of the integrity of the universe, I agree
with him fully. His book, since it delineates the numerous details of
a normal sex life, can be sold, thanks to our prudish public, only to
the profession. I believe it should go to the larger public as it has
gone formerly to his smaller community.

In spite of imperfect ideals the Orient has endured, while we of the
Occident are fast becoming decadent. We, by learning something of
the art of love, and of the natural life of married people, from the
Hindoos, may perpetuate our civilization. They, by adopting the best
of our transcendentalism, may reach higher development than we yet
have attained.

The time has come for a book like this to command the attention of
medical men, since now an awakened public demands from them, as the
conservers of life and the directors of physiological living, explicit
directions in everything pertaining to the physician's calling, not
omitting the intimate, intricate, long taboo and disdained details of
sex life and procreation.

W.F. ROBIE, M.D.





CONTENTS


INTRODUCTION

By Dr. W.F. Robie, author of "The Art of Love"

Need for facts about sex and love--Present ignorance of sex
relations--Sex information improves health, prolongs life, promotes
virtue, adds to happiness--Frank talks needed--This book describes
details of normal sex life, describes art of love, gives explicit
instructions pertaining to intimacies of sex life.


FOREWORD


Answers problems of sex life in the delicate relations of
marriage--Most people too timid to reveal reasons for their sexual
difficulties--Knowledge in a book less embarrassing to gain--Never
before could people find facts they wanted to know most--This book
prepared especially to help husbands and wives to live wholesome sex
lives--Gives them facts all married people should know--Explains
how to use that information to make marriage a success--Especially
valuable for newlyweds if read on honeymoon--Those now married who do
not get on well together will find in this book relief from suffering
and woe.


EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION


Wrong teachings about sex--Children brought up in ignorance on sex
matters--No information given by parents, schools, churches--But
children will find out even if they go to wrong sources--Some one must
tell the truth--This book does it.


THE ARGUMENT AND THE INFORMATION


Until recently it was a crime to give knowledge concerning sex
relations--Sex knowledge denied through selfishness or prudery--This
is wrong because sex is of highest importance to human beings--Ills,
crimes, misfortunes are result when people are forced to be ignorant
of knowledge they need--Condemned to suffer tortures when they might
enjoy delights--Sex is clean and natural--At last sex knowledge may
be given freely--Advice in this book gained from personal and
professional experience.


THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE


Definite information now given which will help husbands and wives
to find perpetual and increasing happiness all their lives--Duty of
brides and grooms to acquaint themselves with each other's sexual
needs--No man or woman should be ashamed of the sexual make-up--They
should be proud of their sexual functions and virility--Read the book
without shame or shock--Gaining honest truth about these matters is
most essential to life.


THE SEX ORGANS


Male sex organs are penis and testicles--Size and form of penis when
at rest and during sexual excitement--Position of testicles--Why one
teste is larger--Pubic regions in men and women.

Female sex organs are vulva, vaginal passage, womb, and
ovaries--Length of vaginal passage compared with distended penis--Size
and formation of womb--Position of ovaries.


FUNCTION OF THE SEX ORGANS


Primary purpose of sex in the human race--Life is the result of union
of two forces--Birth the same in human beings as in other forms of
life--Process of conception in female--How female ovum is fertilized
by male--When puberty begins and ends in women.

Menstruation, its cause and meaning--When ovum may be
impregnated--Origin of sperm in man--Purpose of prostate gland--What
semen is--For birth of new life union of male and female sex organs
necessary--Glans penis in man and clitoris in woman are "exciting"
focal points--Climax of coitus.

Use of sexual organs to produce offspring same in mankind as in
animals--One way in which human beings differ from animals in sex
relations--Coitus possible in animals only in "rutting" season--In
human beings coitus enjoyable at any time--What this difference means
to happiness--The basis of real success in marriage--Married people
can reach highest conditions of wedlock when they know and practice
what is right in sex--No "rights" conferred in sex relations through
the ceremony of marriage.

Different views of sexual relations for purpose of happiness--Padlocks
to prevent exercise of sexual functions--Effect of falsehoods about
sex relations--Innocent brides and goody-good husbands--Differences
of opinion by brides and grooms lead to terrible wrongs on marriage
night--False teaching often results in the "rape of the wedding
night"--How definite knowledge prevents this shock to bride and makes
for perfect bliss--The second kind of coitus reserved only for human
beings can bring highest physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.


THE ACT OF COITUS


Coitus consists of four parts or acts--Where ninety-nine
one-hundredths of all married troubles begin--Usually husband's fault
due to ignorance or carelessness.

First part of act of coitus--Difference between men and women in time
needed for sexual readiness--Women usually slower--Prostatic flow
and pre-coital secretion--Coitus harmful when either partner not fully
ready for sexual union--Taking time most important feature--Special
information for newlyweds--Woman's fear of "something new" and of
pregnancy--Husband should not insist upon "rights"--Evils which
follow this wrong attitude--True marriage based on mutual love--Key
to married happiness--Married love needs continual care by husband and
wife--Instructions for performing first part of act of coitus.

Second part of act of coitus--Many positions possible--Best
position--Instructions for performing second part of act of coitus.

Third part of act of coitus--A common mistake made by many wives,
especially young brides--Need for complete freedom on part of
woman--Length of time required--Skill and intensity needed by husband
and wife--Instructions for performing third part of act of coitus.

Fourth and final part of act of coitus--When done correctly greatest
of all human experiences--What happens to the man--What occurs in the
woman--No connection with possibility of pregnancy--Designed by nature
especially for woman's satisfaction and pleasure--Special instruction
for husband and wife--Review of all the four parts of the act of
coitus.


THE FIRST UNION


Special conditions which must be considered when bride is to
have first sexual congress--Her state of mind--Need for better
acquaintance--What both bride and groom should know about the woman's
sex organs; where located, parts, how constructed, sensitivity--How
shape and size of mouth indicate shape and size of woman's sex organs.

The hymen or "maidenhead"--Meaning of its presence or absence--How
it may be removed without danger or pain--First union should be
accomplished by mutual desire and effort--Chances of conception in
coitus--Desire for children.

The right to have children when wanted--A matter of choice--Difference
between infanticide, abortion and prevention of pregnancy--How husband
and wife can tell when there is no danger of impregnation--A rule
of coitus which should never be violated--What information about
pregnancy may be gained from menstrual period--Most women have two
weeks of "free time" each month--Freedom from fear an accomplishment
which adds to happiness of marriage.


THE ART OF LOVE


Must be learned and mastered because partners in marriage often
not matched physically or psychically--Ordinary cases of physical
mismatching--Difference in size of sex organs may produce unfortunate
results--How to discover physical mismatching--How to correct
it--Instructions for overcoming physical mismatching.

Psychical mismatching--Differences between men and women cause for
great dissatisfaction if not known and corrected--Instructions for
correcting psychical mismatching if husband is at fault; if wife is
at fault--Extending time of first part of coitus--Inducing pre-coital
flow in woman--Essential that first part of coitus be continued until
woman is ready for second part--Necessity for husband to know ways to
extend time of third part of coitus--"Keeping the cap on"--What wife
can do to correct physical and psychical mismatching.

Sex stimulation is right and wholesome--Instructions if normal sex
relations are impossible--Special information on sex stimulation for
brides and grooms--Valuable addition to sex knowledge.


COITUS RESERVATUS


A mental and spiritual love embrace--Fulfillment of
courting--Specially valuable during time when woman is not
"free"--Value of sexual stimulation if not carried to excess.

Frequency of coitus--Men who wear themselves out--Women who wear out
their husbands--Mismatching in sexual temperament and desire--How
to correct it--Women who are anesthetic to sexual desire, and how to
overcome it--Impotence in men.

How late in life can coitus be practiced with benefit to
health--Danger of withholding sex functioning--Sex organs able to
function until late in life--Sexual desires in women after "change in
life"--Proof that Art of Love must be learned and that it can bring
lifelong happiness.


CLEANLINESS


Need for keeping body clean, sexual reaction--Parts of body woman
should be specially careful to keep clean--Portion of body man should
be specially careful to clean--Effect of mouth and armpit odors.


PREGNANCY


Complete home with children supreme attainment of life--Begetting
children should be deliberate choice by parents--Proper time for
begetting children--Danger of waiting too long to have children--When
first child should be born--At what age of parents should children be
born.

Is coitus wise during pregnancy--How the Art of Love provides for
this time--Passions of women during period of pregnancy--Criminal for
husband to compel coitus upon wife unless desired by her.


CONCLUSION


Book written with purpose of helping lover on towards divine
consummation--Two final instructions--Become master of the Art of
Love--Learn science of Procreation.

About married people who cannot have children--A guide to
happiness--Chief facts of true marriage.




FOREWORD

_To Members of the Medical Profession into Whose Hands This Book May
Come_:


The following pages are more in the nature of a manuscript, or
heart-to-heart talk between those who have mutual confidence in each
other, than of a technical, or strictly scientific treatise of the
subject in hand; and I cannot do better, for all parties concerned,
than to explain, just here in the beginning, how this came about,
and why I have concluded to leave the copy practically as it was
originally written.

In common with nearly all members of our profession who are engaged
in the general practice of medicine, I have had numbers of married men
and women, husbands and wives, patients and otherwise, who have come
to me for counsel and advice regarding matters which pertain to their
sex-life, as that problem presented itself to them personally. As we
all know, many of the most serious and complicated cases we have to
deal with have their origins in these delicate relations which so
often exist among wedded people, of all classes and varieties.

For a number of years I did what I could for these patrons of mine, by
way of confidential talks and the like, my experience in this regard
probably being about on a par with that of my medical brethren who are
engaged in the same kind of work. It is needless to say that I found,
as you have doubtless found under the same conditions, many obstacles
to prevent satisfactory results, by this method of procedure. My
patients were often so reticent, or timid and shame-faced, that it was
frequently difficult to get at the real facts in their cases, and, as
we all know, many of these would, for these and other reasons, conceal
more than they revealed, thereby keeping out of evidence the most
vital and significant items in their individual cases. All these
things, of course, tended to make bad matters worse, or resulted in
nothing that was really worth while.

After some years of this sort of experience, and meditating much on
the situation, I came to the conclusion that a very large percentage
of all this trouble which I and my patrons had to go up against, was
almost entirely the result of ignorance on the part of those who came
to consult me; and because knowledge is always the antidote for not
knowing, I came to the conclusion that, if it were possible to "put
these people wise" where they were now so uninformed, I might at
once save them from a deal of harm and myself from much trouble and
annoyance.

Further than this, I remembered once hearing a wise man say that often
"what cannot be said may be sung"; and I realized that it is equally
true that much which would be awkward, or embarrassing, if said to a
person, face to face, might be got to them in writing with impunity.
This I found to be especially true of my women patients, some of whom
might become suspicious of a wrong intent from the things said in a
private conversation, when they would have no such fears or doubts
if they read the same words from a printed page. It was these
considerations which first suggested to me the writing of the
following pages.

Still other reasons why I did as I did were as follows: You see,
at once, if you stop to think about it, that the writing out of the
knowledge I proposed to impart was really a matter of necessity for
me, because of the _saving of time_ which would thereby be secured. To
get any results that would be worth while in these matters, I would be
required to tell about ever so many things concerning which they were
totally ignorant; and to tell about ever so many things, by word of
mouth, to each individual patient, _takes time_--ever so much time, if
the work is well done, and it had better not be done at all if it is
not well done. So I really was forced to write out what I wanted to
teach these patients of mine.

And let me say further that I was compelled to write these things out
for my people as I have written them, because, in all the range of
literature on this vital subject, I knew of nothing which would tell
them just what it seemed to me they ought to be told, and what they
ought to know.

And so it was that I wrote the manuscript which is now printed in the
following pages. I did not write it at first just as it now stands,
because experience showed me, from time to time, where my first
efforts could be modified and improved. So what is here presented is
the result of many practical demonstrations of the real working value
of what the manuscript contains.

My method of using the copy has been something as follows: As I have
already suggested, what I have written has been prepared for the sole
and express purpose of helping husbands and wives to live sane and
wholesome sex-lives--to give them the requisite knowledge for so
doing; knowledge of themselves and of each other as sexual beings; the
correct ideas regarding such right manner of living; to disabuse their
minds of wrong sex-teaching, or no teaching at all, of ignorance,
or prudery, or carelessness, or lust--in a word, to get to them the
things that all sane married people ought to know, and to help them to
practice these things, to the best of their several abilities.

(Perhaps I ought to say that there is not a line of what I have
written that deals with the subject of venereal diseases, any of
them. This field is already so well covered by a literature especially
devoted to this subject that it needs no word of mine to make it as
satisfactory as possible, as far as discoveries regarding the same
have progressed. My attempt is toward making marriage more of a
success than it now is, under existing conditions; and we all know
that there is a limitless field for exploration and exploitation right
there.)

Speaking somewhat generally, I have found what I have written to be
of special value to two classes of my patrons: First, to the
"newly-weds"; and, second, to those who have been married for a longer
or shorter period, and who "have not got on well together." A word or
two regarding each of these:

It is a wise old saying that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound
of cure," and in no other experience of life is this so true as in
the ills to which married people are peculiarly subject. Many a newly
wedded couple have wrecked the possibilities of happiness of a life
time on their "honeymoon trip"; and it is a matter of common knowledge
to the members of our profession that the great majority of brides are
practically raped on their entrance into the married relation. Further
than this, we all know that these things are as they are chiefly
because of the ignorance of the parties concerned, rather than because
they deliberately meant to do wrong. They were left to travel, alone
and unguided, over what was to them an unknown way, one that was
beset with pitfalls and precipices, and where dangers lurked in every
forward step they took. It is to these that I have found what I have
written to be a great help at the time of their utmost need; and the
thanks I have received from such parties have been beyond the power of
words to express.

As to just when it is best to put this information into the hands of
young married people, my experience has varied with the personality
of the parties concerned. In some cases I have put the copy into their
hands some time before their marriage; in others, not till some time
thereafter; but, as a rule, I have got the best results by putting the
manuscript into their hands just at the time of their marriage, and in
most of these cases the greatest success has come from their reading
it together during their honeymoon. However, this is a matter on which
I do not care to advise, and regarding which each practitioner must
act to the best of his own judgment.

Once more: Because it is not safe to assume that young married people
are already possessed of the _details_ of the essential knowledge
which they ought to possess, and because such _details_ are the _very
heart_ of the whole matter, I have made these details as simple
and explicit as possible, more so than might seem necessary to the
professional reader. But my experience has proven that I was wise in
this regard, as these very details have saved the day in more than one
case, as the parties who have reported to me, after having read what
I have written, have frequently testified. Sometimes a bride and
groom would keep the copy for a few days only, giving it but a single
reading; but, as a rule, they have been anxious to retain it for some
time, and to read it again and again, especially some parts of it,
till they were well posted on all that it contains. I found, too, that
those who had received help from the reading of the manuscript
were glad to tell others of their friends of the benefits they had
received, and that thus there was a constantly widening circle.

Of course, not all young married people are capable of reading this
book with profit to themselves or anyone else; but many of them are,
and these ought to have the privilege of doing so. Your own good sense
and experience will determine who these latter are, and these you can
favor as they deserve. It is because of this situation that this book
can only be used professionally that it needs the guiding hand of
an expert physician to insure its reaching only those who can be
benefited by its reading.

As to the other class of readers, those who have not got on well
in the marriage relation (and we all know that the name of these is
legion) my experience in getting to them what I have written has been
quite varied; but, on the whole, the results have been good--many
times they have been most excellent. Of course, it is harder to
correct errors than to prevent them; but as most of the errors I have
had to deal with among this class of patients have been made through
ignorance rather than otherwise, I have found that the establishment
of knowledge in the premises has generally brought relief where before
was only suffering and woe.

Another way in which I have found the copy to be of the greatest value
with these cases of unsatisfactory marital relations is the fact that,
often, by the parties _reading the copy together_ they have come to
a mutual understanding by so doing, and have established a _modus
vivendi_ which could not have been attained in any other way. When
such parties see their doctor singly, either of them, a prejudiced
view is very apt to result, and they would seldom, if ever, come
together to consult a physician regarding their troubles. But the
_reading of the book together_ makes a condition of affairs which is
very apt to work out for the best interests of all parties concerned.
Certainly, this is true, that in no case has the reading of the book
made bad matters worse, and in many cases, (indeed in nearly all of
them) it has been of untold value and benefit to the readers.

And because these things are so, because what I have written has
proved its worth in so many cases, I have finally concluded to give
the copy a larger field in which it may be used by other members of
the profession besides myself. I confide it to my fellow-members in
the profession feeling sure that they will use it among their patients
with wisdom and discretion; and my hope is that their so doing may
yield for them and theirs the most excellent results which have come
to me and mine, on these lines, in the years that have gone by.

Perhaps I ought to say that the somewhat unique typography of the
book, the large percentage of italics, and not a few capitalized words
that appear in the pages, comes from a duplication of the copy I have
used with my patients. I wrote the original copy in this way for the
sake of giving special emphasis to special points for my readers,
and the results attained I believe were very largely due to the
typographically emphatic form of the book. Appearing in type in this
way, it gives a sort of personal touch to what is thus presented to
the eye of the reader, and the tendency of this is to establish a
heart-to-heart relation between the author and the reader which could
not be attained in any other way.

All through the copy I have avoided the use of technical words, never
using such a term without explaining its meaning in plain English
in the words that immediately follow it. I found this an absolute
necessity in writing so that the lay reader could understand, in
saying things that would produce results.

I might say, also, that the "Introduction" to the real subject matter
of the book, I found necessary to write as it is largely to get my
readers into a proper _mental attitude_ for a reasonable recognition
and understanding of what follows it. There are so many wrong
teachings and biased ideas in the premises that these had to be
counteracted or removed, to a degree, at least, before the rest of the
copy could be rightly read. My experience is, that the preface, as it
stands, has been the means of putting the readers of the book into a
right mental attitude for its successful study and consideration. For
the good of the cause it is written to serve, and for help to those
who need help in the most sacred and significant affairs of their
lives, may the book go on its way, if not rejoicing in itself, yet
causing rejoicing in the lives and hearts of all who read what its
pages contain.

H.W.L.




SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING




I

AN EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION


A pious Christian once said to me: "I find it hard to reconcile sex
with the purity of Providence." He never could understand why God
arranged for sex anyway. Why something else might not have been done.
Why children might not have come in some other fashion.

Look at the harm sex has involved. Most all the deviltry of history
that was not done for money was done for sex. And even the deviltry
that was done and is done for money had, and has sex back of it. Take
sex out of man and you have something worth while. God must have been
short of expedients when God, in sex, conceived sex. It certainly
looks as if the Divine fell down this time. As if infinity was at
the end of its tether. As if the adept creator for once was caught
napping, or for once botched a job.

So we had my pious friend. And we had medievalism. And we had the
ascetics. And heaven knows what else. Too much sex some places. Too
little sex other places. Some people swearing on and some swearing
off. The prostitute giving away that which was meant to be kept.
The virgin keeping that which was meant to be given away. A force
contending with a force. Drawing in opposite directions when they
should be pulling together. Through it all, motherhood misunderstood.
And fatherhood misunderstood. The body cheapened to the soul. And the
soul cheapened to the body. Every child being a slap in the face of
virtue.

Have you ever tried to see what this came from and goes to? This
philosophy of vulgar denial? This philosophy of wallowing surrender?

The Christian stream has been polluted. It has gone dirty in the age
of hush. We are supposed to keep our mouths shut. We are not to give
sex away. We breed youngsters in fatal ignorance. They are always
asking questions. But we don't answer their questions. The church
don't answer them. Nor the state. Nor the schools. Not even mothers
and fathers. Nobody who could answer answers them. But they don't go
unanswered. They get answered. And they get answered wrong instead
of right. They get answered, smutched instead of washed. They get
answered blasphemously instead of reverently. They get answered so
that the body is suspected instead of being trusted.

A boy who knows nothing asks a boy who knows nothing. A girl who knows
nothing asks a girl who knows nothing. From nothing nothing comes. Men
who have been such boys know nothing. Women who have been such girls
know nothing. From nothing nothing comes. They have become familiar
with sex circumstances. They are parents. They have done the best
they knew how. But they never learned sex. They never realized its
fundamentals. They never went back to, or forward to it. They were
lost in a wilderness. They existed without living. They took sex as
they took whiskey. They breathed an atmosphere of hush. They had got
past the ascetics. But they had not got to be men and women. They
didn't refuse sex. But though embracing its privileges, they still
seemed to regard it as something not to be gloried in. The least
said about it the soonest mended. Mothers and fathers would say to
children: "You'll know about it soon enough." Teachers would say:
"Ask your questions at home." Home would say: "What ever started you
thinking about such things?"

The child goes about wondering. What's the matter with sex that
everybody's afraid to talk about it? What's the matter with my body
that I dare not mention it? My body seems very beautiful to me. I like
to look at it. I like to feel it. I like to smell it. But I'm always
hurried into my clothes. My body is so mysteriously precious I must
take care of it. But how am I to take care of it if I don't get
acquainted with it?

I find that having a body has something to do with being a father and
a mother. I want to be a father. I want to be a mother. But how can
I be a father or mother if some one who knows doesn't tell me what
precedes fatherhood and motherhood? I should prepare for it. How can
I if all the books are closed? How can I if I am blanked every time I
express my curiosity? Is there no one anywhere who'll be honest with
me?

If I look at sex right out of my own soul, it seems like something
which God didn't fail with, but succeeded with. Like something not
polluted, but purified. Like something having everything, instead of
only an occasional thing, to do with life. But the world shakes its
head. The world is nasty. But it puts on airs. The world has eaten.
But the world says it's best to starve. Folks will say they've got to
be parents. But they say they will regret it. They say sex is here.
They say we're up against its mandates or its passions. But let's
be as decent as we can with the indecent. Let's not linger on its
margins. Let's not overstay our dissipation. Sex is like eating. Who
would eat if he didn't have to? To say you enjoy a meal is carnal. To
say that you derive some sense of ecstasy from paternal and maternal
desires is a confession of depravity. Sex at the best is a sin.

Sex at the best is like stepping down. That sex might be an ascent.
That sex might be the only means of growth and expansion. You never
suppose that! You only assume perdition. You are afraid to assume
heaven. I may take pride in that which I may abstract from my anatomy.
I must not allude to my body as frankly as to my soul. I must withdraw
my body from the public eye. From discussion. From its instinctive
avowals. Our bodies must be coffined. Treated as dead before they are
born. Regarded as conveniences. Not as essential entities. The body is
only for a little while. The soul is forever. But why is that little
while not as holy as forever? They don't say. They cavalierly settle
the case of the body against itself.

So it goes. Endless vivid portrayals could be made of the anomalous
situation. The more you look at the mess we've got sex into the worse
it seems. _Someone's got to peach._ Someone's got to tell the truth.
In a world of liars who are hushers? In a world of hushers who are
liars? _Someone's got to tell the truth._ Someone's got to give sex
its due. _You can't give spirit its due until you give sex its due._
You can't accept one and cast aside one. They go together. They are
inseparable.

You refer to body and soul as if you knew just where one stops and the
other commences. Maybe neither stops and neither commences. Maybe they
are not two things but two names. Maybe when you put a body into a
grave you put a soul there too. And maybe you put neither there. It's
not so easy to say.

I can't see anything in the things you call spiritual more marvelous
than what you call the physical birth of a baby from a mother. Maybe
you know all about it. I don't. I know nothing about it. To me it's
mysterious. To me it's the supreme demonstration of the spiritual.

How that a baby comes from a man and a woman. I want that kept clean.
It starts clean. Why do we corrupt it? You who disparage it corrupt
it. You ascetics anywhere. You libidinous roues anywhere. You corrupt
it. By your excesses. You who never say yes. You who never say no. You
corrupt it.

You parents. You professors. You prudes. This is addressed to you.
What have you got to say about it? You have tremblingly closed the
question. I would coolly open it. You have rebuked God by silence. I
would praise God by speech.




II

THE ARGUMENT AND THE INFORMATION


No apology is offered for what is said in the following pages, but
a brief explanation is virtually necessary to make clear, from the
outset, the reasons why it has been written.

It is one of the chief characteristics of the human race that
the knowledge acquired by one generation can be passed on to the
generations that follow; and that, in this way, progress in the
betterment of life's results and the adaptation of means to ends can
make a steady and reliable advance.

Such a method of evolution and growth is not possible in the vegetable
or animal kingdom, where _instinct_ is the only means for the
transmission of acquired knowledge. It is this feature that
differentiates man from all other created beings.

But here is a curious fact: In one realm of human experiences, in all
Christian civilized countries, it has been considered wrong, even in
some cases being counted a criminal offense, punishable by fine and
imprisonment, for anyone to make any record of, or transmit to
anyone else, any knowledge that may have been acquired regarding sex
relations in the human family.

To be sure, there has been preserved, from time to time, a body
of _professional_ knowledge of this sort, made and prepared by
physicians, but _confined strictly to that class of people_. No
attempt has been made to disseminate such knowledge among those who
most need it--the common people. On the contrary, every possible
effort is put forth to keep such knowledge from them. This is wholly
at variance with the practice regarding all other forms of human
knowledge, which is to spread, as widely as possible, all known data
that have so far been obtained.

There is not space, in this small volume, for pointing out the reasons
for this anomalous condition of affairs, but the chief cause of its
status, past and present, is grounded on two sources: The first of
these is a brutal selfishness which has come over to modern times from
a savage past; the second is a sort of pious prudery.

The result of these causes has been to make the whole subject of sex
in the human family, with its functions and mission in human affairs,
together with its proper training, discipline and exercise--to make
all these things _tabu_, something to be ashamed of and ignored
as much as possible, and all the knowledge regarding them that one
generation has been permitted to transmit to those who come after, may
be summed up in these words, namely "_Thou shalt not_."

Now it goes without saying that, in the very nature of things, _all_
this is just as bad as it can possibly be. For, of all phenomena with
which the human race has to do, that of the highest importance, so far
as the well-being of the race is concerned, is that which has to do
with sex in men and women. A large percentage of all the physical
ailments in mankind and womenkind arise from errors in sexual life,
and these are but trifles compared with the mental and spiritual
disasters which come upon humanity from the same source. It is
probably true that more than one-half of all the crimes that are
committed in the civilized world are more or less directly connected
with sex affairs, and there is no so common a cause for insanity as
sex aberrations.

And nearly all these ills, crimes and misfortunes arise because of
_ignorance_ in the matter of sex in which the rank and file of the
race are forced to live. Few of these ever acquire any positive and
definite knowledge in the premises, and if they do learn anything
for sure, _they keep it to themselves_, inspired to do so by a false
belief regarding the rightful transmission of such knowledge; or, by
a false modesty, or prudery, they are kept from telling to anyone else
what they have discovered or found to be the truth in these matters.
And so the people stumble along in ignorance of these vital affairs
in life, generation after generation, repeating the errors of their
predecessors, and no positive progress being made as the years go by.
Because of this state of affairs millions of human beings die every
generation, and other millions suffer the tortures of the damned while
they live, when they should enjoy the delights of the elect, and would
do so if they only knew the actual facts in the case, and would act in
accordance with the knowledge that ought to be made theirs.

But there are not wanting signs of the times that there will slowly
come a change in these conditions. The fact is that the intelligent
world is beginning to emerge from a condition of conformity to the
say-so of some one supposed to speak with authority, and to come into
a realm of obedience only to a law that has a scientific basis of
actual knowledge for its foundation.

For untold ages the sex relations of the human family have been
directed and determined by the clergy and by _their_ teachings and
pronunciamentos regarding what was fit and right. There is no need of
saying hard things about such a fact; nevertheless, it is true that,
for the most part, all the dicta of these men have originated amongst
those who knew nothing of the _scientific_ conditions regarding the
subject on which they issue their mandates. So did the blind lead the
blind, and the ditches of the past years are filled to overflowing
with the dead bodies and souls of men and women, who, for this cause,
have fallen therein.

This must not always be! It is neither wise nor right that the
essential matters of human life should always remain a stumbling block
and a rock of offense for the children of men. We are coming to see
that sex is no more unclean and to be denied a scientific knowledge
of, than any other part of the human body--the eye, the ear or
whatsoever. Furthermore, the rank and file are beginning to clamor
for a knowledge of these matters for themselves. This is shown by
the frequency of articles that deal with sex in many of the best
newspapers and magazines in the civilized world, and by similar
discussions in the literature, the works and scientific books that now
go into the hands of the common people. It also shows in the attempts
that are occasionally being made to introduce the subject of sexual
hygiene into our public schools and other educational institutions.
"The world do move!"

It is for these reasons--because it is right to transfer to you and to
those who come after, the sex knowledge that has been acquired by the
author, by reading scientific and professional literature upon the
subject, by conference with men and women who know, and by personal
and professional experience, that what follows is written.




III

THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE


So much by way of general remarks regarding the subject in hand. It
is more the especial purpose of what follows, however, to treat of the
matter of marriage in particular, _to say something definite to young
husbands and wives that shall be of real benefit to them_, not only by
way of starting them out right in the new and untried way upon which
they have entered, but to help them to make that way a realm
of perpetual and ever increasing joy to both parties concerned,
throughout its entire course, their whole lives long.

Be it said, then, first, that it is the duty of every bride and groom,
before they engage in sexual commerce with each other, to acquaint
themselves thoroughly with the anatomy and physiology of the sex
organs of human beings, both male and female, and to make the
acquirement of such knowledge as dispassionate and matter-of-fact
an affair as though they were studying the nature, construction and
functions of the stomach, or the digestive processes entire, or the
nature and use of any of the other bodily organs. "Clear and clean am
I within and without; clear and clean is every scrap and part of me,
and no part shall be held more sacred or preferred above another. For
divine am I, and all I am, or contain."

Now the normal young man or woman would do just this, would pursue a
study of sex in this way, were it not for the fact that they have
been taught, time out of mind, that to do this is immodest, not to
say indecent or positively wicked. They have longed to be possessed
of such knowledge, all their lives; in most cases more than any other
form of wisdom that it was possible for them to make their own. But
its acquirement has been placed beyond their possible reach, and it
is only by the most clandestine and often nasty means that they have
attained what little they know. But the quotation made in the last
paragraph, sounds the key note of what is _right_ in this matter,
and the first effort made by the reader of these pages should be to
establish in himself or herself the _condition of mind which these
lines embody._

And it had better be said, right here, that for most young people this
will be found to be no _easy_ thing to do. Nor should the reader feel
ashamed or chagrined, or at odds with himself or herself if he or she
finds such condition of affairs existing in his or her case. For it
is nothing for which they are to blame. It is a misfortune and not
a fault. It is only the result of inherited and inculcated (the word
inculcated means _kicked in_) ideas to which all "well bred" youths
have been subjected for centuries; the idea being that the closer they
were kept in the realm of innocence, which is only another name for
ignorance, the better "bred" they are. And to pry one's self loose, to
break or tear one's self away from such a mental view and condition
as heredity and such years of rigorous restraint have developed, is no
small task. Indeed, it often takes months, and sometimes years, wholly
to rid one's self of these deep seated and powerful, wrong views and
prejudices.

Remember this: that _to the pure all things are pure._ But do not
make the mistake of thinking that this much abused sentence means that
purity means _emptiness_! It does no such thing. On the contrary,
it means _fullness_, to _perfection_. It means that one should be
possessed of the right kind of stuff, and that the stuff should be of
supreme quality. So, in studying to obtain a knowledge of sex organs
and sex functions, in the human family, the reader should not try to
divest himself or herself of all sex-passion and desire; but, on the
contrary, to make these of a sort of which he or she can be _proud_,
rather than _ashamed_ of, rejoice in, rather than suffer from.

So, then, let the reader of these lines, first, get a correct _mental
attitude_ toward what is about to be said. Banish all prurient
curiosity, put aside all thought of shame or shock, (these two will
be hardest for young women to overcome, because of their training in
false modesty and prudishness) and endeavor to approach the subject in
a reverent, open-eyed, conscientious spirit, as one who wishes, above
everything else, to know the honest truth in these most essential
matters that pertain to human life. Get into this frame of mind, and
_keep in it_, and what is here written will be read with both pleasure
and profit.

Once more, for we must make haste slowly in these delicate affairs, if
the reader should find himself or herself unduly excited, or perhaps
shocked, while reading some parts of what is here written, so that the
heart beats too fast, or the hand trembles, it may be well to suspend
the reading for a time, divert the mind into other channels for a
while, and resume the reading after one has regained poise and mastery
of one's self. That is, "_keep your head_" while you read these
lessons, and you will be all right.




IV

THE SEX ORGANS


And now, having given these cautionary directions, the way is clear
for the making of definite statements and the giving of positive
instruction.

Here, then, is a brief description of the sex organs in man and woman.
At first, only the names of the parts will be given, with such slight
comments and explanations as are necessary for making this part of the
subject clear. A detailed setting forth of the functions and proper
exercise of these organs will be given later.

The sex organs in a male human being consists, broadly speaking, of
the penis and the testicles. All these are located at the base of the
abdomen, between the thighs and on the forward part of the body. The
penis is a fleshy, muscular organ, filled with most sensitive nerves,
and blood vessels that are capable of extension to a much greater
degree than any of their similars in other parts of the body. In a
quiescent, or unexcited condition, in the average man, this organ is
from three to four inches long and about an inch or more in diameter.
It hangs limp and pendent in this state, retired and in evidence not
at all. In its excited, or tumescent condition (the word tumescent
means swelled, and is the technical word for describing the erect
condition of the penis) it becomes enlarged and rigid, its size in
this state being, on an average, six or seven inches long, and from
an inch-and-a-half to two inches in diameter. It is almost perfectly
cylindrical, slightly thicker at the base than at its forward part.

The testicles are two kidney shaped glands, not far from the size of
a large hickory nut, and are contained in a sort of sack, or pocket,
called the scrotum, which is made for their comfortable and safe
carrying. The scrotum hangs directly between the thighs, at the base
of the penis, and in it are the testicles, suspended by vital cords
that are suspended from the body above. The left testicle hangs a
little higher in the sack than the right, so that, in case the thighs
are crowded together, one testicle will slip over the other, and so
the danger of crushing them will be avoided. This is one of the many
ways which the Maker of the human body has devised to insure the
proper preservation of the vital organs from harm, a fact which
should inspire all human beings with profound reverence for this most
wonderful of all life forms, the beautiful human body, the "temple of
the Holy Spirit."

The part of the body upon which the sex organs, male and female, are
located is known as the pubic region. It is covered with hair, which,
in both sexes, extends well up the lower belly. This is known as pubic
hair, and in general corresponds in quality and quantity to the hair
upon the individual head, being coarse or fine, soft or bristly, to
match, the head covering, in each case. This hair is usually more or
less curly, and forms a covering an inch or more in depth over the
whole pubic region, extending back between the thighs slightly beyond
the rectum. In occasional cases this hair is straight and silky, and
sometimes grows to great length, instances being known, in some women,
where it has extended to the knees. A well-grown and abundant supply
of fine pubic hair is a possession highly prized by women, of which
they are justly proud, though few of them would acknowledge the fact,
even to themselves. None the less it is a fact.

The female sex organs, speaking generally also, are as follows: The
vulva, or outward portion of the parts; the vaginal passage; the
uterus, or womb, and the ovaries. All but the first named lie within
the body of the woman. The vulva is made up of several parts which
will be named and described later. The vaginal passage is a tube, or
canal leading from the vulva to the womb. In length and diameter it
corresponds almost exactly with that of the penis, being six or seven
inches in depth, and capable of a lateral extension which will
readily admit the entrance of the male organ when the two are brought
together. The vaginal passage opens into, and terminates in the
uterine, or womb cavity.

The womb is a pear shaped sack which is suspended in the womb cavity
by cords and muscles from above. It hangs, neck downwards, and is, in
its unimpregnated condition, about two and a half inches in diameter
at its upper, or widest part, tapering to a thin neck at its lower
end. It is hard and muscular in its quiescent state, filled with
delicate and most sensitive nerves and capacious blood vessels. At its
lower, or neck end, it opens directly into the vaginal passage.

The ovaries are two in number, and are situated on each side of, and
above the womb, in the region of the upper groins. They are small, fan
shaped glands, and are connected with the uterus by small ducts which
are known as the fallopian tubes.

As already stated, the exterior parts of the body, in which the female
sex organs are located, are covered with hair for their adornment and
protection.

Such in brief, are the male and female sex organs in human beings. A
further description of them and their functions and proper use we are
now ready to consider.




V

THE FUNCTION OF THE SEX ORGANS


It hardly need be stated here, for it is a matter of common knowledge,
that the _primary_ purpose of sex in the human family is the
reproduction of the race. In this respect, considered merely on its
material, or animal side, mankind differs little from all other forms
of animate life. As Whitman says, we see "everywhere sex, everywhere
the urge of procreation." The flowers are possessed of this quality,
and with them all vegetable forms. In the animal kingdom the same is
true. Always "male and female" is everything created.

And the chief facts in reproduction are practically the same wherever
the phenomena occur. Here, as everywhere else in the world, when a
new life-form appears, it is always the result of the union of _two_
forces, elements, germs or whatsoever. These two elements differ
in nature and in function, and each is incomplete and worthless by
itself. It is only by the combining of the two that any new result
is obtained. It is this fact that has led to the most suggestive and
beautiful phrase "The duality of all unity in nature."

Many centuries ago an old Latin philosopher wrote the now celebrated
phrase, _Omne ex ovo_, which, translated, means _everything is from an
egg_. This is practically true of all life-forms. Their beginning
is always from an ovum, or egg. In this respect, the reproduction of
human beings is the same as that of any other life-form.

Now in this process of producing a new life-form, the female is always
the source of the egg, out of which the new creation is to come. This
egg, however, is infertile of itself, and must be given life to, by
mingling with its germ, an element which only the male can produce
and supply. This element is technically known as a sperm, or a
spermatozoa. Its function is to fertilize the dormant germ in the
egg produced by the female, and thus to start a new and independent
life-form. This life-form, thus started, grows according to the laws
of its becoming more and more, until, at the expiration of a fixed
period, which varies greatly in different animals, it becomes a
complete young individual, of the nature and kind of its parents.
The fertilization of the ovum in the female is called conception;
its growing state is called gestation, and its birth, on becoming a
separate being, is called parturition. In its growing condition, and
before its birth, the new young life form is known as the foetus.

Now it is the fertilization of the ovum in the female (and from now
on, it is only of the male and female in the human family that mention
will be made) by the male, in the woman, by the man, that is of
supreme interest and importance to both the parties concerned in
producing this result. How this is brought about is substantially as
follows:

As already stated, the infertile ovum, or egg, is produced by the
woman. Such production begins at what is known as the age of puberty,
or when the hair begins to grow upon the pubic parts of the female
body. The time of the appearance of this phenomenon in feminine life
varies from the age of nine or ten years to fifteen or sixteen. The
average, for most girls, is fourteen years of age. At this time
the formation of ova, or eggs, in the female body begins, and it
continues, in most women, at regular intervals of once in twenty-eight
days, except during pregnancy and lactation, for a period of about
thirty years. During all this time, under favorable conditions, it is
possible for the ovum produced by the woman to become fertilized, if
it can meet the sperm of the male.

In a general way, this meeting of the infertile ovum of the woman with
the sperm of the man can be brought about, as follows:

The ova are produced by the ovaries (the word ovaries means egg
producers) where they slowly develop from cells which originate
in these glands. When they have reached maturity, or are ready for
fertilization, they pass out of the ovaries and down into the womb, by
way of the fallopian tubes. As already stated, such passage of the ova
from the ovaries into the womb occurs every twenty-eight days, and
it is accomplished by a more or less copious flow of blood, a sort of
hemorrhage, which carries the ova down through the fallopian tubes,
and deposits them in the womb. This blood, after performing its
mission of carrying the ova down into the womb, escapes from the
body through the vaginal passage and is cared for by the wearing of
a bandage between the thighs. This flow of blood continues for about
five days, and is known as a menstrual flow; and this time in a
woman's life is known as the menstrual period. It is so named because
of the regularity of its recurrence, the word _mensa_ meaning a
_month_. In common parlance, these periods are often spoke of as the
"monthlies."

After the ovum has reached the womb it remains there for a period of
about ten days, after which, if it is not fertilized during that time,
it passes out of the womb into the vaginal passage, and so out of the
body. But if, at any time after it is ripe for fertilization, that is,
from the time it begins its journey from the ovaries to the womb,
and while it is in the womb, the ovum is met by the male sperm, it is
_liable_ to become fertilized--conception is possible. These are facts
of the _utmost importance_, to be thoroughly understood and kept well
in mind by all married people who would live happily together, as will
be hereafter shown.

So much regarding the female part of the meeting of the ovum and the
sperm. The male part of this mutual act is as follows:

The sperm, or spermatozoa, originate in the testicles. Each sperm is
an individual entity and _several thousands_ of them are produced
and in readiness for use, _at each meeting_ of the male and female
generative organs; and if _any one_ of the countless number comes in
contact with the unfertilized ovum in the womb, conception is _liable_
to result.

These sperms are so small that they are not visible to the naked eye,
but they are readily seen by the use of a microscope. In shape they
much resemble tad-poles in their earliest stages.

At the base of the penis, well up in the man's body, there is a large
gland which surrounds the penis like a thick ring, and which is called
the prostate gland. It secretes a mucous fluid which looks much like,
and is about the consistency of the white of an egg. Close to this
gland, and almost a part of it, is a sack, or pocket, into which the
mucous secretion from the prostate gland is poured, and where it is
kept, ready for use, in performing its part of the germinal act.

Now it is the business of this mucous fluid, which comes from the
prostate gland, to form a "carrying medium" for the spermatozoa which
originate in the testicles. There are small ducts leading from the
testicles into the pocket which contains the prostate fluid. These are
known as the seminal ducts, and through them the spermatozoa pass
from the testicles into the prostate pocket. Here they mingle with the
prostate fluid, in which they can move about freely, and by means of
which they can be carried wherever this fluid goes. The combination of
prostate fluid and spermatozoa is called "semen."

Seen under a microscope, a single drop of semen reveals a multitude of
spermatozoa swimming about in the prostate-carrying medium. It is in
this form that the vitalizing male element meets the female infertile
ovum. This mass of live and moving germs is poured all around and
about the region in which the ovum lies waiting to be fertilized, and
every one of them seems to be "rushing about like mad" to find what it
is sent to do, namely, to meet and fertilize the ovum. The manner of
depositing the semen where it can come in contact with the ovum is as
follows:

In order that this mingling of the male and female sources of life may
be possible, it is necessary that there be a union of the male and the
female generative organs. For such meeting, the penis is filled with
blood, all its blood vessels being distended to their utmost capacity,
till the organ becomes stout and hard, and several times its dormant
size, as has been already told. In this condition it is able to
penetrate, to its utmost depths, the vaginal passage of the female,
which is of a nature to perfectly contain the male organ in this
enlarged and rigid condition. Under such conditions, the penis
is inserted into the widened and distended vaginal passage. Once
together, a mutual back and forth, or partly in and out movement, of
the organs is begun and carried on by the man and woman, which action
further enlarges the parts and raises them to a still higher degree
of tension and excitement. It is supposed by some that this frictional
movement of the parts develops an electrical current, which increases
in tension as the act is continued; and that it is the mission of the
pubic hair, which is a non-conductor, to confine these currents to the
parts in contact.

Now there are two other glands in these organs; one in the male and
one in the female, which performs a most wonderful function in this
part of the sexual act. These are the "glans penis" in the male and
the "clitoris" in the female. The first is located at the apex of the
male organ, and the other at the upper-middle and exterior part of the
vulva. These glands are covered with a most delicate cuticle, and
are filled with highly sensitive nerves. As the act progresses, these
glands become more and more sensitized, and nervously surcharged,
until, as a climax, they finally cause a sort of nervous explosion of
the organs involved. This climax is called an "orgasm" in scientific
language. Among most men and women it is spoken of as "spending."

On the part of the man, this orgasm causes the semen, which till this
instant has remained in the prostate pocket, to be suddenly driven
out of this place of deposit, and thrown in jets, and with spasmodic
force, through the entire length of the penis, and, as it were, shot
into the vaginal passage and the uterine cavity, till the whole region
is literally deluged with the life-giving fluid. At the same time,
the mouth of the womb opens wide; and into it pours, or rushes, this
"father stuff," entirely surrounding and flooding the ovum, if it be
in the womb. This is the climax of the sexual act, which is called
"coitus," a word which means, going together.

With the myriads of spermatozoa swarming about it, if the vital part
of the ovum comes in contact with some one of them, any one of which,
brought into such contact, will fertilize it, conception results. The
woman is then pregnant, and the period of gestation is begun.

This is a brief description of the act of coitus and of the means by
which pregnancy takes place. It is, however, only a small part of the
story of the sex relations of husbands and wives; and, be it said, a
_very_ small part of that, as will now be shown.

As has already been said, this use of the sex organs, merely to
produce progeny, and so insure a continuance of the race, is a quality
that mankind shares with all the rest of the animal kingdom. In all
essentials, so far as the material parts of the act are concerned, the
beginnings of the new life in the human family differ not a whit from
that of any other mammals. In each case the ovum is produced by the
ovaries of the female, passes into the womb, is there met by the semen
from the male, fertilized by the spermatozoa, and so the foetus gets
its start. This is the universal means by which the beginnings of all
animal reproductive life takes place.

But there is another phase in the sex life of human beings, which is
_entirely different_ from that of all other animals, and which must
therefore be considered beyond all that needs to be said regarding the
act of coitus for reproductive purposes only. This we are now ready to
consider and study.

Now in all animals, except human beings, the act of coitus is only
permitted by the female, (it would seem is only _possible_ for her)
when the ovum is present in the womb and ready to be fertilized. _At
all other times, all female animals, except woman, are practically
sexless_. Their sexual organs are dormant, and _nothing can arouse
them_ to activity. Not only do they fail to show any desire for
coitus, but if an attempt should be made to force it upon them, _they
would resist it_ to the utmost of their strength.

But when the ovum is present in the womb, these same female animals
are beside themselves with desire for coitus. They are then spoken of
as "in heat." And until they are satisfied, by meeting the male and
procuring from him the vitalizing fluid which will fertilize their
infertile ovum; or, failing in this, until the ovum passes away from
them, out of the womb, they know no rest. At such times they will
run all risks, incur all sorts of danger, do every possible thing to
secure pregnancy. The thousand-and-one ways which female animals use
to make known to their male mates their sexual desire and needs, when
in heat, is a most interesting and wonderful story, a record made up
of facts which would be well worth any student's knowing. But as all
such knowledge can readily be procured from books which are within the
reach of all, there is no need of noting the data here.

But now, _in woman, all these things are different!_ As a matter of
fact, the presence of the ovum in the womb of a normally made woman
_makes little, and, in many cases, no difference whatever_ as regards
her status concerning the act of coitus! That is, women are never
"in heat," in the same sense in which other female animals are. To be
sure, in some cases, though they are rare, some women are conscious
of a greater desire for coitus just after the ceasing of the menstrual
flow; that is, when the ovum is in the womb. But such cases are so
infrequent that they may well be counted atavistic, that is, of the
nature of a tendency to return to a previous merely animal condition.
For the most part, it is true of all normal women that the presence of
the ovum in the womb makes little difference, one way or another, in
regard to their desire for, or aversion to, the act of coitus.

Now the fact of this remarkable difference in the sex-status of women
and the same quality in all other female animals leads us to a great
number of interesting, not to say startling, conclusions, some of
which are as follows:

In the first place, the phenomenon clearly establishes the fact that
sex in the female human being _differs, pronouncedly_, from that of
all other female life. For, whereas, among all females except woman,
coitus is _impossible_, except at certain times and seasons, among
women the act can not only be permitted, but is as much possible or
_desired_ at one time as any other, regardless of the presence or
absence of the ovum in the womb. That is (and this point should be
noted well by the reader) there is a _possibility_, on the part of
the female humanity, for coitus, _under conditions that do not at all
obtain in any other female animal life_.

This is a conclusion which is of such far-reaching importance that its
limits are but dimly recognized, even in the clear thinking of most
married people. The fact of such difference is known to them, and
their practices in living conform to the conditions; but what it all
means, they are entirely ignorant of, _and they never stop to think
about it_.

And yet, _right here is the very center and core of the real success
or failure of married life_! Around this fact are grouped all the
troubles that come to husbands and wives. About it are gathered all
the joys and unspeakable delights of the happily married--the only
truly married. It is these items which make a knowledge of the real
conditions which exist, regarding this part of married life, of such
supreme importance. If these conditions could be rightly understood,
and the actions of husbands and wives could be brought to conform to
the laws which obtain under them, _the divorce courts would go out of
business_, their occupation, like Othello's, would be "gone indeed."

The first conclusion, then, one that is forced upon the thoughtful
mind by the fact of this difference in the sex possibilities of women
and other female animals, is, as already stated, but which is here
repeated for emphasis, that coitus _can_ be engaged in _by women_ when
_pregnancy_ is _not_ its purpose, on her part; and that _this never
occurs in any other form of female life!_

In view of this fact, is it too much to raise the question whether or
not sex in woman is designed to fulfill any other purpose than that of
the reproduction of the race? True it is, that the _only_ function
of sex in all other females is merely that of producing offspring--of
perpetuating its kind. Under no circumstances does it _ever_ serve
_any_ other end, fulfill any other design. _There is no possibility of
its doing so_!

But one can help wondering if it is not true that, with the existence
of the _possibility_ of engaging in coitus _at will_, rather than
at the bidding of _instinct_ alone, there has also come a _new_ and
_added_ function for the sex-natures that are capable of engaging
in such before-unknown experiences? To a fair-minded person, such
conclusion seems not only logical, but irresistible! That is in view
of this conclusion, it naturally follows that sex in the human family
is _positively designed to fulfill a function that is entirely unknown
to all other forms of animal life_. And from this, it is but a step to
the establishment of the fact that _sex exercise in the human family
serves a purpose other than that of reproduction_!

Now, this fact established, a whole world of new issues arises and
demands settlement. Among these, comes the supreme question: _What is
the nature of this new experience that has been conferred upon human
beings, over and above what is vouchsafed to any other form of animal
life? What purpose can it serve? How can it be properly exercised?
What is right and what is wrong under these new possibilities_? These
are some of the issues that _force_ themselves upon all thoughtful
people, _those who wish to do right under any and all circumstances in
which they are placed_.

Of course, here as elsewhere, the unthinking, the happy-go-lucky and
the "don't-give-a-damn," can blunder along in almost any-old-way.
But they can, and will, reap only the reward which always follows
blundering and ignorance. In these days of scientific clear-thinking,
we have come to understand that _salvation from sin comes by the way
of positive knowledge and not at the hands of either ignorance
or innocence_! If husbands and wives ever attain to the highest
conditions of married life, it can only be after they _know and
practice, what is right in all their sex relations, both for
reproductive purposes and in all other respects! Note that well_!

As things are now, especially in all civilized countries, and
particularly among Christian people, this _secondary_ function of sex
in the human family, while blindly recognized as a fact, is none the
less abused, to a most shameful degree. For ages, the whole situation
has been left in a condition of most deplorable, not to say damnable,
ignorance; and no honest endeavor has been made to find out and act
up to the truth in the premises. Husbands and wives have engaged in
coitus _ad libitum_, utterly regardless of whether it was right
or wrong for them to do so! They have taken it for granted that
_marriage_ conferred on them the _right_ to have sexual intercourse
whenever they chose, (especially when the man chose,) and they have
acted accordingly. This is especially true of men, and the practice
has been carried to such length that the right of a man to engage in
coitus with his wife _has been established by law_, and the wife who
refuses to yield this "right" to her husband can be divorced by him,
if she persists in such way of living! It is such a fact as this which
caused Mr. Bernard Shaw to write: "Marriage is the most licentious
institution in all the world." And he might rightfully have added "it
is also the most brutal," though it is an insult to the brute to say
it that way, for brutes are never guilty of _coitus under compulsion.
But a husband can force his wife to submit to his sexual embraces, and
she has no legal right to say him nay!_ This doesn't seem quite right,
does it?

Now there are several different ways of viewing this new and added
sexual possibility in the human family, namely, the act of coitus for
other than reproductive purposes. The Catholic church has _always_
counted it as a sin. Popes have issued edicts regarding it, and
conclaves of Bishops have discussed it and passed resolutions
regarding it. There has always been a difference of opinion upon the
subject amongst these dignitaries and authorities, but they all
agree in one respect, namely, that it is a _sin_. The only point of
difference has been as to the extent or enormity of the sin! By some
it has been reckoned as a "deadly sin," punishable by eternal hell
fire, if not duly absolved before death; by others it has been held
to be only a "venial sin," one that must always be confessed to the
priest when coitus is engaged in, and which can be pardoned by the
practice of due penance. _But, always, it was a sin_!

The Protestant church has never issued edicts regarding this matter,
but, for the most part, it has tacitly held to the Catholic teaching
in _theory_, while universally _practicing_ the reverse, in actual
married life. Protestants have looked upon it as a necessity, but have
taught that it was _regrettable_ that such was the case. They have
held, with Paul, that, "it is better to marry than to burn." And most
of them have chosen the marriage horn of the dilemma.

Among some European nations, attempts have been made to make it
impossible for husbands and wives to cohabit except for reproductive
purposes. In one of these nations, padlocks were used for preventing
the act. A slit was made through the foreskin of the penis, and
through this slit the ring of a padlock was passed, much as an
ear-ring is passed through the lobe of a lady's ear. The padlock
was made so large that it could not be introduced into the vaginal
passage, and so coitus was impossible when it was worn. It could only
be removed by the magistrate into whose hands the regulation of this
part of the citizens' life was given. Specimens of these padlocks are
still to be seen in European museums.

Now the terribly immoral thing in all this way of living has always
been the fact that it _compelled_ people to continually _violate their
consciences_, by _pretending_ to _believe_ one thing and constantly
_practicing_ the reverse of their proclaimed belief. That is, it lured
them into _living a continual lie, and such can never be for the good
of the soul_! It goes without saying that the sooner this abominable
way of living can be ended, the better it will be for all parties
concerned--the individuals who are the victims of such falsehood, and
the communities of which they form a part.

From all this it follows that the first thing every new husband and
wife _ought_ to do is to _settle clearly in their own minds the issue
as to whether it is right or wrong for them to engage in coitus for
any other than procreative purposes_. Having settled this point, one
way or the other, then _let them conscientiously act accordingly. For
only so can they live righteous lives_!

In settling this point, so far as available authorities for the young
people to study and consider are concerned, these are all _against_
coitus except for begetting of off-spring. All the "purity" writers
and Purity Societies are ranged together on the negative side.
Likewise are all the books of "advice to young wives and husbands,"
especially those addressed to young _wives_.

Now all these "authorities" base their whole argument upon the purely
_animal_ facts in the premises. Probably a certain Dr. C. is more
largely read for information on these matters than any other author,
especially among young women. He has written a large, and from
the view-point he takes, a very plausible volume; and it is very
extensively advertised, especially in papers which young women read.
The result is that it has come to be almost a standard authority in
these affairs.

Dr. C.'s argument is, baldly, as follows:--(a) Among animals, the
universal practice is a single act of coitus for each begetting of
off-spring, (b) Human beings are animals, (c) Therefore, human beings
should only engage in coitus for reproductive purposes.

To this syllogism he adds a corollary, which is, that, therefore, all
sexual commerce in the human family, for any other than reproductive
purposes, is _wrong._ These are his texts, so to speak, and through
several hundred pages he preaches, _don't, don't, don't,_ sermons. The
entire volume is one of denial and prohibition. He proclaims the act,
even for the one purpose he allows to be right, as low, and in itself
degrading, to be engaged in only after "prayer and fasting" and
"mortifying the flesh," and even then, in the most passionless, and
only done-because-it-has-to-be manner; as a mere matter of duty; to be
permitted by sufferance; joyless, disgusting in itself; a something
to be avoided, even in thought, other than it is a necessity for the
continuance of the race.

_It is from such data as this that thousands of "innocent" brides
annually make up their minds as to what is right or wrong in the
matter of sexual intercourse._

In doing this, most of these young women are perfectly conscientious,
and want to do the right thing, and there are two items in the count
that naturally lead them to accept Dr. C.'s teachings as correct. The
first is, that it coincides with all they have ever heard about such
matters; the second, that the Doctor flavors all his text with a
religious quality, of the alleged most sacred sort. He instances
saintly women who have lived the most ascetic lives, and whose
religious status was achieved because, and by means of, their perfect
chastity. In fact, this word "chastity" (which he translates as entire
renunciation of the whole sex nature) becomes the test word of his
whole treatise, and its practice is upheld as the true road to all
goodness and virtue.

Now, nearly all well-bred and cultivated young women are naturally
religious (and not a word should be said against their being so) and
they are anxious to time their lives to everything that the highest
religious demands prescribe. It is, therefore, most natural that,
being thus taught by an authority for which they have the highest
regard, they enter marriage with the _fixed opinion_ in accordance
with their teaching. How could it be otherwise?

On the other hand, a few young husbands, indeed none but now and then
a "goody-good" (who usually turns out to be the worst of the whole
lot, in course of time), are willing to "stand for" any such theory,
much less to live any such life as this theory would impose. These
"don't care what the book says," and, from the manner of their
bringing up, from all they have learned or heard by hearing _men_ talk
about married life, (which is usually of the most vulgar sort) they
have come to the conclusion that marriage confers upon the parties the
_right_ to engage in sexual commerce at will; and, especially, that
the husband has the _right_ to the body of his wife _whenever he
chooses_. For, indeed, does not the law give him that right! And so
long as one "keeps inside the law" what more could be asked! Yea,
verily! What more could be asked?

So it is that _most brides and bridegrooms go to their marriage bed
with the most widely diverse views as to what is right and wrong in
the premises_--as to the life they will lead in their new estate. The
young wife is for "purity" and "chastity." The young husband, driven
by a passion which he has long held in thrall, in the belief that he
can now give the fullest vent to it, when he has got where such relief
is possible, is like an excited hound when it seizes its prey, which
he fully believes he has the right to deal with as he pleases! What
wonder that, in view of all these circumstances, the most extensive
observer of marriage-bed phenomena should write: "_As a matter of
fact, nine young husbands in ten practically rape their brides at
their first sexual meeting." Could anything be more horrible, or
criminally wicked_? And it is all so needless! It is all the result of
ignorance, of "innocence," and the worst of false teaching. The pity
of it!

True, these unfortunate conditions are often modified by "mother
nature," who inspires the bride with curiosity, which, in a measure,
controls her in spite of her false teachings, and with passion, which,
to a degree, will assert itself over and above all false modesty, her
religious scruples and her fear of pregnancy; and so she _may_ come
through the ordeal of introduction to the act of coitus in a fairly
sane condition of mind, even though she may have practically been
_raped_! But, too often, the result of such first contact is _a shock
to the bride from which she may not recover during all the subsequent
years of married life_! And "here is where the trouble lies," for
untold thousands of married men and women, all over the civilized
world, to-day. And it might all be so different! It ought, _in every
case_, to be all so different! But if it ever does become different,
_knowledge_ has got to take the place of "_innocence"_ on the part of
the _bride_, and of _ignorance_ on the part of the _bridegroom_, both
of whom must be _taught_ to "_Know what they are about_" before they
engage in the sexual act, and be able to meet each other sanely,
_righteously, lovingly,_ because they both _desire_ what each has to
give to the other; in a way in which neither claims any _rights_, or
makes any _demands_ of the other--in a word, in _perfect concord_
of agreement and action, of which mutual love is the inspirer, and
_definite knowledge_ the directive agent.

Such a first meeting of bride and bridegroom will be no raping affair.
There will be no shock in it, no dread, no shame or thought of shame;
but as perfectly as two drops of water flow together and become one,
the bodies and souls of the parties to the act will mingle in a unity
the most perfect and blissful that can ever be experienced by human
beings in this world. This is no dream! It is a most blessed reality,
which all normally made husbands and wives can attain to, if only they
are properly _taught and educated_, if only they will learn how to
reach such blissful condition.

However, such greatly desired status is not to be had for the asking
merely. _Instinct can never bring it about; "innocence"_ will never
yield such a result; and _force_, or the declaration of a "_right_"
in the premises will forever banish it to the realm of the
never-to-be-realized. It can only come as a result of clear-headed
thinking, scientific investigation, honest study, wise and righteous
action under the given conditions; and, above all, _a love, each for
the other, that knows no bounds_. All these things _must_ obtain,
_on the part of both parties concerned_, or the desired results can
_never_ be attained.

Having said which, here shall follow some suggestions as to how such
estate may be reached by the readers of these pages.

But first, let us finish Dr. C., and all of his tribe--banish them from
all our reckoning in these matters, forever.

As already shown, this argument has not a leg to stand on. These
writers treat the whole situation as though men and women were _mere
animals! Men and women are far more than mere animals, and God hath
made them so_! And for these reasons we will have respect for men and
women as _God has made them_, rather than as Dr. C. and the "purity
leagues" say God _should_ have made them!

As a matter of fact, the secondary function of sex in the human family
is something _far above_ mere animality; it is something that mere
animals know nothing about, that they can never experience, or in any
way attain to, and these _fundamental differences_ in the premises
remove the whole issue from the realm of comparison with any forms or
functions of mere animal life. As well reason that animals never eat
cooked food, and so men ought never to eat cooked food (and there are
some people who do so reason, strange to say) or that animals do
not wear clothes, and so men ought not to wear clothes--as well make
these, or a score more of comparisons, between the human race and mere
animals, as to try to compare them in the item of their sex functions.

In only the single fact that, on the physical plane merely, coitus
for the purpose of procreation is common to all animal life, mankind
included, is there a point of comparison between humanity and the
brute creation. _Beyond that point there is nothing comparable between
the two_! As well say that because beasts can hear, therefore they
can comprehend and enjoy a Beethoven Sonata, or because they have eyes
they can delight in a picture by Corot!

This is only another way of saying that sex has functions and uses in
the human family that are entirely apart from the possibilities of all
other animal life--functions as much above mere animality as music is
above mere physical hearing, as painting above mere physical sight.

These facts forever upset and overthrow all the theories of Dr. C. and
Co., they entirely eliminate the whole bunch from any part or lot in
the issue on which they have essayed to speak with such authority,
but whose main point, whose essential elements they have _entirely
misunderstood_, and hence have treated in a way that is wholly at
variance with the truth in the premises, and it is the truth that we
are looking for.

Once more (for it is well to go to the bottom of this matter while we
are about it) the honest truth is, that _it is the universal practice
of the human race for men and women to cohabit for other purposes than
reproduction, and it has always been so_, since men and women were men
and women! It is true among the most savage and barbarous tribes of
the earth, and it is more emphatically true of the highly civilized
people in all lands and climes. And is it reasonable to suppose that
such a universal phenomenon should _not_ have been intended to be as
it is! As well say that appetite for food is a mistake, one that ought
to be eliminated!

Again, the experiences of men and women, all over the world, prove
that, where this act is engaged in properly, according to the laws
that obtain in the premises, _it conduces to the highest physical,
mental, and spiritual well-being of the parties concerned_. Indeed, it
is beyond doubt true that the men and women who have never known this
most perfect of all human experiences, have never reached the summit
of human attainment, have never arrived at the perfection of manhood
and womanhood. Length of life, health of the highest sort, and
happiness, the most delectable--all come, these and more, to men and
women by this route, _if it is rightly traveled_. Hell and damnation
result if that road is wrongly trod!

And that's what makes the manner of traveling it so important.




VI

THE ACT OF COITUS


Strictly speaking, the act of coitus should be considered as composed
of four parts, or acts, of one common play, or drama. Not that there
is a sharp line of demarcation between each act or part, for the
_four_ really blend into _one_ composite whole, when taken together,
seriatim; but there are _four phases_ of the act which may well be
studied separately, in making a detailed review of a sexual meeting of
a man and a woman.

These four parts are: _first_, the preparation for the act; _second_,
the _union_ of the organs; _third_, the motion of the organs;
_fourth_, the orgasm.

In what immediately follows, these _four_ stages of the act of coitus
will be studied and traced in detail, with the utmost care, in the
hope that such pursuit may result in the best possible good to the
student.

Regarding the _first_ part of the act, let it be said that here, above
all other situations in the world "_haste makes waste_." _Put that
down as the most fundamental fact in this whole affair!_ Right here is
where ninety-nine one-hundredths of all the troubles of married life
begin! And the fault, right here, is usually (though not always) with
the husband! But he doesn't mean to be bad. Not once in a thousand
times does he deliberately purpose to do wrong. He is simply the
victim of undirected and ungoverned passion, and of an _ignorance_
which results in stupid blundering, or carelessness, or
thoughtlessness. What such a husband practically does is to rush
blindly and furiously along a way he knows nothing of, but which he
has been led to think he has a _right_ to travel _when and how he
will_! The ordinary figure of a "bull in a china shop" can but faintly
describe the smashing and grinding to powder of the most delicate
situation that can occur in all human experiences, that result from
such action as this. Ideals that have touched heaven are tumbled from
their lofty places and ruthlessly crushed to atoms; hopes that were
beyond the power of words to express go out in despair; dreams become
a hideous nightmare; and love, which was as pure as crystal waters, is
muddied, befouled, and made into a cesspool! _And all this because of
ignorance_ or careless hurrying, of making haste where the utmost of
time, caution and intelligent care should have obtained!

As has already been explained, when the act of coitus is to be
engaged in, the sex organs of both the man and the woman undergo great
changes. Blood rushes to all these parts, in copious quantities,
till they become gorged. The result is that the penis is enlarged to
several times its dormant size, and the vulva and vagina should,
and will, under right conditions, undergo similar changes and
transformation.

_But there is usually a great difference in the length of time it
takes for these changes to take place in men and women_. On the part
of the man, as soon as his passion is aroused to any considerable
extent, the penis at once makes itself ready for action. It
"tumesces," or swells itself hard, almost instantly; and, so far as
its mere physical stoutness is concerned, is as ready to enter the
vagina then as ever, even if it has to force itself in.

On the other hand, the tumescence of the parts in women is usually,
(especially as girls are reared) not infrequently, a matter of
considerable time, not infrequently several minutes, and now and then,
of _half-an-hour or more_! This is not always so, for in some very
passionate women they are ready for action almost instantly. Indeed,
there are some women whose sex organs tumesce if they (the women) even
touch a man--any man--and occasionally a case occurs where a woman
will experience an orgasm if her clothing brushes against a man! Such
cases are, of course, abnormal. But, _for the most part_, it is true
that women are _much slower_ in making ready for the sexual act than
men are.

Again, as the organs become ready for the act, nature has provided a
most wonderful means for bringing about their easy and happy union.
Both the male and female organs secrete and emit, or pour out, a sort
of lubricating fluid which covers and sometimes almost floods the
parts. This is a clear and limpid substance, that looks much like the
white of an egg, and is much like the saliva that is secreted in
the mouth, only it is a thicker substance. Chemically, it is almost
identical with saliva. That generated by the man is called "prostatic
flow;" that produced by the woman "pre-coital secretion."

Now, if time is given for this fluid to be secreted and exuded, all
the parts become covered or saturated with it, and they are admirably
equipped for easy union. The glans penis is then covered with the
slippery fluid, and the vulva and all the walls of the vagina are
laved with the substance. At the same time, the vaginal walls have
widened and grown soft, and all the parts of the vulva (which are yet
to be named and described in detail) are in like condition. The result
is that, though the penis be what might at first seem of such size as
to make its entrance into the vagina impossible, as a matter of fact,
such entrance is perfectly easy, when the parts are fully ready to be
joined. _But not before or otherwise!_

So here is where the trouble comes. If the husband is in haste, if he
does not wait for the wife to become ready to meet him; if he forces
his large, hard penis into the vagina before either is fully ready
for such union--when there is no prostatic fluid on its glans, and the
vagina is shrunken and its walls are dry--if coitus is engaged in in
this way, it is perfectly easy to see that _only disaster can result_!
The woman is hurt, sometimes most cruelly, and the man in reality gets
only a beastly gratification from the act. _Of all bad things in all
the world, such manner of coition is the worst_!

And so, in this _first_ part of the act, the one foremost thought to
remember and observe is, _take plenty of time!_

There is another reason why, on the part of woman, this time should
be extended, especially when she is a bride and inexperienced in these
matters, and that is, that her "innocence," and all her education,
make her feel that she is _doing wrong_, or at least permitting a
wrong thing to be done, and this holds back the proper growth of her
passion, hinders the tumescence of her sex organs, delays the flow
of the precoital secretion, and so keeps her from becoming properly
prepared for her share of the mutual act.

Again, her fear of pregnancy may still further retard her coming into
a proper condition. Indeed, this last is the almost common cause for
her failing to be in readiness for meeting her husband. All of
which items must be taken into account by both husband and wife,
and intelligently, lovingly dealt with, if the best results for both
parties are attained.

As regards the item of possible pregnancy, special note will be made
of this feature later on. It is here placed in abeyance for the time
being, because its consideration can be better provided for after some
other points have been studied.

Now the one easily understood (and as easily practiced as understood)
direction as to what to do by way of preparation for the act of coitus
is: _do as lovers do when they are "courting."_ And everybody knows
what that is! And note this--that _nobody ever hurries when they are
courting!_ They delay, they protract, they dilly-dally, they "fool
around," they pet each other in all sorts of possible and impossible
ways. They kiss each other--"long and passionate kisses, they again
and again give and receive"--they hug each other, nestle into each
other's arms--in a word, they "play together" in a thousand-and-one
ways which the "goody-goods" declare to be wrong, and the cold-blooded
call nonsense or foolishness, but which all _lovers_ know is an
_unspeakable delight_ ("unspeakable" is the word, for who wants to
_talk_ when these blissful experiences are going on!).

Now, these things, and the likes of these things, in limitless supply,
should always precede the act of coitus. It is right there that this
part of the first act of this wonderful four-act drama or play should
be wrought out, and if they are omitted or disregarded, the play
will end in _tragedy, with all the leading actors left dead upon the
stage_!

Now the chief, if not the only, reason why this part of the supreme
act of married life is not always preluded in this way is found in
the _false view_ of what the _marriage ceremony means_, and a wrong
impression as to what it confers upon the parties who say "yes" to
its prescriptions. That is, the common idea is, that the taking of
"marriage vows" bestows certain _rights_ and imposes certain _duties_
upon the new husband and wife. It is thought that such ceremony makes
certain acts _right_ which would _otherwise_ be _wrong_, and that it
establishes the _right_ to engage in such acts, _with or without any
further consultation or consent in the premises_. It makes love a
matter of _contract_, a something _bound by promise and pledge rather
than a free and unfettered effusion of the soul_.

The result of this is that, whereas, before the marriage ceremony both
the man and woman take the utmost care to do everything in their power
to increase, magnify, and retain each other's love, after they
have been granted a "license," and the minister has put their hands
together and prayed over them--after this, they both think they have
a "_cinch_" on each other, that they are bound together by a bond that
cannot be broken, a tie so strong that it will need no further looking
after, but which will "stay put" of its own accord, and which
may therefore be let to shift for itself from the hour of its
pronouncement! Nothing _could be further from the truth than this is_.
And yet it is a common feeling and belief among young married people!

Nor is it any wonder that this should be so. The very form of the
marriage ceremony and contract tends to make it so. The fact that
marriage originated as a form of slavery, and that much of its
original status yet remains--all these things tend to establish these
wrong ideas regarding the estate, in the minds of the parties to it.

Nor are the evils that come from such wrong view of marriage all
confined to one side of the house. On the contrary, they are
about evenly divided between husbands and wives, witness a few
illustrations, as follows:

A couple had been married about a year. They had no children, nor
were there prospects of any. The husband was beginning to spend his
evenings away from home, leaving his wife alone. One evening, as he
was making ready to go out, his wife said: "What makes you go out
evenings now, and leave me alone! You didn't use to do it!" And the
husband replied:

"Why, you don't do anything to make it interesting for me now! You
used to put on your prettiest clothes when I came to see you, fixed
up your hair bewitchingly, had a smile for me that wouldn't come off,
would sing for me, read to me, sit on my lap and pet me and kiss me,
and now you never do anything of the kind." And before he could say
more, the wife responded: "_Oh, but we are married now, and it's your
duty to stay with me!_"

What wonder that the husband went out of the house, slamming the door
after him! The wonder is that he ever came back.

Again: A woman who was a graduate of a famous Eastern College and
who had taught for a number of years, who was from one of the "first
families" in the east, and was counted as a lady of the highest
culture and refinement, finally married a Western business man. On
their bridal night, as they were retiring, the man laid his hand on
the woman's bare shoulder, and she threw it off, and said: "Don't
be disgusting! I married you because I was tired of taking care of
myself, or of having my relatives take care of me. You are worth fifty
thousand dollars, and one-third of all that was made mine just as soon
as the preacher got through his closing prayer, and you can't help
it! That's the truth, and we are married, and you can make the best of
it!"

These are both truthful tales, nor are they the only ones of the sort
that could be told.

On the other hand, these are matched with acts of ignorant and
careless young husbands, who do dastardly deeds to their brides
because they think _the law_ and the _contract_ give them the right!
There is no need to go into details. The whole evil is revealed by the
words of the woman just quoted: "_Oh, but we are married now_."

These records, and all like them, lead to the remark that _marriage
confers no rights, to either the bride or the bridegroom, in the
highest meaning of the word_. So far as its outward and formal
observance is concerned, marriage is merely a sort of protection for
society which has grown up through the years, and which is probably
for the best, for the present, things being as they are. But it should
be well understood that it can _never_ lead to _true happiness_ if it
is viewed and utilized _merely_ on its _legal and formal side. True
marriage is based on mutual love; and mutual love can never be traded
upon, or made an item of formal agreement and contract._ People may
contract to live together and to cohabit, and they may faithfully
carry out their agreements; _but this is not marriage_! It is simply
_legalized prostitution, bargain and sale, for a consideration. It is
blasphemy to call it by the sacred name of marriage!_

Truly does Tennyson say: "Free love will not be bound." Indeed it
cannot be! It must remain forever free if it stays at all. And if the
parties to it try to bind it, the more chains, fastenings, pledges
and agreements they put upon it, the sooner and quicker will it escape
from all its holdings and fly away and _stay away_!

And so, to come back to where we left off (for we said there should be
no hurrying or haste here) let married people understand that the key
to married happiness is _to keep on "courting" each other_. Indeed,
to make courting continually grow to more and more. During the whole
extent of married life, never neglect, much less forget to be lovers,
and to show, _by all your acts_, that you are lovers, and great shall
be your reward. Don't ask how to do this! You know how, well enough.
Do it!

And be careful _not_ to do anything that a careful lover ought not
to do! This direction should be heeded by both husband and wife. Make
yourself beautiful for your husband, Oh, wife, and keep yourself so.
As between the public, or your friends, or society, give them what of
yourself you can spare, after you have given to your lover all that
you can bestow upon him, or he can wish you to bestow. Don't give
to everybody and everything else, church, society, work, children,
friends, or what-so-ever--don't give _all_ of yourself to these, and
let your husband "take what there is left." Don't do that, as you
value your married success and happiness! Don't say: "Oh, but we are
married now," and let it go at that!

The beautiful and delicate flowers of married love need to be watched
and tended with the most skilful care, _continually_, by both husband
and wife. Treated in this way, they will not only be fragrant and
lovely through all the years of wedded life; but as, one by one, the
blossoms shed their petals and change their forms so that luscious
fruits may come in turn--as these changes take place, new, more
beautiful and more fragrant flowers will continue to the very end of
the longest married life. Don't ever forget this, or doubt it, as you
hope for happiness in the marriage state! Mind what is here said, and
act accordingly _all the time_--days, nights and Sundays.

Now if these truths are thoroughly inculcated, "kicked in" so firmly
and deeply that they will never "jar loose" or get away, we will move
on.

So, then, the _first_ part of _every_ act of coitus should always be a
_courting_ act, in which there should be _no haste_, but in which the
parties should "_make delays_," as John Burroughs says.

And this should be added: that, for married lovers, courting has a far
wider range of possibilities than it has for the unmarried. Previous
to marriage, there are conventionalities and clothes in the way! After
that, neither of these need be in evidence, and this makes a lot of
difference, and all in favor of the best results, if rightly used,
and made the most of. One hardly need to go into details here, (though
this may be done later on in this writing). If the lovers will be as
free with each other unclothed as clothed; if they will utterly ignore
all conventionalities, and do with and for each other anything and
everything that their _impulses_ and _inclinations_ suggest, or
their desires prompt; if they will, _with the utmost abandon_ give
themselves up to petting each other in every possible way that _mother
nature_ has put within their reach; if they will hug and kiss and
"spoon" and "play with each other" just as they want to do--if they
will do this, and not _hurry_ about it--then, in due course, they
will successfully execute the _first act_ of the great play they are
performing; the sex organs will become fully ready for the union they
are both longing for; the "prostate flow" will have added to the erect
condition of the penis; the walls of the vagina and all the area
of the vulva will be enlarged, soft, flexible and made smooth and
slippery by a most generous supply of the "pre-coital secretion" and
everything will be in _perfect readiness_ for the next part of the
performance, namely the union of the organs.

And here it becomes necessary to say something about the position of
the parties in making such union. There are a large number of these
possible, some of which may be noted later, but here, only the most
common one will be considered (it is said there are more than forty
different positions possible in this act).

The most common position is for the woman to lie flat on her back,
with her legs spread wide apart, and her knees drawn up so that the
angle made by the upper and lower part of the leg shall be less than
a right angle. Her head should not be too high, there should be no
pillow under it.

Into her arms, and between her spread legs as she lies thus, her lover
should come. His body will thus be over and above her, and _he should
sustain himself on his elbows and knees_, so that little or _none_ of
his weight may rest upon her. In this position, face to face (and
it should be noted that only in the human family is this position of
coitus possible! Among mere animals, the male is always upon the back
of the female. They--mere animals--can never look each other in the
eye and kiss each other during the act! This is another marked and
very significant difference between human beings and all other animals
in this regard) it is perfectly natural and easy for the organs to
go together, when properly made ready, as here-before described. The
woman should also place her heels in the knee-hollows of her lover's
legs, and clasp his body with her arms.

The entrance of the penis into the vagina should not be too abrupt,
unless circumstances are perfectly favorable for such meeting and it
is _the wish of the wife_ that it be made in this way. It is only
fair to say, though, that such bold and pronounced entrance is often
_greatly desired by the woman_, if her passion has been fully aroused
at this stage of the act. Such union is not infrequently of the
greatest delight to her, if everything is favorable for its being
so made. But, if there is any pain produced in her by the coming
together, the meeting should be gentle and slow, the penis working its
way into the vagina by degrees, till, finally, it is entirely encased
therein. Once thus happily together, the vagina and uterine cavity
will still further expand, till, in due order, the two organs will be
fitted together perfectly, a single unit, _one_, in the highest sense
of unity.

This is the _second_ act in this wonderful play.

Once well together, and the organs perfectly settled and adapted
to each other, the _third_ act begins, namely, _the motion of the
organs_--the sliding of the penis back and forth, partly in and out of
the vagina, though this is not really the best way of describing just
what should take place. What _should_ actually be done is, that the
_two_ organs should engage in this motion, which is _common to them
both_. They should _mutually_ slip a few inches, back and forth, _each
party to the motion doing a fair half_.

It is often supposed, by both an uninitiated husband and an "innocent"
wife, that all the motion should originate with the husband--that
he should slide his penis in and out of the vagina, while the woman
should lie still and "_let him do it all_." This is, however, a
_great_ mistake, and one that has caused an endless amount of ill to
untold numbers of husbands and wives. And for the following reasons:

In the position just described, if the wife has her arms around her
lover's body and her heels in his knee-pockets, while he supports
himself by his elbows and knees over and above her, resting _none_ of
his weight upon her, it is perfectly easy for her to lift her hips up
and down, or sway them from side to side, or swing them in a circling
"round-and-round" motion, as she may choose to do. She can thus
_originate_ her half of the in-and-out motion--a something she will
delight to do, _if given a fair chance._ If, however, the man lies
heavily upon her, holding her down with the weight of his body, the
possibility of such action on her part is prevented, and this results
disastrously to both parties. And so, in this part of the act, the
husband should take the _utmost care_ to give his wife the _full and
complete freedom_ to move her hips as she chooses, and as a successful
climax demands that she should.

Now if the wife be left free to move, as just described, and the
in-and-out motion proceeds as it should, what immediately follows will
vary in a great degree. Thus, the time taken to reach the climax, or
last act of the performance, may be a few seconds, or several minutes,
may require a mere half dozen motions, or _several hundred!_ All
depends on the intensity of the passions of the husband and wife,
especially the latter, and their skill in manipulating this part of
the act.

The effect of this motion is to still further excite and still more
distend all the organs involved. Normally, the motion grows faster and
faster, the strokes becoming as long as the length of the organs will
possibly permit without separating them. The flow of the lubricating
fluids, from both organs, becomes more and more copious, till, all at
once, the orgasm, or _fourth stage_, is reached!

It is difficult to describe what this orgasm is like. There is no
bodily sensation that at all corresponds to it, unless it be a sneeze,
and this is only like it in that it is spontaneous, and a sort of
nervous spasm (a sneeze is sometimes spoken of as an orgasm). A sexual
orgasm is a nervous spasm, or a series of pulsating nervous explosions
which defy description. The action is entirely beyond the control of
the will, when it finally arrives, and the sensation it produces is
delectable beyond telling. It is the topmost pinnacle of all human
experiences. For a husband and wife to reach this climax, at exactly
the same instant, is a consummation that can never be excelled in
human life. It is a goal worthy the endeavor of all husbands and
wives, to attain to this supreme height of sexual possibilities.

On the part of the man, the orgasm throws the semen into, and all
about the vaginal-uterine tract. The amount of semen thus discharged
at a single climax is about a tablespoonful, enough to entirely flush
and flood the area into which it is thrown. Its use and action there
have already been described, and so need not be repeated here.

On the part of the woman, the orgasm causes no corresponding emission
of fluid, of any sort, that is jetted forth as is the semen. Yet the
spasmodic action of the sexual parts, so far as nervous explosions are
concerned, is exactly like that of her partner. Palpitation follows
palpitation, through all the sexual area; the mouth of the womb opens
and closes convulsively, the vagina dilates and contracts again and
again, and the vulva undergoes similar actions. The sensations are
all of the most delectable nature, the whole of the woman's body being
thrilled, over and over, again and again, with delights inexpressible.
This, however, seems to be the entire mission of the orgasm in woman.
_It has nothing whatever to do with conception_; though many people,
especially young husbands who know just a little about the phenomenon,
believe that it is an _essential_ to pregnancy. _But such is by no
means the case._ All that is needed to bring about conception in a
woman is the presence of the ovum in the uterus, and its meeting semen
there, and so becoming fertilized. So far as becoming pregnant is
concerned, the _woman_ need have _no pleasure at all_ in the act of
coitus. Indeed, women have been made pregnant by securing fresh semen
from some man and injecting it into the vagina with an ordinary female
syringe!

The false idea, which largely prevails, and which usually takes the
form that there is no danger or possibility of conception unless the
orgasm is _simultaneous on the part of the man and woman_, has caused
many a woman to become pregnant when she thought such a result to
be impossible, because she and her lover did not "spend" at the same
instant. For the same reason, many a young husband has impregnated his
wife when he least expected to do so, thinking that because he alone
experienced the orgasm, that therefore conception was impossible.

Again, there are many married men and women who do not know that it is
possible for a woman to experience an orgasm at all! The writer once
knew a case of this kind, where a husband and wife, most intelligent
and well cultivated people, lived together for twenty years, and to
whom were born six children, who, at the end of that time were
wholly unaware of such possibility! They afterwards discovered it by
accident, as it were, and after that enjoyed its delights for many
years. There are some, yea, many, women who never experience this
sensation at all, but of this more will be said later.

All these phenomena seem to indicate the fact that, so far as women
are concerned, _the orgasm is entirely for her delectation and
delight. It forms no part of the act of conception_, and its only
possible function, beyond that of pleasure, is that, because of the
exceedingly delightful sensations it produces, it may lure women to
engage in coitus when, but for this fact, they would not do so, and
that it thus increases the possibility of women becoming mothers.
Indeed, there is no stronger temptation to a woman to run the risk of
becoming pregnant than her desire to experience an orgasm! But more of
this later.

As soon as the orgasm is over, a total collapse of the husband and
wife takes place. They are truly "spent," a most expressive word,
which alone can describe their condition. On the part of the man
the up-to-this-moment stout penis, becomes almost instantly limp
and shrunken, while all the female organs become quiescent. A most
delightful languor steals over them; every nerve and fibre of the
whole body relaxes; and a desire to fall asleep at once, comes upon
them irresistibly. And the thing for them to do is to avail themselves
of such natural impulse, just as soon as possible. They should always
have at hand, and within easy reach, a towel, or napkin, with which
to care for the surplus of the seminal emission, which, as soon as the
organs are separated, will, in greater or less quantity, flow from the
vagina. Some of the same fluid will also remain upon the penis when
it is withdrawn. The husband should absorb this surplus which remains
with him with the towel, as soon as the organs are parted, and
immediately leave his super-imposed position, leaving his wife
_perfectly free_, to do as she will. She should arrange the towel
between her thighs, exactly as she would a sanitary napkin, making no
attempt to remove the surplus semen at that time, and turn over and go
to sleep _immediately_. (It is said that if the woman goes to sleep on
her _back_, after coition, she thereby increases the _probability_,
of becoming pregnant. This is a point that women who greatly desire
motherhood should note. The writer knew one case where a wife lay on
her back for twenty-four hours after coition and so became pregnant
after all other means had failed.)

Now it might seem that such neglect, on the part of the woman, to
immediately remove the surplus semen, was uncleanly and unsanitary.
But this is not at all true, and for this reason: _The semen is a most
powerful stimulant to all the female sex-organs, and to the whole body
of the woman_. The organs themselves will absorb quantities of semen,
if left in contact with it, and it is most healthful and beneficial to
them, and to the woman, to have them do so. It is for this cause that
many women increase in flesh, and even grow fat after they are married
and so can avail themselves of this _healthful food._ As a matter
of fact, _there is no nerve-stimulant, or nerve-quieter, that is as
potent to woman-kind as semen_. There are multitudes of "nervous"
women, hysterical even, who are restored to health, and kept in good
health, through the stimulative effects of satisfactory coitus and the
absorption of semen, when both these items are present in perfection.
On the other hand, there are many women who suffer all sorts of ills,
when these normally beneficial factors are misused or wrongly applied.
The results that follow all depend upon the way the act is done, and
its products utilized.

So, after the act of coition is over, let the woman slip a "bandage"
into place as soon as possible, and go to sleep. If she sleeps long,
so much the better, so much more will she be benefited by the presence
of the semen and its absorption. When she naturally wakens, she may
bathe the vulva region with warm water; but there is no need of, nor
is it wise to try to cleanse the vagina and the uterine tract by the
use of a vaginal syringe. Above all, never inject cold water into the
vagina, especially do not do this immediately after coitus. Some women
use a cold water injection immediately after coitus. There is no surer
way to ill health and ultimate suicide. The parts are congested with
blood at such times, and to pour _cold_ water upon them is as though,
when one is dripping with perspiration, he should plunge into a cold
bath. Nature has made wise provision for taking care of all the semen
that remains in the vagina. Let the parts alone, and they will cleanse
and care for themselves.

Such, then, is a somewhat extended review of the act of coitus at its
best estate, and in a general way. _Its perfect accomplishment is an
art to be cultivated, and one in which expertness can only be attained
by wise observation, careful study of all the factors involved, and a
loving adaptation of the bodies, minds and souls of both the parties
to the act. It is no mere animal function._ It is a _union_, a _unity_
of "two _souls_ with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as
one." There is nothing low or degrading about it, when it is what it
ought to be, when it is brought to, and experienced at, its highest
and best estate. It is _God-designed, God-born, God-bestowed!_ As such
it should be thankfully received and _divinely used_ by all the sons
and daughters of men.




VII

THE FIRST UNION


And now, although so much has been said, there is much that remains to
be said, and which ought to be said, to do the subject justice. Some
of these things are as follows:

Something more ought to be told about the second part of the act of
coitus, the union of the organs, when this occurs for the _first_ time
on the part of the woman.

At the first meeting of the husband and wife, if the woman be a
virgin, there are certain conditions which exist, on her part, that
are not present in after-meetings, and these must be understood and
rightly dealt with, or the worst of bad results may ensue.

Of course, at such first meeting, all the preliminaries prescribed as
forming the _first_ movement of the act should be carried out _to the
limit_. It is not too much to say that these should be prolonged for
_some days_! Do not start, young husband, at this statement! Well did
Alexander Dumas, père, write: "Oh, young husband, have a care in the
first overtures you make toward your bride! She may shrink from what
she feels must come; she may put her hands over her eyes to shut out
the sight; but do not forget that she is a woman, and so is filled
with _curiosity_, under any and all circumstances! And you may set it
down as sure, that, though she blinds herself with her hands as she
scales the dizzy heights you are leading her over, nevertheless,
_she will peek through her fingers!_ So she will watch you with most
critical eyes, and note every show of _selfishness or blundering on
your part! So have a care!_ You may think you are aiming your arrow
at the sun. See to it that it does not alight in the mud!" Good words
these, and to be heeded, come what may!

As a rule, if the bride be a virgin, it is well to _let plenty of time
elapse before engaging in the full act of coitus!_ Delay here will
lead to a possible loving speed, later on. The young people should
take time enough to get better acquainted with each other than ever
before; to become, in a measure, accustomed to the uncovered presence
of each other, and to the new possibilities of "courting" and "playing
together" that their new conditions offer. In any case, full coitus
should not be attempted till the bride is at least _willing_. If
she can be brought to become _anxious_ for the meeting, so much the
better.

And so, with plenty of time taken for making ready for the act, we
come to the first union of the organs for a newly married couple, the
bride being a virgin. And here is where an explanation is called for.

The vulva, or external part of the female sex organs, is a mouth
shaped aperture, located laterally between the forward part of the
thighs. In shape, size and structure, it much resembles the external
parts of the mouth proper. It begins just in front of the anus, and
extends forward above the pubic bone and a little ways up the belly.
Its entire lateral length is about four or more inches.

This organ is made up of several parts, as follows: The lips, or
labiae, as they are technically known, the clitoris, and the vaginal
opening. The lips are a double row, two on either side, and are known
as labiae major and labiae minor, that is, the thicker and thinner, or
larger and smaller lips. They extend almost the entire length of the
vulva, the outer lips folding over the inner ones when the thighs are
together. The outer parts of the larger lips are covered with hair. In
thickness and quality these labiae are much like the lips of the face
of each individual, a large mouth and thick lips indicate a large
vulva and thick labiae and vice-versa. The clitoris is a gland that
is located forward, on the upper part of the vulva. It corresponds,
almost exactly, in make-up and function, with the glans penis of the
male organ. The vaginal opening is at the rear, or lower part of the
vulva, and leads directly into the vagina proper.

All these parts are composed of most keenly responsive nerves, and
they are covered with a thin, delicate and exceedingly sensitive
skin, almost exactly such as lines the cheeks and the mouth. Both the
clitoris and the lips are filled with expandable blood vessels, and
in a state of tumescence they are greatly enlarged by a flow of
blood into the parts. The clitoris, in this condition, undergoes an
enlargement, or "erection," which is exactly like that of the glans
penis. So much as to the physiology of this part of the female sex
organs, all of which should be well understood by every bride and
bridegroom, though often it is not.

Now, in its virgin state, the vulva has another part, not yet named,
and this is the hymen, or "maiden-head" as it is commonly known. This
is a membrane that grows across the forward, or upper part of the
vaginal opening, and so _closes up_ nearly all that part of the
vulva. This hymen is not always present, however, even in a state of
undoubted virginity. Sometimes it is torn away in childhood by the
little girl's fingers, as she "plays with herself." Sometimes it
is ruptured by lifting, again it is broken away by the use of a
large-sized female syringe. _For all these reasons, it is not right to
conclude that a bride is not a virgin because the hymen is not present
and in evidence at the first coition._

Now many young husbands, and some young wives, are wholly ignorant of
the _existence_ of the hymen, and of the troubles it may cause at the
second part of the sexual act, in a first meeting. This membrane is
often quite tough and strong. It is grown fast to the lower part of
the clitoris and to the inside surfaces of the smaller lips, and
it covers so much of the vaginal opening that it is practically
impossible for the erect penis to enter the vagina so long as it
is present. Now if, under these conditions, the bride and groom
(especially the latter) are ignorant of the real construction of the
parts, and so should try to make a union of the organs, they would
find such union obstructed, if not impossible; and if the man,
puzzled, and impatient, and passion-driven, should _force_ a hasty
entrance into the vagina, rupturing the hymen ruthlessly, he would
hurt the woman cruelly, probably cause her to _bleed_ freely from the
wounded parts, and shock her seriously! All of which would be a score
against the husband, would brand him as a brute, or a bungler, and so
tend to make his "sun-aimed arrow alight in the mud."

The thing to do here, is, first of all, to know the situation and to
talk it over, and carefully, delicately, do the best that can be done
about it. If the conditions are fully understood by the bride and
groom, they can, in almost every case, by working and moving together
carefully, overcome the obstacle, remove the hymen with little or no
pain or loss of blood.

As a matter of fact, when the time for meeting comes, if all the facts
are known, and the husband will hold his erect penis still and steady
against the hymen, the bride will so press against it, and "wiggle
around" it, that _by her own motions_, she will break the membrane and
so be rid of it. She knows how much pain she can endure, and when the
pressure is too hard she can relieve it by her own action! Anyhow,
what is done _she does_ herself, and so can never charge up against
her husband!

It is a rare case in which, by mutual willingness, and desire and
mutual effort to remove the obstruction, it cannot be eliminated
with satisfaction to both bride and groom. If, however, careful and
well-executed efforts fail to remove it, the services of a surgeon
should be procured, and he, by a very simple and almost painless
operation, can remove the difficulty. But never, _no never_, should
it be brutally torn away by the force of the husband, and without the
full willingness of the wife. _Mark this well_. As a matter of fact,
the wise and practical thing for every bride to do, would be to go to
a surgeon a few days before her wedding, and have him remove the hymen
for her. Such operation is nearly painless, and is very easily done.
Still, to do this might raise a doubt of virginity on the part of the
husband and so this is a point to be careful about!

The act of removing the hymen is often spoken of as "defloration"--the
tearing to pieces of a flower. The term is not fortunate. Nothing
worth while has been taken away by removing the hymen, but much that
is useful has been acquired. An organ that has outlived whatever
usefulness it might once have had has been removed, and its going
has made possible new and beautiful uses in life. If this has been
accomplished by the mutual desire and effort of the bride and groom,
it is a cause for joy and not of sorrow; of delight and not of
mourning. As well weep over the removal of the vermiform appendix as
for the destruction of the hymen.

With this obstacle rightly overcome, the second act of coitus offers
no situation that calls for further remark or explanation.

And now a few words about the probabilities of conception resulting
from coitus, and some matters which are very closely related thereto.

In the first place, every healthy and fairly-well-provided-for husband
and wife should desire to have children, and should act in accordance
with such wish. This is not only in harmony with the primary purpose
of sex in the human family, but it is a response to a natural demand
of the human soul, in both man and woman. As Bernard Shaw makes Jack
Tanner say: "There is a father-heart as well as a mother-heart" and
_parenthood is the supreme desire of all normal and wholesome-minded
men and women._ It is not an "instinct," but something far above that
quality.

Parenthood among mere animals is the result of instinct, and of that
alone, but not so in the human race. Human beings naturally desire to
make a home for themselves, and a home, in the fullest meaning of that
word, means _children_ and a "family circle." This is something that
animals know nothing about. Animal mothers forget and ignore their
progeny as soon as they are weaned; and animal fathers will, in many
cases, kill them as soon as they are born, if they get a chance to
do so. These facts prove that parenthood, in the human family, is
something much more than in the rest of the animal kingdom. Indeed,
the whole matter of comparing this quality, as it exists in humanity,
with that of animals merely, is only a continuance of the similar
abomination of comparing the sex functions of these two forms of life.
In the real essentials of existence, they are in no way comparable;
and to make such is not only folly, but approaches the positively
criminal. The results of doing so certainly lead to crime.

Fundamentally, then, nearly all men and women marry with the purpose
and hope of having a family of children. They may not put it that way,
may not even acknowledge it, even to each other or to themselves; but
if married people find that they _cannot_ produce, it is a source of
unspeakable regret to them both. In such cases, the inherent desire
for parenthood will "cry aloud and spare not." A "barren" woman
greatly mourns her inability, and will shed bitter tears over the
fact, if she be truly human; and an "impotent" man will be practically
despised by all who are aware of his incompetence.

And yet, though all normal men and women desire to have children,
it is only right that they should desire to have them _as they want
them_, and _when_ they want them, and not _whenever they may happen
to come!_ That is, sensible and thoughtful people, who plan definitely
for the future, want to make the coming of children to them an affair
of _deliberate_ arrangement, and not of _chance_.

This is not only as it should be, but is really the only right way
that children should be begotten and born. Which statement calls for
a few special words on the right of parents to regulate the production
of progeny.

There is much talk, in some quarters, about "race suicide," and
the wickedness of deliberately limiting the number of children in a
family. Such talking and writing arouse anxious questionings in the
minds of conscientious young married men and women who are desiring to
do the right thing in the premises, but are uncertain as to what the
right thing is, and for such are the following words:

Many years ago, an English philosopher and statesman, Malthus by name,
discovered and announced the fact that the rate of natural increase
in the human race was several times greater than that of the possible
rate of production of food supply for their support. Scientifically
phrased, his statement was that "the rate of increase in humanity
is in geometrical ratio, while the rate of increase of possible food
supply is in arithmetical ratio." And from this basis, he reasoned
that, unless the surplus of human production was in some way cut off
and destroyed, the whole human race would ultimately demand more food
supply than could possibly be produced; and so, in due course of time,
the whole race would perish from starvation!

Then he proceeded to reason that the purpose of disease, plague,
pestilence, famine, poverty and warfare was to cut off and destroy
the _surplus_ of humanity, and hence all these alleged evils were
in reality blessings in disguise, and that _it would be wrong to
interfere_ with their really beneficent workings! Volumes could be
written, and they could not tell the half of the misery and evil that
the promulgation of this doctrine has done for the civilized world,
but there is no space here for giving any such details; nor need this
be done, though the statement of the doctrine had to be made to make
ready for what is to follow.

Now, is it not far more reasonable to suppose that, _since the
possibility of determining the number of off-spring a husband and wife
may produce has been given them_; that since such result can be, for
them, made a matter of _choice_, of an _exercise of the will_, and
not of _blind instinct_--under these circumstances, all of which
undoubtedly exist, is it not far more reasonable to believe that it is
the _purpose of the Creator_ that the limiting of the number of human
beings in the world should be brought about by _curbing the birth
rate_, rather than by _killing the surplus_ after they are born!

There can be but one answer made to this question, by any intelligent
man or woman.

These facts, then, establish the _rightfulness of determining the
number and size of a family by every husband and wife_. But this does
not mean that they are to entirely refrain from cohabiting, in order
to keep from having children! This phase of the argument has already
been gone over and disposed of. But it _does_ mean that husbands and
wives have a right to use such rightful means for the limiting of the
number of offspring as are conducive to the interests of all parties
concerned--themselves, their circumstances, the born or unborn
children, the state, the nation. Let the bride and groom be well
convinced and established in their own minds on these points, as
early in their relation as possible. They should be so from the very
outset--_must_ be so, to reach the best results.

The issue then presents itself: How can such deliberate and wilful
determination of the number of children a husband and wife may have,
be brought about?

And the answer is, that _it can never be accomplished by careless and
hap-hazard cohabiting!_ On the contrary, it can only be compassed by
the most _careful_ and _watchful_ processes of engaging in coitus, and
by a _full knowledge_ of physiological facts, and by acting, _always_,
in accordance with the same. It is no road for careless travel, but it
is a way worth going in, for all that.

On this point, let it be said that all sane and intelligent men and
women agree that anything even approaching _infanticide_ is nothing
short of a crime, and that abortion, except for the purpose of saving
the life of the mother, is practically murder.

But, while this is all true, to prevent the contact of two germs
which, if permitted to unite, would be liable to result in a living
human form, is _quite another affair_.

It is only this aspect of the situation which will be considered in
what follows.

Now, as has already been shown, the essentials for conception consist
of having the ovum present in the womb, and its meeting the semen
there. The corollary of this is, that whenever these coincidences take
place, there is a _possibility_ for conception.

But in all _normal_ cases, the ovum only passes into the womb once in
every twenty-eight days; and, as a rule, it only remains in the womb
for about half that period of time, that is, for about 14 or 15 days
in each month. And so, since the menstrual flow ceases after about
five days from its beginning, in about ten days _after_ its stopping,
the ovum will have passed out of the womb, and hence that organ
contains nothing that is impregnable. Under these conditions, semen
may be deposited in the womb, without danger of impregnation. This is
a simple proposition, and easy to understand if once known.

However, it must be said that these _generally_ common conditions _do
not always obtain_--that is, they are _not_ true in the case of _all_
women. There are women who will conceive at _any_ time in the month,
if they are given a chance to do so. The physiological reason for such
possibility is said to be this: There are always ova in the ovaries,
in varying stages of development. Ordinarily, only once a month do any
of these pass down into the womb; but, in exceptional cases, sometimes
these ova are so partially held in the ovaries that, under the
excitement of coitus, and because all these parts dilate so much
during the act, an ovum may slip its moorings, under such conditions,
pass down into the uterus at an untimely season, meet the semen there,
and pregnancy result. Such are the facts _in some cases_.

How, then, can a husband and wife tell how it is, or will be, in
_their_ particular case?

The answer is that they can only tell by trying, and that should be
done as follows:

The _first_ sexual meeting of the bride and groom should _never_ take
place until at least _ten days after the ceasing of the menstrual flow
in the bride! This is a rule that should never be violated_ if the
parties wish to "_test out_" the real condition as to whether or not
the bride has any "free time." The chances are several to one that she
_has_ such leeway; but the fact can only be established by "proving
up" and this can _never_ be done if any _chances_ are taken. Put this
down as rule number one.

For this reason, it is well for the bride to fix the wedding day; and,
if possible, for her to locate it sometime during the probably immune
period. And the nearer she can bring this day to the _beginning_ of
such period of freedom from danger of pregnancy, the better. For, if
it should happen that the first coitus should take place only a
_day or two before_ the time when another "monthly" was due, such
excitement might hasten the passage of the nearly-ripe ovum into the
uterus, and conception might occur. In which case, "all the fat would
be in the fire," nothing would be proved, and the parties would be as
ignorant as ever regarding the facts in _their_ case.

And so, the _first_ sexual meeting of a bride and bridegroom should be
not _earlier_ than _ten days after the ceasing of the menstrual flow
and not later than three days before the next monthly is due. Put
that_ _down as rule number two, never to be violated._

And if marriage takes place before this period of probable immunity
on the part of the bride arrives, the only safe thing to do is to
"patiently wait" till such time arrives. This may "require fortitude"
on the part of both parties, but it is the only safe thing to do. And
to do just that, will amply repay such waiting. The writer knows of a
case where the wedding took place just three days before the bride's
next monthly was due, and she and her husband waited for more than
_two weeks_ before they met sexually! But it paid to wait, for their
doing so proved that the bride had _two weeks_ of "_free time_" in
_each month, and this was worth all it cost to find out! Take time!_

And now let it be added that it is a great accomplishment for a
husband and wife to be free from a fear of pregnancy as a result of
coitus. This is a thousand times truer for the woman than for the man,
for it is she who has to bear the burden of what follows, if following
there be. The husband can "do the deed" and go about his business. The
wife, if "the fertile seed" takes root, has before her months of care
and anxiety, and she risks her very life in what may come of it all.
For these reasons, she has a _right to dictate all the terms_ which
are liable to cause her to become a mother. _And yet she should
do this with full regard for the husband, in love, in true
wifely-womanhood._ On this point, do not fail to read "The Helpmate,"
by May Sinclair. It is a story that no bride and bridegroom should
fail to read and study, carefully.

The whole subject of how to engage in satisfactory coitus and avoid
pregnancy may be summed up as follows:--The attainment of such
a condition is well worth the most careful, earnest and honestly
pains-taking endeavor. For, if such status be not reached, its lack
will be a source of endless contentions and differences between the
husband and wife. It will lead to jealousies, quarrels, and all sorts
of marital woes. But, the situation once mastered, by the most loving
and accurate of scientific methods of procedure, a happy married life
is certain to result. Otherwise, the "married state" will always be
in a condition of "unstable equilibrium." So let every bride and
bridegroom begin, _from the first_, to try to establish the greatly to
be desired accomplishment. If anything further on this point should be
desired, consult a reliable physician.




VIII

THE ART OF LOVE


And still there is more to be said! Is it not written that "Art is
long!" _And the Art of Love is the longest of all arts, and the most
difficult of all for its complete mastery and attainment!_

It is a matter of misfortune, and yet one of not infrequent
occurrence, that the sex organs of husband and wife are _not well
matched_; and that trouble, sometimes of a most serious nature,
results. When this condition is found to exist, it should be treated
sanely and wisely, and the chances are many to one that the difficulty
can be overcome, to the full satisfaction of both parties concerned.

In such cases, the mis-matching usually arises from the fact that the
penis of the husband is too long for the vagina of the wife. This is
very apt to be the case where the wife is of the "dumpy" sort, with a
small mouth and short fingers, while the husband is "gangling," large
mouthed and long fingered. These are facts that ought to be taken
into account before marriage, and which should figure in determining
whether the parties are "suited" to each other. They _would_ be
regarded in this way, too, if they were generally known, as they most
surely are not. Here is another place where ignorance and "innocence"
get in their work, and make trouble in married life!

In such a case as this, the too-long penis, when fully inserted in the
too-short vagina, and especially when, at the orgasm, the two organs
are crowded together vigorously, as the impulse of both parties
demands they should be at this part of the act, the end of the penis
is driven against the rear walls of the vagina, often furiously, thus
stretching and straining the vaginal passage longitudinally, pressing
against the womb unnaturally, and not infrequently pushing it out
of place and sometimes rupturing the uterine tract seriously, hence
causing all sorts of unfortunate and greatly-to-be-regretted results.

Because of such danger, the first meeting of the husband and wife
should be accomplished with the utmost care, especially in the
_second_ part of the act, the first putting together of the organs.
This is the only way of determining, in each case, how the organs will
"fit," and happy are the parties thereto if such fit is found to be
perfect!

But if it should turn out that there is a mismatching, of the nature
just described, the conditions can be adjusted if the right means are
used.

(Before telling this, however, it should be stated that the relative
size of the sex organs can never be fully judged of by the size of the
body of a man or a woman. Many a small man has an abnormally large
and long penis, and many a little woman has a large vulva and a long
vagina; and the reverse of all this is true, in the case of many men
and women. These items in the count are among the things that can
never be known with certainty except by actual trial, and this is not
possible, as things are now.)

And so, if "mis-matching" is found to exist, in any given case, it can
be provided for, in most cases as follows:

Instead of taking the position for coitus which has already been
described--the woman on her back and the man over and above her--let
_this_ be done: Let the man lie on his left side, or partly on his
left side and partly on his back, facing the woman, his left leg drawn
up so that the thigh makes an angle of 45 degrees with the body, and
the knee bent at about the same angle. Now let her, lying on her right
side, mount into his arms, in this way: Let her place her right hip in
the angle made by her husband's left thigh and his body, so that _his
left leg_ supports _her hips_, by being under them; put her right leg
between his legs, throw her left leg over his right leg, put her right
arm around his neck, and her left arm should be placed across his body
under his right arm. His left arm should be placed around her waist
from below, and his right arm left free to move over her body, as
he may choose. Now in _this_ position, the man's hips make a sort of
saddle into which the woman "vaults" easily, naturally, and with the
greatest of comfort; while the man, with his whole body supported by
the bed, as he lies, will be perfectly comfortable, and can maintain
the position much longer, without tiring, than he could were he over
and above the woman, supporting himself by his elbows and knees, and
with the woman's arms around his waist, lifting her body thereby, and
thus adding her weight to his, all to be sustained by him. A moment's
consideration will disclose the fact that this position has many
points in its favor, beyond that of the man-superior form. The woman,
in this position, is not wholly superior, but she is partly on her
right side and partly on her belly. Her whole weight rests on her
husband's body, but her weight does not tire him, as the bed below him
easily supports them both.

Now, in this position, the sex organs are brought closely together and
their union is easily accomplished. But see! It is _now_ the _woman_,
and not the _man_ who has _full control_ of such meeting, and so can
regulate it to _her liking_, or _needs_. Her hips are perfectly free
to move towards, or from, those of the man; and so _she can determine
just how much or how little of his penis shall enter her vagina!_ And
if his penis is too long for her, she can accommodate her action to
such fact!

As for the man, his satisfaction will be fully equal to, if not
greater than it would be were he in the other position. The ease
afforded to his body, and the fact that he need have no fear of
hurting the woman, these things will be a delight to him, that is of
real value, and which will make for his delectation as much as for
that of the woman in his arms. The in-and-out motion is as easily
performed in this position as in the other; and at the climax, the
organs can be crowded together passionately, and still without hurting
the woman. For she, being free to move, can so curve her hips that
the pelvic bone, the _mons veneris_, as it is technically called, will
receive the most of the pressure, and at the same time the angle which
is thus made by the relative positions of the vagina and the penis
will keep the latter from penetrating the vagina too far, and so
will protect its rear walls and the womb from all danger of harm. The
orgasm is just as perfect in this position as in the other. It is just
as _natural_ as the other position, and has only to be tried to be
proved worthy.

And now one other point. (Curious how these details protract
themselves. But there is no help for it. We must continue, now that we
have begun.)

A very frequent cause of married unsatisfaction is the fact of the
_difference of time_ that it takes for the husband and wife to come to
the climax, the orgasm. As has already been noted, the highest delight
in the act comes when this climax is simultaneous, comes at exactly
the same instant to both parties. But to bring this about is not easy
in all cases, and hence what follows:

As a rule, women are slower in reaching the orgasm than are men. This
is not always so, but it is generally the case. Some wives are so
passionate that they will "spend" several times to their husbands'
once! The author knows of a case where the wife will regularly
experience the orgasm four or five times to her husband's once. She is
a lovely wife and a highly accomplished woman, in no sense "fleshy" or
"worldly minded." The situation is that her sex organs are exceedingly
sensitive while those of her husband are the reverse, they are "timed"
differently, that is all. The case is rare, and as a rule, women are
"timed" slower than men.

Again, after a man has passed the orgasm it is, in most cases,
impossible for him to continue the act, right then and there, and
bring the woman to the climax, if she has not yet arrived, from the
fact that, with the expulsion of the semen, usually detumescence of
the penis at once takes place, and the organ is incapable of exciting
the woman when in this condition. And so, if the husband "goes off"
_first_, there is no possibility of the wife's reaching the climax
at that embrace. This leaves her unsatisfied, all her sex organs
congested, and the whole situation is unsatisfactory, in the extreme.
On the other hand, if the wife comes to the orgasm first, her vulva
and vagina detumesce but little and that very slowly, so that it is
perfectly possible for the husband to continue his action, and come to
the climax, even if his partner has already "spent."

Under these conditions it is easy to see that, where the wife is
"keyed" or "timed" much slower than her husband, as is quite often
the case, coitus is very liable to be a very one-sided affair, one in
which the _husband gets all the satisfaction, and the wife little or_
NONE--_a most unfortunate status for both parties, but especially for
the wife._ The writer once knew a case where a husband and wife lived
together to celebrate their golden wedding, and the wife never once
experienced an orgasm, though the husband cohabited with her several
times a month, during the most of their married life. There was no
good reason why this should have been so, only that the husband was
"quick in action" and the wife somewhat slow, and they had never
synchronated their time differences. The dear old lady died at ninety,
never having known a joy that, since her bridal night, she had wished
for. Both the husband and wife were most excellent people. _They
simply didn't know!_ One was ignorant and the other innocent, and
there you are again!

Now the thing to do, under such circumstances, is for the parties
to "get together." And the way to do this is, first, to _prolong the
FIRST part_ of the act, till the wife has not only caught up with, but
is even _ahead_ of her husband in the state of her passion. To bring
about this condition, _the husband should use every means to stimulate
his wife's sex-nature and increase her desire for coition._ Here are
some things he can do, which will tend to produce such results:

A woman's breasts are directly connected with all her reproductive
nerves. This is especially true of her nipples. To touch them is to
directly excite all of her sex organs. The lips and tongue are also
thus nervously connected with these vital parts, and, so, if the
husband will "play" with his wife's breasts, especially with her
nipples, manipulating them with his fingers, or, better still, with
his lips and tongue--at the same time, if he will stroke her vulva
with his fingers, especially the clitoris, _and if she will encourage
him to do this_, by holding her breast with one hand, shaking it about
as her nipple is in her lover's lips; if, lying flat on her back, her
husband at her right side, and with his left arm around her waist, she
will spread her legs wide apart, thus opening the vulva to its utmost,
and sway her hips, raising and lowering them betimes; and, since she
has a free hand, if, with this, she will take her husband's penis with
it and "play" with it as her lover plays with her vulva--if they will
do this, the cases are rare in which passion will not grow in the wife
to almost any desirable extent. Under such "courting," the parts will
all enlarge, the pre-coital secretion will flow in abundance; and,
in due course, all will be ready for the second part of the act. This
part of coitus is, really, one of the most enjoyable of the entire
performance.

If, perchance, the pre-coital secretion should be tardy in appearing
on the part of the wife, so that the vulva is dry as the husband
strokes it, let him moisten the part with saliva from his mouth. To do
this, let him moisten his _fingers_ from his mouth, and transfer this
to the vulva, and then proceed with his stroking. This moistening the
vulva with saliva may be repeated _several_ times, _if necessary_,
always until the flow of pre-coital fluid from the parts themselves
renders any further moistening needless. _The stroking of the dry
vulva will do little toward the arousing of passion, or producing the
pre-coital flow_. But if the parts be moistened, as above directed,
both these desired results will follow, except in _very_ rare cases.

And let no one make the mistake of thinking that thus moistening the
vulva with saliva is unseemly, or unsanitary. It is neither. On the
contrary, it is nature's way of helping to perfection an act which,
but for such timely assistance, might never be brought to a successful
issue. As has already been noted, chemically, saliva and the
pre-coital fluid are almost identical. They are both a natural
secretion of a mucous membrane, are alkaline in reaction, their native
purpose is lubrication, and, as a matter of fact, the saliva is
as natural an application to the lips of the vulva as it is to the
interior of the mouth or throat. Truth to tell, the practice of
applying saliva to the genitals before coition is very general,
so much so that it might almost be counted as instinctive. It is
mentioned here only to remove any prejudice that might linger in the
sophisticated mind of the reader. Such use of saliva is no more to
be deprecated than its application in a hundred other ways, such as
moistening the fingers to turn a leaf, of "licking" one's fingers
after eating candy. Such use of this fluid from the mouth might be
condemned by the "over-nice," but it is quite universally practiced,
and it is neither unwholesome nor unsanitary.

It is sometimes recommended that some form of oil, as sweet oil
or vaseline, be used as an unguent for anointing the parts before
engaging in coitus, but this practice cannot be recommended. Oil
is not a natural product of the parts to which it is applied, it is
chemically unlike their secretions, and to smear the delicate organs
with a fluid that is foreign to their nature, is unwise, unsanitary,
not to say filthy. It is like greasing the mouth to make food slip
down easily. And it is easy to understand how such application of
an unguent to the mouth would impair the taste, dull the nerves of
sensation, and greatly interfere with the native and wholesome uses of
the oral cavity.

So don't be afraid or ashamed to use saliva in preparing the vulva and
the vagina for the reception of their natural mate.

And so, to return to where we left off, if the wife is slower
timed than her husband, her passion can be greatly increased by the
manipulation just described. Indeed, it could be very easily carried
to such length--the lips and tongue playing with the nipple, and the
finger-stroking of the vulva--that the woman could be brought to
an orgasm without the union of the organs at all! This is a form of
masturbation (this word has a bad meaning attached to it, but it is a
good word, as will shortly be shown, and it has its legitimate uses;
but, as a preparation for coition, it should not be carried any
further than is essential for bringing the laggard passion of the
woman up to an equal tension of that of her lover.) A few weeks', or
months', practice will enable a wife to determine just how much
of this form of "courting" will bring her to the desired point of
excitement; and, when this point is reached, she should invite her
husband to "come up over," if the first position is to be adopted for
the rest of the act; or, she should throw herself into her lover's
arms, if the second position is used.

Just a little more--If, after getting into one position or the other,
it seems to the wife that she is not yet fairly abreast of her husband
in the intensity of her passion, let her _still further_ seek to
advance it, as follows:

If the position with the husband superior is taken, let him, after he
has gotten into place and before the organs are united, have his wife
take his penis in her hand, and, as he moves his hips up and down,
stroke her vulva, especially the clitoris, with the glans penis--not
entering the vagina at once, but continuing this form of _exterior_
contact of the organs, for a longer or shorter time--slipping past the
wide open vaginal mouth, even when the wife raises her thighs and,
as it were, begs for an entrance; tantalizing her to the point of
distraction--till, finally, she will "take no for an answer" no
longer, but will, in an ecstacy, slip the penis into the vagina, and
thus consummate their union.

If she be far enough abandoned with her passion, such entrance may be
made at a single stroke, not to say a furious plunge. But if the vulva
and vagina are not yet fully dilated, the entrance should be carefully
made, gently made, as she can bear it, as _she_ wishes it to be.

Sometimes, yes, not infrequently, in this position, the external
stroking of the organs may be continued to the very verge of the
orgasm, so that, especially if the entrance can be made, as it were,
in a frenzy of passionate delight, the organs coming into full length
union at a single impulse, or rushing together--then the simultaneous
climax _may_ be reached with one or two in-and-out motions--or,
perhaps the single master-plunge may win the goal instanter! If so, a
consummation devoutly to be wished has been successfully reached!

Again, if the wife is slow, and the man is quick, in this play for
"getting together," it will enable the man to greatly extend and
protract what might be called the time of his possible _retention_,
if he can keep the foreskin over the glans penis. Some men cannot do
this. If they have been circumcised, of course they cannot! But if the
glans penis can be covered with the foreskin during all this playing
together, it will enable the husband to prolong his "retentional
time" far beyond what he otherwise could. Some men have the power of
"retaining" to almost any length of time by the exercise of their will
power, and so they can _wait_ for their wives. If the wife is slower
timed than the husband, he should _carefully cultivate the "art of
retaining"_ and so wait for her. _To do this successfully will greatly
increase married happiness_.

This same remark (keeping the gland covered) applies with equal force
to the possibilities of the man's retention after the organs are
united, and all through the third part of the act. If the penis can
enter the vagina with its "natural cap on," the husband can give his
wife the pleasure of many times the amount of in-and-out motion than
he could otherwise bestow upon her. And if the wife is the slower of
the two (as is generally the case) she will greatly appreciate such a
favor, and will repay it a THOUSAND FOLD by the responsive, reciprocal
motions which she will LAVISH upon her _considerate_ lover.

This is an item of almost supreme importance--this "keeping the
cap on" the penis, during the act, _if the wife is slower than the
husband_--if they need to have a care, to insure their "getting off
together."

And here is a curious fact, which would seem to show that Mother
Nature has especially provided a blissful reward for both the husband
and wife who will be careful on this point. Thus, if the husband will
be careful to have the glans penis covered with the foreskin (and, of
course, this can _never_ be, if the organs are united when the vulva
and vagina are dry) when it enters the vagina, and will so engage in
the in-and-out motion that it will _stay covered_ as the _third_ act
progresses--if this is done, when the climax comes, if the two
"spend together," the womb will open its mouth as it were, clasp
the foreskin, slip it back over the gland so that, when the supreme
instant comes, the naked gland will be in the most direct and blissful
contact with the most sensitive part of the uterus! This is a most
wonderful provision of nature, and to utilize it, and enjoy it to its
utmost, is the maximum of human delight!

Again, if after the organs are well together, in the man-superior
position, and the in-and-out motion has begun, it should be found
that the wife is still behind in the game, she can gain greatly in
"catching up" if she is permitted to _originate_ the larger part of
the motion. To enable her to do this, let her husband hold his body
quite well above her, so that she can have plenty of freedom to move
her hips as she may choose to. Added to this, if the husband will, in
large measure, "hold still," and keep his penis in such position that
it presses against the _upper part_ of the vulva, that is against the
clitoris, (as the phrase goes, if he will "ride high") and then permit
his _wife_ to make "long strokes," sliding the organs together for
their full possible length, with the clitoris in constant contact with
the penis, during the whole of each stroke--all of this will greatly
and rapidly increase her passions and bring her to the climax.

Or, as a variation from this, if the organs can be united to their
fullest possible limit, so that the base of the penis presses firmly
against the Mons Veneris, and the clitoris and labiae almost clasp
their mate; and then, in this position, if the husband will maintain
the _status quo_, while she lifts her hips hard against his, and
_swings them about_, in a sort of circular motion "round and round,"
as it were--this will also greatly increase her passion, and soon
bring her to the climax.

In both these last described ways of courting, the husband should be
_extra careful not_ to permit the weight of his body to press down
heavily upon his wife. He should _wholly_ sustain himself on his
elbows and knees, and permit her to lift herself, at least her hips,
by the help of her arms around his waist. This is no hardship for the
husband, if he be a true lover. For is he not strong, and what is his
strength for but to delight his sweetheart? _A true, devoted, virile
and manly lover is always at the service of his sweetheart! To delight
her, is to doubly delight himself_. This is another point of which
mere animals know nothing. There is nothing in all their nature which
responds to the like of this, in any way. The whole experience is
_human_; it is productive of a joy, of a _spiritual elevation_, which
mere animality knows nothing of--can know nothing of.

Playing thus together, courting each other thus (For, through all
these actions, a line of _complete mutualness must run_! The husband
may _seem_ to be specially accommodating himself, and all he does, to
his wife's whims or necessities; but, even so, this will be more of
a delight to _him_ than it is to _her_, viewed from the _spiritual
plane_, on the principle that "it is more blessed to give than to
receive"--and no truer words than these were ever spoken--while,
at the same time, the wife, though _seeming_ only to be gratifying
herself, to be reaching after what she alone desires, yet, as a matter
of fact, by her very so doing--and the more perfectly, completely, she
does this, the better--she is gratifying and delighting her husband to
the utmost possible limit) courting each other thus, the lovers will
learn to "time" themselves together, perfectly, each knowing just when
the other is fully ready, by a sort of _spiritual consciousness_, as
it were, and so a perfect climax can be reached.

Take time, LET LOVE RULE AND DIRECT; BANISH ALL SELFISHNESS; _Let the
husband keep his head, and_ THE WIFE UTTERLY LOSE HERS, throwing it
to the winds, to be wholly swept away by the whirlwind of her passion;
feeling free, delighting, to let it go, go, go, no one cares where!
Do these things, and married life will be glorious! Of such is the
kingdom of heaven, for the truly wedded lovers!

This will be "all Greek," or "foolishness" to the selfish and
materially-minded; but to the truly wise, it will be _life
immeasurable_. This is a paradox, but it takes a paradox to tell the
greatest truths!

So much for the act of coitus in the man-superior position, when the
wife is slower timed than the husband and they adopt this method,
and the accompanying means for "getting together." Now, if the other
position is taken, that of the wife semi-superior, in the husband's
arms, as he lies partly on his back and partly on his left side, etc.,
here are a few points to be noted to advantage.

Still assuming that the wife is the slower-timed of the two, it is
entirely possible that when she has "come over" and has gotten into
position, that she may not yet be fully ready for the union of the
organs. The very time that it takes for her to get into position, the
changing of the position of her body, from her back to her right side;
the temporary cessation of the stroking of the vulva by her husbands's
[sic] fingers; all these things will have a tendency to retard her
passion, for the time being, and all this loss ought to be made good,
if not added to, before the _second_ part of the act is entered upon.
And, in this position, all this can most happily be brought about, as
follows:--

Lying in each other's arms, in this _second_ described position, the
organs naturally _come_ into contact in such a way as to make the
further excitation of the vulva and clitoris most natural and easy.
The spreading of the wife's hips, caused by her throwing her left leg
over her husband's right and drawing up of her left knee, opens the
vulva wide; and, at the same time, the penis, from the very nature
of its position, will lie at full length in the opening, thus
exposed--not entering the vagina, but remaining "without the gate" as
yet.

By this time the vulva will have become enlarged and elongated, the
lips full and the clitoris erect, all in a state of tumescence, and
all covered with the pre-coital fluid; the lips so distended that,
when thus parted, they form the sides of a labial canal, as it were (a
delectable, and most delicately smooth-walled channel). Now, in this
extended condition, which is fully as long as the penis, from end
to end of its pathway of dalliance, every part covered with the most
delicately sensitive nerve-filaments, and all of these in an ecstasy
of keenness to the sense of touch, and in the most perfect of "love's
strolling way,"--if the penis, as it were, stands up full and strong,
in such fashion that it touches the vulva at every point, both inner
and outer labiae, the clitoris and all, for a space of five or six
inches in length; while the protruded and well-moistened lips of the
vulva as it were reach out, and clasp themselves at least half way
around their suitor, laving him with their luscious kisses--in this
position, the wife being partly above, and so, perfectly free to move
her "love way" as she will, she can slide the pathway itself a full
six or more inches, up and down, stroking all the area against the
penis as she moves; that, again, by its very position, being held
firmly in contact by its stiffness and stoutness; the glans penis
throbbing lustily against the clitoris when the two meet at the
extreme of the wife's up-stroke; she, pausing an instant, just then,
to more perfectly enjoy the sensation; the penis slipping past the
now wide open vaginal mouth, which reaches out at every down stroke to
engulf it--dallying, delaying, coquetting, tantalizing, both man and
woman; playing the game in almost a swoon of ecstatic delight--under
such conditions the wife's passion will rush to its fullest
development, till, when she will, she can drop her vagina upon the
penis in such a way that the _two will be made one_, in absolute
perfection, on a single move, and from this to the finish it is but a
few motions distant.

In some respects this manner of coitus, and this means of "going off
together" is unsurpassed.

Which leads to the remark that this position is sometimes the best for
the full completion of the act. It is the easiest of all positions,
the least fatiguing. And if the wife is tired, or not quite "up to
grade," she can enjoy an embrace of this sort without fatigue, even
to the full. For the organs can be united in this position quite
perfectly, though the penis will not penetrate the vagina to as great
a length as in the other position. Still, the climax can be perfectly
reached in this way, and it is one of the best ways to make sure of
perfect "timing," of "spending" exactly together, which is greatly in
its favor.

If there is a mis-matching of the organs, the vagina of the wife being
too short for her husband's penis, this is a most excellent way for
meeting and overcoming that difficulty.

This naturally leads to another matter, as follows:--It might seem
to the reader that the different "strokings" of the vulva, with the
fingers, or the penis, all the contact being outside the vagina, that
all of these methods of excitation smack of masturbation, and so are
of doubtful rightness. In reply to which, note the following:

The entire affair of coition, in humanity, has already been shown
to be something wholly above and beyond mere animality. It is the
exercise of functions that belong _only to mankind_, and hence is
not amenable to _any_ merely _animal_ laws or restrictions! It is the
source of numberless human joys, and _any_ method of engaging in
the act of mutual delight, that is, of _mutually happifying_, is
legitimate and _altogether right_. And so, if the parties choose to
increase their mutual delight, if the husband wishes to arouse
and intensify his wife's passion by stroking her vulva with his
saliva-moistened fingers, and _she wishes him to do so_, such act is
as right and as wholesome as is coitus in the by-some-supposed-to-be
_only_ way of its exercise. Let this never be doubted.

The fact is, this whole matter of sexual excitation by means of the
hand, or in other ways than the union of the organs, has received
a black eye at the hands of would be purists, which it in no way
deserves. As already noted, the word masturbation has been fastened to
such acts, and then, any and every form of it has been condemned far
beyond what the facts warrant, till the minds of the rank and file are
wholly misled in the premises! When one looks at the situation from
the point of view which insists that _all_ the sex functions should be
under the control of the _will_, then light is thrown upon the
entire subject. Seen in this way, _any_ form of sex stimulation, or
auto-erotism even (auto-erotism means _self_ sex-excitation) which is
NOT CARRIED TO EXCESS, is _right_ and _wholesome_! But we have been
taught the contrary of this for so long that it is difficult for us to
realize that it is true. _But it is_!

Hence, if it should sometimes happen that the husband should arrive
at the climax before the wife does, and he could not bring her to
an orgasm by excitation with his spent penis, it would be _perfectly
right for him to substitute his fingers, and satisfy her in that way_.
Of course, this would not be as satisfying to her as it would have
been could she have met him simultaneously, but it is _far better than
for her not to be entirely gratified! Many a woman_ SUFFERS ALL NIGHT
LONG _with unsatisfied desire, her organs congested and tumescent,
because she has been left_ UNSATISFIED _by a husband who has spent
before she was ready_, AND THEN LEFT HER! Such cases might be
_entirely relieved_, if the parties _knew the truth_, and were not too
_ignorant_, or _prejudiced_, or _ashamed_ to do what should be done to
make the best of a situation.

Of course, no husband should make a _practice_ of gratifying himself
fully, and then bringing his wife to the climax with his fingers. Such
a practice would be _selfish_ and _wrong_. But as an _emergency_ way
of escape, the method is to be commended.

Of course, as has already been explained, the husband always has the
advantage, that he can be brought to the orgasm by the insertion of
the penis into the vagina, _after_ his wife has spent, if she
arrives first, since her organs detumesce slowly, and their distended
condition permits such action on his part, for some time after she has
passed the climax. But not so with the husband. Once spent, his penis
shrinks to limpness, almost immediately, and in this condition it
cannot satisfy the wife in the least, much less bring her to an
orgasm.

Again, if, for any reason, the wife should be unable to meet her
husband in coitus proper, because of weakness, or slight illness,
or perhaps some temporary soreness of the parts, it would help the
situation wonderfully if _she_ would take _his_ penis in _her_ hand
and "play with it" till he _spent_. He would love her for it, kiss her
for it, give her his soul for it!

_If a bride and bridegroom knew enough to introduce each other to the
delights of an orgasm by "spending" each other by external excitation
of the organs with their hands a few times before they united the
organs at all, it would be to their lasting well being. This is
especially true for the bride_. If her lover would take her in his
arms, even with all her clothes on, as she sat on his lap, in their
bridal chamber, alone, and stroke her vulva till she "_spent,_" the
chances are many to one that he would have introduced her to such a
joy that she would never forget it, all her life. Surely, such method
is _infinitely superior_ to _raping_ a bride, as is so frequently
done by the ignorant or goody-good young husband, who "stands upon his
_rights_!"

Indeed, if a bride to be, who was so innocent or ignorant of her own
sex possibilities that she had never experienced an orgasm--had never
"spent"--could be "put wise" before her bridal-night, if she could be
instructed enough to lead her to engage in some form of auto-erotism,
bringing herself to an orgasm with her own hand, _just for the sake
of the experience it would give her, and so that she would have some
clear idea of what she really wanted, before she went into the arms
of her lover--if she could do this, in the right mental attitude, it
would be greatly to her well-being, a worthy and valuable addition to
her stock of knowledge of herself and of the powers that are latent
within her. Her alleged loss of innocence by such act would be as
nothing compared with the wisdom she would gain by the experience.
When innocence leads to harmful results, it is time it was ended, and
that knowledge takes its place!_

As for the husband, the chances are not one in a million that he will
be ignorant of what an orgasm is like before he marries, since all
healthy young men "spend" at least once a week, automatically, if not
otherwise!

Let it be said further, that auto-erotism, self-spending, may be
practiced by both men and women, to their healthful benefit, when
sexual exercise cannot be secured in any other way. It is only when
_carried to excess_ that such action is in any way harmful. The only
danger is, that, the individual being alone and having all the means
for self-gratification in his or her own hands, so to speak, it is
quite possible to indulge in the action too freely, which, of
course, leads to bad results. _But the act itself is not bad._ On the
contrary, when kept within bounds, it is healthful and wholesome.

There are many unmarried women, maiden ladies, and especially widows,
who would greatly improve their health if they practiced some form of
auto-erotism, occasionally. When husbands and wives are forced to
be much away from each other, it is right for them to occasionally
satisfy themselves in this way, their souls filled with loving
thoughts of the absent one the while.

There is any amount of nonsense current about auto-erotism. As a
matter of fact, all boys masturbate, and many girls also. Some
authors claim that more than half of all women engage in some form
of auto-erotism, at some time in their lives, and the estimate is
probably too low rather than too high. But, unless they carry the act
to excess, they are guilty of no wrong. Not infrequently, they may
make the act a means of great good to themselves. _The sex organs are
alive! They constantly secrete fluids that need to be excreted, as
all other organs of the body do. They ought to be relieved, as their
nature requires they should be._ If this cannot be accomplished as
the most natural way prescribes, it is only right to do the next best
thing. Only, it should not be carried to excess. Be temperate in all
things. Gratify yourself, but don't ABUSE yourself. Auto-erotism, or
masturbation, should never be permitted to become "self-abuse," nor
is there any need that it should ever do so. It should be
self-upbuilding, not self degrading. Rightly used it can be thus.




IX

COITUS RESERVATUS


This brings us to another item in the matter of sexual exercise on the
part of the husband and wife, as follows:--

It should be the constant aim and endeavor of both parties to
continually lift all sex affairs above the plane of animality, mere
physical gratification, into the realm of _mental_ and _spiritual_
delight. To this end, let it be said at once that such a condition can
be reached, in the greatest degree, by the practice of what is known,
in scientific terms, as "_coitus reservatus,"_ which, translated,
means going only _part_ of the way in the act, and not carrying it to
its climax, the orgasm. Described in terms with which the reader is
now familiar, it means, carrying the act only through the first and
second stages, the "courting" stage, and the union of the organs, and
stopping there! This may seem, at first thought, neither right nor
wise, but, as a matter of fact, it is both, as thousands of most
happily married people have proved.

Going a bit into details, this act of "reservatus" really unites the
first two parts of the act into a common whole, making it simply one
continuous piece of "courting," merely that, and nothing more. It
is almost entirely a _mental and spiritual love-embrace; and in its
perfection, it exalts the husband and wife to the topmost heights of
mental and spiritual enjoyment and expression_.

To engage in this form of coitus, _not nearly_ the effort should be
made to arouse the sexual passions of either of the parties, as has
already been described as fitting for complete coitus. _The orgasm
is not the desideratum in this case, but it is just a delightful
expression of mutual love. It is a sort of prolonged and all-embracing
kiss, in which the sex organs are included as well as the lips. They_
kiss each other, as the _lips_ kiss each other. It is "courting," par
excellence, without the hampering of clothes or conventionality of any
kind.

In this act, the lovers simply _drift_, petting each other, chatting
with each other, visiting, loving, caressing in any one or all of a
thousand ways. The hands "wander idly over the body," the husband's
right hand being specially free and in perfect position to stroke his
wife's back, her hips, her legs, and pet her from top to toe.

As this part of the act continues, it is the most natural thing in the
world that the sex organs should tumesce, and that there should be
a flow of both prostatic and pre-coital fluids. That is, the organs
quietly and naturally make themselves ready for meeting. And when they
are duly tumescent, are properly enlarged and lubricated, let the wife
come over into her lover's arms, IN THE SECOND POSITION described, and
the organs be slipped together easily, delightfully, and then, _let
them stay so_, fully together, _but do not go on with the third part
of the act_, the motion of the organs. Just lie still and enjoy the
embrace, kiss, chat, court, love, dream, enjoy!

This union can be protracted to almost any length, after the lovers
learn how to do it. Sometimes the organs may be together only a few
minutes, sometimes for an hour, or even longer. If the parties get
tired, or sleepy, part the organs, kiss good-night, and go to sleep.
Although it is not at all uncommon for such lovers, who have fully
learned this art, to go to sleep thus, in each other's arms, their sex
organs united; and, in this position, have the organs detumesce, the
penis grow limp and slip out of the vagina of its own accord, while
the vagina also grows small and the clitoris subsides. This experience
is most delightful and if once experienced, once well mastered by the
husband and wife, it will continually grow in favor, to their mutual
benefit.

This method is of special service during the "unfree time." If rightly
used, it will not tend to increase the desire for "spending," but
it will, on the contrary, allay and satisfy the sexual desires, most
perfectly. If, while learning how, sometimes the inexperienced should
"get run away with," and feel that it is better to go on and have the
climax, all right. But, as time goes on, the practice of carrying the
act only to the end of the _second_ part, will grow, and in due time
be well established. Those who have mastered this wholesome and loving
art will sometimes meet in this way a score of times during a month or
so, without once coming to the climax. Such meeting can be as often
as the parties choose, and of as long, or as short duration as they
elect. It is often an excellent way, to say "good-night;" and if,
on waking in the morning, there is time before rising for a "little
court," this slipping the organs together, for "just a minute," is a
most excellent way to begin the day. The art is worth learning, and
most people can learn it, if they try, _and are of the right spirit_!

To go back a little: In speaking of mutual masturbation on the part of
the husband and wife, this method of satisfying the sex nature is of
great value, sometimes, especially for use during the unfree time. If,
during these two weeks, the parties get "waked up," and feel the need
of sex exercise, they can satisfy each other with their hands in a way
that will be a great relief to each. This is specially true for
the husband; and a wife, who is enough of a woman to thus meet her
husband's sex-needs, with her hand, when it is not expedient for him
to meet her otherwise, is a wife to worship!

Sometimes, during the five days of menstruation, during which time
the union of the organs is deemed not best, the wife can thus help her
lover with her hand, to their delight and benefit. _Let love direct
the way here, and all will be well_.

And here is a curious fact: The hand of the opposite sex will produce
effects on the genitals of the other which will _not_ be produced in
any other way. Thus, a man may hold his penis in his own hand for
a given length of time, longer or shorter, and no result will be
effected, no secretion of prostate fluid be made, at all. But let his
wife take his penis in _her_ hand for the same length of time, and the
flow of prostatic fluid will at once take place. This is true whether
the penis be erect or detumescent. If the wife will hold her husband's
limp penis in her hand for but a few minutes, even though the organ
remains limp, the flow of prostatic fluid will take place! The same
is true with regard to the husband's putting his hand on his wife's
vulva. Should _she_ hold her hand there, no pre-coital fluid would be
secreted. With her husband's hand there, the flow would at once begin.

This is a remarkable physical and psychological phenomenon, and it
is one especially worthy of note. It is this fact that makes _mutual_
masturbation far superior to auto-erotism. A husband can thus satisfy
a wife with his fingers, or a wife her husband with her hand, far
better than either could bring himself or herself to the climax alone.
This point is of great import, in considering many of the sex acts of
husband and wife.

As a rule, let the husband and wife do _whatever their desire prompts
or suggests, and just as they feel they would_ LIKE _to_. Only this,
let all be in moderation. _Carry nothing to excess!_

Which suggests the question often asked: How frequently may coitus
be engaged in? The answer is, just as often as is desired by _both
parties, but never to the point of weariness or depletion of the
physical, mental or spiritual body_. Use good sense here as elsewhere.
We eat when we are hungry, but it is wrong to gorge oneself with food.
The same rule holds with regard to sex exercise. _Satisfy the calls of
nature, but_ NEVER, _overdo the matter_. BE TEMPERATE, MANLY, WOMANLY!
_Don't be afraid or ashamed to do what your desire and your best
judgment say is right. Use common sense, and you will not go wrong_.

And don't wear each other out, either both together, or the one the
other. Many men insist on their rights (THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS) and
greatly debilitate themselves by excess of coition with their wives.
Per contra, there are some women who wear the lives out of
their husbands by the excessive calls they make upon them for
sex-gratification. In the latter case, a man will "go to pieces" much
faster than a woman who is over-taxed. To satisfy such a woman, a man
must spend at least once every time his wife calls on him. This draws
on his vital fluids, at every embrace; but, as has been stated, there
is no escape of vital fluid from the woman, when she spends, and so
she can reach and pass the orgasm, time and again, and still not have
her vitality taxed. Indeed, in some cases, the oftener a woman spends,
the more animated, robust and healthful she becomes. In case unmatched
people meet as husband and wife, they should do their best to adjust
themselves to each other's condition, keeping always in mind the best
welfare, each of the other.

There are records of women who delight to spend a dozen times in a
single night. One queen made a law that every man should cohabit
with his wife at least seven times each night! Of course, she was an
abnormal woman, though the author once knew a good orthodox deacon who
would have been delighted to live under the rule of such a law, for
seven times a night was the limit his wife imposed upon him! He was
also abnormal.

Luther said twice a week was the rule for coitus, and this is a very
common practice. No absolute rule can be given, however, except for
each couple to act as they feel, keeping always within the bounds of
common sense and true temperance.

There are some men and women so constituted, nervously, or by
temperament, that they are _obliged_ to rigorously _limit_ their acts
of coition. Some men cannot engage in the act more than once or twice
a month and maintain their health. For them, the act draws on their
vitality so severely that it quite upsets them, in almost every
case. During the act, they are subjected to nervous shocks, they
"see stars," and undergo rigors and nervous sweats which are severely
debilitating. Often, too, they will lie awake all night after
engaging in the act, and be more or less of a wreck for a day or two
afterwards.

Some women, too, are of a similar nature of organization, and undergo
similar experiences. Of course, in all such cases, unusual care should
be taken never to reach the point of excess.

It is unfortunate if people are married who are ill-matched in this
regard, especially so if the difference between the two is of a
pronounced nature, as when the husband or the wife is very amorous and
virile, while his or her mate is unable to engage in the act, to any
considerable extent, without suffering therefrom. If such case arises,
the best should be made of the situation, the more robust party
accommodating himself or herself to the incompetency or inability of
the other, and the weaker one doing all that can rightly be done to
strengthen and develop his or her infirmity. If this is done, _the
chances are many to one that, as times goes on, the parties will grow
more and more alike--the strong becoming more docile and the weaker
one more robust. Take time, love each other, court and be courted, and
only the best results trill come of it all_.

Now there are some women who are called "anesthetic," that is,
they have no sex-passion, though the sex parts may be normal. Many
physicians declare that as high as forty per cent of the women _who
are reared in modern social life_ are thus lacking. These women engage
in coitus, though they get no pleasure from the act. They never reach
the orgasm, and have no sensation of delight from the act; they seldom
secrete the pre-coital fluid, and hence the union of the organs, or
their motion, are never easy or pleasurable. They can become mothers,
and often such bear many children. Such condition is greatly to be
regretted, and many women suffer greatly from this cause.

It is highly probable, though, that many women who are counted as
thus lacking are _not, really, so!_ Many women will begin married life
wholly anesthetic, and, often, sometime will become normal in this
regard. _This often happens. The probability is that many wives are
not properly "courted" by their husbands_--THE FIRST PART OF THE ACT
IS NEGLECTED, _or the husband merely acts on his rights_--cohabits
like a goat, all in an instant, anxious only to gratify his own
_lust_; and that, _under such treatment, the wife never gets a fair
chance to really know her own powers_. Such cases are sad beyond
telling. For the most part, _they are the result of ignorance on the
part of the husband, and innocence and wrong teaching--wrong mental
attitude--on the part of the wife_. HENCE THE NEED OF INSTRUCTIONS TO
BOTH.

But if almost any woman will get the _right mental attitude_ toward
sex-meeting, and then can be courted, as has been prescribed in these
pages, the cases are _rare indeed_ where a woman can be found who is
_really_ anesthetic. If you, wife, or you, husband, are "up against"
such a condition, try "courting," as herewith laid down, _in a proper
mood and spirit, and you will come out all right. There is no doubt of
it_.

On the contrary, if the man is "impotent" there is small hope of his
ever coming out of such condition, and the chances are many to one
that he will never be able to satisfy his wife sexually. He may be
a "good man," in a way, but he can never be a good _husband_, in the
full meaning of that word.

On the other hand, if a woman marries for money, or a home, or
position, or place, or power, or a "meal-ticket"--for _anything but
love_, she will doubtless be anesthetic _and stay so_. She deserves
to! She sells herself for a mess of pottage, whoever she is. She may
be a "good woman," but she can never be a good _wife_.

The question is sometimes asked as to how late in life the sex organs
can function pleasurably and wholesomely for the parties concerned.
And here, as elsewhere, the reply can only be that it all depends on
the individual. But this is true, that, as a rule, the status of the
individual during the years of active life will persist, even to
old age, if the sex-functions are used and not abused. There is no
function of the body, however, which will "go to pieces" quicker, and
ever after be a wreck, as will the sex organs, if they are not treated
rightly.

And this works both ways: If too rigorously held in check, _if denied
all functioning whatever, the parts will atrophy, to the detriment
of the whole nature, physical, mental, and spiritual_. The body will
become "dried up," the sex organs shriveled, and a corresponding
shrinking of the whole man or woman, in all parts of the being, is
very apt to follow.

On the other hand, an excess of sex-functioning will soon deprive
the individual of all such power whatsoever. A man will, in his
comparatively early life, lose the power of erection, or tumescence
entirely, as a result of excess, either by masturbation or from
too frequent coitus; and on the part of the woman, many unfortunate
conditions are liable to arise. However, for reasons that have already
been stated, a woman who is strongly sexed, and of a pronounced
amorous nature, can maintain even great excess of sex exercise
without suffering such ill results as would befall a man who should so
indulge. That is, an excessively passionate wife can far sooner wear
the life out of a husband who is only moderately amorous, than can an
abnormally passionate husband wear out a moderately amorous wife.

But if the sex nature of the husband and wife are well cared for
during the years of active life, neither too much restrained or too
profusely exercised, the functioning power of the sex organs will
remain, even to old age, with all their pleasure-giving powers and
sensations intact. This is a wonderful physiological fact, which leads
to a conclusion, as follows:--

This fact of the staying qualities of the power of sex functioning,
even to old age, is the _supreme_ proof of the fact that sex, in the
human family, _serves a purpose other than reproduction_!

For, see! A woman loses the power to conceive when she reaches the
"turn of life," when her menses cease, that is, when she is between
forty and fifty years of age. And if pleasure in coition serves only
to induce her to engage in the act for the purpose of increasing the
probability of her becoming pregnant, if this is the _sole_ purpose
of desire for sex intercourse, such desire, such pleasure, _ought to
cease_ at that period of feminine life. _But this is by no means the
case_! If a wife is a normal woman, sexually, and has neither abused
her sex nature or had it abused, or neglected, and is a well woman,
she will enjoy coitus as much after she has passed her three score and
ten date in her life as she did before! She may not care to engage
in the act as frequently as in her younger days; but if she is well
courted by her old lover, all the joys of the former days are still
hers, to as great a degree as ever. And what is true of her is true
of her husband, if he is well preserved, as she is, has never abused
himself or been abused.

This is a reward of virtue, for old lovers, that pays a big premium on
righteous sex-action in earlier years! More than all, _it is a proof,
beyond all question, that the purpose of sex in humanity is something
more than procreation, that there is such a thing as the Art of Love,
and that it ought to be taught and well learned by every husband and
wife, in their early married life_.




X

CLEANLINESS


It would hardly seem necessary to be said, and yet many experiences of
husbands and wives prove that it needs to be said, that both parties
should take great pains to keep their bodies, all parts of them,
always sweet and clean. Strange as it may seem, many wives are
exceedingly careless in this respect! It is a matter of common report
among men, that harlots take more pains to make and keep their bodies,
and especially their genitals, clean and attractive, than many wives
do! Surely, this ought not to be so, and yet it often is.

And that it is, is only one more unfortunate result that springs from
the feeling of "Oh, we are married now." The wife or the husband feels
that there is no longer any need of wooing each other. All of which
leads to woe, woe, woe! The wife should keep her whole body so sweet
and clean that her husband can kiss her from top to toe, if he wants
to--and the chances are that he will want to, if she so keeps herself!
In the one case, such a caress is a bit of heaven to a husband, in the
other it is a bit of hell! It will disgust where it ought to delight.
And when a wife disgusts her husband, the end of a happy married life
has come!

The wife should always wash her vulva with soap and warm water before
retiring, and if reservatus is to be engaged in in the morning, after
urination, she should thoroughly cleanse the parts before union takes
place. Let her be _ever_ mindful to keep her "love cup" worthy to meet
its lover.

And the husband should be equally careful to keep his body sweet and
clean. He should wash the glans penis thoroughly, with soap and water,
at least once every day, drawing the foreskin back so as to fully
cleanse the indenture above the gland, which secretes a substance that
very soon emits an offensive odor unless removed. Both parties should
keep their arm pits so that they will not be "smelly," and the feet
should likewise be kept inodorous.

One of the chief objections to smoking or chewing tobacco is that it
spoils the breath, and so makes it offensive to the wife, whereas it
should be most attractive. In a word, both the husband and wife
cannot be too careful, in all ways, in making and keeping their bodies
mutually attractive. As has already been said, the sole aim of all
the sexual experience of a husband and wife should be to raise
the function more and more _away_ from the plane of _physical_
gratification and elevate it continually towards the realm of _mental_
and _spiritual delight_. This is a mission of sex in the human family
that should be made the most of. It involves the cultivation of the
Art of Love, which is truly the art of arts, par excellence.

The secret of success in establishing righteous and happy sex
relations between husband and wife is, on the part of the man, that
_all his actions should be those of a loving gentleman_. This does
not mean effeminacy on his part--he must be virile, bold, strong,
aggressive, positive, _compelling_. And yet, all these manly virtues
must be expressed in terms of _loving and gentle_ ACTS. This is a
paradox, but it is true!

On the part of the woman, the chief item on her side is, for her
to attain a _correct mental and spiritual attitude toward her
own sex-nature and that of her husband, and toward their common
expression_. All her training and environment now hinder her from such
achievement; but if she be a true woman, her nature will reveal the
truth to her, and if she will trust to that--do what that prompts her
to do, she will come out all right. It will take time to reach such
results; but if she will persist, she will succeed. Let her come
to the realization of the fact that sex in men and women is _not_
unclean, vulgar, lowdown, sinful; but that it is _clean, pure, lofty_,
GOD-BORN! Rightly exercised, it leads to the highest well-being of
both the husband and wife; it brings them to their physical, mental
and spiritual noblest and best. Let the wife get this view of
the situation, which is the only true view, and then let her act
accordingly, and she will have attained. A husband and wife who have
reached this _modus vivendi_ have established a heaven on earth.




EDITOR'S NOTE


Dr. Long's description of "Free Time" should be thoroughly understood
by the readers of this book. Since it is practically impossible to
conduct exact scientific tests under strict control (the reason for
which can be readily understood) there is much difference of opinion
among physicians and sexologists on this subject.

Some say there is no such thing as "Free Time." Others agree with Dr.
Long that there is a period of "Free Time." Still a third group
take the conservative viewpoint that further proof is necessary. The
publishers offer this explanation as a necessary comment.




XI

PREGNANCY


And now just a few words about having children, and this treatise will
end.

As has already been said, every true husband and wife who are well
enough and strong enough, and who are reasonably furnished with this
world's goods, ought to have and rear at least two children. The world
needs at least so many, even if all children lived and grew up, to
keep up the constant number of people on the earth. But, far more than
this, the husband and wife need children _to make a home complete, and
a complete home is the supreme attainment of human life!_

This does not mean that people should not marry unless they can have
children; there are many women who should never even try to become
mothers. But these should not be deprived of all sexual joys for this
reason. On the contrary, it is for their best good, in most cases,
that they should marry and so live normal sex lives, in all respects
except parenthood.

But, for the most part, husbands and wives _can_ have children, if
they so desire, _and they_ SHOULD _so desire_.

And, so desiring, the question is, How can they best fulfil such
desire?

As a matter of fact, there is very little that is really known about
the begetting of children, and the securing of the best results from
such action. The laws of human heredity are, as yet, for the most
part, unknown. But common sense would seem to indicate a few things
that must be best in the premises.

Thus, it would seem to be for the best that the husband and wife
should be in good physical condition when a child is begotten. More
than this, it would seem right that the act of begetting should be a
_deliberate_, and not a mere _chance_ begetting. Hence, in general,
it is well for the husband and wife to _agree_ upon a time for the
begetting of a child, and _deliberately accomplish a sex-meeting
for such purpose_. Although, one instinctively feels that such a
deliberate meeting might be too matter of fact--too cold and formal,
lacking in warm blood and genuine emotion; still, the probabilities
are that even this could be overcome, if kept in mind and "provided
for."

Referring to the things that have already been said, of course an
embrace which is to result in pregnancy should be one of the most
perfect that can possibly be experienced, one in which, in an ecstasy
of love's delight, husband and wife merge their souls and bodies into
a perfect oneness--it would seem that from such a meeting the best,
and only the best results could come.

And so if the husband and wife will agree that from a given time
on, they will cease to have a care to prevent conception; and then,
sometime _immediately following the fifth day after the beginning of
the menstrual flow_, they will naturally meet in a _perfect embrace_,
the probabilities are that they will have done the best possible to
secure the highest attainable results from the act of begetting a
child.

As a rule, the proper time for such begetting is between the _fifth_
and the _tenth_ day after the beginning of the menstrual flow. It is
sometimes best, however, to make the meeting earlier than this, even
before the flow has ceased. Some women will conceive then who cannot
do so at any other time. And so, if a wife should be unable to
conceive between the fifth and the tenth day, as noted, let an earlier
date be tried. If this should fail, consult a reliable physician.

It ought to be said, too, that putting off having children _too long_,
is very apt to result in the sterility of the wife. Many a young wife,
who has really wanted to have children _sometime_, and who would be
greatly grieved if she thought she could _not_ bear a child, has kept
putting it off, and has done this _so often_, and for _so long_, that,
when the "convenient day" does come, she finds that she has "sinned
away her day of grace."

Speaking generally, the first baby should be born not much later than
two years after marriage. There are, of course, exceptions to this,
but it is a good rule to go by.

_Have your children when you are young_! This is common sense,
it comes out best in the long run, and is the best thing to do,
ninety-nine times in a hundred. Then, you are nearer the age of your
children as they grow up than if you waited till you were in the late
thirties before the children came. If your son or daughter is only
twenty-some years younger than you are, you can be "kids" with them.
If you are forty years old when they are born, you will always be "old
folks" to them. Have the babies when you are young. It is far better
so.

If no children come from the meeting of husband and wife consult
a good doctor. But, in such event, if neither of the parties is to
blame--or even otherwise, make the best of the situation, love each
other, and make the most of wedded life with what is left.

Above all, with children or without (and a thousand times better with)
make a home that is a home. That is what sex in the human family, what
married life is for--to make a home. Nearly all that makes a home
is centered around sex. No two normal _men_ can make a home! No two
normal _women_ can make a home! _It takes a man and a woman to make
a home. It takes father, mother and children to make the most perfect
home. Make up your minds to have a most perfect home, and do your
utmost to reach that goal_!

The query often arises in the minds of conscientious husbands and
wives whether or not it is right to engage in coitus during pregnancy.
On this point authorities differ, though most of them hold against
such practice. The reasons they give for such adverse decision are all
based on the same old infernal lie, namely, that, sexually, man is
a mere animal, and so is subject to the laws and practices of mere
animality. This is the worst outrage ever perfected by a false
philosophy, which is heralded as the will of God. Out on it,
altogether!

The simple truth, is that, if the husband and wife have _mastered the
Art of Love_, so that they _mutually desire each other, and both long
for sex exercise during the gestation period_, it is _perfectly right_
and WISE for them to satisfy their _natural_ COMMON wishes.

Of course, in such exercise, the utmost care should be taken not
to press too hard upon the pelvic region of the woman, and in this
regard, the word of caution needs to be heeded, as much by the
prospective mother as by her mate. For, in the intensity of an
orgasm, she may be tempted to crowd her body too violently against
her husband, and so possible harm might result. Especially if the
husband-superior position is taken during the act, he should be doubly
careful not to permit the weight of his body to rest upon the enlarged
part of the wife's anatomy, not in the least.

Indeed, the safest position for coitus, during pregnancy is, the woman
on her back, and the man with his hips on the bed below hers, so that
there is no possibility of pressure on her abdomen, which is perfectly
free, in this position. In this position, the act may be engaged in,
during pregnancy, as often as mutually desired, to the benefit of both
parties.

Many pregnant women are more than usually passionate during the period
of gestation. This is especially the case when the wife is happy in
her condition, when she rejoices with exceeding great joy that she is
on the way to experience the divine crown of wifehood--maternity! When
such a woman desires her husband in love's embrace, it is cruel to
deprive her of her longed-for delight.

Again, a wife, unpregnant, and when she rightfully wishes to remain
so, may be somewhat fearful of becoming pregnant when she meets
her husband, and so hesitate to give her passion full play, thereby
missing the utmost delights of an embrace--but if she be pregnant,
and so has no fear on this score, she can give herself up to utter
abandonment to her impulses.

On this point, the final word is, use _common sense_, in a _spirit of
absolute_ MUTUALITY.

It goes without saying that it would be wicked, not to say a crime,
for a husband to _compel_ his wife to engage in coitus during
pregnancy, against her will. On the other hand, many a wife has first
experienced an orgasm when meeting her husband during pregnancy. The
reason for this is that her fear of becoming pregnant is not then
present--a condition which has before kept her from the climax.

It is further true that many a wife will greatly relieve and delight
her husband if, on occasion, and as both may desire, she will relieve
him with her hand; or sometimes, that they engage in mutual relief by
this means during pregnancy.




XII

CONCLUSION


In closing this volume, the author wishes to say, as in opening, that
no apology is offered for what has been written or said herewith. All
has been set down in love, by a lover, for the sake of lovers yet to
be, _in the hope of helping them on towards a divine consummation_.

As a final direction _Master the Art of Love_, which is _the divinest
art in all the world; then study, and do your best to master the
Science of Procreation_. It is these two, the Art of Love and the
Science of Procreation, that, together, make married life a success.
Without these, or, surely, without the first, there can be no such
thing as true marriage. Hence, this is the _first_ to learn, to
master. It is worthy of the most careful study, the most faithful
experiment.

It is right for people who never can have children to marry, and to
share with each other mutual sex delights. It is far better for
a husband and wife, having learned the Art of Love, to have
children--and a home.

Thrice happy are the married lovers who live in the spirit of this
sentiment, exalted to the highest spiritual plane; and if, out of such
love exchanges children are begotten and born, and a perfect home is
established, then married life is worth living. God has joined such
together and nothing can put them asunder.

       *       *       *       *       *

This volume is not something to be read once, and then put aside and
forgotten. It should be studied, experimented upon, read again and
again, especially by those who have difficulties in married life to
overcome. And for _all_ young married people, it should be a sort
of Guide to Happiness that should be frequently consulted and its
directions "tried out" and followed to the limit.

The fact is that, in true marriage, neither the husband nor the wife
can be selfishly supreme. If selfishness asserts itself, on the part
of either husband or wife, hell is sure to follow. There can be no
true marriage under such circumstances, because there is no supremacy
in true love, and it is only true love that can make an abiding true
marriage. In true marriage, such as both God and Nature design should
be, there is perfect comradery, equals walking with equals, with the
principle of love and mutual helpfulness shared alike by both. Let
no reader of this book forget these primal facts, or fail to act in
accordance with them! For of such is the Kingdom of Heaven!




[Advertisement]


#WOMAN: HER SEX and LOVE LIFE#

By Dr. William J. Robinson

416 Pages

Cloth

$3.00

No matter what books you have read on sex information, no matter
what question is agitating your mind, the information given in this
wonderful book will solve your problem. Dr. Robinson not only gives a
full treatise on the delicate formation of woman's wonderful body, but
he also explains the changes which follow the intimate experiences
of her sexual life. Men as well as women must know what these changes
are. No one, married or single, can afford to be ignorant of the
knowledge contained in this wonderful book. One woman writes: "Woman:
Her Sex and Love Life has been a life saver to me. It has prevented a
serious error that would have been a blot upon my life."

A FEW OF THE 53 CHAPTERS

Reasons why a misstep in a girl is more serious than in a boy

Sex knowledge of paramount importance to girls and women

The wife's attitude toward the marital relations

The female sex organs

The sex instinct

How to keep a husband's love

Who may and may not marry

Advice to girls approaching womanhood

Illegitimate motherhood

Advice to parents of unfortunate girls

What is love?

Late marriages and chastity in men

Harmful advice to young women

Birth control

Regarding flirtation

What a girl has a right to demand of her future husband

Advice to the married or those about to be

Importance of first few weeks of married life

Infatuation mistaken for love

Woman as man's chattel

Advice to the wife of the flirtatious man

The place love occupies in woman's life

Abortion and miscarriage

Three venereal diseases

Measures for prevention after sexual relations

Marital relations and frigid woman

The girl who lost her virginity

Treatment of sterility

Justifiable innocent deception

ORDER YOUR COPY of this important and valuable book at once. You will
never regret it. Certain single chapters are alone worth the price
asked for the entire book.




[Advertisement]


#SEXUAL TRUTHS#

Dr. Wm. J. Robinson, Editor

400 Pages

Cloth

NOW ONLY $3.00

This is one of the most unique books ever printed. Its value cannot
be judged simply from this brief description. You must read it, become
familiar with it, before you can understand why so many of its
readers tell us that it is one of the few books they refuse to lend
anybody--because they always want it available.

"Sexual Truths" comes as an answer to the repeated requests from sane,
sensible people for the honest, straightforward information about
sex which they cannot find elsewhere. In this book the full light of
scientific reason penetrates every corner of the sex question. The
physical misery and the mental torture caused by false teachings are
banished. Get a copy of this fascinating and daring book. Learn what
the greatest Sexologists have to say about this great question of
life. Read the apt and brilliant comments of Dr. Robinson.

One of the most valuable chapters of this remarkable book is that
which contains a reprint of a famous letter by Benjamin Franklin,
known as "Advice to a Young Man on Choosing a Mistress." Few people
are aware that this letter exists. The United States Government is
said to have paid $30,000 for the original. This Secret Franklin
Letter, in the estimation of many people, is alone worth the price of
the entire book.

#Partial Table of Contents#

Misalliances and unhappy marriages: an important but never referred to
cause

Sexual abstinence and nervousness

Coitus interruptus as cause of nervous disease

Sexual hypochondria and morbid scrupulousness

Double standard of morality

Continence in the two sexes

Is it really impossible to make prostitution harmless?

A problem in sexual ethics

Eugenics, sexual sin, ignorance, and superstition

Is Platonic love normal?

Female sex instinct in relation to morality

Regulation of offspring and sexual morality

Coitus and nightmares

Distinctions between male and female sex instinct

Death during sexual intercourse

False accusation of rape

Strikes against marriage in ancient times

Remarkable experiment in venereal prophylaxis

Effects of masturbation; a genuine human document

A remarkable letter by Benjamin Franklin




[Advertisement]


#LOVE#

_A Treatise on the Science of Sex Attraction_

By Bernard S. Talmey, M.D.

512 Pages

131 Illustrations

Cloth

_Formerly $5.00_--NOW ONLY $3.00

Because of the thoroughness and completeness of its contents and the
minute details discussed in each chapter, the sale of this volume
was formerly restricted to physicians. Now, however, this unusually
valuable book has been made available to the general public; to those
thoughtful men and women who desire to know the real truths and the
intimate details about sex and love.

Partial Table of Contents

Love and civilization

Sex worship

Male internal sex organs

Female internal sex organs

Male external genitals

Female external genitals

Function of testicles, spermatogenesis, function of seminal vesicles,
prostate, urethral glands, semen, erection, ejaculation, nervous
control, organism

Function of ovaries, ovum, menstruation, uterus, female ejaculation,
function of vagina, of clitoris, course of the sexual act

Quality of pleasure, symptoms of pleasure, orgasm, symptoms of
after-lust, intensity of libido, duration of copulation

Love and passion, development of individual love, characteristic of
the ideal woman's love

Emotions of eros and libido in men and in women, difference in the two
sexes, emotion of jealousy, woman's former love-affairs

Sexual desires in the old, in infants, causes of early masturbation

Impotence in male, satyriasis, nymphomania, continence and impotence,
excesses in copulation, practice of withdrawal, four types of
impotencies in males, female impotence, frigidity, sterility

Engagement rules, wedding day, positions of conjugation, sequels of
great frequency, pain of defloration, conjugation during menstruation,
conjugation during pregnancy, preparation of the woman's muliebra
in partial frigidity, offspring and sexual life, sterile time for
conjugation

History of marriage, promiscuity, consanguineous family, female
chastity, adultery, female morality and reason

Prostitution, clandestine vice, injury of abstinence, ethics of
evolution

This volume has never been sold at any time for less than $5.00.
But, in order to insure its widespread introduction, we offer it at a
special reduced price of only $3.00.





End of Project Gutenberg's Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living, by H.W. Long