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Title: Biography for Beginners Being a Collection of Miscellaneous Examples for the Use of Upper Forms Author: Various Editor: Edmund Clerihew Bentley Illustrator: Gilbert Keith Chesterton Release Date: August 26, 2014 [EBook #46691] Language: English Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BIOGRAPHY FOR BEGINNERS *** Produced by Chris Curnow, MWS and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive) New Novels 6/- THE QUESTION By Parry Truscott Author of "Catherine" THE WICKED WORLD By Alice Maud Meadows Author of "The Dukedom of Portsea" JOHN MARVEL By Thomas Nelson Page Author of "Red Rock" By MARY GAUNT The Uncounted Cost Part Author of "The Silent Ones" By HALLIWELL SUTCLIFFE A Winter's Comedy A Tale of Yorkshire By VICTORIA CROSS The Eternal Fires Contains portrait of Author in Colours By SHAN F. BULLOCK Master John Author of "Robert Thorne" By STANLEY PORTAL HYATT Black Sheep Author of "The Marriage of Hilary Carden" _BIOGRAPHY_ _FOR_ _BEGINNERS_ [Illustration] Fine Editions of this Book are also issued at 2/6 net and 6/- net BIOGRAPHY FOR BEGINNERS BEING A COLLECTION OF MISCELLANEOUS EXAMPLES FOR THE USE OF UPPER FORMS Edited by E. CLERIHEW, B.A. With 40 Diagrams by G. K. CHESTERTON LONDON T. WERNER LAURIE CLIFFORD'S INN LIST OF CONTENTS Introductory Remarks Sir Christopher Wren Miguel de Cervantes George Bernard Shaw Sir Humphrey Davy J. S. Mill François Liszt Lord Clive King Edward the Confessor The Rev. John Clifford, M.A., LL.B., D.D. Messrs Chapman & Hall Karl Marx Otto the Great Marconi David Hume Mr H. Belloc Job Pizarro The Duke of Fife, K.T., P.C., G.C.V.O. The Duke of Wellington John Bunyan George Hirst Erasmus and the Humanists Besant and Rice Tiziano Vecelli Professor James Dewar, F.R.S. Sir Walter Raleigh Jane Austen Odo of Bayeux David Ricardo Sir Thomas à Mallory Mr Alfred Beit Cimabue President Roosevelt Robert Harley, Earl of Oxford Sir Alexander Fuller Acland-Hood, M.P. Mahomet Edvard Grieg Jan Van Eyck Mr T. Werner Laurie Index of Psychology INTRODUCTORY REMARKS The Art of Biography Is different from Geography. Geography is about Maps, But Biography is about Chaps. [Illustration] SIR CHRISTOPHER WREN Sir Christopher Wren Said, "I am going to dine with some men. "If anybody calls "Say I am designing St. Paul's." [Illustration] MIGUEL DE CERVANTES The people of Spain think Cervantes Equal to half-a-dozen Dantes: An opinion resented most bitterly By the people of Italy. [Illustration] GEORGE BERNARD SHAW Mr Bernard Shaw Was just setting out for the war, When he heard it was a dangerous trade And demonstrably underpaid. [Illustration] SIR HUMPHREY DAVY Sir Humphrey Davy Abominated gravy. He lived in the odium Of having discovered Sodium. [Illustration] J. S. MILL John Stuart Mill, By a mighty effort of will, Overcame his natural bonhomie And wrote "Principles of Political Economy." [Illustration] FRANÇOIS LISZT The Abbé Liszt Hit the piano with his fist. That was the way He used to play. [Illustration] LORD CLIVE What I like about Clive Is that he is no longer alive. There is a great deal to be said For being dead. [Illustration] KING EDWARD THE CONFESSOR Edward the Confessor Slept under the dresser. When that began to pall, He slept in the hall. [Illustration] THE REV. JOHN CLIFFORD M.A., LL.B., D.D. Dr Clifford And I have differed. He disapproves of gin: I disapprove of sin. [Illustration] MESSRS CHAPMAN & HALL Chapman & Hall Swore not at all. Mr Chapman's yea was yea, And Mr Hall's nay was nay. [Illustration] KARL MARX Karl Marx Was completely wrapped up in his sharks. The poor creatures seriously missed him While he was attacking the capitalist system. [Illustration] OTTO THE GREAT The great Emperor Otto Could not decide upon a motto. His mind wavered between "L'Etat C'est Moi" and "Ich Dien." [Illustration] MARCONI Guglielmo Marconi Was brought up on macaroni, But when he gets it now There's no end of a row. [Illustration] DAVID HUME That you have all heard of Hume I tacitly assume; But you didn't know, perhaps, That his parents were Lapps. [Illustration] MR H. BELLOC Mr Hilaire Belloc Is a case for legislation ad hoc. He seems to think nobody minds His books being all of different kinds. [Illustration] JOB It is understood that Job Never read "The Globe;" But nothing could be higher than His opinion of Leviathan. [Illustration] PIZARRO The views of Pizarro Were perhaps a little narrow. He killed the Caciques Because (he said) they were sneaks. [Illustration] THE DUKE OF FIFE K.T., P.C., G.C.V.O. It looked bad when the Duke of Fife Left off using a knife; But people began to talk When he left off using a fork. [Illustration] THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON The great Duke of Wellington Reduced himself to a skellington. He reached seven stone two, And then----Waterloo! [Illustration] JOHN BUNYAN I do not extenuate Bunyan's Intemperate use of onions, But if I knew a wicked ogress I would lend her "The Pilgrim's Progress." [Illustration] GEORGE HIRST When I faced the bowling of Hirst I ejaculated, "Do your worst!" He said, "Right you are, Sid." ----And he did. [Illustration] ERASMUS AND THE HUMANISTS After dinner, Erasmus Told Colet not to be "blas'mous" Which Colet, with some heat, Requested him to repeat. [Illustration] BESANT AND RICE Sir (then Mr) Walter Besant Would never touch pheasant, But Mr James Rice Thought it so nice. [Illustration] TIZIANO VECELLI When the great Titian Was in a critical condition, He was carefully nursed By Francis the First. [Illustration] PROFESSOR JAMES DEWAR, F.R.S. Professor Dewar Is a better man than you are. None of you asses Can condense gases. [Illustration] SIR WALTER RALEIGH Sir Walter Raleigh Bickered down the valley. But he could do better than the rill, For he could bicker up-hill. [Illustration] JANE AUSTEN The novels of Jane Austen Are the ones to get lost in. * * * * * I wonder if Labby Has read "Northanger Abbey?" [Illustration] ODO OF BAYEUX Archbishop Odo Was just in the middle of "Dodo," When he remembered that it was Sunday. "Sic transit gloria mundi." [Illustration] DAVID RICARDO The intrepid Ricardo With characteristic bravado, Alluded openly to Rent Wherever he went. [Illustration] SIR THOMAS À MALLORY Sir Thomas à Mallory Always went to the gallery. He said, not without nous, That it was the best place in the house. [Illustration] MR ALFRED BEIT Mr Alfred Beit Screamed suddenly in the night. When they asked him why He made no reply. [Illustration] CIMABUE When they told Cimabue He didn't know how to cooee, He replied, "Perhaps I mayn't, But I do know how to paint." [Illustration] PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT If only Mr Roosevelt Knew how officers in the Blues felt, He wouldn't be so rife With his Strenuous Life. [Illustration] ROBERT HARLEY, EARL OF OXFORD People wondered why Harley Sang "Wae's me for Prince Charlie." "It is childish," they said, "to mourn For a person not yet born." [Illustration] SIR ALEXANDER FULLER ACLAND-HOOD, M.P. Sir Alexander Acland-Hood Believed in Free Food: But he was Eleusinian About this opinion. [Illustration] MAHOMET I am not Mahomet. ----Far from it. That is the mistake All of you seem to make. [Illustration] EDVARD GRIEG The musician Grieg Joined the Primrose League. It gave him the idea of his chorus, "The Unburied Ichthyosaurus." [Illustration] JAN VAN EYCK The younger Van Eyck Was christened Jan, and not Mike. The thought of this curious mistake Often kept him awake. [Illustration] MR T. WERNER LAURIE Mr Werner Laurie Is not at all sorry He undertook the publication Of this instructive compilation. [Illustration] INDEX OF PSYCHOLOGY. (_In all work of a biographic character it is important to make copious reference to as many as possible of the generally-recognised virtues, vices, good points, foibles, peculiarities, tricks, characteristics, little weaknesses, traits, imperfections, fads, idiosyncrasies, singularities, morbid symptoms, oddities, faults, and regrettable propensities set forth in the following table. The form of an alphabetic index, with references to the examples given in the preceding pages, has been chosen, so that the beginner who may be desirous, when trying his hand at work of this sort, of seeing how any given one of these subjects may best be treated, is enabled at once to turn to one or more model passages._) Abominable deceit (WREN). Agitation, reluctance to explain (BEIT). Allah, Prophet of, refusal to admit identity with (MAHOMET). Appearances, disregard of, by man of position (MALLORY). Artistic temperament, the: its acute sensitiveness (VAN EYCK); love of violent action (LISZT); deliberate eccentricity (FIFE); naïf self-appreciation (CIMABUE); irresistibly attracted by the sublime (GRIEG); high value set upon it by Frenchmen (TIZIANO). Bankruptcy, moral (WREN). Blindness to obvious tendency of public opinion (BELLOC). Cobdenism, qualified adherence to, hesitation to avow (ACLAND-HOOD). Conduct, disingenuous (WREN). Contentions and disagreements, love of (ERASMUS, BESANT AND RICE, CLIFFORD, RALEIGH). Diet, morbid delicacy in matter of (DAVY, BESANT, MARCONI, but _cf._ BUNYAN). Domestic servants, encouragement of dishonesty among (WREN). Efficiency (DEWAR, CIMABUE, HIRST, LISZT). Escutcheon, blot on, action involving (WREN). Excisable commodity, unsympathetic attitude towards (CLIFFORD). Fact, cynical perversion of (WREN). Frigidity of style, sometimes attributable to præ-natal influences (HUME). Funereal thoughts, predisposition to (HARLEY). Generalisations, sweeping, dangerous fondness for (PIZARRO). Guile (WREN). Habits, repugnant personal, often found in association with fine spiritual gifts (BUNYAN). Horizon, restricted mental (PIZARRO). Hour of trial, fortitude in (ACLAND-HOOD). Hubbub, interminable, power to raise (MARCONI). Hypocrisy, calculated (WREN). Ignoring, pointed, of literary rivals (JOB). Information, insufficient, proneness to act upon (SHAW, ROOSEVELT). Insomnia, liability to (VAN EYCK, BEIT). Integrity, low standard of (WREN). Jesuitical dealing (WREN). Justification, flimsy, of homicide (PIZARRO). Kindness to animals (JOB, MARX). Knavery (WREN). Labouchere, Mr, power to awaken interest in (AUSTEN). Levity, irresponsible, of Yorkshiremen (HIRST). Lie, bouncing, circulation of (WREN). Low company, penchant for (MALLORY). MACCHIAVELLI, unholy precepts of, tendency to act upon (WREN). Memory, lapse of (ODO). Mind, contented, blessing of a (MALLORY). Nervous prostration, freedom from (LAURIE). "_Noblesse Oblige_," disregard of apothegm (WREN). Obesity, effective treatment of (WELLINGTON). Openness, want of (WREN). Ordinary man, treatment of genius at hands of (DAVY, HARLEY). Oriental metaphor, distaste for (CHAPMAN AND HALL). Ostentation, contempt for (MALLORY). Output, delusions in regard to reception of literary (BELLOC). Percussion, instrument of, habit of treating pianoforte as (LISZT). Principle, absence of (WREN). ---- self-sacrificing devotion to (CHAPMAN & HALL). Prompt and decisive action, unfitness for position requiring (OTTO). Psychology, complex and baffling, of contemporary genius (MARCONI). Quickening, need of spiritual (WREN). Repartée, witty and pungent, gift of (HIRST, CIMABUE). Resemblance, confusing physical, sometimes noted among higher types of genius (MAHOMET). Restoration, lax morality of, readiness to fall in with (WREN). Salvation Army, sympathy with methods of (LISZT). Satanism, revolting display of (WREN). Self-effacement, public-spirited (CLIVE). Sense of proportion, lack of (PIZARRO). Simple Life, fondness for the (EDWARD THE CONFESSOR, MALLORY). Statesmanship, qualities of: anticipation of coming problems (HARLEY); readiness to sink own prejudices in interest of common weal (ACLAND-HOOD); freedom from insomnia (EDWARD THE CONFESSOR). Taboos, faithful observance of (ODO). Taciturnity of the strong, silent man (BEIT). Tartufe, willingness to regard, as moral examplar (WREN). Treasury, Parliamentary Secretary to the, anxiety to remain (ACLAND-HOOD). Ugly, indifference to appearing (WELLINGTON). Umbrage, quickness to take (ERASMUS). Untruth, plausible, ability to frame (WREN). Utilitarianism, susceptibility to charms of (MILL). Utopian conditions, ill-judged efforts to realise (PIZARRO). Valhalla, precipitate eagerness to qualify for (SHAW). Vaticanism, display of blighting effects of, upon human mind (LISZT, PIZARRO). Veracity, departure from (WREN). Watchword, insistence upon ill-chosen (ROOSEVELT). World, the next, neglect of prospects in (WREN). Years, early, forgetfulness of habits inculcated in (MARCONI). Y.M.C.A., unfitness for (WREN). Zealous pursuit of pleasure at expense of soul (WREN). Zenith of literary achievement, attainment of (AUSTEN). Zulus, gradual adoption of social practices of (FIFE). Printed by A. M. Cowan & Co., Ltd. St John's Hall, Perth, N.B. Transcriber's Notes Obvious punctuation errors repaired. Page 1 Author of The "Dukedom of Portsea" has been replaced with Author of "The Dukedom of Portsea" In the "List of Contents", "Jane Austin" has been replaced with "Jane Austen". 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