The Project Gutenberg EBook of John Leech's Pictures of Life and
Character, Volume 2 (of 3), by John Leech

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Title: John Leech's Pictures of Life and Character, Volume 2 (of 3)
       From the Collection of Mr. Punch

Author: John Leech

Release Date: November 10, 2015 [EBook #50428]

Language: English

Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LEECH'S PICTURES--LIFE, CHARACTER ***




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TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE.
Some pages of this work have been moved from the original sequence to enable the contents to continue without interruption. Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note. Irregularities and inconsistencies in the text have been retained as printed.

Book cover

[Pg i]

Book title

[Pg ii]

* * * * *

[Pg iv]

Book title

"From the Collection of Mr. PUNCH."

* * * * *

LONDON:
BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., 8, 9, 10, BOUVERIE STREET, E.C.
1887.

[Pg v]

[Pg 1]

Repeat of book title
Young lady speaking to man

CAUTION DURING THE MISTLETOE SEASON.

Pretty Cousin. "WHAT A TIRESOME GREAT AWKWARD BOY YOU ARE!—JUST SEE HOW YOU HAVE SCRATCHED MY CHIN!"

[Young Gentleman apologises amply.


Small boy speaking to older woman.

NONE BUT THE BRAVE DESERVE THE FAIR.

Augustus. "NOW, I'VE GOT YOU!"

[Pg 2]

Bus conductor to potential passenger.

OBVIOUS.

Old Party from the Country (with much wheezing and embarrassment). "I—I—WANT TO GO TO—TO—TO——"

Conductor (with alacrity). "ALL RIGHT, OLD BOY! JUMP IN! I KNOW—CATTLE SHOW!"

Daughter speaking to her father.

A PIG PEN AT A CATTLE SHOW.

Harriet. "THEN, I SUPPOSE, PAPA DEAR, THAT THESE ARE LEARNED PIGS, AS THEY HAVE ALL GOT GOLD MEDALS?"

[Pg 3]

Mr. Punch with group of children.

A PLEASANT HOLIDAY TASK.

Mr. Punch. "NOW, BOYS AND GIRLS! YOU MUST FIND OUT THE USE OF THESE GLOBES BEFORE YOU GO BACK TO SCHOOL!"


[Pg 4]

Fox with a large snowball.

COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON.

Reynard the Fox. "HERE'S AN OLD-FASHIONED CHRISTMAS, MY BOYS, FOR YOU, AND MANY OF 'EM."


Man being snowballed.

THE SNOW.

"NOW, YOU BOYS HAD BETTER BE QUIET, OR I SHALL CALL THE POLICE, AS SURE AS YOU'RE BORN."


Two children with  mother.

JUVENILE ETYMOLOGY.

Master Jack. "MAMMA, DEAR! NOW ISN'T THIS CALLED KISSMAS TIME, BECAUSE EVERYBODY KISSES EVERYBODY UNDER THE MISTLETOE? ADA SAYS IT ISN'T."


Man and woman talking.

MISS AND MISTLETOE.

Miss Gushington. "OH, DON'T YOU LIKE CHRISTMAS TIME, MR. BROWN, AND ALL ITS DEAR OLD CUSTOMS?"

[BROWN don't seem to see it.



[Pg 5]

Man and woman dancing.

CHRISTMAS EVE.

Ellen (who is so simple). "NOW, PRAY TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, FRANK! WHAT IS IT THESE DREADFUL GAROTTERS CALL 'GIVING ONE THE HUG?'"

[FRANK shows her presently.


Mr. Punch surrounded by women.

UNDER THE MISTLETOE.



[Pg 6]

Mr. P with family group.

A FAMILY GROUP—BABY STIRRING THE PUDDING.



[Pg 7]

Festive scene.

"A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!" A JUVENILE PARTY.



Lady with several barrels.

GOOD CHEER.

RICH OLD LADY IS OVERWHELMED WITH BARRELLED OYSTERS FROM DISTANT RELATIVES.



[Pg 8]

Mr. P with young lady

ROOTI-TOOIT—I'VE GOT CHER!



A man in a carriage with ballons.


A JOLLY OLD PATERFAMILIAS, WITH SOME AIR-BALLOONS FOR THE CHICKS.



[Pg 9]

Man at centre of partygoers.


A CHRISTMAS PARTY.—GRANDPAPA DANCES "SIR ROGER"—AND MAY HE DANCE IT FOR MANY, MANY YEARS TO COME.



[Pg 10]

MR. P. surrounded by ladies.

VOLUNTEER MOVEMENT.

THAT DISTINGUISHED RIFLE-SHOT, MR. PUNCH, HAVING DONE HIS DUTY LIKE A MAN, THROWS HIMSELF UNDER THE MISTLETOE, AND RECEIVES HIS JUST REWARD.



Exploding haggis.

BROWN ENTERTAINS HIS FRIENDS WI' A HAGGIS!



[Pg 11]

Giant Christmas pudding.

A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!



[Pg 12]

Mother and son talking.

OF A VERY STUDIOUS TURN.

Mamma. "WHO IS THIS HAMPER FOR?—WHY, FOR POOR JERRY, WHO IS AT SCHOOL, YOU KNOW."

Darling (reflectively). "OH!—DON'T YOU THINK, MA, I HAD BETTER GO TO SCHOOL?"



Lady and boy talking.

WHOLESOME FEAST.

Jessie. "AND SO, WALTER, YOU HAVE LITTLE PARTIES AT YOUR SCHOOL, EH?"

Walter. "AH! DON'T WE, JUST!—LAST HALF THERE WAS CHARLEY BOGLE, AND GEORGE TWISTER AND ME—WE JOINED YOU KNOW—AND HAD TWO POUNDS OF SAUSAGES, COLD, AND A PLUM CAKE, AND A BARREL OF OYSTERS, AND TWO BOTTLES OF CURRANT WINE!—OH, MY EYE! WASN'T IT JOLLY, NEITHER!"



Lady and boy talking.

QUITE A NICE PARTY.

Georgina. "WELL, GUS! AND HOW DID YOU LIKE YOUR PARTY LAST NIGHT?"

Gus. "OH, JOLLY—I GOT ELEVEN ICES, AND NO END OF NEGUS, AND WENT DOWN FOUR TIMES TO SUPPER!!"



Two boys talking.

LITTLE MEN.

"BEEN TO THE PLAY MUCH THESE HOLIDAYS, FRED?"

"AW—I WENT THE OTHER NIGHT. BUT, AW—I DON'T KNOW—SOMEHOW, PANTOMIMES ARE NOT WHAT THEY USED TO BE IN MY TIME; AND AS FOR THE GURLS, THERE WASN'T A GOOD-LOOKING ONE IN THE HOUSE."



[Pg 13]

Children altering furniture.

HOME ENJOYMENTS.

A DISCREET (!) FRIEND HAVING PRESENTED MASTER TOM WITH A TOOL-BOX AS A NEW YEAR'S GIFT—THE FURNITURE IS PUT INTO THOROUGH REPAIR



Boy with fireworks.

HOME AMUSEMENTS.

GRAND PEACE DEMONSTRATION IN OUR NURSERY!



[Pg 14]

Man tripping over boy.


AMATEUR PANTOMIME.



Small boy with drum.

A HAPPY NOTION.

Delightful Boy. "OH! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO! I'LL GO AND PLAY MY DRUM AT UNCLE FOOZLE'S DOOR!"



Boys talking to one on pony.

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

Arthur (on Pony). "HOLLO! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT ON YOUR HEADS?"

Juvenile Swell. "WHY, YOU SEE, EVERY SNOB WEARS A CAP OR A WIDE-AWAKE NOW! SO THE MEN OF OUR SCHOOL HAVE RETURNED TO THE OLD CHIMNEY-POT!"

[As Paterfamilias, we are sorry to say that we have observed this monstrosity many times this Christmas.



[Pg 15]

Children talking.

IN SOCIETY.

Small Boy. "GOING TO THE PANTOMIME, CLARA, THIS AFTERNOON?"

Clara. "A—NO—I'M AT HOME—AND HAVE A KETTLEDRUM AT THREE O'CLOCK!"



Lads watching small children.

PATRONISING.

"PRETTY SIGHT, AIN'T IT, CHARLEY, TO SEE THE YOUNGSTERS ENJOYING THEMSELVES?"



[Pg 16]

People in fancy dress

PRIVATE THEATRICALS.



[Pg 17]

Children in snowball fight.

THE JOLLY GAME OF SNOWBALLING, AS PLAYED IN OUR SQUARE.



Daughter speaking to her mother.

THE JUVENILE PARTY.—A GREAT LIBERTY.

Juvenile. "MAMMA, DEAR! DO YOU KNOW THAT GENTLEMAN TICKLED ME WITHOUT BEING INTRODUCED!"



[Pg 18]

Father talking to children.

THE MORNING AFTER THE JUVENILE PARTY.

Papa. "WHY, TOM, I'M AFRAID YOU MUST HAVE EATEN TOO MUCH CAKE LAST NIGHT. YOU LOOK QUITE SEEDY THIS MORNING!"

Little Sister. "OH, NO, PAPA DEAR, IT CAN'T BE THAT. HE EAT THE THINGS OUT OF THE CRACKERS, BUT HE DIDN'T TOUCH THE SEED CAKE!"



Woman and boy looking at pigs.

AN ENVIOUS YOUTH.

Sensitive Young Lady. "POOR CREATURES! NOTHING BUT EATING AND SLEEPING! WHAT A DREADFUL EXISTENCE!"

Stout Youth. "DREADFUL EXISTENCE!—OH, AH! I DARE SAY. WHY, THAT'S JUST THE VERY THING OF ALL OTHERS I SHOULD LIKE THE BEST!"



Lads on ice.

THROWING STONES THROUGH ICE.

A DELIGHTFUL RECREATION FOR YOUTH, WHICH COMBINES HEALTHFUL EXERCISE WITH THE LUXURY OF WINDOW-BREAKING, WITHOUT DANGER OR EXPENSE.



Boy with broom.

URGENT.

Street Boy. "I SAY, COOKY? THEY JUST ARE A-FININ' OF 'EM ALL ROUND THE SKVARE—GIVE US A SHILLIN' AND I'LL SWEEP YOUR DOOR AFORE THE PLEECEMAN COMES."



[Pg 19]

Man under mistletoe surrounded by women.



THE MISTLETOE BOUGH.—IN LEAP YEAR, THE LADIES TAKE THE INITIATIVE.



[Pg 20]

Mr. P ice skating.

THE CHAMPION.



Man talking to large lady.

THE WEATHER IN THE PARKS.

Skate Proprietor. "Now Marm! 'Ave A Pair On?"



[Pg 21]

Horsemen at stately home


NEW CHRISTMAS GAME FOR FOXHUNTERS DURING A LONG FROST.



Mr. P watches two young ladies pulling a cracker.

THE CRACKER BON-BON.

Two little Stoopids (with one voice). "I KNOW I SHALL SCREAM—I'M SURE I SHALL!"



[Pg 22]

Sister speaking to young brother.

A MAN OF SOME CONSEQUENCE.

Elder Sister. "WHY, GEORGE NOT DRESSED! PRAY ARE YOU NOT GOING WITH THE OTHER CHILDREN?"

George. "H'M! I SHOULD RATHER FANCY NOT.—YOU DON'T CATCH ME GOING OUT OF AN EVENING JUST TO FURNISH PEOPLE'S ROOMS. WHERE I GO—I DINE!"



Boys throwing snowballs.

THE WEATHER AND THE STREETS.

Boy of the Period. "GO IT TOMMY! THERE'S NO PERLICE, AND THE OLD GENT'S AFRAID TO COME OUT!"



[Pg 23]

Shovelling snow from roof of house.

PATERFAMILIAS SUPERINTENDS IN PERSON THE REMOVAL OF THE SNOW FROM THE ROOF OF HIS HOUSE.

Scene below the roof.

PLEASING EFFECT BELOW.



[Pg 24]

Two boys talking.

WHAT A TERRIBLE TURK!

"OH! HERE'S A JOLLY SNOWBALL. LET'S TAKE and PUT IT AGIN SOMEBODY'S DOOR!"



Man tlking to another who has fallen through ice.

PUTTING A GOOD FACE ON IT.

OF ALL FOOLISH THINGS, THE MERE PUN IS PERHAPS THE MOST FOOLISH.—NOW, HERE'S A FELLOW (PROBABLY A MEMBER OF THE ST—CK EXCH—GE) WHO, IN SPITE OF HIS REALLY PERILOUS CONDITION, SAYS, "THAT HE CAME OUT FOR A (W)HOLE HOLIDAY—AND HAS GOT IT!"



Mistress speaking to flunkey.

FLUNKEIANA RUSTICA.

Mistress. "NOW, I DO HOPE, SAMUEL, YOU WILL MAKE YOURSELF TIDY, GET YOUR CLOTHES LAID IN TIME—AND TAKE GREAT PAINS WITH YOUR WAITING AT TABLE!"

Samuel (who has come recently out of a Strawyard). "YEZ, M'! BUT PLEAZ M', BE OI TO WEAR MY BREECHES?"

Boy speaking to soldier.

IMPUDENCE.

"NOW, LOBSTER! KEEP THE POT A-BILING!"



[Pg 25]

Lady commenting about a cabby.

THE FESTIVE SEASON.

Amy (to Rose). "GOOD GRACIOUS, ROSE—I'M AFRAID, FROM THE WAY THE MAN TALKS, THAT HE IS INTOXICATED!"

Cabby (impressively). "BEG PARD'N, MISS!—N-N-NOT (HIC)—INTOSSI-TOSSI-CATED (HIC)—ITSH ONLY SHLIGHT 'PED-PED-PEDIMENT IN SPEESH, MISS!"



Man wearing nose protector

THE NOSE-COMFORTER.

Sensible Man (who despises conventionality). "HAH! THE WORLD MAY SMILE, BUT IT'S VERY WARM AND COMFORTABLE."



Frozen lake.

DELIGHTFUL PRIVILEGE DURING THE WINTER MONTHS.

YOU MAY BATHE IN THE SERPENTINE FROM 6 UNTIL 7 IN THE MORNING, AND 7 UNTIL 8 IN THE EVENING.



[Pg 26]

Indoor skating.

ARTIFICIAL ICE—GRAND PAS DES PATINEURS.



[Pg 27]

Large man with skates.

HOW DISAGREEABLE THE BOYS ARE.

Boy. "MY EYE, TOMMY! THERE'S THE HELEPHANT FROM THE S'LOGICAL GARDENS GOING A-SKATING!"



Boy speaking to female cousin.

HOW TROUBLESOME THE BOYS ARE.

Juvenile. "I SAY, HARRIET—DO US A FAVOUR?"

Pretty Cousin. "WELL, WHAT IS IT?"

Juvenile. "GIVE US A LOCK OF YOUR HAIR TO TAKE BACK TO SCHOOL."



Man with several children.

WINTER IN THE SUBURBS.

OUR DEAR OLD PATERFAMILIAS TAKES HIS OFFSPRING TO SEE THE PANTOMIME. UNFORTUNATELY, "THE ROADS" (AS THE CABMAN SAYS) "IS SO ORRIBUL BAD AND SLIPPY," THAT HE IS OBLIGED TO WALK WITH HIS DARLINGS THE GREATER PART OF THE WAY HOME.



[Pg 28]

Happily tsking them home.



THE FOG IS SO VERY THICK THAT FREDERICK AND CHARLES ARE OBLIGED TO SEE CLARA AND EMILY HOME.



Man talking to youth.

THE JUVENILE PARTY.

Paterfamilias (to Youth who goes with his Pony well across country). "HOLLO! HUGH, MY BOY! DON'T YOU LIKE DANCING?"

Youth. "A—NO! I DON'T SEEM TO CARE FOR BALLS—FEW HUNTING MEN DO!!!"



[Pg 29]

Two 'bus drivers talking.

COLD WEATHER.

Omnibus Driver. "BILL! JIST BREAK THIS 'ERE ICICLE ORF MY NOSE WITH YER WHIP, THAT'S A GOOD FELLER! IT TAKES BOTH MY HANDS TO KEEP THESE 'OSSES ON THEIR LEGS."



Youths watching lady dancing with small boy.

A VERY GREEN-EYED MONSTER!

First Juvenile. "I WONDER WHAT CAN MAKE HELEN HOLDFAST POLK WITH YOUNG ALBERT GRIG?"

Second Ditto. "DON'T YOU KNOW? WHY, TO MAKE ME JEALOUS! BUT SHE HAD BETTER NOT GO TOO FAR!"



Grandfather talking to grandaughter.

WHAT A SHAME!

Grandpapa. "HEYDAY! WHAT MAKES MY LITTLE DARLING SO CROSS?"

Little Darling. "WHY, GRANDPA, MAMMA WANTS ME TO GO TO A PANTOMIME IN THE DAY-TIME, AS IF I WAS A MERE CHILD!"



[Pg 30]

Two youths in evening dress seated in a carriage.

THE NEW STYLE.

HOW YOUNG GENTLEMEN FROM SCHOOL GO TO SEE A PANTOMIME NOW-A-DAYS.



Boys with an elegant gentleman.

UNDIGNIFIED REMINDER.

Boy. "I SAY, JOHN, AIN'T YOUR MASTER A LOOKIN' FOR YOU, NEETHER!"



Lady speaking to her brother.

FAIR AND EQUAL.

Sister. "NOT GIVE A BALL, CHARLES! FIDDLE! WHY NOT? I TELL YOU WHAT,—IF YOU WILL FIND THE ROOM, AND THE MUSIC, AND THE SUPPER, AND THE CHAMPAGNE, AND THE ICES,—I'LL FIND THE LADIES! COME NOW!"



[Pg 31]

Huntsmen sporting on frozen pond.



FROZEN-OUT FOXHUNTERS.



[Pg 32]

Father speaking to daughters'.

ODIOUS TYRANNY.

PATERFAMILIAS INSISTS THAT THE GIRLS SHALL WEAR VERY STOUT BOOTS IN THE WET WEATHER; BUT THE GIRLS DON'T AT ALL LIKE "THE NASTY, GREAT, UGLY, CLUMSY, THICK THINGS!"



Two men speaking to two women.

SERIOUS ACCIDENT DURING THE FROST.

AS MAJOR—AND CAPTAIN—OF THE 13TH LIGHT POLKERS WERE SKATING WITH THE LOVELY AND ACCOMPLISHED EMILY D—— AND HARRIET V——, THEIR FEELINGS SUDDENLY GAVE WAY; THEY BROKE THE ICE, AND WE HEAR THEY HAVE NOT YET BEEN EXTRICATED FROM THEIR PERILOUS SITUATION.



[Pg 33]

Father talking with his sons'.

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

Paterfamilias. "WELL, BOYS! I DARE SAY YOU'RE GLAD TO GET HOME; AND HOW DO YOU AND THE DOCTOR AGREE!"

Harry. "OH! WE LIKE HIM VERY MUCH."

Paterfamilias. "HAH! AND DO YOU THINK YOU ARE MAKING GOOD PROGRESS?"

Harry. "OH! PRETTY GOOD! I CAN LICK THREE FELLOWS! BUT FRED, HERE, CAN LICK SIX, COUNTING ME!"



Two boys discussing a girl

A BON-BON FROM A JUVENILE PARTY.

First Juvenile. "THAT'S A PRETTY GIRL TALKING TO YOUNG ALGERNON BINKS!"

Second Juvenile. "HM—TOL-LOL! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER SOME SEASONS AGO!"



Boy speaking to man who has fallen due to icy path.

TOO BAD.

Rude Boy. "AH! HERE'S THE P'LEECE A-COMIN'; WON'T YOU CATCH IT FOR SLIDING ON THE PAVEMENT!"



Angry man at window.

OLD MR. JONES AS HE APPEARED WHEN ASKED FOR THE TWENTIETH TIME IF HE WOULD HAVE HIS DOOR DONE.



[Pg 34]

Soldiers enjoying Christmas fare.

THE THEATRE OF WAR.

A PRIVATE BOX FOR ENGLAND'S DEAR BOYS ON FOREIGN SERVICE.



Skate hirer with handicapped person.

A KINDLY OFFER.

Skate Proprietor (to Spectator with wooden leg). "'AVE A PAIR ON, SIR!—AX YER PARDIN, SIR—DIDN'T TWIG YER MISFORTIN. I'VE A HODD 'UN YOU CAN 'AVE, SIR!"



Caracature, man as a turkey.

DISTRESSING RESULT OF EATING TURKEY DAY AFTER DAY.

THE POOR OLD PARTY HAS COME OUT ALL OVER FEATHERS.



[Pg 35]

Policeman fallen on ice.

GLORIOUS NEWS FOR THE BOYS.

Billy Wilkins. "HI! LOOK HERE! COME! SUCH A LARK! HERE'S A PERLICEMAN FELL ON A SLIDE!"



Couple splashed by traffic.

THE THAW AND THE STREETS!

TOMKINS, WHO HAS JUST PAID HIS RATE FOR PAVING, CLEANSING, &C., GOES FOR A WALK IN HIS IMMEDIATE NEIGHBOURHOOD. HE IS, OF COURSE, MUCH GRATIFIED AT THE WAY IN WHICH THE CLEANSING PART OF THE BUSINESS IS MANAGED.



[Pg 36]

Maid awakening sleeper.

DELICIOUS.

Party in Bed. "HEY! HOLLO! WHO'S THAT?"

Domestic. "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, IT'S SEVEN O'CLOCK, SIR! YOUR SHOWER-BATH IS QUITE READY. I'VE JUST BROKEN THE ICE, SIR!"



Wife confronting husband.

SYMPTOMS OF MASQUERADING.

Better-Half (loq.). "IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL SITTING UP WITH A SICK FRIEND, MR. WILKINS?"



Children's party game, girls in reins.

THE NURSERY FOUR-IN-HAND CLUB.—THE FIRST MEET OF THE SEASON.

Master Robert (loq.). "HERE, JAMES, JUST STAND BY THAT BAY FILLY.—SHE'S RATHER FRESH THIS MORNING!"



[Pg 37]

Man inappropriately dressed for opera.

THE OPERA.

Door-Keeper. "BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR—BUT YOU MUST, INDEED, SIR, BE IN FULL DRESS!"

Snob (excited). "FULL DRESS!! WHY, WHAT DO YER CALL THIS?"



Children suffering the effects of overeating.



THE DAY AFTER THE JUVENILE PARTY.—AWFUL APPEARANCE OF THE DOCTOR.



Children sliding, man holding support.



INNOCENT MIRTH—THE SLIDE ON THE PAVEMENT.



[Pg 38]

Boys' sliding on ice.

DELIGHTFUL.

"OH! HERE'S A JOLLY SLEDGE!"



Man fitting skates to another's foot.

HAVING A PAIR ON!

Skater. "HI!—HOLLO!—WHAT ARE YOU ABOUT?—IT'S GOING INTO MY FOOT!"

Skate Proprietor. "NEVER MIND, SIR!—BETTER 'AV 'EM ON FIRM!"



Actor attacking another with a spear.



A GOOD OLD COMIC CLOWN.



Actor cut off another actor's head.

STAGE FRIGHT.

"OH, JOEY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"



[Pg 39]

Man speaking to woman.

A DECEIVER.

"IT'S QUITE TRUE, MUM!"



Two men talking.

SAME OLD GAME.



Two men admiring lady

AN OLD JOE.

Clown (loq.). "PRETTY CREECHUR!"



Large group of children watching Punch and Judy.

DRESS CIRCLE AT PUNCH AND JUDY.



Large group of snow clearers.

EAGER APPLICANTS.

"WANT YOUR DOOR DONE, MUM?"



[Pg 40]

Partygoers told bad news.

RETURN FROM A SUBURBAN PARTY.

Flyman. "WERRY SORRY, MUM, I'M SURE, MUM—BUT THE OSS AIN'T ROUGHED, AND HE CAN'T GO A STEP FURDER!"



[Pg 41]

MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.

Mr. B. fishing in a boat.

No. X.

MR. B. AS HE APPEARED FROM SIX IN THE MORNING UNTIL THREE IN THE

AFTERNOON, WHEN——



Struggling to land fish.

No. XI.

HAVING HOOKED A "FISH," HE IS LANDED TO PLAY IT. THE FISH RUNS AWAY WITH HIM—AND MR. B. IS DRAGGED ABOUT A MILE AND A HALF OVER WHAT HE CONSIDERS A RATHER DIFFICULT COUNTRY.



[Pg 43]

Mr. B. waits patiently.

No. XII.

ON ARRIVING AT "HELL'S HOLE," HE IS DETAINED FOR THREE-QUARTERS OF AN HOUR, WHILE THE FISH SULKS AT THE BOTTOM.——



Mr. B. resumes the chase.

No. XIII.

THE FISH HAVING REFRESHED HIMSELF, AND RECOVERED HIS SPIRITS, BOLTS AGAIN WITH MR. B.



[Pg 45]

Fish escapes.

No. XIV.

AFTER A LONG AND EXCITING STRUGGLE, MR. B. IS ON THE POINT OF LANDING HIS PRIZE WHEN—THE LINE UNFORTUNATELY BREAKS!



The fish is caught.

No. XV.

HOWEVER, IN MUCH LESS TIME THAN IT HAS TAKEN TO MAKE THIS IMPERFECT SKETCH—ACCOUTRED AS HE IS—HE PLUNGES IN—AND AFTER A DESPERATE ENCOUNTER, HE SECURES A MAGNIFICENT SALMON, FOR WHICH HE DECLARES HE WOULD NOT TAKE A GUINEA A POUND!—AND IT IS NOW STUFFED IN THE GLASS-CASE OVER THE ONE WHICH CONTAINS HIS LATE FAVOURITE SPOTTED HUNTER.



[Pg 42]

Carriage carrying three people.

MODERATION.

First Undergraduate. "HOLLO, CHARLEY! AIN'T YOU GOING OUT TO-DAY?"

Second Undergraduate (driving). "WHY, NO—NOT THIS MORNING. YOU SEE I'M ONLY A ONE-HORSE MAN, AND AS I HAVE HUNTED HIM THREE TIMES THIS WEEK, I THOUGHT I'D GIVE HIM A DAY'S REST IN THE DOG-CART!"



Man riding frisky horse.

JONES TRIES HIS NEW HACK, WHICH IS AS QUIET AS A LAMB—JUST ABOUT!



[Pg 44]

Horse riders spotting man in ditch.

NO CONSEQUENCE.

"I SAY, JACK! WHO'S THAT COME TO GRIEF IN THE DITCH?"

"ONLY THE PARSON!"

"OH, LEAVE HIM THERE, THEN! HE WON'T BE WANTED UNTIL NEXT SUNDAY!"



Portly lady is offered a rickety stand to view the parade.

THE REVIEW.

"NOW, MARM, HERE'S A PLACE TO STAND ON. YER MAY SEE EVERY THINK; AND ONLY SIXPENCE!"



[Pg 46]

Horse rider speaking to boy.

AN APRIL FOOL.

Equestrian. "HERE, BOY! COME AND HOLD MY HORSE."

Boy. "DOES HE KICK?"

Equestrian. "KICK! NO!"

Boy. "DOES HE BITE?"

Equestrian. "BITE! NO! CATCH HOLD OF HIM."

Boy. "DOES IT TAKE TWO TO HOLD HIM?"

Equestrian. "NO."

Boy. "THEN HOLD HIM YOURSELF."

[Exit BOY, performing "Pop goes the Weasel."



Lady at library counter.

THE SEA-SIDE CIRCULATING LIBRARY.

"ALL THE NEW WORKS ARE OUT, MISS. BUT HERE'S THE SECOND VOLUME OF THE 'SCOTTISH CHIEFS'—OR HERE'S 'CAMPBELL'S PHILOSOPHY OF RHETORIC,' IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO READ THAT."



[Pg 47]

Man in conversation with  a lady.

DREADFUL JOKE.

William. "THERE, AMY! WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THOSE FOR A PAIR OF MOUSTACHES?"

Amy. "WHY, I SHOULD SAY THAT CALLING THOSE MOUSTACHES WAS GIVING TO 'HAIRY NOTHINGS A LOCAL HABITATION AND A NAME.'"

[For shame, Amy!



Ladies talking.

GOOD NEWS! REAL SENTIMENT.

The Lady Emmeline. "NO, DEAREST CONSTANCE, I AM NOT UNHAPPY, THESE ARE TEARS OF JOY! FOR SEE HOW THE DEAR LORD AUBREY WRITES—(Reads an advertisement)—'I have much pleasure in giving my testimony to the skill of Professor Puffenburg, who has extracted two very troublesome corns without causing me any pain.De Belgrave.' DEAR, DEAR AUBREY, THEN YOU ARE HAPPY!"



Man addressing another, who is in bed.

A CASE OF REAL DISTRESS.

Foxhunter. "HERE'S A BORE, JACK! THE GROUND IS HALF A FOOT THICK WITH SNOW, AND IT'S FREEZING LIKE MAD!"



Man looking at notice.

BROAD CARICATURE.



[Pg 48]

Suitor facing prospective mother-in-law

RATHER ALARMING.

Lady. "YOU WISHED, SIR, I BELIEVE, TO SEE ME RESPECTING THE STATE OF MY DAUGHTER'S AFFECTIONS, WITH A VIEW TO A MATRIMONIAL ALLIANCE WITH THAT YOUNG LADY. IF YOU WILL WALK INTO THE LIBRARY, MY HUSBAND AND I WILL DISCUSS THE SUBJECT WITH YOU."

Young Corydon. "OH, GRACIOUS!!!"



Urchin accosting gentleman.

GOOD SECURITY.

Boy. "PLEASE, SIR, GIVE ME A BROWN?"

Swell. "SIXPENCE IS THE SMALLEST MONEY I HAVE, MY LITTLE LAD."

Boy. "VEL, SIR, I'LL GET YER CHANGE; AND IF YER DOUBTS MY HONOUR, HOLD MY BROOM!"



Lady commenting on passers-bye.

UNCONSCIOUS SATIRE.

Stout Party. "WELL, I'M SURE! WHAT CAN POSSESS THOSE SKINNY CREATURES TO WEAR ROUND HATS, I CAN'T THINK,—MAKING THEMSELVES SO CONSPICUOUS!"



[Pg 49]

Waiter talking to gentleman.

SCENE—PALAIS ROYAL.

Garçon (to London Gent). "VOILÀ! M'SIEU! LE CHARIVARI—FRENCH PUNCH. GOOD MORNING SARE! OH, I SPEAK INGLEES VERRA WELL—I LIVE IN INGLEES COPPLE TRREE MUNSE. OH YAS—ALL RIGHT! NEVARE MIND!!"

[Jumps over three chairs and vanishes to the great astonishment of TOMKINS.



Two men talking.

POOR MUGGINS!

Smythe (to MUGGINS, who, in the heat of the moment, has been drinking his wine out of tumblers). "THERE, MY BOY! THAT'S SUCH A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE AS YOU DON'T GET EVERY DAY—AND BETWEEN YOU AND ME (very confidentially) BETWEEN—YOU—AND ME—I ONLY GAVE FOUR AND TWENTY SHILLINGS A DOZEN FOR IT!"

[Exit MUGGINS for an antidote.



Lady talking to soldier.

INCREDIBLE!

Mrs. Muggins. "WHAT! FOURTEEN ON YE SLEEP UNDER THAT GIG UMBRELLER OF A THING? GET ALONG WITH YER!"



[Pg 50]

Two horsemen talking.

VERY FRIENDLY.

Little Gent. "MORNIN' MY LORD!—GLAD TO SEE YOU OUT AGAIN!—WHAT I LIKE ABOUT FOX-'UNTING IS, THAT IT IMPROVES THE BREED OF 'ORSES—AND BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER AS WOULDN'T OTHERWISE MEET!"



Cart driver to passing horse-rider.

THE ROAD.

Party in the Cart (to Tomkins, who is immensely proud of his Steed). "I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR, BUT YOU DON'T 'APPEN TO 'AV ANOTHER CAMEL AS YOU WANT TO DISPOSE OF?"



[Pg 51]

Plain lady talking to her maid.

LATEST FROM PARIS.

Beautiful Being. "WELL, I MUST SAY, PARKER, THAT I LIKE THE HAIR DRESSED À L'IMPÉRATRICE. IT SHOWS SO MUCH OF THE FACE."



Youth talking to lady.

A MOMENTOUS DECISION.

Augustus. "ARE YOU FOND OF MOUSTARSHERS, EMILY?"

Emily. "YES! I THINK THEY LOOK VERY WELL UPON SOME PEOPLE."

Augustus. "AH! THEN THAT SETTLES THE POINT. I SHALL LET MINE GROW."



Artist with friend.

THE FINISHING TOUCH TO A PICTURE.

Artist. "NOW, DON'T HESITATE TO SAY IF YOU SEE ANYTHING I CAN ALTER OR IMPROVE."

Candid Friend. "HM! WELL! NO! I DON'T SEE ANYTHING—UNLESS, PERHAPS, YOU-A MIGHT REPAINT THE PRINCIPAL FIGURES, AND—I—YES—I SHOULD CERTAINLY GET A NEW BACKGROUND IN."



Father with giant ice creams.

FINE HAUT-BOYS!

THIS JOLLY OLD PATER KNOWS WHAT A SMILING WELCOME AWAITS HIM WHEN HE BRINGS HIS TREASURES HOME.



[Pg 52]

Policeman talking to sailor.

JACK ASHORE.

Policeman. "HULLO, JACK! I SUPPOSE YOU'RE NOT SORRY TO COME ON LAND FOR A BIT?"

Jack (who hasn't got his shore legs yet). "WELL, IT AIN'T SUCH A BAD PLACE FOR A DAY OR TWO—ONLY IT'S SO PRECIOUS DIFFICULT TO WALK STRAIGHT!"



Splashed with mud and insulted by cart driver.

ADDING INSULT TO INJURY.



Man on knees proposing marriage.

AFFECTING INCIDENT AT BOULOGNE.

OUR FRIEND, 'ARRY BELVILLE, IS SO KNOCKED ALL OF A HEAP BY THE BEAUTY OF THE FOREIGN FISH-GIRLS, THAT HE OFFERS HIS 'AND AND 'ART TO THE LOVELY PAULINE.



[Pg 53]

Boy shouting.

EXCITEMENT.

"RUN, BILL—RUN AND BRING HISABELLER—HERE'S A CHIMNEY A-FI-ER!!"



Man speaking to friend and maid is at the door with a bottle of port.

Man looking through window at hurdy-gurdy player.

AN UNWELCOME VISITOR.

THE DISTURBER OF THE PEACE OF PRIVATE FAMILIES.



[Pg 54]

Servant speaking to visitor.

THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT.

Foot Boy. "WELL, SIR, MASTER HIS AT 'OME, BUT HE'S CONFINED TO HIS ROOM. HE'S A GROWIN' OF HIS MOOSTARSHERS, AND AIN'T ALLOWED TO SEE NOBODY BUT HIS 'AIRDRESSER."



Two men talking.

QUITE AN EXQUISITE.

Commercial Gent. "THIS WAR, SIR, WILL BE A TERRIBLE HINDRANCE TO ALL KINDS OF BUSINESS!"

Swell. "AW—DESSAY! D'LIGHTED TO HEAR IT—A ALWAYS HAD THE GWEATEST AVERSION T' ALL KINDS OF BUSINESS."



Two servants talking.

FLUNKEIANA.

Lady's-Maid. "WELL, I'M SURE, MR. ROBERT! I THINK YOU MIGHT FIND SOMETHING BETTER TO DO THAN LOLLOPING ABOUT IN THAT GREAT EASY CHAIR. YOU MIGHT GO AND HELP IN THE HAY-FIELD, ONE WOULD THINK!"

Flunkey. "OH, YES! AND A NICE FIGGER I SHOULD BE! WOT WOULD MISSUS SAY, PRAY, IF I WENT AND SPYLED MY COMPLEXION, AND MADE MY 'ANDS 'ARD?"



[Pg 55]

Soldier looking in mirror.

PRIVATE OPINION.

Lieutenant Whobble (who has just been embodied). "HAH! THIS IS SOMETHING LIKE! INFINITELY BETTER THAN THE RIDICULOUS OLD COATEE!!"



Plain looking man speaking.

A PRETTY GENERAL DELUSION.

Mr. Kiddlums. "WELL, ELIZABETH—I HOPE WE SHALL HAVE A PRIZE BABY SHOW HERE—AND THEN—I FLATTER MYSELF—...."



Servant carrying bonnets for two ladies.

WHAT MUST BE THE NEXT FASHION IN BONNETS.



[Pg 56]

Servant at a crowded dinner party.

DOMESTIC BLISS.

Servant (rushing in). "OH! GRACIOUS GOODNESS, MASTER! THERE'S THE KITCHEN CHIMLEY A-FIRE—AND TWO PARISH INGINS KNOCKING AT THE STREET DOOR!"



Well dressed man talking to cab driver.

GOING TO A PARTY.

Exquisite. "AW, DRIVAW—HAVE YOU A GOOD HORSE?"

Cabman. "YES, SIR! A WERRY GOOD OSS."

Exquisite. "AW! THEN DRA-IVE ME TO NEXT DOOR."



Man watching coal delivery.

A MAN OF PRINCIPLE.

WHEN COALS ARE SO DEAR, IT BEHOVES EVERY FAMILY MAN TO SEE THAT HE GETS THE PROPER NUMBER OF SACKS FOR HIS MONEY. PATERFAMILIAS DOES HIS DUTY LIKE A MAN, ALTHOUGH THE COALS ARRIVE JUST AT HIS DINNER-TIME, AND THE WEATHER IS RATHER INCLEMENT.



[Pg 57]

Soldiers marching in ranks.

IN THE RANKS.

First Militia-man. "JIM, YOU BAIN'T IN STEP."

Second Ditto. "BAIN'T I? WELL, CHANGE YOUR'N."



Man speaking to maid.

MORE LIGHT.

Irritated Swell. "RING? YES, OF COURSE I RUNG! HOW THE DEUCE DO YOU SUPPOSE I'M TO DO MY BACK HAIR WITH ONLY ONE CANDLE?"



Crowd of children swimming at the spot.

FLY-FISHING.

MR. HACKLE ARRIVES AT HIS FAVOURITE SPOT, WHERE HE KNOWS THERE IS A GOOD TROUT.



[Pg 58]

Large lady with small horse.

WHAT A SHAME!

Young Lady (inclining to embonpoint). "I SHALL WANT HIM AGAIN THIS AFTERNOON—FROM TWO TO FOUR."



Lady wearing an exagerated tentlike hat,

EVERY LADY HER OWN BATHING-MACHINE, OR AN UGLY CONTRIVANCE MADE A USEFUL APPENDAGE.



[Pg 59]

Boy holding bunches of hair.

SCENE—DRAWING-ROOM.

Enter HORRID BOY.

Horrid Boy (capering about). "OH, LOOK HERE, CAPTAIN! I'VE FOUND OUT WHAT CLARA STUFFS HER HAIR OUT WITH. THEY'RE WHISKERS LIKE YOURS!"

[Sensation.



Lady with piglet.

A LITTLE BIT OF SENTIMENT.



Lady offering to introduce a dance partner.

A VERY PARTICULAR PARTY.

Mr. ——. "OH, HERE YOU ARE AT LAST! NOW YOU MUST COME AND DANCE THIS WALTZ WITH A FRIEND OF MINE—CHARMING GIRL, I ASSURE YOU!"

Mr. —— (who prides himself upon his dancing). "HAW! THANK YOU—YOU'RE VERY GOOD!—BUT I NEVER WALTZ WITH STRANGE GIRLS. I DON'T MIND GIVING HER A QUADRILLE FIRST, JUST TO SEE HOW SHE MOVES!"



[Pg 60]

Two soldiers talking.

CAMP LIFE—A BIT OF SENTIMENT.

"WELL, FRANK! THIS DELIGHTFUL CAMP IS NEARLY OVER."

"HM, HAW! YA-AS! AND IF YOU'LL ALLOW ME, I'LL TAKE A LAST FOND LOOK, AND A—A—LEAN UPON MY WHAT D'YE CALL IT, AS THE SONG SAYS, AND A—WIPE AWAY A TE—AR!"



Young ladies riding horses.

"WHO WOULDN'T BE A RIDING-MASTER?"



[Pg 61]

Man about to mount small pony.

A FRIENDLY MOUNT.

Party (whose nerve is not what it used to be). "YOU ARE QUITE SURE, CHARLES, THAT HE'S TEMPERATE?"

Charles. "OH, YES! COME ALONG! DO YOU THINK I SHOULD LET YOU RIDE HIM IF HE WASN'T? WHY, YOU MIGHT KILL THE HORSE!"

[Nervous Party is much flattered by the consideration of Friend.



Man caught very small fish.

SOMETHING LIKE SPORT.

Jolly Angler. "HOORAY, TOM! I'VE GOT ONE—AND, MY WORD! DIDN'T HE PULL!"



Two men talking.

SLANG.

"MY EYE, 'ARRY. THAT'S A STUNNING GREAT-COAT."

"AH! I FLATTER MYSELF IT'S RATHER 'DOWN THE ROAD.'"



[Pg 62]

Two  stable boys talking.

THE HORRORS OF WAR.

First Newmarket Boy. "AWFUL WORK THIS, BILL. WE'RE A GOIN' TO WAR WITH ROOSIA!"

Second Ditto. "WELL, WOT ODDS?"

First Ditto. "WOT ODDS? WHY, THERE WON'T BE NO HEMPEROR'S CUP NEXT YEAR, THAT'S ALL!"



Cab driver being shaved whilst on his cab.

THE NEW CAB REGULATION.

SHOWING THE SHIFTS TO WHICH THE POOR CABMAN IS REDUCED, NOW THAT HE IS NOT PERMITTED TO LEAVE HIS SEAT WHILST ON DUTY.



[Pg 63]

Very  large lady speaking to her niece.

LIFE IN LONDON.

Isabella. "WELL, AUNT, AND HOW DID YOU LIKE LONDON? I SUPPOSE YOU WERE VERY GAY?"

Aunt (who inclines to embonpoint). "OH YES, LOVE, GAY ENOUGH! WE WENT TO THE TOP O' THE MONUMENT O' MONDAY—AND TO THE TOP O' ST. PAUL'S O' TUESDAY—AND TO THE TOP O' THE DOOK O' YORK'S COLUMN O' WEDNESDAY—BUT I THINK ALTOGETHER I LIKE THE QUIET OF THE COUNTRY."



Terrified customer in barbers chair.

TERRIBLE PROPOSITION.

Ferocious Hairdresser. "NOW, SIR, SHALL I TAKE THE PINTS OFF THE WHISKERS?"



Two men procrastinating.

BUSINESS-LIKE.

"I SAY, CHARLEY, DON'T YOU THINK YOU HAD BETTER GO BACK TO YOUR CUSTOMER?"

Incipient Wine Merchant. "NOT YET. ALWAYS GONE A QUARTER OF AN HOUR FOR THE VERY OLD PORT—FURTHER END OF THE CELLAR! CELLAR'S VERY EXTENSIVE! GREAT CARE NECESSARY FOR FEAR OF DISTURBING THE CRUST, YOU KNOW—ET CÆTERA—TWIG?"



Lady in agony with tight shoes.

PRIDE FEELS NO PAIN.

Arabella. "OH! DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, FREDERICK. IT ISN'T THE SHOE, FOR THAT'S A GREAT DEAL TOO LARGE."



[Pg 64]

Horsemen at hazardous obstacle.

DISCRETION.

Gentleman from Town (loq.). "OH, IF THIS IS ONE OF THE LITTLE PLACES CHARLEY SPOKE OF, I SHALL GO BACK."



Man overcome with jealousy.

THE BEARD MOVEMENT.

DISMAY OF A BRITISH SWELL ON SEEING A POSTMAN WITH MOUSTACHES.



Man and boy attempting to swat a fly.

THE FLY-CATCHER.



[Pg 65]

Cab driver talking to person.

WELL OUT OF IT.

"THAT'S A DEUCED GOOD HORSE TO GO, DRIVER. WHAT'S HIS FAULT THAT HE COMES IN A CAB?"

"WELL, SIR, I DON'T KNOW OF ANY FAULT IN PERTICKLER, 'CEPT THAT WHEN HE BEGINS TO KICK, HE DO KICK LIKE BLAZES."



Six fearsome looking policemen.

THE POLICE WEAR BEARDS AND MOUSTACHES.—PANIC AMONGST THE STREET-BOYS.



[Pg 66]

Nurse neglecting children whilst writing letter.

SERVANTGALISM.

Mistress. "WHY, NURSE—WHAT A TERRIBLE DISTURBANCE!—PRAY, WHAT IS THE MATTER?"

Nurse (addicted to Pen and Ink). "OH, MUM, IT'S DREADFUL!—HERE'S NEETHER ME NOR MARY CAN'T ANSWER NONE OF OUR LETTERS FOR THE RACKET!"



Attempting to pluck a hare instead of skinning it.

THE NEW COOK.

Missis. "WHY, MY GOODNESS, COOK! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN ABOUT? FIVE O'CLOCK, AND THAT HARE NOT PUT DOWN YET!"

Artiste. "CAN'T HELP IT, MARM. I NEVER KNEW ANYTHINK TAKE SUCH A TIME TO PLUCK IN MY LIFE!"



Two flunkeys talking.

NE PLUS(H) ULTRA.

John Thomas. "I TELL YOU WHAT, WILLIAM—THE PRESS MUST BE PUT DOWN! THEY'VE BIN AND GOT THE SOLDIERS' UNIFORM ALTERED, AND I SHOULDN'T WONDER IF THEY CALLED OURS RIDIKLUS NEXT!"



[Pg 67]

Hunt official  speaking to rider.

A DELICATE COMPLIMENT.

First Whip (who is a little ruffled because the Fox won't break). "NOW, THEN, SIR! OUT O' THE WAY, UNLESS YOU'LL GET INTO THE COVER. MAYHAP YOUR UGLY MUG MIGHT FRIGHTEN HIM OUT. COME UP, 'OSS!"



Lady losing her skirt after falling from her horse.

AN INCIDENT WITH THE O. P. Q. HOUNDS.

MISS DIANA SLIPS OFF AT A FENCE, AND IS SO UNFORTUNATE AS TO LEAVE THE BETTER HALF OF HER HABIT ON THE POMMELS OF HER SADDLE.



[Pg 68]

Two men talking.

GREAT BOON TO THE PUBLIC.

Incipient Swell (in costume of the period). "WELL! TA-TA, GUS! I SHALL JUST GO AND SHOW MYSELF IN THE PARK."



Men sitting in window reading.

THE RIGHT MEN IN THE RIGHT PLACE; VIZ., A CLUB WINDOW.

Old General Muddle. "WHAT I SAY, IS—IS—EH? WHAT? BY JOVE! WHAT THE DOOCE SHOULD CIVILIANS KNOW ABOUT—EH? WHAT—AHEM!—MILITARY AFFAIRS! AFFAIRS! EH?"

Colonel Splutter. "HAH! THE PRESS, SIR! BY JOVE, THE PRESS IS THE CURSE OF THE COUNTRY, AND WILL BE THE RUIN OF THE ARMY! BY JOVE, I'D HANG ALL LITTERY MEN—HANG 'EM, SIR!"



Horse cab driver asleep whilst driving his cab.

IN THE PARK.

THE POOR FLY-DRIVERS ARE UP SO LATE AT NIGHTS, THAT THEY ARE GLAD TO GET A NAP WHEN THEY CAN. THIS IS NOT TO BE WONDERED AT, BUT IT IS NOT LIKELY TO ADD TO THE REPOSE EITHER OF OLD MRS. DUMBLEDORE OR OF OLD MRS. BLOWHARD, WHO ARE OUT FOR AN AIRING.



[Pg 69]

Unseated horse rider in water.

"WELL, THEY MAY CALL THIS A HEALTH-GIVING PURSUIT, IF THEY LIKE: BUT GIVE ME ROACH-FISHING IN A PUNT."



[Pg 70]

Owner in chaotic kitchen scene.

SOMETHING THE MATTER WITH THE KITCHEN BOILER.

(Affectionately dedicated to PATERFAMILIAS, whoever he might be.)



Distressed kitcen maid with fortune teller.

FORTUNE-TELLING.—A SCENE OF DOMESTIC INTEREST.



[Pg 71]

MR. TOM NODDY'S FIRST DAY WITH THE HOUNDS.

Groom preparing horse for rider.

No. I.

Groom. "YOU'LL FIND THE MARE IN RARE FETTLE, SIR. SHE'S UNCOMMON FRESH TO BE SURE!"



Rearing horse.

No. II.

SO FRESH THAT SHE WON'T LET T. N. MOUNT FOR EVER SO LONG, AND WHEN SHE DOES



Rider on horse.

No. III.

ALLOW HIM, PUTS UP HER BACK IN THE MOST OMINOUS MANNER.



Shying horse.

No. IV.

SHE SHIES AT A WHEELBARROW—A THING SHE NEVER DID BEFORE. (T. N. DROPS HIS WHIP.) AFTER SOME



Runaway horse.

No. V.

TROUBLE IN OPENING A GATE.



Rearing horse.

No. VI.

(T. N. DROPS HIS WHIP AGAIN, BY-THE-BY.)



Bucking horse.

No. VII.

HE GETS UPON A NICE PIECE OF TURF.



Galloping again.

No. VIII.

THE MARE ENJOYS HERSELF AMAZINGLY.



[Pg 73]

Horse standing quietly.

No. IX.

ARRIVED AT THE MEET, LITTLE TOM NODDY THINKS HE WILL HAVE A QUIET WEED; BUT AT THIS MOMENT



Horse bucking again.

No. X.

THE HOUNDS MOVE FOR THE COVER, AND THE MARE BECOMES FULL OF PLAY AGAIN.



Horse galloping again.

NO. XI.

HAVING PICKED HIMSELF UP, TOGETHER WITH HIS WHIP AND CIGAR, T. N. JOGS ON WITH THE REST OF THE FIELD. AS THEY PASS BY SOME TURNIPS, TO THE DELIGHT OF EVERYBODY, A FOX GETS UP. THE MARE, WHO HAD BECOME ALMOST STEADY, IS AGAIN EXCITED, AND RUSHES WILDLY AHEAD, AMIDST THE EXECRATIONS OF THE HUNT, AND LOUD CRIES OF "HOLD HARD!" WHICH T. N. MISTAKES FOR ANXIETY ON HIS ACCOUNT; AND GRASPING THE POMMEL OF HIS SADDLE WITH BOTH HANDS, ABANDONS HIMSELF TO CIRCUMSTANCES, WHICH, CONSIDERING THERE IS A FLIGHT OF HURDLES BEFORE HIM, ARE NOT VERY FAVOURABLE.



[Pg 75]

Horse galloping again.

No. XII.

FORTUNATELY FOR TOM NODDY, HOWEVER, THE MARE SWERVES AT THE HURDLES, AND WITH THE EXCEPTION OF DROPPING HIS WHIP AGAIN, HE MEETS WITH NO GREAT INCONVENIENCE



Horse in full flight.

No. XIII.

BUT COMING TO THE FIRST FENCE, THE PLAYFUL CREATURE GOES AT IT LIKE A SHOT OUT OF A GUN;



Horse falls, throws rider.

No. XIV.

AND T. N. FINDS THAT THERE IS STILL A GOOD DEAL OF SNOW IN SOME OF THE DITCHES.



[Pg 77]

T. N. tidying himself up.

No. XV.

THE MARE EXTRICATES HERSELF FROM THE DIFFICULTY SOONER THAN OUR LITTLE FRIEND, AND GETTING AWAY FROM HIM, TAKES A LINE OF HER OWN.



T. N. sitting  smoking.

No. XVI.

T. N. FINDS RUNNING AFTER HIS QUADRUPED VERY LABORIOUS. HE RESTS HIMSELF ON A STILE, AND HAS ANOTHER QUIET WEED.



T. N. in conversation with finder.

No. XVII.

THIS REPRESENTS THE PRECISE MOMENT WHEN TOM NODDY, AFTER MUCH EXERCISE, MEETS A SIMPLE COUNTRYMAN RETURNING WITH THE MARE. THE SIMPLE COUNTRYMAN IS ASSURING T. N. THAT HE HAD A DEAL OF TROUBLE TO CATCH HER, AND THEN IT WUR TWENTY MINUTES AFORE HE COULD MAKE HER LEAVE THE 'OUNDS—AND THEN ONLY 'ACAUSE SHE WUR QUITE "BLOWED."—(N.B. The simple countryman hopes T. N. will remember him.)



[Pg 72]

Shoe black talking to man.

CERTAINLY NOT.

Shoe Brigade Boy (to old Gent irascible from gout, which has settled in his feet). "NOW, SIR! DID YOU WANT YOUR SHOES BLACKED?"



Two road sweepers talking.

THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT.

Frederick. "NOW THEN, WILLIAM, WHAT ARE YER WAITING FOR?"

William. "WHY, I WAS A-THINKIN' VETHER I SHOULD WEAR MY MOOSTARCHERS LIKE THIS HERE OR LIKE THAT HARE."



Military officer practicing drill.

PLEASANT QUARTERS.

A YOUNG OFFICER IN THE MILITIA LEARNING THE MANUAL EXERCISE OVER YOUR HEAD!



[Pg 74]

Two men talking

AGRICULTURAL DISTRESS.

Young Farmer No 1. "WELL, CHARLEY—HAVE YOU HAD MUCH SHOOTING LATELY?"

Young Farmer No. 2. "WHY, NO; WHAT WITH HUNTING TWO DAYS A WEEK AND COURSING TWO DAYS, I DON'T GET MUCH TIME TO GO OUT WITH A GUN."



Group of girls  on donkeys.

AN HOUR'S RIDE.



[Pg 76]

Three postmen with sacks of mail.

VALENTINE'S DAY.



Policeman moving on fruit seller.

THE REAL STREET OBSTRUCTIONS.



[Pg 78]

Man leading horse ,and cart loaded with ice.

THE ICE HARVEST.



Men warming their feet with bearskin hats.

THE REAL USE OF THE BEAR-SKIN CAP—A HINT TO THE GUARDS.



Men sliding on a toboggan.

THE FROZEN-OUT FOXHUNTER.

SPORTING MILITAIRE RECALLS TO MIND HIS CANADIAN EXPERIENCES (THE GROUND BEING DEEP WITH SNOW), BUILDS A TREBOGGIN, AND FOR THE MOMENT CEASES TO SWEAR AT THE FROST, OR TO REGRET THE SIX HUNTERS HE HAS EATING THEIR HEADS OFF IN THE STABLE.



[Pg 79]

Two horsemen talking.

ONE WAY OF LOOKING AT IT.

First Dandy M.P. "PWOWOGATION TO BE LATE THIS YEAR, ON ACCOUNT OF SOME COLONIAL BILLS, I HEAR."

Second Ditto. "BOTHER THE COLONIES! HAVEN'T WE DONE ENOUGH FOR 'EM THIS YEAR?—DIDN'T WEST AUSTRALIAN WIN THE DERBY?"



Group of bored men watching a Punch and Judy show.

A VERY OLD FRIEND.

OUR "USED UP" MAN HAS A FEW "USED UP" FRIENDS TO BREAKFAST; AFTER WHICH THEY DERIVE A LITTLE REAL ENJOYMENT FROM A DRAMATIC ENTERTAINMENT



[Pg 80]

Men in boat, attacked by swans.

AQUATICS.—A COMFORTABLE RAN-DAN.

Jolly Young Waterman. "HOLLOA! HI! POLICE! BACK WATER, JACK! WE'VE GOT INTO A NEST OF SWANS, AND THEY'RE A PITCHIN' INTO ME!"



[Pg 81]

Man talking about a dog.

THE SUPERIOR ANIMAL.

Party (who of course doesn't think HIMSELF good looking). "REALLY, CLARA, I CAN'T THINK HOW YOU CAN MAKE A PET OF SUCH AN UGLY BRUTE AS AN ISLE OF SKYE TERRIER!"



Horse drawn carriage  made from woven wicker.

THOSE BOYS AGAIN!

Street Boy (in playful allusion to the basket carriage). "OH, LOOK HERE, BILL! IF 'ERE AIN'T A SWELL DRIVING HISSELF HOME FROM THE WASH!"



[Pg 82]

Man married ugly lady, for her money.

MARRIED FOR MONEY.—THE HONEYMOON.

"NOW, THEN, DARLING, PUT AWAY YOUR PAPER, AND WE'LL HAVE A NICE LONG WALK, AND THEN COME BACK TO TEA IN OUR OWN LITTLE COTTAGE, AND BE AS HAPPY AS TWO LITTLE BIRDS!" SAID THE FAIR BRIDE.—"OH, HANG IT!" MENTALLY EJACULATED THE CAPTAIN.



Room for only one in the carriage when wearing a wide dress.

COOL REQUEST.

Lady Crinoline. "YOU WON'T MIND RIDING ON THE BOX, EDWARD DEAR, WILL YOU?—I'M AFRAID, IF WE BOTH GO INSIDE THE BROUGHAM, MY NEW DRESS WILL GET SO RUMPLED!"



[Pg 83]

Man offering to take out cousin and his lady friend.

A NICE OFFER.

Cousin (who is a leetle fast). "MORNIN', CHARLES! NOW THEN, IF YOU WILL POP ON YOUR HATS, AND WRAP YOURSELVES UP WARM, I'LL TAKE YOU AND YOUR FRIEND OUT FOR A DRIVE!"



Woman pushing man in wheelbarrow.

INFRA DIG.

EFFECT OF THE CAB-STRIKE—GOING TO THE OPERA IN A WHEELBARROW.



Man speaking to two women.

UNABASHED.

Emily. "WHY, MY GOODNESS, FRANK! WHAT A DREADFUL BLACK EYE YOU HAVE! YOU ARE QUITE DISFIGURED!" Frank. "H'M, HAH! THAT'S VERY DISAGREEABLE, NOW; I WAS IN HOPES NO ONE WOULD HAVE PERCEIVED IT!"

[Frank has been so unfortunate as to catch a cold in his eye from sitting in
a draught at Exeter Hall—so he SAYS.



[Pg 84]

Man spilling food and drink in rush to catch train.

AN INCIDENT OF TRAVEL.

AS THE TRAIN STOPS, MR. P. ENDEAVOURS TO GET SOME STOUT FOR HIS WIFE, WHO FROM CIRCUMSTANCES, IS OBLIGED TO DRINK THAT REFRESHING BEVERAGE FOUR OR FIVE TIMES A-DAY. UNFORTUNATELY MR. P. CANNOT FIND HIS CARRIAGE, AND, AS THE TRAIN IS RATHER BEHIND TIME, THE OFFICIALS ARE IN SOME HURRY AND CONFUSION.



Man surrounded by ladies waiting on him.

LET US HAVE JAPANESE MANNERS AND CUSTOMS HERE.

"THE TRAVELLER, WEARIED WITH THE NOONDAY HEAT, NEED NEVER BE AT A LOSS TO FIND REST AND REFRESHMENT; STRETCHED UPON THE SOFTEST AND CLEANEST OF MATTING, IMBIBING THE MOST DELICATELY FLAVOURED TEA, INHALING THE FRAGRANT TOBACCO OF JAPAN, HE RESIGNS HIMSELF TO THE MINISTRATIONS OF A BEVY OF FAIR DAMSELS, WHO GLIDE RAPIDLY AND NOISELESSLY ABOUT, THE MOST ZEALOUS AND SKILFUL OF ATTENDANTS."—TIMES.



[Pg 85]

Two men talking.

A DELICATE CREATURE.

Youthful Swell. "NOW CHARLEY—YOU'RE JUST IN TIME FOR BREAKFAST, HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE?"

Languid Swell (probably in a Government Office). "THANKS! NO! I ASSURE YAH—MY DE-AR FELLAH! IF I WAS TO TAKE A CUP OF COFFEE IN THE MORNING, IT WOULD KEEP ME AWAKE ALL DAY!"



Drunk naturalists.

RECREATIONS IN NATURAL HISTORY.

First Naturalist. "WHAT! THE S-S-HE-SHER-PENT A-AN (HIC) ICH-(HIC-)THYOSAURUS? NONSHE-ENSE!"

Second Naturalist. "WHO SAID ICH-(HIC) ICHTHY-O-SAURUS? I SAID A (HIC) PLESI-O-(HIC)-SAURUS PLAINENUFF."



Steward talking to seasick passengers.

VERY CONSIDERATE.

Steward. "WILL EITHER OF YOU, GENTLEMEN, DINE ON BOARD? THERE'S A CAPITAL HOT DINNER AT THREE O'CLOCK."



[Pg 86]

Man about to board train, talking with guard.

PERFECTLY DWEADFUL!

Guard. "NOW, SIR! IF YOU'RE GOING ON BY THE EXPRESS, HERE'S JUST ROOM FOR ONE!"

Tourist. "WHA-T! GET IN WITH HAWWID OLD WOMEN, AND SQUEEMING CHILDREN! BY JOVE! YOU KNOW! I SAY! IT'S IMPAWSIBLE, YOU KNOW!"



dining room of club.

SCENE—A CLUB.

Swell. "HAW! IS THERE ANYTHING WEADY FOR DINNAW?"

Waiter. "SHOULDER OF MUTTON JUST READY, SIR!"

Swell. "HAW—SHOULDAW OF MUTTON!—AW—WHAT A VEWY ODD THING FOR DINNAW!—THOUGHT THEY ONLY MADE GLUE OF SHOULDAW OF MUTTON!"



[Pg 87]

Boys talking about smartly dressed man.

FLATTERING.

Boy (in allusion to BROWN, who thinks he is well got up). "OH! LOOK HERE, BILLY. THEY'VE GOT A DINNER PARTY AT THIS 'OUSE—AND IF 'ERE AIN'T THE COVE WHAT'S A-GOING TO WAIT."



Two men talking.

BENEFIT OF CLERGY.

Binks, Minor (loq.). "AH! YOU CAN'T THINK HOW A FELLA SAVES, WHEN HE GOES INTO THE CHURCH. I USED TO GIVE SNOBBINS THREE GUINEAS FOR MY BOOTS, AND NOW I GET THEM MADE FOR TWO POUND TWELVE."

Binks, Major. "BY JOVE!"



Man talking to ladies.

A BARE ASSERTION.

Fred. "HOW DO YOU LIKE THE ALTERATION, BLANCHE?"

Blanche. "WHAT ALTERATION, DEAR?"

Fred. "WHY, HANG IT!—HAVEN'T I CUT OFF MY BEARD AND MOUSTACHES?"



Mr. Punch smiling at woman and baby.

MR. PUNCH AT HOME.



[Pg 88]

Man with club members.

THE FRUGAL MARRIAGE QUESTION.

Jones (of the Dandelion Club). "DOOCED JOLLY, I SHOULD SAY, TO MARRY ON £300 A-YEAR! THINK A SEE MYSELF WOCKING A CWADLE, AND FETCHING HOME THE MUTTON FROM THE BAKER!"

[Orders Glass of Dry Curaçoa.



Man carrying covered dish.

FAINT ATTEMPT TO CARRY OUT JONES'S IDEA.



[Pg 89]

Boy laughing at ladies hat.

THOSE HORRID BOYS!

Precise Female (in answer to a rude inquiry). "YOU ARE A VERY IMPERTINENT BOY!—YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL THAT IT IS A MATTER OF NO MOMENT TO YOU WHO MY HATTER IS!"



Man talking to two ladies.

VAGARIES OF FASHION.

Charles. "FIGURE, INDEED! WHAT'S A FELLOW TO DO? A MAN MUST WEAR SOMETHING. HATS AND COATS ARE OUT OF THE QUESTION—THEY ARE REALLY SO VERY EFFEMINATE."



Riding horses along the seafront.

NOT A QUESTION OF WEATHER.

WHEN IT IS VERY FOGGY IN LONDON, IT IS DELIGHTFUL AT BRIGHTON—AT LEAST SO CHARLES AND GEORGINA THINK.



[Pg 90]

Scene in dealers shop.

IS SMOKING INJURIOUS?

Youthful Swell. "HAW! LOOK HERE! IS THAT CHEST OF CIGARS YOU IMPORTED FOR ME RIPE YET?"

Cigar Dealer. "WELL, SIR—I FEAR NOT—THAT IS, NOT RIPE FOR YOUR TASTE, SIR, FOR AT LEAST THREE WEEKS; BUT WE CAN SPARE YOU A COUPLE OF THOUSAND OF THESE GIANT REGALIAS TO GO ON WITH TILL THE WEATHER IS MILDER, WHEN YOUR CIGARS WILL MELLOW RAPIDLY!"

[Youth accepts the generous offer, and lounges out with a Giant Regalia as big as his leg in his mouth.



Man with shuttlecock on his nose.

THE SHUTTLE-COCK NUISANCE.

Little Girl. "OH, I BEG YOUR PARDON SIR!—IT WAS THE WIND AS DONE IT!"



[Pg 91]

Three men talking.

PRUDENT RESOLVE.

Little Party. "GO AND WALK IN HYDE PARK? OH, AH!—I DESSAY! AND GET PELTED FOR A HARISTOCRAT?—NO THANK 'E—NOT IF I KNOW IT."



Men discussing  their appearances.

A PLEASING BELIEF.

Whipper. "WELL, I WEAR MINE BECAUSE IT SAVES TROUBLE, AND IS SO VERY 'EALTHY."

Snapper. "HAH, WELL THERE AIN'T NO HUMBUG ABOUT ME; I WEAR MINE BECAUSE THEY LOOKS 'ANSOM, AND GOES DOWN WITH THE GALS."



Porter talking to cab driver.

RAILWAY COLLUSION—A HINT TO STATION-MASTERS.

Porter. "NOW, THEN, BILL! ARE YOU OFF?"

Cab Ruffian. "NO; WHAT SORT OF FARE IS IT?"

Porter. "SINGLE GENT, WITH SMALL BAG."

Ruffian. "OH, HE WON'T DO! CAN'T YER FIND US A OLD LADY AND TWO LITTLE GALS WITH LOTS O' BOXES? I'M GOOD FOR A PINT!"



[Pg 92]

Boys speaking to sentry.

DISAGREEABLE TRUTH.

Soldier. "NOW, THEN! YOU MUST MOVE AWAY FROM HERE."

Rude Boy. "AH, BUT YOU MUSN'T, OLD FELLER!"



Crossing sweepers discusssing gents..

OLD BROOM.—RETIRING FROM BUSINESS.

New Broom. "POOR JACK, YER HONOR?"

Old Broom. "LEAVE THEM COVES ALONE, TIM; THEY'RE TWO SWELLS WHAT ALWAYS CROSSES IN A 'ANSOM—'CAUSE O' THEIR BOOTS!"



Ticket inspector about to ask for ticket from passenger.

ANOTHER RAILWAY MISERY.

NOW, WE DO HOPE THIS OLD GENTLEMAN IS NOT GOING TO BE ASKED TO SHOW HIS TICKET; BECAUSE THIS OLD GENTLEMAN HAS JUST PACKED HIMSELF UP QUITE COMFORTABLY, AND HIS TICKET IS IN THE VERY INNERMOST RECESS OF HIS WAISTCOAT POCKET; AND BECAUSE, YOU SEE, THIS IS JUST THE SORT OF OLD GENTLEMAN WHO IS LIKELY TO BE MUCH IRRITATED BY SUCH A REQUEST AT SUCH A TIME.



Bus driver speaking to passenger.

INCIDENT IN A FRENCH REVOLUTION.

Omnibus Driver. "THIS IS ORRIBLE VURK IN PARIS, SIR. VY, THEY TELL ME THEY'VE BIN AND BURNT ALL THE BUSSES!"



[Pg 93]

Man walking down the street.

DWEADFUL ACCIDENT IN HIGH LIFE.

THE HONOURABLE SPENCER DAWDLE (WHOSE TOTAL ABSENCE OF MIND IS SO WELL KNOWN) HAVING MADE A MORNING CALL IN BELGRAVIA, WALKS OFF WITH A HAT AND STICK WHICH DO NOT BELONG TO HIM!



Two officers, one reading  paper to other.

THE NEW REGULATION.

Lieutenant Blazer (of the Plungers). "GOOD GWACIOUS! HERE'S A HORWIBLE GO! INFANTWY'S GOING TO GWOW A MOUSTACHE!"

Cornet Fluffey. "YAW DON'T MEAN THAT! WELL! THERE'S ONLY ONE ALTERNATIVE FOR US. WE MUST SHAVE!"



Man at fishmonger.

A PICTURE OF ALIMENTIVENESS.

A NICE LITTLE BIT OF FISH.



[Pg 94]

Man changing to hunting pink in carriage.

WHERE THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY.

Foxhunting Doctor. "NOT BE IN TIME! OH, NONSENSE! SEND MY HORSE ON,—SEE MY PATIENTS EARLY,—DRESS IN THE BROUGHAM,—THERE I AM!" (and we hope he may have a good run).

[We have been obliged to take the side of the carriage out, which perhaps the kind reader will excuse.



Angler catching tiny  fish.

PATIENCE REWARDED.

Piscator. "A-HAH! GOT YOU AT LAST, HAVE I?—AND A FINE WEEK'S TROUBLE I'VE HAD TO CATCH YOU!"



[Pg 95]

Two servants in conversation.

SERVANTGALISM.—No. X.

Servant Gal. "I TELL YOU WHAT, COOK; WITH MY BEAUTY AND FIGGER, I AIN'T A GOIN' TO STOP IN SARVICE NO LONGER; I SHALL BE ORF TO HORSETRAYLIER."



Two men talking.

JOHN THOMAS NON-PLUSHED.

Tax Collector. "JOHN THOMAS MOONCALF?"

John Thomas. "—ESQUIRE, THAT'S ME!"

Tax Collector. "THEN BE SO GOOD AS TO FILL UP THIS INCOME-TAX PAPER AND RETURN IT TO ME BEFORE TWENTY DAYS!"



Two girls talking.

EDUCATION IN THE MINING DISTRICTS.

Jemoimer. "BIST THOU A GOIN' TO SKULE, ELOYZA?"

Eloyza. "NOT HI, JEMOIMER. THEY GID US TEA AND BUNS LARST WEEK, AND WE SHA'T HAN NO MOORE TILL CUM CRISMUS; SO MUTHER SAYS AS HOW IT AIN'T NO USE."



Girl with baby, looking at soldiers.

UNCONSCIOUS SATIRE.

"THERE, BABY DEAR, LOOK AT THE PRETTY SOLDIERS!"



[Pg 96]

Two men talking.

AVERAGE WEIGHT OF THE FOOT GUARDS.

Heavy Swell. "WHAT'S THE AVERAGE WEIGHT OF THE MEN IN YOUR REGIMENT, CHARLEY?"

Swell in the Guards. "DON'T KNOW, I'M SURE—AW—BUT TEN GO TO THE TON."



Two youths discussing a lady talking to a man.

THE CONFIDENCE OF YOUTH.

Juvenile. "I WONDER WHETHER THAT GURL HAS GOT ANY TIN—FOR I FEEL MOST OWDACIOUSLY INCLINED TO GO AND CUT THAT FELLOW OUT."



Disgruntled Mr. Punch surrounde by dogs.

A VISIT TO A DOG-FANCIER.



[Pg 97]

Man talking to boy.

TRIUMPH OF MIND OVER MATTER.

Old Gent. "AND PRAY WHO IS YOUR FRIEND WITH THE COFFEE POT?"

Small Boy. "THAT? OH! HE'S MY FAG—HE GETS ME MY BREAKFAST AND SUCH LIKE, BUT I ALWAYS LEAVE HIM SOME CRUMPETS—AND NEVER BULLY HIM!"



Man talking to boy.

WHAT, INDEED?

Stern Parent. "I TELL YOU, SIR, I WILL NOT ALLOW IT—AND DON'T LET ME SEE ANY MORE NASTY PIPES OR TOBACCO IN THIS HOUSE."

Young Williams. "BOO-HOO—AND WHAT'S A FELLOW TO DO WHEN ALL THE MEN OF HIS OWN AGE SMOKE?"



Friends talking

DID YOU EVER!

Friend. "WELL, SPRAT, MY BOY—AND HOW DO YOU GET ON, NOW YOU'RE MARRIED?"

Sprat. "H'M! PRETTY BOBBISH—BUT THERE'S ONE THING MAKES IT DOOCID UNCOMFORTABLE SOMETIMES—ENTRE NOUS—MRS. S. IS SO CONFOUNDEDLY JEALOUS OF ME."



Man and woman talking to man.

MORAL INFLUENCE OF EXECUTIONS.

"WHERE 'AVE WE B'N? WHY, TO SEE THE COVE 'UNG, TO BE SURE!"



[Pg 98]

ADVENTURES OF MR. TOM NODDY.

Mr. N. rides his horse  into the sea.

No. I.

OUR LITTLE FRIEND, TOM NODDY, THINKS THE SEA-WATER WILL DO HIS MARE'S LEGS A WORLD OF GOOD



Mr. N and horse deep in sea

No. II.

THE PLAYFUL CREATURE OBJECTS AT FIRST, BUT FINDING THE PROCESS AGREEABLE, DETERMINES TO HAVE A COMPLETE BATH.



[Pg 99]

Mr. N. on foot with horse fleeing.

No. III.

LANDING OF TOM NODDY. HIS HORSE HAVING HAD ENOUGH OF IT, RETURNS TO HIS STABLE.



Horse fleeing downhill.

No. IV.

OUR FRIEND HAS A DAY WITH THE BROOKSIDE HARRIERS.—WITH HIS USUAL PRUDENCE HE GETS A HORSE ACCUSTOMED TO THE HILLS.



Daughter and father talking.

DOMESTIC ECONOMY.

Newly Married Daughter (whose husband's income is, if anything, decidedly limited). "—AND SEE HERE, PAPA, DEAR, WE ARE GETTING ON SO BEAUTIFULLY WITH OUR FURNISHING! WE BOUGHT THESE LOVELY GOLD AND SILVER INDIAN ELEPHANTS AT A SALE THE OTHER DAY, AND ONLY GAVE FIFTY POUNDS FOR THEM; WASN'T IT CHEAP? WE ONLY WANT A LITTLE CRACKED CHINA TO MAKE THE ROOM QUITE COMFORTABLE!"



[Pg 100]

Two horse riders talking

A CAUTIOUS BIRD.

Lobkins. "WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT MARRYIN'—FOR YER SEE, AFTER THE KNOT WAS TIED, SOME OTHER GAL MIGHT BE FALLIN' IN LOVE WITH ONE—AND THAT WOULD BE SO DOOCED AWKWARD!"



Two men talking.

FORTUNE'S FAVOURITE.

First Snob. "YOU KNOW THAT JOLLY LITTLE GIRL, JULIA BINKS?"

Second Snob. "ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD."

First Snob. "WELL! SHE'S BEEN STICKING UP TO ME LIKE BRICKS, BUT I CAN'T RETURN HER AFFECTION, BECAUSE I'M SO DEUCED SWEET WITH THE PLANTAGENET GALS."



Costermonger with heavy basket asking for help from  gent.

WANTING IN REVERENCE.

Coster (to extremely genteel person). "I SAY, GUVNER, GIVE US A HIST WITH THIS 'ERE BILIN' O' GREENS!"



[Pg 101]

Tailor speaking to smartly dressed man.

JEW D'ESPRIT.

Young Sholomunsh (to Young SNOBLEY, who is attired in his very best). "NOW, SIR! LET ME SHELL YOU A NISH SHUIT OF CLOSHE, MAKE YER GOOD ALLOWANCE FOR THE OLD UNS YER'VE GOT ON!"

[SNOBLEY'S feelings may be imagined.



Two ladies talking.

QUITE RIDICULOUS!

"DO YOU BELIEVE IN TABLE-TALKING, MATILDA, THAT THERE'S SUCH A FUSS ABOUT?"

"OH, DEAR NO! WHY, THE OTHER EVENING A TABLE WAS ASKED HOW OLD I WAS, AND IT RAPPED OUT FORTY! WHEN I'M NOT THREE-AND-TWENTY TILL NEXT MARCH!"



Young lady approached by much older man.

MAY AND DECEMBER.



Two very plain ladies looking at shadows.

A VAIN SHADOW.

"MY LOVE! DO YOU THINK THOSE FELLOWS ARE FOLLOWING US?"



[Pg 102]

Two men discussing a well dressed gentleman.

MIND AND MATTER.

Navvy. "AH, BILL! IT SHOWS THE FORRARD MARCH OF THE AGE. FUST THE BRUTE FORCE, SUCH AS 'IM; AND THEN THE LIKES OF US TO DO IT SCIENTIFIC, AND SHOW THE MIGHT OF INTELLECT."



Tailor talking to customer.

SYMPATHY.

Tailor (to considerable Customer). "TRIFLE THINNER THAN YOU WAS, SIR! GLAD TO SEE YOU BACK, SIR! 'OPE YOU'LL SOON GET YOUR HEALTH, SIR. WHEN WE HEARD YOUR REGIMENT HAD BEEN IN ACTION, SIR,—YOU MAY FANCY WHAT OUR FEELINGS WAS, SIR!"



Tailor talking to customer.

OXFORD COSTUME.

Small Oxford Man. "NOW, SNIP, REMEMBER, NOT SO TIGHT IN THE ARM!"

Snip. "VERY GOOD, SIR." (To the Clerk.) "84 AND A 'ARF!"



Tailor talking to customer.

STARTLING FACT!

Oxford Swell. "DO YOU MAKE MANY OF THESE MONKEY-JACKETS, NOW?"

Snip. "OH, DEAR YES, SIR; THERE ARE MORE MONKEYS IN OXFORD THIS TERM THAN EVER, SIR."



[Pg 103]

Lady tlking to man in rocking boat.

CUPID AT SEA.

Angelina (to Edwin, whose only chance is perfect tranquillity). "EDWIN, DEAR! IF YOU LOVE ME, GO DOWN INTO THE CABIN, AND FETCH ME MY SCENT-BOTTLE, AND ANOTHER SHAWL TO PUT OVER MY FEET!"

[EDWIN'S sensations are more easily imagined than described.



Boy inconvrersation with his mother in the presence of Miss Grumph.

HOW VERY EMBARRASSING!

Gustavus. "MAMMA, DEAR! ARE MOUSTACHES FASHIONABLE?"

Mamma. "WELL, GUS. I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY, BUT I BELIEVE THEY ARE."

Gus. "OH! THEN, IS THAT THE REASON WHY MISS GRUMPH WEARS 'EM?"

[MISS GRUMPH, as well as being strong-minded, is rather masculine in appearance.



Young man tslking to another.

AN ELIGIBLE PARTY.

Juvenile. "WELL, I KNOW WHAT I SHALL DO: I SHALL LOOK OUT FOR SOME OLD GAL WITH PLENTY OF MONEY."



[Pg 104]

Boy wearing a crinoline frame.

VERY RUDE, INDEED!

ENTER TOM (A DISAGREEABLE BOY FROM SCHOOL.)—Tom. "LOOK HERE, CLARA, THERE'S A YOUNG WOMAN DOWNSTAIRS HAS BROUGHT THIS FOR YOU, AND WANTS TO KNOW IF IT WILL DO."



Boy talking to his female cousin.

A MAN OF CONSEQUENCE.

Cousin Harriet. "WELL, ALFRED, WILL YOU STOP AND HAVE SOME TEA WITH US?"

Alfred. "HAW! YOU'RE VERY GOOD, I'M SURE; BUT I'VE GOT TO TAKE THE CHILDREN TO SEE THE PANTOMIME!"



Lady in wide crinoline under mistletoe.

UNDER THE MISTLETOE.

AUGUSTUS THINKS CRINOLINE A DETESTABLE INVENTION.



[Pg 105]

Wife and husband talking.

THE HUSBAND AS HE OUGHT TO BE

Angelina. "WELL, LOVE, HOW DO YOU THINK I LOOK?—DO YOU LIKE THE DRESS?"

Edwin. "I THINK IT'S PERFECTLY CHARMING.—I NEVER SAW YOU LOOK BETTER!"



AND

Wife and husband talking.

AND AS HE OUGHT NOT TO BE. (Isn't it so, my Dears?)

Angelina. "WELL, E.,—YOU DON'T SAY A WORD ABOUT MY DRESS?"

Edwin. "EM, WHAT? OH, UGH!—H'M—BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL!"



Elderly man talking to small children.

AS WELL BE OUT OF THE WORLD AS OUT OF THE FASHION.

Old Gentleman (who is of course much behind his age). "WELL, MY LITTLE DEAR, AND PRAY WHAT NICE LITTLE GIRL ARE YOU?"

Little Girl. "OH, IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, I'M A PUSEYITE, AND SO'S BESSY 'ARRIS." (To Young Lady.) "AIN'T WE, MEM?"



Boy in barber's chair.

ASSURANCE.

Juvenile. "AW, HAIRDRESSER, WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED MY HAIR, JUST TAKE OFF MY BEARD, WILL YOU?"



[Pg 106]

Two ladies in crinolines talking.

THE NEW THEATRE.

Constance (reads advertisement to Alice). "'* * * The Orchestra Stalls will be exceedingly commodious. Each person will have a separate Arm-Chair, occupying a space of two feet in breadth.' H'M—I DON'T SEE THAT THAT'S SO EXCEEDINGLY COMMODIOUS—EH, DEAR?"



Man and woman horse riders enjoying the scenery.

AN AGREEABLE PRESCRIPTION.

"THE WEATHER IS CHARMING, ALTHOUGH I DO NOT FEEL MUCH INCLINED FOR TRANSACTIONS OF A BUSINESS NATURE. I AM DECIDEDLY BETTER. MY DOCTOR, A MOST SENSIBLE MAN, RECOMMENDS ME TO TAKE HORSE EXERCISE, AND GO INTO AGREEABLE SOCIETY. I ENDEAVOUR TO CARRY OUT HIS SUGGESTIONS."—Scarborough.



[Pg 107]

Horse bus driver talking to pedestrian.

SIGHING FOR THE SUNNY SOUTH.

Omnibus Driver. "I DON'T LIKE BEING A HABSENTEE, JEM; BUT IF THIS PRECIOUS EASTERLY VIND LASTS MUCH LONGER, I SHALL BE HOFF WITH MY FAMILY TO THE SOUTH OF FRANCE."



Man talking to wife.

AFFECTING—RATHER.

Alfred. "TELL ME, MY OWN ONE, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU HAVE TO SAY BEFORE I GO?"

Emma. "YES, DEAREST—DO NOT—OH, DO NOT FORGET TO BRING THE-TH-TH-BRUNSWICK SAUSAGE FROM F-F-F-FORT-NUM AND MASON'S."



Two disreputable looking men talking.

A PREJUDICED OPINION.

"I TELL YER WHAT, BILL, I THINK THE POLICE ARE A BAD LOT—AND I WISH THEY WAS DONE AWAY WITH ALTOGETHER."



Woman bending over a man lying on the floor.

A GOLDEN RULE.

"LET US SPEAK OF A MAN AS WE FIND HIM."



[Pg 108]

Sailor tallking to gent on a stormy night.

A DELICATE HINT.

Brighton Boatman. "THERE'S A WESSEL OUT THERE, SIR, A LABOURIN' A GOOD DEAL, SIR! AH, SIR, SAILORS WORKS WERRY 'ARD—PRECIOUS 'ARD LINES IT IS FOR THE POOR FELLERS OUT THERE!—PRECIOUS 'ARD IT IS FOR EVERYBODY JUST NOW. I KNOW I SHOULD LIKE THE PRICE OF A PINT O' BEER AND A BIT O' BACCA!"



Inspector talking to man through carriage window.

THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT.

Railway Official (waking Old Gent from a sweet sleep). "TICKETS, PLEASE!"



Wife speaking with fisherman on beach.

BY THE SAD SEA WAVES.

TOMKINS, DISCONSOLATE ON A ROCK, TRACES SOME CHARACTERS UPON THE SAND. TO HIM, MRS. TOMKINS (WHOSE NAME IS MARTHA).

Mrs. T. "WELL, MR. TOMKINS, AND PRAY WHO MAY HENRIETTA BE?"

[TOMKINS utters a yell of despair, and falls prostrate.



[Pg 109]

Woman and child with school principal.

SCHOLASTIC.

Mother. "AND, PRAY, DOCTOR, WHAT ARE YOUR TERMS FOR HEDUCATING LITTLE BOYS?"

The Principal. "WHY, MY DEAR MADAM, MY USUAL TERMS ARE SEVENTY GUINEAS PER ANNUM (TO USE THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANCIENT ROMANS), BUT TO EFFECT MY OBJECT (?) QUICKLY, I WOULD TAKE A FEW FOR WHAT I COULD GET, PROVIDED THEY BE GENTLEMEN, LIKE YOUR DEAR LITTLE BOY THERE; BUT (AGAIN TO USE THE LATIN TONGUE) IT IS A SINE QUA NON THAT THEY SHOULD BE GENTLEMEN!!"



Seated figure with muff in snowstorm.

QUEEN OF THE MAY.



Wife speaking to husband.

A PERFECT WRETCH.

Wife. "WHY, DEAR ME, WILLIAM; HOW TIME FLIES! I DECLARE WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED TEN YEARS TO-DAY!"

Wretch. "HAVE WE, LOVE! I AM SURE I THOUGHT IT HAD BEEN A GREAT DEAL LONGER."



Portrat of man with dog.

AN ENGLISH NOBLEMAN, PAINTED BY THE FRENCH.

Milord. "GODAM! ROSBIF! I SHALL SELL MY WIFE AT SMITHFIELD, DAM!"



[Pg 110]

Children at teain the nursery.

A STORM IN A TEACUP.

Head Nurse (with much dignity). "MISS MARY! YOU SHALL NOT STIR YOUR TEA WITH THE SNUFFERS!—IT IS NOT LADY-LIKE, AND I AM QUITE SURE YOUR PAPA WOULD NOT APPROVE OF IT!"

[MISS MARY howls awfully, and smashes tea-cup.



Two children discussing forthcoming party.

WAITING FOR THE CARRIAGE.

Charlie. "THIS WILL BE A STUPID AFFAIR, GEORGY."

Georgy. "OH! YES—ONLY A WHITE FROCK AND BLACK MITTEN PARTY—VERY SLOW!"

[Old Nurse wonders what next.



Artist with very long hair.

WORKING AGAINST TIME.

THE ARTIST GIVES THE FINISHING TOUCH TO HIS PICTURE. HE HAS BEEN SO BUSY THAT HE HAS NOT EVEN BEEN ABLE TO GET HIS HAIR CUT.



Mr. Punch with wife and children.

KETCHEE! KETCHEE!

MR. PUNCH IN THE BOSOM OF HIS FAMILY.



[Pg 111]

Boy speaking to three women.

DID YOU EVER!

Augustus. "I SAY, AUNT! DID YOU SEE WHAT THE NEWSPAPER SAYS ABOUT THE ECLIPSE?"

Aunt. "NO! WHAT DOES IT SAY? READ IT, CHILD! ANYTHING RELATING TO THAT WONDERFUL EVENT IS INTERESTING."

Augustus. "WHY, IT SAYS THAT IT IS EXPECTED TO HAVE AN EXTRAORDINARY EFFECT UPON THE INFERIOR ANIMALS! MY WIG! I'D HAVE YOU AND THE GIRLS LOOK OUT FOR SQUALLS!"

[Disgusting, Low-Minded Boy.



Dishevelled man speaking in luxurious conservatory.

FUMIGATION.

Coster. "'SCUSE ME, MARM, BUT DID YER WANT YER GREEN-'OUSE SMOKED?—NO CHARGE. ONLY TO FIND THE 'BACCA, AND A DROP O' SUMTHIN' TO DRINK!"



Two fishlike persons singing at a piano.

WARBLERS UNDER WATER.



[Pg 112]

Person lying in bed.

OH DEAR!

THAT REGULAR FAMILY NEXT DOOR ARE HAVING THEIR CHIMNEY SWEPT AGAIN.



two boys talking.

EARLY PHILOSOPHY.

Juvenile. "AH, IT'S ALL VERY WELL! LOVE MAY DO FOR BOYS AND GALS; BUT WE, AS MEN OF THE WORLD, KNOW 'OW 'OLLOW IT IS."



Servant talking to lady of the house.

OUT OF HIS ELEMENT.

Flunkey (who does not approve of Bloomsbury). "NO, MA'AM, I DON'T OBJEC' TO THE 'OUSE, FOR IT'S HAIREY, AND THE VITTLES IS GOOD; BUT THE FACT IS THAT ALL MY CONNEXIONS LIVE IN BELGRAVIA!"



[Pg 113]

Lady adressing man sitting on an easy chair

TOO BAD!

Bertha. "NOW, REALLY, CHARLES, YOU ARE VERY PROVOKING. I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR MY HAT EVERYWHERE—AND I DECLARE YOU ARE SITTING UPON IT."



Policeman talking to boy with lady onlooker.

A VICTIM OF FASHION.

Police Constable (to Boy). "NOW THEN, OFF WITH THAT HOOP! OR I'LL PRECIOUS SOON HELP YOU!"

Lady (who imagines the observation is addressed to her). "WHAT A MONSTER!"

[Lifts up the Crinoline, and hurries off.



[Pg 114]

THE BRITISH FORCES AND THE CRIMEAN WAR.

Man speaking to lady.

PREPARATIONS FOR WAR.—I.

Officer (who is going to the East). "OF COURSE, IT'S RATHER A BORE JUST AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON—AND I SHALL MISS THE DERBY! WISH THEY COULD HAVE HAD THE RUSSIANS OVER HERE, BECAUSE THEN WE COULD HAVE THRASHED 'EM IN HYDE PARK, AND DINED AT GREENWICH AFTERWARDS, YOU KNOW."



Tailor fitting uniform on soldier.

PREPARATIONS FOR WAR.—II.

ENSIGN STUBBS, HAVING BEEN APPOINTED TO THE 121ST, GOES TO TRY ON HIS UNIFORM.

N.B.—The Gallant Ensign has hitherto been accustomed to dress in a loose, dégagé manner.



Boy  in soldiers uniform and small girl.

PREPARATIONS FOR WAR.—III.

DELIGHT OF ONE OF OUR GUARDS NOW HE FEELS THAT THE COUNTRY WILL PROTECT "THE GIRL HE LEAVES BEHIND HIM."



Cartoon, man taking weapon from lion

WELL INTENDED, NO DOUBT.

Quaker to British Lion. "THERE, FRIEND! NOW LET ME PUT AWAY THOSE DANGEROUS VANITIES!"



[Pg 115]

THE BRITISH FORCES AND THE CRIMEAN WAR.

Brother officers talking in the kitchen.

NOTHING LIKE FORETHOUGHT.

Captain (to Brother Officer). "WHAT AM I ABOUT? I'LL TELL YOU, OLD BOY. THERE'S NO KNOWING WHAT MAY HAPPEN, SO I AM LEARNING THE NOBLE ART OF MAKING OMELETTES, IN CASE ANYTHING SHOULD HAPPEN TO OUR CHEF!"



Man considering how to help the troops.

NO! DON'T.

"SO THEY ARE SENDING OUT BOOKS TO AMUSE THE POOR FELLOWS AT SCUTARI—AND VERY PROPER. I WILL SEND FIVE-AND-TWENTY COPIES OF MY LAST FIVE-ACT TRAGEDY OF 'THE ROMAN GRANDMOTHER."



Soldier talking to countryman.

ENTHUSIASM.

Inflamed Militia Man. "TALK O' TH' ROOSHANS! THERE! DANG'D IF I WOULDN'T MOW 'EM DOWN FOR A SHILLIN' AN ACRE!"



Recruiting sergeant talking to liveried servant.

ON DOMESTIC SERVICE.

Recruiting Sergeant. "COME, TAKE THE SHILLING LIKE A MAN, AND HAVE A TURN AT THE RUSSIANS IN THE CRIMEA."

Pampered Menial. "A—THANK YOU. I DON'T SEEM TO SEE IT. THE FACT IS—THAT—A—THE WORK IS 'ARD; AND—A—THE BOARD IS BAD."



[Pg 116]

THE BRITISH FORCES AND THE CRIMEAN WAR.

Soldiers ding on foraged food.

A LITTLE DINNER AT THE CRIMEA CLUB.



Dance disrupted by bombs.

EVENING PARTY AT SEBASTOPOL.



[Pg 117]

THE BRITISH FORCES AND THE CRIMEAN WAR.

Two soldiers talking.

PATIENT HEROES.

"WELL, JACK! HERE'S GOOD NEWS FROM HOME. WE'RE TO HAVE A MEDAL." "THAT'S VERY KIND. MAYBE ONE OF THESE DAYS WE'LL HAVE A COAT TO STICK IT ON!"



Soldier sitting on the shoulders of a captive.

HOW JACK MADE THE TURK USEFUL AT BALACLAVA.

British Officer. "HOLLOA, JACK! WHAT ARE YOU ABOUT NOW?"

Jack. "WHY, YER HONOUR—YOU SEE RIDING'S A DEAL PLEASANTER THAN WALKING ABOUT HERE, AND WHEN THIS CHAP'S TIRED—I MOUNTS T'OTHER COVE!"



[Pg 118]

THE BRITISH FORCES AND THE CRIMEAN WAR.

Battle scene.

A TRUMP CARD(IGAN).

THE CHARGE OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE UNDER LORD CARDIGAN AGAINST THE RUSSIAN BATTERIES AT BALACLAVA.



Sailors sharpening their swords.

SHARP'S THE WORD.

ADMIRAL PUNCH'S SIGNAL TO THE FLEET.



Cartoon.

UNIFORM STUPIDITY.

HOW TO DRESS A WARRIOR.



[Pg 119]

THE BRITISH FORCES AND THE CRIMEAN WAR.

Two sailors talking.

HARD CASE IN THE BALTIC.

A. B. Seaman. "HERE'S A GO, BILL! YER MIGHT KNOCK ME DOWN WITH THE BUTT-END OF A MUSKIT, A'MOST! BLOW'D IF THE GAME AIN'T OVER, AND WE AIN'T HAD NO INNINGS!"



Two men talking.

A GRIEVANCE.

"I TELL YER WHAT, BILL! I DON'T HALF LIKE THESE HERE MOUSTARCHERS. THEY DO MOP UP SUCH A LOT OF GROG!"



Sailors with looted trophies

RELICS OF THE SIEGE.

Ben. "I SAY, JACK!—GIVE US A LIFT DOWN WITH THESE HERE BLOOD-STAINED RUINS FROM SEBASTERPOOL!"



[Pg 120]

THE BRITISH FORCES AND THE CRIMEAN WAR.

Guards at a dance and then in a battle

OUR GUARDS.

THEY CAN PLAY; AND, BY JOVE, THEY CAN FIGHT, TOO.



[Pg 121]
[Pg 122]

Crowd of ladies.

TRAINING-SCHOOL FOR LADIES ABOUT TO APPEAR AT COURT.

[Pg 124]
[Pg 125]

Women in a box at the opera.

THE OPERA.—No. I.

Lizzy. "GOOD GRACIOUS SELINA! LOOK THERE! THERE'S THAT RIDICULOUS LITTLE MAN AGAIN. DID YOU EVER SEE ANYTHING SO ABSURD?"



Man looking up at the ladies in the box.

THE OPERA.—No. II.

Busby. "AH THERE SHE IS, BLESS HER! AND LOOKING THIS WAY TOO. OH! IT'S AS CLEAR AS POSSIBLE SHE HAS TAKEN A FANCY TO ME!"



[Pg 126]

Man standing by exhausted horse.

THE BEST RUN OF THE SEASON.—No. I.

Master (with pumped-out Horse). "CONFOUND THAT RASCALLY BOY! WHERE CAN HE HAVE GOT TO WITH MY SECOND HORSE?"



Boy riding a still fresh horse.

THE BEST RUN OF THE SEASON.—No. II.

Rascally Boy (with delightfully fresh animal). "OH, DEAR! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL THING! I WONDER WHERE MASTER CAN BE?"



[Pg 127]

Mistress addressing servant.

A BLACK INDIGNITY.

Lady of the House. "OH, THOMAS! HAVE THE GOODNESS TO TAKE UP SOME COALS INTO THE NURSERY!"

Thomas. "H'M, MA'AM! IF YOU ASK IT AS A FAVOUR, MA'AM, I DON'T SO MUCH OBJECT; BUT I 'OPE YOU DON'T TAKE ME FOR AN 'OUSEMAID, MA'AM!"



Scene outside photo. studio.

ART-PROGRESS.

Artist(!). "NOW, MUM! TAKE ORF YER 'EAD FOR SIXPENCE, OR YER 'OLE BODY FOR A SHILLIN'!"



[Pg 128]

Man holding another mans arm in error.

FRATERNITY.

Fred. (affectionately taking the arm of his friend HARRY—as he thinks). "OH! DO LOOK AT THESE BEAUTIFUL DIAMONDS. HOW WELL THEY WOULD BECOME YOUR SWEET SISTER!"

Coal-heaver. "COME NOW! WALKER!"



Man admiring his reflection in a mirror.

PRIVATE OPINION.

Little Shrimpton. "HAH! THEY MAY LAUGH! BUT I MEAN TO SAY THAT THE BEARD IS A GREAT ORNAMENT, AND GIVES DIGNITY TO THE HUMAN FIGURE!"



Woman with scarf caught in mans coat.

THE OLD OLD STORY.

IT WAS IN AUGUST OR SEPTEMBER, WE FORGET WHICH, THAT AMELIA'S SCARF CAUGHT HENRY'S BUTTON, AND NOW—THEY ARE MARRIED. WASN'T IT ODD?



Henry has just heavy stubble

THE BEARD MOVEMENT.

"HOLLO, 'ENERY! IS THAT YOU? WHY I HARDLY KNOW'D YER WITH THAT GREAT BEARD!"



[Pg 129]

Horse carrying riders hat.

VARIETIES IN HORSE-TAMING.—No. I.

OLD MR. B. HAS FOUND OUT THAT THE OIL OF RHODIUM SYSTEM IS ALL NONSENSE, AND HAS BEEN INITIATED BY MR. RAREY. WHENEVER HE GETS SPILT, AND LOSES HIS HAT (AS HE DID THE VERY LAST DAY OF THE SEASON), HE JUST SAYS TO HIS HORSE, "FETCH IT, OLD BOY!" AND THE THING IS DONE!



Running from an angry horse.

VARIETIES IN HORSE-TAMING.—No. II.

OUR DEAR OLD FRIEND BRIGGS—HAVING TAKEN THE RECEIPT FOR HORSE-TAMING FROM THE PAPERS—TRIES SOME EXPERIMENTS UPON AN ANIMAL THAT HE HAS PICKED UP A BARGAIN.



[Pg 130]

Collapsed carriage with portly passenger.

AN INCIDENT OF WEIGHT.

Cabby. "LET YER OUT?—THAT'S A GOOD UN!—NOT AFORE YOU PAYS FOR BREAKING MY SPRINGS!"



Maid with message from the butcher

ASTOUNDING ANNOUNCEMENT.

Maid. "PLEASE, MA'AM, MR. SKEWER SAYS HE'S A-GOING TO KILL HISSELF THIS WEEK, AND WILL YOU HAVE A JOINT?"



[Pg 131]

Mother coversing with her son.

A VERY SHOCKING BOY, INDEED!

Mamma. "NOW, SIR—IF YOU DON'T BEHAVE BETTER, I WILL TELL PAPA OF YOU, AND HE WILL BOX YOUR EARS!"

Shocking Boy. "WELL, THEN, GO! MARCH!! AND SHUT THE DOOR AFTER YOU!!!"



Lady speaking to boy.

A FADED YOUTH.

Hostess. "NOW, MY DEAR—WILL YOU COME AND DANCE A QUADRILLE?"

Juvenile. "THA-A-NK YOU—IT'S SO MANY YEARS AGO SINCE I DANCED, THAT I WOULD RATHER BE EXCUSED, IF YOU PLEASE. IN FACT, I—AW, I HAVEN'T DANCED SINCE I WAS QUITE A BOY."



Group of males in dicussion

IN THE PARK.

First Man (Home for the Holidays). "AWFUL BIT OF GERANIUM THAT, CHARLEY!"

Second Ditto. "YA-AS, I WAS ALWAYS VERY FOND OF FLOWERS—AW—THEY LOOK SO JOLLY INNOCENT!"



Group of men chewing toothpicks.

IN THE STREETS.

THESE YOUNG GENTLEMEN ARE NOT INDULGING IN THE FILTHY HABIT OF SMOKING.—THEY ARE ONLY CHEWING TOOTHPICKS, THE COMFORTING AND ELEGANT PRACTICE NOW SO MUCH IN VOGUE.



[Pg 132]

Man standing between two crinolined ladies.

CRINOLINE AGAIN.

Charles. "CONFOUND THE HOOPS, JUST WHEN I WANT TO MAKE MY NEAT SPEECH ABOUT BEING 'NEARER AND DEARER' TOO!"



Two nursemaids window gazing ignoring children

A HINT TO MAMMAS.

First Nursemaid. "LAWK, MARIER! WHAT A BEE-UTIFLE GOWND!"

Second Do. "MY! JANE! HAIN'T IT?"

They contemplate the Gownd for about a quarter of an hour, and the Children have the full benefit of the delicious North-East Wind.



Three styles of hat.

THE ROUND HAT.

1. WHEN IT IS ALL VERY WELL. 2. WHEN IT IS OBJECTIONABLE. 3. WHEN THE POLICE OUGHT TO INTERFERE.



[Pg 133]

Gent. at ease in his carriage.

TAKING IT EASY.

JOHN THOMAS, AS HE APPEARED WHILE HIS MISSUS WAS IN THE BOTANICAL GARDENS. J. T. IS CONSULTING HIS BETTING BOOK. (A POSITIVE FACT.)



Footman resigning his position

PROFESSIONAL DIGNITY.

Lady. "RESIGN YOUR SITUATION! WHY, WHAT'S WRONG NOW, THOMAS? HAVE THEY BEEN WANTING YOU TO EAT SALT BUTTER AGAIN?"

Genteel Footman. "OH, NO, THANK YOU, MA'AM—BUT THE FACT IS, MA'AM—THAT I HAVE HEARD THAT MASTER WERE SEEN LAST WEEK ON THE TOP OF A HOMNIBUS, AND I COULDN'T AFTER THAT REMAIN ANY LONGER IN THE FAMILY!"



[Pg 134]

Removes hat, leaves gloves on head.

NEVER CARRY YOUR GLOVES IN YOUR HAT.

MR. POFFINGTON FLATTERS HIMSELF HE IS CREATING A SENSATION—(Perhaps he is.)



Academic addressing student.

ACADEMIC COSTUME.

Dr. Bear. "PUT ON YOUR GOWN, SIR."

Undergraduate. "GOT IT ON, SIR!"



Sisters wearing plain dresses, all others in crinolines.

MORE NOVELTY.

THE MISSES WEASEL THINK CRINOLINE A PREPOSTEROUS AND EXTRAVAGANT INVENTION, AND APPEAR AT MRS. ROUNDABOUT'S PARTY IN A SIMPLE AND ELEGANT ATTIRE.



[Pg 135]

Miner talking to his wife.

FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS.

"MARTHA, WAST 'E DONE WI' THE MILK?"

"GEEN IT TO THE SHILD."

"DANG THE SHILD, THEE SHOULD HA' GEEN IT TO TH' BULL PUP!"



Man talking to soldier on sentry duty.

A DISTURBER OF PUBLIC PEACE.

Rioter. "I SAY, OLD FELLER, OF COURSE YOU'LL FRATERNISE WITH US, AND COME AND BREAK SOME VINDERS."

Soldier. "OF COURSE I WON'T; BUT I'LL PUNCH YOUR HEAD IF YOU DONT MOVE OFF."



Man overhears conversation.

UNLUCKY THIS TIME.

Ingenious Youth. "OH! SUCH A LARK, BILL! I'VE BIN AND FILLED AN OLD COVE'S LETTER-BOX WITH GOOSEBERRY SKINS AND HOYSTER SHELLS,—AND RAPPED LIKE A POSTMAN!"

Old Cove. "HAVE YOU?"



Two men talking.

GOOD NEWS.

"WELL, JIM, HAVE YOU HEARD THE LATEST INTELLIGENCE?"

"NO, VAT IS IT?"

"VY, COMMON GARDEN THEAYTER'S TO BE TURNED INTO A HOPERA FOR THE MILLION! AIN'T THAT PRIME?"



[Pg 136]

Man and woman in conversation.

RATHER DEEP!

Cousin. "CHARLIE!—JUST FANCY WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING!"

Captain Charlie. "WELL, GEORGIE!"

Cousin. "THAT—THAT—YOU AND I ARE GOING—A—A—TO BE—MARRIED!"

Charlie (with presence of mind). "A—NEVER MIND, GEORGIE,—WE KNOW BETTER—WE ARE NOT SO FOOLISH!"



Boy speaking to large lady facing an approaching herd of cattle

AMPLE PROTECTION.

Youth. "YOU NEEDN'T BE AFRAID, MA'AM. STAND BEHIND ME!"



[Pg 137]

Distaught daughter talking to her mother.

JUST LIKE 'EM.

Mamma (staying with newly-married daughter). "MY DEAREST, SWEETEST DARLING! WHAT! CRYING! WHY, WHAT'S THE MATTER?"

Daughter (with many sobs). "OH, M-M-M-MAMMA DEAR! HERE'S CH-CH-CH-CHARLES SO DREADFULLY UNKIND. HE KNOWS THE H-H-HORSE-TAMING SECRET, AND HE W-W-W-WON'T TELL IT TO ME!"



Boys surveying horse riders.

RIVAL JOCKEYS.

Bill (reads). "'GENTLEMEN RIDERS ALLOWED FIVE POUNDS.'"

Tom. "'ALLOWED FIVE POUNDS!' WHY, I'D RIDE BETTER NOR HE FOR 'ARF A CROWN!"



[Pg 138]

Student talking to housemaid.

SYMPTOMS OF HARD READING!

Student. "OH, MARY! HAVE YOU TAKEN UP THE LAMP AND THE CIGARS?"

Mary. "YES, SIR."

Student. "—AND THE WHISKEY, AND THE SUGAR, AND THE LEMON, AND BOILING WATER?"

Mary. "YES, SIR."

Student. "THEN COME, JACK! SUPPOSE WE GO INTO THE STUDY!"



Man with waterhose detering musician.

REPELLING FOREIGN INVASION.

PATERFAMILIAS TRIES THE COLD WATER CURE IN A CASE OF ORGAN-GRINDING.



[Pg 139]

Two mine workers talking.

ANOTHER BIT FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS.

First Collier. "SURREY, DUST THEE KNOW THE BISHOP'S COMING TO-MORROW?"

Second Do. "WOT'S THAT?"

First Do. (emphatically). "THE BISHOP!"

Second Do. "OI DON'T KNOW WHAT THEE MEAN'ST, BUT MOY BITCH, ROSE, SHALL PIN HER!"



Rough looking man offering to sell a dog, obviously someones pet.

CANINE.

"BUY A LITTLE DORG, MARM?"



Threatening men selling a form of prayer.

WHERE ARE THE POLICE?

A SKETCH, SHOWING THE DECENT MANNER IN WHICH THE "FORM OF PRAYER" WAS RETAILED ON THE FAST DAY.



Two angry men in dispute.

COARSE, BUT CHARACTERISTIC.

Cabman (whose temper has been ruffled by Omnibus-man). "YOU!! WHY, YOU HUNGRY LOOKING WAGABUN, YOU LOOK AS IF YOU'D BIN LOCKED UP FOR A MONTH IN A COOK'S SHOP WITH A MUZZLE ON."



[Pg 140]

Man speaking to woman.

THE GREAT BOON.

Superior Being (!). "YOU'LL PLEASE TO OBSERVE, MUM, THAT A DIWORCE IS A MUCH EASIER MATTER THAN IT USED TO BE—SO NONE OF YOUR VIOLENCE!"



Old crone speaking to mother holding a child.

A VISION OF THE PAST.

Old Lady. "AH! I WAS JUST SUCH ANOTHER WHEN I WAS HER AGE."



Man and woman talking.

FOLLY AND INNOCENCE.

Charles. "I SAY, CLARA, AIN'T IT JOLLY? I'VE MADE SUCH A CAPITAL BOOK ON THE DERBY!"

Clara. "I AM SURE, CHARLES, I AM DELIGHTED TO HEAR IT. ANY LITERARY PURSUIT MUST BE BETTER THAN THE HORRID PRACTICE YOU WERE GETTING INTO OF BETTING AT RACES!"



[Pg 141]

Boy talking to person riding on rear of a carriage.

IRRESISTIBLE.

John Thomas. "GET AWAY, BOY—GET AWAY, BOY!"

Boy. "SHAN'T! AND IF YER DON'T LET ME RIDE, I'LL SEND THIS 'ERE MUD OVER YER CALVES!"



Man being interviewed for a servant position.

DRAWING THE LINE.

Plush Adonis. "I SHOULD OBSERVE, MY LADY,—THAT IF YOU ENGAGE ME, I SHOULD REQUIRE TO BE AT LEAST SIX MONTHS IN TOWN, IN A GOOD NEIGHBOURHOOD—AND THAT IF YOU SHOULD AT ANY TIME LIVE NORTH OF THE NEW ROAD, I SHOULD EXPECT FIVE GUINEAS PER ANNUM INCREASE OF SALARY!"

[Fact.



Man by chestnut seller.

YIELDING TO TEMPTATION.

Mr. Hobble-de-Hoye. "I'M VERY FOND OF 'EM—THERE'S NO ONE LOOKING!—DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULDN'T—I WILL!—YES—I'LL HAVE A PENN'ORTH!"



Boy ignoring  nearby puppet show.

MUCH ABOVE THAT SORT OF THING.



[Pg 142]

Lady of the house speaking  to latecomer.

SERVE HIM RIGHT.

Swell (who, when he is asked to dine at half-past six, thinks it fine to come at half-past eight). "HAW! I'M AFRAID YOU'VE BEEN WAITING DINNAW FOR ME!"

Lady of the House. "OH DEAR, NO! WE HAVE DINED SOME TIME; WILL YOU TAKE SOME TEA?"



Children sparring wearing boxing gloves.

PHYSICAL EDUCATION.



[Pg 143]

Vet. checking out a horse.

A CONSULTATION.

Veterinary Surgeon. "LEGS QUEER, SIR! DO YOU 'ACK 'IM OR 'UNT 'IM?"

Proprietor of Quadruped. "I HUNT HIM SOMETIMES, BUT I MOSTLY USE HIM AS A HACK."

Veterinary Surgeon. "AH, SIR, THAT'S WHERE IT IS. IT AIN'T THE 'UNTING AS 'URTS 'IM, IT'S THE 'AMMER, 'AMMER, 'AMMER ALONG THE 'ARD 'IGH ROAD!"



Acrobat viewing scene through a window

THE STREET ACROBAT NUISANCE.

UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT HE IS UNOBSERVED, MR. PUDDLE OFFERS HIS HAND AND HEART TO THE OBJECT OF HIS AFFECTIONS.



[Pg 144]

Two rough looking men talking to photographer.

PHOTOGRAPHIC BEAUTIES.

"I SAY, MISTER, HERE'S ME AND MY MATE WANTS OUR FOTERGRUFFS TOOK; AND MIND, WE WANTS 'EM 'ANSOM, COS THEY'RE TO GIVE TO TWO LADIES."



Buyer talking to horse trader.

EQUINE.

Dealer. "THERE! I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO FIND A FAULT WITH HIM!"

Customer. "BUT HE'S GOT SUCH A BEASTLY TAIL!"

Dealer. "BEASTLY TAIL! THERE NEVER WAS A BAD RAT-TAILED 'OSS. WHY, WE GO MILES TO FIND 'EM!"



[Pg 145]

Two friends discussing a horse.

PLEASING PROSPECT.

Friend from Town. "WELL! AND HOW'S THE MARE?"

Country Friend. "OH! ALL RIGHT, OLD BOY! SHE WILL BE AS FRESH AS PAINT FOR YOU TO-MORROW, FOR SHE HASN'T BEEN HUNTED SINCE THE DAY SHE PUT FRANK RAILER'S SHOULDER OUT!"



Competion for the favours of a lady.

WHY NOT?

THE GREAT MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT.—FAIR PLAY FOR THE BAKER.



Man wearing a gaudy shirt.

A STARTLING NOVELTY IN SHIRTS.



[Pg 146]

Father of a new baby preparing his own meals.

AN OBJECT OF UNIVERSAL SYMPATHY.

MR. PEEWIT HAS A LITTLE ADDITION TO HIS FAMILY—HE IS OBLIGED TO GET HIS MEALS ANYHOW—

AND—

ABDICATES IN FAVOUR OF THE REAL MASTER OF THE HOUSE.



Man whitewashing the legs of a line of troops.

A HINT TO THE AUTHORITIES.

AN ECONOMICAL MODE OF PUTTING TROOPS INTO WHITE TROUSERS.



Picture of well dressed man.

DELUSIVE NOTION.

THE YOUNG GENT WHO IS GOING TO MAKE A RAPID FORTUNE BY BETTING.



[Pg 147]

Man looking at a frisky horse.

A SCENE AT A RAILWAY STATION.

Groom. "BEG PARDON, SIR,—BUT WOS YOUR NAME TOMKINS?"

Tomkins. "YES!"

Groom. "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, MASTER SAYS HE WOS WERRY SORRY AS HE COULDN'T SEND THE FEEATON—BUT, AS HIS YOUNG 'OSS WANTED EXERCISE, HE THOUGHT YOU WOULDN'T MIND RIDIN' OF 'IM."

[TOMKINS bursts into a cold perspiration.



Lady  in crinoline trying to board a carriage with a narrow door.

THE UNFITNESS OF THINGS.

Impudent Boy. "I SAY, BILL! COME AND SEE THE CONJURING—HERE'S THIS HERE GAL A GOIN' TO SQUEEZE HERSELF INTO THAT THERE BROOM!"



[Pg 148]

Man reading, and sister with small children.

PLEASANT FOR "CHARLES DEAR."

Married Sister. "OH, CHARLES DEAR! NURSE IS NOT VERY WELL, AND AS I MUST STAY WITH BABY, WOULD YOU TAKE FREDDY AND THE TWO LITTLE ONES FOR A WALK, ONLY CARRY THEM OVER THE CROSSINGS, THAT'S A DEAR!"



Man being restrained from attacking carol singer.

TOO MUCH!

Party (who hates bad music in the middle of the night). "WH-A-T!! THE WAITS! CALLED FOR A CHRISTMAS BOX!—STOP A BIT!!"——

[The rest is too terrible.



[Pg 149]

Two men talking.

MARRY ON £300 A-YEAR!

Passer-by (to the Crossing-Sweeper). "WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT?"

Sweeper. "WELL, SIR, I BELIEVE IT'S A KIND OF WEDDING; BUT IT AIN'T LIKELY TO BE AN 'APPY UNION—ONLY TWO BROUGHAMS AND A HACK CAB!"



Man having his necktie tied by his housemaid.

AN OBJECT OF SINCERE PITY.



Two youths talking at a dance.

OFFENDED DIGNITY.

Small Swell (who has just finished a Quadrille). "H'M, THANK GOODNESS, THAT'S OVER! DON'T GIVE ME YOUR BREAD-AND-BUTTER MISSES TO DANCE WITH. I LIKE YOUR GROWN WOMEN OF THE WORLD!"—(N.B. The bread-and-butter Miss has asked him how old he was, and when he went back to School.)



Youth talking to a lady.

VERY LARGE NOTIONS.

Man of the World. "WHAT RUBBISH ALL THIS IS ABOUT MARRYING ON £300 A-YEAR! WHY, IT AIN'T ENOUGH TO BUY A FELLAH CIGARS!"



[Pg 150]

A wet dog pulling at a tablecloth during a hunt breakfast.

AN UNWELCOME VISITOR.

TALK OF A MAD DOG, INDEED!—WHAT'S THAT TO A WET ISLE OF SKYE TERRIER UNDER THE BREAKFAST TABLE ON A HUNTING MORNING, AMONGST THE NICE CLEAN TOPS AND BUCKSKINS?

[A Favourite Lawn Meet—and not a moment to spare.



Two girls talking.

JUVENILE WISDOM.

Florence. "——AND HOW OLD IS YOUR PONY, FRED?"

Fred. "WELL, I DON'T KNOW, EXACTLY—BUT ROBERT THINKS HE IS ABOUT FOURTEEN YEARS!"

Florence. "OH!—THEN I SUPPOSE HE WILL VERY SOON BE A HORSE!"



[Pg 151]

People playing parlour games.

SNOWED UP.

POOR FELLOWS! THEY CAN'T GET ANY HUNTING, AND ARE OBLIGED TO PLAY AT SCRATCH CRADLE WITH THEIR COUSINS.



Two boys talking whilst riding their horses.

A WEIGHTY MATTER.

Frederic (a very big boy). "THAT'S A NICEISH PONY OF YOURS, CHARLEY.—BY THE BYE, HOW HEAVY ARE YOU?"

Charley. "WELL, WITHIN A POUND OF THREE STONE, I'M SORRY TO SAY."

Frederic. "OH, I CALL THAT A NICE WEIGHT. NOW, I'M OBLIGED TO HAVE VERY EXPENSIVE PONIES, FOR, WITH SADDLE AND BRIDLE, I DON'T RIDE LESS THAN FOUR STONE TWO!"



[Pg 152]

Boy talking to his grandfather.

A GOOD LIVER.

Frank. "I SAY, GRANDPA! HAVEN'T YOU GOT SOME CHAPS COMING TO GRUB WITH YOU TO-DAY?"

Grandpa. "EH! WHAT? SOME GENTLEMEN ARE COMING TO DINE WITH ME TO-DAY, SIR, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN!"

Frank. "HAH! SAME THING! WELL, LOOK HERE! YOUR COOK ISN'T A GREAT HAND AT A SALAD—NOW THAT'S A THING I FLATTER MYSELF I UNDERSTAND BETTER THAN MOST MEN—SO, IF YOU LIKE, I'LL MIX YOU ONE!"



Adults talking to boy on a pony.

THE OLD FOXHUNTER.

Flora. "WELL, RONALD! AND HOW DO YOU LIKE ROTTEN ROW?"

Ronald. "OH, PRETTY WELL; BUT IT'S RATHER SLOW WORK TO A MAN WHO HAS BEEN ACCUSTOMED TO GO ACROSS COUNTRY AS I HAVE ALL MY LIFE!"



[Pg 153]

Master at table with servant waiting on.

MELANCHOLY.

Lord Eustace (a young Nobleman in love). "TELL ME, THOMPSON, ARE THOSE THE BIRDS?"

Thompson (his confidential Servant). "YES, MY LORD."

Eust. "THEY ARE YOUNG?"

Thomp. "THEY ARE, MY LORD."

Eust. "AND THE WINE?"

Thomp. "LAFITTE—44, MY LORD."

Eust. "YOU HAVE DRAWN THE CURTAINS?"

Thomp. "EVEN SO, MY LORD."

Eust. "AND YOU HAVE PLACED SOME COALS UPON THE FIRE?"

Thomp. "MY LORD, THIS MOMENT I HAVE DONE SO."

Eust. "THEN—THEN—LEAVE ME!!"

[And his Lordship pegs away at the Birds, drinks a Bottle of Claret, and feels all the better.



Two gentlemen talking.

OUT OF THE FASHION.

"WHY, FWED!—WHAWT'S THE MATTER WITH YOUR LEGS?"

"WHY, YOU SEE, PEG-TOP TROUSERS ARE GETTING SO COMMON, I'M GOING TO GIVE NATURE A CHANCE!"



Two ladies sittnlg on a bench reading.

REMARKABLE OCCURRENCE.

ON THE MORNING AFTER THE DISPENSARY BALL, AS EMILY DEUXTEMPS AND CLARA POLKINGTON WERE SITTING IN THE PLANTATION, WHO SHOULD COME TO THE VERY SPOT BUT CAPTAIN FASTMAN AND YOUNG REGINALD FIPPS!



Lady slipping a note into a vase of flowers.

"BLESS YOU! BLESS YOU!"



[Pg 154]

Male shop assistants serving ladies.

WHO WILL SERVE THE COUNTRY?

Recruiting Sergeant. "NOW, BRAVE BOYS, WITH THOSE WHISKERS AND SHOULDERS, YOU SHOULD BE WITH US, AND—I'M SURE THE LADIES WOULD EXCUSE YOU!"



[Pg 155]

Group of women marching.

WE'LL SERVE THE SHOP!



[Pg 156]

Nurse ignoring babies whilst talking to soldier.

SERVANTGALISM;

AND

Two ladies of liesure talking.

FINELADYISM.

First Elegant Mamma. "HOW SHOCKING THIS IS!—THE WAY NURSERYMAIDS NEGLECT THE CHILDREN!"

Second Do. "YES, DEAR! AND I DON'T SEE THAT ANYTHING CAN BE DONE. FOR WHAT WITH PARTIES, AND THE TIME ONE NATURALLY DEVOTES TO DRESSING, AND THE NUMEROUS CALLS ONE HAS TO MAKE, ONE CAN'T LOOK AFTER ONE'S OWN CHILDREN, YOU KNOW!"



[Pg 157]

Wife talking to father of five girls.

THE ADVENT OF SPRING.

"THE DEAR GIRLS REALLY MUST HAVE SOME NEW BONNETS, FOR THEY CANNOT POSSIBLY WEAR THOSE NASTY, SHABBY, DIRTY, OLD WINTER THINGS ANY LONGER."



Two servants talking.

THE VALENTINE.

Little Foot Page. "I SAY, MARIA, WHAT'S A RHYME TO CUPID?"

Maria. "WHY, STUPID RHYMES TO CUPID—DON'T IT, STUPID?"



Bookshop scene.

TASTE.

Shop-girl (who has been expected to possess TENNYSON'S "Miller's Daughter"). "NO, MISS! WE'VE NOT GOT THE MILLER'S BUT HERE'S THE RATCATCHER'S DAUGHTER, JUST PUBLISHED!!"



Two boys dicussing a gentleman.

INSULTING A REFUGEE.

Rude Boy. "OH CRIKEY, BILL, IF 'ERE AIN'T THE GREAT ORANGOUTANG BEEN TO A TAILOR, AND GOT RIGGED OUT AS A SWELL!"



[Pg 158]

Very large lady wanting to ride a horse.

A SKETCH FROM THE STAND AT SCARBORO'.

Fair Equestrian. "OH! I WANT TO RIDE ON THE SANDS WITH THIS LITTLE BOY.—HAVE YOU A HORSE DISENGAGED FOR HIM? ANY BIT OF A PONY THING, YOU KNOW, WILL DO FOR ME!"



Ladies in crinoline dresses facing a narrow door.

A WHOLESOME CONCLUSION.

Lady Crinoline. "YES, LOVE—A VERY PRETTY CHURCH, BUT THE DOOR IS CERTAINLY VERY NARROW!"



[Pg 159]

Man and wife with seven children.

INTERESTING GROUP POSED FOR A PHOTOGRAPH

BY A FRIEND OF THE FAMILY.



Man and wife with seven children, but picture blurred.

INTERESTING AND VALUABLE RESULT.



Two men talking.

OLD BOYS.

Old Boy (loq.). "OH, SHE'S A CHARMING GYUIRL, AND, UPON MY SAUL! I THINK SHE LIKES ME AMAZINGLY!"



Lady consulting her doctor.

VERY ALARMING, INDEED.

Professional Man.—"AH! IT'S VERY LUCKY YOU CAME TO ME IN TIME.—YOU SEE, MA'AM, YOU HAVE HAD INFLAMMATION OF THE BRONCHIAL TUBES, WHICH, ACTING UPON THE FLEXOR LONGUS DIGITORUM PEDIS, HAS OCCASIONED AN ABRASION OF THE DIGASTRICUS, OR, AS SOME CALL IT, THE BIVENTER MAXILLÆ INFERIORIS; AND WHICH MIGHT HAVE ENDED IN CONFIRMED DELIRIUM TREMENS, OR EVEN PREMATURE ELEPHANTIASIS. HOWEVER, I DARESAY, &c., &c., &c.

[Old Lady gasps for breath.



[Pg 160]

Men talking whilst blocking a pavement.

POLITENESS AS IN PARIS.

(A Perfidious Misrepresentation, of course.)



Two men talking.

IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FLATTERY.

Jules (who affects English manners and customs). "GOOD—A—BY, OLE BOY! I GO TO MAKE A PROMENADE IN MY TO-CAR."

(Which being interpreted means that Jules is going for a drive in his Dog-Cart.)



[Pg 161]

Very obese man instructed to jump over a stick

VERY ODD!

Lecturer on Electro-Biology. "NOW, SIR! YOU CAN'T JUMP OVER THAT STICK! AHEM!"

Subject. "JUMP? EH! UGH! LOR BLESS ME, JUMP! NO, I KNOW I CAN'T—NEVER COULD JUMP—UGH!"

[Thunders of applause from the Gentlemen in the cane-bottom chairs—(i.e. believers).



Horse trader with prospective customer.

A TENDER POINT.

Irish Jarvie (with much excitement). "NOT FAST ENOUGH! IS IT? OH THIN, YER 'ONOR, JIST JUMP UP, TILL I TIRRIFY YE THE WAY I'LL ROWL ALONG!"



[Pg 162]

Boy, speaking to man on horse.

STUMPED OUT.

Apothecary's Boy (to party rather proud of his Horsemanship). "I SAY, MISTER, MIND WHAT YOU'RE AT, OR YOU'LL BE OFF THE SHOPBOARD!"



urchin, speaking to military figure.

A GENEROUS OFFER.

Small Sweeper (to Crimean Hero). "NOW, CAPTAIN, GIVE US A COPPER, AND I'LL SEE YER SAFE OVER THE CROSSING!"



[Pg 163]

Man, with umbrella, being rowed in a boat by two girls.

NOT A BAD IDEA FOR WARM WEATHER.

Frederick. "NOW, GIRLS, PULL AWAY—DON'T BE IDLE!"



Men on horses ,in conversation.

A QUIET LOOK AT THE COUNTRY.

Frank. "THERE, CHARLEY! WE HAVE A GOOD MANY OF THOSE LITTLE DOUBLES HERE; BUT, BLESS YOU! OUR HORSES THINK NOTHING OF 'EM!"

Charley (who is not to be beaten). "HA, I SEE!—NICE CLEAN JUMPING! NOW, IN OUR COUNTRY THE FENCES ARE BIG AND CRAMPED!"



[Pg 164]

Happy man and wife on holiday.

PATERFAMILIAS HAS HIS HOLIDAY AT THE SEA-SIDE— —

WHILST

Several generations of the same family enjoying the town house.

: — — A RESPECTABLE ELDERLY FEMALE TAKES CARE OF THE HOUSE IN TOWN.



Elderly female with wide skirt and wearing a hat.

PLEASING DELUSION. IN RE THE ROUND HATS.

Female. "WELL! THERE CAN BE NO QUESTION ABOUT ONE THING!—THEY CERTAINLY DO MAKE YOU LOOK YOUNGER!"



Two ladies discussing their hats.

THE ROUND HAT AGAIN.

Mrs. Popps. "WELL, WHAT I SAY IS, THEY ARE VERY BECOMING—AND UNCOMMON COMFORTABLE?"



[Pg 165]

Lady reading a note to her mother.

OH! WHAT A HUMBUG!

Amelia. "MAMMA, DEAR! HERE'S A NOTE FROM DEAR WILLIAM, WITH A BOX FOR THE OPERA, I SHOULDN'T WONDER." (Reads):—"My darling Amelia, Circumstances over which I have no control will take me as far as Greenwich. I have left my Latch-key—please to get it from the Waistcoat I took off, and send it by the Bearer to your ever affectionate Kidums."



Man talkiong to two female cousins.

A PEACE CONFERENCE.

Flora. "OH, I AM SO GLAD—DEAR HARRIET—THERE IS A CHANCE OF PEACE—I AM MAKING THESE SLIPPERS AGAINST DEAR ALFRED COMES BACK!"

Cousin Tom. "HAH, WELL!—I AIN'T QUITE SO ANXIOUS ABOUT PEACE—FOR, YOU SEE, SINCE THOSE SOLDIER CHAPS HAVE BEEN ABROAD, WE CIVILIANS HAVE HAD IT PRETTY MUCH OUR OWN WAY WITH THE GURLS!"



[Pg 166]

Mother and child talking.

A POSER.

Darling. "OH, MAMMA, DEAR! WHAT SPLENDID FLOWERS!"

Mamma. "YES, DEAR, PUT IT DOWN. THAT IS MY WREATH. I'M GOING TO THE OPERA!"

Darling. "OH! AND WHEN I GROW A BIG LADY, MAY I WEAR A WREATH, AND GO TO THE OPERA?"

Mamma. "WELL, DEAR, I HOPE SO!"

Darling. "WHAT, AND TAKE MY BEAUTIFUL VELVET AND GOLD CHURCH SERVICE UNCLE CHARLES GAVE ME?"



Crowd of people rushing from the beach.

THE PICNIC.—OVERTAKEN BY THE TIDE.



[Pg 167]

Man followed by pack of dogs.

AN OBJECT OF ATTRACTION.

BOWKER, WHO IS FOND OF NICE THINGS FOR BREAKFAST, AND SOMETIMES MARKETS FOR HIMSELF, BECOMES AN OBJECT OF INTEREST FROM HAVING LAID IN A FEW BLOATERS, AND HALF-A-POUND OF FRESH CAMBRIDGE SAUSAGES, FROM BOND STREET—AND WHICH SAUSAGES AND BLOATERS ARE IN HIS COAT-POCKET.



Heavily loaded small carriage.

A STRONG-BACKED CAR.    SCENE—IRELAND.

Tourist. "WELL, BUT MY GOOD FELLOW, YOU CAN'T CARRY US, AND ALL OUR LUGGAGE!"

Car Driver. "OGH, NIVER FEAR, YER 'ONOUR, SHURE I'D CARRY TWICED AS MUCH!"



[Pg 168]

Two horse riders talking.

THE NEW PURCHASE.

Mr. Muff. "BUT—THEY SAID HE WAS WELL KNOWN IN THIS HUNT!"

Farmer. "OH, YES—AND SO HE IS VERY WELL KNOWN. HE'S BROKE MORE COLLAR BONES THAN ALL THE 'OSSES IN ENGLAND."



Swimmers in a choppy sea.

AQUATIC MANOEUVRES.

BY MUCH THE PLEASANTEST WAY OF SEA-BATHING IS TO TAKE A BOAT, AND HAVE A GOOD SWIM IN THE CLEAR BLUE WATER—AND ISN'T IT NICE SCRAMBLING INTO THE BOAT AGAIN! EH?



[Pg 169]

Two men talking.

A PAINFUL SUBJECT.

Lieutenant Fopson (of the 121st, to his Elder Brother, who is home for the Holidays).—"A-SAY, OLD FELLAH!—DON'T YOU WISH YOU HAD LEFT SCHOOL?—IT MUST BE SUCH A HORRID BAW TO BE FLOGGED FOR SMOKING!"



Three men talking.

THE NEW REGULATION MESS.

Swell Soldier. "WHAT, DINE OFF WOAST AND BOILED, JUST LIKE SNOBS—NO!—BY JOVE!—I SHALL CUT THE ARMY, AND GO INTO THE CHURCH!"



Man and woman talking,

THE GREAT TOBACCO CONTROVERSY.

Clara (emphatically). "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, FRANK—I SHALL ALWAYS THINK IT A NASTY, ODIOUS, DIRTY, FILTHY, DISGUSTING, AND MOST OBJECTIONABLE HABIT!"

Frank. "HAW!—NOW, I'M REALLY SURPRISED, CLARA, TO HEAR SUCH A CLEVER GIRL AS YOU ARE RUNNING DOWN SMOKING IN SUCH STRONG LANGUAGE—FOR IT'S ADMITTED, BY ALL SENSIBLE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, THAT IT'S THE ABUSE OF TOBACCO THAT'S WRONG!"

[Which little bit of sophistry completely vanquishes CLARA.



Man with tall hat sitting and smoking.

AT PARIS.

A SKETCH FROM THE BOULEVARD.



[Pg 170]

Two small boys talking.

A YOUTHFUL SAGE.

Studious Boy. "JOHNNY!—I ADVISE YOU NOT TO BE A GOOD BOY!"

Johnny. "WHY?"

Studious Boy. "BECAUSE IN BOOKS ALL GOOD BOYS DIE, YOU KNOW!"



Man shaving whilst speaking to his brother.

ASTONISHING A YOUNG ONE.

Dick (to little Brother). "HAH! THIS IS ONE OF THE DISAGREEABLES IN BEING GROWN UP. WHY, BLESS YOU, IF I DIDN'T SHAVE TWICE A DAY THIS WARM WEATHER, I SHOULD NOT BE FIT TO BE SEEN!"



Boy with giant dragonflies on his fishing rod.

MONSTERS OF THE POOL.

MASTER GEORGE AND THE DRAGON-FLIES. AS THEY APPEARED TO HIS EXCITED IMAGINATION WHEN HE WAS OUT FISHING THE OTHER DAY.



[Pg 171]

Urchin goading  man on horse.

THE HUMOURS OF THE STREET.

Delightful Boy. "OH! LOOK 'ERE, JIM! HERE'S A SWELL—LET'S FRIGHTEN 'IS 'ORSE!"



Man viewing his hair after falling asleep at the barber shop.

CAUTION TO TRAVELLERS.

NEVER GO TO SLEEP WHILE YOU ARE HAVING YOUR HAIR CUT IN PARIS, OR IT MAY BE CUT IN THE FIRST STYLE OF FASHION!



[Pg 172]

Arriving on shore after a rough passage.

EXCURSION BOAT, AFTER A RATHER BOISTEROUS PASSAGE, ARRIVES AT 2.30 P.M.

Ticket Collector (without any feeling). "TICKETS, SIR! THANKYE, SIR! BOAT RETURNS AT 3!"



[Pg 173]

Boys tormenting defenceless billboard carrier.

"TICKLED WITH A STRAW."

Advertising Medium. "COME, NOW, YOU LEAVE ORF! OR I'LL CALL THE PERLICE!"



Soldier holding a foaming jug  looked at by man.

IMPERTINENT CURIOSITY.

Military Man. "WELL! WHAT ARE YER A STARIN' AT?—AIN'T YER NEVER SEED A SODGER BEFORE?"



Soldier in sentry box macked by a boy.

IN CAMP.

Juvenile (à propos of Highlander in sentry-box). "OH! MY WIG, CHARLEY, WHAT A JOLLY JACK-IN-THE-GREEN HE'D MAKE!"



Man swimming in the drinking water.

SANITAS.

"HEY, COLIN! DINNA YE KEN THE WATTER'S FOR DRINK, AND NAE FOR BATHIN'?"



[Pg 174]

Man found near open door by dancing partener.

THE QUADRILLE IN HOT WEATHER.

Stout Party (who suffers much from heat, and has in vain attempted to conceal himself). "OH, I BELIEVE WE ARE ENGAGED FOR THIS DANCE. I'VE BEEN—THAT IS—I'VE—EH?—I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU—A—A—EVERYWHERE—PHEW!"



Insignificant man rejected in favour of more handsome prospect.

OH YES, OF COURSE.

Lizzie. "OH, MR. POFFLES, I FIND I HAVE MADE A MISTAKE—I SEE I WAS ENGAGED FOR THIS DANCE."



Man and woman dicussing a lady.

FEMININE AMENITIES.

Sensitive Party. "WHO IS THAT GIRL WITH THE NEZ RETROUSSÉ?"

Amiable Party (who has rather a prominent beak). "NEZ RETROUSSÉ! DO YOU MEAN THAT GIRL WITH THE PUG NOSE?"



Woman posing in new hat.

A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR MUGGINS.

"LARK! I SAY! WHAT'LL MY OLD MAN THINK WHEN HE SEE ME IN THIS 'ERE 'AT?"



[Pg 175]

Group of ladies looking at man caring for a baby.

HUSBAND-TAMING.



Two women discussing a husband.

RESULT OF ALLOWING LADIES TO WITNESS RAREY'S HORSE-TAMING EXHIBITION.

Mrs. Blanch. "I ASSURE YOU, MY LOVE, HE IS COMPLETELY UNDER MY CONTROL. HE NEVER TALKS NOW OF SUCH A THING AS GOING TO HIS CLUB OR DINING AT GREENWICH WITH HIS BACHELOR FRIENDS, AND HE WILL READ TO ME WHILE I WORK FOR THE HOUR TOGETHER."

Mrs. Catherine. "OH, I MUST CERTAINLY LEARN THE ART. FOR MY AUGUSTUS IS REALLY DREADFUL!"



[Pg 176]

Man and woman in discussion.

THE LOVERS' QUARREL.

Frederick. "BUT I ASSURE YOU, DEAREST——"

Emily. "OH, NONSENSE, FREDERICK!—DON'T TELL ME! I JUDGE BY DEEDS, NOT WORDS; AND I AM SURE YOU CANNOT REALLY LOVE ME, OR YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE GIVEN THAT HORRID MISS CLAPPERTON THE WING OF THE CHICKEN, AND ME THE LEG. BESIDES, YOU HANDED THE STRAWBERRIES FIRST TO FLORA GIGGLES, AND YOU KNOW HOW I HATE HER."



Lady with crinoline blown over her head in high wind.

A SKETCH DURING THE RECENT GALE.



[Pg 177]

Lady trying to pick up fish with fire tongs.

TERRIFIC ACCIDENT.

BURSTING OF OLD MRS. TWADDLE'S AQUA-VIVARIUM. THE OLD LADY MAY BE OBSERVED ENDEAVOURING TO PICK UP HER FAVOURITE EEL WITH THE TONGS, A WORK REQUIRING SOME ADDRESS.



Two ladies talking near a carriage.

THE MARRIAGE QUESTION.

Lady Flora. "FOUR-IN-HAND CLUB, INDEED! FOR MY PART, I THINK YOUNG MEN OF FORTUNE MIGHT EMPLOY THEIR TIME MUCH BETTER THAN DRIVING HORSES TO GREENWICH! DON'T YOU, ALICE?"

Alice (with a tremendous sigh). "OH, YES! DEAR!"



[Pg 178]

MR. PUNCH'S ADVICE TO HOUSEKEEPERS.

Gentleman in charge of a group of horses.

"IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF."—No. I.

FOR EXAMPLE:—BY GETTING UP AT DAY-BREAK, CLEANING OUT YOUR STABLE, AND TAKING THE HORSES OUT FOR EXERCISE, YOU WILL ACCOMPLISH YOUR OBJECT.



Grooms taking a liesurely breakfast.

"IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF."—No. II.

AND——ENABLE THE GROOMS TO GET THEIR BREAKFAST COMFORTABLY, AND SO KEEP THEM IN GOOD HUMOUR FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.



[Pg 179]

Gentleman doing his own chores.

"IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF."—No. III.

HAVING THOROUGHLY DRESSED AND FED THE HORSES, YOU HAD BETTER SET TO WORK UPON THE BOOTS OF THE ESTABLISHMENT. THE KNIVES, AS YOU HAVE A MACHINE, YOU MAY AS WELL DO. AND, WHILE YOUR HANDS ARE SOILED, YOU HAD BETTER HELP ALPHONSO TO CARRY UP SOME COALS.



Young ladies assisting with dressing.

"IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF."—No. IV.

THERE CAN BE NO REASON WHY THE GIRLS SHOULDN'T DRESS THEMSELVES, THAT PARKER THE MAID MAY GO TO HER DANCING.



Master waiting upon the servants.

"IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF."—No. V.

AS FOR JOHN THOMAS, THE BEST PLAN, OF COURSE, IS TO WAIT UPON HIM, AND THEN, PERHAPS (ALTHOUGH IT BY NO MEANS FOLLOWS), HE MAY BE SATISFIED!

[As most Domestics are fond of the Organ-grinders, you had better engage one of an evening for their amusement.



[Pg 180]

The master sitting on the carriage.

"IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF."—No. VI.

IT IS CERTAINLY BETTER TO MIND THE BROUGHAM YOURSELF, ESPECIALLY IN FOGGY WEATHER, AS, IN CONSEQUENCE OF ROBERT'S UNFORTUNATE PROPENSITY, YOUR FAMILY ARE ALWAYS MORE OR LESS IN DANGER WHEN RETURNING FROM THE THEATRE.



Sleepy man opening door for the sweep.

"IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF."—No. VII.

NEVER DISTURB THE MAIDS IN THE MORNING, BUT JUMP OUT OF BED THE MOMENT YOU HEAR THE SWEEP, AND LET HIM IN; IT ISN'T MUCH TROUBLE, AND SAVES A WORLD OF GRUMBLING.



[Pg 181]

Shrouded man taking steam from a kettle.

DOMESTIC DOCTORING.

FOR A COLD IN THE HEAD THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A STEAM BATH, AND THIS CAN BE HAD IN YOUR OWN BEDROOM WITH THE GREATEST EASE—YOU HAVE ONLY TO——

Kettle spilt, steam everywhere.

TAKE CARE THAT YOU MANAGE THE APPARATUS PROPERLY.



[Pg 182]

Two boys talking.

"WHERE IGNORANCE IS BLISS, 'TIS FOLLY TO BE WISE!"

(New Version.)

"I SAY, JIM, VOT'S A PANIC?"

"BLOW'D IF I KNOW; BUT THERE'S VON TO BE SEEN IN THE CITY."



[Pg 183]

Cook speaking with Parson.

A PRETTY KETTLE OF FISH.

Puseyite Parson. "WHAT! WANT TO LEAVE YOUR SITUATION! WHY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE PERFECTLY SATISFIED!"

Cook. "WELL, SIR, THE FACT IS, I AIN'T EQUAL TO THEM FAST DAYS; FOR WHAT WITH A HEGG HERE, AND A HEGG THERE, AND LITTLE BITS O' FISH FOR BREAKFASTES, AND LITTLE BITS O' FISH FOR DINNERS, AND THE SWEET OMELICKS, AND THE FRIED AND THE STEWED HOYSTERS, AND THE BASHAWED LOBSTERSES, AND ONE THINK AND THE HOTHER, THERE'S SO MUCH COOKING, THAT I AIN'T EVEN TIME TO MAKE UP A CAP!"



[Pg 184]

Apologetic driver with irate passenger.

CATCHING A TARTAR.

Irritable Old Gentleman (giving Conductor a tremendous poke in the ribs). "HOLLO, THERE! STOP! WHAT THE D * * * * CONFOUND YOU, DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO STOP AT ACACIA VILLA?"

Extremely Civil Conductor. "DEAR ME, SO YOU DID, SIR—BEG YOUR PARDON, I'M SURE, SIR, BUT I REALLY QUITE FORGOT IT."

Irritable Old Gentleman. "D-D-DON'T BEG MY PARDON, YOU IMPUDENT SCOUNDREL!—IF YOU GIVE ME ANY OF YOUR BAD LANGUAGE, I'LL HAVE YOU UP AS SURE AS YOU'RE BORN."



Retired coachman talking to groom.

TOUCHING.

Groom (to Old Coachman). "WHY, GUV'NR, WHAT HEVER'S THE MATTER?"

Old Coachman (sobbing). "AH, WILLIAM! MOST AFFECTIN' SIGHT! I'VE JUST SEEN THE FOUR-IN-HAND CLUB GOING DOWN TO GREENWICH! TEN ON 'EM! BEAUTIFUL TEAMS! AND DRIVEN BY REG'LAR TIP-TOP SWELLS! IT'S BIN A'MOST TOO MUCH FOR ME!"

[Is relieved by tears.



Manservant speaking to housemaid.

FLUNKEIANA.

John Thomas. "YES, I MUST LEAVE. YOU SEE, MARY, MY DEAR—THERE'S TOO MUCH RED IN THE LIVERY, AND THAT DON'T SUIT MY COMPLEXION—NEVER DID!"



Trying on boots.

MEASURE FOR MEASURE.

"THIS IS ABOUT THE MARK, I THINK."



[Pg 185]

Children following lady wearing a crinoline.

IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FLATTERY.

Sarah Jane To Betsy Ann. "OH, YES! IF IT COMES TO THAT, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE CAN STICK OUT AS MUCH AS OTHER PEOPLE—I ALWAYS WEARS ONE O' MOTHER'S OLD CLOTHES-BASKETS."



Man about to get soaked by water cart.

MALAPROPOS.

Swell (loq.). "IN FACT, I'M QUITE USED UP—AND IF I DON'T VERY SOON GET TO SOME WATERING PLACE, I SHALL BE A—A—"

[Cartman pulls string—Grand display of the whole system of Fountains.



[Pg 186]

Before and after view .

"AN ART THAT DOTH DISFIGURE NATURE."

MR. BELVILLE DE COURCY WALKS ON THE ESPLANADE, UNDER THE IDEA THAT HE IS CREATING NO END OF SENSATION IN A CERTAIN DRAWING-ROOM.

ALAS! HE LITTLE KNOWS, THAT OWING TO THE VERY INFERIOR QUALITY OF THE GLASS IN THAT DRAWING-ROOM WINDOW, HIS SPLENDID FIGURE IS DISTORTED AS ABOVE.



A group of attractive young ladies, with hair blowing in the wind.

ON THE JETTY.

YES, MY DEARS; I KNOW THE SEA-BREEZE AFTER BATHING IS BENEFICIAL TO THE BACK HAIR;—BUT CONSIDER THE HEART OF YOUR TOO SUSCEPTIBLE PUNCH!



[Pg 187]

Boy speaking to young lady.

A WATER ABSTAINER.

Disgusting Boy. "I SAY, CLARA!—I'M SO JOLLY GLAD, I AM. DO YOU KNOW, ALL THE PIPES ARE FROZE, AND WE SHAN'T BE ABLE TO HAVE ANY OF THAT HORRID WASHING THESE COLD MORNINGS!—AIN'T IT PRIME!"

[Sensation.



Two small boys talking.

A MORAL LESSON FROM THE NURSERY.

Arthur. "DO YOU KNOW, FREDDY, THAT WE ARE ONLY MADE OF DUST!"

Freddy. "ARE WE? THEN I'M SURE WE OUGHT TO BE VERY CAREFUL HOW WE PITCH INTO EACH OTHER SO, FOR FEAR WE MIGHT CRUMBLE EACH OTHER ALL TO PIECES!"



Two small boys talking.

THE DISAPPOINTED ONE.

Lover. "WHAT A BORE, JUST AS I WAS GOING TO POP THE QUESTION TO JENNY JONES, HERE'S MY NURSE COME FOR ME!"



Pair of identical soldiers.

BROTHERS IN ARMS.



[Pg 188]

Scene:- room in a boarding house.

ADDING INSULT TO INJURY.

NOBBS HAVING COME WITH HIS FAMILY TO THE SEA-SIDE FOR A LITTLE CHANGE OF SCENE, COMPLAINS THAT THEY HAVE BEEN TERRIBLY BITTEN BY—(BUT NO, WE WILL NOT MENTION THE HORRID CREATURES)—AND IS ADDRESSED THUS BY THE LODGING-HOUSE KEEPER: "THEN HALL I CAN SAY, SIR, HIS—THAT IF YOU'VE BEEN HILL-CONWENIENCED BY 'EM, YOU MUST 'A BROUGHT 'EM DOWN WITH YOU IN YOUR PORTMANTEL!"



Man chasing a ladies hat blown away in the wind.

A BIT OF A BREEZE.

MR. WIGGINS HAS A FINE OPPORTUNITY OF DISPLAYING HIS POLITENESS AND ACTIVITY



[Pg 189]

Servant speaking to master.

HORRIBLE QUESTION AFTER A GREENWICH DINNER.

Foot-Boy. "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, COOK TOLD ME TO ASK YOU WHAT FISH YOU'D LIKE TO-DAY?"



Question from a boy who looks too young to shave.

AWKWARD PREDICAMENT.

Young Sparrow. "OH, I'M SORRY TO TROUBLE YOU, UNCLE—BUT COULD YOU LEND ME A RAZOR? MY CONFOUNDED FELLOW HASN'T PACKED UP MY DRESSING-CASE!"



Fishmonger addressing hirsute men.

ALARMING PROPOSITION.

Oyster-Man (to Hairy Gents). "OYSTERS, SIR! YES, SIR! SHALL I TAKE YER BEARDS OFF?"

[Gents have an uncomfortable idea that they are being chaffed.



Waiter speaking to diners.

EPIGRAMMATIC.

Gentleman. "LETS HAVE A BOILED MACKEREL."

Waiter. "BILED, SIR! BETTER HAVE 'EM BRILED, SIR. IF THEY'RE BILED, THEY'RE SPILED, SIR!"



[Pg 190]

Two men talking  at station.

A SKETCH AT A RAILWAY STATION.

Respectable Citizen (reads Placard). "'The Public are cautioned against Card-Sharpers, Gamblers, and Pickpockets.' * * * WHY, I THOUGHT SUCH PEOPLE WAS ALL DONE AWAY WITH. DIDN'T YOU, MO?"



Scene in photograpers studio.

HI ART.

Parent. "I SHOULD LIKE YOU TO BE VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT HIS HAIR."

Photographic Artist (!). "OH, MUM, THE 'AIR IS HEASY ENOUGH! IT'S THE HI'S WHERE WE FIND THE DIFFICULTY."



Man relaxing on cliff top.

OUR LAZY CONTRIBUTOR.

"THE VERY IDEA OF WORK THIS BEAUTIFUL WEATHER IS REPUGNANT TO MY FEELINGS."

[Extract from our Young Friend * * *'s Letter.



[Pg 191]

Maid offering a large crinoline for packing.

GOING OUT OF TOWN.

Mary. "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, MISSUS SAY YOU MUST FIND ROOM FOR THIS IN YOUR PORTMANTEL."



Traffic jam with horse drawn carriages

THE ROAD.

Gent (with much pride). "THERE'S ONE THING, 'ARRY, AS ALWAYS STRIKES ME A GOING DOWN TO THE DARBY, AND THAT IS HOW THE NUMBER OF SPLENDID EQUIPAGES MUST ASTONISH THE FOREIGNER!"



[Pg 192]

Gent. raising his hat to two ladies.

SERIOUS THING FOR BROWN,

WHO RATHER PRIDES HIMSELF UPON THE ELEGANT MANNER IN WHICH HE TAKES OFF HIS HAT. THIS TIME, HOWEVER, ALTHOUGH THE HAT IS REMOVED, THE LINING STICKS.



The horse drawing the carriage had fallen over.

BEAUTY IN DISTRESS.

Gallant Swell (who of course comes to the rescue). "HAW! CAN I BE OF ANY SERVICE?"

Beauty. "OH, YES! IF YOU WOULD SIT UPON THE HORSE'S HEAD, I SHOULD BE SO MUCH OBLIGED."



[Pg 193]

Rear view of group of beachcombers .

COMMON OBJECTS AT THE SEA-SIDE—GENERALLY FOUND UPON THE ROCKS AT LOW WATER.



Staged scene in photo. studio.

THE ARTISTIC (!) STUDIO.

A Stereoscopic Scene from Fashionable Life.

"Love, Pride, Revenge."—THE GROUP REPRESENTS A YOUNG MINSTREL OF HUMBLE ORIGIN, DECLARING HIS PASSION TO A LADY OF NOBLE PARENTAGE. HER HAUGHTY BROTHER, AS MAY BE SEEN FROM HIS MENACING ATTITUDE, IS ABOUT TO AVENGE THE INSULT OFFERED TO HIS FAMILY!



[Pg 194]

Mans horse balked at fence. Lady clears fence.

A TRYING THING FOR TOOTLES,

WHO SEES THE OBJECT OF HIS ADMIRATION FLY OVER A HOG-BACKED STILE, HE HAVING THE GREATEST AVERSION TO TIMBER.



Lady bathing in a crinoline dress.

CRINOLINE FOR EVER!—NO BATHING-MACHINE REQUIRED.

A HINT FOR THE SEA-SIDE.



Smartly dressed man wearing nautical outfit.

NAUTICAL STYLE.



[Pg 195]

Two men in a railway carriage.

ALWAYS BE POLITE WHEN TRAVELLING.

Affable Young Gent (who is never distant to Strangers). "WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE Bell's Life, SIR? THERE'S AN OUT-AND-OUT STUNNING MILL BETWEEN CONKEY JIM AND THE PORKY ONE!"



Small boy speaking with lady.

A YOUNG SPORTSMAN.

Lucy. "WELL, REGINALD, AND WHEN DO YOU GO BACK TO SCHOOL?"

Reginald. "OH! THE DAY AFTER TO-MORROW!—AND AIN'T IT A BORE, JUST AS ONE'S HUNTERS ARE IN SUCH SPLENDID CONDITION?"



Street scene on a windy dayl

QUITE A CHEAP TRIP.

DURING SOME OF THE WINTER MONTHS, WITH A NICE BRACING NORTH-EAST WIND BLOWING, YOU MAY GO TO MANCHESTER AND BACK FOR 5s.—AN OPPORTUNITY NOT TO BE LOST—OH DEAR, NO!



Overdressed man and woman.

'ARRY AND 'ARRIET.



[Pg 196]

Lady with telescope  looking  at a steamer

MALICIOUS.

Flora. "CAN YOU STILL SEE THE STEAMER, LUCY, DEAR?"

Lucy. "OH, YES, QUITE PLAINLY!"

Flora. "AND DEAR, DEAR WILLIAM, TOO?"

Lucy. "OH, YES!"

Flora. "DOES HE SEEM UNHAPPY, NOW HE IS AWAY FROM ME?"

Lucy. "EVIDENTLY, I SHOULD SAY, DEAR; FOR HE IS SMOKING A CIGAR, AND DRINKING SOMETHING OUT OF A TUMBLER TO CHEER HIM, POOR FELLOW!"



Fish seller interrupting proposal

DISGUSTING FOR AUGUSTUS.

Augustus (who was rapidly coming to the point). "THEN, EMILY! OH, MAY I CALL YOU EMILY?—SWEETEST!—BEST!—SAY THAT YOU WILL NOT GO—WITHOUT——"

Fish-woman (cuts in). "ANY FEESH TO-DAY, MARM?—ANY MACKEREEL, SOLES, OR WHITING?"



Man and woman in conversation.

QUITE A SEDUCTIVE SON OF MARS.

Lady. "AND SO, CAPTAIN—THEY SAY YOU ARE GOING TO TURN BENEDICK?"

Adonis. "WHY, YA-AS—AW—I DIDN'T WISH TO—BUT—AW—IN FACT, LADY MARY'S ATTENTIONS BECAME SO MARKED—THAT—AW—THE THING AW—WAS INEVITABLE—AW."



Maid telling visitor that his luggage has gone astray.

PLEASURES OF TRAVEL.

Chambermaid. "VERY SORRY, BUT YOUR LUGGAGE HAS GONE ON TO LONDON, SIR."



[Pg 197]

Women in crinolines about to board boat

CRINOLINE ON THE WATER.

Waterman. "YOU'VE NO CALL TO BE AFEARD, MISS; WE'RE LICENSED TO CARRY SIX!"



Woman sheltering behind crinoline whilst in a carraige.

GOING TO CHURCH—SCARBOROUGH.



[Pg 198]

Huntsman adressing rider.

A DAY VERY LATE IN THE SEASON.—SAY, THE FIRST OF APRIL.

THE O.P.Q. HOUNDS HAVE A RATTLING HOUR AND TEN MINUTES AFTER A GOOD STOUT BUTTERFLY, OVER A SPLENDID PRIMROSE AND VIOLET COUNTRY.——

Huntsman (loq.). "SHALL I GIVE THE WINGS TO THE LADY, SIR?"



Casually dressed rider riding a horse whilst using a parasol.

SENSIBLE RIDING COSTUME FOR WARM WEATHER.



[Pg 199]

Mother in conversation with her daughter.

IT MUST BE ALL RIGHT!

Mamma. "I WONDER WHERE THAT CHILD, ARTHUR, IS—HE IS VERY QUIET. I HOPE HE IS NOT IN MISCHIEF."

Child. "OH, NO, MAMMA, DEAR! HE'S NOT IN MISCHIEF, FOR HE IS IN THE LIBRARY, PLAYING WITH THE PENS AND INK."



Young lady asking for a light for her cigar.

AN ASTONISHING REQUEST.

Fast Young Lady (to Old Gent). "HAVE YOU SUCH A THING AS A LUCIFER ABOUT YOU, FOR I'VE LEFT MY CIGAR-LIGHTS AT HOME!"



Singers at an informal concert.

THE UNEXPECTED ALWAYS HAPPENS.

DISMAY OF TOOTLES AT HEARING A STRANGER COMMENCE "THE STANDARD BEARER"—A SONG WHICH HE (TOOTLES) HAS BEEN PRACTISING FOR MONTHS, WITH THE VIEW OF CREATING A SENSATION AT MRS. BLOWER'S MUSICAL EVENING.—UNFORTUNATELY, TOO, FOR TOOTLES, "THE STANDARD BEARER" IS HIS ONLY SONG!



A hairdresser cutting a ladies hair.

A MASTER OF THE ART.



[Pg 200]

Boy commenting on a soldiers uniform.

THE LAST ALTERATION.

Small Boy. "OH, AIN'T IT A SHAME! THEY'RE A-GOING TO TAKE OFF THEM POOR COVES' BOOTS AND COATS, AND PUT 'EM ON FROCKS AND TROWSERS."



Man climbing tree.

BATTLE OF THE HYDE PARK.

GALLANT AND DARING ACT OF PRIVATE LOBBS (OF THE CRUSHERS), WHO, BY HIMSELF, STORMED AN OLD TREE, AND VERY NEARLY CAPTURED THREE SMALL BOYS.



[Pg 201]

Man berating a scarecrow.

BLIND WITH RAGE.

Huntsman (riding furiously over a fence to a Scarecrow). "* * * * * * * *—YOU GREAT FOOL, WHAT THE DEUCE DO YOU STAND POINTING THERE FOR?—WHY DON'T YOU HOLLER OUT WHICH WAY THE FOX BE GONE? BLOWED IF I DON'T CUT YOU INTO BITS!"



Two boys talking.

A NOTION OF PLEASURE.

Boy. "OH, COME HERE, TOMMY!—HERE'S SUCH A LOT O' GRAINS BIN SHOT DOWN HERE! LET'S TURN 'EAD OVER 'EELS IN 'EM!"



Boy speaking to two ladies.

PRECOCITY.

Youth. "HERE'S A NUISANCE, NOW! BLOWED IF I AIN'T LEFT MY CIGAR-CASE ON MY DRESSING-ROOM TABLE, AND THAT YOUNG BROTHER OF MINE WILL HAVE ALL MY BEST REGALIAS!"



[Pg 202]

Boy speaking to grandmother.

PRACTICAL SCIENCE.

Grandmamma. "WELL, CHARLEY, AND WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN LEARNING TO-DAY?"

Charley. "PNEUMATICS, GRAN'MA!—AND I CAN TELL YOU SUCH A DODGE!—IF I WAS TO PUT YOU UNDER A GLASS RECEIVER, AND EXHAUST THE AIR, ALL YOUR WRINKLES WOULD COME OUT AS SMOOTH AS GRANDPAPA'S HEAD!"



Man talking to girl in presence of her aunt.

AN INDISCRETION.

Fascinating Gent (to precocious Little Girl). "YOU ARE A VERY NICE LITTLE GIRL; YOU SHALL BE MY WIFEY WHEN YOU GROW UP!"——

Little Girl. "NO, THANK YOU; I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A HUSBAND; BUT AUNT BESSY DOES. I HEARD HER SAY SO!"

[Sensation on the part of Aunt Bessy.



Boy hunter talking to farmer.

ADDING INSULT TO INJURY.

Schoolboy (to Farmer who has come out to protect his fields). "NOW THEN, OLD TURNIP-TOPS! WARE WHEAT!"



[Pg 203]

Man sitting upon a newly painted boat.

THE COURSE OF TRUE, &c., NEVER DID, &c.

HERE'S POOR YOUNG WIGGLES ANXIOUS TO MEET THE BEING HE ADORES, BUT CANNOT DO SO, BECAUSE THE NEWLY-PITCHED BOAT UPON WHICH HE HAS BEEN SITTING, HAS CAUGHT HIM ALIVE, O!



Lady in large crinoline sitting on hire chairs

THE EXPANSE OF FASHION.

Chair Proprietor. "WOULD YOU PLEASE TO PAY FOR THE CHEERS, MUM?"

Lady. "HOW MUCH?"

Chair Proprietor. "WELL, MUM—HOW MANY MIGHT YOU BE A SITTIN' ON?"



[Pg 204]

Couple braving a gale force wind.

IN THE WITCHING TIME OF LIFE.

SOME LIKE ONE THING, AND SOME ANOTHER—FOR EXAMPLE, JACK LIKES A BLOW ON THE NORTH CLIFF——



Couple sitting sheltering from wind.

WHILE CHARLES PREFERS A QUIET CORNER OUT OF THE WIND.



[Pg 205]

Man consoling child.

SISTERLY LOVE.

Papa. "THERE, THERE! MY LITTLE POPPET! DON'T CRY! DON'T CRY!—IF YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE THE MEASLES, YOU WILL SOON BE WELL AGAIN, I HOPE. THERE, THERE!"

Blanche (sobbing violently). "I—I—I—I'M NOT CRYING, PAPA, BECAUSE I'M GOING TO HAVE THE MEASLES; BUT BECAUSE I—I—I—THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO RIDE MARY'S PONY ALL THE TIME SHE WAS ILL, AND NOW I SHAN'T!"



Lady in conversation with maid.

A DOMESTIC EXTRAVAGANZA.

Mamma. "WHY, GOOD GRACIOUS, NURSE! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ADOLPHUS! HE LOOKS VERY ODD!"

Nurse. "AND WELL HE MAY, MUM! FOR HE THOUGHT THE COLOURED BALLS IN MISS CHARLOTTE'S NEW GAME OF SOLITAIRE WAS BULL'S EYES, AND HE'S SWALLOWED EVER SO MANY OF 'EM."



Scene in a railway carriage.

A HINT TO RAILWAY TRAVELLERS.

BY BREATHING ON THE GLASS—AND HOLDING A SPEAKING DOLL BY WAY OF BABY TO THE WINDOW—YOU MAY GENERALLY KEEP YOUR COMPARTMENT SELECT.



Two lads carrying tin baths.

A SEA-SIDE DIALOGUE.

"HOLLO, JIMMY!—WHERE ARE YOU A-GOING WITH YOURN?"

"HESPLANADE!—WHERE BE YOU?"

"PROSPEC PLACE!"

[Exit Companions of the Bath.



[Pg 206]

Boy on a donkey speaking to well dressed rider.

A QUID PRO QUO.

Small Boy (to prodigious Swell). "I SAY, MISTER, KETCH MY DONKEY, THAT'S A GOOD CHAP—I'LL DO THE SAME FOR YOU ANOTHER TIME!"



Elderly well dress gent. speaking to boatman.

TOUCHING APPEAL.

Testy Old Gent (wearied by the importunities of the Brighton Boatman). "CONFOUND IT, MAN! DO I LOOK AS IF I WANTED A BOAT?"



[Pg 207]

Attendant speaking to driver of bathing machine

A DELICIOUS DIP.

Bathing Attendant. "HERE, BILL! THE GENT WANTS TO BE TOOK OUT DEEP—TAKE 'IM INTO THE DRAIN!"



Scene at a crowded beach.

A CITIZEN OF THE WORLD.

OLD DIPPS DECLARES THEY MANAGE SEA-BATHING BETTER IN FRANCE, AND THAT WHEN HE IS AT BO-LONG, HE DOES AS BO-LONG DOES—WELL! THAT'S A MATTER OF TASTE!



[Pg 208]

Mother in company with another, talking to her son.

MISPLACED INTELLIGENCE.

Mamma. "WHY, TOM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT NASTY DUST-PAN AND BROOM?"

Tom. "BROTHER FRED TOLD ME TO BRING IT IN AND SWEEP UP ALL THE H'S MRS. MOPUS HAD DROPPED ABOUT!"

[N.B. Great Expectations from Mrs. M.



Small child bathing even smaller child.

KNIGHTS OF THE BATH.



Elderly gent. in conversatiom with a younger one.

SCENE: GREENWICH.

Senior Party. "DOG CART! GOOD GRACIOUS! BUT YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO DRIVE?"

Junior Party. "NOT GOING A—DWIVE? WHY NOT GOING A—DWIVE? JUS—AIN'T I, THO'?"

[The last train has gone, and the Senior Party under the impression that the vehicle was a brougham, has accepted the offer of a lift to town.



[Pg 209]

Man viewing imprint of ladies shoe in the sand.

SHOCKING RESULT OF WEARING INDIA-RUBBER GOLOSHES.

YOUNG JACK ROBINSON SEES WHAT HE IMAGINES TO BE THE IMPRESSION OF HIS DARLING'S FOOT—HE MENTALLY EJACULATES, "BEETLE-CRUSHER, BY JOVE!" AND FLIES TO OTHER CLIMES.



Two men smoking tobacco on a pier.

A HAVEN OF REFUGE.

THINGS ARE SO BAD IN THE CITY, THAT MR. SNAFFLE AND MR. FLUKER GO TO BOULOGNE FOR CHANGE AND AIR.



[Pg 210]

Man reading newspaper to lady.

TOO BAD, BY JOVE!

Heavy Swell. "DEUCED STUPID—THESE NEWSPAPERS!"

Lady (with keen perception of the ludicrous). "YES, CHARLES!—ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY SAY THAT A DISMOUNTED DRAGOON IS ABOUT AS EFFECTIVE AS A SWAN ON A TURNPIKE ROAD!"



Two veiled ladies discussing approaching men.

HEARTLESS PRACTICAL JOKE.

Charlotte. "HERE THEY COME, BLANCHE. LET US PRETEND WE DON'T RECOLLECT THEM."



[Pg 211]

Two sailor cadets standing on the yard arm.

SCENE ON BOARD H.M.S. ——

"I SAY, WHY AM I LIKE THE QUEEN'S CHIEF COOK? DO YOU GIVE IT UP?"

"YES."

"BECAUSE I AM IN A HIGH COOL-AND-AIRY (culinary) POSITION."

[Astonished Cadet nearly falls from the yard.



Boy on a pony talking to the Master of Foxhounds.

A BYE-DAY AT EASTER.

Youth (quite at home for the holidays). "NOW, LOOK HERE, OLD BOY; IF THE FOX BREAKS AT THIS CORNER, DON'T YOU HOLLER TILL HE GETS WELL AWAY!"—(N.B. The old Nimrod is the MASTER himself.)



[Pg 212]

Father at breakfast..

A GREAT PLAGUE IN LIFE.

PATERFAMILIAS, WHOSE PET AVERSION IS STREET MUSIC, GOES TO THE SEA-SIDE, HOPING TO ESCAPE FROM THE NUISANCE, HE IS AT BREAKFAST,—BEAUTIFUL VIEW, NEW-LAID EGG, &c., &c.—WHEN——

Man about to play bagpipes.

OH, HORROR!



[Pg 213]

Man and woman talking.

DREADFUL FOR YOUNG OXFORD.

Lady. "ARE YOU AT ETON?"

Young Oxford. "AW, NO!—I'M AT OXFORD!"

Lady. "OXFORD! RATHER A NICE PLACE, IS IT NOT?"

Young Oxford. "HUM!—HAW! PRETTY WELL, BUT THEN I CAN'T GET ON WITHOUT FEMALE SOCIETY!"

Lady. "DEAR! DEAR! PITY YOU DON'T GO TO A GIRLS' SCHOOL, THEN!"



Lady and child talking.

WONDERFUL INTELLIGENT CHILD.

---- "ROSE, WILL YOU HAVE SOME DINNER?"

Rose. "HAVE HAD MY DINNER."

---- "WHAT HAVE YOU HAD FOR YOUR DINNER?"

Rose. "SOMETHING THAT BEGINS WITH AN S!"

---- "AND WHAT BEGINS WITH AN S?"

Rose. "COLD BEEF!"



Soldier attempting to restrain tent in high wind.

AN INCIDENT OF CAMP LIFE.

Captain Holster. "HERE! HI! SOME ONE!—STOP MY BEDROOM!—HI!"



Man on board ship.

MAL DE MER.

A FOREIGN NOBLEMAN IN DIFFICULTY.



[Pg 214]

Gent. taking Sunday lunch.

SUNDAY AT THE CLUB.

JUST A SANDWICH AND A NICE GLASS OF HOCK AND SELTZER WATER.



[Pg 215]

Scene at a village inn.

AT THE ROADSIDE INN.

A MOUTHFUL OF DUST AND A PULL AT THE PUMP.



[Pg 216]

Two men out shooting.

AN INJURED INDIVIDUAL.

Simkins (who has missed his bird, but peppered WILKINS). "THERE, NOW, I'VE A DOOCED GOOD MIND TO SAY THAT I'LL NEVER COME OUT SHOOTING WITH YOU AGAIN—YOU'RE ALWAYS GETTING IN THE WAY!"



Tourists spoiling the sport for shooting party.

THE MOORS. GRATIFYING—VERY!!

ON ARRIVING AT THE BEST PART OF YOUR SHOOTING, YOU FIND THOSE AMIABLE TOURISTS, THE NOBBS'S, HAVE BEEN OVER THE GROUND A GOOD DEAL. AS THE BIRDS ARE WILD, YOUR SPORT IS NOT MUCH IMPROVED THEREBY. NOBBS, JUNIOR, MAY BE OBSERVED TAKING IN THE "OBJECTS OF INTEREST" WITH HIS TELESCOPE.



[Pg 217]

Cabby talking to uniformed footman.

FRIENDLY BADINAGE.

Cabby. "NOW, JOHN! WHEN YOU'VE DONE CLEANING THEM KNIVES BEHIND, JUST CLEAN THAT OLD SPOON ON THE BOX, AND LET'S COME BY!"



Novice harse riders at a locked gate.

THE NOBLE SCIENCE.

TOMKINS AND HIS FRIEND (WHO HAVE BEEN THROWN OUT) CONGRATULATE THEMSELVES ON FALLING IN WITH THE SQUIRE'S SECOND HORSEMAN, WHO IS SURE TO BRING THEM BY A LINE OF GATES TO THE HOUNDS AGAIN—AND SO HE DOES, ONLY—THE LAST OF THE GATES IS LOCKED, AND OVER WHICH HE "HOPS LIKE A BIRD!"



[Pg 218]

Gent. talking to horse dealer.

THE VERY THING.

Dealer. "I THINK I KNOW EXACTLY THE OSS YOU WANT, SIR—ABOUT FIFTEEN-TWO—GOOD SHOULDER, LIGHT HEAD AND NECK—WELL RIBBED UP—TAIL WELL SET ON, GOOD FLAT LEGS—PLENTY OF BONE——"

Gent (delighted). "YA-AS——"

Dealer. "NO SHY ABOUT HIM. A GOOD GOER, HIGH COURAGED, BUT TEMPERATE—TO CARRY HIS OWN HEAD, NICE MOUTH, AND SWEET TEMPER—FOR ABOUT FIVE-AND-TWENTY PUND!"

Gent (in ecstacy). "THE VERY THING."

Dealer. "HAH! THEN DON'T YOU WISH YOU MAY GET IT?"

[GENT subsides.



Riders clinging on to out of control horses.

PLEASURES OF SPORT.

THE NEXT BEST THING TO KEEPING YOUR OWN HUNTERS, IS, TO HIRE "MADE HORSES," THAT THOROUGHLY KNOW THEIR BUSINESS.



[Pg 219]

Cab driver  talking to passenger.

THE OLD GENTLEMAN HAS HAD A LONG MILE, AND TENDERS THE LEGAL FARE—SIXPENCE.

Cabby (with feigned surprise and delight). "WHAT, ALL—THIS—AT ONCE!!"



Two horsemen at an obstacle

VERY ATTENTIVE.

Hard-riding Cornet (to Old Party, who is rather bothered by a Brook.) "DON'T MOVE, SIR! PRAY DON'T MOVE AND I'LL TAKE YOU OVER WITH ME"



[Pg 220]

Runaway horse in an accident.

NOTHING TO SPEAK OF!

Old Gent. "PRAY, MY GOOD MAN, WHAT IS THE MATTER?"

Confused Individual. "MATTER, SIR! GENLMN'S OSS RUN AWAY WITH A BROOM, SIR! NIVER SEE ANYTHINK LIKE IT IN ALL MY BORN DAYS! DOWN HE COMES THE 'ILL WITH THE SHARVES A-DANGLING ALL ABOUT HIS LEGS—KNOCKS A BUTCHER'S CART INTO A LINENDRAPER'S SHOP—BANGS AGIN A CARRIDGE AND PAIR, AND SMASHES THE PANEL ALL TO BITS—UPSETS A FEAYTON, AND IF HE 'ADN'T A-RUN UP AGIN THIS HERE CAB AND DASHED IT RIGHT OVER, AND STOPPED HISSELF, BLOWED IF I DONT THINK THERE'D A BIN SOME ACCIDENT!"



Baby trying to eat a watch

THRILLING DOMESTIC INCIDENT.

Master Alfred. "DON'T, BABY!—YOU'LL SPOIL IT. LEAVE GO, SIR! HERE, NURSE! HE'S SWALLOWING MY NEW WATCH!"



Girl playing with her doll.

AFTERNOON TEA.



[Pg 221]

Young lady showing off her trophy.

THE FAIR TOXOPHILITES.

Constance. "OH, MAMMA! I'M SO DELIGHTED! I HAVE JUST MADE THE BEST GOLD, AND WON THE BEAUTIFUL BRACELET GIVEN BY CAPTAIN RIFLES."

Lucy (disappointed). "WELL, CONSTANCE, I THINK YOU HAD BETTER NOT SAY MUCH ABOUT IT. YOU KNOW IT WAS A FLUKE! FOR YOU TOLD ME YOU ALWAYS SHOT WITH YOUR EYES SHUT, AS YOU FEEL SO VERY NERVOUS!"



Horseman whose matches have set on  fire due to friction.

HINT TO GENTLEMEN RIDING HOME AFTER DINNER.

NEVER CARRY "PATENT VESUVIENNES," 2d. A BOX, IN YOUR COAT-TAIL POCKET!



[Pg 222]

Mr. B with audience.

MR. BRIGGS, HAVING BECOME AN ADEPT IN THE ART OF HORSE-TAMING, OPERATES UPON A COLT HE HAS BRED HIMSELF, AND

Mr.  B. in victorious posture.

WITH COMPLETE SUCCESS!



[Pg 223]

Foggy street scene.

AN UNINVITING PROSPECT.

A FRENCH FRIEND PAYS HIS FIRST VISIT TO ENGLAND, AND IS SHOWN THE GREAT METROPOLIS. HE IS PROFOUNDLY IMPRESSED BY OUR NOBLE REGENT STREET.



Man carrying a lighted brazier upon his head.

THE DEMON OF THE STREET.

THE FRIGHTFUL FIGURE THAT NEARLY TERRIFIED OLD FOGEY AND HIS WIFE OUT OF THEIR WITS—AND WHICH PROVED, AFTER ALL, TO BE ONLY AN ORDINARY MORTAL CARRYING ROASTED CHESTNUTS!



Foggy scene in the hunting field.

FOXHUNTING IN A FOG.

Wild Huntsman (in the distance). "ALL RIGHT, JACK! COME ALONG! CAN HEAR 'EM IN THE NEXT FIELD!"



[Pg 224]

Angling scene at dawn.

IT'S THE EARLY BIRD THAT PICKS UP THE WORM.

Piscator. "THERE, THOMAS, YOU NOW SEE THE ADVANTAGE OF EARLY RISING. I HAVE GOT THE VERY BEST PLACE ON THE WATER, AND I'LL BE BOUND TO SAY THE OTHER SUBSCRIBERS ARE NOT OUT OF BED YET!"



Mr. Punch presenting a rifle to  a street musician.

F. M. PUNCH SYMPATHISES WITH THE POOR(!) ITALIAN ORGAN-GRINDER.

F. M. P. "THERE, MY MAN, IT'S A PITY A GREAT HULKING FELLOW LIKE YOU SHOULD TURN A HANDLE TO MAKE SUCH A NASTY NOISE! HERE'S AN INSTRUMENT FOR YOU! GO AND PLAY UPON IT IN YOUR OWN COUNTRY!"



[Pg 225]

Man winding up his watch.

DELICATE TEST.

Elevated Party. "A NEVER THINK A FL'EAR'S HAD T'MUSH WINE S'LONG AS A WINDSUP-ISH WASH!"

[Proceeds to perform that operation with corkscrew.



Aftermath of a fist fight.

A WAKE IN THE MINING DISTRICTS.

J'moimer Ann. "HAS THEE FOWGHTEN, BILL?"

Bill. "NOOAH!"

J'moimer Ann. "THEN GET THEE FOWGHTEN, AND COOM WUM. DADDY GOT HIS'N DONE BY FOWER O'CLOCK!"



boys viewing a well dressed man.

A BAD TIME FOR JOHN THOMAS.

Rude Boy. "I SAY, JACK, AIN'T HE A FINE UN?—D'YE THINK HE'S REAL, OR ONLY STUFFED?"



Sweep carying brush, about to round a corner with a man approaching.

THE COMING COLLISION.



[Pg 226]

Dancing table

REMARKABLE CASE OF TABLE-TALKING.

Table (loquitur). "DON'T YOU BELIEVE HIM, MUM—I'M NOT MAHOGANY, BUT I'M VENEERED AND SECOND-HAND."

[Table dances about on its legs for a considerable time, and vanishes in a blue flame.



Driver soliciting a job.

THE FOUR-IN-HAND MANIA.

Hearse Driver (to Swell, who has just started a Team). "BEG PARDON, SIR, BUT HEARING AS YOU HAD STARTED FOUR 'OSSES, I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT A YOUNG MAN AS COULD BRING YOUR COACH UP TO THE DOOR AS IT 'AD OUGHT TO BE!"



Driver speaking to passengers.

TOUCHING.

Friend. "——AND WHAT BECOME OF HER?"

Buss Driver (with emotion). "WELL!—SHE WAS TOOK AWAY FROM ME—AND GOT INTO BAD HANDS, YER SEE—AND SOON WENT ALL TO PIECES.—DEAR! DEAR!—SHE WOS WERRY BEAUTIFUL!—SUCH A SHAPE! AND SUCH A LOVELY COLOUR! (Sighing.) HAH! I SHALL NEVER, NEVER, SEE—SUCH—ANOTHER—BUSS AGIN!"



[Pg 227]

Bather observed by two ladies.

SIX OF ONE AND HALF-A-DOZEN OF THE OTHER.

Miss Matilda to Miss Priscilla. "WELL, I'M SURE!—THE CREATURE NEEDN'T SIT THERE IN THAT DISGUSTING MANNER!"



Very large lady about to mount a horse.

AN EQUESTRIAN DIFFICULTY.

Mr. Sprat. "DON'T YOU THINK, MY LOVE, THAT THE GROOM, WHO UNDERSTANDS THESE THINGS, HAD BETTER PUT YOU UP?"

Mrs. Sprat (with indignation). "THE GROOM, MR. S! THE GROOM PUT ME UP! NO, SIR! PUT ME UP YOURSELF. A PRETTY HUSBAND YOU ARE! GROOM, INDEED!"



[Pg 228]

Ladies in crinolines rushing for a bathing machine.

THE RACE FOR A BATHING MACHINE.

ALICE FIRST, CLARA SECOND, MISS TODDLES A BAD THIRD; AND THE REST NOWHERE!



Two men in a boat challenge, but still anchored.

RIVER FROLICS.

WHAT CAPITAL FUN IT IS SETTING TRIMMERS FOR JACK, AND ROWING AFTER THEM UNDER A BURNING SUN!—BUT WHY DOES NOT TOM HAUL UP THE ANCHOR?



[Pg 229]

Large lady climbing a ladder.

THE WILL AND THE WAY.

MRS. POTTLES SEES NO REASON WHY SHE SHOULDN'T GO OUT ON THE ROOF OF HER HOUSE TO SEE THE FIREWORKS.



Two boys with  a tailors dummy.

PREJUDICE.

Boy. "OH! LOOK 'ERE, BILL! 'ERE'S A BLOATED HARISTOCRAT. THERE'S NO ONE LOOKING. LET'S PUNCH HIS 'ED!"



Small boy speaking to his Gran..

THE COMET.

Master Tom. "I SAY, GRAN'MA, THIS IS A SAD JOB ABOUT THE COMET!"

Gran'ma. "GOOD GRACIOUS! WHAT'S THE MATTER?"

Master Tom. "WHY, HERE'S A LETTER IN THE PAPER SAYS,—'The particles of the tail, if thrown out from the head, having only, as before, the same rate of orbital motion as the head, and having larger and larger orbits to describe, the further they are removed from the head, will necessarily fall further and further behind as they recede from the comet, and thus form a curve independently of a resisting medium;' AND THAT, 'the panic-allaying doctrine of the tenuity of cometic nuclei cannot be maintained from the mere fact of their translucency.'"



[Pg 230]

Two horse riders in conversation.

VIVE LE SPORT!

English Friend (to Foreigner of distinction). "THE FOX HAS BROKE, AND GONE AWAY!"

Foreigner of distinction (who has been galloping about the rides to his immense satisfaction). "AHA! HE IS BROKEN, AND GONE AVAY! WHAT A PITY! ZEN I SUPPOSE IT IS ALL OVARE AND WE MUST GO HOME!"



small boy on small horse speaking to a rider on amuch bigger horse.

TAKING FIRST PLACE.

Boy from School. "GATE NAILED, OLD BOY! NEVER MIND! I'LL MAKE A GAP FOR YOU!"



[Pg 231]

Coook in coversation with milkman.

CANDID.

Cook. "FINE DAY, MR. CHALKS!"

Mr. Chalks. "YES, COOKEY, IT'S A VERY FINE DAY! BUT IF WE HAVEN'T SOME RAIN SOON, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE SHALL DO FOR MILK!"



Two men in conversation.

FORTUNATE FELLOWS.

Stalwart Briton. "I TELL YER WHAT, BILL! WE OUGHT TO BE VERY THANKFUL WE'RE ENGLISHMEN, FOR WHETHER IT'S THE CLIMATE, OR WHETHER IT'S THEIR HABITS, JUST SEE HOW THOSE AMERICANS ARE DEGENERATING!"



Two stout people in conversation.

NOT A PERSONAL ALLUSION.

Stout Gent. "DEAR! DEAR! SO HE HAS FORMED AN ATTACHMENT THAT YOU DON'T APPROVE OF! AH! WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING. DEPEND UPON IT, MA'AM, THERE'S A SKELETON SOMEWHERE IN EVERY HOUSE!"



[Pg 232]

Man tied to carriage, friend riding the horse.

RETURNING FROM THE DERBY.

"AT LENGTH HE PRESENTED HIMSELF BUT IN SUCH A STATE THAT WE WERE OBLIGED TO TIE HIM ON THE BOX, AND I HAD TO RIDE HOME."—Extract from Letter to particular Friend.



Uninterested ladies at the races.

AT EPSOM.

Excited Gentleman. "THEY'RE OFF!—THEY'RE OFF!"

Quiet Lady. "ARE THEY, DEAR? WON'T YOU HAVE SOME PIE?"



Crossing sweeper talking to man.

AN ABSENTEE.

"WHY ARE YOU ON THE CROSSING, JAMES? IS YOUR FATHER ILL?"

"NO. HE'S DROVE MOTHER DOWN TO HASCOT."



[Pg 233]

Intoxicated man ruminating.

SELF-EXAMINATION.

Party (slightly influenced). "QUESHION ISH! AM I FIT TO GO INTODRAWINGROOM? LETSH SHEE!—I CAN SHAY GLORIUSH CONSHYSHUSN!—HAVE SEEN BRISH INSHYCHUSION—ALL THAT SORTOTHING—THATLEDO—HERE GOSH!"



Man admiring himself in a mirror.

THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT.

Old Mr. What's-his-name. "EGAD, I DON'T WONDER AT MOUSTACHES COMING INTO FASHION, FOR—EH! WHAT! BY JOVE, IT DOES IMPROVE ONE'S APPEARANCE!"



Man being hauled up a steep hill by a harnessed horse.

DEER-STALKING MADE EASY. A HINT TO LUSTY SPORTSMEN.



[Pg 234]

Nurse with small children.

A FACT FROM THE NURSERY.

Nurse. "MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS, MISS CHARLOTTE, YOU MUSTN'T PLAY WITH THOSE SCISSORS!"

Miss Charlotte. "I'M NOT PLAYING WITH 'EM, NURSE DEAR—I'M CUTTING 'ITTLE BRUDDER'S NAILS!"



Man making basketwork.

RETIREMENT.



Prams. blocking footway.

GRAND CHARGE OF PERAMBULATORS, AND DEFEAT OF THE SWELLS.



[Pg 235]

Two thuggish men talking to gent.

A SUBURBAN DELIGHT.

Dark Party (with a ticket-of-leave, of course). "AX YER PARDON, SIR!—BUT IF YOU WAS A-GOING DOWN THIS DARK LANE, P'RAPS YOU'D ALLOW ME AND THIS HERE YOUNG MAN TO GO ALONG WITH YER—'COS YER SEE THERE AIN'T NO PERLICE ABOUT—AND WE'RE SO PRECIOUS FEARED O' BEIN' GAROTTED!"



Dining mishap.

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING.

AS, FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN YOU GET THE ASPARAGUS SHOT OVER YOUR FAVOURITE DRESS COAT WITH THE SILK FACINGS.



Lady powdering her nose.

FINISHING TOUCH.



[Pg 236]

Funeral proffesionals after the event.

"PERFORMERS," AFTER A RESPECTABLE FUNERAL.



[Pg 237]

Obese man after a large meal.

THE BRITISH JURYMAN PREPARING FOR THE WORST.

Wife of his Bussum. "THERE, MY LOVE, I THINK WITH WHAT YOU'VE HAD, AND THIS BOX OF CONCENTRATED LUNCHEON, YOU MAY HOLD OUT AGAINST ANY OF 'EM!"



[Pg 238]

Two men talking.

A DISTRESSED AGRICULTURIST.

Landlord. "WELL, MR. SPRINGWHEAT, ACCORDING TO THE PAPERS, THERE SEEMS TO BE A PROBABILITY OF A CESSATION OF HOSTILITIES."

Tenant (who strongly approves of War prices). "GOODNESS GRACIOUS! WHY, YOU DON'T MEAN TO SAY THAT THERE'S ANY DANGER OF PEACE!"



Large man talking to lady horse rider.

SOMETHING LIKE A HORSE-TAMER.

Stout Party (who weighs about ten sacks of flour and a cartload of bricks). "REALLY, NOW, AND SO YOU HAVE BEEN INITIATED, AND IT'S ALL RIGHT, EH? WELL, I CERTAINLY MUST TAKE SOME LESSONS, AND BECOME A HORSE-TAMER MYSELF!"



[Pg 239]

Large lady with small chair.

SPACIOUS ACCOMMODATION.

"THE WERRY FIRST THING AS EVER I DOES WHEN I GOES TO THE CHRISTIAL PALIS, IS GIT A CHEER!"



Mrs. F. in very wide crinoline.

EASIER SAID THAN DONE.

Master of the House. "OH, FRED, MY BOY—WHEN DINNER IS READY, YOU TAKE MRS. FURBELOW DOWNSTAIRS!"



Chess game, with chaperones.

A DOUBLE GAME.

GREAT CHESS MATCH (UPON THE MORPHY SYSTEM) BETWEEN MR. AND MRS. CASTLETOP AGAINST THEIR DAUGHTER BLANCHE AND HER INTENDED, YOUNG CHARLEY ROOKTON.



[Pg 240]

Cab driver talking to prospective passenger.

THE CIVIL CABMAN.

Cabby (to Old Party, who has been to the Crystal Palace). "WANT A CAB, SIR!—SORRY I'M ENGAGED, SIR!—WERRY 'APPY TO TAKE YOU NEXT WEEK!"



Flies swarming in the dark.

THANK GOODNESS! FLY-FISHING HAS BEGUN!

Miller. "DON'T THEY, REALLY! PERHAPS THEY'LL RISE BETTER TOWARDS THE COOL OF THE EVENING. THEY MOSTLY DO!"



[Pg 241]

Boy on horse speaking to girls on a balcony.

A CAVALIER.

Adolphus. "NOW, GIRLS!—IF YOU'RE GAME FOR A RIDE ON THE SANDS—I'M YOUR MAN."



[Pg 242]

Bored looking man.

WET DAY AT THE SEA-SIDE.

PARTY IN THE TABLEAU THINKS, THAT PERHAPS STROPPING HIS RAZORS MIGHT AMUSE HIM.



Amorous couple stargazing.

SCIENCE STUDENTS.

SO FOND OF ASTRONOMY, THAT THEY ARE ALWAYS ON THE BALCONY, LOOKING FOR THE COMET!



Small boy on a pony, with rider on a larger horse.

A SPECIMEN OF PLUCK.

Ruggles. "HOLD HARD, MASTER GEORGE. IT'S TOO WIDE, AND UNCOMMON DEEP!"

Master George. "ALL RIGHT, RUGGLES! WE CAN BOTH SWIM!"



[Pg 243]

A mop resting on a bench.

A FACT.

Short-sighted Officer. "SERGEANT! GET THAT MAN'S HAIR CUT IMMEDIATELY!"



Lady viewing other ladies hats.

MATTER OF OPINION.

Miss Matilda. "GO ON, FIDO!—THERE'S ONE GREAT DRAWBACK TO THESE HATS—THEY MAKE ONE LOOK LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE." (Ahem!)



[Pg 244]

Two men talking.

OUR LITTLE FRIEND TOM NODDY DETERMINES TO HAVE A DAY'S HUNTING IN A FRESH COUNTRY.

T. N. (loq.). "WELL NOW, OLD FELLOW, WHAT SORT O' COUNTRY IS IT WHERE WE ARE GOING TO-MORROW?"

His Friend. "OH, BEAUTIFUL!—VERY EASY. BIGGISH BULLFINCHERS WITH A DITCH ON ONE SIDE. TIMBER OF COURSE, SUCH AS POSTS AND RAILS, AND THAT SORT OF THING; AND IF WE GO TO MUDBURY, NOTHING BUT RAZOR-BACKED BANKS AND—WATER!"



Girl pretending to swim.

THE SWIMMERS.

Georgina. "NOW, CLARA, THAT'S NOT FAIR—YOU KNOW YOU HAVE ONE FOOT ON THE GROUND."



Two ladies talking.

A MODERN ANTIQUE.



[Pg 245]

Waiter serving food to lady.

FRENCH AS IT IS SPOKEN.

Scene. Paris, a Table d'Hôte.—Old Lady at Breakfast.—The Garçon has been ordered to bring some fruit to Old Lady.

Garçon. "VOILÀ, MADAME!—Old Lady (who, in her Daughter's absence, will let off her French.) "OH! TRES BYANG, TRES BYANG, GARÇON; BONG! MARECEY, MARECEY, MAIS—THESE ARE CURRANTS—BYANG NAMPORT! CET EGAL—ONLY—JE N'AIME PAS SO WELL AS GOOSEBERRIES, YOU KNOW!"

[Instructive rather!



Man with fish hook caught in ladies hat

A GOOD CATCH.

FLY-FISHING. A NICE RIPPLE ON THE WATER.—"NOW FOR A BIG ONE!"



[Pg 246]

Cab driver talking to pedestrian.

FELLOW FEELING.

Cabby. "NOT GOT NO MONEY?—NEVER MIND, SIR,—JUMP IN! I CAN'T STAND SUCH AN OSSEY-LOOKING GENT AS YOU TO GO ABOUT A-WALKING!"



Well dressed man in farmyard

THE FARM-YARD.

Country Friend (to London Friend who is dressed within an inch of his life). "THERE, MY BOY—COME AND SEE THIS LOVELY PIG, AND THEN WE'LL GO AND LOOK AT THE REST OF THE STOCK."



[Pg 247]

Tailor measuring customer.

DELICATE WAY OF PUTTING IT.

Tailor (measuring). "TRIFLE WIDER ROUND THE CHEST, SIR, THAN YOU WAS."



Three men, worse the wear for drink.

TABLE-TURNING EXPERIMENT AT GREENWICH.

"THERE, OLD FELLA! HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED IT GOES ROUND NOW."

"OH YESH! THERE'S NO MISTAKE!"



Urchin addressing well dressed gent.

A COOL REQUEST.

Boy. "I SAY, SIR—HEAVE US UP TO HAVE A LOOK AT THEM PICTURES!"



Man in bizarre suit.

FASHION OF THE PERIOD.

THE RAREY ZEBRA PATTERN—A SWEET THING FOR THE SEA-SIDE.



[Pg 248]

Small boy speaking to prospective cook.

OFFENDED DIGNITY.

Small Boy (to Ex-Cook, who has come about a place). "IS THERE A FOOTMAN KEP? WHY, O' COURSE THERE IS—I'M THE FOOTMAN!"



Bootblack speaking to gent.

A HINT TO THE ENTERPRISING.

Boy. "HERE YOU ARE, SIR. BLACK YER BOOTS, AND TAKE YER LIKENESS, FOR THE SMALL CHARGE OF THREEPENCE!"



Company of female archers oberved by Mr. Puncch.

THE ROYAL KNICKERBOCKER ARCHERS.

INVASION, INDEED! WHY, HERE IS A CORPS OF VOLUNTEERS, WHO HAVE NEVER EVEN BEEN THOUGHT OF—WHAT WITH THE GLANCES AND THE ARROWS THEY WOULD SHOOT, AN ENEMY WOULD BE WORRIED TO DEATH IN NO TIME!



[Pg 249]

Mistress speaking with two housemaids.

SERVANTGALISM.—No. XI.

Mistress. "NOT GOING TO REMAIN IN A SITUATION ANY LONGER! WHY, YOU FOOLISH THINGS, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, THEN?"

Eliza. "WHY, MA'AM, YOU SEE OUR FORTUNE-TELLER SAY THAT TWO YOUNG NOBLEMEN IS A-GOING TO MARRY US—SO THERE'S NO CALL TO REMAIN IN NO SITUATIONS NO MORE!"



Two servants in conversation.

A MONSTROUS LIBERTY.

Flunkey. "HALLO, WILLIAM, WHAT'S THE MATTER?"

Groom. "MATTER?—WHY, I SHOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT NEXT?—HERE'S MASTER, WITHOUT SAYING NOTHUN TO ME, 'AS BIN AND LENT MY 'OSS TO A FRIEND—AND I'M DONE OUT OF MY AFTERNOON'S RIDE!"



Mistress giving termination notice to cook.

SERVANTGALISM.—No. XII.

Mistress. "I THINK, COOK, WE MUST PART THIS DAY MONTH."

Cook (in astonishment). "WHY, MA'AM? I AM SURE I'VE LET YOU HAVE YOUR OWN WAY IN 'MOST EVERYTHINK!"



Maid finding crinoline frame in cupboard.

THE SKELETON IN THE CUPBOARD.



[Pg 250]

Two men talking.

FRIENDLY SYMPATHY.

First Party (who is hard hit, and sentimental). "THIS IS THE VERY SPOT WHERE I LAST SAW THE DARLING CREATURE. I ASSURE YOU, FRANK, SHE IS THE LOVELIEST, THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, THE—THE—TH'—IN FACT——"

Second Party (who has heard the same thing for the last two hours). "H'M! HA! DESSAY! YES. I SAY, OLD FELLAH, HAVE A WEED!"



Two men talking.

MEN OF TASTE.

Alphonso. "YOU FIND YOUR MOOSTARCHERS A GREAT COMFORT, DON'T YOU, TOM?"

Tom. "WELL!—YES!—BUT I'M AFRAID I MUST CUT 'EM, FOR ONE'S OBLIGED TO DRESS SO DEUCED EXPENSIVE TO MAKE EVERYTHING ACCORD!"



Man improperly dressed.

CAUTION TO GENTLEMEN WALKING TO EVENING PARTIES.

DON'T FORGET TO TAKE OFF YOUR GOLOSHES AND TURN DOWN YOUR TROUSERS BEFORE ENTERING THE ROOM.



Man doffing hat to his superior.

HUMILITY.



[Pg 251]

Drunk in collapsed state.

A DAY AT THE CAMP.

Sentinel. "WHO COMES THERE?"

Ebriosus. "FRIEND!"

Sentinel. "ADVANCE, FRIEND!"

Ebriosus. "ADVANSH; COME, THATSH A GOOD UN!"



Boy with sarcastic repartee

RUSTIC PLEASANTRY.

Gent. on Horseback. "GET OUT OF THE WAY, BOY!—GET OUT OF THE WAY!—MY HORSE DON'T LIKE DONKEYS!"

Boy. "DOAN'T HE?—THEN WHY DOAN'T HE KICK THEE ORF?"



[Pg 252]

Cab driver speaking to passer-by.

MUCH TOO CURIOUS.

Officious Little Gent. "HOLLO, CABBY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOUR 'ORSE?"

Cabby. "WELL—THAT'S JUST WHAT I DON'T KNOW, AND I BRED HIM. YOU'RE ALWAYS WANTING TO BE BEHIND THE SCENES, YOU ARE! SUPPOSE YOU GET INSIDE AND SEE!"



Horse rider galloping furiously

THE PLEASURE OF LE SPORT.

Foreigner of Distinction (about to charge an obstacle). "TAKE NOTICE, MES AMIS! ZAT I LEAVE EVERY SING TO MY VIFE!"



[Pg 253]

Child screaming in water.

A JUDGE BY APPEARANCE.

Bathing Guide. "BLESS 'IS 'ART! I KNOW'D HE'D TAKE TO IT KINDLY—BY THE WERRY LOOKS ON 'IM!"



Attendants error.

A VERY NATURAL MISTAKE.

Young Lady (who is in Hat and Coat of the Period). "CAN I HAVE A MACHINE NOW?"

Bathing Woman. "NOT HERE, SIR!—GENTLEMEN'S BATHING A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN!"



[Pg 254]

Boy caught a crab.

COMMON OBJECTS AT THE SEA-SIDE.

"OH! LOOK HERE, MA! I'VE CAUGHT A FISH JUST LIKE THOSE THINGAMIES IN MY BED AT OUR LODGINGS!"



Child crying because of fireworks.

GUY-FAWKES DAY.

A STURDY DEFENDER OF CHURCH AND STATE.



Boatman bailing out leaky boat.

IRISH LAKE-FISHING.

Mr. Briggs. "BUT THE BOAT SEEMS VERY LEAKY, AND TO WANT MENDING A GOOD DEAL."

Boatman. "WANT MENDIN' IS IT? OH, NIVER FEAR! SHURE THE BOAT'S WELL ENOUGH. IF YE SIT STILL, AND DON'T COFF OR SNAZE, SHE'LL CARRY YE PRETTY WELL!"



[Pg 255]

Man in carriage speaking with pedestrian.

LAST REFUGE OF A BANISHED SMOKER.

First Juvenile Swell. "JUMP IN, OLD FELLAH!"

Second Ditto. "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

First Ditto. "OH! NOWHERE! I'VE ONLY HIRED HIM TO HAVE SOMEWHERE TO SMOKE!"



Two men talking.

AN EAST WIND JOKE.

Brown. "AH, TOMKINS! HERE'S A MERRY SPRING TO YOU!"

Tomkins. "THE SAME TO YOU, BROWN, AND MANY OF THEM, IF YOU COME TO THAT!"



Suspcious looking character.

NOT VERY LIKELY.

THE PARTY "WHO HAS A CERTAINTY" FOR THE EMPEROR'S PLATE. N.B. SEND EIGHTEEN POSTAGE STAMPS.



[Pg 256]

Young boys in conversation.

CENSORS.

Master Sparrow. "LOOK THERE, TOM! YOUNG FRED IS ASLEEP!"

Master Sprat. "YES! POOR LITTLE BEGGAR! WHAT A SHAME IT IS TO KEEP SUCH A MERE CHILD AS THAT UP SO LATE!"



Large lady on horse.

NOTHING LIKE HORSE EXERCISE.

"NOW, AUNT! TOUCH HIM WITH YOUR LEFT HEEL, AND LET'S HAVE A TROT!"



[Pg 257]

Two men talking.

A NEW INDUSTRY.

"WHY, JACK! WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU LOOK DEUCED QUEER!"

"YA-AS! YOU SEE, I'VE GONE INTO BUSINESS. I BUY CLAY PIPES AT A PENNY A-PIECE, AND SMOKE 'EM TILL THEY ARE BLACK, AND THEN SELL 'EM FOR A GUINEA: BUT ITS PRECIOUS HARD WORK, I CAN TELL YOU."



Men discussing ladies dress.

THE NEW FASHION.

First Coster. "WHY, JACK! WHAT'S ALL THAT?"

Second Do. "WELL, I CAN'T SAY! UNLESS ITS FIREWORKS!"



Man with several pigs.

A REAL SOLDIER.

Friend. "MY GOOD ALFRED! WHAT THE DEUCE ARE YOU ABOUT?"

Alfred (in the Fusilier Guards). "WHY, YOU SEE, OLD FELLOW, WE ARE TO HAVE A CORPS OF SCOTCH BAGPIPERS ATTACHED TO THE REGIMENT.—SO I'M TRYING TO ACCOMMODATE MYSELF TO CIRCUMSTANCES, AND GET ACCUSTOMED TO THE NOISE."



Men with ugly dog,

FANCY GOES A GREAT WAY.

"OH, HE'S AN 'ANSUM DOG, BUT HE AIN'T HALF SO 'ANSUM AS HIS BROTHER WERE!"



[Pg 258]

Ladies queuing for bathing machine.

FAIR DISPUTANTS.

AN ELEGANT ROW ABOUT A MACHINE.



Msn making comments about the other's baby.

BRUTAL LEVITY.

Jones (who is naturally proud of his first-born). "A LITTLE DARLING, AIN'T HE?"

Bachelor Friend. "H'M, HA! I SEE—YOUNG GORILLA! IS HE REAL OR STUFFED?"



two men talking.

INDOLENCE.

Old Mr. Dibbs. "WHY, GEORGE! YOU NEVER RIDE HERE IN THE AFTERNOON—HOW'S THAT?"

Young Swellington. "NO-O-O. IT LOOKS AS IF ONE HAD SOME OCCUPATION, YOU KNOW, AND COULDN'T WIDE OF A MORNING. I ALWAYS WIDE BEFORE BREAKFAST, BETWEEN ELEVEN AND ONE!"



[Pg 259]

Man seated at table writing.

THE CENSUS.

Head of the Family (filling up the paper). "WELL, MISS PRIMROSE, AS A VISITOR, I MUST PUT YOUR AGE IN! WHAT SHALL WE SAY?"

Miss P. "OH, IT'S BEST TO BE STRAIGHTFORWARD. THE SAME AS DEAR FLORA—TWENTY LAST BIRTHDAY!"



Man being carried ashore by fisherman.

A SUBJECT FOR SYMPATHY.

DISTRESSING POSITION OF CHARLES, WHO DOES NOT FEEL WELL, AND WHO IS KEENLY ALIVE TO THE FACT THAT AMY IS LOOKING AT HIM THROUGH HER OPERA-GLASS.



Lady waiting for vacant bathing machine,

LITTLE DUCKS.

Georgy. "THERE NOW, CLARA—I CALL IT VERY PEEVISH OF YOU. YOU PROMISED ME, IF I LET YOU GO IN FIRST, THAT YOU WOULDN'T BE LONG, AND I DECLARE YOU HAVE BEEN EXACTLY AN HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTES."

[Pouts.



[Pg 260]

Very large man about to mount a horse

SOLICITUDE.

Wife. "NOW PROMISE ME ONE THING, ADOLPHUS. YOU WON'T GO FLYING OVER ANY HEDGES OR FIVE-BARRED GATES?"



Man with ballon tied to the tail of his coat.

AN UNCONSCIOUS VICTIM.

FEARFUL PRACTICAL JOKE PLAYED WITH A CHILD'S BALLOON UPON A SWELL.



[Pg 261]

Boy sspeaking to two young ladies,

A HORRID BOY.

Frank. "OH, I SAY, EMILY! AIN'T THE SEA-SIDE JOLLY?"

Emily (who is reading The Corsair to Kate). "I DO NOT KNOW, FRANK, WHAT YOU MEAN BY JOLLY.—IT IS VERY BEAUTIFUL!—IT IS VERY LOVELY!"

Frank. "HAH! AND DON'T IT MAKE YOU ALWAYS READY FOR YOUR GRUB, NEITHER?"

[Exit Young Ladies, very properly disgusted.



Two ladies talking whilst bathing.

VERY ARTFUL CONTRIVANCE.

Clara. "WHY, DEAR ME! WHAT DO YOU WEAR YOUR HAT IN THE WATER FOR?"

Mrs. Walrus. "OH, I ALWAYS WEAR IT WHEN I BATHE; FOR THEN, YOU SEE, DEAR, NO ONE CAN RECOGNISE ME FROM THE BEACH!"



Picture of a lady with Mr. Punch in the background.

AT THE PLAY.



[Pg 262]

Boy on small pony speaking to a man on a large horse.

IN A HURRY.

Boy. "NOW THEN, SIR!—THE MORE YOU LOOK THE LESS YOU'LL LOIKE IT!—GET OVER, OR ELSE LET US COME!"



Owner of fishing rights finds another fishing his waters.

ANGLING DELIGHTS.

ON ARRIVING AT THE BEST PART OF YOUR FISHING, YOU ARE OF COURSE CHARMED TO FIND THAT OLD MUFFINS AND HIS LITTLE BOY HAVE BEEN WHIPPING THE STREAM ALL THE AFTERNOON.



[Pg 263]

Man walking past two ladies.

THE BEARD MOVEMENT.

Young Snobley (a regular Lady-killer). "HOW THE GIRLS DO STARE AT ONE'S BEARD! I SUPPOSE THEY THINK I'M A HORFICER JUST COME FROM THE CRIMEAR!"



Two men talking.

CONSOLATION.

Young Snobley. "AH, JIM! NOBLE BIRTH MUST BE A GREAT ADVANTAGE TO A COVE."

Jim (one of Nature's nobility). "H'M! P'RAPS!—BUT EGAD! PERSONAL BEAUTY AIN'T A BAD SUBSTITUTE!"



Two men meeeting by chance.

AN UNDESIGNED COINCIDENCE.

TOMKINS RETIRES TO A SECLUDED VILLAGE, THAT HE MAY GROW HIS MOUSTACHES, AND SO CUT OUT HIS ODIOUS RIVAL, JONES. JONES, IT SO HAPPENS, HAS COME TO THE SAME PLACE WITH THE SAME OBJECT.—FRIGHTFUL MEETING!



Smart man out for a stroll.

GOING TO THE PARK.



[Pg 264]

Two men out shooting.

A LITTLE SHOOTING IN IRELAND.

"NO HIT AGAIN, I'M AFRAID, TIM!"

"O, NIVER MIND, YER 'ONOR! SURE, YE DO IT VERY NIST. THERE'S SOME JINTLEMEN NOW COMES, AND THEY BLAZE AWAY, AND THEY WOWNDES THE POOR BIRRDS IN THE LIGS AND THE WINGS, AND SUCH LIKE; BUT YER 'ONOR! O, YE FIRES, AND FIRES, AND ALWAYS MISSES 'EM CLANE AND CLEVER!"



Cartoon, dining fish.

LITTLE DINNER AT GREENWICH.

Fish Swell. "HERE, WAITAW!—ARE THE WHITEMEN PRETTY GOOD?"



Mr Punch admiring lady

AFTER THE BATH.



[Pg 265]

Two ladies talking.

POETRY AND PROSE.

Blanche. "OH, IS THERE NOT, DEAR EMILY, SOMETHING, DELICIOUS ABOUT SPRING?—WE SHALL SOON HAVE ALL THE DEAR LITTLE BIRDS SINGING, AND THE BANKS AND THE GREEN FIELDS COVERED WITH BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS!"

Emily. "OH, YES!—AND WITH IT WILL COME ALL THE NEW BONNET SHAPES FROM PARIS, AND THE LOVELY NEW PATTERNS FOR MORNING DRESSES!"



Small boy speaking to his elderly Granma.

A HAPPY NOTION.

Johnny. "OH, I SAY, GRANMA! S'POSE YOU PRETEND BEING A LITTLE PONY, AND I RIDE ABOUT ON YOUR BACK ROUND THE SQUARE!"—(N.B. Granma feels the heat a good deal.)



Cartoon. Men firing cricket ball from cannon.

CRICKET.—CAPITAL PRACTICE FOR THE ROUND BOWLING OF THE PERIOD.



[Pg 266]

Gale  blowing hats off.

A NICE BRACING DAY AT THE SEA-SIDE.



[Pg 267]

Crowd of ladies onthe beach.

THE MERMAIDS' HAUNT.



[Pg 268]

Men talking whilst riding on a bus..

QUITE A NEW SENSATION.

Swell (on top of Omnibus). "LOOK HERE, GUS, MY BOY! SUCH A CAPITAL I-DEAW! I RIDE UP AND DOWN FROM BAYSWATER TO THE WHITE CHAPEL AND EAT PERIWINKLES WITH A PIN!"



An armed Mr. Punch riding a horse.

SPORTING INTELLIGENCE.

MASTER OF FOX HOUNDS PUNCH TAKES COMMAND OF HIS FIELD IN DEFENCE OF HIS COUNTRY.



[Pg 269]

Rider drinking from a flask.

A CAREFUL RIDER.

"A STILE, EH? AHEM! THAT'S A SORT OF THING THAT REQUIRES A GOOD DEAL OF JUDGMENT."



Ladies in crinolines trying to get into a small hut.

AT ALDERSHOT—A RATHER DIFFICULT MANOEUVRE.

CLARA AND HARRIET, AND THE TWO NICE GIRLS WHO ARE STAYING WITH THEM, LED BY MAMMA, GET INTO COUSIN HERBERT'S HUT AND HAVE LUNCH.



[Pg 270]

Lady dancing in her chair.

FANCY SKETCH.

PORTRAIT OF THE OLD PARTY WHO RATHER LIKES ORGAN-GRINDING.



Two ladies talking.

AN EASY MATTER.

Bathing Woman. "TEACH YER TO SWIM? LOR BLESS YER, MY LOVE, WHY, OF COURSE I CAN!"



Two ladies in disimilar hats.

A COMPLACENT BELIEF.

Old Aunt. "WELL, MY LOVE—SO YOU'VE GOT A HAT LIKE MINE, I SEE."



Mr. Punch with scissors about to cut ladie's hair.

A SYREN.



[Pg 271]

Two boys talking.

AT THE SEA-SIDE.

Augustus. "ISN'T IT JOLLY, FRANK, BEING DOWN HERE FOR THE HOLIDAYS?"

Incipient Swell. "H'M! PRETTY WELL FOR THAT. I CONFESS I MISS THE GAIETY OF TOWN."



Mr. B. on a runaway horse.

MR. BRIGGS TRIES HIS SHOOTING PONY.



Man in a tent startled by an owl.

CAMP LIFE—A NIGHT SURPRISE.



Ladies about to share a surprise picnic.

CAMP LIFE—A DAY SURPRISE.



[Pg 272]

Group of men enjoying a day at the races.

THE CURRENCY QUESTION; OR, THE STOCK EXCHANGE OUT FOR THE DAY.

Jones. "I SAY, BROWN, THINGS ARE DEUCED BAD IN THE CITY."

Brown. "THEN I'M DEUCED GLAD I'M AT EPSOM!"




[Pg 273]

Index

[Pg 274]

YearPage
Academic Costume1851134
Adding Insult to Injury184552
Adding Insult to Injury1857188
Adding Insult to Injury1859202
Advent of Spring, The1849157
Affecting Incident at Boulogne185352
Affecting—Rather1851107
After the Bath1857264
Afternoon Tea1859220
Agreeable Prescription, An1858106
Agricultural Distress185174
Alarming Proposition1859189
Always be Polite when Travelling1856195
Amateur Pantomime185714
Ample Protection1859136
An Absentee1845232
An Art that doth Disfigure Nature1856186
An Hour's Ride185274
Angling Delights859262
Another Bit from the Mining Districts1854139
Another Railway Misery185592
April Fool, An185546
Aquatics—A Comfortable Randan185580
Aquatic Manoeuvres1859168
'Arry and 'Arriet1858195
Art Progress1857127
Artificial Ice—Grand Pas des Patineurs185026
Artistic (!) Studio, The1857193
Assurance1847105
Astounding Announcement1857130
Astonishing a Young One1858170
Astonishing Request, An1857199
As Well be out of the World as out of the Fashion1850105
At Aldershot—A Rather Difficult Manoeuvre1859269
At Epsom1850232
At Paris1853169
At the Play1858261
At the Seaside1853271
Average Weight of the Foot-Guards185096
Awkward Predicament1858189
Bad Time for John Thomas, A1856225
Bare Assertion, A185487
Battle of the Hyde Park1855200
Beard Movement, The185464
Beard Movement, The1857128
Beard Movement, The1856263
Beauty in Distress1858192
Benefit of Clergy185287
Best Run of the Season, The1857126
Bit of a Breeze, A1856185
Black Indignity, A1857127
Bless You—Bless You!1855153
Blind with Rage1856201
Bon-bon from a Juvenile Party, A185133
British Forces, The, and the Crimean War    1853-1856114-120
British Juryman Preparing for the Worst, The1859236
Broad Caricature184347
Brothers in Arms1853187
Brown Entertains his Friends wi' a Haggis185910
Brutal Levity1863258
Business-like185463
Bye-Day at Easter, A1858211
By the Sad Sea Waves1858108
Camp Life—A Bit of Sentiment185360
Camp Life—A Day Surprise1853271
Camp Life—A Night Surprise1853271
Candid1859231
Canine1851139
Careful Rider, A1853269
Case of Real Distress, A185447
Catching a Tartar1856184
Caution During Mistletoe Season18551
Caution to Gentlemen Walking to Evening Parties1855250
Caution to Travellers1853171
Cautious Bird, A1858100
Cavalier, A1857241
Censors1858256
Census, The1861259
Certainly Not185572
Champion, The184420
Christmas Eve18635
Christmas Party, A, Grandpapa Dances Sir Roger18569
Citizen of the World, A1856207
Civil Cabman, The1857240
Coarse, but Characteristic1850139
Cold Weather185529
Comet, The1858229
Coming Collision, The1857225
Common Objects at the Seaside1858193
Common Objects at the Seaside1857254
Complacent Belief, A1857270
Compliments of the Season18614
Confidence of Youth, The184796
Consolation1856263
Consultation, A1856143
Cool Request, A1856247
Cool Request185782
Course of True, &c., Never Did, &c.1857203
Cracker Bon-Bo186221
Cricket—Capital Practice for the Round Bowling of the Period1859265
Crinoline Again1858132
Crinoline for Ever!—No Bathing-Machine Required1858194
Crinoline on the Water1858197
Cupid at Sea1859103
Currency Question, The1847272
Day After the Juvenile Party, The184737
Day at the Camp, A1860251
Day Very Late in the Season, A1859198
Deceiver, A185939
Deerstalking Made Easy1857233
Delicate Compliment, A185667
Delicate Creature, A185585
Delicate Hint, A1855108
Delicate Way of Putting It1862247
Delicate Test1859225
Delicious185736
Delicious Dip, A1857207
Delightful Privilege during the Winter Months184725
Delightful—Oh! Here's a Jolly Sledge185538
Delusive Notion1852146
Demon of the Street, The1858223
Did You Ever?185597
Did You Ever?1858111
Disagreeable Truth185192
Disappointed One, The1858187
Discretion184764
Disgusting for Augustus1858196
Distressed Agriculturist, A1856238
Distressing Result of Eating Turkey185534
Disturber of Public Peace, A1848135
Domestic Bliss184756
Domestic Doctoring1856181
Domestic Economy185999
Domestic Extravaganza1858205
Double Game, A1858239
Drawing the Line1857141
Dreadful for Young Oxford1859213
Dreadful Joke185547
Dress Circle at Punch and Judy185439
Dweadful Accident in High life185793
Eager Applicants185439
Early Philosophy1847112
Easier Said than Done1856239
East Wind Joke, An1855255
Easy Matter, An1859270
Education in the Mining Districts185595
Eligible Party, An1848103
English Nobleman, An, Painted by the French1848109
Enthusiasm1854115
Envious Youth, An185718
Epigrammatic1845189
Equestrian Difficulty, An1858227
Equine1858144
Evening Party at Sebastopol1854116
Every Lady her Own Bathing Machine184958
Excitement185653
Excursion Boat after a Rather Boisterous Passage1857172
Expanse of Fashion, The1859203
Fact, A1861243
Fact from the Nursery, A1856234
Faded Youth, A1847131
Fair and Equal185830
Fair Disputants1858258
Fair Toxophilites, The1858221
Family Group, A, Baby Stirring the Pudding18626
Fancy goes a Great Way1846257
Fancy Sketch1858270
Farm-yard, The1853246
Fashion of the Period1858247
Fellow Feeling1856246
Feminine Amenities1856174
Festive Season, The185725
Fine Hautboys185551
Finishing Touch to a Picture185451
Flattering185587
Flunkeiana184854
Flunkeiana1857184
Flunkeiana Rustica185724
Flycatcher, The185264
Fly Fishing185557
Fog. The, is so very Thick that Frederick and Charles, &c.185528
Folly and Innocence1856140
Fortune's Favourite1847100
Fortunate Fellows1858231
Fortune-Telling, a Scene of Domestic Interest185870
Four-in-Hand Mania, The1856226
Fox Hunting in a Fog1856223
Fraternity1859128
French as it is Spoken1856245
Friendly Badinage1856217
Friendly Mount, A185761
Friendly Sympathy1858250
From the Mining Districts1855135
Frozen-out Fox Hunter, The186178
Frozen-out Fox Hunters185431
Frugal Marriage Question, The185888
Fumigation1855211
Generous Offer, A1857162
Glorious News for the Boys185935
Going to Church—Scarborough1858197
Good Catch, A1856245
Going to the Ball—the Finishing Touch1859235
Going Out of Town1858191
Going to the Park1859263
Going to a Party184656
Golden Rule, A1846107
Good Cheer18487
Good Liver, A1857152
Good News1847135
Good News, Real Sentiment185447
Good Old Comic Clown18608
Good Security185348
Grand Charge of Perambulators and Defeat of the Swells1856234
Great Boon, The1858140
Great Boon to the Public185568
Great Plague in Life, A1859212
Great Tobacco Controversy, The1857169
Grievance, A1856119
Guy Fawkes' Day1856254
Happy Notion, A1858265
Happy Notion, A185914
Hard Case in the Baltic1856119
Haven of Refuge, A1856209
Having a Pair On185738
Heartless Practical Joke1858210
Hi' Art1857190
Hint to the Authorities, A1846146
Hint to the Enterprising, A1857248
Hint to Gentlemen Riding Home after Dinner1858221
Hint to Mammas, A1856132
Hint to Railway Travellers, A1856205
Home Amusements185613
Home Enjoyments185913
Home for the Holidays186314
Home for the Holidays185933
Horrible Question after a Greenwich Dinner1856189
Horrid Boy, A1856261
Horrors of War, The185362
How Disagreeable the Boys are185527
How Jack made the Turk Useful at Balaclava1855117
How Troublesome the Boys Are184727
How Very Embarrassing!1855103
Humility1843250
Humours of the Street, The1859171
Husband as He Ought to Be, and as He Ought Not to Be, The1856105
Husband Taming1859175
Ice Harvest, The185578
If you want a Thing Done, do it Yourself1858178-179
Imitation is the Sincerest Flattery1856185
Imitation is the Sincerest Flattery1858160
Impertinent Curiosity1857173
Impudence184424
In a Hurry1857262
In Camp1853173
Incident of Camp Life, An1853213
Incident in a French Revolution184892
Incident of Travel, An185684
Incident with the O. P. Q. Hounds185767
Incident of Weight, An1856130
Incredible185349
Indiscretion, An1859202
Indolence1859258
Infra dig.185383
Injured Individual, An1857216
Innocent Mirth. The Slide on the Pavement184837
In Society186215
Insulting a Refugee1842157
Interesting Group posed for a Photograph1855159
Interesting and Valuable Result1855159
In the Park185968
In the Park1859131
In the Ranks185357
In the Streets1857131
In the Witching Time of Life1859204
Irish Lake Fishing1860254
Irresistible1857141
Is Smoking Injurious?185790
It must be all right1858199
It's the Early Bird that picks up the Worm1858224
Jack Ashore185452
Jew d'Esprit1855101
John Thomas non-plushed185595
Jolly Game of Snowballing as played in our Square, The186017
Jolly old Paterfamilias with some air-balloons, &c., An18618
Jones tries his new Hack185742
Judge by Appearance, A1857253
Just like 'em1858137
Juvenile Etymology18594
Juvenile Party, The186428
Juvenile Party, The. A Great Liberty186417
Juvenile Wisdom1859150
Ketchee! Ketchee!1852110
Kindly Offer, A186134
Knights of the Bath1858208
Last Alteration, The1856200
Last Refuge of a Banished Smoker1855255
Latest from Paris185451
Let us have Japanese Manners and Customs here185884
Life in London185563
Little bit of Sentiment184559
Little Dinner at the Crimea Club, A1854116
Little Dinner at Greenwich1858264
Little Ducks1856259
Little Men184812
Little Shooting in Ireland, A1862264
Little Surprise for Muggins, A1857174
Lovers' Quarrel, The1859176
Malapropos1856185
Mal de Mer1853213
Malicious1857196
Man of Consequence, A1859104
Man of Principle, A185456
Man of some Consequence, A185722
Marriage Question, The1859177
Married for Money.—The Honeymoon185982
Marry on £300 a-year1859149
Master of the Art, A1850199
Matter of Opinion1858243
May and December1852101
Melancholy1856153
Men of Taste1857250
Mermaids' Haunt, The1858267
Measure for Measure1844184
Merry Christmas, A, and a Happy New Year185811
Merry Christmas, A, and a Happy New Year. A Juvenile Party18497
Mind and Matter1855102
Misplaced Intelligence1857208
Miss and Mistletoe18584
Mistletoe Bough, The. In Leap Year the Ladies take the Initiative185219
Modern Antique, A1851244
Moderation185942
Momentous Decision, A185351
Monstrous Liberty, A1856249
Monsters of the Pool1858170
Moors, The, Gratifying,—Very!!1856216
Moral Influence of Executions184597
Moral Lesson from the Nursery, A1857187
More Light185357
More Novelty1857134
Morning after the Juvenile Party, The186118
Moustache Movement, The1853108
Moustache Movement, The185454
Moustache Movement, The185472
Moustache Movement, The1857233
Mr. Briggs's Pleasures of Fishing185741-3-5
Mr. Briggs tries his Shooting Pony1851271
Mr. Briggs's Horse Taming1858222
Mr. Punch at Home185587
Mr. Punch's Advice to Housekeepers1858178, 180
Much Above that Sort of Thing1858141
Much Too Curious1863252
Nautical Style1851194
Ne Plus(h) Ultra185466
New Cab Regulation185062
New Christmas Game for Foxhunters184921
New Cook, The185366
New Fashion, The1857257
New Industry, A1858257
New Purchase, The1856168
New Regulation, The185393
New Regulation Mess, The1857169
New Style, The185430
New Theatre, The1858106
Never carry your Gloves in your Hat1854134
Nice Bracing Day at the Seaside, A1856266
Nice Offer, A185883
Noble Science, The1858217
No Consequence185544
No! Don't1855115
None but the Brave deserve the Fair18581
Nose Comforter, The185525
Not a Bad Idea for Warm Weather1857163
Not a Personal Allusion1859231
Not a Question of Weather185789
Nothing like Forethought1853115
Nothing like Horse Exercise1858256
Nothing to Speak of1856220
Notion of Pleasure, A1856201
Not very Likely1852255
Nursery Four-in-Hand Club, The186436
Object of Attraction, An1857167
Object of Sincere Pity, An1856149
Object of Universal Sympathy, An1856146
Obvious18582
Odious Tyranny185432
Of a Very Studious Turn185712
Offended Dignity1856149
Offended Dignity1857248
Oh, Dear!1855112
Oh, Horror!1859212
Oh, what a Humbug!1859165
Oh, Yes, of Course!1858174
Old Boys1847159
Old Broom—Retiring from Business185392
Old Foxhunter, The1859152
Old Gentleman has a Long Mile, The1858219
Old Joe, An185539
Old Mr. Jones as he Appeared, &c.185833
Old, Old Story, The1858128
On Domestic Service1855115
One Way of Looking at It185379
On the Jetty1858186
Opera, The184837
Opera, The859125
Our Guards—They can Play, and, by Jove, they can Fight Too!1854120
Our Lazy Contributor1856190
Our Little Friend, Tom Noddy, determines to have a Day's Hunting1856244
Out of His Element1855112
Out of the Fashion1857153
Oxford Costume1848102
Painful Subject, A1856169
Paterfamilias has his Holiday, &c.1857164
Paterfamilias superintends in person the Removal of Snow
    from the Roof of his House185523
Patience Rewarded185794
Patient Heroes1855117
Patronising185915
Peace Conference, A1856165
Perfect Wretch, A1851109
Perfectly Dreadful185686
Performers after a Respectable Funeral1850237
Photographic Beauties1858144
Physical Education1858142
Picnic, The, Overtaken by the Tide1859166
Picture of Alimentativeness, A185093
Pig Pen at a Cattle Show, A18562
Pleasant for "Charles, Dear"1857148
Pleasing Belief, A185391
Pleasing Delusion: In re the Round Hats1856164
Pleasant Holiday Task, A18593
Pleasant Quarters185372
Pleasing Prospect1859145
Pleasure of le Sport, The1858252
Pleasures of Sport1849218
Pleasures of Travel1859196
Poetry and Prose1856265
Politeness as in Paris1853160
Police wear Beards and Moustaches185465
Poor Muggins185549
Poser, A1857166
Practical Science1856202
Precocity1857201
Prejudice1859229
Prejudiced Opinion, A1855107
Preparations for War1854114
Pretty General Delusion, A185455
Pretty Kettle of Fish, A1851183
Pride feels no Pain184663
Private Opinion185455
Private Opinion1859128
Private Theatricals185716
Professional Dignity1858133
Prudent Resolve185591
Punch, F. M., Sympathises with the poor Italian Organ-grinder 1859224
Putting a good Face on it185724
Quadrille in Hot Weather, The1856174
Queen of the May1853109
Quid pro Quo, A1859206
Quiet Look at the Country, A1859163
Quite a Cheap Trip1858195
Quite an Exquisite185454
Quite a New Sensation1856268
Quite a Nice Party186012
Quite a Seductive Son of Mars1854196
Quite Ridiculous1853101
Race for a Bathing-machine, The1858228
Railway Collusion185991
Rather Alarming184648
Rather Deep1857136
Real Soldier, A1856257
Real Street Obstructions, The185076
Real Use of the Bear-skin Cap, The185478
Recreations in Natural History184885
Relics of the Siege1855119
Remarkable Case of Table-talking854226
Remarkable Occurrence1857153
Repelling Foreign Invasion1858138
Result of Allowing Ladies to Witness Rarey's Horse-taming
    Exhibition
1858175
Retirement1851234
Return from a Suburban Party186240
Returning from the Derby1857232
Review, The184744
Right Men in the Right Place, The185868
Rival Jockeys1859137
River Frolics1858228
Road, The185950
Road, The1859191
Romance of a Bottle184753
Rooti-tooit.—I've got cher!18598
Round Hat, The1855132
Round Hat Again, The1856164
Royal Knickerbocker Archers, The1859248
Rustic Pleasantry1858251
Same Old Game185939
Sanitas1853173
Scene—A Club185786
Scene at a Railway Station, A1856147
Scene—Drawing-Room185559
Scene—Greenwich1857208
Scene on Board H.M.S. ——1859211
Scene—Palais Royal185449
Scholastic1849109
Science Students1858242
Seaside Circulating Library, The184746
Seaside Dialogue, A,1856205
Self-Examination1856233
Sensible Riding Costume for Warm Weather1857198
Serious Accident During the Frost186132
Serious Thing for Brown1858192
Servantgalism185766
Servantgalism185395
Servantgalism1857-8249
Servantgalism and Fineladyism1858156
Serve him Right1859142
Sharp's the Word1854118
Shocking Result of wearing Indiarubber Goloshes1856209
Shuttlecock Nuisance, The185790
Sighing for the Sunny South1847107
Sisterly Love1859205
Six of One and half-a-dozen of the Other1856227
Skeleton in the Cupboard, The1857249
Sketch at a Railway Station1858190
Sketch during the Recent Gale, A1856176
Sketch from the Stand at Scarboro', A1856158
Slang184861
Snow, The18474
Snowed up1858151
Solicitude1856260
Something like a Horse-Tamer1858238
Something like Sport185461
Something the Matter with the Kitchen Boiler185470
Spacious Accommodation1856239
Specimen of Pluck, A1859242
Sporting Intelligence1859268
Stage Fright185738
Startling Fact1855102
Startling Novelty in Shirts, A1853145
Storm in a Tea Cup, A1855110
Street Acrobat Nuisance1856143
Strong-backed Car, A. Scene, Ireland1859167
Stumped Out1856162
Subject for Sympathy, A1858259
Suburban Delight, A1857235
Sunday at the Club1855214
Sunday at the Roadside Inn1855215
Superior Animal, The185781
Swimmers, The1857244
Sympathy1855102
Symptoms of Hard Reading1859138
Symptoms of Masquerading184636
Syren, A1858270
Table Turning Experiment at Greenwich1854247
Taking First Place1858230
Taking it Easy1859133
Taste1853157
Tender Point, A1859161
Terrible Proposition185563
Terrific Accident1857177
Thank Goodness, Fly-fishing has Begun1857240
Thaw and the Streets, The186135
Theatre of War, The185434
Those Boys Again185981
Those Horrid Boys185589
Thrilling Domestic Incident1856220
Throwing Stones through Ice184818
Tickled with a Straw1859173
Tom Noddy's, Mr., First day with the Hounds185571, 73-75, 77, 98, 99
Tom Noddy, Adventures of Mr.1857172
Tom Noddy determines to have a Day's Hunting1856244
Too Bad185533
Too Bad!1857113
Too Bad, by Jove1856210
Too Much1859148
Too Much of a Good Thing1857235
Touching1857226
Touching1858184
Touching Appeal1858206
Training School for Ladies' about to Appear at Court1857121
Triumph of Mind over Matter185597
Trump Card(igan), A1854118
Trying Thing for Tootles, A1858194
Unabashed185583
Unconscious Satire185095
Unconscious Satire185548
Unconscious Victim, An1857260
Under the Mistletoe1857104
Under the Mistletoe18645
Undesigned Coincidence, An1859263
Undignified Reminder186130
Unexpected Always Happens, The1857199
Unfitness of Things, The1856147
Uniform Stupidity1854118
Uninviting Prospect, An1856223
Unlucky this Time1855135
Unwelcome Visitor, An184553
Unwelcome Visitor, An1856150
Urgent185518
Vagaries of Fashion185589
Vain Shadow, A1844101
Valentine, The1849157
Valentine's Day185476
Varieties in Horse-Taming1858129
Very Alarming, Indeed1846159
Very Artful Contrivance1857261
Very Attentive1858219
Very Considerate185885
Very Friendly185750
Very Green-eyed Monster, A185829
Very Large Notions1858149
Very Natural Mistake, A1856253
Very Odd1853161
Very Old Friend, A185079
Very Particular Party, A185859
Very Rude, Indeed1858104
Very Shocking Boy, Indeed, A1857131
Very Thing, The1857218
Victim of Fashion, A1856113
Vision of the Past, A1846140
Visit to a Dog Fancier, A184696
Vive le Sport!1859230
Volunteer Movement—The Distinguished Rifle-shot Mr. Punch, &c.186110
Waiting for the Carriage1853110
Wake in the Mining Districts, A1853225
Wanting in Reverence1852100
Warblers under Water1858111
Water Abstainer, A1858187
Weather and the Streets, The186122
Weather in the Parks, The185420
Weighty Matter, A1856151
Well Intended, No Doubt1852114
Well Out of It184965
Well they may Call This a Health-giving Pursuit185569
We'll Serve the Shop1857155
Wet Day at the Sea Side, A1858242
What Indeed?185597
What a Shame!185358
What a Shame!186429
What a Terrible Turk!185624
What must be the Next Fashion in Bonnets185455
Where are the Police?1855139
Where Ignorance is Bliss, &c.1845182
Where There's a Will There's a Way185994
Whilst a Respectable Female takes care of the House in Town1857165
Wholesome Conclusion, A1858158
Wholesome Feast185712
Who will Serve the Country?1857154
Who wouldn't be a Riding Master?185260
Why not?1853145
Will and the Way, The1856229
Winter in the Suburbs185427
Wonderful Intelligent Child1857213
Working against Time1852110
Yielding to Temptation1857141
Young Sportsman, A1859195
Youthful Sage, A1857170

[Pg 286]

End of vol.two.

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