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Captivi, by Plautus Titus Maccius

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Title: Amphitryo, Asinaria, Aulularia, Bacchides, Captivi
       Amphitryon, The Comedy of Asses, The Pot of Gold, The Two
              Bacchises, The Captives

Author: Plautus Titus Maccius

Editor: Paul Nixon

Translator: Paul Nixon

Release Date: August 20, 2005 [EBook #16564]

Language: English/latin

Character set encoding: UTF-8

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PLAUTUS

WITH AN ENGLISH TRANSLATION BY

PAUL NIXON

DEAN OF BOWDOIN COLLEGE, MAINE

IN FIVE VOLUMES

I

AMPHITRYON
THE COMEDY OF ASSES
THE POT OF GOLD
THE TWO BACCHISES
THE CAPTIVES

CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS
HARVARD UNIVERSITY PRESS

LONDON
WILLIAM HEINEMANN LTD

First printed 1916

	Greek Originals of the Plays	vii
	Introduction	ix
	Bibliography	xvii
I.	Amphitruo, or Amphitryon	1
II.	Asinaria, or the Comedy of Asses	123
III.	Aulularia, or the Pot of Gold	231
IV.	Bacchides, or the Two Bacchises	325
V.	Captivi, or the Captives	459
	Index The Index of Proper Names is not included in this e-text.	569

THE GREEK ORIGINALS OF THE PLAYS IN THIS VOLUME

In this and each succeeding volume a summary will be given of the consensus of opinion¹ regarding the Greek originals of the plays in the volume and regarding the time of presentation in Rome of Plautus's adaptations. It may be that some general readers will be glad to have even so condensed an account of these matters as will be offered them.

The original of the Amphitruo is not now thought to have been a work of the Middle Comedy but of the New Comedy, very possibly Philemon's Νὺξ μακρά. A clue to the Greek play's date is found in the description of Amphitryon's battle with the Teloboians,² a battle fought after the manner of those of the Diadochi who came into prominence at the death of Alexander the Great. The date of the Plautine adaptation of this play, as in the case of the Asinaria, Aulularia, Bacchides,³ and Captivi, is quite uncertain, beyond the fact that it no doubt belongs, like almost all of his extant work, to the viii last two decades of his life, 204-184 B.C. The Amphitruo is one of the five⁴ plays in the first two volumes whose scene is not laid in Athens.

The Ὀναγός of a certain Demophilus,⁵ otherwise unknown to us, was the onginal of the Asinaria. The assertion of Libanus that he is his master's Salus⁶ is thought to be a fling at the honours decreed certain of the Diadochi, who were called, while still alive, Σωτῆρες. This possibility, together with the fact that the Pellaean⁷ merchant and the Rhodian⁸ Periphanes travel to Athens—northern Greece and the Aegaean therefore being pacified and Athens at peace with Macedon—would indicate that the Ὀναγός was written while Demetrius Poliorcetes controlled Macedon, 294-288 B.C.

Very slender evidence connects the Aulularia with some unknown play of Menander's in which a miser is represented δεδιὼς μή τι τῶν ἔιδον ὁ καπνος οἴχοιτο φερων. Euclio's distress⁹ at seeing any smoke escape from his house seems at least to suggest that Plautus may have borrowed the Aulularia from Menander. The allusion to praefectum mulierum,¹⁰ rather than censorem, would seem to show that in the original γυναικοι ομον had been written; this would prove the Greek play to have been presented while Demetrius of Phalerum was in power at Athens (317-307 B.C.), where he introduced this detested office, which was done away with by 307 B.C.

ix Ritschl¹¹ has shown clearly enough that the original of the Bacchides was Menander's Δὶς ἐξαπατῶν. The fact that Athens, Samos, and Ephesus are at peace, that the Aegaean is not swept by hostile fleets, that one can travel freely between Athens and Phoeis, together with the allusion to Demetrius,¹² lead one to believe that the Δὶς ἐξαπατῶν was written either between the years 316-307 or 298-296 B.C.

The original of the Captivi is quite unknown, while the war between the Aetolians and Eleans gives the only clue to the date of this original. Hueffner¹³ considers it probable that the war was that between Aristodemus and Alexander, and the Greek play was produced shortly after 314 B.C. Others¹⁴ assume that the scene of the play would not be Aetolia unless Aetolia had become an important state, and that the war was therefore one of the third century B.C.

1: See especially Hueffner, De Plauti Comoediarum Exemplis Atticis, Göttingen, 1894; Legrand, Daos, Paris, 1910, English translation by James Loeb under title The New Greek Comedy, William Heinemann, 1916; Leo, Plautinische Forschungen, Berlin, 1912.

2: Amph. 203 seq.

3: Produced later than the Epidicus. Cf. Bacch. 214.

4: Amphitruo, Thebes, Captivi, Aetolia, Cistellaria, Sicyon, Curculio, Epidaurus (the Caria first referred to in v. 67 was a Greek town, not the state in Asia Minor), Menaechmi, Epidamnus.

5: Asin. Prol. 10-11.

6: Asin. 713.

7: Asin. 334.

8: Asin. 499.

9: Aulul. 299, 301.

10: Aulul. 504.

11: Ritschl, Parerga, pp. 405 seq. Cf. Menander, Fragments, 125, 126.

12: Bacch. 912.

13: Hueffner, op. cit. pp. 41-42.

14: Cf. Legrand, op. cit. p. 18.

INTRODUCTION

Little is known of the life of Titus Maccius Plautus. He was born about 255 B.C. at Sarsina, in Umbria; it is said that he went to Rome at an early age, worked at a theatre, saved some money, lost it in a mercantile venture, returned to Rome penniless, got employment in a mill and wrote, during his leisure hours, three plays. These three plays were followed by many more than the twenty extant, most of them written, it would seem, in the latter half of his life, and all of them adapted from the comedies of various Greek dramatists, chiefly of the New Comedy.¹⁵ Adaptations rather than translations they certainly were. Apart from the many allusions in his comedies to customs and conditions distinctly Roman, there is evidence enough in Plautus's language and style xii that he was not a close translator. Modern translators who have struggled vainly to reproduce faithfully in their own tongues, even in prose, the countless puns and quips, the incessant alliteration and assonance in the Latin lines, would be the last to admit that Plautus, writing so much, writing in verse, and writing with such careless, jovial, exuberant ease, was nothing but a translator in the narrow sense of the term.

Very few of his extant comedies can be dated, so far as the year of their production in Rome is concerned, with any great degree of certainty. The Miles Gloriosus appeared about 206, the Cistellaria about 202, Stichus in 200, Pseudolus in 191 B.C.; the Truculentus, like Pseudolus, was composed when Plautus was an old man, not many years before his death in 184 B.C.

Welcome as a full autobiography of Plautus would be, in place of such scant and tasteless biographical morsels as we do have, only less welcome, perhaps, would be his own stage directions for his plays, supposing him to have written stage directions and to have written them with something more than even modern fullness. We should learn how he met the stage conventions and limitations of his day; how successfully he could, by make-up and mannerism, bring on the boards palpably different persons in the Scapins and Bobadils and Doll Tear-sheets that on the printed page often seem so confusingly similar, and most important, we should learn precisely what sort of dramatist he was and wished to be.

If Plautus himself greatly cared or expected his restless, uncultivated, fun-seeking audience to xiii care, about the construction of his plays, one must criticize him and rank him on a very different basis than if his main, and often his sole, object was to amuse the groundlings. If he often took himself and his art with hardly more seriousness than does the writer of the vaudeville skit or musical comedy of to-day, if he often wished primarily to gain the immediate laugh, then much of Langen's long list of the playwright's dramatic delinquencies is somewhat beside its intended point.

And in large measure this—to hold his audience by any means—does seem to have been his ambition: if the joke mars the part, down with the part; if the ludicrous scene interrupts the development of the plot, down with the plot. We have plenty of verbal evidence that the dramatist frequently chose to let his characters become caricatures; we have some verbal evidence that their "stage business" was sometimes made laughably extravagant; in many cases it is sufficiently obvious that he expected his actors to indulge in grotesqueries, well or ill timed, no matter, provided they brought guffaws. It is probable, therefore, that in many other cases, where the tone and "stage business" are not as obvious, where an actor's high seriousness might elicit catcalls, and burlesque certainly would elicit chuckles, Plautus wished his players to avoid the catcalls.

This is by no means the universal rule. In the writer of the Captivi, for instance, we are dealing with a dramatist whose aims are different and higher. Though Lessing's encomium of the play is one to which not all of us can assent, and though even the Captivi shows some technical flaws, it is xiv a work which must be rated according to the standards we apply to a Minna von Barnhelm rather than according to those applied to a Pinafore: here, certainly, we have comedy, not farce.

But whatever standards be applied to his plays their outstanding characters, their amusing situations, their vigour and comicality of dialogue remain. Euclio and Pyrgopolynices, the straits of the brothers Menaechmus and the postponement of Argyrippus's desires, the verbal encounter of Tranio and Grumio, of Trachalio and the fishermen—characters, situations, and dialogues such as these should survive because of their own excellence, not because of modern imitations and parallels such as Harpagon and Parolles, the misadventures of the brothers Antipholus and Juliet's difficulties with her nurse, the remarks of Petruchio to the tailor, of Touchstone to William.

Though his best drawn characters can and should stand by themselves, it is interesting to note how many favourite personages in the modern drama and in modern fiction Plautus at least prefigures. Long though the list is, it does not contain a large proportion of thoroughly respectable names: Plautus rarely introduces us to people, male or female, whom we should care to have long in the same house with us. A real lady seldom appears in these comedies, and—to approach a paradox—when she does she usually comes perilously close to being no lady; the same is usually true of the real gentleman. The generalization in the Epilogue of The Captives may well be made particular: "Plautus finds few plays such as this which make good men better." Yet there is little in his xv plays which makes men—to say nothing of good men—worse. A bluff Shakespearean coarseness of thought and expression there often is, together with a number of atrocious characters and scenes and situations. But compared with the worst of a Congreve or a Wycherley, compared with the worst of our own contemporary plays and musical comedies, the worst of Plautus, now because of its being too revolting, now because of its being too laughable, is innocuous. His moral land is one of black and white, mostly black, without many of those really dangerous half-lights and shadows in which too many of our present day playwrights virtuously invite us to skulk and peer and speculate.

Comparatively harmless though they are, the translator has felt obliged to dilute certain phrases and lines.

The text accompanying his version is that of Leo, published by Weidmann, 1895-96. In the few cases where he has departed from this text brief critical notes are given; a few changes in punctuation have been accepted without comment. In view of the wish of the Editors of the Library that the text pages be printed without unnecessary defacements, it has seemed best to omit the lines that Leo brackets as un-Plautine¹⁶: attention is called to the omission in each case and the omitted lines are given in the note; the numbering, of course, is kept unchanged. Leo's daggers and xvi asterisks indicating corruption and lacunae are omitted, again with brief notes in each case.

The translator gladly acknowledges his indebtedness to several of the English editors of the plays, notably to Lindsay, and to two or three English translators, for a number of phrases much more happily turned by them than by himself: the difficulty of rendering verse into prose—if one is to remain as close as may be to the spirit and letter of the verse, and at the same time not disregard entirely the contributions made by the metre to gaiety and gravity of tone—is sufficient to make him wish to mitigate his failure by whatever means. He is also much indebted to Professors Charles Knapp, K. C. M. Sills, and F. E. Woodruff for many valuable suggestions.

Brunswick, Me.,
September, 1913.

15: The Asinaria was adapted from the Ὀναγὸς of Demophilus; the Casina from the Κληρούμενοι, the Rudens from an unknown play, perhaps the Πήρα, of Diphilus; the Stichus, in part, from the Ἀδελφοί α' of Menander. Menander's Δὶς ἐξαπατῶν was probably the source of the Bacchides, while the Aulularia and Cistellaria probably were adapted from other plays (titles unknown) by Menander. The Mercator and Trinummus are adaptations of Philemon's Ἐμπορος and Θησαυρός, the Mostellaria very possibly is an adaptation of his Φάσμα, the Amphitruo, perhaps, an adaptation of his Νὺξ μακρά.

16: It seemed best to make no exceptions to this rule; even such a line as Bacchides 107 is therefore omitted. Cf. Lindsay, Classical Quarterly, 1913, pp. 1, 2, Havet, Classical Quarterly, 1913, pp. 120, 121.

xvii

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Principal Editions:

Merula, Venice, 1472; the first edition.

Camerarius, Basel, 1552.

Lambinus, Paris, 1576; with a commentary.

Pareus, Frankfurt, 1619, 1623, and 1641.

Gronovius, Leyden, 1664-1684.

Bothe, Berlin, 1809-1811.

Ritschl, Bonn, 1848-1854; a most important edition; contains only nine plays.

Goetz, Loewe, and Schoell, Leipzig, 1871-1902; begun by Ritschl, as a revision and continuation of the previous edition.

Ussing, Copenhagen, 1875-1892; with a commentary.

Leo, Berlin, 1895-1896.

Lindsay, Oxford, 1904-1905.

Goetz and Schoell. Leipzig, 1892-1904.

English Translations:

Thornton, and others, London, second edition, 1769-1774; in blank verse.

Sugden, London, 1893; the first five plays, in the original metres.

General:

Ritschl, Parerga, Leipzig, 1845; Neue plautinische Excurse, Leipzig, 1869.

xviii

Müller, Plautinische Prosodie, Berlin, 1869.

Reinhardstoettner (Karl von), Spätere Bearbeitungen plautinischer Lustspiele, Leipzig, 1886.

Langen, Beiträge zur Kritik und Erklärung des Plautus, Leipzig, 1880; Plautinische Studien, Berlin, 1886.

Sellar, Roman Poets of the Republic, Oxford, third edition, 1889, pp. 153-203.

Skutsch, Forschungen zur lateinischen Grammatik und Metrik, Leipzig, 1892.

Leo, Plautinische Forschungen, Berlin, 1895; second edition, 1912; Die plautinischen Cantica und die hellenistische Lyrik, Berlin, 1897.

Lindsay, Syntax of Plautus, Oxford, 1907.

xix

PRINCIPAL MANUSCRIPTS

Ambrosianus palimpsestus (A), 4th century.

Palatinus Vaticanus (B), 10th century.

Palatinus Heidelbergensis (C), 11th century.

Vaticanus Ursinianus (D), 11th century.

Leidensis Vossianus (V), 12th century.

Ambrosianus (E), 12th century.

Londinensis (J), 12th century.

P = the supposed archetype of BCDVEJ.

SOME ANNOTATED EDITIONS OF PLAYS IN THE FIRST VOLUME

Amphitruo, A. Palmer 1890.

Asinaria, Gray; Cambridge, University Press, 1894.

Aulularia, Wagner; London, George Bell & Sons, 1878.

Captivi, Brix; 6th edition, revised by Niemeyer; Leipzig, Teubner, 1910.

Captivi, Sonnenschein; London, W. Swan Sonnenschein & Allen, 1880.

Captivi, W.M. Lindsay 1900.

AMPHITRVO

AMPHITRYON

Argument I
Argument II
Dramatis Personae
Prologue
ACT I

Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4

ACT IV

Scene 2

Summary of missing text
Fragments

ARGVMENTVM I ¹

ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (I)

In faciem versus Amphitruonis Iuppiter,

dum bellum gereret cum Telobois hostibus,

Alcmenam uxorem cepit usurariam.

Mercurius formam Sosiae servi gerit

absentis: his Alcmena decipitur dolis.

postquam rediere veri Amphitruo et Sosia,

uterque deluduntur in mirum modum.

hinc iurgium, tumultus uxori et viro,

donec cum tonitru voce missa ex aethere

10 adulterum se Iuppiter confessus est.

While Amphitryon was engaged in a war with his foes, the Teloboians, Jupiter assumed his appearance and took the loan of his wife, Alcmena. Mercury takes the form of an absent slave, Sosia, and Alcmena is deceived by the two impostors. After the real Amphitryon and Sosia return they both are deluded in extraordinary fashion. This leads to an altercation and quarrel between wife and husband, until there comes from the heavens, with a peal of thunder, the voice of Jupiter, who owns that he has been the guilty lover.

ARGVMENTVM II

ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (II)

Amore captus Alcumenas Iuppiter

Mutavit sese in formam eius coniugis,

Pro patria Amphitruo dum decernit cum hostibus.

Habitu Mercurius ei subservit Sosiae.

Is advenientis servum ac dominum frustra habet.

Turbas uxori ciet Amphitruo, atque invicem

Raptant pro moechis. Blepharo captus arbiter

Vter sit non quit Amphitruo decernere.

Omnem rem noscunt. geminos Alcumena enititur.²

Jupiter, being seized with love for Alcmena, changed his form to that of her husband, Amphitryon, while he was doing battle with his enemies in defence of his country. Mercury, in the guise of Sosia, seconds his father and dupes both servant and master on their return. Amphitryon storms at his wife: charges of adultery, too, are bandied back and forth between him and Jupiter. Blepharo is appointed arbiter, but is unable to decide which is the real Amphitryon. They learn the whole truth at last, and Alcmena gives birth to twin sons.

PERSONAE	DRAMATIS PERSONAE
MERCVRIVS DEUS SOSIA SERVUS IVPPITER DEUS ALCVMENA MATRONA AMPHITRVO DUX BLEPHARO GUBERNATOR BROMIA ANCILLA	MERCURY, a god. SOSIA, slave of Amphitryon. JUPITER, a god. ALCMENA, wife of Amphitryon. AMPHITRYON, commander-in-chief of the Theban army. BLEPHARO, a pilot. BROMIA, maid to Alcmena.
Scaena Thebis.	Scene:—Thebes. A street before Amphitryon's house.

PROLOGVS ³	PROLOGUE
MERCVRIVS DEVS	SPOKEN BY THE GOD MERCURY
Ut vos in vostris voltis mercimoniis emundis vendundisque me laetum lucris adficere atque adiuvare in rebus omnibus et ut res rationesque vostrorum omnium bene me expedire voltis peregrique et domi bonoque atque amplo auctare perpetuo lucro quasque incepistis res quasque inceptabitis,	According as ye here assembled would have me prosper you and bring you luck in your buyings and in your sellings of goods, yea, and forward you in all things; and according as ye all would have me find your business affairs and speculations happy outcome in foreign lands and here at home, and crown your present and future undertakings with fine, fat profits for evermore;
et uti bonis vos vostrosque omnis nuntiis me adficere voltis, ea adferam, ea uti nuntiem 10 quae maxime in rem vostram communem sient— nam vos quidem id iam scitis concessum et datum mi esse ab dis aliis, nuntiis praesim et lucro—: haec ut me voltis adprobare adnitier,⁴ (13) (15) ita huic facietis fabulae silentium itaque aequi et iusti his eritis omnes arbitri.	and according as ye would have me bring you and all yours glad news, reporting and announcing matters which most contribute to your common good (for ye doubtless are aware ere now that 'tis to me the other gods have yielded and granted plenipotence o'er messages and profits); according as ye would have me bless you in these things, then in such degree will ye (suddenly dropping his pomposity) keep still while we are acting this play and all be fair and square judges of the performance.
Nunc cuius iussu venio et quam ob rem venerim dicam simulque ipse eloquar nomen meum. Iovis iussu venio, nomen Mercurio est mihi. 20 pater huc me misit ad vos oratum meus, tam etsi, pro imperio vobis quod dictum foret, scibat facturos, quippe qui intellexerat vereri vos se et metuere, ita ut aequom est Iovem;	Now I will tell you who bade me come, and why I came, and likewise myself state my own name. Jupiter bade me come: my name is Mercury (pauses, evidently hoping he has made an impression). My father has sent me here to you to make a plea, yea, albeit he knew that whatever was told you in way of command you would do, inasmuch as he realized that you revere and dread him as men should Jupiter.
verum profecto hoc petere me precario a vobis iussit, leniter, dictis bonis. etenim ille, cuius huc iussu venio, Iuppiter non minus quam vostrum quivis formidat malum: humana matre natus, humano patre, mirari non est aequom, sibi si praetimet;	But the fact remains that he has bidden me make this request in suppliant wise, with gentle, kindly words. (confidentially) For you see, that Jupiter that "bade me come here" is just like any one of you in his horror of (rubbing his shoulders reflectively) trouble^A: his mother being human, also his father, it should not seem strange if he does feel apprehensive regarding himself.
30 atque ego quoque etiam, qui Iovis sum filius, contagione mei patris metuo malum. propterea pace advenio et pacem ad vos affero⁵: iustam rem et facilem esse oratam a vobis volo, nam iusta ab iustis iustus sum orator datus.	Yes, and the same is true of me, the son of Jupiter: once my father has some trouble I am afraid I shall catch it, too. (rather pompously again) Wherefore I come in peace and peace do I bring to you. It is a just and trifling request I wish you to grant: for I am sent as a just pleader pleading with the just for what is just.
nam iniusta ab iustis impetrari non decet, iusta autem ab iniustis petere insipientia est; quippe illi iniqui ius ignorant neque tenent. nunc iam huc animum omnes quae loquar advortite. debetis velle quae velimus: meruimus 40 et ego et pater de vobis et re publica;	It would be unfitting, of course, for unjust favours to be obtained from the just, while looking for just treatment from the unjust is folly; for unfair folk of that sort neither know nor keep justice. Now then, pay attention all of you to what I am about to say. Our wishes should be yours: we deserve it of you, my father and I, of you and of your state.
nam quid ego memorem,—ut alios in tragoediis vidi, Neptunum Virtutem Victoriam Martem Bellonam, commemorare quae bona vobis fecissent,—quis bene factis meus pater, deorum regnator⁶ architectust⁷ omnibus?	Ah well, why should I—after the fashion of other gods, Neptune, Virtue, Victory, Mars, Bellona, whom I have seen in the tragedies recounting their goodness to you—rehearse the benefits that my father, ruler of the gods, hath builded up for all men?
sed mos numquam illi fuit patri meo,⁸ ut exprobraret quod bonis faceret boni; gratum arbitratur esse id a vobis sibi meritoque vobis bona se facere quae facit.	It never was a habit of that sire of mine to twit good people with the good he did them; he considers you grateful to him for it and worthy of the good things he does for you.
50 Nunc quam rem oratum huc veni primum proloquar, post argumentum huius eloquar tragoediae. quid? contraxistis frontem, quia tragoediam dixi futuram hanc? deus sum, commutavero.	Now first as to the favour I have come to ask, and then you shall hear the argument of our tragedy. What? Frowning because I said this was to be a tragedy? I am a god: I'll transform it.
eandem hanc, si voltis, faciam ex tragoedia comoedia ut sit omnibus isdem vorsibus. utrum sit an non voltis? sed ego stultior, quasi nesciam vos velle, qui divos siem. teneo quid animi vostri super hac re siet: faciam ut commixta sit: sit tragicomoedia.	I'll convert this same play from tragedy to comedy, if you like, and never change a line. Do you wish me to do it, or not? But there! how stupid of me! As if I didn't know that you do wish it, when I'm a deity. I understand your feelings in the matter perfectly. I shall mix things up: let it be tragi-comedy.
60 nam me perpetuo facere ut sit comoedia, reges quo veniant et di, non par arbitror. quid igitur? quoniam his servos quoque partes habet, faciam sit, proinde ut dixi, tragicomoedia.	Of course it would never do for me to make it comedy out and out, with kings and gods on the boards. How about it, then? Well, in view of the fact that there is a slave part in it, I shall do just as I said and make it tragi-comedy.
nunc hoc me orare a vobis iussit Iuppiter, ut conquaestores singula in subsellia eant per totam caveam spectatoribus, si cui favitores delegates viderint, ut is in cavea pignus capiantur togae;	Now here is the favour Jove bade me ask of you: (with great solemnity) let inspectors go from seat to seat throughout the house, and should they discover claqueurs planted for the benefit of any party, let them take as security from all such in the house—their togas.
sive qui ambissint palmam histrionibus, 70 sive cuiquam artifici, si per scriptas litteras sive qui ipse ambissit seu per internuntium, sive adeo aediles perfidiose cui duint, sirempse legem iussit esse Iuppiter, quasi magistratum sibi alterive ambiverit.	Or if there be those who have solicited the palm for actors, or for any artist—whether by letter, or by personal solicitation, or through an intermediary—or further, if the aediles do bestow the said palm upon anyone unfairly, Jove doth decree that the selfsame law obtain as should the said party solicit guiltily, for himself or for another, public office.
virtute dixit vos victores vivere, non ambitione neque perfidia: qui minus eadem histrioni sit lex quae summo viro? virtute ambire oportet, non favitoribus. sat habet favitorum semper qui recte facit, 80 si illis fides est quibus est ea res in manu.	'Tis worth has won your wars for you, saith he, not solicitation or unfairness: why should not the same law hold for player as for noblest patriot? Worth, not hired support, should solicit victory. He who plays his part aright ever has support enough, if it so be that honour dwells in those whose concern it is to judge his acts.
hoc quoque etiam mihi pater in mandatis dedit, ut conquaestores fierent histrionibus: qui sibi mandasset delegati ut plauderent quive quo placeret alter fecisset minus, eius ornamenta et corium uti conciderent.	This injunction, too, did Jove lay upon me: that inspectors should be appointed for the actors, to the end that whosoever has enjoined claqueurs to clap himself, or whosoever has endeavoured to compass the failure of another, may have his player's costume cut to shreds, also his hide.
mirari nolim vos, quapropter Iuppiter nunc histriones curet; ne miremini: ipse hanc acturust Iuppiter comoediam. quid? admirati estis? quasi vero novom 90 nunc proferatur, Iovem facere histrioniam;	I would not have you wonder why Jove is now regardful of actors; do not so: he himself, Jove, will take part in this comedy. What? Surprised? As if it were actually a new departure, this, Jove's turning actor!
etiam, histriones anno cum in proscaemo hic Iovem invocarunt, venit, auxilio is fuit⁹ (92) (94) hanc fabulam, inquam, hic Iuppiter hodie ipse aget, et ego una cum illo. nunc vos animum advortite, dum huius argumentum eloquar comoediae.	Why, just last year when the actors on this very stage called upon Jupiter, he came,^B and helped them out. This play, then, Jove himself will act in to-day, and I along with him. Now give me your attention while I unfold the argument of our comedy.
Haec urbs est Thebae. in illisce habitat aedibus Amphitruo, natus Argis ex Argo patre, quicum Alcumena est nupta, Electri filia. 100 is nunc Amphitruo praefectust legionibus, nam cum Telobois bellum est Thebano poplo.	This city here is Thebes. In that house there (pointing) dwells Amphitryon, born in Argos, of an Argive father: and his wife is Alcmena, Electrus's daughter. At present this Amphitryon is at the head of the Theban army, the Thebans being at war with the Teloboians.
is prius quam hinc abut ipsemet in exercitum, gravidam Alcumenam uxorem fecit suam. nam ego vos novisse credo iam ut sit pater meus, quam liber harum rerum multarum siet quantusque amator sit quod complacitum est semel.	Before he himself left to join his troops, his wife, Alcmena, was with child by him. (apologetically) Now I think you know already what my father is like—how free he is apt to be in a good many cases of this sort and what an impetuous lover he is, once his fancy is taken.
is amare occepit Alcumenam clam virum usuramque eius corporis cepit sibi, et gravidam fecit is eam compressu suo. 110 nunc de Alcumena ut rem teneatis rectius, utrimque est gravida, et ex viro et ex summo Iove.	Well, Alcmena caught his fancy, without her husband knowing it, and he enjoyed her and got her with child. So now Alcmena, that you may see it quite clearly, is with child by both of them, by her husband and by almighty Jove.
et meus pater nunc intus hic cum illa cubat, et haec ob eam rem nox est facta longior, dum cum illa quacum volt voluptatem capit; sed ita adsimulavit se, quasi Amphitruo siet.	And my father is there inside this very moment with her in his arms, and it is on this account that the present night has been prolonged while he enjoys the society of his heart's delight. All this in the guise of Amphitryon, you understand.
Nunc ne hunc ornatum vos meum admiremini, quod ego huc processi sic cum servili schema: veterem atque antiquam rem novam ad vos proferam, propterea ornatus in novom incessi modum.	Now don't be surprised at this get-up of mine and because I appear here in the character of a slave as I do: I am going to submit to you a new version of a worn and ancient tale, hence my appearance in a new get-up.
120 nam meus pater intus nunc est eccum Iuppiter; in Amphitruonis vertit sese imaginem omnesque eum esse censent servi qui vident: ita versipellem se facit quando lubet.	The point is, my father Jupiter is now inside there, mark you. He has turned himself into the very image of Amphitryon, and all the servants that see him believe that's who he is. See how he can change his skin when he likes!
ego servi sumpsi Sosiae mi imaginem, qui cum Amphitruone abiit hinc in exercitum, ut praeservire amanti meo possem patri atque ut ne, qui essem, familiares quaererent, versari crebro hic cum viderent me domi; nunc, cum esse credent servom et conservom suom, 130 haud quisquam quaeret qui siem aut quid venerim.	And as for me, I have assumed the form of Amphitryon's slave Sosia, who went away to the army with him, my idea being to subserve my amorous sire and not have the domestics ask who I am when they see me busy about the house here continually. As it is, when they think I am a servant and one of their own number, not a soul will ask me who I am or what I've come for.
Pater nunc intus suo animo morem gerit: cubat complexus cuius cupiens maxime est; quae illi ad legionem facta sunt memorat pater meus Alcumenae: illa illum censet virum suom esse, quae cum moecho est. ibi nunc meus pater memorat, legiones hostium ut fugaverit, quo pacto sit donis donatus plurimis.	So now my father is inside indulging his heart's desire as he lies there with his arms around the lady-love he particularly dotes on. He is telling Alcmena what happened during the campaign: and she all the time thinking him her husband when he's not. On he goes there with his stories of putting the legions of the foe to flight and being presented with prizes galore.
ea dona, quae illic Amphitruoni sunt data, abstulimus: facile meus pater quod volt facit. 140 nunc hodie Amphitruo veniet huc ab exercitu et servos, cuius ego hanc fero imaginem.	The prizes Amphitryon did receive there we stole—things my father fancies do come easy to him! Now Amphitryon will return from the army to-day, and the slave I am representing, too.
nunc internosse ut nos possitis facilius, ego has habebo usque in petaso pinnulas; tum meo patri autem torulus inerit aureus sub petaso: id signum Amphitruoni non erit. ea signa nemo horum familiarium videre poterit: verum vos videbitis.	To make it easier for you to tell us apart I shall always wear this little plume on my hat: yes, and as for my father he will have a little gold tassel hanging from his: Amphitryon will not have this mark. They are marks that none of the household here will be able to see, but you will.
sed Amphitruonis illic est servos Sosia: a portu illic nunc cum lanterna advenit. 150 abigam iam ego illum advenientem ab aedibus. adeste: erit operae pretium hic spectantibus Iovem et Mercurium facere histrioniam.	(looking down street) But there is Amphitryon's servant Sosia—just coming from the harbour with a lantern. I'll bustle him away from the house as soon as he gets here. Watch now! It will be worth your while to attend when Jove and Mercury take up the histrionic art. (steps aside)

ACTVS I	ACT I
	(Time, night.) enter Sosia, lantern in hand.
Sos.	Sos.
Qui me alter est audacior homo aut qui confidentior, iuventutis mores qui sciam, qui hoc noctis solus ambulem? quid faciam nunc, si tres viri me in carcerem compegerint? inde cras quasi e promptaria cella depromar ad flagrum, nec causam liceat dicere mihi, neque in ero quicquam auxili nec quisquam sit quin me malo omnes esse dignum deputent.	(stopping and peering around timorously) Who's a bolder man, a more audacious man than I am—know all about the young bloods and their capers, I do, yet here I am strolling around all alone at this time of night! (seems to hear something and jumps) What if the police should lock me up in jail? To-morrow I should be taken out of that preserve closet and get served—to a rope's end; and not a word would they let me say for myself,^C and not a bit of help could I get from master, and there wouldn't be a soul but what would reckon I deserved a hiding.
159-160 ita quasi incudem me miserum homines octo validi caedant: 161-162 ita peregre adveniens hospitio publicitus accipiar. haec eri immodestia coegit, me qui hoc noctis a portu ingratiis excitavit. nonne idem hoc luci me mittere potuit?	Those eight strong wardens would pound my poor carcass just as if I was an anvil: that is how I should be entertained on coming home from abroad—a public reception. (disgustedly) It's master's impatience forced me into this, routing me out from the harbour at this time of night, against my will. Might have sent me on the same errand by daylight, mightn't he?
opulento homini hoc servitus dura est, hoc magis miser est divitis servos noctesque diesque assiduo satis superque est, quod facto aut dicto adeost opus, quietus ne sis.	This is where it comes hard slaving it for a nabob, this is where a plutocrat's servant is worse off—night and day there's work enough and more for him, no end, always something to be done, yes, or said, so that you can't rest.
170 ipse dominus dives, operis et laboris expers, quodcumque homini accidit libere, posse retur: (172) aequom esse putat, non reputat laboris quid sit¹⁰ (174) ergo in servitute expetunt multa iniqua: habendum et ferundum hoc onust cum labore.	And your plutocrat of a master, that never does a handsturn of work himself, takes it for granted that any whim that comes into a man's head can be gratified: yes, he counts that the fair thing, and never takes account of how much the work is. Ah, I tell you, there's a great deal of injustice this slavery lets you in for: you've got to take your load and carry it, and that is work.
Mer.	Mer.
Satius me queri illo modo servitutem: hodie qui fuerim liber, cum nunc potivit pater servitutis, his qui verna natus est queritur.	(aside) It would be more in order for Mercury to do some of this grumbling about menial station—was free this very day, and now his father has made a slave of him. It's this fellow, a born drudge, that is grumbling.
Sos.	Sos.
180 Sum vero verna verbero: num numero mi in mentem fuit, dis advenientem gratias pro meritis agere atque alloqui? ne illi edepol si merito meo referre studeant gratiam, aliquem hominem allegent qui mihi advenienti os occillet probe, quoniam bene quae in me fecerunt ingrata ea habui atque inrita.	(frightened again) I need a drubbing, I do, drudge that I am. I was not too quick, was I, to think of addressing the gods and giving 'em due thanks on my arrival? Oh Lord! if they took a notion to pay me back my dues, they'd commission some one to mash my face for me in fine shape on my arrival, now that I haven't appreciated the good turns they've done me and have let 'em go for nothing. (makes sure he is safe)
Mer.	Mer.
Facit ille quod volgo haud solent, ut quid se sit dignum sciat.	(aside) Rather uncommon that,—his knowing what he deserves to get.
Sos.	Sos.
Quod numquam opinatus fui neque alius quisquam civium sibi eventurum, id contigit, ut salvi poteremur domi. victores victis hostibus legiones reveniunt domum, duello exstincto maximo atque internecatis hostibus.	What I never dreamed would happen nor anyone else on our side, either, has happened, and here we are safe and sound. (magnificently) Our legions come back victorious, our foes vanquished, a mighty contest concluded and our enemies massacred to a man.
190 quod multa Thebano poplo acerba obiecit funera, id vi et virtute militum victum atque expugnatum oppidum est imperio atque auspicio eri mei Amphitruonis maxime. praeda atque agro adoriaque adfecit populares suos regique Thebano Creoni regnum stabilivit suom.	The town that has brought an untimely death to many a Theban citizen has been crushed and captured by the strength and valour of our soldiery, aye, and chiefly under the command and auspices of my own master, Amphitryon. He has furnished forth his countrymen with booty and land and fame, and fixed King Creon firm upon his Theban throne.
me a portu praemisit domum, ut haec nuntiem uxori suae, ut gesserit rem publicam ductu imperio auspicio suo. ea nunc meditabor quo modo illi dicam, cum illo advenero. si dixero mendacium, solens meo more fecero.	(subsiding) As for me, he has sent me on ahead home from the harbour to tell his wife the news: how the state was served under the leadership, command, and auspices of—his very own self. (meditating) Now let me think how I am to tell her the tale when I get there. If I do work in a lie or two, it won't be anything extraordinary for me.
nam cum pugnabant maxume, ego tum fugiebam maxume; 200 verum quasi adfuerim tamen simulabo atque audita eloquar. sed quo modo et verbis quibus me deceat fabularier, prius ipse mecum etiam volo his meditari. sic hoc proloquar.	The fact is, it was just when they were doing their hardest fighting that I was doing my hardest running. Oh well, I'll pretend I was there just the same, and recite what I heard tell about it. But the neatest way to narrate my story—and the words to use—I must practise a bit by myself beforehand here.
Principio ut illo advenimus, ubi primum terram tetigimus, continuo Amphitruo delegit viros primorum principes; eos legat, Telobois iubet sententiam ut dicant suam; si sine vi et sine hello velint rapta et raptores tradere, si quae asportassent redderent, se exercitum extemplo domum reducturum, abituros agro Argivos, pacem atque otium dare illis; sin aliter sient animati neque dent quae petat, 210 sese igitur summa vi virisque eorum oppidum oppugnassere.	(pauses) Here's how we'll begin. (lays lantern down and addresses supposed Alcmena importantly) First and foremost, when we reached there, as soon as we had touched land, straightway Amphitryon picks out the most illustrous of his captains. These he sends forth as legates and bids convey his terms to the Teloboians, to wit: should they wish, without contention and without strife, to deliver up pillage and pillagers and restore whatsoever they had carried off, he himself would lead his army home forthwith and the Argives would leave their land and grant them peace and quietude; but were they otherwise disposed, and disinclined to yield what he sought, he would thereupon with all the force at his command make onslaught on their city.
Haec ubi Telobois ordine iterarunt quos praefecerat Amphitruo, magnanimi viri freti virtute et viribus superbe nimis ferociter legates nostros increpant, respondent bello se et suos tutari posse, proinde uti propere irent, de suis finibus exercitus deducerent. haec ubi legati pertulere, Amphitruo castris ilico producit omnem exercitum. Teloboae contra ex oppido legiones educunt suas nimis pulcris armis praeditas.	When Amphitryon's ambassadors had duly made this proclamation to the Teloboians, they, doughty warriors, confiding in their courage and glorying in their strength, made right rough and haughty answer to our embassy, saying that they could defend themselves and theirs by force of arms, and that accordingly they should depart at once and lead their troops out from the Teloboian borders. On receiving this report from his legates, Amphitryon at once led forth his whole army from camp. And from the city, too, the Teloboians led out their legions in goodly panoply.
postquam utrimque exitum est maxima copia, 220 dispertiti viri, dispertiti ordines, nos nostras more nostro et modo instruximus legiones, item hostes contra legiones suas instruont.	After both sides had marched out in full force, troops arrayed, and ranks arrayed, we drew up our legions according to our usual method and manner: our foemen likewise draw up their legions facing ours.
deinde utrique imperatores in medium exeunt, extra turbam ordinum colloquontur simul. convenit, victi utri sint eo proelio, urbem agrum aras focos seque uti dederent.	Then forward into the centre of the field stride the leaders of both hosts, and there out beyond the serried lines they hold colloquy. This pact was made, that they who were conquered in this battle should surrender city and land, shrines, homes, and persons.
ostquam id actum est, tubae contra utrimque occanunt, onsonat terra, clamorem utrimque efferunt. mperator utrimque, hinc et illinc, Iovi 230 vota suscipere, utrimque hortari exercitum. tum pro se quisque id quod quisque potest et valet edit, ferro ferit, tela frangunt, boat caelum fremitu virum, ex spiritu atque anhelitu nebula constat, cadunt volnerum vi viri.	This done, the trumpets blared on either side; earth echoes; on either side the battle cry is raised. The generals on either side, both here and there, offer their vows to Jove, and on either side cheer their warriors. Then each man lays about him with his every ounce of strength and strikes home with his blade: lances shiver: the welkin rings with the roar of heroes: up from their gasping, panting breath a cloud arises: men drop beneath the weight of wounds.
Denique, ut voluimus, nostra superat manus: hostes crebri cadunt, nostri contra ingruont vi¹¹ feroces. sed¹² fugam in se tamen nemo convortitur nec recedit loco quin statim rem gerat; 240 animam omittunt prius quam loco demigrent: quisque ut steterat iacet optinetque ordinem.	At last, as we wished, our host prevails: the foemen fall in heaps: on and on we press, fired by our might. Yet for all that, none turns in flight nor yields an inch, but stands his ground and hews away. They lose their lives sooner than quit their post. As each had stood, so he lies, and keeps the line unbroken.
hoc ubi Amphitruo erus conspicatust, ilico equites iubet dextera inducere. equites parent citi: ab dextera maximo cum clamore involant impetu alacri, foedant et proterunt hostium copias iure iniustas.	When my lord Amphitryon noted this, he straightway ordered that the cavalry on our right be led to the charge. Swift they obey, and with terrific yells swooping down from the right in mad career they mangle and trample underfoot the forces of our foes and right our wrongs. (wipes his brow and meditates)
Mer.	Mer.
Numquam etiam quicquam adhuc verborum est prolocutus perperam: namque ego fui illi in re praesenti et meus, cum pugnatum est, pater.	(aside) Not a single, solitary word of fiction has he uttered yet: for I was there myself while the battle was actually going on, and my father too.
Sos.	Sos.
250 Perduelles penetrant se in fugam; ibi nostris animus additust: vortentibus Telobois telis complebantur corpora, ipsusque Amphitruo regem Pterelam sua obtruncavit manu. haec illic est pugnata pugna usque a mani ad vesperum— hoc adeo hoc commemini magis, quia illo die inpransus fui— sed proelium id tandem diremit nox interventu suo.	(gathering himself together) Their warriors take to flight; at this new courage animates our men. When the Teloboians turn their backs we stick them full of spears, and Amphitryon himself cut down King Pterelas with his own hand. This fight was fought out all through the day there from morn till eve. (reflectively) I remember this point more distinctly because that noon I went without my lunch. But darkness at last intervened and terminated the engagement.
postridie in castra ex urbe ad nos veniunt flentes principes: velatis manibus orant ignoscamus peccatum suom, deduntque se, divina humanaque omnia, urbem et liberos indicionem atque in arbitratum cuncti Thebano poplo. 260 post ob virtutem ero Amphitruoni patera donata aurea est, qui Pterela potitare solitus est rex. haec sic dicam erae nunc pergam eri imperium exequi et me domum capessere.	The following day their foremost men come tearfully from the city to our camp, their hands veiled in suppliant wise, and entreat us to pardon their transgression: and one and all they surrender their persons, their entire possessions sacred and profane, their city and their children to the Theban people to have and to hold as they deem fit. Then, for his valour, my lord Amphitryon was presented with a golden bowl from which King Pterelas was wont to drink. (heaves deep sigh of relief) This is how I will tell it to the mistress. Now I'll go finish up the job for master and take myself home. (picks up lantern)
Mer.	Mer.
Attat, illic huc iturust. ibo ego illi obviam, neque ego huc hominem hodie ad aedis has sinam umquam accedere; quando imago est huius in me, certum est hominem eludere. et enim vero quoniam formam cepi huius in med et statum, decet et facta moresque huius habere me similes item, itaque me malum esse oportet, callidum, astutum admodum atque hunc, telo suo sibi, malitia a foribus pellere. 270 sed quid illuc est? caelum aspectat. observabo quam rem agat.	(aside) Oho! about to come this way! I'll step up and meet him. The fellow shall never reach this house at present: I won't have it. Now that I am his double I fully intend to befool the fellow. And I say, considering I have taken on his looks and dress, it is appropriate for me to ape his ways and general conduct, too. I must be a sly rapscallion, then, shifty as the deuce, yes, and drive him away from the door with his own weapon, roguery. (looking at Sosia who is gaping at the stars) What's he at, though? Staring at the sky! I must keep an eye on him.
Sos.	Sos.
Certe edepol, si quicquamst aliud quod credam aut certo sciam, credo ego hac noctu Nocturnum obdormivisse ebrium. nam neque se Septentriones quoquam in caelo commovent, neque se Luna quoquam mutat atque uti exorta est semel, nec Iugulae neque Vesperugo neque Vergiliae occidunt. ita statim stant signa, neque nox quoquam concedit die.	My goodness, if there's anything I can believe or know for sure, I surely do believe old Nocturnus went to bed this night in liquor. Why, the Great Bear hasn't moved a step anywhere in the sky, and the moon's just as it was when it first rose, and Orion's Belt, and the Evening Star, and the Pleiades aren't setting, either. Yes, the constellations are standing stock still, and no sign of day anywhere.
Mer.	Mer.
Perge, Nox, ut occepisti, gere patri morem meo: optumo optume optumam operam das, datam pulchre locas.	(aside) Go on as you have begun, Night: oblige my father: you're doing splendidly in a splendid work for a splendid deity: you'll find it a fine investment.
Sos.	Sos.
Neque ego hac nocte longiorem me vidisse censeo, 280 nisi item unam, verberatus quam pependi perpetem; eam quoque edepol etiam multo haec vicit longitudine. credo edepol equidem dormire Solem, atque adpotum probe; mira sunt nisi invitavit sese in cena plusculum.	I don't think I ever did see a longer night—barring that one when I got whipped and was left strung up till morning. And goodness me, in length this one's way ahead of even that one. Gad, I certainly do believe old Sol's asleep, asleep and dead drunk. It's a wonder if he hasn't drunk his own health a bit too much at dinner.
Mer.	Mer.
Ain vero, verbero? deos esse tui similis putas? ego pol te istis tuis pro dictis et male factis, furcifer, accipiam; modo sis veni huc: invenies infortunium.	(aside) So, you scoundrel? Think the gods are like yourself, eh? By heaven, I'll give you a reception to match this talk and roguery of yours, you gallows-bird. Just you be good enough to step this way, and you shall meet with a mishap.
Sos.	Sos.
Ubi sunt isti scortatores, qui soli inviti cubant? haec nox scita est exercendo scorto conducto male.	Where are those young blades that hate a lonely couch? Here is your lovely night for gallivanting with an expensive lady.
Mer.	Mer.
Meus pater nunc pro huius verbis recte et sapienter facit, 290 qui complexus cum Alcumena cubat amans animo obsequens.	(aside) According to this chap, my father's making good, intelligent use of his time—loving to his heart's content with Alcmena in his fond embrace.
Sos.	Sos.
Ibo ut erus quod imperavit Alcumenae nuntiem. sed quis hic est homo, quem ante aedis video hoc noctis? non placet.	Now for the message master told me to give mistress. (aside as he moves toward house and sees Mercury) But who's that fellow in front of the house at this time o' night? (halts, frightened) I don't like it.
Mer.	Mer.
Nullust hoc metuculosus aeque.	(aside) Of all the pusillanimous rogues!
Sos.	Sos.
Mi in mentem venit, illic homo hoc de umero volt pallium detexere.	(aside) It looks to me as if this fellow wants to take my cloak off for me.
Mer.	Mer.
Timet homo: deludam ego illum.	(aside) Our friend is scared: we'll have some sport with him.
Sos.	Sos.
Perii, dentes pruriunt; certe advenientem hic me hospitio pugneo accepturus est. credo misericors est: nunc propterea quod me meus erus fecit ut vigilarem, hic pugnis faciet hodie ut dormiam. oppido interii. obsecro hercle, quantus et quam validus est.	(aside) Oh Lord, my teeth do—itch! He's going to give me a welcome on my arrival, he surely is,—a fisty welcome! He's a kind-hearted soul, I do believe. Seeing how master's kept me awake all night, he's going to up with his fists now and put me to sleep. Oh, I'm dead entirely! For God's sake look at the size of him, and strong, heavens!
Mer.	Mer.
300 Clare advorsum fabulabor, ut his auscultet quae loquar; igitur magis demum maiorem in sese concipiet metum, agite, pugni, iam diu est quom ventri victum non datis: iam pridem videtur factum, heri quod homines quattuor in soporem collocastis nudos.	(aside) I'll speak out aloud, so that he can hear what I say, and then I warrant he'll feel shakier still. (loudly, with melodramatic fierceness) Fists, be up and doing! 'Tis long since ye have made provision for my paunch. It seems an age since yesterday when ye stripped stark four men and laid them away in slumber.
Sos.	Sos.
Formido male, ne ego hic nomen meum commutem et Quintus fiam e Sosia; quattuor nudos sopori se dedisse hic autumat; metuo ne numerum augeam illum.	(aside) Oh, but I'm awfully scared my name will be changed here and now, from Sosia to Sosia the Fifth. Four men he's stripped already and sent to slumberland, so he says: I'm afraid I'm going to swell that list.
Mer.	Mer.
Em, nunciam ergo: sic volo.	(tightening his girdle) There, now then! 'Tis well.
Sos.	Sos.
Cingitur; certe expedit se.	(aside) Loins girded! He is surely getting ready for business.
Mer.	Mer.
Non feret quin vapulet.	He shall not escape a trouncing.
Sos.	Sos.
Quis homo?	(aside, anxiously) Who, who?
Mer.	Mer.
Quisquis homo huc profecto venerit, pugnos edet.	I tell ye, any man that comes this way shall eat fists.
Sos.	Sos.
310 Apage, non placet me hoc noctis esse: cenavi modo: proin tu istam cenam largire, si sapis, esurientibus.	(aside) No you don't! I don't care about eating at this time o' night. It wasn't long ago I dined. So if you've got any sense, you just bestow that dinner on the hungry.
Mer.	Mer.
Haud malum huic est pondus pugno.	(examining his right fist) There's some weight in that fist.
Sos.	Sos.
Perii, pugnos ponderat.	(aside) I'm finished! He's a-weighing his fists!
Mer.	Mer.
Quid si ego illum tractim tangam, ut dormiat?	(sparring) What if I should stroke him softly into somnolence?
Sos.	Sos.
Servaveris, nam continuas has tris noctes pervigilavi.	(aside) You'd save my life: I haven't slept a wink for three nights running.
Mer.	Mer.
Pessumest, facimus nequiter, ferire malam male discit manus; alia forma esse oportet quem tu pugno legeris.	(swinging heavily) Downright sinful, this! This is a shame! 'Tis wrong of my arm to learn really to jab a jaw! (to arm as he feels biceps) Merely graze a man with thy fist and his shape must needs be altered.
Sos.	Sos.
Illic homo me interpolabit meumque os finget denuo.	(aside) That bully's going to do me up and mould my face all over again for me.
Mer.	Mer.
Exossatum os esse oportet quem probe percusseris.	The face that thou shalt smite in earnest is bound thereafter to be boneless.
Sos.	Sos.
Mirum ni hic me quasi murenam exossare cogitat. 320 ultro istunc qui exossat homines, perii, si me aspexerit.	(aside) Sure enough he's reckoning on boning me like a lamprey. I—I object to these man-boners. It's all up if he catches sight of me.
Mer.	Mer.
Olet homo quidam malo suo.	(sniffing the air) Ha! I smell somebody, and woe to him!
Sos.	Sos.
Ei, numnam ego obolui?	(aside) Oh, dear! It can't be he's got a whiff of me?
Mer.	Mer.
Atque haud longe abesse oportet, verum longe hinc afuit.	Aye, and he must be near at hand, albeit he has been afar from here.
Sos.	Sos.
Illi homo superstitiosust.	(aside) The fellow's got second sight.
Mer.	Mer.
Gestiunt pugni mihi.	My fists are rampant.
Sos.	Sos.
Si in me exercituru's, quaeso in parietem ut primum domes.	(in low tone) If you intend to put 'em through their paces on me, for heaven's sake break 'em in first on the wall.
Mer.	Mer.
Vox mi ad aures advolavit.	A voice hath flown unto my ear.
Sos.	Sos.
Ne ego homo infelix fui, qui non alas intervelli: volucrem vocem gestito.	(aside) There you are! I swear I am an unlucky devil not to have clipped its wings, and me with such a bird-like voice.
Mer.	Mer.
Illic homo a me sibi malam rem arcessit iumento suo.	Yon wight doth summon me to wallop his beast's back for him.
Sos.	Sos.
Non equidem ullum habeo iumentum.	(aside) Never a beast do I own, not I.
Mer.	Mer.
Onerandus est pugnis probe.	He needs a lusty load of buffets.
Sos.	Sos.
Lassus sum hercle, navi ut vectus huc sum: etiam nunc nauseo; 330 vix incedo inanis, ne ire posse cum onere existimes.	(in low tone) Oh Lord! and me all done up with that sea trip home! I'm seasick even now. It's all I can do to stump along empty handed, so don't think I can travel with a load.
Mer.	Mer.
Certe enim his nescio quis loquitur.	Yea, of a truth some one is talking here.
Sos.	Sos.
Salvos sum, non me videt: nescioquem loqui autumat; mihi certo nomen Sosiaest.	(in lower tone) Saved! He doesn't see me. It's Some one he says is talking: and my same is Sosia, I know that for a fact.
Mer.	Mer.
Hinc enim mihi dextra vox auris, ut videtur, verberat.	Yes, a voice from the right here, as it seems, doth strike my ear.
Sos.	Sos.
Metuo, vocis ne vicem hodie hic vapulem, quae hunc verberat.	(aside) I'm afraid he'll soon pummel me instead of my voice for its striking him. (steps forward timidly)
Mer.	Mer.
Optume eccum incedit ad me.	Oho! Splendid! He moves this way.
Sos.	Sos.
Timeo, totus torpeo. non edepol nunc ubi terrarum sim scio, si quis roget, neque miser me commovere possum prae formidine. ilicet, mandata eri perierunt una et Sosia. verum certum est confidenter hominem contra conloqui, 340 qui possim videri huic fortis, a me ut abstineat manum.	(aside) I'm scared, I'm simply stiff! Good gracious, I don't know where in the world I am, not if anyone asked me. Oh dear, I can't move a step for fear! This ends me! Master's orders are done for, and Sosia, too. But I'm resolved—I'm going to speak right up to him boldly, so that I can make him think I'm a dangerous character and let me be. (tries to swagger)
Mer.	Mer.
Quo ambulas, tu qui Volcanum in cornu conclusum geris?	Whither dost stroll, thou who conveyest (pointing to lantern) Vulcan pent within yon horn?
Sos.	Sos.
Quid id exquiris tu, qui pugnis os exossas hominibus?	What dost want to know for, thou who bonest folks' faces for 'em with yon fists?
Mer.	Mer.
Servosne es an liber?	Art slave or free?
Sos.	Sos.
Utcumque animo conlibitum est meo.	Whichever I please.
Mer.	Mer.
Ain vero?	So? In sooth?
Sos.	Sos.
Aio enim vero.	Yes, so in sooth.
Mer.	Mer.
Verbero.	Thou whipped slave!
Sos.	Sos.
Mentiris nunc.	You lie: I'm none.
Mer.	Mer.
At iam faciam ut verum dixas dicere.	(advancing) But I shall soon make thee say 'tis true.
Sos.	Sos.
Quid eo est opus?	(shrinking back) Oh, what's the use of that?
Mer.	Mer.
Possum scire, quo profectus, cuius sis aut quid veneris?	(sternly) May I be informed where thou art bound, who owns thee, or why thou camest? (halts)
Sos.	Sos.
Huc eo, eri iussu, eius sum servos. numquid nunc es certior?	(encouraged) I'm bound for here—master's orders—and I'm his slave. Are you any wiser now?
Mer.	Mer.
Ego tibi istam hodie, sceleste, comprimam linguam.	I'll soon make thee hold thy tongue, miscreant!
Sos.	Sos.
Haud potes: bene pudiceque adservatur.	No chance, she's chaperoned in nice modest fashion.
Mer.	Mer.
Pergin argutarier? quid apud hasce aedis negoti est tibi?	Still at thy quips, eh? What business hast thou at this house?
Sos.	Sos.
350 Immo quid tibi est?	Well, and what have you?
Mer.	Mer.
Rex Creo vigiles nocturnos singulos semper locat.	King Creon posts separate sentries about here every night.
Sos.	Sos.
Bene facit: quia nos eramus peregre, tutatust domi; at nunc abi sane, advenisse familiares dicito.	(in superior manner) Much obliged. Seeing we were abroad, he's kept guard for us at home. But now you can be off: say the family servants have got back.
Mer.	Mer.
Nescio quam tu familiaris sis: nisi actutum hinc abis, familiaris accipiere faxo haud familiariter.	Thou a family servant, indeed! Unless thou dost disappear instantly, I warrant ye I'll welcome servants of the family with strange familiarity.
Sos.	Sos.
Hic inquam habito ego atque horunc servos sum.	Here's where I live, I tell you. This is my master's house.
Mer.	Mer.
At scin quo modo? faciam ego hodie te superbum, nisi hinc abis.	But knowest thou what? I'll soon be making an exalted man of thee, an' thou decampest not.
Sos.	Sos.
Quonam modo?	Exalted! How is that?
Mer.	Mer.
Auferere, non abibis, si ego fustem sumpsero.	You shall be carried off on people's shoulders—no walking—once I take my club to you.
Sos.	Sos.
Quin me esse huius familiai familiarem praedico.	I'm a member of the household here, I do avow.
Mer.	Mer.
360 Vide sis quam mox vapulare vis, nisi actutum hinc abis.	Kindly consider how soon you want a thrashing, unless you vanish instantly.
Sos.	Sos.
Tun domo prohibere peregre me advenientem postulas?	So you want to forbid me the house when I'm getting back from foreign parts, you?
Mer.	Mer.
Haecine tua domust?	Is this the house where you belong?
Sos.	Sos.
Ita inquam.	That's what I say.
Mer.	Mer.
Quis erus est igitur tibi?	Who is your master, then?
Sos.	Sos.
Amphitruo, qui nunc praefectust Thebanis legionibus, quicum nupta est Alcumena.	Amphitryon, now in command of the Theban army, and his wife is Alcmena.
Mer.	Mer.
Quid ais? quid nomen tibi est?	How say you? Your name!
Sos.	Sos.
Sosiam vocant Thebani, Davo prognatum patre.	Sosia the Thebans call me, Sosia, son of Davus.
Mer.	Mer.
Ne tu istic hodie malo tuo compositis mendaciis advenisti, audaciai columen, consutis dolis.	Ah! 'twas an evil hour for thee, when thou camest here, thou pinnacle of impudence, with thy premeditated lies and patched-up fabrications.
Sos.	Sos.
Immo equidem tunicis consutis huc advenio, non dolis.	You're wrong, I vow: I've come with my tunic patched up, not my fabrications.
Mer.	Mer.
At mentiris etiam: certo pedibus, non tunicis venis.	Ha, lying again! Thou dost clearly come with thy feet, not thy tunic.
Sos.	Sos.
Ita profecto.	(dryly) Naturally.
Mer.	Mer.
370 Nunc profecto vapula ob mendacium.	And naturally now get thrashed for fibbing. (advances)
Sos.	Sos.
Non edepol volo profecto.	(retreats) Oh dear, I object, naturally.
Mer.	Mer.
At pol profecto ingratiis. hoc quidem profecto certum est, non est arbitrarium.	Oh well, naturally that is immaterial. My "naturally," at least, is a cold hard fact, no matter of opinion. (beats him)
Sos.	Sos.
Tuam fidem obsecro.	(squirming) Easy, easy, for Heaven's sake!
Mer.	Mer.
Tun te audes Sosiam esse dicere, qui ego sum?	Durst say that thou art Sosia when I am he?
Sos.	Sos.
Perii.	Murder! murder!
Mer.	Mer.
Parum etiam, praeut futurum est, praedicas. quoius nunc es?	(continuing to beat him) Murder? A mere nothing compared with what is coming. Whose are you now?
Sos.	Sos.
Tuos, nam pugnis usu fecisti tuom. pro fidem, Thebani cives.	Yours! Your fists have got a title to me by limitation. Help, Thebans, help!
Mer.	Mer.
Etiam clamas, carnifex? loquere, quid venisti?	So? Bellowing, varlet? Speak up, why camest thou?
Sos.	Sos.
Ut esset quem tu pugnis caederes.	Just to give you some one to punch, sir.
Mer.	Mer.
Cuius es?	Whose are you?
Sos.	Sos.
Amphitruonis, inquam, Sosia.	Amphitryon's Sosia, I tell you.
Mer.	Mer.
Ergo istoc magis, quia vaniloquo's, vapulabis: ego sum, non tu, Sosia.	Well then, you shall be pummelled the more for talking nonsense. You Sosia! I am he myself.
Sos.	Sos.
380 Ita di faciant, ut tu potius sis atque ego te ut verberem.	(in low tone) I wish to God you were, instead of me, and I was thumping you.
Mer.	Mer.
Etiam muttis?	Ha! Muttering, eh?
Sos.	Sos.
Iam tacebo.	I won't, I won't, sir!
Mer.	Mer.
Quis tibi erust?	Who is your master?
Sos.	Sos.
Quem tu voles.	Anyone you like, sir.
Mer.	Mer.
Quid igitur? qui nunc vocare?	Indeed? And your name now?
Sos.	Sos.
Nemo nisi quem iusseris.	Nothing but what you order, sir.
Mer.	Mer.
Amphitruonis te esse aiebas Sosiam.	You were saying you were Amphitryon's Sosia.
Sos.	Sos.
Peccaveram. nam Amphitruonis¹³ socium ne me esse volui dicere.	All a mistake, sir; "Amphitryon's associate" I meant, sir, really I did.
Mer.	Mer.
Sciebam equidem nullum esse nobis nisi me servom Sosiam. fugit te ratio.	Ah, I knew quite well there was no servant Sosia at our place except me. You made a slip.
Sos.	Sos.
Utinam istuc pugni fecissent tui.	Oh, how I wish your fists had!
Mer.	Mer.
Ego sum Sosia ille quem tu dudum esse aiebas mihi.	I am that Sosia you claimed to be a while ago.
Sos.	Sos.
Obsecro ut per pacem liceat te alloqui, ut ne vapulem.	For heaven's sake, sir, let me have a word with you in peace without getting pummelled.
Mer.	Mer.
Immo indutiae parumper fiant, si quid vis loqui.	No peace—but I consent to a short armistice, if you have anything to say.
Sos.	Sos.
390 Non loquar nisi pace facta, quando pugnis plus vales.	I won't say it, not unless peace is made: your fists are too much for me.
Mer.	Mer.
Dic si quid vis, non nocebo.	Out with what you want: I shall not hurt you!
Sos.	Sos.
Tuae fide credo?	Can I take your word for that?
Mer.	Mer.
Meae.	You can.
Sos.	Sos.
Quid si falles?	What if you fool me?
Mer.	Mer.
Tum Mercurius Sosiae iratus siet.	(solemnly) Then may Sosia feel the wrath of Mercury!
Sos.	Sos.
Animum advorte. nunc licet mihi libere quidvis loqui. Amphitruonis ego sum servos Sosia.	Listen here, sir. Now I'm free to come out plain with anything. I am Amphitryon's Sosia, I am.
Mer.	Mer.
Etiam denuo?	(advancing) What? Again?
Sos.	Sos.
Pacem feci, foedus feci. vera dico.	(vigorously) I made peace—I struck a treaty! It's the truth.
Mer.	Mer.
Vapula.	Be thrashed to you!
Sos.	Sos.
Ut libet quid tibi libet fac, quoniam pugnis plus vales; verum, utut es facturus, hoc quidem hercle haud reticebo tamen.	Suit yourself, do what suits you, seeing your fists are too much for me. (doggedly) But just the same, no matter what you do, I won't keep that back, by gad, not that.
Mer.	Mer.
Tu me vivos hodie numquam facies quin sim Sosia.	You shall never live to make me anyone but Sosia, never.
Sos.	Sos.
Certe edepol tu me alienabis numquam quin noster siem; nec nobis praeter med alius quisquam est servos Sosia.¹⁴ 400	And by thunder, you shall never do me out of being our family's servant. No sir, and I'm the only servant Sosia we have.
Mer.	Mer.
Hic homo sanus non est.	The man is crazy.
Sos.	Sos.
(402) Quod mihi praedicas vitium, id tibi est. quid, malum, non sum ego servos Amphitruonis Sosia? nonne hac noctu nostra navis huc ex portu Persico venit, quae me advexit? nonne me huc erus misit meus?	Crazy? You're putting your own complaint off on to me. (half to himself) See here, dash it, an't I Amphitryon's servant Sosia? Didn't our ship arrive this night from Port Persicus, and I on it? Didn't my own master send me here?
nonne ego nunc sto ante aedes nostras? non mi est lanterna in manu? non loquor, non vigilo? nonne hic homo modo me pugnis contudit? fecit hercle, nam etiam misero nunc mihi malae dolent. quid igitur ego dubito, aut cur non intro eo in nostram domum?	An't I standing in front of our own house this minute? Haven't I got a lantern in my hand? An't I talking? An't I awake? Didn't this chap just give me a bruising? Lord, but he did! Why, my poor jaws ache even now. What am I hesitating for, then? Or why don't I go inside our house?
Mer.	Mer.
Quid, domum vostram?	What? Your house?
Sos.	Sos.
Ita enim vero.	Yes, just so.
Mer.	Mer.
410 Quin quae dixisti modo omnia ementitu's: equidem Sosia Amphitruonis sum. nam noctu hac soluta est navis nostra e portu Persico, et ubi Pterela rex regnavit oppidum expugnavimus. et legiones Teloboarum vi pugnando cepimus, et ipsus Amphitruo optruncavit regem Pterelam in proelio.	You lie, I tell you: your every word has been a lie. I am Amphitryon's Sosia, beyond dispute. Why, this very night we unmoored and left Port Persicus; and we have seized the city where King Pterelas held sway; and we subdued the legions of the Teloboians by our sturdy onslaught; and Amphitryon himself slew King Pterelas on the field of battle.
Sos.	Sos.
Egomet mihi non credo, cum illaec autumare illum audio; hic quidem certe quae illic sunt res gestae memorat memoriter. sed quid ais? quid Amphitruoni doni a Telobois datum est?	(aside) I can't believe my own ears when I hear that fellow going on so. My word, he certainly does reel our doings there all off pat. (aloud) But I say—what was Amphitryon presented with from the Teloboian spoils?
Mer.	Mer.
Pterela rex qui potitare solitus est patera aurea.	A golden bowl that King Pterelas was wont to drink from.
Sos.	Sos.
Elocutus est. ubi patera nunc est?	(aside) He's hit it! (aloud) Where is the bowl now?
Mer.	Mer.
420 Est in cistula; Amphitruonis obsignata signo est.	In a little chest, sealed with Amphitryon's signet.
Sos.	Sos.
Signi dic quid est?	What's on the signet, tell me that?
Mer.	Mer.
Cum quadrigis Sol exoriens. quid me captas, carnufex?	Sol rising in a four horse chariot. (blustering) Why this attempt to catch me, caitiff?
Sos.	Sos.
Argumentis vicit, aliud nomen quaerundum est mihi. nescio unde haec hic spectavit. iam ego hunc decipiam probe; nam quod egomet solus feci, nec quisquam alius affuit, in tabernaclo, id quidem hodie numquam poterit dicere. si tu Sosia es, legiones cum pugnabant maxume, quid in tabernaclo fecisti? victus sum, si dixeris.	(aside) This evidence settles me. I've got to find me a new name. I don't understand where he saw all this from. (reflecting) Ah, now I'll trick him in good style. Yes, something I did when I was all alone, and not another soul there, in the tent,—he'll never be able to tell me about that, anyway. (aloud) Well, if you're Sosia, what did you do in the tent when the soldiers were in the thick of the fight? Answer me that and I give in.
Mer.	Mer.
Cadus erat vini: inde implevi hirneam.	There was a cask of wine: I drew off a jugful.
Sos.	Sos.
Ingressust viam.	(aside) He's on the right track.
Mer.	Mer.
430 Eam ego, ut matre fuerat natum, vini eduxi meri.	Then I drained it, wine pure as it came from its mother.
Sos.	Sos.
Factum est illud, ut ego illic vini hirneam ebiberim meri. mira sunt nisi latuit intus illic in illac hirnea.	(aside) That's a fact—I did drink off a jug of wine, neat. Most probably the fellow was hiding in that same jug!
Mer.	Mer.
Quid nunc? vincon argumentis, te non esse Sosiam?	Well, have I convinced you that you are not Sosia?
Sos.	Sos.
Tu negas med esse?	You deny it, do you?
Mer.	Mer.
Quid ego ni negem, qui egomet siem?	Of course I deny it, being Sosia myself.
Sos.	Sos.
Per Iovem iuro med esse neque me falsum dicere.	No, I am,—I swear it by Jupiter, and swear I'm not lying, too!
Mer.	Mer.
At ego per Mercurium iuro, tibi Iovem non credere; nam iniurato scio plus credet mihi quam iurato tibi.	But I swear by Mercury that Jupiter disbelieves you. Why, man, he will take my bare word against your solemn oath, no doubt about it.
Sos.	Sos.
Quis ego sum saltem, si non sum Sosia? te interrogo.	For mercy's sake who am I, if I'm not Sosia? I ask you that.
Mer.	Mer.
Ubi ego Sosia nolim esse, tu esto sane Sosia; 440 nunc, quando ego sum, vapulabis, ni hinc abis, ignobilis.	When I do not wish to be Sosia, be Sosia yourself, by all means. Now that I am he, you either pack, or take a thrashing, you unknown riff raff.
Sos.	Sos.
Certe edepol, quom illum contemplo et formam cognosco meam, quem ad modum ego sum—saepe in speculum inspexi—nimis similest mei; itidem habet petasum ac vestitum: tam consimilest atque ego; sura, pes, statura, tonsus, oculi, nasum vel labra, malae, mentum, barba, collus: totus. quid verbis opust?	(aside, looking him over carefully) Upon my soul, now I look him over, and consider my own looks, my own appearance—I've peeped in a mirror many a time—he is precious like me. Has on a travelling hat, yes, and clothes the same as mine. He's as like me as I am myself! Same leg— foot— height— haircut— eyes— nose— lips, even— jaw— chin— beard— neck— everything. Well— well, well, well!
si tergum cicatricosum, nihil hoc similist similius. sed quom cogito, equidem certo idem sum qui semper fui. novi erum, novi aedis nostras; sane sapio et sentio. non ego illi obtempero quod loquitur, pultabo foris.	If he's got a backful of whip scars, you couldn't find a liker likeness anywhere. (pause) But—when I think it over—I'm positive I'm the same man I always was, of course I am. (with growing conviction) I know master, I know our house. I'm sane and sound, I've got my senses. I won't take any notice of what he says, not I. I'll knock at the door (moves toward Amphitryon's house)
Mer.	Mer.
Quo agis te?	(blocking him off) Where now?
Sos.	Sos.
Domum.	Home.
Mer.	Mer.
450 Quadrigas si nunc inscendas Iovis atque hinc fugias, ita vix poteris effugere infortunium.	(advancing) And shouldst thou climb into Jupiter's four horse chariot and seek to flee, e'en so thou canst hardly fly misfortune.
Sos.	Sos.
Nonne erae meae nuntiare quod erus meus iussit licet?	I can tell my own mistress what my own master ordered me to tell her, can't I?
Mer.	Mer.
Tuae si quid vis nuntiare: hanc nostram adire non sinam. nam si me inritassis, hodie lumbifragium hinc auferes.	Thy own mistress, aye,—whatever likes thee: but never shalt thou approach ours here. Yea, provoke me, and thou draggest hence a shipwreck of a man. (advancing)
Sos.	Sos.
Abeo potius. di immortales, obsecro vostram fidem, ubi ego perii? ubi immutatus sum? ubi ego formam perdidi? an egomet me illic reliqui, si forte oblitus fui? nam hic quidem omnem imaginem meam, quae antehac fuerat, possidet.	(retreating) Don't, don't,—I'll be off!(aside) Ye immortal gods! For heaven's sake, where did I lose myself? Where was I transformed? Where did I drop my shape? I didn't leave myself behind at the harbour, did I, if I did happen to forget it? For, my word, this fellow has got hold of my complete image, mine that was!
vivo fit quod numquam quisquam mortuo faciet mihi. ibo ad portum atque haec uti sunt facta ero dicam meo; 460 nisi etiam is quoque me ignorabit; quod ille faxit Iuppiter, ut ego hodie raso capite calvos capiam pilleum.	Here I am alive and folks carry my image—more than anyone will ever do when I'm dead. I'll go down to the harbour and tell my master all about these goings on—that is unless he doesn't know me, too,—and I hope to Jupiter he won't, so that I may shave my hair off this very day and stick my bald head in a freeman's cap. [exit Sosia.

I. 2.	Scene 2.
Mer.	Mer.
Bene prospere hoc hodie operis processit mihi: amovi a foribus maximam molestiam, patri ut liceret tuto illam amplexarier. iam ille illuc ad erum cum Amphitruonem advenerit, narrabit servom hinc sese a foribus Sosiam amovisse; ille adeo illum mentiri sibi credet, neque credet huc profectum, ut iusserat.	Well, my little affair has progressed finely, famously. I have sent a confounded nuisance to the right-about from the door and given my father a chance to embrace the lady there in safety. Now when our friend gets back there to his master, Amphitryon, he'll tell his tale how it was servant Sosia that packed him off. Yes, and then Amphitryon will think he is lying, and never came here as he ordered.
470 erroris ambo ego illos et dementiae complebo atque omnem Amphitruonis familiam, adeo usque, satietatem dum capiet pater illius quam amat. igitur demum omnes scient quae facta. denique Alcumenam Iuppiter rediget antiquam coniugi in concordiam.	I'll muddle up the pair of them, bedevil them completely, and Amphitryon's whole household, too, and keep it up till my father has his fill of her whom he loves: then all shall know the truth, but not before. And finally Jupiter will renew the former harmony between Alcmena and her spouse.
nam Amphitruo actutum uxori turbas conciet atque insimulabit eam probri; tum meus pater eam seditionem illi in tranquillum conferet. nunc de Alcumena dudum quod dixi minus, 480 hodie illa pariet filios geminos duos	For you see, Amphitryon, will be raging at his wife shortly, and accusing her of playing him false: then my father will step in and quell the riot. Now about Alcmena—something I left unsaid a while ago—now she shall bring forth twin sons,
alter decumo post mense nascetur puer quam seminatust, alter mense septumo; eorum Amphitruonis alter est, alter Iovis: verum minori puero maior est pater, minor maiori. iamne hoc scitis quid siet?	one being a ten months' boy, the other a seven. One is Amphitryon's child, the other Jove's: the younger boy, however, has the greater father, and vice versa. You see how it is now, do you?
sed Alcumenae huius honoris gratia pater curavit uno ut fetu fieret, uno ut labore absolvat aerumnas duas¹⁵. (488) 491 quamquam, ut iam dudum dixi, resciscet tamen Amphitruo rem omnem. quid igitur? nemo id probro profecto ducet Alcumenae; nam deum non par videtur facere, delictum suom suamque ut culpam expetere in mortalem ut sinat.	But out of consideration for Alcmena here, my father has provided that there shall be only one parturition: he intends to make one labour suffice for two. But Amphitryon, though, as I told you some time since, will be informed of the whole affair. But what of that? Certainly no one will hold Alcmena guilty: no, no, it would seem highly unbecoming for a god to let a mortal take the consequences of his misdeeds and his indiscretions.
orationem comprimam: crepuit foris. Amphitruo subditivos eccum exit foras cum Alcumena uxore usuraria.	(listening) Enough of this: there goes the door. Ah, the counterfeit Amphitryon comes out with his borrowed wife, Alcmena! (steps aside)

I. 3.	Scene 3.
	enter Jupiter and Alcmena from the house.
Iup.	Jup.
Bene vale, Alcumena, cura rem communem, quod facis; 500 atque inperce quaeso: menses iam tibi esse actos vides. mihi necesse est ire hinc; verum quod erit natum tollito.	Good-bye and God bless you, my dear. Continue to look out for our common interests, and do be sure not to overdo: you are near your time now, you know. I am obliged to leave you—but don't expose the child.
Alc.	Alc.
Quid istuc est, mi vir, negoti, quod tu tam subito domo abeas?	(plaintively) Why, my husband, what is it takes you away so suddenly?
Iup.	Jup.
Edepol haud quod tui me neque domi distaedeat; sed ubi summus imperator non adest ad exercitum, citius quod non facto est usus fit quam quod facto est opus.	No weariness of you and home, I swear to that. But when the commander-in-chief is not with his army, things are much more liable to go wrong than right.
Mer.	Mer.
Nimis hic scitust sycophanta, qui quidem meus sit pater. observatote eum, quam blande muliori palpabitur.	(aside) Ah, he's a sly old dodger—does me^D credit, my father does! Notice how suavely he'll smooth her down.
Alc.	Alc.
Ecastor te experior quanti facias uxorem tuam.	(pouting) Oh yes, I'm learning how much you think of your wife.
Iup.	Jup.
Satin habes, si feminarum nulla est quam aeque diligam?	(fondly) Isn't it enough that you're the dearest woman in the world to me? (embraces her)
Mer.	Mer.
510 Edepol ne illa si istis rebus te sciat operam dare ego faxim ted Amphitruonem esse malis, quam Iovem.	(aside) Now, now, sir! Just let the lady up yonder (pointing thumb heavenward) learn of your performances here, and I'll guarantee you'd rather be Amphitryon than Jove.
Alc.	Alc.
Experiri istuc mavellem me quam mi memorarier. prius abis quam lectus ubi cubuisti concaluit locus. heri venisti media nocte, nunc abis. hocin placet?	Actions speak louder than words. Here you are leaving me before your place on the couch had time to get warm. You came last night at midnight, and now you are going. Does that seem right?
Mer.	Mer.
Accedam atque hanc appellabo et subparasitabor patri. numquam edepol quemquam mortalem credo ego uxorem suam sic ecflictim amare, proinde ut hic te ecflictim deperit.	(aside) I'll go slip a word in and play henchman to my father. (to Alcmena, stepping up) Lord, ma'am, I don't believe there's a mortal man alive loves his own wife (glancing slyly at Jupiter) so madly as the mad way he dotes on you.
Iup.	Jup.
Carnufex, non ego te novi? abin e conspectu meo? quid tibi hanc curatio est rem, verbero, aut muttitio? quon ego iam hoc scipione—	(angrily) You rascal, don't I know you? Out of my sight, will you! What business have you to interfere with this matter, or to breathe a word about it, you scamp? I'll take my cane this instant and—
Alc.	Alc.
Ah noli.	(seizing his arm) Oh, please don't!
Iup.	Jup.
520 Muttito modo.	You just breathe a word now!
Mer.	Mer.
Nequiter paene expedivit prima parasitatio.	(aside dryly) The henchman's first try at henching pretty nearly came to grief.
Iup.	Jup.
Verum quod tu dicis, mea uxor, non te mi irasci decet. clanculum abii a legione: operam hanc subrupui tibi, ex me primo ut prima scires, rem ut gessissem publicam. ea tibi omnia enarravi. nisi te amarem plurimum, non facerem.	But as to what you say, precious,—you oughtn't to be cross with me. It was on the sly that I left my troops: this is a stolen treat, stolen for your sake, so that your first news of how I served my country might come first from me. And now I have told you the whole story. I wouldn't have done such a thing, if I hadn't loved you with all my heart.
Mer.	Mer.
Facitne ut dixi? timidam palpo percutit.	(aside) Doing as I said, eh? Stroking her down, patting her back, poor thing.
Iup.	Jup.
Nunc, ne legio persentiscat, clam illuc redeundum est mihi, ne me uxorem praevertisse dicant prae re publica.	Now I must slip back, so that my men may not get wind of this and say I put my wife ahead of the public welfare.
Alc.	Alc.
Lacrimantem ex abitu concinnas tu tuam uxorem.	(tearfully) And make your own wife cry at your leaving her!
Iup.	Jup.
Tace, ne corrumpe oculos, redibo actutum.	(affectionately) Hush! Don't spoil your eyes: I shall be back soon.
Alc.	Alc.
530 Id actutum diu est.	That "soon" is a long, long time.
Iup.	Jup.
Non ego te hic lubens relinquo neque abeo abs te.	It's not that I like to leave you here and go away.
Alc.	Alc.
Sentio, nam qua nocte ad me venisti, eadem abis.	So I perceive—going away the same night you came to me! (clings to him)
Iup.	Jup.
Cur me tenes? tempus est: exire ex urbe prius quam lucescat volo. nunc tibi hanc pateram, quae dono mi illi ob virtutem data est, Pterela rex qui potitavit, quem ego mea occidi manu, Alcumena, tibi condono.	Why do you hold me? It is time: I wish to get out of the city before daybreak. (producing a golden bowl) Here is the bowl they presented me for bravery on the field—the one King Pterelas used to drink from, whom I killed with my own hand—take it as a gift from me, Alcmena.
Alc.	Alc.
Facis ut alias res soles. ecastor condignum donum, qualest qui donum dedit.	(taking bowl eagerly) That is so like you! Oh, your gift just matches the giver!
Mer.	Mer.
Immo sic: condignum donum, qualest cui dono datumst.	Oh no, not the giver—that gift matches the getter.
Iup.	Jup.
Pergin autem? nonne ego possum, furcifer, te perdere?	(savagely) So? At it again? Is there no choking you off, you jailbird? No? (advances with upraised cane)
Alc.	Alc.
540 Noli amabo, Amphitruo, irasci Sosiae causa mea.	(holding him back) Please, Amphitryon, don't be angry with Sosia on my account.
Iup.	Jup.
Faciam ita ut vis.	(halting) Anything you please.
Mer.	Mer.
Ex amore hic admodum quam saevos est.	(aside) Love has made an out-and-out savage of him.
Iup.	Jup.
Numquid vis?	(kissing Alcmena and turning to go) Nothing else, then?
Alc.	Alc.
Ut quom absim me ames, me tuam te absente tamen.	This,—even though I am not near you, love me still, your own true wife, absent or not.
Mer.	Mer.
Eamus, Amphitruo. lucescit hoc iam.	Let's go, sir; it is getting light already.
Iup.	Jup.
Abi prae, Sosia, Iam ego sequar. numquid vis?	Go ahead, Sosia; I shall be with you in a moment. [exit Mercury. (kisses Alcmena again and turns to go) Nothing further?
Alc.	Alc.
Etiam: ut actutum advenias.	Yes, yes—do come back soon.
Iup.	Jup.
Licet, prius tua opinione hic adero: bonum animum habe. nunc te, nox, quae me mansisti, mitto uti cedas die, ut mortalis inlucescat luce clara et candida. atque quanto, nox, fuisti longior hac proxuma, tanto brevior dies ut fiat faciam, ut aeque disparet. 550 sed dies e nocte accedat. ibo et Mercurium sequar.	Indeed I will: I shall be here sooner than you think. Come, come, cheer up! (embraces her and moves away) [exit Alcmena into house, sadly. Now, Night, who hast tarried for me, I dismiss thee: give place to Day, that he may shine upon mortals in radiance and splendour. And Night, since thou wert longer than the last, I shall make the day so much the shorter, that there may be fair adjustment. But let day issue forth from night. Now to follow after Mercury. [exit Jupiter.

ACTVS II	ACT II
	(Half an hour has elapsed.) enter Amphitryon followed by Sosia. slaves with baggage in rear.
Amph.	Amph.
Age i tu secundum.	(to lagging Sosia) Here you! After me, come!
Sos.	Sos.
Sequor, subsequor te.	Coming, sir! Right at your heels.
Amph.	Amph.
Scelestissimum te arbitror.	It's my opinion you are a damned rascal.
Sos.	Sos.
Nam quam ob rem?	(hurt) Oh sir, why?
Amph.	Amph.
Quia id quod neque est neque fuit neque futurum est mihi praedicas.	(angrily) Because what you tell me is not so, never was so, never will be.
Sos.	Sos.
Eccere, iam tuatim facis tu, ut tuis nulla apud te fides sit.	See there now! Just like you—you can never trust your servants.
Amph.	Amph.
Quid est? quo modo? iam quidem hercle ego tibi istam scelestam, scelus, linguam abscidam.	(misunderstanding) What? How is that? Well, by heaven now, I'll cut out that villainous tongue for you, you villain!
Sos.	Sos.
Tuos sum, proinde ut commodumst et lubet quidque facias tamen quin loquar haec uti facta sunt hic, 560 numquam ullo modo me potes deterrere.	(stubbornly) I am yours, sir: so do anything that suits your convenience and taste. However, I shall tell everything just as it happened here, and you shall never frighten me out of that, never.
Amph.	Amph.
Scelestissime, audes mihi praedicare id, domi te esse nunc, qui hic ades?	You confounded rascal, do you dare tell me you are at home this very minute, when you are here with me?
Sos.	Sos.
Vera dico.	It is a fact, sir.
Amph.	Amph.
Malum quod tibi di dabunt, atque ego hodie dabo.	A fact you shall soon suffer for—the gods will see to that, and so will I.
Sos.	Sos.
Istuc tibist in manu, nam tuos sum.	That rests with you, sir: I am your man.
Amph.	Amph.
Tun me, verbero, audes erum ludificari? tunc id dicere audes, quod nemo umquam homo antehac vidit nec potest fieri, tempore uno homo idem duobus locis ut simul sit?	You dare make fun of me, scoundrel, your master? You dare tell me a thing no one ever saw before, an impossible thing—the same man in two places at one time?
Sos.	Sos.
Profecto, ut loquor res ita est.	Really, sir, it is just as I say.
Amph.	Amph.
Iuppiter te perdat.	Jove's curse on you!
Sos.	Sos.
570 Quid mali sum, ere, tua ex re promeritus?	What harm have I done you to be punished, sir?
Amph.	Amph.
Rogasne, improbe, etiam qui ludos facis me?	Harm? You reprobate! Still making a joke of me, are you?
Sos.	Sos.
Merito maledicas mihi, si id ita factum est.¹⁶ verum haud mentior, resque uti facta dico.	You would have a right to call me names, if that was so. But I am not lying, sir: it happened just as I say.
Amph.	Amph.
Homo hic ebrius est, ut opinor.	The man is drunk, I do believe.
Sos.	Sos.
Utinam ita essem.	(heartily) Wish I was!
Amph.	Amph.
575 Optas quae facta.	(dryly) Your wish is already gratified.
Sos.	Sos.
Egone?	Is it?
Amph.	Amph.
Tu istic. ubi bibisti?	It is. Where did you get drink?
Sos.	Sos.
Nusquam equidem bibi.	I did not, not I, nowhere.
Amph.	Amph.
Quid hoc sit hominis?	(despairingly) What am I to make of the fellow?
Sos.	Sos.
576 Equidem decies dixi: 577 domi ego sum, inquam, ecquid audis? et apud te adsum Sosia idem. 578 satin hoc plane, satin diserte, ere, nunc videor tibi locutus esse?	I have told you how it is ten times over: I am at home, I say. Do you hear that? Yes, and I am here with you, the same Sosia. There sir, do you think that is putting it plainly enough, lucidly enough for you?
Amph.	Amph.
579 Vah, apage te a me.	(shoving him aside) Bah! Get away with you.
Sos.	Sos.
580 Quid est negoti?	What is the matter?
Amph.	Amph.
Pestis te tenet.	You have the plague.
Sos.	Sos.
Nam quor istuc dicis? equidem valeo el salvos sum recte, Amphitruo.	Why, what do you say that for? Really, sir, I feel well, I am all right.
Amph.	Amph.
583 At te ego faciam hodie proinde ac meritus es, 584a ut minus valeas et miser sis, 584b salvos domum si rediero: iam 585a sequere sis, erum qui ludificas 585b dictis delirantibus,	But I shall soon see you get your deserts: you will not feel so well, you will be wretched enough, once I get back home all right. Be so good as to follow me, you that make a butt of your master with your idiotic drivel.
qui quoniam erus quod imperavit neglexisti persequi, nunc venis etiam ultro inrisum dominum: quae neque fieri possunt neque fando umquam accepit quisquam profers, carnifex; quoius ego hodie in tergum faxo ista expetant mendacia.	Seeing you neglected to carry out your master's orders, you now have the effrontery to come and laugh at him, to boot,—with your tales of what can never happen, what no man ever heard of, you rapscallion. By heaven, those lies of yours shall fall on your own back, I promise you!
Sos.	Sos.
590 Amphitruo, miserrima istaec miseria est servo bono, apud erum qui vera loquitur, si id vi verum vincitur.	(plaintively) It is hard, sir, horribly hard, on a good servant that tells his master plain facts to have his facts confuted by a flogging.
Amph.	Amph.
Quo id, malum, pacto potest nam—mecum argumentis puta— fieri, nunc uti tu et hic sis et domi? id dici volo.	Curse it! How in the world is it possible—argue it out with me—for you to be here now, and at home, too? Tell me that, will you?
Sos.	Sos.
Sum profecto et hic et illic. hoc cuivis mirari licet, neque tibi istuc mirum¹⁷ magis videtur quam mihi.	I am here and I am there, I positively am. I don't care who wonders at it: it is no more wonderful to you than it is to me, sir.
Amph.	Amph.
Quo modo?	How is that?
Sos.	Sos.
Nihilo, inquam, mirum magis tibi istuc quam mihi; neque, ita me di ament, credebam primo mihimet Sosiae, donec Sosia illic egomet fecit sibi uti crederem. ordine omne, uti quicque actum est, dum apud hostis sedimus, 600 edissertavit. tum formam una abstulit cum nomine. neque lac lactis magis est simile quam ille ego similest mei. nam ut dudum ante lucem a portu me praemisisti domum—	I say it is not a bit more wonderful to you than to me. So help me heaven, I didn't believe my own self, Sosia, at first, not till that other Sosia, myself, made me believe him. He reeled off every thing just as it happened while we were on the field there with the enemy; and besides, he had stolen my looks along with my name. One drop of milk is no more like another than that I is like me. Why, when you sent me ahead home from the harbour before dawn a while ago—
Amph.	Amph.
Quid igitur?	What then?
Sos.	Sos.
Prius multo ante aedis stabam quam illo adveneram.	I was standing in front of the house long before I got there.
Amph.	Amph.
Quas, malum, nugas? satin tu sanus es?	What confounded rubbish! Are you actually in your senses?
Sos.	Sos.
Sic sum ut vides.	You can see for yourself I am.
Amph.	Amph.
Huic homini nescio quid est mali mala obiectum manu, postquam a me abiit.	The fellow is bewitched somehow: the evil hand has been laid on him since he left me.
Sos.	Sos.
Fateor, nam sum obtusus pugnis pessume.	Right you are! Evil? The way I got beaten to jelly was damned evil.
Amph.	Amph.
Quis te verberavit?	Who was it beat you?
Sos.	Sos.
Egomet memet, qui nunc sum domi.	I beat myself—the I that is at home now.
Amph.	Amph.
Cave quicquam, nisi quod rogabo te, mihi responderis. omnium primum iste qui sit Sosia, hoc dici volo.	Mind now, not a word but what I ask you. In the first place, I wish to be informed who that Sosia is.
Sos.	Sos.
Tuos est servos.	Your own slave.
Amph.	Amph.
610 Mihi quidem uno te plus etiam est quam volo, neque postquam sum natus habui nisi te servom Sosiam.	As a matter of fact, I have one too many in you already, and never in my life did I own a slave named Sosia except yourself.
Sos.	Sos.
At ego nunc, Amphitruo, dico: Sosiam servom tuom praeter me alterum, inquam, adveniens faciam ut offendas domi, Davo prognatum patre eodem quo ego sum, forma, aetate item qua ego sum. quid opust verbis? geminus Sosia hic factust tibi.	Well sir, you mark my words now: I warrant you you will come upon a second servant Sosia of yours besides me when you reach home, yes sir, one whose father was Davus the same as mine, and who is just like me and just my age, too. Enough said, sir. Sosia has twinned here for you.
Amph.	Amph.
Nimia memoras mira. sed vidistin uxorem meam?	(impressed) Strange, very strange indeed! But did you see my wife?
Sos.	Sos.
Quin intro ire in aedis numquam licitum est.	Why, sir, never a foot was I allowed to put in the house.
Amph.	Amph.
Quis te prohibuit?	Who hindered you?
Sos.	Sos.
Sosia ille, quem iam dudum dico, is qui me contudit.	That Sosia I have been telling of all along, the one that smashed me up.
Amph.	Amph.
Quis istic Sosia est?	Who is that Sosia?
Amph.	Amph.
Ego, inquam. quotiens dicendum est tibi?	I am, I say. How many times do you need to be told?
Amph.	Amph.
Sed quid ais? num obdormivisti dudum?	(reflecting) But look here, you were not asleep a while ago, were you?
Sos.	Sos.
620 Nusquam gentium.	Not a bit of it, sir.
Amph.	Amph.
Ibi forte istum si vidisses quendam in somnis Sosiam—	Then perhaps, if you had seen that, well, that Sosia of yours in your dreams—
Sos.	Sos.
Non soleo ego somniculose eri imperia persequi. vigilans vidi, vigilans nunc te video, vigilans fabulor, vigilantem ille me iam dudum vigilans pugnis contudit.	I don't do my master's orders drowsily. Wide awake I was, eyes open; I am wide awake with 'em open on you now; I am wide awake telling my story; and I was wide awake when he hammered me a while back, yes, and (ruefully) he was wide awake.
Amph.	Amph.
Quis homo?	Who?
Sos.	Sos.
Sosia, inquam, ego ille. quaeso, nonne intellegis?	Sosia, I tell you, that me. Pray do not you understand?
Amph.	Amph.
Qui, malum, intellegere quisquam potis est? ita nugas blatis.	How the devil can any man understand? Such stuff and nonsense!
Sos.	Sos.
Verum actutum nosces, quom illum nosces servom Sosiam.	(significantly) Well, you will know what I mean very soon, once you know that servant Sosia.
Amph.	Amph.
Sequere hac igitur me, nam mi istuc primum exquisito est opus.¹⁸ (628)	(going toward house) Come then, this way. This matter needs my investigation first of all. (stops to examine house from distance and talks with Sosia)

II. 2.	Scene 2
	enter Alcmena into doorway.
Alc.	Alc.
633 Satin parva res est voluptatum in vita atque in aetate agunda praequam quod molestum est? ita cuique comparatum est in aetate hominum; ita divis est placitum, voluptatem ut maeror comes consequatur: quin incommodi plus malique ilico adsit, boni si optigit quid.	Oh, are not the pleasures in life, in this daily round, trifling compared with the pains! It is our common human lot, it is heaven's will, for sorrow to come following after joy: yes, yes, and to have a larger share of trouble and distress the moment something nice has happened.
nam ego id nunc experior domo atque ipsa de me scio, cui voluptas parumper datast, dum viri mei mihi potestas videndi fuit noctem unam modo; atque is repente abiit a me hinc ante lucem. sola hic mihi nunc videor, quia ille hinc abest quem ego amo praeter omnes. 640 plus aegri ex abitu viri, quam ex adventu voluptatis cepi.	Ah, I am learning this now at first hand, learning it of my own experience—a few short hours of happiness, allowed to see my husband for just one night; and then away he goes all of a sudden before daylight! It does seem so lonely here now, when the one I love best is gone. I have felt more unhappy at his going than happy at his coming.
sed hoc me beat saltem, quom perduellis vicit et domum laudis compos revenit: id solacio est. absit, dum modo laude parta domum recipiat se; feram et perferam usque abitum eius animo forti atque offirmato, id modo si mercedis datur mi, ut meus victor vir belli clueat. satis mi esse ducam. virtus praemium est optimum; virtus omnibus rebus anteit profecto: 650 libertas salus vita res et parentes, patria et prognati tutantur, servantur: virtus omnia in sese habet, omnia adsunt bona quem penest virtus	But there is thus much to be thankful for, at least: he has been victorious and come home a hero—that is one comfort. He may leave me, if only he returns to me with a glorious name: I will bear his going, yes, and keep on bearing it to the end firmly and unflinchingly, only let me have the reward of hearing my husband hailed conqueror. That is enough for me! Courage is the very best gift of all; courage stands before everything, it does, it does! It is what maintains and preserves our liberty, safety, life, and our homes and parents, our country and children. Courage comprises all things: a man with courage has every blessing.
Amph.	Amph.
Edepol me uxori exoptatum credo adventurum domum, quae me amat, quam contra amo, praesertim re gesta bene, victis hostibus. quos nemo posse superari ratust, eos auspicio meo atque ductu primo coetu vicimus certe enim med illi expectatum optato venturum scio.	By Jove, my wife will certainly be delighted to have me home—loving each other as we do! Especially now that we have been successful, and the enemy, that every one thought invincible, beaten, beaten at the first set-to under my auspices and leadership. Ah yes, my arrival will surely be a very welcome event to her.
Sos.	Sos.
Quid? me non rere expectatum amicae venturum meae?	What? And don't you think mine is going to be welcome to my lady friend?
Alc.	Alc.
Meus vir hic quidem est.	(seeing them) Why, here is my husband!
Amph.	Amph.
Sequere hac tu me.	(to Sosia) Here you, this way! (goes on toward house)
Alc.	Alc.
660 Nam quid ille revortitur, qui dudum properare se aibat? an ille me temptat sciens atque id se volt experiri, suom abitum ut desiderem? ecastor med haud invita se domum recipit suam.	(aside) What in the world is he back for so soon after saying he must hurry off! Is he trying me on purpose, does he want to test how much I miss him when he goes? Bless his heart, I have no objection to his coming home again!
Sos.	Sos.
Amphitruo, redire ad navem meliust nos.	(seeing her) We had better make for the ship once more, sir.
Amph.	Amph.
Qua gratia?	Why?
Sos.	Sos.
Quia domi daturus nemo est prandium advenientibus	No one at home is going to give the new arrivals a breakfast, that is why.
Amph.	Amph.
Qui tibi nunc istuc in mentemst?	And how does that thought happen to occur to you?
Sos.	Sos.
Quia enim sero advenimus.	Because we've come too late.
Amph.	Amph.
Qui?	How so?
Sos.	Sos.
Quia Alcumenam ante aedis stare saturam intellego.	(pointing) Well, there's mistress in front of the house, and she has a sort of well-fed look about her.
Amph.	Amph.
Gravidam ego illanc hic reliqui, quom abeo.	I had hopes when I went away, Sosia, of being made a father.
Sos.	Sos.
Ei perii miser.	Heaven help me!
Amph.	Amph.
Quid tibi est?	What is the matter?
Sos.	Sos.
Ad aquam praebendam commodum adveni domum, 670 decumo post mense, ut rationem te putare intellego	(disgustedly) I have got home exactly in time to draw the water: it is the tenth month since, according as I follow your reckoning.
Amph.	Amph.
Bono animo es.	(laughing) Cheer up, cheer up!
Sos.	Sos.
Scin quam bono animo sim? si situlam cepero, numquam edepol tu mihi divini creduis post hunc diem, ni ego illi puteo, si occepso, animam omnem inter traxero.	Know how cheerful I am, do you, sir? Let me get hold of a bucket, and by gad, don't ever trust my sacred oath again, if I do not drain that well of its last breath, once I begin.
Amph.	Amph.
Sequere hac me modo, alium ego isti rei allegabo, ne time.	Come now, this way with me. (moves toward house again) I will appoint some one else to that office, never fear.
Alc.	Alc.
Magis nunc me meum officium facere, si huic eam advorsum, arbitror.	(aside) I suppose it would be more duteous of me to go to meet him. (advances slowly)
Amph.	Amph.
Amphitruo uxorem salutat laetus speratam suam, quam omnium Thebis vir unam esse optimam diiudicat, quamque adeo cives Thebani vero rumiferant probam. valuistin usque? exspectatum advenio?	(with playful courtliness) Gladly does Amphitryon greet his darling wife, whom her husband judges to be the one best lady in all Thebes; yea, and justly do the citizens of Thebes bruit her virtue. (earnestly) Have you been well all this time? Are you glad to see me?
Sos.	Sos.
Haud vidi magis. 680 exspectatum eum salutat magis haud quicquam quam canem.	(aside) Glad? None more so! Welcomes him about as warmly as she would a dog!
Amph.	Amph.
Et quom te¹⁹ gravidam et quom te pulchre plenam aspicio, gaudeo.	Ah, it is splendid to see your condition, dear, and to see you getting on so finely.
Alc.	Alc.
Obsecro ecastor, quid tu me deridiculi gratia sic salutas atque appellas, quasi dudum non videris quasique nunc primum recipias te domum huc ex hostibus?²⁰ (684)	Good gracious! Why are you making fun of me with all these greetings and salutations, as if you had not seen me a little while ago and were just this moment back from the war?
Amph.	Amph.
(686) Immo equidem te nisi nunc hodie nusquam vidi gentium.	(surprised) Why, why, but I have not seen you—no, nowhere at all except this very instant.
Alc.	Alc.
Cur negas?	What makes you deny it?
Amph.	Amph.
Quia vera didici dicere.	Because I have learned to tell the truth.
Alc.	Alc.
Haud aequom facit qui quod didicit id dediscit. an periclitamini quid animi habeam? sed quid huc vos revortimini tam cito? 690 an te auspicium commoratum est an tempestas continet qui non abiisti ad legiones, ita uti dudum dixeras?	It is not a good plan to learn a thing and then unlearn it. Or is this a test of my feelings? But why are you returning so quickly? Were you delayed by bad omens, or is it the weather detains you, that you have not gone away to the army, as you spoke of doing a little while ago?
Amph.	Amph.
Dudum? quam dudum istuc factum est?	A little while ago? How little a while ago was that?
Alc.	Alc.
Temptas. iam dudum, modo.	Tease! Oh, quite a little while ago—just now.
Amph.	Amph.
Qui istuc potis est fieri, quaeso, ut dicis: iam dudum, modo?	For heaven's sake, how can those statements agree—"quite a little while ago" and "just now"?
Alc.	Alc.
Quid enim censes? te ut deludam contra lusorem meum, qui nunc primum te advenisse dicas, modo qui hinc abieris.	Well, how do you suppose? I am merely trying to make game of you for a change, after your making game of me by saying this is your first appearance here, when you just now left us.
Amph.	Amph.
Haec quidem deliramenta loquitur.	(to Sosia) Upon my soul, she is raving!
Sos.	Sos.
Paulisper mane, dum edormiscat unum somnum.	Wait a while till she has slept out just one sleep.
Amph.	Amph.
Quaene vigilans somniat?	What, awake and dreaming?
Alc.	Alc.
Equidem ecastor vigilo, et vigilans id quod factum est fabulor. nam dudum ante lucem et istunc et te vidi.	(indignantly) To be sure I am awake, and awake as I relate what happened. Why, just a little while ago before dawn I saw that man and you, both.
Amph.	Amph.
Quo in loco?	Where was this?
Alc.	Alc.
Hic in aedibus ubi tu habitas.	Here in your very own house, sir.
Amph.	Amph.
Numquam factum est.	Impossible!
Sos.	Sos.
700 Non taces? quid si e portu navis huc nos dormientis detulit?	Hush, sir, hush! What if the ship carried us here from the harbour in our sleep?
Amph.	Amph.
Etiam tu quoque adsentaris huic?	Ha! you are siding with her too, are you?
Sos.	Sos.
Quid vis fieri? non tu scis? Bacchae bacchanti si velis advorsarier, ex insana insaniorem facies, feriet saepius; si obsequare, una resolvas plaga.	(wisely) Well, what do you want? Don't you understand? You but cross a Bacchante when the Bacchic frenzy fills her, and you'll make the crazy thing crazier still and she'll hit you all the more: humour her, and she'll call it quits after one blow.
Amph.	Amph.
At pol qui certa res hanc est obiurgare, quae me hodie advenientem domum noluerit salutare.	Humour her? By the Lord, it will be bad humour, that's sure,—arriving home to-day and she unwilling to give me a decent welcome!
Sos.	Sos.
Inritabis crabrones.	You'll be poking up a hornet's nest.
Amph.	Amph.
Tace. Alcumena, unum rogare te volo.	Silence! (to Alcmena, sternly) Alcmena, there is something I wish to ask you.
Alc.	Alc.
Quid vis roga.	Anything you please.
Amph.	Amph.
Num tibi aut stultitia accessit aut superat superbia?	Are you obsessed by some foolish notion, or is this pride running away with you?
Alc.	Alc.
710 Qui istuc in mentemst tibi ex me, mi vir, percontarier?	What makes it enter your head to ask me such a question, my husband?
Amph.	Amph.
Quia salutare advenientem me solebas antidhac, appellare, itidem ut pudicae suos viros quae sunt solent. eo more expertem te factam adveniens offendi domi.	Because till to-day you used to welcome me on my arrival and greet me as modest wives generally do their husbands. Yet here I come home to find you have dropped the habit.
Alc.	Alc.
Ecastor equidem te certo heri advenientem ilico, et salutavi et valuissesne usque exquisivi simul, mi vir, et manum prehendi et osculum tetuli tibi.	Why mercy me, when you came home yesterday I certainly did welcome you the moment you appeared, and asked you in the same breath if you had been well all the time, and seized your hand and gave you a kiss.
Sos.	Sos.
Tun heri hunc salutavisti?	Welcomed him yesterday, did you?
Alc.	Alc.
Et te quoque etiam, Sosia.	Yes, and you, too, Sosia.
Sos.	Sos.
Amphitruo, speravi ego istam tibi parituram filium; verum non est puero gravida.	Sir, I hoped she was going to bear you a son; but it's no child she's got.
Amph.	Amph.
Quid igitur?	What, then?
Sos.	Sos.
Insania.	A crazy streak.
Alc.	Alc.
720 Equidem sana sum et deos quaeso, ut salva pariam filium. verum tu malum magnum habebis, si his suom officium facit: ob istuc omen, ominator, capies quod te condecet.	(angrily) Indeed I have not, and I pray heaven I may safely bear a son. But you, sir, shall have an ample supply of aches and pains, if your master here does his duty! You shall be well rewarded for that omen, Sir Omener.
Sos.	Sos.
Enim vero praegnati oportet et malum et malum dari, ut quod obrodat sit, animo si male esse occeperit.	Really now, ma'am, it's a lady in your condition ought to have aches and pains, yes, and an apple supply, too, so as to have something to chew on in case she gets to feeling seedy.
Amph.	Amph.
Tu me heri hic vidisti?	You saw me here yesterday?
Alc.	Alc.
Ego, inquam, si vis decies dicere.	Yes, I,—if you must be told ten times over.
Amph.	Amph.
In somnis fortasse?	In your sleep, perhaps?
Alc.	Alc.
Immo vigilans vigilantem.	No, no, awake,—and you were awake, too.
Amph.	Amph.
Ei misero mihi.	Oh, this is terrible, terrible!
Sos.	Sos.
Quid tibi est?	What ails you?
Amph.	Amph.
Delirat uxor.
Sos.	Sos.
Atra bili percita est. nulla res tam delirantis homines concinnat cito.	Bilious attack, sir, black bile. There's nothing sets 'em raving so soon.
Amph.	Amph.
Ubi primum tibi sensisti, mulier, impliciscier?	When did you first feel it coming on, woman?
Alc.	Alc.
Equidem ecastor sana et salva sum.	Goodness me! I'm perfectly sane and sound.
Amph.	Amph.
730 Quor igitur praedicas, te heri me vidisse, qui hac noctu in portum advecti sumus? ibi cenavi atque ibi quievi in navi noctem perpetem, neque meum pedem huc intuli etiam in aedis, ut cum exercitu hinc profectus sum ad Teloboas hostis eosque ut vicimus.	Then why are you declaring you saw me yesterday, when we reached port last night? I took dinner there and spent the whole livelong night there on board my ship, and I have not set foot in this house from the time I and my troops started on our campaign against the Teloboians and conquered them.
Alc.	Alc.
Immo mecum cenavisti et mecum cubuisti.	The idea! You had dinner with me and went to bed with me.
Amph.	Amph.
Quid est?	What?
Alc.	Alc.
Vera dico.	I tell you the truth, sir.
Amph.	Amph.
Non de hac quidem hercle re; de aliis nescio.	Good God! Not in that, anyhow: about other matters I can't say.
Alc.	Alc.
Primulo diluculo abiisti ad legiones.	And at the very break of day you went away to the army.
Amph.	Amph.
Quo modo?	How's that?
Sos.	Sos.
Recte dicit, ut commeminit: somnium narrat tibi. sed, mulier, postquam experrecta es, te prodigiali Iovi 740 aut mola salsa hodie aut ture comprecatam oportuit.	Quite straight, sir, as far as her memory goes: she's giving you her dream. But I say, ma'am, this morning after you woke up you ought to have taken some salted cakes, or incense, and prayed to Jove—he has charge of prodigies.
Alc.	Alc.
Vae capiti tuo.	Oh confound you, sir!
Sos.	Sos.
Tua istuc refert—si curaveris.	(innocently) That would do you good, ma'am—if you would see to it.
Alc.	Alc.
Iterum iam hic in me inclementer dicit, atque id sine malo.	There he is, rude to me again, and not suffering for it!
Amph.	Amph.
Tace tu. tu dic: egone abs te abii hinc hodie cum diluculo?	(to Sosia) Keep still, you! (to Alcmena) And you—I left you this morning at daybreak, did I?
Alc.	Alc.
Quis igitur nisi vos narravit mi, illi ut fuerit proelium?	Why, who else but you two told me how the battle there went?
Amph.	Amph.
An etiam id tu scis?	You don't mean to say you know about that?
Alc.	Alc.
Quippe qui ex te audivi, ut urbem maximam expugnavisses regemque Pterelam tute occideris.	Naturally, since I heard from your own lips how you took that great city and killed King Pterelas yourself.
Amph.	Amph.
Egone istuc dixi?	I told you that, I?
Alc.	Alc.
Tute istic, etiam adstante hoc Sosia.	Yes, you yourself,—with Sosia here standing by, too.
Amph.	Amph.
Audivistin tu me narrare haec hodie?	(to Sosia) Have you ever heard me say a word of this?
Sos.	Sos.
Ubi ego audiverim?	Heard you? Where?
Amph.	Amph.
Hanc roga.	(sullenly) Ask her.
Sos.	Sos.
Me quidem praesente numquam factum est, quod sciam.	You never did so far as I know, leastways with me at hand.
Alc.	Alc.
Mirum quin te adversus dicat.	(ironically) It is strange he declines to contradict his own master.
Amph.	Amph.
750 Sosia, age me huc aspice.	Sosia, here! Look me in the eye.
Sos.	Sos.
Specto.	(obeying) Very good, sir.
Amph.	Amph.
Vera volo loqui te, nolo adsentari mihi. audivistin tu hodie me illi dicere ea quae illa autumat?	What I want from you is the truth, no obsequiousness. Did you ever hear me utter a syllable of what she says?
Sos.	Sos.
Quaeso edepol, num tu quoque etiam insanis, quom id me interrogas, qui ipsus equidem nunc primum istanc tecum conspicio simul?	Well, upon my word, I should like to ask if you are not crazy yourself, asking me a question like that—and I just this minute setting eyes on her for the first time along with you?
Amph.	Amph.
Quid nunc, mulier? audin illum?	What now, madam? Do you hear him?
Alc.	Alc.
Ego vero, ac falsum dicere.	To be sure I do—telling lies.
Amph.	Amph.
Neque tu illi neque mihi viro ipsi credis?	You won't believe him, or me, your own husband, either?
Alc.	Alc.
Eo fit quia mihi plurimum credo et scio istaec facta proinde ut proloquor.	That is only because I believe myself most of all, and I know everything occurred just as I tell you.
Amph.	Amph.
Tun me heri advenisse dicis?	And you say that I arrived yesterday?
Alc.	Alc.
Tun te abiisse hodie hinc negas?	And you deny that you left to-day?
Amph.	Amph.
Nego enim vero, et me advenire nunc primum aio ad te domum.	Deny it? Of course I do. And I say I'm just now coming home to you for the first time.
Alc.	Alc.
760 Obsecro, etiamne hoc negabis, te auream pateram mihi dedisse dono hodie, qua te illi donatum esse dixeras?	And will you deny this, too, pray,—that you gave me the golden bowl to-day that was presented to you there, as you said?
Amph.	Amph.
Neque edepol dedi neque dixi; verum ita animatus fui itaque nunc sum, ut ea te patera donem. sed quis istuc tibi dixit?	By heaven! I neither gave it nor said it. But I did intend to make you a gift of that bowl, and do still. Who told you of that, though?
Alc.	Alc.
Ego equidem ex te audivi et ex tua accepi manu pateram.	Why, I heard about it from your own lips and received the bowl from your own hand.
Amph.	Amph.
Mane, mane, obsecro te. nimis demiror, Sosia, qui illaec illic me donatum esse aurea patera sciat, nisi tu dudum hanc convenisti et narravisti haec omnia.	One moment, please, one moment! (turning to Sosia) It is very extraordinary. Sosia, how she knows I was presented with a golden bowl there, unless you met her a while ago yourself and told her the whole story.
Sos.	Sos.
Neque edepol ego dixi neque istam vidi nisi tecum simul.	By gad, sir, I never told her, no, nor saw her, except here with you.
Amph.	Amph.
Quid hoc sit hominis?	(helplessly) What sort of a creature have I got here?
Alc.	Alc.
Vin proferri pateram?	Would you like to have the bowl brought?
Amph.	Amph.
Proferri volo.	Indeed I should.
Alc.	Alc.
770 Fiat heus tu, Thessala, intus pateram proferto foras, qua hodie meus vir donavit me.	Very well. (calling to maid within) Ho, there! Thessala, bring out the bowl my husband gave me to day.
Amph.	Amph.
Secede huc tu, Sosia, enim vero illud praeter alia mira miror maxime, si haec habet pateram illam.	Sosia! Come over here. (they withdraw somewhat) Upon my soul, it will be the most astounding of all these astounding circumstances, if she has that.
Sos.	Sos.
An etiam credis id, quae in hac cistellula tuo signo obsignata fertur?	Do you really believe that, sir, when I've got it in this little chest here, sealed with your own signet?
Amph.	Amph.
Salvom signum est?	Is the seal intact?
Sos.	Sos.
Inspice.	(showing chest) Look and see.
Amph.	Amph.
Recte, ita est ut obsignavi.	(doing so) It is all right—just as I sealed it.
Sos.	Sos.
Quaeso, quin tu istanc iubes pro cerrita circumferri?	For heaven's sake, why don't you have her treated for lunacy?
Amph.	Amph.
Edepol qui facto est opus; nam haec quidem edepol larvarum plenast.	By Jove, so I should! Why, bless my soul, she's full of evil spirits! enter Thessala with bowl.
Alc.	Alc.
Quid verbis opust? em tibi pateram, eccam.	Are you satisfied, sir? There! Your bowl, see!
Amph.	Amph.
Cedo mi.	(dumbfounded) Give it here!
Alc.	Alc.
Age aspice huc sis nunciam tu qui quae facta infitiare, quem ego iam hic convincam palam estne haec patera qua donatu's illi?	Come now, be so good as to look at it, you that do a thing and then disown it. I shall refute you plainly, sir, here and now. Is this the bowl which they presented to you there, or not?
Amph.	Amph.
Summe Iuppiter, quid ego video? haec ea est profecto patera. perii, Sosia.	(taking it) Jove almighty! What do I see? The selfsame bowl, it is, it is! This is frightful, Sosia!
Sos.	Sos.
Aut pol haec praestigiatrix multo mulier maxima est aut pateram hic inesse oportet.	By gad, she's either the greatest enchantress alive, easily, or the bowl must be inside here. (pointing to chest)
Amph.	Amph.
Agedum, exsolve cistulam.	Come, come, unfasten the chest!
Sos.	Sos.
Quid ego istam exsolvam? obsignatast recte, res gesta est bene: tu peperisti Amphitruonem, ego alium peperi Sosiam; nunc si patera pateram peperit, omnes congeminavimus.	Unfasten it? Why? It's sealed all right, everything is shipshape. You have spawned another Amphitryon; I have spawned another Sosia; now if the bowl has spawned another bowl, we've all doubled.
Amph.	Amph.
Certum est aperire atque inspicere.	I'm resolved: it must be opened and inspected.
Sos.	Sos.
Vide sis signi quid siet, ne posterius in me culpam conferas.	You please take a look at the seal, sir, so that you won't blame me later.
Amph.	Amph.
Aperi modo; nam haec quidem nos delirantis facere dictis postulat.	(looking) Yes, yes, open up! Why, the woman is bent on driving us mad with her talk.
Alc.	Alc.
Unde haec igitur est nisi abs te quae mihi dono data est?	Where did this come from, then, if not as a present from you?
Amph.	Amph.
Opus mi est istuc exquisito.	(curtly) This matter needs my investigation.
Sos.	Sos.
Iuppiter, pro Iuppiter.	(busy with chest) By Jove! Oh, by Jove!
Amph.	Amph.
Quid tibi est?	(excited) What is it?
Sos.	Sos.
Hic patera nulla in cistulast.	There's no bowl in the chest here at all!
Amph.	Amph.
Quid ego audio?	What's that you say?
Sos.	Sos.
Id quod verumst.	It's the honest truth.
Amph.	Amph.
At cum cruciatu iam, nisi apparet, tuo.	But your skin shall soon pay for it, if it's not forthcoming.
Alc.	Alc.
Haec quidem apparet.	This one is forthcoming, at any rate.
Amph.	Amph.
Quis igitur tibi dedit?	(roughly) Who gave it you, then?
Alc.	Alc.
Qui me rogat.	(calmly) My questioner.
Sos.	Sos.
Me captas, quia tute ab navi clanculum huc alia via praecucurristi, atque hinc pateram tute exemisti atque eam huic dedisti, post hanc rursum obsignasti clanculum.	(to Amphitryon) Trying to catch me! The fact is you ran on ahead from the ship yourself by another road on the sly, and took the bowl out yourself, and gave it to her, and then sealed up the chest again on the sly.
Amph.	Amph.
Ei mihi, iam tu quoque huius adiuvas insaniam? an heri nos advenisse huc?	Oh, ye gods! So now you are abetting her delusions, too! (to Alcmena, with forced calmness) We came here yesterday, you say?
Alc.	Alc.
Aio, adveniensque ilico 800 me salutavisti, et ego te, et osculum tetuli tibi.	Yes, and the moment you arrived you greeted me, and I you, and I gave you a kiss.
Sos.	Sos.
Iam illud non placet principium de osculo.	Now I don't like that, that beginning with a kiss!
Amph.	Amph.
Perge exsequi.	Go on, go on!
Alc.	Alc.
Lavisti.	Then you bathed.
Amph.	Amph.
Quid postquam lavi?	And after bathing?
Alc.	Alc.
Accubuisti.	You took your place on the dining couch.
Sos.	Sos.
Euge optime, nunc exquire.	Bravo, sir! Great work! Now get to the bottom of it.
Amph.	Amph.
Ne interpella. perge porro dicere.	(to Sosia) No interruptions! (to Alcmena) Go on with your story.
Alc.	Alc.
Cena adposita est, cenavisti mecum, ego accubui simul.	Dinner was served: we dined together: I took my place on the couch, too.
Amph.	Amph.
In eodem lecto?	The same couch?
Alc.	Alc.
In eodem.	Surely.
Sos.	Sos.
Ei, non placet convivium.	Oho! This banqueting looks bad!
Amph.	Amph.
Sine modo argumenta dicat. quid postquam cenavimus?	(to Sosia) That will do. Let her state her case. (to Alcmena) What after we dined?
Alc.	Alc.
Te dormitare aibas, mensa ablata est. cubitum hinc abiimus.	You said you were sleepy: the table was removed: we went off to bed.
Amph.	Amph.
Ubi tu cubuisti?	Where did you sleep?
Alc.	Alc.
In eodem lecto tecum una in cubiculo.	Why, with you, in our room.
Amph.	Amph.
Perdidisti.	Oh, my God!
Sos.	Sos.
Quid tibi est?	What ails you?
Amph.	Amph.
Haec me modo ad mortem dedit.	She has killed me, killed me!
Alc.	Alc.
Quid iam, amabo?	Why, my dear man, what do you mean?
Amph.	Amph.
Ne me appella.	(furiously) Don't speak to me!
Sos.	Sos.
Quid tibi est?	What ails you?
Amph.	Amph.
810 Perii miser, quia pudicitiae huius vitium me hinc absente est additum.	Oh, God help me! She's been seduced while I was gone!
Alc.	Alc.
Obsecro ecastor, cur istuc, mi vir, ex ted audio?	Good heavens! For mercy's sake how can you say such a thing, my dear husband?
Amph.	Amph.
Vir ego tuos sim? ne me appella, falsa, falso nomine.	Am I your husband? Oh, you false wretch, none of your false names for me!
Sos.	Sos.
Haeret haec res, si quidem haec iam mulier facta est ex viro.	Here's a pretty mess, if he is turned into a woman and is not her husband!
Alc.	Alc.
Quid ego feci, qua istaec propter dicta dicantur mihi?	What have I done to be talked to like that?
Amph.	Amph.
Tute edictas facta tua, ex me quaeris quid deliqueris.	You have recounted your doings yourself—and you ask me what the harm is!
Alc.	Alc.
Quid ego tibi deliqui, si, cum nupta sum, tecum fui?	Pray tell me what I have done in being with you, the man I married?
Amph.	Amph.
Tun mecum fueris? quid illac impudente audacius? saltem, tute si pudoris egeas, sumas mutuom.	You with me? Of all brazen shamelessness! You might at least borrow some sense of decency, if you have none of your own!
Alc.	Alc.
820 Istuc facinus, quod tu insimulas, nostro generi non decet. tu si me inpudicitiai captas, capere non potes.	Such behaviour as you accuse me of does not become members of my family, sir. Angle for me if you wish, you cannot catch me in such unspeakable conduct.
Amph.	Amph.
Pro di immortales, cognoscin tu me saltem, Sosia?	Great God! You know me, anyhow, Sosia, don't you?
Sos.	Sos.
Propemodum.	Well, rather!
Amph.	Amph.
Cenavin ego heri in navi in portu Persico?	Didn't I dine yesterday on shipboard at Port Persicus?
Alc.	Alc.
Mihi quoque adsunt testes, qui illud quod ego dicam adsentiant.	Yes, and I too have witnesses to corroborate what I say.
Sos.	Sos.
Nescio quid istuc negoti dicam, nisi si quispiam est Amphitruo alius, qui forte ted hinc absenti tamen tuam rem curet teque absente hic munus fungatur tuom. nam quod de illo subditivo Sosia mirum nimis, certe de istoc Amphitruone iam alterum mirum est magis.	I can't puzzle it out, sir, unless there's some other Amphitryon to manage your business, no matter if you are away, and to do your job for you when you have gone. I tell you what, that sham Sosia was monstrous surprising, but this second Amphitryon is certainly more so.
Amph.	Amph.
830 Nescio quis praestigiator hanc frustratur mulierem.	Some magician or other has bedevilled the woman!
Alc.	Alc.
Per supremi regis regnum iuro et matrem familias Iunonem, quam me vereri et metuere est par maxume, ut mi extra unum te mortalis nemo corpus corpore contigit, quo me impudicam faceret.	(slowly and impressively) I swear by the kingdom of the King on high and by Juno, the matron goddess I most should reverence and fear—so may she bless me as no mortal man, save you only, has taken me to him as a wife.
Amph.	Amph.
Vera istaec velim.	Ah, I wish it was the truth!
Alc.	Alc.
Vera dico, sed nequiquam, quoniam non vis credere.	It is the truth, but what of that, when you refuse to believe me!
Amph.	Amph.
Mulier es, audacter iuras.	You're a woman; you swear boldly.
Alc.	Alc.
Quae non deliquit, decet audacem esse, confidenter pro se et proterve loqui.	A woman who has done nothing wrong ought to be bold, yes, and self confident and forward in her own defence.
Amph.	Amph.
Satis audacter.	Bold, with a vengeance!
Alc.	Alc.
Ut pudicam decet.	As innocence should be.
Amph.	Amph.
Enim verbis proba's.²¹	Yes, you're immaculate as far as talk goes.
Alc.	Alc.
Non ego illam mihi dotem duco esse, quae dos dicitur, 840 sed pudicitiam et pudorem et sedatum cupidinem, deum metum, parentum amorem et cognatum concordiam, tibi morigera atque ut munifica sim bonis, prosim probis.	(quietly) Personally I do not feel that my dowry is that which people call a dowry, but purity and honour and self control, fear of God, love of parents, and affection for my family, and being a dutiful wife to you, sir, lavish of loving-kindness and helpful through honest service.
Sos.	Sos.
Ne ista edepol, si haec vera loquitur, examussim est optima.	My word! She's a regular pattern of perfection, if she's telling the truth.
Amph.	Amph.
Delenitus sum profecto ita, ut me qui sim nesciam.	Upon my soul, I have been so bewitched I don't know who I am!
Sos.	Sos.
Amphitruo es profecto, cave sis ne tu te usu perduis: ita nunc homines immutantur, postquam peregre advenimus.	You're Amphitryon right enough, sir—but just look out you don't lose your title to yourself by limitation, the way folks are getting changed about these days since we came back from abroad.
Amph.	Amph.
Mulier, istam rem inquisitam certum est non amittere.	(to Alcmena, sternly) This matter shall not escape investigation, madam, I am resolved on that.
Alc.	Alc.
Edepol me libente facies.	Dear me, sir, do investigate, and welcome!
Amph.	Amph.
Quid ais? responde mihi. quid si adduco tuom cognatum huc ab navi Naucratem, 850 qui mecum una vectust una navi, atque is si denegat facta quae tu facta dicis, quid tibi aequom est fieri? numquid causam dicis, quin te hoc multem matrimionio?	See here, answer me this—what if I bring your own relative, Naucrates, over from the ship? He made the voyaage with me on the same vessel—now if he denies that I did as you say what do you deserve? Have you any reason to give that I should not divorce you?
Alc.	Alc.
Si deliqui, nulla causa est.	None, if I have done wrong.
Amph.	Amph.
Convenit. tu, Sosia, duc hos intro. ego huc ab navi mecum adducam Naucratem.	Agreed! (turning to Sosia) Sosia, take these fellows in. (pointing to slaves with luggage) I will bring Naucrates here from the ship. (Sosia sends slaves inside) [exit Amphitryon.
Sos.	Sos.
Nunc quidem praeter nos nemo est. dic mihi verum serio: ecquis alius Sosia intust, qui mei similis siet?	(to Alcmena, confidentially) Now then, ma'am, no one's here besides us. (elaborately makes sure of it) Do be serious and tell me the truth—is there another Sosia inside who's just like me?
Alc.	Alc.
Abin hinc a me dignus domino servos?	(indignantly) Will you leave my sight, sir—you slave worthy of your master!
Sos.	Sos.
Abeo, si iubes.	Sure, ma'am, if you say so. [exit into house.
Alc.	Alc.
Nimis ecastor facinus mirum est, qui illi conlibitum siet meo viro sic me insimulare falso facinus tam malum. 860 quicquid est, iam ex Naucrate cognato id cognoscam meo.	Merciful heavens! It's simply unintelligible, how my husband could think fit to accuse me of such atrocious conduct without the slightest cause. Well, whatever it is, I shall soon know about it from Naucrates, one of my own family. [exit into house.

ACTVS III	ACT III
Iup.	Jup.
Ego sum ille Amphitruo, cui est servos Sosia. idem Mercurius qui fit, quando commodumst, in superiore qui habito cenaculo, qui interdum fio Iuppiter, quando lubet; huc autem quom extemplo adventum adporto, ilico Amphitruo fio et vestitum immuto meum.	(in jocular, self-satisfied tone) I am that Amphitryon who has a servant Sosia, which same turns into Mercury on occasion, I being the Amphitryon who lodge in the upper attic (pointing heavenward) and become Jupiter at times, when the humour seizes me. As soon as I wend my way into these parts, however, on the spot I am Amphitryon and change my clothes.
nunc huc honoris vostri venio gratia, ne hanc incohatam transigam comoediam; simul Alcumenae, quam vir insontem probri 870 Amphitruo accusat, veni ut auxilium feram: nam mea sit culpa, quod egomet contraxerim, si id Alcumenae innocenti expetat.	I now appear out of regard for you, so as not to terminate this inchoate comedy. At the same time I am here to help out Alcmena, poor innocent, denounced as disloyal by her lord, Amphitryon. For it would be sinful of me, if the storm I have brewed should descend on the head of guileless Alcmena.
nunc Amphitruonem memet, ut occepi semel, esse adsimulabo, atque in horum familiam frustrationem hodie iniciam maxumam; post igitur demum faciam res fiat palam atque Alcumenae in tempore auxilium feram faciamque ut uno fetu et quod gravida est viro et me quod gravidast pariat sine doloribus. 880 Mercurium iussi me continue consequi, si quid vellem imperare. nunc hanc adloquar.	I will pretend for the present to be Amphitryon myself, as I have already, and thoroughly confound this family to-day, Then, after that, I will eventually clear matters up, yes, and aid Alcmena in due season, contriving that she give birth at one time to both the children she carries, her husband's and my own, without a pang. Mercury has his orders to attend me closely, in case I have commands to give. Now for a word with the lady.

III. 2.	Scene 2
	enter Alcmena from house.
Alc.	Alc.
Durare nequeo in aedibus. ita me probri, stupri, dedecoris a viro argutam meo! ea quae sunt facta infecta ut reddat clamitat. quae neque sunt facta neque ego in me admisi arguit; atque id me susque deque esse habituram putat.	I can't stand staying in the house! To be branded so with shame, disloyalty, disgrace, by my own husband! How he clamours to make facts no facts! And what never happened, things I never, never did, he accuses me of, and thinks I'll consider it quite immaterial.
non edepol faciam, neque me perpetiar probri falso insimulatam, quin ego illum aut deseram aut satis faciat mi ille atque adiuret insuper, 890 nolle esse dicta quae in me insontem protulit.	Good gracious, but I won't! I won't endure such an awful, unjustified accusation: I will leave him, or he must apologize, one or the other, yes, and swear he is sorry, too, for the things he has said to an innocent woman.
Iup.	Jup.
Faciundum est mi illud, fieri quod illaec postulat, si me illam amantem ad sese studeam recipere, quando ego quod feci, id factum Amphitruoni offuit atque illi dudum meus amor negotium insonti exhibuit, nunc autem insonti mihi illius ira in hanc et male dicta expetent.	(aside, dryly) Hm! It's incumbent upon me to meet her demands, if I wish the loving creature to take me into her good graces again. Since my doings offended Amphitryon, and this love affair of mine lately occasioned his guiltless self some consternation, it is turn about now, and my guiltless self has to suffer for the scorn and contumely he heaped on her.
Alc.	Alc.
Sed eccum video qui me miseram arguit stupri, dedecoris.	(aside, seeing him) Ah, there he is—the man that charges his wretched wife with disloyalty and shame!
Iup.	Jup.
Te volo, uxor, conloqui. quo te avortisti?²²	I wish to speak with you, my dear. (circling her as she turns her back on him) Turned away? Where to?
Alc.	Alc.
Ita ingenium meumst: 900 inimicos semper osa sum optuerier.	It is natural I should, sir: I always loathed looking at enemies.
Iup.	Jup.
Heia autem inimicos?	Oh, I say now! Enemies?
Alc.	Alc.
Sic est, vera praedico; nisi etiam hoc falso dici insimulaturus es.	Yes, enemies: and that's the truth of it—unless you intend to term this a lie, too.
Iup.	Jup.
Nimis iracunda es.	(trying to fondle her) You're too irritable.
Alc.	Alc.
Potin ut abstineas manum? nam certo, si sis sanus aut sapias satis, quam tu impudicam esse arbitrere et praedices, cum ea tu sermonem nec ioco nec serio tibi habeas, nisi sis stultior stultissimo.	(pulling away) Can't you keep your hands off? Why surely, sir, if you were sane or had a particle of sense about you, when you think your wife is immodest and tell her so yourself, you wouldn't hold any conversation with her at all in jest or earnest, unless you were the silliest of silly men.
Iup.	Jup.
Si dixi, nihilo magis es, neque ego esse arbitror, et id huc revorti uti me purgarem tibi. 910 nam numquam quicquam meo animo fuit aegrius, quam postquam audivi ted esse iratam mihi. cur dixisti? inquies. ego expediam tibi.	My saying so doesn't make you so any the more, And I don't think you so, either; and I've come back to set myself right with you. For I never did feel sicker at heart about anything than after I heard you were provoked with me. "Why did you say it?" you'll ask. I'll clear up that point for you.
non edepol quo te esse impudicam crederem; verum periclitatus sum animum tuom, quid faceres et quo pacto id ferre induceres. equidem ioco illa dixeram dudum tibi, ridiculi causa. vel hunc rogato Sosiam.	Bless your heart, it wasn't because I believed you were immodest. I was just testing your feelings to see what you'd do and how you'd take it. (forcing a laugh) Really it was all a joke, what I said just now, merely a bit of fun. Why, you can ask Sosia here. (pointing to house)
Alc.	Alc.
Quin huc adducis meum cognatum Naucratem, testem quem dudum te adducturum dixeras, te huc non venisse?	(coldly) Why do you not bring my relative Naucrates, as you just now said you would, to prove you had not been here?
Iup.	Jup.
920 Si quid dictum est per iocum, non aequom est id te serio praevortier.	If something is said in joke, it's not fair to take it in earnest.
Alc.	Alc.
Ego illud scio quam doluerit cordi meo.	I know one thing—that joke of yours cut me to the heart, sir.
Iup.	Jup.
Per dexteram tuam te, Alcumena, oro obsecro. da mihi hanc veniam, ignosce, irata ne sies.	(seizing her hand) I beg and beseech you, Alcmena, by this right hand of yours, do forgive me for it; pardon me: don't be angry!
Alc.	Alc.
Ego istaec feci verba virtute irrita; nunc, quando factis me impudicis abstini, ab impudicis dictis avorti volo. valeas, tibi habeas res tuas, reddas meas. iuben mi ire comites	Your charges are refuted by my honest life; now, sir, having been guiltless of gross behaviour, I will not be subjected to gross language. Good bye. Keep your own things and return me mine. Will you older my attendants to follow me? (turns to go)
Iup.	Jup.
Sanan es?	Are you in your senses?
Alc.	Alc.
Si non iubes, ibo egomet; comitem mihi Pudicitiam duxero.²³ 930	If you decline to do so, I will go with my woman's honour as my only escort. (walks away)
Iup.	Jup.
Mane. arbitratu tuo ius iurandum dabo, me meam pudicam esse uxorem arbitrarier. id ego si fallo, tum te, summe Iuppiter, quaeso, Amphitruoni ut semper iratus sies.	(holding her) Wait, wait! I'll swear to it—at your dictation—that I believe my wife is virtuous. If I deceive you in this, then, Jove almighty, I invoke thy curse upon Amphitryon for evermore.
Alc.	Alc.
A, propitius sit potius.	(hurriedly) Oh no! His blessing, his blessing!
Iup.	Jup.
Confido fore; nam ius iurandum verum te advorsum dedi. iam nunc irata non es?	I trust to have it, for it is a reliable oath I have given you. (drawing her close) Now you're not angry, are you?
Alc.	Alc.
Non sum.	(submitting) No.
Iup.	Jup.
Bene facis. nam in hominum aetate multa eveniunt huius modi: capiunt voluptates, capiunt rursum miserias; 940 irae interveniunt, redeunt rursum in gratiam. verum irae si quae forte eveniunt huius modi inter eos, rursum si reventum in gratiam est, bis tanto amici sunt inter se quam prius.	(caressing her) That's a good girl. Why, life is full of incidents of this sort. Human beings lay hold on pleasures and then again on pains. Quarrels come between them, and then they are reconciled again. But if any such quarrel as this does happen to arise between them, then when it blows over they are twice as fond of one another as they were before.
Alc.	Alc.
Primum cavisse oportuit ne diceres, verum eadem si isdem purgas mi, patiunda sunt.	You should have been careful not to say such a thing in the first place; but if you apologize so nicely for hurting me so, I can't complain.
Iup.	Jup.
Iube vero vasa pura adornari mihi, ut quae apud legionem vota vovi. si domum rediissem salvos, ea ego exsolvam omnia.	Well, well, then, have the sacrificial vessel prepared for me so that I can pay all the vows I vowed for a safe return home when I was in the field.
Alc.	Alc.
Ego istuc curabo.	I will attend to that.
Iup.	Jup.
Evocate huc Sosiam; 950 gubernatorem, qui in mea navi fuit Blepharonem arcessat, qui nobiscum prandeat is adeo²⁴ inpransus ludificabitur, cum ego Amphitruonem collo hinc obstricto traham.	(to maids in doorway) Call Sosia out. I want him to invite Blepharo, the pilot aboard my ship, to lunch with us. (exeunt maids) (aside) As a matter of fact, friend Blepharo will be left unlunched and looking foolish when I turn Amphitryon out neck and crop.
Alc.	Alc.
Mirum quid solus secum secreto ille agat. atque aperiuntur aedis. exit Sosia.	(aside) I wonder what he's talking about all to himself! Ah, there goes the door! Sosia's coming out.

III. 3.	Scene 3.
	enter Sosia.
Sos.	Sos.
Amphitruo, assum. si quid opus est, impera, imperium exequar.	Present, sir. If anything's needed, order away and I'll fulfil orders.
Iup.	Jup.
Sosia, optume advenis.	Sosia, you are the very man I want.
Sos.	Sos.
Iam pax est inter vos duos? nam quia vos tranquillos video, gaudeo et volup est mihi. atque ita servom par videtur frugi sese instituere 960 proinde eri ut sint, ipse item sit; voltum e voltu comparet tristis sit, si eri sint tristes; hilarus sit, si gaudeant sed age responde: iam vos rediistis in concordiam?	Is there peace between you two now, sir? I tell you what, it's a pleasure, it's a joy, to see you looking peaceful. Yes, and to my way of thinking, an honest servant ought to stick to this principle: be like what his betters are, model his expression on theirs, be in the dumps if they are in the dumps, and jolly if they are happy. But come, sir, answer me. Have you made friends again now, eh?
Iup.	Jup.
Derides, qui scis haec dudum me dixisse per iocum.	(reprovingly) Mocker! What I said a while ago was all in fun, and you know it.
Sos.	Sos.
An id ioco dixisti? equidem serio ac vero ratus.	In fun, was it? Upon my soul, I thought it was the solemn truth.
Iup.	Jup.
Habui expurigationem; facta pax est.	I have explained: peace is made.
Sos.	Sos.
Optume est.	That's grand, sir.
Iup.	Jup.
Ego rem divinam intus faciam, vota quae sunt.	I will make those offerings I vowed, inside.
Sos.	Sos.
Censeo.	Very good, sir.
Iup.	Jup.
Tu gubernatorem a navi huc evoca verbis meis Blepharonem, qui re divina facta mecum prandeat.	As for you, convey my invitation to Pilot Blepharo to come over from the ship and lunch with me after the sacrifice is done.
Sos.	Sos.
Iam hic ero, cum illic censebis esse me.	I'll be here by the time you think I'm there, sir.
Iup.	Jup.
Actutum huc redi.	Yes, hurry back home. [exit Sosia.
Alc.	Alc.
970 Numquid vis, quin abeam iam intro, ut apparentur quibus opust?	Is there anything else, or shall I go in now and see to the things you'll need?
Iup.	Jup.
I sane, et quantum potest parata fac sint omnia.	Do, by all means, and get everything ready as quickly as you can.
Alc.	Alc.
Quin venis quando vis intro? faxo haud quicquam sit morae.	Come in as soon as you wish. I'll make sure there's nothing to delay you.
Iup.	Jup.
Recte loquere et proinde diligentem ut uxorem decet. iam hisce ambo, et servos et era, frustra sunt duo, qui me Amphitruonem rentur esse: errant probe. nunc tu divine huc fac adsis Sosia— audis quae dico, tam etsi praesens non ades— fac Amphitruonem advenientem ab aedibus ut abigas; quovis pacto fac commentus sis.	(tenderly) That's the way for an attentive wife to talk. [exit Alcmena. There we are! Both of 'em fooled, servant and mistress, took in thinking me Amphitryon. A sad mistake! Hark ye, Sosia the divine, appear! You hear what I say, even though absent in the flesh. Drive Amphitryon away from the house when he arrives—any device you please.
980 volo deludi illunc, dum cum hac usuraria uxore nunc mihi morigero. haec curata sint fac sis, proinde adeo ut velle med intellegis, atque ut ministres mihi, mihi cum sacruficem.	He must be hoodwinked while I proceed to divert myself with my wife on loan. Kindly see that this is managed precisely as you know I wish it to be, and do me service while I am sacrificing to myself. [exit Jupiter.

III. 4.	Scene 4.
	enter Mercury hurriedly with burlesque importance.
Mer.	Mer.
Concedite atque abscedite omnes, de via decedite, nec quisquam tam audax fuat homo, qui obviam obsistat mihi. nam mihi quidem hercle qui minus liceat deo minitarier populo, ni decedat mihi, quam servolo in comoediis? ille navem salvam nuntiat aut irati adventum senis: ego sum Iovi dicto audiens, eius iussu nunc huc me adfero. 990 quam ob rem mihi magis par est via decedere et concedere.	(to imaginary passers-by) Get away, get out, get off the street, every one! Let no man be so bold as to block my path. (to audience) For damme, just tell me why a god like me hasn't as much right to hector people that hinder him as your paltry slave in the comedies? He brings word the ship is safe, or the choleric old man approaching: (magnificently) as for me, I hearken to the word of Jove and at his bidding do I now hie me hither. Wherefore 'tis still more seemly to get out, to get off the street for me.
pater vocat me, eum sequor, eius dicto imperio sum audiens; ut filium bonum patri esse oportet, itidem ego sum patri. amanti sub parasitor, hortor, adsto, admoneo, gaudeo. si quid patri volup est, voluptas ea mihi multo maxumast.	My father calls me; I come, obedient to his best and will. (confidingly) I am a good son to my father, as a son should be. I back him up in his gallantries, encourage him, stand by him, advise him, rejoice with him. If anything gratifies my father, it gratifies me infinitely more.
amat: sapit; recte facit, animo quando obsequitur suo, quod omnis homines facere oportet, dum id modo fiat bono. nunc Amphitruonem volt deludi meus pater: faxo probe iam his deludetur, spectatores, vobis inspectantibus.	He's in love: he's wise; he does well to indulge his inclinations. It is what every one ought to do, that is within due bounds. At present my father wishes Amphitryon to be fooled: fooled he shall be finely, I promise you, here and now, spectators, and under your inspection.
capiam coronam mi ni caput, adsimulabo me esse ebrium; 1000 atque illuc sursum escendero: inde optume aspellam virum de supero, cum huc accesserit; faciam ut sit madidus sobrius. deinde illi actutum sufferet suos servos poenas Sosia: eum fecisse ille hodie arguet quae ego fecero hic. quid mea? meo me aequomst morigerum patri, eius studio servire addecet.	I'm going to put a garland on my head and make believe I'm drunk, yes, and I'll climb out on the roof yonder (pointing to Amphitryon's house) and repel our returning hero in glorious style from up above there. I'll see that he's both soaked and sober. Then that servant Sosia of his shall promptly smart for it, Sosia being accused of doing what I do here. But what of that? I must humour my own father: it is only dutiful to meet his desires.
sed eccum Amphitruonem, advenit; iam ille hic deludetur probe, siquidem vos voltis auscultando operam dare. ibo intro, ornatum capiam qui potis decet; dein susum ascendam in tectum, ut illum hinc prohibeam.	(looking down street) But there's Amphitryon coming! Here and now he'll be finely fooled—if you'll only take the trouble to attend. I'll go inside and make up as a person flown with wine; then I'll up on the roof to keep him off. [exit into house.

ACTVS IV	ACT IV
	enter Amphitryon wearily.
Amph.	Amph.
Naucratem quem convenire volui, in navi non erat, 1010 neque domi neque in urbe invenio quemquam qui illum viderit. nam omnis plateas perreptavi, gymnasia et myropolia; apud emporium atque in macello, in palaestra atque in foro, in medicinis, in tonstrinis, apud omnis aedis sacras sum defessus quaeritando. nusquam invenio Naucratem.	Naucrates, whom I wanted to get hold of wasn't on the ship, and not a soul can I find at his house or in the city who has seen him. Why, I've hobbled through every street, gymnasium, and perfumery shop: down in the bazaar and the market, at the athletic field and the forum, too, at the doctor's, the barber's, the holy temples from first to last,—I'm tired to death looking for him and not a sign of Naucrates anywhere.
nunc domum ibo atque ex uxore hanc rem pergam exquirere, quis fuerit quem propter corpus suom stupri compleverit nam me, quam illam quaestionem inquisitam hodie amittere, mortuom satrust. sed aedis occluserunt. eugepae, pariter hoc fit atque ut alia facta sunt. feriam foris. 1020 aperite hoc. heus, ecquis hic est? ecquis hoc aperit ostium?	Now I'm going home and ask my wife some more questions about this, and (savagely) find out who it is she has prostituted herself for. Ah, I'd sooner die than let the day pass without having this matter settled. (trying door) Well! they've locked up the house! Nice doings! Quite in accord with the rest of it. I'll knock. (does so) Open up here! Hey! is anyone in? Open—somebody! (knocks more lustily)

IV. 2.	Scene 2.
	Mercury, much disheveled, appears on roof.
Mer.	Mer.
Quis ad fores est?	(thickly) Who's at the door?
Amph.	Amph.
Ego sum.	I am.
Mer.	Mer.
Quid ego sum?	I am, eh?
Amph.	Amph.
Ita loquor.	(sharply) So I say.
Mer.	Mer.
Tibi Iuppiter dique omnes nati certo sunt, qui sic frangas fores.	Jupiter and ... all the ... gods ... are surely angry at you ... demolishing our door so.
Amph.	Amph.
Quo modo?	What do you mean!
Mer.	Mer.
Eo modo, ut profecto vivas aetatem miser.	Here's ... what I mean ... you're certainly going to have a bad, bad time of it.
Amph.	Amph.
Sosia.	(sternly) Sosia!
Mer.	Mer.
Ita, sum Sosia, nisi me esse oblitum existimas. quid nunc vis?	Just so! That's me ... unless you think I've forgotten. Now what do ... you want?
Amph.	Amph.
Sceleste, at etiam quid velim, id tu me rogas.	Rascal! Do you actually dare ask me that—what I want?
Mer.	Mer.
Ita, rogo. paene effregisti, fatue, foribus cardines an foris censebas nobis publicitus praeberier? quid me aspectas, stolide? quid nunc vis tibi? aut quid tu es homo?	Of course I do. You've almost hammered the doors off their hinges, you ... stupid. Didn't suppose we were supplied with doors at public expense, did you? What are you staring at me for, you ... booby? What are you after now? Who are you?
Amph.	Amph.
Verbero, etiam quis ego sim me rogitas, ulmorum Acheruns? 1030 quem pol ego hodie ob istaec dicta faciam ferventem flagris.	You scoundrel! Still asking me who I am, you death on rods, you? By gad, I'll warm you up with a whip to day for this insolence!
Mer.	Mer.
Prodigum te fuisse oportet olim in adulescentia.	You must have been a waster ... in your ... younger days.
Amph.	Amph.
Quidum?	How so?
Mer.	Mer.
Quia senecta aetate a me mendicas malum.	Well ... here you are in your declining years begging ... me for trouble.
Amph.	Amph.
Cum cruciatu tuo istaec hodie, verna, verba funditas.	You shall soon suffer for this flow of language, you drudge.
Mer.	Mer.
Sacrufico ego tibi.	I'm sacrificing to ye, I am.
Amph.	Amph.
Qui?	How?
Mer.	Mer.
Quia enim te macto infortunio.	(slyly poising a pail of water) Why, because I'm making you an offering of a ... calamity.

At this point there is a gap in the MSS. Only a few lines have been preserved. Leo outlines the lost part as follows: After Mercury has had sufficient amusement with Amphitryon, the disturbance calls Alcmena from within. She has a dispute with her husband—Jupiter had left her earlier so that he might offer sacrifice—and shuts him out of the house. Perhaps Amphitryon went away to summon friends to aid him: at any rate, Sosia appears with Blepharo and gets a bad welcome from his master, despite Blepharo's patronage, and then escapes. Jupiter comes out of the house. Husband and lover abuse each other vigorously and a scuffle ensues. Blepharo is appealed to by Amphitryon, only to be made ridiculous by Jupiter.

Amph.	Amph.
I At ego te cruce et cruciatu mactabo, mastigia.	But I'll make you an offering of torture and torment, you whipping post.
Mer.	Mer.
II Erus Amphitruost occupatus.	The master, Amphitryon, is busy.
Mer.	Mer.
III (XV LG) abiendi nunc tibi etiam occasiost.	—— now you still have a chance to leave.
Mer.	Mer.
IV (III) Optimo iure infringatur aula cineris in caput.	It would serve you right to have a pot of ashes broken on your head.
Mer.	Mer.
V (IV) Ne tu postules matulam unam tibi aquae infundi in caput	You would certainly ask to have one jar of water emptied on your head.
Mer.	Mer.
VI (VII) Larvatu's edepol hominem miserum medicum quaerita.	Bewitched! Dear, dear! poor man! Look for a doctor.
Alc.	Alc.
VII (XI) Exiuravisti te mihi dixe per iocum.	You swore solemnly that you said it to me in fun.
Alc.	Alc.
VIII (XII) Quaeso advenienti morbo medicari iube tu certe aut larvatus aut cerritus es.	For mercy's sake have this disease treated at the outset; you surely are bewitched or crazed.
Alc.	Alc.
IX (XIII) Nisi hoc ita factum est, proinde ut factum esse autumo, non causam dico quin vero insimules probri.	If this did not take place just as I state, you have every right to accuse me of unchastity.
Amph.	Amph.
X (XVI) Cuius? quae me absente corpus volgavit suom.	Whose? A woman that prostituted herself in my absence!
Amph.	Amph.
XI (V) Quid minitabas te facturum, si istas pepulissem fores?	What were you threatening to do, if I pounded on that door?
Amph.	Amph.
XII (VI) Ibi scrobes ecfodito tu plus sexagenos in die.	There dig more than sixty ditches a day.
Amph.	Amph.
XIII (XVII) Noli pessimo precari	Don't intercede for an utter rascal.
Bleph.	Bleph.
XIV (XVIII) animam comprime	—— save your breath.
Iup.	Jup.
XV (IX) Manifestum hunc optorto collo teneo furem flagiti	I have him by the scruff of the neck, an outrageous thief caught in the act.
Amph.	Amph.
XVI (X) Immo ego hunc, Thebani cives, qui domi uxorem meam impudicitia impedivit, teneo, thensaurum stupri	No, no, Theban citizens, I have him, the monster of lust who has brought disgrace on my wife at home.
Amph.	Amph.
XVII (VIII) Nilne te pudet, sceleste, populi in conspectum ingredi?	Aren't you at all ashamed, you villain, to come out into public sight?
Amph.	Amph.
XVIII (XIX) clandestino.	—— clandestinely.
Amph. sive Iup.	Amph. or Iup.
XIX (XIV) Qui nequeas nostrorum uter sit Amphitruo decernere.	You who are unable to decide which of us is Amphitryon.

IV. 3.	Scene 3.
Bleph.	Bleph.
Vos inter vos partite; ego abeo, mihi negotium est; neque ego umquam usquam tanta mira me vidisse censeo.	(disgustedly) You must untangle your own selves: I'm going: I have an engagement. (aside) Never did I see such marvels anywhere, I do believe. (turns to go)
Amph.	Amph.
Blepharo, quaeso ut advocatus mi adsis neve abeas.	Blepharo! Stand by me, for mercy's sake, and be my assistant: don't go!
Bleph.	Bleph.
Vale. quid opust me advocato, qui utri sim advocatus nescio?	Good-bye. What's the use of my being an assistant when I don't know which to be it to? [exit Blepharo.
Iup.	Jup.
Intro ego hinc eo. Alcumena parturit.	(aside) I'm going inside myself: Alcmena's delivery is at hand. [exit Jupiter into house, unseen by Amphitryon.
Amph.	Amph.
Perii miser. 1040 quid ego faciam, quem advocati iam atque amici deserunt? numquam edepol me inultus istic ludificabit, quisquis est; nam iam ad regem recta me ducam resque ut facta est eloquar.²⁵ ego pol illum ulciscar hodie Thessalum veneficum, qui pervorse perturbavit familiae mentem meae. sed ubi illest? intro edepol abiit, credo ad uxorem meam.	(wildly) Heavens! oh, Heavens! What shall I do now when assistants and friends desert me? By the Lord, that villain shall never make game of me and escape, whoever he is! I'll go straight to the king this moment and tell him all as it happened. I swear I'll have my revenge this day on that Thessalian sorcerer who has turned the wits of my household topsy-turvy. (looking around) Where is he, though? Good God! He's gone inside—to my wife, no doubt!
qui me Thebis alter vivit miserior? quid nunc agam? quem omnes mortales ignorant et ludificant ut lubet. certumst, intro rumpam in aedis: ubi quemque hominem aspexero, si ancillam seu servom sive uxorem sive adulterum 1050 seu patrem sive avom videbo, obtruncabo in aedibus. neque me Iuppiter neque di omnes id prohibebunt, si volent, quin sic faciam ut constitui. pergam in aedis nunciam.	Oh, of all miserable men in Thebes! What shall I do now? Disowned and humbugged by every mortal soul to suit their humour! (pause) My mind's made up—I'll burst into the house, and every human creature there I set my eyes on, maid or man, wife or paramour, father or grandfather, I'll cut them down in my halls! And not the will of Jupiter and all the gods shall stop my doing as I've determined! I'll in this minute! (he rushes toward door: a peal of thunder: he falls to ground motionless)

ACTVS V	ACT V
	(Half an hour has elapsed.) enter Bromia from house, in a panic.
Brom.	Brom.
Spes atque opes vitae meae iacent sepultae in pectore, neque ullast confidentia iam in corde, quin amiserim; ita mihi videntur omnia, mare terra caelum, consequi, iam ut opprimar, ut enicer. me miseram, quid agam nescio.	Oh, my hopes and chances of getting out of this alive are dead and buried inside of me! There's not a thing left to keep my courage up now! The way everything—sea, land, sky—does seem set on crushing me, killing me off this instant! Oh dear, oh dear! What to do I don't know.
ita tanta mira in aedibus sunt facta. vae miserae mihi, animo malest, aquam velim. corrupta sum atque absumpta sum. caput dolet, neque audio, nec oculis prospicio satis, 1060 nec me miserior femina est neque ulla videatur magis.	Such amazing things as did happen in there! Oh, poor me! I feel faint. Oh, for some water! I'm a wreck, I'm all done up. My head's splitting, and I can't hear or see right, either. There isn't a wretcheder woman on earth, or one that could seem so, either.
ita erae meae hodie contigit. nam ubi parturit, deos sibi invocat, strepitus, crepitus, sonitus, tonitrus: ut subito, ut propere, ut valide tonuit! ubi quisque institerat, concidit crepitu. ibi nescio quis maxuma voce exclamat: "Alcumena, adest auxilium, ne time: et tibi et tuis propitius caeli cultor advenit. exsurgite" inquit "qui terrore meo occidistis prae metu."	The experience mistress did have this day! As soon as her time comes she calls on the gods to help her, and there's a grumbling and rumbling and smashing and crashing—what a crash, so sudden and quick and heavy it was! Every one fell flat where he stood at the peal. And then some one or other called out in a mighty voice: "Alcmena, help is at hand: be not afraid. To thee and thine the sovereign of the skies comes in kindliness. Rise," he said, "ye who have fallen in terror, from dread of me."
ut iacui, exsurgo. ardere censui aedis, ita tum confulgebant. ibi me inclamat Alcumena; iam ea res me horrore adficit, erilis praevertit metus: accurro, ut sciscam quid velit. 1070 atque illam geminos filios pueros peperisse conspicor; neque nostrum quisquam sensimus, quom peperit, neque providimus.	Having dropped, I got on my feet: I thought the house was afire, the way it was all lit up then. Just then Alcmena calls for me to come. I was trembling already at what happened, but fear of mistress prevailed, and up I run to find out what she wants. And there I see she has given birth to twins, boys, and not a soul of us noticed when it happened, or is ready for it!
sed quid hoc? quis hic est senex, qui ante aedis nostras sic iacet? numnam hunc percussit Iuppiter? credo edepol, nam, pro Iuppiter, sepultust quasi sit mortuos. ibo et cognoscam, quisquis est. Amphitruo hic quidem est erus meus. Amphitruo.	(sees prostrate Amphitryon) But what's this? Who's this old man lying like this in front of our house? Why, can it be he's struck by lightning? Why, mercy me, I do believe so! For, good gracious, he's as completely disposed of as if he was a corpse! I'll go find out, whoever it is. (approaches) It's Amphitryon! It's my master! (calling) Amphitryon!
Amph.	Amph.
Perii.	(feebly) Heaven help me!
Brom.	Brom.
Surge.	Get up, sir.
Amph.	Amph.
Interii.	I'm dead!
Brom.	Brom.
Cedo manum.	Give me your hand, sir. (takes it)
Amph.	Amph.
Quis me tenet?	Who has hold of me?
Brom.	Brom.
Tua Bromia ancilla.	Your servant maid, sir, Bromia.
Amph.	Amph.
Totus timeo, ita me increpuit Iuppiter. nec secus est, quasi si ab Acherunte veniam. sed quid tu foras egressa es?	I'm paralysed with fear! Oh, Jove, what a bolt! I feel as if I were getting back—from the next world. (he gets up) But what made you come out?
Brom.	Brom.
Eadem nos formido timidas terrore impulit 1080 in aedibus, tu ubi habitas. nimia mira vidi. vae mihi, Amphitruo, ita mihi animus etiam nunc abest.	We poor women were struck with the same terror in this house of yours, sir. I've seen the most amazing things! Oh deary me, master, I'm just clean dazed even now!
Amph.	Amph.
Agedum expedi: scin me tuom esse erum Amphitruonem?	Come, come, quick, tell me—do you know me for your master, Amphitryon?
Brom.	Brom.
Scio.	Surely, sir.
Amph.	Amph.
Vide etiam nunc.	Here, look, look again!
Brom.	Brom.
Scio.	(obeying) Surely, sir.
Amph.	Amph.
Haec sola sanam mentem gestat meorum familiarium.	(half aside) She's the only one of my household that has any sanity about her.
Brom.	Brom.
Immo omnes sani sunt profecto.	Oh no, sir, they're all sane, of course they are.
Amph.	Amph.
At me uxor insanum facit suis foedis factis.	Well, my wife had driven me insane with her infamous actions!
Brom.	Brom.
At ego faciam, tu idem ut aliter praedices, Amphitruo, piam et pudicam esse tuam uxorem ut scias. de ea re signa atque argumenta paucis verbis eloquar. omnium primum: Alcumena geminos peperit filios.	(warmly) Well, I'll make you change that tune, sir, your very own self, and make you realize that your wife is a pious, honest woman, sir. I'll soon give you signs and proofs of that. First of all, she has given birth to twin sons.
Amph.	Amph.
Ain tu, geminos?	What's that—twins?
Brom.	Brom.
Geminos.	Twins.
Amph.	Amph.
Di me servant.	The gods are with me!
Brom.	Brom.
Sine me dicere, 1090 ut scias tibi tuaeque uxori decs esse omnis propitios.	Let me go on, so that you may know all the gods mean well by you and your wife, sir.
Amph.	Amph.
Loquere.	Yes, yes.
Brom.	Brom.
Postquam parturire hodie uxor occepit tua, ubi utero exorti dolores, ut solent puerperae invocat deos immortales, ut sibi auxilium ferant, manibus puris, capite operto. ibi continuo contonat sonitu maxumo; aedes primo ruere rebamur tuas. aedes totae confulgebant tuae, quasi essent aureae.	After she began to feel near her time to-day and her pains were setting in, she called on the immortal gods to help her—as women do, sir, in labour—with clean washed hands and covered head. She had no sooner begun than there was a frightful thunder clap. At first we thought your house was tumbling down: your whole house was shining, sir, just as if it was gold.
Amph.	Amph.
Quaeso absolvito hinc me extemplo, quando satis deluseris. quid fit deinde?	For heaven's sake hurry up and don't keep me on tenterhooks! I have had enough of your trifling! What happened next?
Brom.	Brom.
Dum haec aguntur, interea uxorem tuam neque gementem neque plorantem nostrum quisquam audivimus; 1100 ita profecto sine dolore peperit.	While this was going on, not one of us heard your wife groan or whimper a bit, sir, the whole time: that's how she bore those boys, sir—never a pang, that's plain.
Amph.	Amph.
Iam istuc gaudeo, utut erga me merita est.	(heartily) Well now, I'm glad of that, no matter what her behaviour to me has been.
Brom.	Brom.
Mitte ista atque haec quae dicam accipe. postquam peperit, pueros lavere iussit nos. occepimus. sed puer ille quem ego lavi, ut magnust et multum valet! neque eum quisquam colligare quivit incunabulis.	Do let that be, sir, and listen. After they were born she told us to bathe them. We began. But that boy I bathed! How big and strong he was! Not a soul of us could wrap him in his swaddling clothes.
Amph.	Amph.
Nimia mira memoras; si istaec vera sunt, divinitus non metuo quin meae uxori latae suppetiae sient.	A most astounding story! If it be true, there's no doubt that my wife received divine aid.
Brom.	Brom.
Magis iam faxo mira dices. postquam in cunas conditust, devolant angues iubati deorsum in impluvium duo maximi: continuo extollunt ambo capita.	You'll call this more astounding still, sir, I warrant you. After he was tucked in his cradle, two enormous crested serpents came slipping down into the fountain basin: the next second both of them were lifting up their heads.
Amph.	Amph.
Ei mihi.	Heavens and earth!
Brom.	Brom.
1110 Ne pave. sed angues occulis omnis cirumvisere. postquam pueros conspicati, pergunt ad cunas citi. ego cunas recessim rursum vorsum trahere et ducere, metuens pueris, mihi formidans; tantoque angues acrius persequi. postquam conspexit angues ille alter puer, citus e cunis exilit, facit recta in anguis impetum: alterum altera prehendit eos manu perniciter.	Don't be scared. Well, the serpents glared around at all of us. As soon as they spied the boys they made for the cradles like a flash. I backed away, fearful for the boys and frightened for myself, pulling and hauling the cradles along after me with the serpents a-chasing us all the angrier. The minute that boy I was telling of sets eyes on the serpents he's up and out of that cradle in a trice, rushing straight for 'em and grabbing 'em one in each hand quick as a wink.
Amph.	Amph.
Mira memoras, nimis formidolosum facinus praedicas; nam mihi horror membra misero percipit dictis tuis. quid fit deinde? porro loquere.	Astounding! Astounding! A perfectly horrifying tale! Mercy on us! why, your very words palsy me! What then? Go on, go on!
Brom.	Brom.
Puer ambo angues enicat. 1120 dum haec aguntur, voce clara exclamat uxorem tuam—	The boy chokes both serpents to death. While this is going on, in a clear voice he calls out the name of your wife—
Amph.	Amph.
Quis homo?	Who does?
Brom.	Brom.
Summus imperator divom atque hominum Iuppiter. is se dixit cum Alcumena clam consuetum cubitibus, eumque filium suom esse qui illos angues vicerit; alterum tuom esse dixit puerum.	The almighty ruler of gods and men, Jupiter. He said that he himself had secretly shared Alcmena's bed and that that was his son who had crushed the serpents: the other one, he said, was your own child.
Amph.	Amph.
Pol me haud paenitet, si licet boni dimidium mihi dividere cum Iove. abi domum, iube vasa pura actutum adornari mihi, ut Iovis supremi multis hostiis pacem expetam.	Well, well, well! I make no complaint at being permitted to have Jove as partner in my blessings. In with you, girl! Have sacrificial vessels made ready for me instantly so that I may seek the favour of omnipotent Jove with ample offerings. [exit Bromia.
ego Teresiam coniectorem advocabo et consulam quid faciundum censeat; simul hanc rem ut facta est eloquar. 1130 sed quid hoc? quam valide tonuit. di, obsecro vostram fidem.	I'll summon Tiresias the prophet and consult with him as to what he thinks should be done, and at the same time tell him all that's happened, (thunder) But what's this? That awful thunder peal! Heaven preserve us!

V. 2.	Scene 2.
	Jupiter appears above.
Iup.	Jup.
Bono animo es, adsum auxilio, Amphitruo, tibi et tuis: nihil est quod timeas. hariolos, haruspices mitte omnes; quae futura et quae facta eloquar, multo adeo melius quam illi, quom sum Iuppiter. primum omnium Alcumenae usuram corporis cepi, et concubitu gravidam feci filio.	Be of good cheer. I am here with aid, Amphitryon, for thee and thine. Thou hast naught to fear. Seers, soothsayers—have none of them. I will make known to thee future and past alike, and better far than they, moreover, for I am Jupiter. First of all, then, I took thy Alcmena to myself and by me she was made a mother.
tu gravidam item fecisti, cum in exercitum profectu's: uno partu duos peperit simul. eorum alter, nostro qui est susceptus semine, 1140 suis factis te immortali adficiet gloria. tu cum Alcumena uxore antiquam in gratiam redi: haud promeruit quam ob rem vitio vorteres; mea vi subactast facere. ego in caelum migro.	By thee too was she with child when thou didst go forth to war: at one birth she bore them both. The one begotten of my seed shall win thee undying glory by his works. Live again in fond concord as of old with thy wife Alcmena: she has done naught to merit thy reproach: my power was on her. I now depart to heaven. [exit Jupiter.

V. 3.	Scene 3.
Amph.	Amph.
Faciam ita ut iubes et te oro, promissa ut serves tua, ibo ad uxorem intro, missum facio Teresiam senem.	(reverently) Thy will shall be done: and keep thy word with me, I beg thee. (after a pause) I'll in and see my wife! No more of old Tiresias!
nunc, spectatores, Iovis summi causa clare plaudite.	(to the audience) Now, spectators, for the sake of Jove almighty, give us some loud applause. [exit.

1. None of the Arguments prefixed to the plays is by Plautus. Their date is disputed, the acrostics having been written during the first century B.C., perhaps, the non acrostics later.	A. Actors might be whipped on occasion. B. An allusion to some play in which Jupiter appeared in time to save some situation.
2. Corrupt (Leo): Alcumena MSS: illa Bothe.	C. Being a slave.
3. The genuineness of the Prologues of these plays has long been a moot question. The tendency of the more recent investigators has been to hold that all were, at least in part, written by Plautus himself.	D. Mercury was the patron god of roguery.
4. Leo brackets following v., 14: lucrum ut perenne vobis semper suppetat.
5. Corrupt (Leo): affero MSS: fero Acidalius, followed by Lindsay and others.
6. Leo assumes lacuna here.
7. architectust Pareus: architectus MSS. Lambinus suggests that the actor who took the part of Jupiter may have been a builder.
8. Corrupt (Leo): illi MSS: ille illi Ussing, followed by Lindsay.
9. Leo brackets following v., 93: praeterea certo prodit in tragoedia.
10. Leo brackets following v., 173: nec aequom anne iniquom imperet cogitabit.
11. vicimus vi MSS: Leo brackets vicimus.
12. Corrupt (Leo): "Convertitur pro convertit," Nonius 480.
13. Corrupt (Leo): neme esse MSS: among the many emendations is sane (Palmer).
14. Leo brackets following v., 401: qui cum Amphitruone hinc una ieram in exercitum.
15. Leo brackets following v., 489-90: et ne in suspicione ponatur stupri 490 et clandestina ut celetur consuetio.
16. Corrupt (Leo): si non id ita J.
17. Leo notes slight lacuna here: mirum MSS: mirum mirum Spengel.
18. Leo brackets following v., 629-632: sed vide ex navi efferantur quae imperavi iam omnia. Sos. 630 Et memor sum et diligens, ut quae imperes comparcant; non ego cum vino simitu ebibi imperium tuom. Amph. Vtinam di faxint, infecta dicta re eveniant tua.
19. Corrupt (Leo): quom te gravidam MSS: quom gravidam Pylades.
20. Leo brackets following v., 685: atque me nunc proinde appellas quasi multo post videris?
21. enim verbis probas Lachmann: probas vel proba's Lindsay: in verbis probas MSS.
22. Leo notes lacuna here. Ita ingenium MSS: Ita ingeni ingenium Seyffert, followed by Lindsay.
23. Corrupt (Leo): duxero MSS: adsero Leo.
24. Leo notes lacuna here and suggests is a Mercurio impransus.
25. Corrupt (Leo): nam iam MSS: iam Gruter.

ASINARIA

THE COMEDY OF ASSES

Argument
Dramatis Personae
Prologue
ACT I

Scene 2
Scene 3

ACT II

Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4

ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY

Amanti argento filio auxiliarier

Sub imperio vivens volt senex uxorio.

Itaque ob asinos relatum pretium Saureae

Numerari iussit servolo Leonidae.

Ad amicam id fertur. cedit noctem filius.

Rivalis amens ob praereptam mulierem,

Is rem omnem uxori per parasitum nuntiat.

Accurrit uxor ac virum e lustris rapit.

An old gentleman, whose wife is the head of the household, desires to give his son financial support in a love affair. He therefore had some money, brought to Saurea in payment for some asses, counted out to a certain rascally servant of his own, Leonida. This money goes to the young fellow's mistress, and he concedes his father an evening with her. A rival of his, beside himself at being deprived of the girl, sends word, by a parasite, to the old gentleman's wife, of the whole matter. In rushes the wife and drags her husband from the house of vice.

PERSONAE	DRAMATIS PERSONAE
LIBANVS SERVVS DEMAENETVS SENEX ARGYRIPPVS ADVLESCENS CLEARETA LENA LEONIDA SERVVS MERCATOR PHILAENIVM MERETRIX DIABOLVS ADVLESCENS PARASITVS ARTEMONA MATRONA	LIBANUS, slave of Demaenetus. DEMAENETUS, an old gentleman of Athens. ARGYRIPPUS, his son. CLEARETA, a procuress. LEONIDA, slave of Demaenetus. A TRADER. PHILAENIUM, a courtesan, daughter of Cleareta. DIABOLUS, a young gentleman of Athens. A PARASITE. ARTEMONA, wife of Demaenetus.
	Scene:—Athens. A street running in front of the houses of Demaenetus and Cleareta: between the houses is a narrow lane.

PROLOGVS	PROLOGUE
Hoc agite sultis, spectatores, nunciam, quae quidem mihi atque vobis res vertat bene gregique huic et dominis atque conductoribus. face nunciam tu, praeco, omnem auritum poplum.	Kindly give us your entire attention now, spectators: I heartily hope it will result in benefit to me, also to you, and to this company and its managers, and to those that hire them. (turning to a herald) Herald, provide all this crowd with ears at once. (the herald proclaims silence)
age nunc reside, cave modo ne gratiis. nunc quid processerim huc et quid mihi voluerim dicam: ut sciretis nomen huius fabulae; nam quod ad argumentum attinet, sane brevest.	Enough enough! Sit down—and be sure you put that in your bill! (to audience) Now I shall say why I have come out before you here and what I wished: I have come to acquaint you with the name of this play. For as far as the plot is concerned, that is quite simple.
nunc quod me dixi velle vobis dicere, 10 dicam: huic nomen Graece Onagost fabulae; Demophilus scripsit, Maccus vortit barbare; Asinariam volt esse, si per vos licet. inest lepos ludusque in hac comoedia, ridicula res est. date benigne operam mihi, ut vos, ut alias, pariter nunc Mars adiuvet.	Now I shall say what I said I wished to say: the Greek name of this play is ONAGOS: Demophilus wrote it: Maccus translated it into a foreign tongue. He wishes to call it THE COMEDY OF ASSES, by your leave. It is a clever comedy, full of drollery and laughable situations. Do oblige me by being attentive, that now too, as in other days, Mars may be with you.

ACTVS I	ACT I
	enter Demaenetus, from his house, bringing Libanus.
Lib.	Lib.
Sicut tuom vis unicum gnatum tuae superesse vitae sospitem et superstitem, ita ted obtestor per senectutem tuam perque illam, quam tu metuis, uxorem tuam, 20 si quid med erga hodie falsum dixeris, ut tibi superstes uxor aetatem siet atque illa viva vivos ut pestem oppetas.	(very solemnly) As you hope to have your only son survive hale and hearty, sir, when you're gone yourself, I implore you, sir, by your hoary hairs and by the one you dread, your wife, sir—if you tell me any lie to-day, may she outlast you by years and years, yes, sir, and you die a living death with her alive.
Dem.	Dem.
Per Dium Fidium quaeris: iurato mihi video necesse esse eloqui quidquid roges.¹ (24) (27) proinde actutum istuc quid sit quod scire expetis eloquere: ut ipse scibo, te faciam ut scias.	(laughing) You beg me by the very God of Truth. Once under oath, I see I must tell you whatever you ask. Come then, quick! Let me hear what you wish to know, and so far as I know myself, I shall let you know.
Lib.	Lib.
Die obsecro hercle serio quod te rogem, cave mihi mendaci quicquam.	For God's sake, sir, do please answer my question seriously! No lying to me, sir, mind that!
Dem.	Dem.
30 Quin tu ergo rogas?	Then why not ask your question?
Lib.	Lib.
Num me illuc ducis, ubi lapis lapidem terit?	(anxiously) You won't take me where stone rubs stone, sir?
Dem.	Dem.
Quid istuc est? aut ubi istuc est terrarum loci?² (32)	What do you mean? Where in the world is that?
Lib.	Lib.
(34) Apud fustitudinas, ferricrepinas insulas, ubi vivos homines mortui incursant boves.	There at the Clubbangian-Chainclangian Islands, sir, where dead oxen attack living men.
Dem.	Dem.
Modo pol percepi, Libane, quid istuc sit loci: ubi fit polenta, te fortasse dicere.	(reflecting, then with a chuckle) Bless my soul! At last I get your meaning, Libanus—the barley mill^A: I daresay that's the place you mention.
Lib.	Lib.
Ah, neque hercle ego istuc dico nec dictum volo, teque obsecro hercle, ut quae locutu's despuas.	(in grotesque terror) Oh Lord, no! I'm not mentioning that, and I don't want it mentioned, either, and for the love of heaven, sir, do spit away that word!
Dem.	Dem.
Fiat, geratur mos tibi.	(spitting) All right. Anything to humour you.
Lib.	Lib.
40 Age, age usque excrea.	Go on, sir, go on! Hawk it way up!
Dem.	Dem.
Etiamne?	(spitting again) Will that do?
Lib.	Lib.
Age quaeso hercle usque ex penitis faucibus, etiam amplius.	Go on, sir, for God's sake, way from the bottom of your gullet! (Demaenetus spits violently) Farther down still, sir!
Dem.	Dem.
Nam quo usque?	Eh? How far?
Lib.	Lib.
Usque ad mortem volo.	(half aside) To the door of death, I hope.
Dem.	Dem.
Cave sis malam rem.	(angrily) Kindly look out, my man, look out!
Lib.	Lib.
Uxoris dico, non tuam.	(hastily) Your wife's, sir, I mean, not yours.
Dem.	Dem.
Dono te ob istuc dictum, ut expers sis metu.	(laughing) Never fear—for that remark I grant you immunity.
Lib.	Lib.
Di tibi dent quaecumque optes.	And heaven grant you all your prayers, sir.
Dem.	Dem.
Redde operam mihi. cur hoc ego ex te quaeram? aut cur miniter tibi propterea quod me non scientem feceris? aut cur postremo filio suscenseam, patres ut faciunt ceteri?	Now listen to me for a change. Why should I ask you about this? Or threaten you because you haven't informed me? Or for that matter, why should I fly into a rage at my son, as other fathers do?
Lib.	Lib.
50 Quid istuc novi est? demiror quid sit et quo evadat sum in metu.	(aside) Hm! What's this surprise? Wonder what it means! Where it will end is what scares me.
Dem.	Dem.
Equidem scio iam, filius quod amet meus istanc meretricem e proxumo Philaenium. estne hoc ut dico, Libane?	As a matter of fact, I know already that my son has an affair with that wench, Philaenium, next door. Isn't that so, Libanus?
Lib.	Lib.
Rectam instas viam. ea res est. sed eum morbus invasit gravis.	You're on the right track, sir. That's how it is. But he has suffered a severe shock.
Dem.	Dem.
Quid morbi est?	Shock? What?
Lib.	Lib.
Quia non suppetunt dictis data.	Well, his presents are falling short of his promises.
Dem.	Dem.
Tune es adiutor nunc amanti filio?	Are you aiding my son in this amour?
Lib.	Lib.
Sum vero, et alter noster est Leonida.	Indeed I am, sir, and so is my mate, your servant Leonida.
Dem.	Dem.
Bene hercle facitis et a me initis gratiam. 60 verum meam uxorem, Libane, nescis qualis sit?	Well, well, my lad, thanks! You are both earning my gratitude. But (looking cautiously around) my wife, Libanus, don't you know her temperament?
Lib.	Lib.
Tu primus sentis, nos tamen in pretio sumus.	(with certainty) You feel it first, sir, but we get plenty of it.
Dem.	Dem.
Fateor eam esse importunam atque incommodam.	(awkwardly) I confess that she is ... high-handed and ... hard to get along with.
Lib.	Lib.
Posterius istuc dicis quam credo tibi.	I believe that before you speak a word, sir.
Dem.	Dem.
Omnes parentes, Libane, liberis suis qui mi auscultabunt, facient obsequellam³ quippe qui mage amico utantur gnato et benevolo. atque ego me id facere studeo, volo amari a meis;	(with an air of profound moral conviction) Libanus, all parents who take my advice will be a bit indulgent to their children, seeing it makes a son more friendly and affectionate. Yes, and I am anxious to be so myself. I wish to be loved by my own flesh and blood;
volo me patris mei similem, qui causa mea nauclerico ipse ornatu per fallaciam 70 quam amabam abduxit ab lenone mulierem; neque puduit eum id aetatis sycophantias struere et beneficiis me emere gnatum suom sibi. eos me decretumst persequi mores patris.	I wish to model myself on my own father who dressed up as a shipmaster for my sake and swindled a slave-dealer out of a girl I was in love with. He felt no shame at going in for hocus-pocus at his time of life, and buying his son's affection, mine, by his kindnesses. These methods of my father's I have resolved to follow out myself.
nam me hodie oravit Argyrippus filius, uti sibi amanti facerem argenti copiam; et id ego percupio obsequi gnato meo.⁴ (76) (78) quamquam illum mater arte contenteque habet, patres ut consueverunt: ego mitto omnia haec.	Well now, this very day my boy Argyrippus begged me to supply him with some money, saying he was in love: and I heartily desire to oblige the dear lad. No matter if his mother does keep a firm, tight rein on him and play the ordinary father's part, none of that for me.
80 praesertim quom is me dignum quoi concrederet habuit, me habere honorem eius ingenio decet; quom me adiit, ut pudentem gnatum acquomst patrem, cupio esse amicae quod det argentum suae.	And seeing he has regarded me as worthy of his confidence, I have special reason to respect his inclinations. Now that he has applied to me, as a respectful son should to his father, I am desirous that he should have some money for his mistress.
Lib.	Lib.
Cupis id quod cupere te nequiquam intellego. dotalem servom Sauream uxor tua adduxit, cui plus in manu sit quam tibi.	You're desirous of something you'll desire in vain, sir, I reckon. Your wife's brought along Saurea, that dower slave of hers, to have more power than you.
Dem.	Dem.
Argentum accepi, dote imperium vendidi. nunc verba in pauca conferam quid te velim. viginti iam usust filio argenti minis: face id ut paratum iam sit.	(bitterly) Sold myself! Gave up my authority for a dowry! (pause) Now, in a word, here is what I want of you. My son needs eighty pounds^B at once: will you see it is procured at once.
Lib.	Lib.
90 Unde gentium?	Where in the world from?
Dem.	Dem.
Me defraudato.	Cheat me out of it.
Lib.	Lib.
Maxumas nugas agis: nudo detrahere vestimenta me iubes. defraudem te ego? age sis, tu sine pennis vola. tene ego defraudem, cui ipsi nihil est in manu, nisi quid tu porro uxorem defraudaveris?	What awful nonsense you do talk! You're telling me to strip the clothes off a naked man. I cheat you out of it? Come, sir, will you kindly fly without wings! I cheat you out of it, when you don't own a thing, unless you've played the same game and cheated your wife out of something?
Dem.	Dem.
Qua me, qua uxorem, qua tu servom Sauream potes, circumduce, aufer; promitto tibi non offuturum, si id hodie effeceris.	Well, me, or my wife, or servant Saurea—do your best, swindle us, rook us, I promise you your interests won't suffer, if you accomplish this to-day.
Lib.	Lib.
Iubeas una opera me piscari in aere, venari autem rete iaculo in medio mari.⁵ 100	You might as well order me to go a-fishing in the air, yes, and to take my casting net and do some deep sea—hunting.
Dem.	Dem.
Tibi optionem sumito Leonidam, fabricare quidvis, quidvis comminiscere: perficito, argentum hodie ut habeat filius, amicae quod det.	Have Leonida for your adjutant: manufacture something, devise something—anything: see you get the money to-day for my son to give his girl.
Lib.	Lib.
Quid ais tu, Demaenete?	Look here.
Dem.	Dem.
Quid vis?	Well?
Lib.	Lib.
Si forte in insidias devenero, tun redimes me, si me hostes interceperint?	Suppose I happen to fall into an ambuscade, ransom me, will you, if I'm intercepted by the enemy?
Dem.	Dem.
Redimam.	I will.
Lib.	Lib.
Tum tu igitur aliud cura quid lubet. ego eo ad forum, nisi quid vis.	(after a pause, airily) Well then, in that case you may dismiss the matter from your mind. I'm off to the forum, unless you want me further.
Dem.	Dem.
Ei, bene ambula. atque audin etiam?	Go ahead! A pleasant stroll to you! (Libanus walks away) And I say,—listening still, are you?
Lib.	Lib.
Ecce.	(pertly, without turning) Behold me!
Dem.	Dem.
Si quid te volam, ubi eris?	If I want you for anything, where will you be?
Lib.	Lib.
110 Ubicumque libitum erit animo meo profecto nemo est quem iam dehinc metuam mihi ne quid nocere possit, cum tu mihi tua oratione omnem animum ostendisti tuom quin te quoque ipsum facio haud magni, si hoc patro. pergam quo occepi atque ibi consilia exordiar.	Precisely where it pleases my fancy. (half aside) I tell you what, from now on I won't be scared of a man alive, for fear he can do me any harm, after your showing me all the secrets of your soul. Why, you won't count for much with me your own self, either, if I carry this through. (setting off again) I'll go along to where I was bound and lay my plans there.
Dem.	Dem.
Audin tu? apud Archibulum ego ero argentarium.	Look here! I shall be at banker Archibulus's.
Lib.	Lib.
Nempe in foro?	In the forum, you mean?
Dem.	Dem.
Ibi, si quid opus fuerit.	Yes, there,—if anything's needed.
Lib.	Lib.
Meminero.	(nonchalantly) I'll keep it in mind. [exit Libanus to forum.
Dem.	Dem.
Non esse servos peior hoc quisquam potest nec magis versutus nec quo ab caveas aegrius 120 eidem homini, si quid recte curatum velis, mandes: moriri sese misere mavolet, quam non perfectum reddat quod promiserit.	A more rascally servant than this of mine can't be found, or a wilier one, or one harder to guard against. But he's just your man to commit a matter to, if you want it well managed: he'd prefer to expire in pain and torment rather than fail to fulfil his promise to the letter.
nam ego illud argentum tam paratum filio scio esse quam me hunc scipionem contui. sed quid ego cesso ire ad forum, quo inceperam? ⁶atque ibi manebo apud argentarium.	Why, I'm just as confident that that money is in store for my son as that I've got my eyes on this cane here. But I must be off to the forum, where I was going. Yes, and I'll wait there at the banker's. [exit Demaenetus.

I. 2.	Scene 2.
	enter Argyrippus precipitately from house of Cleareta.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Sicine hoc fit? foras aedibus me eici? promerenti optume hocin preti redditur? bene merenti mala es, male merenti bona es; 130 at malo cum tuo, nam iam ex hoc loco ibo ego ad tres viros vostraque ibi nomina faxo erunt, capitis te perdam ego et filiam, perlecebrae, permities, adulescentum exitium. nam mare haud est mare, vos mare acerrumum; nam in mari repperi, his elavi bonis.	(violently to those within) So that's the way, is it? Thrown out of doors, am I? This is my reward for all the good turns I've done you, eh? Evil for good and good for evil is your system. But it will be evil for you! I'll go direct from here to the police and leave your names with 'em. I'll humble you and your daughter! You decoys, you destroyers, you wreckers of young fellows! Why, the sea's no sea: you are—the wildest sea of all! Why at sea I made my money, here I am cleaned out of it.
ingrata atque inrita esse omnia intellego quae dedi et quod bene feci, at posthac tibi male quod potero facere faciam, meritoque id faciam tuo. ego pol te redigam eodem unde orta es, ad egestatis terminos, 140 ego edepol te faciam ut quae sis nunc et quae fueris scias.	All I've given you and all I've done for you gets no thanks, goes for nothing, I find: but after this all I can do against you I'll do, and do it with good reason. By the Lord, I'll put you down where you came from, the depths of destitution, I will. By heaven, I'll make you appreciate what you are now and what you were.
quae prius quam istam adii atque amans ego animum meum isti dedi, sordido vitam oblectabas pane in pannis inopia, atque ea si erant, magnas habebas omnibus dis gratias; eadem nunc, cum est melius, me, cuius opera est, ignoras mala, reddam ego te ex fera fame mansuetem, me specta modo.	You, who before I courted that girl of yours and offered her my loving heart, used to regale yourself on coarse bread in rags and poverty: yes, and gave hearty thanks to Heaven, if you got your bread and rags. Yet here you are, now that you are better off, snubbing me that made you so, curse you! I'll tame you down, you wild beast, by the famine treatment: trust me for that.
nam isti quid succenseam ipsi? nihil est, nihil quicquam meret; tuo facit iussu, tuo imperio paret: mater tu. eadem era es. te ego ulciscar, te ego ut digna es perdam atque ut de me meres, at scelesta viden ut ne id quidem, me dignum esse existumat 150 quem adeat, quem conloquatur quoique irato supplicet?	As for that girl of yours, why should I be angry with her? She's done nothing, she's not at all to blame. It is your dictates she follows, your orders she obeys: you're mother and mistress both. You're the one I'll have revenge on; you're the one I'll ruin as you deserve, as your behaviour to me merits. (pauses and glares at house) But d'ye see how the wretch doesn't even think it worth while to come to me, talk with me, go on her knees to me, when I'm in a rage?
atque eccam inlecebra exit tandem; opinor hic ante ostium meo modo loquar quae volam, quoniam intus non licitum est mihi.	(Cleareta's door opens) Ah, there she is coming out at last, the decoy! I wager I'll have my full say in my own fashion out in front of the door here, seeing I couldn't do it inside.

I. 3.	Scene 3.
	enter Cleareta from house.
Cle.	Cle.
Unum quodque istorum verbum nummis Philippis aureis non potest auferre hinc a me si quis emptor venerit; nec recte quae tu in nos dicis, aurum atque argentum merumst: fixus hic apud nos est animus tuos clavo Cupidinis. remigio veloque quantum poteris festina et fuge: quam magis te in altum capessis, tam aestus te in portum refert.	(calmly and pleasantly) Not a single one of those words do I part with for golden sovereigns, not if some purchaser comes along: uncomplimentary remarks about us from you are good coin of the realm. Your heart is fastened to us here with one of Cupid's spikes through it. Out with oar and up with sail, speed your fastest and scud away: the more you put out to sea, the more the tide brings you back to harbour.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ego pol istum portitorem privabo portorio; 160 ego te dehinc ut merita es de me et mea re tractare exsequar, quom tu med ut meritus sum non tractas atque eicis domo.	(grimly) By the Lord, I'll hold back that harbour master's harbour dues; from this time forth you'll get the treatment you merit of me and my exchequer, for this unmerited treatment of me, this turning me out of the house.
Cle.	Cle.
Magis istuc percipimus lingua dici, quam factis fore.	(lightly) Such things are easier said than done, I observe.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Solus solitudine ego ted atque ab egestate abstuli; solus si ductem, referre gratiam numquam potes.	I, and I alone, am the man that rescued you from loneliness and destitution; even if I should take the girl for myself alone, you'd still be in my debt.
Cle.	Cle.
Solus ductato, si semper solus quae poscam dabis; semper tibi promissum habeto hac lege, dum superes datis.	Take her for yourself alone, if you alone will always give me what I demand. You can always be sure of her—on condition your presents are the biggest.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Qui modus dandi? nam numquam tu quidem expleri potes; modo quom accepisti, haud multo post aliquid quod poscas paras.	And what end to the presents? Why, you can never be sated. Now you get something, and a minute later you're devising some new demand.
Cle.	Cle.
Quid modist ductando, amando? numquamne expleri potes? 170 modo remisisti, continuo iam ut remittam ad te rogas.	And what end to the taking her, to the lovey-doveying? Can you never be sated? Now you have sent her back to me, and the next instant you're crying for me to send her back to you.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Dedi equidem quod mecum egisti.	Well, I paid you what we agreed on.
Cle.	Cle.
Et tibi ego misi mulierem: par pari datum hostimentumst, opera pro pecunia.	And I let you have the girl: my policy has been fair give and take—services rendered for cash.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Male agis mecum.	You're using me shamefully.
Cle.	Cle.
Quid me accusas, si facio officium meum? nam neque fictum usquamst neque pictum neque scriptum in poematis ubi lena bene agat cum quiquam amante, quae frugi esse volt.	Why find fault with me for doing my plain duty? Why, nowhere in stone, paint, or poem is a lady in my line portrayed as using any lover well—if she wants to get on.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Mihi quidem te parcere aequomst tandem, ut tibi durem diu.	(appealingly) You really ought to use me sparingly, though, so that I may last you a long time.
Cle.	Cle.
Non tu scis? quae amanti parcet, eadem sibi parcet parum. quasi piscis, itidemst amator lenae: nequam est, nisi recens; is habet sucum, is suavitatem, eum quo vis pacto condias 180 vel patinarium vel assum, verses quo pacto lubet: is dare volt, is se aliquid posci, nam ibi de pleno promitur;	(coolly) You miss the point? The lady that spares her lover spares herself too little. Lovers are the same as fish to us—no good unless they're fresh. Your fresh ones are juicy and sweet; you can season them to taste in a stew, bake them, and turn them every way. Your fresh one wants to give you things, wants to be asked for something: in his case it all comes from a full cupboard, you see;
neque ille scit quid det, quid damni faciat: illi rei studet, volt placere sese amicae, volt mihi, volt pedisequae, volt famulis, volt etiam ancillis; et quoque catulo meo subblanditur novos amator, se ut quom videat gaudeat. vera dico: ad suom quemque hominem quaestum esse aequomst callidum.	and he has no idea what he's giving, what it costs him. This is his only thought: he wants to please, please his girl, please me, please the waiting-woman, please the men servants, please the maid servants, too: yes, the new lover makes up to my little dog, even, so that he may be glad to see him. This is the plain truth: every one ought to keep a sharp eye for the main chance.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Perdidici istaec esse vera damno cum magno meo.	I have thoroughly learned the truth of that, and a pretty penny it's cost me.
Cle.	Cle.
Si ecastor nunc habeas quod des, alia verba praehibeas; nunc quia nihil habes, maledictis te eam ductare postulas.	Tut, tut! If you had anything left to give us, your language would be different; now that you have nothing, you expect to get her by abuse.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Non meum est.	That's not my way.
Cle.	Cle.
190 Nec meum quidem edepol, ad te ut mittam gratiis. verum aetatis atque honoris gratia hoc fiet tui, quia nobis lucro fuisti potius quam decori tibi: si mihi dantur duo talenta argenti numerata in manum, hanc tibi noctem honoris causa gratiis dono dabo.	Nor mine, sir, to let you have her gratis—mercy, no! But, considering your youth and our high regard for you, this shall be done, seeing you have been more of an income to us than a credit to yourself: just hand me over (casually) four hundred pounds in cash and you shall have this evening with her, in token of said high regard, as a free gift from me.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quid si non est?	What if I haven't it?
Cle.	Cle.
Tibi non esse credam, illa alio ibit tamen.	(smiling, but firm) I'll give you credit—that you haven't it: the girl shall go to some one else, however.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ubi illaec quae dedi ante?	Where is what I gave you before?
Cle.	Cle.
Abusa. nam si ea durarent mihi, mulier mitteretur ad te, numquam quicquam poscerem. diem aquam solem lunam noctem, haec argento non emo: ceterum quae volumus uti Graeca mercamur fide.	Spent. Why, if it had lasted, you should have your lady, and not a thing would I be asking for. Daylight, water, sunlight, moonlight, darkness—for these things I have to pay no money: everything else we wish to use we purchase on Greek credit.
200 quom a pistore panem petimus, vinum ex oenopolio. si aes habent, dant mercem: eadem nos discipulina utimur. semper oculatae manus sunt nostrae, credunt quod vident. vetus est: "nihili coactiost"—scis cuius. non dico amplius.	When we go to the baker for bread, to the vintner for wine, their rule is commodities for cash: we use the same system ourselves. Our hands have eyes always: seeing is believing with them. As the old proverb has it: "There's no getting"—you know what. I say no more.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Aliam nunc mi orationem despoliato praedicas, longe aliam, inquam, praebes nunc atque olim, quom dabam, aliam atque olim, quom inliciebas me ad te blande ac benedice. tum mi aedes quoque arridebant, cum ad te veniebam, tuae; me unice unum ex omnibus te atque illam amare aibas mihi;	It's a different sort of eloquence you use on me now I've been fleeced, very different, I say, from that former sort when I was giving you things, different from that former sort when you were luring me on with your smooth, suave talk. Then your very house used to be wreathed in smiles, when I turned up. You used to say I was the one and only love in all the world for you and her.
ubi quid dederam, quasi columbae pulli in ore ambae meo 210 usque eratis, meo de studio studia erant vostra omnia, usque adhaerebatis: quod ego iusseram, quod volueram faciebatis, quod nolebam ac votueram, de industria fugiebatis, neque conari id facere audebatis prius. nunc neque quid velim neque nolim facitis magni, pessumae.	After I'd given you anything the both of you used to keep hanging on my lips like a pair of young doves. Whatever I fancied, you fancied, and nothing else. You used to keep clinging to me. I ordered a thing, wished a thing,—you used to do it: I disliked a thing, forbade a thing,—you used to take pains to avoid doing it: you didn't dare attempt to do it then. Now you don't care tuppence what I like, or don't like, you vile wretches!
Cle.	Cle.
Non tu scis? hic noster quaestus aucupi simillimust. auceps quando concinnavit aream, offundit cibum; aves adsuescunt: necesse est facere sumptum qui quaerit lucrum; saepe edunt: semel si sunt captae, rem solvent aucupi. 219, 220 itidem his apud nos: aedes nobis area est, auceps sum ego, esca est meretrix, lectus inlex est, amatores aves;	(still cheerfully superior) You miss the point? This profession of ours is a great deal like bird-catching. The fowler, when he has his fowling-floor prepared, spreads food around; the birds become familiarized: you must spend money, if you wish to make money. They often get a meal: but once they get caught they recoup the fowler. It is quite the same with us here: our house is the floor, I am the fowler, the girl the bait, the couch the decoy, the lovers the birds.
bene salutando consuescunt, compellando blanditer, osculando, oratione vinnula, venustula. si papillam pertractavit, haud est ab re aucupis; savium si sumpsit, sumere eum licet sine retibus. haecine te esse oblitum, in ludo qui fuisti tam diu?	They become familiar through pleasant greetings, pretty speeches, kisses, cooey, captivating little whispers. If he cuddles her close in his arms, well, no harm to the fowler. If he takes a naughty kind of kiss, he can be taken himself, and no net needed. You to forget all this, and so long in the school, too?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Tua ista culpa est, quae discipulum semidoctum abs te amoves.	It's your fault, if I have: you expelled your pupil when he was half taught.
Cle.	Cle.
Remeato audacter, mercedem si eris nactus; nunc abi.	Trot along back to us boldly, if you find the tuition fee: for the present run away. (turns to go in)
Argyr.	Argyr.
Mane, mane, audi. dic, quid me aequom censes pro illa tibi dare, annum hunc ne cum quiquam alio sit?	Wait, wait, listen! Tell me, what do you think I ought to give you to have her all to myself this next year?
Cle.	Cle.
230 Tene? viginti minas; atque ea lege: si alius ad me prius attulerit, tu vale.	(laughingly) What? You? (after a pause) Eighty pounds: yes, and on this condition—if some one else brings me the money before you do, good-bye to you. (again turning to go)
Argyr.	Argyr.
At ego est etiam prius quam abis quod volo loqui.	But there's something more I want to say before you go.
Cle.	Cle.
Dic quod lubet.	Say on, anything.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Non omnino iam perii, est relicuom quo peream magis. habeo unde istuc tibi quod poscis dem; sed in leges meas dabo, uti scire possis, perpetuom annum hunc mihi uti serviat nec quemquam interea alium admittat prorsus quam me ad se virum.	I'm not entirely ruined yet: there is a balance left for further ruin. I can give you what you ask. But I'll give it to you on my own terms, and here they are—she's to be at my disposal this whole next year through, and all that time not a single man but me is to come near her.
Cle.	Cle.
Quin, si tu voles, domi servi qui sunt castrabo viros. postremo ut voles nos esse, syngraphum facito adferas; ut voles, ut tibi lubebit, nobis legem imponito: 240 modo tecum una argentum adferto, facile patiar cetera. portitorum simillumae sunt ianuae lenoniae: si adfers, tum patent, si non est quod des, aedes non patent.	(cheerfully ironical) Why, if you choose, I'll change all the men servants in the house to maids. In short, bring along a contract stating how you wish us to behave. All you desire, all you like,—impose your own terms on us: only bring along the money, too; the rest is easy for me. Our doors are much like those of a custom house: pay your fee, and they are open: if you can't, they are—(going into house and closing the door in his face with a provoking laugh) not open.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Interii, si non invenio ego illas viginti minas, et profecto, nisi illud perdo argentum, pereundum est mihi. nunc pergam ad forum atque experiar opibus, omni copia, supplicabo, exobsecrabo ut quemque amicum videro, dignos indignos adire atque experiri certumst mihi,⁷ nam si mutuas non potero, certumst sumam faenore.	(drearily) It's all over with me, if I don't get hold of that eighty pounds: yes, one thing is sure, that money goes to pot, or else my life must. (a pause, then with animation) I'll off to the forum this moment and try to raise it by every means in my power: I'll entreat, ex-supplicate every friend I see. Good and bad—I'll up and try them all, I'm resolved on that: and if I can't get it as a friendly loan, I'm resolved to borrow it at usury. [exit Argyrippus.

ACTVS II	ACT II
	(A couple of hours have elapsed.) enter Libanus with worried air.
Lib.	Lib.
Hercle vero, Libane, nunc te meliust expergiscier 250 atque argento comparando fingere fallaciam. iam diu est factum quom discesti ab ero atque abiisti ad forum,⁸ (251) (253) ibi tu ad hoc diei tempus dormitasti in otio.	By gad, Libanus, you'd certainly better rouse yourself now and contrive some trick for collecting that cash. It's a long time since you left your master and hied yourself to the forum, to loaf and snooze away there till this time of day.
quin tu abs te socordiam omnem reice et segnitiem amove atque ad ingenium vetus versutum te recipis tuom serva erum, cave tu idem faxis alii quod servi solent, qui ad eri fraudationem callidum ingenium gerunt.	Come on, shake off all this dull sloth, away with sluggishness, yes, and get back that old gift of guile of yours! Save your master: mind you don't do the same as other servants that use their wily wits to gull him.
unde sumam? quem intervortam? quo hanc celocem conferam? impetritum, inauguratumst quovis admittunt aves, 260 picus et cornix ab laeva, corvos parra ab dextera consuadent; certum herclest vostram consequi sententiam	(pause) Where shall I get it? Who shall I swindle? Where shall I steer this cutter? (looking upwards, then jubilantly) I've got my auspices, my auguries: the birds let me steer it where I please! Woodpecker and crow on the left, raven and barn owl on the right. "Go ahead," they say! By Jove, I'll follow your advice, I certainly will.
sed quid hoc, quod picus ulmum tundit? non temerariumst. certe hercle ego quantum ex augurio eius pici intellego, aut mihi in mundo sunt virgae aut atriensi Saureae sed quid illuc quod exanimatus currit huc Leonida? metuo quom illic obscaevavit meae falsae fallaciae.	(looking upward again) What's this, though,—the woodpecker tapping an elm?^C That's not for nothing! Lord! So far as I understand the omen of this woodpecker, that certainly means there are rods in pickle for me, or for steward Saurea. (looking down street) But what's wrong—Leonida running up here all out of breath? I'm afraid now that the bird there has predicted trouble for my artful arts.

II. 2.	Scene 2.
	enter Leonida in great excitement, without seeing Libanus.
Leon.	Leon.
Ubi ego nunc Libanum requiram aut familiarem filium, ut ego illos lubentiores faciam quam Lubentiast? maximam praedam et triumphum eis adfero adventu meo 270 quando mecum pariter potant, pariter scortari solent, hanc quidem, quam nactus, praedam pariter cum illis partiam.	Where shall I look for Libanus now, or young master, so that I can make them more delighted than Delight herself? Oh, the mighty prize and triumph my coming confers on 'em! Seeing they guzzle along with me, and chase the girls along with me, I'll certainly go shares in this prize I've got along with them.
Lib.	Lib.
Illic homo aedis compilavit, more si fecit suo. vae illi, qui tam indiligenter observavit ianuam.	(aside) The fellow's been robbing a house if he's acted naturally. Lord help the poor devil that minded the door so carelessly!
Leon.	Leon.
Aetatem velim servire, Libanum ut conveniam modo.	I'd be willing to slave it all my life, only let me meet Libanus.
Lib.	Lib.
Mea quidem hercle opera liber numquam fies ocius.	(aside) By Jove, you'll never be free a minute sooner for any help you get from me.
Leon.	Leon.
Etiam de tergo ducentas plagas praegnatis dabo.	I'll even give two hundred swollen welts from off my back to see him.
Lib.	Lib.
Largitur peculium, omnem in tergo thensaurum gerit.	(aside) He's generous with what he has: carries all his coffers on his back.
Leon.	Leon.
Nam si huic sese occasioni tempus supterduxerit, numquam edepol quadrigis albis indipiscet postea; 280 erum in obsidione linquet, inimicum animos auxerit. sed si mecum occasionem opprimere hanc, quae obvenit, studet, maximas opimitates, gaudio exfertissimas suis eris ille una mecum pariet, gnatoque et patri, adeo ut aetatem ambo ambobus nobis sint obnoxii, nostro devincti beneficio.	For if this chance is let slide, he'll never catch it again, by Jove, not with a chariot and four, white^D horses. He'll be leaving his master under siege and increasing the courage of his enemies. But if he's ready to take part with me and pounce on this opportunity that's turned up, he'll be my partner in hatching the biggest, joy-stuffedest jubilee that ever was for his masters, son and father both, yes, and put the pair of 'em under obligations to the pair of us for life, too, chained tight by our services.
Lib.	Lib.
Vinctos nescio quos ait; non placet: metuo, in commune ne quam fraudem frausus sit.	(aside) Chained, he says: some one or other chained! I don't like it. I'm afraid he's been trumping up some trumpery that'll involve the both of us.
Leon.	Leon.
Perii ego oppido, nisi Libanum invenio iam, ubiubi est gentium.	(quivering with excitement) I'm absolutely done for, if I don't find Libanus at once, wherever he is.
Lib.	Lib.
Illic homo socium ad malam rem quaerit quem adiungat sibi. non placet: pro monstro extemplo est, quando qui sudat tremit.	That chap's after a mate to yoke with in a race for a thrashing. I don't like it! it means something bad soon, when a man in a sweat shivers.
Leon.	Leon.
290 Sed quid ego his properans concesso pedibus. lingua largior? quin ego hanc iubeo tacere, quae loquens lacerat diem?	But why am I holding in my feet and letting out my tongue, and I in such a hurry? Why don't I tell it to shut up, with its wagging the day to shreds?
Lib.	Lib.
Edepol hominem infelicem, qui patronam conprimat. nam si quid sceleste fecit, lingua pro illo perierat.	(aside) Good Lord! Poor devil—choking off his patroness! Why, once he's been up to some rascality, it's that same tongue perjures herself for him.
Leon.	Leon.
Adproperabo, ne post tempus praedae praesidium parem.	I'll cut along, so as not to procure protection for the prize when it's too late. (moves away)
Lib.	Lib.
Quae illaec praeda est? ibo advorsum atque electabo, quidquid est. iubeo te salvere voce summa, quo ad vires valent.	What's that prize? I'll up and worm it out of him, whatever it is. (aloud) Good day to you—(raising his voice, Leonida having paid no attention) as loud a one as my lungs allow!
Leon.	Leon.
Gymnasium flagri, salveto.	Ah there, (turning and stopping) you whip developer!
Lib.	Lib.
Quid agis, custos carceris?	How goes it, gaol guard?
Leon.	Leon.
O catenarum colone.	Oh you fetter farmer.
Lib.	Lib.
O virgarum lascivia.	Oh you rod tickler!
Leon.	Leon.
Quot pondo ted esse censes nudum?	How much do you think you weigh, stripped?
Lib.	Lib.
Non edepol scio.	Lord! I don't know.
Leon.	Leon.
300 Scibam ego te nescire, at pol ego, qui ted expendi, scio: nudus vinctus centum pondo es, quando pendes per pedes.	I knew you didn't know: but by the Lord, I know for I've weighed you. Stripped and tied you weigh a hundred pounds—when you're hanging by your heels.
Lib.	Lib.
Quo argumento istuc?	What's your proof of that?
Leon.	Leon.
Ego dicam, quo argumento et quo modo. ad pedes quando adligatumst aequom centumpondium, ubi manus manicae complexae sunt atque adductae ad trabem, nec dependes nec propendes—quin malus nequamque sis.	I'll tell you my proof and my method. When a fair hundred- weight is fastened to your feet, with the handcuffs hugging your hands lashed to a beam, you're not a bit under or over the weight of—a good-for-nothing rascal.
Lib.	Lib.
Vae tibi.	You be damned!
Leon.	Leon.
Hoc testamento Servitus legat tibi.	Precisely what you are down for yourself in Slavery's will.
Lib.	Lib.
Verbivelitationem fieri compendi volo. quid istud est negoti?	Let's cut short this war of words. What's that business of yours?
Leon.	Leon.
Certum est credere,	I've determined to trust you.
Lib.	Lib.
Audacter licet.	You can—boldly.
Leon.	Leon.
Sis amanti subvenire familiari filio, 310 tantum adest boni inproviso, verum commixtum malo: omnes de nobis carnificum concelebrabuntur dies. Libane, nunc audacia usust nobis inventa et dolis. tantum facinus modo inveni ego, ut nos dicamur duo omnium dignissumi esse, quo cruciatus confluant,	If you've got a mind to help the young master in his love affair, there's such an unexpected supply of good luck come to hand—mixed with bad, though—that the public torturers will have a regular festival at our expense every day. Libanus, now we need grit and guile. I've just now come upon such a deed for us to do, that we two will be called the worthiest men alive—to be where the torture's thickest.
Lib.	Lib.
Ergo mirabar quod dudum scapulae gestibant mihi, hariolari quae occeperunt, sibi esse in mundo malum. quidquid est, eloquere.	(dryly) Aha! I was wondering what made my shoulders tingle a while ago: they began prognosticating trouble was in pickle for 'em. Whatever it is, out with it!
Leon.	Leon.
Magna est praeda cum magno malo.	It's a big prize and a big risk.
Lib.	Lib.
Si quidem omnes coniurati cruciamenta conferant, habeo opinor familiare tergum, ne quaeram foris.	No matter if they all combine to pile the torments on, I fancy I've got a back of my own, without having to look for one outside.
Leon.	Leon.
320 Si istam firmitudinem animi optines, salvi sumus.	That's the spirit, hold to it and we're safe.
Lib.	Lib.
Quin si tergo res solvenda est, rapere cupio publicum: pernegabo atque obdurabo, periurabo denique.	Pooh! if it's my back that is to pay the score, I'm ripe for sacking the Treasury: then I'll say up and down I didn't, stick to it I didn't, yes, yes, take my solemn oath I didn't.
Leon.	Leon.
Em ista virtus est, quando usust qui malum fert fortiter; fortiter malum qui patitur, idem post potitur bonum.	There! That's courage—to take hard knocks like a man when occasion calls. The chap that endures hard knocks like a man enjoys a soft time later on.
Lib.	Lib.
Quin rem actutum edisseris? cupio malum nanciscier.	Why don't you hurry up and unfold your tale? I long for some hard knocks.
Leon.	Leon.
Placide ergo unum quidquid rogita, ut adquiescam. non vides me ex cursura anhelitum etiam ducere?	Easy then with each question, so that I can get a rest. Don't you see I'm still puffing after that run of mine?
Lib.	Lib.
Age, age, mansero tuo arbitratu, vel adeo usque dum peris.	All right, all right, I'll wait till you're ready, yes, ready to expire, for that matter.
Leon.	Leon.
Ubinam est erus?	(after a pause) Where the deuce is master?
Lib.	Lib.
Maior apud forumst, minor hic est intus.	Old one's at the forum, young one's inside here. (pointing to Clearetas house)
Leon.	Leon.
Iam satis est mihi.	That'll do! I'm satisfied.
Lib.	Lib.
Tum igitur tu dives es factus?	Satisfied? So you're a millionaire already, are you?
Leon.	Leon.
330 Mitte ridicularia.	Don't try to be funny.
Lib.	Lib.
Mitto.⁹ istuc quod adfers aures exspectant meae.	I won't. (grandly) My ears await your tidings.
Leon.	Leon.
Animum adverte, ut aeque mecum haec scias.	Listen here, and you'll know about things as well as I do.
Lib.	Lib.
Taceo.	I'm dumb.
Leon.	Leon.
Beas. meministin asinos Arcadicos mercatori Pellaeo nostrum vendere atriensem?	(ironically) Oh, bliss! Do you remember those Arcadian asses our steward sold to the merchant from Pella?
Lib.	Lib.
Memini. quid tum postea?	I do. Well, what next?
Leon.	Leon.
Em ergo is argentum huc remisit, quod daretur Saureae pro asinis. adulescens venit modo, qui id argentum attulit.	Now then! He's sent the money for 'em, to be paid to Saurea. A young chap's just arrived with it.
Lib.	Lib.
Ubi is homost?	(with a start) Where is he?
Leon.	Leon.
Iam devorandum censes, si conspexeris?	Think he ought to be swallowed down the minute you spy him, eh?
Lib.	Lib.
Ita enim vero. sed tamen, tu nempe eos asinos praedicas 340 vetulos, claudos, quibus subtritae ad femina iam erant ungulae?	Aye, that I do! But let me see, of course you mean those poor old lame asses with their hoofs worn away up to their hocks?
Leon.	Leon.
Ipsos, qui tibi subvectabant rure hue virgas ulmeas.	Precisely! the ones that used to come down from the farm with loads of elm rods for you.
Lib.	Lib.
Teneo, atque idem te hinc vexerunt vinctum rus.	I have you: yes, the same ones that carried you off to the farm in fetters.
Lib.	Lib.
Memor es probe, verum in tonstrina ut sedebam, me infit percontarier, ecquem filium Stratonis noverim Demaenetum. dico me novisse extemplo et me eius servom praedico esse, et aedis demonstravi nostras.	Remarkable memory, yours! However, when I was in the barber's chair he speaks up and asks me if I know a Demaenetus, the son of Strato. I say yes at once, and declare that I'm his servant, and I told him where our house was.
Lib.	Lib.
Quid tum postea?	Well, what next?
Leon.	Leon.
Ait se ob asinos ferre argentum atriensi Saureae, viginti minas, sed eum sese non nosse hominem qui siet, ipsum vero se novisse callide Demaenetum. quoniam ille elocutus haec sic—	He says he's bringing money for the asses to steward Saurea, eighty pounds; but that he doesn't know the man at all: says he knows Demaenetus himself well, though. After he had given me an account of things this way—
Lib.	Lib.
Quid tum?	What next?
Leon.	Leon.
350 Ausculta ergo, scies. extemplo facio facetum me atque magnificum virum, dico med esse atriensem. sic hoc respondit mihi: "ego pol Sauream non novi neque qua facie sit scio. te non aequomst suscensere. si erum vis Demaenetum, quem ego novi, adduce: argentum non morabor quin feras."	Well, listen and you'll find out. Instantly I pose as a fine, superior sort of creature and tell him I am the steward. Here's the way he answered me: "Well, well," says he, "I am not acquainted with Saurea personally and I don't know what he looks like. You have no reason to take offence. Bring along your master Demaenetus whom I do know, if you please: I'll let you have the money without delay."
ego me dixi erum adducturum et me domi praesto fore; ille in balineas iturust, inde huc veniet postea. quid nunc consili captandum censes? dic.	I told him I would bring my master and be at home waiting for him. He's going to the baths: then he'll be here later. What do you propose now for a plan of campaign? Tell me.
Lib.	Lib.
Em istuc ago, quo modo argento intervortam et adventorem et Sauream. iam hoc opus est exasciato¹⁰; nam si ille argentum prius 360 hospes huc affert, continuo nos ambo exclusi sumus. nam me hodie senex seduxit solum sorsum ab aedibus, mihi tibique interminatust nos futuros ulmeos, ni hodie Argyrippo essent viginti argenti minae;	(thinking) That's the point! Just what I'm casting about for—some way to relieve newcomer and Saurea of the cash. We must have our scheme roughed out at once; for let that stranger fetch his money before we're ready and the next minute we're both shut out of it. You see, the old man took me aside out of the house to-day all by myself: swore he'd made the pair of us perfectly elmy, if eighty pounds was not forthcoming for Argyrippus this very day.
iussit vel nos atriensem vel nos uxorem suam defraudare, dixit sese operam promiscam dare. nunc tu abi ad forum ad erum et narra haec ut nos acturi sumus: te ex Leonida futurum esse atriensem Sauream, dum argentum afferat mercator pro asinis.	He gave us orders to do the steward out of it, or else his wife: said he'd stand by us whichever it was. Now you be off to the forum to master and tell him what our game will be: that you are going to change from Leonida to steward Saurea when the trader brings the money for the asses.
Leon.	Leon.
Faciam ut iubes.	I'll do as you say. (moves off)
Lib.	Lib.
370 Ego illum interea hic oblectabo, prius si forte advenerit.	I'll entertain him here myself meanwhile, if he happens to come before you do.
Leon.	Leon.
Quid ais?	(halting) I say.
Lib.	Lib.
Quid vis?	What do you want?
Leon.	Leon.
Pugno malam si tibi percussero, mox cum Sauream imitabor, caveto ne suscenseas.	(gravely) In case I punch your jaw for you later on when I'm imitating Saurea, take care you don't get angry.
Lib.	Lib.
Hercle vero tu cavebis ne me attingas, si sapis, ne hodie malo cum auspicio nomen commutaveris.	By gad, you'd just better take care yourself not to touch me, if you know what's what, or you'll find you've picked an unlucky day for changing your name.
Leon.	Leon.
Quaeso, aequo animo patitor.	Come, come, put up with it patiently.
Lib.	Lib.
Patitor tu item, cum ego te referiam.	Yes, and you put up with it when I hit you back.
Leon.	Leon.
Dico ut usust fieri.	I'm telling how it's got to be done.
Lib.	Lib.
Dico hercle ego quoque ut facturus sum.	And by the Lord, I'm telling how I'm going to do it.
Leon.	Leon.
Ne nega.	Don't refuse.
Lib.	Lib.
Quin promitto, inquam, hostire contra ut merueris.	Oh, I agree, I agree—to pay you back all you earn.
Leon.	Leon.
Ego abeo, tu iam, scio, patiere. sed quis hic est? is est, ille est ipsus. iam ego recurro huc. tu hunc interea his tene. volo seni narrare.	(turning to go) I'm off: you'll put up with it now, I know you will. (looking down street) Hullo! Who's this! It's he, the very man! I'll hurry back here soon! You keep him here while I'm gone. I must tell the old man. (stops to look again)
Lib.	Lib.
380 Quin tuom officium facis ergo ac fugis?	(sneeringly) Why don't you play your part then, and—run away? [exit Leonida.

II. 3.	Scene 3.
	enter Trader, with servant.
Merc.	Trader
Ut demonstratae sunt mihi, hasce aedis esse oportet, Demaenetus ubi dicitur habitare. i, puere, pulta atque atriensem Sauream, si est intus, evocato huc.	(looking at house of Demaenetus) According to directions, this must be the house where they say Demaenetus lives. (to servant) Go knock, my lad, and if steward Saurea is in there, call him out. (servant goes toward house)
Lib.	Lib.
Quis nostras sic frangit fores? ohe, inquam, si quid audis.	(stepping forward) Who's that battering our door so? Whoa there, I say—if you're not deaf!
Merc.	Trader
Nemo etiam tetigit. sanun es?	No one has touched it yet. Are you in your senses?
Lib.	Lib.
At censebam attigisse propterea, huc quia habebas iter. nolo ego fores conservas meas a te verberarier. sane ego sum amicus nostris.	Well, I was thinking you had touched it, seeing you were making this way. I don't want you to beat that door—it's a fellow servant of mine. I tell you what, I love my fellow servants.
Merc.	Trader
Pol haud periclum est, cardines ne foribus effringantur, si istoc exemplo omnibus qui quaerunt respondebis.	Gad! No danger of the door being battered off its hinges, if you answer all callers in that style.
Lib.	Lib.
390 Ita haec morata est ianua: extemplo ianitorem clamat, procul si quem videt ire ad se calcitronem. sed quid venis? quid quaeritas?	Here's the way this door has been trained: once it sights some bully in the distance coming towards it, it bawls for the porter directly. But what's your business? What are you after?
Merc.	Trader
Demaenetum volebam.	I wished to see Demaenetus.
Lib.	Lib.
Si sit domi, dicam tibi.	If he was at home, I'd tell you.
Merc.	Trader
Quid eius atriensis?	What about his steward?
Lib.	Lib.
Nihilo mage intus est.	No, he's not in, either.
Merc.	Trader
Ubi est?	Where is he?
Lib.	Lib.
Ad tonsorem ire dixit.	Said he was going to the barber's.
Merc.	Trader
Conveni. sed post non redit?	I met him. But he has not been back since?
Lib.	Lib.
Non edepol. quid volebas?	Lord, no! What did you want?
Merc.	Trader
Argenti viginti minas, si adesset, accepisset.	He would have got eighty pounds, if he was here.
Lib.	Lib.
Qui pro istuc?	What for?
Merc.	Trader
Asinos vendidit Pellaeo mercatori mercatu.	He sold some asses at the market to a trader from Pella.
Lib.	Lib.
Scio. tu id nunc refers? iam hic credo eum adfuturum.	I know. Bringing the cash now, are you? He'll be here soon, I, fancy.
Merc.	Trader
Qua facie voster Saurea est? si is est, iam scire potero.	What does your Saurea look like? (aside) Now I can find out if that fellow is my man.
Lib.	Lib.
Macilentis malis, rufulus aliquantum, ventriosus, 400 truculentis oculis, commoda statura, tristi fronte.	(reflectively) Lantern-jawed— reddish hair— pot-bellied— savage eyes— average height— and a scowl.
Merc.	Trader
Non potuit pictor rectius describere eius formam.	(aside) No painter could give me a more living likeness of that fellow.
Lib.	Lib.
Atque hercle ipsum adeo contuor, quassanti capite incedit. quisque obviam huic occesserit irato, vapulabit.	(looking down street) Yes, and what's more, he's in sight himself, by gad,—swaggering along and shaking his head! Anyone that crosses his path when he's angry gets thrashed.
Merc.	Trader
Siquidem hercle Aeacidinis minis animisque expletus incedit, si med iratus tetigerit, iratus vapulabit.	Good Lord! No matter if he swaggers along as full of fire and fury as Achilles—if your angry man lays a hand on me, it's your angry man gets thrashed.

II. 4.	Scene 4.
enter Leonida, apparently in a rage.
Leon.	Leon.
Quid hoc sit negoti, neminem meum dictum magni facere? Libanum in tonstrinam ut iusseram venire, is nullus venit. ne ille edepol tergo et cruribus consuluit haud decore.	What does this mean? Does no one mind what I say? I told Libanus to come to the barber's shop, and he never came at all. By the Lord, he hasn't given due thought to the welfare of his hide and shanks, that's a fact!
Merc.	Trader
Nimis imperiosust.	(aside) A precious domineering chap!
Lib.	Lib.
Vae mihi.	(affecting terror) Oh, I'm in for it!
Leon.	Leon.
410 Hodie salvere iussi Libanum libertum? iam manu emissu's?	(to Libanus ironically) Ah, greetings to Libanus the freedman, is it, to-day? Have you been manumitted now? (advancing)
Lib.	Lib.
Obsecro te.	(cowering) Please, please, sir!
Leon.	Leon.
Ne tu hercle cum magno malo mihi obviam occessisti. cur non venisti, ut iusseram, in tonstrinam?	By heaven, I'll certainly give you good reason to regret crossing my path. Why didn't you come to the barber's, as I ordered?
Lib.	Lib.
Hic me moratust.	(pointing to trader) This gentleman delayed me.
Leon.	Leon.
Siquidem hercle nunc summum Iovem te dicas detinuisse atque is precator adsiet, malam rem effugies numquam. tu, verbero, imperium meum contempsisti?	(without looking at trader) Damme! You can go on and say Jove Almighty detained you, yes, and he can come here and plead your case, but you shall never escape a flogging. You scorned my authority, you whipping post?
Lib.	Lib.
Perii, hospes.	(running behind trader) Oh kind stranger, I'm a dead man!
Merc.	Trader
Quaeso hercle noli, Saurea, mea causa hunc verberare.	By Jove, Saurea! Now, now, don't flog him, for my sake!
Leon.	Leon.
Utinam nunc stimulus in manu mihi sit.	(paying no attention) Oh, if I could only get hold of an ox goad now!
Merc.	Trader
Quiesce quaeso.	Now, now, calm down.
Leon.	Leon.
Qui latera conteram tua, quae occalluere plagis. 420 abscede ac sine me hunc perdere, qui semper me ira incendit, cui numquam unam rem me licet semel praecipere furi, quin centiens eadem imperem atque ogganniam, itaque iam hercle	So as to stave in those ribs of yours that have grown callous to blows! (to trader) Out of my way, and let me murder the rascal that always sets me afire with rage, that never lets one order from me suffice for one job, the criminal, but keeps me commanding and growling the same thing a hundred times over. Good Lord, it's come to the point where I can't stand the work, what with yelling and storming at him!
clamore ac stomacho non queo labori suppeditare. iussin, sceleste, ab ianua hoc stercus hinc auferri? iussin columnis deici operas araneorum? iussin in splendorem dari bullas has foribus nostris?	Didn't I tell you to carry off this dung from the doorway, you villain? Didn't I tell you to clean the spiders' webs off the columns? Didn't I tell you to rub these door knobs till they shone?
nihil est: tamquam si claudus sim, cum fustist ambulandum. quia triduom hoc unum modo foro operam adsiduam dedo, dum reperiam qui quaeritet argentum in faenus, hic vos 430 dormitis interea domi, atque erus in hara, haud aedibus habitat, em ergo hoc tibi.	It's no good: anyone would think I was lame, the way I have to travel around after you with a cane. Because I've been constantly busy at the forum just for the last three days, trying to find some one to place a loan with, here you've been drowsing all the time at home, and your master living in a pig-pen, not a house. There now, take that! (strikes him)
Lib.	Lib.
Hospes, te obsecro, defende.	Kind stranger! For heaven's sake protect me!
Merc.	Trader
Saurea, oro, mea causa ut mittas.	Come, Saurea, do let him off for my sake.
Leon.	Leon.
Eho, ecquis pro vectura olivi rem solvit?	(to Libanus) Hey, you! Did anyone pay for the shipping of that oil?
Lib.	Lib.
Solvit.	Yes, sir.
Leon.	Leon.
Cui datumst?	Who to?
Lib.	Lib.
Sticho vicario ipsi tuo.	To Stichus himself, sir, your own deputy.
Leon.	Leon.
Vah, delenire apparas, scio mihi vicarium esse, neque eo esse servom in aedibus eri qui sit pluris quam illest. sed vina quae heri vendidi vinario Exaerambo, iam pro eis satis fecit Sticho?	Hm-m! trying to smooth me down! To be sure I have a deputy, and there's not a slave in the master's house that is a more valuable man than that deputy, either. But how about the wine I sold to Exaerambus the vintner yesterday—has he settled with Stichus for it yet?
Lib.	Lib.
Fecisse satis opinor, nam vidi huc ipsum adducere trapezitam Exaerambum.	I reckon he has, sir: for I saw Exaerambus bringing the banker here himself.
Leon.	Leon.
Sic dedero. prius quae credidi vix anno post exegi; nunc satagit: adducit domum etiam ultro et scribit nummos. 440 Dromo mercedem rettulit?	That's the style for me! Last time I trusted him I barely got the money out of him a year afterwards. Now he pays his bills: even brings his banker over to the house besides, and writes his cheque. Has Dromo brought home his wages?
Lib.	Lib.
Dimidio minus opinor.	Only half, I think.
Leon.	Leon.
Quid relicuom?	And the rest?
Lib.	Lib.
Aibat reddere quom extemplo redditum esset; nam retineri, ut quod sit sibi operis locatum efficeret.	He said he'd give it to you as soon as it was given to him; claimed it was kept back so that he'd finish up a job that was placed with him.
Leon.	Leon.
Scyphos quos utendos dedi Philodamo, rettulitne?	Those cups that I lent Philodamus—has he returned 'em?
Lib.	Lib.
Non etiam.	Not yet.
Leon.	Leon.
Hem non? si velis, da,¹¹ commoda homini amico.	Hey? No? (sourly) Give things away, if you like,—give 'em to a friend on loan.
Merc.	Trader
Perii hercle, iam his me abegerit suo odio.	(half aside, wearily) Oh, the devil! The fellow will be driving me off before long with his confounded talk.
Lib.	Lib.
Heus iam satis tu. audin quae loquitur?	(aside to Leonida) Hi, you! That's enough now! D'ye hear what he says?
Leon.	Leon.
Audio et quiesco.	(aside to Libanus) I hear; I'll calm down.
Merc.	Trader
Tandem, opinor, conticuit. nunc adeam optimum est, prius quam incipit tinnire. quam mox mi operam das?	(aside) Silent at last, I do believe. Best approach him now before he begins to rattle on again. (aloud to Leonida) How soon can you give me your attention?
Leon.	Leon.
Ehem, optume. quam dudum tu advenisti? 450 non hercle te provideram—quaeso ne vitio vortas— ita iracundia obstitit oculis.	(looking at him and affecting surprise) Aha! Splendid! How long have you been here? Well, well, I hadn't noticed you before! I trust you won't feel offended. I was so angry that it affected my eyesight.
Merc.	Trader
Non mirum factum est. sed si domi est, Demaenetum volebam.	Nothing strange in that. But I wished to see Demaenetus, if he is at home.
Leon.	Leon.
Negat esse intus. verum istuc argentum tamen mihi si vis denumerare, repromittam istoc nomine solutam rem futuram.	He (indicating Libanus) says he's not in. But as to that money, though,—count it out to me, if you like, and then I'll engage that your account with us is settled.
Merc.	Trader
Sic potius, ut Demaeneto tibi ero praesente reddam.	I should prefer to make the payment in the presence of your master Demaenetus.
Lib.	Lib.
Erus istunc novit atque erum hic.	(protestingly) Oh, master knows him and he knows master.
Merc.	Trader
Ero huic praesente reddam.	(firmly) I shall pay him in his master's presence.
Lib.	Lib.
Da modo meo periculo, rem salvam ego exhibebo; nam si sciat noster senex fidem non esse huic habitam, suscenseat, quoi omnium rerum ipsus semper credit.	Oh now, give it to him, at my risk: I'll make it all right. Why, if our old man knew Saurea here was doubted, he'd be furious: he always trusts him with everything himself.
Leon.	Leon.
460 Non magni pendo. ne duit, si non volt, sic sine astet.	(very superior) It's of no importance. He can keep it, if he wants. Let him stand by with it there.
Lib.	Lib.
Da, inquam. vah, formido miser, ne hic me tibi arbitretur suasisse, sibi ne crederes. da, quaeso, ac ne formida: salvom hercle erit.	(aside to trader) I say, do give it to him. Oh dear, this is awful! I'm afraid he'll think I persuaded you not to trust him. Give it to him, for mercy's sake, and don't be afraid. Good Lord, it'll be all right!
Merc.	Trader
Credam fore, dum quidem ipse in manu habebo. peregrinus ego sum, Sauream non novi.	I trust it will be, so long as I keep hold of it myself, anyway. I am a stranger here: I don't know Saurea.
Lib.	Lib.
At nosce sane.	(pointing to Leonida) Well, just make his acquaintance, then.
Merc.	Trader
Sit, non sit, non edepol scio. si is est, eum esse oportet. ego certe me incerto scio hoc daturum nemini homini.	Whether he is the man or not, I don't know, by gad. If he is, he is, of course. I certainly do know that when I am uncertain I give this (showing a wallet) to nobody on earth.
Leon.	Leon.
Hercle istum di omnes perduint. verbo cave supplicassis. ferox est viginti minas meas tractare sese. nemo accipit aufer te domum, abscede hinc, molestus ne sis.	Be damned to the fellow! (to Libanus) Not a word of entreaty, you! He's puffed up at having the handling of my eighty pounds. (to trader) No one will take it! Home with you! Away with you! Don't bother me!
Merc.	Trader
470 Nimis iracunde. non decet superbum esse hominem servom.	(scoffingly) Quite in a pet! The idea of a mere slave being arrogant!
Leon.	Leon.
Malo hercle iam magno tuo, ni isti nec recte dicis.	(to Libanus) By heaven, you'll soon pay dear for it, if you don't abuse him!
Lib.	Lib.
Impure, nihili. non vides irasci?	(loudly to trader) You dirty thing, you, you good for nothing! (in lower tone) Don't you see he's angry?
Leon.	Leon.
Perge porro.	(to Libanus) Go on, get at him!
Lib.	Lib.
Flagitum hominis. da, obsecro, argentum huic, ne male loquatur.	(loudly) You scandal of a man! (in lower tone) Do give him the money, for heaven's sake, so that he won't call you bad names.
Merc.	Trader
Malum hercle vobis quaeritis.	Gad! It's a bad time you two are looking for.
Leon.	Leon.
Crura hercle diffringentur, ni istum impudicum percies.	(to Libanus) By the Lord, your legs shall be broken to splinters, if you don't give that shameless rascal a blowing up.
Lib.	Lib.
Perii hercle. age impudice, sceleste, non audes mihi scelesto subvenire?	(to trader in low tone) Oh Lord! I'm in for it! (loudly) Come, you shameless rascal, you wretch, won't you help me, poor wretch that I am?
Leon.	Leon.
Pergin precari pessimo?	(to Libanus) Continuing to coax that criminal, are you?
Merc.	Trader
Quae res? tun libero homini male servos loquere?	(getting indignant) How is this? You dare to abuse a free man, you, you slave?
Leon.	Leon.
Vapula.	You be thrashed!
Merc.	Trader
Id quidem tibi hercle fiet, ut vapules, Demaenetum simulae conspexero hodie.¹² 479	Be thrashed? Precisely what will be done to you, by gad, the moment I set eyes on Demaenetus to-day!
Leon.	Leon.
484-485 Quid, verbero? ain tu, furcifer? erum nos fugitare censes? ei nunciam ad erum, quo vocas, iam dudum quo volebas.	What, you whipping post? So, you gallows-bird? D'ye think we skulk from our master? On with you straight to the master you summon us to, the master you've wanted to see this long time past. (goes toward forum)
Merc.	Trader
Nunc demum? tamen numquam hinc feres argenti nummum, nisi me dare iusserit Demaenetus.	At last, eh? But never a penny do you get from me, unless I am instructed to give it to you by Demaenetus.
Leon.	Leon.
Ita facito, age ambula ergo. tu contumeliam alteri facias, tibi non dicatur? tam ego homo sum quam tu.	All right, all right! Come, step along, then! Do you want to insult another man and not get it back? I'm as much of a man as you are!
Merc.	Trader
Scilicet. ita res est.	No doubt. Quite so.
Leon.	Leon.
490 Sequere hac ergo praefiscini hoc nunc dixerim: nemo etiam me accusavit merito meo, neque me alter est Athenis hodie quisquam, cui credi recte aeque putent.	Come along this way, then. (stops) If I may say so without presumption, let me tell you this now: no one has ever yet accused me justly, and there's not a single other man in all Athens that people think worthy of such confidence as me, either.
Merc.	Trader
Fortassis. sed tamen me numquam hodie induces, ut tibi credam hoc argentum ignoto. lupus est homo homini, non homo, quom qualis sit non novit.	I dare say. But notwithstanding, never will you induce me to-day to trust this money to you, a stranger, (somewhat apologetically) "Man is no man, but a wolf, to a stranger."
Leon.	Leon.
Iam nunc secunda mihi facis. scibam huic te capitulo hodie. facturum satis pro iniuria; quamquam ego sum sordidatus, frugi tamen sum, nec potest peculium enumerari.	(encouraged) Now there, that's decent of you! I knew you'd soon be making amends to a good fellow for doing him an injustice. No matter if I do look shabby, I'm an honest man just the same, and as for the cash I've laid by—it can't be counted.
Merc.	Trader
Fortasse.	(sceptically) I dare say.
Leon.	Leon.
Etiam¹³ Periphanes Rhodo mercator dives 500 absente ero solus mihi talentum argenti soli adnumeravit et mihi credidit, nequest deceptus in eo.	Even Periphanes, the rich trader from Rhodes, counted out two hundred pounds to me when master was away and we were all by ourselves,—he trusted me, and he wasn't deceived in doing so, either.
Merc.	Trader
Fortasse.	I dare say.
Leon.	Leon.
Atque etiam tu quoque ipse. si esses percontatus me ex aliis, scio pol crederes nunc quod fers.	Yes, and even you yourself, too, if you had only inquired from others about me, I know you would trust me with what you've got there, good Lord, yes!
Merc.	Trader
Haud negassim.	(icily) I should be sorry to deny it. (motions Leonida to lead the way to Demaenetus) [exeunt the three to the forum, Leonida ireful.

ACTVS III	ACT III
	(Half an hour has elapsed.) enter Cleareta and Philaenium from their house.
Cle.	Cle.
Nequeon ego ted interdictis facere mansuetem meis? an ita tu es animata, ut qui matris expers imperio sies?	Have I no power to make you submit when I prohibit a thing? Can it be that you feel inclined to rid yourself of your mother's authority?
Phil.	Phil.
Ubi piem Pietatem, si istoc more moratam tibi postulem placere, mater, mihi quo pacto praecipis?¹⁴ (507)	How should I be showing myself duteous to Filial Duty, mother, if I tried to please you by practising such practices and doing as you prescribe?
Cle.	Cle.
(509) Hocine est pietatem colere. matris imperium minuere?	Is this regarding filial duty, to lessen a mother's authority?
Phil.	Phil.
510 Neque quae recte faciunt culpo neque quae delinquont amo.	I don't find fault with mothers that do right, and I don't like ones that do wrong.
Cle.	Cle.
Satis dicacula es amatrix.	A glib enough little hussy!
Phil.	Phil.
Mater, is quaestus mihi est: lingua poscit, corpus quaerit; animus orat, res monet.	(lightly) All in my profession, mother: tongue asks, body teases; fancy prompts, circumstances suggest.
Cle.	Cle.
Ego te volui castigare, tu mi accusatrix ades.	I intended to scold you, and here you are turning on me!
Phil.	Phil.
Neque edepol te accuso neque id me facere fas existimo. verum ego meas queror fortunas, cum illo quem amo prohibeor.	Oh, no! I'm not turning on you: I don't think that would be right. But I do think it's a cruel fate to be kept away from the man I love.
Cle.	Cle.
Ecqua pars orationis de die dabitur mihi?	Am I to get some share of the speechmaking before nightfall?
Phil.	Phil.
Et meam partem loquendi et tuam trado tibi; ad loquendum atque ad tacendum tute habeas portisculum. quin pol si reposivi remum, sola ego in casteria 520 ubi quiesco, omnis familiae causa consistit tibi.	I give you my share and your own, too: you can be boatswain yourself and give the signal for talking and keeping still. But goodness me, if I once lay down the oar, I, and stay by myself resting in the rowers' room, the progress of this whole household stops short, you see.
Cle.	Cle.
Quid ais tu, quam ego unam vidi mulierem audacissimam? quotiens te votui Argyrippum filium Demaeneti compellare aut contrectare, conloquive aut contui? quid dedit? quid ad nos iussit deportari? an tu tibi verba blanda esse aurum rere, dicta docta pro datis? ultro amas, ultro expetessis, ultro ad te accersi iubes illos qui dant, eos derides; qui deludunt, deperis.	Look here! Of all the impudent young misses I have ever seen! How many times have I forbidden you to have communication or contact or chitchat with Demaenetus's son, Argyrippus, or to cast your eyes on him? What has he given us? What has he had sent us? Do you think pretty speeches are gold pieces, witty words presents? You make love to him yourself, run after him yourself, have him called yourself. Men that give you things you treat with contempt; those that trifle with you you dote on.
an te id exspectare oportet, si quis promittat tibi te facturum divitem, si moriatur mater sua? ecastor¹⁵ nobis periclum magnum et familiae portenditur, 530 dum eius exspectamus mortem, ne nos moriamur fame. nunc adeo nisi mi huc argenti adfert viginti minas, ne ille ecastor hunc trudetur largus lacrumarum foras. hic dies summust quo est¹⁶ apud me inopiae excusatio.	Have you any business waiting for it to happen, if a man does promise to make you rich, if his mother dies? Mercy me, while we wait for her to die, up looms a big risk of ourselves and our household dying of starvation! Now let me tell you this: unless he brings me eighty pounds, I swear to goodness that fellow shall be bundled out of the house, liberal as he is—of tears! This is the last day I accept pleas of poverty.
Phil.	Phil.
Patiar, si cibo carere me iubes, mater mea.	Tell me to do without food, mother dear, and I'll endure that.
Cle.	Cle.
Non voto ted amare qui dant quoia amentur gratia.	I have nothing to say against your loving men who give you something to be loved for.
Phil.	Phil.
Quid si hic animus occupatust, mater, quid faciam? mone.	What if my heart isn't free, mother? What then? Advise me.
Cle.	Cle.
Em, meum caput contemples si quidem ex re consultas tua.	Look! Consider these grey hairs of mine, if you really have any regard for your own good.
Phil.	Phil.
539, 540 Etiam opilio qui pascit, mater, alienas ovis, aliquam habet peculiarem, qui spem soletur suam. sine me amare unum Argyrippum animi causa, quem volo.	Even the shepherd that pastures other peoples' sheep has some ewe lamb of his very own, mother, one that he builds happy hopes on. Do let me love Argyrippus alone, the man I want, just for love's sake.
Cle.	Cle.
Intro abi, nam te quidem edepol nihil est impudentius.	Inside with you! Why, mercy on us, a more shameless minx than you really can't exist.
Phil.	Phil.
Audientem dicto, mater, produxisti filiam.	(tearfully) You've trained ... your ... daughter ... to ... be obedient ... mother. [exit Philaenium into house, followed by Cleareta.

III. 2.	Scene 2.
	enter from forum Libanus and Leonida, latter carrying a wallet.
Lib.	Lib.
Perfidiae laudes gratiasque habemus merito magnas, quom nostris sycophantiis, dolis astutiisque,¹⁷ (546) advorsum stetimus lamminas,¹⁸ crucesque compedesque, (548) 549, 550 nervos, catenas, carceres, numellas, pedicas, boias inductoresque¹⁹ acerrumos gnarosque nostri tergi.²⁰ (551)	(chanting ecstatically) All praise and thanks be to holy Perfidy as she deserves, since by our swindles, shams, and wiles we have defied hot irons and crosses and gyves, and thongs, chains, cells, shackles, fetters, collars, and painters—painters keen as can be and intimate with our backs!
(554) eae nunc legiones, copiae exercitusque eorum vi pugnando periuriis nostris fugae potiti. id virtute huius collegae²¹ meaque comitate factumst. qui me vir fortior ad sufferundas plagas?	All these regiments, battalions, and armies of theirs have been put to flight, after fierce fighting, by our fabrications. 'Tis the valour of my colleague hath done it, with my own kind assistance. Who's a stouter-hearted hero than I am at taking thwacks?
Leon.	Leon.
Edepol virtutes qui tuas non possis conclaudare sic ut ego possim, quae domi duellique male fecisti. 560 ne illa edepol pro merito tuo memorari multa possunt:	(sneeringly) Good Lord! Your deeds of valour—you couldn't celebrate them the way I could your villainies at home and in the field. Gad! you certainly can be acredited with a lengthy list of things along that line.
ubi fidentem fraudaveris, ubi ero infidelis fueris, ubi verbis conceptis sciens libenter periuraris, ubi parietes perfoderis, in furto ubi sis prehensus, ubi saepe causam dixeris pendens adversus octo artutos, audacis viros, valentis virgatores.	Item, cheated a confiding friend; item, faithless to master; item, committed perjury consciously, cheerfully, in set form of words; item, dug your way into houses through the walls; item, caught at thieving; item, strung up repeatedly and plead your case before eight bold, brawny beef-eaters with a gift for club swinging.
Lib.	Lib.
Fateor profecto ut praedicas, Leonida, esse vera; verum edepol ne etiam tua quoque malefacta iterari multa et vero possunt; ubi sciens fideli infidus fueris, ubi prensus in furto sies manifesto et verberatus,²² 569 (571) ubi eris damno, molestiae et dedecori saepe fueris,	I am quite ready to admit that is a just statement of the case, Leonida; but, Lord! the list of even your own villainies, too, can certainly be made lengthy enough, without injustice. Item, consciously treacherous to a trusting friend; item, caught stealing redhanded and whipped; item, repeatedly brought loss, trouble, and disgrace on your masters;
ubi creditum quod sit tibi datum esse pernegaris,²³ (572) (574) ubi saepe ad languorem tua duritia dederis octo validos lictores, ulmeis adfectos lentis virgis. num male relata est gratia, ut collegam collaudavi?	item, had money left in your keeping and swore and swore it wasn't; item, repeatedly exhausted by your toughness eight strong lictors equipped with pliant elm rods. (pause) Have I celebrated my colleague highly enough to pay him back—eh, what?
Leon.	Leon.
Ut meque teque maxime atque ingenio nostro decuit.	(thoughtfully) Yes, pretty much what you and I and our characters deserved.
Lib.	Lib.
Iam omitte ista atque hoc quod rogo responde.	Drop your nonsense now and answer me this question.
Leon.	Leon.
Rogita quod vis.	Ask your question.
Lib.	Lib.
Argenti viginti minas habesne?	(triumphantly) The eighty pounds, have you got it?
Leon.	Leon.
Hariolare. 580 edepol senem Demaenetum lepidum fuisse nobis: ut adsimulabat Sauream med esse quam facete! nimis aegre risum contini, ubi hospitem inclamavit, quod se absente mihi fidem habere noluisset. ut memoriter me Sauream vocabat atriensem.	You're a prophet! By gad, old Demaenetus did do the handsome thing by us. The way he pretended I was Saurea—clever, my word! I did have a deuce of a time holding in when he hauled our guest over the coils for not being willing to trust me in his absence. The way he remembered to keep calling me steward Saurea!
Lib.	Lib.
Mane dum.	(looking toward Cleareta's house) Wait, though!
Leon.	Leon.
Quid est?	What's up?
Lib.	Lib.
Philaenium estne haec quae intus exit atque Argyrippus una?	Isn't this Philaenium coming out here, yes, and Argyrippus along with her?
Leon.	Leon.
Opprime os, is est. subauscultemus.	(in low tone) Shut your mouth—so it is. Let's do some eaves-dropping (they retire)
Lib.	Lib.
Lacrumantem lacinia tenet lacrumans. quidnam esse dicam? taciti auscultemus.	Both crying and she holding on to the lappet of his cloak! What on earth is the matter! Let's keep still and listen.
Leon.	Leon.
Attatae, modo hercle in mentem venit, nimis vellem habere perticam.	Oh-h! Jove! It has just occurred to me; how I do wish I had a pole!
Lib.	Lib.
Quoi rei?	What for?
Leon.	Leon.
Qui verberarem 590 asinos, si forte occeperint clamare hinc ex crumina	To whop those asses, if they happen to start braying in the wallet here.

III. 3.	Scene 3.
	enter Argyrippus and Philaenium from the doorway of Cleareta's house where they have been standing.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Cur me retentas?	(sadly) Why hold me back?
Phil.	Phil.
Quia tui amans abeuntis egeo.	(tearfully) Because it's dreadful having you leave me when I love you so.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Vale.	(trying half heartedly to release himself) Farewell!
Phil.	Phil.
Aliquanto amplius valerem, si his maneres.	(still clinging to him) I should fare much better if you'd stay with me.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Salve.	And God bless you!
Phil.	Phil.
Salvere me iubes, quoi tu abiens offers morbum?	You ask God to bless me when you curse me yourself by going?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Mater supremam mihi tua dixit, domum ire iussit.	Your mother said this was to be my last hour; she has ordered me home.
Phil.	Phil.
Acerbum funus filiae faciet, si te carendum est.	She'll make her daughter die in misery, if I must be deprived of you.
Lib.	Lib.
Homo hercle hinc exclusust foras.	(aside to Leonida) By gad! He's been shut out of the house here.
Leon.	Leon.
Ita res est.	So he has.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Mitte quaeso.	(dismally) Come, come, let go! (pulls away from her and turns to go)
Phil.	Phil.
Quo nunc abis? quin tu hic manes?	Where are you off to now? Why don't you stay here?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Nox, si voles, manebo.	I will at night, if you want.
Lib.	Lib.
Audin hunc opera ut largus est nocturna? nunc enim esse negotiosum interdius videlicet Solonem, 600 leges ut conscribat, quibus se populus teneat. gerrae! qui sese parere apparent huius legibus, profecto numquam bonae frugi sient, dies noctesque potent.	Hear the chap—how free he is with his attentions by night? For now in the daytime he's a hard-working Solon, drawing up laws to bind the people—oh, yes he is! Rot! Folks that set themselves to obey his laws won't ever be good for anything, that's sure,—except drinking day and night.
Leon.	Leon.
Ne iste hercle ab ista non pedem discedat, si licessit, qui nunc festinat atque ab hac minatur sese abire.	Good Lord! The fellow wouldn't move a step from her, if he had his way, not he, for all this rush of his and threats to leave her
Lib.	Lib.
Sermoni iam finem face tuo. huius sermonem accipiam.	Come, make an end of your talk. I want to take in some of his.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Vale.	(tragically) Farewell! (starts away)
Phil.	Phil.
Quo properas?	Where are you hurrying to?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Bene vale, apud Orcum te videbo nam equidem me iam quantum potest a vita abiudicabo.	Farewell! Be happy. I shall see you in the world to come! For upon my soul, this world and I shall now be divorced as soon as possible!
Phil.	Phil.
Cui tu, obsecro, immerito meo me morti dedere optas?	(running up and clinging to him) Oh, for heaven's sake, why, why do you wish to condemn me to death yourself, innocent as I am?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ego te? quam si intellegam deficere vita, iam ipse 610 vitam meam tibi largiar et de mea ad tuam addam.	I you? If I saw your life was ebbing, I'd freely give you my own at once and add my years to yours.
Phil.	Phil.
Cui ergo minitans mihi, te vitam esse amissurum? nam quid me facturam putas, si istuc quod dicis faxis? mihi certum est facere in me omnia eadem quae tu in te faxis.	Then why do you threaten me with throwing away your life? For what do you think I will do, if you do what you say? My mind's made up: I'll do to myself just precisely what you do to yourself.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Oh melle dulci dulcior tu es.	Oh, you're sweeter than sweet honey!
Phil.	Phil.
Certe enim tu vita es mi. complectere.	And you're my very life, I know that. Do put your arms around me!
Argyr.	Argyr.
Facio lubens.	(doing so) Yes, yes, gladly!
Phil.	Phil.
Utinam sic efferamur.	Oh, if we could only be carried to the grave like this!
Leon.	Leon.
O Libane, uti miser est homo qui amat.	I say, Libanus, what a poor devil a chap in love is!
Lib.	Lib.
Immo hercle vero, qui pendet multo est miserior.	By Jove, no! A chap hung up by his heels is a much poorer devil, believe me.
Leon.	Leon.
Scio qui periclum feci. circum sistamus, alter hinc, hinc alter appellemus. ere, salve. sed num fumus est haec mulier quam amplexare?	I know that: I've tried it. (a pause) Let's surround him, and give him a salute, one from here (pointing) and the other from here. (they station themselves: then, giving the signal to Libanus to chime in, loudly to Argyrippus) Good day, sir! (the lovers give a start) But—this lady you're hugging isn't smoke, is she?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quidum?	Smoke? Why so?
Leon.	Leon.
620 Quia oculi sunt tibi lacrumantes, eo rogavi.	Well, your eyes are watering; that's why I asked.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Patronus qui vobis fuit futurus, perdidistis.	(tragically) You have lost a man who would have freed you and been your patron, my lads.
Leon.	Leon.
Equidem hercle nullum perdidi, ideo quia numquam ullum habui.	Lord! I haven't lost any such, no, indeed, seeing I never had any such.
Lib.	Lib.
Philaenium, salve.	Good day to you, Philaenium.
Phil.	Phil.
Dabunt di quae velitis vobis.	God grant all your wishes, to both of you.
Lib.	Lib.
Noctem tuam et vini cadum velim, si optata fiant.	I'd wish an evening with you and a cask of wine, if wishing was having.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Verbum cave faxis, verbero.	Hold your tongue, you rascal!
Lib.	Lib.
Tibi equidem, non mihi opto.	Oh, wish 'em for you, I mean, sir, not for myself.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Tum tu igitur loquere quod lubet.	Then in that case, say what you like.
Lib.	Lib.
Hunc hercle verberare.	Like? I'd like to give this chap (pointing to Leonida) a thrashing, by gad!
Leon.	Leon.
Quisnam istuc adcredat tibi, cinaede calamistrate? tun verberes, qui pro cibo habeas te verberari?	(ironically) Well, well, who'd believe it of you, you frizzle-headed girl-hunter? You thrash me, you, you that live on thrashings?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ut vostrae fortunae meis praecedunt, Libane, longe, qui hodie numquam ad vesperum vivam.	(tragical again) Ah, Libanus, how far preferable your lot is to mine—I who will never never live till evening!
Lib.	Lib.
630 Quapropter, quaeso?	How's that, for mercy's sake?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quia ego hanc amo et haec me amat, huic quod dem nusquam quicquam est, hinc med amantem ex aedibus eiecit huius mater. argenti viginti minae me ad mortem appulerunt, quas hodie adulescens Diabolus ipsi daturus dixit, ut hanc ne quoquam mitteret nisi ad se hunc annum totum. videtin viginti minae quid pollent quidve possunt? ille qui illas perdit salvos est, ego qui non perdo pereo.	Because I love her (indicating Philaenium) and she loves me, and (bitterly) never a penny can I find anywhere to give her; and her mother has thrown me out of the house here, me, her daughter's lover. I'm driven to my death by eighty pounds, eighty pounds young Diabolus promised to pay her to-day for letting no one else but him have my girl the whole of this next year. Do you see the power, the possibilities in eighty pounds? The man that loses them is saved. I don't lose them and I'm lost myself.
Lib.	Lib.
Iam dedit argentum?	Has he paid 'em over already?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Non dedit.	No.
Lib.	Lib.
Bono animo es, ne formida.	Cheer up; never you fear.
Leon.	Leon.
Secede huc, Libane, te volo.	Libanus! Come over here: I want you.
Lib.	Lib.
Si quid vis.	(obeying) Anything to please. (they withdraw and talk, heads close together)
Argyr.	Argyr.
Obsecro vos 640 eadem istac opera suaviust complexos fabulari.	(calling) For heaven's sake, you two! You'd find it pleasanter to hug each other, while you do your chatting!
Lib.	Lib.
Non omnia eadem aeque omnibus, ere, suavia esse scito: vobis est suave amantibus complexos fabulari, ego complexum huius nil moror, meum autem hic aspernatur. proinde istud facias ipse quod faciamus nobis suades.	Tastes differ about what's pleasant, sir, let me tell you that. A fond pair like you find it pleasant to hug each other while you do your chatting; but, personally, I don't care for this fellow's hugs, and as for mine, he scorns 'em. So you go on and practise yourself what you preach to us.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ego vero, et quidem edepol lubens. interea, si videtur, concedite istuc.	Indeed I will, by Jove, yes, and gladly. Meanwhile you two go on and step aside there, if you see fit. (embraces Philaenium)
Leon.	Leon.
Vin erum deludi?	D'ye want to have some fun with master?
Lib.	Lib.
Dignust sane.	That I do, serves him right.
Leon.	Leon.
Vin faciam ut te Philaenium praesente hoc amplexetur?	D'ye want me to make Philaenium give you a squeeze right before his face?
Lib.	Lib.
Cupio hercle.	(enthusiastically) Gad, I long for one!
Leon.	Leon.
Sequere hac.	Come along. (leads the way back to Argyrippus and (Philaenium)
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ecquid est salutis? satis locuti.	Any good news? You have talked enough.
Leon.	Leon.
Auscultate atque operam date et mea dicta devorate. 650 primum omnium servos tuos nos esse non negamus, sed tibi si viginti minae argenti proferentur, quo nos vocabis nomine?	(importantly) Listen here, you two; pay attention and devour my remarks, (to Argyrippus) First of all, we are your slaves, we don't deny that; but if eighty pounds is produced for you, what will you call us?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Libertos.	(eagerly) Freedmen!
Leon.	Leon.
Non patronos?	Not patrons, eh?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Id potius.	Yes, yes, patrons!
Leon.	Leon.
Viginti minae hic insunt in crumina, has ego, si vis, tibi dabo.	There's eighty pounds in this wallet here: I'll give it to you if you like.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Di te servassint semper, custos erilis, decus popli, thensaurus copiarum, salus interioris²⁴ corporis amorisque imperator. hic pone, hic istam colloca cruminam in collo plane.	Heaven prosper you for evermore, you guardian of your master, you glory of the populace, you storehouse of supplies, saviour of the inner man, and generalissimo of love! Put it here, hang that wallet here around my neck in plain sight.
Leon.	Leon.
Nolo ego te, qui erus sis, mihi onus istuc sustinere.	Let my master bear such a load? No sir, not I.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quin tu labore liberas te atque istam imponis in me?	Why not take things easy yourself and let me stand the strain?
Leon.	Leon.
660 Ego baiulabo, tu, ut dacet dominum, ante me ito inanis.	I'll act as porter myself; as for you, you walk on ahead as a master should, empty handed.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quid nunc?	(eagerly) Well now?
Leon.	Leon.
Quid est?	(drawling) Well what?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quin tradis huc cruminam pressatum umerum?	Why don't you hand the wallet over and let it crush my shoulder?
Leon.	Leon.
Hanc, cui daturu's hanc, iube petere atque orare mecum. nam istuc proclive est, quo iubes me plane collocare.	She's the one, (pointing to Philaenium) the one you'll give it to, tell her to ask me for it, tease me for it. You see that plain site you told me to put it on is a (with a sly glance at Philaenium) slope.
Phil.	Phil.
Da, meus ocellus, mea rosa, mi anime, mea voluptas, Leonida, argentum mihi, ne nos diiunge amantis.	Oh, Leonida, you apple of my eye, my rosebud, my heart's delight, my darling, do give me the money! Don't separate us lovers.
Leon.	Leon.
Dic me igitur tuom passerculum, gallinam, coturnicem, agnellum haedillum me tuom die esse vel vitellum. prehende auriculis, compara labella cum labellis.	(with burlesque fondness) Well then, call me your little sparrow, hen, quail, call me your little lambkin, kidlet, or calfyboy, if you prefer: take hold of me by the earlaps and match my little lips to your little lips.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ten osculetur, verbero?	She kiss you, you scoundrel?
Leon.	Leon.
Quam vero indignum visum est? 670 at qui pol hodie non feres, ni genua confricantur.	Yes, it does seem a shame, doesn't it? However, you don't get the cash this day, by gad, unless you rub my knees.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quidvis egestas imperat: fricentur. dan quod oro?	"Need knows no shame." Rubbed they shall be. (gets down on ground, with poor grace, and clasps Leonida's knees) Won't you grant my prayer? (gets up)
Phil.	Phil.
Age, mi Leonida, obsecro, fer amanti ero salutem, redime istoc beneficio te ab hoc, et tibi eme hunc isto argento.	Come, dear Leonida, please, please save your master that loves me so! Buy your freedom from him by this kindness, buy his favour for yourself with this money! (embraces him)
Leon.	Leon.
Nimis bella es atque amabilis, et si hoc meum esset, hodie namquam me orares quin darem. illum te orare meliust, illic hanc mihi servandam dedit ei sane bella belle, cape hoc sis, Libane.	(leering at her) Ah, you're pretty, perfectly adorable: and if this belonged to me, I'd never let you tease me twice for it, never. But he's the one for you to tease: (pointing to Libanus) he gave it to me to keep for him. At him now, my pretty, prettily. Libanus, catch hold of this, will you! (tosses him the wallet)
Argyr.	Argyr.
Furcifer, etiam me delusisti?	What, you villain! Have you been making a fool of me?
Leon.	Leon.
Numquam hercle facerem, genua ni tam nequiter fricares. age sis tu in partem nunciam hunc delude atque amplexare hanc.	Bless you, sir, I wouldn't, only you made such a bad job of rubbing my knees. (aside to Libanus) Come on now, will you; you take your turn at fooling him and cuddling her.
Lib.	Lib.
Taceas, me spectes.	(aside to Leonida) Shut up: you watch me!
Argyr.	Argyr.
680 Quin ad hunc, Philaenium, adgredimur, virum quidem pol optimum et non simulem furis huius?	(aside to Philaenium) Why not make up to him, Philaenium? He's a very decent sort, Libanus is, gad yes, nothing like this thief. (indicating Leonida)
Lib.	Lib.
Inambulandum est: nunc mihi vicissam supplicabunt.	(aside as they approach) Now for some strutting around: here's where I come in for being supplicated. (parades magnificently back and forth)
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quaeso hercle, Libane, sis erum tuis factis sospitari, da mihi istas viginti minas. vides me amantem egere.	Hang it all, Libanus, for mercy's sake be a good fellow and save your master's life! Give me that eighty pounds. You see I'm in love and need the money.
Lib.	Lib.
Videbitur. factum volo. redito huc contemno nunc istanc tantisper iube petere atque orare mecum.	We'll see about it. Happy if I can oblige. Come back early in the evening. Meanwhile now just tell the lady there to ask me for it and tease me for it.
Phil.	Phil.
Amandone exorarier vis ted an osculando?	Tease it from you by loving you, or by kissing you, which?
Lib.	Lib.
Enim vero utrumque.	Oh well, try both of 'em.
Phil.	Phil.
Ergo, obsecro, et tu utrumque nostrum serva.	(fondling him) And both of us, then,—do rescue us, please, please!
Argyr.	Argyr.
O Libane, mi patrone, mi trade istuc. magis decorumst 690 libertum potius quam patronum onus in via portare.	O Libanus, my dear patron, do hand it over to me! A freedman is the proper person to carry a load on the street, not his patron.
Phil.	Phil.
Mi Libane, ocellus aureus, donum decusque amoris, amabo, faciam quod voles, da istuc argentum nobis.	My own Libanus, my little golden treasure boy, love's gift and glory, oh, I'll adore you, do anything for you, only give us that money!
Lib.	Lib.
Dic igitur med aniticulam, columbam vel catellum, hirundinem, monerulam, passerculum putillum, fac proserpentem bestiam me, duplicem ut habeam linguam, circumda torquem bracchiis, meum collum circumplecte.	Then call me your little ducky, dovey, doggieboy, your swallow, your little jackdaw, your little tootsie wootsie sparrowkin: (opening his mouth) make a reptile of me and let me have a double tongue in my mouth; throw a chain of arms around me; clasp me close around my neck.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ten complectatur, carnufex?	Put her arms around you, you gallows-bird!
Lib.	Lib.
Quam vero indignus videor? ne istuc nequiquam dixeris tam indignum dictum in me, vehes pol hodie me, si quidem hoc argentum ferre speres.	An awful shame, isn't it, really now? Not to have you saying such shameful things of me free of charge, you'll carry me on your back to-day, by gad, that is, if you count on getting this cash.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ten ego veham?	I carry you on my back—I?
Lib.	Lib.
700 Tun hoc feras argentum aliter a me?	See any other way of getting this cash, do you—you?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Perii hercle. si verum quidem et decorum erum vehere servom, inscende.	O damnation! Well, if it is right and proper for a master to carry a servant on his back—get up.
Lib.	Lib.
Sic isti solent superbi subdomari. asta igitur, ut consuetus es puer olim scin ut dicam? em sic. abi, laudo, nec te equo magis est equos ullus sapiens.	Here's how those toplofty ones are tamified. Now then, stand by—the way you used to do years ago as a boy. Know how I mean? (Argyrippus sidles up and bends over) There! That's it! Good for you! Capital! There isn't a more knowing bit of horse-flesh than you anywhere.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Inscende actutum.	Get up, and be quick about it!
Lib.	Lib.
Ego fecero hem quid istuc est? ut tu incedis? demam hercle iam de hordeo, tolutim ni badizas.	(springing on his shoulders) So I will. (Argyrippus moves off slowly) Hullo! What's the matter? How you do jog along! By gad, I'll dock your barley directly, if you don't stir yourself and gallop. (Argyrippus gallops)
Argyr.	Argyr.
Amabo, Libane, iam sat est.	There's a good fellow, Libanus,—that's enough now!
Lib.	Lib.
Numquam hercle hodie exorabis nam iam calcari quadrupedo agitabo advorsum clivom, postidea ad pistores dabo, ut ibi cruciere currens. 710 asta ut descendam nunciam in proclivi, quamquam nequam es.	Not on your life—you don't beg off this day. Why, now I'm going to dig the spurs in and trot you up a hill: afterwards I'll hand you over to the millers to do some running for 'em at the end of a rawhide. Stand still! so that I can dismount on the slope now, even though you are a good-for-nothing beast. (gets off)
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quid nunc, amabo? quoniam, ut est libitum, nos delusistis, datisne argentum?	How about it now? There's a good fellow! Seeing you two have had your fill of sport with me, going to give us the money, are you?
Lib.	Lib.
Si quidem mihi statuam et aram statuis atque ut deo mi hic immolas bovem: nam ego tibi Salus sum.	Oh well, if you put me up an altar and statue, yes, and offer me up an ox here the same as a god: for I'm your goddess Salvation, I am.
Leon.	Leon.
Etiam tu, ere, istunc amoves abs te atque²⁵ ipse me adgredere atque illa, sibi quae hic iusserat, mihi statuis supplicasque?	Come, sir, get rid of that chap, won't you, and apply to me in person, yes, and let me have those statues and supplications he ordered for himself.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quem te autem divom nominem?	Ah, and by what name does your godship pass?
Leon.	Leon.
Fortunam, atque Obsequentem.	Fortune, yes sir, Indulgent Fortune.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Iam istoc es melior.	Now there's where you are better.
Lib.	Lib.
An quid est homini Salute melius?	Eh? what's better for a man than Salvation?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Licet laudem Fortunam, tamen ut ne Salutem culpem.	I can praise Fortune and still not disparage Salvation.
Phil.	Phil.
Ecastor ambae sunt bonae.	Mercy me, they're both good.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Sciam ubi boni quid dederint.	I'll know so when I get something good out of them.
Leon.	Leon.
Opta id quod ut contingat tibi vis.	Wish for something you want to happen to you.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quid si optaro?	What if I do?
Leon.	Leon.
720 Eveniet.	It'll come true.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Opto annum hunc perpetuom mihi huius operas.	My wish is to have this lady's attentions this whole next year through.
Leon.	Leon.
Impetrasti.	You've got it.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ain vero?	Really? really?
Leon.	Leon.
Certe inquam.	Sure thing I tell you.
Lib.	Lib.
Ad me adi vicissim atque experire. exopta id quod vis maxime tibi evenire: fiet.	It's my turn—come over here and give me a trial. Long for something you most want to come true: it will.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quid ego aliud exoptem amplius nisi illud cuius inopiast, viginti argenti commodas minas, huius quas dem matri.	What could I long for more than something I haven't got a trace of—a round eighty pounds to give this girl's mother?
Lib.	Lib.
Dabuntur, animo sis bono face, exoptata optingent.	Forthcoming. Keep your courage up: your longing will be gratified.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ut consuevere, homines Salus frustratur et Fortuna.	(incredulous) Salvation is at her old tricks, fooling people, and Fortune too.
Leon.	Leon.
Ego caput huic argento fui hodie reperiundo.	In lighting on this cash to-day—I'm the one that's been the head of it!
Lib.	Lib.
Ego pes fui.	I'm the one that's been the foot of it!
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quin nec caput nec pes sermoni apparet. 730 nec quid dicatis scire nec me cur ludatis possum.	And upon my soul, your discourse is a puzzle from head to foot. I can't understand your talk, or why you're making game of me.
Lib.	Lib.
Satis iam delusum censeo. nunc rem ut est eloquamur. animum. Argyrippe, advorte sis. pater nos ferre hoc iussit argentum ad ted.	(aside to Leonida) I move he's been fooled with long enough. Come on, let's out with it. (to Argyrippus) Your kind attention, Argyrippus! Your father told us to bring this money to you. (holding up wallet)
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ut temperi opportuneque attulistis.	Oh, you've brought it just in time, just at the right moment!
Lib.	Lib.
Hic inerunt viginti minae bonae, mala opera partae; has tibi nos pactis legibus dare iussit.	You'll find in here eighty good sovereigns ill-gotten: he said to give 'em to you according to terms agreed upon.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quid id est, quaeso?	Terms? What terms, for mercy's sake?
Lib.	Lib.
Noctem huius et cenam sibi ut dares.	That you're to give him an evening with this lady, and a dinner.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Iube advenire quaeso: meritissimo eius quae volet faciemus, qui hosce amores nostros dispulsos compulit.	Tell him to come along, yes, yes! We'll do what he wants, and quite right we should, after the way he's gathered our scattered love to the fold. (takes wallet from Libanus)
Leon.	Leon.
Patierin, Argyrippe, patrem hanc amplexari tuom?	Going to put up with your father's hugging her, are you, Argyrippus?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Haec faciet facile ut patiar 740 Leonida, curre obsecro, patrem huc orato ut veniat.	(waving wallet) This will easily enable me to put up with it. Leonida, for heaven's sake run and beg my father to come here.
Leon.	Leon.
Iam dudum est intus.	(pointing to Cleareta's house) He was in there long ago.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Hac quidem non venit.	He certainly didn't come this way.
Leon.	Leon.
Angiporto illac per hortum circum ut clam, ne quis se videret. huc ire familiarium: ne uxor resciscat metuit de argento si mater tua sciat ut sit factum—	Sneaked in by the alley there through the garden, so that none of the servants would see him enter: he's afraid of his wife finding out. If your mother was to learn about the money, how it was—
Argyr.	Argyr.
Heia, bene dicite.	Hold on there! No ominous remarks!
Lib.	Lib.
Ite intro cito.	In with you, quick!
Argyr.	Argyr.
Valete.	Good-bye, you two.
Leon.	Leon.
Et vos amate.	And spoon away, you two. [exeunt Argyrippus and Philaenium into Cleareta's house,Libanus and Leonida into house of Demaenetus.

ACTVS IV	ACT IV
	enter Diabolus and Parasite.
Diab.	Diab.
Agedum istum ostende quem conscripsti syngraphum inter me et amicam et lenam. leges pellege nam tu poeta es prorsus ad eam rem unicus.	Come on, show me that contract you drew up between me and my mistress and the Madame. Read over the terms. Ah, you're the one and only artist at this business.
Par.	Par.
Horrescet faxo lena, leges cum audiet.	(producing a document) I warrant you Madame will shudder when she hears the terms.
Diab.	Diab.
Age quaeso mi hercle translege.	Come come, man, for the Lord's sake let's have 'em!
Par.	Par.
Audin?	Are you listening?
Diab.	Diab.
750 Audio.	Yes.
Par.	Par.
"Diabolus Glauci filius Clearetae lenae dedit dono argenti viginti minas, Philaenium ut secum esset noctes et dies hunc annum totum."	(reading) "Diabolus, son of Glaucus, has given to Cleareta, Madame, a present of eighty pounds to the end that Philaenium throughout the coming year may spend her nights and days with him."
Diab.	Diab.
Neque cum quiquam alio quidem.	Yes, and not with anyone else, either.
Par.	Par.
Addone?	Shall I add that?
Diab.	Diab.
Adde, et scribas vide plane et probe.	Add that, and see you put it down in a good firm hand.
Par.	Par.
"Alienum hominem intro mittat neminem. quod illa aut amicum aut patronum nominet, aut quod illa amicae²⁶ amatorem praedicet, fores occlusae omnibus sint nisi tibi. 760 in foribus scribat occupatam esse se.	(after doing so) "She is to admit no male outsider into her house. In case she call him a mere friend or guardian, or in case she allege him to be the lover of a friend of hers, her doors must be closed to all but you. She must post a notice on the doors stating that she is engaged.
aut quod illa dicat peregre allatam epistulam, ne epistula quidem ulla sit in aedibus nec cerata adeo tabula; et si qua inutilis pictura sit, eam vendat: ni in quadriduo abalienarit, quo abs te argentum acceperit, tuos arbitratus sit, comburas, si velis, ne illi sit cera, ubi facere possit litteras.	Or in case she say that a letter from foreign parts has been delivered to her, there must be no letter at all in the house, nor so much as a waxen tablet; and if there be any undesirable picture about, let her sell it: unless she shall have removed it within four days after receipt of your money, it shall be at your disposal: you may burn it up, if you deem fit, that she may have no wax whereon to write.
vocet convivam neminem illa, tu voces; ad eorum ne quem oculos adiciat suos. 770 si quem alium aspexit, caeca continue siet. tecum una potet, aeque pocla potitet: abs ted accipiat, tibi propinet, tu bibas, ne illa minus aut plus quam tu sapiat."	She must invite no guest to the house: you shall invite them; and she must have eyes for none of them. If her glance has fallen on another man, she must become blind forthwith. She must drink with you only, and drink with you glass for glass: let her receive the glass from your hands, drink to your health, and then do you take it and drink, so that she may have no—(unobtrusively dropping the aspirate) whit more than you, nor less."
Diab.	Diab.
Satis placet.	(not noticing) Quite satisfactory.
Par.	Par.
"Suspiciones omnes ab se segreget. neque illaec ulli pede pedem homini premat, cum surgat, neque cum in lectum inscendat proximum, neque cum descendat inde, det cuiquam manum: spectandum ne cui anulum det neque roget. talos ne cuiquam homini admoveat nisi tibi. 780 cum iaciat, 'te' ne dicat: nomen nominet.	"She must keep herself above every suspicion. She must not touch feet with any man when she arises from table: and when she steps upon the adjoining couch, or steps down therefrom, she must take no one's hand. She must give no one her ring to look at, nor ask to look at his. To no man save yourself must she pass the dice. On making a throw she must not say, 'Thee^E I invoke!' She is to name your name.
deam invocet sibi quam libebit propitiam, deum nullum; si magis religiosa fuerit, tibi dicat: tu pro illa ores ut sit propitius. neque illa ulli homini nutet, nictet, annuat. post, si lucerna exstincta sit, ne quid sui membri commoveat quicquam in tenebris."	Let her call upon any goddess she pleases for favour, but upon no god; if she have religious scruples in regard to this, let her tell you, and do you make the prayer for his favour in her stead. To no man shall she nod, wink, or signify compliance. Further, if the lamp go out, she is not to move a single limb in the darkness."
Diab.	Diab.
Optumest. ita scilicet facturam. verum in cubiculo— deme istuc—equidem illam moveri gestio. nolo illam habere causam et votitam dicere.	Excellent! To be sure she mustn't, (pause) But in our own room—cut that clause out—why, I'm keen as can be for her to be lively there! I don't want her to have an excuse and say the contract forbids.
Par.	Par.
Scio, captiones metuis.	I see, you fear some catch.
Diab.	Diab.
Verum.	Exactly.
Par.	Par.
790 Ergo ut iubes tollam.	Well then, I shall strike that out, as you order.
Diab.	Diab.
Quid ni?	Of course you will.
Par.	Par.
Audi relicua.	Listen to the rest.
Diab.	Diab.
Loquere, audio.	Go on: I am listening.
Par.	Par.
"Neque ullum verbum faciat perplexabile, neque ulla lingua sciat loqui nisi Attica, forte si tussire occepsit, ne sic tussiat, ut cuiquam linguam in tussiendo proserat. quod illa autem simulet, quasi gravedo profluat, hoc ne sic faciat: tu labellum abstergeas potius quam cuiquam savium faciat palam.	"She must use no phrase of double meaning, and must know how to speak no language but the Attic. If she should happen to cough, she is not to cough so, (illustrating) in such a way as to extend her tongue toward anyone. Moreover, in case she pretends to have a running cold, she must not do this: (purses his lips) you are to wipe her little lip yourself rather than let her pucker up her mouth for anyone so obviously.
nec mater lena ad vinum accedat interim, 800 nec ulli verbo male dicat. si dixerit, haec multa ei esto, vino viginti dies ut careat."	Nor shall the Madame, her mother, drop in while you are having your wine, or say a single abusive word to anyone. If such a word be said by her, the penalty shall be this—no wine for her for twenty days."
Diab.	Diab.
Pulchre scripsti. scitum syngraphum.	Splendid document! Capital contract!
Par.	Par.
"Tum si coronas, serta, unguenta iusserit ancillam ferre Veneri aut Cupidini, tuos servos servet, Venerine eas det an viro. 800 si forte pure velle habere dixerit, tot noctes reddat spurcas quot pure habuerit." haec sunt non nugae, non enim mortualia.	"Then if she bid her maid carry chaplets, wreaths, perfumes to Venus or to Cupid, your servant shall observe whether she gives them to Venus, or to a man. Should she happen to express a wish for religious seclusion, she must give you as many hours of love as she has of loneliness." These be no trifles; these be no dirges for dead folk, I tell you. The terms are highly satisfactory. Follow me in.
Diab.	Diab.
Placent profecto leges, sequere intro.	Very well.
Par.	Par.
Sequor.	[exeunt into Cleareta's house: sound of wrangling within: re-enter Diabolus and Parasite from house.

IV. 2.	Scene 2.
Diab.	Diab.
810 Sequere hac, egone haec patiar aut taceam? emori me malim, quam haec non eius uxori indicem. ain tu? apud amicam munus adulescentuli fungare, uxori excuses te et dicas senem? praeripias scortum amanti atque argentum obicias lenae? suppiles clam domi uxorem tuam?	(incensed) Come along! I put up with this? I hold my tongue? I'd rather perish from the earth than not let it out to his wife! (shouting to Demaenetus within) You will, will you? You will play the gay young spark with a mistress and excuse yourself to your wife on the plea of old age, eh? You will snatch a girl from her lover and toss your money to the Madame, eh? You will filch things from your lady at home on the sly, eh?
suspendam potius me, quam tu haec tacita auferas. iam quidem hercle ad illam hinc ibo, quam tu propediem, nisi quidem illa ante occupassit te, effliges scio, luxuriae sumptus suppeditare ut possies.	I'd sooner hang myself than let you carry it off so and nothing said. By the Lord, I'll go to her this very minute, I will, the woman you're bound to bring to pauperism shortly,—if she doesn't forestall you, that is,—just so that you may be kept in funds for your orgies!
Par.	Par.
820 Ego sic faciundum censeo: me honestiust, quam te palam hanc rem facere, ne illa existimet amoris causa percitum id fecisse te magis quam sua causa.	(calmly, judiciously) In my opinion, this is the way we should handle the case: it would look better for me to appear in the matter than you; she might think you were hard hit and did it more out of jealousy than out of regard for her.
Diab.	Diab.
At pol qui dixti rectius. tu ergo fac ut illi turbas lites concias; cum suo sibi gnato unam ad amicam de die potare, illam expilare narra.	Right you are, gad yes, that is better! Then raise hell for him yourself; stir up a row; notify her that he's having a daylight carouse with his own son, one girl between 'em there at her house, and she herself being rooked for it!
Par.	Par.
Ne mone, ego istud curabo.	No advice needed! I shall take care of that.
Diab.	Diab.
(827) At ego te opperiar domi.²⁷	Well, I'll wait for you at home.²⁷ [exit.

ACTVS V	ACT V
	the door of Cleareta's house is open, showing Argyrippus, Demaenetus, and Philaenium banqueting, Philaenium being on a couch beside Demaenetus and trying not to seem bored by his gallantries.
Dem.	Dem.
830 Numquidnam tibi molestumst, gnate mi, si haec nunc mecum accubat?	You don't mind it, do you, my boy,—her being on the couch here with me? (merrily chucks Philaenium under the chin)
Argyr.	Argyr.
Pietas, pater, oculis dolorem prohibet. quamquam ego istanc amo, possum equidem inducere animum, ne aegre patiar quia tecum accubat.	(dolefully) My duty as a son takes the sting out of the sight, father. Even though I do love her, of course I can persuade myself not to be disturbed at her being with you.
Dem.	Dem.
Decet verecundum esse adulescentem, Argyrippe.	A young fellow should be modest, Argyrippus.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Edepol, pater, merito tuo facere possum.	Ah yes, father, I can behave as you deserve.
Dem.	Dem.
Age ergo, hoc agitemus convivium vino et²⁸ sermoni suavi. nolo ego metui, amari mavolo, mi gnate, me abs te.	(jovially) Come on then, let's have a lively banquet—wine and sweet converse, my dears! None of your filial awe for me: your love is what I want, my lad.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Pol ego utrumque facio, ut aequom est filium.	(still more dolefully) Ah yes, father, I give you both, as a son should.
Dem.	Dem.
Credam istuc, si esse te hilarum videro.	I'll believe that, once I see you looking jolly.
Argyr.	Argyr.
An tu me tristem putas?	(with a deep sigh) You don't think I'm ... melancholy ... do you?
Dem.	Dem.
Putem ego, quem videam aeque esse maestum ut quasi dies si dicta sit?	Think so? When you look as sepulchral as if you were docketed for trial!
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ne dixis istuc.	Don't say that.
Dem.	Dem.
839, 840 Ne sic fueris: ilico ego non dixero.	Don't be that, and I'll stop saying it soon enough.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Em aspecta: rideo.	(making a dismal effort to look happy) Here now! See! I'm smiling.
Dem.	Dem.
Utinam male qui mihi volunt sic rideant.	(dryly) I wish my enemies were blessed with a smile like that.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Scio equidem quam ob rem me, pater, tu tristem credas nunc tibi: quia istaec est tecum. atque ego quidem hercle ut verum tibi dicam. pater, ea res me male habet; at non eo, quia tibi non cupiam quae velis; verum istam amo. aliam tecum esse equidem facile possum perpeti.	Of course I know why you think my bearing toward you now is melancholy, father,—because she's with you. And good heavens, father, to tell you the truth, I—it does make me miserable; not because I'm not eager to have your wishes gratified; but I love that girl. If it was some other one, I shouldn't mind at all, really I shouldn't.
Dem.	Dem.
At ego hanc volo.	I want this one, though.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ergo sunt quae exoptas: mihi quae ego exoptem volo.	Well then, you've got your desire: I wish I could have the same luck!
Dem.	Dem.
Unum hunc diem perpetere, quoniam tibi potestatem dedi, cum hac annum ut esses, atque amanti argenti feci copiam.	Oh, you'll take it calmly this one day, now that I've given you the chance to be with her for a year, and furnished forth my young gallant with funds.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Em istoc me facto tibi devinxti.	Just the point! You have me bound hard and fast by that.
Dem.	Dem.
849, 850 Quin te ergo hilarum das mihi?	Come then, surrender and be jolly, won't you?

V. 2.	Scene 2.
	enter Artemona and Parasite from house of Demaenetus.
Art.	Art.
Ain tu meum virum his potare, obsecro, cum filio et ad amicam detulisse argenti viginti minas meoque filio sciente id facere flagitium patrem?	(tempestuously) What's that, for heaven's sake,—my husband carousing here with his son, and brought eighty pounds to a mistress, and my son conniving at such an outrage on the part of his father, his father?
Par.	Par.
Neque divini neque mi humani posthac quicquam accreduas, Artemona, si huius rei me esse mendacem inveneris.	Never trust me in another thing divine or human, madam, if you find I have misinformed you in this.
Art.	Art.
At scelesta ego praeter alios meum virum²⁹ frugi rata, siccum, frugi, continentem, amantem uxoris maxume.	But oh dear me! I thought my husband was the very paragon of men, a sober man, a worthy, moral man that loved his wife devotedly.
Par.	Par.
At nunc dehinc scito illum ante omnes minimi mortalem preti, madidum, nihili, incontinentem atque osorem uxoris suae.	But from now on you must realize that he is the very scum of the earth, a toping man, a worthless, immoral man that hates the wife of his bosom.
Art.	Art.
860 Pol ni istaec vera essent, numquam faceret ea quae nunc facit.	Mercy yes! unless all that was true, he would never be acting as he does now.
Par.	Par.
Ego quoque hercle illum antehac hominem semper sum frugi ratus, verum hoc facto sese ostendit, qui quidem cum filio potet una atque una amicam ductet, decrepitus senex.	I always thought he was a worthy man myself before to-day, upon my soul I did: but now he shows himself in his true colours—carousing with his own son and sharing his mistress with him, the old ruin!
Art.	Art.
Hoc ecastor est quod ille it ad cenam cottidie. ait sese ire ad Archidemum, Chaeream, Chaerestratum, Cliniam, Chremem, Cratinum, Diniam, Demosthenem: is apud scortum corruptelae est liberis, lustris studet.	Good gracious! This explains his going out to dinner every day! He with his tales of going to dine with Archidemus, Chaerea, Chaerestratus, Clinia, Chremes, Cratinus, Dinias, Demosthenes—and all the time corrupting his children at a harlot's, haunting houses of ill fame!
Par.	Par.
Quin tu illum iubes ancillas rapere sublimen domum?	Why not tell your maids to pick him up and take him off home?
Art.	Art.
Tace modo. ne ego illum ecastor miserum habebo.	You just keep still. Oh, but I'll make life miserable for him, I swear I will!
Par.	Par.
Ego istuc scio, ita fore illi dum quidem cum illo nupta eris.	I have no doubt about that, just as long as he is your husband.
Art.	Art.
870 Ego censeo. eum³⁰ etiam hominem in senatu dare operam aut clientibus, ibi labore delassatum noctem totam stertere: ille opere foris faciendo lassus noctu ad me advenit; fundum alienum arat, incultum familiarem deserit. is etiam corruptus porro suom corrumpit filium.	(too irate to notice unflattering accent) Yes, indeed! He busy in the Senate or helping his clients! He wearied out by his labours there, there, that he spends the whole night snoring! It is business away from home that makes him turn up at night all weary—the business of ploughing other people's fields and leaving his own uncultivated. Corrupt himself, he actually goes on and corrupts his own son.
Par.	Par.
Sequere hac me modo, iam faxo ipsum hominem manifesto opprimas.	Just follow me this way: I'll soon make you drop on our gentleman in the very act.
Art.	Art.
Nihil ecastor est quod facere mavelim.	Ah-h-h! There's nothing I'd like better!
Par.	Par.
Mane dum.	Hm! wait! (goes quietly to Cleareta's door, peeps in and comes back)
Art.	Art.
Quid est?	What's the matter?
Par.	Par.
Possis, si forte accubantem tuom virum conspexeris cum corona amplexum amicam, si videas, cognoscere?	If you happened to spy your husband stretched out on a banquet couch with a garland on and a girl in his arms—if you saw him, could you recognize him?
Art.	Art.
Possum ecastor.	Indeed I can!
Par.	Par.
Em tibi hominem.	(taking her cautiously to the door) Behold your man!
Art.	Art.
Perii.	(peeping) Dreadful, dreadful!
Par.	Par.
880 Paulisper mane. aucupemus ex insidiis clanculum quam rem gerant.	(drawing her aside) Wait a bit! Let's lie in ambush and spy what's going on without being seen.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quid modi, pater, amplexando facies?	(resentfully) Father! When is that hug going to end?
Dem.	Dem.
Fateor, gnate mi—	(somewhat embarrassed) I admit, my dear boy,—
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quid fatere?	Admit what?
Dem.	Dem.
Me ex amore huius corruptum oppido.	That this lady is altogether too much for my sense of decorum.
Par.	Par.
Audin quid ait?	(to Artemona) Do you hear what he says?
Art.	Art.
Audio.	I hear!
Dem.	Dem.
Egon ut non domo uxori meae subripiam in deliciis pallam quam habet, atque ad te deferam? non edepol conduci possum vita uxoris annua.	(to Philaenium) Not steal my wife's pet mantle from home and bring it to you? By heaven, I couldn't be hired not to—not if she should die within the year.
Par.	Par.
Censen tu illum hodie primum ire adsuetum esse in ganeum?	(to Artemona) Do you think to-day is the first time that gentleman has used such resorts?
Art.	Art.
Ille ecastor suppilabat me, quod ancillas meas suspicabar atque insontis miseras cruciabam.	Mercy on us! So he was the thief all those times I suspected my maids, yes, and tortured the poor innocent things.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Pater, 890 iube dari vinum; iam dudum factum est cum primum bibi.	Tell them to set the wine going, father; it seems an age since I had my first drink.
Dem.	Dem.
Da, puere, ab summo. age, tu interibi ab infimo da savium.	(to servant) Boy, send round the wine from the head of the table. (to Philaenium) Come, my dear, meanwhile you send round a naughty, naughty kiss from the foot. (Philaenium obeys)
Art.	Art.
Perii misera, ut osculatur carnufex, capuli decus.	Oh-h-h! Good heavens! The way he kisses, the villain, fit only to grace a coffin!
Dem.	Dem.
Edepol animam suaviorem aliquanto quam uxoris meae.	My word! Rather sweeter breath than my wife's!
Phil.	Phil.
Dic amabo, an fetet anima uxoris tuae?	Do tell me, there's a dear—your wife's breath isn't bad, is it?
Dem.	Dem.
Nauteam bibere malim, si necessum sit, quam illam oscularier.	I'd rather drink bilge water, if it came to that, than kiss her.
Art.	Art.
Ain tandem? edepol ne tu istuc cum malo magno tuo dixisti in me. sine, revenias modo domum, faxo ut scias quid pericli sit dotatae uxori vitium dicere.	(aside) So? You would, would you? Good gracious, sir, that fling at me will cost you dear. Very well! just you come back home, sir! I'll show you the danger of vilifying a wife with money.
Phil.	Phil.
Miser ecastor es.	Goodness me, you poor thing!
Art.	Art.
Ecastor dignus est.	(aside) Goodness me, he deserves to be!
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quid ais, pater? ecquid matrem amas?	Look here, father. Do you love my mother?
Dem.	Dem.
900 Egone illam? nunc amo, quia non adest.	Love her? I? I love her now for not being near.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Quid cum adest?	And when she is near?
Dem.	Dem.
Periisse cupio.	I yearn for a death in the family.
Par.	Par.
Amat homo hic te, ut praedicat.	(to Artemona) This gentleman is fond of you, it seems.
Art.	Art.
Ne illa ecastor faenerato funditat: nam si domum redierit hodie. osculando ego ulciscar potissimum.	(aside) Oh-h-h! won't he pay interest on that flow of words! Just let him come back home to-day, and that will be my favourite method of revenge—kissing him.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Iace, pater, talos, ut porro nos iaciamus.	(pushing some dice toward Demaenetus) Your throw, father: come, so that I can take my turn.
Dem.	Dem.
Maxime. te, Philaenium, mihi atque uxoris mortem, hoc Venerium est. pueri, plaudite et mi ob iactum cantharo mulsum date.	By all means. (as he throws) Here's to you for me, Philaenium, and my wife for the tomb! (looking at throw) Ha! The Venus!^F (to servants) A cheer, lads, and some mead from the tankard for that throw!
Art.	Art.
Non queo durare.	(aside to Parasite) This is intolerable!
Par.	Par.
Si non didicisti fulloniam, non mirandum est.³¹ in oculos invadi optumum est.	(aside to Artemona) No wonder, if you never learned the fuller's^G trade. Your best plan is to make a dash for his eyes.
Art.	Art.
Ego pol vivam et tu istaec hodie cum tuo magno malo invocavisti.	(bursting into house) My heavens, sir, I will live, and you shall pay dear for that petition of yours just now! (tableau)
Par.	Par.
910 Ecquis currit pollictorem accersere?	(gleefully) Run, some one, and fetch the undertaker!
Argyr.	Argyr.
Mater, salve.	(innocently) How do you do, mother?
Art.	Art.
Sat salutis.	Enough of your how d'ye do-ing!
Par.	Par.
Mortuost Demaenetus. tempus est subducere hinc me; pulchre hoc gliscit proelium. ibo ad Diabolum, mandata dicam facta ut voluerit, atque interea ut decumbamus suadebo, hi dum litigant.	(aside) Demaenetus is dead. Time for me to retire from the scene; the battle waxes finely. I'll off to Diabolus and tell him his mandates are executed to the letter, yes, and suggest our taking dinner meantime, while they fight it out.
poste demum huc cras adducam ad lenam, ut viginti minas ei det, in partem hac amanti ut liceat ei potirier. Argyrippus exorari spero poterit, ut sinat sese alternas cum illo noctes hac frui. nam ni impetro, regem perdidi: ex amore tantum est homini incendium.	Then to-morrow when it's over I'll bring him back to the Madame so that he may give her the eighty pounds and get her permission for his fond self to go shares in the girl here. I do hope Argyrippus can be induced to let him have her half the time. For if I don't get so much out of him, I have lost a patron—all one blaze of love, as the fellow is. [exit Parasite.
Art.	Art.
Quid tibi hunc receptio ad te est meum virum?	(to Philaenium) What do you mean by receiving this man at your house—my husband?
Phil.	Phil.
920 Pol me quidem miseram odio enicavit.	Dear, dear! Why, I'm fairly bored to death by him, for my part.
Art.	Art.
Surge, amator, i domum.	(standing over Demaenetus) Get up, my gallant; home with you!
Dem.	Dem.
Nullus sum.	(half aside, afraid to move) I'm a dead man!
Art.	Art.
Immo es, ne nega, omnium unus pol nequissimus. at etiam cubat cuculus. surge amator, i domum.	Good gracious, no! You're the vilest man living, and you needn't deny it. But he's roosting there still, the cuckoo! Get up, my gallant; home with you!
Dem.	Dem.
Vae mihi.	(half aside) Oh, I'm in for it!
Art.	Art.
Vera hariolare. surge, amator, i domum.	You are a true prophet. Get up, my gallant; home with you!
Dem.	Dem.
Abscede ergo paululum istuc.	Well then, do stand a bit farther off.
Art.	Art.
Surge, amator, i domum.	Get up, my gallant; home with you!
Dem.	Dem.
Iam obsecro, uxor.	For heaven's sake now, my dear!
Art.	Art.
Nunc uxorem me esse meministi tuam? modo, cum dicta in me ingerebas, odium, non uxor eram.	Now you recollect that I am your dear, do you? A moment ago, when you were saying things about me, I was your abomination, not your dear.
Dem.	Dem.
Totus perii.	(half aside) It's all up with me, absolutely!
Art.	Art.
Quid tandem? anima fetetne uxoris tuae?	You really meant it, did you? Your dear's breath smells, does it?
Dem.	Dem.
Murram olet.	(hastily) Smells of myrrh, myrrh!
Art.	Art.
Iam subrupuisti pallam, quam scorto dares?	(ironically) Have you stolen the mantle yet to give this creature?
Phil.	Phil.
930 Ecastor qui subrupturum pallam promisit tibi.	He promised he would steal it from you, indeed he did!
Dem.	Dem.
Non taces?	(aside to Philaenium) Shut up, won't you?
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ego dissuadebam, mater.	I tried to dissuade him, mother.
Art.	Art.
Bellum filium. istoscine patrem aequom est mores liberis largirier? nilne te pudet?	A pretty son! (to Demaenetus) Is this the way for a father to edify his children? Is there nothing you're ashamed of? (helps him off the couch by the ear)
Dem.	Dem.
Pol, si aliud nil sit, tui me, uxor, pudet.	Oh Lord! You make me ashamed, my dear, if nothing else would.
Art.	Art.
Cano capite te cuculum uxor ex lustris rapit.	(guiding him toward the door) It's your dear that is dragging you from this den of vice, your hoary-headed cuckoo!
Dem.	Dem.
Non licet manere—cena coquitur—dum cenem modo?	Mayn't I stay—dinner's being cooked—just till I've dined?
Art.	Art.
Ecastor cenabis hodie, ut dignus es, magnum malum.	Good heavens, sir! You shall dine as you deserve today—on dire distress.
Dem.	Dem.
Male cubandum est: iudicatum me uxor abducit domum.	(aside) It's a poorish night I'm in for: here I am sentenced, and my wife leading me off—home. (Argyrippus and Philaenium follow them to door)
Argyr.	Argyr.
Dicebam, pater, tibi, ne matri consuleres male.	I kept telling you, father, not to play any tricks on mother.
Phil.	Phil.
De palla memento, amabo.	Remember about the mantle, there's a dear!
Dem.	Dem.
Iuben hanc hinc abscedere?	(to wife) Tell her to get out of here, won't you?
Art.	Art.
I domum.	(jerking him along) Home with you!
Phil.	Phil.
940 Da savium etiam prius quam abis.	Do give me another naughty, naughty kiss before we part.
Dem.	Dem.
I in crucem.	Go to hell!
Phil.	Phil.
Immo intro potius. sequere hac me, mi anime.	Oh no, inside, instead, (to Argyrippus, as she goes back inside) Come along with me, darling.
Argyr.	Argyr.
Ego vero sequor.	Indeed I will. [exeunt omnes.

GREX

EPILOGUE

(Spoken by the Company)

Hic senex si quid clam uxorem suo animo fecit volup,

neque novum neque mirum fecit nec secus quam alii solent;

nec quisquam est tam ingenio duro nec tam firmo pectore,

quin ubi quicque occasionis sit sibi faciat bene.

nunc si voltis deprecari huic seni ne vapulet,

remur impetrari posse, plausum si clarum datis.

If this old gentleman has indulged his inclinations a bit without informing his wife, he has done nothing new or strange, or different from what other men ordinarily do. No one has such an iron nature, such an unyielding heart, as not to do himself a good turn whenever he has any chance. So now in case you wish to beg the old fellow off from a beating, we opine that you can succeed, if you—give us some loud applause.

1. Leo brackets following v., 25-26: ita me obstinate adgressu's, ut non audeam profecto, percontanti quin promam omnia.	A. Where he might be beaten with ox-hide whips.
2. Leo brackets following v., 33: ubi flent nequam homines, qui polentam pinsitant.	B. It has seemed advisable to use the terms of the English coinage system throughout this version; the value of the money metals, however, has shrunk very considerably since Plautus's day.
3. Corrupt (Leo): obsequellam MSS: obsequellam eam Acidalius.	C. The elm corresponded to our birch in being used for corporal punishment.
4. Leo brackets following v., 77: volo amori obsecutum illius, volo amet me patrem.	D. White horses were supposed to be the fastest.
5. Corrupt (Leo): venari autem rete iaculo MSS: reti, iaculo venari autem Vahlen.	E. Naming one's sweetheart, on making a throw, was a common custom.
6. Leo notes lacuna here: atqui ibi MSS: ibo atque ibi Camerarius.	F. The highest throw.
7. Corrupt (Leo): experiri MSS: experi Skutsch.	G. Fullers being accustomed to unpleasant smells.
8. Leo brackets following v., 252: igitur inveniundo argento ut fingeres fallaciam.
9. Leo notes lacuna here: istuc MSS: istuc, istuc Palmer.
10. Corrupt (Leo): exasciato Acidalius: exasceatum MSS.
11. Leo notes lacuna here: da MSS: dare Fleckeisen.
12. Leo brackets following vv., 480-483: in ius voco te. Leon. Non eo. Merc. Non is? memento. Leon. 480 Memini. Merc. Dabitur pol supplicum mihi de tergo vostro. Leon. Vae te tibi quidem supplicum, carnufex de nobis detur? Merc. Atque etiam pro dictis vostris maledicis poenae pendentur mi hodie.
13. etiam nunc dico MSS: Lindsay excises nunc dico.
14. Leo brackets following v., 508: Cle. An decorum est adversari meis te praeceptis? Phil. Quid est?
15. Corrupt (Leo): nobis excised by Bothe.
16. quo est Leo: not in MSS.
17. Leo brackets following v., 547: scapularam confidentia, virtute ulmorum freti.
18. advorsum stetimus Ussing: qui advorsum stimulos MSS.
19. Inductoresque Acidalius and others: indoctoresque MSS.
20. Leo brackets following v., 552— qui saepe ante in nostras scapulas cicatrices indiderunt— and assumes lacuna following.
21. Corrupt (Leo): collegae MSS: collegae mei Leo.
22. Leo brackets following v., 570: ubi periuraris, ubi sacro manus sis admolitus.
23. Leo brackets following v., 573: ubi amicae quam amico tuo fueris magis fidelis.
24. Corrupt (Leo): interioris MSS: interior Bothe.
25. Corrupt (Leo): atque ad me adgredire Langen.
26. Leo notes slight lacuna here. amicae suae Gulielmius.
27. Leo brackets following v., 828, 829: Argyr. Age, decumbamus sis, pater.	27. Argyr. Come father, let's take our places, please.
Dem. Ut iusseris, mi gnate, ita fiet.	Dem. Just as you say, my dear boy.
Argyr. Pueri, mensam adponite.	Argyr. (to slaves) Bring the table, my lads.
28. et Pius: ut MSS.
29. Corrupt (Leo): fui Pylades: fueram Leo.
30. Corrupt (Leo). hominem (aut) Camerarius.
31. non mirandumst, (Artemona. Art.). In Havet.

AULULARIA

THE POT OF GOLD

Argument I
Argument II
Dramatis Personae
Prologue
ACT I

Scene 2

ACT II

Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Scene 5
Scene 6
Scene 7
Scene 8
Scene 9

ACT III

Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Scene 5
Scene 6

ACT IV

Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Scene 5
Scene 6
Scene 7
Scene 8
Scene 9
Scene 10

ACT V
Summary of missing text
Fragments
Footnotes

ARGVMENTVM I

ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (I)

Senex avarus vix sibi credens Euclio

domi suae defossam multis cum opibus

aulam invenit, rursumque penitus conditam

exanguis amens servat. eius filiam

Lyconides vitiarat. interea senex

Megadorus a sorore suasus ducere

uxorem avari gnatam deposcit sibi.

A miserly old man named Euclio, a man who would hardly trust his very self, on finding a pot full of treasure buried within his house, hides it away again deep in the ground, and, beside himself with terror, keeps watch over it. His daughter had been wronged by Lyconides. Meanwhile an old gentleman, one Megadorus, is persuaded by his sister to marry, and asks the miser for his daughter's hand.

durus senex vix promittit, atque aulae timens

domo sublatam variis abstrudit locis.

insidias servos facit huius Lyconidis

10 qui virginem vitiarat; atque ipse obsecrat

avonculum Megadorum sibimet cedere

uxorem amanti. per dolum mox Euclio

cum perdidisset aulam, insperato invenit

laetusque natam conlocat Lyconidi.

The dour old fellow at length consents, and, fearing for his pot, takes it from the house and hides it in one place after another. The servant of this Lyconides, the man who had wronged the girl, plots against the miser; and Lyconides himself entreats his uncle, Megadorus, to give up the girl, and let him, the man that loves her, marry her. After a time Euclio, who had been tricked out of his pot, recovers it unexpectedly and joyfully bestows his daughter upon Lyconides.

ARGVMENTVM II

ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (II)

Aulam repertam auri plenam Euclio

Vi summa servat, miseris adfectus modis.

Lyconides istius vitiat filiam.

Volt hanc Megadorus indotatam ducere,

Lubensque ut faciat dat coquos cum obsonio.

Auro formidat Euclio, abstrudit foris.

Re omni inspecta compressoris servolus

Id surpit. illic Euclioni rem refert.

Ab eo donatur auro, uxore et filio.

Euclio, on finding a pot full of gold, is dreadfully worried, and watches over it with the greatest vigilance. Lyconides wrongs his daughter. This girl, undowered though she is, Megadorus wishes to marry, and he cheerfully supplies cooks and provisions for the wedding feast. Anxious about his gold, Euclio hides it outside the house. Everything he does having been witnessed, a rascally servant of the girl's assailant steals it. His master informs Euclio of it, and receives from him gold, wife, and son.

PERSONAE

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

LAR FAMILIARIS PROLOGVS
EVCLIO SENEX
STAPHYLA ANVS
EVNOMIA MATRONA
MEGADORVS SENEX
PYTHODICVS SERVVS
CONGRIO COCVS
ANTHRAX COCVS
STROBILVS SERVVS
LYCONIDES ADVLESCENS
PHAEDRIA PVELLA
TIBICINAE

THE HOUSEHOLD GOD OF EUCLIO, the Prologue.

EUCLIO, an old gentleman of Athens.

STAPHYLA, his old slave.

EUNOMIA, a lady of Athens.

MEGADORUS, an old gentleman of Athens, Eunomia's brother.

PYTHODICUS, his slave.

CONGRIO, cook.

ANTHRAX, cook.

STROBILUS, slave of Lyconides.

LYCONIDES, a young gentleman of Athens, Eunomia's son.

PHAEDRIA, Euclio's daughter.

MUSIC GIRLS.

Scene—Athens. A street on which are the houses of Euclio and Megadorus, a narrow lane between them, in front an altar.

PROLOGVS	PROLOGUE
LAR FAMILIARIS	SPOKEN BY EUCLIO'S HOUSEHOLD GOD
Ne quis miretur qui sim, paucis eloquar ego Lar sum familiaris ex hac familia unde exeuntem me aspexistis. hanc domum iam multos annos est cum possideo et colo patri avoque iam huius qui nunc hic habet sed mi avos huius obsecrans concredidit thensaurum auri clam omnis. in medio foco defodit, venerans me ut id servarem sibi.	That no one may wonder who I am, I shall inform you briefly. I am the Household God of that family from whose house you saw me come. For many years now I have possessed this dwelling, and preserved it for the sire and grandsire of its present occupant. Now this man's grandsire as a suppliant entrusted to me, in utter secrecy, a hoard of gold: he buried it in the centre of the hearth, entreating me to guard it for him.
is quoniam moritur—ita avido ingenio fuit— 10 numquam indicare id filio voluit suo, inopemque optavit potius eum relinquere, quam eum thensaurum commonstraret filio; agri reliquit ei non magnum modum, quo cum labore magno et misere viveret.	When he died he could not bear—so covetous was he—to reveal its existence to his own son, and he chose to leave him penniless rather than apprise him of this treasure. Some land, a little only, he did leave him, whereon to toil and moil for a miserable livelihood.
Ubi is obiit mortem qui mihi id aurum credidit, coepi observare, ecqui maiorem filus mihi honorem haberet quam eius habuisset pater. atque ille vero minus minusque impendio curare minusque me impertire honoribus. 20 item a me contra factum est, nam item obiit diem. is ex se hunc reliquit qui hic nunc habitat filium pariter moratum ut pater avosque huius fuit.	After the death of him who had committed the gold to my keeping, I began to observe whether the son would hold me in greater honour than his father had. As a matter of fact, his neglect grew and grew apace, and he showed me less honour. I did the same by him: so he also died. He left a son who occupies this house at present, a man of the same mould as his sire and grandsire.
huic filia una est. ea mihi cottidie aut ture aut vino aut aliqui semper supplicat, dat mihi coronas. eius honoris gratia feci, thensaurum ut hic reperiret Euclio, quo illam facilius nuptum, si vellet, daret nam eam compressit de summo adulescens loco. is scit adulescens quae sit quam compresserit, 30 illa illum nescit, neque compressam autem pater.	He has one daughter. She prays to me constantly, with daily gifts of incense, or wine, or something; she gives me garlands. Out of regard for her I caused Euclio to discover the treasure here in order that he might the more easily find her a husband, if he wished. For she has been ravished by a young gentleman of very high rank. He knows who it is that he has wronged; who he is she does not know, and as for her father, he is ignorant of the whole affair.
Eam ego hodie faciam ut his senex de proxumo sibi uxorem poscat. id ea faciam gratia, quo ille eam facilius ducat qui compresserat. et hic qui poscet eam sibi uxorem senex, is adulescentis illius est avonculus, qui illam stupravit noctu, Cereris vigiliis.	I shall make the old gentleman who lives next door here (pointing) ask for her hand to-day. My reason for so doing is that the man who wronged her may marry her the more easily. And the old gentleman who is to ask for her hand is the uncle of the young gentleman who violated her by night at the festival of Ceres.
sed hic senex iam clamat intus ut solet. anum foras extrudit, ne sit conscia. credo aurum inspicere volt, ne subreptum siet.	(an uproar in Euclio's house) But there is old Euclio clamouring within as usual, and turning his ancient servant out of doors lest she learn his secret. I suppose he wishes to look at his gold and see that it is not stolen. [exit.

ACTVS I	ACT I
Eucl.	Eucl.
40 Exi, inquam. age exi. exeundum hercle tibi hinc est foras, circumspectatrix cum oculis emissicus.	(within) Out with you, I say! Come now, out with you! By the Lord, you've got to get out of here, you snook- around, you, with your prying and spying. enter Staphyla from Euclio's house, followed by Euclio who is pushing and beating her.
Staph.	Staph.
Nam cur me miseram verberas?	(groaning) Oh, what makes you go a-hitting a poor wretch like me, sir?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Ut misera sis atque ut te dignam mala malam aetatem exigas.	(savagely) To make sure you are a poor wretch, so as to give a bad lot the bad time she deserves.
Staph.	Staph.
Nam qua me nunc causa extrusisti ex aedibus?	Why, what did you push me out of the house for now?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Tibi ego rationem reddam, stimulorum seges? illuc regredere ab ostio. illuc sis vide, ut incedit. at scin quo modo tibi res se habet? si hercle hodie fustem cepero aut stimulum in manum, testudineum istum tibi ego grandibo gradum.	I give my reasons to you, you,—you patch of beats, you? Over there with you, (pointing) away from the door! (Staphyla hobbles to place indicated) Just look at her, will you,—how she creeps along! See here, do you know what'11 happen to you? Now by heaven, only let me lay my hand on a club or a stick and I'll accelerate that tortoise crawl for you!
Staph.	Staph.
50 Utinam me divi adaxint ad suspendium potius quidem quam hoc pacto apud te servium.	(aside) Oh, I wish Heaven would make me hang myself, I do! Better that than slaving it for you at this rate, I'm sure.
Eucl.	Eucl.
At ut scelesta sola secum murmurat oculos hercle ego istos, improba, ecfodiam tibi, ne me observare possis quid rerum geram abscede etiam nunc—etiam nunc—etiam—ohe.	(aside) Hear the old criminal mumbling away to herself, though! (aloud) Ah! those eyes of yours, you old sinner! By heaven, I'll dig 'em out for you. I will, so that you can't keep watching me whatever I do. Get farther off still! still farther! still—Whoa!
istic astato. si hercle tu ex istoc loco digitum transvorsum aut unguem latum excesseris aut si respexis, donicum ego te iussero, continuo hercle ego te dedam discipulam cruci.	Stand there! You budge a finger's breadth a nail's breadth from that spot; you so much as turn your head till I say the word, and by the Almighty, the next minute I'll send you to the gallows for a lesson, so I will.
60 scelestiorem me hac anu certo scio vidisse numquam, nimisque ego hanc metuo male, ne mi ex insidiis verba imprudent duit neu persentiscat aurum ubi est absconditum, quae in occipitio quoque habet oculos pessima. nunc ibo ut visam sitne ita aurum ut condidi, quod me sollicitat plurimis miserum modis.	(aside) A worse reprobate than this old crone I never did see, no, never. Oh, but how horribly scared I am she'll come some sly dodge on me when I'm not expecting it, and smell out the place where the gold is hidden. She has eyes in the very back of her head, the hell-cat. Now I'll just go see if the gold is where I hid it. Dear, dear, it worries the life out of me! [exit Euclio into house.
Staph.	Staph.
Noenum mecastor quid ego ero dicam meo malae rei evenisse quamve insaniam, queo comminisci; ita me miseram ad hunc modum 70 decies die uno saepe extrudit aedibus. nescio pol quae illunc hominem intemperiae tenent; pervigilat noctes totas, tum autem interdius quasi claudus sutor domi sedet totos dies.	Mercy me! What's come over master, what crazy streak he's got, I can't imagine,—driving a poor woman out of the house this way ten times a day, often. Goodness gracious, what whim-whams the man's got into his head I don't see. Never shuts his eyes all night: yes, and then in the daytime he's sitting around the house the whole livelong day, for all the world like a lame cobbler.
neque iam quo pacto celem erilis filiae probrum, propinqua partitudo cui appetit, queo comminisci; neque quicquam meliust mihi, ut opinor, quam ex me ut unam faciam litteram longam, meum laqueo collum quando obstrinxero.	How I'm going to hide the young mistress's disgrace now is beyond me, and she with her time so near. There's nothing better for me to do, as I see, than tie a rope round my neck and dangle myself out into one long capital I.

I. 2.	Scene 2.
	re-enter Euclio from house.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Nunc defaecato demum animo egredior domo, 80 postquam perspexi salva esse intus omnia. redi nunciam intro atque intus serva.	(aside) At last I can feel easy about leaving the house, now I have made certain everything is all right inside. (to Staphyla) Go back in there this instant, you, and keep watch inside.
Staph.	Staph.
Quippini? ego intus servem? an ne quis aedes auferat? nam hic apud nos nihil est aliud quaesti furibus, ita inaniis sunt oppletae atque araneis.	(tartly) I suppose so! So I'm to keep watch inside, am I? You aren't afraid anyone'll walk away with the house, are you? I vow we've got nothing else there for thieves to take—all full of emptiness as it is, and cobwebs.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Mirum quin tua me causa faciat Iuppiter Philippum regem aut Dareum, trivenefica araneas mihi ego illas servari volo. pauper sum, fateor, patior, quod di dant fero.	It is surprising Providence wouldn't make a King Philip or Darius of me for your benefit, you viper, you! (threateningly) I want those cobwebs watched! I'm poor, poor; I admit it, I put up with it; I take what the gods give me.
abi intro, occlude ianuam. iam ego hic ero 90 cave quemquam alienum in aedis intro miseris quod quispiam ignem quaerat, extingui volo, ne causae quid sit quod te quisquam quaeritet nam si ignis vivet, ut extinguere extempulo.	In with you, bolt the door. I shall be back soon. No outsider is to be let in, mind you. And in case anyone should be looking for a light, see you put the fire out so that no one will have any reason to come to you for it. Mark my words, if that fire stays alive, I'll extinguish you instantly.
tum aquam aufugisse dicito, si quis petet. cultrum, securim, pistillum, mortarium, quae utenda vasa semper vicini rogant, fures venisse atque abstulisse dicito profecto in aedis meas me absente neminem volo intro mitti. atque etiam hoc praedico tibi 100 si Bona Fortuna veniat, ne intro miseris	And then water—if anyone asks for water, tell him it's all run out. As for a knife, or an axe, or a pestle, or a mortar,—things the neighbours are all the time wanting to borrow—tell 'em burglars got in and stole the whole lot. I won't have a living soul let into my house while I'm gone—there! Yes, and what's more, listen here, if Dame Fortune herself comes along, don't you let her in.
Staph.	Staph.
Pol ea ipsa credo ne intro mittatur cavet, nam ad aedis nostras numquam adit, quamquam prope est.	Goodness me, she won't get in: she'll see to that herself, I fancy. Why, she never comes to our house at all, no matter how near she is.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Tace atque abi intro.	Keep still and go inside. (advances on her)
Staph.	Staph.
Taceo atque abeo.	(hurrying out of reach) I'm still, sir, I'm going!
Eucl.	Eucl.
Occlude sis fores ambobus pessulis. iam ego hic ero.	Mind you lock the door, both bolts. I'll soon be back. [exit Staphyla into house.
discrucior animi, quia ab domo abeundum est mihi. nimis hercle invitus abeo. sed quid agam scio. nam noster nostrae qui est magister curiae dividere argenti dixit nummos in viros, id si relinquo ac non peto, omnes ilico 110 me suspicentur, credo habere aurum domi nam non est veri simile, hominem pauperem pauxillum parvi facere quin nummum petat.	It's agony having to leave the house, downright agony. Oh my God, how I do hate to go! But I have my reasons. The director of our ward gave notice he was going to make us a present of two shillings a man; and the minute I let it pass without putting in my claim, they'd all be suspecting I had gold at home, I'm sure they would. No, it doesn't look natural for a poor man to think so little of even a tiny bit of money as not to go ask for his two shillings.
nam nunc cum celo sedulo omnis, ne sciant, omnes videntur scire et me benignius omnes salutant quam salutabant prius; adeunt, consistunt, copulantur dexteras, rogitant me ut valeam, quid agam, quid rerum geram. nunc quo profectus sum ibo; postidea domum me rursum quantum potero tantum recipiam.	Why, even now, hard as I try to keep every one from finding out, it seems as if every one knew: it seems as if every one has a heartier way of saying good day than they used to. Up they come, and stop, and shake hands, and keep asking me how I'm feeling, and how I'm getting on, and what I'm doing. Well, I must get along to where I'm bound; and then I'll come back home just as fast as I possibly can. [exit Euclio.

ACTVS II	ACT II
	enter Eunomia and Megadorus from latter's house.
Eun.	Eun.
120 Velim te arbitrari med haec verba, frater, meai fidei tuaique rei causa facere, ut aequom est germanam sororem. quamquam haud falsa sum nos odiosas haberi; nam multum loquaces merito omnes habemur, nec mutam profecto repertam ullam esse aut hodie dicunt mulierem aut ullo in saeclo.	Brother, I do hope you'll believe I say this out of my loyalty to you and for your welfare, as a true sister should. Of course I'm well enough aware you men think us women are a bother; yes, awful chatterboxes—that's the name we all have, and (ruefully) it fits. And then that common saying, "Never now, nor through the ages, never any woman dumb."
verum hoc, frater, unum tamen cogitato, tibi proximam me mihique esse item te; ita aequom est quod in rem esse utrique arbitremur 130 et mihi te et tibi me consulere et monere; neque occultum id haberi neque per metum mussari, quin participem pariter ego te et tu me ut facias, eo nunc ego secreto ted huc foras seduxi, ut tuam rem ego tecum hic loquerer familiarem.	But just the same, do remember this one thing, brother,—that I am closer to you and you to me than anyone else in the whole world. So both of us ought to advise and counsel each other as to what we feel is to either's advantage, not keep such things back or be afraid to speak out openly, we ought to confide in one another fully, you and I. This is why I've taken you aside out here now—so that we can have a quiet talk on a matter that concerns you intimately.
Mega.	Mega.
Da mi, optuma femina, manum.	(warmly) Let's have your hand, you best of women!
Eun.	Eun.
Ubi ea est? quis ea est nam optuma?	(pretending to look about) Where is she? Who on earth is that best of women?
Mega.	Mega.
Tu.	Yourself.
Eun.	Eun.
Tune ais?	You say that—you?
Mega.	Mega.
Si negas, nego.	(banteringly) Oh well, if you deny it—
Eun.	Eun.
Decet te equidem vera proloqui; nam optuma nulla potest eligi: alia alia peior, frater, est.	Really now, you ought to be truthful. There's no such thing, you know, as picking out the best woman; it's only a question of comparative badness, brother.
Mega.	Mega.
140 Idem ego arbitror, nec tibi advorsari certum est de istac re umquam, soror.	My own opinion precisely. I'll never differ with you there, sister, you may count on that.
Eun.	Eun.
Da mihi operam amabo.	Now do give me your attention, there's a dear.
Mega.	Mega.
Tuast, utere atque impera, si quid vis.	It is all your own; use me, command me—anything you wish.
Eun.	Eun.
Id quod in rem tuam optumum esse arbitror, ted id monitum advento.	I'm going to advise you to do something that I think will be the very best thing in the world for you.
Mega.	Mega.
Soror, more tuo facis.	Quite like you, sister.
Eun.	Eun.
Factum volo.	I certainly hope so.
Mega.	Mega.
Quid est id, soror?	And what is this something, my dear?
Eun.	Eun.
Quod tibi sempiternum salutare sit: liberis procreandis— ita di faxint—volo te uxorem domum ducere.	Something that will make for your everlasting welfare. You should have children. God grant you may!—and I want you to marry.
Mega.	Mega.
Ei occidi.	Oh-h-h, murder!
Eun.	Eun.
150 Quid ita?	How so?
Mega.	Mega.
Quia mihi misero cerebrum excutiunt tua dicta, soror: lapides loqueris.	Well, you're knocking my poor brains out with such a proposition, my dear girl: you're talking cobble-stones.
Eun.	Eun.
Heia, hoc face quod te iubet soror.	Now, now, do what your sister tells you.
Mega.	Mega.
Si lubeat, faciam.	I would, if it appealed to me.
Eun.	Eun.
In rem hoc tuam est.	It would be a good thing for you.
Mega.	Mega.
Ut quidem emoriar prius quam ducam. sed his legibus si quam dare vis ducam: quae cras veniat, perendie foras feratur; his legibus dare vis? cedo: nuptias adorna.	Yes—to die before marrying. (pause) All right. I'll marry anyone you please, on this condition, though: her wedding to-morrow, and her wake the day after. Still wish it, on this condition? Produce her! Arrange for the festivities!
Eun.	Eun.
Cum maxima possum tibi, frater, dare dote; sed est grandior natu: media est mulieris aetas. 160 eam si iubes, frater, tibi me poscere, poscam.	I can get you one with ever so big a dowry, dear. To be sure, she's not a young girl—middle-aged, as a matter of fact. I'll see about it for you, brother, if you want.
Mega.	Mega.
Num non vis me interrogare te?	You don't mind my asking you a question, I dare say?
Eun.	Eun.
Immo, si quid vis, roga.	Why, of course not; anything you like.
Mega.	Mega.
Post mediam aetatem qui media ducit uxorem domum, si eam senex anum praegnatem fortuito fecerit, quid dubitas, quin sit paratum nomen puero Postumus?	Now supposing a man pretty well on in life marries a lady of maturity and this aged female should happen to show intentions of making the old fellow a father—can you doubt but that the name in store for that youngster is Postumus?^A
nunc ego istum, soror, laborem demam et deminuam tibi. ego virtute deum et maiorum nostrum dives sum satis. istas magnas factiones, animos, dotes dapsiles, clamores, imperia, eburata vehicla, pallas, purpuram, nil moror quae in servitutem sumptibus redigunt viros.	See here, sister, I'll relieve you of all this and save you trouble. I'm rich enough, thanks be to heaven and our forbears. And I have no fancy at all for those ladies of high station and hauteur and fat dowries, with their shouting and their ordering and their ivory trimmed carriages and their purple and fine linen that cost a husband his liberty.
Eun.	Eun.
Dic mihi, quaeso, quis ea est quam vis ducere uxorem?	For mercy's sake tell me who you do want to marry, then!
Mega.	Mega.
170 Eloquar. nostin hunc senem Euclionem ex proximo pauperculum?	I'm going to. You know the old gentleman—rather hard up, poor fellow,—that lives next door, Euclio?
Eun.	Eun.
Novi, hominem haud malum mecastor.	Yes indeed. Why, he seems quite nice.
Mega.	Mega.
Eius cupio filiam virginem mihi desponderi. verba ne facias, soror. scio quid dictura es: hanc esse pauperem. haec pauper placet.	It's his daughter—there's the engagement I'm eager for. Now don't make a fuss, sister. I know what you're about to say—that she's poor. But this particular poor girl suits me.
Eun.	Eun.
Di bene vortant.	God's blessing on your choice, dear!
Mega.	Mega.
Idem ego spero.	I trust so.
Eun.	Eun.
Quid me? num quid vis?	(about to leave) Well, there's nothing I can do?
Mega.	Mega.
Vale.	Yes—take good care of yourself.
Eun.	Eun.
Et tu, frater.	You too, brother. [exit Eunomia.
Mega.	Mega.
Ego conveniam Euclionem, si domi est. sed eccum video. nescio unde sese homo recipit domum.	Now for an interview with Euclio, if he's at home. (looking down street) Hullo, though! here he is! Just getting back from somewhere or other.

II. 2.	Scene 2.
	enter Euclio.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Praesagibat mi animus frustra me ire, quom exibam domo; itaque abibam invitus; nam neque quisquam curialium 180 venit neque magister quem dividere argentum oportuit. nunc domum properare propero, nam egomet sum hic, animus domi est.	(without seeing Megadorus) I knew it! Something told me I was going on a fool's errand when I left the house; that's why I hated to go. Why, there wasn't a single man of our ward there, or the director either, who ought to have distributed the money. Now I'll hurry up and hurry home: I'm here in the body, but that's where my mind is.
Mega.	Mega.
Salvos atque fortunatus, Euclio, semper sies.	(advancing with outstretched hand) Good day to you, Euclio, yes, and the best of everything to you always!
Eucl.	Eucl.
Di te ament, Megadore.	(taking hand gingerly) God bless you, Megadorus.
Mega.	Mega.
Quid tu? recten atque ut vis vales?	How goes it? All right, are you? Feeling as well as you could wish?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Non temerarium est, ubi dives blande appellat pauperem. iam illic homo aurum scit me habere, eo me salutat blandius.	(aside) There's something behind it when a rich man puts on that smooth air with a poor one. Now that fellow knows I've got gold: that's why he's so uncommon smooth with his salutations.
Mega.	Mega.
Ain tu te valere?	You say you are well?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Pol ego haud perbene a pecunia.	Heavens, no: I feel low, very low—in funds.
Mega.	Mega.
Pol si est animus aequos tibi. sat habes qui bene vitam colas.	(cheerily) Well, well, man, if you have a contented mind, you've got enough to enjoy life with.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Anus hercle huic indicium fecit de auro, perspicue palam est. cui ego iam linguam praecidam atque oculos effodiam domi.	(aside, frightened) Oh, good Lord! The old woman has let on to him about the gold! It's discovered, clear as can be! I'll cut her tongue out, I'll tear her eyes out, the minute I get at her in the house!
Mega.	Mega.
Quid tu solus tecum loquere?	What is that you're saying to yourself?
Eucl.	Eucl.
190 Meam pauperiem conqueror. virginem habeo grandem, dote cassam atque inlocabilem, neque eam queo locare cuiquam.	(startled) Just ... how awful it is to be poor. And I with a grown-up girl, without a penny of dowry, that I can't get off my hands or find a husband for.
Mega.	Mega.
Tace, bonum habe animum, Euclio. dabitur, adiuvabere a me. dic, si quid opust, impera.	(clapping him on the back) There, there, Euclio! Cheer up. She shall be married: I'll help you out. Come now, call on me, if you need anything.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Nunc petit, cum pollicetur; inhiat aurum ut devoret. altera manu fert lapidem, panem ostentat altera. nemini credo qui large blandust dives pauperi ubi manum inicit benigne, ibi onerat aliqua zamia ego istos novi polypos, qui ubi quidquid tetigerunt tenent.	(aside) When he agrees to give he wants to grab! Mouth wide open to gobble down my gold! Holds up a bit of bread in one hand and has a stone in the other! I don't trust one of these rich fellows when he's so monstrous civil to a poor man. They give you a cordial handshake, and squeeze something out of you at the same time. I know all about those octopuses that touch a thing and then—stick.
Mega.	Mega.
Da mi operam parumper. paucis, Euclio, est quod te volo de communi re appellare mea et tua.	I should be glad to have a moment of your time, Euclio. I want to have a brief talk with you on a matter that concerns us both.
Eucl.	Eucl.
200 Ei misero mihi, aurum mi intus harpagatum est. nunc hic eam rem volt scio, mecum adire ad pactionem. verum intervisam domum.	(aside) Oh, God save us! My gold's been hooked, and now he wants to make a deal with me! I see it all! But I'll go in and look. (hurries toward house)
Mega.	Mega.
Quo abis?	Where are you off to?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Iam ad te revortar. nunc est quod visam domum.	Just a moment!... I'll be back ... the fact is ... I must see to something at home. [exit into house.
Mega.	Mega.
Credo edepol, ubi mentionem ego fecero de filia mi ut despondeat, sese a me derideri rebitur, neque illo quisquam est alter hodie ex paupertate parcior.	By Jove! I suppose he'll think I'm making fun of him when I speak about his giving me his daughter; poverty never made a fellow closer-fisted. re-enter Euclio.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Di me servant, salva res est. salvom est si quid non perit nimis male timui. prius quam intro redii, exanimatus fui. redeo ad te, Megadore, si quid me vis.	(aside) Thank the Lord, I'm saved! It's safe—that is, if it's all there. Ah, but that was a dreadful moment! I nearly expired before I got in the house. (to Megadorus) Here I am, Megadorus, if you want anything of me.
Mega.	Mega.
Habeo gratiam. 210 quaeso, quod te percontabor, ne id te pigeat pro loqui.	Thanks. Now I trust you won't mind answering the questions I'm going to ask.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Dum quidem ne quid perconteris quod non lubeat proloqui.	(cautiously) No-no—that is, if you don't ask any I don't like to answer.
Mega.	Mega.
Dic mihi. quali me arbitrare genere prognatum?	Frankly now, what do you think of my family connections?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Bono.	(grudgingly) Good.
Mega.	Mega.
Quid fide?	And my sense of honour?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Bona.	Good.
Mega.	Mega.
Quid factis?	And my general conduct?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Neque malis neque improbis.	Not bad, not disreputable.
Mega.	Mega.
Aetatem meam scis?	You know my age?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Scio esse grandem, item ut pecuniam.	Getting on, getting on, I know that—(aside) financially, too.
Mega.	Mega.
Certe edepol equidem te civem sine mala omni malitia semper sum arbitratus et nunc arbitror.	Now Euclio, I've always considered you a citizen of the true, trusty type, by Jove, I certainly have, and I do still.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Aurum huic olet. quid nunc me vis?	(aside) He's got a whiff of my gold. (aloud) Well, what do you want?
Mega.	Mega.
Quoniam tu me et ego te qualis sis scio. quae res recte vortat mihique tibique tuaeque filiae, filiam tuam mi uxorem posco. promitte hoc fore.	Now that we appreciate each other, I'm going to ask you—and may it turn out happily for you and your girl and me—to give me your daughter in marriage. Promise you will.
Eucl.	Eucl.
220 Heia, Megadore, haud decorum facinus tuis factis facis, ut inopem atque innoxium abs te atque abs tuis me inrideas. nam de te neque re neque verbis merui ut faceres quod facis.	(whining) Now, now, Megadorus! This is unlike you, unworthy of you, making fun of a poor man like me that never harmed you or yours. Why, I never said or did a thing to you to deserve being treated so.
Mega.	Mega.
Neque edepol ego te derisum venio neque derideo, neque dignum arbitror.	Good Lord, man! I didn't come here to make fun of you, and I'm not making fun of you: I couldn't think of such a thing.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Cur igitur poscis meam gnatam tibi?	Then why are you asking for my daughter?
Mega.	Mega.
Ut propter me tibi sit melius mihique propter te et tuos.	Why? So that we may all of us make life pleasanter for one another.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Venit hoc mihi, Megadore, in mentem, ted esse hominem divitem, factiosum, me autem esse hominem pauperum pauperrimum; nunc si filiam locassim meam tibi, in mentem venit te bovem esse et me esse asellum: ubi tecum coniunctus siem, 230 ubi onus nequeam ferre pariter, iaceam ego asinus in luto, tu me bos magis haud respicias, gnatus quasi numquam siem.	Now here's the way it strikes me, Megadorus,—you're a rich man, a man of position: but as for me, I'm poor, awfully poor, dreadfully poor. Now if I was to marry off my daughter to you, it strikes me you'd be the ox and I'd be the donkey. When I was hitched up with you and couldn't pull my share of the load, down I'd drop, I, the donkey, in the mud; and you, the ox, wouldn't pay any more attention to me than if I'd never been born at all.
et te utar iniquiore et meus me ordo inrideat, neutrubi habeam stabile stabulum, si quid divorti fuat: asini me mordicibus scindant, boves incursent cornibus. hoc magnum est periclum, ab asinis ad boves transcendere.	You would be too much for me: and my own kind would haw-haw at me: and if there should be a falling out, neither party would let me have stable quarters: the donkeys would chew me up and the oxen would run me through. It is a very hazardous business for donkeys to climb into the ox set.
Mega.	Mega.
Quam ad probos propinquitate proxime te adiunxeris. tam optumum est. tu condicionem hanc accipe, ausculta mihi, atque eam desponde mi.	But honourable human beings—the more closely connected you are with them, the better. Come, come, accept my offer: listen to what I say and promise her to me.
Eucl.	Eucl.
At nihil est dotis quod dem.	But not one penny of dowry can I give.
Mega.	Mega.
Ne duas. dum modo morata recte veniat, dotata est satis.	Don't. Only let me have a girl that's good, and she has dowry enough.
Eucl.	Eucl.
240 Eo dico, ne me thensauros repperisse censeas.	(forcing a laugh) I mention this just so that you mayn't think I've found some treasure.
Mega.	Mega.
Novi, ne doceas. desponde.	Yes, yes, I understand. Promise.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Fiat. sed pro Iuppiter, num ego disperii?	So be it. (aside, starting at noise) Oh, my God! Can it be I'm ruined, ruined?
Mega.	Mega.
Quid tibi est?	What's the matter?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quid crepuit quasi ferrum modo?	That noise? What was it—a sort of clinking sound? [exit into house hurriedly.
Mega.	Mega.
Hic apud me hortum confodere iussi. sed ubi hic est homo? abiit neque me certiorem fecit. fastidit mei, quia videt me suam amicitiam velle. more hominum facit; nam si opulentus it petitum pauperioris gratiam, pauper metuit congrediri, per metum male rem gerit. idem, quando occasio illaec periit, post sero cupit.	(not noticing his departure) I told them to do some digging in my garden here. (looking around) But where is the man? Gone away and left me—without a word! Scorns me, now he sees I desire his friendship! Quite the usual thing, that. Yes, let a wealthy man try to get the regard of a poorer one, and the poor one is afraid to meet him half-way: his timidity makes him injure his own interests. Then when it's too late and the opportunity is gone he longs to have it again. re-enter Euclio.
Eucl.	Eucl.
250 Si hercle ego te non elinguandam dedero usque ab radicibus, impero auctorque ego sum, ut tu me cuivis castrandum loces.	(to Staphyla within) By heaven, if I don't have your tongue torn out by the very roots, I give you orders, give you full authority, to hand me over to anyone you please to be skinned alive. (approaches Megadorus)
Mega.	Mega.

CONTENTS

THE GREEK ORIGINALS OF THE PLAYS IN THIS VOLUME

INTRODUCTION

BIBLIOGRAPHY

PRINCIPAL MANUSCRIPTS

SOME ANNOTATED EDITIONS OF PLAYS IN THE FIRST VOLUME

AMPHITRVO AMPHITRYON

ASINARIA THE COMEDY OF ASSES

AULULARIA THE POT OF GOLD

AMPHITRVO

AMPHITRYON

ASINARIA

THE COMEDY OF ASSES

AULULARIA

THE POT OF GOLD