The Project Gutenberg eBook of John Leech's Pictures of Life and Character, Vol. 1 (of 3) This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook. Title: John Leech's Pictures of Life and Character, Vol. 1 (of 3) Creator: John Leech Release date: July 21, 2014 [eBook #46349] Language: English Credits: Produced by Chris Curnow, Wayne Hammond and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive) *** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JOHN LEECH'S PICTURES OF LIFE AND CHARACTER, VOL. 1 (OF 3) *** Produced by Chris Curnow, Wayne Hammond and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive) [Transcriber's Note: Italized text delinminated with underscores (_). There are a few instances of larger font size words, these are delimited with plus signs (+).] JOHN LEECH'S PICTURES OF LIFE AND CHARACTER. [Illustration] FROM THE COLLECTION OF "Mr. Punch." [Illustration: Yours Faithfully John Leech] JOHN LEECH'S PICTURES OF LIFE AND CHARACTER [Illustration] From the Collection of "MR. PUNCH."] LONDON: BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., 8, 9, 10, BOUVERIE STREET, E.C. 1886. LONDON: BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS JOHN LEECH'S PICTURES [Illustration] OF LIFE AND CHARACTER. [Illustration: _A LATE ARRIVAL._ _Page._ "FANCY BALL, SIR! NO, SIR! MISSUS'S FANCY BALL, SIR, WERE LAST TOOSDAY, SIR." [Illustration: _SNUFFED OUT._ "MY EYE, TOMMY! IF 'ERE AIN'T THE SCOTCHMAN HOUT OF THE SNUFF SHOP A TAKIN' A WALK."] [Illustration: _THE TEST OF GALLANTRY._ _Conductor._ "WILL ANY GENT BE SO GOOD AS FOR TO TAKE THIS YOUNG LADY IN HIS LAP?"] [Illustration: _ENCOURAGING._ _Old Gentleman._ "I WANT SOME SHAVING SOAP, MY GOOD LAD." _Boy._ "YES, SIR, HERE'S AN HARTICLE I CAN RECOMMEND, FOR I ALWAYS USE IT MYSELF!"] [Illustration: _TAKING IT COOLLY._ _Old Gent._ "NOW, THEN, CABMAN, HOW MUCH TO THE STRAND?" _Cabman._ "SIX SHILLIN'!" _Old Gent._ "THAT'S TOO MUCH." _Cabman._ "WELL: WHAT YOU PLEASE! IT'S TOO HOT TO DISPUTE ABOUT TRIFLES."] [Illustration: _DID YOU EVER?_ _Old Gentleman (politely)._ "OH, CONDUCTOR! I SHALL FEEL GREATLY OBLIGED TO YOU IF YOU WOULD PROCEED, FOR I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT IN THE STRAND, AND I AM AFRAID I SHALL BE TOO LATE." _Conductor (slamming the door)._ "GO ON, JIM! HERE'S AN OLD COVE A CUSSIN AND A SWEARING LIKE ANY THINK!!!] [Illustration: _WHAT THEY SAID TO THEMSELVES._ _Honourable Mr. Fiddle._ "I WISH THAT CONCEITED ASS, FADDLE, WOULD GO!" _Captain Faddle._ "THAT STUPID IDIOT, FIDDLE, NEVER KNOWS WHEN HE'S IN THE WAY!" _Rich Widow._ "I SHALL BE UNCOMMONLY GLAD WHEN BOTH OF THESE SIMPLETONS TAKE THEIR DEPARTURE."] [Illustration: _PROPRIETY._ PERSONS REPRESENTED. SARAH-JANE. MATILDA. _Scene--Camblin Town._ _Sarah-Jane._ "OH! YOU 'ORRID DREADFUL STORY! I DIDN'T." _Matilda._ "YOU DID NOW, FOR I SEE HIM. I SEE HIM KISS YER. AND HERE HAVE I BIN ENGAGED TO TOMMY PRICE FOR YEARS, AND NEVER SO MUCH AS WALKED ARM-IN-ARM WITH HIM!"] [Illustration: _A COURT DRESS._ "OH! JUST AIN'T PEOPLE PROUD WHAT HAVE GOT PAIRASOLES!"] [Illustration: _A VALUABLE ANIMAL._ _Gentleman (fond of dogs)._ "SAGACIOUS? OH, VERY! WHY, HE NEVER SEES AN OLD GENTLEMAN, BUT HE PULLS OFF HIS HAT AND RUNS AWAY WITH IT. HE'LL FETCH A DUCK OFF A POND; AND HE'S SUCH A NOTION OF TAKING CARE OF HIMSELF THAT HE COSTS ME FULL A GUINEA A WEEK FOR THE LEGS OF MUTTON HE STEALS."] [Illustration: _CRUEL!_ _Snob._ "'AVE A CIGAR, COACHEE?" _Swell Busman._ "NO, THANKEE--I ONLY SMOKE TOBACCER!"] [Illustration: _FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE._ _Policeman._ "HA! THAT'S THE WAY YOU DRINK THE BEER WHEN YOU'RE SENT OF A HERRAND?" _Genius._ "AND THE RIGHT WAY TOO--AIN'T IT?"] [Illustration: _THE JOYS OF OCEAN._ _Smith._ "WELL, BROWN! THIS IS BETTER THAN BEING STEWED UP IN A RAILWAY! EH?" _Brown (faintly)._ "OH--IM-MEASURABLY SU-PERIOR."] [Illustration: _UNFEELING OBSERVATION._ _Vulgar Little Boy._ "OH, LOOK HERE, BILL! HERE'S A POOR BOY BIN AND HAD THE HINFLUENZA, AND NOW HE'S BROKE OUT ALL OVER BUTTONS AND RED STRIPES."] [Illustration: _IN FOR IT._ "HALLO, SIR! ARE YOU AWARE YOU'RE TRESPASSING THERE?"] [Illustration: _THE CORRECT MODE OF RIDING IN ROTTEN ROW._ GALLOP AS HARD AS YOU CAN AMONGST THE LADIES. IT CREATES A SENSATION!!] [Illustration: _A HACK FOR THE DAY._ _Stable-Keeper (to little Gent)._ "SET TO KICKING, AND THEN BOLTED INTO A SHOP! DID HE, NOW? AH! HE ALWAYS WAS A _LIGHT-'ARTED_ 'OSS."] [Illustration: _SPORTING EXTRAORDINARY--THE OLD DOG POINTS CAPITALLY._ "I TELL YER WHAT IT IS, SAM! IF THIS FOOL OF A DOG IS GOING TO STAND STILL LIKE THIS HERE IN EVERY FIELD HE COMES TO, WE MAY AS WELL SHUT UP SHOP, FOR WE SHAN'T FIND NO PARTRIDGES."] [Illustration: _THE GREENWICH DINNER.--A CONVIVIAL MOMENT._ _Gentleman (under the influence of White Bait)._ "WELL, OLD FELLA--REKLECT--PRESHENT COMPANY DINE HERE WITH ME EVERY MONDAY, THURSDAY, AN' SAT'DY--FRIDAY--NO--TOOSDAY, THURSDAY, AND SAT'DY--MIND AN' DON' FORGET--I SAY--WHAT A GOOD FELLA YOU ARE--GREATEST 'STEEM AND REGARD FOR YOU, OLD FELLA!!!"] [Illustration: _STRONG ASSERTION._ _Omnibus Driver (addressing another)._ "YOU'RE A PRETTY FELLOW, YOU ARE. YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN? WHY, I'VE SEEN A BETTER MAN THAN YOU MADE OUT OF TEA-LEAVES!"] [Illustration: _ALARMING SYMPTOMS AFTER EATING BOILED BEEF AND GOOSEBERRY PIE._ _Little Boy._ "OH, LOR, MAR, I FEEL JUST EXACTLY AS IF MY JACKET WAS BUTTONED."] [Illustration: _VERY FINE FRUIT._ _Newspaper Boy (reads)._ "A GENTLEMAN IN THE N-E-I-G-H--NEIGHBOURHOOD OF----, HAS AT THE PRESENT TIME SEVERAL E-NORMOUS GOOSEBERRIES IN HIS GARDEN, WHICH MEASURE TEN INCHES IN C-I-R-CIR C-U-M-CUM F-E-R-FER E-N-C-E-ENCE CIRCUMFERENCE, AND ARE OF THE A-S-AS ASTON ASTONISHING WEIGHT OF THREE HOUNCES HEACH." _His Friend._ "OH, WHAT WHOPPERS! WOULDN'T I LIKE A PINT!"] [Illustration: _A PHILOSOPHER._ _Harriet._ "ST! ST! ST! DEAR ME, NOW, I'VE BROKEN MY COMB, AND ALL MY BACK HAIR'S COME DOWN. WHAT WITH BRUSHING, AND DRESSING, AND CURLING, AND ONE THING AND THE OTHER, WHAT A PLAGUE ONE'S HAIR IS TO BE SURE!" _Young Fellow._ "WELL, HARRIET, WE ARE ALL BOTHERED WITH SOMETHING. LOOK AT US MEN; WE HAVE TO SHAVE EVERY MORNING, SUMMER AND WINTER!"] [Illustration: _MATERNAL SOLICITUDE._ _Mamma._ "GEORGINA! GEORGINA!" _Georgina._ "WELL, MA. HOW YOU DO FIDGET ONE!" _ Mamma._ "SHOULDERS, MY LOVE; SHOULDERS! PRAY HOLD YOURSELF UP. YOU'RE STOOPING AGAIN DREADFULLY."] [Illustration: _ALARMING OCCURRENCE._ _Chorus of Unprotected Females._ "CONDUCTOR! STOP! CONDUCTOR! OMNIBUS-MAN! HERE'S A GENTLEMAN HAD AN ACCIDENT AND BROKE A JAR OF LEECHES, AND THEY'RE ALL OVER THE OMNIBUS!"] [Illustration: _FANCY PORTRAIT._ THE INDIVIDUAL WHO SENDS A FIFTY-POUND NOTE FOR UNPAID INCOME-TAX TO THE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER.] [Illustration: _VERY FINE TALKING!_ "NOW, THEN, SIR, JUMP UP ON THE ROOF, AND LOOK SHARP, PLEASE, SIR, HERE'S T'OTHER BUS A-COMING."] [Illustration: _HOW TO SUIT THE TASTE._ _Waiter._ "GENT IN NO. 4 LIKES A HOLDER AND A THINNER WINE, DOES HE? I WONDER HOW HE'LL LIKE THIS BIN?"] [Illustration: _MAKING THE MOST OF IT._] [Illustration: _AN AFFAIR OF IMPORTANCE._ _Harriet._ "OH! I'M SO GLAD YOU ARE COME, BLANCHE! I'VE BEEN SO PERPLEXED I COULD SCARCELY SLEEP ALL NIGHT." _Blanche._ "WELL! WHAT IS IT, DEAR?" _Harriet._ "WHY, I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO HAVE MY NEW MERINO FROCK VIOLET OR DARK BLUE!"] [Illustration: _A LONDON GENT ABROAD._ _Scene--A Café in Paris._ _London Gent._ "GARCONG! TAS DE CORFEE!" _Garçon._ "BIEN, M'SIEU'--VOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ZEE 'TIMES'?" _London Gent._ "HANG THE FELLER! NOW, I WONDER HOW THE DOOSE HE FOUND OUT I WAS AN ENGLISHMAN!"] [Illustration: _ROMANCE AND REALITY._ _Beautiful Being (who is all soul)._ "HOW GRAND, HOW SOLEMN, DEAR FREDERICK, THIS IS! I REALLY THINK THE OCEAN IS MORE BEAUTIFUL UNDER THIS ASPECT THAN UNDER ANY OTHER!" _Frederick (who has about as much poetry in him as a Codfish)._ "HM--AH! YES. PER-WAPS. BY THE WAY, BLANCHE--THERE'S A FELLA SWIMPING. S'POSE WE ASK HIM IF HE CAN GET US SOME PWAWNS FOR BWEAKFAST TO-MOWAW MORNING?"] [Illustration: _SYMPTOMS OF WET WEATHER._ _Tom._ "HOLLO, SAM, WHAT THE JUICE ARE YOU CARRYING OF?" _Sam._ "'CLARISSA ARLO,' FOR MISSIS."] [Illustration: _PITY THE SORROWS OF THE POOR POLICE._ "LOR, SOOSAN! HOW'S A FELLER TO EAT MEAT SUCH WEATHER AS THIS? NOW, A BIT O' PICKLED SALMON AND COWCUMBER, OR A LOBSTER SALAD MIGHT DO."] [Illustration: _THE DERBY EPIDEMIC._ GENTLEMEN, OWING TO SUDDEN AND VERY SEVERE INDISPOSITION, I REGRET TO SAY THAT I SHALL NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND THE OFFICE TO-DAY. I HOPE, HOWEVER, TO BE ABLE TO RESUME MY DUTIES TO-MORROW. I AM, GENTLEMEN, YOURS VERY OBEDIENTLY, PHILIP COX.] [Illustration: _HOW TO GET RID OF A GRATIS PATIENT._ "SO YOU'VE TAKEN ALL YOUR STUFF, AND DON'T FEEL ANY BETTER, EH? WELL, THEN, WE MUST ALTER THE TREATMENT; YOU MUST GET YOUR HEAD SHAVED; AND IF YOU WILL CALL HERE TO-MORROW ABOUT ELEVEN, MY PUPIL HERE WILL PUT A SETON IN THE BACK OF YOUR NECK."] [Illustration: _THE FISH DINNER._ "THE WHITEBAIT SEEM VERY LARGE, WAITER?" "YES, SIR; VERY FINE AT PRESENT, SIR."] [Illustration: _A HIGHLAND GAME IN A LONDON STREET._ PORTRAIT OF THE BOY WHO WON THE PRIZE FOR "PUTTING A STONE" THROUGH A WINDOW.] [Illustration: _A QUIET WEED._ _Guard._ "SOME ONE BEEN SMOKING, I THINK?" _Passenger._ "WHAT! SMOKING! THAT'S VERY REPREHENSIBLE. PERHAPS IT WAS THE CLERICAL GENTLEMAN WHO HAS JUST GOT OUT OF THE NEXT COMPARTMENT."] [Illustration: _PRODIGIOUS!_ _Schoolmistress._ "YOU SEE, MY LOVE--IF I PUNCTURE THIS INDIA-RUBBER BALL IT WILL COLLAPSE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" _Child._ "OH, YES, I UNDERSTAND--IF YOU PRICK IT, IT WILL GO SQUASH."] [Illustration: _BLESS THE BOY!_ _Old Lady._ "NOW, ARTHUR, WHICH WILL YOU HAVE? SOME OF THIS NICE PUDDING, OR SOME JAM TART?" _Juvenile._ "NO PASTRY, THANK-YE, AUNT. IT SPOILS ONE'S WINE SO. I DON'T MIND A DEVILLED BISCUIT, THO', BY-AND-BY, WITH MY CLARET." (_Old Lady turns all manner of colours._] [Illustration: _HOOKING AND EYEING._ _Angelina (the Wife of his Bussum)._ "WELL, EDWIN, IF YOU CAN'T MAKE THE 'THINGS,' AS YOU CALL THEM, MEET, YOU NEED NOT SWEAR SO. IT'S REALLY QUITE DREADFUL."] [Illustration: _A GAY YOUNG FELLOW._ _Young Rapid._ "YOU ARE QUITE SURE THIS IS THE CORRECT DRESS FOR A YOUNG FELLOW OF THAT PERIOD, EH?" _Mr. Noses._ "OH, PERFECTLY CORRECT, SIR; AND REALLY LOOKS SPLENDID ON YER!"] [Illustration: _"DE GUSTIBUS," &c., &c._ _Snip._ "THAT'S A SWEET THING FOR A WAISTCOAT, SIR, AND WOULD LOOK UNCOMMON WELL UPON YOU, SIR!"] [Illustration: _JEALOUSY._ _Betrothed (who does not dance the Polka)._ "I SHOULD LIKE TO PUNCH HIS HEAD--A CONCEITED BEAST!"] [Illustration: _A BON-BON FROM A JUVENILE PARTY._ _Alfred._ "I SAY, FRANK, AREN'T YOU GOING TO HAVE SOME SUPPER?" _Frank._ "A--NOT AT PRESENT. I SHALL WAIT TILL THE WOMEN LEAVE THE ROOM."] [Illustration: _SPECULATORS._ "THIS AIN'T SUCH A WERRY BAD IDEA, IS IT, JIM? HERE'S THE GREAT DIDDLESEX WRITES TO ME FOR FIVE BOB ON A HUNDRED AN' FIFTY SHARES; AND, TO SAVE TROUBLE, VANTS THE NAME OF MY SOLICITUR."] [Illustration: _A PROFESSIONAL MAN._ _Medical Student._ "WELL, OLD FELLOW, SO YOU'VE 'PASSED' AT LAST." _Consulting Surgeon._ "YES; BUT I DON'T GET MUCH PRACTICE, SOMEHOW--ALTHOUGH I AM NEARLY ALWAYS AT HOME, IN CASE ANY ONE SHOULD CALL."] [Illustration: _PUTTING HIS FOOT IN IT._ _Little Hairdresser (mildly)._ "YER 'AIR'S VERY THIN ON THE TOP, SIR." _Gentleman (of ungovernable temper)._ "MY HAIR THIN ON THE TOP, SIR? AND WHAT IF IT IS? CONFOUND YOU, YOU PUPPY, DO YOU THINK I CAME HERE TO BE INSULTED AND TOLD OF MY PERSONAL DEFECTS? I'LL THIN YOUR TOP!!"] [Illustration: _MERMAIDS AT PLAY; OR, A NICE LITTLE WATER PARTY._] [Illustration: _COMING TO THE POINT._ _Lover._ "SWEET GIRL, LET ME--HERE--AWAY FROM THE BUSY HUM OF MEN--AND WHERE NO MORTAL EYE CAN SEE US--DECLARE THAT PASSION WHICH--WHICH--" _Lady._ "THERE! FOR GOODNESS' SAKE GET UP, MR. TOMKINS, AND DON'T BE RIDICULOUS--JUST CONSIDER ALL THE TELESCOPES FROM THE PARADE!!"] [Illustration: _A LITTLE SURPRISE._ _Little Foot Page (unexpectedly)._ "HERE'S SOME GENTLEMEN, PLEASE SIR."] [Illustration: _INTERESTING SCENE DURING THE CANVASS FOR MR. ----. NOT A HUNDRED MILES FROM ----._ _Wife of Free and Independent._ "OH! AIN'T HE A HAFFABLE GENTLEMAN, TUMMUS?" _Free and Independent._ "AH! JUST AIN'T 'UN. I SHOULDN'T WONDER IF I WARN'T ABLE TO PAY MY RENT TO-MORRER!"] [Illustration: _MURDER WILL OUT._ _Mrs. Smith._ "IS MRS. BROWN IN?" _Jane._ "NO, MEM, SHE'S NOT AT HOME." _Little Girl._ "OH! WHAT A HORRID STORY, JANE! MA'S IN THE KITCHEN, HELPING COOK!"] [Illustration: _DOING A LITTLE BILL._ "YOU SEE, OLD BOY, IT'S THE MEREST FORM IN THE WORLD. YOU HAVE ONLY TO--WHAT THEY CALL--ACCEPT IT, AND I'LL FIND THE MONEY WHEN IT COMES DUE." _Victim._ "COME ALONG--GIVE US THE PEN."] [Illustration: _A PLEASANT STREET GAME._ _Old Gent._ "CONFOUND THE BOYS AND THEIR TOPS! WHERE ARE THE POLICE?"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HOUSEKEEPING. [Illustration: No. I. THE COOK SAYS THAT SHE THINKS THERE'S A SLATE LOOSE ON THE ROOF OF THE HOUSE, FOR THE WATER COMES INTO THE SERVANTS' BEDROOM. MR. BRIGGS REPLIES THAT THE SOONER IT IS PUT TO RIGHTS THE BETTER, BEFORE IT GOES ANY FURTHER--AND HE WILL SEE ABOUT IT.] [Illustration: No. II. MR. BRIGGS HAVING BEEN TOLD BY THE BUILDER THAT A "LITTLE COMPO" IS ALL THAT IS WANTED, THE FIRST STEP IS TAKEN TOWARDS MAKING THINGS COMFORTABLE.] [Illustration: _HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS._ MASTER JACKEY HAVING SEEN A "PROFESSOR" OF POSTURING, HAS A PRIVATE PERFORMANCE OF HIS OWN IN THE NURSERY.] [Illustration: _SOMETHING LIKE A HOLIDAY._ _Pastrycook._ "WHAT HAVE YOU HAD, SIR?" _Boy._ "I'VE HAD TWO JELLIES, SEVEN OF THEM, AND ELEVEN OF THEM, AND SIX OF THOSE, AND FOUR BATH BUNS, A SAUSAGE ROLL, TEN ALMOND CAKES, AND A BOTTLE OF GINGER BEER."] [Illustration: _GREAT WANT OF VENERATION._ _Puer loquitur._ "I SAY LOBSTER, SHALL I GO AND FETCH YOU A CAB?"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HOUSEKEEPING. [Illustration: No. III.] [Illustration: No. IV. NO TIME HAS BEEN LOST. MR. BRIGGS FINDS, ON GETTING OUT OF BED AT FIVE A.M. THAT THE WORKPEOPLE HAVE ALREADY COMMENCED PUTTING THE ROOF TO RIGHTS.] [Illustration: _DOMESTIC BLISS._ _Paterfamilias._ "I CANNOT CONCEIVE, MY LOVE, _WHAT_ IS THE MATTER WITH MY WATCH; I THINK IT MUST WANT CLEANING." _Pet Child._ "OH, NO! PAPA DEAR! I DON'T THINK IT WANTS CLEANING, BECAUSE BABY AND I HAD IT WASHING IN THE BASIN FOR EVER SO LONG THIS MORNING!"] [Illustration: _THE FASHIONS._ A FRIENDLY HINT TO YOUNG LADIES WHO WEAR THOSE DEAR DELIGHTFUL BARÈGE DRESSES. ALWAYS LET THE SLIP (OR WHATEVER THE MYSTERIOUS GARMENT IS CALLED) BE AS LONG AS THE OUTER DRESS!] [Illustration: _INNOCENCE._ "OH, SIR! NO, SIR! PLEASE, SIR, IT AIN'T ME, SIR! IT'S THE OTHER BOYS, SIR!"] [Illustration: _UNLUCKY._ "VAT'S THE MATTER, EH?" "OH, THERE'S ALWAYS A SOMETHINK! VY, I'VE BIN AND LEFT MY HOPERA-GLASS IN A CAB NOW."] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HOUSEKEEPING. [Illustration: No. V. JUST TO SHOW HOW ONE THING LEADS TO ANOTHER--MR. BRIGGS (WHO HAS COME OUT ON THE LEADS WHILE THE MEN ARE GONE TO DINNER) IS SHOWN BY THE BUILDER HOW IT WOULD BE THE EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD TO "THROW" HIS PASSAGE INTO HIS DINING ROOM, AND BUILD A NEW ENTRANCE HALL WITH A SLIGHT CONSERVATORY OVER IT.--TO THE RIGHT OF THE CARTOON IS MRS. BRIGGS(!) WHO THINKS MR. B. HAS TAKEN LEAVE OF HIS SENSES.] [Illustration: _EVENING PARTIES._ "BILL, YOU GOES OUT A GOOD DEAL.--TELL US, IS IT THE KERRECT THING TO TAKE ONE'S 'AT INTO A HEVENING PARTY?"] [Illustration: _A DELICIOUS MORSEL._ _Jacky._ "HALLO, TOMMY! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE?" _Tommy._ "HOYSTER." _Jacky._ "OH! GIVE US A BIT."] [Illustration: _DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS._ _Flunkey._ "APOLLO? HAH! I DESSAY IT'S VERY CHEAP, BUT IT AIN'T MY IDEER OF A GOOD FIGGER!"] [Illustration: _OUR NATIONAL DEFENCES._ _Small Briton._ "THE FRENCH INVADE US, INDEED! AND WHAT SHOULD WE BE ABOUT ALL THE TIME?--WHY, WE SHOULD RISE LIKE ONE MAN!"] [Illustration: _GENTEEL PRACTICE._ _Apprentice._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, SHALL I FILL UP MRS. TWADDLE'S DRAUGHTS WITH WATER?" _Practitioner._ "DEAR, DEAR ME, MR. BUMPS, HOW OFTEN MUST I MENTION THE SUBJECT? WE NEVER USE WATER--_Aqua destillata_, IF YOU PLEASE!"] [Illustration: _THE GOOD LITTLE BOY._ _Bathing Woman._ "MASTER FRANKY WOULDN'T CRY! NO! NOT HE!--HE'LL COME TO HIS MARTHA, AND BATHE LIKE A MAN!"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HOUSEKEEPING. [Illustration: No. VI. TABLEAU, REPRESENTING FURTHER IMPROVEMENTS IN MR. BRIGGS'S HOUSE--DESTRUCTION OF THE WALL WHICH SEPARATES THE PARLOUR FROM THE PASSAGE. (_N.B.--As the wall is only lath and plaster, of course little or no mess is made. Mrs. Briggs says she hopes Mr. B. is satisfied now._)] [Illustration: _BITTER SARCASM._] [Illustration: _MAL-APROPOS._ _Gentleman (in Shower-Bath)._ "HOLLO! HOLLO! WHO'S THERE? WHAT THE DEUCE DO YOU WANT?" _Maid._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, HERE'S THE BUTCHER, AND MISSUS SAYS WHAT WILL YOU HAVE FOR DINNER TO-DAY?"] [Illustration: _WE ALL HAVE OUR TROUBLES._ _Sister Mary._ "WHY, CHARLEY, DEAR BOY, WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU SEEM QUITE MISERABLE!" _Charley._ "AH! AIN'T I JUST! HERE'S MA' SAYS I MUST WEAR TURN-DOWN COLLARS TILL CHRISTMAS, AND THERE'S YOUNG SIDNEY BOWLER (WHO'S NOT HALF SO TALL AS I AM) HAS HAD STICK-UPS AND WHITE CHOKERS FOR EVER SO LONG!"] [Illustration: _THE RULING PASSION._ "NOW, TELL ME, DEAR, IS THERE ANYTHING NEW IN THE FASHIONS?"] [Illustration: _NOTHING LIKE WARM BATHING._ "HOLLO! HI! HERE! SOMEBODY! I'VE TURNED ON THE HOT WATER, AND I CAN'T TURN IT OFF AGAIN!"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HOUSEKEEPING. [Illustration: No. VII. _Scene: Principal barricade at Mr. Briggs's House._--OWING TO THE INCOMPLETE STATE OF THE ALTERATIONS, MR. BRIGGS IS OBLIGED TO ENTER HIS HOUSE THROUGH THE PARLOUR WINDOW. THE POLICEMAN MISTAKES HIM FOR A BURGLAR, AND ACTS ACCORDINGLY. IN MR. BRIGGS'S HAND MAY BE OBSERVED A FINE LOBSTER, WHICH HE HAS BROUGHT HOME TO CONCILIATE MRS. B.] [Illustration: _THE TROOPS AND THE WEATHER._] [Illustration: _PROPER PRIDE._ A SKETCH AT A RAILWAY STATION.] [Illustration: _JUST THE MAN._ "PLEASE, SIR, DID YOU WANT ANYBODY TO KEEP ORDER ON THESE HERE HUSTINGS ON POLLING DAY?"] [Illustration: _A REGULAR CUSTOMER._ "HA'PENNY CANDLE, PLEASE, AND BE QUICK, FOR MOTHER WANTS HER TEA." "OH, YES, OF COURSE, MISS; COULD WE SEND IT ANYWHERE FOR YER?"] [Illustration: _ALARMING INTELLIGENCE._ _Swell Mobsman (reads)._ "'ARRANGEMENTS ARE MAKING TO CONNECT ALL THE POLICE OFFICES WITH THE ELECTRIC TELEGRAPH.' WELL, I HAM BLOWED!"] [Illustration: MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HOUSEKEEPING. No. VIII. SOMEHOW OR OTHER, EVER SINCE THE ALTERATIONS, THE CHIMNEYS HAVE TAKEN TO SMOKE INTOLERABLY. THE BUILDER IS ASSURING MR. BRIGGS THAT BY SOME VERY SIMPLE CONTRIVANCE THEY CAN BE EFFECTUALLY CURED.] [Illustration: _TAKING CHANGE._ _Conductor_. "ALL RIGHT, JIM. PUSH ALONG, I'VE SERVED THE OLD GAL OUT THIS TIME." _Old Lady._ "HERE, STOP! CONDUCTOR! I WON'T TAKE CHANGE FOR A FIVE-SHILLING PIECE IN HALF-PENCE--THAT I WON'T! HERE, POLICE! CONDUCTOR!" &C.] [Illustration: _THE INTERESTING STORY._ _First Ticket Porter._ "AND SO, YOU KNOW, THAT'S ALL I KNOWS ABOUT IT." _Second Ticket Porter._ "WELL! I DON'T KNOW AS EVER I KNOWED A MAN AS KNOWS AS MUCH AS YOU KNOWS."] [Illustration: _MUCH TOO CONSIDERATE._ _Robinson._ "THERE, BROWN, MY BOY, THAT'S AS FINE A GLASS OF WINE AS YOU CAN GET ANYWHERE." _Mrs. Brown._ "A-HEM! AUGUSTUS, MY DE-AR. YOU ARE SURELY NEVER GOING TO TAKE PORT WINE? YOU KNOW IT NEVER AGREES WITH YOU, MY LOVE!"] [Illustration: _GALLANTRY._] [Illustration: _LA MODE._ _Gus (who is always so full of his nonsense)._ "DASH MY BUTTONS, ELLEN! THAT'S A STUNNING WAISTCOAT. I WISH YOU'D GIVE US YOUR TAILOR'S ADDRESS." _Ellen._ "DON'T YOU BE RUDE, SIR--AND TAKE YOUR ARMS OFF THE PIANO."] [Illustration: _A FASHION IN PINS._ "A PIN FOR YOUR SCARF, SIR? HERE'S AN ARTICLE WE HAVE SOLD A GREAT MANY OF."] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HOUSEKEEPING. [Illustration: No. IX. ENVELOPE CONTAINING THE BUILDER'S LITTLE ACCOUNT AGAINST MR. BRIGGS--MUCH TOO SERIOUS TO JEST UPON.] [Illustration: No. X. THE UNSETTLED STATE OF THE HOUSE FOR THE LAST TWO MONTHS HAS SO DISORDERED BRIGGS, THAT HIS MEDICAL ADVISER RECOMMENDS A LITTLE HORSE EXERCISE BY WAY OF A CHANGE, AND HIS EQUESTRIAN PLEASURES BEGIN.] [Illustration: _SOMETHING LIKE A BROTHER._ _Flora._ "THAT'S A VERY PRETTY WAISTCOAT, EMILY!" _Emily._ "YES, DEAR. IT BELONGS TO MY BROTHER CHARLES. WHEN HE GOES OUT OF TOWN HE PUTS ME ON THE FREE-LIST, AS HE CALLS IT, OF HIS WARDROBE. ISN'T IT KIND?"]" [Illustration: _A DUMB WAITER._ _Old Gentleman._ "WHAT THE DEUCE IS THE REASON, SIR, YOU DON'T ANSWER WHEN YOU ARE CALLED?" (The reason is obvious. The poor child has his mouth full of green peas and jam tart.)] [Illustration: _THE LOST ONE._ _Boy._ "IF YOU PLEASE, M', WAS YOU A LOOKING FOR A LITTLE DOG?" _Young Ladies._ "YES! OH, YES!" _Boy._ "WAS IT A SPANNEL, MUM?" _Young Ladies_. "OH, YES! A MOST BEAUTIFUL LITTLE SPANIEL, WITH VERY LONG EARS." _Boy._ "AH, THEN, MUM, IT'S THE SAME AS FLEW AT MASTER'S BIG DOG HERE, WOT'S BIN AND SWALLERED OF IT."] [Illustration: _POP._ APPALLING RESULT OF INCAUTIOUSLY TAKING TOO MUCH SODA TO CORRECT ACIDITY.] [Illustration: _REAL ENJOYMENT_. _Annie._ "GOOD-BYE, DEAR, YOU MUST COME AGAIN SOON, AND SPEND A GOOD LONG DAY, AND THEN I CAN SHOW YOU ALL MY NEW THINGS." _Clara._ "OH! THAT WILL BE NICE! GOOD-BYE, DEAR." (_Kiss and exit._)] [Illustration: _FROM A BEAUTIFUL MINIATURE._] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING. [Illustration: No. I. _Dealer._ "I SHOULD SAY IT WAS JUST THE HOSS YOU WANT, SIR; ONLY YOU MUST DECIDE AT ONCE, BECAUSE THERE'S SEVERAL PARTIES VERY SWEET UPON HIM. HE'S A GENTLEMAN'S HOSS, SIR, AND CARRIES HIS OWN HEAD, SIR!" _Mr. Briggs._ "BLESS MY HEART!" (_Buys him._)] [Illustration: _THE RISING GENERATION._ _Clever Juvenile (loq.)._ "SHAKSPEARE? POOH! FOR MY PART I CONSIDER SHAKSPEARE A MUCH OVER-RATED MAN."] [Illustration: _AN EXCELLENT WINE._ "THE BEST OF CLARET IS, THAT YOU MAY DRINK ANY (_hic_) QUANTITY YOU LIKE, WITHOUT FEELING ILL."] [Illustration: _WHAT IS THIS?_ QUITE A NEW SENSATION FOR THE LUXURIOUS, ON COLD MORNINGS. "USE HOT WATER, AND LOOK AT YOUR SHOWER-BATH!"] [Illustration: _DOMESTIC BLISS._ _Time, half-past three; thermometer 30°._ _William._ "WHAT A VIOLENT RINGING THERE IS AT THE STREET-DOOR BELL!" _Maria._ "OH! I KNOW WHAT IT IS, DEAR. IT'S THE SWEEPS· AND I DARE SAY THE GIRLS DON'T HEAR. JUST RUN UP AND KNOCK AT THEIR ROOM DOOR."] [Illustration: _MEN OF BUSINESS._ MONEY.--WANTED FROM £300 TO £400 TO BRING FORWARD AN ARTICLE THAT MUST IN A FEW YEARS REALISE A HANDSOME FORTUNE TO THE PROPRIETORS. TO ANY YOUNG MAN WHO IS NOT OF BUSINESS HABITS, WITH THE ABOVE SUM AT COMMAND, THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR INVESTMENT SELDOM MET WITH. REFERENCES EXCHANGED.--NO PROFESSED MONEY-LENDER NEED APPLY.] [Illustration: _ANGLERS HEAR STRANGE THINGS._ _Piscator._ "ARE THERE ANY BARBEL ABOUT HERE, GOV'NOR?" _Host._ "ANY BARBEL ABOUT HERE!! I SHOULD RAYTHER THINK THERE WAS A FEW; HERE'S THE PICTUR O' WUN MY LITTLE BOY KETCHED JUST HOPPOSIT."] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING. [Illustration: No. II. _MR. BRIGGS TRIES HIS HORSE._ STRIKING EFFECT ON MEETING ONE OF THOSE NASTY OMNIBUSSES.] [Illustration: _THE ALDERMAN'S ADVICE TO HIS SON._ _Mr. Gobble._ "YOU SEE, SAM, YOU ARE A WERRY YOUNG MAN: AND WHEN I AM TOOK AWAY (WHICH, IN THE COMMON COURSE OF EWENTS, CAN'T BE WERRY LONG FUST), YOU WILL HAVE A GREAT DEAL OF PROPERTY. NOW, I'VE ONLY ONE PIECE OF ADWICE TO GIVE YOU. IT'S THIS--AND BY ALL MEANS ACT UPON IT:--LAY DOWN PLENTY OF PORT IN YOUR YOUTH THAT YOU MAY HAVE A GOOD BOTTLE OF WINE IN YOUR OLD AGE."] [Illustration: _A JACK TAR._ BACK VIEW OF THE ELEPHANT AT THE ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS] [Illustration: _MAY DIFFERENCE OF OPINION NEVER ALTER FRIENDSHIP._ _Dumpy Young Lady._ "WELL, FOR MY PART, MATILDA, I LIKE LONG WAISTS AND FLOUNCES."] [Illustration: _THE PROGRESS OF SLANG._ "WHY, WHAT A PRETTY NEW FROCK ALFRED HAS!" _Prodigy (who picks up everything so readily)._ "AH, AIN'T IT A STUNNER?"] [Illustration: _AWFUL OCCURRENCE AT AN EVENING PARTY._ "MY GOODNESS, EMILY! THEY'RE BEGINNING THE QUADRILLE, AND HERE'S ALL MY 'BACK HAIR' COMING DOWN!! WHATEVER SHALL I DO?"] [Illustration: _SKETCH NEAR BURTON CRESCENT._ "OH! WOT A SHAME! THEY'VE BEEN AND SPIKED ALL THE POSTES."] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING. [Illustration: No. III. MR. BRIGGS HAVING PARTED WITH HIS LAD FOR MISCONDUCT, SOME YOUNG MEN WITHOUT ENCUMBRANCE APPLY TO "LOOK AFTER" HIS HORSE.] [Illustration: _NEVER SATISFIED._ _Old Gent._ "GOOD GRACIOUS ME! WHAT WITH ORANGE-PEEL AND SLIDES, THERE'S NO PEACE IN THIS LIFE."] [Illustration: _A VERY OLD SOLDIER._ "SPARE A COPPER FOR A POOR OLD SOLDIER, MY NOBLE CAPTAIN! SURE IT'S YER HONOURS FACE I RECOLLECT IN THE PENINSULAR?"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING. [Illustration: No. IV. MR. BRIGGS, PERSUADED THAT "A GOOD HORSE CAN'T BE A BAD COLOUR," HAS PURCHASED A SPOTTED AND HIGHLY TRAINED STEED FROM A CIRCUS; BUT THE WORST OF HIM IS, THAT AMONGST OTHER THINGS, HE HAS BEEN TRAINED TO SIT DOWN ON HIS HAUNCHES WHEN HE HEARS A BAND PLAY, AND YOU MAY IMAGINE HOW DISCONCERTED POOR OLD BRIGGS WAS THE FIRST TIME HE DID SO.] [Illustration: _A PLEASANT STATE OF THINGS._ _Piscator (at the top of his voice)._ "HI--TOM! BRING THE LANDING-NET; HE'S PULLED ME IN, AND GOT ROUND A POST."] [Illustration: HORACE MAYHEW. PERCIVAL LEIGH. RICHD. DOYLE. GILBERT A. A'BECKETT. JOHN LEECH. RICHD. COBDEN. SIR R. PEEL. PRINCE DE JOINVILLE. SIR JAMES GRAHAM. LORD GEORGE BENTINCK. DAN. O'CONNELL. GEORGE HUDSON. SHAW LEFEVRE. (_Speaker._) JENNY LIND. GEN. TOM THUMB. LORD JOHN RUSSELL. PRINCE ALBERT. GEN. TOM THE QUEEN MARK LEMON. TOM TAYLOR. W. M. THACKERAY. DOUGLAS JERROLD. DISRAELI. MR. PUNCH. LOUIS PHILIPPE. COL. SIBTHORP. LORD NORMANBY. LORD BROUGHAM. MEHEMET ALI. EMPEROR OF RUSSIA. DUKE OF WELLINGTON. MR. PUNCH'S FANCY BALL.] [Illustration: _SUBJECT FOR A PICTURE.--IRRITABLE GENTLEMAN DISTURBED BY A BLUEBOTTLE._] [Illustration: _RAILWAY LITERATURE._ _Book Stall Keeper._ "BOOK, MA'AM? YES, MA'AM, HERE'S A POPULAR WORK BY AN EMINENT SURGEON, JUST PUBLISHED, 'BROKEN LEGS, AND HOW TO MEND THEM;' OR, WOULD YOU LIKE THE LAST NUMBER OF 'THE RAILWAY OPERATOR?'"] [Illustration: _A LEFT-HANDED COMPLIMENT._ _Bootmaker (with great feeling)._ "OH, NO, SIR! DON'T HAVE NAPOLEONS; HAVE TOPS, SIR!--YOURS IS A BEAUTIFUL LEG FOR A TOP BOOT, SIR!--(_young Nimrod is immensely pleased_)--BEAUTIFUL LEG, SIR! SAME SIZE ALL THE WAY DOWN, SIR!"--(_young Nimrod is immensely disgusted._)] [Illustration: _LITERAL._ _Young Lady._ "PRAY, CABMAN, ARE YOU ENGAGED?" _Cabman._ "LOR BLESS YER, MISS, WHY, I'VE BEEN MARRIED THIS SEVEN YEARS."] [Illustration: _HALL ALONG OF THEM BETTING OFFICES._ _Betting Flunkey._ "LOST? I BELIEVE YER! AND LOST A HATFULL OF MONEY ON THE HOAKS, TOO; AND HOW I'M TO SETTLE WITHOUT PARTING WITH MY JEWELLERY, I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW! AH, MR. BOTTLES, ITS HARD LINES TO WAIT AT TABLE WITH SUCH CARES AND HANXIETIES."] [Illustration: _A BRUTAL FELLOW._ _Policeman._ "NOW, MUM! WHAT'S THE MATTER?" _Injured Female._ "IF YOU PLEASE, MISTER--I WANT TO GIVE MY WRETCH OF A 'USBAND IN CHARGE. HE'S ALLVAYS A KNOCKING OF ME DOWN AND A STAMPIN' ON ME!"] [Illustration: _OF COURSE._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, MASTER'S SENT BACK THE FIRST VOLUME, AND HE SAYS, WILL YOU BE SO GOOD AS TO LET HIM 'AVE THE SECOND?"] [Illustration: _ENTER MR. BOTTLES, THE BUTLER._ _Master Fred._ "THERE! THAT'S CAPITAL! STAND STILL, BOTTLES, AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW THE CHINESE DO THE KNIFE TRICK AT THE PLAY." [BOTTLES _is much interested._] [Illustration: _THE NEW ACT._ _Hansom Cabby._ "H'M! SIXPENCE, YOU HAD BETTER KEEP IT. YOU MAY WANT IT FOR YOUR WASHING OR SOMETHINK!"] [Illustration: _DISCERNMENT._ _Clever Child._ "OH! DO LOOK HERE, MAMMA DEAR, SUCH A FUNNY THING! MR. BOKER'S GOT ANOTHER FOREHEAD AT THE BACK OF HIS HEAD." [BOKER _is delighted_.] [Illustration: _INNOCENT AND AMUSING LITTLE TRICK FOR LITTLE BOYS._ AN OLD LADY IS CROSSING THE STREET, WHEN A LITTLE BOY SHOUTS OUT--"HI!" AT THE TOP OF HIS VOICE. THE OLD LADY (ALTHOUGH INDEED THERE IS NO REAL CAUSE FOR ALARM) STARTS, AND BECOMES GREATLY AGITATED, AND IMAGINES THAT SHE IS RUN OVER BY AN OMNIBUS. THIS IS AN EXCEEDINGLY PLEASANT TRICK.] [Illustration: _SOLICITUDE._ _Child (screams and without any stops)._ "HANNER MARIA YER TIRESOME HAGGERWATIN' LITTLE USSY COME OUT OF THE ROAD DO WITH YER LITTLE BROTHER DID YER WANT TO BE RUNNED OVER BY OMNIBUSTES AND KILLED DEAD OH DEAR OH DEAR WHO'D BE A NUSS?"] [Illustration: _ANOTHER._ THIS IS EQUALLY DIVERTING. A LITTLE BOY RUSHES BY AN OLD GENTLEMAN AND "YOWLS" LIKE A DOG. THE OLD GENTLEMAN IS TERRIFIED BEYOND MEASURE. IF AT THE SAME TIME THE LITTLE BOY SHOULD ALSO PINCH THE LEG OF THE OLD GENTLEMAN, THE FORCE OF THE JOKE IS MUCH HEIGHTENED; BUT THEN INDEED HE MUST HAVE COURAGE, AND BE VERY ADROIT, OR HE MAY CHANCE TO GET A GREAT BANG FROM AN UMBRELLA OR STICK.] [Illustration: _AWKWARD._ _Railway Porter._ "NOW THEN, SIR! BY YOUR LEAVE!"] [Illustration: _THE BEARD MOVEMENT.--GAMMONING A GENT._ _Little Gent._ "'OW MUCH?" _Cabby._ "WELL, I'D RATHER LEAVE IT TO YOU, SIR! AND WHAT WE POOR HANSOMS IS TO DO WHEN ALL YOU OFFICERS IS GONE ABROAD, GOODNESS KNOWS."] [Illustration: _AWFUL SCENE ON THE CHAIN PIER, BRIGHTON._ _Nursemaid._ "LAWK! THERE GOES CHARLEY, AND HE'S TOOK HIS MAR'S PARASOL. WHAT WILL MISSUS SAY?"] [Illustration: _A LUMPING PENN'ORTH._ "NOW, MY MAN, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, IF I GAVE YOU A PENNY?" "VY, THAT YOU VOS A JOLLY OLD BRICK!"] [Illustration: _RATHER SUSPICIOUS!_ _Sentimental Young Lady._ "WILL YOU BE SO OBLIGING, MR. TONGS, AS TO CUT OFF A LONG PIECE OF HAIR WHERE IT WILL NOT BE MISSED?"] [Illustration: _ALARMING._ THE OLD LADY IS SUPPOSED (AFTER A GREAT EFFORT) TO HAVE MADE UP HER MIND TO TRAVEL, JUST FOR ONCE, BY ONE "OF THOSE NEW-FANGLED RAILWAYS," AND THE FIRST THING SHE BEHOLDS ON ARRIVING AT THE STATION, IS THE ABOVE MOST ALARMING PLACARD.] [Illustration: _A SKETCH AT RAMSGATE._ _Ellen (who loves a joke at AUNT FIDGET'S expense)._ "GOOD GRACIOUS, AUNT, THERE ARE TWO OFFICERS!" _Aunt Fidget (a short-sighted lady)._ "BLESS ME, SO THERE ARE! WELL; THEY MAY BE OFFICERS, BUT THEY ARE NOT GENTLEMEN, I'M SURE, OR THEY WOULDN'T STAND LOOKING AT US IN THAT IMPUDENT MANNER."] [Illustration: _A PICTURE._ SHOWING WHAT MASTER TOM DID AF-TER SEE-ING A PAN-TO-MIME--BUT YOU WOULD NOT DO SO--OH DEAR NO!--BECAUSE YOU ARE A GOOD BOY.] [Illustration: _EASILY SATISFIED._ _Fond Parent._ "I DON'T CARE, MR. MEDIUM, ABOUT ITS BEING HIGHLY FINISHED; BUT I SHOULD LIKE THE DEAR CHILD'S EXPRESSION PRESERVED."] [Illustration: _A GREAT LOSS._ _Rapid Undergraduate._ "WELL, JACKSON! YOU SEE THEY'VE PLUCKED ME AGAIN." _Porter of St. Boniface._ "YE-ES, SIR, I WAS VERY SORRY WHEN I 'EARD OF IT, SIR." _Undergraduate._ "AH! I DID INTEND GOING INTO THE CHURCH, AND BEING AN ORNAMENT TO THE PROFESSION--BUT AS THEY WON'T LET ME THROUGH--I THINK--I SHALL CUT THE WHOLE CONCERN."] [Illustration: _RATHER A BAD LOOK-OUT._ _Young Sister._ "I SHOULD SO LIKE TO GO TO A PARTY, MA." _Mamma._ "MY DEAR, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. AS I HAVE TOLD YOU BEFORE (I AM SURE A HUNDRED AND FIFTY TIMES), THAT UNTIL FLORA IS MARRIED, IT IS UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO GO OUT; SO DO NOT ALLUDE TO THE SUBJECT AGAIN, I BEG."] [Illustration: _A DREADFUL SHOCK TO THE NERVES._ "PLEASE, MEM, LET'S COME UNDER YOUR RUMBERELLER!"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING. [Illustration: No. V. MR. BRIGGS, DETERMINED TO HAVE NO MORE INFERIOR HORSES, GIVES A GOOD ROUND SUM FOR "A CLEVER COB--UP TO GREAT WEIGHT--AND THAT A CHILD MIGHT RIDE." HE HAS SOME FRIENDS (WHO REALLY KNOW WHAT A HORSE IS) TO DINE WITH HIM, WHOSE OPINIONS HE WISHES TO HAVE. _First Friend._ "AH--VERY NICE--VERY NICE--BUT NOT MY SORT--BEEN KNOCKED ABOUT A GOOD DEAL, I SHOULD SAY--DRIVEN IN A BUTCHER'S CART, PERHAPS, AND SOLD BECAUSE HE WASN'T FAST ENOUGH."----_Second Ditto._ "HE HASN'T BEEN DOWN, BRIGGS, HAS HE? IS THAT A SCRATCH, OR IS IT ONLY THE LIGHT?"----_Third Ditto._ "DOES HE SHY AT ALL? HIS EYES DON'T LOOK QUITE THE THING."----_Fourth Ditto._ "I TELL YOU WHAT, BRIGGS, YOU MUST HAVE HIM LOOKED AFTER A LITTLE BETTER, OR HE'LL VERY SOON HAVE A CRACKED HEEL."----_Fifth Ditto._ "THAT HOCK SEEMS RATHER QUEER," &c., &c., &c.] [Illustration: _A STARTLING REQUEST._ "PLEASE, SIR, WILL YOU PUMP FOR ME?"] [Illustration: _CUT HIM DOWN BEHIND!_] [Illustration: _DELICATE._ '_Bus Conductor._ "WOULD ANY LADY BE SO KIND AS TO RIDE OUTSIDE TO OBLIGE A _GENTLEMAN_?"] [Illustration: _CONFOUND THE SHOPS!_ _Mrs. ----._ "OH! DO LOOK HERE, DEAR! HOW EXTREMELY PRETTY THE AUTUMN FASHIONS ARE, TO BE SURE. WHAT A PERFECTLY LOVELY LITTLE CLOAK!" _Mr. ---- (rapidly changing the subject)._ "YES. YES! BEAUTIFUL! BEAUTIFUL! BUT SEE, LOVE, WHAT A MAGNIFICENT BROWN HORSE, AND HOW SPLENDIDLY THAT FELLOW SITS HIM!"] [Illustration: _VERY LOW PEOPLE._ _Purveyor of Poultry._ "WHAT SORT O' PEOPLE ARE THEY AT NUMBER TWELVE, JACK?" _Purveyor of Meat._ "OH! A RUBBISHIN' LOT. LEG O' MUTTON A' MONDAYS, AND 'ASH AN' COLD MEAT THE REST O' THE WEEK."] [Illustration: _POOR TOMMY._ "WHY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH TOMMY?" "BOO! HOO! I'VE CUT MY FINGER WITH AUNT'S SCISSORS." "THAT'S A GOOD BOY! ALWAYS SPEAK THE TRUTH!"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING. [Illustration: No. VI. MR. BRIGGS (_at an alarming sacrifice_) GETS RID OF HORSE NO. I., AND GOES OUT FOR A RIDE IN THE COUNTRY UPON NO. II. _Carman._ "FELL DOWN, HAS HE, SIR? AH, HE LOOKS AS IF HE COULD BE WERRY CLEVER AT THAT.--WERRY ORKERD THING, SIR, FOR A OSS TO FALL DOWN, SIR. OSSES OOSTES A GOOD BIT O' MONEY--LEASTWAYS, GENTLEMEN'S OSSES DOES.--NOW, JIST LOOK AT MY LITTLE OSS, SIR, AND HE'S A POOR MAN'S OSS, HE IS. HE DON'T GO FALLIN' ABOUT." (_Exit._)] [Illustration: No. VII. MR BRIGGS RIDES(!) HOME, AND WONDERS WHAT MRS. BRIGGS WILL SAY.] [Illustration: _AWFUL INSTANCE OF PERCEPTION OF CHARACTER IN AN INFANT PRODIGY._ _Prodigy._ "MAMMA, LOOK DERE! DERE PAPA!"] [Illustration: _EASILY PLEASED._ _Disciple of Old Isaac._ "THIS WOULDN'T BE A BAD PLACE, IF THE FISH WOULD ONLY BITE, AND IF IT WASN'T FOR THIS CONFOUNDED WASPS' NEST."] [Illustration: _DELICACY OF THE SEASON._ _Testy Old Uncle (unable to control his passion)._ "REALLY, SIR, THIS IS QUITE INTOLERABLE! YOU MUST INTEND TO INSULT ME. FOR THE LAST FOURTEEN DAYS, WHEREVER I HAVE DINED, I HAVE HAD NOTHING BUT SADDLE OF MUTTON AND BOILED TURKEY--BOILED TURKEY AND SADDLE OF MUTTON. I'LL ENDURE IT NO LONGER." [_Exit Old Gent., who alters his Will._] [Illustration: _THE BANDS OF HOPE; OR, THE CHILDISH TEETOTAL MOVEMENT._ _Grandpapa._ "BUT FOR SEVENTY YEARS, MY CHILD, I HAVE FOUND THAT THE MODERATE USE OF THE GOOD THINGS OF THIS LIFE HAS DONE ME GOOD." _Young Hopeful Teetotaller._ "ALL A MISTAKE, GRANDPA', TOTAL ABSTINENCE IS THE THING. LOOK AT ME! I'VE NOT TASTED WINE OR BEER FOR YEARS!"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES Of HORSEKEEPING. [Illustration: No. VIII. MR. BRIGGS'S PRESENT HORSE DOESN'T QUITE SUIT HIM, FOR, SOMEHOW, WHENEVER HE JUMPS, MR. B. IS SURE TO FALL OFF. HE TAKES HIM TO AN EMINENT DEALER, AND REMARKS CONFIDENTLY THAT HE IS FOR SALE, UPON WHICH THE DEALER SAYS: "HOW MUCH A POUND IF HE BUYS THE WHOLE OF HIM?"] [Illustration: _A LITTLE BIT OF HUMBUG._ _Shoemaker._ "I THINK, MUM, WE HAD BETTER MAKE A PAIR. YOU SEE, MUM, YOURS IS SUCH A REMARKABLY LONG AND NARRER FOOT!"] [Illustration: _CHURCH AND STATE._] [Illustration: _NOT TO BE PLAYED WITH._ _Groom._ "THAT'S ANOTHER FAVOURITE OSS OF MASTER'S, SIR, AND A GOOD UN HE IS TOO, SIR, ONLY HE AIN'T VERY QUIET." _Mr. Green._ "OH, HOW DO YOU MEAN--'NOT VERY QUIET?'" _Groom._ "WHY, SIR, HE'D GET YOU UP IN A CORNER, AND KICK YER BRAINS OUT IN NO TIME. HE'S A'MOST KILLED TWO MEN ALREADY."] [Illustration: _BARRACK LIFE._ _First Heavy Swell (lately absent)._ "WELL, 'GUS, MY BOY--HOW DID YOU KEEP IT UP HERE ON CHRISTMAS DAY?" _Second Do._ "OH! IT WAS TERRIBLY SLOW--FOR ALL THE WORLD LIKE A SUNDAY WITHOUT 'BELL'S LIFE!'"] [Illustration: _NORTH-EAST WIND, THERMOMETER SEVERAL INCHES BELOW FREEZING._ _Brighton Boatman._ "DID YOU WANT A PLEASURE BOAT THIS MORNING, SIR? NICE DAY FOR A ROW!!"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING. [Illustration: No. IX. THE FROST GOES, AND MR. BRIGGS'S HORSE IS DISAGREEABLY FRESH AFTER HIS LONG REST. HE SETS UP HIS BACK AND SQUEAKS AND PLUNGES AT EVERYTHING HE MEETS.] [Illustration: _A PLAYFUL CREATURE._ _Cabby._ "DON'T BE ALARMED, SIR, IT'S ONLY HIS PLAY."] [Illustration: _THE MORNING AFTER THE DERBY._ _First Gent._ "WELL, NED, HOW DID WE GET HOME LAST NIGHT?" _Second Gent._ "OH, I DON'T KNOW! DIDN'T I GO HOME WITH YOU?"] [Illustration: _A MAN ABOUT TOWN._ "WHERE SHALL I SAY YOU'RE GONE TO, JIM, IF ANYONE CALLS?" "OH, THE OLD SHOP--KENSINGTON GARDENS, TO HEAR THE BAND PLAY!"] [Illustration: _TASTE._ "THAT'S A STUNNING PIN, FRANK!" "YA-AS.--I'VE GOT A SET OF WAISTCOAT BUTTONS TO MATCH--LOOK JOLLY AT NIGHT--I ASSURE YAH!"] [Illustration: _MR. VERDANT'S FIRST ATTEMPT AT BOOK-MAKING._ _Verdant's Friend._ "WELL--AS NEAR AS I CAN MAKE IT OUT--YOU _MUST_ LOSE £150, AND _MAY_ LOSE £300." [VERDANT _subsides into his Book_.] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING. [Illustration: No. I. _PREMONITORY SYMPTOMS OF MR. BRIGGS'S HUNTING FEVER._ _Maid._ "IF YOU PLEASE, MA'AM, THERE'S A YOUTH IN THE PASSAGE AS WANTS TO KNOW IF THESE TOP BOOTS IS ALL RIGHT."] [Illustration: PLAIN SPEAKING. _Amiable Young Lady No. 1._ "PRETTY! OH, DEAR NO--DO YOU?" _Amiable Young Lady No. 2._ "LAW! NOT AT ALL. BESIDES, HOW ABOMINABLY AFFECTED SHE IS!"] [Illustration: _FANCY DRESS BALL._ "SIR!--PLEASE, MR.!--SIR! YOU'VE FORGOT THE DOOR-KEY!"] [Illustration: _HOW TO DRESS A LOBSTER._ _Rude Boy._ "OH, LOOK 'ERE, JIM!--IF 'ERE AIN'T A LOBSTER BIN AND OUTGROWED HIS CLOAK!"] [Illustration: _ADVICE GRATIS._ _Ellen._ "OH, DON'T TEASE ME TO-DAY, CHARLEY; I'M NOT AT ALL WELL!" _Charley (a Man of the World)._ "I TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, COUSIN--THE FACT IS, YOU ARE IN LOVE! NOW, YOU TAKE THE ADVICE OF A FELLOW WHO HAS SEEN A GOOD DEAL OF THAT SORT OF THING, AND DON'T GIVE WAY TO IT."] [Illustration: _VERY PROPER DIET FOR HOT WEATHER._ _Mrs. Turtledove._ "DEAREST ALFRED! WILL YOU DECIDE NOW WHAT WE SHALL HAVE FOR DINNER?" _Mr. Turtledove._ "LET ME SEE, POPPET. WE HAD A WAFER YESTERDAY--SUPPOSE WE HAVE A ROAST BUTTERFLY TO-DAY?"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING. [Illustration: No. II. _PREPARATIONS FOR HUNTING._ MR BRIGGS'S HUNTING CAP COMES HOME, BUT THAT IS REALLY A THING MRS. BRIGGS CAN NOT AND WILL NOT PUT UP WITH.] [Illustration: _A FINE DISPOSITION._ _Affectionate Husband._ "COME, POLLY, IF I AM A LITTLE IRRITABLE, IT'S OVER IN A MINUTE!!"] [Illustration: _THE PROBABLE EFFECT OF CHEAP FURNITURE HUMBUG._ "OH! IF YOU PLEASE, MISTER, ME AND THIS YOUNG AW-AW-INDIVIDUAL IS ABOUT TO MARRY; AND WE WANT TO LOOK OVER YOUR CHEAP FURNITURE MART."] [Illustration: _A JOLLY DOG._ "LOOK HERE, JAMES!--OLD MISSUS IS GONE OUT OF TOWN, AND I'VE GOT HER BEAST OF A DOG WOT'S FED UPON CHICKINGS TO TAKE CARE OF.--WON'T I TEACH HIM TO SWIM, NEETHER!"] [Illustration: _AN IMPUDENT MINX._ _Lady of the House._ "HOITY TOITY, INDEED! GO AND PUT UP THOSE CURLS DIRECTLY, IF YOU PLEASE. HOW DARE YOU IMITATE ME IN THAT MANNER? IMPERTINENCE!"] [Illustration: _THE CHATELAINE; A REALLY USEFUL PRESENT._ _Laura._ "OH. LOOK, MA' DEAR; SEE WHAT A _LOVE_ OF A CHATELAINE EDWARD HAS GIVEN ME."] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING. [Illustration: No. III. MR. BRIGGS, ON HIS WAY TO THE "METROPOLITAN STEEPLE CHASE," TRIES WHETHER HIS HORSE IS A GOOD ONE ACROSS COUNTRY. HE IS REPRESENTED RIDING AT A BROOK(!).] [Illustration: _COMPLIMENTARY._ "'OLD 'ARD, BILL! HERE'S ANOTHER HIPPERPOTAMUS."] [Illustration: _THE GOLD FISH AT HAMPTON COURT._] [Illustration: _LAYING THE DUST._] [Illustration: _A SKETCH FROM NATURE, TAKEN NEAR THE FREEMASONS' TAVERN._ _Old Gentleman._ "GOOD GRACIOUS! IT'S STRIKING, AND THEY'LL HAVE BEGUN DINNER."] [Illustration: _THE RISING GENERATION._ _Juvenile Oxford Man (who does not think Vin Ordinaire of himself)._ "A--WERE YOU AT EITHER UNIVERSITY?" _Awful Swell._ "YA-AS--WHEN I WAS A--BOY!" [OXFORD MAN _departs in a Hansom_.] [Illustration: _DISTWESSING--VEWY._ _X. 42._ "DID YOU CALL THE POLICE, SIR?" _Swell (who would perish rather than disturb his shirt-collar)._ "YA-AS, A--I'VE HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO DWOP MY UMBRELLAW, AND THERE ISN'T A BOY WITHIN A MILE TO PICK IT UP--A--WILL YOU HAVE THE GOODNESS?"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING. [Illustration: No. IV. MR. BRIGGS GOES OUT FOR A DAY'S HUNTING, AND HAS A GLORIOUS RUN OVER A SPLENDID COUNTRY.] [Illustration: _INGENIOUS IDEA._ ELEGANT MATERIAL FOR TROWSERS--ONLY TAKES TWO MEN TO SHOW THE PATTERN.] [Illustration: _NO DOUBT._ "NOW I DARE SAY, BILL, THAT AIR BEAST OF A DOG IS A GOOD DEAL MORE PETTED THAN YOU OR I SHOULD BE."] [Illustration: _EXCESSIVELY POLITE._ _Well-bred Man._ "YOUR HORSE SEEMS A LITTLE IMPATIENT, SIR! PRAY GO FIRST!"] [Illustration: _THE CONSCIENTIOUS STABLE-KEEPER._ _Gent (who meditates a ride)._ "HALLO! WHY, CONFOUND IT. THAT'S MY SADDLE HORSE, ISN'T IT?" _Fly-Man._ "YES, SIR! IT'S ALL RIGHT; MASTER SAYS YOU'RE WERRY PARTICULAR ABOUT 'AVIN OF 'IM EXERCISED REGULAR--SO WE PUTS 'IM INTO THE BROOM WHEN YOU AIN'T OUT A RIDIN'!"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING. [Illustration: No. V. MR. BRIGGS PUTS HIS HORSE IN HARNESS, AND DRIVES A FEW FRIENDS QUIETLY DOWN TO THE DERBY.] [Illustration: _DIFFERENT OPINIONS._ _Housebreaker._ "WOT A SHAME FOR PEOPLE TO GO LEAVING COAL-SCUTTLES ABOUT FOR PEOPLE TO GO STUMBLING OVER!"] [Illustration: _SCENE--WESTMINSTER BRIDGE.--TIME, TWO ON A FOGGY MORNING._ _Reduced Tradesman (to a little party returning home)._ "DID YOU WANT TO BUY A GOOD RAZOR?"] [Illustration: _FOREIGNER OF DISTINCTION GOING TO ENJOY "LE SPORT."_] [Illustration: _THE NEW HUNTER._ "WELL, CHARLEY! HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR NEW PONY?" "OH! PRETTY WELL, THANK YOU, UNCLE; ONLY I'M AFRAID HE'S HARDLY UP TO MY WEIGHT, AND HE RUSHES SO AT HIS FENCES."] [Illustration: _AFTER THE PANTOMIME._ _Mary._ "OH! HOW I SHOULD LIKE TO BE A BEAUTIFUL COLUMBINE, AND RIDE ABOUT IN A GOLD CAR DRAWN BY WHITE DOVES!" _Augustus._ "AND HOW I SHOULD LIKE TO BE A HARLEQUIN, AND CHANGE WHOLE STREETS INTO REALMS OF DAZZLING DELIGHT!" _Tom (a rude Boy)._ "AND HOW I SHOULD LIKE TO BE THE OLD CLOWN, AND MAKE BUTTER SLIDES ON THE PAVEMENT TO UPSET OLD LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!"] [Illustration: _TOO CIVIL BY HALF!_ _English Cook._ "OH, DEAR! HERE, JAMES, COME, AND TAKE THIS ROAST BEEF AND PLUM-PUDDING OUT OF THE WINDOW. IT HURTS THE FEELINGS OF THE FOREIGN GENTS AS THEY WALK BY!"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING. [Illustration: No. VI. ON HIS RETURN FROM THE RACES, HE ASSURES HIS MAN THAT HE'S A MOST "EKSHELLENT SERVANT"--THAT THE MARE NEVER CARRIED HIM BETTER. HE ALSO TELLS HIM TO MAKE THE MARE QUITE "COMF-ABLE," AND TO BE "VERY CAREF-L OF HISH CANDLE," BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH STRAW ABOUT!] [Illustration: _THAMES FISHING._ _Fisherman (to Old Gentleman)._ "THEY'RE A' BITIN' AWAY OVER 'ERE, SIR! JUST STEP ACROSS THAT THERE BIT O' WOOD, SIR, AND YOU'LL HAVE A CAPITAL PITCH, SIR!" _Old Gentleman._ "ACROSS THAT BIT OF WOOD! DOES THE MAN THINK I'M A ROPE-DANCER?"] [Illustration: _GOING TO COVER._ _Voice in the distance._ "NOW, THEN, SMITH--COME ALONG!" _Smith._ "OH, IT'S ALL VERY WELL TO SAY, COME ALONG! WHEN HE WON'T MOVE A STEP; AND I'M AFRAID HE'S GOING TO LIE DOWN."] [Illustration: _A SON AND HEIR._ _Son and Heir._ "HOW MANY OF US ARE THERE? WHY, IF YOU COUNT THE GIRLS, THERE ARE SIX--BUT SOME PEOPLE DON'T COUNT THE GIRLS.--_I'M ONE!_"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING. [Illustration: No. VII. MR. BRIGGS, NOT BEING GOOD AT HIS "FENCES," GOES THROUGH THE PERFORMANCE OF OPENING A GATE.] [Illustration: _LOVE ON THE OCEAN._ "'OH! IS THERE NOT SOMETHING, DEAR AUGUSTUS, TRULY SUBLIME IN THIS WARRING OF THE ELEMENTS?' BUT AUGUSTUS'S HEART WAS TOO FULL TO SPEAK."--_MS. Novel by Lady * * *._] [Illustration: _THE RISING GENERATION._ _Juvenile._ "UNCLE!" _Uncle._ "NOW THEN, WHAT IS IT? THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME YOU'VE WOKE ME UP, SIR!" _Juvenile._ "OH! JUST PUT A FEW COALS ON THE FIRE, AND PASS THE WINE, THAT'S A GOOD OLD CHAP."] [Illustration: _RELIGION À LA MODE._ _Housemaid._ "I TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, PARKER, I SHALL BE VERY GLAD WHEN MISSUS HAS GOT TIRED OF THIS PUSEY-USM. IT MAY BE THE FASHION; BUT WHAT WITH HER COMIN' HOME LATE FROM PARTIES, AND GETTING UP FOR EARLY SERVICE, AND THEN GOIN' TO BED AGAIN, WE POOR SARVINTS HAS DOUBLE WORK A'MOST."] [Illustration: _STRANGE, BUT TRUE._ _Lady._ "BY THE WAY, MR. TONGS, I HAVE USED THAT BOTTLE OF BALM OF CALIFORNIA, BUT I FIND MY HAIR STILL COMES OFF."] [Illustration: _VERY ACUTE._ _Mr._ ----. "SO YOUR NAME IS CHARLEY, IS IT? NOW, CHARLEY DOESN'T KNOW WHO I AM?" _Sharp Little Boy._ "OH, YES! BUT I DO, THOUGH." _Mr._ ----. "WELL, WHO AM I?" _Sharp Little Boy._ "WHY, YOU'RE THE GENTLEMAN THAT KISSED SISTER SOPHY IN THE LIBRARY, ON TWELFTH NIGHT, WHEN YOU THOUGHT NO ONE WAS THERE."] [Illustration: _GLORIOUS NEWS._ "WELL, RUGGLES, IT'S ALL RIGHT!" "WHAT'S ALL RIGHT?" "WHY! WE ARE TO HAVE MARIO AGAIN."] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING. [Illustration: No. VIII. _MR. BRIGGS HAS ANOTHER DAY WITH THE HOUNDS._ MR. BRIGGS CAN'T BEAR FLYING LEAPS, SO HE MAKES FOR A GAP--WHICH IS IMMEDIATELY FILLED BY A FRANTIC PROTECTIONIST, WHO IS VOWING THAT HE WILL PITCHFORK MR. B. IF HE COMES "GALLOPERRAVERING" OVER HIS FENCES--DANG'D IF HE DOAN'T.] [Illustration: _AN EYE TO BUSINESS._] [Illustration: _NOT A DIFFICULT THING TO FORETELL._ "LET THE POOR GIPSY TELL YOUR FORTUNE, MY PRETTY GENTLEMAN."] [Illustration: _FLOWERS OF THE FRENCH ARMY--PICKED AT PARIS._] [Illustration: _NOT YET!_] [Illustration: _HIGHLY INTERESTING._ "SEEN THAT PARTY LATELY?" "WHAT? THE PARTY WITH THE WOODEN LEG, AS COME WITH--" "NO, NO--NOT THAT PARTY. THE PARTY, YOU KNOW, AS--" "OH! AH! I KNOW THE PARTY YOU MEAN NOW." "WELL, A PARTY TOLD ME AS HE CAN'T AGREE WITH THAT OTHER PARTY, AND HE SAYS THAT IF ANOTHER PARTY CAN'T BE FOUND TO MAKE IT ALL SQUARE, HE SHALL LOOK FOR A PARTY AS WILL." (_And so on for half an hour._)] [Illustration: _SOUND ADVICE._ _Master Tom._ "HAVE A WEED, GRAN'PA?" _Gran'pa._ "A WHAT! SIR?" _Master Tom._ "A WEED!--A CIGAR, YOU KNOW." _Gran'pa._ "CERTAINLY NOT, SIR. I NEVER SMOKED IN MY LIFE." _Master Tom._ "AH! THEN I WOULDN'T ADVISE YOU TO BEGIN."] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING. [Illustration: No. IX. MR. BRIGGS HAS ANOTHER GLORIOUS DAY WITH THE HOUNDS, AND GETS THE BRUSH (FOR WHICH HE PAYS HALF-A-SOVEREIGN--ONLY DON'T TELL ANYBODY).] [Illustration: _AWFUL POSITION DURING A STORM._] [Illustration: _DOG-DAYS! PLEASANT FOR JOHN THOMAS._ _Old Lady._ "JOHN THOMAS!" _John Thomas._ "YES, MY LADY!" _Old Lady._ "CARRY ESMERALDA--SHE'S GETTING TIRED, POOR DARLING!"] [Illustration: _ALARMING._ _Hairdresser._ "THEY SAY, SIR, THE CHOLERA'S IN THE _H_AIR, SIR!" _Gent. (very uneasy)._ "INDEED! AHEM! THEN I HOPE YOU ARE VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT THE BRUSHES YOU USE." _Hairdresser._ "OH! I SEE YOU DON'T _H_UNDERSTAND ME, SIR. I DON'T MEAN THE 'AIR OF THE 'ED, BUT THE _H_AIR _H_OF THE _H_ATMOSPHERE!"] [Illustration: _TEMPUS EDAX RERUM._ "GOOD GRACIOUS! IS IT POSSIBLE?--NO! YES! NO!--YES! YES, BY JUPITER, IT'S A GREY HAIR IN MY FAVOURITE WHISKER!"] [Illustration: _A ROMANCE OF ROAST DUCKS._ "MY DARLING, WILL YOU TAKE A LITTLE OF THE--A--THE STUFFING?" "I WILL, DEAR, IF YOU DO; BUT IF YOU DON'T, I WON'T."] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING. [Illustration: No. X. IN ANSWER TO NUMEROUS INQUIRIES, WE ARE HAPPY TO SAY, THAT MR. BRIGGS IS QUITE WELL, AND AT BRIGHTON. HE IS TAKING THE OPPORTUNITY TO GIVE HIS FAMILY A FEW RIDING LESSONS. WE SHOULDN'T WONDER IF HE WENT OUT WITH THE HARRIERS IN A DAY OR TWO.] [Illustration: _THE HONEYMOON._ AUGUSTUS MAKES THE TEA FOR THE FIRST MONTH OF HIS MARRIAGE.] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING. [Illustration: No. XI. _MR. BRIGGS GOES OUT WITH THE BRIGHTON HARRIERS._ HE HAS A CAPITAL DAY. THE ONLY DRAWBACK IS, THAT HE IS OBLIGED TO LEAD HIS HORSE _UP_ HILL TO EASE HIM, AND _DOWN_ HILL BECAUSE HE IS AFRAID OF GOING OVER HIS HEAD--SO THAT HE DOESN'T GET QUITE SO MUCH HORSE EXERCISE AS HE COULD WISH!] [Illustration: _PRIVATE THEATRICALS._ DISMAY OF MR. JAMES JESSAMMY ON BEING TOLD THAT HE WILL SPOIL THE WHOLE THING IF HE DOESN'T SHAVE OFF HIS WHISKERS.] [Illustration: _TOWN AND COUNTRY._ _Country Footman meekly inquires of London Footman._ "PRAY, SIR, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF OUR TOWN? A NICE PLACE, AIN'T IT?" _London Footman (condescendingly)._ "VELL, JOSEPH, I LIKES YOUR TOWN WELL ENOUGH. IT'S CLEAN; YOUR STREETS ARE HAIRY; AND YOU'VE LOTS OF REWINS. BUT I DON'T LIKE YOUR CHAMPAGNE; ITS ALL GEWSBERRY."] [Illustration: _AN IMPENDING DISASTER._ _Boy._ "OH! IF YOU PLEASE'M--COOK'S VERY SORRY'M--BUT COULD SHE SPEAK TO YOU A MOMENT?"] _MORE FREE THAN WELCOME._ [Illustration: _Scene--The Kitchen._ _Cook._ "WHO WAS THAT AT THE DOOR, MARY?" _Mary._ "OH! SUCH A NICE-SPOKEN GENTLEMAN WITH MOUSTARCHERS. HE'S A WRITIN' A LETTER IN THE DRAWING-ROOM. HE SAYS HE'S A OLD SCHOOL-FELLER OF MASTER'S, JUST COME FROM INGIA." [Illustration: _Scene--The Hall._ THE NICE-SPOKEN GENTLEMAN IS SEEN DEPARTING WITH WHAT GREAT-COATS AND OTHER TRIFLES HE MAY HAVE LAID HIS HANDS UPON.] [Illustration: _WALTONIANS._ _Scene.--Room in Country House.--Breakfast-Table._ _Master Tom._ "OH, ROBERT!" _Robert._ "YES, SIR!" _Master Tom._ "OH, I SAY, ROBERT! THE LADIES WANT ME TO TAKE 'EM OUT FISHING TO-DAY. SO JUST TELL YOUNG EVANS I SHALL WANT HIM TO GO WITH ME TO GET SOME WASP GRUBS; AND--LOOK HERE! TELL THE GARDENER HE MUST GET ME SOME LARGE LOBWORMS DIRECTLY, AND A FEW SMALL FROGS, AS PERHAPS WE SHALL TRY FOR A JACK. AND--HI! ROBERT, TELL HIM TO SEND 'EM IN HERE, THAT I MAY SEE WHETHER THEY'RE THE RIGHT SORT!" [_General Exclamation of "Nasty Monkey!" from the Ladies. Old Gentleman being rather deaf, wishes_ MASTER TOM'S _remarks repeated_.] [Illustration: _FISHING OFF A WATERING PLACE._ PERHAPS THE JOLLIEST THING IN THE WORLD(!)] [Illustration: _A MAN OF FEELING._ _Gentleman._ "OH, CERTAINLY! YOU CAN GO, OF COURSE; BUT, AS YOU HAVE BEEN WITH ME FOR NINE YEARS, I SHOULD LIKE TO KNOW THE REASON." _Thomas._ "WHY, SIR, ITS MY _FEELINS_. YOU USED ALWAYS TO READ PRAYERS, SIR, YOURSELF--AND SINCE MISS WILKINS HAS BEEN HERE, SHE'S BIN A-READING OF 'EM. NOW, I CAN'T _BEMEAN_ MYSELF BY SAYIN' 'AMEN' TO A GUV'NESS."] [Illustration: _THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS._ _Serious Flunkey._ "I SHOULD REQUIRE, MADAM, FORTY POUNDS A YEAR, TWO SUITS OF CLOTHES, TWO 'ATS, MEAT AND HALE THREE TIMES A DAY, AND PIETY HINDISPENSABLE."] [Illustration: _A FRAGMENT._ "AND WILL YOU ALWAYS--ALWAYS, DEAREST ALBERIC, LOVE ME THUS?" SAID CONSTANCE. "EVER, WHILE THIS HEART BEATS WITH LIFE!" PASSIONATELY EXCLAIMED ALBERIC. "THEN COULD YOU LEND ME FIVE POUNDS?" MURMURED THE LADY; "FOR REALLY THINGS ARE SO BAD IN THE CITY, THAT I," &C., &C., &C.] [Illustration: _A FALSE POSITION._ _Individual (who is not over strong in his head, or firm on his legs)._ "D-D-D-D-ID WALTZING--EVER--MAKE--YOU--GIDDY? BECAUSE, I--SHALL--BE--HAPPY--TO--SIT--DOWN--WHENEVER--YOU'RE--TIRED!" _Girl (who is in high dancing condition)._ "OH, DEAR NO--I COULD WALTZ ALL NIGHT!"] [Illustration: _THE NEW BONNET._ _Frederick._ "THERE NOW, HOW VERY PROVOKING! I'VE LEFT THE PRAYER-BOOKS AT HOME!" _Maria._ "WELL, DEAR, NEVER MIND; BUT DO TELL ME, _IS MY BONNET STRAIGHT_?"] [Illustration: _IN CAMP.--HOSPITALITY._ _Officer._ "WELL, BUT LOOK HERE, OLD FELLOW; WHY NOT STOP ALL NIGHT?"] [Illustration: _A GREAT MENTAL EFFORT._ _First Cock Sparrow._ "WHAT A MIWACKULOUS TYE, FWANK! HOW THE DOOSE DO YOU MANAGE IT?" _Second Cock Sparrow._ "YAS. I FANCY IT IS RATHER GRAND; BUT THEN, YOU SEE, I GIVE THE WHOLE OF MY MIND TO IT."] [Illustration: _COMING HOME._ _Old Party (who is taking care of the house)._ "OH, YES, SIR. YOU'LL FIND THE ROOM NICE AN' CLEAN--AN' I'M SURE THE BED'S HAIRED--FOR I'VE BIN AN' SLEP IN IT MY OWN SELF HEVERY NIGHT."] [Illustration: _OH! THE CURTAINS._ _Objectionable Child._ "LOR, PA! ARE YOU GOING TO SMOKE? MY EYE! WON'T YOU CATCH IT WHEN MA COMES HOME, FOR MAKING THE CURTAINS SMELL!"] [Illustration: _DISTRACTION._ _Wife of your Bussum._ "OH, I DON'T WANT TO INTERRUPT YOU, DEAR. I ONLY WANT SOME MONEY FOR BABY'S SOCKS--AND TO KNOW WHETHER YOU WILL HAVE THE MUTTON COLD OR HASHED."] [Illustration: _A VERY VULGAR SUBJECT._ _William._ "HERE'S WISHIN' YOU GOOD 'EALTH, JIM, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!" _James._ "THANK'YE, BILL, THANK'YE. I HAD OUGHT TO BE A HAPPY COVE--FOR I'VE GOT A WIFE AS CAN THRASH ANY MAN OF HER WEIGHT--AND I'VE GOT A CHILD OF TWO YEARS AND A ARF AS CAN EAT TWO POUNDS O' BEEFSTEAK AT A SITTING--LET ALONE OWNIN' THE SMALLEST BLACK AND TAN TERRIER IN THE WORLD!"] [Illustration: _A DELICIOUS SAIL--OFF DOVER._ _Old Lady._ "GOODNESS GRACIOUS, MR. BOATMAN! WHAT'S THAT?" _Stolid Boatman._ "THAT, MUM! NUTHUN, MUM. ONLY THE ARTILLERY A PRAC-_TI_-SIN', AND THAT'S ONE O' THE CANNON-BALLS WHAT'S JUST STRUCK THE WATER!!"] [Illustration: _THE ROUND HAT, LADEN WITH NOVELS, IN A STORM._ _Ancient Mariner._ "HOLD ON A BIT, MISS--I'LL TOW YOU OFF--YOU SHOULD NEVER CARRY SO MUCH SAIL IN A SOU-WESTER!"] [Illustration: _SNOW-FLAKES._--No. 1. _Street Boy (to his natural enemy, the Policeman)._ "SNOWBALLS, SIR! NO, SIR! I HAVEN'T SEEN NO ONE THROW NO SNOWBALLS, SIR!"] [Illustration: _SNOW-FLAKES._--No. 2. _Street Boy._ "HOH! SOOSANNER! DON'T YER CRY FOR ME! FOL DE ROL DE RIDDLE LOL! HERE'S A JOLLY SLIDE! CUT AWAY, YOUNG 'UN! IT'S ALL SERENE!"] [Illustration: _SNOW-FLAKES._--No. 3. _Playful Youth._ "PLEASE, SIR, I WASN'T A HEAVIN' AT YOU--I WAS HEAVIN' AT BILLY JONES."] [Illustration: _THE BIRTHDAY._ _Cousin Emily._ "AND SO IT'S LITTLE ALFRED'S BIRTHDAY TO-MORROW. NOW, WHAT WOULD HE LIKE BEST FOR A PRESENT?" _Alfred (after much reflection)._ "WHY, I THINK I SHOULD LIKE A--I SHOULD LIKE A TESTAMENT--AND--A--A--AND--OH, _I_ KNOW! I SHOULD LIKE A SQUIRT!!"] [Illustration: _DIVISION OF LABOUR._ _Sportsman (in Standing Beans)._ "WHERE TO NOW, JACK?" _Jack._ "WELL! LET'S SEE! I SHOULD JUST GO UP THE BEANS AGAIN, AND ACROSS THE TOP END, BEAT DOWN THE OTHER SIDE AND ROUND BY THE BOTTOM; WHILE YOU'RE THERE, GET OVER AND TRY OLD HAYCOCK'S STANDING OATS--HE WON'T MIND--I'LL STOP HERE AND MARK!"] [Illustration: _A HARD RIDER._ _Man on the Grey (who comes Express pace over the Stile, and cannons against two quiet riders)._ "BEG PARDON, GENTLEMEN, BUT MY HORSE HAS GOT _NO MOUTH_!"] [Illustration: _BON-BON FROM A JUVENILE PARTY._ _Doctor._ "AHEM! WELL! AND WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MY YOUNG FRIEND ADOLPHUS?" _Fond Mother._ "WHY, HE'S NOT AT ALL THE THING, DOCTOR. HE WAS AT A JUVENILE PARTY LAST NIGHT, WHERE THERE WAS A TWELFTH CAKE; AND IT PAINS ME TO SAY, THAT BESIDES EATING A GREAT DEAL TOO MUCH OF THE CAKE, HE WAS IMPRUDENT ENOUGH TO EAT A HARLEQUIN AND A MAN ON HORSEBACK, AND, I AM SORRY TO ADD, A CUPID AND A BIRDCAGE FROM THE TOP OF IT!"] [Illustration: _KNOWLEDGE IS POWER._ _Tom._ "JACK! WHEREABOUTS IS AMSTID--AM?" _Jack._ "WELL, I CAN'T SAY EXACKERLY, BUT I KNOW IT'S SOMEWHERE NEAR AMSTID-EATH!"] [Illustration: _HOW TO MAKE A CHATELAINE A REAL BLESSING TO MOTHERS._] [Illustration: _THE PIKE IS A VORACIOUS FISH, AND BITES VERY READILY IN THE WINTER MONTHS._ OLD GENTLEMAN IS _VERY_ FOND OF FISHING!!] [Illustration: _A NICE GAME AT BILLIARDS._ _Pretty Cousin._ "LET ME SEE, FREDERICK, I'M JUST EIGHTEEN TO YOUR LOVE?" _Frederick (who is always so ridiculous)._ "THAT IS PRECISELY THE STATE OF THE CASE, MY DEAREST GEORGINA." _Mamma (with severity)._ "COME, LUNCHEON IS QUITE READY."] [Illustration: _VERY FINE GENTLEMEN._ _Master of the House._ "NOW, PRAY WHAT IS IT YOU COMPLAIN OF? IS NOT A ROAST LEG OF MUTTON, WITH PLENTY OF PUDDING, VEGETABLES, AND BEER, A SUBSTANTIAL DINNER ENOUGH FOR YOU?" _Flunkey._ "OH! SUBSTANTIAL ENOUGH, NO DOUBT, SIR; BUT IT REALLY IS A _QUIZZEEN_ THAT--AW--ME AND THE OTHER GENTLEMEN HAS NOT BIN ACCUSTOMED TO. ITS VERY CORSE--VERY CORSE, INDEED, SIR!!"] [Illustration: _PLEASANT!_ _Nervous Gentleman._ "DON'T YOU THINK, ROBERT, GOING SO FAST DOWN HILL IS VERY LIKELY TO MAKE THE HORSE FALL?" _Robert._ "LOR BLESS YER--NO, SIR! I NEVER THROWED A OSS DOWN IN MY LIFE, 'XCEPT ONCE, AND THAT WAS ONE FROSTY MOONLIGHT NIGHT (JUST SUCH A NIGHT AS THIS IT WAS), AS I WAS A-DRIVIN' A GENT (AS MIGHT BE YOU) FROM THE STATION, WHEN I THROWED DOWN THIS WERRY OSS IN THIS WERRY IDENTICAL PLACE."] [Illustration: _A TIGHT FIT._ "YOUR BATH IS QUITE READY, MA'AM." "WELL BUT MY GOOD GIRL, I CAN'T GET INTO SUCH A BIT OF A THING AS THAT!"] [Illustration: _A PUZZLING ORDER._ "I'LL TROUBLE YOU TO MEASURE ME FOR A NEW PAIR OF BOOTS."] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING. [Illustration: No. XII. MR. BRIGGS, STIMULATED BY THE ACCOUNTS IN THE NEWSPAPERS OF THE DARING FEAT OF HORSEMANSHIP AT AYLESBURY, AND EXCITED BY MR. HAYCOCK'S CLARET, TRIES WHETHER HE ALSO CAN RIDE OVER A DINING-ROOM TABLE.] [Illustration: _NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS (?)_ _First Old Foozle._ "WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THE PAPER, SIR? THERE'S NOTHING IN IT." _Second Old Foozle._ "THEN WHAT THE DEVIL DID YOU KEEP IT SO LONG FOR?"] [Illustration: _A SUGGESTION._ _Driver._ "WHERE DID THE OLD GENT WANT TO GO TO, BILL?" _Conductor._ "VY, HE WANTED TO GO TO BLACKWALL IN A QUARTER OF AN HOUR." _Driver._ "OH! DID HE? THEN HE'D BETTER ORDER A BALLOON!!!"] [Illustration: _VALUABLE HINT._ ALWAYS BOLT THE DOOR OF YOUR MACHINE AFTER BATHING, OR YOU MAY BE SERVED AS POOR MR. BRIGGS WAS ONE DAY. HIS DISASTER IS REPRESENTED ABOVE.] [Illustration: _AN ARTFUL EXCUSE._ _Servant Maid._ "IF YOU PLEASE, MEM. COULD I GO OUT FOR HALF-AN-HOUR TO BUY A BIT OF RIBBIN, MEM?"] [Illustration: _MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING, No. XIII. MR. BRIGGS HAS GONE TO THE EXHIBITION.--A BOY HOLDS HIS HORSE IN THE MEANTIME.] [Illustration: _A SKETCH OF CHARACTER BY PROFESSOR MILKANSOP, THE CELEBRATED GRAPHIOLOGIST._ _Gentleman (reads)._ "'INTELLIGENT; STRONG RELIGIOUS FEELINGS; FOND OF LITTLE CHILDREN; LOVES MUSIC, POETRY, AND THE FINE ARTS; IS RELUCTANT TO TAKE OFFENCE, GENEROUS AND FORGIVING.'--WELL, I'M BLOWED, IF THAT AIN'T WONDERFUL! WHY, ITS MY KARACTER TO A T!"] [Illustration: _AN INGENIOUS FELLOW._ "LOOK HERE, MY BOY! THE BOX MAKES A CAPITAL TABLE, AND THE BOOT IS JUST THE THING FOR YOUR LEGS." [_Pocket-book disappears._] [Illustration: _A WEIGHTY MATTER._ _Cavalry Officer (who rides about five stone)._ "I'M DOOCED GLAD WE'RE IN THE HEAVIES; AIN'T YOU, CHARLEY? IT WOULD BE A HORRID BORE TO BE SENT OUT TO THE CAPE LIKE THOSE POOR LIGHT BOBS."] [Illustration: _OUR YOUNG PEOPLE._ _Juvenile._ "I TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, GOVERNOR, THE SOONER WE COME TO SOME UNDERSTANDING THE BETTER. YOU CAN'T EXPECT A YOUNG FELLER TO BE ALWAYS AT HOME; AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY I GO ON, WHY I MUST HAVE CHAMBERS, AND SO MUCH A-WEEK?"] [Illustration: _A PERSONAL OPINION._ _Elderly Spinster._ "SO, YOU'RE GOING TO BE MARRIED, DEAR, ARE YOU? WELL, FOR MY PART, I THINK NINE-HUNDRED-AND-NINETY-NINE MARRIAGES OUT OF A THOUSAND TURN OUT MISERABLY; BUT OF COURSE EVERY ONE IS THE BEST JUDGE OF THEIR OWN FEELINGS."] [Illustration: _LITTLE WOMEN._ _First Matron._ "HAS YOUR DOLL HAD THE MEASLES, AMELIA? MINE HAS--" _Second Matron._ "NO, DEAR, BUT IT'S BEEN VERY FRACTIOUS ABOUT ITS TEETH, AND I'M GOING TO GIVE IT A LITTLE GREY POWDER."] [Illustration: MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING. No. 1. _OUR FRIEND BRIGGS CONTEMPLATES A DAY'S FISHING._] [Illustration: _A GROSS OFFENCE._ _Flunkey._ "HOW DARE YOU BRING ME A STEEL FORK, SIR!"] [Illustration: _CAUGHT._ _Domestic (soliloquising)_. "WELL! I'M SURE MISSUS HAD BETTER GIVE THIS NEW BONNET TO ME, INSTEAD OF STICKING SUCH A YOUNG-LOOKING THING UPON HER OLD SHOULDERS." (_The impudent minx has immediate warning_)] [Illustration: _STREET DIALOGUE._ _First Boy._ "I'LL PUNCH YER ED, IF YER SAY MUCH." _Second Boy._ "WHO'LL PUNCH MY ED?"--_First Boy._ "I WILL." _Second Boy._ "_YOU_ WILL?"--_First Boy._ "YES, _I_ WILL." _Second Boy._ "WELL!--DO IT."--_First Boy._ "AH!" _Second Boy._ "YES!"--_First Boy._ "OH!" [_Boys evaporate._] [Illustration: _A PRUDENT RESOLVE._ _'Ousemaid._ "WELL, MR. ROBERT, I SUPPOSE YOU'LL BE OFF TO THE DIGGINGS ALONG WITH THE REST OF THE GENTLEMEN?" _Flunkey._ "NOT IF I KNOWS IT, MARY, MY DEAR. I AIN'T BEEN ACCUSTOMED TO FIZZICAL EXERTION; AND I DON'T INTEND TO BEGIN HARD WORK AT MY TIME OF LIFE."] [Illustration: _USED UP._ _Grandmamma._ "WHY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MY PET?" _Child._ "WHY, GRANDMA, AFTER GIVING THE SUBJECT EVERY CONSIDERATION, I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT--THE WORLD IS HOLLOW, AND MY DOLL IS STUFFED WITH SAWDUST. SO--I--SHOULD--LIKE--IF YOU PLEASE, TO BE A NUN!"] [Illustration: MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING. No. II. _MR. BRIGGS STARTS ON HIS FISHING EXCURSION._] [Illustration: No. III. MR. B WON'T HAVE A MAN WITH HIM, AS HE THINKS HE CAN MANAGE A PUNT BY HIMSELF; AND THE CONSEQUENCE IS, HE IS OBLIGED TO GO TO BED WHILE HIS THINGS ARE DRIED, HAVING UPSET HIMSELF, AS A MATTER OF COURSE.] [Illustration: _ENERGETIC._ "HI!--THERE!--STOP!"] [Illustration: _HUNTING MEMORANDUM--APPEARANCE OF THINGS IN GENERAL TO A GENTLEMAN WHO HAS JUST TURNED A COMPLETE SOMERSAULT!!_ * &C. &C. REPRESENT SPARKS OF DIVERS BEAUTIFUL COLOURS] [Illustration: _MANNERS MAKE THE MAN._ _Omnibus Driver._ "I BEG YOU A THOUSAND PARDONS, I AM SURE." _Cabman._ "OH, PRAY DON'T MENTION IT. ITS OF NO CONSEQUENCE, BELIEVE ME!"] [Illustration: _MUCH TOO CLEVER._ _Sharp (but vulgar Little Boy)._ "HALLO, MISSUS, WOT ARE THOSE?" _Old Woman._ "TWOPENCE." _Boy._ "WHAT A LIE! THEY'RE APPLES." [_Exit, whistling popular air._] [Illustration: MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING. No. IV. MR. BRIGGS TRIES (FOR MANY HOURS) A LIKELY PLACE FOR A PERCH; BUT UPON THIS OCCASION THE WIND IS NOT IN A FAVOURABLE QUARTER.] [Illustration: No. V. MINNOW CAUGHT BY MR. BRIGGS; EXACT SIZE OF LIFE.] [Illustration: _RETURNING FROM THE SEA-SIDE.--A LITTLE COMMISSION._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR,--MRS. GENERAL SLOWCOACH'S COMPLIMENTS, AND SHE SAYS IF YOU'RE GOING BY THE TRAIN THIS MORNING, SHE WOULD FEEL PERTICKLER OBLIGED BY YOUR TAKING CHARGE OF THIS LITTLE CASK OF SEA-WATER AS FAR AS HER 'OUSE."] [Illustration: _ANGLING IN THE SERPENTINE.--SATURDAY, P.M._ _Piscator No. 1._ "HAD EVER A BITE, JIM?" _Piscator No. 2._ "NOT YET--I ONLY COME HERE LAST WEDNESDAY!"] [Illustration: _SPORTING INTELLIGENCE.--(FROM OUR OWN CORRESPONDENT.)_ "THE COUNTRY IS AWFULLY DEEP, BUT THE FALLING IS DELIGHTFULLY SOFT AND SAFE."] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING. [Illustration: No. VI. _MR. BRIGGS HAS ANOTHER DAY'S FISHING._ HE IS SO FORTUNATE AS TO CATCH A LARGE EEL.] [Illustration: _AN UNDESIGNED INCIDENT._ "HOW COOL AND NICE THE FRENCH-POLISHED FLOORS ARE,--BUT--UGH!--OH DEAR!--HOW HARD!"] [Illustration: _NO PLACE LIKE HOME._ PATERFAMILIAS PREFERS HIS OWN BEDROOM (WHICH THE WHITEWASHERS HAVE JUST LEFT) TO THE DISCOMFORT OF AN HOTEL.] [Illustration: _THE GENTLE CRAFT._ _Contemplative Man (in punt)._ "I DON'T SO MUCH CARE ABOUT THE SPORT. IT'S THE DELICIOUS REPOSE I ENJOY SO."] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING. [Illustration: No. VII. _TRIUMPHANT SUCCESS OF MR. BRIGGS._ SOMEHOW OR OTHER (ASSISTED BY HIS LITTLE BOY WALTER), HE CATCHES A JACK, WHICH, TO USE MR. B.'S OWN WORDS, FLIES AT HIM, AND BARKS LIKE A DOG.] [Illustration: _SPLENDID DAY WITH THE "QUEEN'S."_ _First Sporting Snob._ "WELL, BILL, WHAT SORT OF A DAY HAVE YER HAD?" _Second Ditto._ "OH, MAGNIFICENT, MY BOY! I SEE THE 'OUNDS SEVERAL TIMES; AND NONE OF YER NASTY 'EDGES AN' DITCHES, EITHER; BUT A PRIME TURNPIKE ROAD ALL THE WAY."] [Illustration: _DREADFUL CRISIS._ _Victim._ "HOPE YOU WILL NOT BE OFFENDED, SIR; BUT I SHOULD BE VERY GLAD IF YOU COULD SETTLE MY LITTLE BILL UP TO CHRISTMAS." _Mr. Dunup._ "OFFENDED, MY DEAR BOY! NOT IN THE LEAST. BUT THE FACT IS, I HAVE 'SUSPENDED CASH PAYMENTS' FOR SOME TIME."] [Illustration: _FOX STEALS AWAY FROM THE COVER; BEARDED FOREIGNER OF DISTINCTION IMMEDIATELY GIVES CHASE._ _Whipper-in (with excitement, loquitur)._ "'OLD 'ARD, THERE! 'OLD 'ARD! WHERE ARE YOU A-GALLOPING TO? DO YOU THINK _YOU_ CAN CATCH A FOX?" _Foreigner of Distinction (with great glee)._ "I DO NOT KNOW, MON AMI; BUT I WILL TRAI--I WILL TRAI!"] [Illustration: _THE PIC-NIC._ _Contented Man (loq.)._ "WHAT A NICE DAMP PLACE WE HAVE SECURED; AND HOW VERY FORTUNATE WE ARE IN THE WEATHER; IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO PROVOKING FOR US ALL TO HAVE BROUGHT OUR UMBRELLAS AND THEN TO HAVE HAD A FINE DAY!! GLASS OF WINE, BRIGGS, EH?"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING. [Illustration: No. VIII. MR. BRIGGS, ANXIOUS TO BECOME A "COMPLETE ANGLER," STUDIES THE "GENTLE ART" OF FLY-FISHING.] [Illustration: No. IX. MR. B. GOES OUT. HIS CHIEF DIFFICULTY IS, THAT EVERY TIME HE THROWS HIS LINE--THE HOOKS (OF WHICH THERE ARE FIVE) WILL STICK BEHIND IN HIS JACKET AND TR-WS-RS.] [Illustration: _MEN OF EXPERIENCE._ _Tom._ "AH, BILL! I'M QUITE TIRED OF THE DISSIPATION OF THE GAY AND FASHIONABLE WORLD. I THINK I SHALL MARRY AND SETTLE." _Bill._ "WELL, I'M DEVILISH SICK OF A BACHELOR'S LIFE MYSELF, BUT I DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF THROWING MYSELF AWAY IN A HURRY."] [Illustration: _QUITE UNNECESSARY._ _Juvenile._ "OH, CHARLEY. IF YOU HEAR A REPORT THAT I'M GOING TO BE MARRIED TO THAT GIRL IN BLACK, YOU CAN CONTRADICT IT. THERE'S NOTHING IN IT."] [Illustration: _NOT VERY LIKELY._ _Mistress._ "WELL, I'M SURE! AND PRAY WHO IS THAT?" _Cook._ "OH, IF YOU PLEASE'M, IT'S ONLY MY COUSIN WHO HAS CALLED JUST TO SHOW ME HOW TO BOIL A POTATO."] [Illustration: _EVERY LITTLE HELPS._ I SAY, TOMMY, COME AND SHOVE. HERE'S THE POOR 'ORSE CAN'T GET THE WAGGIN UP!"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING. [Illustration: No. I. MR. BRIGGS THINKS OF RUNNING DOWN THE DAY AFTER TO-MORROW TO HIS FRIEND HAYCOCK FOR A DAY'S SHOOTING, AND HAS BORROWED A DOG TO GO WITH HIM. FOR THE NINTH TIME DURING THE NIGHT HE HAS BEEN DISTURBED BY THE HOWLING OF THE ANIMAL.] [Illustration: No. II. MR. BRIGGS NO SOONER RETURNS TO HIS BED, THAN MRS. BRIGGS SAYS, "MY DEAR! THERE'S THAT NASTY, TIRESOME DOG AGAIN!!"] [Illustration: _THE RISING GENERATION._ _Eton Boy (loq.)._ "COME, GOVERNOR! JUST ONE TOAST, 'THE LADIES!'"] [Illustration: _WHEN IT IS DELIGHTFUL TO LOSE A BET._ _Grace._ "_TEDDINGTON_ FIRST?--THEN THAT WILL MAKE FOUR DOZEN AND A HALF. REMEMBER, SIXES! TWO DOZEN WHITE, AND THE REST PALE DRAB AND LAVENDER."] [Illustration: _REWARD OF MERIT._ _Ragged Urchin._ "PLEASE, GIVE DAD A SHORT PIPE." _Barman._ "CAN'T DO IT. DON'T KNOW HIM." _Ragged Urchin._ "WHY, HE GETS DRUNK HERE EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT." _Barman._ "OH! DOES HE, MY LITTLE DEAR? THEN 'ERES A NICE LONG 'UN, WITH A BIT OF WAX AT THE END."] [Illustration: _CRUEL._ "REMEMBER THE STEWARD, SIR, IF YOU PLEASE."] MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES Of SHOOTING. [Illustration: No. III. 9 A.M., HIS ARRIVAL ON THE MOOR. MR. BRIGGS SAYS THAT THE FINE BRACING AIR MAKES HIM SO VIGOROUS THAT HE SHALL NEVER BE BEAT. HE ALSO FACETIOUSLY REMARKS THAT HE IS ON "HIS NATIVE HEATH," AND THAT HIS "NAME IS MACGREGOR!"] [Illustration: _THE STARVED-OUT ALDERMAN._ DREADFUL CASE OF DESTITUTION.] [Illustration: No. IV. 11 A.M. MR. BRIGGS BEGINS TO SHOW SYMPTOMS OF DISTRESS. HE FINDS HIS "NATIVE HEATH" A VERY DIFFERENT THING TO HIS "NATIVE FLAGSTONES."] [Illustration: _AN OCEAN SWELL._ THE DELIGHTFUL PROCESS OF DRESSING IN A BATHING-MACHINE.] [Illustration: _AN EXCLUSIVE._ _Enter Small Swell (who drawls as follows)._ "A--BROWN, A--WANT SOME MORE COATS!" _Snip._ "YES, SIR. THANK YOU, SIR. HOW MANY WOULD YOU PLEASE TO WANT?" _Small Swell._ "A--LET ME SEE; A'LL HAVE EIGHT. A--NO, A'LL HAVE NINE; LOOK HERE! A--SHALL WANT SOME TROWSERS." _Snip._ "YES, SIR. THANK YOU, SIR. HOW MANY WOULD YOU LIKE?" _Small Swell._ "A--I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY. S'POSE WE SAY TWENTY-FOUR PAIRS; AND LOOK HERE! SHOW ME SOME PATTERNS THAT WON'T BE WORN BY ANY SNOBS!"] [Illustration: _ELEGANT HABIT._ _Mamma._ "MY DEAR FREDERICK, DO PRAY TAKE YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR POCKETS!" _Frederick._ "COULDN'T DO IT, MAMMA, DEAR; ALL OUR MEN AT CAMBRIDGE WEAR THEIR HANDS IN THEIR POCKETS, AND I COULDN'T DISGRACE MY COLLEGE BY TAKING MINE OUT!!"] [Illustration: _PITY IS AKIN TO LOVE._ _Boy (loq.)._ "O DON'T I PITY THEM POOR NOBS IN _CARRIDGES_ THIS HOT WEATHER!"] [Illustration: _AN OMNIBUS INCIDENT._ _Man (thrusting his hand into the window)._ "WILL YOU BUY A PENKNIFE WITH A HUNDRED BLADES, SIR?"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING. [Illustration: No. V. 12 A.M. TOTAL PROSTRATION OF MR. BRIGGS.] [Illustration: _ANALOGY._ _Sporting Man (loquitur)._ "I SAY, CHARLES--THAT'S A PROMISING LITTLE FILLY ALONG O' THAT BAY-HAIRED WOMAN WHO'S TALKING TO THE BLACK-COB-LOOKING MAN!"] [Illustration: _JOHN THOMAS MISPLACED._ _Lady._ "YOU WISH TO LEAVE--REALLY IT'S VERY INCONVENIENT. PRAY--HAVE YOU ANY REASON TO BE DISSATISFIED WITH YOUR PLACE?" _Flunkey._ "OH, DEAR NO, MA'AM--NOT DISSATISFIED EXACTLY: BUT--A--THE FACT IS, MA'AM, YOU DON'T KEEP NO VEHICLE, AND I FIND I MISS MY CARRIAGE EXERCISE."] [Illustration: _NOTHING LIKE PRUDENCE._ _Maria (loq.)._ "MY DEAR CHARLES, BEFORE WE THINK OF MARRYING, I MUST ASK YOU WHAT YOU HAVE?" _Charles._ "MY DEAR MARIA, I WILL TELL YOU FRANKLY THAT ALL I HAVE IN THE WORLD IS A DRUM AND A CRICKET BAT; BUT PAPA HAS PROMISED ME A BOW AND ARROWS, AND A PONY, IF I'M A GOOD BOY." _Maria._ "OH! MY DEAR CHARLES, WE COULD NEVER LIVE AND KEEP HOUSE UPON THAT!"] [Illustration: _HOUSEMAIDS REFUSING SERVICE IN BELGRAVIA._ _Lady Emily._ "NOW DEAR, I WISH YOU WOULD BE QUICK, AND LIGHT THE FIRES, AND HELP ME TO MAKE THE BEDS." [_The Barracks being removed from Knightsbridge. Young Ladies do the Housework._] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING. [Illustration: No. VI. MR. BRIGGS IS OFF AGAIN SHOOTING.] [Illustration: _GRANDMAMMA IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE GIVEN MASTER TOM SOME PLUMS._ _Master Tom_. "NOW, THEN, GRANNY, I'VE EATEN THE PLUMS, AND IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME SIXPENCE, I'LL SWALLOW THE STONES!"] [Illustration: _MAKING THE BEST OF IT._] [Illustration: _HORRIBLE INCIDENT IN REAL LIFE._ AS THE SERVANTS ARE GONE TO BED, THE MASTER OF THE HOUSE ENDEAVOURS TO GET A LITTLE BIT OF SUPPER FOR HIMSELF. HE CAN'T CONCEIVE WHERE THE DEUCE THE THINGS ARE ALL KEPT; AND HE IS ALMOST TORN TO PIECES BY THE BLACK NATIVES OF THE KITCHEN.] [Illustration: _RATHER SEVERE._ "SHALL I 'OLD YOUR 'ORSE, SIR?"] [Illustration: _A FAULTY MIRROR._ "LOR! WHAT A MOST ABOMINABLE GLASS.--I DECLARE IT MAKES ONE LOOK A PERFECT FRIGHT!"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING. [Illustration: No. VII. FORTUNATELY FOR MR. BRIGGS (WHO _WILL_ LOAD HIS OWN GUN BECAUSE _THEN_ HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS ABOUT) THE KEEPER DISCOVERS THAT HE HAS PUT ABOUT THREE-QUARTERS OF A POUND OF SHOT INTO HIS RIGHT-HAND BARREL.] [Illustration: _GRAND SHOW OF PRIZE VEGETARIANS._] [Illustration: _CONSOLATION._ "NOT KITCHED NONE! AH! SIR, YOU SHOULD HA' BIN HERE LAST TOOSDAY; THERE WAS TOO GENTS KILLED A UNCOMMON SIGHT A' FISH TO BE SURE, THEN."] [Illustration: _BOTTOM FISHING._ _Piscator No. 1. (miserably)._ "NOW, TOM, _DO_ LEAVE OFF. IT ISN'T OF ANY USE; AND IT'S GETTING QUITE DARK." _Piscator No. 2._ "LEAVE OFF!! WHAT A PRECIOUS DISAGREEABLE CHAP YOU ARE. YOU COME OUT FOR A DAY'S PLEASURE AND YOU'RE ALWAYS A-WANTING TO GO HOME!"] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING. [Illustration: No. VIII. FEW THINGS ARE MORE ANNOYING THAN TO BE SHORT OF POWDER WHEN THERE IS A CHANCE OF GOOD SPORT. MR. BRIGGS FEELING THIS, ORDERS A GOOD SUPPLY, TO BANG AWAY AT THE PHEASANTS TO-MORROW. HE SUGGESTS TO MRS. BRIGGS, THAT IT SHOULD BE KEPT UNDER THEIR BED, TO BE OUT OF THE WAY OF THE CHILDREN!!] [Illustration: _A CAUTION TO LITTLE BOYS AT A FESTIVE SEASON._ _Mamma._ "WHY, MY DEAREST ALBERT, WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR?--SO GOOD, TOO, AS YOU HAVE BEEN ALL DAY!" _Spoiled Little Boy._ "BOO-HOO! I'VE EATEN SO--MUCH BE-EF AND T-TURKEY, THAT I CANT EAT ANY P-PLUM P-P-PUDDING!" _Oh, what a very greedy little fellow!_] [Illustration: _A PRIVATE OPINION._ "WELL, I THINK THIS IS THE NEATEST THING I HAVE SEEN FOR A LONG TIME."] [Illustration: _PLEASANT._ _Old Acquaintance._ "AVE A DRAIN, BILL?" _Bus Driver._ "WHY, YER SEE, JIM, THIS 'ERE YOUNG HOSS HAS ON'Y BIN IN 'ARNES ONCE AFORE, AND HE'S SUCH A BEGGAR TO BOLT, TEN TO ONE IF I LEAVE 'IM HE'LL BE A-RUNNIN' HOFF AND A-SMASHIN' INTO SUTHUN. HOWSEVER--HERE (_handing reins to timid passenger_), LAY HOLD, SIR, _I'LL CHANCE IT!_"] [Illustration: _A REAL DIFFICULTY._ _Coachman._ "WHY--WHAT'S THE MATTER, JOHN THOMAS?" _Footman._ "MATTER ENUFF! HERE'S THE MARCHIONESS BIN AN GIV ME NOTICE BECAUSE I DON'T MATCH JOSEPH,--AND I MUST GO, UNLESS I CAN GET MY FAT DOWN IN A WEEK!"] [Illustration: _BIT FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS._ _First._ "WUT TAK THY QUOAT OFF, THEN! OI TELL THEE OI'M AS GOOD A MON AS THEE!" _Second._ "THEE A MON! WHOY THEE BE'EST ONLY WALKING ABOUT TO SAVE THY FUNERAL EXPENSES!"] [Illustration: _ANOTHER BIT FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS._ _First Polite Native._ "WHO'S 'IM, BILL?" _Second Ditto._ "A STRANGER!" _First Ditto._ "'EAVE 'ARF A BRICK AT 'IM."] [Illustration: _UP TO WEIGHT._ _Stout Party._ "AHEM! I WANT TO HAVE A LOOK AT THE HOUNDS TO-MORROW! DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE GOT ANYTHING THAT WOULD CARRY ME?" _Stable Keeper._ "WELL, SIR! I THINK I HAVE TWO BROWN 'OSSES--AND A OMNIBUS, AS PERHAPS MIGHT DO IT!"] [Illustration: _WHY, INDEED?_ _Perceptive Child._ "MAMMA, DEAR! WHY DO THOSE GENTLEMEN DRESS THEMSELVES LIKE THE FUNNY LITTLE MEN IN MY NOAH'S ARK?"] [Illustration: _VERY CONSIDERATE._ _Affable Little Gentleman._ "DEAR, OH DEAR! HOW IT RAINS! I'M AFRAID YOU'LL GET VERY WET--CAN I OFFER YOU A GREAT COAT OR ANYTHING?"] [Illustration: _CHANGING THE SUBJECT._ _Old Gentleman._ "WELL, WALTER, I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE GOT INTO LATIN AND GREEK AT SCHOOL BY THIS TIME, EH?" _Juvenile._ "OH, YES, SIR. I HAVE JUST FINISHED XENOPHON AND THUCYDIDES, AND AM NOW IN EURIPIDES. BY THE WAY, SIR, HOW WOULD YOU RENDER THE PASSAGE BEGINNING [Greek: kakôs pepraktai pantachê]?" _Old Gentleman._ "AHEM! HEY?--WHAT?--AHEM! HERE, RUGGLES, BRING ANOTHER BOTTLE OF CLARET, AND--EH? WHAT? WALTER, I THINK YOU HAD BETTER JOIN THE LADIES."] [Illustration: _MEETING HIM HALF WAY._ _Young Hopeful._ "WELL, IT'S OF NO USE, GOVERNOR; I CAN'T STICK TO BUSINESS. I WANT TO BE A SOLDIER, AND YOU MUST BUY ME A COMMISSION." _Governor._ "NO, MY BOY, I CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY YOU A COMMISSION, BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I _WILL_ DO; IF YOU WILL GO DOWN TO CHATHAM AND ENLIST, I WILL GIVE YOU MY WORD OF HONOUR I WON'T BUY YOU OFF!"] [Illustration: _MEN OF THE WORLD._ _First Man of the World._ "HEARD OF MISS F----'s MARRIAGE, CHARLEY?" _Second Do._ "AH! I HEARD IT SPOKEN OF. I BELIEVE IT WAS A MARRIAGE OF INCLINATION ON BOTH SIDES?" _First Do._ "YES! IT WAS A BAD JOB. THOSE MATCHES NEVER TURN OUT WELL!"] [Illustration: _PATERFAMILIAS MAKES HIMSELF INDEPENDENT OF HOTELS._] [Illustration: _THE BRITON ABROAD._ DID YOU EVER SEE TWO STRANGE ENGLISHMEN BREAKFASTING AT A TABLE D'HOTE ABROAD? WELL! ISN'T IT A CHEERFUL THING?] [Illustration: _THE GARRET AND THE CONSERVATORY._ _Genteel Pluralist._ "WHAT THE PEOPLE CAN WANT WITH A CRYSTAL PALACE ON SUNDAYS, I CAN'T THINK! SURELY THEY OUGHT TO BE CONTENTED WITH THEIR CHURCH AND THEIR HOME AFTERWARDS."] [Illustration: _A THOROUGH GOOD COOK_ _Lady._ "THEN, WHY DID YOU LEAVE YOUR LAST PLACE, PRAY?" _Cook._ "WELL, MA'AM, AFTER I'M DONE WORK, I AM VERY FOND OF SINGING AND PLAYING ON THE ACCORDIUM, AND MISSUS HADN'T USED TO LIKE IT--AND SO I GIVE NOTICE!"] [Illustration: _DOMESTIC SANITARY REGULATIONS._] [Illustration: _A MOST ALARMING SWELLING_!] [Illustration: _INFORMATION._ "JEMMY! WHAT'S A STALL AT THE HOPERA?" "WELL, I CAN'T SAY, NOT FOR CERTAIN; BUT I SUPPOSE IT'S WHERE THEY SELLS THE HAPPLES, HORANGES, GINGER BEER AND BISKITS."] [Illustration: _SELF-ESTEEM._ _Gentleman._ "SIXTY POUNDS A YEAR!! WHY, MAN, ARE YOU AWARE THAT SUCH A SUM IS MORE THAN IS FREQUENTLY GIVEN TO A CURATE?" _Flunkey._ "OH, YES, SIR; BUT THEN YOU WOULD HARDLY, I HOPE, GO FOR TO COMPARE ME WITH THE HINFERIOR ORDER OF CLERGY."] [Illustration: _GROSS INSULT._ _University "Man" having spent a few days in Town, at the end of Term is about to go Home._ _Waiter (condescendingly)._ "GOING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS, SIR?" _University_ MAN (_hurling himself into Hansom_). "EUSTON SQUA-A-A-RE!"] [Illustration: _CANDID._ _Old Gent._ "THOMAS, I HAVE ALWAYS PLACED THE GREATEST CONFIDENCE IN YOU. NOW TELL ME, THOMAS, HOW IS IT THAT MY BUTCHER'S BILLS ARE SO LARGE, AND THAT I ALWAYS HAVE SUCH BAD DINNERS?" _Thomas._ "REALLY, SIR, I DON'T KNOW, FOR I'M SURE WE NEVER HAVE ANYTHING NICE IN THE KITCHEN THAT WE DON'T ALWAYS SEND _SOME_ OF IT UP INTO THE PARLOUR!"] [Illustration: _DE GUS-TIBUS._ _Uncle._ "SO, YOU'VE BEEN TO THE CRYSTAL PALACE--HAVE YOU, GUS?" _Gus._ "YES, UNCLE." _Uncle._ "WELL. NOW, I'LL GIVE YOU SIXPENCE IF YOU WILL TELL ME WHAT YOU ADMIRED MOST IN THAT TEMPLE OF INDUSTRY?" _Gus. (unhesitatingly)._ "VEAL AND 'AM PIES, AND THE GINGER BEER. GIVE US THE SIXPENCE."] [Illustration: _AN ENTHUSIASTIC FISHERMAN._ "WHAT A BORE! JUST LIKE MY LUCK. NO SOONER HAVE I GOT MY TACKLE READY, AND SETTLED DOWN TO A BOOK, THAN THERE COMES A CONFOUNDED BITE!"] [Illustration: _MELANCHOLY REVERSE OF FORTUNE._ "POOR SWEEPER, LADIES! RAILWAY DIRECTOR ONCE, LADIES!"] [Illustration: _A COUNTRY BALL._ _First Amiable Lady (very loud)._ "WHAT A REMARKABLY ODD SET OF PEOPLE ONE MEETS AT A PUBLIC BALL!" _Second Do._ "OH, VERY DROLL!" _Poor Little Swell._ "YETH; AND SO THWANGELY DRETHED!"] [Illustration: _A FACT._ _Flunkey (out of place)._ "THERE'S JUST ONE QUESTION I SHOULD LIKE TO ASK YOUR LADYSHIP--HAM I ENGAGED FOR WORK, OR HAM I ENGAGED FOR ORNAMENT?"] [Illustration: _RATHER AWKWARD FOR TOMKINS._ _Young Diana._ "I THINK, SIR, IF YOU WOULD BE SO GOOD AS TO GO FIRST, AND BREAK THE TOP RAIL, MY PONY WOULD GET OVER."] [Illustration: _AGRICULTURAL DISTRESS._ _Whip._ "HOLD HARD, GENTLEMEN! WARE WHEAT! WARE WHEAT!!" _Young Farmer._ "COME ON, GENTLEMEN. NEVER MIND THE WHEAT--IT'S ONLY THIRTY SHILLINGS A QUARTER!!"] [Illustration: _PROFESSOR BUCKWHEAT IMPRESSING THE AGRICULTURAL MIND._] [Illustration: _GOING "OUT" TO AN "AT HOME."_ _Lovely Woman (to brute of a Husband)._ "GOOD GRACIOUS, WILLIAM--FAST ASLEEP! AND NOT DRESSED, I DECLARE! WHY IT'S NEARLY TWELVE O'CLOCK, AND THE BROUGHAM HAS BEEN WAITING THIS HALF-HOUR. GO AND GET READY THIS MOMENT, SIR!"] [Illustration: _TERRIBLE DOMESTIC INCIDENT._ "LAWK, JOHN! IF YOU HAVEN'T BIN AND LET MASTER'S LIBERY FIRE OUT AGAIN."] [Illustration: _FILLING UP THE CENSUS PAPER._ _Wife of his Bosom._ "UPON MY WORD, MR PEEWITT! IS THIS THE WAY YOU FILL UP YOUR CENSUS? SO YOU CALL YOURSELF THE 'HEAD OF THE FAMILY'--DO YOU--AND ME A FEMALE!"] [Illustration: _A SPORTING CHARACTER._ "ARE YOU GOING TO HASCOT, BILL?" "WHY, YES; I'M GOING TO CHAPERONG THIS YOUNG FEMALE DOWN BY THE RAIL."] [Illustration: _OUR FOREIGN VISITORS._ _Conductor._ "HOLD HARD, BILL! HERE'S A COUPLE MORE LEICESTER SQUARES A-COMIN'."] [Illustration: _TRUE RESPECTABILITY._ _First Costermonger._ "I WONDER A RESPECTABLE COVE LIKE YOU, BILL, CARRIES YOUR OWN COLLYFLOWERS; WHY DON'T YER KEEP A CARRIDGE LIKE MINE?" _Second Costermonger._ "WHY DON'T I KEEP A CARRIDGE? WHY, BECAUSE I DON'T CHOOSE TO WASTE MY HINCUM IN MERE SHOW AND FASHIONABLE DISPLAY!"] [Illustration: _THE OPERA._ _Box-Keeper._ "STALLS 216 AND 17. THIS WAY, MA'AM; LAST ROW, MA'AM. WON'T YOU LIKE A BOOK, MA'AM?"] [Illustration: _SEASONABLE QUESTION._ "DID YOU WANT YER DOOR SWEPT, MARM?"] [Illustration: _A BRITISH RUFFIAN._ _Lady._ "IF YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED WITH WHAT I HAVE GIVEN YOU, THERE'S A GENTLEMAN HERE WHO WILL SETTLE WITH YOU." _Cabman._ "NO, THERE _AIN'T_! THERE AIN'T _NO GENTLEMAN_ HERE!" _Lady._ "I TELL YOU THERE IS. THERE IS A GENTLEMAN IN THIS HOUSE." _Cabman._ "OH, NO, THERE AIN'T, _NOT IF HE BELONGS TO YOU!_"] [Illustration: _TURFITES._ "I SAY, OLD FELLOW, HOW DO YOU GO TO THE DERBY THIS YEAR?" "OH, THE OLD WAY--HAMPER AND FOUR."] [Illustration: _UNSEASONABLE SPORT._ _Wife (much startled)._ "GOOD GRACIOUS, REGINALD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT GUN?" _Reginald (who is very fond of shooting)._ "HUSH! HUSH! MY DEAR--I'VE KILLED TWO!" _Wife._ "MY GOODNESS! TWO WHAT?--THIEVES?" _Reginald._ "NO, DEAR. TWO OF THOSE CONFOUNDED RABBITS THAT ARE ALWAYS EATING THE VERBENA! THERE, GO TO SLEEP, DARLING--I'LL HAVE ANOTHER DIRECTLY."] [Illustration: _A YOUNG GENTLEMAN AND SCHOLAR._ _Fond Mother._ "WHY, HE DOESN'T WRITE VERY WELL YET, BUT HE GETS ON NICELY WITH HIS SPELLING. COME, ALEXANDER, WHAT DOES D. O. G. SPELL?" _Infant Prodigy (with extraordinary quickness)._ "CAT!"] [Illustration: "_THAT IS THE QUESTION._" IS WESKETS TO BE GENERALLY WORE THIS SUMMER?] [Illustration: _ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT._ _Dealer._ "THERE! HE AIN'T A 'ORSE MADE UP FOR SALE, HE'LL GO ON IMPROVIN' EVERY DAY YOU KEEP HIM--HE WILL."] [Illustration: _EASY SHAVING._] [Illustration: _ARITHMETIC IN THE UNIVERSITY._ "I SAY, FRANK, MY BOY--IF TROUNCER'S AT 5 TO 2, AND NUTSHELL AT 3 TO 1, WHAT'S THE BETTING AGAINST THE PAIR OF THEM!" "I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW--TAKE YOU 6 TO 1."] [Illustration: _STARTLING EFFECT OF THE "GOLD DIGGINS."_ Reduced Goldsmith (_loq._). "NOW THEN, HERE YOU ARE!--A HANDSOME GOLD SNUFFBOX AND A HA'PORTH OF SNUFF FOR A PENNY!"] [Illustration: _A TEST OF STRENGTH._ _First Languid Party._ "DON'T YOU FIND SEA-AIR VERY STRENGTHENING, JACK?" _Second Ditto, Ditto._ "AH, VEWY! I COULD THROW STONES IN THE WATER ALL DAY!"] [Illustration: _ELEGANT AND RATIONAL DINNER COSTUME FOR CLOSE WEATHER._] [Illustration: _HOW DO =YOU= LIKE IT?_] [Illustration: _A HEAVY BLOW._ _Alderman Gobble._ "WHAW-T; PULL DOWN TEMPLE BAR? OH DEAR! RING FOR THE SHERRY. THEY'LL BE FOR DESTROYING GOG AND MAGOG NEXT.]" [Illustration: _OYSTERS IN JUNE--DELICIOUS!_ "NOW, MY LITTLE MAN--HERE'S YOUR FINE NATIVES! ONLY A PENNY A LOT."] [Illustration: _A PRODIGIOUS NUISANCE._ _Learned (but otherwise highly objectionable) Child (loq.)._ "OH, MAMMA, DEAR! WHAT DO YOU THINK? I ASKED MR. ---- AND MISS ---- TO NAME SOME OF THE REMARKABLE EVENTS FROM THE YEAR 700 TO THE YEAR 600 B.C., AND THEY COULDN'T. BUT _I_ CAN--AND--THE SECOND MESSINIAN WAR COMMENCED; AND--THE POET TYRTÆUS FLOURISHED; BYZANTIUM WAS FOUNDED BY THE INHABITANTS OF MEGARA; DRACO GAVE LAWS TO ATHENS; TERPANDER OF LESBOS, THE MUSICIAN AND POET; THALES OF MILETUS, THE PHILOSOPHER; ALCÆUS AND SAPPHO, THE POETS, FLOURISHED; AND NEBUCHADNEZ----" [_Sensation from right and left, during which the voice of Child is happily drowned._ ] [Illustration: LITTLE BOY HAS A PENN'ORTH-- _ALARMING RESULT!_] [Illustration: _HOW TO MAKE CULPRITS COMFORTABLE; OR, HINTS FOR PRISON DISCIPLINE._] [Illustration: _SAILORS ON SHORE CAROUSING--AS IT WILL BE WHEN THE GROG IS STOPPED._] [Illustration: _SUBURBAN FELICITY. GRATIFYING DOMESTIC (POULTRY) INCIDENT._ _Buttons._ "OH! PLEASE'M! BE QUICK'M! HERE'S THE COACHING CHINA A CLUCKING LIKE ANYTHINK. HE'VE BEEN AND LAID A HEGG!!!"] [Illustration: _DURING THE FROST A CERTAIN FOX-HUNTER INCREASES IN WEIGHT, AND GETS TOO BIG FOR HIS CLOTHES._] MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING. [Illustration: No. IX. _TABLEAU--REPRESENTING MR. BRIGGS OUT FOR A DAY'S RABBIT-SHOOTING._] [Illustration: _COLD COMFORT._ _Country Friend to Sporting Gent from Town._ "WELL, JACK, I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE A CAPITAL DAY. YOU SEE THE FROST IS QUITE GONE."] [Illustration: _THE BEARD AND MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT._ _Railway Guard._ "NOW, MA'AM, IS THIS YOUR LUGGAGE?" _Old Lady (who concludes she is attacked by Brigands)._ "OH, YES! GENTLEMEN, IT'S MINE. TAKE IT--TAKE ALL I HAVE--BUT SPARE, OH SPARE OUR LIVES!!"] [Illustration: _TRUE POLITENESS._ _Alderman Gobble._ "NOW, THEN, GALS! I'VE QUITE DONE. CAN I GET YOU ANY GRUB?"] MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING. [Illustration: No. X _A FRIEND HAS GIVEN MR. BRIGGS A DAY'S SHOOTING._ A COCK PHEASANT GETS UP, AND MR. BRIGGS'S IMPRESSION IS, THAT A VERY LARGE FIREWORK HAS BEEN LET OFF CLOSE TO TO HIM. HE IS ALMOST FRIGHTENED TO DEATH.] [Illustration: _FISHING--WITH FLIES._] [Illustration: _THE OLD GENTLEMAN IS IN A HURRY TO GET TO THE STATION--CAB-HORSE JIBS MOST RESOLUTELY._ _Old Gent._ "NOW, THEN, DRIVER. WHATS THE MATTER?" _Cabman._ "OH, IT'S NOTHIN', SIR. HE'S ONLY A LEETLE TOO FRESH, SIR!"] [Illustration: _HOW No. 4 ENJOYED HIMSELF,_ AND _HOW _No._ 8 SUFFERED IN CONSEQUENCE._] [Illustration: _SPEAK AS YOU THINK._ "ARE YOU GOING?" "WHY, YE-ES. THE FACT IS, THAT YOUR PARTY IS SO SLOW, AND I AM WEALLY SO INFERNALLY BORED, THAT I SHALL GO SOMEWHERE AND SMOKE A QUIET CIGAR." "WELL, GOOD NIGHT. AS YOU ARE BY NO MEANS HANDSOME, A GREAT PUPPY, AND NOT IN THE LEAST AMUSING, I THINK IT'S THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO."] [Illustration: _A HORRIBLE BUSINESS._ _Master Butcher._ "DID YOU TAKE OLD MAJOR DUMBLEDORE'S RIBS TO NO. 12?" _Boy._ "YES, SIR." _Master Butcher._ "THEN CUT MISS WIGGLES'S SHOULDER AND NECK, AND HANG MR. FOODLE'S LEGS TILL THEY'RE QUITE TENDER!"] MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF RACING. [Illustration: No. I. _MR. BRIGGS HAS BACKED HIMSELF TO RIDE A STEEPLE CHASE AGAINST HIS FRIEND MUFFINS, OF THE ST--K EXCH--NGE. HE IS GOING ROUND THE COURSE JUST TO LOOK AT THE JUMPS._ _Spectator (to MR. B.)_. "OH NO, SIR!--THIS AIN'T THE BIG ONE. THE BIG ONE IS AFTER YOU GET OUT OF THE LANE, AND AFORE YOU COME TO THE BROOK!"] [Illustration: _OUR ENGLISH CLIMATE._ MAY-DAY FOR THE SWEEPS.] MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF RACING. [Illustration: No. II. MR. BRIGGS IS WEIGHED, OF COURSE.] [Illustration: No. III. HIS FRIENDS RECOMMEND HIM A LITTLE JUMPING POWDER.] [Illustration: No. IV. HERE HE TAKES A PRELIMINARY CANTER, AND PUTS HIS HORSE AT A FLIGHT OF HURDLES.] [Illustration: No. V. AND GETS OVER VERY CLEVERLY.] [Illustration: No. VI. SOME TIME AFTER THE START, MR. BRIGGS GOES ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE FLAG, AND IS OBLIGED TO GO BACK, WHICH, AS THE GROUND IS RATHER HEAVY, "TAKES IT OUT OF OLD BLUNDERBUSS CONSIDERABLY."] [Illustration: No. VII. WHO, IN CONSEQUENCE, MAKES A MISTAKE AT THE NEXT FENCE.] MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF RACING [Illustration: No. VIII. HOWEVER, MR. BRIGGS IS NOT HURT; AND, AFTER SOME EXERTION, RE-MOUNTS.] [Illustration: No. IX. MR. BRIGGS, AS HE APPEARED COMING TO THE BROOK. IN THE DISTANCE MAY BE OBSERVED HIS OPPONENT, WHO HAS A NASTY FALL, BUT FORTUNATELY TUMBLES ON HIS HEAD.] [Illustration: No. X. MR. BRIGGS AS HE APPEARED IN THE BROOK.] [Illustration: No XI. AS HE APPEARED WHEN HE CAME OUT OF THE BROOK.] [Illustration: No. XII. PORTRAIT OF MR. BRIGGS WINNING THE RACE. N.B. THE DENSE CROWD IS CHEERING HIM.] [Illustration: _DISTRESSING RESULT OF EMIGRATION._ _Lady._ "YES, MY DEAR. JOHN LEFT US WITHOUT ANY WARNING, AND WE CAN'T MATCH THE OTHER FOOTMAN, BECAUSE ALL THE TALL MEN ARE GONE TO AUSTRALIA."] [Illustration: _THE ROAD-SIDE ON THE DERBY DAY._ A "DRAG" FULL OF GUARDSMEN IS SUPPOSED TO BE PASSING.] [Illustration: _DOMESTIC BLISS._ _Young Mother (joyously)._ "THE DEAR LITTLE CREATURE IS GETTING ON SO NICELY; ITS BEGINNING QUITE TO TAKE NOTICE."--_First Mother of a Family (blandly)._ "OH! MY DEAR! THAT IS NOT TAKING NOTICE; ITS ONLY THE WIND."--_Second Ditto._ "YOU SHOULD GIVE IT A LITTLE DILL-WATER, DEAR, YOU WOULD FIND," &c. &c.--_Third Ditto._ "WELL, IF IT WAS MY CHILD, I SHOULD," &c. &c.--_Fourth Ditto._ "NOW, WHEN I WAS NURSING MY LITTLE GREGORY, I USED," &c. &c.--_Fifth Ditto._ "WELL, NOW, I WOULD NOT FOR THE WORLD THAT A BABY OF MINE," &c. &c.--_Sixth Ditto._ "INDEED, I HAVE KNOWN CHILDREN OBLIGED TO ENDURE THE MOST HORRIBLE AGONY," &c. &c.--_Seventh Ditto._ "DEPEND UPON IT, LOVE; AND YOU KNOW I HAVE HAD A LARGE FAMILY--AND IF YOU WILL BE ADVISED BY ME," &c. &c. [_Young Mother becomes quite bewildered, and gives herself up to despair._] [Illustration: _SEA-SIDE LITERATURE FOR YOUNG LADIES; OR, DELIGHTS OF CROCHET._ _First Young Lady (reads)._ "10TH ROW--3 LONG WITH THREE CHAIN AFTER EACH INTO THIRD SMALL SPACE, 1 LONG INTO SAME SPACE, 5 LONG WITH THREE CHAIN AFTER EACH INTO MIDDLE SPACE, 1 LONG INTO SAME SPACE, 3 LONG WITH 3 CHAIN AFTER EACH INTO NEXT SPACE, 1 LONG IN SAME SPACE, 5 CHAIN, DITTO IN MIDDLE OF LARGE SPACE, 5 CHAIN; REPEAT." _Second and Third Young Ladies (in ecstacies)._ "OH, HOW SWEETLY PRETTY!!!"] [Illustration: _FRIGHTFUL UPSET OF DIGNITY._ _Conductor._ "NOW, MARM! WITE-CHAPEL, OR MILE-END?--ONLY A PENNY"] [Illustration: _INTERESTING._ "I HAVE CALLED, MR. SQUILLS, TO SAY THAT MY DARLING LITTLE DOG (!) HAS TAKEN ALL HIS MIXTURE, BUT HIS COUGH IS NO BETTER."] [Illustration: _SUMMER IN ELYSIUM._ AND _THE LONG VACATION IN ARCADIA._] [Illustration: _A SAVAGE REPROOF._ _Indignant Master of Hounds._ "NOW, YOU SIR! MIND THE HOUND! HE'S WORTH FORTY TIMES AS MUCH AS YOUR HORSE!"] [Illustration: _WHAT A DREADFUL STORY!_ _Stout Party._ "STOP! HERE! CABMAN! WE WANT TO GO AS FAR TER-WARDS WHITECHAPEL AS WE CAN FOR SIXPENCE!" _Cabman._ "VERY SORRY, MUM! BUT THE OSS HAS BIN OUT ALL DAY--DEAD BEAT, MUM--GOING HOME, MUM."] [Illustration: _IS IT SO?_ _Old Lady (loq.)._ "BLESS MY HEART! HOW RIDICULOUSLY SMALL THEY DO MAKE THE EYES OF THE NEEDLES NOW-A-DAYS, TO BE SURE!"] [Illustration: _A SELL._ _Enter_ SPORTING YOUTH, _who has lost the hounds_. _Youth._ "SEEN THE HOUNDS GO THROUGH HERE, PIKEY?" _Pikey._ "E-AS, A HAVE--TUPPENSE!" _A lapse of twenty minutes is supposed to have taken place, when Youth pays the twopence and gallops on._ [Illustration: _Re-enter_ SPORTING YOUTH. _Youth (in a high state of excitement)._ "WHY, CONFOUND YOU! I THOUGHT YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD SEEN THE HOUNDS GO THROUGH HERE?" _Pikey._ "E-AS, SO A DID; SEED 'EM YESTERDAY!"] [Illustration: _PRIDE._ _Page._ "THAT POOR DEVIL AIN'T MIXED MUCH IN SOCIETY."] [Illustration: _A BOAT FOR AN HOUR._ _Stout Gentleman._ "WHAT! IS THAT THE ONLY BOAT YOU HAVE IN?"] [Illustration: _FISHING OFF BRIGHTON._ "OH, YES! IT'S VERY EASY TO SAY 'CATCH HOLD OF HIM!'"] [Illustration: _AGGRAVATING--RATHER!_] [Illustration: _FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE._ "OH! HERE'S A GO! BLOWED IF I AIN'T LOST MY DIAMOND RING!"] [Illustration: _THE NEW PURCHASE._ _Blanche (who dotes on horses)._ "THERE, FRANK. ISN'T SHE A PRETTY CREATURE? PAPA GAVE HER TO ME THIS MORNING--SHE IS SO GOOD-TEMPERED AND WHAT A NICE HEAD AND NECK SHE HAS! HASN'T SHE? SHE'S QUITE YOUNG, TOO--AND SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MOUTH!--NOW, WHAT DO YOU SAY, SIR, EH?" _Frank (who is so absurd)._ "H'M! LETS SEE, PRETTY CREATURE!--GOOD-TEMPERED!--NICE HEAD AND NECK!--YOUNG!--AND A BEAUTIFUL MOUTH!--WHY, I SAY, YOU MAKE A CAPITAL PAIR!"] [Illustration: _SEA-SIDE.--THE BATHING HOUR._] [Illustration: _DOING IT THOROUGHLY._ _Old Gent._ "I SAY, MY LITTLE MAN, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS HOLD YOUR PONY TOGETHER GOING UP HILL, AND OVER PLOUGHED LAND!" _Young Nimrod._ "ALL RIGHT, OLD COCK! DON'T YOU TEACH YOUR GRANDMOTHER TO SUCK EGGS! THERE'S MY MAN BY THE HAY-STACK WITH MY SECOND HORSE!"] [Illustration: _NOT WHAT HE WANTED._ MR. HAYCOCK, HAVING HEARD OF THE MERITS OF BRUISED OATS FOR HORSES, REQUESTS HIS FRIEND BRIGGS TO SEND HIM A COUPLE OF "BRUISERS." MR. BRIGGS DESPATCHES THE "WHITECHAPEL CHICKEN" AND THE "BAYSWATER SLASHER."] [Illustration: _WAITING FOR A DIP._ _Proprietor of Machine (loq.)._ "SORRY TO KEEP YOU SUCH A LONG TIME A WAITIN', SIR; BUT REALLY THEY STOP IN SUCH A TIME THAT WE HAVEN'T A MACHINE TO BLESS OURSELVES WITH. THERE'S CRUMPTON'S COTTAGES HAS BEEN IN THE WATER THIS THREE-QUARTERS OF AN HOUR; AND ALBION HOUSE TAKES THE LONGEST TIME TO DRESS OF ANY GENT I EVER SEE. OH! HERE'S PROSPECT PLACE A COMING HOUT. NOW YOU CAN GO IN, SIR."] [Illustration: _PORTRAIT OF A LADY._] [Illustration: _JUST LIKE HIM._ _MR. BR--GGS (We suppress the Gentleman's name for obvious reasons)_ THINKS HE WILL GO TO HAMPTON RACES.] THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER. [Illustration: No. I. SALUTING HIS SUPERIOR OFFICERS.] [Illustration: No. II. HAVING A LITTLE BALL PRACTICE.] [Illustration: No. III. GOING ON DUTY.] [Illustration: _GROUNDLESS ALARM._ _Equestrian._ "NOW, BOY, DON'T YOU BE TAKING OFF YOUR HAT TO MAKE ME A BOW--YOU'LL FRIGHTEN MY HORSE." _Boy._ "A--A--A WARN'T A-GOING TO!"] [Illustration: _WOUNDED PRIDE._ _Small Boy._ "NOW, THEN, YOU SIR! DON'T YOU KNOW NO BETTER THAN TO RUN AGIN A MIMBER O' PARLIAMENT--JUST YOU COME BACK, AND PICK UP MY 'AT, OR I'M BLOWED IF I DON'T MAKE YER!"] [Illustration: _FLY-FISHING._ FAVOURABLE WIND AND THE TROUT RISING AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.] THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER. [Illustration: No. IV. FORMS HIMSELF INTO A SQUARE, AND RESISTS A CHARGE OF CAVALRY.] [Illustration: No. V. RECEIVES PRESENTATION OF COLOURS.] [Illustration: _MASTER OF THE SITUATION._ _Flunkey._ "I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR--BUT THERE IS ONE THING I SHOULD LIKE TO MENTION AT ONCE. I AM AFRAID--A--THAT I AM EXPECTED TO CLEAN THE BOOTS." _Gentleman._ "BLESS ME! OH DEAR, NO! THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE; I ALWAYS CLEAN THEM MYSELF--AND IF YOU WILL LEAVE YOUR SHOES OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR, I WILL GIVE THEM A POLISH AT THE SAME TIME."] [Illustration: _ONLY A PENNY! A SENSIBLE AND INGENIOUS TOY FOR CHILDREN._ (_See London Streets._)] [Illustration: _TOPSY-TURVEYDOM._] THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER. [Illustration: No. VI. HAVING BEEN DRUNK AND DISORDERLY, IS ORDERED BY HIS "DASHING WHITE SERJEANT" TO DO DOUBLE DUTY.] [Illustration: No. VII. THE NIGHTS ARE STILL CHILLY; THEREFORE OUR FRIEND WARMS THE BED FOR HIS FAMILY PREVIOUS TO HIS GOING ON GUARD.] [Illustration: _AN ORNAMENT TO SOCIETY._ _Equestrian._ "NO, I SHAN'T STOP FOR THE LAST RACE; I MUST GET TO TOWN TO GO TO AN EVENING PARTY."] [Illustration: _MIGHT IS RIGHT._ _Van Driver._ "I DON'T KNOW NUTHUN ABOUT NO RIGHT SIDES NOR WRONG SIDES. YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY, IF YER DON'T WANT TO BE MADE A WAFER OF!" [_Where are the Police?_] [Illustration: _LONG VACATION._ "NOW THEN, LATITAT, TUCK IN YOUR SIX-AND-EIGHTPENNY!"] [Illustration: _THE TRIAL-FOR-MURDER MANIA._ "ALL IN! ALL IN! WALK UP, LADIES! JUST A GOING TO BEGIN! NONE OF YOUR SHAMS HERE, BUT REAL BULLET-HEADED MURDERERS! ALL IN! ALL IN!"] [Illustration: _THE SILVER AGE._ _Emma._ "WHAT DO YOU THINK, DEAR GRAN'MA? THE LADIES IN PARIS WEAR THEIR HAIR TAKEN OFF THE FOREHEAD AND SPRINKLED WITH SILVER!" _Grandma._ "DO THEY, INDEED! WELL, MY DARLING, SO LONG AS THEY ARE RESPECTABLE, THERE CAN BE NO HARM IN GREY LOCKS."] [Illustration: _DELIGHTS OF TRAVEL._ "DEAR! DEAR! DEAR! HOW VERY PROVOKING! HERE'S ONE END OF THE BARREL COME OUT, AND ALL THE OYSTERS MIXED WITH MY CLEAN COLLARS!"] [Illustration: _A MYSTERIOUS VISITOR._ _Domestic._ "HERE'S MISS BRADSHAW, MUM, HAS JUST COME; SHE'S GONE UP-STAIRS, MUM." _Angelina._ "OH, VERY WELL--I WILL--" _Edwin._ "BRADSHAW!! WHO THE DEUCE IS MISS BRADSHAW?" _Angelina._ "OH, IT'S NOTHING OF CONSEQUENCE, DEAR--SHALL I GIVE YOU SOME MORE TEA, DEAR?" _Edwin._ "YES; BUT WHO IS MISS BRADSHAW? WHY CAN'T YOU TELL ME WHO MISS BRADSHAW IS?" _Angelina._ "LAW! EDWIN! IF YOU MUST KNOW, IT'S--IT'S--TH'--THE _DRESSMAKER_."] [Illustration: _YOUNG AFFECTION._] _THE BEST PREVENTIVE AGAINST SEA-SICKNESS._ [Illustration: No. I. WHEN YOU CROSS THE CHANNEL, ESPECIALLY IF IT SHOULD BE BLOWING HARD, "KEEP YOUR PECKER UP" (AS THAT AGREEABLE RATTLE, YOUNG FIPPSON, CALLS IT) BY MAKING A HEARTY MEAL AT THE "SHIP" OR "PAVILION."] [Illustration: No. III. _THE RESULT._] [Illustration: No. II. AND ONCE ON BOARD, FIX YOUR EYES UPON SOME DISTANT OBJECT, AND ADAPT THE MOVEMENTS OF YOUR BODY TO THE ROLLING OF THE VESSEL, AND THE RESULT WILL PROBABLY BE, AS SHOWN ABOVE IN NO. III.] [Illustration: _ALARMING EFFECT PRODUCED BY IMPRUDENTLY TRYING THE HAT AND TABLE-MOVING EXPERIMENT._] [Illustration: _VERY KIND._ "WELL! GOOD BYE, UNCLE! I'VE ENJOYED MYSELF VERY MUCH IN THE COUNTRY; AND IF YOU WILL RUN UP TO LONDON AT ANY TIME, I'LL SHOW YOU A LITTLE LIFE!"] [Illustration: SET FAIR.] [Illustration: STORMY, AND MUCH RAIN.] _OUT OF TOWN._ [Illustration: _A BATH AT BOULOGNE._ APPALLING POSITION OF MR. AND MRS. TOMKINS, WHO HAD A JIB HORSE WHEN THE TIDE WAS COMING IN.] [Illustration: _DOMESTIC EVENT IN THE ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS._--No. I. THE NOSE OF THE HIPPOPOTAMUS PUT OUT OF JOINT BY THE YOUNG ELEPHANT.] [Illustration: _DOMESTIC EVENT IN THE ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS._--No. II. DELICATE STATE OF THE HIPPOPOTAMUS. IT IS ORDERED CHANGE OF AIR, AND A LITTLE SEA-BATHING.] [Illustration: _DOMESTIC EVENT IN THE ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS._--No. III. THE HIPPOPOTAMUS HAS QUITE RECOVERED, AND IS TAKEN OUT FOR AN AIRING.] [Illustration: _CONSOLS AT 90._ _Husband._ "WELL! I DECLARE I'M QUITE GLAD IT'S A WET DAY. IT WILL BE AN EXCUSE TO STOP AT HOME WITH MY DARLING LITTLE PIPSEY POPSY. WHAT DO YOU SAY, DICKEY! EH? PRETTY DICK! PRETTY DICK!"] [Illustration: _CONSOLS AT 80._ _Husband._ "GO OUT FOR A WALK! NONSENSE! I'VE SOMETHING ELSE TO DO. I THINK TOO, YOU MIGHT PULL DOWN THAT BLIND, UNLESS YOU WANT THE SUN TO SPOIL ALL THE FURNITURE; AND, DEAR, DEAR, DO FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, JEMIMA, TAKE THAT D---- CANARY OUT OF THE ROOM!"] [Illustration: _A BIT OF SERIOUS PANTOMIME._ A MESSAGE FROM THE LORDS.] [Illustration: _ANOTHER BIT OF SERIOUS PANTOMIME._ "HATS OFF, STRANGERS!"] [Illustration: _NEW CRICKETING DRESSES TO PROTECT ALL ENGLAND AGAINST THE PRESENT SWIFT BOWLING._] [Illustration: _AQUATICS._ WHO IS THIS? WHY, THIS IS MR. JOHN CHUBB PULLING ONE OF HIS LONG, SLOW, STEADY STROKES. HE IS TAKING MORE PAINS THAN USUAL, BECAUSE THOSE PRETTY GIRLS IN THE ROUND HATS ARE SITTING ON THE LAWN DRAWING FROM NATURE.] [Illustration: AND--HERE ARE THE GIRLS IN THE ROUND HATS.] [Illustration: _THE NEW GROOM._ _Gentleman._ "DO YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THE CARE OF HORSES?" _Boy._ "WELL, SIR, I HAD OUGHT TO--FOR I'VE BEEN AMONGST 'EM ALL MY LIFE."] [Illustration: _AN ANCIENT IMPOSTOR._ _Youths._ "THEN, I SUPPOSE, WHEN YOU WERE A SMUGGLER, YOU USED TO HAVE REG'LAR COMBATS AND FIGHTS?" _Boatman._ "COMBATS AND FIGHTS! LOR LOVE YER, WE WOS A'MOST ALWAYS AT IT. ONCE IN PARTICKLER I CALL TO MIND. I HAD THREE BALLS THROUGH MY HEAD AND TWO IN THE STUMMUCK (WHICH I FEEL 'EM NOW SOMETIMES IN THE WINTER I DO), BESIDES BEIN' RUN THROUGH WITH A CUTLASS, AND ALL MY FRONT TEETH KNOCKED OUT BY THE PERWENTIVE MAN'S TELESCOPE, WICH LUCKILY SHUT UP, OR THERE'S NO KNOWIN' WOT MIGHT 'A BIN THE CONSEQUENCE. AH! THERE _WOS_ GOINGS ON THEN. BUT, LOR, IT AIN'T NOTHIN' LIKE IT NOW!" [_Youths are deeply impressed._] [Illustration: _A REFLECTION._ ALTHOUGH POLICEMEN ARE PLACED AT PARTICULAR SPOTS FOR THE PURPOSE OF MAKING OMNIBUSES "MOVE ON," THEY ARE GENERALLY SEEN CHATTING, OR CRACKING THE FRIENDLY WALNUT WITH THE CONDUCTORS, TO THE INCONVENIENCE AND INDIGNATION OF THE PASSENGERS. HOW IS THIS?] MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING. [Illustration: NO. X. _BY THE TIME MR. BRIGGS'S HORSE HAS RECOVERED FROM HIS COLD, A LONG FROST SETS IN._ _Groom._ "THAT'S JUST WHAT I SAY, SIR; IT IS AGGERAVATIN' TO SEE A NICE OSS LIKE THAT, SIR, A DOIN' NOTHIN' BUT EATIN' HIS 'ED OFF."] [Illustration: _A GREAT BARGAIN._ TO BE SOLD--THE PROPERTY OF AN OFFICER GOING ABROAD.] [Illustration: _THE HAT-MOVING EXPERIMENT._ IT IS NECESSARY TO GET A HAT. TWO OR MORE PERSONS PLACE THEIR HANDS ON THE RIM THEREOF, THE LITTLE FINGERS OF EACH PERSON BEING IN CONTACT. IN ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES, OR HALF-AN-HOUR, OR PERHAPS MORE, THE HAT WILL BEGIN TO JUMP AND REVOLVE RAPIDLY. (_N.B. The Party above with the Moustaches, thinks that in the pursuit of Science he could perform the experiment over and over again._)] [Illustration: _SHAKSPEARE A LITTLE ALTERED._ "HE LIVED NOT WISELY, BUT TOO WELL."] [Illustration: _USELESS INFORMATION._ "NOW, MARM, THIS GOES TO THE CHRISTIAL PALIS." "BLESS THE MAN! I DON'T WANT NO CHRISTIAL PALISES. I AM GOIN' TO THE BOROUGH."] THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER. [Illustration: NO. VIII. HAVING A COLD IN HIS HEAD, RESORTS TO AN INGENIOUS METHOD OF PRESERVING HIS HEALTH WITHOUT DESERTING HIS POST.] [Illustration: _THE DEAR DELIGHTS OF BRITAIN'S SUMMER FIELDS._ OVER THE STYLE.] [Illustration: _THE DEAR DELIGHTS OF BRITAIN'S SUMMER FIELDS._ HAYMAKING.] THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER. [Illustration: No. IX. _THE BIVOUAC._] [Illustration: No. X. _AT BUSINESS._ _Militia Man_ (_loq._). "ALEXANDER, WHEN YOU'VE TITTIVATED THAT GENT, YOU MUST COME TO DRILL."] [Illustration: _COMPARATIVE LOVE._ _Papa._ "SO, CHARLEY, YOU REALLY ARE IN LOVE WITH THE LITTLE BLACK-EYED GIRL YOU MET LAST NIGHT?" _Charley._ "YES, PAPA, I LOVE HER DEARLY!" _Papa._ "HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE HER, CHARLEY? DO YOU LOVE HER AS MUCH AS PUDDING?" _Charley._ "OH YES, PAPA! AND A GREAT DEAL BETTER THAN PUDDING, BUT (_pausing to reflect_)--I DON'T LOVE--HER SO MUCH AS--JELLY!"] [Illustration: _PLEASURES OF THE STUDIO._ WHEN EVERY MOMENT IS OF CONSEQUENCE, MR. FLAKE WHITE'S MODEL FOR HAMLET APPEARS WITH A BLACK EYE, WHICH HE DECLARES IS THE EFFECT OF INFLUENZA.] THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER. [Illustration: NO. XI. HAVING CURED HIS COLD WITH RUM-AND-WATER, RESOLVES NOT TO GO HOME "TILL DAY-LIGHT DOES APPEAR." HE ASSURES THE POLICEMAN THAT "IT'S ALL RIGHT."] [Illustration: NO. XII. OWING TO THE MILDNESS OF THE SEASON, HE LOOKS UP HIS DUCKS.] [Illustration: _SO FOND OF IT._ "THERE NOW; THAT'S A CIGAR I CAN CONFIDENTLY RECOMMEND." "WELL; PUT ME UP A DOZEN TO TRY!"] [Illustration: _DIFFERENCE OF VIEW._ _Head of the Family._ "FOR WHAT WE ARE GOING TO RECEIVE, MAKE US TRULY THANKFUL.--HEM! COLD MUTTON AGAIN!" _Wife of his Bussum._ "AND A VERY GOOD DINNER TOO, ALEXANDER, _SOMEBODY_ MUST BE ECONOMICAL. _PEOPLE_ CAN'T EXPECT TO HAVE _RICHMOND_ AND _GREENWICH_ DINNERS OUT OF THE LITTLE HOUSEKEEPING MONEY I HAVE."] [Illustration: _WHOLESOME PREJUDICE._ "RAILROADS, SIR? I HATE RAILROADS, AND I SHALL BE VERY GLAD WHEN THEY'RE DONE AWAY WITH, AND WE'VE GOT THE COACHES AGAIN."] [Illustration: _PREPARING FOR THE DERBY._ "I SAY, MISTER, JUST PUT US UP A COUPLE OF GREEN WEILS, WILL YER? THE DUST IS SO UNCOMMON DISAGREEABLE A-DRIVING DOWN TO HEPSOM!"] [Illustration: _ALL IS VANITY._] THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER. [Illustration: NO. XIII. HAVING GIVEN HIMSELF LEAVE OF ABSENCE, HE ENJOYS A LITTLE DOMESTIC FELICITY.] [Illustration: _A YOUNG PATRICIAN._ _First Swell._ "WHAT AN ASTONISHING COAT, GUS!" _Second Do._ "YA-AS! YOU SEE ALL THE SNOBS DWESS SO INFERN'LY LOUD--THAT FWED AND I THOUGHT WE WOULD COME DOWN VEWY QUIET."] [Illustration: _HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN._ A DESIGN, SHOWING HOW THE PRETTY HOODS WORN BY LADIES MIGHT BE MADE USEFUL AS WELL AS ORNAMENTAL.] [Illustration: _THE END OF A FIVE MINUTES' BURST._ _Stout Gentleman._ "THAT'S THE WAY TO GO OVER A GATE! I DON'T THINK YOU LEFT ME SO FAR BEHIND THAT TIME."] [Illustration: _REMOVING._--No. I. _Father of the Family._ "OH, IT'S ALL STUFF AND NONSENSE, MRS. G., IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN MANAGED OVER AND OVER AGAIN BY THIS TIME." _Mrs. G._ "LAW, MY DEAR, HOW YOU TALK! AND I'M SURE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PUT TO MUCH INCONVENIENCE." _Mother-in-Law._ "THERE, THERE, JEMIMA. DON'T ANSWER HIM; IT'S QUITE RIDICULOUS."] [Illustration: _GROUSE SHOOTING LATE IN THE SEASON. JOLLY, VERY._ "COME ALONG, OLD FELLOW! HERE'S A POINT!"] [Illustration: _REMOVING._--No. II. FIRST NIGHT IN THE NEW HOUSE--AWFUL DISCOVERY OF BLACK BEETLES.] [Illustration: _PERFECT SINCERITY; OR, THINKINGS ALOUD._ NO. I. _Mamma._ "YOU ARE A DISAGREEABLE OLD BACHELOR, AND GENERALLY HATE CHILDREN, I KNOW--BUT ISN'T DEAR LITTLE WORMWOOD A FINE, NOBLE LITTLE FELLOW?" _Old Gent._ "WELL, IF YOU WANT MY CANDID OPINION, I MAY AS WELL TELL YOU AT ONCE--THAT I THINK HIM THE MOST DETESTABLE LITTLE BEAST I EVER SAW--AND IF YOU IMAGINE I AM GOING TO LEAVE HIM ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU HAVE NAMED HIM AFTER ME, YOU ARE MIGHTILY MISTAKEN."] [Illustration: SPELLING A NEWSPAPER.] [Illustration: _PERFECT SINCERITY; OR, THINKINGS ALOUD._ NO. II. _Artist No. 1._ "THERE, MASTER OKER, I FLATTER MYSELF THAT WILL TAKE THE SHINE OUT OF YOUR PRECIOUS PRODUCTION, ALTHOUGH YOU DO THINK NOBODY CAN PAINT BUT YOURSELF." _Artist No. 2._ "HEY! DEAR, DEAR, DEAR! THAT'S VERY BAD. BY JOVE, MY BOY, IT'S A DREADFUL FALLING-OFF FROM LAST YEAR. IF I WERE YOU, I SHOULD THINK TWICE BEFORE I SENT IT IN." _Artist No. 1._ "MERE ENVY.--ILLIBERAL HUMBUG."] [Illustration: _STUDY OF AN ELDERLY FEMALE HAILING THE LAST OMBLEBUS._] [Illustration: _PERFECT SINCERITY; OR, THINKINGS ALOUD._ NO. III. _Medical Man._ "STUPID OLD FOOL! WHY, THERE'S NOTHING THE MATTER WITH HIM, EXCEPT WHAT ARISES FROM HIS OVER EATING AND DRINKING HIMSELF--ONLY I CAN'T AFFORD TO TELL HIM SO."] [Illustration: _THE OPERA._ "PLEASE, SIR, GIVE US YOUR TICKET, IF YOU AIN'T A-GOIN' IN AGAIN."] [Illustration: _A HUMOROUS CUSTOMER._ _Gentleman in Cart._ "I SAY, GUV'NOR, BRING US OUT A SPOONFUL O' GIN FOR THE OLD LADY, WILL YER?--AND I'LL TAKE A PINT O' MILD ALE--AND LOOK HERE. I DON'T WANT IT THICK--FOR I _AIN'T HUNGRY_!"] [Illustration: _MANLY SORROW._ _Swell on Horseback._ "WHY, CHARLEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER, OLD BOY? YOU SEEM OUT OF SPIRITS." _Swell on Foot._ "AH! I'VE HAD A SAD LOSS, FRED! I'VE LOST THE LITTLE GRIDIRON OFF MY CHATELAINE!!"] [Illustration: MELANCHOLY SCENE AT THE OPERA ON A CROWDED NIGHT.] [Illustration: _AT GREENWICH FAIR._ "AND MELANCHOLY MARK'D HIM FOR HER OWN."] [Illustration: _BRIBERY IS DETESTABLE! BUT POLITENESS COSTS NOTHING._ _Canvasser._ "PRAY, GENTLEMEN, DON'T THINK OF WALKING TO THE POLLING BOOTH; I AM SURE YOUR TIME MUST BE VALUABLE, AND HERE'S A CARRIAGE QUITE AT YOUR SERVICE."] [Illustration: _EARLY EDUCATION._ _Harry_ (to TOM). "THERE'S ONE GREAT BORE ABOUT A WATERING-PLACE; THEY SELL SUCH HORRID CIGARS."] [Illustration: _MAY-DAY._ DISTRESSING POSITION OF A SENTIMENTAL GENTLEMAN WHO WAS ABOUT TO OFFER HIS HAND AND HEART TO THE OBJECT OF HIS AFFECTIONS.] [Illustration: _A CHEAP DAY'S HUNTING._ NO. I. FIRST GET YOUR SEASONED "SCREW."] [Illustration: _A CHEAP DAY'S HUNTING._ NO. II. ABOUT FOUR MILES "DOWN THE ROAD" GET PROPERLY SPLASHED AT A PUBLIC-HOUSE.] [Illustration: _RATHER A DROP._ _City Gent_ (_who fancies himself a Judge of a Horse, and no end of a Swell_). "THAT'S A NICE LITTLE TIT, CABBY, AND BROUGHT US ALONG WELL!" _Cabby._ "YESSIR! HE IS A NICE LITTLE 'OS, _HE_ IS--BUT LOR BLESS YER! HIS 'ART'S TOO BIG FOR HIS BODY. HE'S TOO GOOD FOR MY WORK! NOW HE'D JEST SUIT SUCH A GENT AS YOU--TO DRIVE A LIGHT TEA-CART ABOUT TOWN FOR ORDERS ON A WEEK-DAY, AND TAKE THE MISSUS OUT FOR THE DAY O' SUNDAYS!"] [Illustration: _A CHEAP DAY'S HUNTING._ NO. III. AND RETURN HOME SMOKING A CHEROOT, TO THE ADMIRATION OF THE POPULACE.] [Illustration: _UNDENIABLE._ _Buyer._ "IS HE WELL BROKE?" _Seller._ "LOR, BLESS YE! LOOK AT HIS KNEES!"] [Illustration: _THE AGRICULTURAL DISTRESS DODGE._ _Beggar._ "DID YOU GET THE LAMB'S FRY?" _His Child._ "ALL RIGHT." _Beggar._ "WELL, NOW, RUN HOME AND TELL YER MOTHER NOT TO BOIL THE SPARRERGRASS TILL I COME."] [Illustration: _REMONSTRANCE._ _London Merchant._ "WHY, WHAT IS THE USE OF YOUR BEING IN A RESPECTABLE HOUSE OF BUSINESS IF YOU PROCEED IN THIS ABSURD, VULGAR MANNER? NOW, TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, UNLESS YOU MEND VERY CONSIDERABLY, YOU WILL GO ON FROM BAD TO WORSE. YOU WILL BECOME A PETTY HUCKSTER; FROM THAT YOU WILL, IN ALL PROBABILITY, GET TO BE A MERE COMMON-COUNCILMAN; THEN AN ALDERMAN; WHEN, AFTER A COURSE OF GLUTTONY AND TOMFOOLERY, PAINFUL TO THINK OF, YOU WILL MAKE A RIDICULOUS TERMINATION TO YOUR CONTEMPTIBLE CAREER BY ACTUALLY BECOMING A +LORD MAYOR+."] THE LADIES OF THE CREATION! [Illustration: NO. I. _THE PARLIAMENTARY FEMALE._ _Father of the Family._ "COME, DEAR; WE SO SELDOM GO OUT TOGETHER NOW--CAN'T YOU TAKE US ALL TO THE PLAY TO-NIGHT?" _Mistress of the House and M.P._ "HOW YOU TALK, CHARLES! DON'T YOU SEE THAT I AM TOO BUSY. I HAVE A COMMITTEE TO-MORROW MORNING, AND I HAVE MY SPEECH ON THE GREAT CROCHET QUESTION TO PREPARE FOR THE EVENING."] [Illustration: NO. II. _THE DRAWING-ROOM._] THE LADIES OF THE CREATION! [Illustration: NO. III. _THE DINING-ROOM._ _Lady of the House._ "NOW THEN, GIRLS! FILL YOUR GLASSES! BUMPERS! HERE'S JUST ONE TOAST WHICH I AM SURE YOU WILL ALL DRINK WITH PLEASURE. THE GENTLEMEN!!"] [Illustration: NO. IV. _NATURALLY THE FEMALE THINKS SHOPPING VERY TIRESOME._ _Superior Creature._ "FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, EDWARD, DO COME AWAY! WHEN YOU ONCE GET INTO A SHOP, THERE'S NO GETTING YOU OUT AGAIN."] THE LADIES OF THE CREATION! [Illustration: NO. V. _SPORTING FOR LADIES._] [Illustration: NO. VI. _THE BAND AT ST. JAMES'S PALACE._] THE LADIES OF THE CREATION! [Illustration: NO. VII. _A "BUS" CONDUCTRESS._ _Old Gentleman._ "YOU ARE A VERY SAUCY, IMPUDENT WOMAN, AND I'LL CERTAINLY SUMMON YOU!" _Conductress._ "THANK YE, SIR! (_To Driver._) GO ON, SARAH; NEVER MIND THE OLD COVE."] [Illustration: NO. VIII. _MARY PROTECTING THE WEAKER SEX._] [Illustration: NO. IX. _THE ARREST BY BAILIFFS._ "AND SERVE HER RIGHT TOO--EXTRAVAGANCE IN A MAN IS, IN SOME DEGREE, EXCUSABLE, FOR HE KNOWS NO BETTER--BUT, IN A WOMAN, IT IS QUITE UNPARDONABLE."] THE LADIES OF THE CREATION! [Illustration: NO. X. _MISS BROWN TAKES HER COUSIN OUT FISHING._ _Inferior Animal._ "OH DEAR! MISS BROWN! HERE'S A FISH TAKEN ALL MY BAIT. DO COME AND PUT ON ANOTHER WORM!"] [Illustration: NO. XI. _THE WOMAN AT THE WHEEL._] [Illustration: _THE REAL FLOWER-SHOW._] THE LADIES OF THE CREATION--BLOOMERISM. [Illustration: NO. I.--_APROPOS OF BLOOMERISM._ _Visitor_ (_who is looking at the Print of the Bloomer Costume_). "WELL, NOW, UPON MY WORD, I DON'T SEE ANYTHING RIDICULOUS IN IT. _I_ SHALL CERTAINLY ADOPT IT." _Strong-minded Lady._ "FOR MY PART, I SO THOROUGHLY DESPISE CONVENTIONALITY, THAT I HAVE ORDERED ALL MY NEW THINGS TO BE MADE IN THAT VERY RATIONAL STYLE!"] [Illustration: NO. II. THE SORT OF LEG THAT LOOKS WELL IN BLOOMER PETTILOONS.] THE LADIES OF THE CREATION--BLOOMERISM. [Illustration: NO. III.--_RESULTS OF BLOOMERISM--THE LADIES POP THE QUESTION._ _Superior Creature._ "SAY! OH, SAY, DEAREST! WILL YOU BE MINE?" &c., &c.] [Illustration: NO. IV.--_A POSER FOR A BLOOMER._ _Old Gentleman._ "BEFORE I CAN ENTERTAIN YOUR PROPOSAL, AND GIVE MY CONSENT TO YOUR MARRYING MY SON, I MUST ASK YOU WHETHER YOU ARE IN A POSITION--A--TO--A--KEEP HIM IN THE STYLE TO WHICH--A--I MAY SAY--HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN ACCUSTOMED? AHEM!"] THE LADIES OF CREATION--BLOOMERISM. [Illustration: NO. V.--_A PROBABLE INCIDENT IF BLOOMERISM ISN'T PUT DOWN._ _Maid._ "IF YOU PLEASE, MISS, THE DRESSMAKER HAS BROUGHT HOME YOUR NEW--AHEM--FROCK."] [Illustration: NO. VI.--_SOMETHING MORE OF BLOOMERISM._ (BEHIND THE COUNTER THERE IS ONE OF THE "INFERIOR ANIMALS.")] THE LADIES OF CREATION--BLOOMERISM. [Illustration: NO. VII.--_BLOOMERISM IN A BALL-ROOM._ _Bloomer._ "MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF DANCING THE NEXT POLKA WITH YOU?"] [Illustration: NO. VIII.--_BLOOMERISM AT HOME._ _Strong-minded Female._ "NOW, DO PRAY, ALFRED, PUT DOWN THAT FOOLISH NOVEL, AND DO SOMETHING RATIONAL. GO, AND PLAY SOMETHING ON THE PIANO; YOU NEVER PRACTISE NOW YOU'RE MARRIED."] [Illustration: NO. IX. _EFFICIENCY OF FEMALE POLICE IN WHAT IS VULGARLY CALLED A "JOLLY ROW."_] THE LADIES OF CREATION--BLOOMERISM. [Illustration: NO. X. _BLOOMERIANA--DREAM_] THE LADIES OF THE CREATION--BLOOMERISM. [Illustration: NO. XI.--_THE BARRISTER._] [Illustration: NO. XII.--_THE HEIRESS._] [Illustration: NO. XIII.--_THE SAILOR._] [Illustration: NO. XIV.--_ON THE ROAD._] [Illustration: NO. XV.--_AT THE DERBY._] [Illustration: NO. XVI.--_IN THE PARK._] [Illustration: _THE STEEPLE-CHASE._ _First Sporting Gent_ (_reads_). "'+CAUTION+.--NO HORSEMAN WILL, ON ANY ACCOUNT, BE ALLOWED TO FOLLOW THE RACEHORSES OVER THE STEEPLE-CHASE COURSE.' DEAR ME! HOW PROVOKING! I SHOULD A LIKED TO HAVE POPPED OVER THIS BROOK!" _Second Gent thinks they had better not interfere with any of the Regulations._] [Illustration: _MR. 'ARRY BELVILLE ON THE CONTINENT GENERALLY._ _'Arry Belville._ "YES! I LIKE IT EXTREMELY. I LIKE THE _Lazy Ally_ SORT OF FEELING. I LIKE SITTING AT THE DOOR OF A _Caffy_ TO SMOKE MY CIGAR; AND ABOVE ALL _(onter noo)_ IT'S A GREAT COMFORT TO WEAR ONE'S BEARD WITHOUT BEING LARFED AT!"] [Illustration: _SCENE.--BUREAU OF THE CHIEFS OF THE DOUANES._ _French Official._ "YOU HAVE PASSPORT?" _English Gent._ "NONO, MOSSOO." _Official._ "YOUR NAME?" _Gent._ "BELVILLE." _Official_. "CHRISTIAN NOM?" _Gent._ "'ARRY!" _Official._ "PROFESSION?" _Gent._ "+BANKER!+"] [Illustration: _OUR FRIEND BELVILLE AIRS HIS FRENCH AT BOULOGNE, TO THE ADMIRATION OF DOBBINS, WHO DOESN'T SPEAK THE LANGUAGE._ _Belville._ "AHEM! PARDONG MOSSOO!--ESKER VOUS AVEY-A-SUCH A CHOSE AS A-A-UNE POT--A-THAT IS A-A-UNE PO YOU KNOW-DE-DE-DE BEAR'S GREASE? COMPRENNY?--BEAR'S GREASE?"] [Illustration: _ON THE MOORS._ _Mr. Puff._ "_MY_ BIRD. I THINK." _Mr. Muff._ "BELONGS TO _ME_, I FANCY" &C. &C. &C.] [Illustration: _LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP._ "WO--MARE. HANG IT!--ANYTHING IN REASON I DON'T MIND; BUT, AS A FATHER OF A FAMILY, I DON'T FEEL JUSTIFIED IN GOING AT SUCH A GATE AS THAT."] [Illustration: _HOW KIND._ _Cruel Little Puth._ "OH, HARRIET DEAR--PUT ON YOUR HAT AND LET US THEE THE STEAMBOAT COME IN. THE THEA IS THO ROUGH!--AND THE PEOPLE WILL BE _SO_ ABTHURDLY THICK!!!"] [Illustration: _FOLKESTONE.--ARRIVAL OF THE BOULOGNE BOAT. WIND S.W._] [Illustration: _AN ANXIOUS MOMENT._ "DON'T MOVE THERE, WE SHALL CLEAR YOU!"] [Illustration: _NOTHING LIKE KNOWING THE COUNTRY._ _Huntsman (to Officer going Abroad)._ "PLEASE BE SO GOOD, SIR, AS GIVE MY RESPECTS TO MASTER HARRY." _Officer._ "OH! BUT MY BROTHER IS IN THE WEST INDIES, AND I AM GOING TO THE EAST." _Huntsman_. "MAYHAP YOU'LL MEET AT T'COVER SIDE ALL THE SAME, SIR."] [Illustration: _COOL ASSURANCE._ _Undergraduate._ "YOU DON'T OBJECT TO SMOKING, I HOPE?" _Old Party (probably a Director)._ "YES, SIR. I OBJECT VERY MUCH INDEED! IN FACT, I HAVE THE STRONGEST OBJECTION TO SMOKING!!!" _Undergraduate._ "HM! HA! SOME PEOPLE HAVE." [_Smokes for the next fifty miles._] [Illustration: _FASHIONS FOR FAST MEN._ _Tom._ "WHICH DO YOU LIKE BEST FOR TROUSERS, BILL, CHECKS OR STRIPES?" _Bill._ "WELL, I THINK CHECKS ARE UNCOMMON SUPERIOR, BUT STRIPES IS MOST NOBBY."] [Illustration: THOSE SHOCKING CLUBS. _Charley (who is rather addicted to betting)._"--AND TALKING OF GOODWOOD RACES, WE'VE GOT SUCH A JOLLY SWEEP AT OUR CLUB!" _Constance._ "A SWEEP, CHARLES!--WELL! I NEVER THOUGHT MUCH OF YOUR CLUB FRIENDS, BUT I DIDN'T THINK YOU ASSOCIATED WITH PEOPLE OF THAT SORT!"] [Illustration: _IN A VERY BAD WAY._ "WHY, YOU SEEM QUITE WRETCHED, FRANK!" "WRETCHED, MY BOY! AH, YOU MAY IMAGINE HOW WRETCHED I AM, WHEN I TELL YOU I DON'T EVEN CARE HOW MY TWOWSERS ARE MADE!"] _THE PERILS OF A COURT PRESENTATION._ [Illustration: BEFORE PAYING HER RESPECTS AT ST. JAMES'S.] [Illustration: AFTER PAYING HER RESPECTS AT ST. JAMES'S.] [Illustration: _FRIGHTFUL._ _Clara._ "WELL, ROSE, DEAR, AND HOW DO YOU FEEL AFTER THE PARTY?" _Rose._ "OH, PRETTY WELL; ONLY I HAVE HAD SUCH A HORRID DREAM! DO YOU KNOW, I DREAMT THAT THAT GREAT STUPID CAPTAIN DRAWLER UPSET A DISH OF TRIFLE OVER MY NEW LACE DRESS WITH THE BLUE SLIP?"] [Illustration: _TRUTH IS GREAT._ _Unsophisticated Little Girl._ "NOW, YOU A'DONE, BILLY. IF YOU AIN'T QUIET DIRECTLY, I'LL GIVE YER TO THIS GREAT, BIG HUGLY MAN!" [_Immense delight of Swell in gorgeous array._] [Illustration: _A DELUSION._ _Dean._ "WELL, SIR?" _Small University Man (under the impression that he has irritated the Dean by his conspicuous moustachios)._ "I BELIEVE YOU WANTED TO SPEAK TO ME, SIR, ABOUT--ABOUT--MY MOUSTACHIOS!" _Dean._ "SOME MISTAKE, SIR! I DIDN'T PERCEIVE THAT YOU HAD ANY!"] [Illustration: _MISPLACED CONFIDENCE._ _Exquisite (to the Mamma of Performer)._ "WHAT A PITY THAT GURL'S FRIENDS DON'T TAKE HER AWAY FROM THAT PIANO. SHE'S NOT BAD LOOKING, BUT SHE HAS GOT A VOICE LIKE A PEACOCK!!!"] [Illustration: _A CAPITAL OFFER._ "I SAY, GRANNY! CHARLEY SUMMERS AND I ARE GOING TO TAKE LION OUT IN A BOAT FOR A SWIM--NOW IF YOU'LL GIVE ME A SHILLING WE WILL TAKE YOU AND THE GIRLS OUT FOR A ROW!"] [Illustration: _SCENE ON THE ENGLISH COAST._] [Illustration: _THE TOO FAITHFUL PORTRAIT._ _Georgina (in riding habit)._ "WELL, DEAR! I DECLARE IT'S THE VERY IMAGE OF YOU! I NEVER!" _Sarah Jane (who insists upon seeing the plate)._ "LIKE ME? FOR GOODNESS' SAKE DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, GEORGINA. I THINK IT'S PERFECTLY ABSURD! WHY, IT HAS GIVEN ME A STUPID LITTLE TURN-UP NOSE, AND A MOUTH THAT'S ABSOLUTELY ENORMOUS!"] [Illustration: _DREADFUL DESTITUTION._ _First._ "MY DEAR FRANK--WHAT IS THE MATTER, OLD BOY?" _Second._ "OH! I AM DISTRESSED TO DEATH ABOUT MONEY MATTERS--I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHALL DO? WHY, HERE'S JENNY LIND COMING OUT ON THURSDAY, AND I POSITIVELY HAVEN'T THE MONEY TO PAY FOR A BOX!"] [Illustration: _A PLEDGE OF AFFECTION._ _Angelina._ "WILL MY DARLING EDWIN GRANT HIS ANGELINA A BOON?" _Edwin._ "IS THERE ANYTHING ON EARTH HER EDWIN WOULD NOT DO FOR HIS PET?--NAME THE BOON, OH, DEAREST--NAME IT!" _Angelina._ "THEN, LOVE, AS WE DINE BY OURSELVES TO-MORROW, LET US, OH! LET US HAVE ROAST PORK, WITH PLENTY OF SAGE AND ONIONS!"] [Illustration: _VERY PARTICULAR._ _First Railway Porter._ "WHAT DOES HE SAY, BILL?" _Second ditto._ "WHY, HE SAYS HE MUST HAVE A COMPARTMENT TO HISSELF, BECAUSE HE CAN'T GET ON WITHOUT HIS SMOKE!"] [Illustration: _MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT._--No. I. _Gent._ "I SAY, MOSEY! WHY DON'T YER GO THE 'OLE 'OG, AND LET ALL YER BEARD GROW, LIKE ME?"] [Illustration: _OUR BOYS._ _Master Tom (to Old Lady who is very nervous about fire)._ "IT'S ALL RIGHT, GRANMA! MY CANDLE IS OUT. I'M ONLY SMOKING MY USUAL WEED!"] [Illustration: _USEFUL, IF NOT ORNAMENTAL._ _Master Alfred (an ingenious Boy)._ "LOOK HERE, WALTER! SEE WHAT A JOLLY TARGET OLD AUNT BETSY'S ROUND HAT MAKES."] [Illustration: _A BACK VIEW._ "NOW, CHARLEY! HERE'S THAT PRETTY ROUND HAT AGAIN--WE _WILL_ HAVE A LOOK AT HER THIS TIME."] [Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM; OR, WHAT'S TO BECOME OF THE MISSUSES?_--No. I. _Servant Gal._ "OH! IF YOU PLEASE, MAM, THERE WAS ONE OTHER THINK I SHOULD LIKE TO 'AVE SETTLED." _Lady._ "YES?" _Gal._ "WHERE DO YOU GO TO THE SEA-SIDE IN THE SUMMER? BECAUSE I COULDN'T STOP AT A DULL PLACE AND WHERE THE HAIR WASN'T VERY BRACING!"] [Illustration: _OH!_ _Lady._ "YOU DON'T MEAN TO TELL ME, MARY, THAT MY NEW CRYSTAL MILK JUG IS BRO----!" _Mary._ "YES, 'M, IT'S THE ORKERDEST JUG AS HEVER I SEE--IT JEST TOOK AND TUMBLED RIGHT OFF ITS 'ANDLE!! WHICH IT'S LEFT ITS 'ANDLE IN MY 'AND, 'M."] [Illustration: _SOCIAL STRUGGLES._] [Illustration: _OUR "USED UP" MAN TAKES A WALK WITH HIS COUSINS IN KENSINGTON GARDENS._] [Illustration: _AWFUL APPEARANCE OF A "WOPPS" AT A PICNIC._] [Illustration: _NOTHING LIKE SYSTEM._ "AW! PUMMELL, WHAT DO I OWE YOU?" "OH! NOT MUCH, SIR. IT'S OF NO CONSEQUENCE." "AW! NO. BUT I THINK OF TAKING THE BENEFIT OF THE ACT ABOUT CHRISTMAS; AND AS A MAN OF SYSTEM, I AM VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT EXACT AMOUNTS."] [Illustration: _PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL._ _Maid._ "LAW BLESS YER! THAT AIN'T MISSUS'S OWN 'AIR; IT'S A WIG!"] [Illustration: _PUNCTUALITY IS THE SOUL OF BUSINESS._ "NO-O-O. GOOD-NIGHT, OLD CHAP! BUSINESS IS THE SOUL OF PUNCTUALITY. I MUST GO NOW. I'VE GOT SOME BUSI-BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO--(_hic_)--LET-TERS TO--WRITE!"] [Illustration: _EXTREMES MEET._ "THIS IS YOUR BED, SIR!"] [Illustration: _A LARGE BUMP OF CAUTION._ _Flora._ "OH, LET US SIT HERE, AUNT. THE BREEZE IS SO DELIGHTFUL." _Aunt._ "YES, DOVE!--IT'S VERY NICE, I DARE SAY; BUT I WON'T COME ANY NEARER TO THE CLIFF, FOR I AM ALWAYS AFRAID OF _SLIPPING THROUGH THOSE RAILINGS_!"] [Illustration: _HEART-BREAKING._ _Philanthropist._ "WHAT NOW, MY MAN?" _Street Boy._ "THEY'VE BEEN AND GONE AND SPIKED MY PEA-SHOOTER!"] [Illustration: _A VICTIM OF PLEASURE._ "WHAT A STUNNING MEERSCHAUM YOU'VE GOT THERE, CHARLEY!" "YES, I THINK IT WILL BE HANDSOME BY THE TIME I'VE PROPERLY COLOURED IT."] [Illustration: _A YOUNG PHILOSOPHER._ _First Butcher-Boy._ "SO THEY'VE DONE AWAY WITH SMITHFEL!" _Second Butcher-Boy._ "AH! THEY'LL SOON BE BOWLING OUT HALL OUR OLD INSTITOOSHUNS."] [Illustration: _A VERY GREAT MAN._ "NOW, COLLINS YOU MUST GO OUT VERY DEEP, FOR I WANT TO TAKE A 'HEADER!'"] [Illustration: _AQUATICS._ _Flora._ "WELL, BUT, TOMMY! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN ROW BOTH OF US?" _Tommy (who fancies himself a perfect Athlete in high condition)._ "ROW YOU! WHY, JUST YOU LOOK HERE; HERE'S A BICEPS MUSCLE FOR YOU!"] [Illustration: _SEA-SIDE SATURDAY EVENING.--THE ARRIVAL OF THE "HUSBANDS' BOAT."_] [Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM._--No. II. _Housemaid._ "WELL, SOOSAN, I'VE MADE UP MY MIND NOT TO STOP 'ERE NO LONGER TO WORK LIKE NEGROES AS WE DO!" _Cook._ "NOR I, NUTHER! BUT JUST TURN THE MEAT, WILL YOU, PLEASE, THE WHILST I FINISH MY CROCHET?"] [Illustration: _IMPROVEMENT IN IRISH AFFAIRS._ "WHOO!--WILL ANY JINTLEMAN BE SO ENGAGIN' AS TO THREAD ON THE TAIL OF ME REGISTHERED PALLYTOE?"] [Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM._--No. III. _Old Lady._ "WHAT IS IT, BOY?" _Boy._ "PLEASE'M--IT'S A PAIR OF WHITE SATING SHOES, AND THE LADY'S FAN WOT'S BIN MENDED--NAME OF MISS JULIER PEARLASH!" _Old Lady._ "MISS!!!!!?????" _Voice from the Area._ "OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT, MUM. IT'S ME!"] [Illustration: _AN IRISH HOTEL._ _Traveller._ "HOLLO! WHAT THE DEUCE ARE YOU ABOUT WITH THAT GRIDIRON?" _Chambermaid._ "TO BE SURE, IT'S YER HONOUR'S BED I'M WARMING; AND AIN'T OUR WARMING-PAN ENGAGED FRYING SAUSAGES?"] [Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM._--No. IV. _Servant Gal._ "WELL, MAM--HEVERYTHINK CONSIDERED--I'M AFRAID YOU WONT SUIT ME. I'VE ALWAYS BIN BROUGHT UP GENTEEL; AND I COULDN'T GO NOWHERES WHERE THERE AIN'T NO FOOTMAN KEP'."] [Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM._--No. V. _Servant Gal (who has quarrelled with her bread-and-butter)._ "IF YOU PLEASE, MA'AM, I FIND THERE'S COLD MEAT FOR DINNER IN THE KITCHEN, DID YOU EXPECT ME TO EAT IT?" _Lady._ "OF COURSE I EXPECT YOU TO EAT IT, AND AN EXCELLENT DINNER, TOO." _Servant._ "OH, THEN, IF YOU PLEASE'M, I SHOULD LIKE TO LEAVE THIS DAY WEEK." [_Exit idiot._] [Illustration: _AT ASCOT._ THE ONLY "PARTIES" WHO ENJOYED THE WET DAY.] [Illustration: _MAKING THE BEST OF IT._ Enthusiast. "THIS IS REALLY ADMIRABLE!--I GET MY SWIM--AND A SHOWER BATH IN!"] [Illustration: _SMALL BY DEGREES, AND BEAUTIFULLY LESS._ _Shopman._ "OH, I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR--BUT THE LADY LEFT HER PARASOL ON THE COUNTER!" _Swell._ "HAW! YA--AS--NO! THAT IS, IT'S MY UMBRELLAW. THANKS! BY JOVE! HAW!"] [Illustration: _A DRAWING-ROOM ENTERTAINMENT._] [Illustration: _THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT._--No. II. "MY EYE, TOM, WHAT A 'ORRID BORE IT MUST BE FOR THE HORFICER SWELLS, NOW WE'VE TOOK TO WEARIN' OUR MOOSTARCHERS. THE GALS CAN'T TELL US FROM THEM, NOW!"] [Illustration: _BATTLEDORE AND SHUTTLECOCK._ THE POPULAR AND AMUSING GAME AS AT PRESENT PLAYED IN THE PRINCIPAL THOROUGHFARES.] [Illustration: _A PLEASING DELUSION._ _Smith._ "HOLLO! POSTER, AIN'T YOU PRECIOUS DRUNK, RATHER?" _Post Boy._ "DRUNK! NOT A BIT OF IT."] [Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM._--No. VI. _Lady._ "WISH TO LEAVE? WHY, I THOUGHT, THOMPSON, YOU WERE VERY COMFORTABLE WITH ME!" _Thompson (who is extremely refined)._ "HOH YES, MAM! I DON'T FIND NO FAULT WITH YOU, MAM--NOR YET WITH MASTER--BUT THE TRUTH HIS, MAM--THE HOTHER SERVANTS IS SO 'ORRID VULGAR, AND HIGNORANT, AND SPEAKS SO HUNGRAMMATICAL, THAT I REELY CANNOT LIVE IN THE SAME 'OUSE WITH 'EM--AND I SHOULD LIKE TO GO THIS DAY MONTH, IF SO BE HAS IT WON'T ILLCONVENIENCE YOU!"] [Illustration: _THE SEA-SIDE HAT._ WHAT IS ENOUGH FOR ONE IS ENOUGH FOR TWO.] [Illustration: _HOW TO ESCAPE FROM A SCOLDING WIFE._ _Patient (inhaling Ether)._ "THIS IS REALLY QUITE DELIGHTFUL--A MOST BEAUTIFUL DREAM."] [Illustration: _A BIT OF HIS MIND._ _Edward (to his Military Cousin)._ "NO! I SHAN'T! I SHAN'T GO AND SHOOT BLACKBIRDS; AND I TELL YOU WHAT, MASTER CHARLEY, YOU DRAGOON SWELLS WON'T HAVE QUITE SUCH A PULL UPON US CIVILIANS NOW, FOR WE ARE ALL GOING TO GROW BEARDS AND MOUSTACHIOS."] [Illustration: _HOW TO GET A CONNECTION._ _Shopman (to Ancient Party)._ "YES, MISS--THANK YOU, MISS--IS THERE ANY OTHER ARTICLE, MISS?--CAN WE SEND IT FOR YOU, MISS?" [_Old Lady thinks it SUCH a nice shop, and SUCH well-behaved young men._] [Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM._--No. VII. _'Ousemaid (from Town)._ "IS HANN JENKINS AT HOME?" _Suburban Cook._ "NO, SHE HAS JUST GONE TO HER MILLINER'S!" _'Ousemaid._ "THEN GIVE HER MY CARD, PLEASE, AND SAY, I 'OPE SHE GOT HOME SAFELY FROM THE BALL."] [Illustration: _AN ALARMING MESSAGE._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, MOTHER'S TOOK THE LOTION, AND RUBBED HER LEG WITH THE MIXTURE!"] [Illustration: _A MISTAKEN IMPRESSION._ _First Young Lady._ "OH, DEAR. HOW DULL THE OLD TOWN IS, NOW ALL THE OFFICERS ARE GONE ABROAD!" _Second ditto (a trifle older)._ "H'M--FOR MY PART, I'M VERY GLAD THEY'RE GONE, FOR THEY WERE ALWAYS FOLLOWING ONE ABOUT!"] [Illustration: _TOUCHING SIMPLICITY._ _Little Wife (eagerly opening the door for dear Edwin)._ "OH, SEE, DEAR, WHAT I HAVE FOR YOU--I'M SURE UNCLE HAS GOT YOU AN APPOINTMENT UNDER GOVERNMENT AT LAST--FOR HERE'S A LETTER MARKED IMMEDIATE, AND '_ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE!_'" [_Poor little soul! what does she know about Rates and Taxes?_] [Illustration: _AN AGED JUVENILE._ _Miss Flora Macfungus._ "I DARESAY YOU THINK ME A VERY ODD GIRL; AND, INDEED, MAMMA SAYS I'M A GIDDY, THOUGHTLESS CREATURE, AND"-- _Partner._ "OH, HERE'S A VACANT SEAT, I THINK."] [Illustration: _JUDICIOUS!_ "STAND ON MY HEAD, MARM, FOR A PENNY." "NO, LITTLE BOY--THERE IS A PENNY FOR KEEPING RIGHT END UPWARDS."] [Illustration: _GOOD REASONS._ _Railway Official._ "YOU'D BETTER NOT SMOKE, SIR!" _Traveller._ "THAT'S WHAT MY FRIENDS SAY." _Railway Official._ "BUT YOU _MUSN'T_ SMOKE, SIR!" _Traveller._ "SO MY DOCTOR TELLS ME." _Railway Official (indignantly)._ "BUT YOU _SHAN'T_ SMOKE, SIR!" _Traveller._ "AH! JUST WHAT MY WIFE SAYS."] [Illustration: _POULTRY FANCIES._ NAUGHTY LITTLE BOY A "COCHIN" IT FOR THROWING STONES AT THE FOWLS.] [Illustration: _INDISCRETION._ _Lydia._ "DON'T, HORACE.--LOOK AT OLD TOMKINS SITTING AT HIS WINDOW."] [Illustration: _QUITE A NOVELTY._ _Amiable Experimentalist._ "MAKES A DELICIOUS SIDE-DISH, DOESN'T IT? BUT IT IS NOT THE COMMON MUSHROOM; IT'S A LARGE FUNGUS CALLED THE AGARICUS PROCERUS. IT GROWS SOLITARY IN HEDGE-ROWS, IS CALLED COLUBRINUS, FROM THE SNAKE-LIKE MARKINGS ON ITS STEM. THE PILEUS IS COVERED WITH SCALES, WHICH ARE FORMED BY THE BREAKING-UP OF THE MUD-COLOURED EPIDERMIS. AND---- [_General panic takes place._] [Illustration: _CURIOUS MODE OF CONDUCTING A RETAIL ESTABLISHMENT._] [Illustration: _A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES._ _Old Gentleman._ "WHY, FREDERICK, WHAT A DISGRACEFUL STATE YOU'RE IN, SIR!--WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" _Frederick._ "COULDN'T--GET A SEAT--SO--I'VE BEEN--TO--TH'--CLUB."] [Illustration: _AQUATICS._ _Small Boy._ "NOW, THEN! ALL TOGETHER!"] [Illustration: _OVERTAKEN BY THE TIDE.--MARGATE._] [Illustration: _EFFECTS OF SALT WATER, AS OBSERVED AT THE REGATTA BALL._ _-- Weatherspoon, Esq. (of the Oriana, R.V.S.)._ "I SAY, TOM, WHAT'S THAT LITTLE CRAFT WITH THE BLACK VELVET FLYING AT THE FORE, CLOSE UNDER THE LEE-SCUPPERS OF THE MAN-OF-WAR?" _Honourable Binnacle (of the Matilda, R.V.Y.C.)._ "WHY, FROM HER FORE AND AFT RIG, AND THE CUT OF HER MAINSAIL, I SHOULD SAY SHE'S DOWN FROM THE PORT OF LONDON; BUT I'LL SIGNAL THE COMMODORE TO COME AND INTRODUCE US."] [Illustration: _TERRIBLE ACCIDENT._ "WE KNEW HOW IT WOULD BE--GIRLS HOLDING THOSE GREAT ROUND HATS OVER THEIR EYES, SO THAT THEY CAN'T SEE WHERE THEY ARE GOING.--WHY HERE'S FLORA PLUMLEY RUN RIGHT INTO THE ARMS OF THAT YOUNG HORACE SPANKER, WHO HASN'T A PENNY."_--Extract from our Aunt's Letter._] [Illustration: _OFF THE FORELAND._ _Old Lady (loquitur)._ "NOW, MY GOOD MAN, I HOPE YOU ARE SURE IT WOULD REALLY DO ME GOOD, BECAUSE I CANNOT TOUCH IT BUT AS MEDICINE!"] [Illustration: _THE NEW ARRIVAL._] MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.--1851. [Illustration: No. I.--_CROWDED STATE OF LODGING-HOUSES._ _Lodging-house Keeper._ "ON'Y THIS ROOM TO LET, MEM. A FOUR POST--A TENT--AND A VERY COMFORTABLE DOUBLE-BEDDED CHEST OF DRAWERS FOR THE YOUNG GENTLEMEN."] [Illustration: No. II.--_YOUNG ENGLAND._ "DOOCED GRATIFYING, AIN'T IT CHARLES, TO SEE SA MUCH IN-DASTRY?"] [Illustration: No. III.--_PUZZLED VISITORS._ "MON DIEU, ALPHONSE! REGARDEZ-DONC. COMMENT APPELLE-T-ON CETTE MACHINE LÀ?" "TIENS, C'EST DRÔLE--MAIS JE NE SAIS PAS."] [Illustration: No. IV.--_WONDERFUL OBJECTS._ A GENTLEMAN FROM THE COUNTRY MISTAKES THE CRYSTAL SENT BY THE DUKE OF DEVONSHIRE FOR THE KOH-I-NOOR DIAMOND.] MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.--1851 [Illustration: No. V.--_THEATRICAL DEPRESSION._ _Manager._ "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN--A--I MEAN RESPECTED INDIVIDUAL,--IN CONSEQUENCE OF THE GREAT ATTRACTION OF THE EXHIBITION OF CRYSTAL PALACE, I BEG TO ANNOUNCE TO YOU THAT THIS RIDICULOUS FARCE OF OPENING MY THEATRE WILL NOT BE REPEATED; AND YOUR ORDER WILL BE RETURNED TO YOU ON APPLICATION AT THE BOX-OFFICE."] [Illustration: No. VI.--_A STAGGERER FOR AN EXCURSIONIST._ _Foreigner (with profuse gesticulation)._ "PARDON, M'SIEU! FAUT-IL ALLER A DROITE, A GAUCHE, OU EN FACE, POUR ME RENDRE À PEEK-A-PEEK-A-DELEE?" (_Piccadilly._)] [Illustration: No. VII.--_HOTELS ARE QUITE FULL._ _Waterman._ "VAT TIME WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR HOT WATER, SIR?"] [Illustration: No. VIII.--_AWFUL RESULT OF GIVING A SEASON TICKET TO YOUR WIFE._ _Mary._ "PLEASE, SIR, COOK'S GONE OUT FOR A HOLIDAY; AND MISSUS DIDN'T SAY NOTHING ABOUT NO DINNER, SIR. MISSUS WENT EARLY TO THE EXHIBITION WITH SOME LUNCH IN A BASKET, AND SAID SHE SHOULDN'T BE HOME UNTIL TEA TIME."] MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.--1851. [Illustration: No. IX.--_THE LOOKING-GLASS DEPARTMENT._] [Illustration: No. X.--_A DELICATE ATTENTION._ AN OLD GENTLEMAN, ANXIOUS THAT HIS WIFE SHOULD POSSESS SOME TRIFLE FROM THE GREAT EXHIBITION, PURCHASES (AMONGST OTHER THINGS) THE STUFFED ELEPHANT, AND THE MODEL OF THE DODO.] MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.--1851. [Illustration: No. XI.--_NEW FASHIONS._ _Hatter._ "YOU COULDN'T HAVE A MORE BECOMING HAT, SIR--AND THEY'LL BE A GREAT DEAL WORN AT THE OPENING OF THE EXHIBITION."] [Illustration: No. XII.--_SINCERE GRIEF AT THE DESTRUCTION OF THE CRYSTAL PALACE._ _Omnibus Man._ "OH, WHAT A HORRID SHAME TO PULL DOWN SUCH A B-B-B-BE-AUTIFUL B-B-B-UILDING!"] [Illustration: No. XIII.--_THE LADIES AND THE POLICE--THE BATTLE OF THE CRYSTAL PALACE._] MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.--1851. [Illustration: No. XIV.--_AN INTERESTING COUPLE._ THEY CAN'T THINK WHERE MAMMA CAN HAVE GOT TO--THEY HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR HER EVERYWHERE. [_N.B. The most remote Refreshment-room selected._] [Illustration: No. XV.--_REFRESHMENT ROOM._ _Visitor._ "PINT O' BEER, MISS, PLEASE." _Miss._ "DON'T KEEP IT. YOU CAN HAVE A STRAWBERRY ICE AND A WAFER."] [Illustration: No. XVI.--_THE NORTH-AMERICAN LODGERS IN 1851._] MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.--1851. [Illustration: No. XVII. _PERFIDIOUS ALBION LETS HIS DRAWING-ROOM FLOOR TO A DISTINGUISHED FOREIGNER.--THE RESULT._] [Illustration: No. XVIII.--_DINING-ROOMS._ _Waiter (to Chinaman)._ "VERY NICE BIRD'S-NEST SOUP, SIR?--YES, SIR!--RAT PIE, SIR, JUST UP--YES, SIR!--AND A NICE LITTLE DOG TO FOLLER--YES, SIR!"] MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.--1851. [Illustration: No. XIX. HERE YOU HAVE A REPRESENTATION OF THAT NOBLE CHARACTER, THE BRITISH MERCHANT, TAKING LEAVE OF HIS SENSES--AND HIS BUSINESS--TO LOUNGE ABOUT THE CRYSTAL PALACE.] [Illustration: No. XX. THE TRADESMAN AT THE WEST END IS OBLIGED TO GIVE UP HIS TRADE, AND BREED POULTRY.] [Illustration: No. XXI. _BRITANNIA HAS THE INDUSTRY OF ALL-THE-WORLD AND HIS WIFE, TO SPEND A FEW MONTHS WITH HER._] MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.--1851. [Illustration: No. XXII. _THE CRUSH ROOM AT THE OPERA.--"MR. CHAWBACON'S CART STOPS THE WAY!_"] [Illustration: No. XXIII. _MR. CHAWBACON "COMING DOWN."_] [Illustration: No. XXIV. _FANCY PORTRAIT OF THE GENTLEMAN WHO HAS BEEN HONOURABLY =MENTIONED= BY PRINCE ALBERT!_ "HONOURABLY MENTIONED, INDEED! IS THAT ALL? SCANDALOUS!"] MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.--1851. [Illustration: No. XXV. _DINNER-TIME AT THE CRYSTAL PALACE._] MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION--1851. [Illustration: No. XXV. _THE GREAT DERBY RACE FOR EIGHTEEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY-ONE._] [Illustration: _FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS._ _Assiduous Young Curate._ "WELL, THEN, I DO HOPE I SHALL HAVE THE PLEASURE OF SEEING BOTH OF YOU NEXT SUNDAY!" _Miner._ "OI, THEE MAY'ST COAM IF 'E WULL. WE FOIGHT ON THE CROFT, AND OLD JOE TANNER BRINGS TH' BEER."] [Illustration: _WHAT WILL HE DO WITH THEM?_ _Youthful Costermonger._ "NOW THEN, GUV'NER, 'AVE THE LAST ROPE FOR A PENNY!"] [Illustration: _RAILWAY MISERIES._ _Porter._ "IS THIS YOUR LUGGAGE, SIR?" _Piscator._ "CONFOUND IT, NO! WE WANT SOME FISHING-RODS, A CAN OF LIVE-BAIT, AND A HAMPER." _Porter._ "OH--DO YOU, SIR? WHY, THEY'RE GONE ON TO BRISTOL."] [Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM; OR, WHAT'S TO BECOME OF THE MISSUSES?_--No. VIII. _Cook._ "WELL, TO BE SURE, MUM! LAST PLACE I WERE IN, MISSIS ALWAYS KNOCKED AT THE DOOR AFORE SHE COME INTO MY KITCHEN!!"] [Illustration: _THE ST. BERNARD MASTIFF. A HAPPY DOG--RATHER!_] [Illustration: _PRUDENCE AND IMPRUDENCE._ _Old Gentleman._ "A VERY NASTY JUMP, THAT! I SHALL GO ROUND BY SHUFFLER'S BOTTOM." _Juvenile._ "COME ALONG, OLD MAN! FOLLOW ME, AND I'LL SHOW YOU ALL THE SPORT." [_Exit_ YOUNG HOPEFUL _over the palings_.] [Illustration: _COUNTRY RACES._ GENTLEMEN RIDERS, WHO ARE SO LIKE PROFESSIONAL JOCKS, YOU CAN HARDLY TELL THE DIFFERENCE!] [Illustration: _FRIENDLY, BUT VERY UNPLEASANT._ _Lively Party_ (_charging_ ELDERLY GENTLEMAN _with his umbrella_). "HULLO, JONES!" [_Disgust of_ ELDERLY PARTY, _whose name is_ SMITH.] [Illustration: _AN EASY FORECAST._ _Gipsy._ "HAVE YOUR FORTUNE TOLD, MY PRETTY GENTLEMAN?" _Pretty Gent._ "OH! LAWK! DON'T MENTION IT!"] [Illustration: _GOING OUT ARRESTING._ "VELL, AARON, MY TEAR, 'AVE YER 'AD ANY SPORT?" "PRETTY VELL. I'VE BAGGED FOUR ALLOTTEES AND TWO PROVISIONALS."] [Illustration: _A GREAT MISFORTUNE._ _First Juvenile (in Cab)._ "WELL, CHARLEY, HAVE YOU HAD IT OUT WITH THE OLD BOY?" _Second Juvenile._ "YA--AS; AND--AW--WHAT DO YOU THINK THE UNDUTIFUL OLD GOVERNOR SA--AYS?" _First Juvenile._ "HAVEN'T THE LEAST ID--EAW." _Second Juvenile._ "WHY, HE SA--AYS I MUST DO SOMETHING TO GET MY OWN LIVING!" _First Juvenile._ "OH LAW! WHAT A HORRID BAW!"] [Illustration: _WHERE IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS._ _Engineer._ "DON'T BE ALARMED, MA'AM, IT'S ONLY A DUMPY LEVELLER." _Old Lady._ "LAW! DEAR NOW! WELL, I'M SURE I THOUGHT IT WAS A BLUNDERBUST. BUT DON'T FIRE IT OFF, YOUNG MAN, TILL I'M GOT BY, FOR I WAS ALWAYS TERRIBLE FEARED OF GUNS."] [Illustration: _MARCH OF LUXURY._ _Customer._ "HI! JAMES." _Potboy._ "NOW THEN, WHAT IS IT?" _Customer._ "JUST POP MY ARF-AN-ARF IN THE HICE FOR A MINIT. THAT'S A GOOD LAD."] [Illustration: _COMPLIMENTS._ _First Cabby (who is run up against)._ "NOW, THEN! 'VHERE DID YOU PICK UP THAT OLD STRAWBERRY POTTLE YOU CALLS A CAB?" _Second Cabby (who retorts)._ "SAME PLACE WHERE YER FOUND THAT BIT OF OLD RAG YER CALLS A 'ORSE."] [Illustration: _VISIT TO THE ANTEDILUVIAN REPTILES AT SYDENHAM--MASTER TOM STRONGLY OBJECTS TO HAVING HIS MIND IMPROVED._] [Illustration: _A HORRIBLE IDEA._ _First Languid Swell._ "GOOD GWACIOUS, ALFRED! ARE YOU ILL?" _Second ditto, ditto (gasping)._ "ILL! AW! YES! NO! I SHALL BE ALL RIGHT DIRECTLY. BUT--I--CONFESS--THE--SIGHT OF THAT FEMALE'S UMBRELLAW--COMPLETELY--FLAWED ME--MY DEAR CHARLES--CONCEIVE BEING OBLIGED TO CARRY--BUT NO, THE THOUGHT IS--TOO HORRIBLE!" [_They shudder, and walk on._] [Illustration: _FINE BUSINESS, INDEED! THE WRETCH!_ _Master of the House._ "OH! MARY! WHAT IS THERE FOR DINNER TO-DAY?" _Mary._ "I THINK, SIR, IT'S COLD MUTTON, SIR." _Master of the House._ "H'M!--OH! TELL YOUR MISTRESS, WHEN SHE COMES IN, THAT I MAY POSSIBLY BE DETAINED IN THE CITY ON BUSINESS, AND SHE IS ON NO ACCOUNT TO WAIT DINNER FOR ME."] [Illustration: _THE SEA-SIDE HAT--A HINT TO MATERFAMILIAS._] [Illustration: _A FRESH MORNING._] [Illustration: _IMPUDENCE._ _Horse Guard._ "NOW, YOU BOY! YOU MUSN'T HANG ABOUT HERE." _Boy._ "OH! YES, MR. HANGABOUT. I SUPPOSE I MAY SET MY WATCH BY YOUR CLOCK, AS WELL AS ANY OTHER GENT."] [Illustration: _GORGEOUS SPECTACLE._ _Sarah Jane._ "OH, BETSY, COME 'ERE, AND BRING HISABELLER! WE CAN SEE THE 'OOFS OF THE 'ORSES!!"] [Illustration: _NATIVE POLITENESS._ _Boy (to be-witch-ing Old Lady of Fashion)._ "WAS YOU A LOOKING FOR A BROOM, MARM?"] [Illustration: "_YOUTH AT THE PROW, AND PLEASURE AT THE HELM._" "THE HAPPY PAIR THEN STARTED FOR THE CONTINENT, VIA FOLKESTONE, TO SPEND THE HONEYMOON."] [Illustration: _VERY ACCOMMODATING._ _Cabman._ "WANT A CAB, SIR? TAKE YER ANYVERE, ANY DISTANCE, ANY PRICE, AND WHEN YER PLEASE. TROT YER DOWN TO VITECHAPEL OR 'ACKNEY, OR SPIN YER ALONG LIKE ONE O'CLOCK TO HEGHAM, STAINES, OR WINDSOR."] [Illustration: _PROBABLE RESULT OF THE COCHIN CHINA FOWL MANIA._] [Illustration: _TOO POPULAR BY HALF._ _Boy (singing)._ "LOVER-LY LUCY NEAL, OH LOVER-LY LUCY NEAL, HIF I 'AD YOU BY MY SI-I-HIDE, 'OW 'APPY I SHOULD FEEL!"] [Illustration: _TASTE IN THE DRAWING-ROOM.--VILLIKINS AND HIS DINAH._ _Young Lady (who ought to know better)._ "NOW, WILLIAM, YOU ARE NOT LOW ENOUGH YET. BEGIN AGAIN AT 'HE TOOK THE COLD PIZEN.'"] [Illustration: _THE BATTLE OF THE PIANOS._] [Illustration: _FAMILIARITY._ "NOW, THEN, THOMAS, TELL YOUR OLD MAN TO PULL ON A PEG, AND LET ME GET UP TO MY PAWNBROKER'S!"] [Illustration: _APPROPRIATE._ _First Citizen._ "I SAY, BILL--I WONDER WHAT HE CALLS HISSELF?" _Second Ditto._ "BLOWED IF I KNOW!--BUT I CALLS HIM A BLOATED HARISTOCRAT."] [Illustration: _MIGHT VERSUS RIGHT._ _Navigator._ "WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?" _Policeman._ "WHY, I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE STATION HOUSE, IF YOU DON'T MOVE ON." _Navigator._ "_YOU_ TAKE ME TO THE STATION-HOUSE? TEN ON YOU MIGHT!"] [Illustration: _A HANSOM OFFER._ _Cabman (condescendingly)._ "HAMPSTEAD! LET'S SEE--THE FARE'S ABOUT NINE BOB, AS NEAR AS MAY BE; BUT, AS I WANT A DRIVE IN THE FRESH HAIR MYSELF, SUPPOSE WE SAY THREE 'ARF CROWNS?"] [Illustration: _POULTRY FANCIES.--THE PETS._ _Old Lady._ "WELL, HE _HAS_ GROWN; AND, REALLY, I THINK HE MIGHT LEAVE OFF THOSE FROCKS, AND HAVE A SUIT OF CLOTHES LIKE HIS BROTHERS."] [Illustration: _TRAVELLERS' REQUISITES._ _Railway Porter._ "ANY LUGGAGE, SIR?" _Traveller._ "YAS--CARPET-BAG AND CIGAR-CASE."] [Illustration: _MOST DISTRESSING._ POOR STUBBS!--JUST AS HE MEETS THOSE NICE GIRLS HE ADMIRED SO AT M.'S PARTY, AN ENORMOUS BLACK SETTLES ON HIS NOSE. HE LOSES ALL PRESENCE OF MIND.] [Illustration: _HOW TO FLATTER A GENT._ _Mr. Noses._ "GOT ANY OLD CLOTHES, SIR? (_whispers_) ANY LEFT-OFF UNIFORMS, CAPTAIN?"] [Illustration: _EDUCATIONAL MOVEMENT._ _Man of Refinement._ "NOW DON'T, MY GOOD MAN--PRAY DON'T!--I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY. YOU ARE GOING TO SAY 'YA!--HA!--SPARRERGRASS.' DO ALLOW ME TO PERSUADE YOU TO CALL IT ASPARAGUS--AND HERE IS SIXPENCE FOR YOU."] [Illustration: _AN EXCITED NIMROD_, HAVING BEEN THROWN OUT, IS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT HE HAS COME UP WITH SOME OF THE TAIL HOUNDS--"HUIC FOR-R-A-D-E--FOR-R-A-A-D THEN!" [_Great demonstration of disgust on the part of Old Gentleman out shooting_.] [Illustration: _FLY-FISHING._ MR. BUNGLE ALWAYS MAKES HIS FLIES ON THE BANK OF THE STREAM. HERE IS ONE OF HIS MOST SUCCESSFUL EFFORTS.] [Illustration: _"ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE," &c._ _Young Lady (whose birthday it is)._ "OH, YES! I HAVE HAD A GREAT NUMBER OF NICE PRESENTS; BUT I WONDER WHO SENT ME THIS BEAUTIFUL BOUQUET?" _Handsome Party (with moustaches, presence of mind, and great expression of eye)._ "AND CAN'T YOU GUESS?" (_Sighs deeply._) [_N.B. Poor_ BINKS, _who was at all the trouble and expense of getting the said bouquet from Covent Garden, is supposed to be watching the effect of his gift with some anxiety._] [Illustration: _PLEASURES OF HOUSEKEEPING._ THE INTELLIGENT READER IS REQUESTED TO IMAGINE THAT THE GATES IN THE ABOVE CARTOON HAVE JUST BEEN THOROUGHLY CLEANED, AND FRESH PAINTED. ON HIS RETURN FROM THE CITY, MR. BRIGGS FINDS THAT RUDE BOYS (TOTALLY REGARDLESS OF HIS FEELINGS) HAVE BEEN FARTHER DECORATING THEM.] [Illustration: _WHAT'S THE MATTER?_ MAN IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE TAKEN THE WRONG TURNING--THAT'S ALL!] [Illustration: _A ROUGH COUNTRY._ _Boy._ "NOA, SIR! THERE AIN'T NO OTHER GATE OUT O' THIS VIELD, YOU MUST FOLLER THAT GENTLEMAN ON THE GRAY HORSE." _Fox Hunter._ "WHAT, THAT GENT? OH! THANK YER!"] [Illustration: _SUGGESTIVE OF A PICTURESQUE FIGURE._ _Stout Old Gentleman._ "A SHOWER-BATH MAKE YOUR HAIR IN A MESS! NOT A BIT OF IT, IF YOU WEAR AN OIL-SKIN CAP LIKE THIS, AS I DO."] [Illustration: _THE RETURN FROM A MASQUERADE._] [Illustration: _DOUBTFUL._ _Boy._ "COME IN, SIR! YOU'VE NO CALL TO BE AFRAID! I'VE GOT HIM QUITE TIGHT."] [Illustration: _A CAUSE FOR REPROOF._ _Lady (severely)._ "JANET, I MUST DESIRE YOU TO GO AT ONCE AND DRESS YOUR HAIR IN A BECOMING MANNER, AND NOT TO IMITATE ME SO ABSURDLY."] [Illustration: _AWKWARD CONSEQUENCES OF REMOVING THE SOLDIERS FROM KNIGHTSBRIDGE._ _Housemaid._ "IF YOU PLEASE 'M, ME, AND COOK, AND MARY, WISHES TO LEAVE, THIS DAY MONTH, MA'AM."] [Illustration: _REDUCED CIRCUMSTANCES._ _Mary._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, IF YOU'VE DONE WITH THE INK, WILL YOU LET WILLIAM HAVE IT TO CLEAN YOUR BOOTS? BECAUSE IT'S ALL THE BLACKING WE'VE GOT IN THE HOUSE."] [Illustration: _THE CONSTITUTIONAL WALK._ _Lady._ "DEAR, DEAR, IT'S COMING ON TO RAIN! RUN, JAMES! QUICK, AND FETCH AN UMBRELLA, AND TWO PARASOLS. I'M AFRAID MY POOR DEAR COCHINS WILL GET THE RHEUMATISM."] [Illustration: _THE DOCILE HUSBAND._] [Illustration: _A MAN OF OPINION._ _M.P._ "DID YOU SEE THIS ADMIRABLE SUGGESTION IN THE PAPER, TO PULL DOWN THE TEMPLE BAR?" _Swell._ "PULL DOWN THE TEMPLE BAR! A MOST EARNESTLY HOPE NOT--WHY, GOOD GWACIOUS! IT'S THE PWINCIPAL BARWIER BETWEEN US AND THE HORWID CITY!"] [Illustration: _JEALOUSY._ _Chorus (of Nice Young Ladies)._ "OH! OF ALL AND OF ALL I NEVER! ISN'T IT THE DARLINGIST, SWEETEST, PRETTIEST, LITTLE DEAR DARLING DARLING! OH! DID YOU EVER!!" _Solo (by horrid plain-spoken Boy)._ "H'M! I THINK IT'S A NASTY, UGLY LITTLE BEAST, FOR ALL THE WORLD LIKE A CAT OR A MONKEY." [_Sensation._] [Illustration: _A NICE TEAM._] [Illustration: _A BRILLIANT IDEA._ _Matilda._ "OH, LOOK YE HERE, TOMMY! S'POSE WE PLAY AT YOUR BEING THE BIG FOOTMAN, AND ME AND LIZZERBUTH'LL BE THE FINE LADIES IN THE CARRIDGE!"] [Illustration: _AN EXPERIENCED VETERAN._ _Managing Mamma._ "MY GOODNESS, ELLEN, HOW WRETCHEDLY PALE YOU LOOK! FOR GOODNESS' SAKE BITE YOUR LIPS AND RUB YOUR CHEEKS."] [Illustration: _EXTREME DELICACY._ _Exquisite in Cab._ "AW--BE KIND ENOUGH, IF YOU PLEASE, TO FETCH--AW--AN--AW--UMBRELLAW, AND HOLD IT OV-AW ME WHILE I--AW--GET OUT."] [Illustration: _THE WELLINGTON STATUE._ AWFUL APPARITION TO A GENTLEMAN WHILST SHAVING, IN THE EDGEWARE ROAD.] [Illustration: _THE POULTRY MANIA._ _Miss ----._ "GOOD GRACIOUS, EMILY. WHAT HORRID FRIGHTS!" _Emily._ "FRIGHTS? MY DEAR? WHY THEY ARE LOVELY COCHIN CHINA FOWLS, AND WORTH--OH! EVER SO MUCH."] [Illustration: _COMPLIMENTARY._ _Bus Driver._ "NOW THEN, OUT OF THE WAY, YOU TWO!"] [Illustration: _AN INQUIRING MIND._ _Omnibus Driver._ "REELY NOW! AND SO THE 'LECTRIC FLUID TAKES A MESSAGE BETWEEN DOVER AND CALAIS. (_Inquiringly._) PRAY, SIR, WOT'S IT LIKE? IS IT ANYTHING LIKE BEER, FOR EXAMPLE?"] [Illustration: _SOMETIMES YOU "PICK UP" HUNTERS FOR NEXT TO NOTHING._ _Dealer._ "THERE NOW! YOU WANT A HUNTER. THERE HE IS. HE'S QUIET, WELL-BRED, AND LAW! WITH YOUR WEIGHT, HE'S UP TO ANY HOUNDS, AND AN _UNCOMMON_ CLEVER FENCER!" _Sporting Gent._ "OH! COME NOW! THAT _WON'T_ DO. I'VE HEARD OF A 'ORSE DANCING; BUT I'M NOT SO JOLLY GREEN AS TO BELIEVE A 'ORSE CAN FENCE, YOU KNOW!"] [Illustration: _A LUCID EXPLANATION._ _Passenger._ "SIXPENCE! WHY, IT'S MARKED UP THREEPENCE!" _Conductor._ "YES, SIR. THREPPUNSE WHEN YOU DON'T GET IN BETWEEN CHARING CROSS AND THE BANK, OR FROM TUESDAYS TO MILE END DOWN TO THE GATE BY UNGERFOD, OR EDGER ROAD TO BLACK LION LANE OR RATHBONE PLACE AND BLACKWALL RAILWAY--OR ELSE YOU MUST GET OUT AT ST. PAUL'S CHURCHYARD, OR YOU CAN GO TO PIMLICO ALL THE WAY IF YOU LIKE--BEYOND THAT DISTANCE--IT'S SIXPUNSE!"] [Illustration: _PERFECT SINCERITY, OR THINKINGS ALOUD._--No. IV. _Genius._ "BY THE WAY, DID YOU GLANCE OVER THAT ARTICLE OF MINE ON 'THE INTELLECT OF WOMAN, AND HER SOCIAL POSITION?' I DON'T CARE TWOPENCE ABOUT YOUR OPINION; ONLY IF YOU CAN SAY SOMETHING FAVOURABLE OF COURSE I SHALL BE PLEASED." _Common Sense._ "WHY, I TRIED IT, BUT UPON MY LIFE I FOUND IT SUCH CONTEMPTIBLE RUBBISH, THAT I COULDN'T GET ON: AND, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I THINK THAT A SNUG LITTLE THING IN THE CHEESEMONGERING LINE WOULD BE MORE IN YOUR WAY THAN LITERATURE." _Genius._ "AH! YOU MUST BE A FOOL!"] [Illustration: _THE AGONY COLUMN._ "I WISH, MISTER, YOU WOULD BE SO GOOD AS TO STOP THE PRESS AND PUT THIS IN A GOOD PLACE (_reads_): '_Hemily, Don't delay, but return to yer broken-arted Adolphus, or there's no knowing what may be the consequence!!!_'"] [Illustration: _THE INFLUENZA._ "THIS IS REALLY VERY KIND OF YOU TO CALL. CAN I OFFER YOU ANYTHING--A BASIN OF GRUEL, OR A GLASS OF COUGH MIXTURE? DON'T SAY NO."] [Illustration: _AN IMPOSSIBILITY._ _Gent._ "WAITER! CHOP AND A PINT OF STOUT; AND LOOK SHARP." _Waiter._ "OH, YES! IT'S ALL VERY WELL TO SAY LOOK SHARP."] [Illustration: _BACHELOR HOUSEKEEPING._ _Mr. Brown._ "PRAY, JANE, WHAT ON EARTH IS THE REASON I AM KEPT WAITING FOR MY BREAKFAST IN THIS WAY?" _Jane._ "PLEASE, SIR, THE ROLLS ISN'T COME, AND THERE'S NO BREAD IN THE HOUSE!" _Mr. Brown._ "NOW, UPON MY WORD! HOW CAN YOU ANNOY ME WITH SUCH TRIFLES? NO _BREAD_, THEN BRING ME SOME _TOAST_." [_Exit_ JANE _in dismay._] [Illustration: _A FOOLISH AND A BETTING MAN._] [Illustration: _A WISER AND A BETTER MAN._] [Illustration: _MISUNDERSTANDING._ _Railway Porter._ "FIRST CLASS, SIR?" _Unfortunate Oxonian._ "NO! PLUCKED!"] [Illustration: _PLEASANT!_ _Affectionate Little Wife (who has made many abortive attempts to fathom the secrets of Freemasonry)._ "WELL, BUT DEAR! TELL ME _ONE_ THING, DO THEY PUT YOU INTO A COFFIN?"] [Illustration: _INSULTING A SCOTCHMAN._ _Boy._ "HERE YOU AIR, SIR! THREE PAIR O' TROWSER STRAPS FOR SIXPENCE."] [Illustration: _THE MAN IN BRASS LAMENTING THE DECLINE OF THE LORD MAYOR'S SHOW._] [Illustration: "_BOLTED!_"] [Illustration: _THE BETTING FEVER._] [Illustration: _ONE OF THE EFFECTS OF THE BLACKGUARD BETTING OFFICES._ _Sporting Character._ "I DON'T EXACTLY LIKE ROBBING MASTER, BUT I MUST MEET MY ENGAGEMENTS."] [Illustration: _PEPPERING A GENT._ _Conductor (very loud)._ "GO ON, BILL; HERE'S THAT UGLY OLD COVE, WOT ALWAYS KICKS UP SUCH A ROW, AND MAKES HISSELF SO DISAGREEABLE, JUST GOT IN!" _Driver._ "OH, HAS HE? I'VE A DOOCED GOOD MIND TO PITCH HIM OVER, AND BREAK HIS STUPID OLD 'ED!!"] [Illustration: _GAMMON._ _Ostler._ "PLEASE TO TAKE 'IM GENTLY OVER THE WOOD-PAVEMENT, SIR; FOR HE'S WERRY FRESH THIS MORNING."] [Illustration: _BALLOONING._] [Illustration: _EVIL COMMUNICATIONS._ (AFTER A GREAT DEAL OF COAXING AND PERSUASION, MASTER TOM IS PREVAILED UPON TO PAY HIS QUARTERLY VISIT TO THE DENTIST. INCONSIDERATE AND VULGAR STREET BOYS UNFORTUNATELY PASS AT THE MOMENT HIS OBJECTIONS ARE OVERCOME). _First Inconsiderate Street Boy._ "OH CRIKEY! IF HERE AIN'T A CHAP GOIN' TO HAVE A GRINDER OUT. MY EYE, WHAT FANGS!" _Second Inconsiderate Do. Do._ "OH, I WOULDN'T BE 'IM. WON'T THERE BE A SCR-E-W-A-U-N-CH NEETHER!" [_And of course_ MASTER TOM _relapses into his previous very obstinate state._] [Illustration: _WHO WOULDN'T KEEP A FOOTMAN?_] [Illustration: _DELIGHTFUL OUT-DOOR EXERCISE IN WARM WEATHER._ RUNNING AFTER "ANOTHER FOUR!" AT CRICKET, AMIDST DERISIVE SHOUTS OF "NOW THEN, BUTTERFINGERS!"--"OH! OH!"--"THROW IT IN! LOOK SHARP!"--"QUICK! IN WITH IT!" &C., &C.] [Illustration: _A SMART YOUTH._ _Old Gentleman._ "BLESS MY HEART! THIS VIBRATION OF THE CARRIAGE IS VERY UNUSUAL! PRAY, MY LITTLE MAN, HAVE YOU ANY APPREHENSION OF ACCIDENTS ON RAILWAYS?" _Juvenile._ "OH, NONE IN THE LEAST; AND ESPECIALLY WITH SUCH A FAT OLD BUFFER AS YOU TO BE SHOT AGAINST."] [Illustration: _AN UNREASONABLE COMPLAINT._ _Indignant Party._ "WHAT? A SHILLING FOR THE TWO MILES, AND A SIXPENCE BESIDES! WHY, YOU DON'T CALL ME AN EXTRA PERSON?" _Cabman._ "OH! DON'T I THO!"] [Illustration: _BY THE "SAD SEA WAVES."_ TABLEAU REPRESENTING A YOUNG GENTLEMAN, WHO FANCIES HE IS ALONE, AND TAKES THE OPPORTUNITY OF GOING THROUGH THE LAST SCENE OF "_LUCIA_." _N.B. The Young Gentleman's voice is of the most feeble and uncertain quality._] THE GREAT CHARTIST DEMONSTRATION. [Illustration: No. I.--_A LOYAL CITIZEN._ _Magistrate._ "NOW, SIR, WHAT DO YOU WANT?" _Nervous Gent._ "I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR; BUT I WISH TO BE SWORN IN AS A CH-CH-CHARTIST--I MEAN AS A SP-SP-SPECIAL C-CONSTABLE!"] [Illustration: NO. II.-_SPECIAL CONSTABLE GOING ON DUTY._ _Time--Two in the Morning._ _Captain of the Beat._ "OH! WE HAVE JUST LOOKED IN TO SAY THAT IT IS YOUR TURN TO GO ON DUTY. THE ROOKERY AT THE BACK OF SLAUGHTER'S ALLEY IS YOUR BEAT, I BELIEVE. YOU WILL LOSE NO TIME, IF YOU PLEASE. FOR ITS A DREADFUL NEIGHBOURHOOD, AND ALL THE POLICE HAVE BEEN WITHDRAWN--INDEED, SEVERAL MOST BRUTAL AND SAVAGE ATTACKS HAVE TAKEN PLACE ALREADY!"] [Illustration: No. III.--_DISTRIBUTION OF THE STAVES._] [Illustration: No. IV.--_PREPARING FOR ACTION._ SPECIAL CONSTABLE DRYING HIS GUNPOWDER IN THE FRYING-PAN.] [Illustration: No. V.--_RELIEF DUTY._ _Special's Wife._ "CONTRARY TO REGULATIONS, INDEED! FIDDLESTICKS! I MUST INSIST, FREDERICK, UPON YOUR TAKING THIS HOT BRANDY-AND-WATER. I SHALL BE HAVING YOU LAID UP NEXT, AND NOT FIT FOR ANYTHING."] THE GREAT CHARTIST DEMONSTRATION. [Illustration: No. VI.--_IN ACTION._ _Special Constable._ "NOW MIND, YOU KNOW--IF I KILL YOU, IT'S NOTHING; BUT IF YOU KILL ME, BY JINGO, IT'S MURDER."] [Illustration: No. VII.--_OUT OF WORK._ _First._ "TALK OF INTERRUPTION TO BUSINESS! VY, I GIVE YER MY VORD OF HONOUR, THAT WOT WITH THEM SPECIALS AND THE REGLAR CRUSHERS, I AIN'T SO MUCH AS PRIGGED A SINGLE HANDKERCHER FOR A VEEK." _Second._ "OH, IT'S ENUFF TO MAKE VUN TURN RESPECTABLE."] [Illustration: No. VIII.--_AN AGREEABLE DUTY._ _Special Constable._ "I BEG YOUR PARDON, YOUNG LADIES, BUT YOURS IS A VERY DANGEROUS PROCESSION, AND WE MUST TAKE YOU IN CHARGE--WE MUST, INDEED."] THE GREAT CHARTIST DEMONSTRATION. [Illustration: No. IX.--_THE BEGINNING AND THE END._ _Leader._ "HOORAY! VEEVE LER LIBERTY!! HARM YOURSELVES!!! TO THE PALIS!! DOWN WITH HEAVERYTHINK!!!!" _Leader._ "OH, SIR--PLEASE SIR--IT AIN'T ME, SIR--I'M FOR 'GOD SAVE THE QUEEN' AND 'RULE BRITANNIER.' BOO-HOO--OH DEAR! OH DEAR!!" [_Bursts into tears._] [Illustration: _HEROISM._ JOHN THOMAS, THE BELGRAVIAN FLUNKEY, AS HE APPEARED WHILE THE MOB WERE BREAKING HIS MISSUSSES WINDOWS.] [Illustration: _ADVANTAGES OF THE NEW POSTAL ARRANGEMENTS._] [Illustration: _STUNNING POLITENESS._] [Illustration: _LITERARY CHIT-CHAT._ "IS THIS A LIBERY?" "YES." "THEN LET ME HAVE THE LAST NUMBER OF HEMILY FITZ HOSBORN."] [Illustration: _THE GREAT LINEN-DRAPERY NUISANCE._ _First Linen-draper._ "WHAT'S THE NEXT ARTICLE, SIR?"--_Victim._ "NOTHING MORE, THANK YOU."--_Second Linen-draper._ "WE'VE SOME SWEET THINGS IN SHAWLS, SIR--QUITE NEW."--_Third Linen-draper._ "ALLOW ME, SIR, TO TEMPT YOU WITH ONE OF THESE BEAUTIFUL HANDKERCHIEFS."--_Fourth Linen-draper._ "THESE DRESSES, SIR." &c.--_Fifth Linen-draper._ "HERE ARE LADIES' APRONS, SIR, MOST BEAUTIFULLY WORKED, QUITE ELEGANT, VERY TASTY, AND FASHIONABLE," &c. [VICTIM _resolves never to enter the shop again._] [Illustration: _AN AMBITIOUS YOUTH._ _Old Gentleman._ "NOW, AUGUSTUS; WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE?" _Augustus._ "I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD LIKE--BUT YOU WOULDN'T LET ME." _Old Gent._ "WHAT IS IT--A LAWYER?" _Aug._ "NO: IT AIN'T A LAWYER." _Old Gent._ "A SURGEON?" _Aug._ "NO." _Old Gent._ "A PARSON?" _Aug._ "NO." _Old Gent._ "A SOLDIER?" _Aug._ "NO." _Old Gent._ "WHAT, THEN?" _Aug._ "WHY--A CLOWN AT ASTLEY'S."] [Illustration: _APPEARANCES ARE DECEPTIVE._ _Officer (loq)._ "WELL, MY FINE FELLOW, SO YOU'VE BEEN IN THE REGULAR ARMY?--IN THE WARS, TOO, I SEE--EH?" _Stout Yeoman._ "NOA, COLONEL, I NEVER WASN'T IN NO WARS; BUT MY OLD SOW GAINED A SILVER MEDAL LAST COUNTY AGRICULTURAL SOCIETY, SO I THO'T AS O'W I MIGHT WEAR UN!"] [Illustration: _THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT._ MASTER SMITH, AS HE APPEARED TRYING TO FORCE HIS MOUSTACHES FOR THE BROWNS' PARTY.] [Illustration: _THE WEDDING-DAY--FIRST ANNIVERSARY._ PRESENTS--BEAUTIFUL BOUQUET OF FLOWERS FROM COVENT GARDEN, AND SUCH A LOVELY BRACELET!"] [Illustration: _OXFORD COSTUME._ _First Swell._ "AWFUL SHIRT! EH?" _Second ditto._ "YA'AS, LINEN'S SO DEUCED COMMON NOW--I'M GOING TO SPORT EMBROIDERED SILK." _First Ditto._ "HAH! CHEESY IDEA TOO! BUT OUR GILLS WANT ELEVATING!"] [Illustration: _THE WEDDING-DAY--FOURTEENTH ANNIVERSARY._ PRESENTS--BEAUTIFUL BUNDLE OF ASPARAGUS FROM COVENT GARDEN, AND THE NICEST DOUBLE PERAMBULATOR IN THE WORLD!!] [Illustration: _NOT THE FIRST TIME._ "I BEG YOUR PARDON, MA'AM, BUT I THINK YOU DROPPED THIS."] [Illustration: _OUR LAZY CONTRIBUTOR._ "PLEASE, SIR, HERE'S THE PRINTER'S BOY CALLED AGAIN." "OH, BOTHER! SAY I'M BUSY."] [Illustration: _WHICH IS BEST?_ _Matilda._ "I WONDER, MARIA, YOU DON'T PUT AUGUSTUS INTO JACKETS AND TROWSERS; REALLY HE GROWS TOO TALL FOR THAT KIND OF COSTUME." _Maria._ "PERHAPS, MATILDA, YOU WILL BE KIND ENOUGH TO ALLOW ME TO DRESS MY OWN CHILD IN MY OWN WAY. I AM MUCH OBLIGED TO YOU ALL THE SAME. _I_ DON'T LIKE THE PRACTICE _SOME_ PEOPLE HAVE OF DRESSING LITTLE BOYS LIKE LITTLE MEN!!!"] [Illustration: _WHISKERANDOS._ "THERE, MY BOY! IT ISN'T EVERYBODY WHO COULD DO THAT!"] [Illustration: _A DAY'S PLEASURE._ SKETCH OF A "LORD OF THE CREATION" ON HIS RETURN FROM THE DERBY.] [Illustration: _YACHTING._ SPARE BED (BERTH, WE MEAN) ON BOARD OUR FRIEND'S SCHOONER.] [Illustration: _A VERY YOUNG MARINER._] [Illustration: _A YOUNG MARINER._] [Illustration: _AN ANCIENT MARINER._] [Illustration: _A GOOD SIZED FLOAT._ _Little Gent (with undue familiarity)._ "I SAY, MY OLD COCKYWAX,--I S'POSE THE FISH AIN'T VERY LARGE OFF RAMSGIT--ARE THEY?" _Fisherman._ "WELL! I SHOULDN'T SAY AS THEY WAS WERRY SMALL--WHEN WE'RE OBLIGED TO USE SICH FLOATS AS THEM TO OUR FISHIN' TACKLE! MY YOUNG COCKYWAX!" (_Gent is shut up._)] [Illustration: _A SPORTING GENT PRACTISING FOR THE HUNTING SEASON._] [Illustration: _A CURIOUS PERSON._] [Illustration: _MICHAELMAS DAY. THE CHEAP TAILOR'S GOOSE PROVIDES HIMSELF WITH A SHOOTING JACKET AND VEST._] [Illustration: _"MUSIC HATH CHARMS," &C._] [Illustration: _THE STAG AT BAY._] [Illustration: _CLOSE OF THE SEASON--THE LONDON FOOTMAN EXHAUSTED._] [Illustration: _BEGINNING FIRES FOR THE WINTER--SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE CHIMNEY._ _Sweep (loq.)._ "THIS CHIMLE ALWAYS WAS A BAD UN TO SMOKE, SIR; THE PARTY AS LIVED HERE BEFORE YOU CAME HAD A DEAL OF TROUBLE WITH IT."] [Illustration: _AN ASSOCIATION FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF SCIENCE ON AN EXCURSION._] [Illustration: _AMUSEMENT FOR A RAINY DAY._ _Clara._ "I SAY, GUS--COME HERE! STAND STILL AND OPEN YOUR MOUTH, AND WE'LL DROP CHOCOLATE INTO IT. WE'VE NOTHING TO DO!" _GUS._ "ALL RIGHT, GIRLS! FIRE AWAY!" [_After an hour of this interesting occupation, Gus retires slightly uncomfortable._] [Illustration: _POTICHOMANIA (THE ART OF DECORATING GLASS)_, AS CARRIED OUT BY MASTER TOM DURING THE EASTER HOLIDAYS.] INDEX. PORTRAIT OF JOHN LEECH, _Frontispiece._ YEAR PAGE ADVANTAGES of the new Postal arrangements 1845 272 Advice Gratis 1852 62 Affair of Importance, An 1852 12 After the Pantomime 1853 70 Aged Juvenile, An 1846 223 Aggravating--Rather 1850 151 Agony Column 1849 262 Agricultural Distress 1851 129 Agricultural Distress Dodge, The 1851 185 Alarming 1850 50 Alarming 1852 78 Alarming Effect produced by imprudently trying the Hat and Table-moving Experiment 1853 164 Alarming Intelligence 1852 30 Alarming Message, An 1842 222 Alarming Occurrence 1850 11 Alarming Symptoms 1846 10 Alderman's Advice to his Son, The 1851 37 All is fair in Love, &c 1855 255 All is Vanity 1852 176 Ambitious Youth, An 1848 273 Amusement for a Rainy Day 1863 280 An Exclusive 1852 112 An Impossibility 1846 263 Analogy 1850 113 Ancient Impostor, An 1852 170 Ancient Mariner, An 1852 277 And here are the Girls in the Round Hats 1855 169 Anglers hear Strange Things 1845 36 Angling in the Serpentine 1851 102 Another Bit from the Mining Districts 1854 121 Another Bit of Serious Pantomime 1852 168 Another Innocent and Amusing, &c 1848 48 Anxious Moment, An 1853 204 Appearances are Deceptive 1850 274 Appropriate 1855 251 Aquatics 1855 169, 216, 226 Arithmetic at the University 1851 134 Artful Excuse, An 1847 94 Ascot, At 1852 218 Association for the Advancement of Science on an Excursion, An 1846 279 Awful Appearance of a "Wopps" 1849 213 Awful Instance of Perception, &c. 1849 55 Awful Occurrence at an Evening Party 1851 38 Awful Position during a Storm 1846 77 Awful Scene on the Chain Pier, Brighton 1846 50 Awkward 1855 49 Awkward Consequence of removing the Soldiers from Knightsbridge 1851 257 BACHELOR Housekeeping 1852 263 Back View, A 1854 211 Ballooning 1850 266 Bands of Hope, The 1852 56 Barrack Life 1851 58 Bath at Boulogne, A 1853 165 Battle of the Pianos, The 1855 250 Battledore and Shuttlecock 1854 220 Beard and Moustache Movement, The 1853 140 Beard Movement, The 1854 49 Beginning Fires for the Winter--something wrong with the Chimney 1846 279 Best of Both Worlds 1848 84 Best Preventive against Sea-sickness: I., II., III. 1855 163 Betting Fever, The 1852 265 Birthday, The 1853 88 Bit from the Mining Districts 1854 121 Bit of his Mind, A 1853 222 Bit of Serious Pantomime, A 1855 168 Bitter Sarcasm 1850 27 Bless the Boy! 1850 15 Boat for an Hour, A 1846 151 "Bolted!" 1852 265 Bon-bon from a Juvenile Party, A 1851 17, 90 Bottom-Fishing 1855 118 Bribery is detestable, but Politeness costs Nothing 1847 183 Brilliant Idea, A 1854 259 British Ruffian, A 1852 132 Briton Abroad, The 1853 124 Brook Green Volunteer, The 1846 155, 157, 159, 173, 174, 175, 177 Brutal Fellow, A 1853 46 By the "Sad Sea Waves" 1854 268 CANDID 1848 127 Capital Offer, A 1854 208 Caught 1847 98 Cause for Reproof, A 1847 257 Caution to a Little Boy at a Festive Season, A 1853 119 Changing the Subject 1848 122 Châtelaine, The 1849 64 Cheap Day's Hunting, A 1849 184-5 Church and State 1851 57 Close of the Season--The London Footman exhausted 1846 279 Cold Comfort 1849 139 Coming to the Point 1848 19 Coming Home 1853 86 Comparative Love 1851 174 Complimentary 1850 65 Complimentary 1855 261 Compliments 1854 246 Confound the Shops 1852 54 Conscientious Stable Keeper, The 1853 68 Consols at 90, Consols at 80 1848 167 Consolation 1845 118 Constitutional Walk, The 1853 258 Cool Assurance 1854 205 Correct Mode of Riding in Rotten Row 1851 7 Country Ball, A 1851 128 Country Races 1854 243 Court Dress, A 1848 5 Cruel 1851 6 Cruel 1853 110 Curious Mode of Conducting a Retail Establishment 1855 225 Curious Person, A 1852 278 Cut Him down Behind 1852 53 DAY'S Pleasure, A 1851 276 Dear Delights of Britain's Summer Fields, The 1852 173 "De Gustibus," &c., &c. 1846 16 De Gustibus 1851 127 Delicate 1852 54 Delicacy of the Season 1852 56 Delicious Morsel, A 1846 25 Delicious Sail off Dover, A 1854 87 Delights of Travel 1846 162 Delightful Outdoor Exercise 1854 267 Delusion, A 1855 207 Derby Epidemic 1846 14 Did you Ever? 1851 4 Difference of View 1847 176 Different Opinions 1851 69 Different People have Different Opinions 1852 26 Discernment 1853 48 Distraction 1847 86 Distressing Result of Emigration 1851 146 Distwessing--Vewy 1853 66 Division of Labour 1853 89 Docile Husband, The 1847 258 Dog Days 1853 77 Doing a Little Bill 1846 20 Doing it Thoroughly 1855 153 Domestic Bliss 1847 36, 147 Domestic Bliss 1848 24 Domestic Event in the Zoological Gardens 1850 166-7 Domestic Sanitary Regulations 1850 125 Doubtful 1850 257 Drawing-room Entertainment, A 1853 219 Dreadful Crisis 1848 105 Dreadful Destitution 1848 209 Dreadful Shock to the Nerves, A 1846 52 Dumb Waiter, A 1849 33 During the Frost a certain Foxhunter increases in weight, and gets too big for his clothes 1854 138 EARLY Education 1852 183 Easily Pleased 1852 56 Easily Satisfied 1852 52 Easy Shaving 1852 134 Easy Forecast, An 1853 244 Educational Movement 1848 253 Effects of Salt Water, as observed at the Regatta Ball 1852 227 Elegant and Rational Costume for Close Weather 1850 135 Elegant Habit 1853 112 Encouraging 1852 4 End of a Five Minutes' Burst, The 1847 178 Energetic 1850 99 Enter Mr. Bottles the Butler 1854 47 Enthusiastic Fisherman, An 1849 127 Evening Parties 1849 25 Evil Communications 1854 267 Every Little Helps 1850 108 Excellent Wine, An 1846 35 Excessively Polite 1851 68 Excited Nimrod, An 1853 254 Experienced Veteran, An 1854 259 Extreme Delicacy 1848 260 Extremes Meet 1845 214 Eye to Business, An 1845 75 FACT, A 1854 128 False Position, A 1853 85 Familiarity 1846 251 Fancy Dress Ball 1846 62 Fancy Portrait 1852 11 Fashionable Intelligence 1845 6 Fashionable Intelligence 1845 151 Fashions, The 1850 24 Fashions for Fast Men 1847 205 Fashions in Pins, A 1845 32 Faulty Mirror, A 1850 116 Filling up the Census Paper 1851 131 Fine Business, indeed, the Wretch! 1855 247 Fine Disposition, A 1848 63 Fish Dinner, The 1846 14 Fishing off a Watering Place 1852 83 Fishing off Brighton 1846 151 Fishing with Flies 1851 141 Flowers of the French Army 1851 76 Fly-Fishing 1853 156, 254 Folkestone, Arrival of the Boat 1852 203 Foolish and a Betting Man, A 1852 263 Foreigner of Distinction 1852 70 Fox steals away from Cover 1851 106 Fragment, A 1847 84 Fresh Morning 1854 247 Friendly but very Unpleasant 1855 244 Frightful! 1855 206 Frightful upset of Dignity 1852 148 From a Beautiful Miniature 1843 34 From the Mining Districts 1855 241 GALLANTRY 1851 32 Gammon 1847 266 Garret and the Conservatory, The 1852 124 Gay Young Fellow, A 1851 16 Genteel Practice 1846 26 Gentle Craft, The 1853 104 Glorious News 1846 74 Going out Arresting 1846 244 Going out to an "At Home" 1852 130 Going to Cover 1852 72 Gold Fish at Hampton Court, The 1846 65 Good Little Boy, The 1850 26 Good Reasons 1852 224 Good-sized Float, A 1852 277 Gorgeous Spectacle 1854 248 Grandmamma is supposed, &c 1851 115 Grand Show of Prize Vegetarians 1852 117 Great Bargain, A 1854 171 Great Chartist Demonstration, The 1848 269, 270, 271, 272 Great Exhibition, Memorials of the 1851 228-240 Great Linen-drapery Nuisance, The 1847 273 Great Loss, A 1852 52 Great Mental Effort, A 1853 85 Great Misfortune, A 1847 245 Great Want of Veneration 1844 22 Greenwich Dinner, The 1853 9 Greenwich Fair, At 1846 182 Gross Insult 1852 126 Gross Offence, A 1848 97 Groundless Alarm 1850 156 Grouse Shooting late in the Season--Jolly, Very 1854 179 HACK for the Day, A 1853 8 Hall along of them Betting Offices 1852 46 Hansom Offer, A 1852 252 Hard Rider, A 1854 89 Hat Moving Experiment, The 1853 172 Heart-Breaking 1854 215 Heavy Blow, A 1852 136 Heroism 1855 272 Highland Game in a London Street, A 1849 14 Highly Interesting 1852 76 Home for the Holidays 1848 22 Honeymoon, The 1850 79 Hooking and Eyeing 1851 16 Horrible Business, A 1851 142 Horrible Idea, A 1855 247 Horrible Incident in Real Life 1852 116 Housemaids Refusing Service 1852 114 How do you like it? 1850 135 How Kind 1854 203 How to Dress a Lobster 1851 62 How to Escape from a Scolding Wife 1847 221 How to get a Connection 1854 222 How to Get Rid of a Gratis Patient 1846 14 How to Flatter a Gent 1854 253 How to make a Châtelaine, &c 1849 90 How to make Culprits Comfortable 1849 137 How No 4 Enjoyed Himself, and How No 8 Suffered in Consequence 1850 142 How to Suit the Taste 1846 12 How to Take Care of the Children 1852 177 Humorous Customer, A 1853 181 Hunting Memorandum 1853 100 IMPENDING Disaster, An 1847 82 Improvement in Irish Affairs 1854 217 Impudence 1848 248 Impudent Minx, An 1852 64 In a very Bad Way 1853 205 In Camp, Hospitality 1853 85 In for It 1844 7 Indiscretion 1855 224 Influenza, The 1847 262 Information 1846 126 Ingenious Fellow, An 1851 95 Ingenious Idea 1853 67 Innocence 1847 24 Innocent and Amusing Little Trick 1848 48 Inquiring Mind, An 1847 261 Insulting a Scotchman 1854 264 Interesting 1852 148 Interesting Scene During the Canvas 1852 20 Interesting Story, The 1850 31 Irish Hotel, An 1846 217 Is it So? 1849 150 JACK Tar, A 1850 37 Jealousy 1850 16 Jealousy 1854 259 John Thomas Misplaced 1848 114 Jolly Dog, A 1850 64 Joys of Ocean, The 1848 6 Judicious 1856 223 Just Like Him 1851 154 Just the Man 1852 30 KNOWLEDGE is Power 1853 90 LADIES of the Creation 1851 186 -199 La Mode 1852 32 Late Arrival, A 1851 3 Large Bump of Caution, A 1855 215 Laying the Dust 1850 66 Left-handed Compliment, A 1853 45 Literal 1854 46 Literary Chit-chat 1842 273 Little Bit of Humbug, A 1851 57 Little Surprise, A 1847 19 Little Women 1849 96 London Gent Abroad, A 1851 12 Long Vacation 1847 161 Long Vacation in Arcadia, The 1844 148 Look before you Leap 1848 202 Lost One, The 1849 34 Love on the Ocean 1845 73 Lucid Explanation, A 1849 262 Lumping Penn'orth, A 1845 50 MAKING the Best of it 1845 115 Making the Best of it 1856 218 Making the Most of it 1845 12 Mal Apropos 1849 28 Man about Town, A 1846 60 Man in Brass lamenting the Decline of the Lord Mayor's Show, The 1850 264 Man of Feeling, A 1848 84 Man of Opinion, A 1852 258 Manly Sorrow 1850 182 Manners make the Man 1852 100 March of Luxury 1846 245 Master of the Situation 1848 158 Maternal Solicitude 1849 10 May Day 1852 183 May Difference of Opinion, &c. 1846 38 Meeting him Halfway 1848 123 Melancholy Reverse of Fortune 1846 127 Melancholy Scene at the Opera on a crowded Night 1847 182 Men of Business 1849 36 Men of Experience 1846 108 Men of the World 1852 123 Mermaids at Play 1848 18 Michaelmas Day. The cheap Tailor 1847 278 Might is Right 1853 160 Might _versus_ Right 1846 251 Misplaced Confidence 1849 207 Mistaken Impression, A 1855 223 Mr. Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping 1849 21, 23, 25, 27, 29, 31, 33 Mr. Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping 1849-50 35, 37, 39, 40, 53, 55, 57, 59, 171 Mr. Briggs's Pleasures of Hunting 1849-51 61, 63, 65, 67, 69, 71, 73, 75, 77, 79, 80, 93, 95 Mr. Briggs's Pleasures of Fishing 1850-51 97, 99, 101, 103, 105, 107 Mr. Briggs's Pleasures of Shooting 1850 51, 109, 111, 113, 115, 117, 119, 139, 141 Mr. Briggs's Pleasures of Racing 1851 143, 144, 145 Misunderstanding 1853 264 More Free than Welcome 1849 82 Morning after The Derby, The 1853 60 Most Alarming Swelling, A 1850 126 Most Distressing 1855 253 Moustache Movement 1854 210, 220, 274 Mr. 'Arry Belville on the Continent Generally 1853 201 Mr. Punch's Fancy Ball 1847 41-44 Mr. Verdant's First Attempt at Book-making 1853 60 Much too Clever 1850 100 Much too Considerate 1850 32 Murder will out 1852 20 "Music hath Charms," &c. 1854 278 Mysterious Visitor, A 1854 162 NATIVE Politeness 1855 248 Never Satisfied 1848 39 New Act, The 1853 47 New Arrival, The 1849 227 New Bonnet, The 1853 85 New Cricketing Dresses to Protect all England against the present swift bowling 1854 168 New Groom, The 1851 170 New Hunter, The 1848 70 New Purchase, The 1855 152 Nice Game at Billiards, A 1853 91 Nice Team, A 1852 259 No Doubt 1849 67 No News is Good News 1850 93 No Place like Home 1853 104 North East Wind 1851 58 Not a difficult Thing to Foretell 1851 75 Not the First Time 1855 275 Not to be played with 1848 58 Not very likely 1850 108 Not what he wanted 1851 153 Not yet 1851 76 Nothing like knowing the Country 1854 204 Nothing like Prudence 1849 114 Nothing like System 1847 214 Nothing like Warm Bathing 1846 28 OCEAN Swell, An 1848 111 Of Course 1851 46 Off the Foreland 1846 227 Oh! 1854 212 Oh, the Curtains! 1853 86 Old Gentleman is in a hurry to get to the Station 1853 141 Omnibus Incident, An 1846 112 One of the Effects of the Blackguard Betting Offices 1852 265 Only a Penny! 1851 158 On the Moors 1854 202 Ornament to Society, An 1852 160 Opera, The 1846 181 Opera, The 1851 132 Our Boys 1853 210 Our English Climate 1847 143 Our Foreign Visitors 1851 131 Our Friend Belville airs his French at Boulogne 1854 201 Our Lazy Contributor 1846 276 Our National Defences 1848 26 Our "Used-up" Man takes a Walk with his Cousins 1850 213 Our Young People 1847 96 Out of Town 1849 165 Overtaken by the Tide, Margate 1848 226 Oxford Costume 1853 275 Oysters in June--Delicious! 1852 136 PATERFAMILIAS makes himself independent of Hotels 1854 123 Peppering a Gent 1849 266 Perfect Sincerity; or, Thinkings Aloud 1849 180, 181, 262 Perils of a Court Presentation, The 1855 206 Personal Opinion, A 1846 96 Philosopher, A 1852 10 Pic-nic, The 1851 106 Picture, A 1853 51 Pike is a voracious Fish, The 1852 90 Pity is Akin to Love 1846 112 Pity the Sorrows of the Poor Police 1852 13 Plain Speaking 1848 61 Playful Creature, A 1853 59 Pleasing Delusion, A 1846 220 Pleasant 1852 92, 120 Pleasant 1855 264 Pleasant State of Things, A 1846 40 Pleasant Street Game 1850 20 Pleasures of Housekeeping 1849 255 Pleasures of the Studio 1852 174 Pledge of Affection, A 1847 209 Poor Tommy 1852 54 Pop! 1844 34 Portrait of a Lady 1852 154 Potichomania 1855 280 Poultry Fancies 1853 224 Poultry Fancies--the Pets 1853 252 Poultry Mania, The 1853 260 Preparing for the Derby 1852 176 Pride 1845 150 Private and Confidential 1852 214 Private Opinion, A 1846 119 Private Theatricals 1854 81 Probable Effect of Cheap Furniture 1846 64 Probable Result of the Cochin China Fowl Mania 1853 249 Prodigious! 1847 15 Prodigious Nuisance, A 1852 136 Professional Man, A 1850 17 Professor Buckwheat Impressing, &c. 1845 130 Progress of Slang, The 1847 38 Proper Pride 1849 30 Propriety 1848 5 Prudence and Imprudence 1847 243 Prudent Resolve, A 1853 98 Punctuality is the Soul of Business 1845 214 Putting his Foot in it 1852 18 Puzzling Order, A 1846 92 QUIET Weed, A 1852 15 Quite a Novelty 1854 225 Quite Unnecessary 1848 108 RAILWAY Literature 1852 45 Railway Miseries 1845 241 Rather a Bad Look-out 1849 52 Rather a Drop 1855 184 Rather Awkward for Tomkins 1855 129 Rather Severe 1852 116 Rather Suspicious 1850 50 Real Difficulty, A 1848 120 Real Enjoyment 1849 34 Real Flower Show, The 1855 190 Reduced Circumstances 1846 257 Reflection, A 1849 170 Regular Customer, A 1852 30 Religion à la Mode 1850 74 Remonstrance 1853 185 Removing 1847 178-9 Return from a Masquerade 1844 256 Returning from the Seaside 1846 101 Reward of Merit 1851 110 Rising Generation, The 1846 109 Rising Generation, The 1847 35, 73 Rising Generation, The 1851 66 Road-side on the Derby Day, The 1850 146 Romance and Reality 1852 13 Romance of Roast Ducks, A 1848 78 Room for Improvement 1850 134 Rough Country, A 1847 256 Round Hat, The, Laden with Novels in a Storm 1854 87 Ruling Passion, The 1846 28 SAILORS on Shore Carousing 1850 137 St. Bernard Mastiff, The 1853 242 Savage Reproof, A 1854 149 Scene.--Bureau of the Chiefs of the Douanes 1853 201 Scene on the English Coast 1855 208 Scene--Westminster Bridge 1853 69 Sea-side Hat, The 1854 221, 247 Sea-side Literature for Young Ladies 1849 147 Sea-side. Saturday Evening 1848 216 Sea-side. The Bathing Hour 1855 152 Seasonable Question 1850 132 Self-Esteem 1848 126 Sell, A 1851 150 Servantgalism 1853 212, 217, 218, 221, 222, 242 Shakespeare a little altered 1845 172 Silver Age, The 1853 162 Sketch at Ramsgate, A 1852 51 Sketch from Nature, A 1845 66 Sketch near Burton Crescent 1847 38 Sketch of Character by, &c. 1850 95 Small by Degrees and beautifully Less 1855 219 Smart Youth, A 1847 267 Snow-Flakes 1853 88 Snuffed out 1851 3 Social Struggles 1852 212 So fond of it 1851 175 Solicitude 1849 48 Something like a Brother 1852 33 Something like a Holiday 1845 22 Sometimes you "pick up" Hunters for next to nothing 1847 261 Son and Heir 1853 72 Sound Advice 1852 76 Speak as you Think 1849 142 Speculators 1846 17 Spelling a Newspaper 1842 180 Splendid Day with the "Queen's" 1848 105 Sporting Character, A 1847 131 Sporting Extraordinary 1852 8 Sporting Gent practising for the Season 1847 278 Sporting Intelligence 1852 102 Stag at Bay, The 1845 278 Startling Effect of the "Gold Diggings" 1852 134 Startling Request, A 1846 53 Starved-out Alderman, The 1845 111 Steeple-Chase, The 1853 200 Strange, but True 1850 74 Street Dialogue 1843 98 Strong Assertion 1853 9 Study of an Elderly Female, &c. 1853 180 Stunning Politeness 1856 273 Subject for a Picture 1851 45 Suburban Felicity, Gratifying Domestic (Poultry) Incident 1854 138 Suggestion, A 1848 93 Suggestive of a Picturesque Figure 1849 256 Summer in Elysium 1852 148 Symptoms of Wet Weather 1846 13 TAKING Change 1850 31 Taking it Coolly 1852 4 Taste 1853 60 Taste in the Drawing-room, Villikins and his Dinah 1854 250 Tempus Edax Rerum 1852 78 Terrible Accident 1855 227 Terrible Domestic Incident 1849 130 Test of Gallantry, The 1845 4 Test of Strength, A 1854 135 Thames Fishing 1851 71 That is the Question 1852 133 Thorough Good Cook, A 1855 125 Those Shocking Clubs 1855 205 Tight Fit, A 1846 92 Too Civil by Half 1852 70 Too Faithful Portrait, The 1850 209 Too Popular by Half 1847 250 Topsy Turveydom 1850 158 Touching Simplicity 1856 223 Town and Country 1852 81 Travellers' Requisites 1854 253 Trial-for-Murder Mania, The 1849 161 Troops and the Weather, The 1845 29 True Politeness 1851 140 True Respectability 1850 131 Truth is Great 1854 207 Turfites 1853 132 UNDENIABLE 1845 185 Undesigned Incident, An 1853 103 Unfeeling Observation 1847 7 Unlucky 1847 24 Unreasonable Complaint, An 1853 268 Unseasonable Sport 1852 133 Up to Weight 1854 121 Used up 1851 98 Useful if not Ornamental 1855 211 Useless Information 1851 172 VALUABLE Animal, A 1852 6 Valuable Hint 1849 94 Very Accommodating 1853 249 Very Acute 1852 74 Very Considerate 1852 122 Very Fine Fruit 1848 10 Very Fine Gentlemen 1848 91 Very Fine Talking 1846 11 Very Great Man, A 1854 216 Very Kind 1854 164 Very Low People 1852 54 Very Old Soldier, A 1846 39 Very Particular 1855 210 Very Proper Diet for Hot Weather 1852 62 Very Vulgar Subject, A 1853 86 Very Young Mariner, A 1854 277 Victim of Circumstances, A 1847 225 Victim of Pleasure, A 1854 215 Visit to the Antediluvian Reptiles at Sydenham, A 1854 246 WAITING for a Dip 1847 154 Waltonians 1852 83 We All have our Troubles 1852 28 Wedding Day, The 1855 275 Weighty Matter, A 1851 91 Wellington Statue, The 1846 260 What a Dreadful Story! 1854 149 What is This? 1849 36 What they said to Themselves 1852 5 What will He do with Them? 1855 241 What's the Matter? 1849 255 When it is Delightful to Lose a Bet 1853 110 Where Ignorance is not Bliss 1848 245 Which is Best? 1849 276 Whiskerandos 1854 276 Who wouldn't keep a Footman? 1850 267 Wholesome Prejudice 1850 176 Why, Indeed? 1855 122 Wiser and a Better Man, A 1852 263 Wounded Pride 1850 156 YACHTING 1854 276 Young Affection 1844 162 Young Gentleman and Scholar, A 1846 133 Young Mariner, A 1852 277 Young Patrician, A 1853 177 Young Philosopher, A 1847 215 Youth at the Prow, and Pleasure at the Helm 1854 248 [Illustration: END OF VOL. I.] LONDON: BRADBURY. AGNEW, & CO., PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS. [Transcriber's Note: Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation are as in the original.] *** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JOHN LEECH'S PICTURES OF LIFE AND CHARACTER, VOL. 1 (OF 3) *** Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed. Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. 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