The Project Gutenberg eBook of Animal Analogues: Verses and Illustrations This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook. Title: Animal Analogues: Verses and Illustrations Author: Robert Williams Wood Release date: June 22, 2013 [eBook #43013] Language: English Credits: Produced by Melissa McDaniel and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive) *** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ANIMAL ANALOGUES: VERSES AND ILLUSTRATIONS *** Produced by Melissa McDaniel and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive) Transcriber's Note: Inconsistent hyphenation and spelling in the original document have been preserved. Italic text is denoted by _underscores_. Animal Analogues. [Illustration] Verses and Illustrations By Robert Williams Wood. Author of "How To Tell The Birds From the Flowers." Published by Paul Elder and Company. San Francisco and New York. Copyright 1908 By Paul Elder and Company. Contents. Page. The Bee--The Beet--The Beetle. 1. The Ant--The Pheas-ant. 2. The Bunny--The Tunny. 3. The Eel--The Eelephant. 4. The Puss--The Octo-pus. 5. The Gnu--The Newt. 6. The Hare--The Harrier. 8. The Pipe-fish--The Sea-gar. 9. The Cow--The Cowry. 10. The Doe--The Dodo. 11. The Ray--The Raven. 12. The Coot--The Bandicoot. 14. The Ape--The Grape. 16. The Elk--The Whelk. 17. The Cross-Bill--The Sweet-William. 18. The Pitcher-Plant--The Fly-Catcher. 19. The Antelope--The Cantelope. 20. The P-Cock--The Q-Cumber. 22. The Pen-guin--The Sword-fish. 23. The Yellow-Hammer--The Saw-fish. 24. The Pansy--The Chim-pansy. 26. Naught--Argonaut. 27. Author's Add-end-'em. 28. [Illustration: The Bee. The Beet. The Beetle.] Good Mr. Darwin once contendeds That Beetles were from Bees descended; And as my pictures show, I think, The Beet must be the missing-link. The Sugar-Beet and Honey-Bee Supply the Beetle's pedigree: The family is now complete,-- The Bee, the Beetle and the Beet. [Illustration: The Ant. The Pheas-ant.] The Ant is known by his ant-ennae, Where-as the pheas-ant hasn't any, And that is why he wears, instead, A small red cap upon his head: Without his Fez, indeed the pheasant Would be quite bald and quite un-Pleasant. [Illustration: The Bunny. The Tunny.] The superficial naturalists have often been misled, By failing to dis-crim-inate between the tail and head: It really is unfortunate such carelessness prevails, Because the Bunnies have their heads where Tunnies have their tails. [Illustration: The Eel. The Eelephant.] The marked aversion which we feel, When in the presence of the Eel, Makes many view with consternation, The Elephant's front ele-vation. Such folly must be clearly due To their peculiar point of view. [Illustration: The Puss. The Octo-pus.] The Octo-pus or Cuttle-fish! I'm sure that none of us would wish To have him scuttle 'round the house, Like puss, when she espies a mouse: When you secure your house-hold pet, Be very sure you do not get The Octo-pus, or there may be Dom-es-tic in-_felis_-ity. [Illustration: The Gnu. The Newt.] The Gnu conspicuously wears His coat of gnumerous bristling hairs, While, as we see, the modest Newt Of such a coat is destitute. (I'm only telling this to you, And it is strictly "entre gnu".) In point of fact the Newt is nude, And therefore he does not obtrude, But hides in some secluded gnook, Beneath the surface of the brook: It's almost more than he can bear, To slyly take his breath of air, His need of which is absolute, Because, you see, he is a Pneu-t.[A] [A] This stands for air, like aero-static, Greek--"pneumos"--air--comp-air "pneu-matic". [Illustration] [Illustration: The Hare. The Harrier.] The Harrier, harassed by the Hare, Presents a picture of despair; Altho' as far as I'm concerned, I love to see the tables turned. The Harrier flies with all his might, It is a harum-scare'm flight: I'm not surprised he does not care To meet the fierce pursuing Hare! [Illustration; The Pipe-fish. The Sea-gar.] To smoke a herring is to make A most lamentable mistake, Particularly since there are The Pipe-fish and the long Sea-gar: Bear this in mind when next you wish To smoke your after-dinner fish. [Illustration: The Cow. The Cowry.] The Cowry seems to be, somehow, A sort of mouth-piece for the Cow: A speaking likeness one might say, Which I've endeavored to portray. [Illustration: The Doe. The Dodo.] The Doe and her peculiar _double_ No longer are a source of trouble, Because the Dodo, it appears, Has been extinct for many years. She was too proud to disembark With total strangers in Noah's Ark, And we rejoice because her pride Our Nature book has simplified. [Illustration: The Ray. The Raven.] The Raven is a kind of crow, Immortalized by Mr. Poe, And we are often led astray By its resemblance to the Ray; The one which I denominate, Is termed by fisher-men the Skate; I much prefer the latter phrase, There are so many kinds of Rays: There're Rays of hope, and Rays of light. X Rays, and Rays more _re_-con-dite, Which, though of interest to Science, With Ravens have but small alliance. [Illustration: The Coot. The Bandicoot.] I do not wish to at-tri-bute Importance to the common Coot, Or mud-hen, whom most persons scorn, Because she chanced to be "Earth-born". The small Australian Bandicoots Are said to spring from Kanga-roots, Which roots, as you of course foresee, Are those of their ancestral tree, The motto of which vegetable Is just "O possum"[B] (I am able). [B] The Bandicoot and Kangaroo, As well as the Opossum too, Are relatives because all three Belong to the same family. [Illustration] [Illustration: The Ape. The Grape. To see her shape Invert the ape!] The Apes, from whom we are descended, Hang ape-x down from trees suspended, And since we find them in the trees, We term them arbor-iginees. We all have seen the monkey-shines, Cut up by those who pluck from vines The Grape and then subject its juices To Baccha-nalian abuses. [Illustration: The Elk. The Whelk.] A roar of welkome through the welkin Is certain proof you'll find the Elk "in"; But if you listen to the shell, In which the Whelk is said to dwell, And hear a roar, beyond a doubt It indicates the Whelk is "out". [Illustration: Cross Bill. Sweet William.] No-body but an imbecile Mistakes Sweet William for Cross Bill; And even I can scarcely claim The skill to make them look the same, Which proves there's nothing in a name. [Illustration: The Pitcher Plant. The Fly-Catcher.] The Pitcher Plant we may define, The flower of the base-ball nine; This name perhaps the plant belies, For Pitcher Plants sometimes catch flies; The "Fly"-Catcher we educate To firmly stand behind the plate, To stop, and treat with circumspection, Whatever comes in his direction. [Illustration: The Antelope. The Cantelope.] The Antelope and Cantelope Lie side by side upon the slope, And careless persons might, I fear, Mistake the melon for the deer. If you will tap the Cantelope, reposing on the ground, It does not move, but just emits a melon-choly sound; But should you try, however, to apply a stethoscope, And attempt this auscultation on the antlered Antelope, And should see an imitation of a very rapid flight, And should say, "It is the Antelope!" I think you would be right. [Illustration: The P-Cock. The Q-Cumber.] The striking similarity of this P-Q-liar pair, No longer need en-cumber us or fill us with despair; The P-Cock and the Q-Cumber you never need confuse. If you pay attention to the I's[Illustration] and mind your P's and Q's. [Illustration: The Pen-guin. The Sword-fish.] We have for many years been bored By that old saw about the sword And pen, and now we all rejoice, To see how Nature made her choice: She made, regardless of offendin', The Sword-fish mightier than the Penguin. [Illustration: The Yellow-Hammer.] [Illustration: The Saw-Fish.] The Yellow-Hammer, or the Flicker, More briefly "Golden-winged Wood-picker", My drawing of which _striking_ bird May seem to you perhaps absurd, You even may suspect I stole The idea from some Totem-pole: But when you gaze upon the Fish, You lose all patience and say "Pish! I don't believe you ever saw A Saw-fish look like this, Oh Pshaw! There certainly is some mistake, This is a saw-did Nature fake, In fact a perfect cata-clysm Of fishy Yellow-journalism." [Illustration: The Pansy. The Chim-pansy.] Observe how Nature's necromancies Have clearly painted on the Pansies These almost human counte-nances, In yellow, blue and black nu-ances. The face, however, seems to me To be that of the Chimpanzee, A fact which makes the gentle Pansy Appeal no longer to my fancy. [Illustration: Naught. Nautilus.] The Argonaut or Nautilus, With habits quite adventurous, A combination of a snail, A jelly-fish and paper sail. The parts of him that did not jell Are packed securely in his shell. It is not strange that when I sought To find his double, I found naught. Author's Add-end-'em. If you have read my former words, And learned to recognize the Birds, And how to tell them from Flowers, And know these Analogues of ours, You never need be led astray By Darwin, Audubon, or Gray, Whose writings, though considered classic, Savor some-what of the Jurassic. Your work though is but just begun, While mine, I'm glad to say, is done. To you the field I now leave clear, Upset my ink, and disappear! End of Project Gutenberg's Animal Analogues, by Robert Williams Wood *** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ANIMAL ANALOGUES: VERSES AND ILLUSTRATIONS *** Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed. Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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