The Project Gutenberg eBook of A Defective Santa Claus This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook. Title: A Defective Santa Claus Author: James Whitcomb Riley Illustrator: C. M. Relyea Will Vawter Release date: December 25, 2006 [eBook #20181] Language: English Credits: Produced by Juliet Sutherland, David Garcia and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net *** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A DEFECTIVE SANTA CLAUS *** Produced by Juliet Sutherland, David Garcia and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net [Illustration] A Defective Santa Claus [Illustration] A Defective Santa Claus JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY _With Pictures by_ C. M. RELYEA _and_ WILL VAWTER INDIANAPOLIS THE BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY PUBLISHERS Copyright 1904 James Whitcomb Riley * * * * * December PRESS OF BRAUNWORTH & CO. BOOKBINDERS AND PRINTERS BROOKLYN, N. Y. _DEDICATION_ _To_ HEWITT HANSON HOWLAND WITH HALEST CHRISTMAS GREETINGS AND FRATERNAL _Little Boy! Halloo!--halloo! Can't you hear me calling you?-- Little Boy that used to be, Come in here and play with me._ A Defective Santa Claus [Illustration] A Defective Santa Claus Allus when our Pa he's away Nen Uncle Sidney comes to stay At our house here--so Ma an' me An' Etty an' Lee-Bob won't be Afeard ef anything at night Might happen--like Ma says it might. (Ef _Trip_ wuz _big_, I bet you he 'Uz best watch-dog you ever see!) An' so last winter--ist before It's go' be Chris'mus-Day,--w'y, shore Enough, Pa had to haf to go To 'tend a lawsuit--"An' the snow Ist right fer Santy Claus!" Pa said, As he clumb in old Ayersuz' sled, An' said he's sorry _he_ can't be With us that night--"'Cause," he-says-ee, "Old Santy _might_ be comin' here-- This very night of all the year [Illustration] [Illustration] _I'_ got to be away!--so all You kids must tell him--ef he call-- He's mighty welcome, an' yer Pa He left his love with you an' Ma An' Uncle Sid!" An' clucked, an' leant Back, laughin'--an' away they went! An' Uncle wave' his hands an' yells "Yer old horse ort to have on bells!" But Pa yell back an' laugh an' say "I 'spect when _Santy_ come this way It's time enough fer sleighbells nen!" An' holler back "Good-by!" again, An' reach out with the driver's whip An' cut behind an' drive back Trip. An' so all day it snowed an' snowed! An' Lee-Bob he ist watched the road, [Illustration] [Illustration] In his high-chair; an' Etty she U'd play with Uncle Sid an' me-- Like she wuz he'ppin' fetch in wood An' keepin' old fire goin' good, Where Ma she wuz a-cookin' there An' kitchen, too, an' ever'where! An' Uncle say, "'At's ist the way Yer Ma's b'en workin', night an' day, Sence she hain't big as Etty is Er Lee-Bob in that chair o' his!" Nen Ma she'd laugh 't what Uncle said, An' smack an' smoove his old bald head An' say "Clear out the way till I Can keep that pot from b'ilin' dry!" Nen Uncle, when she's gone back to The kitchen, says, "We _ust_ to do [Illustration] [Illustration] Some cookin' in the _ashes_.--_Say_, S'posin' we try some, thataway!" An' nen he send us to tell Ma Send two big 'taters in he saw Pa's b'en a-keepin' 'cause they got The premiun at the Fair. An' what You think?--He rake a grea'-big hole In the hot ashes, an' he roll Them old big 'taters in the place An' rake the coals back--an' his face Ist swettin' so's he purt'-nigh swear 'Cause it's so hot! An' when they're there 'Bout time 'at we fergit 'em, he Ist rake 'em out again--an' _gee_!-- He bu'st 'em with his fist wite on A' old stove-led, while Etty's gone [Illustration] [Illustration] To git the salt, an' butter, too-- Ist like he said she haf to do, No matter what _Ma_ say! An' so He salt an' butter 'em, an' blow 'Em cool enough fer us to eat-- An' _me_-o-_my_! they're hard to beat! An' Trip 'ud ist lay there an' pant Like he'd laugh _out loud_, but he can't. Nen Uncle fill his pipe--an' we 'Ud he'p him light it--Sis an' me,-- But mostly little Lee-Bob, 'cause "He's the best _Lighter_ ever wuz!" Like Uncle telled him wunst when Lee- Bob cried an' jerked the light from me, He wuz so mad! So Uncle pat An' pet him. (Lee-Bob's ust to that-- [Illustration] [Illustration] 'Cause he's the _little_-est, you know, An' allus has b'en humored so!) Nen Uncle gits the flat-arn out, An', while he's tellin' us all 'bout Old Chris'mus-times when _he's_ a kid, He ist cracked hickernuts, he did, Till they's a crockful, mighty nigh! An' when they're all done by an' by, He raked the red coals out again An' telled me, "Fetch that popcorn in, An' old three-leggud skillut--an' The _led_ an' all now, little man,-- An' yer old Uncle here 'ull show You how corn's popped, long years ago When me an' Santy Claus wuz boys On Pap's old place in Illinoise!-- [Illustration] [Illustration] An' your Pa, too, wuz chums, all through, With Santy!--Wisht Pa'd be here, too!" Nen Uncle sigh at Ma, an' she Pat him again, an' say to me An' Etty,--"You take warning fair!-- Don't talk too much, like Uncle there, Ner don't fergit, like _him_, my dears, That 'little pitchers has big ears!'" But Uncle say to her, "Clear out!-- Yer brother knows what he's about.-- _You_ git your Chris'mus-cookin' done Er these pore childern won't have none!" Nen Trip wake up an' raise, an' nen Turn roun' an' nen lay down again. An' one time Uncle Sidney say,-- "When dogs is sleepin' thataway, [Illustration] [Illustration] Like Trip, an' _whimpers_, it's a sign He'll ketch _eight_ rabbits--mayby _nine_-- Afore his fleas'll wake him--nen He'll bite hisse'f to sleep again An _try_ to dream he's go' ketch _ten_." An' when Ma's gone again back in The kitchen, Uncle scratch his chin An' say, "When Santy Claus an' Pa An' me wuz little boys--an' Ma, When she's 'bout big as Etty there;-- W'y,--'When we're _growed_--no matter _where_,' Santy he cross' his heart an' say,-- 'I'll come to see you, all, some day When _you'_ got childerns--all but me An' pore old Sid!'" Nen Uncle he Ist kindo' shade his eyes an' pour' [Illustration] [Illustration] 'Bout forty-'leven bushels more O' popcorn out the skillut there In Ma's new basket on the chair. An' nen he telled us--an' talk' low, "So Ma can't hear," he say:--"You know Yer _Pa_ know', when he drived away, Tomorry's go' be Chris'mus-_Day_;-- Well, nen _tonight_," he whisper, "see?-- It's go' be Chris'mus-_Eve_," says-ee, "An', like yer Pa hint, when he went, Old Santy Claus (now hush!) he's sent Yer Pa a postul-card, an' write He's shorely go' be here tonight.... That's why yer Pa's so bored to be _Away_ tonight, when Santy he Is go' be here, sleighbells an' all, [Illustration] [Illustration] To make you kids a Chris'mus-call!" An' we're so glad to know _fer shore_ He's comin', I roll on the floor-- An' here come Trip a-waller'n' roun' An' purt'-nigh knock the clo'eshorse down!-- An' Etty grab Lee-Bob an' prance All roun' the room like it's a dance-- Till Ma she come an' march us nen To dinner, where we're _still_ again, But _tickled_ so we ist can't eat But pie, an' ist the hot mincemeat With raisins in.--But _Uncle_ et, An' _Ma_. An' there they set an' set Till purt'-nigh supper-time; nen we Tell him he's got to fix the Tree 'Fore _Santy_ gits here, like he said. [Illustration] [Illustration] We go nen to the old woodshed-- All bundled up, through the deep snow-- "An' snowin' yet, _jee-rooshy-O_!" Uncle he said, an' he'p us wade Back where's the Chris'mus-Tree he's made Out of a little jackoak-top He git down at the sawmill-shop-- An' Trip 'ud run ahead, you know, An' 'tend-like he 'uz _eatin'_ snow-- When we all waddle back with it; An' Uncle set it up--an' git It wite in front the fireplace--'cause He says "'Tain't _so_ 'at Santy Claus Comes down _all_ chimblies,--least, tonight He's comin' in _this_ house all right-- By the front-door, as ort to be!-- [Illustration] [Illustration] We'll all be hid where we can _see_!" Nen he look up, an' he see Ma An' say, "It's ist too bad their _Pa_ Can't be here, so's to see the fun The childern _will_ have, ever' one!" Well, _we_!--We hardly couldn't wait Till it wuz dusk, an' dark an' late Enough to light the lamp!--An' Lee- Bob light a candle on the Tree-- "Ist _one_--'cause I'm 'The Lighter'!"--Nen He clumb on Uncle's knee again An' hug us _bofe_;--an' Etty git Her little chist an' set on it Wite clos't, while Uncle telled some more 'Bout Santy Claus, an' clo'es he wore "_All maked o' furs, an' trimmed as white_ [Illustration] [Illustration] _As cotton is, er snow at night_!" An' nen, all sudden-like, he say,-- "_Hush! Listen there! Hain't that a sleigh An' sleighbells jinglin'_?" Trip go "_whooh_!" Like _he_ hear bells an' _smell_ 'em, too. Nen we all listen.... An'-sir, shore Enough, we hear bells--more an' more A-jinglin' clos'ter--clos'ter still Down the old crook-road roun' the hill. An' Uncle he jumps up, an' all The chairs he jerks back by the wall An' th'ows a' overcoat an' pair O' winder-curtains over there An' says, "_Hide quick, er you're too late!-- Them bells is stoppin' at the gate!-- Git back o' them-'air chairs an' hide_, [Illustration] [Illustration] _'Cause I hear Santy's voice outside_!" An' _Bang! bang! bang!_ we heerd the door-- Nen it flewed open, an' the floor Blowed full o' snow--that's _first_ we saw, Till little Lee-Bob shriek' at Ma "_There's Santy Claus!--I know him by His big white mufftash!_"--an' ist cry An' laugh an' _squeal_ an' dance an' _yell_-- Till, when he quiet down a spell, Old Santy bow an' th'ow a kiss To him--an' one to me an' Sis-- An' nen go _clos't_ to Ma an' stoop An' kiss her--An' nen give a whoop That _fainted_ her!--'Cause when he bent An' kiss her, he ist backed an' went Wite 'ginst the Chris'mus-Tree ist where [Illustration] [Illustration] The candle's at Lee-Bob lit there!-- An' set his white-fur belt afire-- An' blaze streaked roun' his waist an' higher Wite up his old white beard an' th'oat!-- Nen Uncle grabs th' old overcoat An' flops it over Santy's head, An' swing the door wide back an' said, "Come out, old man!--an' _quick_ about It!--I've ist _got_ to put you out!" An' out he sprawled him in the snow-- "Now _roll_!" he says--"_Hi-roll-ee-O_!"-- An' Santy, sputter'n' "_Ouch! Gee-whiz!_" Ist roll an' roll fer all they is! An' Trip he's out there, too,--I know, 'Cause I could hear him yappin' so-- An' I heerd Santy, wunst er twic't, [Illustration] [Illustration] Say, as he's rollin', "_Drat the fice't_!" Nen Uncle come back in, an' shake Ma up, an' say, "Fer mercy-sake!-- He hain't hurt none!" An' nen he said,-- "You youngsters h'ist up-stairs to bed!-- Here! kiss yer Ma 'Good-night,' an' me,-- We'll he'p old Santy fix the Tree-- An' all yer whistles, horns an' drums I'll he'p you toot when morning comes!" * * * * * It's long while 'fore we go to sleep,-- 'Cause down-stairs, all-time somepin' keep A-kindo' scufflin' roun' the floors-- An' openin' doors, an' _shettin'_ doors-- An' could hear Trip a-whinin', too, Like he don't know ist _what_ to do-- [Illustration] [Illustration] An' tongs a-clankin' down _k'thump_!-- Nen some one squonkin' the old pump-- An' _Wooh!_ how cold it soun' out there! I could ist _see_ the pump-spout where It's got ice chin-whiskers all wet An' drippy--An' I see it yet! An' nen, seem-like, I hear some mens A-talkin' out there by the fence, An' one says, "Oh, 'bout twelve o'clock!" "Nen," 'nother'n says, "Here's to you, Doc!-- _God bless us ever' one_!" An' nen I heerd the old pump squonk again. An' nen I say my prayer all through Like Uncle Sidney learn' me to,-- "O Father mine, e'en as Thine own, This child looks up to Thee alone: [Illustration] [Illustration] Asleep or waking, give him still His Elder Brother's wish and will." An' that's the last I know.... Till Ma She's callin' us--an' so is _Pa_,-- He holler "_Chris'mus-gif'_!" an' say,-- "I'm got back home fer Chris'mus-Day!-- An' Uncle Sid's here, too--an' he Is nibblin' 'roun' yer Chris'mus-Tree!" Nen _Uncle_ holler, "I suppose Yer Pa's so proud he's froze his nose He wants to turn it up at us, 'Cause _Santy_ kick' up such a fuss-- Tetchin' hisse'f off same as ef He wuz his own fireworks hisse'f!" An' when we're down-stairs,--shore enough, Pa's nose _is_ froze an' salve an' stuff [Illustration] [Illustration] All on it--an' one hand's froze, too, An' got a old yarn red-and-blue Mitt on it--"An' he's froze some more Acrost his chist, an' kindo' sore All roun' his _dy_-fram," Uncle say.-- "But Pa he'd ort a-seen the way _Santy_ bear up last night when that- Air fire break out, an' quicker'n _scat_ He's all a-blazin', an' them-'air Gun-cotton whiskers that he wear Ist _flashin'_!--till I burn a hole In the snow with him, and he roll The front-yard dry as Chris'mus jokes Old parents plays on little folks! But, long's a smell o' tow er wool, I kep' him rollin' _beautiful_!-- [Illustration] [Illustration] Till I wuz _shore_ I _shorely_ see He's _squenched_! W'y, hadn't b'en fer _me_, That old man might a-burnt clear down Clean--plum'--level with the groun'!" Nen Ma say, "_There_, Sid; that'll do!-- Breakfast is ready--_Chris'mus_, too.-- Your voice 'ud soun' best, sayin' _Grace_-- Say it." An' Uncle bow' his face An' say so long a _Blessing_ nen, Trip bark' _two_ times 'fore it's "A-men!" [Illustration] [Illustration] End of Project Gutenberg's A Defective Santa Claus, by James Whitcomb Riley *** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A DEFECTIVE SANTA CLAUS *** Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed. Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark license, especially commercial redistribution. START: FULL LICENSE THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work (or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at www.gutenberg.org/license. Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works 1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property (trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. 1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below. 1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the United States and you are located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when you share it without charge with others. 1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any country other than the United States. 1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: 1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, copied or distributed: This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook. 1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. 1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. 1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™. 1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project Gutenberg™ License. 1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website (www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. 1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. 1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works provided that: • You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.” • You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ works. • You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of receipt of the work. • You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works. 1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. 1.F. 1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. 1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE. 1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further opportunities to fix the problem. 1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. 1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. 1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any Defect you cause. Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™ Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from people in all walks of life. Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org. Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit 501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws. The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations ($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt status with the IRS. The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate. While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who approach us with offers to donate. International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate. Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. Most people start at our website which has the main PG search facility: www.gutenberg.org. This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.