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Title: Fan

Author: Henry Harford

Release Date: April, 2005  [EBook #7827]
[This file was first posted on May 20, 2003]

Edition: 10

Language: English

Character set encoding: US-ASCII

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, FAN ***




Eric Eldred, Charles Franks, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team



FAN

THE STORY OF A YOUNG GIRL'S LIFE

BY HENRY HARFORD

(W.H. HUDSON)







       *       *       *       *       *

NOTE

The novel _Fan_ was originally published in 1892, under the pseudonym
of "Henry Harford." It now makes its appearance under the name of W.H.
Hudson for the first time.

This edition is limited to 498 copies of which 450 copies are for sale.

       *       *       *       *       *




CHAPTER I


A Misty evening in mid-October; a top room in one of the small dingy
houses on the north side of Moon Street, its floor partially covered with
pieces of drugget carpet trodden into rags; for furniture, an iron bed
placed against the wall, a deal cupboard or wardrobe, a broken iron cot
in a corner, a wooden box and three or four chairs, and a small square
deal table; on the table one candle in a tin candlestick gave light to
the two occupants of the room. One of these a woman sitting in a listless
attitude before the grate, fireless now, although the evening was damp
and chilly. She appeared strong, but just now was almost repulsive to
look at as she sat there in her dirty ill-fitting gown, with her feet
thrust out before her, showing her broken muddy boots. Her features were
regular, even handsome; that, however, was little in her favour when set
against the hard red colour of her skin, which told of habitual
intemperance, and the expression, half sullen and half reckless, of her
dark eyes, as she sat there staring into the empty grate. There were no
white threads yet in her thick long hair that had once been black and
glossy, unkempt now, like everything about her, with a dusky dead look in
it.

On the cot in the corner rested or crouched a girl not yet fifteen years
old, the woman's only child: she was trying to keep herself warm there,
sitting close against the wall with her knees drawn up to enable her to
cover herself, head included, with a shawl and an old quilt. Both were
silent: at intervals the girl would start up out of her wrappings and
stare towards the door with a startled look on her face, apparently
listening. From the street sounded the shrill animal-like cries of
children playing and quarrelling, and, further away, the low, dull,
continuous roar of traffic in the Edgware Road. Then she would drop back
again, to crouch against the wall, drawing the quilt about her, and
remain motionless until a step on the stair or the banging of a door
below would startle her once more.

Meanwhile her mother maintained her silence and passive attitude, only
stirring when the light grew very dim; then she would turn half round,
snuff the wick off with her fingers, and wipe them on her shabby dirty
dress.

At length the girl started up, throwing her quilt quite off, and remained
seated on the edge of her cot, the look of anxiety increasing every
moment on her thin pale face. In the matter of dress she seemed even
worse off than her mother, and wore an old tattered earth-coloured gown,
which came down to within three or four inches of her ankles, showing
under it ragged stockings and shoes trodden down at heel, so much too
large for her feet that they had evidently belonged to her mother. She
looked tall for her years, but this was owing to her extreme thinness.
Her arms were like sticks, and her sunken cheeks showed the bones of her
face; but it was a pathetic face, both on account of the want and anxiety
so plainly written on it and its promise of beauty. There was not a
particle of colour in it, even the thin lips were almost white, but the
eyes were of the purest grey, shaded by long dark lashes; while her hair,
hanging uneven and disordered to her shoulders, was of a pure golden
brown.

"Mother, he's coming!" said the girl.

"Let him come!" returned the other, without looking up or stirring.

Slowly the approaching footsteps came nearer, stumbling up the dark,
narrow staircase; then the door was pushed open and a man entered--a
broad-chested, broad-faced rough-looking man with stubbly whiskers,
wearing the dress and rusty boots of a labourer.

He drew a chair to the table and sat down in silence. Presently he turned
to his wife.

"Well, what have you got to say?" he asked, in a somewhat unsteady voice.

"Nothing," she returned. "What have you got?"

"I've got tired of walking about for a job, and I want something to eat
and drink, and that's what _I've_ got."

"Then you'd better go where you can get it," said she. "You can't find
work, but you can find drink, and you ain't sober now."

For only answer he began whistling and drumming noisily on the table.
Suddenly he paused and looked at her.

"Ain't you done that charing job, then?" he asked with a grin.

"Yes; and what's more, I got a florin and gave it to Mrs. Clark," she
replied.

"You blarsted fool! what did you do that for?"

"Because I'm not going to have my few sticks taken for rent and be turned
into the street with my girl. That's what I did it for; and if you won't
work you'll starve, so don't you come to me for anything."

Again he drummed noisily on the table, and hummed or tried to hum a tune.
Presently he spoke again:

"What's Fan been a-doing, then?"

"You know fast enough; tramping about the streets to sell a box of
matches. A nice thing!"

"How much did she get?"

To this question no answer was returned.

"What did she get, I arsk you?" he repeated, getting up and putting his
hand heavily on her shoulder.

"Enough for bread," she replied, shaking his hand off.

"How much?" But as she refused to answer, he turned to the girl and
repeated in a threatening tone, "How much?"

She sat trembling, her eyes cast down, but silent.

"I'll learn you to answer when you're spoken to, you damn barstard!" he
said, approaching her with raised hand.

"Don't you hit her, you brute!" exclaimed his wife, springing in sudden
anger to her feet.

"Oh, father, don't hit me--oh, please don't--I'll tell--I'll tell! I got
eighteenpence," cried the girl, shrinking back terrified.

He turned and went back to his seat, grinning at his success in getting
at the truth. Presently he asked his wife if she had spent eighteenpence
in bread.

"No, I didn't. I got a haddock for morning, and two ounces of tea, and a
loaf, and a bundle of wood," she returned sullenly.

After an interval of a couple of minutes he got up, went to the cupboard,
and opened it.

"There's the haddy right enough," he said. "No great things--cost you
thrippence, I s'pose. Tea tuppence-ha'penny, and that's fivepence-
ha'penny, and a ha'penny for wood, and tuppence-ha'penny for a loaf makes
eightpence-ha'penny. There's more'n ninepence over, Margy, and all I want
is a pint of beer and a screw. Threepence--come now."

"I've nothing to give you," she returned doggedly.

"Then what did you do with it? How much gin did you drink--eh?"

"As much as I could get," she answered defiantly.

He looked at her, whistled and drummed, then got up and went out.

"Mother, he's gone," whispered Fan.

"No such luck. He's only going to ask Mrs. Clark if I gave her the
florin. He won't be long you'll see."

Very soon he did return and sat down again. "A pint and a screw, that's
all I want," he said, as if speaking to himself, and there was no answer.
Then he got up, put his hand on her shoulder, and almost shook her out of
her chair. "Don't you hear?" he shouted.

"Let me alone, you drunken brute; I've got nothing, I tell you," she
returned, and after watching his face a few moments settled down again.

"All right, old woman, I'll leave you," he said, dropping his hands. But
suddenly changing his mind, he swung round and dealt her a heavy blow.

She sprang up with a scream of anger and pain, and taking no notice of
Fan's piteous cries and pleadings, rushed at him; they struggled together
for some moments, but the man was the strongest; very soon he flung her
violently from him, and reeling away to some distance, and unable to
recover her balance, she finally fell heavily on to the floor.

"Oh, mother, mother, he has killed you," sobbed Fan, throwing herself
down beside the fallen woman and trying to raise her head.

"That I will, and you too," remarked the man, going back to his seat.

The woman, recovering from the shock, struggled to her feet and sat down
again on her chair. She was silent, looking now neither angry nor
frightened, but seemed half-dazed, and bending forward a little she
covered her eyes with her hand.

"Oh, mother, poor mother--are you hurt?" whispered Fan, trying to draw
the hand away to look into the bowed face.

"You go back to your corner and leave your mother to me," he said; and
Fan, after hesitating a few moments, rose and shrank away.

Presently he got up again, and seizing his wife by the wrist, dragged her
hand forcibly from her face.

"Where's the coppers, you blarsted drunkard?" he shouted in her ear.
"D'ye think to get off with the little crack on the crown I've giv' you?
I'll do for you to-night if you won't hand over."

"Oh, father, father!" cried the girl, starting up in an agony of terror.
"Oh, have mercy and don't hit her, and I'll go out and try to get
threepence. Oh, father, there's nothing in the house!"

"Then go, and don't be long about it," he said, going back to his seat.

The mother roused herself at this.

"You sha'n't stir a step to-night, Fan," she said, but in a voice not
altogether resolute. "What'll come to you, going into the streets at this
time of night?"

"Something grand, like what's come to her mother, perhaps," said he with
a laugh.

"Not a step, Fan, if I die for it," retorted the mother, stung by his
words. But the girl quickly and with trembling hands had already thrust
on her old shapeless hat, and wrapped her shawl about her; then she took
a couple of boxes of safety matches, old and greasy from long use, and
moved towards the door as her mother rose to prevent her from going out.

"Oh, mother, let me go," she pleaded. "It's best for all of us. It'll
kill me to stay in. Let me go, mother; I sha'n't be long."

Her mother still protested; but Fan, seeing her irresolution, slipped
past her and was out of the door in a moment.

Once out of the house she ran swiftly along the dark sloppy street until
she came to the wide thronged thoroughfare, bright with the flaring gas
of the shops; then, after a few moments' hesitation, walked rapidly
northwards.

Even in that squalid street where she lived, those who knew Fan from
living in the same house, or in one of those immediately adjoining it,
considered it a disgraceful thing for her parents to send her out
begging; for that was what they called it, although the begging was made
lawful by the match-selling pretext. To them it was a very flimsy one,
since the cost of a dozen such boxes at any oil-shop in the Edgware Road
was twopence-three-farthings--eleven farthings for twelve boxes of safety
matches! The London poor know how hard it is to live and pay their weekly
rent, and are accustomed to make every allowance for each other; and
those who sat in judgment on the Harrods--Fan's parents--were mostly
people who were glad to make a shilling by almost any means; glad also,
many of them, to get drunk occasionally when the state of the finances
allowed it; also they regarded it as the natural and right thing to do to
repair regularly every Monday morning to the pawnbroker's shop to pledge
the Sunday shoes and children's frocks, with perhaps a tool or two or a
pair of sheets and blankets not too dirty and ragged to tempt the
cautious gentleman with the big nose.

But they were not disreputable, they knew where to draw the line. Had Fan
been a coarse-fibred girl with a ready insolent tongue and fond of horse-
play, it would not have seemed so shocking; for such girls, and a large
majority of them are like that, seem fitted to fight their way in the
rough brutish world of the London streets; and if they fall and become
altogether bad, that only strikes one as the almost inevitable result of
girlhood passed in such conditions. That Fan was a shy, modest, pretty
girl, with a delicate type of face not often seen among those of her
class, made the case look all the worse for those who sent her out,
exposing her to almost certain ruin.

Poor unhappy Fan knew what they thought, and to avoid exciting remarks
she always skulked away, concealing her little stock-in-trade beneath her
dilapidated shawl, and only bringing it out when at a safe distance from
the outspoken criticisms of Moon Street. Sometimes in fine weather her
morning expeditions were as far as Netting Hill, and as she frequently
appeared at the same places at certain hours, a few individuals got to
know her; in some instances they had began by regarding the poor
dilapidated girl with a kind of resentment, a feeling which, after two or
three glances at her soft grey timid eyes, turned to pity; and from such
as these who were not political economists, when she was so lucky as to
meet them, she always got a penny, or a threepenny-bit, sometimes with
even a kind word added, which made the gift seem a great deal to her.
From others she received many a sharp rebuke for her illicit way of
getting a living; and these without a second look would pass on, little
knowing how keen a pang had been inflicted to make the poor shamefaced
child's lot still harder to bear.

She had never been out so late before, and hurrying along the wet
pavement, trembling lest she should run against some Moon Street
acquaintance, and stung with the thought of the miserable scene in store
for her should she be compelled to return empty-handed, she walked not
less than half a mile before pausing. Then she drew forth the concealed
matches and began the piteous pleading--"Will you please buy a box of
matches?" spoken in a low tremulous voice to each passer-by, unheeded by
those who were preoccupied with their own thoughts, by all others looked
scornfully at, until at last, tired and dispirited, she turned to retrace
the long hopeless road. And now the thoughts of home became at every yard
of the way more painful and even terrifying to her. What a misery to have
to face it--to have to think of it! But to run away and hide herself from
her parents, and escape for ever from her torturing apprehensions, never
entered her mind. She loved her poor drink-degraded mother; there was no
one else for her to love, and where her mother was there must be her only
home. But the thought of her father was like a nightmare to her; even the
remembrance of his often brutal treatment and language made her tremble.
Father she had always called him, but for some months past, since he had
been idle, or out of work as he called it, he had become more and more
harsh towards her, not often addressing her without calling her
"barstard," usually with the addition of one of his pet expletives,
profane or sanguineous. She had always feared and shrunk from him,
regarding him as her enemy and the chief troubler of her peace; and his
evident dislike of her had greatly increased during her last year at the
Board School, when he had more than once been brought before a magistrate
and fined for her non-attendance. When that time was over, and he was no
longer compelled by law to keep her at school, he had begun driving her
out to beg in the streets, to make good what her "book-larning," as he
contemptuously expressed it, had cost him. And the miserable wife had
allowed it, after some violent scenes and occasional protests, until the
illegal pence brought in each day grew to be an expected thing, and
formed now a constant cause of wrangling between husband and wife, each
trying to secure the lion's share, only to spend it at the public-house.

At last, without one penny of that small sum of threepence, which she had
mentally fixed on as the price of a domestic truce, she had got back to
within fifteen minutes' walk of Moon Street. Her anxiety had made her
more eager perhaps, and had given a strange tremor to her voice and made
her eyes more eloquent in their silent pathos, when two young men pushed
by her, walking fast and conversing, but she did not let them pass
without repeating the oft-repeated words.

"No, indeed, you little fraud!" exclaimed one of the young men; while his
companion, glancing back, looked curiously into her face.

"Stop a moment," he said to his friend. "Don't be afraid, I'm not going
to pay. But, I say, just look at her eyes--good eyes, aren't they?"

The other turned round laughing, and stared hard at her face. Fan
reddened and dropped her eyes. Finally he took a penny from his pocket
and held it up before her. "Take," he said. She took the penny, thanking
him with a grateful glance, whereupon he laughed and turned away,
remarking that he had got his money's worth.

She was nearly back to her own street again before anyone else noticed
her; then she met a very large important-looking gentleman, with a lady
at his side--a small, thin, meagre woman, with a dried yellow face,
wearing spectacles. The lady stopped very deliberately before Fan, and
scrutinised her face.

"Come along," said her husband or companion. "You are not going to stop
to talk to that wretched little beggar, I hope."

"Yes, I am, so please be quiet.--Now, my girl, are you not ashamed to
come out begging in the streets--do you not know that it is very wrong of
you?"

"I'm not begging--I'm selling matches," answered Fan sullenly, and
looking down.

"You might have known that she'd say that, so come on, and don't waste
more time," said the impatient gentleman.

"Don't hurry me, Charles," returned the lady. "You know perfectly well
that I never bestow alms indiscriminately, so that you have nothing to
fear.--Now, my girl, why do you come out selling matches, as you call it?
It is only a pretext, because you really do not sell them, you know. Do
your parents send you out--are they so poor?"

Then Fan repeated the words she had been instructed to use on occasions
like the present, which she had repeated so often that they had lost all
meaning to her. "Father's out of work and mother's ill, and I came out
because we're starving."

"Just so, of course, what did you think she would say!" exclaimed the big
gentleman. "Now I hope you are satisfied that I was right."

"That's just where you are mistaken, Charles. You know that I never give
without a thorough investigation beforehand, and I am now determined to
look narrowly into this case, if you will only let me go quietly on in my
own way.--And now, my girl," she continued, turning to Fan, "just tell me
where you live, so that I can call on your mother when I have time, and
perhaps assist her if it is as you say, and if I find that her case is a
deserving one."

Fan at once gave the address and her mother's name.

"There now, Charles," said the lady with a smile. "That is the test; you
see there is no deception here, and I think that I am able to distinguish
a genuine case of distress when I meet with one.--Here is a penny, my
girl"--one penny after all this preamble!--"and I trust your poor mother
will find it a help to her." And then with a smile and a nod she walked
off, satisfied that she had observed all due precautions in investing her
penny, and that it would not be lost: for he who "giveth to the poor
lendeth to the Lord," but certainly not to all the London poor. Her
husband, with a less high opinion of her perspicacity, for he had
muttered "Stuff and nonsense" in reply to her last remark, followed,
pleased to have the business over.

Fan remained standing still, undecided whether to go home or not, when to
her surprise a big rough-looking workman, without stopping in his walk or
speaking to her, thrust a penny into her hand. That made up the required
sum of threepence, and turning into Moon Street, she ran home as fast as
those ragged and loose old shoes would let her.

The candle was still burning on the table, throwing its flickering yellow
light on her mother's form, still sitting in the same listless attitude,
staring into the empty grate. The man was now lying on the bed,
apparently asleep.

On her entrance the mother started up, enjoining silence, and held out
her hand for the money; but before she could take it her husband awoke
with a snort.

"Drop that!" he growled, tumbling himself hastily off the bed, and Fan,
starting back in fear, stood still. He took the coppers roughly from her,
cursing her for being so long away, then taking his clay-pipe from the
mantelpiece and putting on his old hat, swung out of the room; but after
going a few steps he groped his way back and looked in again. "Go to bed,
Margy," he said. "Sorry I hit you, but 'tain't much, and we must give and
take, you know." And then with a nod and grin he shut the door and took
himself off.

Meanwhile Fan had gone to her corner and removed her old hat and kicked
off her muddy shoes, and now sat there watching her mother, who had
despondently settled in her chair again.

"Go to bed, Fan--it's late enough," she said.

Instead of obeying her the girl came and knelt down by her side, taking
one of her mother's listless hands in hers.

"Mother"--she spoke in a low tone, but with a strange eagerness in her
voice--"let's run away together and leave him."

"Don't talk nonsense, child! Where'd we go?"

"Oh, mother, let's go right away from London--right out into the country,
far as we can, where he'll never find us, where we can sit on the grass
under the trees and rest."

"And leave my sticks for him to drink up? Don't you think I'm such a
silly."

"Do--_do_ let's go, mother! It's worse and worse every day, and he'll
kill us if we don't."

"No fear. He'll knock us about a bit, but he don't want a rope round
_his_ neck, you be sure. And he ain't so bad neither, when he's not
in the drink. He's sorry he hit me now."

"Oh, mother, I can't bear it! I hate him--I hate him; and he _isn't_
my father, and he hates me, and he'll kill me some day when I come home
with nothing."

"Who says he isn't your father--where did you hear that, Fan?"

"He calls me bastard every day, and I know what that means. Mother, _is_
he my father?"

"The brute--no!"

"Then why did you marry him, mother? Oh, we could have been so happy
together!"

"Yes, Fan, I know that _now_, but I didn't know it then. I married
him three months before you was born, so that you'd be the child of
honest parents. He had a hundred pounds with me, but it all went in a
year; and it's always been up and down, up and down with us ever since,
but now it's nothing but down."

"A hundred pounds!" exclaimed Fan in amazement "And who was my father?"

"Go to bed, Fan, and don't ask questions. I've been very foolish to say
so much. You are too young to understand such things."

"But, mother, I do understand, and I want to know who my father is. Oh,
do--do tell me!"

"What for?"

"Because when I know I'll go to him and tell him how--how _he_
treats us, and ask him to help us to go away into the country where he'll
never find us any more." Her mother laughed. "You're a brave girl if
you'd do that," she said, her face softening. "No, Fan, it can't be
done."

"Oh, please tell me, and I'll do it. Why can't it be done, mother?"

"I can't tell you any more, child. Go to bed, and forget all about it.
You hear bad things enough in the street, and it 'ud only put badness
into your head to hear talk of such things."

Fan's pleading eyes were fixed on her mother's face with a strange
meaning and earnestness in them; then she said:

"Mother, I hear bad things in the street every day, but they don't make
_me_ bad. Oh, do tell me about my father, and why can't I go to
him?"

The unhappy woman looked down, and yet could hardly meet those grey
beautiful eyes fixed so earnestly on her face. She hesitated, and passed
her trembling fingers over Fan's disordered hair, and finally burst into
tears.

"Oh, Fan, I can't help it," she said, half sobbing. "You have just his
eyes, and it brings it all back when I look into them. It was wicked of
me to go wrong, for I was brought up good and honest in the country; but
he was a gentleman, and kind and good to me, and not a working-man and a
drunken brute like poor Joe. But I sha'n't ever see him again. I don't
know where he is, and he wouldn't know me if he saw me; and perhaps he's
dead now. I loved him and he loved me, but we couldn't marry because he
was a gentleman and me only a servant-girl, and I think he had a wife.
But I didn't care, because he was good to me and loved me, and he gave me
a hundred pounds to get married, and I can't ever tell you his name, Fan,
because I promised never to name him to anyone, and kissed the Book on it
when he gave me the hundred pounds, and it would be wicked to tell now.
And Joe, he wanted to marry me; he knew it all, and took the hundred
pounds and said it would make no difference. He'd love you just the same,
he said, and never throw it up to me; and that's why I married Joe. Oh,
what a fool I was, to be sure! But it can't be helped now, and it's no
use saying more about it. Now go to bed, Fan, and forget all I've said to
you."

Fan rose and went sorrowfully to her bed; but she did not forget, or try
to forget, what she had heard. It was sad to lose that hope of ever
seeing her father, but it was a secret joy to know that he had been kind
and loving to her poor mother, and that he was a gentleman, and not one
like Joe Harrod; that thought kept her awake in her cold bed for a long
time--long after Joe and his wife were peacefully sleeping side by side.




CHAPTER II


That troubled evening was followed by a quiet period, lasting from
Wednesday to Saturday, during which there were no brawls indoors, and Fan
was free of the hateful task of going out to collect pence in the
streets. Joe had been offered a three or four days' job; he had accepted
it gratefully because it was only for three or four days, and for that
period he would be the sober, stolid, British workman. The pleasures of
the pot-house would claim him on Saturday, when he would have money in
his pockets and the appetite that comes from abstention.

On Saturday morning after he had left the house at six o'clock, Fan
started up from her cot and came to her mother's side at the table.

"Mother, may I go out to the fields to-day?" she asked. "I know if I go
straight along the Edgware Road I'll come to them soon. And I'll be home
early."

"No, Fan, don't you try it. It's too far and'll tire you, and you'd be
hungry and maybe get lost."

"Can't I take some bread, mother? Do let me go! It will be so nice to see
the fields and trees, and they say it isn't far to walk."

"You're not fit to be seen walking, Fan. Wait till you've got proper
shoes to your feet, and a dress to wear. Perhaps I'll git you one next
week."

"But if I wait I'll never go! He'll finish his work to-day and spend the
money, and on Monday he'll send me out just the same as before."

And as she continued to plead, almost with tears, so intent was she on
this little outing, her mother at length gave her consent. She even got
her scissors to cut off the ragged fringing from the girl's dress to make
her look more trim, and mended her torn shoes with needle and thread;
then cut her a hunk of bread for her dinner.

"I never see a girl so set on the country," she said, when Fan was about
to start, her thin pale face brightening with anticipation. "It's a long
tramp up the Edgware Road, and not much to see when you git to the
fields."

There would be much to see, Fan thought, as she set out on her
expedition. She had secretly planned it in her mind, and had thought
about it by day and dreamed about it by night--how much there would be to
see!

But the way was long; so long that before she got out of London--out of
that seemingly endless road with shops on either hand--she began to be
very tired. Then came that wide zone surrounding London, of uncompleted
streets and rows of houses partly occupied, separated by wide spaces with
brick-fields, market-gardens, and waste grounds. Here she might have
turned aside to rest in one of the numerous huge excavations, their
bottoms weedy and grass-grown, showing that they had been long abandoned;
but this was not the country, the silent green woods and fields she had
come so far to seek, and in spite of weariness she trudged determinedly
on.

At first the day had promised to be fine; now a change came over it, the
sky was overcast with grey clouds, and a keen wind from the north-west
blew in her face and made her shiver with cold. Many times during that
long walk she drew up beside some gate or wooden fence, and leaned
against it, feeling almost too tired and dispirited to proceed further;
but she could not sit down there to rest, for people were constantly
passing in traps, carts and carriages, and on foot, and not one passed
without looking hard at her; and by-and-by, overcoming her weakness, she
would trudge on again, all the time wishing herself back in the miserable
room in Moon Street once more.

At last she got beyond the builders' zone, into the country; from an
elevated piece of ground over which the road passed she was able to see
the prospect for miles ahead, and the sight made her heart sink within
her. The few trees visible were bare of foliage, and the fields, shut
within their brown ragged hedges, were mostly ploughed and black, and the
green fields were as level as the ploughed, and there was no shelter from
the cold wind, no sunshine on the pale damp sward. It was in the middle
of October; the foliage and beauty of summer had long vanished; she had
seen the shed autumn leaves in Hyde Park many days ago, yet she had
walked all the weary distance from Moon Street, cheered with the thought
that in the country it would be different, that there would still be
sunshine and shadow there, and green trees and flowers. It was useless to
go on, and impossible in her weak exhausted condition to attempt to
return at once. The only thing left for her to do was to creep aside and
lie down under the shelter of some hedge, and get through the time in the
best way she could. Near the road, some distance ahead, there was a
narrow lane with a rough thorny hedge on either side, and thither she now
went in quest of a shelter of some kind from the rain which was beginning
to fall. The lane was on the east side of the road, and under the hedge
on one hand there was an old ditch overgrown with grass and weeds; here
Fan crouched down under a bush until the shower was over, then got out
and walked on again. Presently she discovered a gap in the hedge large
enough to admit her body, and after peering cautiously through and seeing
no person about, she got into the field. It was small, and the hedge all
round shut out the view on every side; nevertheless it was a relief to be
there, safe out of sight of all men for a little while. She walked on,
still keeping close to the hedge, until she came to a dwarf oak tree,
with a deep hollow in the ground between its trunk and the hedge; the
hollow was half filled with fallen dead leaves, and Fan, turning them
with her foot, found that under the surface they were dry, and this spot
being the most tempting one she had yet seen, she coiled herself up in
the leafy bed to rest. And lying there in the shelter, after eating her
bread, she very soon fell asleep, in spite of the cold.

From her sleep, which lasted for some hours, she woke stiff and chilled
to the marrow. It was late in the day, and the occasional watery gleams
the sun shot through the grey clouds came from low down in the western
sky. She started up, and scarcely able at first to use her sore, cramped
limbs, set out on her return. She was hungry and thirsty and sore--sore
also in mind at her disappointment--and the gusty evening wind blew
chill, and more than one shower of rain fell to wet her; but she reached
Paddington at last. In the Edgware Road the Saturday evening market was
in full progress when she passed, too tired and miserable to take any
interest in the busy bustling scene. And by-and-by the dense moving
crowds, noise of bawling costermongers, and glare of gas and naphtha
torches were left behind, when she reached the welcome gloom and
comparative quiet of her own squalid street. There was also welcome quiet
in the top room when she entered, for her parents were out. A remnant of
fire was in the grate, and the teapot had been left on the fender to keep
warm. Fan poured herself out some tea and drank it thirstily; then
hanging her dress over a chair to dry by the heat of the embers, and
nestling into her rickety bed in the corner, she very quickly fell
asleep. From her sleep she was at length roused by Mrs. Clark, the
landlady, who with her husband and children inhabited the ground-floor.

"When did you come in, Fan?" she asked.

"I think it was half-past seven," said the girl.

"Well, your mother went out earlier than that, and now it's half-past
ten, and she not in yet. It's a shame for them always to stay out like
that when they've got a bit of money. I think you'd better go and see if
you can find her, and make her come in. She went to buy the dinner, and
look for Joe in Crawford Street. That's where you'll find her, I'm
thinking."

Fan rose obediently, shivering with cold, her eyes still heavy with
sleep, and putting on her damp things went out into the streets again. In
a few minutes she was in Crawford Street. It is long, narrow, crooked,
and ill-paved; full of shops, but of a meaner description than those in
the adjacent thoroughfare, with a larger proportion of fishmongers,
greengrocers, secondhand furniture and old clothes sellers. Here also was
a Saturday evening market, an overflow from the Edgware Road, composed
chiefly of the poorer class of costermongers--the vendors of cheap
damaged fruits and vegetables, of haddock and herring, shell-fish, and
rabbits, the skins dangling in clusters at each end of the barrow.
Public-houses were numerous here; on the pavement before them groups of
men were standing, pipe in mouth, idly talking; these were men who had
already got rid of their week's earnings, or of that portion they had
reserved for their own pleasures, but were not yet prepared to go home,
and so miss the chance of a last half-pint of beer from some passing
still solvent acquaintance. There were other larger groups and little
crowds gathered round the street auctioneers, minstrels, quacks, and
jugglers, whose presence in the busier thoroughfare was not tolerated by
the police.

It was late now, and the money spending and getting nearly over;
costermongers, some with half their goods still unsold, were leaving; the
groups were visibly thinning, the doors of the public-houses swinging to
and fro less frequently. As Fan hurried anxiously along, she peeped
carefully through the clouded window-panes into the "public bar"
department of each drinking place in search of her mother, and paused for
a few moments whenever she came to a group of spectators gathered round
some object of curiosity at a street corner. After satisfying herself
that her mother was not in the crowd, she would remain for a few moments
looking on with the others.

At one spot her attention was painfully held by a short, dark, misshapen
man with no hands nor arms, but only the stump of an arm, with a stick
tied to it. Before him on a rough stand was a board, with half a dozen
thick metal wires stretched across it. Rapidly moving his one poor stump,
he struck on the wires with his stick and so produced a succession of
sounds that roughly resembled a tune. Poor man, how she pitied him; how
much more miserable seemed his life than hers! It was cold and damp, yet
the perspiration stood in great drops on his sallow, wasted face as he
violently wriggled his deformed body about, playing without hands on his
rude instrument--all to make a few pence to save himself from starvation,
or from that living tomb into which, with a humanity more cruel than
Nature's cruelty, we thrust the unfit ones away out of our sight! No one
gave him anything for his music, and with a pang in her heart she hurried
away on her quest.

Not all the street scenes were ghastly or painful. She came to one crowd,
ranged motionless and silent before a large, fat, dignified-looking man,
in good broad-cloth garments, white tie, and wearing a fez; he was calmly
sitting on a camp-stool, and held a small phial in one hand. Not a word
did he speak for a long time. At length one of the onlookers, a tipsy
working-man, becoming impatient, addressed him:

"Ain't you going to do nothing, mister? Here I've been a-waiting with
these other ladies and gentl'men more'n ten minutes, and you ain't done
nothing yet, nor yet said nothing."

The fat man placed a hand on his broad shirt-front, rolled up his eyes,
and solemnly shook his head.

"Fools, fools!" he said, as if speaking to himself. "But what does it
matter to me if they won't be saved--if they'd rather die of their
complaints? In the East it's different, because I'm known there. I've
been to Constantinople, and Morocco, and everywhere. Let them ask the
heathen what I have done for them. Do they think I cure them for the sake
of their dirty pence? No, no; those that like gold, and jewels, and
elephants to ride on, can have it all in the East, and I came away from
there. Because why? I care more for these. _I_ don't ask them what's
the matter with them! Is there such a thing as a leper in this crowd? Let
them bring me a leper here, and I'll cure him for nothing, just to show
them what this medicine is. As for rheumatics, consumption, toothache,
palpitations of the 'art--what you like, that's all nothing. One drop
and it's gone. Sarsaparilla, and waters this, and pills that, what they
give their pence for, and expect it's going to do them good. Rubbish, I
call it. They buy it, as much as they can put in their insides, and die
just the same. This is different. Twenty years in the East, and this is
what I got. Doctors! I laugh at such people."

Here, with a superior smile, he cast down his eyes again and relapsed
into silence.

No one laughed. Then Fan heard someone near her remark: "He has book-
learning, that's what he has"; to which another voice replied, "Ah, you
may say it, and he has more'n that."

Next to Fan stood a gaunt, aged woman, miserably dressed, and she, too,
listened to these remarks; and presently she pushed her way to the wise
man of the East, and began, "Oh, sir, my heart's that bad--"

"Hush, hush! don't say another word," he interrupted with a majestic wave
of his hand. "You needn't tell me what you have. I saw it all before you
spoke."

He uncorked the phial. "One drop on your tongue will make you whole for
ever. Poor woman! poor woman! how much you have suffered. I know it all.
Sixpence first, if you please. If you were rich I would say a hundred
pounds; but you are poor, and your sixpence shall be more to you in the
Day of Judgment than the hundred pounds of the rich man."

With trembling fingers she brought out her money and counted out
fivepence-halfpenny.

"It's ahl I have," she sorrowfully said, offering it to him.

He shook his head, and she was about to retire when someone came forward
and placed a halfpenny in her hand. He took his fee, and then all pressed
closer round to watch with intense interest while a drop of brown liquid
was poured on to the poor woman's tongue, thrust far out so that none of
that balsam of life should be lost. After witnessing this scene, Fan
hurried on once more.

At length, near Blandford Square, she came against a crowd so large that
nothing short of a fight, or the immediate prospect of one, could have
caused it to collect at that late hour. A temporary opening of the crowd
enabled her to see into the middle of it, and there, in a small space
which had been made for them, two women stood defiantly facing each
other. The dim light from the windows of the public-house they had been
drinking in fell on their heads, and she instantly recognised them both:
one was her mother, excited by alcohol and anger; the other a tall, pale-
faced, but brawny-looking woman, known in the place as "Long 'Liza," a
noted brawler, once a neighbour of the Harrods in Moon Street, but now
just out of prison and burning to pay off old scores. In vain Fan
struggled to reach her mother; the ring of people closed up again; she
was flung roughly back and no regard paid to her piteous appeals and
sobs.

It was anguish to her to have to stand there powerless on the outer edge
of the ring of people, to listen to the frantic words of the insult and
challenge of the two women and the cries and cheers of the excited crowd.
But it was plain that a war of words was not enough to satisfy the
onlookers, that they were bent on making the women come to blows. The
crowd increased every moment; she was pushed further and further back,
and in the hubbub could only catch portions of what the two furious women
were saying.

"No, you won't fight, you ----; that's not your way, but wait till one's
down, and then.... And if you got six weeks with hard, it's a pity, I
say, as it wasn't six months.... But if I was a ---- blab like you I
could say worse things of you than you and your ---- Moon Street crew can
say of me any day.... And you'll out with it if you don't want your head
knocked on the stones for nothing.... Not by you, you ----; I'm ready, if
you want to try your strength with me, then we'll see whose head 'ull be
knocked on the stones.... Yes, I'll fight you fast enough, but first....
If you'll have it, where's the girl you send into the streets to beg? You
and your man to git drunk on the coppers she gits! More too if you'd like
to hear it.... But you can't say more, nor that neither, you ----....
Smash my teeth, then! Who was her father, or did the poor fool marry you
off the streets when he was drunk?"

With a scream and a curse her antagonist sprang at her, and in a moment
they were striking and tearing at each other like a couple of enraged
wild animals. With a burst of cheering the people pressed closer round,
but after a few moments they interposed and forcibly pulled the
combatants apart. Not that there was any ruth in their hearts, any
compassionate desire to shield these two miserable women of their own
class from their insane fury; their only fear was that the fighters would
exhaust themselves too soon, encumbered as they were with their jackets
and shawls. Not one in the throng remembered that he had an old mother, a
pale-faced wife and little children at home, and sisters, working-girls
perhaps. For the working-man has a sporting instinct as well as his
betters; he cannot gratify it by seeing stripped athletic men pounding
each other with their fists at Pelican Clubs; he has only the occasional
street fight to delight his soul, and the spectacle of two maddened women
tearing each other is not one to be ungrateful for.

Having pulled off their hats and stripped them to their corsets, their
friends and backers released them with encouraging words and slaps on the
back, just as dog-fighters set their dogs on each other. Again there were
yells and curses, tearing of hair and garments, and a blind, mad rain of
blows; until Long 'Liza, striking her foot on the curb, measured her
length on the stones, and instantly her adversary was down on her chest,
pounding her face with clenched fists.

Groans and shouts of protest arose from the onlookers, and then several
of them rushed in and dragged her off, after which the two women were set
on their feet and encouraged to renew the fight. Round after round was
fought with unabated fury, invariably ending by one going down, to be
stamped on, beaten, and kicked by her opponent until rescued by the
spectators, who wished only to prolong the contest. But the last round
ended more disastrously; locked in a close tussle, 'Liza exerted her
whole strength to lift her antagonist from the ground and hurl her down,
and succeeded, falling heavily on her, then quickly disengaging herself
she jumped on her as if with the object of trampling her life out, when
once more the spectators rushed in and dragged her off, still struggling
and yelling with baffled rage. But the fallen woman could not be roused;
the back of her head had struck the edge of the kerbstone; she was
senseless, and her loosened hair becoming saturated with fast-flowing
blood.

Fan, sobbing and pressing her hands together in anguish and terror, was
no longer kept back; as if by magic the crowd had dissipated, while half
a dozen men and women surrounded 'Liza and hurried her, still struggling
and cursing, from the ground. Fan was on her knees beside the fallen
woman, trying to raise her; but presently she was pushed roughly aside by
two policemen who had just arrived on the scene. Of the crowd, numbering
about a hundred and fifty persons, only a dozen or twenty men still
lingered on the spot, and some of these assisted the policemen in raising
the woman and bathing her head with cold water. Then, finding that she
was seriously injured, they put her into a four-wheeler and drove off to
St. Mary's Hospital.

Left alone, Fan stood for a few moments not knowing what to do, then she
set off running after the cab, crying as she ran; but it went too fast
for her, and before she got to the end of Crawford Street it was out of
sight. Still she kept on, and at last, crossing Edgware Road, plunged
into a wilderness of narrow dark streets, still hoping to reach St.
Mary's not long after the cab. But though well acquainted with the
hospital, and all the streets leading to it, on this occasion she became
bewildered, and after wandering about for some time, and feeling utterly
worn-out with her long fatiguing day and the painful emotions she had
experienced, she sat down on a doorstep in a lonely dark street, not
knowing where she had got to.

Then a poor woman came by and was able to direct her, and she hurried on
once more; but when close to the gate she met her father, who asked her
in a surly tone what she did there at that late hour. He had witnessed
the whole fight to the end, only keeping well in the background to escape
observation, and was just returning from the hospital when he met Fan.
Hearing that she was going to see her mother, he ordered her home, saying
that at the hospital they would admit no one at that hour, and that she
must go in the morning to inquire. Sick with grief and misery, she
followed him back to Moon Street, which they reached at about half-past
twelve.




CHAPTER III


Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday passed sadly and slowly enough, and at five
o'clock on the evening of the last day Fan was told at St. Mary's--that
Margaret Harrod was dead. During those three miserable days of suspense
she had spent most of her time hanging about the doors of the hospital,
going timidly at intervals to inquire, and to ask to be allowed to see
her mother. But her request was refused. Her mother was suffering from
concussion of the brain, besides other serious injuries, and continued
unconscious; nothing was to be gained by seeing her.

Without a word, without a tear, she turned away from the dreary gates and
walked slowly back to Moon Street; and at intervals on her homeward walk
she paused to gaze about her in a dazed way, like a person who had
wandered unknowingly into some distant place where everything wore a
strange look. The old familiar streets and buildings were there, the big
shop-windows full of cheap ticketed goods, the cab-stand and the
drinking-fountain, the omnibuses and perpetual streams of' foot-
passengers on the broad pavement. She knew it all so well, yet now it
looked so unfamiliar. She was a stranger, lost and alone there in that
place and everywhere. She was walking there like one in a dream, from
which there would be no more waking to the old reality; no more begging
pence from careless passers-by in the street; no more shrinking away and
hiding herself with an unutterable sense of shame and degradation from
the sight of some neighbour or old school acquaintance; no more going
about in terror of the persecution and foul language of the gangs of
grown-up boys and girls that spent their evenings in horse-play in the
streets; no more going home to the one being she loved, and who loved
her, whose affection supplied the food for which her heart hungered.

Arrived at her home, she did not go up as was her custom to her dreary
room at the top, but remained standing in the passage near the landlady's
door; and presently Mrs. Clark, coming out, discovered her there.

"Well, Fan, how's mother now?" she asked in a kind voice.

"She's dead," returned Fan, hanging her head.

"Dead! I thought it 'ud be that! Dear, dear! poor Margy, so strong as she
was only last Saturday, and dead! Poor Margy, poor dear--we was always
friendly"--here she wiped away a tear--"as good a soul as ever breathed!
_That_ she was, though she did die like that; but she never had a
chance, and went to the bad all on account of him. Dead, and he on the
drink--Lord only knows where he gits it--and lying there asleep in his
room, and his poor wife dead at the hospital, and never thinking how he's
going to pay the rent. I've stood it long enough for poor Margy, poor
dear, because we was friends like, and she'd her troubles the same as me,
but I ain't going to stand it from him. That I'll let him know fast
enough; and now she's dead he can take himself off, and good riddance.
But how're _you_ going to live--begging about the street? A big girl
like you--I'm ashamed of such goings on, and ain't going to have it in my
house."

Fan shook her head: the slow tears were beginning to fall now. "I'd do
anything for mother," she said, with a half sob, "but she's dead, and
I'll never beg more."

"That's a good girl, Fan. But you always was a good girl, I must say,
only they didn't do what's right by you. Now don't cry, poor dear, but
run up to your room and lie down; you're dead tired."

"I can't go there any more," murmured Fan, in a kind of despairing way.

"And what are you going to do? He'll do nothing for you, but 'll only
make you beg and abuse you. I know Joe Harrod, and only wish he'd got his
head broke instead of poor Margy. Ain't you got no relation you know of
to go to? She was country-bred, Margy was; she come from Norfolk, I often
heard her say."

"I've got no one," murmured Fan.

"Well, don't cry no more. Come in here; you look starved and tired to
death. When my man comes in you'll have tea with us, and I'll let you
sleep in my room. But, Fan, if Joe won't keep you and goes off and leaves
you, you'll have to go into the House, because _I_ couldn't keep
you, if I wanted ever so."

Fan followed her into her room on the ground-floor: there was a fire in
the grate, which threw a dim flickering light on the dusty-looking walls
and ceiling and the old shabby furniture, but it was very superior to the
Harrods' bare apartment, and to the poor girl it seemed a perfect haven
of rest. Retreating to a corner she sat down, and began slowly pondering
over the words the landlady had spoken. The "House" she had always been
taught to look on as a kind of prison where those who were unfit to live,
and could not live, and yet would not die, were put away out of sight.
For those who went to gaol for doing wrong there was hope; not so for the
penniless, friendless incapables who drifted or were dragged into the
dreary refuge of the "House." They might come out again when the weather
was warm, and try to renew the struggle in which they had suffered
defeat; but their case would be then like that of the fighter who has
been felled to the earth, and staggers up, half stunned and blinded with
blood, to renew the combat with an uninjured opponent. And yet the words
she had heard, while persistently remaining in her mind, did not impress
her very much then. She was tired and dazed, and had nothing to live for,
and was powerless to think and plan for herself: she was ready to go
wherever she was bidden, and ask no questions and make no trouble. So she
went and sat down in a dark corner, without making any reply. With eyes
closed and her tired head resting against the wall, she remained for half
an hour in that impassive state, saying no word in answer to Mrs. Clark's
occasional remarks, as she moved about preparing the six o'clock meal.

Then the husband came in, and being a silent man, said nothing when his
wife told him that Margaret was dead at the hospital. When she proceeded
to add that Joe would sell the sticks and go off, leaving Fan on their
hands, and that Fan would have to go to the House, he only nodded his
head and went on with his tea.

Fan drank her tea and ate her bread-and-butter, and then once more
returned to her seat, and after some time she fell asleep, leaning her
head against the wall. She woke with a start two hours later to find
herself alone in the room, but there was still some fire in the grate,
and a candle burning on the table. The heavy steps of a man on the stairs
had woke her, and she knew that Joe Harrod was coming down from his room.
He came and knocked at the door.

"Is Fan here?" he called huskily. "Where's the girl got to, I'd like to
know?"

She remained silent, shrinking back trembling in her corner; and after
waiting a while and getting no answer he went grumbling away, and
presently she heard him go out at the street door. Then she sprang to her
feet, and stood for a while intently listening, with a terror and hatred
of this man stronger than she had ever felt before urging her to fly and
place herself for ever beyond his reach. Somewhere in this great city she
might find a hiding-place; it was so vast; in all directions the great
thoroughfares stretched away into the infinite distance, bright all night
with the flaring gas and filled with crowds of people and the noise of
traffic; and branching off from the thoroughfares there were streets,
hundreds and thousands of streets, leading away into black silent lanes
and quiet refuges, in the shadow of vast silent buildings, and arches,
and gateways, where she might lie down and rest in safety. So strong on
her was this sudden impulse to fly, that she would have acted on it had
not Mrs. Clark returned at that moment to the room.

"Come, Fan, I've made you up a bed in my room, and if he comes bothering
for you to-night, I'll soon send him about his business. Don't you fear,
my girl."

Fan followed her silently to the adjoining room, where a bed of rugs and
blankets had been made for her on four or five chairs. For the present
she felt safe; but she could not sleep much, even on a bed made luxurious
by warmth, for thinking of the morrow; and finally she resolved to slip
away in the morning and make her escape.

At six o'clock next morning the Clarks were up, one to go to his work,
the other to make him his breakfast. When they had left the bedroom Fan
also got up and dressed herself in all haste, and after waiting till she
heard the man leave the house, she went into the next room, and Mrs.
Clark gave her some coffee and bread, and expressed surprise at seeing
her up so early. Fan answered that she was going out to look for
something to do.

"It's not a bit of use," said the other. "They won't look at you with
them things on. Just you stop in quiet, and I'll see he don't worry you;
but by-and-by you'll have to go to the House, for Joe Harrod's not the
man to take care of you. They'll feed you and give you decent clothes,
and that's something; and perhaps they'll send you to some place where
they take girls to learn them to be housemaids and kitchen-maids, and
things like that. Don't you go running about the streets, because it'll
come to no good, and I won't have it."

Fan had intended to ask her to let her go out and try just once, and when
once clear of the neighbourhood, to remain away, but Mrs. Clark had
spoken so sharply at the last, that she only hung her head and remained
silent.

But presently the opportunity came when the woman went away to look after
some domestic matter, and Fan, stealing softly to the door, opened it,
and finding no person in sight, made her escape in the direction of
Norfolk Crescent. Skirting the neighbourhood of squares and gardens and
large houses, she soon reached Praed[035] Street, and then the Harrow
Road, along which she hurriedly walked; and when it began to grow light
and the shopkeepers were taking down their shutters, she had crossed the
Regent's Canal, and found herself in a brick-and-mortar wilderness
entirely unknown to her.

Here she felt perfectly safe for the time, for the Clarks, she felt sure,
would trouble themselves no further about her, for she was nothing to
them; and as for Joe Harrod, she had heard them say that he would be
called that day to identify his wife's body at the inquest, and give his
evidence about the way in which she had met her death.

About these unknown streets Fan wandered for hours in an aimless kind of
way, not seeking work nor speaking to anyone; for the words Mrs. Clark
had spoken about the uselessness of seeking employment dressed as she was
still weighed on her mind and made her ashamed of addressing any person.
Towards noon hunger and fatigue began to make her very faint; and by-and-
by the short daylight would fail, and there would be no food and no
shelter for the night. This thought spurred her into action. She went
into a small side street of poor mean-looking houses and a few shops
scattered here and there among the private dwellings. Into one of these
--a small oil-shop, where she saw a woman behind the counter--she at last
ventured.

"What for you?" said the woman, the moment she put her foot inside the
door.

"Please do you want a girl to help with work--"

"No, I don't want a girl, and don't know anyone as does," said the woman
sharply; then turned away, not well pleased that this girl was no buyer
of an honest bundle of wood, a ha'porth of treacle, or a half-ounce of
one-and-four tea; for out of the profits of such small transactions she
had to maintain herself and children.

Fan went out; but by-and-by recovering a little courage, and urged by
need, she went into other shops, into all the shops in that mean little
street at last, but nobody wanted her, and in one or two instances she
was ordered out in sharp tones and followed by sharp eyes lest she should
carry off something concealed under her shawl.

Then she wandered on again, and at length finding a quiet spot, she sat
down to rest on a doorstep. The pale October sunshine which had been with
her up till now deserted her; it was growing cold and grey, and at last,
shivering and faint, she got up and walked aimlessly on once more,
resolving to go into the next shop she should come to, and to speak to
the next woman she should see standing at her door, with the hope of
finding someone at last to take her in and give her food and a place to
lie down in. But on coming to the shop she would pass on; and when she
saw a woman standing outside her door, with keen hard eyes looking her
from head to foot, she would drop her own and walk on; and at last,
through very weariness, she began to lose that painful apprehension of
the cold night spent out of doors; even her hunger seemed to leave her;
she wanted only to sit down and fall asleep and remember no more. By-and-
by she found herself again in the Harrow Road, but her brain was
confused, so that she did not know whether she was going east or west. It
was growing colder now and darker, and a grey mist was forming in the
air, and she could find no shelter anywhere from the cold and mud and
mist, and from the eyes of the passers-by that seemed to look so
pitilessly at her. The sole of one of her shoes was worn through, and the
cold flag-stones of the footway and the mud of the streets made her foot
numb, so that she could scarcely lift it. Near Paddington Green--for she
had been for some time walking back towards the Edgware Road--she paused
at the entrance of a short narrow street, running up to the canal. It had
a very squalid appearance, and a number of ragged children were running
about shouting at their play in it, but it was better than the
thoroughfare to rest in, and advancing a few yards, she paused on the
edge of the pavement and leant against a lamp-post. A few of the dirty
children came near and stared at her, then returned to their noisy sports
with the others. A little further on women were standing at their doors
exchanging remarks. Presently a thin sad-looking woman, in a rusty black
gown, carrying something wrapped in a piece of newspaper in her hand,
came by from the thoroughfare. She paused near Fan, looked at her once or
twice, and said:

"What name be you looking for? The numbers is mostly rubbed off the
doors. Maybe they never had none."

"I wasn't looking for anyone," said Fan.

"I thought you was, seeing you standing as if you didn't know where to
go, like."

Fan shook her head, feeling too tired to say anything. She had no friend,
no one she knew even in these poor tenements, and only wished to rest a
little there out of sight of the passing people. The woman was still
standing still, but not watching her.

"Maybe you're waiting for someone?" she suggested.

"No."

"No? you're not." And after a further interval she began studying the
little loosely-wrapped parcel in her hand; and finally, with slow
deliberation, she unfolded it. It contained a bloater: she felt it
carefully as though to make sure that it had a soft roe, and then smelt
it to make sure that it was good, after which she slowly wrapped it up
again. "Maybe you've no home to go to," she remarked tentatively, looking
away from Fan as if speaking to some imaginary person.

"No, I haven't," said Fan.

"You don't look a bad 'un. P'r'aps they treated you badly and you ran
away."

Fan nodded.

"And you've no place to go to, and no money?"

"No."

Again the woman's eyes wandered absently away; then she began studying
the parcel, and appeared about to unfold it once more, then thought
better of it, and at last said, still speaking in the same absent
mournful tone: "I've got a room to myself up there," indicating the upper
end of the street. "You can come and sleep along with me, if you like.
One bloater ain't much for two, but there's tea and bread, and that'll do
you good."

"Thank you, I'll come," said Fan, and moving along at her side they
walked about forty yards further on to an open door, before which stood a
dirty-looking woman with bare folded arms. She moved aside to let them
pass, and going in they went up to a top room, small and dingy, furnished
with a bed, a small deal table, one chair, and a deal box, which served
as a washing-stand. But there was a fire burning in the small grate, with
a kettle on; and a cottage loaf, an earthenware teapot with half its
spout broken off, and one cup and saucer, also a good deal damaged, were
on the table, the poor woman having made all preparations for her tea
before going out to buy her bloater.

"Take off your hat and sit here," she said, drawing her one cane-bottomed
chair near the fire.

Fan obeyed, putting her hat on the bed, and then sat warming herself, too
tired and sad to think of anything.

Meanwhile her hostess took off her boots and began quietly moving about
the room, which was uncarpeted, finishing her preparations for tea. The
herring was put down to toast before the coals and the tea made; then she
went downstairs and returned with a second cup. Finally she drew the
little table up to the bed, which would serve as a second seat. It was
all so strangely quiet there, with no sound except the kettle singing,
and the hissing and sputtering of the toasting herring, that the
unaccustomed silence had the effect of rousing the girl, and she glanced
at the woman moving so noiselessly about the room. She was not yet past
middle age, but had the coarsened look and furrowed skin of one whose lot
in life had been hard; her hair was thin and lustreless, sprinkled with
grey, and there was a faraway look of weary resignation in her dim blue
eyes. Fan pitied her, and remembering that but for this poor woman's
sympathy she would have been still out in the cold streets, with no
prospect of a shelter for the night, she bent down her face and began to
cry quietly.

The woman took no notice, but continued moving about in her subdued way,
until all was ready, and then going to the window she stood there gazing
out into the mist and darkness. Only when Fan had finished crying she
came back to the fireside, and they sat down to their tea. It was a
silent meal, but when it was over, and the few things washed and put
away, she drew the deal box up to the fire and sat down by Fan. Then they
talked a little: Fan told her that her mother was just dead, that she was
homeless and trying to find something to do for a living. The woman, on
her side, said she worked at a laundry close by. "But they don't want no
more hands there," she added, in a desponding way. "And you ain't fit for
such work neither. You must try to find something for yourself to-morrow,
and if you can't find nothing, which I don't think you will, come back
and sleep with me. It don't cost much to give you tea, and I ain't owing
any rent now, and it's company for me, so you needn't mind."

After this short conversation they went to bed and to sleep, for they
were both tired.




CHAPTER IV


The result of Fan's second day's search for employment proved no more
promising than the first. She wandered about the Westbourne Park
district, going as far west as Ladbroke Grove Road, still avoiding the
streets, gardens, and squares of the larger houses. But she was
apparently not good enough for even the humbler class of dwellings, for
no one would so much as ask her what she could do, or condescend to speak
to her, except in one house, to which she had been directed by a woman in
a greengrocer's shop; there she was scoffingly asked if she had a
"character" and decent clothes to wear.

When the woman who had given her shelter on the previous evening returned
at five o'clock from her work, she found Fan in Dudley Grove, for that
was the beautiful name of the slum she lived in, standing, as before,
beside the lamp-post; and after a few words of greeting took her to her
room. While preparing the tea she noticed the girl's weak and starved
condition, for Fan had eaten nothing all day, and went out and presently
returned with a better supply of food--brawn, and salt butter, and a
bundle of water-cress--quite a variety.

As on the evening before, they sat for a while by the small fire after
their meal, speaking a few words, and those not very hopeful ones, and
then presently they went to bed, and to sleep as soon as their heads
touched the pillow. After their modest breakfast next morning the woman
said:

"Are you going back to your friends to-day?"

Fan glanced at her in sudden fear and cast down her eyes.

"You was tired and had nothing to eat yesterday, and couldn't git nothing
to do. Didn't it make you wish to go back to them again?"

"No, I'll not go back. I've no friends," said Fan; and then she added
timidly, "You don't want me to come back here no more?"

"Yes; you come back if you don't find nothing. The tea and bread ain't
much, and I don't mind it, and it's company to me to have you."

And without more words they went out together, separating in the Harrow
Road.

On this morning Fan took a different route, and going south soon found
herself in wide, clean streets, among very big stuccoed and painted
houses. It was useless to seek for anything there, she thought, and yet
presently something happened in this place to put a new hope into her
heart. It was very early, and at some of the houses the cooks or kitchen-
maids were cleaning the doorsteps, and while passing one of these doors
she was accosted by the woman and asked if she would clean the steps. She
consented gladly enough, and received a penny in payment. Then she
remembered that she had often seen poor girls, ill-dressed as herself,
cleaning the steps of large houses, and had heard that the usual payment
was one penny for the task. After walking about for some time she began
timidly ringing the area bells of houses where the steps had not yet been
cleaned, and asking if a girl was wanted to do them. Almost invariably
she was sent away with an emphatic "No!" from a servant angry at being
disturbed; but twice again during that day she received a penny for step-
cleaning, so that she had earned threepence. After midday, finding she
could get no more work, and feeling faint with hunger, she bought a penny
loaf, and going to a shelter facing the fountains in Kensington Gardens,
made her modest dinner, and rested afterwards until it was time to return
to Dudley Grove.

In the evening as she sat by the fire after tea she gave an account of
her success, and exhibited the two remaining pence, offering them to the
poor woman who had sheltered her.

She only shook her head. "You'll maybe want something to eat to-morrow,"
she said; and presently continued, "Step-cleaning ain't no good. There's
too many at it. And you a growing girl, and always hungry, you'd starve
at it. Saturdays is not bad, because there's many houses where they only
clean the steps once a week, and they has a girl to do it. You might make
sixpence or a shilling on a Saturday. But other days is bad. You can't
live at it. There's nothing you can do to live."

Fan was profoundly discouraged; but thinking over the subject, she
remembered that she had seen other girls out on the same quest as herself
that day, and though all of them had a dirty draggled look, as was
natural considering the nature of the work, some of them, at all events,
looked well-fed, healthy, and not unhappy, and this had made her more
hopeful. At last she said:

"If other girls get their living at it, why can't I? If I could make
sixpence a day, couldn't I live on that?"

"No, nor yet on ninepence, nor yet on a shilling. You're a tall growing
girl, and you ain't strong, and you are hungry, and want your dinner in
the middle of the day; and if you don't get it, you'll be down ill, and
then what'll you do? You can't do it on sixpence, nor yet on a shilling,
because you've got no home to go to, and must pay for a room; and no one
to find you clothes and shoes, you must buy them. Them girls you see are
stronger than you, and have homes to go to, and don't go about like you
to find steps to clean, but go to the houses they know, where they always
clean the steps. And they don't get only a penny; they get tuppence, and
make a shilling a day--some of them as knows many houses; and on
Saturdays they make more'n three shillings. But you can't do it, because
you don't know nobody, and have no clothes and no home, and there's too
many before you."

It looked as if this poor woman had worked at step-cleaning herself for a
living, she was so pessimistic about it, and appeared to be so very
familiar with the whole subject. People never believe that a fortune is
to be made at any business in which they have been unsuccessful
themselves.

Fan was discouraged, but there was nothing else for her to do, and it was
hard for her to give up this one chance.

"Won't you let me try just a few days?" she asked at length.

"Yes, you can try; but it ain't no use, there's so many at it. In a few
days your clothes'll be dropping off you, and then what'll you do? It's
rough work, and not fit for a girl like you. I don't mind, because your
tea don't cost much, and it's company to have you here, as it ain't all
giving, but it's give-and-take like between us."

The same dreary words were repeated evening after evening, when Fan
returned from her daily peregrinations; but still the poor girl hoped
against hope, and clung desperately to the only occupation she had been
able to discover. It was a hard miserable life, and each succeeding day
only seemed to bring her nearer to the disastrous end prophesied by the
mournful laundrywoman of Dudley Grove. How weary she often was with
walking hour after hour, sometimes feeling so famished that she could
hardly refrain from picking up the orange-peels from the street to
appease the cruel pangs of hunger! And when she was more lucky and had
steps to clean, then the wet and grime of the hearthstone made her poor
gown more worn and soiled and evil-looking than ever, while her shoes
were in such a state that it was hard, by much mending every evening, to
keep them from falling to pieces. Every day seemed to bring her nearer to
the end, when she would be compelled to sit down and say "I can do no
more--I must starve"; yet with the little renewal of strength which the
evening meal and drearily-expressed sympathy of her friend and the
night's rest would bring her, she would go forth each morning to wander
about for another day.

Ten or twelve days had gone by in this way, and acting on a little
practical advice given by the poor laundrywoman, she had forsaken the
neighbourhood of squares and big houses close to Hyde Park to go further
afield into the district lying west of Westbourne Grove, where the houses
were smaller, and fewer servants were kept in them.

About ten o'clock one morning she stopped before a house in Dawson Place,
a wide clean street of pretty detached, moderate-sized houses, each with
a garden in front and a larger garden and trees behind. The house had a
trim well-kept appearance, and five or six broad white steps led up to
the front door, which was painted deep blue. Fan, looking critically at
the steps, could not make out whether they had been already cleaned or
not, so white and clean, yet dry, did they look. And the steps of all the
houses in Dawson Place had the same white look, so that there seemed no
chance of anything for her to do there; but she felt tired already, and
stood resting beside the area gate, not venturing to ring.

By-and-by the front door opened and a lady came out and down the steps,
and on reaching the pavement stood still and looked hard at Fan. She was
tall, and had a round shapely figure, a well-developed bust, and looked
about five-and-twenty years old. Fan thought her marvellously beautiful,
but felt a little frightened in her presence, she was so tall and
stately, and her face had such a frowning, haughty expression. Beautiful
women-faces had always had a kind of fascination for her--the gentle,
refined face, on which she would gaze with a secret intense pleasure, and
a longing to hear some loving word addressed to herself from a sister
with sweet lips, so strong that it was like a sharp pain at her heart.
The proud masterful expression of this beautiful face affected her
differently--she feared as well as admired.

The lady was fashionably dressed, and wore a long dark blue velvet
jacket, deeply trimmed with brown fur, and under the shadow of a rather
broad fur hat her hair looked very black and glossy; her straight
eyebrows were also black, and her eyes very dark, full and penetrating.
Her skin was of that beautiful rich red colour not often seen in London
ladies, and more common in Ireland than in England. Her features were
fine, the nose slightly aquiline, the red lips less full, and the mouth
smaller than is usual in faces of so luxuriant a type; a shapely,
beautiful mouth, which would have been very sweet but for its trick of
looking scornful.

"What do you want?" she said in a sharp imperative tone--just the tone
one would have expected from so imperious-looking a dame.

"Please, do you want the steps cleaned?" Fan asked very timidly.

"No, of course not. What an absurd little goose you must be to ask such a
thing! Servants are kept for such a purpose."

For a few moments Fan still remained standing there, her eyes cast down,
then shyly glanced up at that richly-coloured beautiful face, and
encountered the dark strong eyes intently watching her.

"Yes, you may clean them," said the lady. "When you have finished go down
to the kitchen, and tell the cook to pay you and give you something to
eat." Then she walked away, but after going about a dozen yards, came
back and sharply rang the area-bell to bring out the cook, and repeated
the order to her.

"Very well, ma'am," said the cook, wiping her hands on her apron; but she
did not return at once to her kitchen, for her mistress was still
standing there watching Fan.

"Never mind, cook, you needn't pay her," said the lady, speaking again.
"Let her wait in the kitchen till I return. I am going to the Grove, and
shall be back in half an hour."

Then she walked away, her head well up, and with that stately bird-like
gait seen in some women. When Fan had finished the steps she went into
the kitchen, and the cook gave her some bread and cheese and a glass of
ale, which revived her and made her more strong and hopeful than she had
felt for many a day. Then she began to wonder what the fine lady was
going to say to her, and whether she would give her twopence instead of
the usual penny. Or perhaps it was intended to present her with an old
gown or pair of boots. Such things had happened, she knew, and the
thought that such a thing might happen again, and to her, made her heart
beat fast; and though it was so pleasant resting there in that bright
warm kitchen, she began to wish for the lady's return, so that her
suspense might end. And while she sat there occupied with her thoughts,
the cook, a staid-looking woman of about forty--the usual age of the
London cook--made up her fire and went about doing a variety of things,
taking no notice of her guest.

Then the housemaid came running down the stairs singing into the kitchen,
dusting-brush and dust-pan in her hands--a pretty girl with dark merry
bright eyes, and her brown hair worn frizzled on her forehead.

"My!" she exclaimed, starting back at seeing Fan. And after surveying her
for some time with a mocking smile playing about the corners of her
pretty ripe mouth, she said, "Is this one of your poor relations, Mrs.
Topping?"

"No, Rosie; that she ain't. The missus gave her the steps to clean, and
told her to wait here till she got back."

The maid burst into a ringing peal of laughter. "Fancy, Miss Starbrow!"
she exclaimed. "Where do you come from?" she continued, addressing Fan.
"Whitechapel? Seven Dials?"

Fan reddened with shame and anger, and refused to reply: stubborn silence
was her only shield against those who scoffed at her extreme poverty; and
that this pretty girl was mocking her she knew very well. Then the maid
sat down and stared at her, and amused herself and fellow-servant with
malicious comments on Fan's dress.

"May I ask you, miss, where you got that lovely hat?" she said. "From
Madame Elise? Why, of course, how could I ask! I assure you it is most
charmingly becoming. I shall try to get one like it, but I'm afraid I
can't go beyond six guineas. And your shawl--a Cashmere, I see. A present
from her Majesty, no doubt."

"Oh, do be quiet, Rosie; you'll kill me!" cried the cook, overcome with
laughter at such exquisite wit. But Rosie, seeing the effects of it, only
became more lively and satirical, until Fan, goaded beyond endurance,
started up from her seat, determined to make her escape. Fortunately at
that moment the lady of the house returned, and the maid scampered off to
open the door to her. Soon she returned and dropped Fan a mocking
curtsey. "Please follow me this way," she said. "Miss Starbrow regrets
that she has been detained so long, and is now quite ready to receive
you."

Fan followed her up the kitchen stairs to the hall, where Miss Starbrow,
with her hat on as she had come in, stood waiting to see her. She looked
keenly at the girl's flushed and tearful face, and turned to Rosie for an
explanation; but that lively damsel, foreseeing storms, had already
vanished up the stairs.

"Has she been teasing you?" said the lady. "Well, never mind, don't think
any more about it. She's an impudent hussy, I know--they all are, and one
has to put up with them. Now sit down here and tell me your name, and
where you live, and all about yourself, and why you go out cleaning steps
for a living."

Then she also sat down and listened patiently, aiding with an occasional
question, while the girl in a timid, hesitating way related the principal
events in her unhappy life.

"Poor girl!" was Miss Starbrow's comment when the narrative was finished.
She had drawn off her glove and now took Fan's hand in hers. "How can you
do that hard rough work with such poor thin little hands?" she said. "Let
me look at your eyes again--it is so strange that you should have such
eyes! You don't seem like a child of such people as your parents were."

Fan glanced timidly at her again, her eyes brightening, a red colour
flushing her pale cheeks, and her lips quivering.

"You have an eloquent face--what do you wish to say?" asked the lady.

Fan still hesitated.

"Trust me, my poor girl, and I shall help you. Then is something in your
mind you would like to say."

Then Fan, losing all fear, said:

_"He_ was not my father--the man that married mother. My father was
a gentleman, but I don't know his name."

"I can very well believe it. Especially when I look at your eyes."

"Mother said my eyes were just like my father's," said Fan, with growing
confidence and a touch of pride.

"Perhaps they are like his in one way, my poor girl," said the other, a
little frown clouding her forehead. "In another way they are very
different, I should think. No one who ever did a cruel thing could have
had that expression in his eyes."

After sitting in silence for some time, still with that frown on her
beautiful face, her eyes resting thoughtfully on the tessellated floor,
she roused herself, and taking out her purse, gave Fan half-a-crown.

"Go home now," she said, "and come again to-morrow at the same hour."

Fan went from the door with a novel sense of happiness filling her heart.
At intervals she took out the half-crown from her pocket to look at it.
What a great broad noble coin it looked to her eyes! It was old--nearly
seventy years old--and the lines on it were blurred, and yet it seemed
wonderfully bright and beautiful to Fan; even the face of George the
Third on it, which had never been called beautiful, now really seemed so
to her. But very soon she ceased thinking about the half-crown and all
that it represented; it was not that which caused the strange happiness
in her heart, but the gentle compassionate words that the proud-looking
lady had spoken to her. Never before had so sweet an experience come to
her; how long it would live in her memory--the strange tender words, the
kindly expression of the eyes, the touch of the soft white hand--to
refresh her like wine in days of hunger and weariness!

It was early still in the day, and many hours before she could return to
Dudley Grove; and so she continued roaming about, and found another
doorstep to clean, and received threepence for cleaning it, to her
surprise. With the threepence she bought all the food she required. The
half-crown she would not break into; that must be shown to the poor
washer-woman just as she had received it. When the woman saw it in the
evening she was very much astonished, and expressed the feeling, if it be
not a contradiction to say so, by observing a long profound silence. But
like the famous parrot she "thought the more," and at length she gave it
as her opinion that the lady intended taking Fan as a servant in her
house.

"Oh, do you really think so?" exclaimed Fan, becoming excited at the
prospect of such happiness. And after a while she added, "Then I'll leave
you the half-crown for all you've done for me."

The poor woman would not listen to such a proposal; but next morning she
consented to take charge of it, promising, if Fan should not return, to
use it.




CHAPTER V


Fan did not fail to be at Dawson Place at the time, or a little before
the time, appointed. "Oh, I hope that girl won't open the door when I
ring," she said to herself, giving the door-bell a little hesitating
pull. But the summons was promptly answered by the undesirable person in
question, and she greeted the visitor with a mocking curtsey. She had
little time, however, in which to make Fan miserable, for Miss Starbrow
was quickly on the scene, looking very gracious and very beautiful in a
dark red morning gown.

"Come here and sit down," she said, placing herself in one hall chair and
making Fan take the other. "Now listen. Would you like to come and live
here as my servant? You are not fit for such a place, I know--at all
events, not at present; and I should not put you with the other servants,
and upstairs you could do nothing. However that does not signify. The
thing is this. If you would like to come and live with me you must stay
here now, and never go back to those places where you have lived, and try
if possible to forget all about them."

"Oh yes, ma'am, I promise!" she replied, trembling with joy at the very
thought of escaping from that life of bitter want and anxiety.

"Very well, that's settled then. Come this way with me."

She then led the way to a large bath-room, a few steps above the
first-floor landing.

"Now," she said, "undress yourself, and put all your clothes and hat and
shoes in a bundle in the corner--they are shocking to look at, and must
be taken away--and give yourself a hot bath. See, I am turning on the
water for you. That will be enough. And stay in as long as you like, or
can, and try not only to wash off all the dirt on your skin, but all
thought and recollection of Moon Street and Harrow Road and doorsteps,
and all the foul evil things you have seen and heard in your life; and
when you have washed all that off, Fan, and dried yourself, wrap this
shawl around you, and run into that open room you see facing the bath."

Left to herself, Fan proceeded to obey the instructions she had received.
It was a great luxury to be in that smooth enamelled basin, where she
could lie at full length and move her limbs freely about, experiencing
the delicious sensation of the hot water over her whole body at the same
time.

In the dressing-room she found her mistress waiting for her. There were
clothes there ready for her, and now, for the first time in her life, she
dressed herself in new, clean, sweet garments, over all a gown of a soft
grey material, loose at the waist, and reaching nearly to the ankles--a
kind of "Maid Marian" costume. There were also black stockings and new
shoes. Everything fitted well, although they had all been made the day
before by guess in Westbourne Grove.

Miss Starbrow made her stand in the middle of the room, and turned her
round, while Fan glanced shyly at her own reflection in the tall cheval-
glass, almost wondering "if this be I."

"Yes, that will do well enough for the present," said her mistress. "But
your hair is all uneven, Fan, and such lovely hair to be spoilt by
barbarous neglect. Let me cut it even for you, and by-and-by we'll find
out how to arrange it. Well, no; just now it looks best hanging loose on
your back. When it grows long again, we'll put it up. Now come here to
the light, and let me, see what you're like. Nearly fifteen years old,
and pale and very thin, poor girl, which makes you look tall. Golden
hair, good features, and a very pure skin for a girl who has lived a
grimy life. And your eyes--don't be afraid to show them, Fan. If you had
not looked at me yesterday with those eyes, I should have thought no more
about you. Long lashes. Eyes grey--yes, grey decidedly, though at times
they look almost sapphire blue; but the pupils are so large--that is
perhaps the secret of their pathetic expression. That will do. You think
it strange, do you not, Fan? that I should take you into my house and
clothe you--a poor homeless girl; for I don't suppose that you can do
anything for me, and you will therefore only be an extra expense. A great
piece of folly, my friends would probably say. But don't be afraid, I
care nothing for what others say. What I do, I do only to please myself,
and not others. If I am disappointed in you, and find you different from
what I imagine, I shall not keep you, and there will be an end of it all.
Now don't look so cast-down; I believe that you are at heart a good,
pure, truthful girl. I think I can see that much in your eyes, Fan. And
there is, after all, something you can do for me--something which few can
do, or do so well, which will be sufficient payment for all I am doing
for you."

"Oh, ma'am, will you please tell me what it is?" exclaimed Fan, her voice
trembling with eagerness.

"Perhaps you will do it without my telling you, Fan. I shall leave you to
think about it and find out what it is for yourself. I must only tell you
this; I have not taken you into my house because I am charitable and like
doing good to the poor. I am not charitable, and care nothing about the
poor. I have taken you in for my own pleasure; and as I think well of
you, I am going to trust you implicitly. You may stay in this room when I
am out, or go into the back room on this floor, where you can look out on
the garden, and amuse yourself with the books and pictures till I come
back. I am going out now, and at one o'clock Rosie will give you some
dinner. Take no notice of her if she teases you. Mind me, and not the
servants--they are nothing."

Miss Starbrow then changed her dress and went out, leaving Fan to her own
devices, wondering what it was that she could do for her mistress, and
feeling a little trouble about the maid who would give her her dinner at
one o'clock; and after a while she went to explore that apartment at the
back Miss Starbrow had spoken of. It was a large room, nearly square,
with cream-coloured walls and dark red dado, and a polished floor, partly
covered with a Turkish carpet; but there was very little furniture in it,
and the atmosphere seemed chill and heavy, for it was the old unrenewed
air of a room that was never used. On a large centre table a number of
artistic objects were lying together in a promiscuous jumble: Japanese
knick-knacks; an ivory card-case that had lost its cover, and a broken-
bladed paper-knife; glove and collar and work-boxes of sandal-wood,
mother-of-pearl, and papier-mache, with broken hinges; faded fans and
chipped paper-weights; gorgeous picture-books with loosened covers, and a
magnificent portrait-album which had been deflowered and had nothing left
in it but the old and ugly, the commonplace middle-aged, and the vapid
young; with many other things besides, all more or less defective.

This round table seemed like an asylum and last resting-place of things
which had never been useful, and had ceased to be ornamental, which were
yet not quite bad enough to be thrown into the dust-bin. To Fan it was a
sort of South Kensington Museum, where she was permitted to handle things
freely, and for some time she continued inspecting these rich treasures,
after which she once more began to glance round the room. Such a stately
room, large enough to shelter two or three families, so richly decorated
with its red and cream colours, yet silent and cold and dusty and
untenanted! On the mantelpiece of grey marble stood a large ornamental
clock, which ticked not and the hands of which were stationary, supported
on each side by bronzes--a stalwart warrior in a coat of mail in the act
of drawing his sword, and a long-haired melancholy minstrel playing on a
guitar. A few landscapes in oil were also hanging on the walls--
representations of that ideal world of green shade and peace which was so
often in Fan's mind. Facing the fireplace stood a tall bookcase, and
opening it she selected a book full of poetry and pictures, and took it
to an old sofa, or couch, to read. The sofa was under the large window,
which had panes of coloured glass, and remembering that Miss Starbrow had
told her that it looked on to the garden, she got on to the sofa and
pushed the heavy sash up.

There was a good-sized garden without, and trees in it--poplar, lime, and
thorn, now nearly leafless; but it was very pleasant to see them and to
feel the mild autumn air on her face, so pleasant that Fan thought no
more about her book. Ivy grew in abundance against the walls of the
garden, and there were laurel and other evergreen shrubs in it, and a few
China asters--white, red, and purple--still blooming. No sound came to
her at that quiet back window, except the loud glad chirruping of the
sparrows that had their home there. How still and peaceful it seemed! The
pale October sunshine--pale, but never had sunshine seemed so divine, so
like a glory shining on earth from the far heavenly throne--fell lighting
up the dark leaves of ivy and laurel, stiff and green and motionless as
if cut out of malachite, and the splendid red and purple shields of the
asters; and filling the little dun-coloured birds with such joy that
their loud chirping grew to a kind of ringing melody.

Oh, that dark forsaken room in Moon Street, full of bitter memories of
miserable years! Oh, poor dead mother lying for ever silent and cold in
the dark earth! Oh, poor world-weary woman in Dudley Grove, and all the
countless thousands that lived toiling, hungry, hopeless lives in squalid
London tenements--why had she, Fan, been so favoured as to be carried
away from it all into this sweet restful place? Why--why? Then, even
while she asked, wondering, thinking that it was all like a strange
beautiful dream, unable yet to realise it, suddenly as by inspiration the
meaning of the words Miss Starbrow had spoken to her flashed into her
mind; and the thought made her tremble, the blood rushed to her face, and
she felt her eyes growing dim with tears of joy. Was it true, could it be
true, that this proud, beautiful lady--how much more beautiful now to
Fan's mind than all other women!--really loved her, and that to be loved
was all she desired in return? She was on her knees on the sofa, her arms
resting on the window-sill, and forgetful now of the sunshine and leaves
and flowers, and of the birds on the brown twigs talking together in
their glad ringing language, she closed her eyes and resigned herself
wholly to this delicious thought.

"Oh, here you are, sly little cat! Who said you might come into this
room?"

Fan, starting up in alarm, found herself confronted with the pretty
housemaid. But the pretty eyes were sparkling vindictively, the breath
coming short and quick, and the pretty face was white with resentment.

"The lady told me to come here," returned Fan, still a little frightened.

"Oh, did she! and pray what else did she tell you? And don't lie, because
I shall find you out if you do."

Fan was silent.

"You won't speak, you little sneak! When your mistress is out you must
mind _me_--do you hear? Go instantly and take your filthy rags to
the dust-bin, and ask cook for a bottle of carbolic acid to throw over
them. We don't want any of your nasty infectious fevers brought here, if
you please."

Fan hesitated a few moments, and then replied, "I'll only do what the
lady tells me."

"You'll only do what the lady tells you!" she repeated, with a mocking
whine. Then, in unconscious imitation of the scornful caterpillar in the
wonderful story of Alice, she added, "You! And who are _you_! Shall
I tell you what you are? A filthy, ragged little beggar picked out of the
gutter, a sneaking area thief, put into the house for a spy! You vile
cat, you! A starving mangy cur! Yes, I'll give you your dinner; I'll feed
you on swill and dog-biscuits, and that's better than you ever had in
your life. You, a diseased, pasty-faced little street-walker, too bad
even for the slums, to keep you, to be dressed up and waited on by
respectable servants! How dare you come into this house! I'd like to
wring your miserable sick-chicken's neck for you!"

She was in a boiling rage, and stamped her foot and poured out her words
so rapidly that they almost ran into each other; but Fan's whole previous
life had served to make her indifferent to hard words, however unjust,
and the housemaid's torrent of abuse had not the least effect.

Rosie, on her side, finding that her rage was wasted, sat down to recover
herself, and then began to jeer at her victim, criticising her
appearance, and asking her for the cast-off garments--"for which your
la'ship will have no further use." Finding that her ridicule was received
in the same silent passive way, she became more demonstrative.
"Somebody's been trimming you," she said. "I s'pose Miss Starbrow was
your barber--a nice thing for a lady! Well, I never! But there's one
thing she forgot. Here's a pair of scissors. Now, little sick monkey, sit
still while I trim your eyelashes. It'll be a great improvement, I'm
sure. Oh, you won't! Well, then I'll soon make you." And putting the pair
of small scissors between her lips, she seized Fan by the arms and tried
to force her down on the sofa. Fan resisted silently and with all her
strength, but her strength was by no means equal to Rosie's, and after a
desperate struggle she was overcome and thrown on to the couch.

"Now, will you be quiet and let me trim you!" said the maid.

"No."

In speaking, Rosie had dropped the scissors from her mouth, and not being
able to use her hands occupied in holding her victim down, she could do
nothing worse than make faces, thrust out her tongue, and finally spit at
Fan. Then she thought of something better. "If you won't be quiet and let
me trim you," she said, "I'll pinch your arms till they're black and
blue."

No reply being given, she proceeded to carry out her threat, and Fan set
her teeth together and turned her face away to hide the tears. At length
the other, tired of the struggle, released her. Fan bared her arm,
displaying a large discoloration, and moistened it with her mouth to
soothe the pain. She had a good deal of experience in bruises. "It'll be
black by-and-by," she said, "and I'll show it to the lady when she comes
back."

"Oh, you'll show it to her, you little tell-tale sneak! Then I'll be even
with you and put rat's-bane in your dinner."

"Why don't you leave me alone, then?" said Fan.

Rosie considered for some time, and finally said, "I'll leave you alone
if you'll tell me what you are here for--everything about yourself, mind,
and no lies; and what Miss Starbrow is going to do with you."

"I don't know, and I sha'n't say a word more," returned Fan, whereupon
Rosie slapped her face and ran out of the room.

In spite of the rough handling she had been subjected to, and the pain in
her arm, Fan very soon recovered her composure. Her happiness was too
great to be spoiled by so small a matter, and very soon she returned to
her place at the open window and to her pleasant thoughts.

About midday the maid came again bringing a tray. "Here's your food,
starved puppy; lap it up, and may it choke you," she said, and left the
room.

After she had been gone a few minutes, Fan, beginning to feel hungry,
went to the table, and found a plate of stewed meat and vegetables, with
bread and cheese, and a glass of ale. But over it all Rosie had carefully
sprinkled ashes, and had also dropped a few pinches into the ale, making
it thick and muddy. Now, although on any previous day of her hungry
orphaned existence she would have wiped off the ashes and eaten the food,
on this occasion she determined not to touch it. Her new surroundings and
dress, and the thought that she was no longer without someone to care for
her, had served to inspire in her a pride which was stronger than hunger.
Presently she noticed that the door had a key to it, and in her
indignation at the maid's persecution she ran and locked it, resolved to
let the dinner remain there untasted until Miss Starbrow should return.

Presently Rosie came back, and finding the door locked, began knocking
and calling. "Open, you cat!" she cried. "I must take the things down,
now you've gobbled up your pig's food. Open, you spiteful little devil!"

"I haven't touched the dinner, and I sha'n't open the door till the lady
comes," she answered, and would say no more.

After a good deal more abuse, Rosie in despair went away; but presently
the cook came up, and Fan opened to her. She had a second supply of food
and beer, without any ashes in it this time, and put it on the table.
"Now, have your dinner, miss," she said, with mock humility. She was
taking away the first tray, but at the door she paused and, looking back,
said, "You won't say nothing to the missus, will you, miss?"

"If she'll let me be I'll not say anything," said Fan.

"Very well, miss, she won't trouble you no more. But, lors, she don't
mean no harm; it's only her little funny ways." And having thus explained
and smoothed matters over, she went off to the kitchen.

About five o'clock Miss Starbrow came in and found Fan still sitting by
the open window in the darkening room.

"Why, my poor girl, you must be half frozen," she said, coming to the
sofa.

But how little Fan felt the chill evening air, when she started up at the
kind greeting, her eyes brightening and her face flushing with that
strange new happiness now warming her blood and making her heart beat
quick!

"Oh no, ma'am, I'm not a bit cold," she said.

The other pulled off her glove and touched the girl's cheek with her
fingers.

"Your skin feels cold enough, anyhow," she returned. "Come into my room;
it is warmer there."

Fan followed into the adjoining large bedroom, where a bright fire was
burning in the grate; and Miss Starbrow, taking off her hat and cloak,
sat down. After regarding the girl for some time in silence, she said
with a little laugh, "What can I do with you, Fan?"

Fan was troubled at this, and glanced anxiously at the other's face, only
to drop her eyes abashed again; but at last, plucking up a little
courage, she said:

"Will you please let me do something in the house, ma'am?" And after a
few moments she added, "I wish I could do something, and--and be your
servant."

Miss Starbrow laughed again, and then frowned a little and sat silent for
some time.

"The fact is," she said at length, "now that you are here I don't quite
know what to do with you. However, that doesn't signify. I took you for
my own pleasure, and it doesn't make much difference to have you in the
house, and if it did I shouldn't care. But you must look after yourself
for the present, as I have just got rid of one servant and there are only
two to do everything. They are anxious for me not to engage a third just
now, and prefer to do all the work themselves, which means, I suppose,
that there will be more plunder to divide between them."

"And can't I help, ma'am?" said Fan, whose last words had not yet been
answered.

"I fancy you would look out of place doing housework," said Miss
Starbrow. "It strikes me that you are not suited for that sort of thing.
If it hadn't been so, I shouldn't have noticed you. The only way in which
I should care to employ you would be as lady's-maid, and for that you are
unfit. Perhaps I shall have you taught needlework and that kind of thing
by-and-by, but I am not going to bother about it just now. For the
present we must jog along just how we can, and you must try to make
yourself as happy as you can by yourself."

Just then the housemaid came up with tea for her mistress.

"Get me another cup--a large one, and some more bread-and-butter," said
Miss Starbrow.

"The young person's tea is in the back room, ma'am," returned Rosie, with
a tremor in her voice.

Miss Starbrow looked at her, but without speaking; the maid instantly
retired to obey the order, and when she set the cup and plate of bread-
and-butter on the tray her hand trembled, while her mistress, with a
slight smile on her lips, watched her face, white with suppressed rage.

After tea, during which Miss Starbrow had been strangely kind and gentle
to the girl, she said:

"Perhaps you can help me take off my dress, Fan, and comb out my hair."

This was strange work for Fan, but her intense desire to do something for
her mistress partly compensated for her ignorance and awkwardness, and
after a little while she found that combing those long rich black tresses
was an easy and very delightful task. Miss Starbrow sat with eyes half-
closed before the glass, only speaking once or twice to tell Fan not to
hurry.

"The longer you are with my hair the better I like it," she said.

Fan was only too glad to prolong the task; it was such a pleasure to feel
the hair of this woman who was now so much to her; if the glass had not
been before them--the glass in which from time to time she saw the half-
closed eyes studying her face--she would more than once have touched the
dark tresses she held in her hand to her lips.

Miss Starbrow, however, spoke no more to her, but finishing her dressing
went down to her seven o'clock dinner, leaving Fan alone by the fire.
After dinner she came up again and sat by the bedroom fire in the dark
room. Then Rosie came up to her.

"Captain Horton is in the drawing-room, ma'am," she said.

Miss Starbrow rose to go to her visitor.

"You can stay where you are, Fan, until bed-time," she said. "And by-and-
by the maid will give you some supper in the back room. Is Rosie impudent
to you--how has she been treating you to-day?"

Fan was filled with distress, remembering her promise, and cast down her
eyes.

"Very well, say nothing; that's the best way, Fan. Take no notice of what
anyone says to you. Servants are always vile, spiteful creatures, and
will act after their kind. Good-night, my girl," and with that she went
downstairs.

Fan sat there for half an hour longer in the grateful twilight and warmth
of that luxurious room, and then Rosie's voice startled her crying at the
door:

"Doggie! doggie! come and have its supper."

Fan got up and went to the next room, where her supper and a lighted lamp
were on the centre table. Rosie followed her.

"Can you tell the truth?" she said.

"Yes," returned Fan.

"Well, then, have you told Miss Starbrow?"

"No."

"Did she ask you anything?"

"Yes, and I didn't tell her."

"Oh, how very kind!" said Rosie; and giving her a box on the ear, ran out
of the room.

Not much hurt, and not caring much, Fan sat down to her supper. Returning
to the bedroom she heard the sound of the piano, and paused on the
landing to listen. Then a fine baritone voice began singing, and was
succeeded by a woman's voice, a rich contralto, for they were singing a
duet; and voice following voice, and anon mingling in passionate harmony,
the song floated out loud from the open door, and rose and seemed to fill
the whole house, while Fan stood there listening, trembling with joy at
the sound.

The singing and playing continued for upwards of an hour, and Fan still
kept her place, until the maid came up with a candle to show her to her
bedroom. They went up together to the next floor into a small neatly-
furnished room which had been prepared for her.

"Here's your room," said Rosie, setting down the candle on the table,
"and now I'm going to give you a good spanking before you go to bed."

"If you touch me again I'll scream and tell Miss Starbrow everything,"
said Fan, plucking up a spirit.

Rosie shut and locked the door. "Now you can scream your loudest, cat,
and she'll not hear a sound."

For a few moments Fan did not know what to do to save herself; then all
at once the memory of some old violent wrangle came to her aid, and
springing forward she blew out the candle and softly retreated to a
corner of the room, where she remained silent and expectant.

"You little wretch!" exclaimed the other. "Speak, or I'll kill you!" But
there was no answer. For some time Rosie stumbled about until she found
the door, and after some jeering words retreated downstairs, leaving Fan
in the dark.

She had defeated her enemy this time, and quickly locking the door, went
to bed without a light.




CHAPTER VI


The next few days, although very sweet and full to Fan, were uneventful;
then, early on a Wednesday evening, once more Miss Starbrow made her sit
with her at her bedroom fire and talked to her for a long time.

"What did you tell me your name is?" she asked.

"Frances Harrod."

"I don't like it. I call it _horrid_. It was only your stepfather's
name according to your account, and I must find you a different one. Do
you know what your mother's name was--before she married, I mean?"

"Oh yes, ma'am; it was Margaret Affleck."

"Affleck. It is not common and not ugly. Frances Affleck--that sounds
better. Yes, that will do; your name, as long as you live with me, shall
be Affleck; you must not forget that."

"No, ma'am," Fan replied humbly. But she had some doubts, and after a
while said, "But can you change my name, ma'am?"

"Change your name! Why, of course I can. It is just as easy to do that as
to give you a new dress; easier in fact. And what do you know, Fan? What
did they teach you at the Board School? Reading, I suppose; very well,
take this book and read to me."

She took the book, but felt strangely nervous at this unexpected call to
display her accomplishments, and began hurriedly reading in a low voice.

Miss Starbrow laughed.

"I can't stand that, Fan," she said. "You might be gabbling Dutch or
Hindustani. And you are running on without a single pause. Even a bee
hovering about the flowers has an occasional comma, or colon, or full
stop in its humming. Try once more, but not so fast and a little louder."

The good-humoured tone in which she spoke served to reassure Fan; and
knowing that she could do better, and getting over her nervousness, she
began again, and this time Miss Starbrow let her finish the page.

"You _can_ read, I find. Better, I think, than any of the maids I
have had. You have a very nice expressive voice, and you will do better
when you read a book through from the beginning, and feel interested in
it. I shall let you read every day to me. What else did you learn--
writing?"

"Yes, ma'am, I always got a high mark for that. And we had Scripture
lessons, and grammar, and composition, and arithmetic, and geography; and
when I was in the fifth form I had history and drawing."

"History and drawing--well, what next, I wonder! That's what we are taxed
a shilling in the pound for, to give education to a--well, never mind.
But can you really draw, Fan? Here's pencil and paper, just draw
something for me."

"What shall I draw, ma'am?" she said, taking the pencil and feeling
nervous again.

"Oh, anything you like."

Now it happened that her drawing lessons had always given her more
pleasure than anything else at school, but owing to Joe Harrod's having
taken her away as soon as he was allowed to do so, they had not continued
long. Still, even in a short time she had made some progress; and even
after leaving school she had continued to find a mournful pleasure in
depicting leaf and flower forms. Left to choose her own subject, she
naturally began sketching a flower--a-rosebud, half-open, with leaves.

"Don't hurry, Fan, as you did with your reading. The slower you are the
better it will be," said Miss Starbrow, taking up a volume and beginning
to read, or pretending to read, for her eyes were on the face of the girl
most of the time.

Fan, happily unconscious of the other's regard, gave eight or ten minutes
to her drawing, and then Miss Starbrow took it in her hands to examine
it.

"This is really very well done," she said, "but what in goodness' name
did they teach you drawing for!' What would be the use of it after
leaving school? Well, yes, it might be useful in one way. It astonishes
me to think how you were trying to live, Fan. You were certainly not fit
for that hard rough work, and would have starved at it. You were made,
body and mind, in a more delicate mould, and for something better. I
think that with all you have learnt at school, and with your appearance,
especially with those truthful eyes of yours and that sweet voice, you
might have got a place as nursery governess, to teach small children, or
something of that sort. Why did you go starving about the streets, Fan?"

"But no one would take me with such clothes, ma'am. They wouldn't look at
me or speak to me even in the little shops where I went to ask for work."

Miss Starbrow uttered a curious little laugh.

"What a strange thing it seems," she said, "that a few shillings to buy
decent clothes may alter a person's destiny. With the shillings--about as
many as the man of God pays for his sirloin--shelter from the weather and
temptations to evil, three meals a day, a long pleasant life, husband and
children, perhaps, and at last--Heaven. And without them, rags and
starvation and the streets, and--well, this is a question for the mighty
intellect of a man and a theologian, not for mine. I dare say you don't
know what I'm talking about, Fan?"

"Not all, ma'am, but I think I understand a little."

"Very little, I should think. Don't try to understand too much, my poor
girl. Perhaps before you are eighty, if you live so long, you will
discover that you didn't even understand a little. Ah, Fan, you have been
sadly cheated by destiny! Childhood without joy, and girlhood without
hope. I wish I could give you happiness to make up for it all, but I
can't be Providence to anyone."

"Oh, ma'am, you have made me so happy!" exclaimed Fan, the tears
springing to her eyes.

Miss Starbrow frowned a little and turned her face aside. Then she said:

"Just because I fed and dressed and sheltered you, Fan--does happiness
come so easily to you?"

"Oh no, ma'am, not that--it isn't that," with such keen distress that she
could scarcely speak without a sob.

"How then have I made you happy? Will you not answer me? I took you
because I believed that you would trust me, and always speak openly from
your heart, and hide nothing."

"Oh, ma'am, I'm afraid to say it. I was so happy because I thought--
because--" and here she sunk her voice to a trembling whisper--"I thought
that you loved me."

Miss Starbrow put her arm round the girl's waist and drew her against her
knees.

"Your instinct was not at fault, Fan," she said in a caressing tone. "I
_do_ love you, and loved you when I saw you in your rags, and it
pained my heart when I told you to clean my doorsteps as if you had been
my sister. No, not a sister, but something better and sweeter; my sisters
I do not love at all. And do you know now what I meant, Fan, when I said
that there was something you could do for me?"

"I think I know," returned Fan, still troubled in her mind and anxious.
"It was that made me feel so happy. I thought--that you wanted me to love
you."

"You are right, my dear girl; I think that I made no mistake when I took
you in."

On that evening Fan had tea with her mistress, and afterwards, earlier
than usual, was allowed to comb her hair out--a task which gave her the
greatest delight. Miss Starbrow then put on an evening dress, which Fan
now saw for the first time, and was filled with wonder at its richness
and beauty. It was of saffron-coloured silk, trimmed with black lace; but
she wore no ornaments with it, except gold bracelets on her round shapely
arms.

"What makes you stare so, Fan?" she said with a laugh, as she stood
surveying herself in the tall glass, and fastening the bracelets on.

"Oh, ma'am, you do look so beautiful in that dress! Are you going to the
theatre to-night?"

"No, Fan. On Wednesday evenings I always have a number of friends come in
to see me--all gentlemen. I have very few lady friends, and care very
little for them. And, now I think of it, you can sit up to-night until I
tell you to go to bed."

"Yes, ma'am."

Miss Starbrow was moving towards the door. Then she paused, and finally
came back and sat down again, and drew Fan against her knee as before.

"Fan," she said, "when you speak about me to others, and to me in the
presence of others, or of the servants, call me Miss Starbrow. I don't
like to hear you call me ma'am, it wounds my ear. Do you understand?"

"Yes--Miss Starbrow."

"But when we are alone together, as we are now, let me hear you call me
Mary. That's my Christian name, and I should like to hear you speak it.
Will you remember?"

"Yes"; and then from her lips trembled the name "Mary."

"It sounds very loving and sweet," said the other, and, drawing the girl
closer, for the first time she kissed her.

With the memory of those tender words and the blissful sensation left by
that unexpected kiss, Fan spent the evening alone, hearing, after her
supper, the arrival of visitors, and the sound of conversation and
laughter from the drawing-room, and then music and singing. Later in the
evening the guests went to sup into the dining-room, and there they
stayed playing cards until eleven o'clock or later, when she heard them
leaving the house.

They were not all gone, however; three of Miss Starbrow's intimate
friends still lingered, drinking whisky-and-water and talking. There was
Captain Horton--captain by courtesy, since he was no longer in the army
--a tall, fine-looking man, slightly horsy in his get-up, with a very
large red moustache, reddish-brown hair, and keen blue eyes. He wore a
cut-away coat, and was standing on the hearthrug, his hands thrust into
his trousers pockets, and smiling as he talked to a young clerical
gentleman near him--the Rev. Octavius Brown. The Rev. Octavius was curate
of a neighbouring ritualistic church, but in his life he was not ascetic;
he loved whisky-and-water not wisely but too well, and he was
passionately devoted to the noble game of Napoleon. Mr. Brown had just
won seven shillings, and was in very high spirits; for being poor he had
a great dread of losing, and played carefully for very small stakes, and
seldom won more than half-a-crown or three shillings. At some distance
from them a young gentleman reclined in an easy-chair, smoking a
cigarette, and apparently not listening to their conversation. This was
Mr. Merton Chance, clerk in the Foreign Office, and supposed by his
friends to be extremely talented. He was rather slight but well-formed, a
little under the medium height, clean shaved, handsome, colourless as
marble, with black hair and dark blue eyes that looked black.

Miss Starbrow, who had left the room a few minutes before, came in, and
standing by the table listened to the curate.

"Miss Starbrow," said he, appealing to her, "is it not hard? Captain
Horton either doubts my veracity or believes that I am only joking when I
assure him that what I have just told him is plain truth."

"Well, let me hear the whole story," she replied, "and I'll act as
umpire."

"I couldn't wish for a juster one--nor for a fairer," he replied with a
weak smile. "What I said was that I had once attended a dinner to the
clergy in Yorkshire, at which there were sixteen of us present, and the
surnames of all were names of things--objects or offices or something--
connected with a church."

"Well, what were the names?"

"You see he remembers only one--a Mr. Church," said Captain Horton.

"No, pardon me. A Mr. Church, and a Mr. Bishop, and a Mr. Priest, and a
Mr. Cross, and--and oh, yes, Mr. Bell."

"Five of your sixteen," said Captain Horton, checking them off on his
fingers.

"And a Mr. Graves, and a Mr. Sexton, and--and--of course, I can't
remember all the names now. Can you expect it, Miss Starbrow?"

"No, of course not; but you have only named seven. If you can remember
ten I shall decide in your favour."

"Thank you. There was a Mr. Church--"

"No, no, old man, we've had that already," cried the Captain.

"Mr. Tombs," he continued, and fell again to thinking.

"That makes eight," said Miss Starbrow. "Cheer up, Mr. Brown, you'll soon
remember two others."

"Your own name makes nine, Mr. Brown," broke in Mr. Chance, "only I can't
make out what connection it has with a church."

The other two laughed.

"I'm afraid it looks very bad for you," said Miss Starbrow.

"No, no, Miss Starbrow, please don't think that. Wait a minute and let me
see if I can remember how that was," said the poor curate. "I
_think_ I said that all present at the table except myself--"

"No, there was no exception," interrupted Captain Horton. "Now, if you
sixteen fellows had been Catholic priests instead of in the Established
Church, and you were Scarlett by name instead of Brown--"

"Don't say any more--please!" cried the curate, lifting his hand. "You
are going too far, Captain Horton. I like a little innocent fun well
enough, but I draw the line at sacred subjects. Let us drop the subject."

"Oh, yes, of course, that's a good way of getting out of it. And as for
jesting about sacred matters, I always understood that one couldn't prove
his zeal for Protestantism better than by having a shot at the Roman
business."

"I am happy to say that I do not class myself with Prots," said the
curate, getting up from his chair very carefully, and then consulting his
watch. "I must run away now--"

"You can't do it," interrupted the Captain.

Miss Starbrow laughed. "Don't go just yet, Mr. Brown," she said. "I wish
you all to help me with your advice, or with an opinion at least. You
know that I have taken in a young girl, and I have not yet decided what
to do with her. I shall call her down for you to see her, as you are all
three my very candid friends, and you shall tell me what you think of her
appearance."

She then opened the door and called Fan down, and the poor girl was
brought into the neighbourhood of the three gentlemen, and stood with
eyes cast down, her pale face reddening with shame to find herself the
centre of so much curiosity.

Miss Starbrow glanced at the Captain, who was keenly studying Fan's face,
as he stood before the fire, stroking his red moustache.

"Well, if I'm to give a candid opinion," he said, "all I can say is that
she looks an underfed little monkey."

"I think you are excessively rude!" returned Miss Starbrow, firing up.
"She is too young to feel your words, perhaps, but they are nothing less
than insulting to my judgment."

"Oh, confound it, Pollie, you are always flying out at me! I dare say
she's a good girl--she looks it, but if you want me to say that she's
good-looking, I can't be such a hypocrite even to please you."

Miss Starbrow flashed a keen glance at him, and then without replying
turned to Mr. Brown.

"Really--honestly, Miss Starbrow," he said, "you couldn't have selected a
more charming-looking girl. But your judgment is always--well, just what
it should be; that goes without saying."

She turned impatiently from him and looked at Mr. Chance, still
gracefully reclining in his chair.

"Is my poor opinion really worth anything to you?" he said, and rising he
walked over to the girl and touched her hand, which made her start a
little. "I wish to see your eyes--won't you look at me?" He spoke very
gently.

Fan glanced up into his face for a moment.

"Thank you--just what I thought," said he, returning to his seat.

"Well?" said Miss Starbrow.

"Must I put it in words--those poor symbols?" he returned. "I know so
well that you can understand without them."

"Perhaps I might if I tried very hard, but I choose not to try," she
replied, with a slight toss of her head.

"It is a pleasure to obey; but the poor girl looks nervous and
uncomfortable, and would be so glad _not_ to hear my personal
remarks."

"Oh yes, it was thoughtless of me to keep her here--thanks for reminding
me," said Miss Starbrow, with a strange softening of her voice her
friends were not accustomed to hear. "Run up to your room, Fan, and go to
bed. I'm sorry I've kept you up so late, poor child."

And Fan, with a grateful look towards Mr. Chance, left the room gladly
enough.

"When she first came into the room I wondered what had attracted you,"
said Mr. Chance. "I concluded that it must be something under those long
drooping eyelashes, and when I looked there I found out the secret."

"Intelligent eyes--very intelligent eyes--I noticed that also," said Mr.
Brown.

"Oh no, heaven forbid--I did not mean anything of the kind," said Mr.
Chance. "Intelligence is a masculine quality which I do not love to see
in a woman: it is suitable for us, like a rough skin and--moustachios,"
with a glance at Captain Horton, and touching his own clean-shaven upper
lip. "The more delicate female organism has something finer and higher
than intelligence, which however serves the same purpose--and other
purposes besides."

"I don't quite follow you," said the curate, again preparing to take his
leave. "I dare say it's all plain enough to some minds, but--well, Mr.
Chance, you'll forgive me for saying that when you talk that way I don't
know whether I'm standing on my head or my heels."

"Naturally, you wouldn't," said Captain Horton, with a mocking smile.
"But don't go yet, Brown; have some more whisky-and-water."

"No, thanks, no more. I never exceed two or three glasses, you know.
Thank you, my dear Miss Starbrow, for a most delightful evening." And
after shaking hands he made his way to the door, bestowing a kindly touch
on each chair in passing, and appearing greatly relieved when he reached
the hall.

Captain Horton lit a cigarette and threw himself into an easy-chair. Mr.
Chance lit another cigarette; if the other was an idle man, he (Chance)
was in the Foreign Office, and privileged to sit up as late as he liked.

"On the whole," he said in a meditative way, "I am inclined to think that
Brown is a rather clever fellow."

Miss Starbrow laughed: she was still standing. "You two appear to be
taking it very quietly," she said. "It is one o'clock--why will you
compel me to be rude?"

Then they started up, put on their coats, exchanged a few words at the
door with their hostess, and walked down the street together. Presently a
hansom came rattling along the quiet street.

"Keb, sir?" came the inevitable question, in a tone sharp as a whip-
crack, as the driver pulled up near the kerb.

"Yes, two cabs," said Captain Horton. "I'll toss you for the first,
Chance"; and pulling out a florin he sent it spinning up and deftly
caught it as it fell. "Heads or tails?"

"Oh, take it yourself, and I'll find another."

"No, no, fair play," insisted the Captain.

"Very well then, heads."

"Tails!" cried the other, opening his hand. "Goodnight, old man, you're
sure to find one in another minute. Oxford Terrace," he cried to the
driver, jumping in. And the cabman, who had watched the proceedings with
the deep interest and approval of a true sporting man, shook the reins,
flicked the horse's ears with his whip, clicked with his tongue, and
drove rapidly away.

Left to himself, Mr. Chance sauntered on in no hurry to get home, and
finally stood still at a street corner, evidently pondering some matter
of considerable import to him. "By heaven, I'm more than half resolved to
try it!" he exclaimed at last. And after a little further reflection, he
added, "And I shall--

   "He either fears his fate too much,
      Or his deserts are small,
    Who dares not put it to the touch
      To win or lose it all."

Then he turned and walked deliberately back to Dawson Place: coming to
the house which he had lately quitted, he peered anxiously at windows and
doors, and presently caught sight of a faint reflection from burning gas
or candle within on the fanlight over the street door, which, he
conjectured, came from the open dining-room.

"Fortune favours me," he said to himself. "'Faint heart never won fair
lady.' A happy inspiration, I am beginning to think. Losing that toss
will perhaps result in my winning a higher stake. There's a good deal of
dash and devilry in that infernal blackguard Horton, and doubtless that
is why he has made some progress here. Well then, she ought to appreciate
my spirit in coming to her at this time of night, or morning, rather.
There's a wild, primitive strain in her; she's not to be wooed and won in
the usual silly mawkish way. More like one of the old Sabine women, who
liked nothing better than being knocked down and dragged off by their
future lords. I suppose that a female of that antique type of mind can be
knocked down and taken captive, as it were, with good vigorous words,
just as formerly they were knocked down with the fist or the butt end of
a spear."

His action was scarcely in keeping with the daring, resolute spirit of
his language: instead of seizing the knocker and demanding admittance
with thunderous racket, he went cautiously up the steps, rapped softly on
the door with his knuckles, and then anxiously waited the result of his
modest summons.

Miss Starbrow was in the dining-room, and heard the tapping. Her servants
had been in bed two hours; and after the departure of her late guests she
had turned off the gas at the chandelier, and was leaving the room, when
seeing a _Globe_, left by one of her visitors, she took it up to
glance at the evening's news. Something she found in the paper interested
her, and she continued reading until that subdued knocking attracted her
attention. Taking up her candle she went to the door and unfastened it,
but without letting down the chain. Her visitor hurriedly whispered his
name, and asked to be admitted for a few minutes, as he had something
very important to communicate.

She took down the chain and allowed him to come into the hall. "Why have
you come back?" she demanded in some alarm. "Where is Captain Horton?--
you left together."

"He went home in the first cab we found. We tossed for it, and he won,
for which I thank the gods. Then, acting on the impulse of the moment, I
came back to say something to you. A very unusual--very eccentric thing
to do, no doubt. But when something involving great issues has to be done
or said, I think the best plan is _not_ to wait for a favourable
opportunity. Don't you agree with me?"

"I don't understand you, Mr. Chance, and am therefore unable to agree
with you. I hope you are not going to keep me standing here much longer."

"Not for a moment! But will you not let me come inside to say the few
words I have to say?"

"Oh yes, you may come in," she returned not very graciously, and leading
the way to the dining-room, where decanters, tumblers, and cards
scattered about the table, seen by the dim light of one candle, gave it a
somewhat disreputable appearance. "What do you wish to say to me?" she
asked a little impatiently, and seating herself.

He took a chair near her. "You are a little unkind to hurry me in this
way," he said, trying to smile, "since you compel me to put my request in
very plain blunt language. However, that is perhaps the best plan. Twice
I have come to you intending to speak, and have been baffled by fate--"

"Then you might have written, or telegraphed," she interrupted, "if the
matter was so important."

"Not very well," he returned, growing very serious. "You know that as
well as I do. You must know, dear Miss Starbrow, that I have admired you
for a long time. Perhaps you also know that I love you. Miss Starbrow,
will you be my wife and make me happy?"

"No, Mr. Chance, I cannot be your wife and make you happy. I must decline
your offer."

Her cold, somewhat ironical tone from the first had prepared him for this
result, and he returned almost too quickly, "Oh, I see, you are offended
with me for coming to you at this hour. I must suffer the consequences of
my mistake, and study to be more cautious and proper in the future. I
have always regarded you as an unconventional woman. That, to my mind, is
one of your greatest charms; and when I say that I say a good deal. I
never imagined that my coming to you like this would have prejudiced you
against me."

She gave a little laugh, but there was an ominous cloud on her face as
she answered: "You imagined it was the right thing to do to come at half-
past one o'clock in the morning to offer me your hand! Your opinion of my
conduct is not a subject I am the least interested in; but whether I am
unconventional or not, I assure you, Mr. Chance, that I am not to be
pushed or driven one step further than I choose to go."

"I should never dream of attempting such a thing, Miss Starbrow. But it
would be useless to say much more; whatever line I take to-night only
makes matters worse for me. But allow me to say one thing before bidding
you good-night. The annoyance you feel at the present moment will not
last. You have too much generosity, too much intellect, to allow it to
rest long in your bosom; and deeply as I feel this rebuff, I am not going
to be so weak as to let it darken and spoil my whole life. No, my hope is
too strong and too reasonable to be killed so easily. I shall come to you
again, and again, and again. For I know that with you for a wife and
companion my life would be a happy one; and not happy only, for that is
not everything. An ambitious man looks to other greater and perhaps
better things."

The cloud was gone from her brows, and she sat regarding him as he spoke
with a slight smile on her lips and a curious critical expression in her
eyes. When he finished speaking she laughed and said, "But is _my_
happiness of such little account--do you not propose to make _me_
happy also, Mr. Chance?"

"No," he returned, his face clouding, and dropping his eyes before her
mocking gaze. "You shall not despise me. Single or married, you must make
your own happiness or misery. You know that; why do you wish to make me
repeat the wretched commonplaces that others use?"

"I'm glad you have so good an opinion of yourself, Mr. Chance," she
replied. "I was vexed with you at first, but am not so now. To watch the
changes of your chameleon mind, not always successful in getting the
right colour at the right moment, is just as good as a play. If you
really mean to come again and again I shall not object--it will amuse me.
Only do not come at two o'clock in the morning; it might compromise me,
and, unconventional as I am, I should not forgive you a second time. But
honestly, Mr. Chance, I don't believe you will come again. You know now
that I know you, and you are too wise to waste your energies on me. I
hope you will not give up visiting me--in the daytime. We admire each
other, and I have always had a friendly feeling for you. That is a real
feeling--not an artificial one like the love you spoke of."

He rose to go. "Time will show whether it is an artificial feeling or
not," he said; and after bidding good-night and hearing the door close
after him, he walked away towards Westbourne Grove. He had gone from her
presence with a smile on his lips, but in the street it quickly vanished
from his face, and breaking into a rapid walk and clenching his fists, he
exclaimed, between his set teeth, "Curse the jade!"

It was not a sufficient relief to his feelings, and yet he seemed unable
to think of any other expression more suitable to the occasion, for after
going a little further, he repeated, "Curse the jade!"

Then he walked on slower and slower, and finally stopped, and turning
towards Dawson Place, he repeated for the third time, "Curse the jade!"




CHAPTER VII


Fan saw no more company after that evening, for which she was not sorry;
but that had been a red-letter day to her--not soon, perhaps never, to be
forgotten.

Great as the human adaptiveness is at the age at which Fan then was, that
loving-kindness of her mistress--of one so proud and beautiful above all
women, and, to the girl's humble ideas, so rich "beyond the dreams of
avarice"--retained its mysterious, almost incredible, character to her
mind, and was a continual cause of wonder to her, and at times of ill-
defined but anxious thought. For what had she--a poor, simple, ignorant
useless girl--to keep the affection of such a one as Miss Starbrow? And
as the days and weeks went by, that vague anxiety did not leave her; for
the more she saw of her mistress, the less did she seem like one of a
steadfast mind, whose feelings would always remain the same. She was
touchy, passionate, variable in temper; and if her stormy periods were
short-lived, she also had cold and sullen moods, which lasted long, and
turned all her sweetness sour; and at such times Fan feared to approach
her, but sat apart distressed and sorrowful. And yet, whatever her mood
was, she never spoke sharply to Fan, or seemed to grow weary of her. And
once, during one of those precious half-hours, when they sat together at
the bedroom fire before dinner, when Miss Starbrow in a tender mood again
drew the girl to her side and kissed her, Fan, even while her heart was
overflowing with happiness, allowed something of the fear that was mixed
with it to appear in her words.

"Oh, Mary, if I could do something for you!" she murmured. "But I can do
nothing--I can only love you. I wish--I wish you would tell me what to do
to--to keep your love!"

Miss Starbrow's face clouded. "Perhaps your heart is a prophetic one,
Fan," she said; "but you must not have those dismal forebodings, or if
they will come, then pay as little heed to them as possible. Everything
changes about us, and we change too--I suppose we can't help it. Let us
try to believe that we will always love each other. Our food is not less
grateful to us because it is possible that at some future day we shall
have to go hungry. Oh, poor Fan, why should such thoughts trouble your
young heart? Take the goods the gods give you, and do not repine because
we are not angels in Heaven, with an eternity to enjoy ourselves in. I
love you now, and find it sweet to love you, as I have never loved anyone
of my own sex before. Women, as a rule, I detest. You can do, and are
doing, more than you know for me."

Fan did not understand it all; but something of it she did understand,
and it had a reassuring effect on her mind.

Her life at this period was a solitary one. After breakfast she would go
out for a walk, usually to Kensington Gardens, and returning by way of
Westbourne Grove, to execute some small commissions for her mistress.
Between dinner and tea the time was mostly spent in the back room on the
first floor, which nobody else used; and when the weather permitted she
sat with the window open, and read aloud to improve herself in the art,
and practised writing and drawing, or read in some book Miss Starbrow had
recommended to her. With all her time so agreeably filled she did not
feel her loneliness, and the life of ease and plenty soon began to tell
on her appearance. Her skin became more pure and transparent, although
naturally pale; her eyes grew brighter, and could look glad as well as
sorrowful; her face lost its painfully bony look, and was rounder and
softer, and the straight lines and sharp angles of her girlish form
changed to graceful curves from day to day. Miss Starbrow, regarding her
with a curious and not untroubled smile, remarked:

"You are improving in your looks every day, Fan; by-and-by you will be a
beautiful girl--and then!"

The attitude of the servants had not changed towards her, the cook
continuing to observe a kind of neutrality which was scarcely benevolent,
while the housemaid's animosity was still active; but it had ceased to
trouble her very much. Since the evening on which Fan had baffled her by
blowing out the candle, Rosie had not attempted to inflict corporal
punishment beyond an occasional pinch or slap, but contented herself by
mocking and jeering, and sometimes spitting at her.

Rosie is destined to disappear from the history of Fan's early life in
the first third of this volume; but before that time her malice bore very
bitter fruit, and for that and other reasons her character is deserving
of some description.

She was decidedly pretty, short but well-shaped, with a small English
slightly-upturned nose; small mouth with ripe red lips, which were never
still except when she held them pressed with her sharp white teeth to
make them look redder and riper than ever. Her brown fluffy hair was worn
short like a boy's, and she looked not unlike a handsome high-spirited
boy, with brown eyes, mirthful and daring. She was extremely vivacious in
disposition, and active--too active, in fact, for she got through her
housemaid's work so quickly that it left her many hours of each day in
which to listen to the promptings of the demon of mischief. It was only
because she did her work so rapidly and so well that her mistress kept
her on--"put up with her," as she expressed it--in spite of her faults of
temper and tongue. But Rosie's heart was not in her work. She was
romantic and ambitious, and her shallow little brain was filled with a
thousand dreams of wonderful things to be. She was a constant and
ravenous reader of _Bow Bells_, the _London Journal_, and one
or two penny weeklies besides; and not satisfied with the half-hundred
columns of microscopical letterpress they afforded her, she laid her busy
hands on all the light literature left about by her mistress, and thought
herself hardly treated because Miss Starbrow was a great reader of French
novels. It was exceedingly tantalising to know that those yellow-covered
books were so well suited to her taste, and not be able to read them. For
someone had told her what nice books they were--someone with a big red
moustache, who was as fond of pretty red lips as a greedy school-boy is
of ripe cherries.

Many were the stolen interviews between the daring little housemaid and
her gentleman lover; sometimes in the house itself, in a shaded part of
the hall, or in one of the reception-rooms when a happy opportunity
offered--and opportunities always come to those who watch for them;
sometimes out of doors in the shadow of convenient trees in the
neighbouring quiet street and squares after dark. But Rosie was not too
reckless. There was a considerable amount of cunning in that small brain
of hers, which prevented her from falling over the brink of the precipice
on the perilous edge of which she danced like a playful kid so airily. It
was very nice and not too naughty to be cuddled and kissed by a handsome
gentleman, with a big moustache, fine eyes, and baritone voice! but she
was not prepared to go further than that--just yet; only pretending that
by-and-by--perhaps; firing his heart with languishing sighs, the soft
unspoken "Ask me no more, for at a touch I yield"; and then she would
slip from his arms, and run away to put by the little present of sham
jewellery, and think it all very fine fun. They were amusing themselves.
His serious love-making was for her mistress. She--Rosie--had a future--a
great splendid future, to which she must advance by slow degrees, step by
step, sometimes even losing ground a little--and much had been lost since
that starved white kitten had come into the house.

When Miss Starbrow, in a fit of anger, had dismissed her maid some months
before, and then had accepted some little personal assistance in dressing
for the play, and at other times, from her housemaid, Rosie at once
imagined that she was winning her way to her mistress's heart, and her
silly dream was that she would eventually get promoted to the vacant and
desirable place of lady's-maid. The cast-off dresses, boots, pieces of
finery, and many other things which would be her perquisites would be a
little fortune to her, and greatly excited her cupidity. But there were
other more important considerations: she would occupy a much higher
position in the social scale, and dress well, her hands and skin would
grow soft and white, and her appearance and conversation would be that of
a lady; for to be a lady's-maid is, of course, the nearest thing to being
a lady. And with her native charms, ambitious intriguing brain, what
might she not rise to in time? and she had been so careful, and, she
imagined, had succeeded so well in ingratiating herself with her
mistress; and by means of a few well-constructed lies had so filled Miss
Starbrow with disgust at the ordinary lady's-maid taken ready-made out of
a registry-office, that she had begun to look on the place almost as her
own. She had quite overlooked the small fact that she was not qualified
to fill it, and never would be. If she had proposed such an arrangement,
Miss Starbrow would have laughed heartily, and sent the impudent minx
away with a flea in her ear; but she had not yet ventured to broach the
subject.

Fan's coming into the house had not only filled her with the indignation
natural to one of her class and in her position at being compelled to
wait on a girl picked up half-starved in the streets; but when it
appeared that her mistress meant to keep Fan and make much of her, then
her jealousy was aroused, and she displayed as much spite and malice as
she dared. She had not succeeded in frightening Fan into submission, and
she had not dared to invent lies about her; and unable to use her only
weapon, she felt herself for the time powerless. On the other hand, it
was evident that Fan had made no complaints.

"I'd like to catch the little beggar daring to tell tales of me!" she
exclaimed, clenching her vindictive little fists in a fury. But when her
mistress gave her any commands about Fan's meals, or other matters, her
tone was so sharp and peremptory, and her eyes so penetrating, that Rosie
knew that the hatred she cherished in her heart was no secret. The voice,
the look seemed to say plainly, as if it had been expressed in words,
"One word and you go; and when you send to me for a character, you shall
have justice but no mercy."

This was a terrible state of things for Rosie. There was nothing she
could do; and to sit still and wait was torture to one of her restless,
energetic mind. When her mistress was out of the house she could give
vent to her spite by getting into Fan's room and teasing her in every way
that her malice suggested. But Fan usually locked her out, and would not
even open the door to take in her dinner when it was brought; then Rosie
would wait until it was cold before leaving it on the landing.

When Miss Starbrow was in the house, and had Fan with her to comb her
hair or read to her, Rosie would hang about, listening at keyholes, to
find out how matters were progressing between "lady and lady's-maid." But
nothing to give her any comfort was discovered. On the contrary, Miss
Starbrow showed no signs of becoming disgusted at her own disgraceful
infatuation, and seemed more friendly towards the girl than ever. She
took her to the dressmaker at the West End, and had a very pretty, dark
green walking-dress made for her, in which Fan looked prettier than ever.
She also bought her a new stylish hat, a grey fur cape, and long gloves,
besides giving her small pieces of jewellery, and so many things besides
that poor Rosie was green with envy. Then, as a climax, she ordered in a
new pretty iron bed for the girl, and had it put in her own room.

"Fan will be so much warmer and more comfortable here than at the top of
the house," she remarked to Rosie, as if she too had a little malice in
her disposition, and was able to take pleasure in sprinkling powder on a
raw sore.




CHAPTER VIII


Not until the end of November did anything important occur to make a
break in Fan's happy, and on the whole peaceful, life in Dawson Place;
then came an eventful day, which rudely reminded her that she was living,
if not on, at any rate in the neighbourhood of a volcano. One morning
that was not wet nor foggy Miss Starbrow made up her mind to visit the
West End to do a little shopping, and, to the maid's unbounded disgust,
she took Fan with her. An hour after breakfast they started in a hansom
and drove to the Marble Arch, where they dismissed the cab.

"Now," said Miss Starbrow, who was in high spirits, "we'll walk to Peter
Robinson's and afterwards to Piccadilly Circus, looking at all the shops,
and then have lunch at the St. James's Restaurant; and walk home along
the parks. It is so beautifully dry underfoot to-day."

Fan was delighted with the prospect, and they proceeded along Oxford
Street. The thoroughfares about the Marble Arch had been familiar to her
in the old days, and yet they seemed now to have a novel and infinitely
more attractive appearance--she did not know why. But the reason was very
simple. She was no longer a beggar, hungry, in rags, ashamed, and feeling
that she had no right to be there, but was herself a part of that
pleasant world of men and women and children. An old Moon Street
neighbour, seeing her now in her beautiful dress and with her sweet
peaceful face, would not have recognised her.

At Peter Robinson's they spent about half an hour, Miss Starbrow making
some purchases for herself, and, being in a generous mood, she also
ordered a few things for Fan. As they came out at the door they met a Mr.
Mortimer, an old friend of Miss Starbrow's, elderly, but dandified in his
dress, and got up to look as youthful as possible. After warmly shaking
hands with Miss Starbrow, and bowing to Fan, he accompanied them for some
distance up Regent Street. Fan walked a little ahead. Mr. Mortimer seemed
very much taken with her, and was most anxious to find out all about her,
and to know how she came to be in Miss Starbrow's company. The answers he
got were short and not explicit; and whether he resented this, or merely
took a malicious pleasure in irritating his companion, whose character he
well knew, he continued speaking of Fan, protesting that he had not seen
a lovelier girl for a long time, and begging Miss Starbrow to note how
everyone--or every _man_, rather, since man only has eyes to see so
exquisite a face--looked keenly at the girl in passing.

"My dear Miss Starbrow," he said, "I must congratulate you on your--ahem
--late repentance. You know you were always a great woman-hater--a kind of
she-misogynist, if such a form of expression is allowable. You must have
changed indeed before bringing that fresh charming young girl out with
you." He angered her and she did not conceal it, because she could not,
though knowing that he was studying to annoy her from motives of revenge.
For this man, who was old enough to be her father, and had spent the last
decade trying to pick up a woman with money to mend his broken fortunes--
this watery-eyed, smirking old beau, who wrote himself down young, going
about Regent Street on a cold November day without overcoat or
spectacles--this man had had the audacity to propose marriage to her! She
had sent him about his business with a burst of scorn, which shook his
old, battered moral constitution like a tempest of wind and thunder, and
he had not forgotten it. He chuckled at the successful result of his
attack, not caring to conceal his glee; but this meeting proved very
unfortunate for poor Fan. After dismissing her old lover with scant
courtesy, Miss Starbrow caught up with the girl, and they walked on in
silence, looking at no shop-windows now. One glance at the dark angry
face was enough to spoil Fan's pleasure for the day and to make her
shrink within herself, wondering much as to what had caused so great and
sudden a change.

Arrived at Piccadilly Circus, Miss Starbrow called a cab.

"Get in, Fan," she said, speaking rather sharply. "I have a headache and
am going home."

The headache seemed so like a fit of anger that Fan did not venture to
speak one word of sympathy.

After reaching home, Miss Starbrow, without saying a word, went to her
room. Fan ventured to follow her there.

"I wish to be left alone for the rest of the day," said her mistress.
"Tell Rosie that I don't wish to be disturbed. After you have had your
dinner go down to the drawing-room and sit there by the fire with your
book. And--stay, if anyone calls to see me, say that I have a headache
and do not wish to be disturbed."

Fan went sorrowfully away and had her dinner, and was mocked by Rosie
when she delivered the message, and then taking her book she went to the
drawing-room on the ground-floor. After she had been there half an hour
she heard a knock, and presently the door was opened and Captain Horton
walked in.

"What, alone, Miss Affleck! Tell me about Miss Starbrow," he said,
advancing and taking her hand.

Fan explained that Miss Starbrow was lying down, suffering from a
headache, and did not wish to be disturbed.

"I am sorry to hear it," he said. "But I can sit here and have a little
conversation with you, Fan--your name is Fan, is it not?"

He sat down near the fire still keeping her hand in his, and when she
tried gently to withdraw it, his grasp became firmer. His hand was very
soft, as is usual with men who play cards much--and well; and it held
tenaciously--again a characteristic of the card-playing hand.

"Oh, please, sir, let me go!" she said.

"Why, my dear child, don't you know it's the custom for a gentleman to
hold a girl's hand in his when he talks to her? But you have always lived
among the very poor--have you not?--where they have different customs.
Never mind, Fan, you will soon learn. Now look up, Fan, and let me see
those wonderful eyes of yours; yes, they are very pretty. You don't mind
my teaching you a little, do you, Fan, so that you will know how to
behave when you are with well-bred people?"

"No, sir; but please, sir, will you let me go?"

"Why, you foolish child, I am not going to hurt you. You don't take me
for a dentist, do you?" he continued, trying to make her laugh. But his
smile and the look in his eyes only frightened her. "Look here, Fan, I
will teach you something else. Don't you know that it is the custom among
ladies and gentlemen for a young girl to kiss a gentleman when he speaks
kindly to her?"

"No," said Fan, reddening and trying again to free herself.

"Don't be so foolish, child, or you will never learn how to behave. Do
you know that if you make a noise or fuss you'll disturb your mistress
and she will be very angry with you. Come now, be a good dear little
girl."

And with gentle force he drew her between his knees and put his arm round
her. Fan, afraid to cry out, struggled vainly to get free; he held her
firmly and closely, and had just put his lips to her face when the door
swung open, and Miss Starbrow sailed like a tragedy-queen into the room,
her head thrown back, her face white as marble and her eyes gleaming.

The visitor instantly rose, while Fan, released from his grip, her face
crimson with shame, slunk away, trembling with apprehension.

"Captain Horton, what is the meaning of this?" demanded the lady.

"Why nothing--a mere trifle--a joke, Pollie. Your little girl doesn't
mind being kissed by a friend of the family--that's all."

"Come here, Fan," she said, in a tone of concentrated rage; and the girl,
frightened and hesitating, approached her. "This is the way you behave
the moment my back is turned. You corrupt-minded little wretch! Take
that!" and with her open hand she struck the girl's face a cruel blow,
with force enough to leave the red print of her fingers on the pale
cheek.

Fan, covering her face with her hands, shrunk back against the wall,
sobbing convulsively.

"Oh, come, Pollie!" exclaimed Horton, "don't be so hard on the poor
monkey--she's a mere child, you know, and didn't think any harm."

Miss Starbrow made no reply, but standing motionless looked at him--
watched his face with a fierce, dangerous gleam in her half-closed eyes.

"Don't stand snivelling here," she spoke, turning to Fan. "Go up
instantly to the back room, and stay there. I shall know how to trust a
girl out of the slums another time."

Crying bitterly she left the room, and her mistress shut the door after
her, remaining there with her lover.

Fan found the window of the back room open, but she did not feel cold;
and kneeling on the sofa, with her face resting on her hands, and still
crying, she remained there for a long time. A little wintry sunshine
rested on the garden, brightening the brown naked branches of the trees
and the dark green leaves of ivy and shrub, and gladdening the sparrows.
By-and-by the shortlived sunshine died away, and the sparrows left. It
was strangely quiet in the house; distinctly she heard Miss Starbrow come
out of the drawing-room and up the stairs; she trembled a little then and
felt a little rebellious stirring in her heart, thinking that her
mistress was coming up to her. But no, she went to her own room, and
closed the door. Then Rosie came in, stealing up to her on tiptoe, and
curiously peering into her face.

"Oh I say--something's happened!" she exclaimed, and tripped joyfully
away. Half an hour later she came up with some tea.

"I've brought your la'ship a cup of tea. I'm sure it will do your head
good," she said, advancing with mincing steps and affecting profound
sympathy in her tone.

"Take it away--I shan't touch it!" returned Fan, becoming angry in her
misery.

"Oh, but your la'ship's health is so important! Society will be so
distressed when it hears that your la'ship is unwell! I'll leave the cup
in the window in case your la'ship--"

Fan pushed cup and saucer angrily away, and over they went, falling
outside down to the area, where they struck with a loud crash and were
shivered to pieces.

Rosie laughed and clapped her hands in glee. "Oh, I'm so glad you've
smashed it!" she exclaimed. "I'll tell Miss Starbrow, and then you'll
see! That cup was the thing she valued most in the house. She bought it
at a sale at Christie and Manson's and gave twenty-five guineas for it.
Oh, how mad she'll be!"

Fan paid no heed to her words, knowing that there was no truth in them.
While pushing it away she had noticed that it was an old kitchen cup,
chipped and cracked and without a handle; the valuable curio had as a
fact been fished out of a heap of rubbish that morning by the maid, who
thought that it would serve very well for "her la'ship's tea."

Rosie got tired of tormenting her, and took herself off at last; then
another hour went slowly by while it gradually grew dark; and as the
lights faded her rebellious feelings left her, and she began to hope that
Miss Starbrow would soon call her or come to her. And at length, unable
to bear the loneliness and suspense, she went to the bedroom door and
softly knocked. There was no answer, and trying the door she found that
it was locked. She waited outside the door for about half an hour, and
then hearing her mistress moving in the room she tapped again, with the
same result as before. Then she went back despairingly to the back room
and her place beside the window. The night was starry and not very cold,
and to protect herself from the night air she put on her fur cape. Hour
after hour she listened to the bells of St. Matthew's chiming the
quarters, feeling a strange loneliness each time the chimes ceased; and
then, after a few minutes' time, beginning again to listen for the next
quarter. It was getting very late, and still no one came to her, not even
Rosie with her supper, which she had made up her mind not to touch. Then
she dropped her head on her hands, and cried quietly to herself. She had
so many thoughts, and each one seemed sadder than the last. For the great
tumult in her soul was over now, and she could think about it all, and of
all the individuals who had treated her cruelly. She felt very
differently towards them. Captain Horton she feared and hated, and wished
him dead with all her heart; and Rosie she also hated, but not so
intensely, for the maid's enmity had not injured her. Against Mary she
only felt a great anger, but no hatred; for Mary had been so kind, so
loving, and she could not forget that, and all the sweetness it had given
her life. Then she began to compare this new luxurious life in Dawson
Place to the old wretched life in Moon Street, which now seemed so far
back in time; and it seemed strange to her that, in spite of the great
difference, yet to-night she felt more unhappy than she had ever felt in
the old days. She remembered her poor degraded mother, who had never
turned against her, and cried quietly again, leaning her face on the
window-sill. Then she had a thought which greatly perplexed her, and she
asked herself why it was in those old days, when hard words and unjust
blows came to her, she only felt a fearful shrinking of the flesh, and
wished like some poor hunted animal to fly away and hide herself from her
tormentors, while now a spirit of resentment and rebellion was kindled in
her and burnt in her heart with a strange fire. Was it wrong to feel like
that, to wish that those who made her suffer were dead? That was a hard
question which Fan put to herself, and she could not answer it.

Her long fast and the excitement she had experienced, with so many lonely
hours of suspense after it, began to tell on her and make her sleepy. It
was eleven o'clock; she heard the servants going round to fasten doors
and turn off the gas, and finally they passed her landing on their way to
bed. It was getting very cold, and giving up all hope of being called by
her mistress, she closed the window and, with an old table-cover for
covering, coiled herself up on the sofa and went to sleep.

When she woke it was with a start; her face had grown very cold, and she
felt a warm hand touching her cheek. The hand was quickly withdrawn when
she woke, and looking round Fan saw someone seated by her, and although
there was only the starlight from the window in the dim room, she knew
that it was her mistress. She raised herself to a sitting position on the
sofa, but without speaking. All her bitter, resentful feelings had
suddenly rushed back to her heart.

"Well, you have condescended to wake at last," said Miss Starbrow. "Do
you know that it is nearly one o'clock in the morning?"

"No," returned Fan.

"No! well then, I say yes. It is nearly one o'clock. Do you intend to
keep me here waiting your pleasure all night, I wonder!"

"I don't want you to come here. I had no place to sleep because you
locked me out of your room."

"And for an excellent reason," said the other sharply. "How could I admit
you into my room after the outrageous scene I witnessed downstairs! You
seem to think that you can behave just how you like in my house, and that
it will make no difference."

Fan was silent.

"Oh, very well, Miss Fan, if you have nothing to say for yourself!"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Say! I wonder at the question. I want you to tell me the truth, of
course. That is, if you can. How did it all happen--you must tell me
everything just as it occurred, without concealment or prevarication."

Fan related the facts simply and clearly; she remembered every word the
Captain had spoken only too well.

"I wish I knew whether you have told me the simple truth or not," said
Miss Starbrow.

"May God strike me dead if I'm not telling the truth!" said Fan.

"There, that will do. A young lady is supposed to be able to answer a
question with a simple yes or no, without swearing about it like a bargee
on the Regent's Canal."

"Then why don't you believe me when I say yes and no, and--and why didn't
you ask me before you struck me?"

"I shouldn't have struck you if I had not thought you were a little to
blame. It is not likely. You ought to know that after all my kindness to
you--but I dare say that is all forgotten. I declare I have been treated
most shamefully!" And here she dropped her face into her hands and began
crying.

But the girl felt no softening of the heart; that strange fire was still
burning in her, and she could only think of the cruel words, the unjust
blow.

Miss Starbrow suddenly ceased her crying. "I thought that you, at any
rate, had a little gratitude and affection for me," she said. "But of
course I was mistaken about that as I have been about everything else. If
you had the faintest spark of sympathy in you, you would show a little
feeling, and--and ask me why I cry, or say something."

For some moments Fan continued silent, then she moved and touched the
other's hand, and said very softly, for now all her anger was melting
away, "Why do you cry, Mary?"

"You know, Fan, because I love you, and am so sorry I struck you. What a
brute I was to hurt you--a poor outcast and orphan, with no friend but me
in the world. Forgive me, dear Fan, for treating you so cruelly!" Then
she put her arms about the girl and kissed her, holding her close to her
breast.

"Oh, Mary, dear," said Fan, now also crying; "you didn't hurt me very
much. I only felt it because--because it was you."

"I know, Fan, and that's why I can't forgive myself. But I shall never,
never hurt you again, for I know that you are truth itself, and that I
can trust you. And now let us go down and have some supper together
before going to bed. I know you've had nothing since lunch, and I
couldn't touch a morsel, I was so troubled about that wretch of a man. I
think I have been sitting here quite two hours waiting for you to wake."

Together they went down to the dining-room, where a delicate little
supper, such as Miss Starbrow loved to find on coming home from the play,
was laid out for them. For the first time Fan sat at table with her
mistress; another new experience was the taste of wine. She had a glass
of Sauterne, and thought it very nice.




CHAPTER IX


On the next morning, after a sharp frost, the sun shone brightly as in
spring. Fan was up early and enjoyed her breakfast, notwithstanding the
late supper, and not in the least disturbed by the scornful words flung
at her by the housemaid when she brought up the tray. After breakfasting
she went to Miss Starbrow's room, to find her still in bed and not
inclined to get up.

"Put on your dress and go for a walk in Kensington Gardens," she said. "I
think it is a fine day, for a wonder. You may stop out until one o'clock,
if you like, and take my watch, so as to know the time. And if you wish
to rest while out don't sit down on a bench, or you will be sure to have
someone speak to you. According to the last census, or Registrar-
General's report, or whatever it is, there are twenty thousand young
gentlemen loafers in London, who spend their whole time hanging about the
parks and public places trying to make the acquaintance of young girls.
Sit on a chair by yourself when you are tired--you can always find a
chair even in winter--and give the chairman a penny when he comes to
you."

"I haven't got a penny, Mary. But it doesn't matter; I'll not get tired."

"Then I must give you a purse and some money, and you must never go out
without it, and don't mind spending a little money now and then, and
giving away a penny when you feel inclined. Give me my writing desk and
the keys."

She opened the desk and took out a small plush purse, then some silver
and coppers to put in it, and finally a sovereign.

"The silver you can use, the sovereign you must not change, but keep it
in case you should require money when I am not with you."

With all these fresh proofs of Mary's affection to make her happy, in her
lovely new dress and hat, and the beautiful gold chain on her bosom, Fan
went out for her walk feeling as light-hearted as a linnet. It was the
last day of November, usually a dreary time in London, but never had the
world looked so bright and beautiful to Fan as on that morning; and as
she walked along with swift elastic tread she could hardly refrain from
bursting bird-like into some natural joyous melody. Passing into the
Gardens at the Queen's Road entrance, she went along the Broad Walk to
the Round Pond, and then on to the Albert Memorial, shining with gold and
brilliant colours in the sun like some fairy edifice. Running up the
steps she walked round and round the sculptured base of the monument,
studying the marble faces and reading the names, and above all admiring
the figures there--blind old Homer playing on his harp, with Dante,
Shakespeare, Milton, and all the immortal sons of song, grouped about him
listening. But nothing to her mind equalled the great group of statuary
representing Asia at one of the four corners, with that colossal calm-
faced woman seated on an elephant in the centre. What a great majestic
face, and yet how placid and sweet it looked, reminding her a little of
Mary in her kindly moods. But this noble face was of marble, and never
changed; Mary's changed every hour, so that the soft expression when it
came seemed doubly sweet. By-and-by she walked away towards the bridge
over the Serpentine, and in the narrow path, thickly bordered with trees
and shrubs and late flowers, she stepped aside to make room for a lady to
pass, who held by the hand a little angel-faced, golden-haired child,
dressed in a quaint pretty costume. The child stood still and looked up
into Fan's face, and then she also involuntarily stopped, so taken was
she with the little thing's beauty.

"Mammy," said the child, pointing to Fan, "I'se like to tiss the pretty
laly."

"Well, my darling, perhaps the young lady will kiss you if you ask very
nicely," said the mother.

"Oh, may I kiss her?" said Fan, reddening with pleasure, and quickly
stooping she pressed her lips to the little cherub face.

"I loves you--what's your name?" said the child.

"No, darling, you must not ask questions. You've got your kiss and that
ought to satisfy you"; and with a smile and nod to Fan she walked on.

Fan pursued her walk to the Serpentine, with a new delicious sensation in
her heart. It was so strange and sweet to be spoken to by a lady, a
stranger, and treated like an equal! And in the days that were not so
long ago with what sad desire in her eyes had she looked at smiling
beautiful faces, like this lady's face, and no smile and no gentle word
had been bestowed on her, and no glance that did not express pity or
contempt!

At the head of the Serpentine she stood for ten or fifteen minutes to
watch the children and nursemaids feeding the swans and ducks. The swans
were very stately and graceful, the ducks very noisy and contentious, and
it was great fun to see them squabbling over the crumbs of bread. But
after leaving the waterside she came upon a scene among the great elms
and chestnuts close by which amused her still more. Some poor ragged
children--three boys and a girl--were engaged in making a great heap of
the old dead fallen leaves, gathering them in armfuls and bringing them
to one spot. By-and-by the little girl came up with a fresh load, and as
she stooped to put it on the pile, the boys, who had all gathered round,
pushed her over and covered her with a mass of old leaves; then, with a
shout of laughter at their rough joke, they ran away. She struggled out
and stood up half-choked with dust, her face covered with dirt, and dress
and hair with the black half-rotten leaves. As soon as she got her breath
she burst out in a prolonged howl, while the big tears rushed out, making
channels on her grimy cheeks.

"Oh, poor little girl, don't cry," said Fan, going up to her, but the
child only howled the louder. Then Fan remembered her money and Mary's
words, and taking out a penny she offered it to the little girl.
Instantly the crying ceased, the child clutched the penny in her dirty
little fist, then stared at Fan, then at the penny, and finally turned
and ran away as fast as she could run, past the fountains, out at the
gate, and into the Bayswater Road.

When she was quite out of sight Fan resumed her walk, laughing a little,
but with misty eyes, for it was the first time in her life that she had
given a penny away, and it made her strangely happy. Before quitting the
Gardens, however, one little incident occurred to interfere with her
pleasure. Close to the Broad Walk she suddenly encountered Captain Horton
walking with a companion in the opposite direction. There was no time to
turn aside in order to avoid him; when she recognised him he was watching
her face with a curious smile under his moustache which made her feel a
little uncomfortable; then, raising his hat, he passed her without
speaking.

"You know that pretty girl?" she heard his friend ask, as she hurried
away a little frightened towards the Queen's Road gate.

Miss Starbrow appeared very much put out about this casual encounter in
the Gardens when Fan related the incidents of her walk.

"I'll not walk there again, Mary, so as not to meet him," said Fan
timidly.

"On the contrary, you shall walk there as often as you like--I had almost
said whether you like it or not; and in the Grove, where you are still
more likely to meet him." She spoke angrily; but after a while added, "He
couldn't well have done less than notice you when he met you, and I do
not think you need be afraid of anything. It is not likely that he would
address you. He put an altogether false complexion on that affair
yesterday--a cowardly thing to do, and caused us both a great deal of
pain, and for that I shall never forgive him. Think no more about it,
Fan."

It was pretty plain, however, that she permitted herself to think more
about it; for during the next few days she was by no means cheerful,
while her moody fits and bursts of temper were more frequent than usual.
Then, one Wednesday evening, when Fan assisted her in dressing to receive
her visitors, she seemed all at once to have recovered her spirits, and
talked to the girl and laughed in a merry light-hearted way.

"Poor Fan, how dull it must always be for you on a Wednesday evening,
sitting here so long by yourself," she said.

"Oh no, Mary, I always open the door and listen to the music; I like the
singing so much."

"That reminds me," said Miss Starbrow. "Who do you think is coming this
evening?"

"Captain Horton," she answered promptly.

Miss Starbrow laughed. "Yes; how quick you are at guessing. I must tell
you all about it; and do you know, Fan, I find it very delightful to have
a dear trusty girl to talk to. I suppose you have noticed how cross I
have been all these days. It was all on account of that man. He offended
me so much that day that I made up my mind never to speak to him again.
But he is very sorry; besides, he looked on you as little more than a
child, and really meant it only for a joke. And so I have half forgiven
him, and shall let him visit me again, but only on Wednesday evenings
when there will be others. I shall not allow him to come whenever he
likes, as he used to do. Fan was silent. Miss Starbrow, sitting before
the glass, read the ill-concealed trouble in the girl's face reflected
there.

"Now don't be foolish, Fan, and think no more about it," she said. "You
are very young--not nearly sixteen yet, and gentlemen look on girls of
that age as scarcely more than children, and think it no harm to kiss
them. He's a thoughtless fellow, and doesn't always do what is right, but
he certainly did not think any harm or he would not have acted that way
in my house. That's what he says, and I know very well when I hear the
truth."

After finishing her hair, Miss Starbrow, not yet satisfied that she had
removed all disagreeable impression, turned round and said, "Now, my
solemn-faced girl, why are you so silent? Are you going to be cross with
me? Don't you think I know best what is right and believe what I tell
you?"

The tears came to the girl's eyes. "I do believe you know best, Mary,"
she said, in a distressed voice. "Oh, please don't think that I am cross.
I am so glad you like to talk to me."

Miss Starbrow smiled and touched her cheek, and at length stooped and
kissed her; and this little display of confidence and affection chased
away the last remaining cloud, and made Fan perfectly happy.

The partial forgiveness extended to Captain Horton did not have exactly
the results foretold. Miss Starbrow was fond of affirming that when her
mind was once made up about anything it was not to be moved; but in this
affair she had already yielded to persuasion, and had permitted the
Captain to visit her again; and by-and-by the second resolution also
proved weak, and his visits were not confined to Wednesday evenings. She
had struggled against her unworthy feeling for him, and knowing that it
was unworthy, that the strength she prided herself so much on was
weakness where he was concerned, she was dissatisfied in mind and angry
with herself for making these concessions. She really believed in the
love he professed for her, and did not think much the worse of him for
being a man without income or occupation, and a gambler to boot; but she
feared that a marriage with him would only make her miserable, and
between her love for him, which could not be concealed, and the fear that
he would eventually win her consent to be his wife, her mind was in a
constant state of anxiety and restlessness. The little indiscretion he
had been guilty of with Fan she had forgiven in her heart: that he had
actually conceived a fondness for this poor young girl she could not
believe, for in that case he would have been very careful not to do
anything to betray it to the woman he wished to marry; but though she had
forgiven him, she was resolved not to let him know it just yet, and so
continued to be a little distant and formal in her manner, never calling
him by his christian name, "Jack," as formerly, and not allowing him to
call her "Pollie."

All this was nothing to Fan, as she very rarely saw him, but on the few
occasions when she accidentally met him, in the house or when out
walking, he always had that curious smile on his lips, and studied her
face with a bold searching look in his eyes, which made her uncomfortable
and even a little afraid.

One day, about the middle of December, Miss Starbrow began to speak to
her about her future.

"You have improved wonderfully, Fan, since you first came," she said,
"but I fear that this kind of improvement will not be of much practical
use, and my conscience is not quite satisfied about you. I have taken
this responsibility on myself, and must not go on shutting my eyes to it.
Some day it will be necessary for you to go out into the world to earn
your own living; that is what we have got to think about. Remember that
you can't have me always to take care of you; I might go abroad, or die,
or get married, and then you would be left to your own resources. You
couldn't make your living by simply looking pretty; you must be useful as
well as ornamental; and I have taught you nothing--teaching is not in my
line. It would be a thousand pities if you were ever to sink down to the
servant-girl level: we must think of something better than that. A young
lady generally aspires to be a governess. But then she must know
everything--music, drawing, French, German, Latin, mathematics, algebra;
all that she must have at her finger-ends, and be able to gabble
political economy, science, and metaphysics to boot. All that is beyond
you--unattainable as the stars. But you needn't break your heart about
it. She doesn't get much. Her wages are about equal to those of a
kitchen-maid, who can't spell, but only peel potatoes. And the more
learned she is, the more she is disliked and snubbed by her betters; and
she never marries, in spite of what the _Family Herald_ says, but
goes on toiling until she is fifty, and then retires to live alone on
fifteen shillings a week in some cheap lodging for the remnant of her
dreary life. No, poor Fan, you can't hope to be anything as grand as a
governess."

Fan laughed a little: she had grown accustomed to and understood this
half-serious mocking style of speech in which her mistress often
indulged.

"But," she continued, "you might qualify yourself for some other kind of
employment less magnificent, but still respectable, and even genteel
enough. That of a nursery-governess, for instance; you are fond of
children, and could teach them their letters. Or you could be companion
to a lady; some simple-minded, old-fashioned dame who stays at home, and
would not require you to know languages. Or, better still perhaps, you
might go into one of the large West End shops. I do not think it would be
very difficult for you to get a place of that kind, as your appearance is
so much in your favour. I know that your ambition is not a very soaring
one, and a few months ago you would not have ventured to dream of ever
being a young lady in a shop like Jay's or Peter Robinson's. Yet for such
a place you would not have to study for years and pass a stiff
examination, as a poor girl is obliged to do before she can make her
living by sitting behind a counter selling penny postage-stamps. Homely
girls can succeed there: for the fine shop a pretty face, an elegant
figure, and a pleasing lady-like manner are greatly prized--more than a
knowledge of archaeology and the higher mathematics; and you possess all
these essentials to start with. But whether you are destined to go into a
shop or private house, it is important that you should make a better use
of your time just now, while you are with me, and learn something--
dressmaking, let us say, and all kinds of needlework; then you will at
least be able to make your own clothes."

"I should like to learn that very much," said Fan eagerly.

"Very well, you shall learn then. I have been making inquiries, and find
that there is a place in Regent Street, where for a moderate premium they
do really succeed in teaching girls such things in a short time. I shall
take you there to-morrow, and make all arrangements."

Very soon after this conversation Fan commenced her new work of learning
dressmaking, going every morning by omnibus to Regent Street, lunching
where she worked, and returning to Dawson Place at four o'clock. After
the preliminary difficulties, or rather strangeness inseparable from a
new occupation, had been got over, she began to find her work very
agreeable. It was maintained by the teachers in the establishment she was
in that by means of their system even a stupid girl could be taught the
mystery of dressmaking in a little while. And Fan was not stupid,
although she had an extremely modest opinion of her own abilities, and
was not regarded by others as remarkably intelligent; but she was
diligent and painstaking, and above everything anxious to please her
mistress, who had paid extra money to ensure pains being taken with her.
So rapid was her progress, that before the end of January Miss Starbrow
bought some inexpensive material, and allowed her to make herself a
couple of dresses to wear in the house; and these first efforts resulted
so well that a better stuff was got for a walking-dress.

The winter had thus far proved a full and happy one to Fan; in February
she was even more fully occupied, and, if possible, happier; for after
leaving the establishment in Regent Street, Miss Starbrow sent her to the
school of embroidery in South Kensington to take lessons in a new and
still more delightful art. But at the end of that month Fan unhappily,
and from no fault of her own, fell into serious disgrace. She had gone to
the Exhibition Road with a sample of her work on the morning of a bright
windy day which promised to be dry; a little later Miss Starbrow also
went out. Before noon the weather changed, and a heavy continuous rain
began to fall. At one o'clock Miss Starbrow came home in a cab, and as
she went into the house it occurred to her to ask the maid if Fan had got
very wet or had come in a cab. She knew that Fan had not taken an
umbrella.

"No, ma'am; she walked home, but didn't get wet. A young gentleman came
with her, and I s'pose he kept her dry with his umbrella."

"A young gentleman--are you quite sure?"

"Yes, ma'am, quite sure," she returned, indignant at having her sacred
word doubted. "He was with her on the steps when I opened the door, and
shook hands with her just like an old friend when he went away; and she
was quite dry."

Miss Starbrow said no more. She knew that the servant, though no friend
to Fan, would not have dared to invent a story of this kind, and resolved
to say nothing, but to wait for the girl to give her own account of the
matter.

Fan said nothing about it. On leaving the school of embroidery, seeing
how threatening the sky was, she was hurrying towards the park, when the
rain came down, and in a few moments she would have been wet through if
help had not come in the shape of an umbrella held over her head by an
attentive young stranger. He kept at her side all the way across the
Gardens to Dawson Place, and Fan felt grateful for his kindness; she
conversed with him during the walk, and at the door she had not refused
to shake hands when he offered his. In ordinary circumstances, she would
have made haste to tell her mistress all about it, thinking no harm;
unfortunately it happened that for some days Miss Starbrow had been in
one of her worst moods, and during these sullen irritable periods Fan
seldom spoke unless spoken to.

When Miss Starbrow found the girl in her room on going there, she looked
keenly and not too kindly at her, and imagined that poor Fan wore a look
of guilt on her face, whereas it was nothing but distress at her own
continued ill-temper which she saw.

"I shall give her till to-morrow to tell me," thought the lady, "and if
she says nothing, I shall conclude that she has made friends out of doors
and wishes to keep it from me."

Fan knew nothing of what was passing in the other's mind; she only saw
that her mistress was even less gracious to her than she had been, and
thought it best to keep out of her sight. For the rest of the day not one
word passed between them.

Next morning Fan got ready to go to Kensington, but first came in to her
mistress as was her custom. Miss Starbrow was also dressed in readiness
to go out; she was sitting apparently waiting to speak to Fan before
leaving the house.

"Are you going out, Mary?" said Fan, a little timidly.

"Yes, I am going out," she returned coldly, and then seemed waiting for
something more to be said.

"May I go now?" said Fan.

"No," the other returned after some moments. "Change your dress again and
stay at home to-day." Presently she added, "You are learning a little too
much in Exhibition Road--more, I fancy, than I bargained for."

Fan was silent, not knowing what was meant.

Then Miss Starbrow went out, but first she called the maid and told her
to remove Fan's bed and toilet requisites out of her room into the back
room.

Greatly distressed and perplexed at the unkind way she had been spoken
to, Fan changed her dress and sat down in the cold back room to do some
work. After a while she heard a great noise as of furniture being dragged
about, and presently Rosie came in with the separate pieces of her
dismantled bed.

"What are you doing with my things?" exclaimed Fan in surprise.

"Your things!" retorted Rosie, with scorn. "What your mistress told me to
do, you cheeky little beggar! Your things indeed! 'Put a beggar on
horseback and he'll ride to the devil,' and that's what Miss Starbrow's
beginning to find out at last. And quite time, too! Embroidery! That's
what you're going to wear perhaps when you're back in the slums you came
from! I thought it wouldn't last!" And Rosie, banging the things about,
pounding the mattress with clenched fist, and shaking the pillows like a
terrier with a rat, kept up this strain of invective until she had
finished her task, and then went off, well pleased to think that the day
of her triumph was not perhaps very far distant.

On that day, however, Rosie herself was destined to experience great
trouble of mind, and an anxiety about her future even exceeding that of
Fan, who was spending the long hours alone in that big, cold, fireless
room, grieving in her heart at the great change in her beloved mistress,
and dropping many a tear on the embroidery in her hands.

It was about three o'clock, and feeling her fingers quite stiff with
cold, she determined to go quietly down to the drawing-room in the hope
of finding a fire lighted there so as to warm her hands. Miss Starbrow
had not returned, and the house was very still, and after standing a few
moments on the landing, anxious not to rouse the maid and draw a fresh
volley of abuse on herself, she went softly down the stairs, and opened
the drawing-room door. For a moment or two she stood motionless, and then
muttering some incoherent apology turned and fled back to her room. For
there, very much at his ease, sat Captain Horton, with Rosie on his
knees, her arms about his neck, and her lips either touching his or in
very close proximity to them.

Rosie slipped from her seat, and the Captain stood up, but the intruder
had seen and gone, and their movements were too late.

"The spy! the cat!" snapped Rosie, grown suddenly pale with anger and
apprehension.

"It's very fine to abuse the girl," said the Captain; "but it was all
through your infernal carelessness. Why didn't you lock the door?"

"Oh, you're going to blame me! That's like a man. Perhaps you're in love
with the cat. I s'pose you think she's pretty."

"I'd like to twist her neck, and yours too, for a fool. If any trouble
comes you will be to blame."

"Say what you like, I don't care. There'll be trouble enough, you may be
sure."

"Do you mean to say that she will dare to tell?"

"Tell! She'll only be too glad of the chance. She'll tell everything to
Miss Starbrow, and she hates me and hates you like poison. It would be
very funny if she didn't tell."

He walked about the room fuming.

"It will be as bad for you as for me," he said.

"No, it won't. I can get another place, I s'pose."

"Oh, yes; very fine, and be a wretched slavey all your life, if you like
that. You know very well that I have promised you two hundred pounds the
day I marry your mistress."

"Yes; because I'm not a fool, and you can't help yourself. Don't think
_I_ want to marry you. Not me! Keep your love for Miss Starbrow, and
much you'll get out of her!"

"You idiot!" he began; but seeing that she was half sobbing he said no
more, and continued walking about the room. Presently he came back to
her. "It's no use quarrelling," he said. "If anything can be done to get
out of this infernal scrape it will only be by our acting together. Since
this wretched Fan has been in the house, Miss Starbrow is harder than
ever to get on with; and even if Fan holds her tongue about this--"

"She won't hold her tongue."

"But even if she should, we'll never do any good while she has that girl
to amuse herself with. You know perfectly well, Rosie, that if there is
anyone I really love it is you; but then we've both of us got to do the
best we can for ourselves. I shall love you just the same after I am
married, and if you still should like me, why then, Rosie, we might be
able to enjoy ourselves very well. But if Fan tells at once what she saw
just now, then it will be all over with us--with you, at any rate."

"She won't tell at once--not while her mistress is in her tantrums. The
little cat keeps out of her way then. Not to-day, and perhaps not to-
morrow; and the day after I think Miss Starbrow's going to visit her
friends at Croydon. That's what she said; and if she goes, she'll be out
all day."

"Oh!" ejaculated the Captain; then rising he carefully closed and locked
the door before continuing the conversation. They were both very much
interested in it; but when it was at last over, and the Captain took his
departure, Rosie did not bounce away as usual with tumbled hair and merry
flushed face. She left the drawing-room looking pale and a little scared
perhaps, and for the rest of the day was unusually silent and subdued.




CHAPTER X


To Fan no comfort came that evening, and an hour after supper she went to
bed to get warm, without seeing her mistress, who had returned to dinner.
Next day she was no better off; she did not venture to ask whether she
might go out or not, or even to go to Miss Starbrow's room, but kept to
her own cold apartment, working and grieving, and seeing no one except
the maid. Rosie came and went, but she was moody, or else afraid to use
her tongue, and silent. On the following morning Miss Starbrow left the
house at an early hour, and Fan resigned herself to yet another cold
solitary day. About eleven o'clock Rosie came running up in no little
excitement with a telegram addressed to "Miss Affleck." She took it,
wondering a little at the change in the maid's manner, but not thinking
much about it, for she had never received a telegram before, and it
startled and troubled her to have one thrust into her hand. Rosie stood
by, anxiously waiting to hear its contents.

"How long are you going to be about it?" she exclaimed. "Let me read it
for you."

Fan held it back, and went on perusing it slowly. It was from Miss
Starbrow at Twickenham, and said: "Come to me here by train from
Westbourne Park Station. Bring two or three dresses and all you will
require in my bag. Shall remain here several days. The housekeeper will
meet you at Twickenham Station."

She allowed Rosie to read the message, and was told that Twickenham was
very near London; that she must take a cab to get quickly to Westbourne
Park Station, so as not to keep Miss Starbrow waiting. Then, while Fan
changed her dress and got herself ready, the maid selected one of Miss
Starbrow's best bags and busied herself in folding up and packing as many
of Fan's things as she could cram into it. Then she ran out to call a
cab, leaving Fan again studying the telegram and feeling strangely
perplexed at being thus suddenly sent for by her mistress, who had gone
out of the house without speaking one word to her.

In a few minutes the cab was at the door, and Rosie officiously helped
the girl in, handed her the bag, and told her to pay the cabman one
shilling. After it started she rushed excitedly into the road and stopped
it.

"Oh, I forgot, Miss Fan, leave the telegram, you don't want it any more,"
she said, coming to the side of the cab.

Fan mechanically pulled the yellow envelope from her pocket and gave it
to her without question, and was then driven off. But in her agitation at
the sudden summons she had thrust the missive and the cover separately
into her pocket, so that Rosie had after all only got the envelope. It
was a little matter--a small oversight caused by hurry--but the result
was important; in all probability Fan's whole after life would have been
different if she had not made that trivial mistake.

She was quickly at the station, and after taking her ticket had only a
few minutes to wait for a train; half an hour later she was at Twickenham
Station. As soon as the platform was clear of the other passengers who
had alighted, a respectably-dressed woman got up from one of the seats
and came up to Fan. "You are Miss Affleck," she said, with a furtive
glance at the girl's face. "Miss Starbrow sent me to meet you. She is
going to stay a few days with friends just outside of Twickenham. Will
you please come this way?"

She took the bag from Fan, then led the way not to, but round the
village, and at some distance beyond it into a road with trees planted in
it and occasional garden-seats. They followed this road for about a
quarter of a mile, then left it, and the villas and houses near it, and
struck across a wide field. Beyond it, in an open space, they came to an
isolated terrace of small red-brick cottages. The cottages seemed newly
built and empty, and no person was moving about; nor had any road been
made, but the houses stood on the wet clay, full of deep cart-wheel ruts,
and strewn with broken bricks and builders' rubbish. In the middle of the
row Fan noticed that one of the cottages was inhabited, apparently by
very poor people, for as she passed by with her guide, three or four
children and a woman, all wretchedly dressed, came out and stared
curiously at her. Then, to her surprise, her guide stopped at the last
house of the row, and opened the door with a latchkey. The windows were
all closed, and from the outside it looked uninhabited, and as they went
into the narrow uncarpeted hall Fan began to experience some nervous
fears. Why had her mistress, a rich woman, with a luxurious home of her
own, come into this miserable suburban cottage? The door of a small
square room on the ground-floor was standing open, and looking into it
she saw that it contained a couple of chairs and a table, but no other
furniture and no carpet.

"Where's Miss Starbrow?" she asked, becoming alarmed.

"Upstairs, waiting for you. This way, please"; and taking Fan by the
hand, she attempted to lead her up the narrow uncarpeted stairs. But
suddenly, with a cry of terror, the girl snatched herself free and rushed
down into the open room, and stood there panting, white and trembling
with terror, her eyes dilated, like some wild animal that finds itself
caught in a trap.

"What ails you?" said the woman, quickly following her down.

"Captain Horton is there--I saw him looking down!" said Fan, in a
terrified whisper. "Oh, please let me out--let me out!"

"Why, what nonsense you are talking, to be sure! There's no Captain
Horton here, and what's more, I don't know who Captain Horton is. It was
Miss Starbrow you saw waiting for you on the landing."

"No, no, no--let me out! let me out!" was Fan's only reply.

The woman then made a dash at her, but the girl, now wild with fear,
sprang quickly from her, and running round the room came to the window at
the front, and began madly pulling at the fastenings to open it. There
she was seized, but not to be conquered yet, for the sense of the
terrible peril she was in gave her an unnatural strength, and struggling
still to return to the window, her only way of escape, they presently
came violently against it and shattered a pane of glass. At this moment
the woman, exerting her whole strength, succeeded in dragging her back to
the middle of the room; and Fan, finding that she was being overcome,
burst forth in a succession of piercing screams, which had the effect of
quickly bringing Captain Horton on to the scene.

"Oh, you've come at last! There--manage her yourself--the wild beast!"
cried the woman, flinging the girl from her towards him.

He caught her in his arms. "Will you stop screaming?" he shouted; but Fan
only screamed the louder.

"Stop her--stop her quick, or we'll have those people and the police
here," cried the woman, running to the window and peering out at the
broken pane to see if the noise had attracted their neighbours.

He succeeded in getting one of his hands over her mouth, and still
keeping her clasped firmly with the other arm, began drawing her towards
the door. But not even yet was she wholly overcome; all the power which
had been in her imprisoned arms and hands appeared suddenly to have gone
into the muscles of her jaws, and in a moment her sharp teeth had cut his
hand to the bone.

"Oh, curse the hell-cat!" he cried; and maddened with rage at the pain,
he struck her from him, and her head coming violently in contact with the
sharp edge of the table, she was thrown down senseless on the floor. Her
forehead was deeply cut, and presently the blood began flowing over her
still, white face.

The woman now became terrified in her turn.

"You have killed her!" she cried. "Oh, Captain, you have killed her, and
you'll hang for it and make me hang too. Oh God! what's to be done now?"

"Hold your noise, you cursed fool!" exclaimed the other, in a rage. "Get
some cold water and dash it over her face."

She obeyed quickly enough, and kneeling down washed the blood from the
girl's face and hair, and loosened her dress. But the fear that they
would be discovered unnerved her, her hands shook, and she kept on
moaning that the girl was dead, that they would be found out and tried
for murder.

"She's not dead, I tell you--damn you for a fool!" exclaimed Captain
Horton, dashing the blood from his wounded hand and stamping on the floor
in a rage.

"She is! she is! There's not a spark of life in her that I can feel! Oh,
what shall I do?"

He pushed her roughly aside and felt for the girl's pulse, and placed his
hand over her heart, but was perhaps too much agitated himself to feel
its feeble pulsations.

"Good God, it can't be!" he said. "A girl can't be killed with a light
knock in falling like that. No, no, she'll come to presently and be all
right. And we're safe enough--not a soul knows where she is."

"Oh, don't you think that!" returned the woman, again kneeling down and
chafing and slapping Fan's palms, and moistening her face. "The people at
the other house were all there watching us when I brought the girl in.
They're curious about it, and maybe suspect something; and when the
policeman comes round you may be sure they'll tell him, and they'll have
heard the screams too, and they'll be watching about now. Oh, what a
blessed fool I was to have anything to do with it!"

Captain Horton began cursing her again; but just then Fan's bosom moved,
she drew a long breath, and presently her eyes opened.

They were watching her with a feeling of intense relief, thinking that
they had now escaped from a great and terrible danger. Fan looked up into
the face of the woman bent over her, and gazed at her in a dazed kind of
way, not yet remembering where she was or what had befallen her. Then she
glanced at the man's face, a little distance off, shivered and closed her
eyes, and in her stillness and extreme pallor seemed to have become
insensible again, although her white lips twitched at intervals.

"Go away, for God's sake! Go to the other room--it kills her to see you!"
said the woman, in an excited whisper.

He moved away and slipped out at the door very quietly, but presently
called softly to the woman.

"Here, make her swallow a little brandy," he said, giving her a pocket
flask.

In about half an hour Fan had recovered so far that she could sit up in a
chair; but with her strength her distress and terror came back, and
feeling herself powerless she began to cry and beg to be let out.

The woman went to the door and spoke softly to her companion.

"It's all right now; she's getting over it."

"It's all wrong, I tell you," said the other with an oath, and in a tone
of concentrated rage. "There are two of your neighbour's boys prying
about in front and trying to peer through the window. For heaven's sake
get rid of her and let her go as soon as you can."

She was about to return to Fan when he called her back.

"Take her to the station yourself," he said; and proceeded to give her
some directions which she promised to obey, after which she came back to
Fan, to find her at the window feebly struggling to unfasten the stiff
catch.

"Don't you be afraid any more, my dear," she said effusively. "I'll take
you back to the station as soon as you're well enough to walk. You've had
a fall against the table and hurt yourself a little, but you'll soon be
all right."

Fan looked at her and shrunk away as she approached, and then turned her
eyes, dilating again with fear, towards the door.

"He's gone, my dear, and won't come near you again, so don't you fear.
Sit down quietly and I'll make you a cup of tea, and then you'll be able
to walk to the station."

But Fan would not be reassured, and continued piteously begging the woman
to let her out.

"Very well, you shall go out; only take a little brandy first to give you
strength to walk."

Fan thrust the flask away, and then putting her hand to her forehead,
cried out:

"Oh, what's this on my head?"

"Only a bit of sticking-plaster where you hit yourself against the table,
my dear."

Then she smoothed out Fan's broken hat, and with a wet sponge cleaned the
bloodstains from her gown, and finally opening the door and with the bag
in her hand, she accompanied the girl out.

Once in the cold keen air Fan began to recover strength and confidence,
but she was still too weak to walk fast, and when they had got to the
long road where the benches were, she was compelled to sit down and rest
for some time.

"Where are you going after I leave you at the station?" asked the woman.

"To London--to Westbourne Park."

"And then?"

"I don't know--I can't think. Oh, please leave me here!"

"No, my dear, I'll see you in your train at the station."

"Perhaps _he_'ll be there," said Fan, in sudden fear.

"Oh no, bless you, _he_ won't be there. He didn't mean any harm,
don't you believe it. We were only going to shut you up in the house just
for a few days because Miss Starbrow wanted us to."

"Miss Starbrow!"

"Why, yes; didn't you get her telegram telling you to come to Twickenham
to her, and that I'd meet you at the station?"

"Yes, I remember. Where is she?"

"The Lord knows, my dear. But it seems she's taken a great hatred to you,
and can't abide you, and that's all I know. She came this morning with
Captain Horton, and they arranged it all together; and she telegraphed
and then went away, and said she hated the very sight of your face; and
hoped I'd keep you safe because she never wanted to see you again, and
was sorry she ever took you."

"But why--why--what had I done?" moaned Fan, the tears coming to her
eyes.

"There's no knowing why, except that she's a cruel, wicked, bad woman.
That's all I know about it. Where is the telegram--have you got it?"

Fan put her hand into her pocket and then drew it out again.

"No, I haven't got it; I gave it to Rosie before I left--I remember now
she asked me for it when I was in the cab."

"That's all right; it doesn't matter a bit. But tell me, where are you
going when you get back to London--back to Miss Starbrow?"

Fan looked at her, puzzled and surprised at the question. "But you say
she sent for me to shut me up because she hated me, and never wished to
see me again."

"Yes, my dear, that's quite right what I told you. But what are you going
to do in London? Where will you go to sleep to-night? Here's your bag
you'd forgotten all about; if you go and forget it you'll have no clothes
to change; and perhaps you'll lose yourself in London, and when they ask
you where you belong, you'll let them take you to Miss Starbrow's house."

The woman in her anxiety was quite voluble; while Fan slowly turned it
all over in her mind before replying. "My head is paining so, I was
forgetting. But I shan't lose my bag, and I'll find some place to sleep
to-night. No, I'll never, never go back to Mary--to Miss Starbrow."

"And you'll be able to take care of yourself?"

"Yes; will you let me go now?"

"Come then, I'll put you in your train with your bag; and don't you go
and speak to anyone about what happened here, and then you'll be quite
safe. Let Miss Starbrow think you are shut up safe out of her sight, and
then she won't trouble herself about you."

"There's no one I can speak to--I have no one," said Fan, mournfully;
after which they went on to the station, and she was put into her train
with her bag, and about three o'clock in the afternoon arrived at
Westbourne Park Station.

There were clothes enough in her bag to last her for some time with those
she was wearing, and money in her purse--two or three shillings in small
change and the sovereign which had been in her possession for several
months. Food and shelter could therefore be had, and she was not a poor
girl in rags now, but well dressed, so that she could go without fear or
shame to any registry office to seek an engagement. These thoughts passed
vaguely through her brain; her head seemed splitting, and she could
scarcely stand on her legs when she got out of the train at Westbourne
Park. It would be a dreadful thing if she were to fall down in the
streets, overcome with faintness, she thought, for then her bag and purse
might be stolen from her, or worse still, she might be taken back to the
house of her cruel enemy. Clinging to her bag, she walked on as fast as
she could seeking for some humble street with rooms to let--some refuge
to lie down in and rest her throbbing head. She passed through Colville
Gardens, scarcely knowing where she was; but the tall, gloomy, ugly
houses there were all too big for her; and she did not know that in some
of them were refuges for poor girls--servants and governesses out of
place--where for a few shillings a week she might have had board and
lodging. Turning aside, she came into the long, narrow, crooked
Portobello Road, full of grimy-looking shops, and after walking a little
further turned at last into a short street of small houses tenanted by
people of the labourer class.

At one of these houses she was shown a small furnished room by a
suspicious-looking woman, who asked four-and-sixpence a week for it,
including "hot water." Fan agreed to take it for a week at that rent. The
poor woman wanted the money, but seemed undecided. Presently she said,
"You see, miss, it's like this, you haven't got no box, and ain't dressed
like one that lodges in these places, and--and I couldn't let you the
room without the money down."

"Oh, I'll pay you now," said Fan; and taking the sovereign from her
purse, asked the woman to get change.

"Very well, miss; if you'll go downstairs, I'll put the room straight for
you."

"Oh, I must lie down now, my head is aching so," said Fan, feeling that
she could no longer stand.

"What ails you--are you going to be ill?"

"No, no; this morning I had a fall and struck my head and hurt it so--
look," and taking off her hat, she showed the plaster on her forehead.

That satisfied the woman, who had only been thinking of fever and her own
little ones, who were more to her than any stranger, and her manner
became kind at once. She imagined that her lodger was a young lady who
for some reason had run away from her friends. Smoothing down the
coverlet, she went away to get change, closing the door after her, and
then, with a sigh of relief, Fan threw herself on to the poor bed.

The pain she was in, and state of exhaustion after the violent emotions
and the rough handling she had experienced, prevented her from thinking
much of her miserable forlorn condition. She only wished for rest Yet she
could not rest, but turned her hot flushed face and throbbing head from
side to side, moaning with pain. By-and-by the woman came back with the
change and a very big cup of hot tea.

"This'll do your head good," she said. "Better drink it hot, miss; I
always say there's nothing like a cup of tea for the headache."

Fan took it gratefully and drank the whole of it, though it was rougher
tea than she had been accustomed to of late. And the woman proved a good
physician; it had the effect of throwing her into a profuse perspiration,
and before she had been alone for many minutes she fell asleep.

She did not wake until past nine o'clock, and found a lighted candle on
her table; her poor landlady had been up perhaps more than once to visit
her. She felt greatly refreshed; the danger, if there had been any, was
over now, but she was still drowsy--so drowsy that she longed to be
asleep again; and she only got up to undress and go to bed in a more
regular way. The time to think had not come yet; sleep alone seemed sweet
to her, and in its loving arms she would lie, for it seemed like one that
loved her always, like her poor dead mother who had never turned against
her and used her cruelly. Before she closed her heavy eyes the landlady
came into her room again to see her, and Fan gave her a shilling to get
some tea and bread-and-butter for her breakfast next day.




CHAPTER XI


When Fan awoke, physically well and refreshed by her long slumber, it had
been light some time, with such dim light as found entrance through the
clouded panes of one small window. The day was gloomy, with a bitterly
cold blustering east wind, which made the loose window-sashes rattle in
their frames, and blew the pungent smell of city smoke in at every crack.
She sat up and looked round at the small cheerless apartment, with no
fireplace, and for only furniture the bed she was lying on, one cane-
chair over which her clothes were thrown, and a circular iron wash-stand,
with yellow stone jug and ewer, and underneath a shelf for the soap dish.

She shivered and dropped her head again on the pillow. Then, for the
first time since that terrible experience of the previous day, she began
to realise her position, and to wonder greatly why she had been subjected
to such cruel treatment. The time had already come of which Mary had once
spoken prophetically, when they would be for ever separated, and she
would have to go out into the world unaided and fight her own battle.
But, oh! why had not Mary spoken to her, and told her that she could no
longer keep her, and sent her away? For then there would still have been
affection and gratitude in her heart for the woman who had done so much
for her, and she would have looked forward with hope to a future meeting.
Love and hope would have cheered her in her loneliness, and made her
strong in her efforts to live. But now all loving ties had been violently
sundered, now the separation was eternal. Even as death had divided her
from her poor mother, this cruel deed had now put her for all time apart
from the one friend she had possessed in the world. What had she done,
what had she done to be treated so hardly? Had she not been faithful,
loving her mistress with her whole heart? It was little to give in return
for so much, but it was her all, and Mary had required nothing more from
her. It was not enough; Mary had grown tired of her at last. And not
tired only: her loving-kindness had turned to wormwood and gall; the very
sight of the girl she had rescued and cared for had become hateful to
her, and her unjust hatred and anger had resulted in that cruel outrage.
Now she understood the reason of that change in Mary, when she grew
silent and stern and repellent before that fatal morning when she went
away to carry out her heartless scheme of revenge. But revenge for what?
--and Fan could only moan again and again, "What had I done? what had I
done?" What had she ever done that she should not be loved and allowed to
live in peace and happiness--what had she done to her brutal stepfather,
or to Captain Horton and to Rosie, that they should take pleasure in
tormenting her?

When the woman came in with the breakfast she found Fan lying sobbing on
her pillow.

"Oh, that's wrong to cry so," she said, putting the tray on the table and
coming to the bedside. "Don't take on so, my poor young lady. Things'll
come right by-and-by. You'll write to your mother and father----"

"I've no mother and father," said Fan, trying to repress her sobs.

"Then you'll have brothers and sisters and friends."

"No, I've got no one. I only had one friend, and she's turned against me,
and I'm alone. I'm not a young lady; my mother was poorer than you, and I
must get something to do to make my living."

This confession was a little shock to the woman, for it spoilt her
romance, and the result was that her interest in her young lodger
diminished considerably.

"Well, it ain't no use taking on, all the same," she said, in a tone
somewhat less deferential and kind than before. "And it's too bad a day
for you to go out and look for anything. It's going to snow, I'm
thinking; so you'd better have your breakfast in bed and stay in to-day."

Fan took her advice and remained all day in her room, thinking only of
the strange thing that had happened to her, of the misery of a life with
no one to love. Mary's image remained persistently in her mind, while the
bitter wind without made strange noises in the creaking zinc chimney-
pots, and rattled the window and hurled furious handfuls of mingled dust
and sleet against the panes. And yet she felt no anger in her heart;
unspeakable grief and despair precluded anger, and again and again she
cried, her whole frame convulsed with sobs, and the tears and sobs
exhausted her body but brought no relief to her mind.

Next day there was no wind, though it was still intensely cold, with a
dull grey cloud threatening snow over the whole sky; but it was time for
her to be up and doing, and she went out to seek for employment. She
wandered about in a somewhat aimless way, until, in the Ladbroke Grove
Road, she found a servants' registry-office, and went in to apply for a
place as nursemaid or nursery-governess. Mary had once told her that she
was fit for such a place, and there was nothing else she could think of.
A woman in the office took down her name and address, and promised to
send for her if she had any applications. She did not know of anyone in
need of a nursemaid or nursery-governess. "But you can call again to-
morrow and inquire," she added.

On the following day she was advised to wait in the office so as to be on
the spot should anyone call to engage a girl. After waiting for some
hours the woman began to question her, and finding that she had no
knowledge of children, and had never been in service and could give no
references, told her brusquely that she was giving a great deal of
unnecessary trouble, and that she need not come to the office again, as
in the circumstances no lady would think of taking her.

Fan returned to her lodgings very much cast down, and there being no one
else to seek counsel from, told her troubles to her landlady. But the
poor woman had nothing very hopeful to say, and could only tell Fan of
another registry-office in Notting Hill High Street, and advise her to
apply there.

This was a larger place, and after her name, address, and other
particulars had been taken down in a book, she ventured to ask whether
her not having been in a place before, and being without a reference,
would make it very difficult for her to get a situation; the woman of the
office merely said, "One never knows."

This was not very encouraging, but she was told that she could come every
day and sit as long as she liked in the waiting-room. There were always
several girls and women there--a row of them sitting chatting together on
chairs ranged against the wall--house, parlour, and kitchen-maids out of
places; and a few others of a better description, modest-looking, well-
dressed young women, who came and stood about for a few minutes and then
went away again. Of the girls of this kind Fan alone remained patiently
at her post, taking no interest in the conversation of the others,
anxious only to avoid their bold inquisitive looks and to keep herself
apart from them. Yet their conversation, to anyone wishing to know
something of the lights and shadows of downstair life, was instructive
and interesting enough.

"Only seven days in your last place!"

"Oh, I say!"

"But what did you leave for?"

"Because she was a beast--my missus was; and what I told her was that it
was seven days too much."

"You never did!"

"Oh, I say!"

"And what did she say?"

"Well, it was like this. I was a-doing of my hair in the kitchen with the
curling-iron, when down comes Miss Julia. 'Oh, you are frizzing your
hair!' she says. 'Yes, miss,' I says, 'have you any objection?' I says.
'Ma won't let you have a fringe,' she says. When I loses my temper, and I
says, 'Well, Miss Himperence, you can go and tell your ma that she can
find a servant as can do without a fringe.'"

"Oh, I say!" etc., etc., etc.

They also made critical remarks on Fan's appearance, wondering what a
"young lady" wanted among servants. She felt no pride at being taken for
a lady; she had no feeling and no thought that gave her any pleasure, but
only a dull aching at the heart, only the wish in her mind to find
something to do and save herself from utter destitution.

For three days she continued to attend at the office, and beyond a short
"Good morning" from the woman that kept it each day, not a word was
spoken to her. The third day was Saturday, when the office would close
early; and after twelve o'clock, seeing that the others were all going,
she too left, to spend the time as best she could until the following
Monday. The day was windless and bright, and full of the promise of
spring. Not feeling hungry she did not return to her lodgings, but went
for a short walk in Kensington Gardens. Leaving the Broad Walk, she went
into that secluded spot near the old farm-like buildings of Kensington
Palace and sat down on one of the seats among the yews and fir trees. The
new gate facing Bayswater Hill has changed that spot now, making it more
public, but it was very quiet on that day as she sat there by herself. On
that beautiful spring morning her heart seemed strangely heavy, and her
life more lonely and desolate than ever. The memory of her loss came over
her like a bitter flood, and covering her face with her hands she gave
free vent to her grief. There was no person near, no one to be attracted
by her sobs. But one person was passing at some distance, and glancing in
her direction through the trees, saw her, and stopped in her walk. It was
Miss Starbrow, and in the figure of the weeping girl she had recognised
Fan. Her face darkened, and she walked on, but presently she stopped
again, and stood irresolute, swinging the end of her sunshade over the
young grass. At length she turned and walked slowly towards the girl, but
Fan was sobbing with covered face, and did not hear her steps and
rustling dress. For some moments Miss Starbrow continued watching her, a
scornful smile on her lips and a strange look in her eyes as of a
slightly cruel feeling struggling against compassion. At length she
spoke, startling Fan with her voice sounding so close to her.

"Crying? Well, I am glad that your sin has found you out! Glad you have
met with some thief cleverer than yourself, who has stolen your booty, I
suppose, and left you penniless--a beggar as I found you! I admire your
courage in coming here, but you needn't be afraid; I'll have mercy on
you. You have punished yourself more than I could punish you; and some
day I shall perhaps see you again in rags, starving in the streets, and
shall fling a penny to you."

Fan had started at first with an instinctive fear--a vague apprehension
that she would be seized and dragged away to be shut up and tortured as
Miss Starbrow had desired. But suddenly this feeling gave place to
another, to a burning resentment experienced for the first time against
this woman who had made her suffer so cruelly, and now came to taunt her
and mock at her misery. It suffocated and made her dumb for a time. Then
she burst out: "You wicked bad woman! You beast--you beast, how I hate
you! Oh, I wish God would strike you dead!"

"How dare you say such things to me, you ungrateful, shameless little
thief!"

"You liar--you beast of a liar!" exclaimed Fan, still torn with the rage
that possessed her. "Go away, you liar! Leave me, you wicked devil! I
hate you! I hate you!"

Miss Starbrow uttered a little scornful laugh. "You would have some
reason to hate me if I were to shut you up for six months with hard
labour," she answered, turning aside as if about to walk away.

To shut her up for six months! Yes, that was what she had tried to do
with the assistance of a strong man and woman. And what other tortures
and sufferings had she intended to inflict on her victim! It was too much
to be reminded of this. It turned her blood into liquid fire, and
maddened her brain; and struggling to find words to speak the rage that
overmastered her, suddenly, as if by a miracle, every evil term of
reproach, every profane and blasphemous expression of drunken brutish
anger she had heard and shuddered at in the old days in Moon Street,
flashed back into her mind, and she poured them out in a furious torrent,
hurled them at her torturer; and then, exhausted, sunk back into her
seat, and covering her face again, sobbed convulsively.

Miss Starbrow's face turned crimson with shame, and she moved two or
three steps away; then she turned, and said in cold incisive tones:

"I see, Fan, that you have not forgotten all the nice things you learnt
before I took you out of the slums to shelter and feed and clothe you.
This will be a lesson to me: I had not thought so meanly of the suffering
poor as you make me think. They say that even dogs are grateful to those
that feed them. And I did more than feed you, Fan. That's the last word
you will ever hear from me."

She was moving away, but Fan, stung by a reproach so cruelly unjust,
started to her feet with a cry of passion.

"Yes, I know you gave me these things--oh, I wish I could tear off this
dress you gave me! And this is the money you gave me--take it! I hate
it!" And drawing her purse from her pocket, she flung it down at Miss
Starbrow's feet. Then, searching for something else to fling back to the
donor, she drew out that crumpled pink paper which had been all the time
in her pocket. "And take this too--the wicked telegram you sent me. It is
yours, like the money--take it, you bad, hateful woman!"

Miss Starbrow still remained standing near, watching her, and in spite of
her own great anger, she could not help feeling very much astonished at
such an outburst of fury from a girl who had always seemed to her so
mild-spirited. She touched the crumpled piece of paper with her foot,
then glanced back at the girl seated again with bowed head and covered
face. What had she meant by a telegram? Curiosity overcame the impulse to
walk away, and stooping, she picked up the paper and smoothed it out and
read, "From Miss Starbrow, Twickenham. To Miss Affleck, Dawson Place."

She had not been to Twickenham, and had sent no telegram to Fan. Then she
read the message and turned the paper over, and read it again and again,
glancing at intervals at the girl. Then she went up to her and put her
hand on her shoulder. Fan started and shook the hand off, and raised her
eyes wet with tears and red with weeping, but still full of anger.

Miss Starbrow caught her by the arm. "Tell me what this means--this
telegram; when did you get it, and who gave it to you?" she said in such
a tone that the girl was compelled to obey.

"You know when you sent it," said Fan.

"I never sent it! Oh, my God, can't you understand what I say? Answer--
answer my question!"

"Rosie gave it to me."

"And you went to Twickenham?"

"Yes."

"And what happened?"

"And the woman you sent to meet me--"

"Hush! don't say that. Are you daft? Don't I tell you I never sent it.
Tell me, tell me, or you'll drive me mad!"

Fan looked at her in astonishment. Could it be that it had never entered
into Mary's heart to do this cruel thing? That raging tempest in her
heart was fast subsiding. She began to collect her faculties.

"The woman met me," she continued, "and took me a long way from the
station to a little house. She tried to take me upstairs. She said you
were waiting for me, but I looked up and saw Captain Horton peeping over
the banisters--"

Miss Starbrow clenched her hands and uttered a little cry. Her face had
become white, and she turned away from the girl. Presently she sat down,
and said in a strangely altered voice, "Tell me, Fan, did you take some
jewels from my dressing-table--a brooch and three rings, and some other
things?"

"I took nothing except what you--what the telegram said, and Rosie put
the things in a bag and got the cab for me."

For a minute or two Miss Starbrow sat in silence, and then got up and
said:

"Come, Fan."

"Where?"

"Home with me to Dawson Place." Then she added, "Must I tell you again
that I have done nothing to harm you? Do you not understand that it was
all a wicked horrible plot to get you away and destroy you, that the
telegram was a forgery, that the jewels were taken to make it appear that
you had stolen them and run away during my absence from the house?"

Fan rose and followed her, and when they got to the Bayswater Road Miss
Starbrow called a cab.

"Where is your bag--where did you sleep last night?" she asked; and when
Fan had told her she said, "Tell the man to drive us there," and got in.

In a few minutes they arrived at her lodging, and Fan got out and went in
to get her bag. She did not owe anything for rent, having paid in
advance, but she gave the woman a shilling.

"I knew I was right," said the woman, who was now all smiles. "Bless you,
miss, you ain't fit to make your own living like one of us. Well, I'm
real pleased your friends has found you."

Fan got into the cab again, and they proceeded in silence to Dawson
Place. A small boy in buttons, who had only been engaged a day or two
before, opened the door to them. They went up to the bedroom on the first
floor.

"Sit down, Fan, and rest yourself," said Miss Starbrow, closing and
locking the door; then after moving about the room in an aimless way for
a little while, she came and sat down near the girl. "Before you tell me
this dreadful story, Fan," she said, "I wish to ask you one thing more.
One day last week when it was raining you came home from Kensington with
a young man. Who was he--a friend of yours?"

"A friend of mine! oh no. I was hurrying back in the rain when he came up
to me and held his umbrella over my head, and walked to the door with me.
It was kind of him, I thought, because he was a stranger, and I had never
seen him before."

"It was a small thing, but you usually tell me everything, and you did
not tell me this?"

"No, I was waiting to tell you that--and something else, and didn't tell
you because you seemed angry with me, and I was afraid to speak to you."

"What was the something else you were going to tell me?"

Fan related the scene she had witnessed in the drawing-room. It had
seemed a great thing then, and had disturbed her very much, but now,
after all she had recently gone through, it seemed a very trivial matter.

To the other it did not appear so small a matter, to judge from her black
looks. She got up and moved about the room again, and then once more sat
down beside the girl.

"Now tell me your own story--everything from the moment you got the
telegram up to our meeting in the Gardens."

With half-averted face she listened, while the girl again began the
interrupted narration, and went on telling everything to the finish,
wondering at times why Mary sat so silent with face averted, as if afraid
to meet her eyes. But when she finished Mary turned and took her hand.

"Poor Fan," she said, "you have gone through a dreadful experience, and
scarcely seem to understand even now what danger you were in. But there
will be time enough to talk of all this--to congratulate you on such a
fortunate escape; just now I have got to deal with that infamous wretch
of a girl who still poisons the house with her presence."

She rose and rung the bell sharply, and when the boy in buttons answered
it, she ordered him to send Rosie to her.

"She's gone," said he.

"Gone! what do you mean--when did she go?"

"Just now, ma'am. She came up to speak to you when you came in, and then
she got her box down and went away in a cab."

Miss Starbrow then sent for the cook. "What does this mean about Rosie's
going?" she demanded of that person. "How came you to let her go without
informing me?"

"She came down and said she had had some words with you, and was going to
leave because Miss Fan had been took back."

"And the wretch has then got away with my jewellery! What else did she
say?"

"Nothing very good, ma'am. I'd rather not tell you."

"Tell me at once when I order you."

"I asked if she was going without her wages and a character, and she said
as you had paid her her wages, \and she didn't want a character, because
she didn't consider the house was respectable."

Miss Starbrow sent her away and closed the door; presently she sat down
at some distance from Fan, but spoke no word. Fan was in a low easy-chair
near the window, through which the sun was shining very brightly. She
looked pale and languid, resting her cheek on her palm and never moving;
only at intervals, when Miss Starbrow, with an exclamation of rage, would
rise and take a few steps about the room and then drop into her seat
again, the girl would raise her eyes and glance at her. All the keen
suffering, the strife, the bitterness of heart and anger were over, and
the reaction had come. It had all been a mistake; Mary had never dreamt
of doing her harm: the whole trouble had been brought about by Captain
Horton and Rosie; but she remembered them with a strange indifference;
the fire of anger had burnt itself out in her heart and could not be
rekindled.

With the other it was different. It had been a great shock to her to
discover that the girl she had befriended, and loved as she had never
loved anyone of her own sex before, was so false, so unutterably base.
For some little time she refused to believe it, and a horrible suspicion
of foul play had crossed her mind. But the proofs stared her in the face,
and she remembered that Fan had kept that acquaintance she had formed
with someone out of doors a secret. On returning to the house in the
evening, she was told that shortly after she had gone out for the day a
letter was brought addressed to Fan, and, when questioned, she had
refused to tell Rosie who it was from. At one o'clock Rosie had gone up
with her dinner, and, missing her, had searched for her in all the rooms,
and was then amazed to find that most of the girl's clothes had also
disappeared. But she did not know that anything else had been taken. Miss
Starbrow missed some jewels she had put on her dressing-table, and on a
further search it was discovered that other valuables, and one of her
best travelling bags, were also gone. The astonishment and indignation
displayed by the maid, who exclaimed that she had always considered Fan a
sly little hypocrite, helped perhaps to convince her mistress that the
girl had taken advantage of her absence to make her escape from the
house. Miss Starbrow remembered how confused and guilty she had looked
for two or three days before her flight, and came to the conclusion that
the young friend out of doors, not being able to see Fan, had kept a
watch on the house, and had cunningly arranged it all, and finally sent
or left the letter instructing her where to meet him, also probably
advising her what to take.

But Miss Starbrow had not been entirely bound up in the girl: she had
other affections and interests in life, and great as the shock had been
and the succeeding anger, she had recovered her self-possession, and had
set herself to banish Fan from her remembrance. She was ashamed to let
her servants and friends see how deeply she had been wounded by the
little starving wretch she had compassionately rescued from the streets.
Outwardly she did not appear much affected; and when Rosie, with well-
feigned surprise, asked if the police were not to be employed to trace
the stolen articles and arrest the thief, she only laughed carelessly and
replied: "No; she has punished herself enough already, and the trinkets
have no doubt been sold before now, and could not be traced."

Rosie hurried away to hide the relief she felt, for she had been
trembling to think what might happen if some cunning detective were to be
employed to make investigations in the house.

Now, however, when Mary began to recover from the amazement caused by
Fan's narrative, a dull rage took such complete possession of her that it
left no room for any other feeling. The girl sitting there with bent head
seemed no more to her than some stranger who had just come in, and about
whom she knew and cared nothing. All that Fan had suffered was forgotten:
she only thought of herself, of the outrage on her feelings, of the vile
treachery of the man who had pretended to love her, whom she had loved
and had treated so kindly, helping him with money and in other ways, and
forgiving him again and again when he had offended her. She could not
rest or sit still when she thought of it, and she thought of it
continually and of nothing else. She rose and paced the room, pausing at
every step, and turning herself from side to side, like some savage
animal, strong and lithe and full of deadly rage, but unable to spring,
trapped and shut within iron bars. Her face had changed to a livid white,
and looked hard and pitiless, and her eyes had a fixed stony stare like
those of a serpent. And at intervals, as she moved about the room, she
clenched her hands with such energy that the nails wounded her palms. And
from time to time her rage would rise to a kind of frenzy, and find
expression in a voice strangely harsh and unnatural, deeper than a man's,
and then suddenly rising to a shrill piercing key that startled Fan and
made her tremble. Poor Fan! that little burst of transitory anger she had
experienced in the Gardens seemed now only a pitifully weak exhibition
compared with the black tempest raging in this strong, undisciplined
woman's soul.

"And I have loved him--loved that hell-hound! God! shall I ever cease to
despise and loathe myself for sinking into such a depth of infamy! Never
--never--until his viper head has been crushed under my heel! To strike!
to crush! to torture! How?--have I no mind to think? Nothing can I do--
nothing--nothing! Are there no means? Ah, how sweet to scorch the skin
and make the handsome face loathsome to look at! To burn the eyes up in
their sockets--to shut up the soul for ever in thick blackness!... Oh, is
there no wise theologian who can prove to me that there is a hell, that
he will be chained there and tortured everlastingly! That would satisfy
me--to remember it would be sweeter than Heaven."

Suddenly she turned in a kind of fury on Fan, who had risen trembling
from her seat. "Sit down!" she said. "Hide your miserable white face from
my sight! You could have warned me in time, you could have saved me from
this, and you failed to do it! Oh, I could strike you dead with my hand
for your imbecile cowardice!... And he will escape me! To blast his name,
to hold him up to public scorn and hatred, years of imprisonment in a
felon's cell--all, all the suffering we can inflict on such a fiendish
wretch seems weak and childish, and could give no comfort to my soul. Oh,
it drives me mad to think of it--I shall go mad--I shall go mad!" And
shrieking, and with eyes that seemed starting from their sockets, she
began madly tearing her hair and clothes.

Fan had risen again, white and trembling at that awful sight; and unable
to endure it longer, she sprang to the door, and crying out with terror,
flew down to the kitchen. The cook returned with her, and on entering the
room they discovered their mistress in a mad fit of hysterics, shrieking
with laughter, and tearing her clothes off. The woman was strong, and
seeing that prompt action was needed, seized her mistress in her arms and
threw her on to the couch, and held her there in spite of her frantic
struggles. Assisted by Fan, she then emptied the contents of the toilet
jug over her face and naked bosom, half drowning her; and after a while
Miss Starbrow ceased her struggles, and sank back gasping and half
fainting on the cushion, her eyes closed and her face ghostly white.

"You see," said the cook to Fan, "she never had one before, and she's a
strong one, and it's always worse for that sort when it do come. Lor',
what a temper she must have been in to take on so!"

Between them they succeeded in undressing and placing her on her bed,
where she lay for an hour in a half-conscious state; but later in the day
she began to recover, and moved to the couch near the fire, while Fan sat
beside her on the carpet, watching the face that looked so strange in its
whiteness and languor, and keeping the firelight from the half-closed
eyes.

"Oh, Fan, how weak I feel now--so weak!" she murmured. "And a little
while ago I felt so strong! If he had been present I could have torn the
flesh from his bones. No tiger in the jungle maddened by the hunters has
such strength as I felt in me then. And now it has all gone, and he has
escaped from me. Let him go. All the kindly feeling I had for him--all
the hopes for his future welfare, all my secret plans to aid him--they
are dead. But it was all so sudden. Was it to-day, Fan, that I saw you
sitting in Kensington Gardens, crying by yourself, or a whole year ago?
Poor Fan! poor Fan!"

The girl had hid her face against Mary's knee.

"But why do you cry, my poor girl?"

"Oh, dear Mary, will you ever forgive me?" said Fan, half raising her
tearful face.

"Forgive you, Fan! For what?"

"For what I said to-day in the Gardens. Oh, why, why did I say such
dreadful things! Oh, I am so--so sorry--I am so sorry!"

"I remember now, but I had forgotten all about it. That was nothing, Fan
--less than nothing. It was not you that spoke, but the demon of anger
that had possession of you. I forgive you freely for that, poor child,
and shall never think of it again. But I shall never be able to feel
towards you as I did before. Never, Fan."

"Mary, Mary, what have I done!"

"Nothing, child. It is not anything you have done, or that you have left
undone. But I took you into my house and into my heart, and only asked
you to love and trust me, and you forgot it all in a moment, and were
ready to believe the worst of me. A stranger told you that I had secretly
planned your destruction, and you at once believed it. How could you find
it in your heart to believe such a thing of me--a thing so horrible, so
impossible?"

Fan, with her face hidden, continued crying.

"But don't cry, Fan. You shall not suffer. If you could lose all faith in
me, and think me such a demon of wickedness, you are not to blame. You
are not what I imagined, but only what nature made you. Where I thought
you strong you are weak, and it was my mistake."

Suddenly Fan raised her eyes, wet with tears, and looked fixedly at the
other's face; nor did she drop them when Mary's eyes, opening wide and
expressing a little surprise at the girl's courage, and a little
resentment, returned the look.

"Mary," she said, speaking in a voice which had recovered its firmness,
"I loved you so much, and I had never done anything wrong, and--and you
said you would always love and trust me because you knew that I was
good."

"Well, Fan?"

"And you believed what Rosie said about me, and that I was a thief, and
had taken your jewels and ran away."

Mary cast down her eyes, and the corners of her mouth twitched as if with
a slight smile.

"That is true," she said slowly. "You are right, Fan; you are not so poor
as I thought, but can defend yourself with your tongue or your teeth, as
occasion requires. Perhaps my sin balances yours after all, and leaves us
quits. Perhaps when I get over this trouble I shall love you as much as
ever--perhaps more."

"And you are not angry with me now, Mary?"

"No, Fan, I was not angry with you: kiss me if you like. Only I feel
very, very tired--tired and sick of my life, and wish I could lie down
and sleep and forget everything."




CHAPTER XII


On the very next day Miss Starbrow was herself again apparently, and the
old life was resumed just where it had been broken off. But although
outwardly things went on in the old way, and her mistress was not unkind,
and she had her daily walk, her reading, sewing, and embroidery to fill
her time, the girl soon perceived that something very precious to her had
been lost in the storm, and she looked and waited in vain for its
recovery. In spite of those reassuring well-remembered words Mary had
spoken to her, the old tender affection and confidence, which had made
their former relations seem so sweet, now seemed lost. Mary was not
unkind, but that was all. She did not wish Fan to read to her, or give
her any assistance in dressing, or to remain long in her room, but
preferred to be left alone. When she spoke, her words and tone were not
ungentle, but she no longer wished to talk, and after a few minutes she
would send her away; and then Fan, sad at heart, would go to her own
room--that large back room where her bed had been allowed to remain, and
where she worked silent and solitary, sitting before her own fire.

One day, just as she came in from her morning walk, a letter was left by
the postman, and Fan took it up to her mistress, glad always of an excuse
to go to her--for now some excuse seemed necessary.

Miss Starbrow, sitting moodily before her fire in her bedroom, took it;
but the moment she looked at the writing she started as if a snake had
bitten her, and flung the letter into the fire. Then, while watching it
blaze up, she suddenly exclaimed:

"I was a fool to burn it before first seeing what was in it!"

Before she finished speaking Fan darted her hand into the flame, and
tossing the burning letter on the rug, stamped out the fire with her
foot. The envelope and the outer leaf of the letter were black and
charred, but the inner leaf, which was the part written on, had not
suffered.

"Thanks, Fan; that was clever," said Miss Starbrow, taking it; and then
proceeded to read it, holding it far from her face as if her eyesight had
suddenly fallen into decay.

  Dear Pollie [ran the letter], When I saw that girl back in your
  house I knew that it would be all over between us. It is a terrible
  thing for me to lose you in that way, but there is no help for it now;
  I know that you will not forgive me. But I don't wish you to think of
  me worse than I deserve. You know as well as I do that since you took
  Fan into the house you have changed towards me, and that without
  quite throwing me over you made it as uncomfortable for me as you
  could. As things did not improve, I became convinced that as long as
  you had her by you it would continue the same, so I resolved to get
  her out of the way. I partially succeeded, and she would have been
  kept safely shut up for a few days, and then sent to a distant part
  of the country, to be properly taken care of. That is the whole of my
  offence, and I am very sorry that my plan failed. Nothing more than
  that was intended; and if you have imagined anything more you have
  done me an injustice. I am bad enough, I suppose, but not so bad as
  that; and I hate and always have hated that girl, who has been my
  greatest enemy, though perhaps unintentionally. That is all I have to
  say, except that I shall never forget how different it once was--how
  kind you could be, and how happy you often made me before that
  miserable creature came between us.

  Good-bye for ever,

  JACK.


Miss Starbrow laughed bitterly. "There, Fan, read it," she said. "It is
all about you, and you deserve a reward for burning your fingers. Coward
and villain! why has he added this infamous lie to his other crimes? It
has only made me hate and despise him more than ever. If he had had the
courage to confess everything, and even to boast of it, I should not have
thought so meanly of him."

The wound was bleeding afresh. Her face had grown pale, and under her
black scowling brows her eyes shone as if with the reflected firelight.
But it was only the old implacable anger flashing out again.

Fan, after reading the letter for herself, and dropping it with trembling
fingers on to the fire, turned to her mistress. Her face had also grown
very pale, and her eyes expressed a new and great trouble.

"Why do you look at me like that?" exclaimed Miss Starbrow, seizing her
by the arm. "Speak!"

Fan sank down on to her knees, and began stammeringly, "Oh, I can't bear
to think--to think--"

"To think what?--Speak, I tell you!"

"_Did_ I come between you?--oh, Mary, are you sorry--"

"Hush!" and Miss Starbrow pushed her angrily from her. "Sorry! Never dare
to say such a thing again! Oh, I don't know which is most hateful to me,
his villainy or your whining imbecility. Leave me--go to your room, and
never come to me unless I call you."

Fan went away, sad at heart, and cried by herself, fearing now that the
sweet lost love would never again return to brighten her life. But after
this passionate outburst Miss Starbrow was not less kind and gentle than
before. Once at least every day she would call Fan to her room and speak
a few words to her, and then send her away. The few words would even be
cheerfully spoken, but with a fictitious kind of cheerfulness; under it
all there was ever a troubled melancholy look; the clouds which had
returned after the rain had not yet passed away. To Fan they were very
much, those few daily words which served to keep her hope alive, while
her heart hungered for the love that was more than food to her.

Even in her sleep this unsatisfied instinct of her nature and perpetual
craving made her dreams sad. But not always, for on more than one
occasion she had a very strange sweet dream of Mary pressing her lips and
whispering some tender assurance to her; and this dream was so vivid, so
like reality, that when she woke she seemed to feel still on face and
hands the sensation of loving lips and other clasping hands, so that she
put out her hands to return the embrace. And one night from that dream
she woke very suddenly, and saw a light in the room--the light of a small
shaded lamp moving away towards the door, and Mary, in a white wrapper,
with her dark hair hanging unbound on her back, was carrying it.

"Mary, Mary!" cried the girl, starting up in bed, and holding out her
arms.

The other turned, and for a little while stood looking at her; no ghost
nor somnambulist was she in appearance, with those bright wakeful eyes,
the curious smile that played about her lips, and the rich colour,
perhaps from confusion or shame at being detected, surging back into her
lately pale face. She did not refuse the girl's appeal, or try any longer
to conceal her feelings. Setting the lamp down she came to the bedside,
and taking Fan in her arms, held her in a long close embrace. When she
had finished caressing the girl she remained standing for some time
silent beside the bed, her eyes cast down as if in thought, and an
expression half melancholy but strangely tender and beautiful on her
face.

Presently she bent down over the girl again and spoke.

"Don't fret, dearest, if I seem bad-tempered and strange. I love you just
the same; I have come here more than once to kiss you when you were
asleep. Do you remember how angry you made me when you asked if you had
come between that man and me, and if I were sorry? You _did_ come
between us, Fan, in a way that his wholly corrupt soul would never
understand. But you could not have done me a greater service than that--
no, not if you had spilt your heart's blood for me. You have repaid me
for all that I have done, or ever can do for you, and have made me your
debtor besides for the rest of my life."

That midnight interview with her mistress had thereafter a very bright
and beautiful place in Fan's memory, and still thinking of it she would
sometimes lie awake for hours, wishing and hoping that Mary would come to
her again in one of her tender moods. But it did not happen again; for
Mary was not one to recover quickly from such a wound as she had
suffered, and she still brooded, wrapped up in her own thoughts, dreaming
perhaps of revenge. And in the meantime bitter blustering March wore on
to its end, the sun daily gaining power; and then, all at once, it was
April, with sunshine and showers; and some heavenly angel passed by and
touched the brown old desolate elms in Kensington Gardens with tenderest
green; and as by a miracle the baskets of the flower-girls in Westbourne
Grove were filled to overflowing with spring flowers--pale primroses that
die unmarried; and daffodils that come before the swallow dares, shining
like gold; and violets dim, but sweeter than the lids of Juno's eyes, or
Cytherea's breath.




CHAPTER XIII


One afternoon, returning from Westbourne Grove, where she had been out to
buy flowers for the table, on coming into the hall, Fan was surprised to
hear Miss Starbrow in the dining-room talking to a stranger, with a
cheerful ring in her voice, which had not been heard for many weeks. She
was about to run upstairs to her room, when her mistress called out, "Is
that you, Fan? Come in here; I want you."

Miss Starbrow and her visitor were sitting near the window. How changed
she looked, with her cheeks so full of rich red colour, and her dark eyes
sparkling with happy, almost joyous excitement! But she did not speak
when Fan, blushing a little with shyness, advanced into the room and
stood before them, her eyes cast down in a pretty confusion. Smiling, she
watched the girl's face, then the face of her guest, her eyes bright and
mirthful glancing from one to the other. Fan, looking up, saw before her
a tall broad-shouldered young man with good features, hair almost black;
no beard, but whiskers and moustache, very dark brown; and, in strange
contrast, grey-blue eyes. Over these eyes, too light in colour to match
the hair, the eyelids drooped a little, giving to them that partially-
closed sleepy appearance which is often deceptive. Just now they were
studying the girl standing before him with very keen interest. A slender
girl, not quite sixteen years old, in a loose and broad-sleeved olive-
green dress, and yellow scarf at the neck; brown straw hat trimmed with
spring flowers; flowers also in her hand, yellow and white, and ferns, in
a great loose bunch; and her golden hair hanging in a braid on her back.
But the face must be imagined, white and delicate and indescribably
lovely in its tender natural pallor.

"Fan," said Miss Starbrow at last, and speaking with a merry smile, "this
is my brother Tom, from Manchester, you have so often heard me speak of.
Tom, this is Fan."

"Well," exclaimed Miss Starbrow, after he had shaken hands with Fan and
sat down again, "what do you think of my little girl? You have heard all
about her, and now you have seen her, and I am waiting to hear your
opinion."

"Do you remember the old days at home, Mary, when we were all together?
How you do remind me of them now!"

"Oh, bother the old days! You know how I hated them, and I--why don't you
answer my question, Tom?"

"That's just it," he returned. "It was always the same: you always wanted
an answer before the question was out of your mouth. Now, it was quite
different with the rest of us."

"Yes, you were a slow lot. Do you remember Jacob?--it always took him
fifteen minutes to say yes or no. There's an animal--I forget what it's
called--rhinoceros or something--at the Zoo that always reminds me of
him; he was so fearfully ponderous."

"Yes, that's all very well, Mary, but I fancy he's more than doubled the
fortune the gov'nor left him; so he has been ponderous to some purpose."

"Has he? how? But what do I care! Tom, you'll drive me crazy--why can't
you answer a simple question instead of going off into fifty other
things?"

"Well, Mary, if you'll kindly explain which of all the questions you have
asked me during the last minute or two, I'll try my best."

She frowned, made an impatient gesture, then laughed.

"Go upstairs and take off your things, Fan," she said. "Well?" she
continued, turning to her brother again, and finding his eyes fixed on
her face. "Do you tell me, Mary, that this white girl was born and bred
in a London slum, that her drunken mother was killed in a street fight,
and that she had no other life but that until you picked her up?"

"Yes."

"Good God!"

"Can't you say _Mon Dieu_, Tom? Your north-country expressions sound
rather shocking to London ears."

He rose, and coming to her side put his arm about her and kissed her
cheek very heartily.

"You were always a good old girl, Mary," he said, "and you are one still,
in spite of your vagaries."

"Thank you for your very equivocal compliments," she returned,
administering a slight box on his ear. "And now tell me what you think of
Fan?"

"I'll tell you presently, if you have not guessed already; but I'd like
to know first what you are going to do with her."

"I don't know; I can't bother about it just now. There's plenty of time
to think of that. Perhaps I'll make a lady's-maid of her, though it
doesn't seem quite the right thing to do."

"No, it doesn't. Don't go and spoil what you have done by any such folly
as that."

"Do you want me to make a lady of her--or what?"

"A lady? Well that is a difficult question to answer; but I have heard
that sometimes ladies, like poets, are born, not made. At all events, it
would not be right, I fancy, to keep the girl here. It might give rise to
disagreeable complications, as you always have a parcel of fellows
hanging about you."

Her face darkened with a frown.

"Now, Mary, don't get into a tantrum; it is best for us to be frank. And
I say frankly that you never did a better thing in your life than when
you took this girl into your house, if my judgment is worth anything. My
advice is, send her away for a time--for a year or two, say. She is
young, and would be better for a little more teaching. There are poor
gentlefolks all over the country who are only too glad to take a girl
when they can get one, and give her a pleasant home and instruction for a
moderate sum. Find out some such place, and give her a year of it at
least; and then if you should have her back she would be more of a
companion for you, and, if not, she would be better able to earn her own
living. Take my advice, Mary, and finish a good work properly."

"A good work! You have nearly spoilt the effect of everything you said by
that word. I never have done and never will do good works. It is not my
nature, Tom. What I have done for Fan is purely from selfish motives. The
fact is I fell in love with the girl, and my reward is in being loved by
her and seeing her happy. It would be ridiculous to call that
benevolence."

He smiled and shook his head. "You can abuse yourself if you like, Mary;
we came from Dissenters, and that's a fashion of theirs--"

"Cant and hypocrisy is a fashion of theirs, if you like," she
interrupted. "You are not going the right way about it if you wish me to
pay any attention to your advice."

"Come, Mary, don't let us quarrel. I'll agree with you that we are all a
lot of selfish beggars; and I'll even confess that I have a selfish
motive in advising you to send the girl away to the country for a time."

"What is your motive?" she asked.

"Well, I hate going slap-dash into the middle of a thing without any
preface; I like to approach it in my own way."

"Yes, I know; _your_ way of approaching a subject is to walk in a
circle round it. But please dash into the middle of it for once."

"Well, then, to tell you the plain truth, I am beginning to think that
money-getting is not the only thing in life--"

"What a discovery for a Manchester man to make! The millennium must have
dawned at last on your smoky old town!"

He laughed at her words, but refused to go on with the subject.

"I was only teasing you a little," he said. "It gladdens me even to see
you put yourself in a temper, Mary--it brings back old times when we were
always such good friends, and sometimes had such grand quarrels."

Mary also laughed, and rang the bell for afternoon tea. She was curious
to hear about the "selfish motive," but remembered the family failing,
and forbore to press him.

According to his own accounts, Mr. Tom Starbrow was up in town on
business; apparently the business was not of a very pressing nature, as
most of his time during the next few days was spent at Dawson Place,
where he and his sister had endless conversations about old times. Then
he would go with Fan to explore Whiteley's, which seemed to require a
great deal of exploring; and from these delightful rambles they would
return laden with treasures--choice bon-bons, exotic flowers and hot-
house grapes at five or six shillings a pound; quaint Japanese knick-
knacks; books and pictures, and photographs of celebrated men--great
beetle-browed philosophers, and men of blood and thunder; also of women
still more celebrated, on and off the stage. Mr. Starbrow would have
nothing sent; the whole fun of the thing, he assured Fan, was in carrying
all their purchases home themselves; and so, laden with innumerable small
parcels, they would return chatting and laughing like the oldest and best
of friends, happy and light-hearted as children.

At last one day Mr. Starbrow went back to the old subject. "Mary, my
girl," he said, "have you thought over the advice I gave you about this
white child of yours?"

"No, certainly not; we were speaking of it when you broke off in the
middle of a sentence, if you remember. You can finish the sentence now if
you like, but don't be in a hurry."

"Well then, to come at once to the very pith of the whole matter, I think
I've been sticking to the mill long enough--for the present. And it may
come to pass that some day I shall be married, and then----"

"Your second state will be worse than your first."

"That will be according to how it turns out. I was only going to say that
a married man finds it more difficult to do some things."

"To flirt with pretty young girls, for instance?"

"No, no. But I haven't finished yet. I haven't even come to the matter at
all."

"Oh, you haven't! How strange!"

He smiled and was silent.

"I hope, Tom, you'll marry a big strong woman."

"Why, Mary?"

"Because you want an occasional good shaking."

"You see, my difficulty is this," he began again, without noticing the
last speech. "When I tell you what I want, I'm afraid you'll only laugh
at me and refuse my request."

"It won't hurt you much, poor old Tom, if I do laugh."

"No, perhaps not--I never thought of that." Then he proceeded to explain
that he had made up his mind to spend two or three years in seeing the
world, or at all events that portion of it to be found outside of
England; and the first year he wished to spend on the Continent. Alone he
feared that he would have a miserable time of it; but if his sister would
only consent to accompany him, then he thought it would be most
enjoyable; for he would have her society, and her experience of travel,
and knowledge of German and French, would also smooth the way. "Now,
Mary," he concluded--it had taken him half an hour to say this--"don't
say No just yet. I know I shall be an awful weight for you to drag about,
I'll be so helpless at hotels and stations and such places. But there
will perhaps be one advantage to you. I know you spend rather freely, and
your income is not too large, and I dare say you have exceeded it a
little. Now, if you will give a year to me, and have your house shut up
or let in the meantime, there would be a year's income saved to put you
straight again."

"That means, Tom, that you would pay all my expenses while we were
abroad?"

"Well, sis, I couldn't well take you away from your own life and
pleasures and ask you to pay your own. That would be a strangely one-
sided proposal to make."

"I must take time to think about it."

"That's a good girl. And, Mary, what would it cost to put this girl with
some family where she would have a pleasant home and be taught for a
year?"

"About sixty or seventy pounds, I suppose. Then there would be her
clothing, and pocket-money, and incidental expenses--altogether a hundred
pounds, I dare say."

"And you would let me pay this also?"

"No indeed, Tom. Three or four months would be quite time enough to put
me straight; and if I consent to go, it must be understood that there are
to be no presents, and nothing except travelling expenses."

"All right, Mary; you haven't consented yet definitely, but it is a great
relief that you do not scout the idea, and tell me to go and buy a ticket
at Ludgate Circus."

"Well, no, I couldn't well say that, considering that you are the only
one of the family who has treated me rightly, and that I care anything
about." She laughed a little, and presently continued: "I dare say the
others are all well enough in their way; they are all honest men, of
course, and someone says, 'An honest man's the noblest work of God.' For
my part, I think it His poorest work. Fancy dull, slow old calculating
Jacob being the noblest work of the Being that created--what shall I
say?--this violet, or--"

"Fan," suggested her brother.

"Yes, Fan if you like. By the way, Tom, before I forget to mention it, I
think you are a little in love with Fan."

Tom, taken off his guard, blushed hotly, which would not have mattered if
his sister's keen eyes had not been watching his face.

"What nonsense you talk!" he exclaimed a little too warmly. "In love with
a child!"

"Yes, I know she's but a lassie yet," replied his sister with a mocking
laugh.

It was too much for his Starbrow temper, and taking up his hat he rose
and marched angrily out of the room--angry as much with himself as with
his sister. But in a moment she was after him, and before he could open
the hall door her arms were round his neck.

"Oh, Tom, you foolish fellow, can't you take a little joke good-
humouredly?" she said. "I'm afraid our year on the Continent will be a
very short one if you are going to be so touchy."

"Then you will consent?" he said, glad to change the subject and be
friendly again.

And a day or two later she did finally consent to accompany him. His
proposal had come at an opportune moment, when she was heartsore, and
restless, and anxious to escape from the painful memories and
associations of the past month.

One of her first steps was to advertise in the papers for a home with
tuition for a girl under sixteen, in a small family residing in a rural
district in the west or south-west of England. The answers were to be
addressed to her newspaper agent, who was instructed not to forward them
to her in driblets, but deliver them all together.

Mr. Starbrow stayed another week in town, and during that time he went
somewhere every day with his sister and Fan; they drove in the Park, went
to picture galleries, to morning concerts, and then, if not tired, to a
theatre in the evening. It was consequently a very full week to Fan, who
now for the first time saw something of the hidden wonders and glories of
London. And she was happy; but this novel experience--the sight of all
that unimagined wealth of beauty--was even less to her than Mary's
perfect affection, which was now no longer capricious, bursting forth at
rare intervals like sunshine out of a stormy sky. Then that week in
fairyland was over, and Tom Starbrow went back to Manchester to arrange
his affairs; but before going he presented Fan with a very beautiful
lady's watch and chain, the watch of chased gold with blue enamelled
face.

"I do not wish you to forget me, Fan," he said, holding her hand in his,
and looking into her young face smilingly, yet with a troubled expression
in his eyes, "and there is nothing like a watch to remind you of an
absent friend; sometimes it will even repeat his words if you listen
attentively to its little ticking language. It is something like the sea-
shell that whispers about the ocean waves when you hold it to your ear."

That pretty little speech only served to make the gift seem more precious
to Fan; for she was not critical, and it did not sound in the least
studied to her. It was delivered, however, when Mary was out of the room;
when she returned and saw the watch, after congratulating the girl she
threw a laughing and somewhat mocking glance at her brother; for which
Tom was prepared, and so he met it bravely, and did not blush or lose his
temper.

In due time the answers to the advertisement arrived--in a sack, for they
numbered about four hundred.

"Oh, how will you ever be able to read them all!" exclaimed Fan, staring
in a kind of dismay at the pile, where Miss Starbrow had emptied them on
the carpet.

"I have no such mad intention," said the other with a laugh, and turning
them over with her pretty slippered foot. "As a rule people that answer
advertisements--especially women--are fools. If you advertise for a piece
of old point lace, about a thousand people who have not got such a thing
will write to say that they will sell you wax flowers, old books, ostrich
feathers, odd numbers of _Myra's Journal_, or any rubbish they may
have by them; I dare say that most of the writers of these letters are
just as wide of the mark. Sit here at my feet, Fan; and you shall open
the letters for me and read the addresses. No, not that way with your
fingers. If you stop to tear them to pieces, like a hungry cat tearing
its meat, it will take too long. Use the paper-knife, and open them
neatly and quickly."

Fan began her task, and found scores of letters from the suburbs of
London and all parts of the kingdom, from Land's End to the north of
Scotland; and in nine cases out of ten after reading the address her
mistress would say, "Tear it twice across, and throw it into the basket,
Fan."

It seemed a pity to Fan to tear them up unread; for some were so long and
so beautifully written, with pretty little crests at the top of the page;
but Mary knew her own mind, and would not relent so far as even to look
at one of these wasted specimens of calligraphic art. In less than an
hour's time the whole heap had been disposed of, with the exception of
fifteen or twenty letters selected for consideration on account of their
addresses. These Miss Starbrow carefully went over, and finally selecting
one she read it aloud to Fan. It was from a Mrs. Churton, an elderly
lady, residing with her husband, a retired barrister, and her daughter,
in their own house at a small place called Eyethorne, in Wiltshire. She
offered to take the girl into her house, treat her as her own child, and
give her instruction, for seventy pounds a year. The tuition would be
undertaken by the daughter, who was well qualified for such a task, and
could teach languages--Latin, German, and French were mentioned; also
mathematics, geology, history, music, drawing, and a great many other
branches of knowledge, both useful and ornamental.

Fan listened to this part of the letter with a look of dismay on her
face, which made Miss Starbrow laugh.

"Why, my child, what more can you want?" she said.

"Don't you think it a little too much, Mary?" she returned with some
distress, which made the other laugh again.

"Well, my poor girl, you needn't study Greek and archaeology and
logarithms unless you feel inclined. But if you ever take a fancy for
such subjects it will always be a comfort to know that you may dive down
as deeply as you like without knocking your head on the bottom. I mean
that you will never get to know too much for Miss Churton, who knows more
than all the professors put together."

"Do you think she will be nice?" said Fan, wandering from the subject.

"Nice! That depends on your own taste. I fancy I can draw a picture of
what she is like. A tall thin lady of an uncertain age. Thin across
here"--placing her hands on her own shoulders. "And very flat here,"
--touching her own well-developed bust.

"But I should like to know about her face."

"Should you? I'm afraid that it is not a very bright smiling face, that
it is rather yellow in colour, that the hair is rather dead-looking, of
the door-mat tint, and smoothed flat down. The eyes are dim, no doubt,
from much reading, and the nose long, straddled with a pair of
spectacles, and red at the end from dyspepsia and defective circulation.
But never mind, Fan, you needn't look so cast down about it. Miss Churton
will be your teacher, and I wish you joy, but you will have plenty of
time for play, and other things to think of besides study. When your
lessons are over you can chase butterflies and gather flowers if you
like. Luckily Miss Churton has not included botany and entomology in the
long list of her acquirements."

Fan did not quite understand all this; her mistress was always mocking at
something, she knew; she only asked if it was really in the country where
she would live.

Miss Starbrow took up the letter and read the remaining portion, which
contained a description of Wood End House--the Churtons' residence--and
its surroundings. The house, the writer said, was small, but pretty and
comfortable; and there was a nice garden and a large orchard with fruit
in abundance. There were also some fields and meadows, her own property,
let to neighbouring farmers. East of the house, and within fifteen
minutes walk, was the old picturesque village of Eyethorne, sheltered by
a range of grassy hills; also within a few minutes' walk began the
extensive Eyethorne woods, celebrated for their beauty.

Nothing could have been more charming than this, and the picture of
garden and orchard, green meadows and hills and shady woods, almost
reconciled Fan to the prospect of spending a whole year in the society of
an aged and probably ailing couple, and a lady of uncertain age, deeply
learned and of unprepossessing appearance--for she could not rid her mind
of the imaginary portrait drawn by Mary.

For some mysterious reason, or for no reason, Miss Starbrow resolved to
close at once with the Churtons; and as if fearing that her mind might
alter, she immediately tore up the other letters, although in some of
them greater advantages had been held out, lower terms, and the
companionship of girls of the same age as Fan. And in a very few days,
after a little further correspondence, everything was settled to the
entire satisfaction of everyone concerned, and it was arranged that Fan
should go down to Eyethorne on the 10th of May, which was now very near.

"I shall have one good dress made for you," said Miss Starbrow, "and you
can take the material to make a second for yourself; you are growing just
now, Fan. A nice dress for Sundays; down in the country most people go to
church. And, by the way, Fan, have you ever been inside a church in your
life?"

She seemed not to know how to answer this question, but at length spoke,
a little timidly. "Not since I have lived with you, Mary."

"Is that intended for a sarcasm, Fan? But never mind, I know what you
mean. When you are at Eyethorne you must still bear that in mind, and
even if questioned about it, never speak of that old life in Moon Street.
I suppose I must get you a prayer-book, and--show you how to use it. But
about dress. Your body is very much more important than your soul, and
how to clothe it decently and prettily must be our first consideration.
We must go to Whiteley's and select materials for half a dozen pretty
summer dresses. Blue, I fancy, suits you best, but you can have other
colours as well."

"Oh, Mary," said the girl with strange eagerness, "will you let me choose
one myself? I have so long wished to wear white! May I have one white
dress?"

"White? You are so white yourself. Don't you think you look simple and
innocent enough as it is? But please yourself, Fan, you shall have as
many white dresses as you like."

So overjoyed was Fan at having this long-cherished wish at last gratified
that, for the first time she had ever ventured to do such a thing, she
threw her arms round Mary's neck and kissed her. Then starting back a
little frightened, she exclaimed, "Mary, was it wrong for me to kiss you
without being told?"

"No, dear, kiss me as often as you like. We have had a rather eventful
year together, have we not? Clouds and storms and some pleasant sunshine.
For these few remaining days there must be no clouds, but only perfect
love and peace. The parting will come quickly enough, and who knows--who
knows what changes another year will bring?"




CHAPTER XIV


At the last moment, when all the preparations were complete, Miss
Starbrow determined to accompany Fan to her new home, and, after dropping
her there, to pay a long-promised visit before leaving England to an old
friend of her girlhood, who was now married and living at Salisbury.
Eyethorne took her some distance out of her way; and at the small country
station where they alighted, which was two and a half miles from the
village, she found from the time-table that her interview with the
Churtons would have to be a short one, as there was only one train which
would take her to Salisbury so as to arrive there at a reasonably early
hour in the evening. At the station they took a fly, and the drive to
Eyethorne brought before Fan's eyes a succession of charming scenes--
green hills, broad meadows yellow with buttercups, deep shady lanes, and
old farm-houses. The spring had been cold and backward; but since the
beginning of May there had been days of warm sunshine with occasional
gentle rains, and the trees, both shade and fruit, had all at once rushed
into leaf and perfect bloom. Such vivid and tender greens as the foliage
showed, such a wealth of blossom on every side, such sweet fragrance
filling the warm air, Fan had never imagined; and yet how her prophetic
heart had longed for the sweet country!

A sudden turn of the road brought them in full sight of the village,
sheltered on the east side by low green hills; and beyond the village, at
some distance, a broad belt of wood, the hills on one hand and green
meadowland on the other. Five minutes after leaving the village they drew
up at the gate of Wood End House, which was at some distance back from
the road almost hidden from sight by the hedge and trees, and was
approached by a short avenue of elms. Arrived at the house, they were
received by Mr. and Mrs. Churton, and ushered into a small drawing-room
on the ground floor; a room which, with its heavy-looking, old-fashioned
furniture, seemed gloomy to them on coming in from the bright sunshine.
Mrs. Churton was rather large, approaching stoutness in her figure, grey-
haired with colourless face, and a somewhat anxious expression; but she
seemed very gentle and motherly, and greeted Fan with a kindliness in her
voice and manner which served in a great measure to remove the girl's
nervousness on coming for the first time as an equal among gentlefolks.

Mr. Churton had not, in a long married life, grown like his spouse in any
way, nor she like him. He was small, with a narrow forehead, irregular
face and projecting under-lip, which made him ugly. His eyes were of that
common no-colour type, and might or might not have been pigmented, and
classifiable as brown or blue--Dr. Broca himself would not have been able
to decide. But the absence of any definite colour was of less account
than the lack of any expression, good or bad. One wondered, on seeing his
face, how he could be a retired barrister, unless it meant merely that in
the days of his youth he had made some vague and feeble efforts at
entering such a profession, ending in nothing. Possibly he was himself
conscious that his face lacked a quality found in others, and failed to
inspire respect and confidence; for he had a trick of ostentatiously
clearing his throat, and looking round and speaking in a deliberate and
somewhat consequential manner, as if by these little arts to
counterbalance the weakness in the expression. His whole get-up also
suggested the same thought--could anyone believe the jewel to be missing
from a casket so elaborately chased? His grey hair was brushed sprucely
up on each side of his head, the ends of the locks forming a
supplementary pair of ears above the crown. He was scrupulously dressed
in black cloth and spotless linen, with a very large standing-up collar.
In manner he was gushingly amiable and polite towards Miss Starbrow, and
as he stood bowing and smiling and twirling the cord of his gold-rimmed
glasses about his finger, he talked freely to that lady of the lovely
weather, the beauty of the country, the pleasures of the spring season,
and in fact of everything except the business which had brought her
there. Presently she cut short his flow of inconsequent talk by remarking
that her time was short, and inquiring if Miss Churton were in.

Mrs. Churton quickly replied that she was expecting her every moment;
that she had gone out for a short walk, and had not perhaps seen the fly
arrive. No doubt, she added a little nervously, Miss Starbrow would like
to see and converse with Miss Affleck's future teacher and companion.

"Oh, no, not at all!" promptly replied the other, with the habitual
curling of the lip. "I came to-day by the merest chance, as everything
had been arranged by correspondence, and I am quite satisfied that Miss
Affleck will be in good hands." At which Mr. Churton bowed, and turning
bestowed a fatherly smile on Fan. "It is not at all necessary for me to
see Miss Churton," continued Miss Starbrow, "but there is one thing I
wish to speak to you about, which I omitted to mention in my letters to
you."

Mr. and Mrs. Churton were all attention, but before the other had begun
to speak Miss Churton came in, her hat on, and with a sunshade in one
hand and a book in the other.

"Here is my daughter," said the mother. "Constance, Miss Starbrow and
Miss Affleck."

Miss Churton advanced to the first lady, but did not give her hand as she
had meant to do; for the moment she appeared in the room and her name was
mentioned a cloud had come over the visitor's face, and she merely bowed
distantly without stirring from her seat.

For the real Miss Churton offered a wonderful contrast to that portrait
of her which the other had drawn from her imagination. She might almost
be called tall, her height being little less than that of the dark-browed
lady who sat before her, regarding her with cold critical eyes; but in
figure she was much slimmer, and her light-coloured dress, which was
unfashionable in make, was pretty and became her. She was, in fact, only
twenty-two years old. There were no lines of deep thought on her pure
white forehead when she removed her hat; and no dimness from much reading
of books in her clear hazel eyes, which seemed to Fan the most beautiful
eyes she had ever seen, so much sweet sympathy did they show, and so much
confidence did they inspire. In colour she was very rich, her skin being
of that tender brown one occasionally sees in the face of a young lady in
the country, which seems to tell of a pleasant leisurely life in woods
and fields; while her abundant hair was of a tawny brown tint with bronze
reflections. She was very beautiful, and when, turning from Miss
Starbrow, she advanced to Fan and gave her hand, the girl almost trembled
with the new keen sensation of pleasure she experienced. Miss Churton was
so different from that unlovely mental picture of her! She imagined for a
moment, poor girl, that Mary would show her feelings of relief and
pleasure; but she quickly perceived that something had brought a sudden
cloud over Mary's face, and it troubled her, and she wondered what it
meant.

Before Miss Churton had finished welcoming Fan, Miss Starbrow, looking at
her watch and directly addressing the elder lady, said in a cold voice:

"I think it would be as well if Miss Affleck could leave us for a few
minutes, and I will then finish what I had begun to say."

Miss Churton looked inquiringly at her, then turned again to Fan.

"Will you come with me to the garden?" she said.

Fan rose and followed her through a back door opening on to a grassy
lawn, beyond which were the garden and orchard. After crossing the lawn
and going a little way among the shrubs and flowers they came in sight of
a large apple-tree white with blossoms.

"Oh, can we go as far as that tree?" asked the girl after a little
delighted exclamation at the sight. When they reached the tree she went
under it and gazed up into the beautiful flowery cloud with wide-open
eyes, and lips half-parted with a smile of ineffable pleasure.

Miss Churton stood by and silently watched her face for some moments.

"Do you think you will like your new home, Miss Affleck?" she asked.

"Oh, how lovely it all is--the flowers!" she exclaimed. "I didn't know
that there was any place in the world so beautiful as this! I should like
to stay here for ever!"

"But have you never been in the country before?" said the other with some
surprise.

"Yes. Only once, for a few days, years ago. But it was not like this. It
was very beautiful in Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens, but this--"

She could find no words to express her feeling; she could only stand
gazing up, and touching the white and pink clustering blossoms with her
finger-tips, as if they were living things to be gently caressed. "Oh, it
is so sweet," she resumed. "I have always so wished to be in the country,
but before Miss Starbrow took me to live with her, and before--they--
mother died, we lived in a very poor street, and were always so poor and
--" Then she reddened and cast down her eyes and was silent, for she had
suddenly remembered that Miss Starbrow had warned her never to speak of
her past life.

Miss Churton smiled slightly, but with a strange tenderness in her eyes
as she watched the girl's face.

"I hope we shall get on well together, and that you will like me a
little," she said.

"Oh, yes, I know I shall like you if--if you will not think me very
stupid. I know so little, and you know so much. Must you always call me
Miss Affleck?"

"Not if you would prefer me to call you Frances. I should like that
better."

"That would seem so strange, Miss Churton. I have always been called
Fan."

Just then the others were seen coming out to the garden, and Miss Churton
and Fan went back to meet them. Mr. Churton, polite and bare-headed,
hovered about his visitor, smiling, gesticulating, chattering, while she
answered only in monosyllables, and was blacker-browed than ever. Mrs.
Churton, silent and pale, walked at her side, turning from time to time a
troubled look at the dark proud face, and wondering what its stormy
expression might mean.

"Fan," said Miss Starbrow, without even a glance at the lady at Fan's
side, "my time is nearly up, and I wish to have three or four minutes
alone with you before saying good-bye."

The others at once withdrew, going back to the house, while Miss Starbrow
sat down on a garden bench and drew the girl to her side. "Well, my
child, what do you think of your new teacher?" she began.

"I like her so much, Mary, I'm sure--I know she will be very kind to me;
and is she not beautiful?"

"I am not going to talk about that, Fan. I haven't time. But I want to
say something very serious to you. You know, my girl, that when I took
you out of such a sad, miserable life to make you happy, I said that it
was not from charity, and because I loved my fellow-creatures or the poor
better than others; but solely because I wanted you to love me, and your
affection was all the payment I ever expected or expect. But now I
foresee that something will happen to make a change in you--"

"I can never change, or love you less than now, Mary!"

"So you imagine, but I can see further. Do you know, Fan, that you cannot
give your heart to two persons; that if you give your whole heart to this
lady you think so beautiful and so kind, and who will be paid for her
kindness, that her gain will be my loss?"

Fan, full of strange trouble, put her trembling hand on the other's hand.
"Tell me how it will be your loss, Mary," she said. "I don't think I
understand."

"I was everything to you before, Fan. I don't want a divided affection,
and I shall not share your affection with this woman, however beautiful
and kind she may be; or, rather, I shall not be satisfied with what is
over after you have begun to worship her. Your love is a kind of worship,
Fan, and you cannot possibly have that feeling for more than one person,
although you will find it easy enough to transfer it from one to another.
If you do not quite understand me yet, you must think it over and try to
find out what I mean. But I warn you, Fan, that if ever you transfer the
affection you have felt for me to this woman, or this girl, then you
shall cease to be anything to me. You shall be no more to me than you
were before I first saw you and felt a strange wish to take you to my
heart; when you were in rags and half-starved, and without one friend in
the world."

The tears started to the girl's eyes, and she threw her arms round the
other's neck. "Oh, Mary, nothing, nothing will ever make me love you
less! Will you not believe me, Mary?"

"Yes, dear Fan, don't cry. Good-bye, my darling. Write to me at least
once every fortnight, and when you want money or anything let me know,
and you shall have it. And when May comes round again let me see you
unchanged in heart, but with an improved mind and a little colour in your
dear pale face."

After Miss Starbrow's departure Fan was shown to her room, where her
luggage had already been taken by the one indoor servant, a staid,
middle-aged woman. It was a light, prettily furnished apartment on the
first floor, with a large window looking on to the garden at the back.
There were flowers on the dressing-table--Miss Churton had placed them
there, she thought--and the warm fragrant air coming in at the open
window seemed to bring nature strangely near to her. Looking away, where
the trees did not intercept the view, it was all green country--gently-
sloping hills, and the long Eyethorne wood, and rich meadow-land, where
sleepy-looking cows stood in groups or waded knee-deep in the pasture. It
was like an earthly paradise to her senses, but just now her mind was
clouded with a great distress. Mary's strange words to her, and the
warning that she would be cast out of Mary's heart, that it would be
again with her as it had been before entering into this new life of
beautiful scenes and sweet thoughts and feelings, if she allowed herself
to love her new teacher and companion, filled her with apprehension. She
sat by the window looking out, but with a dismayed expression in her
young eyes; and then she remembered how Mary, in a sudden tempest of
rage, had once struck her, and how her heart had almost burst with grief
at that unjust blow; and now it seemed to her that Mary's words if not
her hand had dealt her a second blow, which was no less unjust; and
covering her face with her hands she cried silently to herself. Then she
remembered how quickly Mary had repented and had made amends, loving her
more tenderly after having ill-treated her in her anger. It consoled her
to think that Mary had so great an affection for her; and perhaps, she
thought, the warning was necessary; perhaps if she allowed her heart to
have its way, and to give all that this lovely and loving girl seemed to
ask, Mary would be less to her than she had been. She resolved that she
would strive religiously to obey Mary's wishes, that she would keep a
watch over herself, and not allow any such tender feelings as she had
experienced in the garden to overcome her again. She would be Miss
Churton's pupil, but not the intimate, loving friend and companion she
had hoped to be after first seeing her.

While Fan sat by herself, occupied with her little private trouble, which
did not seem little to her, downstairs in the small drawing-room there
was another trouble.

"Before you go up to your room I wish to speak to you, Constance," said
her mother.

Miss Churton stood swinging her straw hat by its ribbon, silently waiting
to hear the rest.

"All right, Jane," said Mr. Churton to his wife. "I am just going to run
up to the village for an hour. You don't require me any more, do you?"

"I think you should remain here until this matter is settled, and
Constance is made clearly to understand what Miss Starbrow's wishes are.
My wishes, which will be considered of less moment, I have no doubt,
shall be stated afterwards."

"Very well, my dear, I will do anything you like. At the same time, I
think I really must be going. I have been kept in all day, you know, and
should like to take a little--ahem--constitutional."

"Yes, Nathaniel, I have no doubt you would. But consider me a little in
this. I have succeeded in getting this girl, and you know how much the
money will be to us. Do you think it too much to keep away from your
favourite haunt in the village for a single day?"

"Oh, come, come, Jane. It's all right, my dear. I'm sure Miss Starbrow
was greatly pleased at everything. You can settle all the rest with
Constance. I think she's quite intelligent enough to understand the
matter without my presence." And here Mr. Churton gave vent to a slight
inward chuckle.

"I insist on your staying here, Nathaniel. You know how little regard our
daughter has for my wishes or commands; and as Miss Starbrow has spoken
to us both, you cannot do less than remain to corroborate what I have to
tell Constance."

Her daughter reddened at this speech, but remained silent.

"Well, well, my dear, if you will only come to the point!" he exclaimed
impatiently.

"Constance, will you give me your attention?" said her mother, turning to
her.

"Yes, mother, I am attending."

"Miss Starbrow has informed us that Miss Affleck, although of gentle
birth on her father's side, was unhappily left to be brought up in a very
poor quarter of London, among people of a low class. She has had little
instruction, except that of the Board School, and never had the advantage
of associating with those of a better class until this lady rescued her
from her unfortunate surroundings. She is of a singularly sweet,
confiding disposition, Miss Starbrow says, and has many other good
qualities which only require a suitable atmosphere to be developed. Miss
Starbrow will value at its proper worth the instruction you will give
her; and as to subjects, she has added nothing to what she had written to
us, except that she does not wish you to force any study on the girl to
which she may show a disinclination, but rather to find out for yourself
any natural aptitude she may possess. And what she particularly requests
of us is, that no questions shall be put to her and no reference made to
her early life in London. She wishes the girl to forget, if possible, her
suffering and miserable childhood."

"I shall be careful not to make any allusion to it," replied the other,
her face brightening with new interest. "Poor girl! She began to say
something to me about her early life in London when we were in the
garden, and then checked herself. I dare say Miss Starbrow has told her
not to speak of it."

"Then I suppose you had already begun to press her with questions about
it?" quickly returned Mrs. Churton.

"No; she spoke quite spontaneously. The flowers, the garden, the beauty
of the country, so strangely different to her former surroundings--that
suggested what she said, I think."

Her mother looked unconvinced. "Will you remember, Constance, that it is
Miss Starbrow's wish that such subjects are not to be brought up and
encouraged in your conversations with Miss Affleck? I cannot command you.
It would be idle to expect obedience to any command of mine from you. I
can only appeal to your interest, or whatever it is you now regard as
your higher law."

"I have always obeyed you, mother," returned Miss Churton with warmth. "I
shall, as a matter of course, respect Miss Starbrow's and your wishes in
this instance. You know that you can trust me, or ought to know, and
there is no occasion to insult me."

"Insult you, Constance! How can you have the face to say such a thing,
when you know that your whole life is one continual act of disobedience
to me! Unhappy girl that you are, you disobey your God and Creator, and
are in rebellion against Him--how little a thing then must disobedience
to your mother seem!"

Miss Churton's face grew red and pale by turns. "Mother," she replied,
with a ring of pain in her voice, "I have always respected your opinions
and feelings, and shall continue to do so, and try my best to please you.
But it is hard that I should have to suffer these unprovoked attacks; and
it seems strange that the girl's coming should be made the occasion for
one, for I had hoped that her presence in the house would have made my
life more bearable."

"You refer to Miss Affleck's coming," said her mother, without stopping
to reply to anything else, "and I am glad of it, for it serves to remind
me that I have not yet told you my wishes with regard to your future
intercourse with her."

At this point Mr. Churton, unnoticed by his wife, stole quietly to the
door, and stepping cautiously out into the hall made his escape.

"You need not trouble to explain your wishes, mother," said Miss Churton,
with flushing cheeks. "I can very well guess what they are, and I promise
you at once that I shall say nothing to cause you any uneasiness, or to
make any further mention of the subject necessary."

"No, Constance, I have a sacred duty to perform, and our respective
relations towards Miss Affleck must be made thoroughly clear, once for
all."

"Why should you wish to make it clear after telling me that you cannot
trust me to obey your wishes, or even to speak the truth? Mother, I shall
not listen to you any longer!"

"You _shall_ listen to me!" exclaimed the other; and rising and
hurrying past her daughter, she closed the door and stood before it as if
to prevent escape.

Miss Churton made no reply; she walked to a chair, and sitting down
dropped her hat on the floor and covered her face with her hands. How sad
she looked in that attitude, how weary of the vain conflict, and how
despondent! For a little while there was silence in the room, but the
girl's bowed head moved with her convulsive breathing, and there was a
low sound presently as of suppressed sobbing.

"Would to God the tears you are shedding came from a contrite and
repentant heart," said the mother, with a tremor in her voice. "But they
are only rebellious and passing drops, and I know that your stony heart
is untouched."

Miss Churton raised her pale face, and brushed her tears away with an
angry gesture. "Forgive me, mother, for such an exhibition of weakness. I
sometimes forget that you have ceased to love me. Please say what you
wish, make things clear, add as many reproaches as you think necessary,
and then let me go to my room."

Mrs. Churton checked an angry reply which rose to her lips, and sat down.
She too was growing tired of this unhappy conflict, and her daughter's
tears and bitter words had given her keen pain. "Constance, you would not
say that I do not love you if you could see into my heart. God knows how
much I love you; if it were not so I should have ceased to strive with
you before now. I know that it is in vain, that I can only beat the air,
and that only that Spirit which is sharper than a two-edged sword, and
pierceth even to the dividing of the bones and marrow, can ever rouse you
to a sense of your great sin and fearful peril. I know it all only too
well. I shall say no more about it. But I must speak to you further about
this young girl, who has been entrusted to my care. When I replied to the
advertisement respecting her, I thought too much about our worldly
affairs and the importance of this money to us in our position, and
without sufficiently reflecting on the danger of bringing a girl at so
impressible an age under your influence. The responsibility rests with
me, and I cannot help having some very sad apprehensions. Wait,
Constance, you must let me finish. I have settled what to do, and I have
Miss Starbrow's authority to take on myself the guidance of the girl in
all spiritual matters. I spoke to her about it, and regret to have to say
that she seems absolutely indifferent about religion. I was deeply
shocked to hear that Miss Affleck has never been taught to say a prayer,
and, so far as Miss Starbrow knows, has never entered a church. Miss
Starbrow seemed very haughty and repellent in her manner, and declined,
almost rudely, to discuss the subject of religious teaching with me, but
would leave it entirely to me, she said, to teach the girl what I liked
about such things. It is terrible to me to think how much it may and will
be in your power to write on the mind of one so young and ignorant, and
who has been brought up without God. Constance, I will not attempt to
command, I will ask you to promise not to say things to her to destroy
the effect of my teaching, and of the religious influence I shall bring
to bear on her. I am ready to go down on my knees to you, my daughter, to
implore you, by whatever you may yet hold dear and sacred, not to bring
so terrible a grief on me as the loss of this young soul would be. For
into my charge she has been committed, and from me her Maker and Father
will require her at the last day!"

"There is no occasion for you to go on your knees to me, mother. I repeat
that I will obey your wishes in everything. Surely you must know that,
however we may differ about speculative matters, I am not immoral, and
that you can trust me. And oh, mother, let us live in peace together. It
is so unspeakably bitter to have these constant dissensions between us. I
will not complain that you have been the cause of so much unhappiness to
me, and made me a person to be avoided by the few people we know, if
only--if only you will treat me kindly."

"My poor girl, do you not know that it is more bitter to me, a thousand
times, than to you? Oh, Constance, will you promise me one thing?--
promise me that you will go back to the Bible and read the words of
Christ, putting away your pride of mind, your philosophy and critical
spirit; promise that you will read one chapter--one verse even--every
day, and read it with a prayer in your heart that the Spirit who inspired
it will open your eyes and enable you to see the truth."

"No, mother, I cannot promise you that, even to save myself from greater
unhappiness than you have caused me. It is so hard to have to go over the
old ground again and again."

"I have, I hope, made you understand my wishes," returned her mother
coldly. "You can go to your room, Constance."

The other rose and walked to the door, where she stood hesitating for a
few moments, glancing back at her mother; but Mrs. Churton's face had
grown cold and irresponsive, and finally Constance, with a sigh, left the
room and went slowly up the stairs.




CHAPTER XV


For the rest of the day peace reigned at Wood End House. Mr. Churton,
whose absence at mealtime was never made the subject of remark, did not
return to tea when the three ladies met again; for now, according to that
proverb of the Peninsula which says "Tell me who you are with, and I will
tell you who you are," Fan had ceased to belong to the extensive genus
Young Person, and might only be classified as Young Lady, at all events
for so long as she remained on a footing of equality under the Churton
roof-tree.

There was not much conversation. Miss Churton was rather pale and subdued
in manner, speaking little. Fan was shy and ill at ease at this her first
meal in the house. Mrs. Churton alone seemed inclined to talk, and looked
serene and cheerful; but whether the late scene in the drawing-room had
been more transient in its effects in her case, or her self-command was
greater, she alone knew. After tea they all went out to sit in the garden
for an hour; Miss Churton taking a book with her, which, however, she
allowed to rest unread on her lap. Her mother had some knitting, which
occupied her fingers while she talked to Fan. The girl, she perceived,
was not yet feeling at home with them, and she tried to overcome her
diffidence by keeping up an easy flow of talk which required no answer
from the other, chiefly about their garden and its products--flowers,
fruit, and vegetables.

Presently they had a visitor, who came out across the lawn to them
unannounced. He shook hands with the Churtons, and then with Fan, to whom
he was introduced as Mr. Northcott. A large and rather somewhat rough-
looking young man was Mr. Northcott, in a clerical coat, for he was
curate of the church at Eyethorne. His head was large, and the hair and a
short somewhat disorderly beard and moustache brown in colour; the eyes
were blue, deep-set, and habitually down-cast, and had a trick of looking
suddenly up at anyone speaking to him. His nose was irregular, his mouth
too heavy, and there was that general appearance of ruggedness about him
which one usually takes as an outward sign of the stuff that makes the
successful emigrant. To find him a curate going round among the ladies in
a little rural parish in England seemed strange. He had as little of that
professional sleekness of skin and all-for-the-best placidity of manner
one expects to see in a clergyman of the Established Church as Mr.
Churton had of that confident, all-knowing, self-assured look one would
like to see in a barrister's countenance before entrusting him with a
brief.

He at once entered into conversation with Mrs. Churton, replying to some
question she put to him; and presently Fan began to listen with deep
interest, for they were discussing the unhappy affairs of one of the
Eyethorne poor--a bad man who was always getting drunk, fighting with his
wife, and leaving his children to starve. The curate, however, did not
seem deeply interested in the subject, and glanced not infrequently at
Miss Churton, who had resumed her reading; but it was plain to see that
she gave only a divided attention to her book.

Mrs. Churton was at length summoned to the house about some domestic
matter; then, after a short silence, the curate began a fresh
conversation with her daughter. He did not speak to her of parish affairs
and of persons, but of books, of things of the mind, and it seemed that
his heart was more in talk of this description. Or possibly the person
rather than the subject interested him. Miss Churton was living under a
cloud in her village, which was old-fashioned and pious; to be friendly
with her was not fashionable; he alone, albeit a curate, wished not to be
in the fashion. He even had the courage to approach personal questions.

"Fan, I know what you are thinking of," said Miss Churton, turning to the
girl. "It is that you would like to go and caress the flowers again--you
are such a flower-lover. Would you like to go and explore the orchard by
yourself?"

Fan thanked her gladly, and going from them, soon disappeared among the
trees.

"You live in too small a place, too remote from the world, and old-world
in character, to be allowed to live your own life in peace," said the
curate, at a later stage of the conversation. "Your set here is composed
of barely half a dozen families, and they take their cue from the
vicarage. In London, in any large town, one is allowed to think what one
likes without the neighbours troubling their heads about it. Do you know,
Miss Churton, it is strange to me that with your acquirements and talent
you do not seek a wider and more congenial field."

She smiled. "You must forgive me, Mr. Northcott, for having included you
among the troublers of my peace. It gives me a strange pleasure to tell
you this; it makes me strong to feel that I have your friendship and
sympathy."

"You certainly have that, Miss Churton."

"Thank you. I must tell you why I remain here. I am entirely dependent on
my parents just now, and shrink from beginning a second dependent life--
as a governess, for instance."

"There should be better things than that for you. You might get a good
position in a young ladies' school."

"It would be difficult. But apart from that, I shrink from entering a
profession which would absorb my whole time and faculties, and from which
I should probably find myself powerless to break away. I have dreams and
hopes of other things--foolish perhaps--time will show; but I am not in a
hurry to find a position, to become a crystal. And I wish to live for
myself as well as for others. I have now undertaken to teach Miss
Affleck, who will remain one year at least with us. I am glad that this
has given me an excuse for remaining where I am. I do not wish my
departure to look like running away."

"I am glad that you have so brave a spirit."

"I did not feel very brave to-day," she replied, smiling sadly. "But a
little sympathy serves to revive my courage. Do you remember that passage
in Bacon, 'Mark what a courage a dog will put on when sustained by a
nature higher than its own'? That is how it is with us women--those of
the strong-minded tribe excepted; man is to us a kind of _melior
natura_, without whose sustaining aid we degenerate into abject
cowards."

A red flush came into Mr. Northcott's dull-hued cheeks. "I presume you
are joking, Miss Churton; but if--"

"No, not joking," she quickly returned; "although I perhaps did not mean
as much as I said. But I wish I could show my gratitude for the comfort
you give me--for upholding me with your stronger nature."

"Do you, Miss Churton? Then I will be so bold as to make a request,
although I am perhaps running the risk of offending you. Will you come to
church next Sunday? I don't mean in the morning, but in the evening.
Please don't think for a moment that I have any faith in my power to
influence your mind in any way. I am not such a conceited ass as to
imagine anything of the sort. My motive for making the request was quite
independent of any such considerations. My experience is that those who
lose faith in Christianity do not recover it. I speak, of course, of
people who know their own minds."

"I know my own mind, Mr. Northcott."

"No doubt; and for that very reason I am not afraid to ask you this. You
used occasionally to come to church, so that it can't be scruples of
conscience that keep you away. As a rule, in London we always have a very
fair sprinkling of agnostics in a congregation, and sometimes more than a
sprinkling."

"I am not an agnostic, Mr. Northcott, if I know what that word means. But
let that pass. In London the church-goer is in very many cases a stranger
to the preacher; if he hears hard things spoken in the pulpit of those
who have no creed, he does not take it as a personal attack. I absented
myself from our church because the vicar in his sermon on unbelief
preached against _me_. He said that those who rejected Christianity
had no right to enter a church; that by doing so they insulted God and
man; and that their only motive was to parade their bitter scornful
infidelity before the world, and that they cherish a malignant hatred
towards the faith which they have cast off, and much more in the same
strain. Every person in the congregation had his or her eyes fixed on me,
to see how I liked it, knowing that it was meant for me; and I dare say
that what they saw gave them great pleasure. For a stronger nature than
my own was not sustaining me then, but all were against me, and the agony
of shame I suffered I shall never forget. I could only shut my eyes and
try to keep still; but I felt that all the blood in my veins had rushed
to my face and brain, and that my blood was like fire. I seemed to be
able to see myself fiery red--redder than the setting sun--in the midst
of all those shadowed faces that were watching me. I have hated that man
since, much as it distresses me to have such a feeling against any
fellow-creature."

"I remember the circumstance," said the curate, his face darkening. "I do
not agree with my vicar about some things, and he had no warrant for what
he said in the teachings of his Master. Since you have recalled this
incident to my mind, Miss Churton, I can only apologise for having asked
you to come on Sunday."

"I think I was wrong to let that sermon influence me so much," she
returned. "I feel ashamed of keeping my resentment so long. Mr.
Northcott, I will promise to go on Sunday evening, unless something
happens to prevent me."

He thanked her warmly. "Whatever your philosophical beliefs may be, Miss
Churton, you have the true Christian spirit," he said--saying perhaps too
much. "I am glad for your sake that Miss Affleck has come to reside with
you. Your life will be less lonely."

"Tell me, what do you think of her?"

"She has a rare delicate loveliness, and there is something indescribable
in her eyes which seemed to reveal her whole past life to me. Do you
know, Miss Churton, I often believe I have a strange faculty of reading
people's past history in the expression of their faces?"

"Tell me what you read?"

"When I was talking to your mother about that drunken ruffian in the
village, and his ill-treatment of his miserable children, I caught sight
of the girl's eyes fixed on me, wide open, expressing wonder and pain.
She had never, I feel sure, even heard of such things as I spoke about. I
seemed to know in some mysterious way that she was an only child--the
child, I believe, of a widowed father, who doted on her, and surrounded
her with every luxury wealth could purchase, and permitted no breath of
the world's misery to reach her, lest it should make her unhappy. Now,
tell me, have I prophesied truly?"

She smiled, but had no desire to laugh at his little delusion about a
mysterious faculty. It is one common enough, and very innocent. The girl
was an orphan, and that, she told him, was all she knew of her history.

The curate went away with a feeling of strange elation; for how gracious
she had been to him, how happy he was to have won her confidence, how
sweet the tender music of her voice had seemed when she had freely told
him the secrets of her heart! Poor man! his human nature was a stumbling-
block in his way. By-and-by he would have to reflect that his sympathy
with an unbeliever had led him almost to the point of speaking evil of
dignities--of his vicar, to wit, who paid him seventy pounds a year for
his services. That was about all Mr. Northcott had to live on; and yet--
oh, folly!--a declaration of love, an offer of marriage, had been
trembling on his lips throughout all that long conversation.

Miss Churton hurried off in search of Fan, surprised that she had kept
out of sight so long; and as she walked through the orchard, looking for
her on this side and that, she also felt surprised at her own light-
heartedness. For how strangely happy she felt after a morning so full of
contention and bitterness! Fan saw her coming--saw even at a distance in
her bright face the reflection of a heartfelt gladness. But the girl did
not move to meet her, nor did she watch her coming with responsive
gladness; she stood motionless, her pale face seen in profile against the
green cloud of a horse-chestnut tree that drooped its broad leaves to
touch and mingle with the grass at her very feet. It seemed strange to
Constance as she drew near, still glad, and yet with lingering footsteps
so that the sight might be the longer enjoyed, that her pupil should have
come at that precise period of the day to stand there motionless at that
particular spot; that this pale city girl in her civilised dress should
have in her appearance at that moment no suggestion of artificiality, but
should seem a something natural and unadulterated as flowering tree and
grass and sunshine, a part of nature, in absolute and perfect harmony
with it. The point to which Fan had wandered was a little beyond the
orchard, close to an old sunk fence or ha-ha separating it from the field
beyond. The turf at her feet was white with innumerable daisies, and the
only tree at that spot was the great chestnut beside which she stood, and
against which, in her white dress and with her pallid face, she looked so
strangely pure, so flower-like and yet ethereal, as if sprung from the
daisies whitening the turf around her, and retaining something of their
flower-like character, yet unsubstantial--a beautiful form that might at
any moment change to mist and float away from sight. In the field beyond,
where her eyes were resting, the lush grass was sprinkled with the gold
of buttercups; and in the centre of the field stood a group of four or
five majestic elm-trees; the sinking sun was now directly behind them,
and shining level through the foliage filled the spaces between the
leaves with a red light, which looked like misty fire. On the vast
expanse of heaven there was no cloud; only low down in the east and
south-east, near the horizon, there were pale vague shadows, which in
another half-hour's time would take the rounded form of clouds, deepening
to pearly grey and flushing red and purple in the setting beams. From the
elms and fields, from the orchard, from other trees and fields further
away, came up the songs of innumerable birds, making the whole air ring
and quiver with the delicate music; so many notes, so various in tone and
volume, had the effect of waves and wavelets and ripples, rising and
running and intersecting each other at all angles, forming an intricate
pattern, as it were, a network of sweetest melody. Loud and close at hand
were heard the lusty notes of thrush and blackbird, chaffinch and
blackcap; and from these there was a gradation of sounds, down to the
faint lispings of the more tender melodists singing at a distance,
reaching the sense like voices mysterious and spiritualised from some far
unseen world. And at intervals came the fluting cry of the cuckoo, again
and again repeated, so aerial, yet with such a passionate depth in it, as
if the Spirit of Nature itself had become embodied, and from some leafy
hiding-place cried aloud with mystic lips.

Listening to that rare melody Fan had stood for a long time, her heart
feeling almost oppressed with the infinite sweetness of nature; so
motionless that the yellow skippers and small blue-winged butterflies
fluttered round her in play, and at intervals alighting on her dress, sat
with spread wings, looking like strange yellow and blue gems on the snow-
white drapery. Her mind was troubled at Miss Churton's approach; for it
now seemed to her that human affection and sympathy were more to her than
they had ever been; that a touch, a word, a look almost, would be
sufficient to overcome her and make her fall from her loyalty to Mary.
Even when the other was standing by her side, curiously regarding her
still pale face, she made no sign, but after one troubled glance remained
with eyes cast down.

"Are you not tired of being alone with nature yet, Fan?" said Miss
Churton, with a smile, and placing her hand on the girl's neck.

"Oh no, Miss Churton; it is so--pleasant to be here!" she replied. But
she spoke in a slow mechanical way, and seemed to the other strangely
cold and irresponsive; she shivered a little, too, when the caressing
hand touched her neck, as if the warm fingers had seemed icy cold.

"Then you were not sorry to be left so long alone?"

"No--I could not feel tired. I think--I could have stayed alone here
until--until--" then her inability to express her thoughts confused her
and she became silent.

"Yes, Fan, until--" said the other, taking her hand. But the hand she
took rested cold and still in hers, and Fan was silent.

At length, reddening a little, she said:

"Miss Churton, I cannot say what I feel."

"Do you feel, Fan, that the sight of nature fills your heart with a
strange new happiness, such as no pleasure in your London life ever gave,
and at the same time a sadness for which you cannot imagine any cause?"

"Oh, do you feel that too, Miss Churton? Will you tell me what it is?"

The other smiled at the question. "If I could do that, Fan, I should be a
very wise girl indeed. It is a feeling that we all have at times; and
some day when we read the poets together you will find that they often
speak of it. Keats says of the music of the nightingale that it makes his
heart ache to hear it, but he does not know why it aches any more than we
do. We can say what the feeling is which human love and sympathy give us
--the touch of loving hands and lips, the words that are sweet to hear.
This we can understand; but that mixed glad and melancholy feeling we
have in nature we cannot analyse. How can anything in nature know our
heart like a fellow-being--the sun, and wind, and trees, and singing
birds? Yet it all seems to come in love to us--so great a love that we
can hardly bear it. The sun and wind seem to touch us lovingly; the earth
and sky seem to look on us with an affection deeper than man's--a meaning
which we cannot fathom. But, oh, Fan, it is foolish and idle of me to try
to put what we feel into words! Don't you think so?"

"I think I feel what you say, Miss Churton."

"And when you said just now that you could stand here alone, seeing and
hearing, _until--until_--and then stopped, perhaps you wished to say
that you could remain here until you understood it all, and knew the
meaning of that mysterious pain in your heart?"

"Yes--I think I felt that"; and glancing up she met the other's eyes full
on her own, so dark and full of affection, and with a mistiness rising in
their clear depths. She was sorely tempted then to put her arms about her
teacher's neck; the struggle was too much for her; she trembled, and
covering her face with her hands burst into tears.

"Dearest Fan, you must not cry," said Miss Churton, tenderly caressing
her; but there was no response, only that slight shivering of the frame
once more, as if it pained her to be caressed, and she wondered at the
girl's mood, which was so unlike that of the morning. A painful suspicion
crossed her mind. Had her mother, in her anxiety about Fan's spiritual
welfare, already taken the girl into her confidence, as she had taken
others, or dropped some word of warning to prejudice her mind? Had she
told this gentle human dove that she must learn the wisdom of the serpent
_from_ a serpent--a kind of Lamia who had assumed a beautiful female
form for the purpose of instructing her? No, it could not be; there had
been no opportunity for private conversation yet; and it was also hateful
to her to think so hardly of her mother. But she made no further attempt
just then to win her pupil's heart, and in a short time they returned to
the house together.




CHAPTER XVI


Fan was up early next morning--the ringing concert of the orchard, so
different from the dull rumble of the streets, had chased away sleep, and
all desire to sleep--and punctually at eight o'clock she came down to
breakfast. Mr. Churton alone was in the room, looking as usual intensely
respectable in his open frock-coat, large collar, and well-brushed grey
hair. He was standing before the open window looking out, humming or
croaking a little tune, and jingling his chain and seals by way of
accompaniment.

"Ha, my dear, looking fresh as a flower--_and_ as pretty!" he said,
turning round and taking her hand; then, after two or three irresolute
glances at her face, he drew her towards him, and was about to imprint a
kiss on her forehead (let us hope), when, for some unaccountable reason,
she shrank back from him and defeated his purpose.

"Why, why, my dear child, you surely can't object to being kissed! You
must look on me as--ahem--it is quite the custom here--surely, my dear--"

Just then Mrs. Churton entered the room, and her husband encountering her
quick displeased look instantly dropped the girl's hand.

"My dear," he said, addressing his wife, "I have just been pointing out
the view from the windows to Miss Affleck, and telling her what charming
walks there are in the neighbourhood. I think that as we are so near the
end of the week it would be just as well to postpone all serious studies
until Monday morning and show our guest some of the beauties of
Eyethorne."

"Perhaps it would, Nathaniel," she returned, with a slight asperity. "But
I should prefer it if you would leave all arrangements to me."

"Certainly, my dear; it was merely a suggestion made on the spur of the
moment. I am sure Miss Affleck will be charmed with the--the scenery,
whenever it can conveniently be shown to her."

His wife made no reply, but proceeded to open a Bible and read a few
verses, after which she made a short prayer--a ceremony which greatly
surprised Fan. The three then sat down to breakfast, Miss Churton not yet
having appeared. It was a moderately small table, nearly square, and each
person had an entire side to himself. They were thus placed not too far
apart and not too near.

Presently Miss Churton appeared, not from her room but from an early walk
in the garden, and bringing with her a small branch of May jewelled with
red blossoms. She stood for a few moments on the threshold looking at
Fan, a very bright smile on her lips. How beautiful she looked to the
girl, more beautiful now than on the previous day, as if her face had
caught something of the dewy freshness of earth and of the tender morning
sunlight. Then she came in, walking round the table to Fan's side, and
bidding her parents "Good morning," but omitting the usual custom of
kissing father and mother. Stopping at the girl's side she stooped and
touched her forehead with her lips, then placed the branch of May by the
side of her plate.

"This is for you," she said. "I know what a flower-worshipper you are."

"Constance, you ought not to say that!" said her mother, reprovingly.

"Why not?" said the other, going to her place and sitting down, a red
flush on her face. "It is a common and very innocent expression, I
fancy."

"That may be your opinion. The expression you use so lightly has only one
and a very solemn meaning for me."

Fan glanced wonderingly from one to the other, then dropped her eyes on
her flowers. In a vague way she began to see that her new friends did not
exist in happy harmony together, and it surprised and troubled her. The
bright sunny look had gone from Miss Churton's face, and the meal
proceeded almost in silence to the end.

And yet father, mother, and daughter all felt that there was an
improvement in their relations, that the restraint caused by the presence
of this shy, silent girl would make their morning and midday meetings at
meal-time less a burden than they had hitherto been. To Miss Churton
especially that triangle of three persons, each repelling and repelled by
the two others, had often seemed almost intolerable. Husband and wife had
long ceased to have one interest, one thought, one feeling in common;
while the old affection between mother and daughter had now so large an
element of bitterness mingled with it that all its original sweetness
seemed lost. As for her degenerate, weak-minded, tippling father, Miss
Churton regarded him with studied indifference. She never spoke of him,
and tried never to think of him when he was out of the way; when she saw
him, she looked through him at something beyond, as if he had no more
substance than one of Ossian's ghosts, through whose form one might see
the twinkling of the stars. It was better, she wisely thought, to ignore
him, to forget his existence, than to be vexed with feelings of contempt
and hostility.

Mr. Churton, after finishing his breakfast, retired to his "study," with
the air of a person who has letters to write. His study was really only a
garret which his wife had fitted up as a comfortable smoking den, where
he was privileged to blow the abhorrent tobacco-cloud with impunity,
since the pestilent vapour flew away heavenwards from the open window;
moreover, while smoking at home he was safe, and not fuddling his weak
brains and running up a long bill at the "King William" in the village.

Miss Churton finished her coffee and rose from the table.

"Constance," said her mother, "I think that as it is Friday to-day it
might be as well to defer your lessons until Monday, and give Miss
Affleck a little time to look about her and get acquainted with her new
home."

"If you think it best, mother," she returned; and then after an interval
added, "Have you formed any plans for to-day--I mean with reference to
Fan?"

"Why do you say Fan?"

"Because she asked me to do so," returned the other a little coldly.

Fan was again looking at them. When they spoke they were either
constrained and formal or offending each other. It was something to
marvel at, for towards herself they had shown such sweet kindliness in
their manner; and she had felt that if it were only lawful she could love
them both dearly, as one loves mother and sister.

With a little hesitation she turned to Mrs. Churton and said, "Will you
please call me Fan too? I like it so much better than Miss Affleck."

"Yes, certainly, if you wish it," said the lady, smiling on her. After a
while she continued--"Fan, my dear child, before we settle about how the
day will be spent, I must tell you that we have arranged to share the
task of teaching you between us." Her daughter looked at her surprised.
"I mean," she continued, correcting herself, "that it will be arranged in
that way. Did Miss Starbrow speak to you about it in the garden before
she left?"

Fan answered in the negative: she had a painfully vivid recollection of
what Miss Starbrow had said in the garden.

"Well, this is to be the arrangement, which Miss Starbrow has sanctioned.
There are several things for you to study, and Miss Churton will
undertake them all except one. It will be for me to instruct you in
religion."

Fan glanced at her with a somewhat startled expression in her eyes.

"Do you not think you would like me to teach you?" asked Mrs. Churton,
noticing the look.

She answered that she would like it; then remembering certain words of
Mary's, added a little doubtfully, "Mrs. Churton, Mary--I mean Miss
Starbrow--said she hoped I would not learn to be religious in the
country."

Mrs. Churton heard this with an expression of pain, then darted a quick
glance at her daughter's face; but she did not see the smile of the
scoffer there; it was a face which had grown cold and impassive, and she
knew why it was impassive, and was as much offended, perhaps, as if the
expected smile had met her sight. To Fan she answered:

"I am very sorry she said that. But you know, Fan, that we sometimes say
things without quite meaning them, or thinking that they will perhaps be
remembered for a long time, and do harm. I am sure--at least I trust that
Miss Starbrow did not really mean that, because I spoke to her about
giving you instruction in religious subjects, and she consented, and left
it to me to do whatever I thought best."

Fan wondered whether Mary "did not quite mean it" when she told her what
the consequences would be if she allowed herself to love Miss Churton.
No, alas! she must have meant that very seriously from the way she spoke.

"You must not be afraid that we are going to make you study too much,
Fan," the lady continued; "that is not Miss Starbrow's wish. I shall only
give you a short simple lesson every day, and try to explain it, so that
I hope you will find it both easy and pleasant to learn of me. And now,
my dear girl, you shall choose for yourself to-day whether you will go
out for a walk in the woods with Miss Churton, or remain with me and let
me speak with you and explain what I wish you to learn."

The proposed walk in the woods was a sore temptation; she would gladly
have chosen that way of spending the morning, but the secret trouble in
her heart caused by Mary's warning words made her shrink from the
prospect of being alone with Miss Churton so soon again; and it only
increased the feeling to see her beautiful young teacher's eyes eagerly
fixed on her face. With that struggle still going on in her breast, and
compelled to make her choice, she said at length, "I think I should like
to stay with you, Mrs. Churton."

The lady smiled and said she was glad.

Miss Churton moved towards the door, then paused and spoke coldly: "Do
you wish me to understand, mother, that Miss Affleck is to devote her
mornings to you, and that I shall only have the late hours to teach her
in?"

"No, Constance; I am surprised that you should understand it in that way.
Only for these two days Miss Affleck will be with me in the morning. I
know very well that the early part of the day is the best time for study,
when the intellect is fresh and clear; and when you begin teaching her
she will of course devote the morning to her lessons."

After hearing this explanation her daughter left the room without more
words. In a few minutes she came down again with hat and gloves on, a
book in her hand, and went away by herself, feeling far from happy in her
mind. She had so confidently looked forward to a morning with her pupil,
and had proposed to go somewhat further than she had ventured on the
previous evening in a study of her character. For it seemed to her at
first so simple a character, so affectionate and clinging, reflecting
itself so transparently in her expressive face, and making itself known
so clearly in her voice and manner. Then that mystifying change had
occurred in the orchard, when her words had been eagerly listened to, and
had seemed to find an echo in the girl's heart, while her advances had
met with no response, and her affectionate caresses had been shrunk from,
as though they had given pain. Then the suspicion about her mother had
come to disturb her mind; but she had been anxious not to judge hastily
and without sufficient cause, and had succeeded in putting it from her as
an unworthy thought. Now it came back to her, and remained and rooted
itself in her mind. Now she understood why her mother, with an
ostentatious pretence of fairness, even of generosity, towards her
daughter, had left it to Fan to decide whether she would walk in the
woods or spend the morning receiving religious instruction at home. Now
she understood why Fan, a lover of flowers and of the singing of birds,
had preferred the house and the irksome lessons. Her mother, in her
fanatical zeal, had been too quick for her, and had prejudiced the girl's
mind against her, acting with a meanness and treachery which filled her
with the greatest resentment and scorn.

We know that her judgment was at fault; and her anger was perhaps
unreasonable. _All_ anger is said to be unreasonable by some wise
people, which makes one wonder why this absurd, perverse, and superfluous
affection was ever thrust into our souls. But the feeling in her was
natural, for her mother had indirectly inflicted much unhappiness on her
already, in her mistaken efforts to do her good; and when we suffer an
injury from some unknown hand, we generally jump to the conclusion that
it comes from the enemy we wot of; and, very often, the surmise is a
correct one. She, Miss Churton, certainly regarded this thing as a
personal injury. She had anticipated much pleasure from the society of
her pupil, and after that first conversation in the garden had resolved
to win her love, and be to her friend and sister as well as teacher. Now
it seemed that the girl was to be nothing to her and everything to her
mother, and naturally she was disappointed and angry. We have all seen
women--some of them women who read books, listen to lectures, and even
take degrees, and must therefore be classed with rational beings--who
will cry out and weep, and only stop short of tearing their raiment and
putting ashes on their heads, at the loss of a pet dog, or cat, or
canary; and Miss Churton had promised herself a greater pleasure from her
intercourse with this girl, who had so won her heart with her pale
delicate beauty and her feeling for nature, than it is possible for a
rational being to derive from the companionship of any dumb brute--even
of such a paragon among four-footed things as a toy-terrier, or pug, or
griffon. All through her walk in the shady woods, and when she sat in a
sequestered spot under her favourite tree with her book lying unread on
her lap, she could only think of her mother's supposed treachery, and of
that look of triumph on her face when Fan had decided to remain in the
house with her--rejoicing, no doubt, at her daughter's defeat. All this
seemed hard to endure uncomplainingly; but she was strong and proud, and
before quitting her sylvan retreat she resolved to submit quietly and
with a good grace to the new position of affairs, though brought about by
such unworthy means. She would make no petulant complaints nor be sullen,
nor drop any spiteful or scornful words to spoil her mother's
satisfaction; nor would she make any overt attempts to supplant her
mother in the girl's confidence, or to win even a share of her affection.
She would hide her own pain, and faithfully perform the dry, laborious
task of instruction assigned her, unrelieved by any such feelings of a
personal kind, and looking for no reward beyond the approval of her own
conscience. It was impossible, she said to herself with bitterness, that
she should ever stoop, even in self-defence, to use one of those weapons
which were to be found in her mother's armoury--the little underhand
doings, hypocrisies, and whispered insinuations which her religion
sanctified.




CHAPTER XVII


That decision of Fan's to remain at home had really come with a little
surprise on Mrs. Churton; for although it was what she had hoped, the
hope had been a faint one, and the pleasure it gave her was therefore all
the greater. With this feeling another not altogether to her credit was
mingled--a certain satisfaction at finding her company preferred to that
of her daughter. For it could not be supposed that the girl experienced
just then any eager desire after religious knowledge; she had just
reported Miss Starbrow's scoffing words with such a curious simplicity,
as if she looked on religion merely as a branch of learning, like
mineralogy or astronomy, which was scarcely necessary to her, and might
therefore very well be dispensed with. No, it was purely a matter of
personal preference; and Mrs. Churton, albeit loving and thinking well of
herself, as most people do, could not help finding it a little strange:
for her daughter, notwithstanding that her mind was darkened by that evil
spirit of unbelief, was outwardly a beautiful, engaging person, ready and
eloquent of speech, and seemed in every way one who would easily win the
unsuspecting regard of a simple-minded affectionate girl like Fan. It was
strange and--_providential_. Yes, that explained the whole mystery,
and so fully satisfied her religious mind that she was instantly relieved
from the task of groping after any other cause.

While these thoughts were passing through her mind they were standing
together before the open window, following Miss Churton's form with their
eyes, as she went away in the direction of Eyethorne woods. But Fan had a
very different feeling; she recalled that interview of the last evening
in the orchard, the clear, tender eyes looking invitingly into hers, the
touch of a warm caressing hand, the words in which her own strange
feelings experienced for the first time had been so aptly described to
her; and the thought gave her a dull pain--a vague sense of some great
blessing missed, of something which had promised to make her unspeakably
happy passing from her life.

It was some slight compensation that the scene of that first lesson in
religious doctrine she had expressed herself willing to receive was in
the garden, where they were soon comfortably seated under an acacia-tree;
and that is a tree which does not shut out the heavenly gladness, like
beech and elm and lime, but rather tempers the sunshine with its loose
airy foliage, making a half-brightness that is pleasanter than shade.

By means of much gentle questioning, herself often suggesting the
answers, Mrs. Churton gradually drew from the girl an account of all she
knew and thought about sacred subjects. She was shocked and grieved to
discover that this young lady from the metropolis was in a state of
ignorance with regard to such subjects that would have surprised her in
any cottage child among the poor she was accustomed to visit in the
neighbourhood. The names of the Creator and of the Saviour were certainly
familiar to Fan; from her earliest childhood she had heard them spoken
with frequency in her old Moon Street home. But that was all. Her mother
had taught her nothing--not even to lisp, when she was small, the
childish rhyme:

    Now I lay me down to sleep,
    I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

Her Scripture lessons at the Board School had powerfully impressed her,
but in a confused and unpleasant way. Certain portions of the historical
narrative affected her with their picturesque grandeur, and fragments
remained in her memory; the Bible and religion generally came to be
associated in her mind with dire wrath, and war, and the shedding of
blood, with ruin of cities and tribulations without end. It was
processional--a great confused host covered with clouds of dust, shields
and spears, and brass and scarlet, and noise of chariot-wheels and
blowing of trumpets--an awful pageant fascinating and terrifying to
contemplate. And when she stood still, a little frightened, to see a
horde of Salvationists surge past her in the street, with discordant
shouting and singing, waving of red flags and loud braying of brass
instruments, this seemed to her a kind of solemn representation of those
ancient and confused doings she had read about; beyond that it had no
meaning. Before her mother's death she had sometimes gone to St.
Michael's Church on wet or cold or foggy winter evenings; for in better
weather it was always overcrowded, and the vergers--a kind of mitigated
policemen, Fan thought them--would hunt her away from the door. For in
those days she was so ragged and such a sad-looking object, and they
doubtless knew very well what motive she had in going there. She had gone
there only because it was warm and dry, and the decorations and
vestments, the singing and the incense, were sweet to her senses; but
what she had heard had not enlightened her.

Mrs. Churton sighed. How unutterably sad it seemed to her that this girl,
so lovely in her person, so sweet in disposition, with so pure and saint-
like an expression, should be in this dark and heathenish condition! But
there was infinite comfort in the thought that this precious soul to be
saved had fallen into her hands, and not into those of some worldling
like Miss Starbrow herself, or, worse still, of a downright freethinker
like her own daughter. After having made her first survey of Fan's mind,
finding nothing there except that queer farrago of Scripture lessons
which had never been explained to her, and were now nearly forgotten, it
seemed to Mrs. Churton that it was almost a blank with regard to
spiritual things, like that proverbial clean sheet of paper on which
anything good or bad may be written. It troubled her somewhat, and this
was the one cloud on that fair prospect, that her daughter would have so
much to do with Fan's mind. She was anxious to trust in her daughter's
honour, yet felt, with her belief concerning the weakness of any merely
human virtue, that it would scarcely be safe or right to trust her. She
resolved to observe a middle course--to trust her, but not wholly, to
pray but to watch as well, lest the fowls of the air should come in her
absence and devour the sacred seed she was about to scatter.

These, and many more reflections of a like kind, occurred to her while
she was occupied in turning over that pitiful rubbish, composed of broken
fragments of knowledge, in the girl's mind; then she addressed herself
fervently to the task of planting there the great elementary truth that
we are all alike bad by nature, and that only by faith in the Son of God
who died for our sins can we hope to save our souls alive. This was
unspeakably bewildering to Fan, for in a vague kind of way her neglected
mind had conceived a system of right and wrong of its own, which was
entirely independent of any narrative or set of doctrines, and did not
concern itself with the future of the soul. To her mind there were good
people and bad people, besides others she could not classify, in whom the
two opposite qualities were blended, or who were of a neutral moral tint.
The good were those who loved their fellow-creatures, especially their
relations, and were kind to them in word and deed. The bad were those who
gave pain to others by their brutality and selfishness, by untruthfulness
and deceit, and by speaking unkind and impure words.

Now to be told that this was all a vain delusion, mere fancy, that she
was a child of sin, as unclean in the sight of Heaven as the worst person
she had ever known--a Joe Harrod or a Captain Horton, for instance--and
that God's anger would burn for ever against her unless she cast away her
own filthy rags--Fan thought that these had been cast away a long time
ago--and clothed herself with the divine righteousness--all that
bewildered and surprised her at first. But being patient and docile she
proved amenable to instruction, and as she unhesitatingly and at once
yielded up every point which her instructress told her was wrong, there
was nothing to hinder progress--if this rapid skimming along over the
surface of a subject can be so described. And as the lesson progressed it
seemed to Mrs. Churton that her pupil took an ever-increasing interest in
it, that her mind became more and more receptive and her intelligence
quicker.

The girl's shyness wore off by degrees, her tremulous voice grew firmer,
her pallid cheeks flushed with a colour tender as that of the wild almond
blossom, and her eyes, bright with a new-born confidence, were lifted
more frequently to the other's face. Their hands touched often and
lingered caressingly together, and when the elder lady smiled, a
responsive smile shone in the girl's raised eyes and played on her
delicately-moulded mouth--a smile that was like sunlight on clear water,
revealing a nature so simple and candid; and deep down, trembling into
light, the crystalline soul which had come without flaw from its Maker's
hands, and in the midst of evil had caught no stain to dim its perfect
purity. It seemed now to Mrs. Churton, as she expounded the sacred
doctrines which meant so much to her, that she had not known so great a
happiness since her daughter, white even to her lips at the thought of
the cruel pain she was about to inflict, yet unable to conceal the truth,
had come to her and said with trembling voice, "Mother, I no longer
believe as you do." For how much grief had the children God had given her
already caused her spirit! Two comely sons, her first and second-born,
had after a time despised her teachings, and had grown up almost to
manhood only to bring shame and poverty on their home; and had then
drifted away beyond her ken to lose themselves in the wandering tribe of
ne'er-do-wells in some distant colony. But her daughter had been left to
her, the clear-minded thoughtful girl who would not be corrupted by the
weakness and vices of a father, nor meet with such temptations as her
brothers had been powerless to resist; and in loving this dear girl with
the whole strength of her nature--this one child that was left to her to
be with her in time and eternity--she had found consolation, and had been
happy, until that dark day had arrived, and she heard the words that
spoke to her heart

    A deeper sorrow
      Than the wail upon the dead.

It is true that she still hoped against hope; that she loved her daughter
with passionate intensity, and clove to her, and was filled with a kind
of terror at the thought of losing her, when Constance spoke, as she
sometimes did, of leaving her home; but this love had no comfort, no
sweetness, no joy in it, and it seemed to her more bitter than hate. It
showed itself like hatred in her looks and words sometimes; for in spite
of all her efforts to bear this great trial with the meekness her Divine
Exemplar had taught, the bitter feeling would overcome her. "Mother, I
know that you hate me!"--that was the reproach that was hardest to bear
from her daughter's lips, the words that stung her to the quick. For
although untrue, she felt that they were deserved; so cold did her anger
and unhappiness make her seem to this rebellious child, so harsh and so
bitter! And sometimes the reproach seemed to have the strange power of
actually turning her love to the hatred she was charged with, and at such
times she could scarcely refrain from crying out in her overmastering
wrath to invoke a curse from the Almighty on her daughter's head, to
reply that it was true, that she did hate her with a great hatred, but
that her hatred was as nothing compared to that of her God, who would
punish her for denying His existence with everlasting fire. Unable to
hide her terrible agitation, she would fly to her room, her heart
bursting with anguish, and casting herself on her knees cry out for
deliverance from such distracting thoughts. After one of these stormy
periods, followed by swift compunction, she would be able again to meet
and speak to her daughter in a frame of mind which by contrast seemed
strangely meek and subdued.

Now, sitting in the garden with Fan, all the old tender motherly
feelings, and the love that had no pain in it, were coming back to her,
and it was like the coming of spring after a long winter; and this girl,
a stranger to her only yesterday, one who was altogether without that
knowledge which alone can make the soul beautiful, seemed already to have
filled the void in her heart.

On the other side it seemed to Fan, as she looked up to meet the grave
tender countenance bent towards her, that it grew every moment dearer to
her sight, It was a comely face still: Miss Churton's beauty was
inherited from her mother--certainly not from her father. The features
were regular, and perhaps that grey hair had once been golden, thought
Fan--and the face now pallid and lined with care full of rich colour.
Imagination lends a powerful aid to affection. She had found someone to
love and was happy once more. For to her love was everything; "all
thoughts, all feelings, all delights" were its ministers and "fed its
sacred flame"; this was the secret motive ever inspiring her, and it was
impossible for her to put any other, higher or lower, in its place. Not
that sweet sickness and rage of the heart which is also called love, and
which so enriches life that we look with a kind of contemptuous pity on
those who have never experienced it, thinking that they have only a dim
incomplete existence, and move through life ghost-like and sorrowful
among their joyous brothers and sisters. Such a feeling had never yet
touched or come near to her young heart; and her ignorance was so great,
and the transition to her present life so recent, that she did not yet
distinguish between the different kinds of that feeling--that which was
wholly gross and animal, seen in foul faces and whispered in her ears by
polluted lips, from which she had fled, trembling and terrified, through
the dark lanes and streets of the City of Dreadful Night; and the same
feeling as it appears, sublimed and beautified, in the refined and the
virtuous. As yet she knew nothing about a beautiful love of that kind;
but she had in the highest degree that purer, better affection which we
prize as our most sacred possession, and even attribute to the immortals,
since our earthly finite minds cannot conceive any more beautiful bond
uniting them. It was this flame in her heart which had kept her like one
alone, apart and unsoiled in the midst of squalor and vice, which had
made her girlhood so unspeakably sad. Her soul had existed in a semi-
starved condition on such affection as her miserable intemperate mother
had bestowed on her, and, for the rest, the sight of love in which she
had no part in some measure ministered to her wants and helped to sustain
her.

One of the memories of her dreary life in Moon Street, which remained
most vividly impressed on her mind, was of a very poor family whose head
was an old man who mended broken-bottomed cane-chairs for a living; the
others being a daughter, a middle-aged woman whose husband had forsaken
her, and her three children. The eldest child was a stolid-looking round-
faced girl about thirteen years old, who had the care of the little ones
while her mother was away at work in a laundry. This family lodged in a
house adjoining the one in which Fan lived, and for several weeks after
they came there she used to shrink away in fear from the old grandfather
whenever she saw him going out in the morning and returning in the
evening. He was a tall spare old man, sixty-five or seventy years old,
with clothes worn almost to threads, a broad-brimmed old felt hat on his
head, and one of his knees stiff, so that he walked like a man with a
wooden leg. But he was erect as a soldier, and always walked swiftly,
even when returning, tired no doubt, from a long day's wandering and
burdened with his bundle of cane and three or four old broken chairs--his
day's harvest. But what a face was that old man's! He had long hair,
almost white, a thin grey stern face with sharp aquiline features, and,
set deep under his feather-like tufty eyebrows, blue eyes that looked
cold and keen as steel. If he had walked in Pall Mall, dressed like a
gentleman, the passer-by would have turned to look after him, and
probably said, "There goes a leader of men--a man of action--a fighter of
England's battles in some distant quarter of the globe." But he was only
an old gatherer of broken chairs, and got sixpence for each chair he
mended, and lived on it; an indomitable old man who lived bravely and
would die bravely, albeit not on any burning plain or in any wild
mountain pass, leading his men, but in a garret, where he would mend his
last broken chair, and look up unflinching in the Destroyer's face.
Whenever he came stumping rapidly past, and turned that swift piercing
eagle glance on Fan, she would shrink aside as if she felt the sting of
sleet or a gust of icy-cold wind on her face. That was at first.
Afterwards she discovered that at a certain hour of the late afternoon
the eldest girl would come down and take up her station in the doorway to
wait his coming. When he appeared her eyes would sparkle and her whole
face kindle with a glad excitement, and hiding herself in the doorway,
she would wait his arrival, then suddenly spring out to startle him with
a joyous cry. The sight of this daily meeting had such a fascination for
Fan that she would always try to be there at the proper time to witness
it; and after it was over she would go about for hours feeling a kind of
reflected happiness in her heart at the love which gladdened these poor
people's lives.

Afterwards, in Dawson Place, Mary's affection for her had made her
inexpressibly happy, in spite of some very serious troubles, and now,
when Mary's last warning words had made any close friendship with Miss
Churton impossible, her heart turned readily to the mother. In this case
there had been no prohibition; Mary's jealousy had not gone so far as
that; Mrs. Churton was the one being in her new home to whom she could
cling without offence, and who could satisfy her soul with the food for
which it hungered.

They had been sitting together over two hours in the garden when Mrs.
Churton at length rose from her seat.

"I hope that I have not tired you--I hope that you have liked your
lesson," she said, taking the girl's hand.

"I have liked it so much," answered Fan. "I like to be with you so much,
because"--she hesitated a little and then finished--"because I think that
you like me."

"I like you very much, Fan," she returned, and stooping, kissed her on
the forehead. "I can say that I love you dearly, although you have only
been with us since yesterday. And if you can love me, Fan, and regard me
as a mother, it will be a great comfort to me and a great help to both of
us in our lessons."

Fan caressed the hand which still retained hers, but at the same time she
cast down her eyes, over which a little shade of anxiety had come. She
was thinking, perhaps, that this relationship of mother and daughter
might not be an altogether desirable one.




CHAPTER XVIII


On Sunday Fan accompanied Mr. and Mrs. Churton to morning service, and
thought it strange that her teacher did not go with them. In the evening
the party was differently composed, the master of the house having
absented himself; then just as Mrs. Churton and Fan were starting,
Constance joined them, prayer-book in hand. Mrs. Churton was surprised,
but made no remark. Fan sat between mother and daughter, and Constance,
taking her book, found the places for her; for Mary had failed after all
to teach her how to use it. Mr. Northcott preached the sermon, and it was
a poor performance. He was not gifted with a good delivery, and his voice
was not of that moist mellifluous description, as of an organ fattened on
cream, which is more than half the battle to the young cleric, certainly
more than passion and eloquence, and of the pulpit pulpity. There was a
restless spirit in Mr. Northcott; he took a somewhat painful interest in
questions of the day, and in preaching was prone to leave his text, to
cast it away as it were, and, taking up modern weapons, fight against
modern sins, modern unbelief.

    His piping took a troubled sound,
    Of storms that rage outside our happy ground;
      He could not wait their passing.

But one who was over him could, and the piping was not pleasing to him,
and scarcely intelligible to the drowsy villagers; and when in obedience
to his vicar's wish he went back to preach again of the Jews and
Jehovah's dealings with them, his sermons were no better and no worse
than those of other curates in other village pulpits. It was a sermon of
this kind that Constance heard. If some old Eyethorner, dead these fifty
years, had risen from his mouldy grave in the adjoining churchyard, and
had come in and listened, he would not have known that a great change had
come, that the bright sea of faith that once girdled the earth had
withdrawn.

    Down the vast edges drear
    And naked shingles of the world.

He took his text from the Old Testament, and spoke of the captivity of
the Israelites in Egypt. It was a dreary discourse, and through it all
Miss Churton sat leaning back with eyes half closed, but whether
listening to the preacher or attending to her own thoughts, there was
nothing in her face to show.

When they came out into the pleasant evening air Mrs. Churton lingered a
little, as was her custom, to exchange a few words with some of her
friends, while Constance and Fan went slowly on for a short distance, and
finally moved aside from the path on to the green turf. Here presently
the curate joined them.

"I am glad you came, Miss Churton," he spoke, pressing her hand. And
after an interval of silence he added, "I hope I have not made you hate
me for inflicting such a horribly dull discourse on you."

"You should be the last person to say that," she returned. "You might
easily have made your sermon interesting--to _me_ I mean; but I
should not have thought better of you if you had done so."

"Thanks for that. I am sometimes troubled with the thought that I made a
mistake in going into the Church, and the doubt troubled me this evening
when I was in the pulpit--more than it has ever done before."

She made no reply to this speech until Fan moved a few feet away to read
a half-obliterated inscription she had been vainly studying for a minute
or two. Then she said, looking at him:

"I cannot imagine, Mr. Northcott, why you should select me to say this
to."

"Can you not? And yet I have a fancy that it would not be so very hard
for you to find a reason. I have been accustomed to mix with people who
read and think and write, and to discuss things freely with them, and I
cannot forget for a single hour of my waking life that the old order has
changed, and that we are drifting I know not whither. I do not wish to
ignore this in the pulpit, and yet to avoid offending I am compelled to
do so--to withdraw myself from the vexed present and look only at ancient
things through ancient eyes. I know that you can understand and enter
into that feeling, Miss Churton--you alone, perhaps, of all who came to
church this evening; is it too much to look for a little sympathy from
you in such a case?"

She had listened with eyes cast down, slowly swinging the end of her
sunshade over the green grass blades.

"I do sympathise with you, Mr. Northcott," she returned, "but at the same
time I scarcely think you ought to expect it, unless it be out of
gratitude for your kindness to me."

"Gratitude! It hurts me to hear that word. I am glad, however, that you
sympathise, but why ought I not to expect it? Will you tell me?"

"Yes, if it is necessary. I cannot pretend to respect your motives for
ignoring questions you consider so important, and which occupy your
thoughts so much. If your heart is really with the thinkers, and your
desire to be in the middle of the fight, why do you rest here in the
shade out of it all, explaining old parables to a set of sleepy villagers
who do not know that there is a battle, and have never heard of
Evolution?"

He listened with a flush on his cheeks, and there was trouble mingled
with the admiration his eyes expressed; but when she finished speaking he
dropped them again. Before he could frame a reply Mrs. Churton joined
them, whereupon he shook hands and left them, only remarking to Constance
in a low voice, "I shall answer you when we meet again--we do things
quietly in Eyethorne."

On their way home Mrs. Churton made a few weak attempts to draw her
daughter into conversation, and was evidently curious to know what she
had been talking about so confidentially with the curate; but her efforts
met with little success and were soon given up.

Mr. Churton met them on their arrival at the house. "What, Constance, you
too! Well, well, wonders will never cease," he cried, smiling and holding
up his hands with a great affectation of surprise.

"Mr. Churton!" exclaimed his wife, rebuke in her look and tones. Then she
added, "It would have been better if you had also gone with us."

"My dear, I fully intended going. But there it is, man proposes and--
ahem--I stayed talking with a friend until it was past the time. Most
unfortunate!" and finishing with a little inconsequent chuckle, he opened
the door for them to enter.

He was extremely lively and talkative, and Mrs. Churton had some
difficulty in keeping him within the bounds of strict Sunday-evening
propriety. At supper he became unmanageable.

"What was the text this evening, Constance?" he suddenly asked _a
propos_ of nothing, and still inclined to make a little joke out of
her going to church.

"I don't remember--I think it was from one of the prophets," she returned
coldly.

"That's interesting to know," he remarked, "but a little vague--just a
little vague. Perhaps Miss Affleck remembers better; she is no doubt a
more regular church-goer," and with a chuckle he looked at her.

Fan was distressed at being asked, but Mrs. Churton came almost instantly
to her relief. "It is rather unfair to ask her, Nathaniel," she said,
with considerable severity in her voice. "The text was from Exodus--the
tenth and eleventh verses of the sixteenth chapter."

"Thanks--thanks, my dear. These tenths and elevenths and sixteenths are
somewhat confusing to one's memory, but you always remember them. Yet, if
my memory does not play me false, that is a text which most young ladies
would remember. It refers, I think, to the Israelitish ladies making off
with the jewellery--always a most fascinating subject."

"It does not, Nathaniel," she said sharply. "And I wish you would reflect
that it is not quite in good taste to discuss sacred subjects in this
light tone before--a stranger."

"My dear, you know very well that I am the last person to speak lightly
on such subjects."

"I hope so. Let us say no more about it."

"Very well, my dear; I'm quite willing to drop the subject. But, my dear,
now that it occurs to me, why should I drop it? Why should you monopolise
every subject connected with--with--ahem--our religious observances? It
strikes me that you are a little unreasonable."

His wife ignored this attack, and turning to Fan, remarked that the
evening was so warm and lovely they might spend half an hour in the
garden after supper.

"Yes, that will be charming," said Mr. Churton. "We'll all go--Constance
too," he added, with a little vindictive cackle of laughter. "Don't be
alarmed, my dear, I sha'n't smoke--pipes and religion strictly
prohibited."

"Mr. Churton!" said his wife.

"Yes, my dear."

Constance rose from her seat.

"Will you come with us, Constance?" said her mother.

"Not this evening, mother. I wish to read a little in my room." After
bidding them good-night, she left the room.

"Wise girl--strong-minded girl, knows her own mind," muttered Mr.
Churton, shaking his head, conscious, poor man, that he had anything but
a strong mind, and that he didn't know it.

His wife darted an angry look at him, but said nothing.

"My dear," he resumed. "On second thoughts I must ask to be excused. I
shall also retire to my room to read a little."

"Very well," she answered, evidently relieved.

"I don't quite agree with you, my dear. I don't think it is very well.
There's an old saying that you can choke a dog with pudding, and I fancy
we have too much religion in this house," and here becoming excited, he
struck the table with his fist.

"Mr. Churton, I cannot listen to such talk!" said his wife, rising from
her seat.

Fan also rose, a little startled at this domestic jangling, but not
alarmed, for it was by no means of so formidable a character as that to
which she had been accustomed in the old days.

"I will join you presently in the garden, Fan," said Mrs. Churton, and
then, left alone with her husband, she proceeded to use stronger
measures; but the little man was in plain rebellion now, and from the
garden Fan could hear him banging the furniture about, and his voice
raised to a shrieky falsetto, making use of unparliamentary language.




CHAPTER XIX


The Monday morning, to which Fan had been looking forward with
considerable apprehension, brought no new and frightful experience: she
was not caught up and instantly plunged fathoms down beyond her depth
into that great cold ocean of knowledge; on the contrary, Miss Churton
merely took her for a not unpleasant ramble along the margin--that old
familiar margin where she had been accustomed to stray and dabble and
paddle in the safe shallows. Miss Churton was only making herself
acquainted with her pupil's mind, finding out what roots of knowledge
already existed there on which to graft new branches; and we know that
the time Fan had spent in the Board School had not been wasted. Miss
Churton was not shocked nor disappointed as her mother had been: the girl
had made some progress, and what she had learnt had not been wholly
forgotten.

If this easy going over old ground was a relief to Fan, she experienced
another and even a greater relief in her teacher's manner towards her.
She was gentle, patient, unruffled, explaining things so clearly, so
forcibly, so fully, as they had never been explained before, so that
learning became almost a delight; but with it all there was not the
slightest approach to that strange tenderness in speech and manner which
Fan had expected and had greatly feared. Feared, because she felt now
that she could not have resisted it; and how strange it seemed that her
finest quality, her best virtue, had become in this instance her greatest
enemy, and had to be fought against, just as some fight against the evil
that is in them.

But Miss Churton never changed. That first morning when she had, so to
speak, looked over her pupil's mind, seeking to discover her natural
aptitudes, was a type of all the succeeding days when they were together
at their studies. The girl's fears were quickly allayed; while Mrs.
Churton more slowly and little by little got over her unjust suspicions.
And the result was that with the exception of little petulant or
passionate outbreaks on the part of Mr. Churton, mere tempests in a tea-
cup, a novel and very welcome peace reigned at Wood End House. Between
mother and daughter there was only one quarrel more--the last battle
fought at the end of a long war. For a few days after that evening when
Constance had accompanied her to church, the poor woman almost succeeded
in persuading herself that a long-desired change was coming, that the
quiet curate, who had all learning, ancient and modern, at his finger-
ends, had succeeded at last in touching her daughter's hard heart, and in
at least partially lifting the scales that darkened her eyes. For he was
always seeking her out, conversing with her, and it was evident to her
mind that he had set himself to bring back that wanderer to the fold. But
the very next Sunday brought a great disillusion. As usual her daughter
did not go to church in the morning, but when the bells were calling to
evening service, and she stood with Fan ready to leave the house, she
still lingered, looking very pale, her hands trembling a little with her
agitation, afraid to go out too soon lest Constance should also be
coming. With sinking heart she at last came out, but before walking a
dozen yards she left Fan and went back to the house, and going up to her
daughter's bedroom, tapped at the door.

Constance opened it at once; her hat was on, and she had a book in her
hand.

"Are you not coming to church with us, Constance?" said the mother,
speaking low as if to conceal the fact that her heart was beating fast.

"No mother, I am only going to the garden to read."

Mrs. Churton turned aside, and then stood for some moments in doubt.
There was such a repelling coldness in her daughter's voice, but it was
hard to have all her sweet hopes shattered again!

"Is it because I have expected it this evening, Constance, and have asked
you to go? Then how unkind you are to me! Last Sunday evening you went
unsolicited."

"You are mistaken," returned the other quietly. "I am not and never have
been unkind. All the unkindness and the enmity, open and secret, has been
on your side. That you know, mother. And I did not go unasked last
Sunday. Do you wish to know why I went?"

"Why did you go?"

"Only to please Mr. Northcott, and because he asked me. He knew, I
suppose, as well as I did myself, that it makes no difference, but I
could not do less than go when he wished it, when he is the only person
here who treats me unlike a Christian."

_"Unlike_ a Christian! Constance, what do you mean?"

"I mean that he has treated me kindly, as one human being should treat
another, however much they may differ about speculative matters."

"May God forgive you for your wicked words, Constance."

"Leave me, mother; Fan is waiting, and you will be late at church. I have
not interfered with you in any way about the girl. Teach her what you
like, make much of her, and let her be your daughter. In return I only
ask to be left alone with my own thoughts."

Then Mrs. Churton went down and joined Fan, deeply disappointed, wounded
to the core and surprised as well. For hitherto in all their contests
she, the mother, had been the aggressor, as she could not help confessing
to herself, while Constance had always been singularly placable and had
spoken but little, and that only in self-defence. Now her own gentle and
kind words had been met with a concentrated bitterness of resentment
which seemed altogether new and strange. "What," she asked herself, "was
the cause of it?" Was this mysterious poison of unbelief doing its work
and changing a heart naturally sweet and loving into a home of all dark
thoughts and evil passions? Her words had been blasphemous, and it was
horrible to reflect on the condition of this unhappy lost soul.

But these distressing thoughts did not continue long. Mr. Northcott
happened that evening to say a great deal about kindness and its effects
in his sermon; and Mrs. Churton, while she listened, again and again
recalled those words which her daughter had spoken, and which had seemed
so wild and unjust--"All the unkindness and the enmity, open and secret,
has been on your side." Had she in her inconsiderate zeal given any
reason for such a charge? For if Constance really believed such a thing
it would account for her excessive bitterness. Then she remembered how
Fan had been mysteriously won over to her own side; to herself the girl's
action had seemed mysterious, but doubtless it had not seemed so to
Constance; she had set it down to her mother's secret enmity; and though
that reproach had been undeserved, it was not strange that she had made
it.

In the evening when Miss Churton, who had recovered her placid manner,
said good-night and left the room, her mother rose and followed her out,
and called softly to her.

Constance came slowly down the stairs, looking a little surprised.

"Constance, forgive me if I have been unkind to you," said the mother,
with trembling voice.

"Yes, mother; and forgive me if I said too much this evening--I
_did_ say too much."

"I have already forgiven you," returned her mother; and then for a few
moments they remained standing together without speaking.

"Good-night, mother," said Constance at length, and offering her hand.

Her mother took it, and after a moment's hesitation drew the girl to her
and kissed her, after which they silently separated.

That mutual forgiveness and kiss signified that they were now both
willing to lay aside their vain dissensions, but nothing more. That it
would mark the beginning of a closer union and confidence between them
was not for a moment imagined. Mrs. Churton had been disturbed in her
mind; her conscience accused her of indiscretion, which had probably
given rise to painful suspicions; she could not do less than ask her
enemy's forgiveness. Constance, on her side, was ready to meet any
advance, since she only desired to be left in possession of the somewhat
melancholy peace her solitary life afforded her.

Meanwhile Fan was happily ignorant of the storm her coming to the house
had raised, and that these two ladies, both so dear to her, one loved
openly and the other secretly, had been fighting for her possession, and
that the battle was lost and won, one taking her as a lawful prize, while
the other had retired, defeated, but calmly, without complaint. Her new
life and surroundings--the noiseless uneventful days, each with its
little cares and occupations, and simple natural pleasures, the world of
verdure and melody of birds and wide expanse of sky--seemed strangely in
harmony with her spirit: it soon became familiar as if she had been born
to it; the town life, the streets she had known from infancy, had never
seemed so familiar, so closely joined to her life. And as the days and
weeks and months went by, her London life, when she recalled it, began to
seem immeasurably remote in time, or else unreal, like a dream or a story
heard long ago; and the people she had known were like imaginary people.
Only Mary seemed real and not remote--a link connecting that old and
shadowy past with the vivid living present.

Her mornings, from nine till one o'clock, were spent with her teacher,
and occasionally they went for a walk after dinner; but as a rule they
were not together during the last half of the day. After school hours
Miss Churton would hand over her pupil, not unwillingly, to her mother,
and, if the state of the weather did not prevent, she would go away alone
with her book to Eyethorne woods.

A strangely solitary and unsocial life, it seemed to Fan; and yet she
felt convinced in her mind that her teacher was warm-hearted, a lover of
her fellow-creatures, and glad to be with them; and that she should seem
so lonely and friendless, so apart even in her own home, puzzled her
greatly. A mystery, however, it was destined to remain for a long time;
for no word to enlighten her ever fell from Mrs. Churton's lips, who
seldom even mentioned her daughter's name, and never without a shade
coming over her face, as if the name suggested some painful thought. All
this troubled the girl's mind, but it was a slight trouble; and by-and-
by, when she had got over her first shyness towards strangers, she formed
fresh acquaintances, and found new interests and occupations which filled
her leisure time. Mrs. Churton often took her when going to call on the
few friends she had in the neighbourhood--friends who, for some
unexplained reason, seldom returned her visits. At the vicarage, where
they frequently went, Fan became acquainted with Mr. Long the vicar, a
large, grey-haired, mild-mannered man; and Mrs. Long, a round energetic
woman, with reddish cheeks and keen eyes; and the three Miss Longs, who
were not exactly good-looking nor exactly young. Before very long it was
discovered that she was clever with her needle, and, better still, that
she had learnt the beautiful art of embroidery at South Kensington, and
was fond of practising it. These talents were not permitted to lie folded
up in a napkin. A new altar-cloth was greatly needed, and there were
garments for the children of the very poor, and all sorts of things to be
made; it was arranged that she should spend two afternoons each week at
the vicarage assisting her new friends in their charitable work.

But more to her than these friends were the very poor, whose homes,
sometimes made wretched by want or sickness or intemperance, she visited
in Mrs. Churton's company. The lady of Wood End House was not without
faults, as we have seen; but they were chiefly faults of temper--and her
temper was very sorely tried. She could not forget her lost sons, nor
shut her eyes to her husband's worthlessness. But the passive resistance
her daughter always opposed to her efforts, her dogged adherence to a
resolution never to discuss religious questions or give a reason for her
unbelief, had a powerfully irritating, almost a maddening, effect on her,
and made her at times denunciatory and violent. Her daughter's motive for
keeping her lips closed was a noble one, only Mrs. Churton did not know
what it was. But she was conscious of her own failings, and never ceased
struggling to overcome them; and she was tolerant of faults in others,
except that one fatal fault of infidelity in her daughter, which was too
great, too terrible, to be contemplated with calm. In spite of these
small blemishes she was in every sense a Christian, whose religion was a
tremendous reality, and whose whole life was one unceasing and consistent
endeavour to follow in the footsteps of her Divine Master. To go about
doing good, to minister to the sick and suffering and comfort the
afflicted--that was like the breath of life to her; there was not a
cottage--hardly a room in a cottage--within the parish of Eyethorne where
her kindly face was not as familiar as that of any person outside of its
own little domestic circle. Mrs. Churton soon made the discovery that she
could not give Fan a greater happiness than to take her when making her
visits to the poor; to have the gentle girl she had learnt to love and
look on almost as a daughter with her was such a comfort and pleasure,
that she never failed to take her when it was practicable. At first Fan
was naturally stared at, a little rudely at times, and addressed in that
profoundly respectful manner the poor sometimes use to uninvited visitors
of a class higher than themselves, in which the words border on servility
while the tone suggests resentment. How inappropriate and even unnatural
this seemed to her! For these were her own people--the very poor, and all
the privations and sufferings peculiar to their condition were known to
her, and she had not outgrown her sympathy with them. Only she could not
tell them that, and it would have been a great mistake if she had done
so. For no one loves a deserter--a renegade; and a beggar-girl who
blossoms into a lady is to those who are beggars still a renegade of the
worst description. But the keen interest she manifested in her shy way in
their little domestic troubles and concerns, and above all her fondness
for little children, smoothed the way, and before long made her visits
welcome. She would kneel and take the staring youngster by its dirty
hand--so perfectly unconscious of its dirtiness, which seemed very
wonderful in one so dainty-looking--and start a little independent
child's gossip with it, away from Mrs. Churton and the elders of the
cottage. And she would win the little bucolic heart, and kiss its lips,
sweet and fragrant to her in spite of the dirt surrounding them; and by-
and-by the mother's sharp expression would soften when she met the tender
grey eyes; and thereafter there would be a new happiness when Fan
appeared, and if Mrs. Churton came without her, there would be sullen
looks from the little one, and inquiries from its mother after "your
beautiful young lady from London."

All this was inexpressibly grateful to Mrs. Churton, all the more
grateful when she noticed that these visits they made together to the
very poor seemed to have the effect of drawing the girl more and more to
her. To her mind, all this signified that her religious teachings were
sinking into the girl's heart, that her own lofty ideal was becoming
increasingly beautiful to that young mind.

But she was making a great mistake--one which is frequently made by those
who do not know how easily some Christian virtues and qualities are
simulated by the unregenerate. All the doctrinal religion she had
imparted to Fan remained on the surface, and had not, and, owing to some
defect in her or for some other cause, perhaps could not sink down to
become rooted in her heart. After Mrs. Churton had, as she imagined,
utterly and for ever smashed and pulverised all Fan's preconceived and
wildly erroneous ideas about right and wrong, the girl's mind for some
time had been in a state of chaos with regard to such matters. But
gradually, by means of a kind of spiritual chemistry, the original
elements of her peculiar system came together, and crystallised again in
the old form. Her mental attitude was not like that of the downright and
doggedly-conservative Jan Coggan, who scorned to turn his back on "his
own old ancient doctrines merely for the sake of getting to heaven."
There was nothing stubborn or downright in her disposition, and she was
hardly conscious of the change going on in her--the reversion to her own
past. She assented readily to everything she was told by so good a woman
as Mrs. Churton, and in a way she believed it all, and read her Bible and
several pious books besides, and got the whole catechism by heart. It was
all in her memory--many beautiful things, with others too dreadful to
think about; but it could not make her life any different, or supplant
her old simple beliefs, and she could never grasp the idea that a living
faith in all these things was absolutely essential, or that they were
really more than ornamental. Her lively sympathy for those of her own
class was the only reason for the pleasure she took in going among the
poor, and it also explained her natural unconstrained manner towards
them, which so quickly won their hearts. During these visits she often
recalled her own sad condition in that distant time when she lived in
Moon Street; thinking that it would have made a great difference if some
gracious lady had come to her there, with help in her hands and words of
comfort on her lips. It was this memory, this thought, which filled her
with love and reverence for her companion; it was gratitude for
friendship to the poor, but nothing loftier.

This was a quiet and uneventful period in Fan's life; a time of growth,
mental and physical, and of improvement; but as we have seen, the new
conditions she found herself in had not so far wrought any change in her
character. Those who knew her at Eyethorne, both gentle and simple, would
have been surprised to hear that she was not a lady by birth; in her soul
she was still the girl who had begged for pence in the Edgware Road, who
had run crying through the dark streets after the cab that conveyed her
drunken and fatally-injured mother to St. Mary's Hospital. Let them
disbelieve who know not Fan, who have never known one like her.




CHAPTER XX


One afternoon in early August Fan accompanied Mrs. Churton on a visit to
some cottages on the further side of Eyethorne village; she went gladly,
for they were going to see Mrs. Cawood, a young married woman with three
children, and one of them, the eldest, a sharp little fellow, was her
special favourite. Mrs. Cawood was a good-tempered industrious little
woman; but her husband--Cawood the carpenter--was a thorn in Mrs.
Churton's tender side. Not that he was a black sheep in the Eyethorne
fold; on the contrary, he was known to be temperate, a good husband and
father, and a clever industrious mechanic. But he was never seen at
church; on Sundays he went fishing, being devoted to the gentle craft;
and it was wrong, more so in him because of his good name than in many
another. Mrs. Churton was anxious to point this out to him, but
unfortunately could not see him; he was always out of the way when she
called, no matter when the call was timed. "I wish you could get hold of
Cawood," had been said to her many times by the parson and his wife; but
there was no getting hold of him. The curate had also tried and failed.
Once he had gone to him when he was engaged on some work, but the
carpenter had reminded him very pleasantly that there is a time for
everything, that carpentering and theology mixed badly together.

But all things come to those who wait, and on this August afternoon the
slippery carpenter was fairly caught, like one of his own silly fish; but
whether she succeeded in landing her prize or not remains to be told.
Apparently he did not suspect that there were strangers in the cottage--
some prearranged signal had failed to work, or someone had blundered;
anyhow he walked unconcernedly into the room, and seemed greatly
surprised to find it occupied by two lady visitors. Mrs. Churton sat with
a book in her hand, gently explaining some difficult point to his wife;
while at some distance Fan was carrying on a whispered conversation with
her little friend Billy. The child sprung up with such sudden violence
that he almost capsized her low chair, and rushing to his father embraced
his legs. With a glance at his wife, expressing mild reproach and a
resolution to make the best of it, he saluted his visitors, then
deposited his bag of tools on the floor.

Cawood was a Londoner, who had come down to do some work on a large house
in the neighbourhood, and there "met his fate" in the person of a pretty
Eyethorne girl, whom he straightway married; then, finding that there was
room for him, and good fishing to be had, he elected to stay in his
wife's village among her own people. He was a well-set-up man of about
thirty-five, with that quiet, self-contained, thoughtful look in his
countenance which is not infrequently seen in the London artisan--a face
expressing firmness and intelligence, with a mixture of _bonhomie_,
which made it a pleasant study.

"I am glad you have come in," said the visitor. "I have been wishing to
see you for a long time, but have not succeeded in finding you at home."

"Thank you, ma'am; it's very kind of you to come and see my wife. She
often speaks of your visits. Also of the young lady's"; and here he
looked at Fan with a pleasant smile.

"Yes; your wife is very good. I knew her before you did, Mr. Cawood; I
have held her in my arms when she was a baby, and have known her well up
till now when she is having babies of her own."

"And very good things to have, ma'am--in moderation," he remarked, with a
twinkle in his eye.

"And since she makes you so good a wife, don't you think you ought to
comply with her wishes in some things?"

"Why, yes, ma'am, certainly I ought; and what's more, I do. We get on
amazingly well together, considering that we are man and wife," and with
a slight laugh he sat down.

Mrs. Churton winced a little, thinking for the moment that he had made a
covert allusion to the state of her own domestic relations; but after a
glance at his open genial face, she dismissed the suspicion and returned
to the charge.

"I know you are happy together, and it speaks well for both of you. But
we do not see you at church, Mr. Cawood. Your wife has often promised me
to beg you to go with her; if she has done so you have surely not
complied in this case."

"No, ma'am, no, not in that; but I think she understands how to look at
it; and if she asks me to go with her, she knows that she is asking for
something she doesn't expect to get."

"But why? I want to know why you do not go to church. There are many of
us who try to live good lives, but we are told, and we know, that this is
not enough; that we cannot save ourselves, however hard we may try, but
must go to Him who gave Himself to save us, and who bade us assemble
together to worship Him."

"Well, ma'am, if anyone feels like that, I think he is right to go to
church. I do not object to my wife going; if it is a pleasure and comfort
to her I am glad of it. I only say, let us all have the same liberty, and
go or not just as we please."

"We all have it, Mr. Cawood. But if you believe that there is One who
made us, and is mindful of us, you must know that it is a good thing to
obey His written word, and serve Him in the way He has told us."

"I'm sorry I can't see my way to do as you wish. My wife has given me all
your messages, and the papers and tracts you've been so good as to leave
for me. But I haven't read them. I can't, because you see my mind's made
up about such things, and I don't see the advantage of unmaking it
again."

Here was a stubborn man to deal with! His wife heard him quietly, as if
it were all familiar to her. Fan, on the other hand, listened with an
expression of intense interest. For this man answered not like the
others. He seemed to know his own mind, and did not instantly acquiesce
in what was said, and unhesitatingly make any promise that was asked of
him. But how had he been able to make up his mind? and what to think and
believe? That was what she wanted to know, and was waiting to hear. Mrs.
Churton, glancing round on her small audience, encountered the girl's
eager eyes fixed on her face; and she reflected that even if her words
should avail nothing so far as Cawood was concerned, their effect would
not be lost on others whose hearts were more open to instruction. She
addressed herself to her task once more, and her words were meant for Fan
and for the carpenter's wife as well as for the carpenter.

"I think," she began, "that I can convince you that you are wrong. There
cannot be two rights about any question; and if what you think is right--
that it is useless to attend church and trouble yourself in any way about
your eternal interests--then all the rest of us must be in the wrong. I
suppose you do not deny the truth of Christianity?"

"Since you put it in that way, I do not."

"That makes it all the simpler for me. I know you to be an honest,
temperate man, diligent in your work, and that you do all in your power
to make your home happy. Perhaps you imagine that this is enough. It
would not be strange if you did, because it is precisely the mistake we
are all most liable to fall into. What more is wanted of us? we say; we
are not bad, like so many others; and so we are glad to put the whole
question from us, and go on in our own easy way. Everything is smooth on
the surface, and this pleasant appearance of things lulls us into
security. But it is all a delusion, a false security, as we too often
discover only when death is near. Only then we begin to see how we have
neglected our opportunities, and despised the means of grace, and lived
at enmity with God. For we have His word, which tells us that we are born
in sin, and do nothing pleasing in His sight unless we obey Him. There is
no escape from this: either He is our guide in this our pilgrimage or He
is not. And if He is our guide, then it behoves us to reflect seriously
on these things--to search the Scriptures, to worship in public, and
humbly seek instruction from our appointed teachers."

This was only a small portion of what she said. Mrs. Churton was
experienced in talk of this kind, and once fairly started she could run
on indefinitely, like a horse cantering or a lark singing, with no
perceptible effort and without fatigue.

"I think, ma'am, you could not have put it plainer," said the carpenter,
who had sat through it all, with eyes cast down, in an attitude of
respectful attention. "But if I can't go with you in this matter, then
probably it wouldn't interest you to know what I hold and where I go?"

Now that was precisely what Fan wanted to know; again she looked
anxiously at Mrs. Churton, and it was a great relief when that lady
replied:

"It will interest me very much to hear you state your views, Mr. Cawood."

"Thank you, ma'am. I must tell you that I've attended more churches, and
heard more good sermons, and read more books about different things, and
heard more good lectures from those who spoke both for and against
religion, than most working-men. In London it was all to be had for
nothing; and being of an inquiring turn of mind, and thinking that
something would come of it all, I used my opportunities. And what was the
result? Why nothing at all--nothing came of it. The conclusion I arrived
at was, that if I could live for a thousand years it would be just the
same--nothing would come of it; so I just made up my mind to throw the
whole thing up. I don't want you to think that I ever turned against
religion. I never did that; nor did I ever set up against those who say
that the Bible is only a mixture of history and fable. I did something
quite different, and I can't agree with you when you say that we must be
either for or against. For here am I, neither for one thing nor the
other. On one side are those who have the Bible in their hands, and tell
us that it is an inspired book--God's word; on the other side are those
who maintain that it is nothing of the sort; and when we ask what kind of
men they are, and what kind of lives do they lead, we find that in both
camps there are as good men as have ever lived, and along with these
others bad and indifferent. And when we ask where the intelligence is,
the answer is the same; it is on this side and on that. Now my place is
with neither side. I stand, so to speak, between the two camps, at an
equal distance from both. Perhaps there is reason and truth on this side
and on that; but the question is too great for me to settle, when the
wisest men can't agree about it. I have heard what they had to say to me,
and finding that I did nothing but see-saw from one side to the other,
and that I could never get to the heart of the thing, I thought it best
to give it all up, and give my mind to something else."

Mrs. Churton remained silent for some time, her eyes cast down. She was
thinking of her daughter, wondering if her state of mind resembled that
of this man. But no; that careless temper in the presence of great
questions and great mysteries would be impossible to one of her restless
intellect. She had chosen her side, and although she refused to speak she
doubtless cherished an active animosity against religion.

"It grieves me to find you in this negative state," she returned, "and I
can only hope and pray that you will not always continue in it. You do
not deny the truth of Christianity, you say; but tell me, putting aside
all that men say for and against our holy faith, and the arguments that
have pulled you this way and that, is there not something in your own
soul that tells you that you are not here by chance, that there is an
Unseen Power that gave us life, and that it is good for us, even here in
this short existence, if we do that which is pleasing to Him?"

"Yes, I feel that. It is the only guide I have, and I try my best to
follow it. But whether the Unseen Power sees us and reads all our
thoughts as Christians think, or only set things going, so to speak, is
more than I am able to say. I think we are free to do good or evil; and
if there is a future life--and I hope there is--I don't think that
anyone will be made miserable in it because he didn't know things better
than he could know them. That's the whole of my religion, Mrs. Churton,
and I don't think it a bad one, on the whole--for myself I mean; for I
don't go about preaching it, and I don't ask others to think as I do."

With a sigh she resigned the contest; and after a few more words bade him
good-bye, and went out with the carpenter's wife into the garden.

Fan remained standing where she had risen, some colour in her cheeks, a
smile of contentment playing about her lips.

"Good-bye, Mr. Cawood," she said; and after a moment's hesitation held
out her hand to him.

He looked a little surprised. "My hand is not over-clean, miss, as you
see," opening it with a comical look of regret on his face. "I've just
come in from work and haven't washed yet."

"Oh, it's clean enough," she said with a slight laugh, putting her small
white hand into his dusty palm.

On her way home Mrs. Churton talked a good deal to her companion. She
went over her discussion with the carpenter, repeating her own arguments
with much amplification; then passing to his, she pointed out their
weakness, and explained how that neutral state of mind is unworthy of a
rational being, and dangerous as well, since death might come
unexpectedly and give no time for repentance.

Fan listened, readily assenting to everything; but in her heart she felt
like a bird newly escaped from captivity. That restful state she had been
hearing about, in which there was no perpetual distrust of self,
vigilance, heart-searching, wrestling in prayer, looked infinitely
attractive, and suited her disposition and humble intellect.




CHAPTER XXI


A fortnight later, one hot afternoon, Fan was reading beside the open
window of the dining-room. After dinner Mrs. Churton had given her _The
Pleasures of Hope_, in a slim old octavo volume, to read, and for the
last hour she had been poring over it. Greatly did she admire it, it was
so fine, so grand; but all that thunderous roll of rhetoric--the
whiskered Pandoors and the fierce Hussars, and Freedom's shriek when
Kosciusko fell, and flights of bickering comets through illimitable
space--a kind of celestial fireworks on a stupendous scale--and all the
realms of ether wrapped in flames--all this had produced a slight
headache, a confusion or giddiness, like that which is experienced by a
person looking down over a precipice, or when carried too high in a
swing.

Constance came down from her room with her hat on and a book in her hand.

"Are you going for a walk, Constance?" asked her mother, who was also
sitting by the open window.

"Yes, only to the woods, where I can sit and read in the shade."

Mrs. Churton glanced suspiciously at the book in her daughter's hand--a
thick volume bound in dark-green cloth. There was nothing in its
appearance to alarm anyone, but she did not like these thick green-bound
books that were never by any chance found lying about for one to see what
was in them. However, she only answered:

"Then I wish you would persuade Fan to go with you. She is looking pale,
it strikes me."

"I shall be glad if Fan will go," she answered, a slight accent of
surprise in her tone.

Fan ran up to get her hat and sunshade, and when she returned to them her
pallor and headache had well-nigh vanished at the prospect of an
afternoon spent in the shady woodland paradise. Mrs. Churton, with a
prayer in her heart, watched them going away together--two lovely girls;
it made her anxious when her eyes rested on the portly green volume her
daughter carried, but it struck her as a good augury when she noticed
that the younger girl in her white dress had _The Pleasures of Hope_
in her hand.

For now a new thought, a hope that was very beautiful, had come into Mrs.
Churton's heart. All her life long she had had the delusion that
"spiritual pride" was her besetting sin; and against this imaginary enemy
she was perpetually fighting. And yet if some shining being had come down
to tell her that her prayers for others had been heard, that all the
worthless and vicious people she wished to carry to heaven with her would
be saved, and all of them, even the meanest, set above her in that place
where the first is last and the last first, joy at such tidings would
have slain her. She had as little spiritual pride as a ladybird or an
ant. Now the new thought had come into her mind that her daughter would
be saved; not in her way, nor by her means, but in a way that would at
the same time be a rebuke to her spiritual pride, her impatience and
bitterness of spirit, and zeal not according to knowledge. Not she, but
this young girl, herself so ignorant of spiritual things a short time
ago, would be the chosen instrument. She remembered how the girl had
taken to her from the first, but had not taken to her daughter; how in
spite of this distance between them, and of her infidelity, her daughter
had continued to love the girl--to Mrs. Churton it was plain that she
loved her--and to hunger for her love in return. It was all providential
and ordered by One

    Who moves in a mysterious way
    His wonders to perform.

"Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings hast Thou ordained strength,"
she murmured, praising God who had put this gladness in her heart, the
Christian's and the mother's love filling her eyes with tears. Up till
now it had been her secret aim to keep the girls as much apart as
possible out of school hours; now it seemed best to let them come
together; and on this August afternoon, as we have seen, she went so far
as to encourage a greater intimacy between them. Poor woman!

After they had entered the wood Fan began straying at short intervals
from the path to gather flowers and grasses, or to look more closely at a
butterfly at rest and sunning its open brightly-patterned wings.

"I think I shall sit down on the grass here to read," said Constance at
length. "You can ramble about and gather flowers if you like, and you'll
know where to find me."

They had now reached a spot to which Constance was in the habit of
resorting almost daily, where the ground was free from underwood, and
thickly carpeted with grass not yet wholly dry, and where an oak-tree
shaded a wide space with its low horizontal branches.

Fan thanked her, and dropping her book rambled off by herself, happy in
her flower-hunting, and forgetting all about the magnificent things she
had been reading. Two or three times she returned to the spot where
Constance sat reading, with her hands full of flowers and grasses, and
after depositing them on the turf went away to gather more. Finally she
sat down on the grass, took off her hat and gloves, and set to work
arranging her spoils. This took her a long time, and after making them up
two or three times in various ways she still seemed dissatisfied. At
length she tried a fresh plan, and discarding all the red, yellow, and
purple flowers, she made a loose bunch of the blue and white only, using
only those fine open grass-spears with hair-like stems and minute flowers
that look like mist on the grass. The effect this time was very pretty,
and when she had finished her work she sat for some time admiring it, her
head a little on one side and holding the bunch well away from her. She
did not know how beautiful she herself looked at that moment, how the
blue and white flowers and misty grasses had lent, as it were, a new
grace to her form and countenance--a flower-like expression that was
sweet to see. Looking up all at once she encountered her companion's eyes
fixed earnestly on her face. It was so unexpected that it confused her a
little, and she reddened and dropped her eyes.

"Forgive me, Fan, for watching your face," said Constance. "When I looked
at you I wondered whether it would not be best to tell you what I was
thinking of--something about you."

"About me? Will you tell me, Miss Churton?" returned Fan, a half-
suppressed eagerness in her voice, as if this approach to confidence had
fluttered her heart with pleasure.

"But if I tell you what was in my mind, Fan, I should have to finish by
asking you a question; and perhaps you would not like to be asked."

"I think I can answer any question, Miss Churton, unless it is about--how
we lived at home before Miss Starbrow took me to live with her. She
wishes me not to speak of that, but to forget it."

Constance listened with softening eyes, wondering what that sorrowful
past had been, which had left no trace on the sweet young face.

"I know that, Fan," she replied, "and should be very sorry to question
you about such matters. It saddens me to think that your childhood was
unhappy, and if I could help you to forget that period of your life I
would gladly do so. The question I should have to ask would be about
something recent. Can you not guess what it is?"

"No, Miss Churton--at least I don't think I can. Will you not tell me?"

"You know that my life here is not a happy one."

"Is it not? I am so sorry."

"When I first saw you I imagined that it would be different, that your
coming would make me much better off. I had been wondering so much what
you were like, knowing that we should be so much together. When I at
length saw you it was with a shock of pleasure, for I saw more than I had
dared to hope. A first impression is almost infallible, I think, and to
this day I have never for a single moment doubted that the impression I
received was a right one. But I was greatly mistaken when I imagined that
in your friendship I should find compensation for the coldness of others;
for very soon you put a distance between us, as you know, and it has
lasted until now. That is what was passing through my mind a little while
ago when I watched your face; and now, Fan, can you tell me why you took
a dislike to me?"

"Oh, Miss Churton, I have never disliked you! I like you very, very much
--I cannot say how much!" But even while this assurance sprang
spontaneously from her lips, she remembered Mary's warning words, and her
heart was secretly troubled, for that old danger which she had ceased to
fear had now unexpectedly returned.

"Do you really like me so much, Fan?" said Constance, taking the girl's
hand and holding it against her cheek. "I have thought as much sometimes
--I have almost been sure of it. But you fear me for some reason; you are
shy and reticent when with me, and out of lesson-time you avoid my
company. You imagine that it would be wrong to love me, or that if you
cannot help liking me you must hide the feeling in your heart."

It startled Fan to find that her companion was so well able to read her
thoughts, but she assented unhesitatingly to what the other had said.
This approach to confidence began to seem strangely sweet to her, all the
sweeter perhaps because so perilous; and that contact of her hand with
the other's soft warm cheek gave her an exquisite pleasure.

"And will you not tell me why you fear me?" asked Constance again.

"I should like you to know so much ... but perhaps it would not be right
for me to say it ... I wish I knew--I wish I knew."

"I know, Fan--I am perfectly sure that I know, and will save you the
trouble and pain of telling it. Shall I tell you? and then perhaps I
shall be able to convince you that you have no reason to be afraid of
me."

"I wish you would," eagerly returned Fan.

"My mother has prejudiced you against me, Fan. She imagines that if we
were intimate and friendly together my influence would be injurious, that
it would destroy the effect of the religious instruction she gives."

"I do not understand you," said Fan, looking unmistakably puzzled.

"No? And yet I thought it so plain. My mother has told you that I am not
religious--in _her_ way, that is--that I am not a Christian. She
does not know really; I do not go about telling people what I believe or
disbelieve, and prefer to say nothing about religion for fear of hurting
any person's feelings. But that is not her way, and through what she has
said at the vicarage, and elsewhere about me I am now looked upon as one
to be avoided. I see you are reading _The Pleasures of Hope_. Let me
have it. Do you see this passage with pencil-marks against it, and all
the words underscored?

   "Ah me! the laurel wreath that Murder rears,
    Blood-nursed, and watered by the widow's tears,
    Seems not so foul, so tainted, and so dread,
    As waves the nightshade round the sceptic head.

"These words were marked for my benefit--this is what she thinks of me
--her own daughter--because I cannot agree with her in everything she
believes!" And here she flung the volume disdainfully on the grass. "When
I agreed to be your teacher I never imagined that such things would have
been put into your head. Her anxiety about your spiritual welfare made it
seem right in her eyes to do so, I suppose. But I should not have harmed
you, my dear girl, or interfered with your religion in any way; she might
have given me that much credit. When she knew how lonely my life was, and
how much your affection would have been to me, it was unkind of her to
set you also against me from the first."

All this came as a complete surprise on her listener, who now for the
first time began to understand the reason of the estrangement of mother
and daughter. But Constance was allowed to finish her speech without
interruption. She said more than she had meant to say, but her feelings
had carried her away, and when she finished it was with a half-suppressed
sob.

"Dear Miss Churton, I am so sorry you are unhappy," said Fan at length,
taking her hand. "I did not know you were not a Christian, nor why it was
that you and Mrs. Churton were always so cold to each other. But it would
have made no difference if I had known, because--I am not religious."

Constance looked at her.

"What do you mean by that, Fan?" she said. "It is my turn now, it seems,
to say that I do not understand you."

The other hesitated; then she remembered the carpenter's words, and began
a little doubtfully:

"I mean that I do not think that going to church and--reading the Bible,
and praying, and all that, make any difference. I think we can be good
without that--don't you, Miss Churton? I wish I could tell you better--it
seems so hard to say it. But Mrs. Churton never said anything to me about
you--in that way--I mean about your religion."

Constance listened to all this with the greatest surprise. That this very
simple-minded girl, impressible as soft wax as it seemed to her, should
think independently about such a subject as religion, and that she should
hold views so opposed to those which Mrs. Churton had for several months
been diligently instilling into her mind, seemed almost incredible. The
second statement was nearly as surprising, so sure had she been that her
suspicions were well-founded. "Then I have been very unjust to my mother
in this instance," she said, "and am very sorry I spoke so warmly about
older things which should be forgotten." After an interval of silence she
continued, withdrawing her hand from the other, "I can make no further
guess, Fan; and if you have any secret reason for keeping apart from me
you must forgive me for speaking to you and trying to win your
confidence."

Fan was more distressed than ever now, and the tears started to her eyes
as she felt that the distance was once more widening between them, and
that it all depended on herself whether she was to drink from this sweet
cup or set it down again scarcely tasted.

"I must tell you, Miss Churton," she said at length; and then, not
without much hesitation and difficulty, she explained Miss Starbrow's
views with regard to the impossibility of a woman, or of a girl like her,
loving more than one person, or having more than one friend.

Constance gave a laugh, which, however, she quickly checked.

"Dear Fan," she said, "does not your own heart tell you that it is all a
mistake? And if you feel that you do love me, do you not know from your
own experience, whether you hide the feeling or not, that your love for
others, and chiefly for so dear a friend as Miss Starbrow, remains just
as strong as before?"

Fan gladly answered in the affirmative.

"We are all liable to strange errors about different things, and Miss
Starbrow is certainly in error about this. Besides, my dear girl, we
can't always love or not love as we like; the feeling comes to us
spontaneously, like the wind that blows where it listeth. Be sure that we
are not such poor creatures that we cannot love more than one person at a
time. But Miss Starbrow is not singular in her opinion--if it is her
opinion. I have heard men say that although a man's large heart can
harbour many friendships, a woman is incapable of having more than one
friendship at any time. That is a man's opinion, and therefore it is not
strange that it should be a wrong one, since only a woman can know the
things of a woman. How strange that Miss Starbrow should have so mean an
opinion of her own sex!"

Fan then remembered something which she imagined might throw some light
on this dark subject. "I know," she said, "that she always prefers men to
women for friends. I have heard her say that she hates women."

Constance laughed again.

"She does not hate herself--that is impossible; and that she did not hate
you, Fan, is very evident. Don't you think that, intimate as you were
with Miss Starbrow, you did not always quite understand her way of
speaking, that you took her words too literally? You know now that she
did not really mean it when she spoke of hating women, and perhaps she
did not really mean what she said about your being unable to love more
than one person."

"Yes; I think you are right. I know that she does not always mean what
she says. I am sure you are right."

"And will you be my friend then, and love me a little?"

"You know that I love you dearly, and it makes me so happy to think that
we are friends. But tell me, dear Miss Churton--"

"If we are really friends now you must call me Constance."

"Oh, I shall like that best. Dear Constance, do you think when I write to
Mary that I must tell her all we have talked about?"

"No," said the other, after a moment's reflection. "It is not necessary,
and would not be fair to me, as we have been speaking about her. But you
must be just as open about everything, as I suppose it is your nature to
be, and conceal nothing about your feelings towards others. I do not
think for a moment that you will offend her by being good friends with
your teacher."

That assurance and advice removed the last shadow of anxiety from Fan's
mind, and after some more conversation they returned home, both feeling
very much happier than when they had started for this eventful walk.




CHAPTER XXII


Mrs. Churton was quickly made aware of the now in one sense improved
relations between the girls when they returned from their walk; and with
that new hope in her heart she was not displeased to see it, although its
suddenness startled her a little. She did not know until the following
morning how great the change was. She was an early riser, and hearing
voices and laughter in the garden while dressing, she looked out of the
window, and saw the girls walking in the path, Constance with an open
book in her hand, while Fan at her side had an arm affectionately thrown
over her teacher's shoulder. It was a pretty sight, but it troubled her;
she had not expected so close a friendship as that, which had made them
rise so long before their usual time for the pleasure of being together.
If, after all, a vain hope had deluded her, then there might be an
exceedingly sad end to her experiment. With deep anxiety and returning
jealousy she reflected that the simple-minded affectionate girl might
prove as wax in the hands of her clever godless daughter. But it was too
soon to intervene and try to undo her own work. She would watch and wait,
and hope still that the infinite beauty and preciousness of a childlike
faith would touch the stony heart that nothing had touched, and win back
the wandering feet to the ways of pleasantness.

From her watching nothing much resulted for some days, although she soon
began to suspect that Fan now wore a look of patience, almost of
weariness, whenever she was spoken to on religious subjects, that it
seemed a relief to her when the lesson was finished, and she could go
back to Constance. They were constantly together now, in and out of
doors, and the woods had become their daily haunt. And one day they met
with an adventure. Arriving about three o'clock at their favourite tree,
they saw a young man in a dark blue cycling costume lying on the grass
with his hands clasped behind his head, and gazing up into the leafy
depths above him. At the same moment he saw them, standing and hesitating
which way to turn; and in a moment he sprang to his feet. He was a
handsome young fellow, a little below the medium height, clean shaved,
with black hair and very dark blue eyes, which looked black; his features
were very fine, and his skin, although healthy-looking, colourless.

"I perceive that I am an intruder here," he said with a smile, and with
an admiring glance at Miss Churton's face.

"Oh, no," she returned, with heightened colour. "This wood is free to
all; we can soon find another spot for ourselves."

"But it is evident that you were coming to sit here," he said, still
smiling. "I suppose you have done so on former occasions, so that you
have acquired a kind of prescriptive right to this place. I am putting it
on very low grounds, you see," he added with a slight laugh, and raising
his cap was about to turn away; but just at that moment he glanced at
Fan, who had been standing a little further away, watching his face with
very great interest. He started, looked greatly surprised, then quickly
recovering his easy self-possessed manner, advanced and held out his hand
to her. "How do you do?" he said. "How strange to meet you here! You have
not forgotten me, I hope?"

Fan had taken his hand. "Oh, no, Mr. Chance," she returned, blushing a
little, "I remember you very well."

"I'm very glad you do. But I am ashamed to have to confess that though I
remember your Christian name very well I can't recall your surname. I
only remember that it is an uncommon one."

"My name is Affleck. But you only saw me once, and it is not strange you
should have forgotten it."

It was true that she had only seen him once; for in spite of the brave
words he had spoken to Miss Starbrow after she had rejected his offer of
marriage, he had never returned to her house. But Fan had heard first and
last a great deal about him, and Mary had even told her the story of that
early morning declaration, not without some scornful laughter.
Nevertheless at this distance from town it seemed very pleasant to see
him once more. It was like meeting an old acquaintance, and vividly
brought back her life in Dawson Place with Mary.

For some minutes he stood talking to her, asking after Miss Starbrow and
herself, and saying that since he left Bayswater he had greatly missed
those delightful evenings; but while he talked to Fan he glanced
frequently at the beautiful face of her companion. Once or twice their
eyes met, and Mr. Chance, judging from what he saw that he had made a
somewhat favourable impression, in his easy way, and with a little
apology, asked Fan to introduce him. This little ceremony over, they all
sat down on the grass and spent an hour very agreeably in conversation.
He told them that he was spending a month's holiday in a bicycle ramble
through the south-west of England, and had turned aside to see the
village of Eyethorne and its woods, which he had heard were worth a
visit. From local scenery the conversation passed by an easy transition
to artistic and literary subjects; in a very short time Fan ceased to
take any part in it, and was satisfied to listen to this new kind of duet
in which harmony of mind was substituted for that of melodious sound.
With a pleased wonder, which was almost like a sense of mystery, she
followed them in this rapid interchange of thoughts about things so
remote from every-day life. They mentioned a hundred names unknown to
her--of those who had lived in ancient times and had written poems in
many languages, and of artists whose works they had never seen and could
yet describe; and in all these far-off things they seemed as deeply
interested as Mrs. Churton was in her religion, her parish work, and her
housekeeping. How curious it was to note their familiarity with an
endless variety of subjects, so that one could not say anything without a
look of quick intelligence and ready sympathy from the other! How well
they seemed to know each other's minds! They were talking familiarly as
if they had been acquainted all their lives!

To Constance the pleasure was more real and far greater; for not only had
her unfortunate opinions concerning matters of faith separated her from
her few educated neighbours, but in that rustic and sleepy-minded spot
there were none among them, excepting the curate, who took any interest
in literary and philosophical questions. Her friends were not the people
she knew, but the authors whose works she purchased with shillings saved
out of the small quarterly allowance her mother made her for dress. These
were the people she really knew and loved, and their thoughts were of
infinitely deeper import to her than the sayings and doings of the men
and women of her little world. In such circumstances, how pleasant it was
to meet with this young stranger, engaging in his manner and attractive
in appearance, and to converse freely with him on the subjects that
constantly occupied her thoughts. There was a glow of happy excitement on
her face, her eyes shone, she laughed in a free glad way, as Fan had
never heard her laugh before; she was surprised at the extent of her own
knowledge--at that miracle of memory, when many fine thoughts, long
forgotten, and multitudes of strange facts, and glowing passages in verse
and prose, came back uncalled to her mind; and above all she was
surprised at a ready eloquence which she had never suspected herself
capable of.

Merton Chance had often conversed with clever and beautiful women, but
this country girl surprised him with the extent of her reading, her
vivacity and wit, and quick sympathy; and the more they talked the more
he admired her.

Then insensibly their conversation took a graver tone, and they passed to
other themes, which, to Constance at least, had a deeper and more
enduring interest. In all philosophical questions she could follow and
even go beyond him, although she didn't know it, and very soon they made
the discovery that towards the faith still professed by a large majority
of their fellow-beings their attitude was the same. Or so it appeared to
Constance. Christianity was one of the forms in which the universal
religious sentiment had found expression for a period among a large
portion of the human race. They were not agnostics, so they both
declared, and yet were contented to be called so by others, not yet
having invented a word better than this one of the materialistic
Professor Huxley to describe themselves by. They had moved onwards and
had left the creed of the Christian behind them, yet were confident that
the vast unbounded prospect before them would not always rest obscured
with clouds. But what the new thing was to be they knew not. Time would
reveal it. They were not left without something to cheer them--gleams of
a spiritual light which, although dim and transient, yet foretold the
perfect day. Like so many others among the choice spirits of the earth,
they turned their eyes this way and that, considering now the hard and
pitiless facts of biology and physics, now the new systems of philosophy,
that come like shadows and so depart, and now the vague thoughts, or
thoughts vaguely expressed, of those the careless world calls mystics and
wild-minded visionaries; and after it all they were fain to confess that
the waters have not yet abated; and that although for them there could be
no return to the ark, they were still without any rest for the soles of
their feet.

If, instead of that young ignorant girl, their listener had been a grey-
haired disillusioned man, he would have shaken his head, and perhaps
remarked that they were a couple of foolish dreamers, that the light
which inspired such splendid hopes was a light from the past--a dying
twilight left in their souls by that sun of faith which for them had set.
But there was nothing to disturb their pleasing self-complacency--no
mocking skeleton to spoil their rare intellectual feast.

Merton was not yet satisfied, he wished to go more fully into these great
subjects, and pressed her with more and more searching questions.
Constance, on her side, grew more reticent, and seemed troubled in her
mind, glancing occasionally into his face; and at length, dropping her
hand on Fan's, who still listened but without understanding, she said
that for reasons which could not be stated, which he would be able to
guess, further discussion had better be deferred.

He assented with a smile, and returning her look with quick intelligence.
The talk drifted into other channels, and at length they all rose to
their feet, but he did not go at once. He began to ask Fan about her
botanical studies, one of the subjects which Constance had taught her. He
had, he said, studied botany at school and was very fond of it. Presently
he became much interested in a plant, a creeper, hanging from a low shrub
about twenty-five or thirty yards from where they were standing, and Fan
at once started off to get a spray for him to see.

"I am very glad, Miss Churton, that our discussion is only to be
_deferred,"_ he said. "It has interested me more deeply than you can
imagine, and for various reasons I should be glad to go further with it."

She did not reply, although looking pleased at his words, and then he
continued:

"I cannot bear to think of leaving this place without seeing you again. I
wished for one thing--please don't think me very egotistical for saying
it--to tell you about some little papers I am writing, and one or two of
which have been printed in a periodical. I think the subject would
interest you. Will you think me very bold, Miss Churton, if I ask you to
let me call on you at your home?"

His request troubled her, and after a little hesitation she answered:

"I shall be perfectly frank with you, Mr. Chance, and perhaps if I tell
you why I can scarcely do what you ask you will not think hardly of me. I
cannot open my lips at home on the subject we have been discussing, and I
am looked on coldly here, in my own village, on account of my heterodox
opinions. My mother would receive you well, but she would think it wrong
in me to invite a sympathiser to the house."

"Then, Miss Churton, how lonely your life must be!"

"You must not think more about me, Mr. Chance."

"You are asking too much," he answered smiling, and the words brought a
blush to her cheek. "But I cannot bear to go away from Eyethorne without
seeing you once more. May I hope to meet you tomorrow in this place?"

"I cannot promise that. But if--no, I cannot say more now."

Fan was back with a spray of the plant, but he had somehow lost all
interest in it. That about his botany had all been pure fiction; but it
had served its purpose, and now, he regretfully remarked, his plant-lore,
he found, had completely faded from his mind. And after a little further
conversation he shook hands and left them.




CHAPTER XXIII


On their way home the conversation of the girls turned chiefly on their
encounter with Mr. Chance. Constance displayed an unusual amount of
feminine curiosity, and asked a great many questions about him. Fan had
nothing to tell, for she dared not tell what she knew. It was a
peculiarity of her character, that if she knew anything to a person's
disadvantage she was anxious to conceal it, as if it had been something
reflecting on herself; apart from this, she felt that Miss Starbrow's
description of Mr. Chance would not be what Miss Churton wished to hear.
For it was plain that Constance had been favourably impressed, and had
taken Merton at his own valuation, which was a high one. While she kept
silence it troubled her to think that one who had been despised and
ridiculed by Mary should be highly esteemed by Constance, since she now
loved (or worshipped) them both in an equal degree.

At the gate it all at once occurred to her to ask whether she should tell
Mrs. Churton about meeting Mr. Chance in the wood or not.

"You may tell her if you like," said the other after a little hesitation.
"He is a friend of Miss Starbrow's; it was only natural that we should
talk with him." Then she added, "I shall say nothing about it, simply
because mother and I never talk about anything. You needn't mention it
unless you care to, Fan. I really don't believe that mother would feel
any interest in the subject."

She reddened a little after speaking, knowing that she had been slightly
disingenuous. Fan understood from her face more than from her words what
she really wished.

"Then I shall not say anything, unless Mrs. Churton asks me about our
walk, and if we met anyone," she returned.

But nothing was asked and nothing told.

At dinner next day Constance heard that Fan was going out with Mrs.
Churton to visit a neighbour. A bright look came into her expressive
face, followed by a swift blush, but she said nothing, and after dinner
went back to her room. As soon as the others had left the house she began
to dress for a walk, paying a great deal more attention to herself at the
glass than she was accustomed to do. Her luxuriant brown hair was brushed
out and rearranged, her artful fingers allowing three or four small locks
to escape and lie unconfined on her forehead and temples. She studied her
face very closely, thinking a great deal about that peculiar shade of
colour which she saw there. But her own face was so familiar to her, how
could she tell what another would think of it, and whether to city eyes
that brown tint would not make it look less like the face of a Rosalind
than of an Audrey? With her dress she was altogether dissatisfied, and
there was nothing to give a touch of beauty to it but a poor flower--a
half-open rose--which she pinned on her bosom. Then she envied Fan her
beautiful watch and chain, the half-score of rings, bangles, and brooches
which Miss Starbrow had given her; and this reminded her of an ornament
she possessed, an old-fashioned gold brooch with an amethyst in it, and
which in the pride of philosophy she had looked on with a good deal of
contempt. Now the rose was flung away, and the despised jewel put in its
place. Taking her book and sunshade she finally left the house, and
turned her steps towards the wood. Scarcely had she left the gate behind
before a tumult of doubts and fears began to assail her. She was hurrying
away alone to the wood, glad to be alone, solely to meet Mr. Chance.
Would he not at once divine the reason of her strange readiness to obey
his wishes? Could she in her present agitated state, with her cheek full
of hot blushes, and her heart throbbing so that it almost choked her,
hide her secret from him? This thought frightened her and she slackened
her pace, and argued that it would be better not to go to the wood, not
to run the risk of such a self-betrayal and humiliation. But perhaps he
would not come after all to meet her, for no appointment had been made,
and no promise of any kind given--why should she be so anxious in her
mind about it? It gave her a pang to think that the meeting and
conversation which had been so important an event in her life were
perhaps very little to him, that they were perhaps fading out of his mind
already, and would soon be, like his botanical knowledge, altogether
forgotten. Perhaps he was even now on the road speeding away far from
Eyethorne on his bicycle. Then the fear that she might betray her secret
was overmastered by this new fear that she would never see him again,
that he had gone out of her life for ever; and she quickened her slow
steps once more, and at last gaining the wood, and coming to the spot
where she had parted from him, and not finding him there, her excitement
left her, and she sat down with a pang of bitter disappointment in her
heart.

But before many minutes had gone by she heard approaching footsteps, and
looking up saw him coming towards her. The tell-tale blood rushed again
to her cheeks and her heart throbbed wildly, but she bent her eyes
resolutely on her book and pretended not to see his approach. Poor girl,
so innocent of wiles! she did not know, she could not guess, that he had
been for upwards of an hour on the spot waiting for her, his heart also
agitated with hopes and fears. He had watched her coming with glad
triumphant feelings, and then, prudent and artful even in his moment of
triumph, had concealed himself from her to come on to the scene after
allowing her a little time to taste her disappointment.

He was already standing before her and speaking, and then in a moment the
outward calm which she had been vainly striving to observe came
unexpectedly to her aid. She shook hands with him and explained why she
was alone, and then, surprised at her own new courage, she added:

"I am glad that we have met again, Mr. Chance; I came here hoping to meet
you; our conversation yesterday gave me so much pleasure, and I wished so
much to hear about your literary work. After to-day I do not suppose that
we shall ever meet again."

"I sincerely hope we shall!" he returned, sitting down near her. "It is
really painful to think that you should be immured in this uncongenial
place with your tastes and--advantages."

"Please do not pity my condition, Mr. Chance. I can endure it very well
for a time, I hope; it is not my intention to stay here always, nor very
much longer, and just now I am not altogether alone, as I have Fan to
teach and for a companion."

"She is a very charming girl," he returned; "and I must tell you that she
has improved marvellously since I last saw her. Miss Starbrow has, I
think, been singularly fortunate in having put her into your hands."

"Thank you," said Constance, with a quick glance at his face. Then she
added, "I suppose you know Miss Starbrow very well?"

"Yes," he returned with a slight smile, and she was curious to know why
he smiled in that meaning way, but feared to ask. "But she is your
friend, I suppose, and you know her as well as I do," he added after a
while.

"Oh no, she is a perfect stranger to me. We only saw her once for a few
minutes when she brought Fan down to us last May."

"How strange! But I should have thought that Miss Affleck would have told
you everything about her before now."

"No; I never question Fan about her London life, and when left to herself
she is a very reticent girl."

"Really!" said he, not ill-pleased at this information. "But, Miss
Churton, how very natural that you should wish to know something about
this lady!"

She smiled without replying, but no reply was needed. He had been
studying her face, and knew that she was curious to hear what he had to
say, and this interest in Miss Starbrow, he thought, was a very new
feeling, and rose entirely out of her interest in himself.

He told her a great deal about the lady, without altogether omitting her
little eccentricities, as he leniently called them, and her little faults
of temper; he paid a tribute to her generous, hospitable character, only
she was, he thought, just a little too hospitable, judging from the
curious specimens one met at her Wednesday evening gatherings. But he was
very good-natured, and touched lightly on the disagreeable features in
the picture, or else kindly toned them down with a few skilful touches,
producing the impression on his listener that he did not dislike Miss
Starbrow, but regarded her with a kind of amused curiosity. And that, in
fact, was precisely the impression he had wished to make, and he was well
pleased with himself when he saw how well he had succeeded.

Afterwards they spoke of other things, and soon came to those literary
topics in which Miss Churton took so keen an interest. They talked long
and earnestly, and Merton Chance neglected no opportunity of saying
pretty things with a subtle flattery in them at which the other was far
from being displeased.

"You draw your mental nutriment from a distance," he said. "Being without
sympathy from those around you, you are like a person in a diving-bell,
shut in on all sides by a medium through which a current of life-
preserving oxygen comes, but dark and cold and infinitely repelling to
the spirit."

It was true, and very pleasant to meet with appreciation. And finally,
before he left her, he had promised to send, and she had promised to
accept gratefully, some magazines containing contributions from his pen,
also some books which he wished her to read. But he did not say anything
about writing, he did not wish to show himself too eager to continue the
acquaintance which chance had brought about: in his own mind, however, it
was already settled that there was to be a correspondence.




CHAPTER XXIV


After Merton's departure from Eyethorne things drifted back to their old
state at Wood End House, the slight change in Constance becoming less and
less perceptible, until the time came when Fan began to think, with a
secret feeling of relief, that the visitor had after all made only a
passing impression, which was already fading out of her teacher's mind.
But by-and-by there came from London a letter and a packet of books and
periodicals for Constance, and Fan remarked the glad excitement in her
friend's face when she carried her treasures away to her room, and her
subsequent silence on the subject. And after that Constance was again
much occupied with her own thoughts, which, to judge from her
countenance, were happy ones; and Fan quickly came to the conclusion that
the books and letter were from Merton. Mrs. Churton, who knew nothing
about this new acquaintance, imagined only that her daughter had sucked
out all the impiety contained in the books she already possessed, and had
sent for a fresh supply. For, she argued, if there had been nothing wrong
in the books Constance would have allowed her to read or see them. She
made herself very unhappy over it, and was more incensed than ever
against her sinful daughter, but she said nothing, and only showed her
dissatisfaction in her cold, distrustful manner.

Another bitterness in her cup at this period was her inability to revive
Fan's interest in sacred things, for she had begun to notice an
increasing indifference in the girl. All the religious teaching, over
which she had spent so much time and labour, seemed to have failed of its
effect. She had planted, apparently in the most promising soil, and the
vicar and the vicar's wife had watered, and God had not given the
increase. This was a new mystery which she could not understand, in spite
of much pondering over it, much praying for light, and many conversations
on the subject with her religious friends. So sweet and good and pure-
hearted and pliant a girl; but alas! alas! it was only that ephemeral
fictitious kind of goodness which springs from temper or disposition,
which has no value in the eyes of Heaven, cannot stand the shocks of time
and circumstance. It was not through any remissness of her own; she had
never ceased her efforts, yet now after many months she was fain to
confess that this young girl, who had promised such great things, seemed
further than at the beginning from that holiness which is not of the
earth, and which delights only in the contemplation of heavenly things.
She could see it now with what painful clearness! for her eyes in such
matters were preternaturally sharp, like those of a sailor who has
followed the sea all his life with regard to atmospheric changes; no
sooner would the lesson begin than all brightness would fade from that
too expressive countenance, and the girl would listen with manifest
effort, striving to keep her attention from wandering, striving to
understand and to respond; but there was no response from the heart, and
in spite of striving her thoughts, her soul, were elsewhere, and her eyes
wore a distant wistful look. And Mrs. Churton was hot-tempered; in all
the years of her self-discipline she had never been able to wring from
her heart that one drop of black blood; and sometimes when she talked to
Fan, and read and prayed with her, and noticed that impassive look coming
over her face to quench its brightness like a cloud, her old enemy would
get the best of her, and she would start up and hurriedly leave the room
without a word, lest it should betray her into passionate expression.

"Yes, I have also noticed this in Miss Affleck," the vicar said to her
one day when she had been speaking to him on the subject. "She seemed at
one time so docile, so teachable, so easy to be won, and now it is
impossible not to see that there is something at work neutralising all
our efforts and making her impervious to instruction. But, my dear Mrs.
Churton, we _know_ the reason of this; Miss Affleck is too young,
too ignorant and impressible not to fall completely under the influence
of your daughter."

"But my daughter has promised me and has given me her word of honour that
nothing has been said or will be said or done to alienate her pupil's
mind from religious subjects. And we know, Mr. Long, that even those who
are without God may still be trusted to speak the truth--that they have
that natural morality written on their hearts of which St. Paul speaks."

"Yes, that's all very well, and I don't say for a moment that your
daughter has deliberately set herself to undo your work and win her pupil
to her own pernicious views. But is it possible for her, even if she
wished it, to conceal them altogether from one who is not only her pupil
but her intimate friend and constant companion? Her whole life--thoughts,
acts, words, and even looks--must be leavened with the evil leaven; how
can Miss Affleck live with her in that intimate way without catching some
of that spirit from her? You know that so long as they were not thus
intimate this girl was everything that could be desired, that from the
time they became close friends she began to change, and that religion is
now becoming as distasteful to her as it is to her teacher."

Poor woman! she had gone for comfort and counsel to her pastor, and this
was all she got. He was a good hater, and regarded Miss Churton with a
feeling that to his way of thinking was a holy one. "Do not I hate them,
O Lord, that hate Thee? I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them
mine enemies." As for separating two inseparable things, the sinner and
the sin (matter and an affection of matter), and loving one and hating
the other, that was an intellectual feat altogether beyond his limited
powers, although he considered it one which Mr. Northcott might be able
to accomplish. He had made it impossible for his enemy to do any injury
in the parish; she had been dropped by Eyethorne "society," and she did
not go among the poor; but this was not enough to satisfy him, and the
sermon he had preached against her, which drove her from the church, had
been deliberately prepared with the object of driving her from the
parish. He had failed in his object, and now he was angry because he
could not separate Fan from her, and, unjust and even cruel in his anger,
he turned on the unhappy mother.

To his words Mrs. Churton could only reply, "What can I do--what can I
do?" And as he refused to answer her, having said his last word, she rose
and went home more unhappy than ever, more angry with Fan, and embittered
against her daughter; for that the vicar had truly shown her the reason
of her failure she could not doubt.

They were both entirely wrong, although the mistake was a very natural
one, and, in the circumstances, almost unavoidable. Constance had
scrupulously observed the compact. Nothing could be further from her mind
than any desire to win others to her way of thinking. The religious
instinct was strong in her, and could flourish without the support of
creed or doctrine; at the same time she recognised the fact that in
others--in a very large majority of persons, perhaps--it is a frail
creeping plant that trails along the ground to perish trodden in the dust
without extraneous support.

Fan, on her side, had drifted into her present way of thinking, or not
thinking, independently of her teacher, and entirely uninfluenced by her.
At the beginning she responded readily to Mrs. Churton's motherly
teaching; but only because the teaching was motherly, and intimately
associated with those purely human feelings which were everything to her.
Afterwards when others, who were strangers and not dear to her, began to
take part in her instruction, then gradually these two things--human and
divine--separated themselves in her mind, and she clung to the one and
lost her interest in the other. It was pleasant to go to church, to take
part in singing and praying with the others, and to sit with half-closed
eyes among well-dressed people during sermon-time, and think of other
things, chiefly of Mary and Constance. But when religion came to be more
than that, it began to oppress her like a vain show, and it was a relief
to escape from all thoughts on the subject. So low and so earthly, in one
sense, was Fan's mind. While she was in this frame that visit to the
carpenter's cottage occurred, and the carpenter's words had taken a
strong hold on her and could not be forgotten; for they fitted her case
so exactly, and seemed so clearly to express all that she had had in her
mind, and all that it was necessary for her to have, that it had the
effect of making her spirit deaf to all other and higher teachings. If
she could have explained it all to Mrs. Churton it would have been
better, at all events for Constance, but she was incapable of such a
thing, even if she had possessed the courage, and so she kept silence,
although she could see that her want of interest was distressing to her
kind friend.

Another great bitterness in Mrs. Churton's cup resulted from the conduct
of her irreclaimable husband. Even Fan, who had never regarded any living
soul with contempt, had soon enough learned to experience such a feeling
towards this man. But it was a kindly contempt, for after repulsing him
two or three times when he had attempted to conduct himself in too
fatherly a manner, he had ceased to trouble her in any way. He was very
unobtrusive in the house, except at intervals, when he would rebel
against his wife and say shocking things and screech at her. But when
cold weather came, then poor Mr. Churton took an extra amount of alcohol
for warmth, and the spirit and cold combined brought on a variety of
ailments which sometimes confined him for days to his bedroom. At such
times he would be deeply penitent, and beg his wife to sit with him and
read the Bible, which she was always ready to do. Never again would he
seek oblivion from pain in the cup that cheers, and, alas, inebriates, or
do anything to make his beloved wife grieve; thus would he protest,
kissing her hand and shedding weak tears. But as soon as she had nursed
him back into better health he would seize the first opportunity when she
was out of the way to slip off "for a constitutional," which would
invariably end at the inn in the High Street; and in the evening he would
return quarrelsome and abusive, or else groaning and ready to take to bed
again.

Mr. Northcott, who might have melted into thin air for all we have seen
or heard of him lately, was also unhappy in his mind at this period. He
loved, and yet when it had almost seemed to him that he had not loved in
vain, partly from prudential motives and partly because his religion
stood in the way of his desire, he had refrained from speaking. Now it
seemed to him that he had let his chance go by, and that Miss Churton,
although still as friendly as any person not actually enamoured of her
could have wished, was not so sympathetic, not so near to him, as
formerly. Nevertheless, he still sought her out at every opportunity, and
engaged her in long conversations which led to nothing; for they barely
touched on the borders of those subjects which both felt most deeply
about, and that other subject which he alone felt they never approached.
His resolution had in some measure recovered its "native hue," but too
late, alas! and at length one day his vicar took him to task about this
inconvenient friendship.

"Mr. Northcott," he said very unexpectedly at the end of a conversation
they had been having, "may I ask you whether you still hope to be able to
win back Miss Churton to a more desirable frame of mind?"

The curate flushed a little, and glancing up encountered the suspicious
eyes of his superior fixed on him.

"I regret that I am compelled to answer with a negative," he returned.

"Then," said the other, "you will not take it amiss if I warn you that
your partiality for Miss Churton's society has been made the subject of
remark among the ladies in the neighbourhood. That your motives are of
the highest I do not question; at the same time, if they are
misunderstood and if your efforts are futile, it would be prudent, I
fancy, not to let it appear that you prefer this lady's company to that
of others."

This about motives did not sound quite sincere; but the vicar was suave
in manner, stroking his curate very kindly with soft velvet hand, only
waiting for some slight movement before unsheathing the sharp hidden
claws. One word of protest and of indignant remonstrance would have been
enough; the reply was on his tongue, "Then, Mr. Northcott, I regret that
we must part company."

But he made no movement such as the other had expected, perhaps even
desired, for we are all cruel, even the best of us--so Bain says, and
therefore it must be true. On the contrary, he took it with strange
meekness--for which he did not fail afterwards to despise himself with
his whole heart--regretting that anything had been said, and thanking the
vicar for telling him. Nevertheless he was very indignant at this gossip
of "a set of malignant old scandal-mongers," as he called the Eyethorne
ladies in his wrath, and bitterly resented the interference of the vicar
in his affairs. Only the hopeless passion that preyed on him, which made
the prospect of a total separation from Miss Churton seem intolerable,
kept him from severing his connection with Eyethorne. But after that
warning he was more circumspect, and gave the ladies, old and young, less
reason for ill-natured remarks.

All these troubles and griefs, real and imaginary, of which they were
indirectly the cause, affected the two young friends not at all. They did
not see these things, or saw them only dimly at a distance: they were
perfectly happy in each other, and almost invariably together both in and
out of doors. The Eyethorne woods still attracted them almost daily; for
although the trees were barren of leaves and desolate, the robin still
made blithe music there, and the wren and thrush were sometimes heard,
and even the mournful cawing of the rooks, and the weird melodies of the
wind in the naked trees inspired their hearts with a mysterious gladness.
And on days when the sun shone--the February days when winter "wears on
its face a dream of spring"--they never tired of talking about how they
were going to spend their time out of doors during the coming vernal and
summer months. For that Fan would remain another year at Eyethorne was
now looked upon as practically settled, since three-quarters of the first
year had gone by and Miss Starbrow had said no word in her letters about
taking her away. They were going to watch every opening leaf and every
tender plant as it sprouted from the soil, and Fan was to learn the
names, vulgar and scientific, and the special beauty and fragrance, and
all the secrets of "every herb that sips the dew." And the birds were
also to be watched and listened to, and the peculiar melody of each kind
noted on its arrival from beyond the sea.

One circumstance only interfered with Fan's happiness during the winter
months. The letters she received from Mary, which came to her from
various continental addresses, were few and short, growing fewer and
shorter as time went on, and contained no allusion to many things in the
long fortnightly epistles which, the girl imagined, required an answer.
But one day, about the middle of March, when there had been no word for
about six weeks, and Fan had begun to feel a vague anxiety, a letter came
for her. It came while she was with Constance during study hours, and
taking it she ran up to her own room to enjoy it in solitude.

Constance had also received a letter from London by the same post, and
was well pleased to be left to read it by herself; and after reading and
re-reading it, she continued sitting before the fire, the letter still in
her hand and occupied with very pleasant thoughts. At length, glancing at
the clock, she was surprised to find that half an hour had gone by since
Fan left the room, and wondering at her delay, she went to look for her.
Fan was sitting beside her bed, her cheek, wet with recent tears, resting
on her arms on the coverlid; but she did not move when the other entered
the room.

"Fan, dearest Fan, what have you heard?" exclaimed Constance in alarm.

For only reply the girl put a letter she was holding in her hand towards
the other, and Constance, taking it, read as follows:


_Brighton._

DEAR FAN,

Since I wrote last I have had several letters from you, one or two since
I returned to England, but there was nothing in them calling for an
immediate reply.

I do not wish you to answer this, or to write to me again at any time.

After so much travelling about I feel disinclined to settle down in
London, or even in England at present, and have made up my mind to re-let
the house in Dawson Place--that is, if the present tenants should have
any wish to give it up.

My brother and I separated some time ago, and he has gone, or is going,
to India, and will be away two or three years, as, I believe, he also
intends visiting Australia, China, and America. I am therefore quite
alone now, and shall probably go over to France for a few months, perhaps
to remain permanently abroad.

But so far as you are concerned, it does not matter in the least whether
I go or stay, since I cannot take you back to live with me, or have
anything more to do with you.

The clothes you have will, I dare say, last you some time longer, and I
have instructed my agent in London to send you a small sum of money (L25)
to start you with. You must in future take care of yourself, and I
suppose that with all the knowledge you have acquired from Miss Churton,
you will be able to get a situation of some kind.

You have until the middle of next May--I forget the exact date--to
prepare for your new life; and you can mention to Mrs. Churton that my
agent will send her the money for the last quarter before your time at
Eyethorne expires.

I suppose you do not require to be told the reason of the determination I
have come to. You cannot have forgotten the fair warning I gave you when
we parted, and you must know, Fan, if you know me at all, that when I say
a thing I distinctly mean it.

You must take this as my very last word to you.

MARY STARBROW.


"Oh, what a cruel thing to do! What a heartless letter! What a barbarous
woman!" cried Constance, tears of keenest distress starting to her eyes,
as she hastened to Fan's side, holding out her hands.

But Fan would not be caressed; she started as if stung to her feet, her
kindling eyes and flushed cheeks showing that her grief and despondence
had all at once been swallowed up in some other feeling.

"Give me the letter back," she demanded, holding out her hand for it, and
then, when the other hesitated, astonished at her changed manner,
snatched it from her hand, and began carefully smoothing and refolding
it, for Constance had crumpled it up in her indignation.

"Fan, what has come over you? Are you going to quarrel with me because
that unfeeling, purse-proud, half-mad woman has treated you so badly? Ah,
poor Fan, to have been at the mercy of such a creature! I would tear her
bank-notes into shreds and send them back to her agent--"

"Leave me!" screamed Fan at her, stamping on the floor in her rage.

Constance stood staring at her, mute and motionless with astonishment, so
utterly unexpected was this tempest of anger, and so strange in one who
had seemed incapable of any such violent feeling.

"Very well, Fan, I shall leave you if you wish it," she said at length
with some dignity, but in a pained voice. "I did not understand this
outburst at first. I had almost lost sight of the fact that I am in a
sense to blame for your misfortune. I regret it very bitterly, but that
is no comfort to you, and it is only natural that you should begin to
hate me now."

"I do not hate you, Constance," said Fan, recovering her usual tone, but
still speaking with a tremor in her voice. "Why do you say that?--it is a
cruel thing to say. Do you not know that it is false? I shall never blame
you for what has happened. You are not to blame. I have lost Mary, but
she is not what you say. You do not know her--what right have you to call
her bad names? I would go away this moment and never see you again rather
than hear you talk in that way of her, much as I love you."

This speech explained the mystery, but it astonished her as much as the
previous passionate outbreak. That the girl could be so just to her, so
free from the least trace of bitterness against her for having indirectly
caused that great unhappiness, and at the same time so keenly resent her
sympathy, which she could not easily express without speaking indignantly
of Miss Starbrow--this seemed so strange, so almost incongruous and
contradictory, that if the case had not been so sad she would have burst
into a laugh. As it was she only burst into tears, and threw her arms
round the girl's neck.

"Darling Fan," she said, "I understand you now--at last; and shall say
nothing to wound your feelings again. But I hope--with all my heart I
hope that I shall one day meet this--meet Miss Starbrow, to have the
satisfaction of telling her--"

"Telling her what?" exclaimed Fan, the bright resentful red returning to
her pale cheeks.

"Of telling her what she has lost. That she never really knew you, and
what an affection you had for her."

There was no comfort in this to Fan. Her loss--the thought that she would
never see Mary again--surged back to her heart, and turning away, she
went back to her seat and covered her face again from the other's sight.




CHAPTER XXV


After making her peace with Fan, there remained for Constance the heavy
task of informing her mother. She found her engaged with her needle in
the dining-room.

"Mother," she began, "I have got something very unpleasant to tell you.
Miss Starbrow has written to Fan, casting her off. She tells her to
remain here until her year is up, and then to take care of herself, as
she, Miss Starbrow, will have nothing more to do with her. It is a cold,
heartless letter; and what poor Fan is to do I don't know."

Mrs. Churton made no reply for some time, but the news disturbed her
greatly. Much as she felt for Fan, she could not help thinking also of
her own sad case; for after the last quarter had come, with no word from
Miss Starbrow, she had taken it for granted that Fan was to stay another
year with her. And the money had been a great boon, enabling her to order
her house better, and even to pay off a few old accounts, and interest on
the mortgage which weighed so heavily on her little property.

Constance, guessing what was passing in her mind, pitied her, but waited
without saying more for her to speak; and at length when she did speak it
was to put the question which Constance had been expecting with some
apprehension.

"What is Miss Starbrow's reason for casting Fan off?" she said.

The other still considered a little before replying.

"Mother," she spoke at length, "will you read Miss Starbrow's letter for
yourself? It is not very easy to see from it what she has to quarrel with
Fan about. Her reason is perhaps only an excuse, it seems so fantastical.
You must judge for yourself."

"I suppose you can tell me whether her quarrel with Fan--you say that
there is a quarrel--is because the girl has been taught things she
disapproves."

"No, nothing of the kind. She writes briefly, and, as I said,
heartlessly. Not one word of affection for Fan or of regret at parting
with her, and no allusion to the subject of her studies with you or me.
Not a word of thinks to us--"

"That I never expected," said Mrs. Churton. "I could not look for such a
thing from a person of Miss Starbrow's description. A kind word or
message from her would have surprised me very much."

While she was speaking Fan had entered the room unnoticed. She was pale
and looked sad, but calmer now, and the traces of tears had been washed
away. Her face flushed when she heard Mrs. Churton's words, and she
advanced and stood so that they could not help seeing her.

"Fan, I am deeply grieved to hear this," said Mrs. Churton. "I cannot
tell you, my poor child, how much I feel this trouble that has come on
you so early in life. But before I can speak fully about it I must know
something more. I am in the dark yet--Constance has not told me why Miss
Starbrow has seen fit to act in such a way. Will you let me see her
letter?" and with trembling fingers she began to wipe her glasses, which
had grown dim.

"I am very sorry, Mrs. Churton, but I cannot show you the letter."

They both looked at her, Constance becoming more and more convinced that
there was a strength in Fan's character which she had never suspected;
while in Mrs. Churton anxiety and sorrow for a moment gave place to a
different feeling.

"You surprise me very much, Fan," she returned. "I understand that you
have already shown the letter to Constance."

"Yes, but I am sorry now. I did it without thinking, and I cannot show it
again."

"Fan, what is the meaning of this? It is only right and natural that you
should confide in me about such a serious matter; and I cannot understand
your motives in refusing to let me see a letter the contents of which are
known to my daughter."

"Mother," said Constance, "I think I can guess her motives, which make it
painful for her to show the letter, and will explain what I think they
are. Fan, dear, will you leave us for a while, and let me tell mother why
Miss Starbrow will not take you back?"

"You can say what you like, Constance, because I can't prevent you," said
Fan, still speaking with that decision in her tone which seemed so
strange in her. "But I said I was sorry that I let you read Mary's
letter, and if you say anything about it, it will be against my wish."

These words, although spoken in rebuke, were a relief to Constance, for
however "fantastical" she might consider Miss Starbrow's motives to be,
she very much doubted that her mother would take the same view; and she
knew that her mother, though entitled to know the whole matter, would
never ask her to reveal a secret of Fan's.

But Mrs. Churton had not finished yet. "Fan, dear, come to me," she said,
and putting her arm about the girl's waist, drew her to her side. "I
think I have cause to be offended with your treatment of me, but I shall
not be offended, because you are probably only doing what you think is
right. But, dear child, you must allow me to judge for you in some
things, and I am convinced that you are making a great mistake. I have
been a great deal to you during all these months that you have been with
us, and since you received this letter I have become more to you. You
must not imagine that in a little time, in another two months, we must
separate; you are too young, too weak yet to go out into the world, to
face its temptations and struggle for your own livelihood. I have been a
mother to you; look on me as a mother still, a natural protector, whose
home is your home also. It might very well be that Miss Starbrow's
motives for casting you off would be of no assistance to me in the
future--I can hardly think that they could be; for I do not believe that
she has any valid reason for treating you as she has done. Nor is it from
mere curiosity that I ask you to show me her letter; but it is best that
you should do so for various reasons, and chiefly because it will prove
that you love me, and trust me, and are willing to be guided by me."

The tears rose to Fan's eyes, her strange self-collected mood seemed to
be gone. "Dear Mrs. Churton," she said, with trembling voice, "please--
please don't think me ungrateful! ... You have made me so happy ... oh,
what can I do to show how much I love you ... that I do trust you?"

The girl was conquered, so they thought, mother and daughter; and
Constance, with a little internal sigh and a twinge of shame at her
cowardice, waited to see the letter read and to save Fan the pain of
answering the searching questions which her mother would be sure to ask.

"Dear Fan, let me see the letter," said Mrs. Churton.

"Oh, dear Mrs. Churton, anything but that! I can't let you see it--I am
so sorry! When Constance read it and began to speak angrily of Mary, I
said to myself that no one should ever see it again."

"Have you then destroyed it?"

"Oh, no," she replied, involuntarily touching her bosom with her hand,
"but I cannot show it."

"Very well, Fan, let us say no more about it," returned the other coldly,
and withdrawing her arm from the girl's waist. And after a few moments of
painful silence she rose and left the room.

Fan looking up met her friend's eyes fixed on her face. "Do you think
Mrs. Churton is very angry with me, Constance?" she asked sadly.

"I think that she is offended. And surprised too, I believe." Then she
came nearer and took the girl's hand. "You have surprised me a great
deal, I know. I am not yet quite sure that I understand your motives for
refusing to show the letter. Perhaps your only reason was that you would
not allow Miss Starbrow to be blamed at all--I am not questioning you. In
any case you make me feel ashamed of myself. You have made me feel such a
coward, and--it was a poor spiteful thing to say that I would tear up the
notes and send them back to the giver."

Fan made no reply, but stood with eyes cast down as if thinking of
something else; and before long she made some excuse to go to her room,
where she spent the rest of the day shut up by herself.

From that day a cloud rested on the ladies of Wood End House. Just when
Nature called them to rejoice, when the sun laughed at the storm, and the
blackbird fluted so loud in the orchard, and earth knew once more the
glory of flowers, this great trouble had come on Fan, dimming the sweet
visible world with a mist of tears. The poverty and toil which she must
now face meant so much to her; day and night, at all times, the thought
of it forced itself on her--the perpetual toiling for a bare subsistence,
for bread to satisfy the cravings of hunger; the mean narrow, sordid,
weary life, day after day, with no hope, no dream of joy to come; and
worse than all, the evil things which she had seen and heard and were
associated in her mind with the thought of poverty, all the things which
made her old life seem like a hideous nightmare to her! The sunshine and
flowers and the fluting of the blackbird, that would soon flute no more
for her, could not drive this care from her heart; she was preoccupied,
and silent, and sad, and Constance was sad from pure sympathy. Mrs.
Churton, although still kind and even motherly in her manner, could not
help showing that Fan's offence had not been forgotten; yet she loved the
girl so well that she could not but feel the deepest pity for her and
anxiety about her future. And she even still hoped to win her confidence.

"Fan," she said one evening, when bidding her good-night, "you must not
think that what passed the other day between us makes any difference with
regard to my plans about your future. What I said to you then still holds
good, and my home while I have one is your home."

Fan knew very well that she might not accept this offer; she knew that
the Churtons were poor and burdened with debt; and that even if it had
not been so, after taking up an independent position in opposition to
Mrs. Churton, she had no right to remain a day beyond the time for which
payment had been made. All this in a faltering way she tried to explain
to her kind friend, and Mrs. Churton confessed to herself that the girl
took the right view. She made no further attempt to win her confidence or
to make her change her mind; towards both Fan and her daughter she
thereafter observed a somewhat cold and distant manner, grieving in her
own heart, yearning over them in secret, but striving to hide it all from
their eyes.

A fortnight after the receipt of Miss Starbrow's letter, one afternoon
the girls came in from their walk, and Constance, seeing her mother at
work in the dining-room, remained standing at the door until Fan went
upstairs. Then she went inside and sat down near her mother. Mrs. Churton
glanced at her with a swift startled glance, then bent her eyes on her
work again. But her heart fluttered in her breast, for she knew that she
was about to hear some new and perhaps painful thing.

"Mother," Constance began presently, "Fan has made up her mind to go back
to London when her time is up with us. She is going to look for a
situation."

"A situation--what do you mean, Constance?"

"Her own idea is that she would like best to be a shop-girl in some large
London shop."

"Then all I can say is that it is very shocking. Does the poor child know
what it means to be a shop-girl in a great city, where she has no home or
friends, where she will associate with ignorant and vulgar people, and
worse perhaps, and be exposed to the most terrible temptations? But what
can I say, Constance, that will have the slightest weight with either Fan
or you?"

"I should like it very much better if Fan could do something different--
if she could find some more ladylike occupation. But nothing will move
her. If she cannot get into a shop, she says that she must be a servant,
because she must earn her own living, and she will not believe herself
capable of anything higher. To be a shop-girl, or a nursery-governess, or
failing that a nursemaid, is as high as her ambition goes; and though I
am sorry that it must be so, I can't help admiring her independence and
resolution."

"I am glad that there is anything in it all to be admired; it only makes
me sad, and just now I can say no more about it. I only hope that before
the time comes she will think better of it."

"I have something else to say to you, mother," said Constance, after a
rather long interval of silence. "I have made up my mind to accompany Fan
to London."

"What do you mean, Constance?" the other asked, with a tremor in her
voice.

"To live in London, I mean. It has long been my wish, and I am surely as
well able to earn my living now as I ever shall be. When Fan goes I shall
not be needed at home any longer. And we are not happy together, mother."

"I know that, Constance; but you must put this idea of going to London
out of your head. I cannot consent to it--I shall never consent to it."

"Why not, mother?"

"Do not ask me. I cannot say--I scarcely know myself. I dare not think of
such a thing; it is too dreadful. You must not, you cannot go. Do not
speak of it again."

The other's task was all the harder because she knew the reason of her
mother's reluctance, and understood her feeling so well--the terrible
grief which only a mother can feel at the thought of an eternal
separation from her child. She rose to her feet, but instead of going
from the room remained standing, hesitating, twisting and untwisting her
fingers together, and at length she moved to a chair close to her mother
and sat down again.

"I must tell you something else, mother," she said. "I do not quite
belong to myself now, but to another; and if the man I have promised to
marry were to come for me to-morrow, or to send for me to go to him, I
could no longer remain with you. As it happens, we are not going to be
married soon--not for a year at least, perhaps not for two. Before that
time comes I wish to know what it is to live by my own work.... He is a
worker, working with his mind in London: I think it would be a good
preparation for my future, that it would make me a better companion for
him, if I were also to work now and be independent.... If you can only
give me a little money--enough to pay my expenses for a short time--a few
weeks in London, until I begin to make enough to keep myself!"

"And who is this person you speak of, Constance, of whose existence I now
hear for the first time?"

"I have been for some months in correspondence with him, but our
engagement is only recent, and that is why you have not heard of it
before. He is a clerk in the Foreign Office, and from that you will know
that he is a gentleman. He also employs his leisure time in literary
work. I can show you his photograph if you would like to see it, mother."

"And have you, Constance, engaged yourself to a person you have not even
seen?"

"No, mother, I have of course seen him."

"Where?"

"Here, in Eyethorne. Last August, when I was walking in the woods with
Fan, we met him, and he recognised Fan, whom he had met in London at Miss
Starbrow's house, and spoke to her. We had a long conversation on that
day, and I met him again and talked with him the next day, and after that
we kept up the acquaintance by letter."

"And you and Fan together met this man and never mentioned it to me! Let
me ask you one question more, Constance. Is this person you are engaged
to a Christian or an infidel?"

"Mother, it is not fair to put the question in that way. You call me an
infidel, but I am not an infidel--I do not call myself one."

"Do not let us go into hair-splitting distinctions, Constance. I ask you
again this simple question--Is he a Christian?"

"Not in the way that you understand it. He is not a Christian."

The other turned her face away, a little involuntary moan of pain
escaping her lips; and for the space of two or three minutes there was
silence between them, the daughter repenting that she had vainly given
her confidence, and the mother revolving all she had heard in her mind,
her grief changing gradually into the old wrath and bitterness. And at
length she spoke.

"I don't know why you have condescended to tell me of this engagement.
Was it only to show me how utterly you put aside and despise a mother's
authority--a mother's right to be consulted before taking so important a
step? But that is the principle you have acted on all along--to ignore
and treat with silent contempt your mother's words and wishes. And you
have succeeded in making Fan as bad as yourself. I can see it all better
now. Your example, your teaching, has drawn her away from me, and I am as
little to her now as to you. She would never have entered into these
secret doings and plottings if you had not corrupted her. You have made
her what she is; take her and go where you like together, and ruin
yourself in any way that pleases you best, for I have no longer any
influence over either of you. Only do not ask me to sanction what you do,
or to give you any assistance."

Constance rose and moved away, but before reaching the door she turned
and spoke. "Mother, I cannot pay any attention to such wild, unfounded
accusations. If I must leave home without a shilling in my purse after
teaching Fan for a year, I can only say that you are treating me with the
greatest injustice, and that a stranger would have treated me better."
Then she left the room, and for several days after no word passed between
mother and daughter.

Nevertheless Mrs. Churton was keenly alive and deeply interested in all
that was passing around her. She noted that the hours of study were very
much shortened now, and that the girls were continually together in the
house, and from their bedroom sweepings and stray threads clinging to
their dresses, and the snipping sound of scissors, she judged that they
were busy with their preparations. Fan had gone back to her ancient but
happily not lost art of dressmaking, and was making Constance a dress
from a piece of stuff which the latter had kept by her for some time.
Mrs. Churton had continued hoping against hope, but the discovery that
this garment was being made convinced her at last that her daughter's
resolution was not to be shaken, and that the dreaded separation was very
near.

At length one morning, just after receiving a letter from London, and
when only one week of Fan's time at Wood End House remained, she spoke to
her daughter, calling her into her own room.

"Constance," she said, speaking in a constrained tone and with studied
words, "I fully deserved your reproach the other day. I should not have
let you go from home without a shilling in your purse. I spoke hastily,
in anger, that day, and I hope you will forgive me. Miss Starbrow's agent
has just sent the eighteen pounds for the last quarter; I cannot do less
than hand it over to you, and only wish that I had it in my power to give
you more."

"Thank you, mother; but I would much rather that you kept part of it. I
do not require as much as that."

"You will find it little enough--in London among strangers. We need not
speak any more about it, and you owe me no thanks. It is only right that
you should have one quarter's money of the four I have received." After
an interval of silence, and when her daughter was about to leave the
room, she continued, "Before you go, Constance, let me ask a favour of
you. If you are going away soon this will be our last conversation."

"Our last! What favour, mother?"

"When you go, do so without coming to say goodbye to me. I do not feel
very strong, and--would prefer it if you went away quietly without any
leave-takings."

"If that is your wish, mother," she returned, and then remained standing,
her face full of distress. Then she moved a little nearer and said,
"Mother, if there is to be no good-bye, will you let me kiss you?"

Mrs. Churton's lips moved but made no sound. Constance after a moment's
hesitation came nearer still, and bending forward kissed her cheek, not
in a perfunctory way, but with a lingering, loving kiss; and after the
kiss she still lingered close, so that the breath from her lips came warm
and fragrant on the other's cold pale cheek. But her mother spoke no
word, and remained cold and motionless as a statue, until with a slight
sigh and lingering step the other left the room. Scarcely had she gone
before the unhappy mother dropped on to a chair, and covering her face
with her hands began to shed tears. Why, why, she asked herself again and
again, had she not returned that loving kiss, and clasped her lost
daughter once more to her heart? Too late! too late! She had restrained
her heart and made herself cold as stone, and now that last caress, that
sweet consolation was lost for ever! Ah, if her cold cheek might keep for
all the remaining days of her life the sensation of those warm caressing
lips, of that warm sweet breath! But her bitter tears of regret were in
vain; that dread eternal parting was now practically over, and out of the
infinite depths of her love no last tender word had risen to her lips!




CHAPTER XXVI


In London once more! It was Fan's birth-place, the home she had known
continuously up till one short year ago; yet now on her return how
strange, how foreign to her soul, how even repelling it seemed! The
change had come so unexpectedly and in such unhappy circumstances, and
the contrast was so great to that peaceful country life and all its
surroundings, which had corresponded so perfectly with her nature. To
Constance, who knew little of London except from reading, the contrast
seemed equally great, but it affected her in a different and much
pleasanter way. To Fan town and town-life could be repelling because,
owing to her past experiences, and to something in her mental character,
she was able vividly to realise her present position. Even when the
brilliant May sun shone on her, and the streets and parks were thronged
with fashionable pleasure-seekers, and London looked not unbeautiful, she
realised it. For all that made town-life pleasant and desirable was now
beyond her reach. It was sweet when Mary loved her and gave her a home;
but in all this vast world of London there was no second Mary who would
find her and take her to her heart. Now she might sink into a state of
utter destitution, and she would be powerless to win help or sympathy, or
even a hearing, from any one of the countless thousands of fellow-
creatures that would pass her in the streets, all engrossed with their
own affairs, so accustomed to the sight of want and suffering that it
affected them not at all. To find some work which she might be able to
do, and for which the payment would be sufficient to provide her with
food, clothing, and shelter, was the most she could hope. She could dream
of no wonderful second deliverance in the long years of humble patient
drudgery that awaited her--no impossible good fortune passing over the
heads of thousands as deserving as herself to light on hers and give a
new joy and glory to her life.

To Constance, with her more vigorous intellect and ardent imagination, no
such dreary prospect could present itself. The thunderous noise and
shifting panorama of the streets, the interminable desert of brick
houses, and even the smoke-laden atmosphere only served to exhilarate her
mind. These things continually reminded her that she was now where she
had long wished to be, in the great intellectual laboratory, where
thousands of men and women once as unknown and poor as herself had made a
reputation. Not without great labour and pains certainly; but what others
had done she could do; and with health and energy, and a bundle of
carefully-prepared manuscripts in her box to begin with, she could feel
no serious anxiety about the future.

During their second day in town they managed after much searching to find
cheap furnished apartments--a bed and small sitting-room--on the second
floor of a house in a monotonous street of yellow brick houses in the
monotonous yellow brick wilderness of West Kensington. Their search for
rooms would not have occupied them very long if Constance had been as
easily satisfied as her companion; but although in most of the places
they visited she found the bedrooms "good enough," wretched as they were
compared with her own fragrant and spotless bower at Wood End House, she
was not so readily pleased with the sitting-room. That, at all events,
must not wear so mean and dingy a look as one usually has to put up with
when the rent is only ten shillings a week; and beyond that sum they were
determined not to go. The reason of this fastidiousness about a sitting-
room presently appeared. Fan was told the secret of the engagement with
Merton Chance; also that Merton was now for the first time about to be
informed of the step Constance had taken without first consulting him,
and asked to visit her at her lodgings. Constance felt just a little hurt
at the way her news was received, for Fan said little and seemed
unsympathetic, almost as if her friend's happiness had been a matter of
indifference to her.

Next day, after moving into their new quarters, Constance wrote her
letter, addressing it to the Foreign Office, posting it herself in the
nearest pillar-box, and then settled herself down to wait the result. It
was weary waiting, she found, when the next morning's post brought her no
answer, and when the whole day passed and no Merton came, and no message.
She was restless and anxious, and in a feverish state of anxiety, fearing
she knew not what; but outwardly she bore herself calmly; and remembering
with some resentment still how little her engagement had seemed to
rejoice her friend, she proudly held her peace. But she would not leave
the house, for the lover might come at any moment, and it would not do to
be out of the way when he arrived. She remained indoors, pretending to be
much occupied with her writing, while Fan went out for long walks alone.
The next day passed in like manner, the two friends less in harmony and
less together than ever; and when still another morning came and brought
no letter, Fan began to feel extremely unhappy in her mind, for now the
long-continued strain was beginning to tell on her friend, robbing her
cheeks of their rich colour, and filling her hazel eyes with a great
unexpressed trouble. But on that day about three o'clock, while Constance
sat at her window, which commanded a view of the street, she saw a
hansom-cab arrive at the door, and the welcome form of her lover spring
rapidly out and run up the steps. He had come to her at last! But why had
he left her so long to suffer? She heard his steps bounding up the
stairs, and stood trembling with excitement, her hand pressed to her
wildly-beating heart. One glance at his face was enough to show her that
her fears had been idle, that her lover's heart had not changed towards
her; the next moment she was in his arms, feeling for the first time his
kisses on her lips. After the excitement of meeting was over,
explanations followed, and Merton informed her that he had only just
received her letter, and greatly blamed himself for not having sent her
his new address immediately after having left the Foreign Office.

"Left the Foreign Office! Do you mean for good?" asked Constance in a
kind of dismay.

"I hope for good," he replied, smiling at her serious face. "The
uncongenial work I had to do there has chafed me for a long time. It
interfered with the real and serious business of my life, and I threw it
up with a light heart. I must be absolutely free and master of my own
time before I can do, and do well, the work for which I am fitted."

"But, dear Merton, you told me that your work was so light there, and
that the salary you had relieved you from all anxiety, and left you free
to follow the bent of your own mind in literary work."

"Did I? That was one of my foolish speeches then. However light any work
may be, if it occupies you during the best hours of the day, it must to
some extent take the freshness out of you. And to look at the matter in a
practical way, I consider that I am a great gainer, since by resigning a
salary of L250 a year I put myself in a position to make five hundred. I
hope before very long to make a thousand."

His news had given a considerable shock to Constance, but he seemed so
confident of success, laughing gaily at her doubts, that in a little
while he succeeded in raising her spirits, and she began to believe that
this exceedingly clever young man had really done a wise thing in
throwing up an appointment which would have secured him against actual
want for the whole term of his life.

After a while she ventured to speak of her own plans and hopes. He
listened with a slight smile.

"I have not the slightest doubt that you could make your living in that
way," he said; "for how many do it who are not nearly so gifted as you
are! But, Connie, if I understand you rightly, you wish to begin making
money at once, and that is scarcely possible, as you have not been
doggedly working away for years to make yourself known and useful to
editors and publishers."

He then went very fully into this question, and concluded with a comical
description of the magazine editor as a very unhappy spider, against
whose huge geometric web there beats a continuous rain of dipterous
insects of every known variety, besides innumerable nondescripts. The
poor spider, unable to eat and digest more than about half a dozen to a
dozen flies every month, was forced to spend his whole time cutting and
dropping his useless captures from the web. As a rule Merton did not talk
in this strain: the editors had cut away too many of his own nondescript
dipterous contributions to their webs for him to love them; but for some
mysterious reason it suited him just now to take the side of the enemy in
the old quarrel of author _versus_ editor.

"Do you think then that I have made a mistake in coming to London?" she
asked despondingly.

He smiled and drew her closer to him. "Connie, dear, I am exceedingly
glad you did come, for there is no going back, you say; and now that you
are here there is only one thing to do to smooth the path for us, and
that is--to consent to marry me at once."

This did not accord with her wishes at all. To consent would be to
confess herself beaten, and that dream of coming to London and keeping
herself, for a time at all events, by means of her own work, had been so
long and so fondly cherished, and she wished so much to be allowed to
make the trial. But he pleaded so eloquently that in the end he overcame
her reluctance.

"I will promise to do what you wish," she said, "if after you have
thought it over for a few days you should still continue in the same
mind. But, Merton, I hope you will not think me too careful and anxious
if I ask you whether it does not seem imprudent, when you have just given
up your salary and are only beginning to work at something different, to
marry a penniless girl? You have told me that you have no money, and that
you cannot look to your relations for any assistance."

"By no money I simply meant no fortune. Of course we could not get
married without funds, and just now I have a couple of hundreds standing
to my credit in the bank. If we are careful, and content to begin married
life in apartments, we need not spend any more than I am spending now by
myself."

He omitted to say that this money was all that was left of a legacy of
L500 which had come to him from an aunt, and that he had been spending it
pretty freely. His words only gave the impression that he knew the value
of money, and was not one to act without careful consideration.

They were still discussing this point when Fan came in, and after shaking
hands with their visitor sat down in her hat and jacket. Merton, after
expressing his regret that she had lost her protectress, proceeded to
make some remarks about Miss Starbrow's eccentric temper. Nothing which
that lady did, he said, surprised him in the least. Fan sat with eyes
cast down; she looked pale and fatigued, and her face clouded at his
words; then murmuring some excuse, she rose and went to her bedroom.

"I must warn you, Merton," said Constance, "that Fan can't endure to hear
anything said in dispraise of Miss Starbrow. I have discovered that it is
the one subject about which she is capable of losing her temper and
quarrelling with her best friend."

"Is that so?" he returned, laughingly. "Then she must be as eccentric as
Miss Starbrow herself. But what does the poor girl intend doing--she must
do something to live, I suppose?"

Constance told him all about Fan's projects. "Why do you smile?" she
said. "You do not approve, I suppose?"

"You are mistaken, Connie. I neither approve nor disapprove. She does not
ask us to shape her future life for her, and we owe her thanks for that."

"Yes, but still you are a little shocked that she has not set her mind on
something a little higher."

"Not at all. On the contrary. It is really disgusting to find how many
there are who take 'Excelsior' for their motto. In a vast majority of
cases they get killed by falling over a precipice, or smothered in the
snow, or crawl back to the lower levels to go through life as frost-
bitten, crippled, pitiful objects. You can see scores of these would-be
climbers any day in the streets of London, and know them by their faces.
If you are not a real Whymper it is better not to be in the crowd of
foolish beings who imagine themselves Whympers, but to rest content, like
Fan, in the valley below. I am very glad not to be asked for advice, but
if you ask my opinion I can say, judging from what I have seen of Fan,
that I believe she has made a wise choice. Her capabilities and
appearance would make her a very nice shop-girl."

"Oh, you have too poor an opinion of her!" exclaimed Constance.
Nevertheless she could not help thinking that he was perhaps right. It
was very pleasant to listen to him, this eloquent lover of hers, to see
how

    With a Reaumur's skill his curious mind
    Classed the insect tribes of human kind.

It was impossible to doubt that _he_, at any rate, would know very
well where to set his foot on those perilous heights to which he aspired.

Later in the evening the lovers went out for a walk, from which Constance
came home looking very bright and happy. The girls slept together, and
after going to bed that night there was a curious little scene between
them, in which Fan's part was a very passive one. "Darling, we have
talked so little since we have been here," said Constance, putting her
arm round her friend, "and now I have got so many things to say to you."
And as Fan seemed anxious to hear her story, she began to talk first
about Merton's wish for an early marriage, but before long she discovered
that her companion had fallen asleep. Then she withdrew her arm and
turned away disgusted, all the story of her happiness untold. "I verily
believe," she said to herself, "that I have credited Fan with a great
deal more sensibility than she possesses. To drop asleep like a plough-
boy the moment I begin to talk to her--how little she cares about my
affairs! I think Merton must be right in what he said about her. She is
very keen and wideawake about her shop, and seems to think and care for
nothing else." Much more she thought in her vexation, and then glanced
back at the face at her side, so white and pure and still, framed in its
unbound golden hair, so peaceful and yet with a shade of sadness mingling
with its peacefulness; and having looked, she could not withdraw her
eyes. "How beautiful she looks," said Constance, relenting a little. And
then, "Poor child, she must have overtired herself to-day.... And perhaps
it is not strange that she has shown herself so cold about my engagement.
She thinks that Merton is taking me away from her. She is grieving
secretly at the thought of losing me, as she lost her bitter, cruel-
hearted Mary. Oh, dearest, I am not so fantastical as that woman, and you
shall never lose me. Married or single, rich or poor, and wherever you
may be, in or out of a shop, my soul shall cleave to you as it did at
Eyethorne, and I shall love you as I love no other woman--always,
always." And bending she lightly kissed the still white face; but Fan
slept soundly and the light kiss disturbed her not.




CHAPTER XXVII


The next few days were devoted to sightseeing under Merton's guidance,
and a better-informed cicerone they could not well have had. The little
cloud between the girls had quite passed away; and Fan, who was not
always abnormally drowsy after dark, listened to her friend's story and
entered into all her plans. Then a visit to the National Gallery was
arranged for a day when Merton would only have a few hours of the
afternoon to spare: he was now devoting his energies to the business of
climbing. At three o'clock they were to meet at Piccadilly Circus, but
the girls were early on the scene, as they wished to have an hour first
in Regent Street. To unaccustomed country eyes the art treasures
displayed in the shop-windows there are as much to be admired as the
canvases in Trafalgar Square. They passed a large drapery establishment
with swinging doors standing open, and the sight of the rich interior
seemed to have a fascinating effect on Fan. She lingered behind her
companion, gazing wistfully in--a poor, empty-handed peri at the gates of
Paradise. Long room succeeded long room, until they appeared to melt away
in the dim distance; the floors were covered with a soft carpet of a dull
green tint, and here and there were polished red counters, and on every
side were displayed dresses and mantles artistically arranged, and
textures of all kinds and in all soft beautiful colours. Within a few
ladies were visible, moving about, or seated; but it was the hour of
luncheon, when little shopping was done, and the young ladies of the
establishment, the assistants, seemed to have little to occupy them. They
were very fine-looking girls, all dressed alike in black, but their
dresses were better in cut and material than shop-girls usually wear,
even in the most fashionable establishments. At length Fan withdrew her
longing eyes, and turned away, remarking with a sigh, "Oh, how I should
like to be in such a place!"

"Should you?" said Constance. "Well, let's go in and ask if there is a
vacancy. You must make a beginning, you know."

"But, Constance, we can't do that! I don't know how to begin, but I'm
sure you can't get a place by going into a grand shop and asking in that
way."

"Possibly not; but there's no harm in asking. Come, and I'll be
spokesman, and take all the dreadful consequences on my own head. Come,
Fan."

And in she walked, boldly enough, and after a moment's hesitation the
other followed. When they had proceeded a dozen or twenty steps a young
man, a shop-walker, came treading softly to them, and with profoundest
respect in his manner, and in a voice trained to speak so low that at a
distance of about twenty-five inches it would have been inaudible, begged
to know to which department he could have the pleasure of directing them.
He was a very good-looking, or perhaps it would be more correct to say a
very _beautiful_ young man, with raven-black hair, glossy and
curled, and parted down the middle of his shapely head, and a beautiful
small moustache to match. His eyes were also dark and fine, and all his
features regular. His figure was as perfect as his face; many a wealthy
man, made ugly by that mocker Nature, would have gladly given half his
inheritance in exchange for such a physique; and his coat of finest cloth
fitted him to perfection, and had evidently been built by some tailor as
celebrated for his coats as Morris for his wall-papers, and Leighton for
his pictures of ethereal women.

Constance, a little surprised at being obsequiously addressed by so
exquisite a person, stated the object of their visit. He looked
surprised, and, losing his obsequiousness, replied that he was not aware
that an assistant had been advertised for. She explained that they had
seen no advertisement, but had merely come in to inquire, as her friend
wished to get a situation in a shop. He smiled at her innocence--he even
smiled superciliously--and, with no deference left in his manner, told
them shortly that they had made a great mistake, and was about to show
them out, when, wonderful to relate, all at once a great change came over
his beautiful countenance, and he stood rooted to the spot, cringing,
confused, crimson to the roots of his raven ringlets. His sudden collapse
had been caused by the sight of a pair of cold, keen grey eyes, with an
expression almost ferocious in them, fixed on his face. They belonged to
an elderly man with a short grizzly beard and podgy nose; a short,
square, ugly man, who had drawn near unperceived with cat-like steps, and
was attentively listening to the shop-walker's words, and marking his
manner. He was the manager.

"I am sorry I made a mistake," said Constance a little stiffly, and
turned to go.

The young man made no reply. The manager, still keeping his basilisk eyes
on him, nodded sharply, as if to say, "Go and have your head taken off."
Then he turned to the girls.

"One moment, young ladies," he said. "Kindly step this way, and let me
know just what you want."

They followed him into a small private office, where he placed chairs for
them, and then allowed Constance to repeat what he had already heard, and
to add a few particulars about Fan's history. He appeared to be paying
but little attention to what she said; while she spoke he was keenly
studying their faces--first hers, then Fan's.

"There is no vacancy at present," he replied at length. "Besides, when
there is one, which is not often, we usually have the names of several
applicants who are only waiting to be engaged by us. We have always
plenty to choose from, and of course select the one that offers the
greatest advantages--experience, for instance; and you say that your
friend has no experience. The fact is," he continued, expanding still
more, "our house is so well known that scores of young ladies would be
glad at any moment to throw up the places they have in other
establishments to be taken on here."

Constance rose from her seat.

"It was hardly necessary," she said, with some dignity, "to bring us
into your private office to tell us all this, since we already knew that
we had made a mistake in coming."

"Wait a minute," he returned, with a grim smile. "Please sit down again.
I understand that it is for your friend and not for yourself. Well, I
find it hard to say--" and here with keenly critical eyes he looked first
at her, then at Fan, making little nods and motions with his head, and
moving his lips as if very earnestly talking to himself. "All I can say
is this," he continued, "if this young lady is willing to come for a
month without pay to learn the business, and afterwards, should she suit
us, to remain at a salary of eighteen shillings a week and her board for
the first six months, why, then I might be willing to engage her. You can
give a reference, I suppose?"

Both girls were fairly astonished at the sudden turn the affair had
taken, and could scarcely credit their own senses, so illogically did
this keen grim man seem to act. They did not know his motive.

Not to make a secret of a very simple matter, he thought a great deal
more than most men in his way of life about personal appearance. He made
it an object to have only assistants with fine figures and pretty faces,
with the added advantage of a pleasing manner. When he discovered that
these two young ladies with graceful figures and refined, beautiful
faces had not come into the shop to purchase anything, but in quest of an
engagement for one of them, he instantly resolved not to let slip so good
an opportunity of adding to his collection of fair women. It was not that
he had any soft spot in his heart with regard to pretty women: so long as
his assistants did their duty, he treated them all with the strictest
impartiality, blonde or brunette, grave or gay, and was somewhat stern in
his manner towards them, and had an eagle's eye to detect their faults,
which were never allowed to go unpunished. He worshipped nothing but his
shop, and he had pretty girls in it for the same reason that he had
Adonises for shop-walkers, artistically-dressed windows, and an
aristocratic-looking old commissionaire at the door--namely, to make it
more attractive.

It is true that some great dames, with thin lips, oblique noses, green
complexions, and clay-coloured eyes, hate to be served by a damsel
wearing that effulgent unbought crown of beauty which makes all other
crowns seem such pitiful tinsel gewgaws to the sick soul. That was one
disadvantage, but it was greatly overweighed by a general preference for
beauty over ugliness. The flower-girl with beautiful eyes stands a better
chance than her squinting sister of selling a penny bunch of violets to
the next passer-by. If a girl ceased to look ornamental, however
intelligent or trustworthy she might be, he got rid of her at once
without scruple. His seeming hesitation when he spoke to the girls before
making his offer was due simply to the fact that he was mentally occupied
in comparing them together. Both so perfect in figure, face, manner
--which would he have taken if he had had the choice given him?

For some moments he half regretted that it was not the more developed,
richer-coloured girl with the bronzed tresses who had aspired to join his
staff. Then he shook his head: that exquisite brown tint would not last
for ever in the shade, and the bearing was also just a shade too proud.
He considered the other, with the slimmer figure, the far more delicate
skin, the more eloquent eyes, and he concluded that he had got the best
of the pair.

"I should so like to come," said Fan, for they were both waiting for her
to speak, "but am afraid that I can give no reference."

"Oh, Fan, surely you can!" said the other.

"I have no friend but you, Constance; I could not write to Mary now."

The other considered a little.

"Oh, yes; there is Mr. Northcott," she said, then turning to the manager
asked, "Will the name of a clergyman in the country place where Miss
Affleck has spent the last year be sufficient?"

"Yes, that will do very well," he said, giving her pencil and paper to
write the name and address. Then he asked a few questions about Fan's
attainments, and seemed pleased to hear that she had learnt dressmaking
and embroidery. "So much the better," he said. "You can come to-morrow to
receive instructions about your dress, and to hear when your attendance
will begin. The hours are from half-past eight to half-past six.
Saturdays we close at two. You have breakfast when you come in, dinner at
twelve or one, tea at four. You must find your own lodgings, and it will
be better not to get them too far away."

"May I ask you not to write about Miss Affleck until to-morrow?"
Constance said. "I must write to-day first to Mr. Northcott to inform
him. He will be a little surprised, I suppose, that Miss Affleck is going
into a shop, but he will tell you all about her disposition, and"--with a
pause and a hot blush--"her respectability."

He smiled again grimly.

"I have no doubt that Miss Affleck is a lady by birth," he said. "But do
not run away with the idea that she is doing anything peculiar. There are
several daughters of gentlemen in our house, as she will probably
discover when she comes to associate with them."

"I am glad," said Constance, rising to go.

He was turning the paper with the address on in his hand. "You need not
trouble to write to this gentleman," he said. "I shall not write to him.
If you are fairly intelligent, Miss Affleck, and anxious to do your best,
you will do very well, I dare say. References are of little use to me; I
prefer to use my own judgment. But you must understand clearly that for
every dereliction there is a fine, which is deducted from the salary. A
printed copy of the rules will be given you. And you may be discharged at
a moment's notice at any time."

"Only for some grave fault, I suppose?" said Constance.

"Not necessarily," he returned.

"That seems hard."

"I do not trouble myself about that. The business is of more consequence
than any individual in it," he replied; and then walked to the door with
them and bowed them out with some ceremony.

For the rest of the day Fan was in a state of bewilderment at her own
great good fortune; for this engagement meant so much to her. That
horrible phantom, the fear of abject poverty, would follow her no more.
With L20 in hand and all Mary's presents, and eighteen shillings a week
in prospect, she considered herself rich; and with her evenings, her
Sundays and holidays to spend how she liked, and Constance always near,
how happy she would be! But why, when crowds of experienced girls were
waiting and anxiously wishing to get into this establishment, had she,
utterly ignorant of business, been taken in this sudden off-hand way? It
was a mystery to her, and a mystery also to the clever Constance, and to
the still more clever Merton when he was told about it. Unknowingly she
had submitted herself to a competitive examination in which useless
knowledge was not considered, and in which those who possessed pretty
faces and fine figures scored the most marks. After this she was scarcely
in the right frame to appreciate the works of art they went on to see.
That long interior in Regent Street, with its costly goods and pretty
elegantly-dressed girls, and perfumed glossy shop-walker, and ugly
bristling fierce-eyed manager, continually floated before her mental
vision, even when she looked on the most celebrated canvases--even on
those painted by Turner.

These same celebrated pieces startled Constance somewhat, although she
had come prepared by a childlike faith in Ruskin's infallibility to
worship them. She was, however, too frank to attempt to conceal her real
impressions, and then Merton consolingly informed her that no person
could appreciate a Turner before seeing it many times. One's first
impression is, that over this canvas the artist has dashed a bucket of
soap-suds, and over that a pot of red and yellow ochre. Well, after all,
what was a snowstorm but a bucket of soap-suds on a big scale! Call it
suds, a mad smudge, anything you like, but it was a miracle of art all
the same if it produced the effect aimed at, and gave one some idea of
that darkness and whiteness, and rush and mad mingling of elements, and
sublime confusion of nature.

"But my trouble is," objected Constance, "that, the effect does
_not_ seem right--that it is not really like nature."

"No, certainly not. Nature is nature, and you cannot create another
nature in imitation of it, any more than you can comprehend infinity.
This is only art, the highest thing, in this particular direction, which
the poor little creature man has been able to attain. You have doubtless
heard the story of the old lady who said to the painter of these scenes,
'Oh, Mr. Turner, I never saw such lights and colours in nature as you
paint!' 'No, don't you wish you could?' replied the artist. Now the old
lady was perfectly right. You cannot put white quivering tropical heat on
a canvas, but Turner dashes unnatural vermilion over his scene and the
picture is not ridiculous; the effect of noonday heat is somehow
produced. Look at those sunsets! In one sense they are failures, every
one of them; but what a splendid audacity the man had, and what a genius,
to attempt to portray nature in those special moments when it shines with
a glory that seems unearthly, and not to have failed more signally!
Failures they are, but nobler works than other men's successes. You are
perfectly right, Connie, but when you look at a great picture do not
forget to remember that art is long and life short. That is what the old
lady didn't know, and what Turner should have told her instead of making
that contemptuous speech."

Constance was comforted, and continued to listen delightedly as he led
them from room to room, pointing out the most famous pictures and
expatiating on their beauties.

From the Gallery they went to Marshall's in the Strand and drank tea;
then Merton put them in an Underground train at Charing Cross and said
goodbye, being prevented by an engagement from seeing them home. He had
put them into a compartment of a first-class carriage which was empty,
but after the train had started the door was opened, and in jumped two
young gentlemen, almost tumbling against the girls in their hurry.

"Just saved it!" exclaimed one, throwing himself with a laugh into the
seat.

"It was a close shave," said the other. "Did you see that young fellow
standing near the edge of the platform? I caught him on the side and sent
him spinning like a top."

"Why, that was Chance--didn't you know him? I was in too much of a hurry
even to give the poor devil a nod."

"Good gracious, was that Chance--that madman that threw up his clerkship
at the F.O.!"

"No, he didn't," his friend replied. "That's what _he_ says, but the
truth is he got mixed up in a disreputable affair and had to resign. No
doubt he has been going to the 'demnition bow-bows,' as Mr. Mantalini
says, but he wasn't so mad as to throw away his bread just to have the
pleasure of starving. He hasn't a ha'penny."

"Well, _I_ don't care," said the other with a laugh, and then went
on to talk of other things.

During this colloquy Fan had glanced frequently at her companion, but
Constance, who had grown deathly pale, kept her face averted and her eyes
fixed on the window, as if some wide prospect, and not the rayless
darkness of the tunnel, had been before them. From their station they
walked rapidly and in silence home, and when inside, Constance spoke for
the first time, and in a tone of studied indifference.

"So much going about has given me a headache, Fan," she said. "I shall
lie down in my room and have a little sleep, and don't call me, please,
when you have supper. I am sorry to leave you alone all the evening, but
you will have something pleasant to think about as you have been so
successful to-day."

She was about to move away, when Fan came to her side and caught her
hand.

"Don't go just yet, dear Constance," she said. "Why do you try to--shut
me out of your heart? Oh, if you knew how much--how very much I feel for
you!"

"What about?" said the other a little sharply, and drawing herself back.

"What about! We are both thinking of the same thing."

"Yes, very likely, but what of that? Is it such a great thing that you
need to distress yourself so much about it?"

"How can I help being distressed at such a thing; it has changed
everything, and will make you so unhappy. You know that you can't marry
Mr. Chance now after he has deceived you in that way."

"Can't marry Mr. Chance!" exclaimed Constance, putting her friend from
her. "Do you imagine that the wretched malicious gossip of those two men
in the train will have the slightest effect on me! What a mistake you are
making!"

"But you know it is true," returned Fan with strange simplicity; and this
imprudent speech quickly brought on her a tempest of anger. When the
heart is burdened with a great anguish which cannot be expressed there is
nothing like a burst of passio